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1
00:00:04,067 --> 00:00:06,100
[theme music]
2
00:00:25,567 --> 00:00:28,033
BENDT: I want something
long term and lasting.
3
00:00:28,133 --> 00:00:29,900
I don't want to
ride any old thing.
4
00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:31,333
But maybe that's
because I'm Swedish.
5
00:00:31,433 --> 00:00:34,333
We have a very different
attitude to cycling.
6
00:00:34,433 --> 00:00:36,833
So Bendt, I was just
thinking my friends are going
7
00:00:36,933 --> 00:00:38,967
to be really impressed and I
tell them I've been on a date
8
00:00:39,067 --> 00:00:40,800
with a Swedish guy.
- Whoa, whoa.
9
00:00:40,900 --> 00:00:41,800
Date?
10
00:00:41,900 --> 00:00:42,700
Yeah.
11
00:00:42,800 --> 00:00:43,867
Maybe I misunderstand.
12
00:00:43,967 --> 00:00:46,800
I understood date
to mean romantic.
13
00:00:46,900 --> 00:00:48,067
Sorry?
14
00:00:48,167 --> 00:00:50,667
I understood this
to be a study meeting.
15
00:00:50,767 --> 00:00:52,400
Language exchange.
16
00:00:52,500 --> 00:00:54,967
Anyway, I've kind
of been selfish.
17
00:00:55,067 --> 00:00:56,933
You also wanted to
practice your Swedish.
18
00:00:57,033 --> 00:01:00,033
[speaks swedish]
19
00:01:12,433 --> 00:01:15,233
So basically my first date in
forever wasn't actually a date.
20
00:01:15,333 --> 00:01:16,900
I was human homework.
21
00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:18,033
Did you not get my text?
22
00:01:18,133 --> 00:01:19,067
What text?
23
00:01:19,167 --> 00:01:20,233
Cucumber.
24
00:01:20,333 --> 00:01:21,667
It's our agreed safeword.
Remember?
25
00:01:21,767 --> 00:01:23,567
If I text you cucumber,
it means I need rescuing.
26
00:01:23,667 --> 00:01:24,900
Oh, sorry.
27
00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:26,533
I just thought you were sending
me friendly, erotic texts.
28
00:01:26,633 --> 00:01:28,433
What's erotic about
the word cucumber?
29
00:01:28,533 --> 00:01:29,367
Oh, Meg.
30
00:01:33,833 --> 00:01:35,867
(WHISPERING) Isn't that
the second bird this week?
31
00:01:35,967 --> 00:01:36,833
(WHISPERING) Yes.
32
00:01:36,933 --> 00:01:38,700
How is he doing this?
33
00:01:38,800 --> 00:01:40,267
He must be drugging them.
34
00:01:40,367 --> 00:01:41,167
Ladies.
35
00:01:44,167 --> 00:01:46,467
He's actually
winning the break-up.
36
00:01:46,567 --> 00:01:48,133
He's clearly on BangR.
37
00:01:48,233 --> 00:01:49,267
You need to download
it too, Meg.
38
00:01:49,367 --> 00:01:50,733
Pronto.
- What's BangR?
39
00:01:50,833 --> 00:01:51,833
Oh, Meg.
40
00:01:51,933 --> 00:01:53,167
What's BangR, what
are cucumbers?
41
00:01:53,267 --> 00:01:55,100
God, you're so innocent.
42
00:01:55,200 --> 00:01:56,333
I didn't say
what are cucumbers
43
00:01:56,433 --> 00:01:57,833
It's a sex app.
44
00:01:57,933 --> 00:01:59,767
It's like E-bay
for cock and balls.
45
00:01:59,867 --> 00:02:01,333
Without the shit old clothes.
46
00:02:01,433 --> 00:02:04,033
Yeah, well it's still a
rapist paradise, isn't it?
47
00:02:04,133 --> 00:02:05,433
There's always that risk, Meg.
48
00:02:05,533 --> 00:02:07,200
It's the downside
to having a twat.
49
00:02:07,300 --> 00:02:08,600
I mean, don't get me wrong.
50
00:02:08,700 --> 00:02:10,000
I do see the appeal of being
rejected in the comfort
51
00:02:10,100 --> 00:02:11,433
of your own home but--
52
00:02:11,533 --> 00:02:12,600
Here we go.
53
00:02:12,700 --> 00:02:14,067
Where's the romance?
54
00:02:14,167 --> 00:02:15,200
Such a homo.
55
00:02:15,300 --> 00:02:16,367
Oh come on, Meg.
56
00:02:16,467 --> 00:02:18,233
Get involved, it's
the 20th century.
57
00:02:18,333 --> 00:02:19,633
Is it?
58
00:02:19,733 --> 00:02:21,300
It's no coincidence that your
absence from the world of cyber
59
00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:24,167
courting correlates directly
with the absence of penis
60
00:02:24,267 --> 00:02:26,033
up inside your vag.
61
00:02:26,133 --> 00:02:27,667
Are both of you on this thing?
62
00:02:27,767 --> 00:02:29,800
Meg, everyone is.
63
00:02:29,900 --> 00:02:30,733
Fine.
64
00:02:30,833 --> 00:02:33,500
I'll try it.
65
00:02:33,600 --> 00:02:34,400
Freak.
66
00:02:34,500 --> 00:02:35,500
Freak.
67
00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:36,467
Fit.
68
00:02:36,567 --> 00:02:37,900
You've got a boyfriend.
69
00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:42,367
Yeah but it's only a bit of
fun isn't it it's no big deal.
70
00:02:42,467 --> 00:02:43,200
Gary!
71
00:02:43,300 --> 00:02:45,600
The little bastard's on BangR.
72
00:02:45,700 --> 00:02:47,000
Right.
73
00:02:47,100 --> 00:02:49,000
Make sure you do her
up for her profile pic.
74
00:02:49,100 --> 00:02:50,900
This barely there
look won't cut it.
75
00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:53,633
Yeah, Meg, have
you got a padded bra?
76
00:02:53,733 --> 00:02:55,567
I think she means my
makeup is barely there.
77
00:02:55,667 --> 00:02:57,100
Oh.
Of course.
78
00:02:57,200 --> 00:02:58,267
Sorry.
Seriously though.
79
00:02:58,367 --> 00:02:59,333
Yeah, I'll go get it.
80
00:03:05,433 --> 00:03:07,267
Gary, can I borrow your phone?
81
00:03:07,367 --> 00:03:13,733
[explosions in video game]
82
00:03:13,833 --> 00:03:16,267
Whoa, what are
you doing that for?
83
00:03:16,367 --> 00:03:18,467
Laura!
84
00:03:18,567 --> 00:03:21,033
That, HonryGary69,
from Armley,
85
00:03:21,133 --> 00:03:23,900
who likes poetry, motor
sports and Kate Price,
86
00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:25,433
is what you get
for being on BangR.
87
00:03:25,533 --> 00:03:27,833
Yeah, well knock yourself out
because you're dumped, mate.
88
00:03:27,933 --> 00:03:29,000
VIDEO GAME: Airlock sealed.
89
00:03:29,100 --> 00:03:31,700
Gradual pressure
transition initiated.
90
00:03:31,800 --> 00:03:33,633
Equalization--
91
00:03:33,733 --> 00:03:35,933
MEG: Face tattoo.
92
00:03:36,033 --> 00:03:38,467
Weird earhole things.
93
00:03:38,567 --> 00:03:42,567
Oh, it's tucked in
between his legs.
94
00:03:42,667 --> 00:03:43,967
Yes.
95
00:03:44,067 --> 00:03:45,600
Fit.
96
00:03:45,700 --> 00:03:46,600
MEG: Ping.
97
00:03:46,700 --> 00:03:48,000
BUNNY: Meg, don't be so shallow.
98
00:03:48,100 --> 00:03:50,067
You should at least
read his profile first.
99
00:03:50,167 --> 00:03:52,133
You don't know
what car he's got.
100
00:03:52,233 --> 00:03:54,467
It looks normal-ish
Oh, I don't care.
101
00:03:54,567 --> 00:03:56,233
He's probably an
insufferable bell-end.
102
00:03:56,333 --> 00:03:57,933
Guys that good
looking usually are.
103
00:03:58,033 --> 00:03:59,533
I'm not after
sparkling conversation,
104
00:03:59,633 --> 00:04:02,200
I just want a face that looks
great on the selfie I post
105
00:04:02,300 --> 00:04:03,933
several times on Instagram.
106
00:04:04,033 --> 00:04:05,533
Which Mark may or may not see.
107
00:04:05,633 --> 00:04:06,733
Exactly.
Bosh.
108
00:04:06,833 --> 00:04:08,000
[phone rings]
109
00:04:08,100 --> 00:04:08,933
Hi, Dad.
110
00:04:09,033 --> 00:04:10,567
Hi Meg, it's Dad.
111
00:04:10,667 --> 00:04:11,900
Yes, I know.
112
00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:13,567
Your name comes up on the
screen every time you ring me.
113
00:04:13,667 --> 00:04:16,567
Listen, Meg, um, I
don't want you to worry
114
00:04:16,667 --> 00:04:17,700
but your Mum's in hospital.
115
00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:18,600
What?
116
00:04:18,700 --> 00:04:19,567
Why?
117
00:04:19,667 --> 00:04:20,700
She's had a little fall.
118
00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:21,600
MEG (ON PHONE): Oh God.
119
00:04:21,700 --> 00:04:22,667
Well, I'll come there now.
120
00:04:22,767 --> 00:04:23,900
No, no, don't Meg.
121
00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:25,400
Dad, Mum is in hospital.
122
00:04:25,500 --> 00:04:27,500
I think she'll want
me to be there.
123
00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:29,367
And you'll have to pay
for the cab when I arrive.
124
00:04:31,667 --> 00:04:33,700
Frank I told I
didn't want Meg down.
125
00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:35,167
Oh, thanks a lot.
126
00:04:35,267 --> 00:04:36,133
It's fine, love.
127
00:04:36,233 --> 00:04:37,500
You didn't need to come.
128
00:04:37,600 --> 00:04:38,833
It's nothing, really.
129
00:04:38,933 --> 00:04:39,933
Don't be silly.
130
00:04:40,033 --> 00:04:41,033
How did it happen?
131
00:04:42,867 --> 00:04:44,033
I slipped.
132
00:04:44,133 --> 00:04:46,733
Slipped in what?
133
00:04:46,833 --> 00:04:49,000
In the shower.
134
00:04:49,100 --> 00:04:50,267
Shower, yeah.
135
00:04:50,367 --> 00:04:52,433
Why have you got a
bandage on, Uncle Frank?
136
00:04:52,533 --> 00:04:54,767
I-- Oh, right.
137
00:04:54,867 --> 00:04:56,267
Yeah.
138
00:04:56,367 --> 00:04:59,300
Oh, come on we're all
adults here, aren't we?
139
00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:01,133
I slipped as well, Meg.
(WHISPERS)
140
00:05:01,233 --> 00:05:02,467
In the shower.
141
00:05:02,567 --> 00:05:05,200
Oh please, kill me.
142
00:05:05,300 --> 00:05:06,500
Not a totally wasted journey.
143
00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:08,467
We can still find
out which nearby fit
144
00:05:08,567 --> 00:05:09,667
doctors are on BangR.
145
00:05:09,767 --> 00:05:12,100
This whole doctor nurses
thing, it's just so sexy.
146
00:05:12,200 --> 00:05:14,200
Yeah, I think in
reality they prod
147
00:05:14,300 --> 00:05:16,400
around people's diseased
bits and wash old ladies.
148
00:05:16,500 --> 00:05:18,700
Not my idea of the
apex of eroticism.
149
00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:20,633
Bingo.
150
00:05:20,733 --> 00:05:22,067
Oh, God.
151
00:05:22,167 --> 00:05:25,800
Time make myself an appointment,
if you know what I mean.
152
00:05:25,900 --> 00:05:26,967
Yeah.
153
00:05:27,067 --> 00:05:27,900
An appointment with sex.
154
00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:29,467
- Uh-huh.
- With him.
155
00:05:29,567 --> 00:05:30,433
Yes, I got it, Bunny.
156
00:05:30,533 --> 00:05:31,967
[phone vibrates]
157
00:05:32,067 --> 00:05:33,100
Oh.
158
00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:34,367
What does the little
red cross mean?
159
00:05:34,467 --> 00:05:36,000
Is that something to
do with first aid?
160
00:05:36,100 --> 00:05:37,267
Uh, no.
161
00:05:37,367 --> 00:05:38,900
That means he's rejected
your match request.
162
00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:40,600
No, that does
not happen to me.
163
00:05:40,700 --> 00:05:44,033
Bunny, believe me, I've been
on BangR for three hours now.
164
00:05:44,133 --> 00:05:45,367
I know what
rejection looks like.
165
00:05:45,467 --> 00:05:48,133
It looks like a
little red cross.
166
00:05:48,233 --> 00:05:52,867
But I'm doing dead eyes and
blow job lips in my picture.
167
00:05:52,967 --> 00:05:54,633
Welcome to the
world of rejection.
168
00:05:54,733 --> 00:05:58,033
Please, join me in the holding
area and wait to be called.
169
00:05:59,233 --> 00:06:01,733
So I've been thinking.
170
00:06:01,833 --> 00:06:05,000
I think he must have been in
surgery and his finger slipped.
171
00:06:05,100 --> 00:06:06,267
What?
172
00:06:06,367 --> 00:06:07,633
The doctor, that I
was telling you about.
173
00:06:07,733 --> 00:06:08,567
Let it go, mate.
174
00:06:12,100 --> 00:06:13,267
Ah, yes.
175
00:06:13,367 --> 00:06:15,400
The unfeasibly fit guy
has got back to me.
176
00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:16,833
I'm going on a date with Chris.
177
00:06:16,933 --> 00:06:17,967
Let's see.
178
00:06:18,067 --> 00:06:19,433
Check it out,
winning the breakup.
179
00:06:19,533 --> 00:06:20,933
What are you going to wear,
you need something slutty.
180
00:06:21,033 --> 00:06:22,500
- Can I borrow a dress then?
- Yeah.
181
00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:23,633
Yeah.
182
00:06:23,733 --> 00:06:25,233
So where are you going
on this hot date, Meg?
183
00:06:25,333 --> 00:06:27,067
Well, he lives in Goole.
184
00:06:27,167 --> 00:06:28,600
So I'm just going to meet there.
- Goole?
185
00:06:28,700 --> 00:06:30,300
- Yeah.
- The town?
186
00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:31,100
Yeah.
187
00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:32,433
The town near Hull?
188
00:06:32,533 --> 00:06:34,067
Oh, shit is it?
189
00:06:34,167 --> 00:06:36,100
Oh my God, that's
like 40 miles away.
190
00:06:36,200 --> 00:06:38,200
Didn't you limit
your search distance?
191
00:06:38,300 --> 00:06:41,400
I didn't know you had to
limit your search distance.
192
00:06:41,500 --> 00:06:42,133
Oh great.
193
00:06:42,233 --> 00:06:43,567
You're not going are you?
194
00:06:43,667 --> 00:06:46,800
I've put all the
groundwork in, now.
195
00:06:46,900 --> 00:06:48,167
Fuck it.
196
00:06:48,267 --> 00:06:49,900
I'll just go to Goole.
197
00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:51,733
So you're now commuting
for a one night stand?
198
00:06:51,833 --> 00:06:53,167
Disgusting.
199
00:06:53,267 --> 00:06:54,533
If he finds out that you
have traveled all the way
200
00:06:54,633 --> 00:06:56,133
from Leeds, just for a
date, he's going to think
201
00:06:56,233 --> 00:06:57,433
you're really desperate.
202
00:06:57,533 --> 00:06:59,133
Well, he doesn't have
to know does he, Bunny?
203
00:06:59,233 --> 00:07:00,800
I could be from Goole.
204
00:07:00,900 --> 00:07:01,967
Hello, I am Meg.
205
00:07:02,067 --> 00:07:02,867
I am from Goole.
206
00:07:02,967 --> 00:07:04,300
Charmed, I'm sure.
207
00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:05,900
Have you ever been to Goole?
208
00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:07,667
I'll just read
the Wikipedia entry.
209
00:07:07,767 --> 00:07:10,000
Bone up on a few factoids.
210
00:07:10,100 --> 00:07:11,533
Don't say factoids
on your date, mate.
211
00:07:11,633 --> 00:07:12,900
Yeah.
212
00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:15,633
Fucking, I've got myself a BangR
date tomorrow night as well.
213
00:07:15,733 --> 00:07:16,867
Just to piss off Gary.
214
00:07:16,967 --> 00:07:18,467
You sought yourself
a date, didn't you?
215
00:07:18,567 --> 00:07:19,400
No.
216
00:07:19,500 --> 00:07:20,533
No.
217
00:07:20,633 --> 00:07:21,767
But I've been thinking
that tomorrow night I'm
218
00:07:21,867 --> 00:07:22,733
going to go to the hospital.
219
00:07:22,833 --> 00:07:24,267
Oh, God.
220
00:07:24,367 --> 00:07:26,700
I know that feeling of regret
when you accidentally swipe
221
00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:27,967
somebody out of your life.
222
00:07:28,067 --> 00:07:29,867
He's probably lost sleep
over it ever since.
223
00:07:29,967 --> 00:07:31,433
And God, he's a doctor.
224
00:07:31,533 --> 00:07:32,600
Lives are at stake.
225
00:07:32,700 --> 00:07:33,967
It must be put right.
226
00:07:34,067 --> 00:07:35,167
It's practically a public duty.
227
00:07:44,233 --> 00:07:45,833
Hello, I'm looking for
a particular doctor.
228
00:07:45,933 --> 00:07:47,233
But I don't know his name.
229
00:07:47,333 --> 00:07:49,033
He's got brown hair and
the enigmatic sexual energy
230
00:07:49,133 --> 00:07:50,733
of a young David Cameron.
231
00:07:50,833 --> 00:07:52,267
Oh, yeah, that'll
be Dr. Adams.
232
00:07:52,367 --> 00:07:55,833
(WHISPERS) Dr. Adams
And is he working tonight?
233
00:07:55,933 --> 00:07:56,833
He is.
234
00:07:56,933 --> 00:07:57,733
May I ask--
235
00:07:57,833 --> 00:08:00,067
Ah, bup, bup, bup, bup.
236
00:08:00,167 --> 00:08:02,267
Fit things come
to those who wait.
237
00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:16,633
Right.
238
00:08:16,733 --> 00:08:18,167
Well, your profile
picture's bullshitting me.
239
00:08:18,267 --> 00:08:19,700
You look nothing like it.
240
00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:22,800
Well, I-- I've been working
out of a fair bit since then.
241
00:08:31,900 --> 00:08:33,200
[phone rings]
242
00:08:33,300 --> 00:08:35,333
BUNNY: Hi, Laura.
243
00:08:35,433 --> 00:08:37,367
Come quick, terrorists
have set fire to me
244
00:08:37,467 --> 00:08:38,733
and hit me with a
hammer and stuff.
245
00:08:38,833 --> 00:08:41,433
Don't worry, I'm staying
put at Uncle Sam's.
246
00:08:41,533 --> 00:08:45,200
Gary's just walked in with
some skank he's got off BangR.
247
00:08:45,300 --> 00:08:47,267
Bet this is where he
takes all his whores.
248
00:08:47,367 --> 00:08:48,867
Isn't that where
you two got together?
249
00:08:48,967 --> 00:08:49,800
Whatever.
250
00:08:56,867 --> 00:08:58,767
[eats loudly]
251
00:09:20,633 --> 00:09:22,833
- Chris, I presume?
- Meg, right?
252
00:09:22,933 --> 00:09:23,767
Hi.
253
00:09:23,867 --> 00:09:24,800
Hi.
254
00:09:24,900 --> 00:09:25,967
- Sorry, I'm a bit late.
- No.
255
00:09:26,067 --> 00:09:26,867
No, worries.
256
00:09:26,967 --> 00:09:28,200
Did you have to come far?
257
00:09:28,300 --> 00:09:29,367
No.
258
00:09:29,467 --> 00:09:31,400
No, just, um, just
down the road.
259
00:09:31,500 --> 00:09:32,867
Oh, right.
Where abouts?
260
00:09:32,967 --> 00:09:33,767
Goole.
261
00:09:33,867 --> 00:09:34,833
Yeah, right.
262
00:09:34,933 --> 00:09:36,033
Where abouts in Goole?
263
00:09:36,133 --> 00:09:37,067
Central Goole.
264
00:09:37,167 --> 00:09:39,667
Just near the main shop.
265
00:09:39,767 --> 00:09:41,433
Yeah, I'm a Goole-ie.
266
00:09:41,533 --> 00:09:43,133
I'm Goole-ian.
267
00:09:43,233 --> 00:09:44,900
I am a Gooler.
268
00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:46,067
Right.
269
00:09:46,167 --> 00:09:47,600
Yeah, a lot of
people hate on Goole.
270
00:09:47,700 --> 00:09:51,000
Well, I always say, which other
port on the northeast coast
271
00:09:51,100 --> 00:09:55,000
can handle nearly 3 million
tons of cargo per annum?
272
00:09:55,100 --> 00:09:57,500
Right yeah is it that much?
273
00:09:57,600 --> 00:10:01,067
Zlotow in Poland is
twinned with Goole.
274
00:10:01,167 --> 00:10:02,500
Somebody knows their factoids.
275
00:10:03,600 --> 00:10:04,400
Goole!
276
00:10:08,567 --> 00:10:12,967
ADRIAN: It seems to be just
when I eat certain types of jam.
277
00:10:13,067 --> 00:10:14,400
It doesn't happen with fruit.
278
00:10:14,500 --> 00:10:18,233
It's just the kind of compote,
kind of preserve thing.
279
00:10:18,333 --> 00:10:20,100
It's not so much where
my head swells up.
280
00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:23,033
My face, almost the
opposite, like shrinks.
281
00:10:23,133 --> 00:10:27,333
So the skin kind
of tightens and--
282
00:10:27,433 --> 00:10:29,800
Oh, Eugene, you're so funny.
283
00:10:29,900 --> 00:10:30,733
Oh, no.
284
00:10:30,833 --> 00:10:31,633
No, it's Adrian.
285
00:10:31,733 --> 00:10:32,767
Name's Adrian.
286
00:10:32,867 --> 00:10:34,567
Potato, tomato.
287
00:10:34,667 --> 00:10:35,967
So, what's your job?
288
00:10:36,067 --> 00:10:41,667
Well, I work in the marketing
sector of a global enterprise.
289
00:10:41,767 --> 00:10:44,500
You're so charming.
290
00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:46,933
Would you excuse me?
291
00:10:47,033 --> 00:10:48,000
I must slash.
292
00:10:53,900 --> 00:10:55,133
What are you playing at?
293
00:10:55,233 --> 00:10:56,700
I don't what
you're talking about.
294
00:10:56,800 --> 00:10:58,067
I've moved on, Gary.
295
00:10:58,167 --> 00:10:59,233
This shit has sailed.
296
00:10:59,333 --> 00:11:00,600
You've clearly
picked up the first guy
297
00:11:00,700 --> 00:11:02,767
you could find on BangR,
to try to make me jealous.
298
00:11:02,867 --> 00:11:04,300
Bollox!
299
00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:07,400
Adrian might not be Alex
Reid, but he's a good man.
300
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:08,367
Maybe a great man.
301
00:11:08,467 --> 00:11:10,267
And he knows his
way around my twat.
302
00:11:10,367 --> 00:11:11,300
I think you should leave.
303
00:11:11,400 --> 00:11:12,567
I think you should leave.
304
00:11:12,667 --> 00:11:13,800
I'm not going anywhere.
305
00:11:13,900 --> 00:11:18,533
Well, neither am I. Ask
the waitress for her biggest
306
00:11:18,633 --> 00:11:19,600
bottle of champagne.
307
00:11:19,700 --> 00:11:22,000
Eh, could we have a
bottle of champagne?
308
00:11:22,100 --> 00:11:22,900
Your biggest one.
309
00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:25,233
Right, what else?
310
00:11:25,333 --> 00:11:27,133
We'll show him who's
on the best date.
311
00:11:27,233 --> 00:11:29,567
You know nothing, Jon Snow.
312
00:11:29,667 --> 00:11:31,100
It's such a small
thing but it's really
313
00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:32,267
hate it when people call it game
314
00:11:32,367 --> 00:11:33,567
BOTH: Games of Thrones.
315
00:11:33,667 --> 00:11:35,600
I know it's quite
clearly "Game of Thrones."
316
00:11:35,700 --> 00:11:37,700
And just because I'm
northern, doesn't
317
00:11:37,800 --> 00:11:39,067
mean I'd choose House Stark.
318
00:11:39,167 --> 00:11:39,967
Obviously, It'd be
319
00:11:40,067 --> 00:11:41,767
BOTH: House Tyrell.
320
00:11:41,867 --> 00:11:43,167
All the way.
321
00:11:43,267 --> 00:11:45,333
Strategically, the
Reach is so important.
322
00:11:45,433 --> 00:11:48,033
Good luck trying to
starve us out in a siege.
323
00:11:48,133 --> 00:11:49,600
To Highgarden.
324
00:11:54,533 --> 00:11:55,967
If you think you're
getting to him first,
325
00:11:56,067 --> 00:11:57,633
you're dreaming, love.
326
00:11:57,733 --> 00:11:59,100
I just vomited
a pint of blood.
327
00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:00,633
Oh, I bet you did,
328
00:12:00,733 --> 00:12:02,633
[phone vibrates]
329
00:12:02,733 --> 00:12:03,633
Hi, Meg.
330
00:12:03,733 --> 00:12:05,300
The fit guy isn't a bell-end.
331
00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:06,433
What?
332
00:12:06,533 --> 00:12:07,833
He's amazing and the
like "Game of Thrones."
333
00:12:07,933 --> 00:12:10,367
And he reads for
pleasure and he likes me.
334
00:12:10,467 --> 00:12:11,700
Bunny, I seriously
think this could
335
00:12:11,800 --> 00:12:13,100
be the start something big.
336
00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:14,700
You're not supposed
to be getting attached.
337
00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:16,267
It's a purely sexual conquest.
338
00:12:16,367 --> 00:12:17,500
He does know you're
not from Goole?
339
00:12:17,600 --> 00:12:19,067
MEG (ON PHONE): Shit.
No, it's fine.
340
00:12:19,167 --> 00:12:20,233
I can keep that up.
341
00:12:20,333 --> 00:12:21,933
Hell, maybe I'll
even move to Goole.
342
00:12:22,033 --> 00:12:25,333
Can't be that bad, Did you know
it has the largest out of town
343
00:12:25,433 --> 00:12:26,967
Morrison's in the East Riding?
344
00:12:27,067 --> 00:12:28,733
Oh, shut up, I've got to go.
345
00:12:35,133 --> 00:12:36,700
The doctor will see me now.
346
00:12:36,800 --> 00:12:37,700
[retches]
347
00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:38,667
Oh, nice try.
348
00:12:41,133 --> 00:12:42,467
- Hi, Doctor.
- Yes?
349
00:12:42,567 --> 00:12:44,267
Think I'm having an allergic
reaction to something.
350
00:12:44,367 --> 00:12:48,933
I'm feeling all
hoarse and bothered.
351
00:12:49,033 --> 00:12:50,700
I wondered if you could
give me a looking over.
352
00:12:50,800 --> 00:12:52,600
What are you doing this evening?
353
00:12:52,700 --> 00:12:54,967
I'm surgically removing
a particularly aggressive
354
00:12:55,067 --> 00:12:56,833
tumor from a man's colon.
355
00:12:56,933 --> 00:12:59,200
Oh, colon.
356
00:12:59,300 --> 00:13:00,467
That's up your ass.
357
00:13:02,333 --> 00:13:06,000
Look, you're not exhibiting
any obvious physical symptoms.
358
00:13:06,100 --> 00:13:07,600
You need to be
sick to be in here.
359
00:13:07,700 --> 00:13:08,500
Now, I really must go.
360
00:13:15,533 --> 00:13:17,067
Can we get shit
loads of little burgers
361
00:13:17,167 --> 00:13:18,467
that you can eat in one bite?
362
00:13:18,567 --> 00:13:20,500
Can I get some Bayley's
profiteroles for the table,
363
00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:21,433
please?
364
00:13:21,533 --> 00:13:22,367
More ribs, waiter!
365
00:13:22,467 --> 00:13:24,600
The big ones on
the sizzly plates.
366
00:13:24,700 --> 00:13:26,933
Two of your biggest
knickerbocker glories
367
00:13:27,033 --> 00:13:29,800
with extra sparklers.
- Nachos.
368
00:13:29,900 --> 00:13:30,933
Loads of them.
369
00:13:31,033 --> 00:13:32,000
Coffees for everyone.
370
00:13:32,100 --> 00:13:33,833
Filter coffees for everyone.
371
00:13:33,933 --> 00:13:34,767
CROWD: Hooray!
372
00:13:39,633 --> 00:13:44,667
WAITERS: (SINGING) Happy
birthday dear Adrian.
373
00:13:44,767 --> 00:13:48,600
Happy birthday to you.
374
00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:56,333
I keep telling you,
my birthday's in April.
375
00:13:56,433 --> 00:13:58,533
Shut up, you specky knob.
376
00:14:01,500 --> 00:14:02,367
Hiya, Mum.
377
00:14:02,467 --> 00:14:03,600
Yeah, it's me.
378
00:14:03,700 --> 00:14:08,267
Quick question, what
am I allergic to?
379
00:14:08,367 --> 00:14:09,133
Sorry.
380
00:14:09,233 --> 00:14:10,867
Do you sell penicillin?
- No.
381
00:14:10,967 --> 00:14:11,867
Birch tree pollen?
382
00:14:11,967 --> 00:14:12,767
No.
383
00:14:12,867 --> 00:14:13,700
How about chillies?
384
00:14:13,800 --> 00:14:14,600
Yes.
385
00:14:14,700 --> 00:14:15,600
Perfect.
386
00:14:15,700 --> 00:14:16,500
Bye, Mummy.
387
00:14:17,700 --> 00:14:19,233
Well, guess that's the date.
388
00:14:19,333 --> 00:14:28,533
Yeah, I mean, unless we go
back to yours for a drink.
389
00:14:28,633 --> 00:14:29,533
Problem with that.
390
00:14:29,633 --> 00:14:31,000
Flatmates got the
rugby lads around.
391
00:14:31,100 --> 00:14:32,833
And by the time I left,
there were already quite
392
00:14:32,933 --> 00:14:35,967
a few bollox on display so.
393
00:14:36,067 --> 00:14:37,600
But we could go back to yours.
394
00:14:37,700 --> 00:14:38,900
Can't.
395
00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:40,800
Really because it's
the same problem.
396
00:14:40,900 --> 00:14:42,167
Yeah.
397
00:14:42,267 --> 00:14:45,133
And my flatmates got all
of the hockey team around
398
00:14:45,233 --> 00:14:48,400
and then they've got
their fannies out.
399
00:14:49,833 --> 00:14:52,367
Um, next time then?
400
00:14:52,467 --> 00:14:56,333
Yeah, I'd really like that.
401
00:14:56,433 --> 00:14:57,800
At least let me walk you home.
402
00:14:57,900 --> 00:14:59,100
No.
403
00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:01,700
No, honestly that's
very kind but there's,
404
00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:03,200
uh, there's really no need.
405
00:15:03,300 --> 00:15:04,633
Sorry but I insist.
406
00:15:04,733 --> 00:15:06,133
Oh, God.
407
00:15:06,233 --> 00:15:08,433
We both know what happened
on Anderson Road, last week.
408
00:15:08,533 --> 00:15:11,133
Yes, we do.
409
00:15:11,233 --> 00:15:15,900
Who could've missed it in
the local Goole newspaper?
410
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:17,967
"The Goole Times?"
411
00:15:18,067 --> 00:15:19,067
That's where I read it.
412
00:15:22,333 --> 00:15:25,100
Oh, we, uh, we really
have pushed the boat out,
413
00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:26,667
haven't we?
414
00:15:26,767 --> 00:15:29,267
Oh, just so you know, I ain't
one of those feminist people.
415
00:15:29,367 --> 00:15:31,467
No I wouldn't dream
of insulting you
416
00:15:31,567 --> 00:15:33,367
as a woman by suggesting
anything other
417
00:15:33,467 --> 00:15:36,833
than splitting the bill 50-50.
418
00:15:36,933 --> 00:15:39,000
I'll take 90-10.
419
00:15:43,467 --> 00:15:44,333
Fuck, Gary.
420
00:15:44,433 --> 00:15:45,567
How are we going
to pay these bills?
421
00:15:45,667 --> 00:15:47,033
I'm thinking, I'm thinking.
422
00:15:49,700 --> 00:15:50,500
Right.
423
00:15:50,600 --> 00:15:51,433
How about this?
424
00:15:51,533 --> 00:15:52,867
We go out through
the back window
425
00:15:52,967 --> 00:15:54,700
and let us dates pick up us tab.
426
00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:56,200
Go out through
the back window?
427
00:15:56,300 --> 00:15:58,700
That's your answer to
everything, isn't it, Gary?
428
00:15:58,800 --> 00:16:00,400
Most things, yeah.
429
00:16:00,500 --> 00:16:01,300
All right.
430
00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:02,233
Let's do it.
431
00:16:03,067 --> 00:16:04,333
Hey, Laura.
432
00:16:04,433 --> 00:16:06,100
Being in here, do you know
what it reminds me of?
433
00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:07,400
Our first date, isn't it?
434
00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:10,833
This is our cubicle,
do you remember?
435
00:16:10,933 --> 00:16:12,133
Right.
436
00:16:12,233 --> 00:16:13,467
Get your kicks off and
stand on the toilet seat
437
00:16:13,567 --> 00:16:15,167
before I change me mind.
438
00:16:19,800 --> 00:16:24,400
Hang on, didn't we already
walk down the street?
439
00:16:24,500 --> 00:16:26,833
Well, this is me.
440
00:16:26,933 --> 00:16:27,733
Which one?
441
00:16:27,833 --> 00:16:28,667
This one.
442
00:16:34,433 --> 00:16:35,767
Well, you've got my number so...
443
00:16:35,867 --> 00:16:38,533
Why have you got a wheelchair
ramp to your front door?
444
00:16:38,633 --> 00:16:43,033
Well, I think the question is,
Chris, why haven't you got one?
445
00:16:43,133 --> 00:16:44,333
Fair point.
446
00:16:44,433 --> 00:16:45,867
Installed it straight
after the paralympics.
447
00:16:45,967 --> 00:16:47,067
So don't tell me
there's no legacy.
448
00:16:47,167 --> 00:16:49,267
That fucker there,
that is your legacy.
449
00:16:53,733 --> 00:16:55,700
That was nice.
450
00:16:55,800 --> 00:16:57,800
I'll call you.
451
00:16:57,900 --> 00:16:59,667
- Bye then.
- Bye then.
452
00:17:19,700 --> 00:17:21,800
(UNDER BREATH) Off you
piss now, Christopher.
453
00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:30,000
Oh, dear lord, it's open.
454
00:17:30,100 --> 00:17:34,300
(GASPS)
455
00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:37,033
You must be the
girl from the agency.
456
00:17:37,133 --> 00:17:40,567
[wheelchair whirrs]
457
00:17:44,067 --> 00:17:46,867
Yes.
458
00:17:46,967 --> 00:17:49,700
Yes.
459
00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:52,033
That's why I'm in your house.
460
00:17:52,133 --> 00:17:54,067
Come to wash my bottom half?
461
00:17:56,500 --> 00:17:57,533
Have I?
462
00:17:57,633 --> 00:18:02,400
Or, or, or was it just
your hands this week?
463
00:18:02,500 --> 00:18:05,500
If I can't reach
it, I can't wipe it.
464
00:18:13,800 --> 00:18:15,533
Meg?
What are you doing?
465
00:18:21,267 --> 00:18:24,800
Chris, I'm sorry.
466
00:18:24,900 --> 00:18:26,233
I live in Leeds.
467
00:18:26,333 --> 00:18:28,033
And that's not my house.
468
00:18:28,133 --> 00:18:29,600
I thought I shouldn't
tell you that because it
469
00:18:29,700 --> 00:18:32,100
might make me look mental that I
come all this way just for sex.
470
00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:33,333
Not that it was just for sex.
471
00:18:33,433 --> 00:18:34,600
It was just for sex
but that was when I
472
00:18:34,700 --> 00:18:36,033
was trying to win the breakup.
473
00:18:36,133 --> 00:18:37,333
And I thought you'd be
bell-end because of your face.
474
00:18:37,433 --> 00:18:38,833
But you're not,
you're really nice.
475
00:18:38,933 --> 00:18:40,533
Even though you've got the
arms and chest of a bell-end.
476
00:18:40,633 --> 00:18:41,533
In a good way.
477
00:18:41,633 --> 00:18:43,067
There was no way I
was going to wash
478
00:18:43,167 --> 00:18:44,233
the old lady's vagina just
to keep up the pretense
479
00:18:44,333 --> 00:18:46,000
that I live in Goole.
480
00:18:46,100 --> 00:18:48,967
Look, the point is I lied.
481
00:18:49,067 --> 00:18:51,567
That's bad.
482
00:18:51,667 --> 00:18:54,967
Now, if it's what you want I'll
get back on the coach to Leeds
483
00:18:55,067 --> 00:18:56,333
and you'll never see me again.
484
00:18:56,433 --> 00:18:58,800
And we'll never know
what might have been.
485
00:18:58,900 --> 00:19:02,633
Or I could stay with you.
486
00:19:02,733 --> 00:19:04,533
And we could, who knows.
487
00:19:04,633 --> 00:19:09,267
Fall in love, start
a new life here.
488
00:19:09,367 --> 00:19:11,667
In Goole.
489
00:19:11,767 --> 00:19:13,867
Meg and Chris.
490
00:19:13,967 --> 00:19:15,800
What do you say?
491
00:19:15,900 --> 00:19:17,367
[sounds of brakes]
492
00:19:20,467 --> 00:19:21,167
Oh, God.
493
00:19:21,267 --> 00:19:22,233
I think I've lost my ticket.
494
00:19:22,333 --> 00:19:25,767
Do you take credit cards?
495
00:19:25,867 --> 00:19:28,167
Aw, come on.
496
00:19:28,267 --> 00:19:30,300
It's the last bus!
497
00:19:41,367 --> 00:19:43,667
Mmm.
498
00:19:43,767 --> 00:19:45,667
(GASPS)
499
00:19:52,133 --> 00:19:54,200
[retches and groans]
500
00:20:08,633 --> 00:20:09,533
Oh, God.
501
00:20:14,600 --> 00:20:17,233
[phone rings]
502
00:20:17,333 --> 00:20:17,967
What?
503
00:20:18,067 --> 00:20:19,233
Help me.
504
00:20:19,333 --> 00:20:21,333
I've done something
really, really silly.
505
00:20:21,433 --> 00:20:24,333
And I seriously think
that I might be dying.
506
00:20:24,433 --> 00:20:25,300
Thanks, Bunny.
507
00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:27,500
I text you "cucumber"
an hour ago.
508
00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:31,100
Believe me, you are
far, far, too late.
509
00:20:41,433 --> 00:20:43,300
Do you know you can
limit the search--
510
00:20:43,400 --> 00:20:47,233
Yes, I know you can limit
the search distance, Mark.
511
00:20:47,333 --> 00:20:49,667
Now.
512
00:20:49,767 --> 00:20:50,600
(SIGHS)
513
00:20:50,700 --> 00:20:52,067
Thanks for this.
514
00:20:52,167 --> 00:20:54,133
I can't take you all the
way to the flat, by the way.
515
00:20:54,233 --> 00:20:55,833
You'll have to walk
from Dewsbury Road.
516
00:20:55,933 --> 00:20:58,167
- Why?
- Got a date.
517
00:20:58,267 --> 00:21:00,800
Of course you have.
518
00:21:00,900 --> 00:21:01,800
Hang on, it's nearly midnight.
519
00:21:01,900 --> 00:21:04,500
What kind of date starts at--
520
00:21:04,600 --> 00:21:06,467
right.
521
00:21:06,567 --> 00:21:07,433
[phone rings]
522
00:21:12,233 --> 00:21:14,033
Bunny, we came as
quickly as we could.
523
00:21:14,133 --> 00:21:14,933
I'm so sorry.
524
00:21:15,033 --> 00:21:16,100
You OK?
525
00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:17,567
She's responding
well to treatment.
526
00:21:17,667 --> 00:21:19,267
The pain still comes
and goes in waves.
527
00:21:19,367 --> 00:21:22,033
But we're doing everything we
can to make her comfortable.
528
00:21:22,133 --> 00:21:25,033
Tom's been telling me
all about his motorbike.
529
00:21:25,133 --> 00:21:27,133
That's sounds
absolutely exciting.
530
00:21:27,233 --> 00:21:29,633
Well, I shall have to take
you for a ride sometime, Bunny.
531
00:21:29,733 --> 00:21:32,100
I mean, not while
you're still a patient.
532
00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:33,833
That would be rather
unprofessional.
533
00:21:33,933 --> 00:21:35,833
[machine beeping]
534
00:21:35,933 --> 00:21:37,800
(CRIES)
535
00:21:37,900 --> 00:21:39,167
It's OK, Bunny.
536
00:21:39,267 --> 00:21:40,967
Breathe through the pain.
537
00:21:41,067 --> 00:21:42,667
Fucking hell is she all right?
538
00:21:44,900 --> 00:21:45,733
Nurse!
539
00:21:45,833 --> 00:21:47,700
(SCREAMING) Oh, my God!
540
00:21:48,800 --> 00:21:51,267
(CRYING)
541
00:21:55,167 --> 00:22:02,667
[loud, rumbling fart]
542
00:22:02,767 --> 00:22:03,600
Ah.
543
00:22:06,967 --> 00:22:08,067
So sorry about that.
544
00:22:08,167 --> 00:22:10,633
I, um, don't know
what happened there.
545
00:22:10,733 --> 00:22:11,600
I just--
546
00:22:13,967 --> 00:22:16,000
[farting]
547
00:22:19,800 --> 00:22:20,700
Ah,
548
00:22:20,800 --> 00:22:23,433
[fart continues]
549
00:22:24,767 --> 00:22:27,967
Oh, God, that's better.
550
00:22:28,067 --> 00:22:31,233
So, Tom.
551
00:22:31,333 --> 00:22:34,433
This motorbike, is it a Harley?
552
00:22:34,533 --> 00:22:36,567
Are you sending
someone a safeword?
553
00:22:36,667 --> 00:22:37,533
I don't know what you mean.
554
00:22:37,633 --> 00:22:38,467
[pager beeps]
555
00:22:38,567 --> 00:22:40,200
Oop.
556
00:22:40,300 --> 00:22:42,600
Got to go, emergency.
557
00:22:46,733 --> 00:22:51,800
Technically, technically,
he did just ask me out.
558
00:22:51,900 --> 00:22:52,867
And you both witnessed it.
559
00:22:52,967 --> 00:22:53,800
Never been turned down.
560
00:22:55,600 --> 00:22:56,900
How was Goole, Meg?
561
00:22:57,000 --> 00:22:58,733
Goole.
Yeah, yeah.
562
00:22:58,833 --> 00:22:59,700
Nice enough town.
563
00:22:59,800 --> 00:23:00,900
I can never go back.
564
00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:02,333
How was your night?
565
00:23:02,433 --> 00:23:07,633
Well, me and Gary have a
big announcement to make.
566
00:23:07,733 --> 00:23:09,767
We've decided to come off BangR.
567
00:23:09,867 --> 00:23:12,367
Oh my god, That
is so romantic.
568
00:23:12,467 --> 00:23:15,167
I think we should
all come off BangR.
569
00:23:15,267 --> 00:23:16,233
And open a window.
570
00:23:44,333 --> 00:23:45,733
Bwak!
38350
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