All language subtitles for Cheers.S07E16.The.Cranemakers.DVDRip.XviD-SAiNTS

Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.

Excuse me.

Does a Carla Tortelli LeBec
n�e Lozupone work here?

You're talking to her.

What's it to you?

My name is Whitley Morris.

I represent the estate

of your late grandfather,
Antonio Lozupone.

No doubt you know that Antonio

deserted your grandmother
in 1921.

What you may not know is

that he hopped a freight
to Los Angeles that year,

taking with him only
his lucky quarter.

He worked packing fruit until
he raised enough capital

to open his own business
selling candied peaches.

With the profits
from this he invested in oil,

and through judicious
management of his funds,

amassed a fortune well
in excess of $20 million.

MAN:
Miss?

Can I order a beer?

What do I look like,
a waitress?

Go on, go on.

On his death bed,
Antonio felt remorse

for the family
he left behind
in Boston,

and he made out a will
leaving his entire fortune

to the surviving Lozupones,
of which you are one.

Yeah, yeah?

Unfortunately, this
was not discovered

until the death last month

of Antonio's unscrupulous
illegitimate son Paolo,

who suppressed the will
and in ten short years,

squandered the entire fortune on
fast horses and loose women.

What does that leave me?

Grandfather Lozupone's
lucky quarter.

Congratulations.

( piano plays )

� Making your way
in the world today �

� Takes everything you've got

� Taking a break
from all your worries �

� Sure would help a lot

� Wouldn't you like
to get away? �

� Sometimes you want to go

� Where everybody knows
your name �

� And they're always glad
you came �

� You want to be where
you can see �

� Our troubles are
all the same �

� You want to be where
everybody knows your name �

� You want to go
where people know �

� People are all the same

� You want to go where everybody
knows your name. �

Woody.

Yes, Miss Howe?

I just got my butt chewed out
on your account.

Must have been
a real light eater.

My boss was going through
the personnel records

and he found an
alarming discrepancy.

Okay, I confess.

I was $3.47
short on the receipts

last October, so I put money
in from my own pocket.

I always knew it would
catch up with me.

You don't have to say
anything, Miss Howe.

I'll get my things
and leave quietly.

Woody, I'm not
talking about that.

Oh, then never mind.

Woody, the comptroller
found out

that you have been working at
Cheers for four years

and you have never
taken one vacation.

That's true.

I have a perfect
attendance record.

Well, you have
to take one now.

It's company policy.

Well, I don't like vacations.

I like working here.

I like the people.

Why should I leave?
What's the point?

The point is a
happy workplace!

The point is dealing
with stress.

Look at you, Woody.
Can't you see that

you're on the verge of
an emotional burnout?

Gee, I am beginning to feel
a little on edge.

I'm sorry, Woody.

Woody, why don't you just
do this for me, please?

Why don't you go take a
trip and see your folks?

My folks were just here.

NORM:
Whoa, Woody.

Your parents
were in Boston?

Why didn't you bring them
by to meet us?

What, like they got nothing
better to do?

Good point.

I'm going to call
the corporate travel agent

and have her create a wonderful
trip for you, Woody.

You're gonna love it.

If you say so, Miss Howe.

CLIFF:
Eh, look, Woody.

Travel is great.

You know, when I left the
country to go see the Expo,

it gave me a whole new
slant on life.

Really?
Oh, yeah,

you haven't lived
until you seen Bonanza

dubbed into French Canadian.

Woody, let's go.

So, Fras, where's
Lilith these days?

It's been three or four weeks

since we've seen
old death with hips.

You're not trying to hide
her from us, are you?

No, no, why would I do
a thing like that?

How's she handling
her pregnancy?

Oh, same as any other woman.

Perfectly normal,
nothing unusual.

Well, true, she does experience

the occasional temporary
hormonal imbalance,

but you know Lilith,
she's so repressed emotionally

that only her husband
would notice.

Lay your hands upon me,
everyone.

I am life.

Oh, boy.

I am mother.

My man's seed is
nourished within me.

Touch my breasts, my friend.
I am lactating.

Boy, I tell ya, this is kind
of a first for me, um...

but I'm gonna pass.

Forgive me for
bursting in on you,

but the little bud couldn't
bear to be parted

from his/her daddy
another instant.

Whisper to him/her
through my navel.

Um...

later, after I
finish this drink...

perhaps a few more.

Oh, Carla, sister woman.

Why didn't you ever
share with me

the religious wonder
of this experience

when you were
great with child?

I was too busy puking.

A small price to pay for
becoming a fountain of life.

A moist, nourishing
acre of loam

from which shall spring the
future of the human race.

Speaking of puking, would you
excuse me for a moment?

I am a cradle of life.

My womb is the Tigris
and the Euphrates.

I am a slender tendril

reaching back
to the primordial ooze.

I'm planning on having her
committed.

Must have been a very difficult
decision for you.

Oddly enough, no.

I don't know what
they did with the birth goo

and I don't want to know.

But the placenta is
the tidal pool of life.

I'm planting mine under a tree
in the backyard,

so my nutrients can
feed its roots.

I shall become one
with the planet.

I shall suckle
the Earth itself.

I shall unite with
the universe...

Oh, for God's sake, woman,
get ahold of yourself!

You're having a baby.

Big deal.

A fly is a mother
a thousand times--

you don't see her
making an ass of herself

in front of her
husband's friends.

I beg your pardon.

Well, Lilith, i-it was
fine in the privacy
of our own home,

but... I mean, now
you're embarrassing me
in front of people

who would like
to be my peers.

I'm sorry, Frasier.

I thought you were as enraptured
by this life force

we're creating as I am.

Well, I am, in theory.

Oh, yes, well, that's right.

For the man, it's all theory.

For the mother it's the deepest,
richest, most moving,

all-encompassing love you'd
ever hope to imagine.

But I'll suppress
it for you.

Are you happy?

That's my girl.

Lilith, you misunderstood.

I loved it.

Darling?

Angel face?

Pea pod?

He's a dead man.

Yeah, put the tag on his toe,
close the drawer.

Hey, Normie.
Lookie here.
Yeah?

I was on my route and somebody
gave me a box of chocolates.

You, uh, you want one?

Yeah.

( mutters )

Assortment, huh?

Yeah, I like butter creams,

but, uh, I can never tell
which one's which.

Nope.

This one either.

Hey, Fras.

What's the latest
with Madame Ovary?

Oh, she's fine.

Don't sound
too happy about it.

Well, frankly Sam, I'm not.

I feel like hell for what I said
to her the other day.

I've taken the most beautiful
experience of her life

and turned it
into something as pedestrian

as flossing one's teeth.

I wish I could take back every
hateful word I said.

NORM:
Fras...

Ver...

Nope, nougat.

Anyway...

Vera and I have this little
technique that we use,

that, uh,
whenever we say something

that we regret to each other,

we agree never to talk about it
again and it works like a charm.

Well, Norm, I don't agree.

Once you start to bury your
feelings, you stop talking.

Finally, you don't spend any
time together at all.

Right.
Works like a charm.

Do you believe that?

An entire box of chocolates
and not one butter cream.

I hate that.

Woody, your passport came.

Thanks, Miss Howe.

Gee, Woody, where you going?

I'm going to Venice,
and then Florence,

and then I've got to see
the Seven Hills

of something or other...
I don't know.

Woody, you're going
to love Italy.

I'll never forget my first trip.

Bunking in youth hostels,
thumbing rides,

this wild fling
with this crazy Italian boy

who never
told me his name.

And then one night, getting
ahold of some cheap wine

and getting really plastered

and ripping off all my
clothes...

Changing for choir practice.

I was with my church group.

Seems like you
used to be a
lot more fun.

Yeah. When did you lose
this childlike love of life?

And why couldn't
I have known you

back when you were
cheap and slutty?

What's this, Miss Howe?

Oh, they just want
to know who to notify

in case of death or accident.

What do they think is going
to happen to me over there?

They don't think anything
is going to happen, Woody.

Just calm down.

What's this about
not smuggling

foreign meats
into the country?

What's wrong
with foreign meat?

And if there is
something wrong with it,

what's going
to happen to me

after I've been eating
it for a week?

And look, it says here
if I mutilate this passport,

it renders it invalid.

Suppose I'm just about to go
through U.S. Customs

and some crazy person breaks
into my luggage,

mutilates my passport and fills
my suitcase full of meat?

That's the chance
all travelers take.

Why there's my Kanga
and her little Roo.

Do you feel the butterfly of
life fluttering within you?

It's either that or gas.

Could I speak with you for a
moment in relative privacy?

Of course.

Now I know you don't want me
carrying on about the pregnancy,

and believe me,
I don't intend to.

But I thought as
a doctor, you might like
to hear one thing.

What is that?

It sounds li...

It is!

Is it?

A little heartbeat?

My child's heartbeat.

Life!

I am a giver of life!

I have planted my seed.

I am your fertile ground.

Lo! See what
we have wrought!

Let's go sleep on
the roof nude, my dear,

and let the rain
nourish our child.

Yes, why not?

Nude, and unashamed.

Why should we be ashamed?

Our child will never be ashamed.

Want to bet?

So, Woodman, today's
the day, huh?

Yeah, you ready for
the big trip, bud?

I guess so. I'm just
going through this book,

trying to put
together a few
useful Italian phrases.

Let's hear one.

All right.

( speaking Italian )

( speaking Italian )

That's great.
What's it mean?

"I have been
hideously mangled

"in a train accident.

Please shoot me."

Woody...

Greetings, everyone.

SAM:
Oh!

My goodness!
Well, what time

are you two due
at the square dance?

I'll thank you
to be serious.

My woman
made this shirt.

It's my first.

Yes, we've
decided to stop

parasitically living off
the labor of others.

From now on, we
provide for ourselves.

We've been
examining
our lives,

and we've discovered
some frightening things.
Yeah.

You finally found
Diane walled up

in Frasier's crawl space?

We're so civilized,
we've cut ourselves off

from our true
animal nature.

Accordingly,
we've decided
to forsake the city

and go live
in the wilderness.

Yes. We're going
to leave behind
the 20th century.

And I will
build a cabin

with my own two hands
and the sweat of my brow.

Uh... do you guys
want these pretzels?

Uh.., no.
No, thank you.

From now on,
I only eat
what I kill.

Then I suggest you kill about a
half dozen beers and lighten up.

Don't you think you guys are
getting a little carried away?

I mean, all of us want to chuck
it all sometimes, but

you can live
to regret that
kind of thing.

I mean, believe me,
I know what I'm talking about.

NORM:
Sammy?
What?

Excuse me.
You're not
going to tell

that long,
boring story

about how you
sold the bar

and bought a boat
to sail around
the world,

and then the boat
sank, are you?

No, Norm.

I'm not.

I'm perfectly aware how
that turning point in my life

means nothing to you.

So I'm going

to tell a story
about a friend of mine

who bought a truck

to drive around the world.

Sam, if this story is
meant to discourage us,

it's going to fall
on deaf ears.

I've already burned
our last bridge.

I'm proud to announce
that the Doctor has
given up his practice.

Oh, come on.

You did what?

Yes.

We put our house
on the market,

I helped Lilith
compose her letter

of resignation
to Boston General,

and I just canceled
my paranoia workshop.

So all we need to do
now is buy a stout ax

and a plot of land
in the wilderness.

And I'll stand
by your side

and bear your young
and cook your meals.

Try not to get them mixed up.

Ah... wait,
whoa, hold it.

Listen, have
either of you

even lived outside
of the city?

Well, I admit
we are urbanites,

but we've always
enjoyed the country

whenever we've
flown over it.

Listen, why don't

you try living, you know,

for a week in the woods?

See how you like it.

Well, that's
a possibility.

Hey, as a matter of fact,

a friend of mine has
a cabin in northern Maine.

Sammy, he didn't
take it around
the world, did he?

SAM:
Why don't you just,

you know, borrow it
for a little while?

See how you
like it. Huh?

Well, it's
a tempting thought.

What do
you think, Lilith?

Well, it's possible.

We could put our careers
on hold just for now,

and take a few
days off next week

to become one
with nature.

By George,
we'll do it!

Next week,
it's into the woods.

Great.
Thank you, Sam.

Oh, gee, you know,
if I run, I can
make my 3:00.

But, dear,

you just canceled
your paranoia workshop.

Oh, right.

Well, I'll deny it,
tell them it's part

of a government conspiracy.

They'll eat that up.

It's perfect.

Not quite.

What's this abomination?

There. Now we can live
like our forefathers.

I will go, my love,

and I will go to Innisfree,

and a cabin build there
of clay and wattles made...

Frasier, dearest,

I feel the coldness.

It's good.

Let's celebrate
the coldness.

( sighs )

There. That's done.

Now let's celebrate
warmness, and quickly.

Yes. Warmth.

I will give
my family warmth.

Where are the matches?

I thought
you brought them.

Are you telling me you didn't
bring any matches?

No, I'm telling you
you didn't bring any matches.

Well, not to worry. Even better.

Right. We'll do as
our forebears did.

Yes. I'll go

slit open a moose
and we can climb in

and bunk there
for the night.

Pioneer humor.

Well, our forbears laughed.

Oh. Oh, here's just the thing.

Uh, yeah, uh...

( mutters )

( stones tapping )

( stones tapping )

Frasier, what are you doing?

Well, I'm striking two stones
together to get a spark.

Ah!

Then be ready to jump back,

lest a flame
singe your eyebrows.

Lilith, please,
I've never done this before,

and I could use some support.

Well, if you don't
know what you're doing,

why did you drag
me up here in
the dead of winter?

Well, because that's when you
just happened to get pregnant.

No, I think that's when you
just happened to knock me up.

I think that's when
you just happened

to forget
to take your pill.

I sense civilization
creeping in.

My wild asparagus,
forgive me.

No. It's I who
should apologize.

We don't need a fire.

We have our body heat
to keep us warm.

No, no. My wife
and child need a fire,

and I'm going to
build it for them
if it takes all day.

And we'll stand
right by you
while you do it.

Say, Lilith, you know,
it might help me

to get a rhythm going
if you would sing one of those

simple work songs that
our forefathers so beloved.

I don't know any work songs.

Well, sing whatever you do know.

I only know one song.

Well, sing that, then.

( stones striking )

� My funny valentine

� Sweet comic
valentine �

� You make me smile
with my heart... �

Hey, everybody!

( murmuring )
Hey, Woody!

Man, how was
your vacation?

Oh, I never had so much fun

in my whole life.
SAM:
Hey.

Oh, I knew
you'd love Italy

if you'd just
give it a chance.

Oh, well, I never
actually made
it to Italy.

What?

Yeah, I fell asleep
and missed my flight.

Okay, pay up. Pay up.

So, Woody, where
were you all week?

The airport.

Oh... it was great.

I met people from
all over the world.

You spent your entire
vacation at the airport?

( chuckles )
Well, yeah.

You know, I mean, at
first I felt terrible

about missing
my flight,

but then I started
talking to this

really nice guy,

and it turned out
he's from India.

( chuckles )

Can you imagine that?

I'm from Indiana
and he's from India.

We laughed about
that for hours.

At least I think
that's what he
was laughing at.

Well, I-I'm glad you
had a good time, Woody.

I-I didn't expect
you back today.

I thought you'd
need a rest,

so I didn't
schedule you

until tomorrow.

Great! I'm out of here!

REBECCA:
Where you going?

I hear great things
about the bus depot.

� Stay, little
valentine �

� Stay

� Each day is...

Shut up!

Ow! Ow!

Ow! Ow!

Oh, God! My finger's going
to turn black now,

and the nail's going
to fall off.

Oh. No one said life in
the wilderness would be easy.

Here. Let me try.

No, no, Lilith.

I must get back up
on that horse.

A spark! L-Lilith,
did you see that?

I made a spark!

I knew you could do it.

This is the most glorious moment
of my life.

I've never felt so proud
and triumphant.

No prouder than I,
my Prometheus.

Lilith, with
these two rocks,

I can accomplish
anything.

I've never felt
closer to you.

Nor I, you.

Of course, we
haven't actually
achieved fire yet.

Ah, good point.

Oh, say, you know what?

Grab some more
of that paper,

and we'll wad it up
and use it

to catch it on the spark.

Thank you, dear.

Oh, a Boston paper.

Is it?

The restaurant review section.

( scoffing ):
Restaurants.

Of course, they're raving
about La Porta's.

( stones striking )
$200 for a dinner.
How decadent.

No doubt about it.

Our society is in decay.

Can you believe we
actually frequented
that place?

Perfumed
and pompous.

Living off the labor
of others.

Eating the flesh
of animals

we didn't even kill.

It was good, though.

The tarragon glaze
was impeccable.

The cr�me br�l�e was a poem.

Of course, quality
isn't the point.

No, no.
It's a moral issue.

And, if it's
food you want,

why, I'll cook you
a hearty American meal.

Lentils and okra
over our open fire.

My mouth is watering already.

Lilith, I'm thinking something.

And I... I think
you're thinking it, too.

But neither of us wants to admit
that we're thinking it

for fear that the other one
isn't thinking it.

So, I think it's
very important that we

both say what we're
thinking simultaneously--

if, indeed, we are
thinking the same thing,

and I think we are.

So, are you ready?

I want to go home.
I want to go home.

Okay, if we drive 70
all the way,

do you think we can make it
to La Porta's

for the 10:00 seating?
No. I don't
think so.

Then we'll charter a plane.

That's the beauty
of civilization--

you can buy anything!