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Dwight: 'Kay guys,
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this ought to get you
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up to speed.
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- The honor
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has fallen upon me
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to host this month's
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Guy Club assembly.
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[knock, knock, knock]
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- Am I late?
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- Exactly punctual, brother.
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Do come in.
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[knocking]
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Gretta: Uncle Arnolf.
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- I have no need of you.
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[magical poof]
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[magical whoosh]
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Dwight: Wha-What?
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Where did they go?
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- On a journey
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through the cosmos.
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[magical poof]
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- Doughnut anyone?
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- Keep these handy.
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You never know when
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you'll desperately want one.
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I must be off.
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- Off?
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♪
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Gretta: [lightly snoring]
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- Hey,
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where's Ms. Hernandez?
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Mr. Hammond: Good morning,
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history buffs.
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I'm Mr. Hammond
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and I'm your new teacher
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for this world history class.
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Ms. Hernandez has gone
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to New York
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to chase her dream of becoming
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a puppeteer for The Muppets.
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[silence]
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Class: [soft chuckles]
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Which...
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I maybe wasn't supposed
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to tell you, so...
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that stays between you, me,
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and these four walls.
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[soft clap]
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- Yeah.
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Gretta: [lightly snoring]
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- Let's get right into it.
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History.
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What do we mean by that?
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We talk about history.
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Uhh, Gretta Besieged?
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Gretta: [startled snore]
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- Good morning, Gretta.
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Gretta: [clears throat]
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- Can you tell us
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what you think history means?
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Gretta: Certainly.
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Uh.
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A record kept by scribes
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of a bygone time
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detailing acts of valor
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or villainy.
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Mr. Hammond: Uh,
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history definition, take it.
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- Events that have
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happened in the past.
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Mr. Hammond: Okay.
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You're not wrong.
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But what about all that stuff
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that happened in the past
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that nobody remembers?
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Those forgotten things,
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which is almost everything
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actually.
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Are they still history?
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I would encourage you
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to doubt history.
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Mistrust it.
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Consider it the dirty,
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rotten liar that it is.
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'Cause history isn't a record
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of all the things
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that've happened.
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It's a story of what
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we've chosen to remember.
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♪
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Dwight: Okay, so about
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a thousand years ago
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there was this princess, Gretta,
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and she was in big trouble
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'cause she had lots of enemies
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and not a lot of friends.
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So her court magician Baldric
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cast the champion spell.
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It put everyone in the woods
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to sleep
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until a champion would come,
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break the spell with his kiss,
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and deal with Gretta's big,
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scary enemies.
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But that guy never showed up.
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Instead...
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Ahhhh!
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[kiss]
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...they got me.
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Ah!
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♪
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Ow!
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♪
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[school bell ringing]
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Mr. Hammond: Hey there Gretta.
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Um, do either of your parents
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have any flexibility
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in their schedule?
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- I shouldn't think so.
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The one is dead
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and the other is an oak tree.
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- But her guardian
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is pretty much available
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pretty much all the time.
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- Well, um.
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Please give this
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to your uh, guardian,
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and um, let me know
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if tonight would work.
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Gretta: Tonight?
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Dwight: Here it comes.
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Look, you miss school,
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you blow off homework,
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and you sleep through class.
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This is what you get.
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Gretta/Baldric:
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Parent teacher conference.
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Baldric: A summons of some sort.
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- Oh, he just wants
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to talk to you
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about how you're doin'
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in history.
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- Oh.
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Well why didn't he
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just say that then.
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- He seeks an audience
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tonight at six of the clock.
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- Which is actually
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pretty cool of him.
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Teachers don't get overtime.
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Gretta/Baldric: Hm.
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Gretta: Ooo.
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We must be off.
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- Will there be food
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at this conference
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of barren teachers?
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Dwight: Uh, not barren teachers.
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Gretta: No, Chlodwig,
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you are not invited.
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This is for Baldric and myself
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to chronicle our noble deeds
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for posterity.
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- Wait what?
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Baldric: We have much to tell,
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Highness.
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Gretta: Don't expect us back
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before dawn.
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Baldric: [chuckling]
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Ha!
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- I should probably
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give Mr. Hammond a heads-up.
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[refrigerator rattling]
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- Did that come from...?
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[refrigerator rattling]
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- What are you guys putting
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in your fridge?
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- Only food stuffs
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and Baldric's nightgown.
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- His what?
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Why is Baldric's nightgown
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in the fridge?
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[refrigerator rattling]
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- It wants out.
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- What does?
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- Baldric's nightgown.
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- Oh come on.
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No, there has to be
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a logical explanation for--
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[powerful whoosh]
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[air hissing]
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Dronelover 99:
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And we're back!
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All: [congratulating each other]
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Dwight: It's the Guy Club guys.
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Chlodwig: Back from the cosmos.
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How was your journey, brothers?
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Dronelover 99:
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Kinda all over the place.
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Dwight: How did you get back?
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- Doughnuts.
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- Huh?
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[refrigerator rattling]
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[magical whoosh]
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- [disgustedly] Ughhh.
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- Whoa.
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Who's that?
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Chlodwig: A dead man in a chair.
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- His name's Phil.
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Dwight: Phil?
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Phil?
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Phil: [disembodied] That's me.
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I'm just happy to be here.
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Thug: Phil.
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That's Phil.
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Dwight: [confused mumbling]
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- Welcome to Guy Club,
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ancient Phil.
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- Hi.
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Dronelover 99:
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Not the guy in the wheelchair,
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the guy in the jar.
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- Pardon?
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Phil: Right here.
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See the old guy?
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See his hands?
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See the jar in his hands?
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See the good-looking gas
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in the jar?
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Dronelover 99: That's Phil.
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He's a telepathic gas
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we picked up
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in a realm called Feeech.
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Dwight: Hm.
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- [startled yell]
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I have a plan.
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Thug: [clears throat]
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No you don't Chlodwig.
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Dronelover 99:
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The plan is Chick-Fil-A, dude.
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Barkeep: Chicken strips!
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Thug: Yeah.
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- Chlodwig?
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- Impossible.
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♪
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Chlodwig/Old Chlodwig:
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Balderdash!
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Enough of this.
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How dare you, sir.
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- Holy cow.
250
00:07:05,183 --> 00:07:06,850
Chlodwig, is that really you?
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Old Chlodwig: Never doubt me.
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Chlodwig: Look at me.
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I'm so old.
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Phil: Mm, 108.
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- Eh?
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Speak up, you poop-noddy.
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Phil: We picked him up
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on a visit to the future realm.
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He wanted to come back
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to give a message
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to a princess and a magician.
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Dwight: You mean Gretta
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and Baldric?
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- Where are they?
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Dwight: At a parent teacher
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conference
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with Mr. Hammond.
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- Ohhh.
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I must tell them...
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[snoring]
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Dwight: So this is pretty much
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Woodside.
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Nice town,
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great place to grow up.
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Phil: So, what should I do
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while I'm here?
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Dwight: Well, really depends
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on what you're into.
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Uh, we have a lot
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of great hiking trails.
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There's a waterfall
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not too far from here.
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Chlodwig: Potato chips.
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Phil: I'm game for everything.
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But time is a limiting factor.
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I don't wanna overstay
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my welcome.
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Dwight: Nah, Phil,
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we love having you here.
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Phil: Well you say that now
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but you'll be singin'
292
00:08:13,518 --> 00:08:14,850
a different tune
293
00:08:14,917 --> 00:08:16,583
when I destroy
294
00:08:14,918 --> 00:08:16,583
all carbon-based life
295
00:08:16,650 --> 00:08:19,917
on this planet.
296
00:08:19,984 --> 00:08:20,917
- Pardon?
297
00:08:20,984 --> 00:08:21,750
Phil: It'll be like
298
00:08:21,817 --> 00:08:24,183
a high-pitched
299
00:08:21,818 --> 00:08:24,183
screamy kind of tune.
300
00:08:24,250 --> 00:08:25,784
- Why would you
301
00:08:24,251 --> 00:08:25,784
wanna do that?
302
00:08:25,850 --> 00:08:27,016
Phil: Oh, I wouldn't.
303
00:08:27,083 --> 00:08:30,450
But given the highly unusual
304
00:08:27,084 --> 00:08:30,450
atmosphere you guys have here,
305
00:08:30,517 --> 00:08:34,417
my containment in this jar
306
00:08:30,518 --> 00:08:34,417
is really unstable.
307
00:08:34,483 --> 00:08:36,650
- When you say unstable...
308
00:08:36,717 --> 00:08:39,350
Phil: Well, this is what we
309
00:08:36,718 --> 00:08:39,350
in Guy Club
310
00:08:39,417 --> 00:08:41,850
call a mayonnaise jar.
311
00:08:41,917 --> 00:08:44,617
It wasn't really designed
312
00:08:41,918 --> 00:08:44,617
to contain something like me,
313
00:08:44,684 --> 00:08:47,684
especially not in a place
314
00:08:44,685 --> 00:08:47,684
like this.
315
00:08:47,750 --> 00:08:51,150
And when I finally
316
00:08:47,751 --> 00:08:51,150
break through?
317
00:08:51,216 --> 00:08:53,283
So we should probably just hit
318
00:08:51,217 --> 00:08:53,283
the Woodside highlights
319
00:08:53,350 --> 00:08:56,417
and get me back to Feeech.
320
00:08:56,483 --> 00:08:57,450
Chlodwig: You have seen all.
321
00:08:57,517 --> 00:08:58,517
Dwight: Check mark on Woodside.
322
00:08:58,583 --> 00:09:05,216
Let's get you home.
323
00:09:05,283 --> 00:09:06,183
How do we do that?
324
00:09:06,250 --> 00:09:07,917
Like right now?
325
00:09:07,984 --> 00:09:13,717
Phil: We need a Doughnut.
326
00:09:13,784 --> 00:09:14,917
- A doughnut?
327
00:09:14,984 --> 00:09:17,183
Phil: From the box Arnolf
328
00:09:14,985 --> 00:09:17,183
gave to Chlodwig in the cosmos.
329
00:09:17,250 --> 00:09:18,950
Not you Chlodwig, the old one.
330
00:09:19,016 --> 00:09:23,750
He keeps them
331
00:09:19,017 --> 00:09:23,750
under his wheelie chair seat.
332
00:09:23,817 --> 00:09:26,850
Chlodwig: Where has he gone?
333
00:09:26,917 --> 00:09:29,083
Dwight: Nobody panic.
334
00:09:29,150 --> 00:09:30,050
Chlodwig: [screams]
335
00:09:30,116 --> 00:09:31,717
Dwight: [short shriek]
336
00:09:30,117 --> 00:09:31,717
I said nobody panic!
337
00:09:31,784 --> 00:09:34,417
We have to find
338
00:09:31,785 --> 00:09:34,417
old Chlodwig now.
339
00:09:34,483 --> 00:09:35,583
Chlodwig: Sir Dwight.
340
00:09:35,650 --> 00:09:38,083
You are speaking
341
00:09:35,651 --> 00:09:38,083
about a master of stealth,
342
00:09:38,150 --> 00:09:40,583
speed, and agility.
343
00:09:40,650 --> 00:09:42,717
How ever are we to find
344
00:09:40,651 --> 00:09:42,717
such a man?
345
00:09:42,784 --> 00:09:44,383
- Well, we'll just have to
346
00:09:42,785 --> 00:09:44,383
find our own master of stealth,
347
00:09:44,450 --> 00:09:46,684
speed, and agility.
348
00:09:46,750 --> 00:09:49,884
Someone who thinks
349
00:09:46,751 --> 00:09:49,884
like Chlodwig.
350
00:09:49,950 --> 00:09:52,850
Someone who plans
351
00:09:49,951 --> 00:09:52,850
like Chlodwig.
352
00:09:52,917 --> 00:09:55,016
- Mm-hm.
353
00:09:55,083 --> 00:10:01,750
- Because he is Chlodwig.
354
00:10:01,817 --> 00:10:03,517
- I have it!
355
00:10:03,583 --> 00:10:11,984
Who better to find myself
356
00:10:03,584 --> 00:10:11,984
than myself?
357
00:10:12,050 --> 00:10:12,550
- Okay.
358
00:10:12,617 --> 00:10:13,617
Let's show some hustle
359
00:10:13,684 --> 00:10:17,884
before Phil cracks his jar
360
00:10:13,685 --> 00:10:17,884
and destroys the world.
361
00:10:17,950 --> 00:10:21,116
Phil: Go-o-o guy club!
362
00:10:21,183 --> 00:10:28,483
Old Chlodwig: [panting]
363
00:10:28,550 --> 00:10:30,016
Woman: Sir?
364
00:10:30,083 --> 00:10:31,083
Are you okay?
365
00:10:31,150 --> 00:10:34,116
- Where is
366
00:10:31,151 --> 00:10:34,116
the barren teacher conference?
367
00:10:34,183 --> 00:10:34,817
- The what?
368
00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:37,316
- The barren teacher conference.
369
00:10:37,383 --> 00:10:39,183
They've gone to meet
370
00:10:37,384 --> 00:10:39,183
with Mr. Hammond.
371
00:10:39,250 --> 00:10:40,717
- You mean
372
00:10:39,251 --> 00:10:40,717
the parent teacher conference?
373
00:10:40,784 --> 00:10:41,617
Old Chlodwig: Yeah, that's it.
374
00:10:41,684 --> 00:10:42,483
Where is it?
375
00:10:42,550 --> 00:10:43,283
I must warn them.
376
00:10:43,350 --> 00:10:44,650
Woman: Uh, the school?
377
00:10:44,717 --> 00:10:46,950
Maybe Woodside Elementary?
378
00:10:47,016 --> 00:10:48,316
Woodside Middle?
379
00:10:48,383 --> 00:10:49,417
Woodside High?
380
00:10:49,483 --> 00:10:50,417
- That's the one!
381
00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:51,116
Uhh.
382
00:10:51,183 --> 00:10:52,350
Which way?
383
00:10:52,417 --> 00:10:54,850
Woman: It's about three
384
00:10:52,418 --> 00:10:54,850
or four miles that way.
385
00:10:54,917 --> 00:10:56,250
Sir, do you need a ride?
386
00:10:56,316 --> 00:10:58,150
Old Chlodwig: Oh.
387
00:10:58,216 --> 00:11:01,684
I got a ride.
388
00:11:01,750 --> 00:11:06,050
[grunt]
389
00:11:06,116 --> 00:11:07,517
Weeee!
390
00:11:07,583 --> 00:11:12,216
♪
391
00:11:12,283 --> 00:11:13,550
Dwight: Okay, Chlodwig.
392
00:11:13,617 --> 00:11:15,917
You're 108 years old,
393
00:11:13,618 --> 00:11:15,917
where would you go?
394
00:11:15,984 --> 00:11:17,216
Chlodwig: Difficult to say.
395
00:11:17,283 --> 00:11:19,817
I'm an inscrutable,
396
00:11:17,284 --> 00:11:19,817
unpredictable mystery,
397
00:11:19,884 --> 00:11:21,216
Sir Dwight.
398
00:11:21,283 --> 00:11:22,417
Even to myself.
399
00:11:22,483 --> 00:11:23,750
Phil: He has a message
400
00:11:22,484 --> 00:11:23,750
for the princess
401
00:11:23,817 --> 00:11:25,016
and the magician.
402
00:11:25,083 --> 00:11:25,817
Dwight: Gretta and Baldric.
403
00:11:25,884 --> 00:11:26,817
Phil: Where are they?
404
00:11:26,884 --> 00:11:28,283
Dwight: At the parent teacher
405
00:11:26,885 --> 00:11:28,283
conference.
406
00:11:28,350 --> 00:11:29,717
Chlodwig: After me!
407
00:11:29,784 --> 00:11:30,450
Dwight: How you feelin' Phil?
408
00:11:30,517 --> 00:11:31,517
How's that jar?
409
00:11:31,583 --> 00:11:32,483
Phil: Don't worry about it.
410
00:11:32,550 --> 00:11:34,550
Everything's going to be fine.
411
00:11:34,617 --> 00:11:37,016
Until the instant
412
00:11:34,618 --> 00:11:37,016
when it suddenly isn't.
413
00:11:37,083 --> 00:11:40,250
Dwight: [nervous groan]
414
00:11:40,316 --> 00:11:42,183
Mr. Hammond: So, Gretta.
415
00:11:42,250 --> 00:11:45,350
Tell me a little about
416
00:11:42,251 --> 00:11:45,350
your goals in world history.
417
00:11:45,417 --> 00:11:47,183
- Well, they are
418
00:11:45,418 --> 00:11:47,183
the simple goals
419
00:11:47,250 --> 00:11:48,383
of any monarch.
420
00:11:48,450 --> 00:11:51,784
To be remembered as a just,
421
00:11:48,451 --> 00:11:51,784
wise, and benevolent ruler.
422
00:11:51,850 --> 00:11:53,083
Baldric: Her people adore her
423
00:11:53,150 --> 00:11:58,083
and her enemies cower in fear
424
00:11:53,151 --> 00:11:58,083
before her.
425
00:11:58,150 --> 00:11:59,884
Write that down.
426
00:11:59,950 --> 00:12:00,817
Mm.
427
00:12:00,884 --> 00:12:04,750
♪
428
00:12:04,817 --> 00:12:12,817
- [grunting]
429
00:12:12,884 --> 00:12:14,784
Ahhhh!
430
00:12:14,850 --> 00:12:18,216
[crash]
431
00:12:18,283 --> 00:12:23,750
[panting]
432
00:12:23,817 --> 00:12:25,383
[spits]
433
00:12:25,450 --> 00:12:32,684
[grunting]
434
00:12:32,750 --> 00:12:33,483
Runner: Hey there.
435
00:12:33,550 --> 00:12:34,684
Where you headed, buddy?
436
00:12:34,750 --> 00:12:38,083
- To the conference
437
00:12:34,751 --> 00:12:38,083
of parent leeches
438
00:12:38,150 --> 00:12:40,650
at Woodside High.
439
00:12:40,717 --> 00:12:41,717
- All right, well,
440
00:12:40,718 --> 00:12:41,717
I'm headed that way.
441
00:12:41,784 --> 00:12:43,283
You want a push?
442
00:12:43,350 --> 00:12:44,283
Yeah?
443
00:12:44,350 --> 00:12:46,950
All right.
444
00:12:47,016 --> 00:12:47,984
- Faster!
445
00:12:48,050 --> 00:12:50,517
- Faster!
446
00:12:50,583 --> 00:12:52,283
- You wanna do the pedaling?
447
00:12:52,350 --> 00:12:56,650
Phil: Uh-oh.
448
00:12:56,717 --> 00:12:57,383
Chlodwig: What's amiss?
449
00:12:57,450 --> 00:12:57,917
Dwight: Phil said uh-oh.
450
00:12:57,984 --> 00:12:58,617
What uh-oh?
451
00:12:58,684 --> 00:13:00,383
Phil: Oh, never mind.
452
00:13:00,450 --> 00:13:01,450
- Never mind?
453
00:13:01,517 --> 00:13:03,850
Phil: I don't want you guys
454
00:13:01,518 --> 00:13:03,850
to worry.
455
00:13:03,917 --> 00:13:05,817
- We are already worried, Phil.
456
00:13:05,884 --> 00:13:06,917
That mayonnaise jar
457
00:13:05,885 --> 00:13:06,917
is the only thing
458
00:13:06,984 --> 00:13:08,483
keeping you from destroying
459
00:13:06,985 --> 00:13:08,483
all carbon-based life
460
00:13:08,550 --> 00:13:09,784
on this planet.
461
00:13:09,850 --> 00:13:10,450
Phil: Well yeah.
462
00:13:10,517 --> 00:13:11,383
[light cracking]
463
00:13:11,450 --> 00:13:13,283
And it's cracking.
464
00:13:13,350 --> 00:13:15,483
I don't do well in tight spaces.
465
00:13:15,550 --> 00:13:17,583
I need my wiggle room.
466
00:13:17,650 --> 00:13:18,784
- We've gotta get you
467
00:13:17,651 --> 00:13:18,784
out of there.
468
00:13:18,850 --> 00:13:20,250
Phil: In the next six
469
00:13:18,851 --> 00:13:20,250
or seven minutes
470
00:13:20,316 --> 00:13:21,784
would be ideal.
471
00:13:21,850 --> 00:13:22,850
- Oh geez.
472
00:13:22,917 --> 00:13:23,717
- I have a plan!
473
00:13:23,784 --> 00:13:24,684
Dwight: Not now Chlodwig.
474
00:13:24,750 --> 00:13:25,950
We have to get Phil out
475
00:13:24,751 --> 00:13:25,950
of that mayonnaise jar
476
00:13:26,016 --> 00:13:27,617
and into something
477
00:13:26,017 --> 00:13:27,617
with wiggle room.
478
00:13:27,684 --> 00:13:28,684
- I have it.
479
00:13:28,750 --> 00:13:29,684
Dwight: Chlodwig,
480
00:13:29,750 --> 00:13:31,083
the world is gonna end
481
00:13:29,751 --> 00:13:31,083
in five to six minutes
482
00:13:31,150 --> 00:13:33,283
if we don't think of something.
483
00:13:33,350 --> 00:13:37,016
Children: [squealing]
484
00:13:37,083 --> 00:13:38,917
Dwight: Oh, that could work.
485
00:13:38,984 --> 00:13:40,617
Runner: Okay man.
486
00:13:40,684 --> 00:13:44,283
So, Woodside High is just
487
00:13:40,685 --> 00:13:44,283
a block that way.
488
00:13:44,350 --> 00:13:46,950
Sorry, but I got a brisket
489
00:13:44,351 --> 00:13:46,950
in the crock pot.
490
00:13:47,016 --> 00:13:50,083
Chlodwig: Ohhh,
491
00:13:47,017 --> 00:13:50,083
I know that feeling.
492
00:13:50,150 --> 00:13:51,483
Runner: All right, so you sure
493
00:13:50,151 --> 00:13:51,483
you got it from here?
494
00:13:51,550 --> 00:13:53,016
- Most certainly.
495
00:13:53,083 --> 00:13:54,583
I'm quite capable.
496
00:13:54,650 --> 00:13:56,150
Runner: All right, well you have
497
00:13:54,651 --> 00:13:56,150
a good one brother.
498
00:13:56,216 --> 00:13:59,917
Old Chlodwig: [panting]
499
00:13:59,984 --> 00:14:09,417
[grunting]
500
00:14:09,483 --> 00:14:11,684
Oh floof.
501
00:14:11,750 --> 00:14:19,717
Ahhhhh!
502
00:14:19,784 --> 00:14:23,116
Dwight: Okay.
503
00:14:23,183 --> 00:14:24,517
Justin: Okay Phil.
504
00:14:24,583 --> 00:14:25,917
Nozzle valve's in place.
505
00:14:25,984 --> 00:14:26,750
Phil: Great!
506
00:14:26,817 --> 00:14:28,550
Thanks Justin!
507
00:14:28,617 --> 00:14:29,950
Chlodwig, you found a hammer?
508
00:14:30,016 --> 00:14:30,884
Chlodwig: Yes.
509
00:14:30,950 --> 00:14:34,350
Phil: Now ever so gently,
510
00:14:30,951 --> 00:14:34,350
suuuper gently,
511
00:14:34,417 --> 00:14:37,950
just as extra incredibly gently
512
00:14:34,418 --> 00:14:37,950
as you can,
513
00:14:38,016 --> 00:14:39,250
hammer the nozzle valve
514
00:14:39,316 --> 00:14:41,050
through the lid
515
00:14:39,317 --> 00:14:41,050
of the mayonnaise jar
516
00:14:41,116 --> 00:14:44,383
while being veeery gentle.
517
00:14:44,450 --> 00:14:45,283
Dwight: This is it guys.
518
00:14:45,350 --> 00:14:46,984
Phil: Did you get
519
00:14:45,351 --> 00:14:46,984
the gentle part?
520
00:14:47,050 --> 00:14:48,083
Dwight: Chlodwig?
521
00:14:48,150 --> 00:14:49,517
No matter what happens,
522
00:14:49,583 --> 00:14:52,383
you're always gonna be
523
00:14:49,584 --> 00:14:52,383
my brother.
524
00:14:52,450 --> 00:14:53,750
Oh and Justin,
525
00:14:53,817 --> 00:14:57,350
it's been an honor knowing you
526
00:14:53,818 --> 00:14:57,350
these past five or six minutes.
527
00:14:57,417 --> 00:14:59,950
- Let's save the world, men.
528
00:15:00,083 --> 00:15:01,483
You ready, Phil?
529
00:15:01,550 --> 00:15:02,817
Phil: Ready!
530
00:15:02,884 --> 00:15:04,850
Gently.
531
00:15:04,917 --> 00:15:06,450
Gennntly.
532
00:15:06,517 --> 00:15:07,150
[pop!]
533
00:15:07,216 --> 00:15:10,050
Dwight/Justin/Chlodwig: [shriek]
534
00:15:10,116 --> 00:15:11,417
Phil: That girl is adorable,
535
00:15:11,483 --> 00:15:17,116
but I'm about to destroy
536
00:15:11,484 --> 00:15:17,116
the world.
537
00:15:17,183 --> 00:15:18,050
[tap, tap]
538
00:15:18,116 --> 00:15:18,550
Phil: Gently!
539
00:15:18,617 --> 00:15:19,216
[tap]
540
00:15:19,283 --> 00:15:24,116
Justin: [frightened groan]
541
00:15:24,183 --> 00:15:25,684
We have pressure!
542
00:15:25,750 --> 00:15:26,383
Dwight: Okay.
543
00:15:26,450 --> 00:15:31,083
Moving balloon into position.
544
00:15:31,150 --> 00:15:33,216
Justin: Commencing
545
00:15:31,151 --> 00:15:33,216
gas transference.
546
00:15:33,283 --> 00:15:35,517
See you on the other side Phil.
547
00:15:35,583 --> 00:15:39,984
[air hissing]
548
00:15:40,050 --> 00:15:41,984
Phil: Well done, boys!
549
00:15:42,050 --> 00:15:46,950
Dwight/Justin/Chlodwig:
550
00:15:42,051 --> 00:15:46,950
[relieved laughter]
551
00:15:47,016 --> 00:15:51,717
Phil: And that's how
552
00:15:47,017 --> 00:15:51,717
you do that.
553
00:15:51,784 --> 00:16:01,817
Old Chlodwig: [panting]
554
00:16:03,950 --> 00:16:05,717
[grunts]
555
00:16:05,784 --> 00:16:07,650
You jabber-nulling,
556
00:16:05,785 --> 00:16:07,650
pop-doodling,
557
00:16:07,717 --> 00:16:13,450
yellow-feathered liver-eater!
558
00:16:13,517 --> 00:16:15,283
Dwight: [sigh]
559
00:16:15,350 --> 00:16:16,016
You good, Phil?
560
00:16:16,083 --> 00:16:16,850
You got your wiggle room?
561
00:16:16,917 --> 00:16:17,650
Phil: Oh yeah.
562
00:16:17,717 --> 00:16:19,250
So much better.
563
00:16:19,316 --> 00:16:22,083
This ought to hold me
564
00:16:19,317 --> 00:16:22,083
for a good 40 minutes.
565
00:16:22,150 --> 00:16:23,116
- Forty minutes?
566
00:16:23,183 --> 00:16:25,383
Phil: An eternity
567
00:16:23,184 --> 00:16:25,383
on some worlds.
568
00:16:25,450 --> 00:16:27,583
- Well on this world
569
00:16:25,451 --> 00:16:27,583
it's 40 minutes!
570
00:16:27,650 --> 00:16:29,116
Chlodwig: We must find
571
00:16:27,651 --> 00:16:29,116
my ancient self
572
00:16:29,183 --> 00:16:35,250
and retrieve
573
00:16:29,184 --> 00:16:35,250
my ancient doughnuts.
574
00:16:35,316 --> 00:16:38,450
Dwight: Time's tickin'.
575
00:16:38,517 --> 00:16:39,550
Gretta: By the age of 10
576
00:16:39,617 --> 00:16:41,050
I had already vanquished
577
00:16:39,618 --> 00:16:41,050
a dragon
578
00:16:41,116 --> 00:16:44,283
and driven a mob of orcs
579
00:16:41,117 --> 00:16:44,283
out of my kingdom.
580
00:16:44,350 --> 00:16:45,483
- Your kingdom?
581
00:16:45,550 --> 00:16:47,517
- Rogemore,
582
00:16:45,551 --> 00:16:47,517
we've been over this.
583
00:16:47,583 --> 00:16:50,817
Baldric: Long may it flourish.
584
00:16:50,884 --> 00:16:51,884
- Wow.
585
00:16:51,950 --> 00:16:53,650
I sure appreciate you both
586
00:16:51,951 --> 00:16:53,650
coming in.
587
00:16:53,717 --> 00:16:54,517
- Ooh!
588
00:16:54,583 --> 00:16:56,717
Which leads us
589
00:16:54,584 --> 00:16:56,717
to my early adolescence.
590
00:16:56,784 --> 00:16:57,617
Baldric: Ha.
591
00:16:57,684 --> 00:16:58,950
Gretta: A time of trial
592
00:16:57,685 --> 00:16:58,950
that tempered me
593
00:16:59,016 --> 00:17:01,583
like a fine steel blade.
594
00:17:01,650 --> 00:17:03,250
- Oh-ho!
595
00:17:03,316 --> 00:17:04,817
Indeed.
596
00:17:04,884 --> 00:17:07,650
This is good.
597
00:17:07,717 --> 00:17:17,150
- [struggling]
598
00:17:17,216 --> 00:17:19,116
Huzzah!
599
00:17:19,183 --> 00:17:21,684
Victory.
600
00:17:21,750 --> 00:17:23,617
[grunting]
601
00:17:23,684 --> 00:17:24,750
- Man.
602
00:17:24,817 --> 00:17:26,250
That's quite a story.
603
00:17:26,316 --> 00:17:27,316
- Ah.
604
00:17:27,383 --> 00:17:28,383
Mr. Hammond: But,
605
00:17:27,384 --> 00:17:28,383
it's getting kind of late so--
606
00:17:28,450 --> 00:17:29,316
Baldric: Oh!
607
00:17:29,383 --> 00:17:31,583
But we're just getting
608
00:17:29,384 --> 00:17:31,583
to the good part.
609
00:17:31,650 --> 00:17:32,750
- Of course you are.
610
00:17:32,817 --> 00:17:34,884
Gretta: Now, imagine my surprise
611
00:17:32,818 --> 00:17:34,884
when I awaken
612
00:17:34,950 --> 00:17:37,583
to see Sir Dwight
613
00:17:34,951 --> 00:17:37,583
staring me in the face.
614
00:17:37,650 --> 00:17:39,617
- [laughing]
615
00:17:39,684 --> 00:17:40,383
- Dwight?
616
00:17:40,450 --> 00:17:41,316
- Not what I expected
617
00:17:41,383 --> 00:17:43,383
but he has risen to the task
618
00:17:41,384 --> 00:17:43,383
commendably.
619
00:17:43,450 --> 00:17:44,083
- Mm.
620
00:17:44,150 --> 00:17:45,150
- From world history class?
621
00:17:45,216 --> 00:17:46,216
Gretta: Indeed, yes.
622
00:17:46,283 --> 00:17:47,383
Mr. Hammond: The kid who sits
623
00:17:46,284 --> 00:17:47,383
in the front row?
624
00:17:47,450 --> 00:17:48,517
- That's the one.
625
00:17:48,583 --> 00:17:50,750
- The guy
626
00:17:48,584 --> 00:17:50,750
who volunteered to organize
627
00:17:50,817 --> 00:17:52,116
the history fair?
628
00:17:52,183 --> 00:17:54,817
Old Chlodwig: Where is the
629
00:17:52,184 --> 00:17:54,817
errant teacher conference?
630
00:17:54,884 --> 00:17:55,383
Mr. Hammond: What the--
631
00:17:55,450 --> 00:17:56,650
[confused stuttering]
632
00:17:56,717 --> 00:17:57,984
Is he with you?
633
00:17:58,050 --> 00:18:01,083
Gretta: Are you lost,
634
00:17:58,051 --> 00:18:01,083
ancient one?
635
00:18:01,150 --> 00:18:01,884
- Gretta?
636
00:18:01,950 --> 00:18:02,884
[gasp]
637
00:18:02,950 --> 00:18:04,083
Gretta: Do I know you?
638
00:18:04,150 --> 00:18:08,216
Old Chlodwig: I have a warning
639
00:18:04,151 --> 00:18:08,216
from the future.
640
00:18:08,283 --> 00:18:09,250
- From the future?
641
00:18:09,316 --> 00:18:10,717
- What warning?
642
00:18:10,784 --> 00:18:14,350
- Doom, doom, doooom!
643
00:18:14,417 --> 00:18:15,750
Mr. Hammond: Sir, are you okay?
644
00:18:15,817 --> 00:18:17,283
Old Chlodwig: Ohh,
645
00:18:15,818 --> 00:18:17,283
out of my way.
646
00:18:17,350 --> 00:18:23,917
Gretta, Baldric,
647
00:18:17,351 --> 00:18:23,917
you must listen.
648
00:18:23,984 --> 00:18:26,283
- I think
649
00:18:23,985 --> 00:18:26,283
he might be having a stroke.
650
00:18:26,350 --> 00:18:28,183
- Step aside.
651
00:18:28,250 --> 00:18:29,150
- We're listening.
652
00:18:29,216 --> 00:18:31,350
What is your warning?
653
00:18:31,417 --> 00:18:33,183
- My warning.
654
00:18:33,250 --> 00:18:34,050
Baldric/Gretta: Yes.
655
00:18:34,116 --> 00:18:35,583
Old Chlodwig: Eh, um,
656
00:18:34,117 --> 00:18:35,583
I don't recall.
657
00:18:35,650 --> 00:18:37,483
I'm um...
658
00:18:37,550 --> 00:18:43,183
I know I had a warning
659
00:18:37,551 --> 00:18:43,183
and it was a very good warning.
660
00:18:43,250 --> 00:18:46,383
It was, um.
661
00:18:46,450 --> 00:18:52,984
Never eat the last lemon fritter
662
00:18:46,451 --> 00:18:52,984
at a dwarf banquet.
663
00:18:53,050 --> 00:18:54,917
- Prince Chlodwig?
664
00:18:54,984 --> 00:18:56,016
Dwight: [short yelp]
665
00:18:56,083 --> 00:18:57,583
Chlodwig!
666
00:18:57,650 --> 00:18:58,950
Chlodwig: Ancient self.
667
00:18:59,016 --> 00:19:01,150
Mr. Hammond: Dwight,
668
00:18:59,017 --> 00:19:01,150
do you know this man?
669
00:19:01,216 --> 00:19:01,850
Dwight: Yeah.
670
00:19:01,917 --> 00:19:03,183
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
671
00:19:03,250 --> 00:19:04,116
No, no, he's with me.
672
00:19:04,183 --> 00:19:04,817
I'm with him.
673
00:19:04,884 --> 00:19:06,350
I just, I have to find a, a...
674
00:19:06,417 --> 00:19:09,283
Old Chlodwig:
675
00:19:06,418 --> 00:19:09,283
Hands to your own person.
676
00:19:09,350 --> 00:19:10,083
- They're not here.
677
00:19:10,150 --> 00:19:11,050
Gretta: What's not here?
678
00:19:11,116 --> 00:19:12,550
- The doughnuts Phil,
679
00:19:11,117 --> 00:19:12,550
they're not here.
680
00:19:12,617 --> 00:19:13,550
- Who's Phil?
681
00:19:13,617 --> 00:19:14,383
Phil: That's me.
682
00:19:14,450 --> 00:19:15,650
Just passin' through.
683
00:19:15,717 --> 00:19:16,784
[laughs]
684
00:19:16,850 --> 00:19:17,984
Little gas joke.
685
00:19:18,050 --> 00:19:20,850
- Where are the doughnuts,
686
00:19:18,051 --> 00:19:20,850
grandpa?
687
00:19:20,917 --> 00:19:23,884
- They're all gone.
688
00:19:23,950 --> 00:19:25,283
Baldric: We can stop
689
00:19:23,951 --> 00:19:25,283
for more doughnuts
690
00:19:25,350 --> 00:19:26,550
on the way home, Sir Dwight.
691
00:19:26,617 --> 00:19:29,050
Dwight: No, no, no,
692
00:19:26,618 --> 00:19:29,050
we need his doughnuts.
693
00:19:29,116 --> 00:19:35,950
Old Chlodwig: I used them up
694
00:19:29,117 --> 00:19:35,950
getting here.
695
00:19:36,016 --> 00:19:37,083
- Can we still stop
696
00:19:36,017 --> 00:19:37,083
and get doughnuts
697
00:19:37,150 --> 00:19:38,583
on the way home?
698
00:19:38,650 --> 00:19:40,250
- How much time
699
00:19:38,651 --> 00:19:40,250
we got, Phil?
700
00:19:40,316 --> 00:19:45,550
Phil: Feels like oh, I'd say
701
00:19:40,317 --> 00:19:45,550
about 20 minutes-ish.
702
00:19:45,617 --> 00:19:49,717
- Where are your doughnuts,
703
00:19:45,618 --> 00:19:49,717
you fop-doodle?
704
00:19:49,784 --> 00:19:51,116
Chlodwig: Fop-doodle?
705
00:19:51,183 --> 00:19:54,583
- Think, you lubber-wart.
706
00:19:54,650 --> 00:19:54,950
- Oh.
707
00:19:55,016 --> 00:19:56,050
- Oh dear.
708
00:19:56,116 --> 00:19:58,850
Old Chlodwig: Your first journey
709
00:19:56,117 --> 00:19:58,850
through the cosmos.
710
00:19:58,917 --> 00:20:06,717
What did Uncle Arnolf give you
711
00:19:58,918 --> 00:20:06,717
to bring back?
712
00:20:06,784 --> 00:20:09,350
Dwight/Chlodwig: Doughnuts!
713
00:20:09,417 --> 00:20:10,583
Dwight: Go, go!
714
00:20:10,650 --> 00:20:11,684
Gotta go.
715
00:20:11,750 --> 00:20:12,517
Thanks, Mr. Hammond.
716
00:20:12,583 --> 00:20:13,784
Love your class!
717
00:20:13,850 --> 00:20:16,216
[hurried groaning]
718
00:20:16,283 --> 00:20:17,550
- Same time tomorrow.
719
00:20:17,617 --> 00:20:22,083
Hm.
720
00:20:22,150 --> 00:20:23,550
Dwight: You didn't
721
00:20:22,151 --> 00:20:23,550
throw them away did you?
722
00:20:23,617 --> 00:20:25,383
Gretta: Uncle Arnolf
723
00:20:23,618 --> 00:20:25,383
told us not to.
724
00:20:25,450 --> 00:20:27,383
Baldric: He said they could
725
00:20:25,451 --> 00:20:27,383
prove useful.
726
00:20:27,450 --> 00:20:29,784
Phil: That guy's hilarious.
727
00:20:29,850 --> 00:20:31,150
- The ice box.
728
00:20:31,216 --> 00:20:32,150
Chlodwig: Oh.
729
00:20:32,216 --> 00:20:42,183
Dwight/Chlodwig: [grunting]
730
00:20:44,417 --> 00:20:46,316
Baldric: My nightgown!
731
00:20:46,383 --> 00:20:48,316
Dwight: Okay, I gotta know
732
00:20:46,384 --> 00:20:48,316
before Phil blows us all up.
733
00:20:48,383 --> 00:20:51,083
Why is your nightgown
734
00:20:48,384 --> 00:20:51,083
in the freezer?
735
00:20:51,150 --> 00:20:54,617
Baldric: I like a cold nightgown
736
00:20:51,151 --> 00:20:54,617
on a warm night.
737
00:20:54,684 --> 00:20:56,150
- And why not?
738
00:20:56,216 --> 00:21:01,650
- Huzzah!
739
00:21:01,717 --> 00:21:02,717
Two left.
740
00:21:02,784 --> 00:21:04,250
Phil: Take one out,
741
00:21:02,785 --> 00:21:04,250
throw it up in the air,
742
00:21:04,316 --> 00:21:06,550
and I will do the rest.
743
00:21:06,617 --> 00:21:07,817
Oh!
744
00:21:07,884 --> 00:21:11,650
And don't any of you think about
745
00:21:07,885 --> 00:21:11,650
any specific times or locations
746
00:21:11,717 --> 00:21:13,316
while the doughnut's in the air.
747
00:21:13,383 --> 00:21:14,617
You don't wanna confuse it.
748
00:21:14,684 --> 00:21:15,750
- 'Kay?
749
00:21:15,817 --> 00:21:19,817
So I'll just think
750
00:21:15,818 --> 00:21:19,817
of Cap'n Crunch.
751
00:21:19,884 --> 00:21:22,984
I mean that can't be considered
752
00:21:19,885 --> 00:21:22,984
a time or a destination, right?
753
00:21:23,050 --> 00:21:25,717
Phil: We'll see, won't we?
754
00:21:25,784 --> 00:21:29,417
Baldric: I shall think
755
00:21:25,785 --> 00:21:29,417
of my toes.
756
00:21:29,483 --> 00:21:32,350
Gretta: I shall think about
757
00:21:29,484 --> 00:21:32,350
how to spell perseverance.
758
00:21:32,417 --> 00:21:33,917
Baldric: Ah.
759
00:21:33,984 --> 00:21:34,917
Chlodwig: Wait, wait, wait.
760
00:21:34,984 --> 00:21:36,050
- Gotta go.
761
00:21:36,116 --> 00:21:38,050
Lives of billions hangin'
762
00:21:36,117 --> 00:21:38,050
in the balance here, man.
763
00:21:38,116 --> 00:21:39,517
- I've got it.
764
00:21:39,583 --> 00:21:45,116
I shall think of nothing at all.
765
00:21:45,183 --> 00:21:46,016
Dwight: Love it.
766
00:21:46,083 --> 00:21:46,817
Ready, Phil?
767
00:21:46,884 --> 00:21:48,483
Phil: Nice meeting you guys.
768
00:21:48,550 --> 00:21:51,550
Glad I didn't blow you all
769
00:21:48,551 --> 00:21:51,550
to smithers.
770
00:21:51,617 --> 00:21:52,550
- Ready?
771
00:21:52,617 --> 00:21:56,617
Phil: Ready.
772
00:21:56,684 --> 00:21:59,917
Take me to Feeeeech!
773
00:21:59,984 --> 00:22:04,717
[magical whoosh]
774
00:22:04,784 --> 00:22:07,283
Dwight: [nervous breathing]
775
00:22:07,350 --> 00:22:07,950
Wow.
776
00:22:08,016 --> 00:22:08,684
Okay.
777
00:22:08,750 --> 00:22:11,483
I need to, I need to sit down.
778
00:22:11,550 --> 00:22:14,116
- My turn.
779
00:22:14,183 --> 00:22:16,316
- Not so soon, ancient self.
780
00:22:16,383 --> 00:22:18,684
We have so much to discuss.
781
00:22:18,750 --> 00:22:20,316
- It's time to go.
782
00:22:20,383 --> 00:22:21,617
- But...
783
00:22:21,684 --> 00:22:23,984
my future.
784
00:22:24,050 --> 00:22:28,283
What must I know?
785
00:22:28,350 --> 00:22:36,684
- You already know
786
00:22:28,351 --> 00:22:36,684
everything you must know.
787
00:22:36,750 --> 00:22:39,817
- Farewell, ancient self.
788
00:22:39,884 --> 00:22:47,817
- Get on with it,
789
00:22:39,885 --> 00:22:47,817
you whippersnapper.
790
00:22:47,884 --> 00:22:50,950
Take me to my lady's arms.
791
00:22:51,016 --> 00:22:55,083
[magical whoosh]
792
00:22:55,150 --> 00:22:57,917
Gretta: [short laugh]
793
00:22:57,984 --> 00:23:01,817
Dwight: Did he say lady's arms?
794
00:23:01,884 --> 00:23:03,517
Gretta: Incredible.
795
00:23:03,583 --> 00:23:05,483
- Tell us.
796
00:23:05,550 --> 00:23:06,483
What was the message
797
00:23:06,550 --> 00:23:09,450
my ancient self so wanted
798
00:23:06,551 --> 00:23:09,450
to share with you?
799
00:23:09,517 --> 00:23:11,450
Gretta: Oh.
800
00:23:11,517 --> 00:23:13,617
[clears throat]
801
00:23:13,684 --> 00:23:18,483
Never eat the last lemon fritter
802
00:23:13,685 --> 00:23:18,483
at a dwarf banquet.
803
00:23:18,550 --> 00:23:19,950
- You're kidding me.
804
00:23:20,016 --> 00:23:23,350
That was the message?
805
00:23:23,417 --> 00:23:24,583
- Excellent advice.
806
00:23:24,650 --> 00:23:26,150
♪
47336
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