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1
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:03,835
Cheers is filmedbefore a live studio audience.
2
00:00:03,869 --> 00:00:05,753
Sounds great, Kelly.
I'll see you Saturday.
3
00:00:05,787 --> 00:00:07,755
Yeah. Okay.
4
00:00:07,789 --> 00:00:09,257
Guess what, guys?
What?
5
00:00:09,291 --> 00:00:11,893
I'm going to my first
country club dance.
6
00:00:11,927 --> 00:00:13,061
SAM:
Whoo-hoo!
All right.
7
00:00:13,095 --> 00:00:15,430
Yeah, I gotta check
the bus schedule.
8
00:00:15,464 --> 00:00:16,731
Wait, wait, Woody--
you're going out with
9
00:00:16,765 --> 00:00:18,733
the boss's daughter and you're
riding around on a bus?
10
00:00:18,767 --> 00:00:20,685
Yeah, it's getting to be
a real drag, too.
11
00:00:20,720 --> 00:00:22,787
Especially when
you can't sit together.
12
00:00:25,390 --> 00:00:26,941
Maybe I can borrow Sam's car.
13
00:00:26,975 --> 00:00:27,942
CLIFF:
Whoa, whoa, hey.
14
00:00:27,976 --> 00:00:29,177
Hold up there, Woodster.
15
00:00:29,212 --> 00:00:31,979
Lest you forget the
Ten Commandments
of Sam Malone.
16
00:00:32,014 --> 00:00:33,331
Hence, commandment
number three:
17
00:00:33,365 --> 00:00:35,032
"Thou shall not
loan thy car."
18
00:00:35,067 --> 00:00:36,968
I thought that was
commandment number four.
19
00:00:37,002 --> 00:00:38,202
That's
"Honor thy hair."
20
00:00:39,705 --> 00:00:42,073
I think Sam might make
an exception
21
00:00:42,107 --> 00:00:43,858
in my case.
Hey, Sam?
22
00:00:44,927 --> 00:00:46,711
Sam?
23
00:00:46,745 --> 00:00:47,695
Can I borrow your car?
24
00:00:47,729 --> 00:00:49,347
My car?
25
00:00:49,382 --> 00:00:50,815
Yeah, I'll be real
careful with it.
26
00:00:50,849 --> 00:00:51,983
( laughing )
27
00:00:52,017 --> 00:00:53,702
No, I'll bring it home early
28
00:00:53,736 --> 00:00:55,704
and I'll wash it
the next day.
29
00:00:55,822 --> 00:00:57,088
( cackling )
30
00:00:57,123 --> 00:00:58,606
Well, food for thought.
31
00:01:01,177 --> 00:01:03,644
So, Wood, is he gonna
loan you the car?
32
00:01:03,679 --> 00:01:06,247
He didn't come right out and
say it, but I like my chances.
33
00:01:06,282 --> 00:01:07,915
He's in a great mood today.
34
00:01:09,185 --> 00:01:12,887
( laughing hysterically )
35
00:01:12,921 --> 00:01:17,041
( piano plays )
36
00:01:17,076 --> 00:01:19,461
� Making your way
in the world today �
37
00:01:19,495 --> 00:01:22,497
� Takes everything you've got
38
00:01:22,531 --> 00:01:25,266
� Taking a break
from all your worries �
39
00:01:25,301 --> 00:01:28,703
� Sure would help a lot
40
00:01:28,737 --> 00:01:33,774
� Wouldn't you like
to get away? �
41
00:01:33,809 --> 00:01:36,511
� Sometimes you want to go
42
00:01:36,545 --> 00:01:42,049
� Where everybody
knows your name �
43
00:01:42,084 --> 00:01:46,521
� And they're always glad
you came �
44
00:01:46,555 --> 00:01:49,124
� You want to be
where you can see �
45
00:01:49,158 --> 00:01:51,593
� Our troubles
are all the same �
46
00:01:51,627 --> 00:01:57,031
� You want to be where everybody
knows your name �
47
00:01:57,065 --> 00:01:59,534
� You want to go
where people know �
48
00:01:59,568 --> 00:02:02,170
� People are all the same
49
00:02:02,204 --> 00:02:06,874
� You want to go where
everybody knows your name. �
50
00:02:22,357 --> 00:02:23,124
I wish you luck, Woody,
51
00:02:23,158 --> 00:02:24,909
because if Sam does
lend you that car,
52
00:02:24,943 --> 00:02:25,793
you're home free.
53
00:02:25,827 --> 00:02:28,212
That thing is
a rolling aphrodisiac.
54
00:02:28,246 --> 00:02:29,664
Absolutely.
You know, any female that rides
55
00:02:29,698 --> 00:02:30,865
around with Sam in that car...
56
00:02:30,899 --> 00:02:31,866
Yeah?
57
00:02:31,900 --> 00:02:33,134
...ends up going straight
to bed with him.
58
00:02:33,168 --> 00:02:35,403
I've ridden in that car.
59
00:02:35,437 --> 00:02:36,954
Right.
60
00:02:39,024 --> 00:02:41,158
Well, I didn't go
to bed with him.
61
00:02:41,193 --> 00:02:43,261
Huh. Right, and they
always deny it
62
00:02:43,296 --> 00:02:44,962
afterwards,
you know?
63
00:02:44,997 --> 00:02:46,664
I hate you guys.
64
00:02:46,699 --> 00:02:50,402
Yeah, then they always cop that
anti-male attitude, you know?
65
00:02:50,436 --> 00:02:53,053
Oh, Sammy, mind if I cut out
for an hour?
66
00:02:53,088 --> 00:02:55,390
I want to catch
the last couple of innings
67
00:02:55,424 --> 00:02:57,124
of my kid Ludlow's
T-ball game.
68
00:02:57,159 --> 00:02:59,361
Hey, I thought he was the
intellectual of the family.
69
00:02:59,395 --> 00:03:00,395
He's into baseball, huh?
70
00:03:00,429 --> 00:03:02,464
Well, he didn't go willingly.
71
00:03:02,498 --> 00:03:03,898
I had to trick him.
72
00:03:03,932 --> 00:03:05,933
I used the old
"going to the library
73
00:03:05,968 --> 00:03:07,201
"but running out of gas
74
00:03:07,236 --> 00:03:09,070
in front of the ballpark"
routine.
75
00:03:09,104 --> 00:03:11,022
Seems kind of drastic,
doesn't it?
76
00:03:11,056 --> 00:03:12,390
Come on, Sammy,
please.
77
00:03:12,424 --> 00:03:14,258
I don't want
the kid growing up
78
00:03:14,293 --> 00:03:15,794
to be a soft,
doughy wimp
79
00:03:15,828 --> 00:03:18,329
wearing an argyle sweater
and smoking a pipe.
80
00:03:23,969 --> 00:03:25,036
SAM:
Go ahead, take off.
81
00:03:25,071 --> 00:03:26,871
And don't worry about Lud;
he'll be fine.
82
00:03:26,906 --> 00:03:29,307
"Lud: you know,
that's Carla's son
83
00:03:29,341 --> 00:03:32,643
by Bennett Ludlow.
He's a cute little tyke.
84
00:03:32,677 --> 00:03:34,845
Carla bore a son
to Bennett Ludlow--
85
00:03:34,880 --> 00:03:37,215
the eminent psychiatrist,
your mentor?
86
00:03:37,249 --> 00:03:38,682
Oh, this is prime dish.
87
00:03:38,717 --> 00:03:41,786
I can't wait
to tell the girls
in the sleep disorder lab.
88
00:03:41,820 --> 00:03:44,122
So, Carla, tell, tell.
89
00:03:44,156 --> 00:03:46,257
Have you bedded
any other Rhodes scholars?
90
00:03:47,393 --> 00:03:51,263
Uh... no.
91
00:03:51,297 --> 00:03:53,965
But one egghead, long-distance,
phone-in father
92
00:03:53,999 --> 00:03:55,900
is enough for
this baby factory.
93
00:03:55,934 --> 00:03:57,802
In spite of the fact
that Dr. Ludlow's work
94
00:03:57,836 --> 00:03:59,203
takes him out
of the country,
95
00:03:59,238 --> 00:04:02,690
I'm sure he's
a marvelous parent.
96
00:04:02,725 --> 00:04:05,827
No, a good parent
is someone who's there.
97
00:04:05,861 --> 00:04:07,528
Who's there to help them out
with their homework.
98
00:04:07,563 --> 00:04:10,398
There when they wake up
in the middle of the night
99
00:04:10,432 --> 00:04:11,699
crying their eyes out.
100
00:04:11,734 --> 00:04:13,634
He's there with
the bottle of Bactine
101
00:04:13,669 --> 00:04:15,603
when they give themselves
a bad tattoo.
102
00:04:17,456 --> 00:04:18,790
Well, I've been there.
103
00:04:18,824 --> 00:04:21,426
I raised eight kids
on a waitress's salary,
104
00:04:21,460 --> 00:04:23,594
and I want you to know
they're all good kids,
105
00:04:23,629 --> 00:04:25,029
and not one of them
has had a conviction
106
00:04:25,063 --> 00:04:27,565
that stood up on appeal.
107
00:04:29,502 --> 00:04:31,169
I stand corrected, Carla.
108
00:04:32,738 --> 00:04:33,904
Mom, how could you
109
00:04:33,939 --> 00:04:35,823
do that to me?
110
00:04:35,858 --> 00:04:37,291
Luddy, how did you
get here?
111
00:04:37,325 --> 00:04:38,726
Did the coach drop you off?
112
00:04:38,761 --> 00:04:39,577
Yes.
113
00:04:39,611 --> 00:04:41,579
Oh, then the game
ended early.
114
00:04:41,614 --> 00:04:42,580
So how'd you do?
115
00:04:42,615 --> 00:04:45,834
Coach me had on the bench
all afternoon.
116
00:04:45,868 --> 00:04:47,135
Well, what do you mean?
117
00:04:47,169 --> 00:04:48,502
You didn't play at all?
118
00:04:48,537 --> 00:04:50,221
Well, they finally put me in
119
00:04:50,256 --> 00:04:51,989
after the kid
with the cast on his leg
120
00:04:52,024 --> 00:04:54,526
and the two fat girls left.
121
00:04:56,362 --> 00:04:57,495
So what did you do?
122
00:04:57,530 --> 00:05:01,399
I hit the ball,
but they still made fun of me.
123
00:05:01,433 --> 00:05:04,735
Like everybody's just supposed
to know which way to run.
124
00:05:06,905 --> 00:05:09,156
I'm going to go clean up
your specs.
125
00:05:10,659 --> 00:05:12,093
Carla's got herself a real
Poindexter there, huh?
126
00:05:12,128 --> 00:05:13,178
Yeah.
127
00:05:13,212 --> 00:05:14,179
It's sad to say
128
00:05:14,213 --> 00:05:15,946
that kids not accepted
by their peers
129
00:05:15,981 --> 00:05:17,882
really never learn how
to get along with people
130
00:05:17,916 --> 00:05:19,016
in the big grown-up world.
131
00:05:19,051 --> 00:05:20,485
Why is that, Cliff?
132
00:05:20,519 --> 00:05:23,655
'Cause they keep
boring everyone and
driving them crazy
133
00:05:23,689 --> 00:05:26,791
with long speeches
filled with meaningless
statistics?
134
00:05:26,825 --> 00:05:27,792
Yep, yeah.
135
00:05:27,826 --> 00:05:32,163
63% of them live lives
of quiet desperation.
136
00:05:32,198 --> 00:05:34,399
And how about those
who sit next to them?
137
00:05:36,068 --> 00:05:39,036
I'm Dr. Frasier Crane,
a friend of your father's.
138
00:05:39,071 --> 00:05:40,037
I understand
139
00:05:40,072 --> 00:05:42,039
you had a rough
afternoon.
140
00:05:42,074 --> 00:05:44,442
You must never let the bullies
of this world
141
00:05:44,476 --> 00:05:45,910
diminish your inner spirit
142
00:05:45,944 --> 00:05:47,878
nor put out the fire
of your competitive nature.
143
00:05:47,913 --> 00:05:49,046
Sir?
Yes, son?
144
00:05:49,081 --> 00:05:51,549
You're kneeling
on some gum.
145
00:05:53,485 --> 00:05:55,286
Heavens,
my new gabardines!
146
00:05:55,321 --> 00:05:56,287
You and gum.
147
00:05:56,322 --> 00:05:58,223
He attracts it
like a magnet.
148
00:06:00,092 --> 00:06:01,125
We'll swing by our place
149
00:06:01,159 --> 00:06:02,793
and pick up another pair
on our way to the opera.
150
00:06:02,828 --> 00:06:04,995
Which opera are you going to?
151
00:06:05,030 --> 00:06:07,915
Die Meistersinger.
152
00:06:07,950 --> 00:06:09,483
Oh, I know that one.
153
00:06:09,518 --> 00:06:10,985
That's where all
the master singers
154
00:06:11,020 --> 00:06:14,022
get together in Nuremberg
and have a big contest
155
00:06:14,056 --> 00:06:15,790
to find out who's best.
156
00:06:15,824 --> 00:06:18,876
Oh, yeah, kind of
like Star Search.
157
00:06:18,911 --> 00:06:22,379
Basically.
158
00:06:22,414 --> 00:06:24,015
Frasier...
159
00:06:25,451 --> 00:06:28,420
Frasier, I just had
a delicious idea.
160
00:06:28,454 --> 00:06:29,621
Why don't we buy
an extra ticket
161
00:06:29,655 --> 00:06:31,723
and take young Lud
to the opera with us?
162
00:06:31,757 --> 00:06:33,057
LUD:
Oh, wow, great!
163
00:06:33,091 --> 00:06:36,327
But I have to ask my mom.
164
00:06:36,361 --> 00:06:38,196
Mommy, Dr. Crane and his wife
165
00:06:38,230 --> 00:06:40,798
invited me to go
to the opera with them.
166
00:06:40,832 --> 00:06:42,316
Well, you don't
have to be polite.
167
00:06:42,350 --> 00:06:44,018
Just tell them to bug off.
168
00:06:46,622 --> 00:06:49,524
But, Mom, I want to go.
Please?
169
00:06:49,558 --> 00:06:51,425
Carla, may I have a word
with you?
170
00:06:51,460 --> 00:06:54,228
Yeah. Sammy,
entertain the kid.
171
00:06:55,930 --> 00:06:57,999
Carla, you'd be doing
us all a favor.
172
00:06:58,033 --> 00:07:00,401
Allowing Frasier and me
to spend some time
173
00:07:00,435 --> 00:07:03,337
with your son might help us
to formulate a decision
174
00:07:03,371 --> 00:07:06,073
that's been under much
discussion as of late.
175
00:07:06,107 --> 00:07:08,809
You see, the two of us are
considering whether or not
176
00:07:08,844 --> 00:07:10,678
we wish to reproduce.
177
00:07:12,848 --> 00:07:15,232
You're thinking
of having a baby, huh?
178
00:07:16,602 --> 00:07:18,335
So, tell me,
how long does it take
179
00:07:18,369 --> 00:07:20,337
one of your pods
to hatch, anyway?
180
00:07:22,340 --> 00:07:25,810
Listen, you want
to baby-sit Lud,
be my guest.
181
00:07:25,845 --> 00:07:27,411
What's that
on your shirt?
182
00:07:27,446 --> 00:07:28,980
Huh? Ooh!
183
00:07:30,415 --> 00:07:33,150
You're good.
You're good.
184
00:07:33,185 --> 00:07:35,520
Okay, Luddy,
you're going to the opera.
185
00:07:35,554 --> 00:07:37,054
Yay!
186
00:07:37,088 --> 00:07:38,372
Yeah, you're going
to love it, kid, too.
187
00:07:38,407 --> 00:07:39,440
You know that Wagner,
188
00:07:39,474 --> 00:07:41,475
he wrote all those pieces
when he was stone deaf.
189
00:07:41,510 --> 00:07:42,760
No, that was Beethoven.
190
00:07:42,795 --> 00:07:43,594
I meant blind.
191
00:07:43,629 --> 00:07:45,079
That was Milton.
192
00:07:45,114 --> 00:07:46,263
He had warts.
193
00:07:46,297 --> 00:07:47,632
That was you.
194
00:07:49,001 --> 00:07:51,135
I told you
not to tell anybody.
195
00:07:56,307 --> 00:07:57,775
Shouldn't they be back
by now?
196
00:07:57,810 --> 00:08:00,011
How long can an opera last?
197
00:08:00,045 --> 00:08:01,362
Well, the last one
I remember
198
00:08:01,397 --> 00:08:02,930
lasted about eight months.
199
00:08:05,267 --> 00:08:07,702
Yeah, I just hope
everything's all right.
200
00:08:07,736 --> 00:08:12,156
Carla, look, I know
you love your kids
and everything...
201
00:08:12,190 --> 00:08:15,092
I mean, like your kids.
202
00:08:15,126 --> 00:08:18,396
I mean, I know
you have kids...
203
00:08:18,430 --> 00:08:20,698
but I have never seen you
this concerned before.
204
00:08:20,733 --> 00:08:21,649
Well, Lud's special.
205
00:08:21,683 --> 00:08:22,800
Yeah?
206
00:08:22,835 --> 00:08:23,801
Yeah.
207
00:08:23,836 --> 00:08:26,237
I mean, whenever I come home
at night,
208
00:08:26,271 --> 00:08:28,973
he always brings me a pan
of hot water for my feet.
209
00:08:29,007 --> 00:08:31,542
He actually asks me
how my day went.
210
00:08:31,577 --> 00:08:34,429
I don't know
if I ever told
anybody this before...
211
00:08:34,463 --> 00:08:35,430
I love him.
212
00:08:35,464 --> 00:08:38,132
You don't have to be
shy about saying
213
00:08:38,166 --> 00:08:40,100
that you love
your kids.
214
00:08:40,135 --> 00:08:42,653
Oh, why don't you just take out
an ad in the Yellow Pages?
215
00:08:44,356 --> 00:08:46,390
( Rebecca whistling )
216
00:08:46,425 --> 00:08:48,693
Hey, Normie, I almost forgot
217
00:08:48,727 --> 00:08:50,528
how much Sam's Corvette girls
love to whistle.
218
00:08:50,563 --> 00:08:52,329
( groans )
219
00:08:52,364 --> 00:08:54,765
I wish I had a nickel
for every time
220
00:08:54,799 --> 00:08:56,667
I heard that sound, huh?
221
00:08:56,701 --> 00:08:59,469
Classic slamming of the door.
222
00:08:59,504 --> 00:09:02,323
( laughinghysterically )
223
00:09:05,027 --> 00:09:07,828
So Sam still
won't loan you
his car, huh?
224
00:09:07,863 --> 00:09:11,732
No, but I'm starting
to love that man's laugh.
225
00:09:11,767 --> 00:09:14,151
Sammy, come on,
give the kid a
break, will ya?
226
00:09:14,186 --> 00:09:16,020
Just let him
borrow your car.
227
00:09:16,054 --> 00:09:16,670
Please, Sam?
228
00:09:16,705 --> 00:09:18,188
Kelly's the best girl
I've ever dated,
229
00:09:18,223 --> 00:09:20,124
and she loves Corvettes.
230
00:09:20,158 --> 00:09:21,308
Well, I tell you what, Woody.
231
00:09:21,343 --> 00:09:22,877
I'll give her a lift in my car.
232
00:09:22,911 --> 00:09:23,928
No way, Sammy.
233
00:09:23,962 --> 00:09:25,496
Every girl who goes
for a ride in your Corvette
234
00:09:25,530 --> 00:09:26,563
winds up going
to bed with you.
235
00:09:26,598 --> 00:09:27,698
Right, Miss Howe?
236
00:09:27,732 --> 00:09:29,333
( shrieks )
237
00:09:31,536 --> 00:09:35,123
Well, now she's
just being redundant.
238
00:09:35,157 --> 00:09:37,458
It's okay, Sam, I understand
about the car thing.
239
00:09:37,492 --> 00:09:38,393
Oh, good.
240
00:09:38,427 --> 00:09:41,212
I didn't mean to put
you on the spot.
241
00:09:41,246 --> 00:09:43,914
And, uh, I want you to know
that, even though you won't
242
00:09:43,949 --> 00:09:45,883
let me borrow your car,
there's no hard feelings.
243
00:09:45,917 --> 00:09:47,584
And if I ever have
a car of my own,
244
00:09:47,619 --> 00:09:49,519
and you want
to borrow it,
it's yours.
245
00:09:49,554 --> 00:09:51,039
Ah, I know what
you're trying to do.
246
00:09:51,073 --> 00:09:53,441
You're trying to guilt me
into giving you my car.
247
00:09:53,475 --> 00:09:55,743
No, I'm not.
I wouldn't do that.
248
00:09:55,777 --> 00:09:57,211
You're my best friend.
249
00:09:57,246 --> 00:10:00,564
Ah, man, you're scum!
250
00:10:00,598 --> 00:10:03,100
I mean it, Sam,
I love you.
251
00:10:03,135 --> 00:10:05,535
Hey, fine.
Here, take the damn car.
252
00:10:05,570 --> 00:10:07,537
What just happened?
253
00:10:07,572 --> 00:10:09,606
You outsmarted him.
254
00:10:09,641 --> 00:10:12,376
So that's what it feels like.
255
00:10:13,611 --> 00:10:17,248
Mom, Mom!
The opera was so great!
256
00:10:17,282 --> 00:10:20,017
All the singing,
and costumes.
257
00:10:20,051 --> 00:10:22,403
This was the best
day of my life!
258
00:10:22,437 --> 00:10:24,405
That's
terrific, Lud.
259
00:10:24,439 --> 00:10:25,907
I never seen him
so excited.
260
00:10:25,941 --> 00:10:26,908
Thanks, guys.
261
00:10:26,942 --> 00:10:29,109
Oh, Carla, it was our pleasure.
262
00:10:29,144 --> 00:10:30,645
He's an extraordinary child.
263
00:10:30,679 --> 00:10:32,980
Yes, we had
an extensive discussion
264
00:10:33,015 --> 00:10:34,849
on the way back
about opera,
265
00:10:34,883 --> 00:10:36,634
the arts, film...
266
00:10:36,668 --> 00:10:39,971
Oh, Carla, may we take Lud
to the movies tonight?
267
00:10:40,005 --> 00:10:43,374
There's a revival
of Koyaanisqatsiwe'd love him to see,
268
00:10:43,408 --> 00:10:44,859
and then we were thinking
he could sleep over,
269
00:10:44,893 --> 00:10:46,994
We could have brunch and a
matinee of Peter and the Wolf.
270
00:10:47,029 --> 00:10:50,131
Gee, I don't know.
271
00:10:50,165 --> 00:10:51,365
He's never stayed
away from home before.
272
00:10:51,399 --> 00:10:52,466
He's only six.
273
00:10:52,500 --> 00:10:56,938
Please, Mommy?
Please?
274
00:10:56,972 --> 00:11:00,507
Oh, heck, you really want
to go that bad, huh?
275
00:11:00,542 --> 00:11:02,776
Go, go, go ahead.
Have a good time.
276
00:11:02,811 --> 00:11:03,844
Stay as long as you want.
277
00:11:03,878 --> 00:11:05,045
I'll see you when you get back.
278
00:11:05,080 --> 00:11:06,046
Thank you, Carla.
279
00:11:06,081 --> 00:11:08,048
We'll take good care of him,
don't worry.
280
00:11:11,853 --> 00:11:12,953
Well, that's that.
281
00:11:14,422 --> 00:11:15,806
I lost my baby.
282
00:11:23,331 --> 00:11:24,432
Listen, Sam,
I hope it's okay
283
00:11:24,466 --> 00:11:25,566
that I keep
asking you this,
284
00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:27,200
but I just want
to make sure
one last time
285
00:11:27,235 --> 00:11:28,536
that you haven't
changed your mind
286
00:11:28,570 --> 00:11:29,637
about me
using your car.
287
00:11:29,671 --> 00:11:30,755
No, Woody.
288
00:11:30,789 --> 00:11:32,240
No, you haven't
changed your mind
289
00:11:32,274 --> 00:11:33,540
or no, I can't
use your car
290
00:11:33,575 --> 00:11:34,909
or no, it's not
okay to ask?
291
00:11:34,943 --> 00:11:38,846
No, get out of my face
before I hurt ya.
292
00:11:38,881 --> 00:11:41,082
He's special.
293
00:11:44,552 --> 00:11:47,889
Hey, Carla, still listening
to that opera stuff?
294
00:11:49,057 --> 00:11:50,357
She can't
hear you, Cliff.
295
00:11:50,392 --> 00:11:52,126
She's got the music
blasting in her ear.
296
00:11:52,161 --> 00:11:53,661
You mean she
can't hear me
297
00:11:53,695 --> 00:11:55,329
if I say
she reminds me of
298
00:11:55,363 --> 00:11:57,965
one of those little
plastic troll dolls?
299
00:12:00,836 --> 00:12:02,302
Hey, what's...
what's the big idea?
300
00:12:02,337 --> 00:12:03,871
I thought
you couldn't hear me.
301
00:12:03,905 --> 00:12:05,556
No, but I can see,
and you're ugly.
302
00:12:09,628 --> 00:12:12,763
So, are you still cramming all
that high-Q stuff in your head?
303
00:12:12,797 --> 00:12:15,566
You know, Sammy, I
don't have any choice.
304
00:12:15,601 --> 00:12:18,669
I mean, ever since
Dr. Cyclops and Morticia
305
00:12:18,704 --> 00:12:22,139
started introducing
Lud to all this
culture crap,
306
00:12:22,173 --> 00:12:23,974
it's like I don't
have anything to
talk to him about.
307
00:12:24,008 --> 00:12:26,026
So I'm listening
to all this music,
308
00:12:26,060 --> 00:12:28,829
and I'm plowing through
all these books here.
309
00:12:28,864 --> 00:12:30,330
Look at this.
310
00:12:30,365 --> 00:12:31,999
Good heavens, man.
311
00:12:32,033 --> 00:12:33,868
History of Modern Art.
312
00:12:35,704 --> 00:12:39,406
Comprehensive Guideto the World Of Opera.
313
00:12:39,440 --> 00:12:41,274
Hollywood Wives.
314
00:12:41,309 --> 00:12:43,694
Yeah, I'm getting
into literature, too.
315
00:12:45,030 --> 00:12:46,697
I've read this.
316
00:12:49,567 --> 00:12:53,020
Oh, man, who am
I trying to kid?
317
00:12:53,054 --> 00:12:54,922
I'm just stupid.
318
00:12:54,956 --> 00:12:55,990
Hey, you are not stupid.
319
00:12:56,024 --> 00:12:59,493
Oh, how would you know?
You're stupid.
320
00:12:59,528 --> 00:13:02,462
If you were really stupid,
you wouldn't know that about me.
321
00:13:02,497 --> 00:13:04,798
Good point.
322
00:13:04,833 --> 00:13:06,299
Greetings, Carla.
323
00:13:06,334 --> 00:13:08,235
We just dropped
your son off at home
324
00:13:08,269 --> 00:13:09,620
after a lovely sojourn
325
00:13:09,654 --> 00:13:11,321
at the Museum
of Fine Art.
326
00:13:11,356 --> 00:13:13,891
You know, that child
is such a love.
327
00:13:13,925 --> 00:13:16,277
He's so bright,
inquisitive,
creative.
328
00:13:16,311 --> 00:13:18,880
He reminds me of
myself as a child.
329
00:13:18,914 --> 00:13:20,982
Of course,
he has more hair.
330
00:13:22,717 --> 00:13:23,934
We were wondering
if we could
331
00:13:23,968 --> 00:13:25,536
treat Lud to dinner
this evening.
332
00:13:25,570 --> 00:13:27,321
Come on, guys.
333
00:13:27,355 --> 00:13:29,757
You've had him out
every night this week.
334
00:13:29,791 --> 00:13:32,459
Besides, I had a special
family evening planned.
335
00:13:32,494 --> 00:13:34,562
I was gonna cook
a big bowl of pasta,
336
00:13:34,596 --> 00:13:36,831
and we're all gonna
sit around and watch
337
00:13:36,865 --> 00:13:38,332
America's Most Wanted,
338
00:13:38,366 --> 00:13:40,234
and see if we could
rat on our neighbors.
339
00:13:42,453 --> 00:13:45,005
Yes, but, you see, Carla,
this is special, too.
340
00:13:45,039 --> 00:13:47,675
I mean, I've just managed
to finagle reservations
341
00:13:47,709 --> 00:13:49,176
for Magritte's.
342
00:13:49,211 --> 00:13:51,845
It's the most exclusive
restaurant in all of Boston.
343
00:13:51,879 --> 00:13:52,996
I never heard of it.
344
00:13:53,031 --> 00:13:53,714
Precisely.
345
00:13:56,067 --> 00:13:57,117
Carla, please.
346
00:13:57,151 --> 00:13:58,886
It would mean a lot
to the child,
347
00:13:58,920 --> 00:14:03,223
and I think Lud
would enjoy it also.
348
00:14:03,258 --> 00:14:04,508
Oh, all right.
Who cares?
349
00:14:04,543 --> 00:14:06,477
More spaghetti for
the rest of us.
350
00:14:09,314 --> 00:14:10,881
SAM:
Hey, Fras.
351
00:14:10,915 --> 00:14:14,385
Listen, why don't you invite
Carla to dinner with you?
352
00:14:14,419 --> 00:14:16,920
Well, now, Sam, uh...
353
00:14:16,954 --> 00:14:20,690
Carla is a fine woman
and a good friend.
354
00:14:20,725 --> 00:14:21,691
Actually,
she's neither.
355
00:14:21,726 --> 00:14:23,227
And why would I want
to eat with her?
356
00:14:26,080 --> 00:14:29,099
Frasier, dear, I think
we should invite Carla.
357
00:14:29,134 --> 00:14:31,635
I think it would
be very, very nice.
358
00:14:32,737 --> 00:14:36,540
Do you know what
would be very,
very nice, Lilith?
359
00:14:36,574 --> 00:14:40,144
If you would stop
digging your nails
into my palm.
360
00:14:40,178 --> 00:14:42,146
But I'm sure I'll choose
to see your point
361
00:14:42,180 --> 00:14:43,681
before you draw blood.
362
00:14:48,854 --> 00:14:51,989
Carla? Carla, what say
we make it four
363
00:14:52,023 --> 00:14:54,592
at Magritte's
tonight, huh?
364
00:14:54,626 --> 00:14:55,058
You buying?
365
00:14:56,044 --> 00:14:57,178
I'm going.
366
00:14:57,212 --> 00:14:59,013
Well, good.
We're on, then.
367
00:14:59,047 --> 00:15:00,514
We'll call for you at 8:00.
368
00:15:00,548 --> 00:15:03,951
By the way, Carla,
please bear in mind
369
00:15:03,986 --> 00:15:05,786
that this is a very
370
00:15:05,820 --> 00:15:07,772
posh establishment.
371
00:15:07,806 --> 00:15:09,306
Need I say more?
372
00:15:09,340 --> 00:15:10,307
Oh, no, no, no.
373
00:15:10,341 --> 00:15:11,709
I get the picture
loud and clear.
374
00:15:11,743 --> 00:15:14,578
I'll shave my legs.
375
00:15:18,900 --> 00:15:20,718
I hope this table
is satisfactory.
376
00:15:20,752 --> 00:15:22,252
Oh, this is wonderful.
377
00:15:22,287 --> 00:15:24,855
You know, the place is just
as I had heard it was.
378
00:15:24,890 --> 00:15:27,024
It's delightful.
379
00:15:31,195 --> 00:15:33,280
Everything looks
absolutely exquisite.
380
00:15:33,314 --> 00:15:35,950
The menu is
a delightful combination
381
00:15:35,984 --> 00:15:39,486
of nouvelle and provincial
382
00:15:39,521 --> 00:15:41,922
with a nod toward
domestic ingredients.
383
00:15:43,141 --> 00:15:46,643
And get a load
of all this ambiance.
384
00:15:46,677 --> 00:15:48,145
The artwork
is stunning.
385
00:15:48,179 --> 00:15:52,382
Yes, well, there's
a delightful example
of modern art.
386
00:15:52,417 --> 00:15:58,505
If I might venture a guess,
I would say it's a "Schnaybel."
387
00:15:58,539 --> 00:15:59,673
It isn't.
388
00:15:59,707 --> 00:16:02,676
But, even if it was, it would be
pronounced "Schnahbel."
389
00:16:02,710 --> 00:16:04,979
Excuse me.
It's a little hard to tell
390
00:16:05,013 --> 00:16:07,147
this far from our "tahbel."
391
00:16:08,816 --> 00:16:11,585
That's funny, Mom.
392
00:16:11,619 --> 00:16:13,937
Ludlow, please,
we're not here to have fun.
393
00:16:13,972 --> 00:16:15,806
We're here
to enjoy ourselves.
394
00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:17,441
Now...
395
00:16:17,475 --> 00:16:18,609
would it
please everyone
396
00:16:18,643 --> 00:16:20,243
if I ordered
for the whole table?
397
00:16:20,278 --> 00:16:21,412
It would
be delightful.
398
00:16:21,446 --> 00:16:22,413
Fine. Thank you.
399
00:16:22,447 --> 00:16:23,414
Now, I know that
400
00:16:23,448 --> 00:16:24,948
Lilith's delicate constitution
401
00:16:24,982 --> 00:16:26,350
is not amenable to shallots.
402
00:16:26,384 --> 00:16:28,686
Is there anything else
I should be mindful of?
403
00:16:28,720 --> 00:16:31,455
How considerate of you
to ask, Frasier.
404
00:16:31,489 --> 00:16:34,191
Actually, I have a delicate
constitution, as well.
405
00:16:34,225 --> 00:16:36,427
No extra-heavy barbecue sauce.
406
00:16:36,461 --> 00:16:38,295
I'll be repeating
like a Howitzer.
407
00:16:44,168 --> 00:16:46,169
Delightful.
408
00:16:49,874 --> 00:16:52,643
Boy, this sure
beats taking the
bus, doesn't it?
409
00:16:52,677 --> 00:16:56,012
Just you and me,
the open road.
410
00:16:59,517 --> 00:17:02,285
I'm getting kind
of tired of driving.
411
00:17:03,455 --> 00:17:05,255
What do you say
we park somewhere
412
00:17:05,289 --> 00:17:07,090
and look at the stars
for a while?
413
00:17:07,124 --> 00:17:09,626
Oh, that sounds
nice, Woody.
414
00:17:10,795 --> 00:17:13,263
Hey, Sam, where's
a good place
to go next?
415
00:17:13,297 --> 00:17:15,216
SAM:
Make a right
at the light!
416
00:17:15,218 --> 00:17:17,618
And not so
fast this time!
417
00:17:26,327 --> 00:17:27,461
Thank you.
418
00:17:27,495 --> 00:17:28,929
Oh, and please tell Paul
419
00:17:28,964 --> 00:17:31,732
that the salad course
was an absolute treasure.
420
00:17:31,767 --> 00:17:33,700
His subtle
yet assertive dressing
421
00:17:33,735 --> 00:17:36,103
was the perfect balance
for the arugula.
422
00:17:36,138 --> 00:17:39,389
I concur in spades.
423
00:17:41,442 --> 00:17:43,627
He'll be pleased
to hear it.
424
00:17:43,661 --> 00:17:47,447
Well, shall
we bouillabaisse?
425
00:17:47,482 --> 00:17:49,567
Ah, now...
426
00:17:49,601 --> 00:17:52,870
smell
the piquant bouquet.
427
00:17:52,904 --> 00:17:55,138
Taste it with every
part of your tongue,
428
00:17:55,173 --> 00:17:57,641
and then let it just
dance down your throat.
429
00:17:57,676 --> 00:17:59,643
Frasier, as usual,
your anticipation
430
00:17:59,678 --> 00:18:01,779
is interfering
with my enjoyment.
431
00:18:06,417 --> 00:18:09,186
Yeah, Eddie has
that problem, too.
432
00:18:14,075 --> 00:18:16,310
Ludlow, you're not eating.
433
00:18:16,344 --> 00:18:19,012
None for me,
thanks, Dr. Crane.
434
00:18:20,348 --> 00:18:22,149
He doesn't like fish.
435
00:18:22,184 --> 00:18:24,185
Look, Carla,
this is not something
436
00:18:24,219 --> 00:18:26,086
that comes out
of your cupboard
437
00:18:26,121 --> 00:18:28,189
in a tin can
with a mermaid on it.
438
00:18:30,025 --> 00:18:31,725
This is fruits de mer.
439
00:18:31,759 --> 00:18:35,930
At $32 a pop, I think
the lad should give it a try.
440
00:18:37,849 --> 00:18:40,851
Now, Ludlow, you've
been very open-minded
441
00:18:40,885 --> 00:18:42,553
about everything else.
442
00:18:42,587 --> 00:18:44,287
Make him happy. Take a bite.
443
00:18:44,322 --> 00:18:45,789
If you don't like it,
444
00:18:45,824 --> 00:18:48,191
you can spit it out
in your napkin. See?
445
00:18:50,361 --> 00:18:52,696
Carla, we are not here
to make me happy.
446
00:18:52,730 --> 00:18:55,482
We are here to enrich
the lad's experience,
447
00:18:55,516 --> 00:18:59,402
which, if I must say so,
I do believe is my provenance.
448
00:18:59,437 --> 00:19:04,107
Now, Lud, you know we all have
certain things we don't like.
449
00:19:05,143 --> 00:19:08,078
I detested fish
when I was a child,
450
00:19:08,113 --> 00:19:11,949
but I kept eating it and,
finally, I overcame my aversion.
451
00:19:11,983 --> 00:19:13,200
LILITH:
Likewise.
452
00:19:13,234 --> 00:19:14,601
When I first
met Frasier,
453
00:19:14,635 --> 00:19:16,303
I detested him.
454
00:19:18,472 --> 00:19:22,642
Yes, but the point
is you love me now.
455
00:19:22,677 --> 00:19:24,544
And Lud will
love bouillabaisse.
456
00:19:25,580 --> 00:19:26,847
Try it.
457
00:19:26,881 --> 00:19:29,599
Okay.
458
00:19:33,488 --> 00:19:35,289
Eww! Fish!
459
00:19:35,323 --> 00:19:36,924
You barely
tasted the broth.
460
00:19:36,958 --> 00:19:38,993
Give it a better
chance than that.
461
00:19:39,027 --> 00:19:41,395
No! I want
a hamburger!
462
00:19:41,429 --> 00:19:45,199
This restaurant does
not serve hamburgers.
463
00:19:46,434 --> 00:19:48,302
Now, eat
your bouillabaisse.
464
00:19:48,336 --> 00:19:50,037
No! This fishy soup stinks!
465
00:19:50,071 --> 00:19:51,989
And I hate it!
466
00:19:55,893 --> 00:19:57,694
What an imp!
467
00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:01,448
Luddy?
What are you doing?
468
00:20:01,482 --> 00:20:03,417
I'm going to try to get him
out from under there.
469
00:20:03,451 --> 00:20:05,519
No, Carla. Carla,
that's exactly what
he wants you to do.
470
00:20:06,321 --> 00:20:08,638
One must not play
the game by his rules.
471
00:20:08,672 --> 00:20:10,740
Now, I've taught
a seminar or two
472
00:20:10,774 --> 00:20:11,992
on developmental
behavior,
473
00:20:12,026 --> 00:20:14,527
and the first rule in
these acting-out situations
474
00:20:14,562 --> 00:20:16,597
is to simply ignore
the offending child.
475
00:20:16,631 --> 00:20:18,865
Just pretend that
he doesn't exist.
476
00:20:18,900 --> 00:20:21,485
Eventually, he'll
get bored and come out.
477
00:20:21,519 --> 00:20:25,121
So... what a lovely meal.
478
00:20:27,342 --> 00:20:29,059
Mmm! Do you know,
I heard
479
00:20:29,093 --> 00:20:32,362
that the chef here
was a prot�g� of...
480
00:20:32,397 --> 00:20:34,931
Do you smell
something burning?
481
00:20:34,966 --> 00:20:36,734
Yes. That's my shoe.
482
00:20:36,768 --> 00:20:39,803
I heard that
he was a prot�g� of...
483
00:20:39,838 --> 00:20:42,172
Your shoe
is on fire?
Yes.
484
00:20:42,206 --> 00:20:44,040
LILITH:
Isn't that painful?
485
00:20:44,075 --> 00:20:45,876
Excruciating.
486
00:20:48,380 --> 00:20:50,748
But I'm not going
to give the child
487
00:20:50,782 --> 00:20:53,183
the pleasure
of hearing me cry out.
488
00:20:54,686 --> 00:20:56,419
So, you see,
489
00:20:56,454 --> 00:20:57,788
it seems
he was educated
490
00:20:57,822 --> 00:20:59,857
in a small village
on the Rhine.
491
00:20:59,891 --> 00:21:01,792
He...
492
00:21:01,826 --> 00:21:04,160
Oh, Lud.
493
00:21:04,195 --> 00:21:08,766
One hotfoot might
be considered
a puckish prank.
494
00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:12,136
But, if you light
that other match,
495
00:21:12,170 --> 00:21:15,139
it is the end
of our tutelage.
496
00:21:15,173 --> 00:21:17,440
Is that
perfectly clear?
497
00:21:19,010 --> 00:21:19,760
That's it!
498
00:21:19,794 --> 00:21:21,478
That's it! I've had it!
499
00:21:21,512 --> 00:21:23,480
That severs
the relationship!
500
00:21:23,514 --> 00:21:24,981
Frasier,
everyone thinks
501
00:21:25,015 --> 00:21:28,151
you're arguing
with your clams.
502
00:21:37,161 --> 00:21:40,029
Is there
a problem here?
503
00:21:40,064 --> 00:21:41,015
No, no. Of course not.
504
00:21:41,049 --> 00:21:42,883
The boy just slipped
under the table,
505
00:21:42,917 --> 00:21:45,152
and his mother was
about to get him out.
506
00:21:46,054 --> 00:21:48,672
His mother.
Uh... yes, yes.
507
00:21:48,706 --> 00:21:50,940
Carla, could you
take care of this?
508
00:21:50,975 --> 00:21:53,010
Gee, I don't know if I could.
509
00:21:53,044 --> 00:21:56,613
I... I've never taken
a psychology seminar.
510
00:21:58,016 --> 00:22:00,784
Sir, we have a very
nice table in the kitchen.
511
00:22:02,653 --> 00:22:05,455
Please, Carla.
Please, please.
512
00:22:06,490 --> 00:22:08,692
Hey, Lud, burger time.
513
00:22:08,726 --> 00:22:10,961
Yay!
514
00:22:10,995 --> 00:22:13,263
Ha-ha!
Hotfoot, huh?
515
00:22:13,298 --> 00:22:15,999
My genes must
be in there somewhere.
516
00:22:18,186 --> 00:22:19,653
Let's go, Mommy.
517
00:22:19,687 --> 00:22:22,021
First, apologize
to Dr. Crane.
518
00:22:23,374 --> 00:22:24,541
I'm sorry, Dr. Crane.
519
00:22:24,575 --> 00:22:27,043
I guess I shouldn't
have acted this way.
520
00:22:27,077 --> 00:22:29,012
Well, no hard
feelings, son.
521
00:22:29,047 --> 00:22:31,314
Let's have dinner
again sometime
522
00:22:31,348 --> 00:22:34,350
when you're about,
oh, in your late 30s.
523
00:22:34,385 --> 00:22:35,235
Bye.
524
00:22:35,353 --> 00:22:36,486
Bye.
525
00:22:38,689 --> 00:22:40,157
Uh... I was wondering.
526
00:22:40,191 --> 00:22:41,658
Do you have frog legs?
527
00:22:41,692 --> 00:22:42,659
Why, yes.
528
00:22:42,693 --> 00:22:43,827
They're
nice pants.
529
00:22:43,862 --> 00:22:45,128
No one will
ever notice.
530
00:22:45,163 --> 00:22:46,129
( laughing )
531
00:22:46,164 --> 00:22:47,630
I always wanted
to do that.
532
00:22:47,665 --> 00:22:49,733
You're the best mommy
in the world.
533
00:22:49,767 --> 00:22:51,969
Yeah. Tell me
something
I don't know.
534
00:22:54,572 --> 00:22:56,473
You know, Lilith,
I think we've all
535
00:22:56,507 --> 00:22:58,242
learned something
here tonight.
536
00:22:58,276 --> 00:23:00,410
I'm going to try
to tell you what it is
537
00:23:00,444 --> 00:23:02,846
before you coat
my blistering feet with butter
538
00:23:02,881 --> 00:23:05,015
and drop me off
at the emergency room.
539
00:23:13,323 --> 00:23:14,925
You see...
540
00:23:14,959 --> 00:23:17,126
this incident has made something
very clear to me.
541
00:23:17,161 --> 00:23:21,130
I... I believe my initial
instincts were correct.
542
00:23:21,165 --> 00:23:22,866
We shouldn't have children.
543
00:23:22,900 --> 00:23:25,335
I don't think I'd
make a good father.
544
00:23:25,369 --> 00:23:27,303
I don't want to be a father.
545
00:23:27,338 --> 00:23:28,972
I'll never be a father.
546
00:23:29,007 --> 00:23:30,741
End of discussion.
547
00:23:30,775 --> 00:23:33,043
Frasier, I'm pregnant.
548
00:23:33,077 --> 00:23:35,562
I'm gonna be a daddy?
549
00:23:36,497 --> 00:23:38,097
I'm gonna be a daddy!
550
00:23:38,132 --> 00:23:40,683
Oh, Lilith, we mustcome here more often.
52732
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