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1
00:00:02,003 --> 00:00:04,936
(theme song playing)
2
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Hello, Arlene.
3
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Hello, Jose.
4
00:01:28,055 --> 00:01:30,121
Hello, Dwayne.
5
00:01:30,190 --> 00:01:32,991
Hello, Billy.
6
00:01:33,060 --> 00:01:35,860
Hello, Ruby.
7
00:01:38,264 --> 00:01:40,866
A man is nothing
without friends.
8
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Boy, are you in a good mood
9
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today. Yes.
10
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You know that nagging
11
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multiple personalities
problem I had?
12
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TONY: Yeah. Yeah.
13
00:01:51,178 --> 00:01:53,178
It is gone. I am cured.
14
00:01:53,247 --> 00:01:54,178
You sure, Latka?
15
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Yes.
16
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I knew you would be skeptical,
17
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so I brought my therapist
so she could meet you.
18
00:02:00,354 --> 00:02:01,419
Yeah? (chuckles)
19
00:02:01,488 --> 00:02:02,587
Please... therapist.
20
00:02:02,656 --> 00:02:03,855
It's probably a witch doctor.
21
00:02:03,924 --> 00:02:05,502
ALEX: This guy goes
to a therapist like...
22
00:02:05,526 --> 00:02:07,359
Look what you gave
me... Three twos.
23
00:02:08,462 --> 00:02:10,429
ELAINE: Yikes!
24
00:02:14,268 --> 00:02:15,367
This is Elaine.
25
00:02:15,435 --> 00:02:16,534
Hello.
26
00:02:16,603 --> 00:02:18,637
Hello. I'm Dr. Joyce Brothers.
27
00:02:18,705 --> 00:02:20,538
And this is Tony.
28
00:02:20,607 --> 00:02:21,706
Hi, Tony.
29
00:02:21,775 --> 00:02:22,874
And this is Alex.
30
00:02:22,942 --> 00:02:24,041
Well, hello there.
31
00:02:24,110 --> 00:02:25,209
Nice to meet you, Alex.
32
00:02:25,279 --> 00:02:27,646
It is! It is!
33
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It's Dr. Joyce Brothers!
34
00:02:29,450 --> 00:02:30,682
I got to thank you.
35
00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:33,050
You helped me
get through puberty.
36
00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:34,352
Dr. Brothers, sit down, please.
37
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I'd love to, thank you.
38
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Join us.
39
00:02:36,890 --> 00:02:38,223
Latka loves you all so much.
40
00:02:38,291 --> 00:02:39,658
He wanted me to meet you.
41
00:02:39,726 --> 00:02:41,760
How did you come to treat Latka?
42
00:02:41,829 --> 00:02:44,830
Well, I was on a phone-in
talk show, and Latka called.
43
00:02:44,898 --> 00:02:47,065
Since I'd never
treated his particular
44
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dissociative personality
disorder before,
45
00:02:48,869 --> 00:02:50,635
I offered to see him regularly.
46
00:02:50,703 --> 00:02:52,070
Huh. DR. BROTHERS: I am
47
00:02:52,139 --> 00:02:55,440
very confident that Latka
has the situation under control.
48
00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:57,053
All right, Latka. Way
to go, Doc! Fantastic!
49
00:02:57,077 --> 00:02:58,488
Way to go! Oh, we're so
grateful to you, Dr. Brothers.
50
00:02:58,512 --> 00:02:59,512
Well, thank you.
51
00:02:59,546 --> 00:03:01,913
Come on. I will show
you where I work.
52
00:03:01,982 --> 00:03:03,114
I'd love to see it.
53
00:03:03,184 --> 00:03:05,817
TONY: This is great. Sit down.
54
00:03:09,356 --> 00:03:10,356
(growling)
55
00:03:10,423 --> 00:03:11,663
DR. BROTHERS: I'd best be going.
56
00:03:12,726 --> 00:03:14,959
Latka, you have my
telephone number.
57
00:03:15,029 --> 00:03:17,496
Use it whenever you
want to speak to me.
58
00:03:17,564 --> 00:03:18,564
Nice meeting all of you.
59
00:03:18,599 --> 00:03:19,799
ELAINE: Nice to see you. Yeah.
60
00:03:19,833 --> 00:03:20,765
LATKA: Bye-bye.
61
00:03:20,834 --> 00:03:21,900
ALEX: Dr. Brothers.
62
00:03:38,052 --> 00:03:39,984
Dr. Joyce Brothers?
63
00:03:40,054 --> 00:03:41,286
That's right.
64
00:03:41,355 --> 00:03:42,554
Whoo!
65
00:03:42,622 --> 00:03:44,021
(clears throat)
66
00:03:44,090 --> 00:03:46,758
I have a question to ask you.
67
00:03:46,827 --> 00:03:48,760
What is it?
68
00:03:50,864 --> 00:03:53,531
Are you visiting the garage,
69
00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:57,101
or am I on The
Merv Griffin show?
70
00:03:59,206 --> 00:04:02,074
We're in the garage.
71
00:04:02,142 --> 00:04:04,609
That's too bad.
72
00:04:04,678 --> 00:04:06,678
'Cause I have a story
73
00:04:06,746 --> 00:04:09,347
that Merv would've loved.
74
00:04:15,889 --> 00:04:17,955
Oh, Latka, it's so good
75
00:04:18,024 --> 00:04:19,657
to have you back
with us full time.
76
00:04:19,726 --> 00:04:20,825
Yeah. Latka.
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Come on, sit down.
78
00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:23,395
TONY: Latka!
79
00:04:23,463 --> 00:04:26,865
You know, eh, Dr. Brothers
told me it's okay now.
80
00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:28,966
I can lead a normal life,
81
00:04:29,035 --> 00:04:32,670
and, uh, I can go to the job,
and I can make new friends.
82
00:04:33,974 --> 00:04:36,008
As a matter of fact,
83
00:04:36,076 --> 00:04:39,611
I am going to ask
Simka to marry me.
84
00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:40,812
Yeah! Yeah! That's wonderful.
85
00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:42,380
I love her. She...
86
00:04:42,449 --> 00:04:44,115
ELAINE: Ooh, now, wait a minute.
87
00:04:44,184 --> 00:04:46,418
How come you don't look happier?
88
00:04:46,486 --> 00:04:48,420
Because I am not American,
89
00:04:48,488 --> 00:04:51,156
where the wedding is
nothing but a celebration
90
00:04:51,224 --> 00:04:54,025
for two people
to being together.
91
00:04:54,094 --> 00:04:56,228
Simka and I are orthodox.
92
00:04:56,297 --> 00:04:59,230
By tradition, demands
93
00:04:59,300 --> 00:05:01,733
that we go through
from the proposal
94
00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:03,868
to the last moment
of the ceremony...
95
00:05:03,937 --> 00:05:05,971
We have to go
through a series of tests.
96
00:05:06,040 --> 00:05:08,039
And if we fail even
97
00:05:08,108 --> 00:05:10,809
one test, we never
to be married.
98
00:05:10,878 --> 00:05:12,455
TONY: You're kidding.
So, why do you guys
99
00:05:12,479 --> 00:05:14,445
put up with this?
LATKA: Well, because
100
00:05:14,514 --> 00:05:17,516
in my country, there is
a belief, and rightly so,
101
00:05:17,584 --> 00:05:19,951
that the only thing
that separates us
102
00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:22,554
from the animals are
mindless superstition
103
00:05:22,622 --> 00:05:24,255
and pointless rituals.
104
00:05:28,528 --> 00:05:30,996
Well, I don't care
what you say, Latka.
105
00:05:31,064 --> 00:05:33,164
I think it's great
you're getting married.
106
00:05:33,233 --> 00:05:34,477
Yeah. Me, too. Me, too.
Yeah! Great. It's great.
107
00:05:34,501 --> 00:05:35,633
ELAINE: Fantastic.
108
00:05:35,702 --> 00:05:37,602
Good. Then you
can be my Gewirtzal.
109
00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:39,204
Your Gewirtzal? Yes.
110
00:05:39,273 --> 00:05:41,139
I'd be proud to
be your Gewirtzal.
111
00:05:41,208 --> 00:05:42,974
What is that? Like a best man?
112
00:05:43,043 --> 00:05:45,243
No, it is the one who
has to propose for me.
113
00:05:45,312 --> 00:05:46,578
Oh.
114
00:05:46,646 --> 00:05:49,414
Usually it's an old hag or
a leper or the village idiot.
115
00:05:49,483 --> 00:05:51,516
But you'll do in a pinch.
116
00:06:00,527 --> 00:06:02,560
Latka, I just hope I
remember everything.
117
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I mean, I had to
learn a lot of, uh,
118
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ancient ritual in just one week.
119
00:06:07,368 --> 00:06:09,000
Hmm. Don't worry.
120
00:06:09,069 --> 00:06:10,869
You'll be fine.
121
00:06:10,937 --> 00:06:13,004
Once Simka knows
that you are proposing,
122
00:06:13,073 --> 00:06:15,874
she will know what to
do, and she will help you.
123
00:06:15,942 --> 00:06:17,175
Yeah, I hope so. (knocking)
124
00:06:17,243 --> 00:06:18,409
Hey, wait a minute.
125
00:06:18,479 --> 00:06:19,678
She's early, isn't she?
126
00:06:19,746 --> 00:06:20,946
That's early, isn't it?
127
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Yes.
128
00:06:22,315 --> 00:06:25,517
Uh, listen,
Latka, uh... I, uh...
129
00:06:25,586 --> 00:06:28,252
Good luck, uh, to both of us.
130
00:06:34,595 --> 00:06:36,594
Hello, Latka.
131
00:06:40,934 --> 00:06:43,401
I'm ready for our date.
132
00:06:43,470 --> 00:06:45,403
Hello, Simka.
133
00:06:47,574 --> 00:06:49,574
I have a special
surprise for you.
134
00:06:49,643 --> 00:06:51,543
Oh, boy. What is it?
135
00:06:51,611 --> 00:06:53,378
I will show it to you now.
136
00:06:53,447 --> 00:06:55,380
Oh, goody.
137
00:06:57,451 --> 00:06:58,984
(clears throat)
138
00:07:00,087 --> 00:07:01,719
That's it?
139
00:07:01,788 --> 00:07:04,022
You're just going
to grepse at me?
140
00:07:05,626 --> 00:07:07,559
(banging, bells jingling)
141
00:07:27,180 --> 00:07:30,481
Uh... iska bedesko,
iska bedasko.
142
00:07:33,053 --> 00:07:35,019
(sighs)
143
00:07:35,088 --> 00:07:37,555
(speaking native language)
144
00:07:48,001 --> 00:07:52,069
(yelling)
145
00:07:54,174 --> 00:07:57,141
Bushky, bushky.
146
00:07:57,210 --> 00:07:59,143
Da.
147
00:08:02,549 --> 00:08:03,915
Oh.
148
00:08:06,219 --> 00:08:08,719
Oh.
149
00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:11,823
Yiskuk. Yiskuk.
150
00:08:11,891 --> 00:08:13,825
Yis... kuk!
151
00:08:17,197 --> 00:08:20,164
Uh... Uh, Simka, I, uh...
152
00:08:20,233 --> 00:08:21,544
I-I really don't
know your language,
153
00:08:21,568 --> 00:08:23,802
so, uh, I'm gonna have
to do the rest in English.
154
00:08:23,870 --> 00:08:24,969
Is that all right?
155
00:08:25,038 --> 00:08:26,471
Oh, that's okay.
156
00:08:26,540 --> 00:08:28,606
You do it in any
language you want.
157
00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:30,542
I'm just glad
you're not a leper.
158
00:08:39,452 --> 00:08:41,085
There is our fine young prince.
159
00:08:41,154 --> 00:08:42,253
You have to sing it.
160
00:08:42,321 --> 00:08:43,721
Sing it? I can't sing it.
161
00:08:43,790 --> 00:08:45,890
You have to. You
have to do it beautiful,
162
00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:47,091
or else she won't accept.
163
00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:48,526
I can't sing. You have to.
164
00:08:48,594 --> 00:08:49,994
I can't! Sing it.
165
00:08:54,167 --> 00:08:55,667
ALEX: Oy...
166
00:08:55,735 --> 00:08:57,669
(whimpering)
167
00:09:01,207 --> 00:09:04,475
♪ There is a fine young prince ♪
168
00:09:04,545 --> 00:09:08,712
♪ He has mounted Cossacks... ♪
169
00:09:08,781 --> 00:09:11,248
I am going to die a bachelor.
170
00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:14,986
Oh, Simka, Simka, listen to me.
171
00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:16,655
Latka is the... is...
172
00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:18,200
He's the hardest-working,
most sincere,
173
00:09:18,224 --> 00:09:19,724
most loving man I've ever met.
174
00:09:19,793 --> 00:09:21,693
Have you ever noticed
how his face lights up
175
00:09:21,761 --> 00:09:23,194
just when you walk in a room?
176
00:09:23,262 --> 00:09:26,230
If-If you marry Latka,
177
00:09:26,299 --> 00:09:29,033
your lives will be very happy,
because you love each other,
178
00:09:29,101 --> 00:09:30,580
and you're both sweet,
wonderful people.
179
00:09:30,604 --> 00:09:33,338
And he'll be devoted to
you for the rest of your life.
180
00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:34,505
Simka,
181
00:09:34,575 --> 00:09:35,774
I've never met two people
182
00:09:35,842 --> 00:09:38,076
more suited to each
other than you and Latka.
183
00:09:38,144 --> 00:09:40,111
What do you say?
184
00:09:40,180 --> 00:09:41,513
What do you say?
185
00:09:54,828 --> 00:09:58,262
You... You have grabbed
the nose of the Gewirtzal
186
00:09:58,331 --> 00:10:01,666
and made me the
happiest man alive.
187
00:10:03,970 --> 00:10:05,970
And you?
188
00:10:06,038 --> 00:10:07,972
Of course.
189
00:10:16,916 --> 00:10:17,848
(knocking at door)
190
00:10:17,917 --> 00:10:19,284
Oh. Continue to wait.
191
00:10:19,352 --> 00:10:21,686
SIMKA: Okay.
192
00:10:21,755 --> 00:10:23,888
Mama, you will give
us your blessing tonight,
193
00:10:23,956 --> 00:10:25,056
won't you?
194
00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:27,525
Latka, you know better.
195
00:10:27,593 --> 00:10:29,661
It all depends on how she reacts
196
00:10:29,729 --> 00:10:31,463
when I tell her the murzik.
197
00:10:31,531 --> 00:10:33,031
You are still waiting?
198
00:10:33,099 --> 00:10:34,399
SIMKA: You betcha.
199
00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:36,000
Ah.
200
00:10:36,069 --> 00:10:37,935
Latka, go now.
201
00:10:38,004 --> 00:10:40,538
You know, no man
has ever been allowed
202
00:10:40,606 --> 00:10:42,940
to hear what I'm
about to tell her.
203
00:10:46,046 --> 00:10:47,978
Hmm.
204
00:11:04,931 --> 00:11:06,563
Simka Dahblitz?
205
00:11:06,632 --> 00:11:09,300
Greta Gravas?
206
00:11:19,312 --> 00:11:23,714
So, you want to marry my Latka?
207
00:11:23,784 --> 00:11:25,784
Yes, Mrs. Gravas.
208
00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:28,352
Oh, I love him!
209
00:11:28,422 --> 00:11:29,854
Love. (laughs)
210
00:11:29,923 --> 00:11:31,923
Mrs. Gravas,
211
00:11:31,991 --> 00:11:35,260
I want so much to marry Latka,
212
00:11:35,328 --> 00:11:37,094
and I want
213
00:11:37,163 --> 00:11:41,332
so much to hear the
wisdom of my culture.
214
00:11:41,401 --> 00:11:44,402
Please, tell me the murzik.
215
00:11:44,471 --> 00:11:48,205
Listen carefully
to me, my child.
216
00:11:48,274 --> 00:11:51,910
I will tell you the murzik.
217
00:11:54,481 --> 00:11:59,684
Men are nothing but lazy
lumps of drunken flesh.
218
00:12:03,557 --> 00:12:06,824
They crowd you in bed,
get you all worked up,
219
00:12:06,893 --> 00:12:09,194
and then before you can
say, "Is that all there is?"
220
00:12:09,262 --> 00:12:11,195
That's all there is.
221
00:12:14,835 --> 00:12:16,434
They pass out smokes
222
00:12:16,502 --> 00:12:19,970
when you are still whimpering
from pain of delivery.
223
00:12:20,039 --> 00:12:24,742
Your flaxen hair will
become like dead grass,
224
00:12:24,811 --> 00:12:28,045
and your once firm breasts
225
00:12:28,114 --> 00:12:30,048
will fall to the floor.
226
00:12:37,323 --> 00:12:39,256
Thank you.
227
00:12:41,995 --> 00:12:45,864
I will store that away.
228
00:12:45,932 --> 00:12:50,134
Do you still want to
marry my son Latka?
229
00:12:51,238 --> 00:12:53,971
Almost more than ever.
230
00:12:54,040 --> 00:12:55,973
Very well.
231
00:12:56,042 --> 00:12:59,143
But before I can
give you my blessing
232
00:12:59,211 --> 00:13:02,146
to marry my beloved son,
233
00:13:02,214 --> 00:13:05,149
you must first kiss
your mother-in-law
234
00:13:05,217 --> 00:13:06,717
on the cheek.
235
00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:08,719
Okay.
236
00:13:18,030 --> 00:13:19,030
(grunts)
237
00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:22,166
(sighs)
238
00:13:26,273 --> 00:13:29,207
You cannot walk
on my son's furniture.
239
00:13:36,750 --> 00:13:39,450
(sighs)
240
00:13:39,518 --> 00:13:41,452
You won't bend?
241
00:13:43,557 --> 00:13:45,723
Mothers-in-law are forbidden
242
00:13:45,792 --> 00:13:47,724
by tradition to bend.
243
00:13:51,665 --> 00:13:52,665
(groans)
244
00:13:54,634 --> 00:13:57,569
(traditional music plays)
245
00:14:00,540 --> 00:14:02,807
This place certainly
looks more cheerful.
246
00:14:02,875 --> 00:14:04,241
I hardly recognize it.
247
00:14:04,310 --> 00:14:05,576
Yeah, well I do.
248
00:14:05,645 --> 00:14:08,579
Be it ever so humble,
there's no place like hell.
249
00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:11,282
A sense of humor can cushion you
250
00:14:11,351 --> 00:14:14,152
from the harsh
realities of life.
251
00:14:14,221 --> 00:14:17,187
It can also make you
seem like a real bummer.
252
00:14:17,257 --> 00:14:19,189
Don't take me seriously.
253
00:14:19,259 --> 00:14:20,758
I'm flirting with you.
254
00:14:20,826 --> 00:14:21,826
Oh.
255
00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:23,794
Of course, I'm happily married,
256
00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:27,298
but an innocent flirtation
can be harmless and pleasant,
257
00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:30,033
and can reinforce
our sexual identities.
258
00:14:33,673 --> 00:14:37,208
She's fun when she lets
her hair down, isn't she?
259
00:14:37,277 --> 00:14:39,209
Hey, I can't believe it.
260
00:14:39,279 --> 00:14:40,478
After all the problems,
261
00:14:40,546 --> 00:14:42,346
Latka and Simka are
finally gonna get married.
262
00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:44,315
What a great day this
must be for them, huh?
263
00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:45,384
ALEX: Yeah. Geez.
264
00:14:45,418 --> 00:14:46,550
(women crying) Salud.
265
00:14:50,023 --> 00:14:51,288
Oh, my gosh.
266
00:14:51,357 --> 00:14:53,290
Excuse me, can I ask
you a question? Certainly.
267
00:14:53,359 --> 00:14:55,426
Well, why are those
women so unhappy?
268
00:14:55,495 --> 00:14:58,096
Oh, they are lamenting
the bride's future
269
00:14:58,164 --> 00:15:00,764
as slave to her husband
270
00:15:00,833 --> 00:15:03,767
and the groom's burden
of family responsibility
271
00:15:03,836 --> 00:15:05,769
which will eventually crush him.
272
00:15:09,209 --> 00:15:11,242
You must be Latka's
American friends. Mm-hmm.
273
00:15:11,311 --> 00:15:13,243
Yes. I am Mascha
from Latka's country.
274
00:15:13,313 --> 00:15:14,578
Hey, Masch, how are ya?
275
00:15:14,647 --> 00:15:16,147
Nice to meet ya.
276
00:15:16,215 --> 00:15:17,815
What about your accent?
277
00:15:17,884 --> 00:15:18,983
Oh, I live in London
278
00:15:19,052 --> 00:15:21,986
where I work as a
weatherman for the BBC.
279
00:15:22,055 --> 00:15:24,922
I'll be translating
the ceremony.
280
00:15:24,991 --> 00:15:26,002
Do you have any questions?
281
00:15:26,026 --> 00:15:27,292
Uh, I can't think of any.
282
00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:29,626
What about "What is
the most unusual thing
283
00:15:29,695 --> 00:15:30,862
about our ceremony?"
284
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:32,296
Well, that's a good one.
285
00:15:32,365 --> 00:15:34,131
The most unusual thing is
286
00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:37,134
that it is rather a
test than a ceremony.
287
00:15:37,203 --> 00:15:39,136
Um, if the bride and groom fail
288
00:15:39,205 --> 00:15:41,305
to answer any of
the key questions,
289
00:15:41,373 --> 00:15:43,007
they can never be married.
290
00:15:43,076 --> 00:15:44,842
ALEX: Hmm. Well,
thanks for asking.
291
00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:49,547
(man shouting)
292
00:15:49,616 --> 00:15:52,550
Aha, the priest is ready.
293
00:15:52,619 --> 00:15:55,553
Would everybody
please be seated?
294
00:15:58,757 --> 00:16:02,126
Let the wedding of
Latka and Simka begin.
295
00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:07,031
The Honorable
H.L. Gorki presiding.
296
00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:10,034
(accordion plays
traditional tune)
297
00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:26,184
And now the bride.
298
00:16:26,252 --> 00:16:28,185
♪ ♪
299
00:16:30,724 --> 00:16:34,158
Oh, she looks so
beautiful in her costume.
300
00:16:34,227 --> 00:16:36,160
You're not gonna cry.
301
00:16:36,229 --> 00:16:38,662
I don't think I
can help it, Alex.
302
00:16:38,732 --> 00:16:41,332
MASCHA: To truly
understand the feelings
303
00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:43,234
and emotions of their mate,
304
00:16:43,302 --> 00:16:45,269
the bride and groom must marry
305
00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:47,872
in each other's clothes.
306
00:16:47,941 --> 00:16:50,874
And now the groom.
307
00:16:50,944 --> 00:16:52,876
♪ ♪
308
00:17:03,323 --> 00:17:06,257
You don't know how
long I have waited
309
00:17:06,326 --> 00:17:09,260
to see you in your
father's wedding dress.
310
00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:25,476
The priest...
311
00:17:25,544 --> 00:17:28,479
will now place a crown of rue
312
00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:31,048
on the bride's head.
313
00:17:31,117 --> 00:17:33,084
If she can walk amongst us
314
00:17:33,153 --> 00:17:34,585
without it falling,
315
00:17:34,654 --> 00:17:36,587
she will be proven a virgin,
316
00:17:36,656 --> 00:17:39,590
and the ceremony may continue.
317
00:17:58,178 --> 00:18:01,111
My beloved family and friends...
318
00:18:01,181 --> 00:18:04,282
this was just a
horrible accident.
319
00:18:04,350 --> 00:18:08,952
You must believe
that never have I,
320
00:18:09,021 --> 00:18:12,456
this innocent, untried girl,
321
00:18:12,525 --> 00:18:14,858
ever been with a man.
322
00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:19,196
Never have I felt a man's warm,
323
00:18:19,265 --> 00:18:22,700
moist lips pressing
324
00:18:22,769 --> 00:18:26,203
against my waiting mouth.
325
00:18:26,272 --> 00:18:32,209
Nor have I felt the
hot flesh of a lover...
326
00:18:32,278 --> 00:18:34,545
turning at night,
327
00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:39,450
his muscular arm resting
against my stomach,
328
00:18:39,519 --> 00:18:45,590
my breath coming
quick, senses heightened,
329
00:18:45,658 --> 00:18:49,126
the air humid... Simka!
330
00:18:49,195 --> 00:18:51,128
Simka!
331
00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:56,133
Oh.
332
00:18:56,202 --> 00:18:59,036
I'm finished.
333
00:18:59,104 --> 00:19:00,904
(priest speaking
native language)
334
00:19:02,641 --> 00:19:04,575
(sneezing)
335
00:19:06,279 --> 00:19:09,213
The priest has
given his blessing...
336
00:19:10,316 --> 00:19:12,683
and has signaled
337
00:19:12,752 --> 00:19:15,019
for the ritual of
questions to begin.
338
00:19:15,088 --> 00:19:16,520
Abee.
339
00:19:16,589 --> 00:19:18,522
Question number one.
340
00:19:18,591 --> 00:19:21,525
(speaking native language)
341
00:19:21,594 --> 00:19:23,527
Who is it who is
not your brother...
342
00:19:23,596 --> 00:19:25,529
(speaking native language)
343
00:19:25,598 --> 00:19:27,898
Yet he is your father's son?
344
00:19:29,002 --> 00:19:31,936
(speaking native language)
345
00:19:35,241 --> 00:19:36,340
(speaking native language)
346
00:19:36,409 --> 00:19:37,608
It is me.
347
00:19:37,676 --> 00:19:39,277
Ibbida. That is right!
348
00:19:39,345 --> 00:19:41,445
(cheering and applause)
349
00:19:41,514 --> 00:19:42,794
(priest speaking
native language)
350
00:19:42,849 --> 00:19:44,515
MASCHA: Number two.
351
00:19:44,584 --> 00:19:46,516
(speaking native language)
352
00:19:46,586 --> 00:19:48,685
MASCHA: What
is the greatest gift
353
00:19:48,755 --> 00:19:51,021
one person can give to another?
354
00:19:51,090 --> 00:19:52,656
(speaking native language)
355
00:19:52,725 --> 00:19:55,358
She said $5,100.
356
00:19:55,428 --> 00:19:56,526
(all sighing)
357
00:19:56,596 --> 00:19:58,396
(speaking native language)
358
00:19:58,464 --> 00:19:59,563
Ibbida.
359
00:19:59,632 --> 00:20:02,433
MASCHA: That is right.
360
00:20:02,501 --> 00:20:03,901
(cheering and applause)
361
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:10,073
(speaking native language)
362
00:20:10,143 --> 00:20:12,075
You now have two right.
363
00:20:12,145 --> 00:20:13,577
(speaking native language)
364
00:20:13,646 --> 00:20:15,045
Get this next one right...
365
00:20:15,114 --> 00:20:16,324
(priest speaking
native language)
366
00:20:16,348 --> 00:20:18,315
And I can pronounce
you man and wife.
367
00:20:18,384 --> 00:20:19,817
(speaking native language)
368
00:20:19,886 --> 00:20:23,186
And the joyful dance
of the plumitz will begin.
369
00:20:25,291 --> 00:20:26,891
Latka!
370
00:20:26,959 --> 00:20:28,893
Latka!
371
00:20:39,038 --> 00:20:40,971
Latka!
372
00:20:47,546 --> 00:20:49,814
(speaking native language)
373
00:20:49,882 --> 00:20:51,849
There is a beautiful baby.
374
00:20:51,917 --> 00:20:53,028
(priest speaking
native language)
375
00:20:53,052 --> 00:20:54,351
MASCHA: And there is Simka.
376
00:20:54,420 --> 00:20:56,921
(speaking native language)
377
00:20:56,989 --> 00:20:58,388
(speaking native language)
378
00:20:58,458 --> 00:20:59,924
(speaking native language)
379
00:20:59,992 --> 00:21:02,927
A wild boar is charging.
380
00:21:02,995 --> 00:21:05,596
(speaking native language)
381
00:21:05,665 --> 00:21:07,097
You can save only one.
382
00:21:07,166 --> 00:21:08,098
(speaking native language)
383
00:21:08,167 --> 00:21:09,366
Who do you save?
384
00:21:10,470 --> 00:21:11,969
(whispering)
385
00:21:12,038 --> 00:21:13,471
The kid.
386
00:21:13,539 --> 00:21:14,950
(overlapping chatter)
LOUIE: Yourself!
387
00:21:14,974 --> 00:21:18,675
(clamoring)
388
00:21:18,744 --> 00:21:20,911
Latka?
389
00:21:20,980 --> 00:21:22,913
(clamoring stops)
390
00:21:22,982 --> 00:21:26,917
Uh... (speaking native language)
391
00:21:26,986 --> 00:21:28,084
Simka.
392
00:21:28,154 --> 00:21:30,955
(speaking native language)
393
00:21:32,058 --> 00:21:35,393
(priest speaking
native language)
394
00:21:39,398 --> 00:21:41,165
That was the wrong answer.
395
00:21:41,234 --> 00:21:42,766
You have failed the test.
396
00:21:42,835 --> 00:21:44,335
There will be no wedding.
397
00:21:44,403 --> 00:21:46,337
Grechnipa. Good-bye.
398
00:21:47,940 --> 00:21:49,506
(all moaning)
399
00:21:49,575 --> 00:21:52,843
Wait! I will not allow this!
400
00:21:54,947 --> 00:21:58,883
What do some ancient
questions have to do
401
00:21:58,951 --> 00:22:01,718
with two people
who love each other?
402
00:22:03,589 --> 00:22:06,524
Latka's my life.
403
00:22:07,993 --> 00:22:10,928
If you will not marry us,
404
00:22:10,996 --> 00:22:13,931
then we will marry
some place else.
405
00:22:15,168 --> 00:22:17,601
We must be together.
406
00:22:17,670 --> 00:22:19,603
(whispering)
407
00:22:22,275 --> 00:22:24,208
(speaking native language)
408
00:22:24,277 --> 00:22:27,210
That is exactly what
the priest wanted to hear.
409
00:22:28,314 --> 00:22:30,080
(priest speaking
native language)
410
00:22:30,149 --> 00:22:32,916
MASCHA: That was the final test.
411
00:22:32,985 --> 00:22:34,518
(speaking native language)
412
00:22:34,587 --> 00:22:36,019
One of them had to stand up
413
00:22:36,088 --> 00:22:37,187
and demand to be married.
414
00:22:41,827 --> 00:22:44,762
Latka, Simka...
415
00:22:47,900 --> 00:22:50,734
(speaking native language)
416
00:22:50,803 --> 00:22:52,769
May the stars shine upon you.
417
00:22:52,838 --> 00:22:54,438
(priest speaking
native language)
418
00:22:54,507 --> 00:22:56,440
And grant you many children.
419
00:22:56,509 --> 00:22:58,108
(priest speaking
native language)
420
00:22:58,177 --> 00:23:00,444
You are now husband and wife.
421
00:23:00,513 --> 00:23:01,845
(all cheering)
422
00:23:01,914 --> 00:23:03,747
PRIEST: Plumitz!
423
00:23:03,816 --> 00:23:06,316
Plumitz, plumitz, plumitz!
424
00:23:06,386 --> 00:23:08,318
(sprightly accordion tune plays)
425
00:23:12,091 --> 00:23:14,024
(rhythmic clapping)
426
00:23:27,740 --> 00:23:29,807
(theme song playing)
427
00:23:53,699 --> 00:23:55,166
WOMAN: Good night, Mr. Walters!
428
00:23:55,234 --> 00:23:56,234
(man grumbling)
28423
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