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1
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[theme music]
2
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[music playing]
3
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[knocking]
4
00:00:38,933 --> 00:00:39,833
Oh, Hey, Scott.
5
00:00:39,933 --> 00:00:40,767
These came for you.
6
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I signed for it.
7
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Superamazingpuzzles.com?
8
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Pfft.
9
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No.
10
00:00:45,500 --> 00:00:47,267
No idea.
11
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[clatter]
12
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Is that--
13
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You've got something
round your mouth.
14
00:00:52,033 --> 00:00:52,833
Oh, have I?
15
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It's the other side.
16
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Come here.
17
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Om.
18
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Mm.
19
00:01:04,433 --> 00:01:05,567
Oh, my God.
I'm so sorry.
20
00:01:05,667 --> 00:01:06,900
I can't believe I just
sucked your thumb.
21
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That was so weird.
22
00:01:08,967 --> 00:01:11,567
Do you like me, Meg?
23
00:01:11,667 --> 00:01:13,267
Are you kidding me?
24
00:01:13,367 --> 00:01:14,633
I told you I fancied you.
25
00:01:14,733 --> 00:01:17,733
I actually said the
words, "I fancy you."
26
00:01:17,833 --> 00:01:18,900
Yeah, but you
were shouting at me.
27
00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:20,300
I thought you were
being sarcastic.
28
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Really?
29
00:01:32,467 --> 00:01:33,133
OK.
30
00:01:33,233 --> 00:01:35,867
Whoa, Meg, slow down.
31
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Sorry, I'm just excited.
32
00:01:37,867 --> 00:01:39,133
And also Mark's
in the next room.
33
00:01:39,233 --> 00:01:41,000
OK, well then,
let's go over to mine.
34
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No.
No.
35
00:01:42,033 --> 00:01:43,467
Th-- that would be weird.
36
00:01:43,567 --> 00:01:44,667
Why? 'Cause you saw me having
sex with your cousin there?
37
00:01:44,767 --> 00:01:45,633
A little bit, yeah.
38
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Meg, look at me.
39
00:01:47,900 --> 00:01:50,233
I think you're incredible.
40
00:01:50,333 --> 00:01:53,667
I just want to get to
know you, all of you.
41
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There's no rush.
42
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Yeah, yeah.
43
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No, no, no, no.
44
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That's cool.
45
00:01:58,067 --> 00:01:59,733
When should we-- when--
when should we do that?
46
00:01:59,833 --> 00:02:01,367
I'll come over tonight.
47
00:02:01,467 --> 00:02:04,200
And, hey, let's just
not tell anyone.
48
00:02:04,300 --> 00:02:06,900
I won't tell a soul.
49
00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:08,667
Mark, I'm seeing someone.
50
00:02:08,767 --> 00:02:11,933
I wanted to let you know because
I don't want you to feel hurt
51
00:02:12,033 --> 00:02:15,100
or uncomfortable or jealous.
52
00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:16,200
That is absolutely fine.
53
00:02:16,300 --> 00:02:17,433
You didn't need to tell me.
54
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Don't be upset.
55
00:02:22,767 --> 00:02:26,767
Uh, Meg, as I keep
saying, I have moved on.
56
00:02:26,867 --> 00:02:28,833
It's Scott, though.
57
00:02:28,933 --> 00:02:31,500
But Bunny went there.
58
00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:32,800
Willing to overlook it.
59
00:02:32,900 --> 00:02:34,367
God help him.
60
00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:47,000
Uncle Nige, congratulations!
61
00:02:47,100 --> 00:02:48,433
Have you met Laura?
62
00:02:48,533 --> 00:02:49,833
Hiya.
63
00:02:49,933 --> 00:02:51,567
Hey, you're punching a bit above
your weight, aren't you, Gaz?
64
00:02:51,667 --> 00:02:54,067
You'll want to put a ring
on that one soon and all.
65
00:02:54,167 --> 00:02:55,500
Ekaterina's over there.
66
00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:56,500
That's her sister.
67
00:02:56,600 --> 00:02:58,100
She translates.
68
00:02:58,200 --> 00:03:00,100
She want to tell
you something.
69
00:03:00,200 --> 00:03:01,900
I do speech now.
70
00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:03,700
Tell me after.
71
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[glass clinks]
Thank you.
72
00:03:05,900 --> 00:03:07,100
Thank you.
73
00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:08,600
Now, I think most of you
know that I didn't just
74
00:03:08,700 --> 00:03:11,867
come back from the Ukraine
with some new contacts for me
75
00:03:11,967 --> 00:03:13,233
IT firm.
76
00:03:13,333 --> 00:03:18,133
Oh, no, I also came back
with this lovely creature.
77
00:03:18,233 --> 00:03:22,167
May I introduce to you, the
future Mrs. Ekaterina Evans.
78
00:03:22,267 --> 00:03:23,633
[speaking ukrainian]
79
00:03:23,733 --> 00:03:25,367
[speaking ukrainian]
80
00:03:26,667 --> 00:03:29,200
She says she's sorry,
she no want you anymore.
81
00:03:29,300 --> 00:03:32,100
She met a rich man on plane,
she go live with him in Kent.
82
00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:35,067
[everyone gasps]
She is sorry.
83
00:03:40,467 --> 00:03:44,767
Well, you won't like it
because Kent's a shit-hole.
84
00:03:44,867 --> 00:03:47,900
It's a shit-hole!
85
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Sorry, Nige.
86
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She cost me a fortune.
87
00:03:51,733 --> 00:03:53,100
The wedding's all paid for.
88
00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:55,167
What am I meant to do with
Shipley Town Hall now?
89
00:03:55,267 --> 00:03:57,233
Is it like all paid for?
90
00:03:57,333 --> 00:03:58,900
Well, 80% at least.
91
00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:00,833
I suppose I could
take the chairs back,
92
00:04:00,933 --> 00:04:02,267
and we'll just have
to tell Barry we
93
00:04:02,367 --> 00:04:03,867
won't need an Elvis that night.
94
00:04:03,967 --> 00:04:05,667
Oh, Christ, what a waste!
95
00:04:09,900 --> 00:04:11,333
[sniffing]
96
00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:16,367
Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
97
00:04:16,467 --> 00:04:18,267
Here.
98
00:04:18,367 --> 00:04:19,200
Take it.
99
00:04:25,200 --> 00:04:26,200
Gary, what are you doing?
100
00:04:26,300 --> 00:04:27,933
The timing is perfect, Laura.
101
00:04:28,033 --> 00:04:28,833
Think about it.
102
00:04:28,933 --> 00:04:29,833
People are looking.
103
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Get up.
104
00:04:30,867 --> 00:04:31,833
A free wedding.
105
00:04:31,933 --> 00:04:32,833
Gary!
106
00:04:32,933 --> 00:04:33,733
Marry us, Laura.
107
00:04:41,100 --> 00:04:43,400
How free?
108
00:04:43,500 --> 00:04:46,067
I think I might get
a puppy or find God.
109
00:04:46,167 --> 00:04:47,633
What do you think?
110
00:04:47,733 --> 00:04:49,767
I think, because I haven't
spoken to you for two minutes,
111
00:04:49,867 --> 00:04:51,833
you're making stuff up.
112
00:04:51,933 --> 00:04:53,967
All right then,
home girls, listen up.
113
00:04:54,067 --> 00:04:55,567
This is big.
114
00:04:55,667 --> 00:04:56,533
It's about Gary.
115
00:04:56,633 --> 00:04:58,200
- Oh, Jesus, he's gay.
- No, Ginge.
116
00:04:58,300 --> 00:04:59,667
- You've cheated on him again?
- No.
117
00:04:59,767 --> 00:05:01,233
- You've broken up again?
- About time, darling.
118
00:05:01,333 --> 00:05:02,467
He's a complete loser.
119
00:05:02,567 --> 00:05:04,067
No, shut up!
120
00:05:04,167 --> 00:05:05,633
He's proposed to us.
121
00:05:05,733 --> 00:05:06,567
No way!
122
00:05:06,667 --> 00:05:08,067
Shut the front door!
123
00:05:08,167 --> 00:05:09,267
What did you say?
124
00:05:09,367 --> 00:05:10,767
- I said yes.
- Not no?
125
00:05:10,867 --> 00:05:11,867
No, I said yes.
126
00:05:11,967 --> 00:05:13,133
Is this one of
your clever jokes?
127
00:05:13,233 --> 00:05:15,300
Yeah, it is a
windup, isn't it?
128
00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:17,933
You aren't really making an
eternal commitment to Gary?
129
00:05:18,033 --> 00:05:20,133
The wedding's 80% free, Meg.
130
00:05:20,233 --> 00:05:22,200
And I love him, don't I?
131
00:05:22,300 --> 00:05:26,633
Oh, well, congratulations!
132
00:05:26,733 --> 00:05:28,900
Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo.
133
00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:31,133
Oh, Bunny, say something.
134
00:05:31,233 --> 00:05:32,233
I don't want to be last.
135
00:05:32,333 --> 00:05:32,967
Sorry.
136
00:05:33,067 --> 00:05:36,633
I mean, congratulations.
137
00:05:36,733 --> 00:05:38,533
[cheering]
138
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Yeah.
139
00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:41,800
Hey.
140
00:05:48,500 --> 00:05:51,200
So, who's going to
be your maid of honor?
141
00:05:51,300 --> 00:05:53,000
I mean, how are you
going to choose?
142
00:05:53,100 --> 00:05:54,200
Oh, it's Meg.
143
00:05:54,300 --> 00:05:56,733
I want a proper head
organizing, Meg--
144
00:05:56,833 --> 00:06:00,900
spa day, white robes, little
sarnies that don't fill you up.
145
00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:02,933
Oh, and karaoke.
146
00:06:03,033 --> 00:06:05,033
And cocks-- cock
straws, cock confetti,
147
00:06:05,133 --> 00:06:08,000
cocks on me head, on
a spring, all of it.
148
00:06:08,100 --> 00:06:09,500
- Roger.
- OK, guys.
149
00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:10,467
OK.
OK.
150
00:06:10,567 --> 00:06:11,700
OK.
I need to tell you something.
151
00:06:11,800 --> 00:06:12,933
I also have major news.
152
00:06:13,033 --> 00:06:16,000
I wasn't certain,
but I can now confirm
153
00:06:16,100 --> 00:06:19,167
I'm pregnant with child.
154
00:06:19,267 --> 00:06:20,067
Piss off, Bunny.
155
00:06:20,167 --> 00:06:21,000
Whose is it?
156
00:06:21,100 --> 00:06:22,667
Yeah whose is it?
157
00:06:22,767 --> 00:06:25,067
Well, as you both know, I've
had several soulmates recently.
158
00:06:25,167 --> 00:06:27,967
So the hand of fate,
it shall decideth.
159
00:06:28,067 --> 00:06:28,967
You mean, you don't know.
160
00:06:29,067 --> 00:06:29,967
No, I've got no idea.
161
00:06:30,067 --> 00:06:31,067
Right.
162
00:06:31,167 --> 00:06:32,867
Well, have you
even taken a test?
163
00:06:32,967 --> 00:06:34,967
A woman knows her
own body, Meg, and--
164
00:06:35,067 --> 00:06:37,400
and Moses has not parted
the Red Sea this month.
165
00:06:37,500 --> 00:06:38,967
Normally it's just
a gippy tum-tum.
166
00:06:39,067 --> 00:06:39,900
And also I'm--
167
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:42,333
I'm really tearful.
168
00:06:42,433 --> 00:06:43,567
[sobbing]
169
00:06:43,667 --> 00:06:45,000
Don't get upset.
170
00:06:45,100 --> 00:06:47,100
Hen do's not till next weekend.
171
00:06:47,200 --> 00:06:48,767
You've got a whole week
to get rid of that.
172
00:06:48,867 --> 00:06:50,933
But that's if I
even want an aborsh.
173
00:06:51,033 --> 00:06:52,800
Believe me, it'll be worth it.
174
00:06:52,900 --> 00:06:54,767
Right, Meg, next
weekend, carnage.
175
00:06:54,867 --> 00:06:58,600
Each
176
00:06:58,700 --> 00:07:00,000
Are you OK?
177
00:07:00,100 --> 00:07:03,600
I am very OK.
178
00:07:03,700 --> 00:07:04,533
Shit!
179
00:07:04,633 --> 00:07:06,000
Oh, hey you guys.
180
00:07:06,100 --> 00:07:09,300
Wow, this is cozy.
181
00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:10,267
Mark.
182
00:07:10,367 --> 00:07:12,167
Oh, don't look so shocked.
183
00:07:12,267 --> 00:07:15,733
Meg's told me about your
secret little affair.
184
00:07:15,833 --> 00:07:17,967
Oh, I love this film.
185
00:07:18,067 --> 00:07:18,967
Mark!
186
00:07:19,067 --> 00:07:21,933
Hm?
187
00:07:22,033 --> 00:07:25,000
All right.
188
00:07:25,100 --> 00:07:26,500
I cannot believe
we just had an entire
189
00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:28,100
conversation with
my ex-boyfriend
190
00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:29,833
with your fingers inside me.
191
00:07:29,933 --> 00:07:31,067
Do you want me to carry on.
192
00:07:31,167 --> 00:07:32,567
It has actually
kind of put me off.
193
00:07:32,667 --> 00:07:33,467
Yeah.
194
00:07:33,567 --> 00:07:36,467
It was a big weird.
195
00:07:36,567 --> 00:07:38,867
Look, I really want us
to have some private time
196
00:07:38,967 --> 00:07:40,500
together, just the two of us.
197
00:07:40,600 --> 00:07:42,167
We could go away
for a couple of days
198
00:07:42,267 --> 00:07:46,833
and just explore each other,
mentally and sexually.
199
00:07:46,933 --> 00:07:48,133
Like a dirty weekend.
200
00:07:48,233 --> 00:07:50,867
I'm going to book us a
hotel for next weekend.
201
00:07:50,967 --> 00:07:51,800
Next weekend?
202
00:07:51,900 --> 00:07:52,700
Yeah.
203
00:07:52,800 --> 00:07:53,967
Where do you want to go?
204
00:07:54,067 --> 00:07:57,167
Uh-- somewhere with karaoke.
205
00:08:02,933 --> 00:08:05,700
Oh, thank you for arranging
daytime activities for me, Meg.
206
00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:07,867
I'm just so worried that you'll
forget about me, like that
207
00:08:07,967 --> 00:08:09,333
time you went to hospital.
208
00:08:09,433 --> 00:08:11,800
This isn't for
your benefit, Bunny.
209
00:08:11,900 --> 00:08:13,100
Look, it's Laura's special day.
210
00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:14,567
Do you think you could
put the fake pregnancy
211
00:08:14,667 --> 00:08:15,733
drama on hold for a bit?
212
00:08:15,833 --> 00:08:17,933
That's so insensitive.
213
00:08:18,033 --> 00:08:20,000
Mason, good to see you!
214
00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:21,500
How are you?
215
00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:22,400
Right on time.
216
00:08:22,500 --> 00:08:23,467
Well done, you.
217
00:08:23,567 --> 00:08:26,833
That's a nice top.
218
00:08:26,933 --> 00:08:27,733
Looking forward to the day?
219
00:08:30,800 --> 00:08:32,233
Uh, right.
Well, good.
220
00:08:32,333 --> 00:08:33,000
OK.
221
00:08:33,100 --> 00:08:35,233
In you go.
222
00:08:35,333 --> 00:08:36,100
Hiya.
223
00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:37,033
I'm Chelsea.
224
00:08:37,133 --> 00:08:38,467
Are you Meg?
225
00:08:38,567 --> 00:08:41,400
Laura's told me about you,
how you can't get no cock.
226
00:08:41,500 --> 00:08:42,533
Right.
227
00:08:42,633 --> 00:08:43,767
Well, I mean, I do have
other characteristics.
228
00:08:43,867 --> 00:08:44,967
Aww, don't worry.
229
00:08:45,067 --> 00:08:46,900
I'm a master cock finder.
230
00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:48,900
How do you think I
ended up with three kids
231
00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:50,767
before the age of 25?
232
00:08:50,867 --> 00:08:51,733
Oh, you've got kids?
233
00:08:51,833 --> 00:08:52,900
Oh, what's it like?
234
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:54,167
I'm Bunny.
235
00:08:54,267 --> 00:08:56,100
I'm probably having a baby.
- Fucking hell.
236
00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:57,467
How posh are you?
- Right.
237
00:08:57,567 --> 00:08:59,233
OK, we do need to make
our way into the spa area
238
00:08:59,333 --> 00:09:01,933
now, so, walking and talking.
239
00:09:02,033 --> 00:09:02,933
Hiya.
240
00:09:03,033 --> 00:09:03,967
Good effort on the venue, Meg.
241
00:09:04,067 --> 00:09:04,900
Yep.
242
00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:06,133
All for you.
243
00:09:06,233 --> 00:09:07,933
Like I always said,
Laura, by all means
244
00:09:08,033 --> 00:09:10,333
have fun, but organize
it properly first.
245
00:09:10,433 --> 00:09:12,367
(SINGING) Gary's
got a pencil dick!
246
00:09:12,467 --> 00:09:13,667
Doo-dah.
Doo-dah.
247
00:09:13,767 --> 00:09:14,600
I'm sorry.
248
00:09:14,700 --> 00:09:15,600
She found out.
249
00:09:15,700 --> 00:09:16,600
She is your mum.
250
00:09:16,700 --> 00:09:18,067
(SINGING) Doo-dadle-doo-dah-day.
251
00:09:18,167 --> 00:09:20,867
Wahey, there she is!
252
00:09:20,967 --> 00:09:22,033
Hen!
Hen!
253
00:09:22,133 --> 00:09:22,833
Hen!
Hen!
254
00:09:22,933 --> 00:09:23,767
Hen!
255
00:09:23,867 --> 00:09:26,867
My daughter, a wife.
256
00:09:26,967 --> 00:09:28,100
As if!
257
00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:29,200
- All right.
- Right.
258
00:09:29,300 --> 00:09:30,667
Come on.
Let's get you dressed up.
259
00:09:30,767 --> 00:09:34,400
I've got cock straws, cock
whistles, cock badges here.
260
00:09:34,500 --> 00:09:37,333
Um, I think we've already got
quite a few accessories, Cath.
261
00:09:37,433 --> 00:09:42,000
Well, you can never have
too much cock, can you?
262
00:09:42,100 --> 00:09:44,300
Shall we make our way in now?
263
00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:45,533
In we go.
264
00:09:45,633 --> 00:09:46,667
In we go.
265
00:09:46,767 --> 00:09:48,300
You will tear,
and this is what
266
00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:50,067
the midwives don't tell you.
267
00:09:50,167 --> 00:09:54,067
I was sliced vagina to
asshole to get Jack out of me.
268
00:09:54,167 --> 00:09:55,067
Have you seen "Alien"?
269
00:09:55,167 --> 00:09:56,567
Because that is bang on.
270
00:09:56,667 --> 00:09:58,467
You think you've lost
all your dignity,
271
00:09:58,567 --> 00:10:02,100
then you become this bleeding,
oozing, leaking zombie who
272
00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:03,900
stinks of someone else's shit.
273
00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:07,400
And the worst part is,
you don't even care.
274
00:10:07,500 --> 00:10:10,933
That sounds-- it
sounds beautiful.
275
00:10:11,033 --> 00:10:11,867
Right.
276
00:10:11,967 --> 00:10:12,767
OK.
277
00:10:12,867 --> 00:10:14,233
Off we go.
278
00:10:14,333 --> 00:10:15,167
Hen!
279
00:10:15,267 --> 00:10:15,967
Hen!
280
00:10:16,067 --> 00:10:17,033
Hen!
281
00:10:28,800 --> 00:10:32,167
Meg, let me look at you.
282
00:10:32,267 --> 00:10:34,733
You look beautiful.
283
00:10:34,833 --> 00:10:37,667
Is that a new brooch?
284
00:10:37,767 --> 00:10:40,067
Uh, yeah.
285
00:10:40,167 --> 00:10:41,567
All for you.
286
00:10:41,667 --> 00:10:45,133
Look, I just want to let you
know, I'm going to be late.
287
00:10:45,233 --> 00:10:46,567
But you're here.
288
00:10:46,667 --> 00:10:49,700
Yes, but I'm not though,
that's-- that's the thing.
289
00:10:49,800 --> 00:10:52,000
So you're making me wait?
290
00:10:52,100 --> 00:10:53,700
Oh, yes.
291
00:10:53,800 --> 00:10:55,933
Yes, I am.
292
00:10:56,033 --> 00:10:57,800
That's exciting.
293
00:10:57,900 --> 00:10:59,300
I don't want to
rush things either.
294
00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:03,633
And when I get back, things
are going to get pretty steamy.
295
00:11:03,733 --> 00:11:04,633
What are you going to do?
296
00:11:04,733 --> 00:11:07,733
Um, j-- just sexy sex things.
297
00:11:07,833 --> 00:11:08,633
Mm-hm.
298
00:11:08,733 --> 00:11:10,533
Like, uh, roleplay.
299
00:11:10,633 --> 00:11:14,400
The sex kind, not the
medieval battle kind.
300
00:11:14,500 --> 00:11:16,567
Not that I've ever done that.
301
00:11:16,667 --> 00:11:18,167
Not recently.
302
00:11:18,267 --> 00:11:19,700
Maybe I should
wait in the bar?
303
00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:20,733
No!
304
00:11:20,833 --> 00:11:21,900
No.
305
00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:27,167
No, you-- you stay
here, you bad boy!
306
00:11:27,267 --> 00:11:28,233
I honestly won't be long.
307
00:11:32,300 --> 00:11:34,600
So, I'm on all fours
having me crack waxed,
308
00:11:34,700 --> 00:11:37,167
and I'm holding me arse
cheeks open like that,
309
00:11:37,267 --> 00:11:39,633
and the beautician goes,
"Ooh, I like your ring."
310
00:11:39,733 --> 00:11:40,667
I said, "You what?"
311
00:11:40,767 --> 00:11:42,000
She said, "Is it real diamond?"
312
00:11:42,100 --> 00:11:44,067
[laughter]
313
00:11:47,300 --> 00:11:48,567
Where have you been?
314
00:11:48,667 --> 00:11:50,467
Just sorting out
a few bits and bobs.
315
00:11:50,567 --> 00:11:51,600
Shaving your chuff?
316
00:11:51,700 --> 00:11:52,533
No.
317
00:11:52,633 --> 00:11:53,600
Combing, more like.
318
00:11:53,700 --> 00:11:55,100
Meg likes it au naturel.
319
00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:57,067
Yes, mainly because I'm
not a porn star or a child.
320
00:11:57,167 --> 00:11:58,733
Oh, no, it's got
to be all off for me.
321
00:11:58,833 --> 00:11:59,900
And Brazilian for me.
322
00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:01,600
Oh, Mason goes
Brazilian, don't you?
323
00:12:01,700 --> 00:12:03,633
I had to stop when
I realized the woman
324
00:12:03,733 --> 00:12:06,900
who does my waxing puts me in
more positions than me husband.
325
00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:09,033
[laughter]
326
00:12:09,967 --> 00:12:11,433
[everyone sighs]
327
00:12:12,700 --> 00:12:14,433
Does sex get boring
once you get married then?
328
00:12:14,533 --> 00:12:15,733
Yeah.
329
00:12:15,833 --> 00:12:17,567
I reckon it's me own fault.
I like go to on the bottom
330
00:12:17,667 --> 00:12:18,500
so my tummy looks flatter.
331
00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:20,233
On top, so your
boobs look bigger.
332
00:12:20,333 --> 00:12:21,767
Or doggy, so they
can't see any of it.
333
00:12:21,867 --> 00:12:22,867
You all right, Mason?
334
00:12:22,967 --> 00:12:23,800
Enjoying yourself?
335
00:12:26,800 --> 00:12:27,700
Right.
336
00:12:27,800 --> 00:12:29,667
Well, I think that's me relaxed.
337
00:12:29,767 --> 00:12:33,467
I'm going to get
changed I think.
338
00:12:33,567 --> 00:12:34,433
Has she got the shits?
339
00:12:39,133 --> 00:12:40,367
[knocking]
340
00:12:40,467 --> 00:12:42,767
(EASTERN EUROPEAN ACCENT)
Hello, housekeeping.
341
00:12:42,867 --> 00:12:44,233
Can you come back later?
342
00:12:44,333 --> 00:12:45,467
Scott, it's got me, obviously.
343
00:12:45,567 --> 00:12:46,533
I'm in character.
344
00:12:46,633 --> 00:12:47,433
Oh, shit.
345
00:12:47,533 --> 00:12:48,367
Sorry.
346
00:12:48,467 --> 00:12:51,733
Uh, come in.
347
00:12:51,833 --> 00:12:53,800
You order extra pillow?
348
00:12:53,900 --> 00:12:56,300
That's code for
you're a prostitute.
349
00:12:56,400 --> 00:12:57,600
Maybe.
350
00:12:57,700 --> 00:12:59,333
I don't want you
to be a prostitute.
351
00:12:59,433 --> 00:13:01,333
It's just, ethically speaking,
the whole sex traffic thing--
352
00:13:01,433 --> 00:13:03,467
OK, I'm-- I am
housekeeper then.
353
00:13:03,567 --> 00:13:04,700
OK.
354
00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:08,667
Yes, I'm very naughty.
355
00:13:08,767 --> 00:13:09,667
Why?
356
00:13:09,767 --> 00:13:12,500
Because I am here.
357
00:13:12,600 --> 00:13:17,367
But, contractually, I am only
entitled to a 10-minute break.
358
00:13:17,467 --> 00:13:18,900
Oh, OK.
359
00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:21,067
So what do you do on your break?
360
00:13:21,167 --> 00:13:25,800
I, um-- do Sudoku and eat
a rice cake very quickly.
361
00:13:25,900 --> 00:13:26,700
[moans]
362
00:13:28,067 --> 00:13:29,200
Uh, no.
363
00:13:29,300 --> 00:13:34,900
Meg, uh-- Iriana,
what do you really do?
364
00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:38,800
I, um-- pfft--
365
00:13:38,900 --> 00:13:40,100
finger myself in toilet?
366
00:13:44,033 --> 00:13:45,433
[cell phone rings]
Oh, shit.
367
00:13:45,533 --> 00:13:46,400
I've got to go.
368
00:13:46,500 --> 00:13:47,600
What?
369
00:13:47,700 --> 00:13:49,800
Room 36 need an adapter.
370
00:13:49,900 --> 00:13:51,033
Meg, that's not sexy.
371
00:13:51,133 --> 00:13:51,967
What is going on?
372
00:13:52,067 --> 00:13:53,500
Nothing!
373
00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:54,667
Oh, no.
374
00:13:54,767 --> 00:13:57,033
My break is over.
375
00:13:57,133 --> 00:14:00,933
I will come back when I
have hoovered second floor.
376
00:14:01,033 --> 00:14:02,967
Meg!
377
00:14:03,067 --> 00:14:04,633
Fuck sakes!
378
00:14:04,733 --> 00:14:05,867
I'll tell you what.
379
00:14:05,967 --> 00:14:07,867
Nothing annoys me more
than the question,
380
00:14:07,967 --> 00:14:09,633
"Where do you want me to cum?"
381
00:14:09,733 --> 00:14:10,633
I know.
382
00:14:10,733 --> 00:14:11,933
What kind of question is that?
383
00:14:12,033 --> 00:14:12,967
Anywhere but the face.
384
00:14:13,067 --> 00:14:14,633
Some people like that.
385
00:14:14,733 --> 00:14:15,567
Bullshit!
386
00:14:15,667 --> 00:14:16,767
Some people like it.
387
00:14:19,233 --> 00:14:20,633
And when they blow their
load and then they're
388
00:14:20,733 --> 00:14:22,600
out like a light, leaving
you to towel down.
389
00:14:22,700 --> 00:14:25,833
And then other times they
take all of fucking eternity,
390
00:14:25,933 --> 00:14:27,333
and you're just
willing them to finish.
391
00:14:27,433 --> 00:14:28,800
Especially when
they're pissed.
392
00:14:28,900 --> 00:14:30,267
Gary's always trying
to thumb it in,
393
00:14:30,367 --> 00:14:31,633
hoping it'll come back to life.
394
00:14:31,733 --> 00:14:33,833
I can just feel it
shriveling away in me twat.
395
00:14:33,933 --> 00:14:34,933
[gasps]
396
00:14:35,033 --> 00:14:37,067
Oh, the sweet
ecstasy of denial.
397
00:14:37,167 --> 00:14:39,200
That's when you've
got to have your go-to--
398
00:14:39,300 --> 00:14:40,967
a quick spunk move.
399
00:14:41,067 --> 00:14:42,133
What's that?
400
00:14:42,233 --> 00:14:43,733
Trigger finger.
401
00:14:43,833 --> 00:14:45,533
Press the magic button.
402
00:14:45,633 --> 00:14:46,433
Mm.
403
00:14:49,767 --> 00:14:51,000
Bingo.
404
00:14:51,100 --> 00:14:52,967
Immaculate ejaculate.
405
00:14:53,067 --> 00:14:54,533
It works every time.
406
00:14:54,633 --> 00:14:55,267
Oh, God.
407
00:14:55,367 --> 00:14:56,833
Is that what I think?
408
00:14:56,933 --> 00:14:59,633
Well, if you're thinking, do
I sometimes stick me finger up
409
00:14:59,733 --> 00:15:02,200
their arsehole to make
them cum so as I can get
410
00:15:02,300 --> 00:15:04,633
a bit of shuteye, then, yeah
411
00:15:04,733 --> 00:15:06,267
Hmm.
412
00:15:06,367 --> 00:15:07,433
Where have you been?
413
00:15:07,533 --> 00:15:08,267
Nowhere.
414
00:15:08,367 --> 00:15:09,967
You disappeared off, darling.
415
00:15:10,067 --> 00:15:10,933
Everyone noticed.
416
00:15:11,033 --> 00:15:12,733
You're a shit maid of honor.
417
00:15:12,833 --> 00:15:14,900
Maybe she's been having it
off with some mystery fella.
418
00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:16,400
Pfft!
419
00:15:16,500 --> 00:15:17,333
Huh!
420
00:15:17,433 --> 00:15:18,633
BUNNY: Who, Meg?
421
00:15:18,733 --> 00:15:19,867
No.
422
00:15:19,967 --> 00:15:22,433
So what's next on
the agenda then, Meg?
423
00:15:22,533 --> 00:15:26,433
Um, well, I mean, this
is kind of it really.
424
00:15:26,533 --> 00:15:28,700
(YAWNING) Probably,
uh, home time soon,
425
00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:30,133
I would have thought.
426
00:15:30,233 --> 00:15:31,900
Who's going home?
I'm not.
427
00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:34,433
There's a bar through there
which I intend to drink dry.
428
00:15:34,533 --> 00:15:35,367
Who's with me?
429
00:15:54,167 --> 00:15:56,100
Where the hell have you been?
430
00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:57,567
Look, what's going on?
431
00:15:57,667 --> 00:15:58,900
I really feel like you're
messing me around now, Meg.
432
00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:00,167
No.
433
00:16:00,267 --> 00:16:02,000
No, look, I, um--
434
00:16:02,100 --> 00:16:03,500
I'm here.
435
00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:04,900
OK.
436
00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:06,233
You're not going anywhere?
437
00:16:06,333 --> 00:16:07,533
I'm not going anywhere.
438
00:16:07,633 --> 00:16:08,467
Good.
439
00:16:11,133 --> 00:16:14,133
So do you want to just snuggle?
440
00:16:14,233 --> 00:16:15,867
Oh, I-- I mean, I--
441
00:16:15,967 --> 00:16:19,600
I'd prefer if you
snuggle inside me.
442
00:16:19,700 --> 00:16:21,467
[music - "don't let go"]
443
00:16:22,900 --> 00:16:24,367
PARTY GIRLS: (SINGING)
What's it gonna
444
00:16:24,467 --> 00:16:29,000
be, 'cause I can't pretend, no.
445
00:16:29,100 --> 00:16:34,133
Don't you want to be
more than friends?
446
00:16:34,233 --> 00:16:36,400
Hold me tight and don't let go.
447
00:16:36,500 --> 00:16:40,467
SCOTT: I'm going to make
love to you all night.
448
00:16:40,567 --> 00:16:43,433
PARTY GIRLS: (SINGING) Have
the right to lose control.
449
00:16:43,533 --> 00:16:47,233
Don't let go.
450
00:16:47,333 --> 00:16:52,867
There'll be some lovemaking,
heartbreaking, soul shaking,
451
00:16:52,967 --> 00:16:53,767
love--
452
00:17:05,533 --> 00:17:08,567
(SINGING) Midnight
at the Oasis.
453
00:17:12,633 --> 00:17:14,100
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo.
454
00:17:16,967 --> 00:17:18,900
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
455
00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:20,433
I think you should
apologize to Laura.
456
00:17:20,533 --> 00:17:22,700
Um, I think you should stop
pretending to be pregnant.
457
00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:24,433
Where the hell have you been?
458
00:17:24,533 --> 00:17:26,600
She's hammered, and she's
gone to the dark side.
459
00:17:26,700 --> 00:17:29,200
Oh, you mean the
Annihilator's here.
460
00:17:29,300 --> 00:17:30,600
Yes.
461
00:17:30,700 --> 00:17:32,400
She's done a tactical chunder,
though, but she's disappointed
462
00:17:32,500 --> 00:17:34,133
that you weren't there for it.
- Oh, shit.
463
00:17:34,233 --> 00:17:35,100
Help me.
- No.
464
00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:37,033
I don't think I will, actually.
465
00:17:37,133 --> 00:17:38,667
Oi, Meg-a-bitch.
466
00:17:38,767 --> 00:17:40,333
We know what you're up to.
467
00:17:40,433 --> 00:17:42,000
Oh, shit.
468
00:17:42,100 --> 00:17:43,367
Do you?
469
00:17:43,467 --> 00:17:45,167
Look, I'm sorry.
I should have told you.
470
00:17:45,267 --> 00:17:46,200
It's just that--
- Yeah.
471
00:17:46,300 --> 00:17:47,767
You think you're better than us.
472
00:17:47,867 --> 00:17:48,867
No.
473
00:17:48,967 --> 00:17:50,333
You think I'm a
chav or something.
474
00:17:50,433 --> 00:17:52,733
You've been fucking
avoiding me and my mates.
475
00:17:52,833 --> 00:17:53,733
You're embarrassed by us.
476
00:17:53,833 --> 00:17:55,467
No.
477
00:17:55,567 --> 00:17:57,433
I mean, it is a
bit embarrassing,
478
00:17:57,533 --> 00:17:59,833
but that's not why I've
been disappearing off.
479
00:17:59,933 --> 00:18:01,667
Yeah, it fucking is.
480
00:18:01,767 --> 00:18:03,933
Just be honest.
481
00:18:04,033 --> 00:18:05,833
All right, fine.
482
00:18:05,933 --> 00:18:07,533
I'll be honest.
483
00:18:07,633 --> 00:18:09,933
I've got someone upstairs.
484
00:18:10,033 --> 00:18:10,867
Yeah.
485
00:18:10,967 --> 00:18:12,200
Pfft.
486
00:18:12,300 --> 00:18:14,233
An actual grown man
who, for once in my life,
487
00:18:14,333 --> 00:18:17,533
wants to penetrate me and
get to know me as a person.
488
00:18:17,633 --> 00:18:18,533
He booked us in here.
489
00:18:18,633 --> 00:18:20,267
It's a dirty weekend,
and it clashed.
490
00:18:20,367 --> 00:18:22,200
so I've been sneaking
around doing both all day
491
00:18:22,300 --> 00:18:26,000
and it's been both
stressful and sexy.
492
00:18:26,100 --> 00:18:27,900
Pfft.
493
00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:29,467
[laughter]
494
00:18:29,567 --> 00:18:31,400
You expect us to
believe that, Meg?
495
00:18:34,833 --> 00:18:35,867
Oh, fuck off.
496
00:18:35,967 --> 00:18:36,967
There's no way
you've got a bloke.
497
00:18:37,067 --> 00:18:38,567
Fine.
Whatever you think.
498
00:18:38,667 --> 00:18:39,800
I'm getting the bill.
499
00:18:39,900 --> 00:18:40,567
PARTY GIRLS: (SINGING)
Let's fucking have it large.
500
00:18:40,667 --> 00:18:41,500
Doo-dah.
501
00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:42,300
Doo-dah.
502
00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:44,467
Let's fucking have it large.
503
00:18:44,567 --> 00:18:45,433
Doo-doo-doo-doo-dah-day.
504
00:18:45,533 --> 00:18:46,367
Ew.
505
00:18:48,933 --> 00:18:49,767
Is that?
506
00:18:52,967 --> 00:18:54,500
Delayed seepage.
507
00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:55,700
You dirty bitch.
508
00:18:58,567 --> 00:19:00,600
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
509
00:19:00,700 --> 00:19:01,600
Yes.
510
00:19:01,700 --> 00:19:02,900
Yes, it is.
511
00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:04,300
Delayed seepage.
512
00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:08,300
Actual, real, delayed seepage
coming out of my vagina
513
00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:13,533
onto the floor and the chair
because I've been shagging!
514
00:19:13,633 --> 00:19:14,667
Now do you believe me?
515
00:19:17,267 --> 00:19:18,600
I'll get a cloth.
516
00:19:18,700 --> 00:19:19,500
Bullshit!
517
00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:25,600
Meg!
- All right.
518
00:19:25,700 --> 00:19:26,567
Who is it then?
519
00:19:26,667 --> 00:19:27,533
Oh, my gosh, it's Scott.
520
00:19:27,633 --> 00:19:28,467
It's a sign.
521
00:19:28,567 --> 00:19:29,500
Such a fit sign.
522
00:19:32,767 --> 00:19:34,033
Bunny, what are
you doing here?
523
00:19:34,133 --> 00:19:35,067
I need to tell you something.
524
00:19:35,167 --> 00:19:36,300
I'm probably pregnant.
525
00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:37,500
What?
526
00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:39,067
And I think, intuitively,
that it might be yours.
527
00:19:39,167 --> 00:19:40,867
But we used protection.
528
00:19:40,967 --> 00:19:42,033
That's what I said.
529
00:19:42,133 --> 00:19:43,200
I remember saying it.
530
00:19:43,300 --> 00:19:44,667
Meg, you knew about this.
531
00:19:44,767 --> 00:19:45,933
Yeah.
532
00:19:46,033 --> 00:19:47,367
And you didn't think
to mention it to me?
533
00:19:47,467 --> 00:19:49,000
Well, I thought it might
be a bit of a mood killer.
534
00:19:49,100 --> 00:19:49,900
Told you we'd been nobbing.
535
00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:51,100
Tell her.
536
00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:52,367
So you two have
been having sex,
537
00:19:52,467 --> 00:19:54,167
even though you knew
that I could be pregnant
538
00:19:54,267 --> 00:19:55,400
and that he could be the father.
539
00:19:55,500 --> 00:19:56,267
I had no idea!
540
00:19:56,367 --> 00:19:57,767
Yeah, but she's not, though.
541
00:19:57,867 --> 00:19:59,233
She hasn't even taken the test.
542
00:19:59,333 --> 00:20:00,433
You haven't even taken the test!
543
00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:02,033
I'm sure she knows
her own body, Meg.
544
00:20:02,133 --> 00:20:03,233
Oh, not you as well.
545
00:20:03,333 --> 00:20:04,767
She's been chatting
abortions all day.
546
00:20:04,867 --> 00:20:05,967
She wasn't even
going to tell you.
547
00:20:06,067 --> 00:20:07,467
Really?
548
00:20:07,567 --> 00:20:08,833
Well, I only knew that you
were the father two minutes
549
00:20:08,933 --> 00:20:10,000
ago, but maybe it's
not a sign seeing
550
00:20:10,100 --> 00:20:11,333
as you're sleeping with Meg.
551
00:20:11,433 --> 00:20:12,900
By the way, all of
this is made up so it's
552
00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:14,333
not like any of it matters.
553
00:20:14,433 --> 00:20:15,333
Right.
554
00:20:15,433 --> 00:20:16,533
This is all just a
bit too much, OK?
555
00:20:16,633 --> 00:20:17,933
I'm going to leave now.
556
00:20:18,033 --> 00:20:21,200
I don't know how I feel about
you or this or any of that.
557
00:20:21,300 --> 00:20:22,500
Yeah.
558
00:20:22,600 --> 00:20:23,800
Well, you felt fine with my
finger up your ass an hour
559
00:20:23,900 --> 00:20:24,700
ago, didn't you?
560
00:20:28,833 --> 00:20:29,833
Bye, Meg.
561
00:20:29,933 --> 00:20:30,833
You filthy cow.
562
00:20:30,933 --> 00:20:32,267
Oh, like you haven't done it.
563
00:20:32,367 --> 00:20:34,733
Bunny, let me know, yeah?
564
00:20:34,833 --> 00:20:37,400
Yeah, sure.
565
00:20:37,500 --> 00:20:38,967
You broke the sacred vow, Meg.
566
00:20:39,067 --> 00:20:40,900
You were my maid of
honor on my hen do,
567
00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:42,167
and you put dicks before chicks.
568
00:20:42,267 --> 00:20:44,967
Yeah, and my dick, too.
569
00:20:45,067 --> 00:20:47,300
Not my dick, obviously, but a
dick that once belonged to me.
570
00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:49,100
We'll talk about
sloppy seconds later.
571
00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:50,033
You fibbed.
572
00:20:50,133 --> 00:20:51,933
Mates don't fucking fib.
573
00:20:52,033 --> 00:20:53,100
All right.
574
00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:55,333
Mates don't fucking fib.
575
00:20:55,433 --> 00:20:56,433
So this is it.
576
00:20:56,533 --> 00:20:59,267
You're really going to
marry Gary, are you?
577
00:20:59,367 --> 00:21:02,100
Gary, who sits on
his arse playing
578
00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:04,067
Xbox and wanking all day?
579
00:21:04,167 --> 00:21:06,000
He's your life partner, is he?
580
00:21:06,100 --> 00:21:07,400
Come on.
581
00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:08,833
Hands up if you think
Laura's only getting married
582
00:21:08,933 --> 00:21:10,767
because the wedding's 80% free.
583
00:21:15,267 --> 00:21:16,400
And 'cause I
want the presents.
584
00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:21,067
Hands up if you think
Laura shouldn't marry Gary.
585
00:21:21,167 --> 00:21:22,567
Oggy!
Oggy!
586
00:21:22,667 --> 00:21:23,600
Oggy!
- Oi!
587
00:21:23,700 --> 00:21:24,500
Oi!
588
00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:25,433
Oi!
589
00:21:27,933 --> 00:21:28,833
MEN: Down it!
590
00:21:28,933 --> 00:21:29,800
Down it!
591
00:21:29,900 --> 00:21:30,733
Down it!
592
00:21:30,833 --> 00:21:31,767
Down it!
593
00:21:31,867 --> 00:21:33,000
I said yes now.
594
00:21:33,100 --> 00:21:34,600
Oh, darling, just
go back on your word.
595
00:21:34,700 --> 00:21:35,767
I do it all the time.
596
00:21:35,867 --> 00:21:37,100
Laura, where have you been?
597
00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:38,967
I've been looking
for you all night.
598
00:21:39,067 --> 00:21:40,167
I love you.
599
00:21:40,267 --> 00:21:42,200
I've got something
I want to ask.
600
00:21:42,300 --> 00:21:43,600
Will you marry us?
601
00:21:43,700 --> 00:21:45,333
Yeah, you've already asked
me that, Gary, you mong.
602
00:21:45,433 --> 00:21:46,267
Have I?
603
00:21:46,367 --> 00:21:47,033
Yeah.
604
00:21:47,133 --> 00:21:50,467
And the answer's no.
605
00:21:50,567 --> 00:21:51,400
[groans]
606
00:21:51,500 --> 00:21:53,467
GARY: Can I still
feel your tits?
607
00:21:55,833 --> 00:21:58,433
You're actually a pretty
good maid of honor after all.
608
00:21:58,533 --> 00:22:01,267
This is decent.
609
00:22:01,367 --> 00:22:03,933
Well, Moses has
parted, ladies,
610
00:22:04,033 --> 00:22:06,633
so Scott's not the baby-daddy.
611
00:22:06,733 --> 00:22:08,033
No shit.
612
00:22:08,133 --> 00:22:09,333
How late were you?
613
00:22:09,433 --> 00:22:12,333
Oh, I wasn't late, but
sometimes you just know.
614
00:22:12,433 --> 00:22:13,700
Yeah.
615
00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:16,000
And sometimes you don't and
you're just attention seeking.
616
00:22:16,100 --> 00:22:18,233
I still want to
get a puppy, though.
617
00:22:18,333 --> 00:22:20,967
I can still fuck
him, though, can't I?
618
00:22:21,067 --> 00:22:23,567
He was a good fuck.
619
00:22:23,667 --> 00:22:26,233
I was well looking
forward to that reception.
620
00:22:26,333 --> 00:22:29,300
We were gonna do Pussycat
Dolls as our first dance.
621
00:22:29,400 --> 00:22:30,700
Yeah.
622
00:22:30,800 --> 00:22:32,533
Eternal commitment's a pretty
big price to pay for a party,
623
00:22:32,633 --> 00:22:33,433
though, Laura.
624
00:22:39,133 --> 00:22:40,200
Sorry, mate.
625
00:22:43,067 --> 00:22:44,333
Thank fuck!
626
00:22:44,433 --> 00:22:45,100
I know!
627
00:22:45,200 --> 00:22:46,633
That were weird!
628
00:22:46,733 --> 00:22:48,067
[screaming]
629
00:22:48,167 --> 00:22:50,200
[cross talk]
630
00:22:59,667 --> 00:23:02,167
[theme music]
631
00:23:25,567 --> 00:23:27,100
Bwark.
41055
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