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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,417 --> 00:00:01,784 [ominous music] 2 00:00:01,850 --> 00:00:04,250 [birds chirping] 3 00:00:04,316 --> 00:00:06,250 [bike chain clicking] 4 00:00:06,316 --> 00:00:14,517 [birds continue chirping] 5 00:00:14,583 --> 00:00:20,216 Chlodwig: It all began 6 00:00:14,584 --> 00:00:20,216 on that fateful day. 7 00:00:20,283 --> 00:00:22,650 [camera buzzing] 8 00:00:22,717 --> 00:00:25,183 [bird calling] 9 00:00:25,250 --> 00:00:26,083 [crash] 10 00:00:26,150 --> 00:00:27,316 Chlodwig: You remember the one. 11 00:00:27,383 --> 00:00:29,083 Dwight: [screaming] 12 00:00:29,150 --> 00:00:32,884 [crash] 13 00:00:32,950 --> 00:00:34,617 [kiss] 14 00:00:34,684 --> 00:00:39,483 [coughs] 15 00:00:39,550 --> 00:00:41,350 [whoosh] 16 00:00:41,417 --> 00:00:44,684 [magical thrum] 17 00:00:44,750 --> 00:00:47,283 [birds calling] 18 00:00:47,350 --> 00:00:54,316 ♪ 19 00:00:47,351 --> 00:00:54,316 [bushes rustling] 20 00:00:54,383 --> 00:00:56,583 Chlodwig: Get this off of me. 21 00:00:56,650 --> 00:00:58,850 Urgh! 22 00:00:58,917 --> 00:01:01,717 Pfft. 23 00:01:01,784 --> 00:01:05,050 Hm. 24 00:01:05,116 --> 00:01:09,216 ♪ 25 00:01:05,117 --> 00:01:09,216 [bushes continue rustling] 26 00:01:09,283 --> 00:01:11,150 [grunts] 27 00:01:11,216 --> 00:01:13,517 [yawns] 28 00:01:13,583 --> 00:01:15,917 Now, what was I about? 29 00:01:15,984 --> 00:01:22,016 ♪ 30 00:01:22,083 --> 00:01:29,050 [paper rustling] 31 00:01:29,116 --> 00:01:31,450 There you are, my love. 32 00:01:31,517 --> 00:01:33,717 Thought you could hide, 33 00:01:31,518 --> 00:01:33,717 little goose? 34 00:01:33,784 --> 00:01:37,684 ♪ 35 00:01:37,750 --> 00:01:40,183 [softly groans] 36 00:01:40,250 --> 00:01:42,583 I'm coming, my darling. 37 00:01:42,650 --> 00:01:45,617 And won't you be surprised. 38 00:01:45,684 --> 00:01:47,750 Gretta: Hold just a moment. 39 00:01:47,817 --> 00:01:49,917 You carried around my portrait? 40 00:01:49,984 --> 00:01:51,650 Chlodwig: 'Twas 41 00:01:49,985 --> 00:01:51,650 a long time ago. 42 00:01:51,717 --> 00:01:52,216 Gretta: [shudders] 43 00:01:52,283 --> 00:01:53,150 - Still creepy, dude. 44 00:01:53,216 --> 00:01:55,283 - Don't interrupt, 45 00:01:53,217 --> 00:01:55,283 I am telling a story. 46 00:01:55,350 --> 00:01:57,450 ♪ 47 00:02:04,250 --> 00:02:07,316 I could've sworn 48 00:02:04,251 --> 00:02:07,316 it was here. 49 00:02:07,383 --> 00:02:09,250 How does one lose a castle? 50 00:02:09,316 --> 00:02:10,517 [crash] 51 00:02:10,583 --> 00:02:12,483 Chlodwig: [screaming] 52 00:02:12,550 --> 00:02:14,784 [crash] 53 00:02:14,850 --> 00:02:15,884 Dwight: Whew, yeah. 54 00:02:15,950 --> 00:02:18,717 Now, that-that's a hard fall. 55 00:02:18,784 --> 00:02:21,950 ♪ 56 00:02:22,016 --> 00:02:23,917 Chlodwig: Pffft. 57 00:02:23,984 --> 00:02:26,183 [coughs] 58 00:02:26,250 --> 00:02:33,216 [softly groans] 59 00:02:33,283 --> 00:02:37,116 [coughs] 60 00:02:37,183 --> 00:02:41,784 [groans] 61 00:02:41,850 --> 00:02:43,116 [yelling] Princess? 62 00:02:43,183 --> 00:02:44,550 ♪ 63 00:02:44,617 --> 00:02:46,684 Long, long ago, 64 00:02:44,618 --> 00:02:46,684 I set out to win the heart 65 00:02:46,750 --> 00:02:50,850 of a princess who has a knack 66 00:02:46,751 --> 00:02:50,850 for making enemies. 67 00:02:50,917 --> 00:02:53,817 So, her magician cast 68 00:02:50,918 --> 00:02:53,817 the most inconsiderate spell 69 00:02:53,884 --> 00:02:57,950 that put me and all the woods 70 00:02:53,885 --> 00:02:57,950 to sleep. 71 00:02:58,016 --> 00:03:01,316 I slept and slept 72 00:02:58,017 --> 00:03:01,316 and slept and slept. 73 00:03:01,383 --> 00:03:05,383 I'd be sleeping still 74 00:03:01,384 --> 00:03:05,383 if fate had not intervened. 75 00:03:05,450 --> 00:03:06,350 Dwight: [screaming] 76 00:03:06,417 --> 00:03:06,984 [crash] 77 00:03:07,050 --> 00:03:10,183 [kiss] 78 00:03:10,250 --> 00:03:11,050 Dwight: Ah! 79 00:03:11,116 --> 00:03:15,350 ♪ 80 00:03:15,417 --> 00:03:16,083 Dwight: Ow! 81 00:03:16,150 --> 00:03:26,116 ♪ 82 00:03:31,083 --> 00:03:33,784 ♪ 83 00:03:33,850 --> 00:03:35,450 - Where is she? 84 00:03:35,517 --> 00:03:37,183 - Who are you? 85 00:03:37,250 --> 00:03:39,784 Baldric: Hexela. 86 00:03:39,850 --> 00:03:43,650 Gretta: What were you doing 87 00:03:39,851 --> 00:03:43,650 skulking about my castle? 88 00:03:43,717 --> 00:03:44,617 - That is not a period 89 00:03:43,718 --> 00:03:44,617 of my life 90 00:03:44,684 --> 00:03:45,717 that I care to recall. 91 00:03:45,784 --> 00:03:46,784 Hm. 92 00:03:46,850 --> 00:03:48,617 Gretta: Oh. 93 00:03:48,684 --> 00:03:51,583 - Is she... dead? 94 00:03:51,650 --> 00:03:54,350 - Is who dead? 95 00:03:54,417 --> 00:03:57,750 - That would save me 96 00:03:54,418 --> 00:03:57,750 so much bother. 97 00:03:57,817 --> 00:03:59,950 - Dear heaven. 98 00:04:00,083 --> 00:04:03,884 You are old! 99 00:04:03,950 --> 00:04:06,450 You're the most ancient hag 100 00:04:03,951 --> 00:04:06,450 I've ever beheld! 101 00:04:06,517 --> 00:04:07,083 - [growls] 102 00:04:07,150 --> 00:04:07,950 Chlodwig: I have to ask-- 103 00:04:08,016 --> 00:04:09,850 How are you not dead yet? 104 00:04:09,917 --> 00:04:10,817 - [gasps] 105 00:04:10,884 --> 00:04:14,817 I'll ask the questions, 106 00:04:10,885 --> 00:04:14,817 you sputtle puffkin! 107 00:04:14,884 --> 00:04:17,450 Chlodwig: Sputtle puffkin, 108 00:04:14,885 --> 00:04:17,450 is it? 109 00:04:17,517 --> 00:04:19,016 - What happened? 110 00:04:19,083 --> 00:04:20,550 - I fell 111 00:04:19,084 --> 00:04:20,550 a sizeable distance 112 00:04:20,617 --> 00:04:21,850 down a hole. 113 00:04:21,917 --> 00:04:23,183 - Not to you, you oaf. 114 00:04:23,250 --> 00:04:27,050 To this castle! 115 00:04:27,116 --> 00:04:32,984 Ah! 116 00:04:33,050 --> 00:04:39,216 By walking these pixies... 117 00:04:39,283 --> 00:04:40,316 Oh, confound it. 118 00:04:40,383 --> 00:04:42,016 Who can read this tiny writing? 119 00:04:42,083 --> 00:04:43,383 [frustrated groan] 120 00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:47,517 - "By waking 121 00:04:43,451 --> 00:04:47,517 this Princess with your kiss, 122 00:04:47,583 --> 00:04:51,517 you agree to perform the office 123 00:04:47,584 --> 00:04:51,517 and function of her Champion 124 00:04:51,583 --> 00:04:54,684 until her hordes of enemies 125 00:04:51,584 --> 00:04:54,684 are defeated." 126 00:04:54,750 --> 00:04:55,617 Hexela: [gasps] 127 00:04:55,684 --> 00:04:58,550 A Champion spell. 128 00:04:58,617 --> 00:05:00,383 [high-pitched] Ohh! 129 00:05:00,450 --> 00:05:04,550 I know of only one magician 130 00:05:00,451 --> 00:05:04,550 who can command that spell. 131 00:05:04,617 --> 00:05:06,984 [giggles] 132 00:05:07,050 --> 00:05:11,483 - You mean to say 133 00:05:07,051 --> 00:05:11,483 that some fat-lipped oaf 134 00:05:11,550 --> 00:05:14,016 has been kissing my betrothed? 135 00:05:14,083 --> 00:05:14,850 Hexela: And now she's gone 136 00:05:14,917 --> 00:05:17,350 and taken all her bones 137 00:05:14,918 --> 00:05:17,350 with her. 138 00:05:17,417 --> 00:05:17,884 - Pardon? 139 00:05:17,950 --> 00:05:19,850 - The little twerp. 140 00:05:19,917 --> 00:05:24,050 Making a woman of my age 141 00:05:19,918 --> 00:05:24,050 chase her all through creation? 142 00:05:24,116 --> 00:05:27,250 Troll: [snorts and snarls] 143 00:05:27,316 --> 00:05:28,383 - [screams] 144 00:05:28,450 --> 00:05:29,316 - Let me guess. 145 00:05:29,383 --> 00:05:30,583 Gretta/Chlodwig: Trolls. 146 00:05:30,650 --> 00:05:33,583 - [snarling] 147 00:05:33,650 --> 00:05:36,684 [magical sound] 148 00:05:36,750 --> 00:05:38,050 Chlodwig: Are you a witch? 149 00:05:38,116 --> 00:05:39,016 Hexela: Run, you fool! 150 00:05:39,083 --> 00:05:41,316 These won't hold them for long. 151 00:05:41,383 --> 00:05:44,383 Chlodwig: I'll fly to your arms, 152 00:05:41,384 --> 00:05:44,383 my love. 153 00:05:44,450 --> 00:05:49,050 Trolls: [snarling, groaning] 154 00:05:49,116 --> 00:05:52,950 ♪ 155 00:05:49,117 --> 00:05:52,950 [birds chirping] 156 00:05:53,016 --> 00:06:01,717 [skateboard wheels rolling] 157 00:06:01,784 --> 00:06:05,950 [Segway buzzing] 158 00:06:06,016 --> 00:06:10,917 [footsteps] 159 00:06:10,984 --> 00:06:15,550 Chlodwig: Hm. 160 00:06:15,617 --> 00:06:16,316 - Hey there. 161 00:06:16,383 --> 00:06:17,650 What can I get you? 162 00:06:17,717 --> 00:06:19,550 - I'm looking 163 00:06:17,718 --> 00:06:19,550 for my true love. 164 00:06:19,617 --> 00:06:22,784 - Ah man, I feel you. 165 00:06:22,850 --> 00:06:26,250 Wow, are you dying of heat 166 00:06:22,851 --> 00:06:26,250 in that costume? 167 00:06:26,316 --> 00:06:28,483 - 'Tis warm to be sure. 168 00:06:28,550 --> 00:06:30,850 - How's the Ren Fair 169 00:06:28,551 --> 00:06:30,850 going? 170 00:06:30,917 --> 00:06:32,483 - Pardon? 171 00:06:32,550 --> 00:06:33,717 - Tell you what-- 172 00:06:33,784 --> 00:06:37,283 I'll give you a slice 173 00:06:33,785 --> 00:06:37,283 of Swiss apple 174 00:06:37,350 --> 00:06:43,216 if you send all your 175 00:06:37,351 --> 00:06:43,216 Ren Fair buddies this way. 176 00:06:43,283 --> 00:06:45,483 Oh, and do you have 177 00:06:43,284 --> 00:06:45,483 our punch card? 178 00:06:45,550 --> 00:06:46,550 Chlodwig: I believe not. 179 00:06:46,617 --> 00:06:51,717 - Buy 50 slices 180 00:06:46,618 --> 00:06:51,717 and you get a free pie. 181 00:06:51,784 --> 00:06:54,050 [hole punch clicks] 182 00:06:54,116 --> 00:06:58,817 Don't lose that. 183 00:06:58,884 --> 00:07:07,550 - I shall protect it 184 00:06:58,885 --> 00:07:07,550 with my life, fair Phoebe. 185 00:07:07,617 --> 00:07:10,517 [medieval folk music, 186 00:07:07,618 --> 00:07:10,517 swords clanging] 187 00:07:10,583 --> 00:07:20,550 ♪ 188 00:07:25,517 --> 00:07:30,150 ♪ 189 00:07:30,216 --> 00:07:31,950 - [breathy laugh] 190 00:07:32,016 --> 00:07:35,216 [water sloshing] 191 00:07:35,283 --> 00:07:37,984 Crowd: Ooohh. 192 00:07:38,050 --> 00:07:38,684 - [sighs] 193 00:07:38,750 --> 00:07:39,984 - Hey. 194 00:07:40,050 --> 00:07:41,784 Uh, I'm Edenberry Elf. 195 00:07:41,850 --> 00:07:43,250 Have you uh, signed in yet? 196 00:07:43,316 --> 00:07:45,784 - Edenberry Elf? 197 00:07:45,850 --> 00:07:46,583 - Mm-hm. 198 00:07:46,650 --> 00:07:48,550 - I thought elves 199 00:07:46,651 --> 00:07:48,550 migrated south 200 00:07:48,617 --> 00:07:51,517 this time of year. 201 00:07:51,583 --> 00:07:55,050 - Uhh... 202 00:07:55,116 --> 00:07:58,417 Chlodwig: Would you do me 203 00:07:55,117 --> 00:07:58,417 a kindness, Edenberry Elf? 204 00:07:58,483 --> 00:08:00,116 - A uh, a kindness? 205 00:08:00,183 --> 00:08:02,016 - I'm on a quest 206 00:08:00,184 --> 00:08:02,016 to win the hand 207 00:08:02,083 --> 00:08:06,183 of Princess Gretta, 208 00:08:02,084 --> 00:08:06,183 the Besieged. 209 00:08:06,250 --> 00:08:07,750 - What ho! 210 00:08:07,817 --> 00:08:09,884 - The lady's castle 211 00:08:07,818 --> 00:08:09,884 now lies in ruins 212 00:08:09,950 --> 00:08:13,417 and the lady herself 213 00:08:09,951 --> 00:08:13,417 is not to be found. 214 00:08:13,483 --> 00:08:15,717 - A lass, alack. 215 00:08:15,784 --> 00:08:16,717 [grunts] 216 00:08:16,784 --> 00:08:19,016 - Will you use 217 00:08:16,785 --> 00:08:19,016 your elvish powers to find her? 218 00:08:19,083 --> 00:08:21,750 - I would be honored, 219 00:08:21,817 --> 00:08:24,483 black knight of the realm. 220 00:08:24,550 --> 00:08:29,617 - Prince Chlodwig. 221 00:08:29,684 --> 00:08:31,650 Edenberry Elf: Your Highness. 222 00:08:31,717 --> 00:08:34,250 My elvish powers 223 00:08:31,718 --> 00:08:34,250 are at your disposal 224 00:08:34,316 --> 00:08:36,617 in your search 225 00:08:34,317 --> 00:08:36,617 for the princess. 226 00:08:36,684 --> 00:08:37,750 - What a fellow. 227 00:08:37,817 --> 00:08:38,583 Edenberry Elf: Mm, yes. 228 00:08:38,650 --> 00:08:43,583 I call upon my elvish powers 229 00:08:38,651 --> 00:08:43,583 now. 230 00:08:43,650 --> 00:08:45,984 Oh, my elvish powers. 231 00:08:46,050 --> 00:08:50,884 [struggling] 232 00:08:46,051 --> 00:08:50,884 Oh, my elvish powers 233 00:08:50,950 --> 00:08:55,183 searching the elemental 234 00:08:50,951 --> 00:08:55,183 energy reverberations 235 00:08:55,250 --> 00:08:57,150 to locate the Princess. 236 00:08:57,216 --> 00:08:58,116 - Amazing. 237 00:08:58,183 --> 00:09:01,216 Edenberry Elf: There she is... 238 00:08:58,184 --> 00:09:01,216 quite close. 239 00:09:01,283 --> 00:09:01,917 - [whispering] Where? 240 00:09:01,984 --> 00:09:03,550 - She is very close. 241 00:09:03,617 --> 00:09:04,684 - Where is she, Elf? 242 00:09:04,750 --> 00:09:06,717 - Somewhere. 243 00:09:06,784 --> 00:09:10,083 Straight over there! 244 00:09:10,150 --> 00:09:12,050 [triumphant music] 245 00:09:12,116 --> 00:09:13,784 - [in awe] Oh. 246 00:09:13,850 --> 00:09:15,617 Huzzah! 247 00:09:15,684 --> 00:09:17,150 Oh, well done. 248 00:09:17,216 --> 00:09:17,717 - Oh. 249 00:09:17,784 --> 00:09:18,850 Chlodwig: Edenberry Elf! 250 00:09:18,917 --> 00:09:21,550 - Thank you. 251 00:09:21,617 --> 00:09:24,650 Chlodwig: You're all invited 252 00:09:21,618 --> 00:09:24,650 to the nuptials. 253 00:09:24,717 --> 00:09:28,216 Crowd: [cheering] 254 00:09:28,283 --> 00:09:30,050 Juliet: I'm thinking 255 00:09:28,284 --> 00:09:30,050 a caption like... 256 00:09:30,116 --> 00:09:33,784 "Bellybutton owl gives a hoot 257 00:09:30,117 --> 00:09:33,784 in Woodside Woods." 258 00:09:33,850 --> 00:09:36,116 Chlodwig: Ah, peasants. 259 00:09:36,183 --> 00:09:38,250 Where is the Princess? 260 00:09:38,316 --> 00:09:39,884 - What are you 261 00:09:38,317 --> 00:09:39,884 supposed to be? 262 00:09:39,950 --> 00:09:41,617 Juliet: Oh, ohhh. 263 00:09:41,684 --> 00:09:43,750 Shakespeare improv troupe, yeah! 264 00:09:43,817 --> 00:09:44,750 Dwight booked 'em. 265 00:09:44,817 --> 00:09:47,016 - Oh, I thought 266 00:09:44,818 --> 00:09:47,016 they were booked through May. 267 00:09:47,083 --> 00:09:50,150 Juliet: 268 00:09:47,084 --> 00:09:50,150 Good e'en, sir knight. 269 00:09:50,216 --> 00:09:51,884 - Prince Chlodwig. 270 00:09:51,950 --> 00:09:53,917 - I know 271 00:09:51,951 --> 00:09:53,917 the princess you seek. 272 00:09:53,984 --> 00:09:56,183 Me thinks she's gone 273 00:09:53,985 --> 00:09:56,183 to revel in bingo night. 274 00:09:56,250 --> 00:09:57,483 Make haste! 275 00:09:57,550 --> 00:09:59,417 Uh... [laughs] 276 00:09:59,483 --> 00:10:01,450 I'm sorry, I think your show's 277 00:09:59,484 --> 00:10:01,450 about to start. 278 00:10:01,517 --> 00:10:02,617 Down the hall on the right. 279 00:10:02,684 --> 00:10:08,884 - My love awaits. 280 00:10:08,950 --> 00:10:13,316 Ladies, how do I look? 281 00:10:13,383 --> 00:10:16,383 [school bell ringing] 282 00:10:16,450 --> 00:10:17,517 ♪ 283 00:10:26,050 --> 00:10:28,984 What a story 284 00:10:26,051 --> 00:10:28,984 to tell our grandchildren. 285 00:10:29,050 --> 00:10:30,083 [crash] 286 00:10:30,150 --> 00:10:32,650 Students: 287 00:10:30,151 --> 00:10:32,650 [frightened exclaiming] 288 00:10:32,717 --> 00:10:40,283 [armor clanking] 289 00:10:40,350 --> 00:10:41,517 - Okay, that guy's trying 290 00:10:40,351 --> 00:10:41,517 to kill you. 291 00:10:41,583 --> 00:10:42,817 Male singer: One, two, 292 00:10:41,584 --> 00:10:42,817 three, four. 293 00:10:42,884 --> 00:10:45,316 ♪ 294 00:10:45,383 --> 00:10:55,350 [swords clanging] 295 00:10:59,817 --> 00:11:01,517 [crash] 296 00:11:01,583 --> 00:11:06,083 [swords clanging] 297 00:11:06,150 --> 00:11:09,050 [music fades out] 298 00:11:09,116 --> 00:11:09,517 Dwight: Okay! 299 00:11:09,583 --> 00:11:10,684 Okay man, okay. 300 00:11:10,750 --> 00:11:13,216 Hey, we all know violence 301 00:11:10,751 --> 00:11:13,216 is never the answer, right? 302 00:11:13,283 --> 00:11:14,684 Gretta: Save your breath, 303 00:11:13,284 --> 00:11:14,684 Champion. 304 00:11:14,750 --> 00:11:15,984 Chlodwig: Champion. 305 00:11:16,050 --> 00:11:16,950 Him? 306 00:11:17,016 --> 00:11:18,350 Gretta: Sadly, yes. 307 00:11:18,417 --> 00:11:20,250 Chlodwig: 308 00:11:18,418 --> 00:11:20,250 This spineless tadpole? 309 00:11:20,316 --> 00:11:21,817 - Can we not do this again? 310 00:11:21,884 --> 00:11:24,183 Baldric/Hexela: [chuckling] 311 00:11:24,250 --> 00:11:30,784 [armor clanging] 312 00:11:30,850 --> 00:11:34,417 [applause] 313 00:11:34,483 --> 00:11:34,850 Gretta: [grunts] 314 00:11:34,917 --> 00:11:35,450 You scoundrel! 315 00:11:35,517 --> 00:11:36,150 You knave! 316 00:11:36,216 --> 00:11:37,316 You brute! 317 00:11:37,383 --> 00:11:38,984 Male thespian 2: Hey, hey! 318 00:11:39,050 --> 00:11:41,950 You guys were so awesome! 319 00:11:42,016 --> 00:11:42,784 Holy moly. 320 00:11:42,850 --> 00:11:44,316 - Your hand! 321 00:11:44,383 --> 00:11:44,884 - Yeah. 322 00:11:44,950 --> 00:11:45,750 Gretta: [grunts] What? 323 00:11:45,817 --> 00:11:46,316 Male thespian 2: [chuckles] 324 00:11:46,383 --> 00:11:47,517 Hey, sorry, real quick. 325 00:11:47,583 --> 00:11:49,617 I know you guys are headin' out, 326 00:11:47,584 --> 00:11:49,617 but I just wanted to ask. 327 00:11:49,684 --> 00:11:51,417 Do you do ongoing casting? 328 00:11:51,483 --> 00:11:52,717 I mean, I was in a production 329 00:11:51,484 --> 00:11:52,717 of Macbe-- 330 00:11:52,784 --> 00:11:54,884 Or, sorry, the Scottish play, 331 00:11:52,785 --> 00:11:54,884 [laughs] 332 00:11:54,950 --> 00:11:56,283 and it was an ensemble cast... 333 00:11:56,350 --> 00:11:57,483 Gretta: My dagger! 334 00:11:57,550 --> 00:11:58,950 [dagger clangs] 335 00:11:59,016 --> 00:11:59,784 Gretta: [grunts] 336 00:11:59,850 --> 00:12:01,550 Male thespian 2: Wow! 337 00:12:01,617 --> 00:12:02,483 [incredulous laugh] 338 00:12:02,550 --> 00:12:03,316 You should be careful, 339 00:12:03,383 --> 00:12:04,483 that could've really 340 00:12:03,384 --> 00:12:04,483 hurt someone. 341 00:12:04,550 --> 00:12:05,150 Gretta: [grunts] 342 00:12:05,216 --> 00:12:05,984 Male thespian 2: So anyway, 343 00:12:06,050 --> 00:12:06,850 I know a little 344 00:12:06,051 --> 00:12:06,850 about stage combat, 345 00:12:06,917 --> 00:12:08,283 I took a few workshops, 346 00:12:06,918 --> 00:12:08,283 but you know, 347 00:12:08,350 --> 00:12:10,417 I'm at like, intermediate level 348 00:12:08,351 --> 00:12:10,417 so-- 349 00:12:10,483 --> 00:12:11,483 - Help! 350 00:12:11,550 --> 00:12:13,617 Male thespian 2: That was 351 00:12:11,551 --> 00:12:13,617 an advanced level move. 352 00:12:13,684 --> 00:12:15,784 Okay, I'm just gonna um, 353 00:12:13,685 --> 00:12:15,784 I'm just gonna look you guys up 354 00:12:15,850 --> 00:12:16,617 on your website. 355 00:12:16,684 --> 00:12:20,183 Gretta: [struggling grunts] 356 00:12:20,250 --> 00:12:22,283 Unhand me, you fiend! 357 00:12:22,350 --> 00:12:23,650 You blackguard! 358 00:12:23,717 --> 00:12:27,850 You.. bilge.. rat-faced brute. 359 00:12:27,917 --> 00:12:30,684 Chlodwig: You're rat-faced. 360 00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:32,517 [crash] 361 00:12:32,583 --> 00:12:37,450 [thud] 362 00:12:37,517 --> 00:12:38,650 - [blows] 363 00:12:38,717 --> 00:12:42,483 [thump] 364 00:12:42,550 --> 00:12:44,316 Jacopo: You are free, 365 00:12:42,551 --> 00:12:44,316 warrior maiden. 366 00:12:44,383 --> 00:12:51,283 I have subdued the bilge, 367 00:12:44,384 --> 00:12:51,283 rat-faced brute. 368 00:12:51,350 --> 00:12:52,650 Gretta: Most chivalrous of you. 369 00:12:52,717 --> 00:12:53,383 - Hm. 370 00:12:53,450 --> 00:12:54,617 - To whom do I owe 371 00:12:53,451 --> 00:12:54,617 my thanks? 372 00:12:54,684 --> 00:12:58,016 - I am Jacopo, 373 00:12:54,685 --> 00:12:58,016 a troubadour. 374 00:12:58,083 --> 00:12:58,917 - Oh. 375 00:12:58,984 --> 00:12:59,750 A troubadour. 376 00:12:59,817 --> 00:13:00,850 Jacopo: Yes, si. 377 00:13:00,917 --> 00:13:03,850 - Pray, do sing me the news. 378 00:13:03,917 --> 00:13:07,483 - Another time perhaps, 379 00:13:03,918 --> 00:13:07,483 senorita. 380 00:13:07,550 --> 00:13:10,817 I go on important business. 381 00:13:10,884 --> 00:13:12,583 Gretta: Godspeed to you, 382 00:13:10,885 --> 00:13:12,583 good sir. 383 00:13:12,650 --> 00:13:14,884 And take the thanks of 384 00:13:12,651 --> 00:13:14,884 Princess Gretta the Besieged 385 00:13:14,950 --> 00:13:16,950 with you along your way. 386 00:13:17,016 --> 00:13:18,950 [thump] 387 00:13:19,016 --> 00:13:21,850 - The.. Princess? 388 00:13:21,917 --> 00:13:23,583 The Besieged? 389 00:13:23,650 --> 00:13:25,884 You are she? 390 00:13:25,950 --> 00:13:27,383 - The very same. 391 00:13:27,450 --> 00:13:30,016 - Hm. 392 00:13:30,083 --> 00:13:38,050 The fate, she is a... 393 00:13:30,084 --> 00:13:38,050 a funny mistress. 394 00:13:38,116 --> 00:13:43,050 We meet at long last, 395 00:13:38,117 --> 00:13:43,050 Principessa. 396 00:13:43,116 --> 00:13:48,250 And now, we stand on the field 397 00:13:43,117 --> 00:13:48,250 of combat. 398 00:13:48,316 --> 00:13:53,984 By the rules of chivalry, 399 00:13:48,317 --> 00:13:53,984 you may fight or you may yield. 400 00:13:54,050 --> 00:13:57,350 [short chuckle] 401 00:13:57,417 --> 00:14:01,350 Ah. 402 00:14:01,417 --> 00:14:03,383 - I will fight. 403 00:14:03,450 --> 00:14:06,350 - Bravo. 404 00:14:06,417 --> 00:14:11,684 [both grunting] 405 00:14:11,750 --> 00:14:12,350 [clang] 406 00:14:12,417 --> 00:14:13,650 [thud] 407 00:14:13,717 --> 00:14:15,083 [sword clinks] 408 00:14:15,150 --> 00:14:19,383 [grunting continues] 409 00:14:19,450 --> 00:14:24,250 - Shall we discuss terms? 410 00:14:24,316 --> 00:14:28,750 I give you... your life. 411 00:14:28,817 --> 00:14:32,483 You give me your kingdom. 412 00:14:32,550 --> 00:14:33,517 Heh? 413 00:14:33,583 --> 00:14:38,583 Chlodwig: No one threatens 414 00:14:33,584 --> 00:14:38,583 this Princess but I. 415 00:14:38,650 --> 00:14:41,417 - [strained yell] 416 00:14:41,483 --> 00:14:43,483 Chlodwig: How dare you ruin 417 00:14:41,484 --> 00:14:43,483 my day of joy? 418 00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:44,784 Jacopo: [growls] 419 00:14:44,850 --> 00:14:47,984 [sword clangs] 420 00:14:48,050 --> 00:14:49,483 Chlodwig: Yield, peasant. 421 00:14:49,550 --> 00:14:50,717 Jacopo: You yield. 422 00:14:50,784 --> 00:14:51,950 [spits] 423 00:14:52,016 --> 00:14:53,183 Knave. 424 00:14:53,250 --> 00:14:53,617 - What do you mean? 425 00:14:53,684 --> 00:14:55,016 Why should I-- 426 00:14:55,083 --> 00:14:56,750 I have a sword, you have a lute. 427 00:14:56,817 --> 00:14:58,183 - Esattamente 428 00:14:58,250 --> 00:15:01,517 [lute strum] 429 00:15:01,583 --> 00:15:04,550 [strumming continues] 430 00:15:04,617 --> 00:15:05,517 Jacopo: Mi amore. 431 00:15:05,583 --> 00:15:06,617 Mwah. 432 00:15:06,684 --> 00:15:09,617 Yes, come along Principessa. 433 00:15:09,684 --> 00:15:13,216 [lute strumming] 434 00:15:13,283 --> 00:15:14,183 Gretta: Ah! 435 00:15:14,250 --> 00:15:15,717 Jacopo: Oh, you are too kind. 436 00:15:15,784 --> 00:15:16,784 [lute strums] 437 00:15:16,850 --> 00:15:19,950 Jacopo: Too adoring. 438 00:15:20,016 --> 00:15:23,350 No need to worship me, 439 00:15:20,017 --> 00:15:23,350 on your faces. 440 00:15:23,417 --> 00:15:24,750 [strum] 441 00:15:24,817 --> 00:15:28,583 Jacopo: [sighs] 442 00:15:28,650 --> 00:15:29,750 [strum] 443 00:15:29,817 --> 00:15:30,383 Jacopo: I win. 444 00:15:30,450 --> 00:15:31,784 [strum] 445 00:15:31,850 --> 00:15:32,483 - I win. 446 00:15:32,550 --> 00:15:33,517 [strum] 447 00:15:33,583 --> 00:15:34,917 Jacopo: Oh, I win. 448 00:15:34,984 --> 00:15:36,116 I win, I-- 449 00:15:36,183 --> 00:15:36,950 [crash] 450 00:15:37,016 --> 00:15:38,583 [screaming] 451 00:15:38,650 --> 00:15:43,116 [crash] 452 00:15:43,183 --> 00:15:44,216 Grh. 453 00:15:44,283 --> 00:15:45,450 Ah. 454 00:15:45,517 --> 00:15:50,950 Oh mi amore, 455 00:15:45,518 --> 00:15:50,950 she will not be happy. 456 00:15:51,016 --> 00:15:54,016 [mumbles] 457 00:15:54,083 --> 00:15:58,550 Gretta: [panting] 458 00:15:58,617 --> 00:16:01,450 [clink] 459 00:16:01,517 --> 00:16:02,350 Gretta: No! 460 00:16:02,417 --> 00:16:05,450 [grunting] 461 00:16:05,517 --> 00:16:08,316 No! 462 00:16:08,383 --> 00:16:09,583 Unhand me! 463 00:16:09,650 --> 00:16:10,984 Chlodwig: Almost there, 464 00:16:09,651 --> 00:16:10,984 my darling. 465 00:16:11,050 --> 00:16:11,984 Gretta: Unhand me! 466 00:16:12,050 --> 00:16:12,884 [fire roars] 467 00:16:12,950 --> 00:16:13,650 - [frightened yell] 468 00:16:13,717 --> 00:16:16,850 [anxious panting] 469 00:16:16,917 --> 00:16:19,383 Let me go this instant, you-- 470 00:16:19,450 --> 00:16:24,583 Chlodwig: Call me... sugarplump. 471 00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:25,817 - Chlodwig? 472 00:16:25,884 --> 00:16:27,050 - Hey man. 473 00:16:27,116 --> 00:16:28,650 [sword clinks] 474 00:16:28,717 --> 00:16:30,750 Dwight: Hey, no, I-- 475 00:16:30,817 --> 00:16:33,283 I didn't come here to fight. 476 00:16:33,350 --> 00:16:35,650 It's been what, 477 00:16:33,351 --> 00:16:35,650 a thousand years 478 00:16:35,717 --> 00:16:38,884 since you last, 479 00:16:35,718 --> 00:16:38,884 you know, circulated? 480 00:16:38,950 --> 00:16:39,884 It's a different world now. 481 00:16:39,950 --> 00:16:42,150 I just wanna make sure 482 00:16:39,951 --> 00:16:42,150 that you have the skills 483 00:16:42,216 --> 00:16:43,650 to survive and thrive. 484 00:16:43,717 --> 00:16:45,450 - But I am on a quest 485 00:16:43,718 --> 00:16:45,450 to win the hand 486 00:16:45,517 --> 00:16:50,050 of Princess Gretta 487 00:16:45,518 --> 00:16:50,050 by fair means or foul. 488 00:16:50,116 --> 00:16:56,617 Dwight: Yeah, turns out 489 00:16:50,117 --> 00:16:56,617 that's not a good quest. 490 00:16:56,684 --> 00:16:58,684 She's just not that into you, 491 00:16:56,685 --> 00:16:58,684 man. 492 00:16:58,750 --> 00:17:02,316 It sucks, 493 00:16:58,751 --> 00:17:02,316 but we've all been there. 494 00:17:02,383 --> 00:17:05,750 Welcome to guy club. 495 00:17:05,817 --> 00:17:10,216 - Guy club? 496 00:17:10,283 --> 00:17:11,183 Thank you. 497 00:17:11,250 --> 00:17:11,684 [fire roars] 498 00:17:11,750 --> 00:17:12,817 Gretta: [shrieks] 499 00:17:12,884 --> 00:17:14,350 Hexela: [sighs] You poor thing. 500 00:17:14,417 --> 00:17:14,817 Chlodwig: She? 501 00:17:14,884 --> 00:17:16,050 A poor thing? 502 00:17:16,116 --> 00:17:17,817 Have you any idea 503 00:17:16,117 --> 00:17:17,817 how difficult it was 504 00:17:17,884 --> 00:17:23,216 to hoist your person 505 00:17:17,885 --> 00:17:23,216 over that dragon pit? 506 00:17:23,283 --> 00:17:24,717 - You never say that 507 00:17:23,284 --> 00:17:24,717 to a lady. 508 00:17:24,784 --> 00:17:30,417 Gretta: Thank you. 509 00:17:30,483 --> 00:17:36,417 - I'm in your debt, 510 00:17:30,484 --> 00:17:36,417 guy club brother. 511 00:17:36,483 --> 00:17:37,517 - Call me Dwight. 512 00:17:37,583 --> 00:17:42,350 - See you 513 00:17:37,584 --> 00:17:42,350 in yon village, Dwight. 514 00:17:42,417 --> 00:17:46,383 [upbeat music] 515 00:17:46,450 --> 00:17:49,083 ♪ 516 00:17:46,451 --> 00:17:49,083 [honking] 517 00:17:49,150 --> 00:17:51,417 Female singer: ♪ There's a light 518 00:17:49,151 --> 00:17:51,417 in my chest, ♪ 519 00:17:51,483 --> 00:17:55,650 ♪ growing deep down. ♪ 520 00:17:55,717 --> 00:18:02,784 ♪ She's talking 'bout the best, 521 00:17:55,718 --> 00:18:02,784 but she's so loud. ♪ 522 00:18:02,850 --> 00:18:06,016 ♪ Tell me why, ♪ 523 00:18:06,083 --> 00:18:08,016 ♪ tell me why. ♪ 524 00:18:08,083 --> 00:18:16,817 ♪ 525 00:18:16,884 --> 00:18:20,283 Chlodwig: [delightedly] Oh. 526 00:18:20,350 --> 00:18:21,717 Oh, good lady. 527 00:18:21,784 --> 00:18:23,717 You must try this. 528 00:18:23,784 --> 00:18:24,750 [chuckles] 529 00:18:24,817 --> 00:18:28,784 ♪ 530 00:18:28,850 --> 00:18:36,050 Female singer: ♪ Show the flow, 531 00:18:28,851 --> 00:18:36,050 get it fresh and get it shine. ♪ 532 00:18:36,116 --> 00:18:39,316 ♪ Tell me why, ♪ 533 00:18:39,383 --> 00:18:42,383 ♪ tell me why, ♪ 534 00:18:42,450 --> 00:18:45,684 ♪ tell me why, ♪ 535 00:18:45,750 --> 00:18:46,884 ♪ tell me why. ♪ 536 00:18:46,950 --> 00:18:47,984 - Fair Phoebe. 537 00:18:48,050 --> 00:18:48,817 - Oh, hey! 538 00:18:48,884 --> 00:18:51,016 Hot knight guy. 539 00:18:51,083 --> 00:18:55,183 I mean, you're dressed 540 00:18:51,084 --> 00:18:55,183 like a knight and you look hot. 541 00:18:55,250 --> 00:18:56,083 Warm. 542 00:18:56,150 --> 00:18:59,817 I mean warm, 543 00:18:56,151 --> 00:18:59,817 because it's hot outside. 544 00:18:59,884 --> 00:19:01,583 Chlodwig: I have news, 545 00:18:59,885 --> 00:19:01,583 fair Phoebe. 546 00:19:01,650 --> 00:19:02,450 - Spill it. 547 00:19:02,517 --> 00:19:04,750 Chlodwig: I am no longer 548 00:19:02,518 --> 00:19:04,750 betrothed. 549 00:19:04,817 --> 00:19:07,750 Phoebe: Aw man, that sucks. 550 00:19:07,817 --> 00:19:09,216 I'm sorry. 551 00:19:09,283 --> 00:19:10,550 - 'Tis all for the best. 552 00:19:10,617 --> 00:19:17,617 All I lack in this world 553 00:19:10,618 --> 00:19:17,617 is a slice of Swiss apple pie. 554 00:19:17,684 --> 00:19:19,750 Phoebe: O...kay. 555 00:19:19,817 --> 00:19:24,383 Comin' right up. 556 00:19:24,450 --> 00:19:26,083 [dramatic sound effect] 557 00:19:26,150 --> 00:19:30,884 [bushes rustling] 558 00:19:30,950 --> 00:19:31,984 Phoebe: Here you go. 559 00:19:32,050 --> 00:19:32,917 - Chlodwig. 560 00:19:32,984 --> 00:19:33,650 - Really? 561 00:19:33,717 --> 00:19:34,750 - Quickly, fair Phoebe. 562 00:19:34,817 --> 00:19:36,517 My punch card. 563 00:19:36,583 --> 00:19:38,050 I must follow yon trolls 564 00:19:38,116 --> 00:19:40,617 and see what mischief 565 00:19:38,117 --> 00:19:40,617 they are about. 566 00:19:40,684 --> 00:19:41,984 - Great plan. 567 00:19:42,050 --> 00:19:45,083 Have fun! 568 00:19:45,150 --> 00:19:48,283 [cicadas singing] 569 00:19:48,350 --> 00:19:56,583 Trolls: [grunting] 570 00:19:56,650 --> 00:19:58,750 [ding-dong] 571 00:19:58,817 --> 00:20:02,684 [intense music] 572 00:20:02,750 --> 00:20:03,984 - [whispering] 573 00:20:02,751 --> 00:20:03,984 Brother Dwight. 574 00:20:04,050 --> 00:20:06,350 Troll: [grunts, snarls] 575 00:20:06,417 --> 00:20:07,950 Dwight: Ah! 576 00:20:08,016 --> 00:20:10,850 [thud] 577 00:20:10,917 --> 00:20:14,784 Trolls: [snarling] 578 00:20:14,850 --> 00:20:16,050 - Grrrh! 579 00:20:16,116 --> 00:20:16,884 Ugh! 580 00:20:16,950 --> 00:20:18,750 [sword clinks] 581 00:20:18,817 --> 00:20:22,250 - For guy club! 582 00:20:22,316 --> 00:20:32,283 [swords clanging, grunting] 583 00:20:36,483 --> 00:20:39,050 Gretta: Get off my land, 584 00:20:36,484 --> 00:20:39,050 Chlodwig! 585 00:20:39,116 --> 00:20:40,550 We have no need of your help. 586 00:20:40,617 --> 00:20:45,684 - Gretta, are you still upset 587 00:20:40,618 --> 00:20:45,684 at the silly affair 588 00:20:45,750 --> 00:20:48,250 with the kidnapping 589 00:20:45,751 --> 00:20:48,250 and the dragon pit? 590 00:20:48,316 --> 00:20:50,450 - You! 591 00:20:50,517 --> 00:20:52,917 Chlodwig: That's all 592 00:20:50,518 --> 00:20:52,917 in the past. 593 00:20:52,984 --> 00:20:54,750 Troll: [growls] 594 00:20:54,817 --> 00:20:58,383 Baldric: Take cover! 595 00:20:58,450 --> 00:21:01,750 Ta-shal-ah-vi-ta-shal-ah-va! 596 00:21:01,817 --> 00:21:05,316 [magical sound] 597 00:21:05,383 --> 00:21:12,617 ♪ 598 00:21:12,684 --> 00:21:20,250 Gretta: [panting] 599 00:21:20,316 --> 00:21:26,950 He's going to be fine. 600 00:21:27,016 --> 00:21:28,617 Well done, Baldric. 601 00:21:28,684 --> 00:21:31,216 - A tidy piece of work. 602 00:21:31,283 --> 00:21:33,850 Gretta: Let me make one thing 603 00:21:31,284 --> 00:21:33,850 abundantly clear. 604 00:21:33,917 --> 00:21:37,250 I will never marry you, 605 00:21:33,918 --> 00:21:37,250 Chlodwig. 606 00:21:37,316 --> 00:21:39,917 - And I will never marry you. 607 00:21:39,984 --> 00:21:43,917 I will find a woman who 608 00:21:39,985 --> 00:21:43,917 appreciates romantic gestures. 609 00:21:43,984 --> 00:21:45,884 - Romantic gestures? 610 00:21:45,950 --> 00:21:48,016 - You hung me 611 00:21:45,951 --> 00:21:48,016 over a dragon pit. 612 00:21:48,083 --> 00:21:50,016 - So ungrateful. 613 00:21:50,083 --> 00:21:56,650 - So we are agreed 614 00:21:50,084 --> 00:21:56,650 we shall never marry each other? 615 00:21:56,717 --> 00:21:57,784 - Agreed. 616 00:21:57,850 --> 00:22:01,216 Chlodwig/Gretta: [spit] 617 00:22:01,283 --> 00:22:04,283 Dwight: Wait, all that happened 618 00:22:01,284 --> 00:22:04,283 while I was in the dirt? 619 00:22:04,350 --> 00:22:05,784 How long was I out? 620 00:22:05,850 --> 00:22:07,517 Chlodwig: Ah, finally! 621 00:22:07,583 --> 00:22:09,583 Phoebe, well met. 622 00:22:09,650 --> 00:22:11,216 - Hey, Chlodwig. 623 00:22:11,283 --> 00:22:12,684 Wow, I love the new cape. 624 00:22:12,750 --> 00:22:15,083 Chlodwig: Sir Dwight made it 625 00:22:12,751 --> 00:22:15,083 for me. 626 00:22:15,150 --> 00:22:16,316 - Nice. 627 00:22:16,383 --> 00:22:17,150 What can I get you? 628 00:22:17,216 --> 00:22:18,450 - I'll try the key lime. 629 00:22:18,517 --> 00:22:19,550 - Coconut cream for me. 630 00:22:19,617 --> 00:22:20,684 [clink] 631 00:22:20,750 --> 00:22:23,850 Chlodwig: Five slices 632 00:22:20,751 --> 00:22:23,850 of Swiss apple. 633 00:22:23,917 --> 00:22:25,483 - That'll be $21.50. 634 00:22:25,550 --> 00:22:26,483 - Hand it over, fellows. 635 00:22:26,550 --> 00:22:27,850 Come come, pay up. 636 00:22:27,917 --> 00:22:37,884 Phoebe is running a pie shop, 637 00:22:27,918 --> 00:22:37,884 not a poor house. 638 00:22:41,750 --> 00:22:42,617 Phoebe: Here you go. 639 00:22:42,684 --> 00:22:43,583 Chlodwig: Ah-ha. 640 00:22:43,650 --> 00:22:44,717 Phoebe: Witches first. 641 00:22:44,784 --> 00:22:46,316 - Huzzah. 642 00:22:46,383 --> 00:22:48,050 Finally! 643 00:22:48,116 --> 00:22:52,450 The realization of a dream. 644 00:22:52,517 --> 00:22:55,216 I believe that should do it. 645 00:22:55,283 --> 00:22:59,283 - Well, look at that. 646 00:22:59,350 --> 00:23:01,617 [click, click, click] 647 00:23:01,684 --> 00:23:02,850 - Wait, 648 00:23:02,917 --> 00:23:03,717 [click, click] 649 00:23:03,784 --> 00:23:05,550 Is that why you 650 00:23:03,785 --> 00:23:05,550 dragged us all out here 651 00:23:05,617 --> 00:23:07,550 and made us get apple pie? 652 00:23:07,617 --> 00:23:09,250 Chlodwig: Swiss apple. 653 00:23:09,316 --> 00:23:10,283 - And pay for yours. 654 00:23:10,350 --> 00:23:11,050 [ding, ding, ding] 655 00:23:11,116 --> 00:23:12,950 - That's a free pie! 656 00:23:13,016 --> 00:23:14,250 Chlodwig: Free pie! 657 00:23:14,316 --> 00:23:15,650 [laughs] 658 00:23:15,717 --> 00:23:16,850 - Unbelievable. 659 00:23:16,917 --> 00:23:17,383 - But-- 660 00:23:17,450 --> 00:23:18,517 - Swiss apple. 661 00:23:18,583 --> 00:23:21,884 - What else, fair Phoebe? 662 00:23:18,584 --> 00:23:21,884 [laughs] 663 00:23:21,950 --> 00:23:25,383 What else? 664 00:23:25,450 --> 00:23:26,950 ♪ 37930

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