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1
00:00:01,567 --> 00:00:04,018
Cheers is filmedbefore a live studio audience.
2
00:00:04,086 --> 00:00:05,853
Here you go.
3
00:00:05,921 --> 00:00:08,856
Thanks. Say,
aren't you Sam Malone?
4
00:00:08,924 --> 00:00:10,358
Guilty as charged.
5
00:00:10,426 --> 00:00:12,927
Small world.
Marge Thornhill here.
6
00:00:12,995 --> 00:00:14,996
Don't you remember me?
7
00:00:15,063 --> 00:00:17,715
Ah, boy, you know,
I can't quite place the face.
8
00:00:17,783 --> 00:00:19,483
Where'd we meet?
9
00:00:19,551 --> 00:00:22,270
Well, we didn't actually meet,
but I know you'll remember me.
10
00:00:22,338 --> 00:00:25,407
I went to every home game
you ever played.
11
00:00:25,474 --> 00:00:27,509
Uh... Marge,
12
00:00:27,576 --> 00:00:30,311
there are a lot of people
up in the stands there.
13
00:00:30,379 --> 00:00:32,163
Sure, but you got
to remember me.
14
00:00:32,230 --> 00:00:34,198
I always sat
right behind first base,
15
00:00:34,266 --> 00:00:36,167
five rows up, remember?
16
00:00:36,234 --> 00:00:37,719
I used to get there,
17
00:00:37,786 --> 00:00:40,255
early so I could watch you
warm up in the bullpen.
18
00:00:40,322 --> 00:00:42,990
I'm sorry.
19
00:00:43,058 --> 00:00:45,793
I know,
you couldn't forget this.
20
00:00:45,861 --> 00:00:49,480
Hey, Malone!
You pitch like my sister!
21
00:00:49,548 --> 00:00:52,934
Why don't you go home
and make a dress!
22
00:00:55,804 --> 00:00:57,038
Was that you?
23
00:00:57,106 --> 00:00:57,973
Yeah.
24
00:00:58,040 --> 00:01:00,358
Well, how have you been?
25
00:01:00,426 --> 00:01:01,509
Guys, I want you to...
26
00:01:01,576 --> 00:01:03,611
Do the one where you say
I couldn't get the ball
27
00:01:03,678 --> 00:01:05,746
across the plate
if I drove it there in my car.
28
00:01:05,814 --> 00:01:08,616
No, no, that was then,
and this is now.
29
00:01:08,683 --> 00:01:10,385
By the way, I'm really sorry
30
00:01:10,452 --> 00:01:12,787
for all those shots
I gave you over the years.
31
00:01:12,854 --> 00:01:14,122
No hard feelings?
32
00:01:14,189 --> 00:01:16,724
No, of course not.
It's all part of the game.
33
00:01:16,792 --> 00:01:18,760
You're a real sport, Malone.
34
00:01:18,827 --> 00:01:20,462
( laughs )
35
00:01:21,464 --> 00:01:23,665
You call this a martini?!
36
00:01:24,750 --> 00:01:28,319
What'd you use for vermouth,
turpentine?!
37
00:01:29,154 --> 00:01:32,173
The great ones never lose it.
38
00:01:33,442 --> 00:01:35,109
( piano plays )
39
00:01:38,547 --> 00:01:41,049
� Sometimes you want to go
40
00:01:41,116 --> 00:01:46,487
� Where everybody knows
your name �
41
00:01:46,555 --> 00:01:51,125
� And they're always glad
you came �
42
00:01:51,193 --> 00:01:53,527
� You want to be
where you can see �
43
00:01:53,595 --> 00:01:56,230
� Our troubles
are all the same �
44
00:01:56,298 --> 00:02:01,735
� You want to go where
everybody knows your name. �
45
00:02:16,368 --> 00:02:18,035
All right, I got it,
I got it.
46
00:02:18,103 --> 00:02:19,737
The worst possible
way to die?
Mm-hmm.
47
00:02:19,805 --> 00:02:21,439
Being eaten alive
by rats.
48
00:02:21,507 --> 00:02:23,908
No. I think I can do
better than that.
49
00:02:23,975 --> 00:02:25,660
I'd say the worst way to die
50
00:02:25,728 --> 00:02:28,530
is to be sliding down
a razor banister, okay?
51
00:02:28,597 --> 00:02:30,264
A greased razor banister.
52
00:02:30,332 --> 00:02:31,399
FRASIER:
Wait, I've got it.
53
00:02:31,466 --> 00:02:34,002
To die alone,
54
00:02:34,069 --> 00:02:37,688
knowing that you
have never been loved.
55
00:02:37,756 --> 00:02:40,475
Come on, Frasier, if you're not
even gonna try... Come on.
56
00:02:41,977 --> 00:02:44,979
Ooh, Carla, what are you
all decked out for?
57
00:02:45,047 --> 00:02:46,614
It's my second
wedding anniversary.
58
00:02:46,681 --> 00:02:48,983
Oh. Things are
going okay with
you and Eddie?
59
00:02:49,051 --> 00:02:50,251
I mean,
60
00:02:50,319 --> 00:02:51,953
just last week,
you were calling him
61
00:02:52,020 --> 00:02:53,588
a "dent-nosed, toothless
little frog."
62
00:02:53,656 --> 00:02:55,623
Pillow talk.
63
00:02:55,691 --> 00:02:57,058
Ah.
64
00:02:57,126 --> 00:02:59,026
Well, actually,
I was a little upset there
65
00:02:59,095 --> 00:03:02,029
about the fact that he's been
on the road with the ice show
66
00:03:02,098 --> 00:03:04,165
for a month now,
and I haven't gotten
67
00:03:04,233 --> 00:03:05,700
so much as a phone call.
68
00:03:05,767 --> 00:03:08,136
But this morning, I suddenly
realized what he was doing.
69
00:03:08,204 --> 00:03:09,471
Treating you like crap?
70
00:03:09,538 --> 00:03:13,641
No. No, that's what
he wants me to think.
71
00:03:13,709 --> 00:03:15,610
It's way of setting up
a surprise.
72
00:03:15,677 --> 00:03:17,878
So you figure he's
been neglecting you
just to set you up.
73
00:03:17,946 --> 00:03:19,864
It's got to be that--
I know this man.
74
00:03:19,931 --> 00:03:21,298
Woody, what time is it?
75
00:03:21,367 --> 00:03:23,568
Oh, don't go by my watch--
I always set it
76
00:03:23,635 --> 00:03:25,803
ten minutes ahead so I
won't be late for things.
77
00:03:25,871 --> 00:03:27,705
You were late this morning.
78
00:03:27,773 --> 00:03:29,941
Yeah, I know.
I couldn't find my watch.
79
00:03:31,093 --> 00:03:32,927
It's, uh, 6:30, Carla.
80
00:03:32,995 --> 00:03:36,280
Well, he's still got
five and a half more
hours till midnight.
81
00:03:36,348 --> 00:03:38,382
Yeah, he's really
cutting it close.
82
00:03:38,450 --> 00:03:41,085
But it'll make it
all the sweeter
when it happens.
83
00:03:41,153 --> 00:03:44,321
Yeah, anniversaries
can be just great.
84
00:03:44,389 --> 00:03:46,607
I'll never forget
my first anniversary with Vera.
85
00:03:46,675 --> 00:03:49,110
Yeah, we, uh...
86
00:03:49,178 --> 00:03:51,579
Oh, my God, I did forget it.
87
00:03:51,647 --> 00:03:55,350
Anybody know where I can get
a 17-year-old box of candy?
88
00:03:55,418 --> 00:03:58,386
Frasier, my fawn,
I deserve a treat.
89
00:03:58,454 --> 00:04:02,023
Today my belly button turned
from an innie to an outie.
90
00:04:02,090 --> 00:04:03,991
Well, this is news.
91
00:04:04,059 --> 00:04:05,426
LILITH:
Uh, Norm? We have
92
00:04:05,494 --> 00:04:08,196
a few things we'd like
to ask you about.
Oh, great. Must be
93
00:04:08,263 --> 00:04:10,882
pretty important if you're
willing to buy me a free drink.
94
00:04:10,950 --> 00:04:12,233
Oh, of course we will.
95
00:04:12,300 --> 00:04:14,468
A drink for Norm?
What do you drink?
96
00:04:14,537 --> 00:04:17,005
( laughter )
97
00:04:17,072 --> 00:04:18,606
( chuckling )
98
00:04:18,674 --> 00:04:20,141
What's so funny?
99
00:04:20,208 --> 00:04:21,442
It's just that everyone knows
100
00:04:21,510 --> 00:04:23,177
Norm always drinks beer,
dearest.
101
00:04:23,245 --> 00:04:25,212
Ah. That is hysterical.
102
00:04:26,248 --> 00:04:28,315
Anyway, Lilith and I
103
00:04:28,383 --> 00:04:30,384
have been talking,
and we have decided that
104
00:04:30,452 --> 00:04:32,520
we would like you to decorate
our unborn child's room.
105
00:04:32,588 --> 00:04:34,388
All right!
Sure, I can do that.
106
00:04:34,456 --> 00:04:36,257
I just did a nursery
for my sister-in-law.
107
00:04:36,325 --> 00:04:37,625
I went with
108
00:04:37,692 --> 00:04:39,243
Gummy Bears rampant
in a field of Smurfs.
109
00:04:39,311 --> 00:04:40,745
Oh, no, no, no.
110
00:04:40,813 --> 00:04:44,281
We'd like to stay away from that
cutesie-ootsie drivel that
111
00:04:44,349 --> 00:04:47,668
retards the child's creative
and intellectual development.
112
00:04:47,736 --> 00:04:51,072
All right, uh, do we know if
it's gonna be a boy or a girl?
113
00:04:51,139 --> 00:04:54,008
We are not going to cram sexual
identity down our baby's throat.
114
00:04:54,076 --> 00:04:55,677
So, naturally,
115
00:04:55,745 --> 00:04:58,212
the room should be,
oh, sexually neutral.
116
00:04:58,280 --> 00:04:59,848
Good. Fine, I can do that.
117
00:04:59,915 --> 00:05:01,649
When I'm finished,
your kid won't have
118
00:05:01,717 --> 00:05:03,251
a clue what sex it is.
119
00:05:05,621 --> 00:05:06,888
Hey, everybody, listen up.
120
00:05:06,955 --> 00:05:09,491
We only got a few minutes
to the game here.
121
00:05:09,558 --> 00:05:11,325
Who wants in
on the basketball pool?
122
00:05:11,394 --> 00:05:13,661
OTHERS:
I'm in! Put me down! Yeah!
123
00:05:13,729 --> 00:05:15,196
There you go, gentlemen.
124
00:05:15,264 --> 00:05:17,164
Woody, how about you?
125
00:05:17,232 --> 00:05:19,751
Oh, I don't know, Sam, I don't
like playing games for money.
126
00:05:19,818 --> 00:05:23,354
You end up either losing money
or taking it from your friends.
127
00:05:23,421 --> 00:05:25,406
No, no, Woody,
this is just a game, man.
128
00:05:25,474 --> 00:05:26,907
You know, five bucks a square.
129
00:05:26,975 --> 00:05:29,910
You got four quarters,
four chances to win.
130
00:05:29,978 --> 00:05:32,913
I don't know, I don't like
taking money from my friends.
131
00:05:32,981 --> 00:05:37,218
Aw, go ahead, Woody--
nobody here gives a
hoot about you anyway.
132
00:05:38,019 --> 00:05:40,371
Okay, great.
133
00:05:42,174 --> 00:05:43,474
It's just money.
134
00:05:43,542 --> 00:05:45,910
This isn't
gambling, is it?
Gambling?
135
00:05:45,978 --> 00:05:47,979
Sam, we have had
this talk before.
136
00:05:48,047 --> 00:05:49,747
I can get
closed down.
137
00:05:49,815 --> 00:05:51,983
This? Oh, no, no.
Thanks.
138
00:05:52,051 --> 00:05:54,685
This is not gambling,
this is, uh...
139
00:05:54,753 --> 00:05:55,887
well, this is a game.
140
00:05:55,954 --> 00:05:57,822
Uh, haven't you ever heard
of, uh,
141
00:05:57,890 --> 00:05:59,456
Championship Tic-tac-toe?
142
00:05:59,524 --> 00:06:01,309
It's a game.
143
00:06:01,376 --> 00:06:02,643
Uh, who's next here?
Me. Me.
144
00:06:02,711 --> 00:06:04,012
All righty.
It's my turn.
145
00:06:04,079 --> 00:06:07,665
And I will take
this square here.
146
00:06:07,733 --> 00:06:10,467
And, uh... Oh,
by the way, Sam,
147
00:06:10,536 --> 00:06:12,870
here's that five
bucks I owe you.
148
00:06:16,792 --> 00:06:18,393
Ah, well, Normie, you, uh,
149
00:06:18,460 --> 00:06:21,195
you fell right into
my trap there, buddy.
150
00:06:21,263 --> 00:06:23,097
CLIFF:
Here you go.
151
00:06:23,165 --> 00:06:24,648
Oh, Sammy, by the way,
this, uh,
152
00:06:24,716 --> 00:06:27,151
slipped out of your wallet
a couple of weeks ago.
Oh!
153
00:06:27,219 --> 00:06:29,787
REBECCA:
How stupid do you think I am?
154
00:06:29,854 --> 00:06:31,255
I know exactly
155
00:06:31,323 --> 00:06:32,590
what's going on here.
156
00:06:32,658 --> 00:06:34,559
Come on, what's
the big deal?
157
00:06:34,627 --> 00:06:36,761
It's just a friendly
little game of wagering.
158
00:06:36,828 --> 00:06:38,929
It's a simple $500 pot.
159
00:06:38,997 --> 00:06:41,599
I can't believe
you people.
160
00:06:41,667 --> 00:06:43,767
Do you really think
you're gonna get
something for nothing?
161
00:06:43,835 --> 00:06:48,789
Do you know how long
it takes me to earn $500?
162
00:06:48,857 --> 00:06:51,292
Give me three squares.
163
00:06:53,362 --> 00:06:56,514
Hey, guys, get a load
of that guy over there
164
00:06:56,582 --> 00:06:59,199
with the fake beard
and the dark glasses.
165
00:06:59,267 --> 00:07:01,485
Does that look like
somebody I'm married to
166
00:07:01,553 --> 00:07:04,021
in a special
anniversary disguise?
167
00:07:04,089 --> 00:07:07,992
Well, two can play
at the surprise game.
168
00:07:12,330 --> 00:07:13,998
Your beard might be phony,
169
00:07:14,066 --> 00:07:18,035
but I know something
about you that's real.
170
00:07:18,103 --> 00:07:20,638
Wait a minute.
You're not Eddie.
171
00:07:23,475 --> 00:07:26,444
But you're not bad.
172
00:07:31,049 --> 00:07:32,533
( sighs ):
Where is Eddie?
173
00:07:32,601 --> 00:07:35,903
Why haven't I
heard from him?
174
00:07:35,971 --> 00:07:39,323
It's dear to see Carla so
concerned about her mate.
175
00:07:39,391 --> 00:07:41,442
Do you remember
when you gave that
lecture in New York,
176
00:07:41,510 --> 00:07:43,944
and in a fit of whimsy, I
flew in to surprise you?
177
00:07:44,012 --> 00:07:47,398
It was hardly a surprise;
we booked those reservations
three weeks in advance.
178
00:07:47,466 --> 00:07:51,536
So you were in on
it-- still it was a
wacky thing to do.
179
00:07:51,603 --> 00:07:54,572
( TV sports announcer talking )
Hey, Sam,
end of the first quarter.
180
00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:56,407
SAM:
Oh! What's the score here?
181
00:07:56,475 --> 00:07:58,559
26-25, Boston.
182
00:07:58,627 --> 00:08:00,695
Let's see,
the winner is...
183
00:08:00,762 --> 00:08:02,897
Uh-oh. Woody.
184
00:08:02,965 --> 00:08:04,899
What a shame--
I know how he feels
185
00:08:04,967 --> 00:08:07,101
about taking any
of his friends' money here.
186
00:08:07,168 --> 00:08:08,869
You think
you can talk him into it?
187
00:08:08,937 --> 00:08:10,754
( chuckles ):
Yeah, I'll give it a try here.
188
00:08:10,822 --> 00:08:11,789
Hey, Woodrow,
189
00:08:11,857 --> 00:08:14,742
you won the first pot.
190
00:08:14,810 --> 00:08:18,079
How much did I win?
$125.
191
00:08:18,147 --> 00:08:20,982
Yes! Come to Papa!
192
00:08:21,049 --> 00:08:23,918
Suckers! Aah!
193
00:08:23,986 --> 00:08:27,405
� I'm in the money,
I'm in the money! �
194
00:08:29,341 --> 00:08:31,759
Maybe, uh, we could
force him to take it.
195
00:08:33,695 --> 00:08:35,513
Here, Woody, listen
to me for a minute.
196
00:08:35,580 --> 00:08:38,682
I don't want to, like,
you know, put down
your good time here.
197
00:08:38,750 --> 00:08:40,485
Whoa, listen to me.
Listen to me.
198
00:08:40,552 --> 00:08:42,987
It's kind of a tradition
amongst gamblers--
199
00:08:43,055 --> 00:08:45,890
especially gamblers
who want to stay alive--
200
00:08:45,957 --> 00:08:48,926
that you don't, you know,
dance and wave money around
201
00:08:48,994 --> 00:08:51,729
in front of people
you just won it from.
202
00:08:51,796 --> 00:08:53,531
Can I sing?
203
00:08:53,598 --> 00:08:55,266
No, you can't sing.
204
00:08:55,334 --> 00:08:57,368
Well, I guess it'd be
out of line to chant,
205
00:08:57,436 --> 00:09:00,338
"In your face, in your face"?
206
00:09:03,375 --> 00:09:05,193
Evening, everybody.
207
00:09:05,260 --> 00:09:06,994
ALL:
Norm!
208
00:09:07,062 --> 00:09:08,246
WOODY:
What's going on,
Mr. Peterson?
209
00:09:08,313 --> 00:09:10,281
A flashing sign in my gut
that says
210
00:09:10,349 --> 00:09:12,116
"Insert beer here."
211
00:09:12,184 --> 00:09:15,602
Oh, Norm?
Ah. My clients.
212
00:09:15,671 --> 00:09:18,472
Guys, I've, uh,
devised a color scheme
213
00:09:18,540 --> 00:09:21,609
for the nursery, but
I have to warn you,
it's a bit drab.
214
00:09:21,677 --> 00:09:24,512
Oh, good-- I will not have
our child emotionally attached
215
00:09:24,579 --> 00:09:27,015
to cartoon mice
and teddy bears.
216
00:09:27,082 --> 00:09:29,784
No. Our child
will receive affection
217
00:09:29,852 --> 00:09:31,552
from parental embraces,
218
00:09:31,620 --> 00:09:35,256
administered at generously
scheduled intervals.
219
00:09:35,323 --> 00:09:38,525
And I'll be he comes back
one day to thank you for that.
220
00:09:38,593 --> 00:09:40,828
Probably while you're sleeping--
you won't feel a thing.
221
00:09:46,034 --> 00:09:47,301
( game playing on TV )
222
00:09:47,369 --> 00:09:49,703
SAM:
Okay, 46 to 55.
That's the half.
223
00:09:49,771 --> 00:09:50,755
Let's see.
224
00:09:50,822 --> 00:09:53,290
Uh-oh. Clear the dance floor.
225
00:09:53,358 --> 00:09:55,492
Woody won again.
226
00:09:56,929 --> 00:09:59,347
Thanks.
227
00:09:59,415 --> 00:10:01,349
NORM:
"Thanks"?
228
00:10:01,417 --> 00:10:03,951
"Thanks"? That's
all you're gonna
say, "Thanks"?
229
00:10:04,019 --> 00:10:06,220
Well, sure.
No, wait a minute,
wait a minute.
230
00:10:06,287 --> 00:10:09,356
Listen, the only thing
that people hate worse
than a guy who gloats
231
00:10:09,424 --> 00:10:11,258
is a guy who
stands there smug
232
00:10:11,326 --> 00:10:14,228
when they know that
he's gloating on the inside.
233
00:10:14,295 --> 00:10:19,016
If you're gonna dance,
for God's sake, dance.
234
00:10:19,084 --> 00:10:21,035
I don't want to dance,
you guys.
235
00:10:21,103 --> 00:10:23,271
I didn't mean to hurt anybody.
236
00:10:23,338 --> 00:10:25,940
I just want to sit here quietly
237
00:10:26,007 --> 00:10:28,042
and count my bucks.
238
00:10:28,110 --> 00:10:29,410
Let's see,
239
00:10:29,478 --> 00:10:31,446
that would be five...
240
00:10:31,513 --> 00:10:33,081
ten...
241
00:10:33,148 --> 00:10:34,615
fifteen...
242
00:10:34,683 --> 00:10:36,850
Wait, there's something written
on this five.
243
00:10:36,918 --> 00:10:39,303
Oh, that'd be mine.
Here, let me give
you a clean one.
244
00:10:39,371 --> 00:10:41,538
I'll take that back...
I don't mind.
245
00:10:41,606 --> 00:10:44,425
No, it's all right.
You'll get ink all over
your fingers, and...
246
00:10:44,493 --> 00:10:45,893
Let's see what it says.
247
00:10:45,961 --> 00:10:48,463
Uh, "Happy 30th birthday,
Cliffie-bits.
248
00:10:48,530 --> 00:10:52,133
Sorry I didn't have time
to shop. Love, Ma."
249
00:10:57,505 --> 00:10:58,806
You've been carrying around
a gift
250
00:10:58,873 --> 00:11:00,591
from your mother for ten years?
251
00:11:00,658 --> 00:11:03,093
No, no, Sammy--
the post office just
delivered it yesterday.
252
00:11:03,161 --> 00:11:05,095
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
very funny.
253
00:11:05,163 --> 00:11:07,030
You're just jealous
'cause I got a ma
254
00:11:07,098 --> 00:11:09,800
who sends me five bucks
on my birthday and you don't.
255
00:11:09,802 --> 00:11:11,018
What are you
talking about?
256
00:11:11,086 --> 00:11:13,254
Your ma sends me money
all the time, Cliff.
257
00:11:13,321 --> 00:11:14,889
I got one right
here, actually.
258
00:11:14,956 --> 00:11:17,825
"Dearest Norm,
thanks for hanging out
with my dorky son.
259
00:11:17,893 --> 00:11:20,627
You're a saint.
Love Ma Clavin."
260
00:11:20,695 --> 00:11:25,365
Oh. "P.S. I'm writing
this in the nude."
261
00:11:25,433 --> 00:11:27,101
My ma didn't write that!
262
00:11:27,169 --> 00:11:31,071
My ma's never been nude
in her life!
263
00:11:31,139 --> 00:11:36,110
I got some flowers here
for, uh, Carla LeBec.
264
00:11:36,178 --> 00:11:39,347
Oh, yes!
Let the present parade begin!
265
00:11:39,414 --> 00:11:41,115
Ah...
266
00:11:41,183 --> 00:11:42,950
I wonder what Eddie's plan is.
267
00:11:43,018 --> 00:11:45,319
Flowers every hour,
or maybe the presents
268
00:11:45,387 --> 00:11:48,623
are just gonna get bigger
and bigger as the night goes on.
269
00:11:48,690 --> 00:11:50,658
I'll tell you,
I wouldn't be surprised
270
00:11:50,725 --> 00:11:55,429
if I left here
tonight with an
electric fondue set.
271
00:11:55,497 --> 00:11:58,366
Yes! "Happy
second anniversary,
272
00:11:58,433 --> 00:12:01,269
your loving husband,
Edward LeBec."
273
00:12:01,336 --> 00:12:02,236
Aw...
274
00:12:02,304 --> 00:12:03,904
Aw, what a guy.
Yeah, boy,
275
00:12:03,972 --> 00:12:05,306
that's really sweet, Carla.
276
00:12:05,374 --> 00:12:07,041
NORM:
Yeah. Nice flowers, too.
277
00:12:07,108 --> 00:12:08,442
( spits )
278
00:12:10,212 --> 00:12:13,181
I hear that keeps
'em fresh longer.
279
00:12:13,248 --> 00:12:16,184
Hey, whoa, where you going?
What is that about?
280
00:12:16,251 --> 00:12:18,118
Those flowers
weren't from Eddie.
281
00:12:18,187 --> 00:12:19,353
What are you talking about?
282
00:12:19,421 --> 00:12:23,491
His real name isn't Edward,
it's Guy.
283
00:12:23,559 --> 00:12:24,892
Hah?
What?
284
00:12:24,959 --> 00:12:26,793
G-U-Y. Guy.
285
00:12:26,861 --> 00:12:28,279
People just
call him Eddie
286
00:12:28,346 --> 00:12:31,215
because it's too weenie
to say Guy.
287
00:12:31,283 --> 00:12:32,716
All right,
288
00:12:32,784 --> 00:12:37,238
which one of you dirt bags
sent those gorgeous flowers?
289
00:12:37,305 --> 00:12:39,073
Come on, we didn't
send those.
290
00:12:39,140 --> 00:12:43,543
You know... I'll betcha
Eddie spent about 50
bucks for those flowers.
291
00:12:43,611 --> 00:12:46,180
$50? You told me
it was gonna be $35.
292
00:12:46,248 --> 00:12:49,950
No! Oh!
God! I-I
don't believe
293
00:12:50,018 --> 00:12:53,921
that you guys don't think
Eddie's gonna come through.
294
00:12:53,988 --> 00:12:56,540
I mean... I'll tell you,
I got faith in Eddie.
295
00:12:56,608 --> 00:12:59,110
He's the best husband
in the whole world,
296
00:12:59,178 --> 00:13:02,079
and he is gonna come
through. You'll see.
297
00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:06,400
( Sam whistles )
298
00:13:06,467 --> 00:13:08,836
She's right, you know.
299
00:13:08,904 --> 00:13:12,506
Yeah. You know, seeing
a wife stand up for
her husband like that
300
00:13:12,574 --> 00:13:14,942
makes me realize
what I have at home.
301
00:13:15,009 --> 00:13:19,329
I guess that's kind
of why I'm here.
302
00:13:19,397 --> 00:13:23,500
Yeah. Two dozen,
long-stemmed.
303
00:13:23,568 --> 00:13:25,102
And make the card out,
304
00:13:25,169 --> 00:13:29,106
"To Carla,
with all my love, Guy."
305
00:13:29,173 --> 00:13:31,942
Yeah, Guy. As in "geek."
306
00:13:41,887 --> 00:13:43,754
Well, Carla, it's midnight.
307
00:13:45,057 --> 00:13:46,123
Your anniversary is over.
308
00:13:46,191 --> 00:13:48,525
No, Sam, it's over here.
309
00:13:48,593 --> 00:13:51,095
Where Eddie is,
it's still going on.
310
00:13:51,162 --> 00:13:53,097
He's got almost
three hours left.
311
00:13:56,585 --> 00:13:57,818
Carla LeBec?
312
00:13:57,886 --> 00:14:01,254
Ah, flowers.
313
00:14:05,426 --> 00:14:07,628
Aren't you a little old
for a delivery boy?
314
00:14:07,696 --> 00:14:09,663
It's my father's night off.
315
00:14:10,899 --> 00:14:13,433
Hey...
Thank you.
316
00:14:16,705 --> 00:14:20,808
Does anybody know who these are
from and who they're for?
317
00:14:20,875 --> 00:14:23,643
Cliff's mom for me?
318
00:14:23,711 --> 00:14:29,549
No, they're from Eddie LeBec
for me for our anniversary.
319
00:14:29,617 --> 00:14:32,586
Now, are you guys satisfied
or would you like
320
00:14:32,653 --> 00:14:34,438
to sit on these?
321
00:14:34,506 --> 00:14:36,373
Boy, that's love for you,
isn't it?
322
00:14:36,441 --> 00:14:37,791
Yeah, really.
I got a tear in my eye.
323
00:14:37,859 --> 00:14:39,025
And you're going to have this
in your eye
324
00:14:39,093 --> 00:14:41,261
if you don't lay off my mom.
325
00:14:42,497 --> 00:14:45,466
Oh, Carla,
those are gorgeous.
326
00:14:45,533 --> 00:14:47,000
Who sent them?
327
00:14:47,068 --> 00:14:48,068
Who do you think?
328
00:14:48,135 --> 00:14:50,203
Oh, isn't Eddie sweet?
329
00:14:50,271 --> 00:14:53,674
Oh, why can't more men
send flowers?
330
00:14:53,742 --> 00:14:56,543
I didn't know Mormons
couldn't send flowers.
331
00:15:00,114 --> 00:15:02,883
I said more men,
not Mormons.
332
00:15:02,950 --> 00:15:05,986
I know they can't dance.
333
00:15:07,555 --> 00:15:09,489
No, Sammy, that's the,
that's the Amish.
334
00:15:09,557 --> 00:15:11,025
W-Why can't Mormons
send flowers?
335
00:15:11,092 --> 00:15:12,593
They can.
336
00:15:12,661 --> 00:15:14,127
Then what
are you talking about?
337
00:15:14,195 --> 00:15:17,197
I just wish someone
would send me some damn roses.
338
00:15:17,265 --> 00:15:18,899
Why does it have
to be a Mormon?
339
00:15:18,967 --> 00:15:20,234
Oh, come on!
340
00:15:20,301 --> 00:15:21,401
( phone ringing )
341
00:15:21,469 --> 00:15:23,070
WOODY:
Cheers.
342
00:15:23,138 --> 00:15:26,073
With some people, you just can't
discuss religion.
343
00:15:27,909 --> 00:15:29,726
Carla, that
was your florist.
344
00:15:29,794 --> 00:15:31,595
They didn't accept
your credit card
for the flowers.
345
00:15:31,662 --> 00:15:33,197
You got
to bring them cash.
346
00:15:38,920 --> 00:15:41,154
Okay, Eddie
didn't send the flowers.
347
00:15:41,222 --> 00:15:42,422
I sent them to myself.
348
00:15:44,175 --> 00:15:47,261
I just figured that when he did
do his wonderful surprise,
349
00:15:47,329 --> 00:15:50,397
it might be later,
and you guys might miss it.
350
00:15:50,465 --> 00:15:51,632
So, just get off my case.
351
00:15:51,699 --> 00:15:54,067
It's gonna
happen, okay?
352
00:15:56,805 --> 00:15:58,439
There is one bright
side to all this.
353
00:15:58,506 --> 00:16:00,173
Yeah, what's that?
354
00:16:00,241 --> 00:16:02,409
You're gonna have the sweetest
smelling garbage on the block.
355
00:16:07,081 --> 00:16:09,666
CLIFF:
Sammy, well, that's the end
of that game.
356
00:16:09,734 --> 00:16:11,835
Who's the winner?
357
00:16:11,903 --> 00:16:13,120
Oh, dear; guess who.
358
00:16:13,188 --> 00:16:16,256
Yes, again! Ha!
359
00:16:16,324 --> 00:16:18,859
A clean sweep for
the Boyd machine!
360
00:16:18,926 --> 00:16:20,527
All four quarters
are mine!
361
00:16:20,595 --> 00:16:23,197
Hey, here's three bucks;
go buy yourselves some luck.
362
00:16:23,264 --> 00:16:25,366
( chortling )
363
00:16:25,433 --> 00:16:27,167
I'm sorry, Woody,
but you're wrong.
364
00:16:27,235 --> 00:16:29,103
Rebecca won.
365
00:16:29,170 --> 00:16:32,139
What?
366
00:16:33,407 --> 00:16:36,276
Well, I hope you learn
from my example.
367
00:16:36,344 --> 00:16:37,645
I'm going to show you
368
00:16:37,712 --> 00:16:40,213
how a really
gracious winner behaves.
369
00:16:40,281 --> 00:16:44,051
Read 'em and weep,
farm boy! Whoo!
370
00:16:45,987 --> 00:16:48,656
Excuse me, miss?
Yes, sir?
371
00:16:48,723 --> 00:16:52,059
I'm Detective McGuiness,
Boston Police Department.
372
00:16:53,394 --> 00:16:55,763
I'm off duty here,
but, uh, for your sake,
373
00:16:55,830 --> 00:16:58,932
I really hope there isn't
any gambling going on here.
374
00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:00,868
Gambling?
375
00:17:00,935 --> 00:17:02,836
No, sir.
376
00:17:02,904 --> 00:17:04,638
I earned this money.
377
00:17:05,740 --> 00:17:08,575
I'm a prostitute.
378
00:17:13,715 --> 00:17:15,315
That isn't better, is it?
379
00:17:16,484 --> 00:17:18,819
Um, no, this
is just a little joke.
380
00:17:18,887 --> 00:17:21,488
We play a little game here,
but we never play for keepsies.
381
00:17:21,556 --> 00:17:22,689
See, I take
the money in,
382
00:17:22,757 --> 00:17:25,291
and I give the money back
like this.
383
00:17:25,359 --> 00:17:27,344
Give this back
to me later.
384
00:17:27,412 --> 00:17:29,079
( phone ringing )
385
00:17:29,147 --> 00:17:31,314
CARLA:
I'll get it.
Give me that back.
386
00:17:31,382 --> 00:17:33,750
Cheers.
387
00:17:33,818 --> 00:17:35,686
Yeah?
388
00:17:35,753 --> 00:17:37,320
Great!
389
00:17:37,388 --> 00:17:39,122
Ho-ho!
390
00:17:39,190 --> 00:17:40,373
That was Sarafina.
391
00:17:40,441 --> 00:17:41,909
Anthony is on his way over here
392
00:17:41,976 --> 00:17:44,745
with a package for me
from Eddie right now.
393
00:17:44,812 --> 00:17:45,979
Hey, good for you.
394
00:17:46,047 --> 00:17:46,980
( horn honking )
That's him!
395
00:17:47,048 --> 00:17:48,448
That's Anthony with my present.
396
00:17:52,153 --> 00:17:53,237
Woody?
397
00:17:54,839 --> 00:17:55,972
Why didn't he come in?
398
00:17:56,040 --> 00:17:57,191
No brakes in the car.
399
00:17:58,760 --> 00:17:59,893
How does he stop?
400
00:17:59,961 --> 00:18:01,195
Well, he either swerves
into hedges
401
00:18:01,262 --> 00:18:02,462
or he coasts
around the block
402
00:18:02,530 --> 00:18:05,099
until he can stop the car
with his foot.
403
00:18:05,166 --> 00:18:07,367
Oh, man,
this is gonna be good.
404
00:18:12,107 --> 00:18:14,708
Laundry?
405
00:18:14,776 --> 00:18:16,576
He sends you
his laundry?
406
00:18:16,644 --> 00:18:19,079
Yeah, once a month, but...
407
00:18:19,147 --> 00:18:21,915
this has got to be
some kind of joke.
408
00:18:21,983 --> 00:18:25,085
I mean, he wouldn't send it
on our anniversary.
409
00:18:25,153 --> 00:18:27,821
There's got to be a present
packed in here.
410
00:18:27,889 --> 00:18:28,956
Right?
411
00:18:29,023 --> 00:18:31,058
Oh, that Eddie...
412
00:18:31,126 --> 00:18:32,058
what a guy.
413
00:18:32,210 --> 00:18:34,912
Packing a present
in some laundry.
414
00:18:34,979 --> 00:18:38,182
It's got to be in here
somewhere.
415
00:18:49,944 --> 00:18:51,912
I guess I was wrong.
416
00:19:02,957 --> 00:19:05,275
What are you all looking at?
417
00:19:05,342 --> 00:19:07,261
( murmuring )
418
00:19:08,980 --> 00:19:11,581
What are you avoiding
looking at?
419
00:19:12,617 --> 00:19:14,384
I know what you guys think.
420
00:19:14,452 --> 00:19:15,652
You think he forgot.
421
00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:17,955
You think my marriage
is in big trouble
422
00:19:18,022 --> 00:19:20,891
and Eddie's turning into
my typical creep husband.
423
00:19:20,959 --> 00:19:22,092
Well, it's not true,
424
00:19:22,159 --> 00:19:24,728
so just go back to
your stupid lives.
425
00:19:24,796 --> 00:19:26,697
Norm, order a beer.
426
00:19:26,764 --> 00:19:29,399
Clavin, bore us.
427
00:19:29,467 --> 00:19:31,368
Oh, Woody, why don't you tell us
428
00:19:31,436 --> 00:19:33,103
about how another one
of your relatives
429
00:19:33,170 --> 00:19:35,939
lost a body part
in some farm equipment?
430
00:19:37,158 --> 00:19:39,059
I ever tell you
about my Aunt Lefty?
431
00:19:39,127 --> 00:19:40,310
Shut up.
432
00:19:42,030 --> 00:19:44,098
Just go on back
433
00:19:44,165 --> 00:19:45,849
to your sad, pathetic lives.
434
00:19:45,917 --> 00:19:47,784
Me, I'm going home.
435
00:19:47,852 --> 00:19:51,321
I'm going to go sit in
a dark room and have some fun.
436
00:19:51,388 --> 00:19:53,824
( phone ringing )
Putting on
a Gene Pitney record...
437
00:19:53,891 --> 00:19:55,525
WOODY:
Cheers.
438
00:19:55,593 --> 00:19:56,960
and I'm gonna slice Eddie's face
439
00:19:57,028 --> 00:19:59,329
out of every picture
in the house.
440
00:19:59,396 --> 00:20:00,681
Oh, hey, how you doing?
441
00:20:00,749 --> 00:20:03,183
No, I don't think she can come
to the phone, Eddie.
442
00:20:03,251 --> 00:20:04,484
She has plans
for the evening.
443
00:20:04,552 --> 00:20:07,020
Give me that phone!
444
00:20:07,088 --> 00:20:09,489
Is this really Eddie?
445
00:20:09,557 --> 00:20:11,124
Well, sure it's me, babe.
446
00:20:11,192 --> 00:20:13,176
Listen, honey, I'm sorry
I couldn't come home.
447
00:20:13,244 --> 00:20:16,446
I mean, I wanted to make last
year's celebration look sick.
448
00:20:16,514 --> 00:20:17,797
I already got my plane ticket,
449
00:20:17,866 --> 00:20:19,333
I'm at the airport,
and everything,
450
00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:20,901
and they called me back
to rehearsal.
451
00:20:20,969 --> 00:20:23,536
They changed the whole script
of the ice show.
452
00:20:23,604 --> 00:20:26,156
They've taken all the humanity
out of the big bad wolf,
453
00:20:26,223 --> 00:20:30,093
and the three little pigs think
they're God's gift to ice.
454
00:20:30,161 --> 00:20:32,162
I really don't want
to talk about it.
455
00:20:32,229 --> 00:20:35,598
Hey, Eddie,
when am I gonna see you again?
456
00:20:35,666 --> 00:20:37,467
Gee, I guess
in a couple of months.
457
00:20:37,535 --> 00:20:39,770
A couple of months?
458
00:20:39,838 --> 00:20:41,905
Listen, honey, I got to go.
459
00:20:41,973 --> 00:20:43,907
The bus is about to leave
from Yakima,
460
00:20:43,975 --> 00:20:45,442
and if I don't make it quick,
461
00:20:45,510 --> 00:20:47,811
the pigs will grab
all the good seats.
462
00:20:47,879 --> 00:20:49,730
Hey, Eddie, I love you.
463
00:20:49,797 --> 00:20:51,832
I love you too, sweetie. Bye.
464
00:20:51,899 --> 00:20:56,369
( phone click and dial tone )
465
00:20:56,437 --> 00:20:59,072
Hey, everybody,
listen up.
466
00:20:59,140 --> 00:21:01,558
I want you all
to repeat after me.
467
00:21:01,626 --> 00:21:04,695
I am a very stupid person.
468
00:21:04,762 --> 00:21:07,881
ALL:
"I am a very stupid person."
469
00:21:07,949 --> 00:21:11,551
And I will never doubt
the undying love
470
00:21:11,619 --> 00:21:15,956
and total commitment that
exists, always has existed,
471
00:21:16,024 --> 00:21:20,760
and always will exist
between Carla and Eddie LeBec.
472
00:21:20,828 --> 00:21:24,764
ALL:
"I'm a very stupid person."
473
00:21:24,832 --> 00:21:26,400
Close enough!
474
00:21:26,467 --> 00:21:30,637
Well, turns out the only reason
he didn't surprise me
475
00:21:30,704 --> 00:21:31,905
was he had to rehearse.
476
00:21:31,973 --> 00:21:35,242
That ought to show you mo-mos
a lesson.
477
00:21:36,660 --> 00:21:38,729
Well, that was Eddie
on the phone.
478
00:21:38,796 --> 00:21:39,996
Hey.
479
00:21:40,064 --> 00:21:42,232
Isn't that just the nicest,
sweetest thing
480
00:21:42,299 --> 00:21:43,767
for Eddie to remember?
481
00:21:43,834 --> 00:21:46,369
Yeah, Carla, sure was.
482
00:21:46,437 --> 00:21:47,905
Yeah.
483
00:21:51,792 --> 00:21:54,661
You called and reminded him,
didn't you, rat lips?
484
00:21:56,330 --> 00:21:57,564
How could I?
485
00:21:57,632 --> 00:21:59,733
I don't even know where he is.
486
00:21:59,800 --> 00:22:01,301
Sammy, I'm going
to ask you again,
487
00:22:01,369 --> 00:22:02,402
and I'm warning you.
488
00:22:02,470 --> 00:22:03,736
Hey, don't back up.
489
00:22:03,804 --> 00:22:05,438
I'm not going to hurt you,
you wimp.
490
00:22:05,506 --> 00:22:07,174
All right.
491
00:22:07,241 --> 00:22:11,744
The women in my family,
for generations,
492
00:22:11,812 --> 00:22:15,848
have had absolutely no talents
or gifts but one.
493
00:22:17,084 --> 00:22:20,153
We can make up any curse
and make it stick,
494
00:22:20,221 --> 00:22:21,655
okay?
495
00:22:21,722 --> 00:22:23,723
Now, tell me the truth,
496
00:22:23,791 --> 00:22:26,226
or my curse on you
is gonna be...
497
00:22:26,294 --> 00:22:28,662
Let me think of a good one here.
498
00:22:28,729 --> 00:22:31,498
No, not the hair;
anything but the hair.
499
00:22:31,566 --> 00:22:34,000
Okay, okay.
500
00:22:35,869 --> 00:22:37,604
Your eyes...
501
00:22:37,672 --> 00:22:38,705
Oh, no, wait a minute.
502
00:22:38,772 --> 00:22:40,607
I got it.
503
00:22:40,675 --> 00:22:42,509
Your tongue
504
00:22:42,577 --> 00:22:43,843
is gonna swell up
505
00:22:43,911 --> 00:22:45,445
so big,
506
00:22:45,513 --> 00:22:48,515
you're going to have to buy
a seat on the plane for it.
507
00:22:48,583 --> 00:22:50,083
Carla, this
is ridiculous.
508
00:22:50,150 --> 00:22:52,485
Sammy, you know I can do it.
509
00:22:52,553 --> 00:22:55,722
Now, look into my eyes
and tell me the truth.
510
00:22:57,258 --> 00:23:01,411
Did you call Eddie and remind
him about our anniversary?
511
00:23:01,479 --> 00:23:03,647
No, Carla, I didn't.
512
00:23:06,367 --> 00:23:07,785
Okay.
513
00:23:07,852 --> 00:23:11,722
But you and your tongue
better be telling the truth.
514
00:23:17,929 --> 00:23:21,431
Family curse.
515
00:23:21,499 --> 00:23:24,317
( slurring ):
How gullible
does thee think I am?
516
00:23:29,757 --> 00:23:31,607
Oh, no.
517
00:23:31,675 --> 00:23:33,977
No, oh... Carla! Carla!
518
00:23:34,045 --> 00:23:35,445
CARLA:
What?
519
00:23:35,512 --> 00:23:38,014
Nothing.
49327
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