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1
00:00:01,934 --> 00:00:03,818
(sam)cheers is filmed beforea live studio audience.
2
00:00:05,254 --> 00:00:07,054
(woody)
look at that baby go.
3
00:00:07,123 --> 00:00:08,523
wabash cannonball.
4
00:00:08,591 --> 00:00:10,091
[train whistle blows]
yes, siree-o,
5
00:00:10,159 --> 00:00:12,810
2 mail cars
serving the citizens
of this great land, woody.
6
00:00:12,878 --> 00:00:14,212
cliffie, come on, man.
7
00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:16,481
i laid the track for you,
i helped you with the wiring,
8
00:00:16,549 --> 00:00:18,416
when do i get to
handle the controls?
9
00:00:18,451 --> 00:00:20,668
when i think
you're good and ready,
there, young man.
10
00:00:20,736 --> 00:00:21,703
that's right,
mr. peterson.
11
00:00:21,770 --> 00:00:23,604
when we think
you're good and ready.
12
00:00:23,672 --> 00:00:25,640
hey, carla,
check this out.
13
00:00:25,708 --> 00:00:27,942
mr. clavin came up
with a great idea
for this railroad
14
00:00:28,010 --> 00:00:29,427
i think you're
really gonna like.
15
00:00:29,494 --> 00:00:31,146
does it involve
tyin' him to the tracks
16
00:00:31,213 --> 00:00:32,880
with a stick of dynamite
in his mouth?
17
00:00:32,948 --> 00:00:34,666
oh, now, look, carla.
18
00:00:34,733 --> 00:00:36,868
this baby is a great
labor-saving device.
you'll see. now, uh...
19
00:00:36,936 --> 00:00:39,187
look, why don't you just
sit right down over there
20
00:00:39,255 --> 00:00:40,672
and pretend
that you're a customer.
21
00:00:40,739 --> 00:00:42,874
so, what'll you have, missy?
22
00:00:42,941 --> 00:00:45,043
gee, i love role-playing.
23
00:00:45,111 --> 00:00:48,113
may i have a beer, please,
mr. bartender?
24
00:00:48,181 --> 00:00:50,181
one brew,
coming right up.
25
00:00:50,249 --> 00:00:51,399
yeah, yeah.
26
00:00:51,467 --> 00:00:53,351
all right, n-n-norm, now,
take heed, here.
27
00:00:53,419 --> 00:00:56,204
it takes a steady hand
to man a throttle.
28
00:00:56,271 --> 00:00:58,673
yeah, but it only
takes one finger
to throw a switch.
29
00:01:02,795 --> 00:01:05,096
last stop,
everybody off.
30
00:01:11,904 --> 00:01:14,372
making your wayin the world today
31
00:01:14,440 --> 00:01:17,492
takes everythingyou've got
32
00:01:17,560 --> 00:01:20,194
taking a breakfrom all your worries
33
00:01:20,262 --> 00:01:22,129
sure would help a lot
34
00:01:23,666 --> 00:01:26,668
wouldn't you liketo get away
35
00:01:29,522 --> 00:01:31,456
sometimes you want to go
36
00:01:31,490 --> 00:01:34,826
where everybodyknows your name
37
00:01:36,963 --> 00:01:39,897
and they're alwaysglad you came
38
00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:43,868
you wanna bewhere you can see
39
00:01:43,936 --> 00:01:46,504
our troublesare all the same
40
00:01:46,572 --> 00:01:50,308
you wanna bewhere everybodyknows your name
41
00:01:51,877 --> 00:01:54,328
you wanna gowhere people know
42
00:01:54,480 --> 00:01:57,082
people are all the same
43
00:01:57,149 --> 00:02:01,119
you wanna gowhere everybodyknows your name
44
00:02:20,138 --> 00:02:21,689
[sighing]
45
00:02:21,757 --> 00:02:24,525
sam, why do i always
have to learn everything
from the newspaper?
46
00:02:24,593 --> 00:02:26,761
look at this column.
47
00:02:26,829 --> 00:02:29,747
"on this day
in boston's history."
48
00:02:29,815 --> 00:02:32,066
yeah, so? i mean,
they run this column
every day.
49
00:02:32,134 --> 00:02:36,037
it tells you what happened
10 years ago, 50 years ago.
50
00:02:36,105 --> 00:02:37,939
what are we looking for,
last time you had sex?
51
00:02:38,007 --> 00:02:40,074
[scoffs]
52
00:02:40,142 --> 00:02:42,643
no, no, no.
this only goes back
100 years.
53
00:02:44,680 --> 00:02:46,964
why are you all
so interested
in my sex life?
54
00:02:47,032 --> 00:02:49,450
well, somebody has to be.
55
00:02:49,518 --> 00:02:51,503
oh, hey, look at that.
did you see this, rebecca?
56
00:02:51,571 --> 00:02:52,770
[scoffs]
duh.
57
00:02:55,174 --> 00:02:56,608
"100 years ago today,
58
00:02:56,676 --> 00:02:59,594
a new tavern opened
at 112-and-a-half
beacon street."
59
00:02:59,661 --> 00:03:02,931
oh, wait, wait.
a mailman never forgets
an address. now...
60
00:03:02,998 --> 00:03:04,949
why is 112-and-a-half
beacon street
61
00:03:05,016 --> 00:03:06,651
sending a message
to my brain?
62
00:03:06,719 --> 00:03:08,953
probably because
you're sittin' on it.
63
00:03:11,056 --> 00:03:13,958
carla, i hate it
when you make those
sittin'-on-my-brain jokes.
64
00:03:14,025 --> 00:03:15,110
no, no, no, no,
cliffie,
65
00:03:15,177 --> 00:03:17,195
she meant
112-and-a-half
beacon street.
66
00:03:17,262 --> 00:03:18,964
that's cheers' address.
you're sittin' here.
67
00:03:19,031 --> 00:03:22,317
no. i was making
a cliff-sittin'-on-his-brain
joke.
68
00:03:22,384 --> 00:03:24,535
see? i told you.
thank you, carla.
69
00:03:25,938 --> 00:03:28,106
the point is,
this is our centennial.
70
00:03:28,173 --> 00:03:30,242
cheers is
100 years old.
71
00:03:30,309 --> 00:03:32,677
hang on there.
i-isn't there
a sign outside that says,
72
00:03:32,745 --> 00:03:34,546
"established in 1895"?
73
00:03:34,563 --> 00:03:37,065
no, uh, don't pay
any attention to that.
i made that number up.
74
00:03:37,132 --> 00:03:38,099
[scoffs]
75
00:03:38,167 --> 00:03:39,550
you what?
76
00:03:39,618 --> 00:03:41,786
i-it was back when carla was
into that numbers stuff.
77
00:03:41,854 --> 00:03:44,789
you mean the science
of numerology, sam.
78
00:03:44,856 --> 00:03:49,060
you see, boss,
if you take 1-8-9-5
and you reduce it,
79
00:03:49,128 --> 00:03:50,629
you come out to a 5.
80
00:03:50,696 --> 00:03:53,131
whereas 1-8-8-9
comes out to an 8.
81
00:03:53,198 --> 00:03:56,267
and 5 for me is obviously
a much luckier number
than an 8.
82
00:03:56,335 --> 00:03:58,302
wait, wait, wait, now,
you have 8 children.
83
00:03:58,370 --> 00:04:01,572
exactly,
and i should've stopped at 5.
84
00:04:01,724 --> 00:04:03,124
well, anyway,
i gotta tell you,
85
00:04:03,192 --> 00:04:05,260
i'm going to make the most
of this centennial thing.
86
00:04:05,327 --> 00:04:07,362
i already have woody
at the library doing research,
87
00:04:07,429 --> 00:04:10,431
and i think
we'll all dress
in gay '90s costumes.
88
00:04:10,499 --> 00:04:11,432
what? no, no. no.
89
00:04:11,500 --> 00:04:13,318
no, no, no.
oh, yes, yes, yes.
90
00:04:13,386 --> 00:04:14,736
we are gonna spend
the entire week
91
00:04:14,803 --> 00:04:17,989
celebrating the fabulous
100 years of cheers.
92
00:04:18,074 --> 00:04:21,092
[groaning]
those centennial things
are so dorky.
93
00:04:21,159 --> 00:04:24,946
i actually think
i'll roll back the prices
to 1889 prices.
94
00:04:25,013 --> 00:04:26,915
like, beer would be
5 cents a glass.
95
00:04:26,982 --> 00:04:29,583
all right, dork line forms
right behind me.
96
00:04:31,403 --> 00:04:34,488
see? this is
really gonna be big.
97
00:04:34,556 --> 00:04:36,591
you know, i'm gonna call
mayor flynn's office,
98
00:04:36,658 --> 00:04:39,060
and see if they'll designate
cheers a landmark.
99
00:04:39,128 --> 00:04:41,495
i just wish i had
an in with him.
100
00:04:41,547 --> 00:04:42,814
an in? well, uh,
101
00:04:42,881 --> 00:04:45,149
i-i've been corresponding
with his honor
102
00:04:45,217 --> 00:04:46,785
for, you know,
about a year now,
every week.
103
00:04:46,852 --> 00:04:48,687
just write him
little missives,
104
00:04:48,754 --> 00:04:50,054
you know,
talking about the running
of our fair city.
105
00:04:50,122 --> 00:04:51,873
you--you might wanna
mention my name.
106
00:04:51,941 --> 00:04:54,659
right, cliff.
and when i speak
to president bush,
107
00:04:54,727 --> 00:04:56,794
i'll remember you
to him, too.
108
00:04:56,862 --> 00:04:59,713
nah, don't bother.
we're not on speaking terms.
109
00:04:59,781 --> 00:05:03,717
he forgot to send me
a thank-you for the inaugural
fruitcake i sent him.
110
00:05:06,221 --> 00:05:09,174
oh, look who's here.
it's wimpy and blimpy.
111
00:05:11,243 --> 00:05:13,344
haven't popped
that kid yet, huh?
112
00:05:13,412 --> 00:05:15,462
oh, no, no, no, no.
lilith had the baby
weeks ago.
113
00:05:15,530 --> 00:05:17,731
we just decided
to put it back in
for old times' sake.
114
00:05:19,734 --> 00:05:21,969
frasier, don't snipe.
people are interested.
115
00:05:22,037 --> 00:05:23,671
oh, all right,
i'll behave.
116
00:05:23,738 --> 00:05:25,156
i guess i'm just
a little overanxious
117
00:05:25,224 --> 00:05:27,058
to finally see
the slimy little rat.
118
00:05:28,727 --> 00:05:30,228
frasier, the child
will be born
119
00:05:30,296 --> 00:05:31,929
when the child is ready
to be born.
120
00:05:31,997 --> 00:05:34,065
(cliff)
well, enjoy your freedom,
lilith.
121
00:05:34,133 --> 00:05:36,951
'cause once you've gone
through the unspeakable
horror of childbirth
122
00:05:37,019 --> 00:05:38,769
and the painful drudgery
of parenthood,
123
00:05:38,837 --> 00:05:40,137
you'll spend
the rest of your life
124
00:05:40,205 --> 00:05:42,590
wishing that
you'd sold the little brat
to the gypsies.
125
00:05:42,658 --> 00:05:44,008
how would you know?
126
00:05:44,076 --> 00:05:45,927
ah, that's what
my ma tells me.
127
00:05:48,580 --> 00:05:52,033
aha! mayor flynn's office
loves the idea.
128
00:05:52,101 --> 00:05:54,452
he's not only gonna name
next saturday "cheers day,"
129
00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:57,989
he may also come here
in person to present us
with a special plaque.
130
00:05:58,057 --> 00:05:59,624
oh, woody,
131
00:05:59,692 --> 00:06:01,693
i'm glad you're back.
what'd you find out
at the library?
132
00:06:01,760 --> 00:06:03,211
oh, a bunch of stuff.
133
00:06:03,278 --> 00:06:05,213
you know, like they have, uh,
134
00:06:05,280 --> 00:06:09,300
story hour
every tuesday and thursday.
135
00:06:09,368 --> 00:06:11,769
the fine for overdue books
is 10 cents a day,
136
00:06:11,837 --> 00:06:14,439
and you can't
yell out things like,
"wow, 10 cents a day?"
137
00:06:16,125 --> 00:06:17,625
woody, i mean,
what did you find out
138
00:06:17,692 --> 00:06:19,227
about the history
of this place?
139
00:06:19,294 --> 00:06:20,195
nothing much.
140
00:06:20,262 --> 00:06:21,795
really?
141
00:06:21,863 --> 00:06:24,115
just pullin' your chain!
yank, yank!
142
00:06:27,085 --> 00:06:28,586
no, no, looky here.
143
00:06:28,654 --> 00:06:31,589
i got this great big
boston history book.
144
00:06:31,657 --> 00:06:33,023
near as i can figure,
145
00:06:33,091 --> 00:06:35,059
this place was originally
called "mom's."
146
00:06:35,126 --> 00:06:36,511
mom's.
heh.
147
00:06:36,579 --> 00:06:39,580
you know, i bet mom was
some twinkly little old lady
148
00:06:39,648 --> 00:06:41,649
and all the whalers
used to come in here and--
149
00:06:41,716 --> 00:06:45,186
and--and order her
homemade apple pie.
150
00:06:45,254 --> 00:06:49,107
well, no. actually, uh,
mom was an
"aging ex-fan dancer
151
00:06:49,174 --> 00:06:50,508
"who provided free
room and board
152
00:06:50,575 --> 00:06:52,677
to attractive, newly arriving
immigrant groups."
153
00:06:57,633 --> 00:07:00,201
woody, please say,
"yank, yank."
154
00:07:00,268 --> 00:07:02,403
no, it says so
right here.
155
00:07:02,471 --> 00:07:03,737
you know,
this actually reminds me
156
00:07:03,805 --> 00:07:06,390
of a cute little old place
they had back in hanover.
157
00:07:06,458 --> 00:07:09,093
woody,
you've got the wrong idea.
158
00:07:09,095 --> 00:07:10,344
yeah, you're probably right.
159
00:07:10,412 --> 00:07:12,847
the place
back in hanover
was a whorehouse.
160
00:07:20,188 --> 00:07:25,126
[139th street quartet singing]
in town,
we're back in town
161
00:07:31,266 --> 00:07:33,233
that was fantastic!
162
00:07:33,301 --> 00:07:34,835
aren't you guys
supposed to have a monkey?
163
00:07:38,573 --> 00:07:41,793
all right, guys,
does this look like 1889?
164
00:07:43,145 --> 00:07:45,146
hey!
165
00:07:45,214 --> 00:07:47,965
didn't we agree
to all wear costumes?
uh-huh.
166
00:07:48,033 --> 00:07:49,450
well, why didn't you?
167
00:07:49,518 --> 00:07:51,068
look at me,
i'm the only one.
i look like an idiot.
168
00:07:51,136 --> 00:07:52,253
that's why.
169
00:07:53,488 --> 00:07:55,890
people,
will you help me here?
170
00:07:55,958 --> 00:07:59,060
i'm trying to create
a turn-of-the-century mood.
171
00:07:59,127 --> 00:08:00,845
so am i. sammy, here's $5.
172
00:08:00,913 --> 00:08:02,981
can i have 100 beers, please?
173
00:08:09,288 --> 00:08:11,305
you know,
everything's coming out
pretty good.
174
00:08:11,373 --> 00:08:14,809
the mayor's on his way,
the 5:00 news
is gonna send a camera team,
175
00:08:14,877 --> 00:08:15,993
oh, and i see
my singers are here.
176
00:08:16,061 --> 00:08:17,561
yeah, thanks a lot
for them.
177
00:08:17,629 --> 00:08:20,381
now i have to put up
with barbershop all day.
i hate barbershop.
178
00:08:20,449 --> 00:08:22,549
where do you get
your hair cut, sam?
179
00:08:24,236 --> 00:08:26,354
oh.
here. tell 'em
sam sent you.
180
00:08:28,189 --> 00:08:31,141
sam, the quartet
is very, very important.
181
00:08:31,210 --> 00:08:34,361
i want everything
to be just like it was
at the turn of the century.
182
00:08:34,429 --> 00:08:37,732
wait till
the sun shines, nelly
183
00:08:37,800 --> 00:08:40,368
and the clouds
go drifting by
184
00:08:40,436 --> 00:08:42,002
just knock it off,
will you?
185
00:08:43,639 --> 00:08:44,671
sam!
186
00:08:44,739 --> 00:08:46,573
oh, come on.
that kind of stuff's
187
00:08:46,641 --> 00:08:48,642
been getting
on people's nerves
for 100 years.
188
00:08:48,710 --> 00:08:50,344
it's time somebody
did something about it.
189
00:08:52,464 --> 00:08:53,881
no offense.
190
00:08:57,252 --> 00:08:58,419
miss howe?
191
00:08:58,487 --> 00:08:59,320
[gasps]
192
00:08:59,471 --> 00:09:00,871
oh, goody, goody!
193
00:09:00,940 --> 00:09:02,706
it's my special guest.
194
00:09:02,774 --> 00:09:05,643
hi, everybody,
i want you to meet mr. weaver.
195
00:09:05,710 --> 00:09:07,812
come in, mr. weaver.
196
00:09:09,498 --> 00:09:11,849
sam, i'd like you
to meet mr. weaver.
197
00:09:11,916 --> 00:09:14,085
he's over 106 years old.
198
00:09:14,153 --> 00:09:17,104
really?
why, you don't look it,
i guess.
199
00:09:17,172 --> 00:09:18,839
i mean,
who would know, huh?
200
00:09:21,043 --> 00:09:23,477
the reason mr. weaver's
our guest of honor today
201
00:09:23,479 --> 00:09:25,996
is because he used to live
in this neighborhood.
202
00:09:26,064 --> 00:09:29,150
do you get it? he was here
when cheers opened.
203
00:09:29,217 --> 00:09:32,336
big deal.
i'm always here
when cheers opens.
204
00:09:32,404 --> 00:09:34,054
i mean originally.
205
00:09:34,122 --> 00:09:38,292
mr. weaver confirmed
that there was a beer tavern
here in 1889.
206
00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:40,444
this man
is a living treasure.
207
00:09:41,179 --> 00:09:42,980
hey, wait a minute.
208
00:09:47,019 --> 00:09:48,552
did you just pinch me?
209
00:09:48,620 --> 00:09:50,755
did i? bad boy.
210
00:09:55,493 --> 00:09:57,828
hey!
211
00:09:57,896 --> 00:10:01,499
hey, mac. pinch me again
and you won't live to 107.
212
00:10:02,935 --> 00:10:04,969
wait till--
you shut up!
213
00:10:08,373 --> 00:10:11,759
lilith, i promise
i will never say another word
about inducing labor.
214
00:10:11,827 --> 00:10:13,260
thank you.
boo!
215
00:10:16,231 --> 00:10:20,134
frasier, it's not hiccups.
you can't scare it out.
216
00:10:20,201 --> 00:10:23,337
my god, lilith,
you still haven't
delivered that child yet?
217
00:10:23,405 --> 00:10:24,972
no, i haven't, rebecca.
218
00:10:25,039 --> 00:10:27,174
lilith's logic is
that if she can keep
clenching long enough
219
00:10:27,242 --> 00:10:29,377
we may bypass
the terrible twos.
220
00:10:32,880 --> 00:10:37,618
frasier, i'm not clenching.
the child is simply
not ready to be born.
221
00:10:37,685 --> 00:10:41,271
lilith, the child
is 2 weeks overdue.
222
00:10:41,339 --> 00:10:43,373
boy, 2 weeks overdue?
223
00:10:43,441 --> 00:10:45,943
why, you'd be out $1.40
at the library.
224
00:10:52,334 --> 00:10:53,817
[gasps]
225
00:10:53,886 --> 00:10:56,237
oh, my god, it's him!
it's the mayor.
226
00:10:56,305 --> 00:10:58,205
hey, hey! it really
is the mayor. hi!
227
00:10:58,273 --> 00:10:59,791
and look,
he's got a little plaque.
228
00:10:59,858 --> 00:11:01,926
well, he's probably
too busy to brush
between meals.
229
00:11:01,994 --> 00:11:02,994
no.
230
00:11:05,297 --> 00:11:07,031
how do you do,
your honor?
231
00:11:07,099 --> 00:11:10,918
i'm rebecca howe.
welcome to cheers'
100th anniversary.
232
00:11:10,986 --> 00:11:12,202
please, come in.
meet my staff.
233
00:11:12,270 --> 00:11:13,637
this is sam malone.
how do.
234
00:11:13,705 --> 00:11:15,122
this is woody boyd,
235
00:11:15,190 --> 00:11:17,474
carla lebec, the mayor.
pleased to meet you.
236
00:11:17,542 --> 00:11:19,293
so what's with
all the potholes
on my street?
237
00:11:21,329 --> 00:11:22,330
carla.
238
00:11:22,397 --> 00:11:24,415
it's all right,
i voted for him twice.
239
00:11:24,483 --> 00:11:27,852
in the same election.
240
00:11:27,854 --> 00:11:31,956
um, i'm sure you're joking,
but i'll look into
those potholes for you.
241
00:11:32,023 --> 00:11:34,575
mayor, if you'd come this way,
then i think we'll have time--
242
00:11:34,643 --> 00:11:37,294
uh, excuse me, mr. mayor.
we haven't had the honor yet.
243
00:11:37,362 --> 00:11:41,365
[clearing throat]
i'm somebody who sort of
writes you about once a week.
244
00:11:41,433 --> 00:11:43,167
you might remember the name.
cliff clavin?
245
00:11:43,235 --> 00:11:46,186
clavin. clavin.
uh, why does that name
ring a bell?
246
00:11:46,254 --> 00:11:47,455
your honor.
247
00:11:49,391 --> 00:11:51,308
oh, my god.
he's the one. yeah.
248
00:11:51,376 --> 00:11:52,860
see if he's armed.
249
00:11:53,462 --> 00:11:55,363
[shouting]
250
00:11:55,430 --> 00:11:57,131
there's got to be
a mistake here.
251
00:11:57,199 --> 00:11:59,884
i mean, i'm not a fanatic.
i-i'm a member of
the u.s. postal service.
252
00:11:59,951 --> 00:12:01,786
yep, he's the guy
all right.
253
00:12:01,853 --> 00:12:03,771
what're you talking about?
you-you-you're just miffed
254
00:12:03,839 --> 00:12:06,841
because you didn't get
an inaugural fruitcake
on your election.
255
00:12:06,908 --> 00:12:08,442
well, you can
hold your breath, pal,
256
00:12:08,510 --> 00:12:11,062
'cause when
i get out of jail...
257
00:12:11,129 --> 00:12:13,948
excuse me, your honor,
we've known cliff clavin
for a long time.
258
00:12:14,016 --> 00:12:15,449
he's ok.
yeah.
259
00:12:15,517 --> 00:12:18,052
so you don't think
he could snap
and become violent?
260
00:12:18,119 --> 00:12:22,189
uh, well, "ok" might be
too strong of a word.
261
00:12:22,191 --> 00:12:26,527
your honor, i--i can
assure you that that is not
typical of our clientele here.
262
00:12:26,595 --> 00:12:28,995
most of the people
that come in here are,
263
00:12:29,063 --> 00:12:30,764
well, they're professionals.
264
00:12:30,832 --> 00:12:33,601
you know, i'm beginning
to wonder if you're fit
to carry my seed.
265
00:12:33,668 --> 00:12:35,802
i'm beginning to wish
you'd kept it.
266
00:12:41,442 --> 00:12:43,310
aren't they fun?
267
00:12:43,411 --> 00:12:45,029
oh, oh, your honor,
wait, please.
268
00:12:45,096 --> 00:12:47,331
i would like you
to meet mr. weaver.
269
00:12:47,398 --> 00:12:50,734
mr. weaver is
over 106 years old
270
00:12:50,802 --> 00:12:52,502
and still very active.
271
00:12:54,405 --> 00:12:56,773
carla.
272
00:12:56,775 --> 00:12:59,877
would you please show
mr. weaver our relaxing
and lovely billiards lounge?
273
00:12:59,945 --> 00:13:01,462
let's go, pops.
274
00:13:01,529 --> 00:13:04,631
put your hands in your pockets
and walk 5 feet
in front of me.
275
00:13:06,818 --> 00:13:10,220
well, now that we have
this quiet time alone,
276
00:13:10,288 --> 00:13:12,890
maybe now would be
a good time for you
to present that plaque.
277
00:13:12,958 --> 00:13:14,558
absolutely, miss howe.
278
00:13:14,693 --> 00:13:16,560
ready when you are,
mr. mayor.
thank you, bob.
279
00:13:16,628 --> 00:13:18,896
on behalf of the people
of the city of boston,
280
00:13:18,963 --> 00:13:20,631
it is a great pleasure--
hey, hey, hey!
281
00:13:20,698 --> 00:13:23,083
the old geezer
just keeled over
on the pool table.
282
00:13:23,151 --> 00:13:25,286
oh, boy.
somebody get a doctor.
i'm a doctor.
283
00:13:25,353 --> 00:13:26,620
oh, really, lilith.
284
00:13:26,688 --> 00:13:29,122
i suppose you'll revive him
by having a baby on him.
285
00:13:31,927 --> 00:13:33,327
would you just step on it?
286
00:13:33,395 --> 00:13:35,362
there are people waiting
to use that pool table.
287
00:13:35,380 --> 00:13:36,714
(frasier)
i know it.
288
00:13:36,781 --> 00:13:39,083
just as well, seeing as
i just went into labor.
289
00:13:39,150 --> 00:13:40,284
yow!
oh!
290
00:13:40,352 --> 00:13:42,386
whoa!
okay.
291
00:13:42,453 --> 00:13:45,522
wait till
the sun shines, nelly
292
00:13:45,590 --> 00:13:47,024
(all)
shut up!
293
00:13:54,849 --> 00:13:56,633
(sam)
excuse me, can i have
your attention, please?
294
00:13:56,702 --> 00:13:59,219
oh, thank god.
how are you, mr. weaver?
295
00:13:59,287 --> 00:14:01,672
he's fine.
he has something he wants
to say to everybody.
296
00:14:01,740 --> 00:14:04,341
i'm sorry.
sorry for what?
297
00:14:04,409 --> 00:14:07,094
he just faked the heart attack
so girls would bend over him.
298
00:14:09,898 --> 00:14:12,566
although, personally,
i think that was
rather clever.
299
00:14:16,204 --> 00:14:18,622
darling, sam just told me.
are you feeling
any discomfort?
300
00:14:18,724 --> 00:14:20,907
whoa!
301
00:14:20,975 --> 00:14:22,859
i--i'll take that
as a yes.
302
00:14:22,928 --> 00:14:25,529
i'll go pull the car around,
we'll be at the hospital
in no time.
303
00:14:25,597 --> 00:14:28,482
woody, would you help her
with her lamaze?
what's lamaze?
304
00:14:28,550 --> 00:14:31,668
oh, woody, there's no time
for that now.
all right, very briefly.
305
00:14:31,736 --> 00:14:34,621
it's a psychoprophylactic
relaxation method.
306
00:14:34,689 --> 00:14:38,276
it was discovered by the great
late dr. fernand lamaze
while on a trip to russia.
307
00:14:38,343 --> 00:14:41,979
it was later perfected--
holy mother of pearl!
308
00:14:42,047 --> 00:14:44,548
well, just go "hoo, hoo, hoo,
hee, hee, hee!"
309
00:14:44,616 --> 00:14:46,767
i'm gonna, uh,
boil some water.
310
00:14:47,585 --> 00:14:49,202
what for?
311
00:14:49,270 --> 00:14:51,338
i'm gonna have some tea.
do you want some?
312
00:14:54,108 --> 00:14:55,676
how's that go, again?
313
00:14:55,744 --> 00:14:58,762
(both)
hoo, hoo, hoo.
hee, hee, hee.
314
00:14:58,830 --> 00:15:01,398
hoo, hoo, hoo.
hee, hee, hee.
315
00:15:01,466 --> 00:15:02,799
woody, woody, woody,
take it easy.
316
00:15:02,867 --> 00:15:04,651
don't let lilith
hyperventilate, there.
317
00:15:04,719 --> 00:15:06,487
[both puffing]
318
00:15:07,155 --> 00:15:08,506
[exclaims]
319
00:15:10,992 --> 00:15:12,476
good boy.
320
00:15:12,544 --> 00:15:15,463
obviously, miss howe,
things are quite hectic
around here.
321
00:15:15,530 --> 00:15:17,915
i better come back
in another 100 years.
322
00:15:17,983 --> 00:15:20,100
no, no, no!
it's not hectic here.
it-it's all this
323
00:15:20,168 --> 00:15:23,720
faking heart attacks,
and giving birth,
and illegal gambling.
324
00:15:23,789 --> 00:15:25,389
illegal gambling?
nothing.
325
00:15:25,456 --> 00:15:27,391
we better get out of here.
let's go.
326
00:15:28,193 --> 00:15:29,360
[sighing]
327
00:15:29,427 --> 00:15:31,429
i parked my car in that
damn red zone 1,000 times,
328
00:15:31,496 --> 00:15:33,497
they pick today
to tow my car away.
329
00:15:35,233 --> 00:15:36,334
listen, i got my car
outside here.
330
00:15:36,401 --> 00:15:37,501
i'll give you a lift.
331
00:15:37,569 --> 00:15:38,669
let me help--
let me help you.
332
00:15:38,736 --> 00:15:40,120
all right, dear.
just be brave.
333
00:15:40,187 --> 00:15:42,155
think lovely, simple,
wonderful thoughts.
334
00:15:42,223 --> 00:15:43,223
[groans]
335
00:15:43,291 --> 00:15:44,691
novocaine.
336
00:15:45,660 --> 00:15:46,993
codeine.
337
00:15:47,061 --> 00:15:48,662
demerol. whoa!
338
00:15:48,730 --> 00:15:50,981
whiskey. rum. whoa!
339
00:15:51,049 --> 00:15:53,467
knock me unconscious
with a mallet!
340
00:16:01,843 --> 00:16:03,960
how far apart
are the contractions now?
341
00:16:04,028 --> 00:16:05,879
well, let's see.
they, uh, they were 3 minutes.
342
00:16:05,947 --> 00:16:07,448
uh, now they're...
343
00:16:08,349 --> 00:16:09,616
about 40 minutes?
344
00:16:10,918 --> 00:16:12,336
i think they've stopped,
frasier.
345
00:16:12,404 --> 00:16:16,040
oh, darn, too bad. i mean,
you were in such pain
there for a while.
346
00:16:17,608 --> 00:16:19,727
it was false labor.
we made this trip for nothing.
347
00:16:19,794 --> 00:16:22,146
well, uh, why don't we wait
for the doctor to confirm it?
348
00:16:22,213 --> 00:16:24,548
in the meantime, you just try
to stay comfortable.
349
00:16:24,615 --> 00:16:26,600
how?
there's no air conditioning,
350
00:16:26,668 --> 00:16:30,254
i've got 50 pounds
of baby flesh
crushing a major artery,
351
00:16:30,322 --> 00:16:32,222
and i want to go home.
352
00:16:32,290 --> 00:16:35,860
well, you know what they say.
that's the first sign
you're getting better.
353
00:16:36,294 --> 00:16:37,427
attagirl.
354
00:16:38,747 --> 00:16:40,831
oh, i'm sorry.
i didn't mean to intrude.
355
00:16:40,898 --> 00:16:42,232
oh, no problem.
356
00:16:42,300 --> 00:16:43,567
[gasps]
357
00:16:43,634 --> 00:16:45,035
[woman groans]
358
00:16:46,287 --> 00:16:47,938
40 seconds.
359
00:16:48,005 --> 00:16:48,889
whoa, excuse me,
360
00:16:48,957 --> 00:16:50,691
but shouldn't, uh,
somebody be here with you?
361
00:16:50,758 --> 00:16:53,193
oh, no,
i'm being taken care of.
362
00:16:53,260 --> 00:16:54,878
the doctor comes in
every few minutes
363
00:16:54,946 --> 00:16:56,447
and tells me
it's not that bad.
364
00:16:56,514 --> 00:16:57,781
[grunting]
365
00:16:59,634 --> 00:17:01,851
well, are you
all alone here?
366
00:17:01,919 --> 00:17:04,104
my husband's
in the merchant marines.
367
00:17:04,172 --> 00:17:05,906
my parents
live in michigan.
368
00:17:05,974 --> 00:17:09,360
we just moved here.
i don't even know
anybody in boston.
369
00:17:09,427 --> 00:17:11,462
well, hell,
you do now. sam malone.
370
00:17:11,530 --> 00:17:14,631
oh. gail aldrich.
ooh! ooh! oh, god!
371
00:17:14,699 --> 00:17:16,700
i've never felt pain
like this.
372
00:17:17,869 --> 00:17:19,169
oh! sorry!
373
00:17:19,237 --> 00:17:22,356
oh. there's another one.
they're coming closer.
374
00:17:22,423 --> 00:17:24,407
uh, shoot. uh, frasier?
375
00:17:24,475 --> 00:17:27,344
say, uh, can you come
over here and help us
with that breathing stuff?
376
00:17:27,412 --> 00:17:30,931
darling, i'll be right back.
in the meantime, you just try
to think of good things.
377
00:17:30,999 --> 00:17:32,299
[gail screams]
like what?
378
00:17:32,366 --> 00:17:33,934
well, like you're not her.
379
00:17:36,071 --> 00:17:38,839
all right, now, uh,
the--the important thing
is to relax.
380
00:17:38,907 --> 00:17:41,091
uh, try to find
a focal point.
something to concentrate on.
381
00:17:41,159 --> 00:17:43,176
all right, good.
let's look for
something pretty.
382
00:17:43,244 --> 00:17:44,394
well, it could be anything.
383
00:17:44,462 --> 00:17:45,445
beige walls.
something pretty.
384
00:17:45,513 --> 00:17:47,364
sam has a nice smile.
385
00:17:47,432 --> 00:17:50,568
oh. oh, good, good, good.
sam, yes.
uh, focus on sam's smile.
386
00:17:50,635 --> 00:17:52,086
yeah.
all right.
387
00:17:52,153 --> 00:17:54,037
you know, sam, you--
you do have a lovely smile.
388
00:17:56,641 --> 00:17:58,642
is that-- did you have
those bonded?
389
00:17:58,710 --> 00:18:01,695
no, no, but i, uh,
i do have 'em polished
4 times a year.
390
00:18:01,763 --> 00:18:04,081
4? no, i only go twice a year.
but maybe i should step it up.
391
00:18:04,148 --> 00:18:05,699
[gail gasping]
392
00:18:05,766 --> 00:18:08,118
good, you're here.
listen, the contractions
are one on top of another.
393
00:18:08,186 --> 00:18:09,253
ready to go, huh?
394
00:18:09,320 --> 00:18:11,288
you bet i am.
oh, you probably mean her.
395
00:18:12,357 --> 00:18:14,107
ok, it's starting.
396
00:18:14,175 --> 00:18:17,210
let's get you
to the delivery room.
oh, ok. ok.
397
00:18:17,278 --> 00:18:20,164
oh, boy. oh, it's hard
to get out of this bed.
398
00:18:20,231 --> 00:18:23,000
really? i wonder where
a guy like me could get
one of those, huh?
399
00:18:24,869 --> 00:18:26,470
smile. smile.
400
00:18:26,537 --> 00:18:28,672
here we go.
we're with you, now.
we're with you.
401
00:18:28,740 --> 00:18:30,940
i'll be right back, hon.
uh, will you be all right?
402
00:18:31,008 --> 00:18:32,326
sure.
403
00:18:32,394 --> 00:18:35,229
i'm just counting
the tiny holes
in the ceiling tiles.
404
00:18:37,265 --> 00:18:39,116
of course, now that
you've interrupted me,
405
00:18:39,184 --> 00:18:40,784
i'm going to have to
start all over.
406
00:18:42,521 --> 00:18:44,037
that's my girl.
407
00:18:45,156 --> 00:18:49,059
1, 2, 3, 4--
408
00:18:49,127 --> 00:18:52,529
oh, doctor, thank god.
i felt so isolated here.
409
00:18:52,597 --> 00:18:55,882
i guess i had false labor.
i'm just so
terribly embarrassed
410
00:18:55,950 --> 00:18:58,986
because i'm a doctor myself
and i was so sure
this was the real thing.
411
00:18:59,053 --> 00:19:01,822
not to mention the fact
that i was sure
i'd become a mother today
412
00:19:01,889 --> 00:19:04,124
and now i have
to go on waiting.
i need someone
413
00:19:04,191 --> 00:19:07,794
to talk me through this,
and please, please,
tell me what to do.
414
00:19:07,862 --> 00:19:09,362
false labor. go home.
415
00:19:19,507 --> 00:19:22,843
telephoned your parents,
told 'em you had a boy.
they were thrilled to death.
416
00:19:22,910 --> 00:19:25,646
great.
although your father did
ask twice who the hell i was.
417
00:19:26,748 --> 00:19:28,715
thanks. you were both
so sweet.
418
00:19:28,783 --> 00:19:30,951
yeah, but i'm sweeter,
right?
oh.
419
00:19:31,019 --> 00:19:35,172
if you'll excuse me,
i can't wait to share
this miracle with lilith.
420
00:19:35,239 --> 00:19:37,007
ooh! oh, well, i'd better
not disturb her now.
421
00:19:37,075 --> 00:19:38,943
she and the baby
are resting, so, uh...
422
00:19:39,010 --> 00:19:40,427
whoa!
423
00:19:42,514 --> 00:19:44,164
who is that?
424
00:19:44,232 --> 00:19:45,332
your son.
425
00:19:45,867 --> 00:19:47,067
my son?
426
00:19:47,852 --> 00:19:49,253
a boy?
427
00:19:49,320 --> 00:19:52,322
i'm the father. i'm a--
sam, sam, i have a son!
428
00:19:52,390 --> 00:19:55,342
congratulations.
it looks just
exactly like me.
429
00:19:55,410 --> 00:19:58,262
oh, don't worry about that.
all babies look like that
at first.
430
00:20:00,398 --> 00:20:01,514
may i?
431
00:20:03,768 --> 00:20:07,254
oh, look, sam, my son.
hello.
432
00:20:07,321 --> 00:20:10,357
oh, frasier,
he has your eyes.
433
00:20:10,424 --> 00:20:13,593
and look at that,
he has--he has
lilith's chin.
434
00:20:13,662 --> 00:20:15,629
and he's got my nose.
oh, don't be ridiculous.
435
00:20:15,697 --> 00:20:17,397
no, no. i mean,
he's got my nose.
436
00:20:17,465 --> 00:20:18,465
oh.
437
00:20:22,236 --> 00:20:23,904
oh. whoo!
438
00:20:23,971 --> 00:20:25,889
look, he's so cute.
mmm.
439
00:20:25,956 --> 00:20:28,057
i could stare at him
for hours.
440
00:20:28,810 --> 00:20:30,944
sam?
oh, i gotta go. sorry.
441
00:20:33,248 --> 00:20:36,433
you all set here?
yeah, just give me 2 minutes
to get out of my uniform.
442
00:20:36,501 --> 00:20:38,952
2 minutes, you kiddin'?
i can cut that time in half.
443
00:20:40,821 --> 00:20:42,873
i can't believe
we have a son.
444
00:20:42,941 --> 00:20:45,325
but, lilith, when did
all this happen?
445
00:20:45,393 --> 00:20:46,726
after the doctor
discharged me,
446
00:20:46,794 --> 00:20:49,596
i looked for you,
couldn't find you,
so i took a cab.
447
00:20:49,664 --> 00:20:51,365
i gave birth
in the back seat.
448
00:20:52,700 --> 00:20:54,652
the cabbie was nice enough
to let me bite down
449
00:20:54,719 --> 00:20:56,987
on one of his
foam-rubber dice.
450
00:21:01,542 --> 00:21:04,428
oh, my precious angel,
you were so brave.
451
00:21:04,496 --> 00:21:06,497
the only problem was
that every time i pushed,
452
00:21:06,564 --> 00:21:08,832
my feet kept opening
the back door into traffic.
453
00:21:11,852 --> 00:21:15,222
the greatest moment
of my life,
and i--i missed it.
454
00:21:15,290 --> 00:21:16,856
you must
want to kill me.
455
00:21:16,925 --> 00:21:19,226
now, frasier, now is not
the time for reproaches.
456
00:21:19,294 --> 00:21:20,977
now is the time to rejoice.
457
00:21:21,045 --> 00:21:22,562
the reproaches
can come tomorrow
458
00:21:22,630 --> 00:21:23,964
and for the next 50 years.
459
00:21:26,367 --> 00:21:28,334
is it any wonder
i love you so?
460
00:21:30,537 --> 00:21:32,406
oh, look,
his first smile.
461
00:21:32,473 --> 00:21:35,725
darling face,
much as we would like
to believe otherwise,
462
00:21:35,793 --> 00:21:38,161
we both know
that newborn infants
are incapable
463
00:21:38,229 --> 00:21:40,763
of revealing emotion
through facial expression.
464
00:21:40,831 --> 00:21:43,283
it's probably just gas.
465
00:21:43,351 --> 00:21:45,402
(both)
oh, his first gas.
466
00:21:49,840 --> 00:21:51,191
[crickets chirping]
467
00:21:52,961 --> 00:21:54,161
hey, norm.
468
00:21:54,228 --> 00:21:55,528
[sam laughs]
469
00:21:55,596 --> 00:21:58,782
frasier and lilith had a boy.
all right!
470
00:21:58,850 --> 00:22:01,534
yeah, i got some pictures
here. you wanna see 'em?
yeah, let's see.
471
00:22:01,602 --> 00:22:02,902
hmm.
472
00:22:02,971 --> 00:22:06,273
let's see here. all right,
uh, well, this is the nurse.
473
00:22:09,260 --> 00:22:10,444
nurse.
474
00:22:10,511 --> 00:22:12,212
nurse.
ooh.
475
00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:13,697
me and the nurse.
476
00:22:14,865 --> 00:22:16,567
all right, now,
here's one with the kid.
477
00:22:17,602 --> 00:22:19,068
where's the kid?
478
00:22:19,136 --> 00:22:21,220
the fuzzy thing
that nurse is bending over.
479
00:22:24,492 --> 00:22:25,692
where is everybody?
480
00:22:25,760 --> 00:22:27,594
oh, well, the party kind of
got out of hand
481
00:22:27,661 --> 00:22:30,030
after rebecca wrestled
the 5:00 news guy
to the ground
482
00:22:30,098 --> 00:22:32,065
and ripped all the tape
out of his camera.
483
00:22:33,901 --> 00:22:35,585
what about, cliff,
how's he doing?
484
00:22:35,653 --> 00:22:38,121
i think they're still
interrogating him downtown.
oh.
485
00:22:38,188 --> 00:22:40,290
but carla went after him.
bail him out?
486
00:22:40,358 --> 00:22:42,242
no, to poke things at him
through the bars.
487
00:22:45,229 --> 00:22:46,696
but don't worry, sammy.
i've watched the bar.
488
00:22:46,815 --> 00:22:49,183
i've kept very careful track
of how many beers i've had.
489
00:22:49,250 --> 00:22:50,350
yeah.
490
00:22:50,417 --> 00:22:51,868
i think this is, um,
491
00:22:52,937 --> 00:22:54,754
2.
yeah, right.
492
00:22:56,624 --> 00:22:59,592
sammy, think you can show me
how to change a keg?
493
00:23:03,131 --> 00:23:06,466
so you're
all alone here, huh?
well, no, not exactly.
494
00:23:06,534 --> 00:23:10,203
[139th street quartet singing]
wait till the sun shines,
nelly
495
00:23:10,271 --> 00:23:13,706
and the clouds
go drifting by
496
00:23:13,774 --> 00:23:17,177
we will be happy,
nelly
497
00:23:17,245 --> 00:23:18,745
don't you--
498
00:23:18,812 --> 00:23:20,280
[139th street quartet
exclaiming]
38824
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