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1
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BARBARA: Oh, my God! Why?!
Why did you do this?!
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00:00:03,420 --> 00:00:05,380
- I didn't mean to! You kept
telling me to pull harder!
3
00:00:05,380 --> 00:00:07,924
- I didn't mean to break me,
you dumb piece of shit!
4
00:00:07,924 --> 00:00:09,968
Now Dan is definitely
gonna know you snooped!
5
00:00:11,302 --> 00:00:12,971
- Did you...
6
00:00:12,971 --> 00:00:15,015
- What?
7
00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:16,349
- Did you fucking
do that on purpose?
8
00:00:16,349 --> 00:00:18,601
- Wha...? Oh, my God, Cody.
9
00:00:18,601 --> 00:00:21,604
Why would I have you
break me on purpose?
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00:00:21,604 --> 00:00:23,356
So that Dan would
come home from work
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00:00:23,356 --> 00:00:25,066
and realize you're a
crazy, jealous bitch
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00:00:25,066 --> 00:00:27,777
and break up with you, and then
we'd live happily ever after?
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00:00:27,777 --> 00:00:30,822
[laughs]
Yeah, I did it on purpose.
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00:00:30,822 --> 00:00:32,949
- Well, great plan, man.
'Cause now you're all jacked up,
15
00:00:32,949 --> 00:00:35,118
so he might break up with me,
but he's gonna throw you away,
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00:00:35,118 --> 00:00:36,578
so you fucked both of us.
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00:00:36,578 --> 00:00:38,496
- Have you met Dan?
He doesn't care.
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00:00:38,496 --> 00:00:39,956
For him, it's just
another hole to fuck.
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00:00:43,209 --> 00:00:45,503
["Little Hypocrite"
by Alice Bag playing]
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00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:50,967
You're seriously going
to all this trouble to keep Dan?
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00:00:50,967 --> 00:00:52,635
Why?
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00:00:52,635 --> 00:00:55,638
- 'Cause I love him?
- [laughs] "Love him."
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00:00:55,638 --> 00:00:57,682
How do you fucking
know you love him?
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00:00:57,682 --> 00:00:59,559
- I don't know, man, I ju...
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00:00:59,559 --> 00:01:01,853
Like, I don't know,
we fart in front of each other.
26
00:01:01,853 --> 00:01:04,105
We... both like to watch movies
with the subtitles on.
27
00:01:04,105 --> 00:01:06,274
Whatever. - Wow, wow, that
sounds super deep.
28
00:01:06,274 --> 00:01:08,401
- Fuck off, Barbara. You know,
you call yourself a feminist,
29
00:01:08,401 --> 00:01:10,153
but you hate other women.
- What?
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00:01:10,153 --> 00:01:11,321
No, I love other women.
31
00:01:11,321 --> 00:01:12,822
I just hate you.
32
00:01:12,822 --> 00:01:14,532
- But you are me!
33
00:01:14,532 --> 00:01:16,034
- No, I'm not.
I'm not you. Ugh!
34
00:01:17,869 --> 00:01:20,622
Phone, play "Doll
Parts" by Hole.
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["Doll Parts" playing]
Yeah, I fucking love this song.
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00:01:22,957 --> 00:01:24,709
[turns off music]
- Okay, see?
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00:01:24,709 --> 00:01:26,336
You just proved my
point a-fucking-gain.
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00:01:26,336 --> 00:01:28,838
We're the same person.
I love this song.
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You sound different to me,
'cause I'm going fucking crazy,
40
00:01:30,590 --> 00:01:32,425
but in reality I'm
just sitting in my car,
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having a conversation with
myself, and I just told
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my phone to play "Doll
Parts" by Hole, so...
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["Doll Parts" playing]
Goddamn it.
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[turns off music] - You know
what? You are the shitty
feminist.
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I hear you doing all types of,
like, rape roleplay,
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you twisted little bitch.
- Okay. That, you know...
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00:01:45,396 --> 00:01:48,858
Roleplay, like...
that's a consensual...
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00:01:48,858 --> 00:01:51,945
And-and a woman can
be submissive in bed
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00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:55,740
and, like, not be, like...
- "Ooh, Daddy, it hurts!
50
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Daddy, I'm Cody. Ooh, it hurts."
- Okay.
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00:01:58,368 --> 00:02:01,746
All right. When we do that,
it's, you know...
52
00:02:01,746 --> 00:02:04,833
it-it is a fictional
roleplay universe...
53
00:02:04,833 --> 00:02:06,376
You know what, whatever, man.
It doesn't mean
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00:02:06,376 --> 00:02:08,378
I want to fuck my real dad.
- Wow. Okay,
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I didn't actually think
you wanted to fuck your real dad
56
00:02:10,713 --> 00:02:12,632
until you just said that.
Now I'm like,
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00:02:12,632 --> 00:02:14,634
oh, my God,
you want to fuck your real dad.
58
00:02:14,634 --> 00:02:16,636
Is he, like, hot or something?
59
00:02:16,636 --> 00:02:19,180
- You're so annoying.
- [laughs] I'm annoying?
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00:02:19,180 --> 00:02:21,766
Dan and I had a good thing going
and we were super happy,
61
00:02:21,766 --> 00:02:23,560
and you came
and you screwed everything up!
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00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:25,228
Ugh! We all know
you're just dating Dan
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00:02:25,228 --> 00:02:26,980
because he's, like,
a genius writer,
64
00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:28,773
and you're hoping
it'll somehow rub off on you.
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00:02:28,773 --> 00:02:29,941
But it won't...
- ♪ They really want you ♪
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♪ They really do ♪
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00:02:34,112 --> 00:02:37,157
♪ Yeah, they really want you ♪
68
00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:39,450
♪ They really want you ♪
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♪ And I do, too. ♪
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00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:42,787
BARBARA:
I want a green juice.
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00:02:42,787 --> 00:02:44,497
- Oh, that's too bad,
'cause you're plastic.
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00:02:44,497 --> 00:02:46,708
- Your hands are clammy.
73
00:02:46,708 --> 00:02:48,501
Ow! You're hurting me!
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00:02:48,501 --> 00:02:50,545
- Oh, no.
75
00:02:50,545 --> 00:02:52,338
- You're such, like,
"mean mom" vibes.
76
00:02:54,549 --> 00:02:56,176
Oh, my God, Cody.
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00:02:56,176 --> 00:03:00,513
Don't look now, but look now.
78
00:03:00,513 --> 00:03:01,848
The redhead.
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00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:04,434
She's fucking disgusting. Ew.
80
00:03:04,434 --> 00:03:05,852
Girl, you're looking gorgeous.
81
00:03:05,852 --> 00:03:08,062
Keep rocking that wig.
82
00:03:08,062 --> 00:03:10,440
[tapping desk bell]
- Hello?
83
00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:12,817
- [laughs] Bet he's totally
jerking it back there.
84
00:03:12,817 --> 00:03:14,944
- Who?
- The repairman.
85
00:03:14,944 --> 00:03:16,988
- How do you know it's
not a repairwoman?
86
00:03:16,988 --> 00:03:18,990
- [sputters, snorts]
87
00:03:18,990 --> 00:03:21,743
You're so cute.
You're so, like, of the moment.
88
00:03:21,743 --> 00:03:24,746
I really am gonna miss you
when Dan breaks up with you.
89
00:03:24,746 --> 00:03:27,457
♪ He's jerkin' off,
he's jerkin' off ♪
90
00:03:27,457 --> 00:03:29,417
♪ He's jerkin' off
in the back of the store. ♪
91
00:03:29,417 --> 00:03:30,919
- Hey. Sorry about that.
92
00:03:30,919 --> 00:03:32,503
I hope you weren't waiting long.
93
00:03:32,503 --> 00:03:34,005
Did you hear anything?
94
00:03:34,005 --> 00:03:36,090
- See? I told you.
- Excuse me?
95
00:03:36,090 --> 00:03:38,635
- No, I was just in the back
making a repair to a doll, and I
96
00:03:38,635 --> 00:03:41,387
was wondering if you heard the
sound of me making the repairs.
97
00:03:41,387 --> 00:03:43,806
- See?
- Yeah, I didn't hear anything,
so, you know,
98
00:03:43,806 --> 00:03:46,434
for the future, like, you
don't have to ask that question.
99
00:03:46,434 --> 00:03:48,603
- Oh. A lesson learned.
100
00:03:48,603 --> 00:03:50,939
I am Stu.
How can I help you?
101
00:03:50,939 --> 00:03:53,149
- Yeah, I just need
to get that fixed.
102
00:03:53,149 --> 00:03:56,027
- Yikes. That is nasty.
103
00:03:56,027 --> 00:03:57,904
- You're nasty, dicklick.
104
00:03:57,904 --> 00:03:59,239
- You know, actually,
I think it would be faster
105
00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:00,615
and cheaper just
to get a new one.
106
00:04:00,615 --> 00:04:02,909
- What?
No, no, it's, um...
107
00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:05,328
it's my boyfriend's,
and he can't know about this,
108
00:04:05,328 --> 00:04:08,206
so, you know, it would have
to look exactly like her,
109
00:04:08,206 --> 00:04:11,459
and I know she's, like, a...
special one-of-a-kind order.
110
00:04:11,459 --> 00:04:15,046
- Wait, that one?
- Yeah.
111
00:04:15,046 --> 00:04:18,216
- No, no. That's a Kayla.
- A what?
112
00:04:18,216 --> 00:04:20,468
- That's a Kayla. That's
a standard midrange model.
113
00:04:20,468 --> 00:04:21,928
- That's not true. - They
discontinued those years ago
114
00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:24,514
due to lack of interest.
- No. He's a fucking liar.
115
00:04:24,514 --> 00:04:26,808
- Shame.
- I'll tell you what, we have
a bunch of 'em still in stock.
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00:04:26,808 --> 00:04:28,518
Maybe you just get a new one.
They're on sale.
117
00:04:28,518 --> 00:04:31,145
- Great.
- What?
- Although...
118
00:04:31,145 --> 00:04:33,648
I'm just thinking
about your situation.
119
00:04:33,648 --> 00:04:35,066
- What's wrong?
120
00:04:35,066 --> 00:04:36,359
- I don't know, it's just...
121
00:04:36,359 --> 00:04:38,278
she's really worn out.
122
00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:39,821
I think your boyfriend is
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00:04:39,821 --> 00:04:41,197
definitely gonna
notice the difference.
124
00:04:41,197 --> 00:04:42,657
Would you mind if I...?
- Please.
125
00:04:42,657 --> 00:04:44,033
- Okay, this is just...
- Great.
126
00:04:44,033 --> 00:04:45,535
BARBARA:
Ow!
127
00:04:45,535 --> 00:04:47,537
Okay, guys, my tits
are chilly in here.
128
00:04:47,537 --> 00:04:49,497
If anyone happens to
have a light cardie.
129
00:04:49,497 --> 00:04:50,790
STU: See, silicone
isn't that different
130
00:04:50,790 --> 00:04:52,125
from flesh, really.
131
00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:54,502
Like, time just takes its toll.
132
00:04:54,502 --> 00:04:56,212
- Yeah.
- Look at these fingers
right here, can you see these?
133
00:04:56,212 --> 00:04:57,588
These are sort of...
- Oh, Jesus.
134
00:04:57,588 --> 00:04:59,090
- Yeah, they're kind of melty.
- Gross.
- Melty?
135
00:04:59,090 --> 00:05:00,967
No, no, no. - Yeah, well, you
know, this is the thing,
136
00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:03,136
they're only really designed
to last ten years,
137
00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:04,470
and so if you do the
math, she's a MILF.
138
00:05:04,470 --> 00:05:06,806
- Fuck off, Stu.
- But...
139
00:05:06,806 --> 00:05:08,891
too old, too old to be a mother.
140
00:05:08,891 --> 00:05:10,768
So I guess, like, a
GILF or something.
141
00:05:10,768 --> 00:05:13,104
- Okay, I'm actually unable to
conceive naturally, so the fact
142
00:05:13,104 --> 00:05:15,773
that you'd even bring that up
around me is very triggering.
143
00:05:15,773 --> 00:05:17,358
- Let me get serious
here for a second.
144
00:05:17,358 --> 00:05:19,402
Let's take a look.
- Ew. What is he doing?
145
00:05:19,402 --> 00:05:21,321
- Okay.
- Oh, my God! Ew!
Get out of there, perv!
146
00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:24,949
- We got stage five
vaginal stressing.
147
00:05:24,949 --> 00:05:27,327
- Okay, Cody, look, I know we
never established a safe word,
148
00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:29,329
and that is totally my bad--
we absolutely should have talked
149
00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:31,873
about it-- but, like: safe word.
150
00:05:31,873 --> 00:05:34,208
- Left labia
completely blown out.
151
00:05:34,208 --> 00:05:36,836
- Okay, Cody, we can stop now.
- Now, the hair is easy,
152
00:05:36,836 --> 00:05:37,879
because we can just...
- I'm actually really starting
to freak out.
153
00:05:37,879 --> 00:05:39,422
Oh! My beautiful hair!
154
00:05:39,422 --> 00:05:42,300
- Yeah. Pops right off.
Easy peasy.
155
00:05:42,300 --> 00:05:44,510
- [ Barbara sobbing ]
- Yeah, we just pop that on
to a new doll,
156
00:05:44,510 --> 00:05:46,721
'cause their wigs, they come
with a much higher quality
157
00:05:46,721 --> 00:05:49,057
of hair, and he would definitely
notice something like that.
158
00:05:49,057 --> 00:05:50,975
- [crying]
Oh, Cody, please...
159
00:05:50,975 --> 00:05:52,935
- Right. Okay.
160
00:05:52,935 --> 00:05:54,645
- Now, take a look
at the face here.
161
00:05:54,645 --> 00:05:56,481
See these cracks?
162
00:05:56,481 --> 00:05:58,524
These are called
compression tears.
163
00:05:58,524 --> 00:06:00,276
They just happen over time.
164
00:06:00,276 --> 00:06:02,445
- Right.
- Look, I'm just
165
00:06:02,445 --> 00:06:04,697
spitballing here, but maybe
we can take a rolling chair,
166
00:06:04,697 --> 00:06:06,949
and we roll it over the face
167
00:06:06,949 --> 00:06:09,744
of the new one, back and forth
and back and forth, until...
168
00:06:09,744 --> 00:06:11,496
we can match this cracky face.
169
00:06:11,496 --> 00:06:13,164
But don't you think
your boyfriend
170
00:06:13,164 --> 00:06:15,208
would prefer a new model?
171
00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:17,293
I mean... just look at her.
172
00:06:17,293 --> 00:06:20,171
She's useless.
173
00:06:20,171 --> 00:06:21,756
- [Barbara sniffles]
174
00:06:21,756 --> 00:06:24,217
[beep]
MAN [over speakers]: Stu.
175
00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:26,177
Could you report to
the loading dock?
176
00:06:26,177 --> 00:06:27,637
The new anuses just arrived.
177
00:06:27,637 --> 00:06:29,180
- Nice.
178
00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:34,185
[somber music playing]
13937
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