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CODY: Okay, so we hard cut
inside the convenience store.
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00:00:02,877 --> 00:00:04,546
Cody and Barbara enter;
they're high as fuck.
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00:00:04,546 --> 00:00:06,256
And they head to
the snack aisle.
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00:00:06,256 --> 00:00:07,507
BARBARA:
Yeah, and then that's probably
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00:00:07,507 --> 00:00:08,842
where we should
introduce Sheila, right?
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00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:11,386
- Who's Sheila?
- You know, the crack whore.
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00:00:11,386 --> 00:00:13,054
- Oh, the crack sex worker.
Yeah. - I mean, the crack sex
worker.
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00:00:13,054 --> 00:00:15,056
- Are we calling her Sheila?
- Yeah, why? Do you not like it?
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- I don't know.
She just doesn't, like,
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00:00:16,766 --> 00:00:18,768
feel like a Sheila. Maybe
Shayna? - [inhales sharply]
11
00:00:18,768 --> 00:00:21,396
Um, I actually do have
a cousin named Shayna,
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00:00:21,396 --> 00:00:22,814
and I kind of worry that
she might be, like, offended.
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00:00:22,814 --> 00:00:24,441
Do you know what I mean?
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00:00:24,441 --> 00:00:25,817
Like, I don't want her to think
I'm making fun of her.
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00:00:25,817 --> 00:00:28,236
And, see, the thing that
you have to know about Shayna--
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00:00:28,236 --> 00:00:29,779
actually really nice to talk...
- Okay, but it's not like
she's gonna see it.
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00:00:29,779 --> 00:00:31,614
I mean, it's just a spec script.
It's not like it's getting made.
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00:00:31,614 --> 00:00:33,199
- Okay, well, it won't
with that attitude,
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00:00:33,199 --> 00:00:34,784
that's for sure.
[ringtone playing]
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00:00:34,784 --> 00:00:36,828
Oh, my God, Cody, if it's Dan,
do not pick up.
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00:00:36,828 --> 00:00:38,830
Do not pick up!
We're working! Ugh!
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00:00:38,830 --> 00:00:40,749
You fat bitch.
You always do this.
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00:00:40,749 --> 00:00:42,500
Ugh, you're gonna come back,
and you're gonna be
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00:00:42,500 --> 00:00:44,169
in a bad mood, and
then we're gonna
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00:00:44,169 --> 00:00:45,420
have to talk about
your relationship,
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00:00:45,420 --> 00:00:47,297
and I'm gonna have to
pretend that I care.
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00:00:47,297 --> 00:00:48,339
[microwave beeping]
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CODY:
Well, that's it.
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00:00:52,719 --> 00:00:54,387
Dan's totally
cheating on me. So...
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00:00:54,387 --> 00:00:56,931
- I know, right?
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00:00:56,931 --> 00:00:58,308
- Yeah. He's going on
that girl Simone's podcast.
32
00:00:58,308 --> 00:01:00,602
And she is so beautiful.
33
00:01:00,602 --> 00:01:02,812
- She's honestly stunning.
34
00:01:02,812 --> 00:01:04,898
- They probably haven't
gotten physical yet, just
because,
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00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:06,775
like, she seems like
this really sweet person.
[water splashes]
36
00:01:06,775 --> 00:01:08,693
And she's probably, like...
- Super sweet.
37
00:01:08,693 --> 00:01:10,487
- ...considering my feelings,
but it's only a matter of time,
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00:01:10,487 --> 00:01:12,489
realistically, before, like,
they move in together
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00:01:12,489 --> 00:01:13,406
and, you know, like,
start making a family.
- Yeah, time.
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Realistic. Time.
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00:01:14,949 --> 00:01:16,701
CODY: I mean, you know,
he's a successful guy.
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00:01:16,701 --> 00:01:18,661
Like, a lot of girls would...
- Uh-huh.
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00:01:18,661 --> 00:01:20,497
[romantic music playing]
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Who... is...
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00:01:38,807 --> 00:01:41,142
that?
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00:01:41,142 --> 00:01:44,687
- Um, I don't know,
my downstairs neighbor?
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BARBARA:
Holy shit!
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00:01:46,481 --> 00:01:48,525
I mean, you saw it, right?
49
00:01:48,525 --> 00:01:50,985
- See what?
- His dick.
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00:01:50,985 --> 00:01:52,654
It was, like,
bulging in his pants.
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00:01:52,654 --> 00:01:55,198
- Oh, my God.
- It was, like, pulsating.
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00:01:55,198 --> 00:01:56,741
And honestly, now that
I'm thinking about it,
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00:01:56,741 --> 00:01:59,077
I think I could see the outline
of his balls, too.
54
00:01:59,077 --> 00:02:00,745
- Oh, my God. Dude. Dude. Gross!
- What?
55
00:02:00,745 --> 00:02:02,580
- He's, like, 14.
56
00:02:02,580 --> 00:02:05,041
- Okay, so?
57
00:02:05,041 --> 00:02:07,502
I'm seven.
He's, like, twice my age.
58
00:02:07,502 --> 00:02:10,463
- I mean, I guess, but still...
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00:02:10,463 --> 00:02:12,215
- Okay, Cody, shut up.
You like older guys, too.
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Who do you think
that was with him?
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00:02:13,633 --> 00:02:14,551
Do you think that
was his girlfriend?
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00:02:14,551 --> 00:02:16,427
She's busted, right?
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00:02:16,427 --> 00:02:18,263
I mean, could you believe what
she was wearing? It was like...
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00:02:18,263 --> 00:02:20,056
- Dude, what? No.
That's his mom,
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who he lives with,
'cause he's 14.
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00:02:23,101 --> 00:02:24,352
- Do you think it'd
be, like, really weird
67
00:02:24,352 --> 00:02:25,728
if you set us up or whatever?
68
00:02:25,728 --> 00:02:28,481
- Yes. It would
be insanely weird.
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00:02:28,481 --> 00:02:30,275
Like, what's wrong with you?
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- I'm a sex doll, okay?
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00:02:32,569 --> 00:02:34,362
I'm sorry that,
like, my very nature
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00:02:34,362 --> 00:02:35,822
is just completely
offensive to you.
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00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:37,699
- Okay, that's obviously
not what I meant.
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00:02:37,699 --> 00:02:39,534
- Forget I even
ever brought it up.
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00:02:39,534 --> 00:02:41,077
It's like, I'm
always there for you.
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00:02:41,077 --> 00:02:42,328
You're literally
never there for me.
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- Wow. A hard right.
78
00:02:44,455 --> 00:02:46,708
When have I not
been there for you?
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00:02:46,708 --> 00:02:48,793
- Um, how about,
like, ten minutes ago?
80
00:02:48,793 --> 00:02:50,587
The whole thing with
my cousin Shayna.
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00:02:50,587 --> 00:02:52,297
The second I start opening up
to you about something,
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you just shut me down.
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00:02:54,424 --> 00:02:57,135
And things are really strained
with me and Shayna right now.
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00:02:57,135 --> 00:02:58,219
No, and, like... - Okay,
Barbara, you can't just like...
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- Oh, my God, you're
doing it again!
86
00:02:59,429 --> 00:03:01,264
- Barbara, this is insane.
87
00:03:01,264 --> 00:03:03,391
And I know that you have,
like, some weird hold over me,
88
00:03:03,391 --> 00:03:04,726
where I do all this
inappropriate shit for you,
89
00:03:04,726 --> 00:03:07,687
but I am not asking
my 14-year-old neighbor
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00:03:07,687 --> 00:03:09,522
to fuck my boyfriend's
used sex doll.
91
00:03:10,940 --> 00:03:14,861
So, um, just in here.
92
00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:18,072
Thanks a lot for helping me out
with this, Jaxon.
93
00:03:18,072 --> 00:03:19,866
- Sure, it's no problem.
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00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:22,243
So, um, what do you need moved?
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00:03:22,243 --> 00:03:25,830
- Um... this couch.
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00:03:25,830 --> 00:03:28,416
Yeah. It's, uh...
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00:03:28,416 --> 00:03:30,501
it's in the wrong place,
according to feng shui,
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00:03:30,501 --> 00:03:32,712
so that's...
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00:03:32,712 --> 00:03:35,215
you know, maybe that's why
my life is so messed up, right?
100
00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:38,384
- Yeah, um, where do
you want it to go?
101
00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:43,139
- Um, here.
102
00:03:43,139 --> 00:03:45,433
Just, like, this-this side...
here, kind of.
103
00:03:47,644 --> 00:03:49,270
So, you're in, um, what,
you're in, like, ninth grade?
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00:03:49,270 --> 00:03:50,063
- Eighth.
105
00:03:51,439 --> 00:03:53,066
- Eighth grade.
106
00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:56,069
Great. Cool.
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00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:58,279
So, that's, like, the grade
where you get a...
108
00:03:58,279 --> 00:03:59,822
girlfriend or...?
109
00:03:59,822 --> 00:04:02,075
- No, not really.
- No?
110
00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:03,952
- Hey, is this gonna be weird?
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00:04:03,952 --> 00:04:06,496
Um, 'cause the couch is
in front of the fireplace now.
112
00:04:06,496 --> 00:04:08,122
- Oh, huh, I'll just, um...
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00:04:08,122 --> 00:04:09,999
I just won't use the
fireplace anymore.
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00:04:09,999 --> 00:04:12,627
BARBARA:
Yo, where are those nuts at?!
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00:04:12,627 --> 00:04:14,379
- Um...
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00:04:14,379 --> 00:04:16,798
Actually, I have a...
117
00:04:16,798 --> 00:04:20,093
another thing that needs
to be moved, and, uh,
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00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:23,012
that thing is in...
in my bedroom, so...
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This way.
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00:04:26,391 --> 00:04:27,850
[pop music playing quietly]
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Oh, my gosh.
122
00:04:29,644 --> 00:04:31,938
I forgot I left out my friend.
[chuckles]
123
00:04:31,938 --> 00:04:33,898
Have you seen one of these
before? BARBARA: Hey.
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00:04:33,898 --> 00:04:35,275
CODY:
They're very cool.
125
00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:39,153
They're basically, like,
a doll you have sex with,
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00:04:39,153 --> 00:04:40,905
which is cool.
127
00:04:40,905 --> 00:04:43,157
BARBARA: Okay, he gets it, Cody.
- Oh, okay.
128
00:04:43,157 --> 00:04:44,784
- Show him the lube.
- [whispering]: I'm not gonna
show him the lube.
129
00:04:44,784 --> 00:04:46,452
This is crazy.
130
00:04:46,452 --> 00:04:49,289
- So, um, what do you
need moved in here?
131
00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:52,375
- Um, so this is... um,
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00:04:52,375 --> 00:04:55,169
this is my bottle of lubricant.
133
00:04:55,169 --> 00:04:57,130
BARBARA: Tell him that
it's lavender hibiscus.
134
00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:59,549
- This smells really good.
BARBARA: Cody!
135
00:04:59,549 --> 00:05:01,009
Get out of here. You're weirding
him out. JAXON: Uh, you know
what?
136
00:05:01,009 --> 00:05:03,469
I actually have piano,
so I-I got, I got to go.
137
00:05:03,469 --> 00:05:05,263
- No!
No, Cody, don't let him go!
138
00:05:05,263 --> 00:05:06,764
Don't let him go!
139
00:05:06,764 --> 00:05:08,349
Tell him about my new vagina!
140
00:05:08,349 --> 00:05:11,477
- Jaxon, can't you just-- Jaxon.
141
00:05:11,477 --> 00:05:13,479
Will you... will you please
just fuck my sex doll?!
142
00:05:17,692 --> 00:05:20,320
What did you think
was gonna happen?
143
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,488
He's a kid. He probably
doesn't even have pubes.
144
00:05:22,488 --> 00:05:23,948
- You're saying he's
out of my league?
145
00:05:23,948 --> 00:05:27,118
- No! What are you... [shudders]
146
00:05:27,118 --> 00:05:29,662
I-- Barbara, I'm sorry.
I tried.
147
00:05:29,662 --> 00:05:31,122
You saw. I tried, okay?
148
00:05:31,122 --> 00:05:33,333
- It's fine.
149
00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:35,335
It's not your fault.
150
00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:37,253
I'm old.
151
00:05:37,253 --> 00:05:38,921
I'm outdated.
- Barb...
152
00:05:38,921 --> 00:05:41,716
Barbara, stop. [scoffs]
153
00:05:41,716 --> 00:05:43,843
You want to talk about
old and outdated?
154
00:05:43,843 --> 00:05:47,180
Like, past her prime?
Like, look at me.
155
00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:49,432
- Cody, you realize
156
00:05:49,432 --> 00:05:52,560
I say all that mean
shit to you because...
157
00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:55,521
[sighs] I'm jealous.
158
00:05:55,521 --> 00:05:57,857
- What are you talking about?
- You're so hot.
159
00:05:57,857 --> 00:06:01,444
- Shut up. No, I'm not.
- You are.
160
00:06:01,444 --> 00:06:03,821
You are. You're, like,
effortlessly hot. - Shut up.
161
00:06:03,821 --> 00:06:06,240
- And, like, your
tits are amazing.
162
00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:07,492
- Are you serious?
- Yes!
163
00:06:07,492 --> 00:06:09,786
- My tits are like,
eh-- like, who cares?
164
00:06:09,786 --> 00:06:11,329
Like, they're nothing
to write home about.
165
00:06:11,329 --> 00:06:13,122
- They are so gorgeous.
- I'm serious.
166
00:06:13,122 --> 00:06:14,957
- No, they're amazing.
- They're not. Feel.
167
00:06:14,957 --> 00:06:17,001
- Yes.
- No, I'm being serious. Feel.
168
00:06:17,001 --> 00:06:19,212
Feel.
- Ah.
169
00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:22,173
Dude, they're literally perfect.
170
00:06:22,173 --> 00:06:24,509
- Um, yours are perfect.
- Mine?
171
00:06:24,509 --> 00:06:26,594
I hate my boobs.
172
00:06:26,594 --> 00:06:29,430
They're, like, cold and hard
and, like, fake.
173
00:06:29,430 --> 00:06:31,265
- No. Uh, shut up.
174
00:06:31,265 --> 00:06:33,351
- They are. Feel.
175
00:06:33,351 --> 00:06:34,977
[soft pop song playing]
176
00:06:38,940 --> 00:06:41,317
- [quietly]: Whatever.
They're so nice.
177
00:06:41,317 --> 00:06:44,445
- Thanks. I mean,
yours are amazing. [chuckles]
178
00:06:44,445 --> 00:06:48,950
- ♪ I am ready, I am fine. ♪
179
00:06:48,950 --> 00:06:50,785
♪
13501
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