All language subtitles for Africa Express 1975

-I'm in.
-Ten dollars.

Okay.

No.

It's just you and me again,
I'm Preston, how many cards?

-Just one.
-Two for me.

Fifty dollars.

No, go ahead, not yours.

Blind.

Not my business,
but the sun's coming up out there.

-Nobody said we get some rest.
-No, one more hand.

You've been a little too lucky, my friend.

I'm in.

He sees you with one eye,
I see with double.

-With two.
-I'm out.

-Three times.
-No.

Three times.

How many?

One.

Three.

This time I'm curious
to know what you got.

Curiosity has its price,
you got to pay to see it.

Everything.

Everything.

Here you go.

You know what?

I got a feeling that somebody's trying
to be smart at this table now.

I didn't saying who
but if I catch that monkey,

I'll be sure to get rid of it.

Hate to see you.

I won't do it.

Three jacks.

Come on, buddy, time for a fast exit.

Let's get after him.

No, we got better things to do now.

All right.

Hey, chief, how have you been doing?
Okay?

Not okay, no.

Still get those migraines, huh?

What do you call it?
I don't know, but it hurts bad.

Here we go, there's salt.

Salt, there's sugar, flour.

Hey, look at here, mirrors,

and this is what you drink
to get loosened up.

Let's see,
we got more mirrors and stationary.

No, that's not dynamite.

Boy, you are going to suffer,
this is kind of royal.

When you haven't gone for a week or so,
this gives you the tracks.

See, it works.

Hey now, here is something just for you,
my little chickadees.

Material direct from Paris, France.

High-quality fashion just for you.

Here you go.

Hey, fellas, you can begin loading up,
okay?

Hi, doc, how are you doing?

[Swahili spoken audio]

Yes, I know, I brought you the aspirin.

Yes, you can try this stuff, it's quinine.

but no more than four tablets a day.

[Swahili spoken audio]

That's why I brought you
these mosquito coils.

[Swahili spoken audio]

No, you light the end,
it burns for about eight hours.

[Swahili spoken audio]

Yes, add a little dance number
to make it look good.

What?

A present?

Wow.

Thanks, doc.

[African dialect spoken audio]

You've seen the photo
that the service station wants to buy.

Is there anybody who hasn't seen it?

Another month as good as this one.

We'll be heading across the ocean, Biba,

Cape Town, New York,

and then on to good old Detroit.

Lost city.

If any tells you different,
don't believe it.

Just wait till you get there.

Buying the cousin Eddie's gas station

location, a block east of General Motors,

right next to the employee's parking lot,
we're going to be so rich.

You do that every time
I show you the photo, dummy.

I bet you,
and you'll love the big old town.

Sure, every so often
it might snow in the winter,

but so we'll buy you
a fur coat with earmuffs.

You don't know, come on.

Holy God!
Emergency!

We better split up.

You stay where you are.

Everybody sit down.

Sit down.

What the hell happened to the train?

Come on out of there, come on.

Teddy.

She is not here, what do we do?

We keep looking until we find her,
do you take that in?

Come on.

She got to be crazy.

What the hell is a nun doing around here?

Hello.

Sister?

Sister?

Why would you do that for?
I wasn't getting close.

Hey, are you fighting dirty
or just ignorant?

Why don't we just call it quits like amen?

Because if not, I'll fight back for real
and I don't want to hurt you.

Do you know something?
She didn't do bad for a nun.

Drink.

All right, wakey, wakey.

Come on.

-You killer.
-I only tapped you.

Just who are you?

For God's sake, you belt people

before you know who they are.

Okay, I operate the truck.

Import, export, and general trading.

Please excuse my behavior before,
I was utterly terrified.

Of me?
What did I ever do to you?

Bandits attacked a train,
and I thought you were one of them.

-Did they rob it?
-Yes.

No, maybe they were looking for someone.

-What made you run off into the bush?
-I was frightened, very frightened.

There's nothing to be afraid of now,
I'll drop you off at the mission.

The padre will be happy to help you
so would I if you weren't...

No, thank you, I'd rather walk.

What's that?

Nothing, just a lion.

Maybe it's better that I come with you.

Sure, it's better.

Okay, come on, Bibo, let's go.

Hey, come on.

I know it's your seat, but she's a guest

and guest gets the best.

I'm sorry, I never saw a nun with legs.

I mean thighs.

I mean panties.

No, I really meant those garters.

It's the emblem of our order.

The order of the garter.

Nothing wrong with that, is there?

-What is that?
-The tom-toms.

Jungle telegraph.

-It gets around really fast out here.
-What does it say?

Smoking devil was forced to stop

by a four-wheeler on a tongue of iron.

Four bad men attacked the passengers.

Much shouting and confusion.

Men who drive smoking devil

have beaten up
a religious lady found unconscious

and without clothes in the can,

I mean toilet.

Another religious lady
runs away into the bush.

Bad men shoot many times
and kill two men who try to escape.

Then bad men run away

and smoking devil

starts off again on tongue of iron.

The smoking devil is the train,
the tongue of irons is the railroad track.

Yes, I gathered that.

Do you mind if I ask you
something personal?

Of course not.

What made a beautiful piece of...

What made you become a nun?

By vocation, faith.

You're a foreigner, aren't you?

My father is Russian, my mother is French,
and I went to college in America.

Not bad, where'd you go to college?
Berkley?

Detroit, Michigan.

Do you know who lives in Detroit?
I do.

You know that big gas station
just down the street from General Motors?

Well, it's mine.

I mean it will be mine
as soon as I get the money to buy it.

Hey, do you want to see a photo?

How do you like it?

Come on, Biba, quit that.

She sees that photo,
she's just got to tear it up.

That's her way of saying
she doesn't want to go there.

She's right, it's a terrible place.

Heisha, come on.

Yes, I'll help you down.

I'm down now.

Yes, that's Captain Renoir's boat,
he puts in here a couple of days a week.

Very interesting.

I have to let Mother Superior
know what happened.

Where can I make a phone call?

At my friend Nicholson's,
he says his phone's for office use only

but I think you'll convince him
to change his mind.

Wait here a second.

Steve.

Can you come here for a minute?

Steve Nicholson say hello to...

Madeleine, sister Madeleine.

Pleased to meet you,
I'll show you where the phone is.

Thanks, Madeleine.

Hey, you pirate.

How was the trip upriver?

The old coffee grinders got asthma so bad.

It sounds like the engine's doing you
a favor every time he turns over.

Where are the two cars?

Tell me you didn't...

It wasn't my fault really, John,
I'm sorry.

For Christ's sake,
what are you trying to do to me?

Look, I tell you what?
I'll bring some of them next Wednesday.

What am I going to say?

Sorry, those boys at the dam
haven't seen a girl since Easter.

Tell them the truth.

I couldn't land at Port Elizabeth
because the police held me up for two days

at Foxsite
questioning me about ivory's money.

What do I know about ivory smuggling?

I haven't seen any ivory around,
John, how about you?

Me?
No, not me.

-I will kill that monkey.
-No, wait a second, Louis.

Is just that Biba has a thing
about animals in cages, more so monkeys.

Fuck you both.

That's 150 dollars of monkeys
running around there.

What am I going to tell Preston?

That's 150 dollars you owe me, Johnny.

-Me?
-Yes, you.

That's all they were worth to me.

What monkeys?
Come on, Louis, there aren't any monkeys.

I guess you're seeing things or something.

I see, good work, Johnny.

Goodbye.

Hello.

Tommy.

Yes, I'm fine.

You've heard the news.

Of course, he tried to kill us off,
he got Alex and Dick.

No.

No, sir, there's no time,
he's on guard now.

I don't know, I'm not sure.

I've got to think,

figure out a plan.

I certainly would like to know
who warns that bastard.

Yes, I'll try to call tomorrow.

You fools.

Put it back with the mother.

You're blundering idiots.

Was it that tough to hold up a train,
kidnap three people,

cut them up into pieces,
and feed them to the crocodiles?

She wasn't on, we searched that train
from one end to the other,

there was no sign of her.

That's impossible,
my info was right and exact.

It wasn't good, sir, made it,
a few kids, two or three nuns, that's all.

It wasn't that good-looking nun there,
that's for sure.

-We even checked under the seats.
-Christ sake.

The only good looker
was this nun who came out of the can.

She wasn't bad at all.

You stupid fool.

That was Madeleine Cooper,
the nun who ran off into the forest.

Even the tom-toms knew it.

You imbecilic nitwits, let her get away.

Now only God knows where she is.

Are you taking me to the mission now?

Yes, I got one more stop
to make up at a construction site.

I got a bag of mail for them,
the place is pretty isolated.

Hot, huh?

Yes, I should say
you are all bundled up like that.

Why don't you strip?

I mean it's all the same to me.

I think you're right.

May the Lord forgive me.

He'd be crazy not to.

There are a bunch of funny guys
at the damn site.

Of course, it's kind of lonely up there,
and that gets to them.

Not seeing their families.

Loneliness is next to godliness.

I said I'm first.

Where are the girls?

I'm sorry, the girls apologize,
they'll be here next week.

-She's a woman.
-There's a woman in car.

-There's a blonde.
-Louis.

Come on guys, you're out of your mind,
the blonde is a nun, not a girl.

If she isn't a girl,
then I must be stir-crazy.

No, come on.

Break it up.

What?
Are you all crazy or something?

What the hell's gotten into you?

Good, now we can discuss the situation
a little more calmly.

There are about 100 of you
and only one of her.

In the words of the poet...

First come, first served.

He didn't say that.

Now the next thing we do
is pass out the mail.

All of you line up down there
at the end of the compound, okay?

Get the idea?

Hey, come back here, I'm first.

-For Christ's sake, I even took a bath.
-Maybe she really was a nun.

What?
He still put one over on us.

Hey, mad.

I mean sister.

Sister.

Ingenious, huh?

-What?
-By the shower.

Every time I pass by here, I stop,
drip off, and wash the sweat of my...

I got to mind my language.

Sorry, I'm not used to it.

The tank gets filled automatically
whenever we have a downpour.

Nothing like it.

Really freshens you up.

If you want to try it,
you just say so, okay?

I tell you,
you don't know what you're missing,

and it's good for you.

-I'm sure.
-Yes.

Okay, Biba.

I'm going to get dressed now.

Hey, I'm a stranger.

You're the expert,
isn't this like paradise?

It could be.

You said it.

What a fantastic day.

It wasn't so nice when it started.

Do you know why life's so great?
Because it's full of surprises.

However, so many of them in one day
is a little bit too much.

By the way, have I ever told you
about my gas station in Detroit?

Yes, more than once.

Here comes dinner.

Thanks, girl you're a pearl.

I'm sorry, this is all we've got to offer,
but she's a vegetarian.

-When it's her turn to cook...
-This is fine, thank you.

It still beats me why with your looks
and all, you decided to be a nun.

Is it far to the mission?

Huh?

Yes, we'll be there before sundown.

It's like this every Sunday.

There he is, Saint Bibongo.

He has a great hold on the natives
around here because he's a talking saint.

A talking saint?

Offbeat, huh?
Padre's idea.

I guess you probably won't approve,
but he says the end justifies the means.

See, he's got a built-in voice box.

The natives hear
their saint's laying sermon

telling them to keep the faith.

Here, watch.

Brothers, sisters, children of the Lord,
stop what you're doing

and gather around to hear
some beautiful words from the Psalms.

The Lord is my shepherd.

I shall not want.

He leads me beside still waters.

He restores my soul.

He leads me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.

Even though I walk through the valley
of the shadow of death, I fear no evil.

For thou art with thy rod and thy staff,
they comfort me.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
all the days of my life.

Now, children may the Lord bless you
and look over you.

May he help our mission to flourish,

so that it will always
be a happy place for all.

What do you think?

Very clever.

John.

What has got into your head, boy?

You will understand, I hope, sister.

This little invention of mine
is in no way irreverent.

You would be the nun
the tom-toms talk about.

-Your name was?
-Sister Madeleine.

Madeleine is a very pretty name.

Sister Carina,

excuse me, this is Sister Madeleine.

She'll be staying with us
for as long as you want.

Please find her a bed.

Thank you, Father O'Mallory.

Thank you, Mr. Baxter.

I would have been quite lost

if I hadn't run into you.

I hope we see each other again

in church.

Yes, in church.

You can go, children.

Did you ever hear the order
of the garters?

Sure, I've heard of it,
it's an order that's famous worldwide.

As a matter of fact,
even the Queen of England belongs to it.

I delivered your stores
and Sister Carina went over the books.

Here's the 250 I made this week.

The mission owes me 40
for the stuff I brought today.

Two-fifty and 40 add up to 290.

If you'd put it in the bank
you'd be able to draw interest.

Yes, I know, but the bank's too far away,
and I don't trust them.

Your account with me
now stands at 5,553 dollars.

You still get a fair way to go
before you buy your gas station.

I know, but didn't you say
patience works miracles?

I'll get it, you'll see.

It's easy to preach.

I've been teaching a little Sean here
for weeks to say.

Good morning, Bishop O'Flaherty,
good morning, Bishop O'Flaherty.

Say it.

O'Flaherty, if I didn't know, otherwise,
I swear you are a sparrow in disguise.

No, repeat after me.

Good morning, Bishop O'F...

A brainless parrot
but when the bishop comes here,

he's going to say it
or I'll have him roasted.

O'Flaherty.

They need some vitamins.

Go ahead.

Hi there.

Top of the morning to you.

The Africa Express just pulled in

with all the little goodies
you asked me to bring.

What is it?
He isn't mad at me, is he?

John Baxter.

Here, I was convinced
I'd never see you again.

Why is that?

You're a client, Preston.

You placed an order
and gave me the money, I'm delivering.

You cheated me out
of a lot more playing poker.

No, I'm sorry.

You're entitled to your opinion.

If you think my monkey butts are eyelids
to show what kind of pairs you got,

you're just a sore loser.

-I saw him, he used his hand.
-You are out of your left eye, you sore.

Hey, let's see you give a hand sign
for two pairs, fours, and queens.

What is this?
The monkey smarter than you are?

Why did you run away like that?

-It's because you threatened me.
-Hey, the zebra is loose.

Biba.

Nothing,
you made me regret the day I found you.

I'm not kidding anymore.

That zebra's worth a lot,
and I want it back.

If you two don't...

If you two don't, what?

If you two don't get me
back that animal, I'll kill you.

I'll get it back for you.

Just tell me where you caught it.

We caught it in a little valley
between Locambo territory and Kiwl River.

I'll need some tranquilizing cartridges
and a rifle.

I don't know about you, I agree.

God forbid
that I should ever take you to the zoo.

Trouble,
that's what you are with a capital T.

I really had it made before I met you.

Me and my wrong choices.

Now I have to work twice as hard,
and what's your contribution?

Releasing caged animals is all very well

but not everyone
wants to join the crusade.

Especially not guys like Preston.

You know what the Chinese do with monkeys?
They make soup out of them.

What do you say to that?

Hey, brain monkey.

Here it is.

Don't make a sound, wait here.

Relax, baby, this won't hurt him.

Five seconds after he's hit,
he'll be sound asleep.

He even got his pajamas on.

Good night, zebra.

Hi, Willie.

Do me a favor.

Could you get these things ready?
I'll pick them up around 9:00.

-Okay, Johnny.
-Thanks.

Wait one minute, I have to post a letter.

Okay.

[Swahili spoken audio]

Where is it?

Where is the razor?

Biba, how many times do I have to tell you
not to touch my things?

Where did you put it?

There it is.

Hey, open up, I was in there first.

Sometimes I think it's a conspiracy.

You're not going
to make a monkey out of me.

Excuse me if I disturbed you,
I'm terribly sorry.

I really didn't mean to.

Excuse me again.

You're right, I'm wrong, ladies go first.

I'll tell you,
I don't have to put up with you.

We're not married,
we're not even good friends.

-Hello.
-Good morning, Mr. Baxter.

This is Sister Madeleine.

I'm sorry to disturb you,
but I have a big favor to ask you.

Sister Madeleine,

what are you saying?

You didn't disturb me.

By the way Sister Madeleine,
last night I had a dream about you.

No, don't hang up.

We were in Paradise but maybe it's better
if I don't tell you what we were doing.

You don't have to tell me,
I can well imagine.

Now about that favor.

My suitcase is at the Brancistown station.

Could you pick it up for me
and bring it out on your next trip?

Brancistown

Maybe I could find the time to go there.

Please?

Okay, but you call the station
and tell them I'm coming,

and don't expect it immediately.

I've got a schedule
of deliveries to keep up.

-It might be three or four days, okay?
-Of course, Mr. Baxter.

Three or four days
won't make any difference.

Bring it when you can
and thank you so much.

No, wait a minute.

I have a confession to make.

-Are you still there?
-Yes.

I wish you weren't nun.

The ways of the Lord are infinite.

Goodbye.

Very funny.

Okay, let's get it together,
it's time to hit the road, Biba.

Chief wants to see us.

Bring it to us, kid.

The first aid bag is between the seats,
all right?

[African dialect spoken audio].

Hey, now chief, don't get mad,
it makes it worse.

I'm mad at the witch doctor, not you.

Stop Biba, snap it up.

Time's money.

There you go.

Grandstand seat.

I need a bow and arrow.

Don't worry about a thing, chief,
you won't even notice it.

-Ready?
-Yes.

That's a mighty tough molar
you got there, chief.

Almost killed you.

This time we'll try something
a little more modern.

[Swahili spoken audio]

Yes.

[Swahili spoken audio]

Come on.

I said it would work.

Tie thread tightly around
the molar and pull.

You can call a record breaker.

Thank you, John,
if you want me do your job, come to me,

and if you're ever in trouble and call,
I will come to you.

-Hi there, morning.
-Morning.

I'm here to pick up a bag
for sister Madeleine Cooper.

My name is Baxter.

Mrs. Cooper said she'd call you.

That'll be quite a while,
that's all right.

-Thank you.
-Here you go.

Hey, it's just for one.

Come on, Biba, you carry it.

Come on.

Three-year-old kids
are of more help than you are.

Who do you think you are, Santa Claus?

I'm sorry lady,
I can't wait here any longer.

If this John Baxter doesn't arrive,
what will happen to us?

Who is going to find us a place to stay?
We used to be in the best hotels.

Look, I promise you, he'll be here.

He's almost never late.

If he's almost never late
then why is he not here already?

There we have him.

How are you, Louis?

Where are the little darlings?

Hey, don't tell me I've been stood up,
I warned you.

Heels there.

Lily and Mitzy.

-I'm Lilly.
-I'm Mitzy.

I don't feel so good.

These guys will murder me.

You got a couple of boys
to help load up the truck, Louis.

Chichi, pick up the cases
and put them on the lorry.

Oh, no.

Mr. Baxter,

we travel in front with you, of course.

No, sorry, ladies, no room.

Now just step up the ladder
and make yourselves at home.

Please give me your hand.

-There you go.
-Thank you.

Don't go sit on the same side.

Hi, how are you?

What's going on?

I got you back the zebra, didn't I?

No.

You won't get away this time, Baxter.

What are you guys trying to do?
Break my...

-Hi there.
-John Baxter.

Who'd ever have guessed
that John Baxter was in cahoots

with the person I'm looking for?

I don't get you.

I'm sorry.

You see boy scout

I had one of my boys watching the station.

I figured that she'd pick it up herself
or send somebody for it.

You're not getting through, Preston.

As you know, the facts prove me right
but I never figured that you'd be the one.

That was the furthest thing from my mind.

Look, I'm sorry, Preston,
but I don't have a clue

what you're talking about.

You don't know Madeleine Cooper?

-Madeleine Cooper?
-Yes.

No, I don't know.

What kind of damn fool you take for,
you stupid jerk.

She owns the bag you picked up
at the station in Brancistown.

Now tell me where she is,
because I got to find her.

You understand?

It's okay, I'll do it for you.

Biba,

start it up.

-A for apple.
-A for apple.

-B for ball.
-B for ball.

-C for cat.
-C for cat.

-D for dog.
-D for dog.

Do you hear how good
the little children are with the lessons?

How about you?
Come on now.

Good morning, Bishop.

D for dog.

Brother John is arriving.

Hi, Padre, how are you?

Hi, John, it's good to see you.

This time you'll be staying
for a few days.

Not this time, I have to leave right away.

-I'm sorry.
-You really have to be.

I got some perishable goods for the site.

Next week, okay?

Wait a second,
here's another 40 to put down in the book.

I brought your weekly order
from Willie's store.

There's some mail
and a load of newspapers too.

There we go, the papers are on the bottom.

I've got a case to deliver to Madeleine,
then I've got to be pushing off.

You'd have to buzz around
like an angry hornet on the day

that Saint Bibongo needs your help.

What's wrong with Saint Bibongo?

His little machine is broken down.

-You can tell them he's got laryngitis.
-I wish it was that easy, John.

That might satisfy some

but Saint Bibongo
without her voice is nothing.

I guess not,
it means taking him to Brancistown.

That's really out of my way this time.

I'll be back in a week,
I'll take him then, okay?

Are you up to no good or something?

What was that?

What?

What a cry like a bench!

-It was Biba.
-Biba.

Biba.

That's your perishable goods.

Who is she?

She's my fiance.

That's a surprise

It's only natural I'm not married,
and neither is she.

I'm just supposed
to get hitched and multiply.

Multiply?

Yes, reproduce,
have kids and start a family.

-Start a family.
-Sure.

Everyone settles down sooner or later.

For the love of God
would that be your mother?

No, you know how it is,
she's the old parent, padre.

I get to go, bye now.

I never would have thought.

You'll go to hell, I warn you, boy.

You've become a child of the devil,
I never want to see you again.

No, wait, Padre, wait a moment.

You got it all wrong.

You're the sex maniac.

I don't want to get involved.

It's all your fault.

Is anybody home?

Come in.

I'll be right there, Mr. Baxter.

Did you bring my suitcase?

Yes, sure.

Jesus Christ almighty.

What?

You are pretty.

Thank you.

Thank you.

That's kind of out of character

or do you only play the nun bit
when you're dressed for it?

I don't understand.

Look, do me a favor, will you?

If you're a nun, then I'm Chinese.

How did you guess?

Your friend tried to threaten me
to find out where you were.

Who was it?

Tell me what you're playing at.

What difference does it make?

I was within an inch
of being killed because of you.

I don't mean much to you,
but I'm important to me.

I'm here to find someone.

A man who is now out to get me.

He calls himself Robert Preston,
but his real name is William Hunter.

Preston, I'll be a monkey's uncle.

Do you know him?

Sure, he's the most devious son
of a bitch in all of Africa.

Above all, he's a traitor, a spy.

During the war in a British uniform,
he fed information to the Germans.

We caught on to him, but he got away.

Finally, we found out that he was here

and he was organizing safaris
and catching wild animals for zoos.

I'm part of the team that was assigned
to bring him back for trial,

but someone warned him.

That's all, there's nothing else.

You really have a James Bond character
with a skirt on.

I'm just someone who's got a job to do.

Now I'm waiting for the arrival
of two more men to help me.

One of them is already here.

I don't like Preston.

If you want help,
I'll give you a hand

or two.

Be careful or I'll take at your word.

There's another reason too.

What?

You will figure it out someday.

He's a devil.

Hey, give me the case.

It's taken me the better part
of an hour

convincing the padre
that you weren't a nun

and to convince them they were
only a delivery took even longer.

-No, Mr. Baxter.
-You called?

I wish to tell you it makes me sick

to watch your disgusting monkey
picking fleas on its head.

That's what apes do,
don't look if it bothers you.

If she only picks, okay,
but she eats them too.

That's what she's doing,
I guess it means she likes them.

We don't.

I told you, don't look if it bothers you.

She tried to pick them off us.

Biba, give the ladies back their fleas.

Why didn't you bring Biba up here with us?

No, it wouldn't work.

See, she's mad at me.

I'm kidding, she's jealous.

Look, it's not my fault

You booked them, I delivered them,
and that's the extent of our deal.

Okay, but a brochure said exotic
Hungarian dancers, not elephants.

The brochure came through you.

That mob's going to want their money back,
and that means we can't pay you.

That's your tough luck.

I'm collecting for everything you owe me.

That's my time, gas,
wear and tear on the truck.

At 50 dollars, you've got a bargain,
so get off my back.

You must've seen them
like potatoes' sacks.

No, I only see the money.

No, you don't, that money isn't yours.

Are you not a fox?

-No
-Neither do I but I'm a chimp.

Go.

Hey, get up here!

Hey, man, are you crazy or something?

Hey, kid,

come over here.

Is this father
of Mallory's Legion mission?

Yes, sir.

The young American,
John Baxter comes pretty often, huh?

Brother John comes every Sunday.

He's not here now.

-Where's the father O'Mallory?
-Good day to you.

-Father O'Mallory.
-In person.

My name is Robert Preston,
I got a ranch about 200 miles from here.

I've got to talk to Baxter.

I'm sorry, he's not here.

Yes, I know but I want to see you too
because maybe you can answer my questions.

That depends on what they are.

I've got every reason to believe
that he's in contact with somebody

that I've just got to meet.

John's in contact
with just about everyone around here.

Sure, but this is a woman.

Her name is

Madeleine Cooper.

Do you know her?
She has been here.

Is she here now?

No, she's not here now.

Before you ask me some more questions,

I'd like to know
why you're looking for her.

Let's say it's for the same reason
that she's looking for me.

Father, you must help us.

John Baxter
has been in an terrible accident.

What kind of accident?

There was trouble at the site
to show these two up now.

We have had great success all
over the world for 30 years but never...

Unfortunately,
success doesn't grow old gracefully.

What's going on
and what's become of Baxter?

Mr. Baxter fell down at the river bank,
his truck was all broken.

He and his girlfriend
and that horrible monkey are all dead.

It was a big fight
on account of the lousy Sean.

Johnny's lorry went off the road
and into the river.

None of them were saved?

I don't know, the cab was underwater,
and they never came up.

Taken by the current most likely.

Biba.

Come here.

Boy, I'm for taking a break.

Boy, you have saved our lives.

Have you any idea where we are?

Yes, we're in...

I don't want to use a word,
but we're in right up to here.

Don't sit there, do something.

Hey, come here.

Look, who's that?
Must be a spy.

There might be.

Yes, he's looking straight
to the loading zone.

The chief will have our butts
if we lose him.

I'll put one bullet through his forehead
and it'll take care of that.

Biba.

Children of the Lord,
stop what you're doing

and gather around.

Biba.

A happy place.

What the hell is this?

Are you blind or something?
It's a statue.

Yes, but what is it doing
in the middle of the bush?

Didn't grow here.

-Maybe it's the spirit of the forest.
-Very funny.

This calls for a good look around.

All right boys, put in front of the tent
so that I can count them.

Right.

Get your gear together
and take the Jeep back to the fort.

These are the last ones.

Great, that makes 50 in each load, okay?

Yes, Your Lord.

They are running contraband down here.

That jeep there would be a big help to us.

Yes, sure,
but we're not Batman and Robin.

-Don't worry, I'll get it.
-Hey, no, wait a minute.

I'll go.

You just get ready to jump in.

Don't worry about Biba,
she'll do her own thing.

If we get out of this alive,
I'll see that you get a medal.

Just make it a million dollars.

They won't get away,
hold it, that's Greg there.

Hold it miss.

We don't like strangers around here.

Hey, boys,
come on and unload the lorry.

Get a move on.

Hurry up.

-I'll kill him.
-Hold it.

Leave him alone.

We've got to take him to Preston.

Do you know Preston?

He's running this, huh?

Joe, get a rope and tie him up.

Can I have a word with you, mister?

Come on,
do I look like a bad person.

I admit I tried to steal your jeep,

but since Preston and I
do business together.

I mean, the point is,
what does it matter to me

if you're out here smuggling ivory?

For all I care,
you're stuffing suppositories of sale.

Hey, Creg look what we found.

Are you two together?

What if we are?

We wanted a jeep
and chose the wrong way to get it.

Will you sell it to me?
I'll give you a good price for it.

Throw them both in the lorry.

Hurry up.

Come on.

You didn't hear the good part
about being sent to Preston's ranch.

What?
What's he got to do with this?

It's his operation,
he's the one who pays these guys.

Catching both of us together
is like a Christmas gift.

Get a move on you.

Can I see
your vehicle's registration, please?

Thank you.

-What have you got in here?
-A young horse, officer.

We're taking to be gelded.

Without his feet, he doesn't like it.

I don't suppose I'd like it either.

Somebody was to perform
that service on me.

Thank you very much, carry on.

Thank you, officer.

Eight pieces came with this first batch.

Greg, I hope you have a good reason
for coming all this way.

You be the judge.

That whole story about your untimely end
was all a pack of lies.

Maybe the spies, maybe not.

-That's why I brought them along.
-You did exactly the right thing.

Get those gags out of their mouths,
it's an effort to breathe.

They can't talk this way
because they don't have too much to say.

As for breathing, they won't have to worry
about that too much longer.

Did you hear that?

Do you think he's going to kill us?

I believe he is.

He's a coward,
and like all cowards, he's vicious.

Now, what's your decision,
Preston or Hunter?

Which do you prefer being called?

Whichever you prefer, darling.

I call him louse.

I wouldn't do that to Bud Spencer.

No matter what you do, they'll find you.

You can be damn sure of that.

Even if you pack up and run again
or change your name,

they'll track you down.

I agree, darling.

Only I enjoy traveling.

In fact, we're going
to do some together right now,

but for you,

it's your last trip.

Untie them.

While we're here,
how about a snapshot against the scenic?

I'm going to put it on your tombstone.

I'm sure you'll be the one
to find our bodies

so they can give us an official burial.

You guessed right, darling,
but you'll feel no pain.

You won't even know
what's happening because...

because I'm going to give you
a strong anesthetic.

Hey,

you can't do this, Preston.

Biba, come, Biba.

Come here.

Open it.

Hey, Bibo, what do you say?

We're going to knock them dead.

Cut it out, will you?

How many times do I have to say thank you,
as a matter of fact you're terrific.

Listen, you better get ready,
I don't want you to make us late.

This will be the first time
that either of us

has had an invitation
to a reception at the Lions Club.

Little snob Hill star,

I tell you, Madeleine once introduced me

to a big shot
that's flown over from London.

Really nice to meet you, sir.

Excuse me, sir.

My name is Baxter,
Colonel Redgrave is waiting for me.

Yes, I've been told about you, sir.

-About her?
-She's with me.

Sorry, sir, she can't go inside.

Do you mean that?
Why not?

The rules require evening dress
for men, women guests, sir.

She's not even wearing a dress.

Sorry, Biba, but if the rules
are that heavy, wait in the bar.

I'll see you later.

Captured in the winter of '43.

Colonel Redgrave, Major Phillips,

John Baxter.

Shall we sit down?

Thank you, Colonel.

I can assure you
that the success of this mission

was entirely to Mr. Baxter.

An enterprising young man.

Listen, Colonel,
why can't John come along?

It's quite a difficult job,
even dangerous.

I feel safer with Mr. Baxter
than anyone else.

If you won't let him go,
then I don't think it's possible.

My dear Madeleine,
if Mr. Baxter is agreeable.

Of course, Mr. Baxter is agreeable.

How do you expect to reach Castroville?

We'll parachute into the swamp area
with arms and bulletproof vests.

You'll have explosives tied to our belts.

The swamps are infested with rebels.

What about the quicksand?

That's a risk we'll have to take.

From there with a five or six-day march,
we will reach zone X.

No, Madeleine, you're courting disaster.

The fact is, it's suicide.

Why?
It's child's play.

Isn't it, John?

I think I should point out to you
that you will be entirely on your own,

and we won't be able
to do anything to help you.

Are you trying to frighten us, Colonel?

Just giving you the facts.

Zero, zero, zero failed in Castroville,
and he was an expert.

-Bad luck then.
-Yes, actually.

Yes, I heard he got killed.

You don't know how savages emasculated him

and then forced him
to eat his own private parts.

Mere details.

Torture only frightened
those stupid enough

to let themselves get caught alive,
right John?

Sure.

We won't be so stupid,
they'll never nab us alive.

We'll keep cyanide capsules
in their mouths in moments of danger.

-Very well we'll go over your plan.
-Suicide, assault, action.

Small arms, support structure.

-Cyanide, death levels, swamps.
-You have got to be crazy.

Why?

Madeleine,

why she choose me
for Pete's sake, I'm not a soldier.

Bomb, cyanide, nitroglycerin.

Did I tell you, Biba?
She said I'd be a credit to the Marines.

For Pete's sake,
I haven't dodged the draft.

That's a pity, though.

Was that blonde ever my type?

We could have knocked Detroit dead.

Goodbye, Madeline.

That's all past history now.

We're going back to the mission,
collect our money.

then we're going to ship out to the USA
and make our first meal.

In the name of the Father,
and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost.

Amen.

Oh, Lord,
we pray for our brother, John Baxter,

whom you saw fit to call unto you.

May his soul rest in peace
among choirs of angels.

-John.
-Yes.

You're alive.

Padre, you mean I shouldn't be?

It was those two performers
you had that day.

They said you were...

I guess because the truck went
into the river.

Would I kick the bucket
without a goodbye, Padre?

-It's me for crying out.
-Right.

What had I done to deserve a monument?

Come now, John, it's not a monument,
it's only a half-close.

Even the resemblance is only approximate

because the sculptor
had to work for memory.

John Baxter, benefactor.

Isn't that a guy who gives money away?
I don't get it.

Boy, you have done much
for all of us here.

More than you know.

Our little community is indebted to you.

I'll tell you what?
Come on outside.

There you are, John.

Look, we're finally constructing
our own hospital.

We had just enough to buy the materials,
thanks for your generosity.

Thanks to my...

As far as we were concerned,
you were dead, John.

I had no address for you anyplace.

To me, that seemed the logical thing
to do with your money.

Should it not make you feel good?

-You're a philanthropist.
-It doesn't, Padre.

Do you realize all the sacrifices,
things I stopped doing

to save my money
to buy that gas station?

-I don't want to be a benefactor.
-You shouldn't come back from the dead.

I couldn't help it, Padre.

Now, I am back, what do I do?

No truck.

Has all been spent, every cent?

There's 300 dollars left.

Great, just enough
to buy me a ticket to the United States.

There's still time, John.

Can I not persuade you
to change your mind?

Every one of us loves you here.

We will help you buy a new truck
and put you back in business.

No, Padre, my mind's made up
but I appreciate the offer.

By the way,
if you happen to run across Biba

will you tell her I said goodbye?

Yes, I lost her.

Now I'm trying to decide
whether it was due to money

or because she wasn't happy
to go to Detroit.

You never know with a woman.

Good luck, father.