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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:05,200
Cheers is filmedbefore a live studio audience.
2
00:00:05,200 --> 00:00:06,800
It's amazing
what they're making
3
00:00:06,800 --> 00:00:08,400
for kids nowadays.
What?
4
00:00:08,400 --> 00:00:10,800
Here's an ad for a toy
where you make a monster,
5
00:00:10,800 --> 00:00:12,300
then drop him
in a vat of acid
6
00:00:12,300 --> 00:00:14,100
and boil the skin
off his bones.
7
00:00:15,200 --> 00:00:16,900
Oh, boy, Norm.
When we were kids,
8
00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:19,100
we had real toys
to play with. Remember?
9
00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:20,500
Oh, you're
damn straight.
10
00:00:20,500 --> 00:00:23,100
You know, I was up
in my attic the other day.
11
00:00:23,100 --> 00:00:25,200
Yeah?
Found my old Lionel train set.
12
00:00:25,300 --> 00:00:28,000
Oh, now there is a toy.
Yeah.
13
00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:30,800
Remember the hours you spent
sticking those tracks together?
14
00:00:30,800 --> 00:00:32,000
Getting the little houses
just so,
15
00:00:32,100 --> 00:00:33,800
and making sure those
tunnels were all straight.
16
00:00:33,900 --> 00:00:37,000
Yeah. Smelling the electricity
burn up that transformer.
17
00:00:37,100 --> 00:00:37,900
Hey, hey.
18
00:00:37,900 --> 00:00:38,900
Did you ever have
19
00:00:38,900 --> 00:00:40,100
one of those
electric cattle cars
20
00:00:40,200 --> 00:00:41,900
where the cows come vibrating
down the chute?
21
00:00:41,900 --> 00:00:44,000
I can move 40 head
in ten minutes, pal.
22
00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:45,300
Go on! Get out of here.
23
00:00:45,300 --> 00:00:47,200
You get out of here!
I could, too.
24
00:00:48,400 --> 00:00:50,400
I got to get rid
of that thing though.
25
00:00:50,400 --> 00:00:53,000
It's taking up lots of space.
I want to sell it.
26
00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:55,300
Yeah, yeah. You'd get
a good price for it, I bet you.
27
00:00:55,400 --> 00:00:57,000
Yeah. It's a collector's item.
28
00:00:57,000 --> 00:00:58,700
Shoot
a little stick?
29
00:00:58,700 --> 00:01:00,200
Yeah, yeah.
30
00:01:04,800 --> 00:01:06,300
I'm the engineer!
31
00:01:06,300 --> 00:01:07,300
Like hell you are!
32
00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:09,700
It's my train!
It's my train!
33
00:01:09,800 --> 00:01:11,200
Hey!
34
00:01:11,300 --> 00:01:15,300
( piano plays )
35
00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:17,900
� Making your way
in the world today �
36
00:01:17,900 --> 00:01:20,900
� Takes everything you've got
37
00:01:20,900 --> 00:01:23,700
� Taking a break
from all your worries �
38
00:01:23,700 --> 00:01:26,800
� Sure would help a lot
39
00:01:26,800 --> 00:01:32,100
� Wouldn't you like
to get away? �
40
00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:34,800
� Sometimes you want to go
41
00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:39,700
� Where everybody
knows your name �
42
00:01:39,700 --> 00:01:45,000
� And they're always glad
you came �
43
00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:47,000
� You want to be
where you can see �
44
00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:50,000
� Our troubles
are all the same �
45
00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:54,700
� You want to be where everybody
knows your name �
46
00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:57,900
� You want to go
where people know �
47
00:01:57,900 --> 00:02:00,000
� People are all the same
48
00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:04,600
� You want to go where
everybody knows your name. �
49
00:02:21,300 --> 00:02:23,400
Sam, give me a double.
50
00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:24,200
CARLA:
A little early
51
00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:25,700
for that, huh, Doc?
52
00:02:25,700 --> 00:02:27,200
Well, maybe you're right.
53
00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:29,800
Cancel that double.
Make it a single.
54
00:02:29,800 --> 00:02:31,900
Oh, skip it altogether.
55
00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:33,300
No, on second thought,
you know,
56
00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:38,000
make it a single,
a little extra nip.
57
00:02:38,100 --> 00:02:39,600
Frasier, what's your order?
58
00:02:39,600 --> 00:02:40,900
Cup of coffee.
59
00:02:43,700 --> 00:02:45,000
You got troubles?
60
00:02:45,100 --> 00:02:47,700
Well, I've... I've just been
invited to deliver a paper
61
00:02:47,700 --> 00:02:49,900
at the State Psychiatric
Convention this week,
62
00:02:49,900 --> 00:02:52,100
and I've got a first-class
case of the jitters.
63
00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:55,200
You know, I have a...
a sure-fire way
64
00:02:55,200 --> 00:02:57,200
of keeping
yourself calm.
65
00:02:57,300 --> 00:02:59,400
Picture your
audience naked.
66
00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:00,800
Oh, thank you, Carla,
67
00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:03,200
for that old chestnut
from Speech 101.
68
00:03:03,300 --> 00:03:04,600
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
69
00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:05,900
I got a twist on it.
70
00:03:05,900 --> 00:03:08,600
Picture them naked
and wearing black socks.
71
00:03:08,700 --> 00:03:10,500
Oh, Carla,
that's ridiculous.
72
00:03:10,500 --> 00:03:12,500
I can't see
that that would...
73
00:03:14,900 --> 00:03:16,400
I told you. It works.
74
00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:18,400
Okay, now
try this angle.
75
00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:20,900
( laughing )
76
00:03:20,900 --> 00:03:22,400
Now shut up.
77
00:03:22,500 --> 00:03:25,000
Fine. You know,
I do see your point though.
78
00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:26,800
That could do just the trick.
79
00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:28,100
Thank you, Carla.
80
00:03:28,100 --> 00:03:29,700
Sure. Oh! Here comes
81
00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:31,000
a likely candidate.
82
00:03:31,100 --> 00:03:32,300
Try it out on her.
83
00:03:32,300 --> 00:03:34,300
Hello, Dr. Crane.
84
00:03:34,300 --> 00:03:36,000
Miss Howe.
85
00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:45,300
It doesn't work with everyone.
86
00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:50,400
Miss Howe, I have
a message for you.
87
00:03:50,500 --> 00:03:52,600
Mr. Sheridan is having
lunch up in Melville's,
88
00:03:52,700 --> 00:03:54,000
and he's gonna
be coming down
89
00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:55,900
to talk to you
when he's through.
90
00:03:55,900 --> 00:03:57,100
Oh, great. Sheridan.
91
00:03:57,200 --> 00:03:59,200
Another one of the legions
of presidents, vice presidents
92
00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:00,900
and consultants this
corporation belches forth
93
00:04:00,900 --> 00:04:02,500
every five minutes.
94
00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:04,500
Boy, it seems like
you have to be a real loser
95
00:04:04,500 --> 00:04:05,900
not to be at least
a vice president
96
00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:08,100
in that company,
doesn't it?
97
00:04:09,300 --> 00:04:11,700
I'm sorry.
98
00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:15,900
He is undoubtedly here
to ask me some humiliating,
99
00:04:15,900 --> 00:04:17,300
menial favor
that he couldn't
100
00:04:17,300 --> 00:04:18,800
palm off on some other flunky.
101
00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:20,800
You know,
today I draw the line.
102
00:04:20,900 --> 00:04:23,300
Today, this gal
is going to shoot down
103
00:04:23,300 --> 00:04:25,000
her first
corporate bigwig.
104
00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:26,500
Oh, please.
105
00:04:26,500 --> 00:04:28,800
The first time you try
to stand up to this guy,
106
00:04:28,900 --> 00:04:31,500
you're going to crumble
like a bag of potato chips.
107
00:04:31,500 --> 00:04:33,000
Oh, yeah,
Mr. Smart Guy?
108
00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:34,100
Yeah.
Watch me.
109
00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:36,000
I'm watching you.
110
00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:37,400
Oh, Miss Howe.
111
00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:38,900
Mr. Sheridan.
112
00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:40,500
I'd like
to ask you a favor.
113
00:04:40,500 --> 00:04:42,200
I see.
114
00:04:42,200 --> 00:04:43,400
I'm going to New York
on a business trip
115
00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:45,200
for a few days,
and I'd like you
116
00:04:45,300 --> 00:04:47,500
to take care of my dog
while I'm away.
117
00:04:49,100 --> 00:04:50,600
Well, I'm sorry,
Mr. Sheridan,
118
00:04:50,600 --> 00:04:52,500
but I have plans
for the entire week,
119
00:04:52,500 --> 00:04:54,300
and I could not
possibly break them.
120
00:04:54,300 --> 00:04:55,400
I hope you understand.
121
00:04:55,500 --> 00:04:56,700
That's fine. I realize
122
00:04:56,700 --> 00:04:57,800
this is short notice.
123
00:04:57,800 --> 00:04:59,800
Thanks, anyway.
124
00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:06,100
My plans could be changed.
125
00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:09,900
Please, sir, let...
let me do this for you.
126
00:05:09,900 --> 00:05:12,400
Well, if you don't think
it would be any trouble.
127
00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:13,700
Thank you, Miss Howe.
128
00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:15,200
Oh, no, sir.
129
00:05:15,300 --> 00:05:18,300
Thank you for the opportunity
of knowing your dog.
130
00:05:22,100 --> 00:05:24,400
God, I make myself sick!
131
00:05:39,500 --> 00:05:41,200
( chuckling )
132
00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:46,100
( chuckling )
133
00:05:46,100 --> 00:05:47,600
What'll it be, Dr. Crane?
134
00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:48,900
The usual.
135
00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:50,800
( laughing )
136
00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:52,100
What's so funny?
137
00:05:52,100 --> 00:05:55,000
( laughing )
138
00:05:55,100 --> 00:05:56,900
( Woody laughing )
139
00:05:56,900 --> 00:05:58,100
( laughing )
140
00:05:58,100 --> 00:06:00,900
( both laughing )
141
00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:02,900
What's so funny?
142
00:06:02,900 --> 00:06:05,600
It's a private joke, Sam.
143
00:06:10,300 --> 00:06:12,300
SAM:
Hey, there,
Rebecca.
144
00:06:12,300 --> 00:06:14,700
How do you like living
with Sheridan's pooch?
145
00:06:14,700 --> 00:06:17,600
Sir Bronwyn the Gallant
from Fairhaven Manor,
146
00:06:17,700 --> 00:06:19,700
better known
as Buster, is fine.
147
00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:22,600
I, on the other hand,
am a nervous wreck.
148
00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:23,800
What's the matter,
Rebecca?
149
00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:25,400
Well, I knew
I was going to have
150
00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:26,600
to take care
of the dog,
151
00:06:26,600 --> 00:06:27,800
but I didn't know it was going
152
00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:29,100
to be in a place that was huge
153
00:06:29,100 --> 00:06:30,200
and kind of like a mausoleum
154
00:06:30,300 --> 00:06:32,300
and is stuck way out
in the middle of the moors.
155
00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:34,300
There are no moors
in Massachusetts.
156
00:06:34,300 --> 00:06:37,500
I think they had them
flown in or something.
157
00:06:37,500 --> 00:06:39,500
The point is,
158
00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:42,100
this place is big and scary
and I really hate it.
159
00:06:42,100 --> 00:06:44,600
Oh, and to make matters
even worse, last night,
160
00:06:44,600 --> 00:06:47,500
the only thing I could get
on television was this movie
161
00:06:47,500 --> 00:06:50,000
about this young, beautiful,
dark-haired woman,
162
00:06:50,100 --> 00:06:51,500
that was all alone
163
00:06:51,500 --> 00:06:53,300
in this
deserted house.
164
00:06:53,300 --> 00:06:56,000
Hey, what about that scene
where the guy cuts her head off?
165
00:06:56,000 --> 00:06:58,500
Woody, please.
166
00:06:58,500 --> 00:07:00,300
There's no way
her head's gonna come off
167
00:07:00,400 --> 00:07:01,800
in one clean cut like that.
168
00:07:03,600 --> 00:07:06,000
Believe me, I've seen
my uncle butcher hogs,
169
00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:08,300
and you have to hack
and hack and hack.
170
00:07:11,300 --> 00:07:12,600
And when the gardener got it?
171
00:07:12,700 --> 00:07:14,500
Woody, that's enough!
172
00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:17,700
All right. Don't spoil
the ending for everybody else.
173
00:07:17,700 --> 00:07:20,100
Yeah, but when you see it,
take my advice
174
00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:23,000
and turn away when you hear,
vrooom-mm-mm-mm!
175
00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:24,400
Vrooom-mm-mm-mm!
176
00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:25,900
Woody! Woody.
177
00:07:25,900 --> 00:07:28,800
I am just a tiny bit on edge.
178
00:07:28,800 --> 00:07:30,500
Oh. Sorry, Miss Howe.
179
00:07:32,100 --> 00:07:33,200
( whirring )
180
00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:36,300
Stop it, Woody!
181
00:07:41,300 --> 00:07:44,300
Some bar manager,
afraid of a blender.
182
00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:48,100
Let me see here.
183
00:07:48,100 --> 00:07:51,300
Rebecca Howe,
all alone and scared
184
00:07:51,300 --> 00:07:53,400
in a big old house.
185
00:07:53,500 --> 00:07:55,600
Sounds to me
like a job
186
00:07:55,700 --> 00:07:58,400
for Sammy's
Security Company.
187
00:07:58,500 --> 00:08:02,500
We get in
before the burglars do.
188
00:08:02,600 --> 00:08:04,900
That's what I like
about you, Sam.
189
00:08:04,900 --> 00:08:07,300
Your pants are always thinking.
190
00:08:09,700 --> 00:08:11,200
Frasier, darling.
191
00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:13,400
Hello, there, Peanut Butter Cup.
192
00:08:13,400 --> 00:08:14,500
You know, you're late for lunch.
193
00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:15,600
Yes, I know. I'm sorry.
194
00:08:15,700 --> 00:08:17,200
Well, I'm sure you
have a very good excuse.
195
00:08:17,200 --> 00:08:18,200
Well, actually, I do.
196
00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:20,200
I started having lunch
at another restaurant,
197
00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:21,500
then remembered we had a date.
198
00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:24,500
Oh. Well, would you like
to watch me eat?
199
00:08:24,500 --> 00:08:25,800
I wouldn't miss it.
200
00:08:28,100 --> 00:08:30,800
( laughing )
201
00:08:30,800 --> 00:08:33,100
What's so funny?
202
00:08:33,100 --> 00:08:34,600
Oh, it's nothing, really.
203
00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:36,400
It's just this
relaxation exercise
I've been doing.
204
00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:37,800
I've been imagining
205
00:08:37,900 --> 00:08:39,400
people naked and
wearing black socks,
206
00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:41,400
you see, to relieve my
anxiety over my speech.
207
00:08:41,400 --> 00:08:42,700
Frankly, it's
worked miracles.
208
00:08:42,700 --> 00:08:43,900
I've been doing
it all week.
209
00:08:43,900 --> 00:08:45,500
I haven't even
thought about it once.
210
00:08:45,500 --> 00:08:47,100
When do you
present that?
211
00:08:48,300 --> 00:08:49,400
My, God.
212
00:09:05,300 --> 00:09:06,800
( rustling )
213
00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:11,200
Buster, did you hear that?
214
00:09:14,100 --> 00:09:15,700
Calm down.
215
00:09:17,100 --> 00:09:18,700
Probably wasn't anything.
216
00:09:18,700 --> 00:09:20,800
It was probably
just a tree branch
217
00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:22,500
against the window.
218
00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:24,500
Or Leatherface.
219
00:09:25,700 --> 00:09:28,700
Oh, God! Oh, God!
220
00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:30,900
( thumping )
Oh, God, Buster.
221
00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:32,500
He's at the front door.
222
00:09:32,500 --> 00:09:34,700
( Buster whines )
223
00:09:34,700 --> 00:09:37,200
Good dog.
224
00:09:58,400 --> 00:09:59,400
Thank you.
225
00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:00,400
You're welcome.
226
00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:02,600
( screams )
227
00:10:02,700 --> 00:10:04,300
Oh, God!
228
00:10:04,300 --> 00:10:05,900
How in the hell
did you get in here?
229
00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:07,400
Well, you left
the back door open.
230
00:10:07,500 --> 00:10:09,600
I just followed some guy
carrying a meat hook.
231
00:10:11,500 --> 00:10:12,700
That is real
funny, Sam.
232
00:10:12,700 --> 00:10:14,400
You almost gave me
a heart attack.
233
00:10:14,500 --> 00:10:15,600
I'm... I'm sorry.
234
00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:16,900
It's all right. I'm here now.
235
00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:18,900
It wasn't funny. I'm sorry.
236
00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:21,800
Right. I have to admit,
I'm glad you are here.
237
00:10:21,800 --> 00:10:24,500
When the lights went out,
and the storm came,
238
00:10:24,600 --> 00:10:26,600
I started getting
scared to death.
239
00:10:26,700 --> 00:10:30,600
What happened to that $10,000
champion watchdog?
240
00:10:30,700 --> 00:10:32,200
He's hiding
in the kitchen.
241
00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:34,700
Oh, God! I can't
seem to calm down.
242
00:10:34,700 --> 00:10:37,100
My heart's just
beating so fast.
243
00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:38,800
Oh, yes, it is.
244
00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:43,500
Sam, get your hand
away from that.
245
00:10:43,600 --> 00:10:45,900
I was doing pretty good
till the lights went out.
246
00:10:45,900 --> 00:10:48,500
Then this house really started
giving me the creeps.
247
00:10:48,500 --> 00:10:50,100
Oh, well, hey
don't worry.
248
00:10:50,100 --> 00:10:51,800
I've got some
candles here.
249
00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:53,600
You brought your own candles?
250
00:10:53,600 --> 00:10:55,400
Well, yeah. This kind of thing
251
00:10:55,500 --> 00:10:58,000
happens in big, old,
spooky houses a lot.
252
00:10:58,000 --> 00:10:59,800
I like
to be prepared.
253
00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:02,500
Sammy carries
whatever he needs.
254
00:11:04,100 --> 00:11:05,600
Sam, did you come out here
255
00:11:05,600 --> 00:11:07,800
because you were concerned
I was scared,
256
00:11:07,900 --> 00:11:10,600
or did you come out here
to get me in the sack?
257
00:11:10,600 --> 00:11:11,600
Hey, I came out here
258
00:11:11,700 --> 00:11:12,800
because
I was concerned
259
00:11:12,900 --> 00:11:15,500
and scared that
I'd never get
you in the sack.
260
00:11:16,900 --> 00:11:17,900
I'm kidding.
261
00:11:17,900 --> 00:11:18,900
I'm kidding.
262
00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:20,400
You know, Sam,
263
00:11:20,500 --> 00:11:21,800
I really am glad you're here.
264
00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:23,200
It makes me feel a lot better.
265
00:11:23,300 --> 00:11:24,200
But a man
and a woman
266
00:11:24,300 --> 00:11:25,700
can be together
in an evening
267
00:11:25,700 --> 00:11:27,700
without ending up
rolling on the floor.
268
00:11:27,700 --> 00:11:29,400
Well, I know that's
true of some people,
269
00:11:29,400 --> 00:11:30,900
but, sweetheart,
we're good-looking.
270
00:11:32,500 --> 00:11:33,900
Sam...
271
00:11:33,900 --> 00:11:35,900
What?
Sit down here a minute.
272
00:11:35,900 --> 00:11:37,900
I want to tell
you something.
273
00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:39,800
Okay.
274
00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:42,000
Now, believe
this or not--
275
00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:44,400
even good-looking people
276
00:11:44,500 --> 00:11:47,500
can spend an evening together
without having sex.
277
00:11:49,900 --> 00:11:52,200
Have you ever heard
of conversation?
278
00:11:52,300 --> 00:11:53,800
Yeah, I've heard of
conversation.
279
00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:55,000
You know,
280
00:11:55,100 --> 00:11:57,300
contrary to what
a lot of people think,
281
00:11:57,300 --> 00:11:59,100
I'm not that dumb.
282
00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:00,400
Here, come on. Try me.
283
00:12:00,500 --> 00:12:02,000
Sit down. Let's conversate.
284
00:12:07,300 --> 00:12:08,900
Okay, so what do you
want to talk about?
285
00:12:08,900 --> 00:12:10,300
Sex.
286
00:12:11,800 --> 00:12:13,200
You know,
sex is obviously
287
00:12:13,300 --> 00:12:15,200
the only thing
on your mind, so forget it.
288
00:12:15,300 --> 00:12:16,600
I'm going to bed.
289
00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:18,500
Oh, that's
good with me.
290
00:12:19,600 --> 00:12:21,000
I am going
to bed alone.
291
00:12:21,100 --> 00:12:22,600
If you want
to stay here,
292
00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:24,000
you sleep
on the couch.
293
00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:25,100
Oh, come on.
294
00:12:25,100 --> 00:12:26,600
I can sleep on a couch
at my place.
295
00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:28,200
Fine. Go sleep
on your couch.
296
00:12:28,300 --> 00:12:29,700
All right.
297
00:12:29,700 --> 00:12:31,100
If that's
what you want.
298
00:12:31,100 --> 00:12:32,400
I'll leave you
all alone
299
00:12:32,500 --> 00:12:34,400
in this big,
old scary house.
300
00:12:34,500 --> 00:12:35,800
Hoo!
301
00:12:37,300 --> 00:12:39,000
I'm moving the table.
302
00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:40,500
Don't pull a muscle.
303
00:12:40,500 --> 00:12:41,700
I'm serious.
304
00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:43,400
I'm moving the chair.
305
00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:45,600
You're breaking my heart.
306
00:12:45,600 --> 00:12:48,300
I got my hand on the doorknob.
307
00:12:48,300 --> 00:12:50,200
I'm opening the door.
308
00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:50,900
Sam, don't!
309
00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:54,000
I knew it. Pajama time!
310
00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:55,300
Not you! The dog!
311
00:12:55,300 --> 00:12:56,300
What?
312
00:12:56,300 --> 00:12:58,000
Buster!? Buster!?
313
00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:00,300
Whoo! Boy, can
that sucker haul.
314
00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:03,900
He's gone!
315
00:13:03,900 --> 00:13:05,400
Well, hey, don't
worry about it.
316
00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:06,700
He's a hearty breed.
317
00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:08,400
Speaking of breeding...
318
00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:09,800
Are you crazy?
319
00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:10,900
There's a champion dog,
320
00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:12,300
and I'm responsible for him.
321
00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:15,000
If it takes me all night,
I'm going to find that mutt.
322
00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:16,000
No. Don't.
323
00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:17,400
Buster!?
324
00:13:19,400 --> 00:13:21,200
Oh, hell.
325
00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:22,700
Oh!
326
00:13:22,700 --> 00:13:25,100
Might as well turn
the electricity back on.
327
00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:36,200
So, please, i-if you find him,
you've got this number.
328
00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:38,000
Okay, thank you. Bye-bye.
329
00:13:38,100 --> 00:13:39,100
( doorbell rings )
330
00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:40,400
Please, please, please,
331
00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:42,400
let it be somebody
that found him.
332
00:13:42,400 --> 00:13:44,500
Did anybody find the dog?
333
00:13:44,600 --> 00:13:46,300
Listen, little lady,
we're not looking
334
00:13:46,300 --> 00:13:48,500
for Aunt Fannie's
amethyst pendant here.
335
00:13:48,500 --> 00:13:50,400
This is a highly
organized search party.
336
00:13:50,500 --> 00:13:52,800
We're gonna conduct
this debriefing
by the numbers.
337
00:13:52,800 --> 00:13:54,500
All right.
338
00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:56,900
Alpha Sector report.
Negative.
339
00:13:56,900 --> 00:13:58,100
Bravo Sector?
Negative.
340
00:13:58,200 --> 00:13:59,400
Charlie Sector?
341
00:13:59,500 --> 00:14:00,700
Shut up, Cliff.
342
00:14:00,700 --> 00:14:02,700
( phone rings )
343
00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:05,000
Hello?
344
00:14:05,100 --> 00:14:06,300
Yes, Mr. Sheridan.
345
00:14:06,300 --> 00:14:08,500
Wow, you know, Norm,
I-I can't get over this place.
346
00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:11,200
I think I'll do something
like this with my living room.
347
00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:12,800
What are you
talking about?
348
00:14:12,900 --> 00:14:14,800
You live in
28 square feet
349
00:14:14,900 --> 00:14:17,400
and your bed folds
out of a couch.
350
00:14:17,500 --> 00:14:18,700
You're gonna what?
351
00:14:18,700 --> 00:14:20,900
Wha... All right, sir. Bye-bye.
352
00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:22,500
Oh, God, he came home early.
353
00:14:22,500 --> 00:14:25,000
He's on his way home
from the airport!
354
00:14:25,100 --> 00:14:26,100
All right, men,
355
00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:28,600
I suggest we fall back
to our original positions.
356
00:14:28,700 --> 00:14:29,900
What are you talking about?
357
00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:32,600
To the bar!
Back to the bar!
358
00:14:32,700 --> 00:14:34,800
Yes, sir! Right away, sir!
359
00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:43,800
( voice breaking ):
Well, I guess I deserve this.
360
00:14:45,400 --> 00:14:48,900
I'm always doing stupid favors
for everybody.
361
00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:52,800
( crying ):
I guess it finally caught up
with me.
362
00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:57,000
No, no, don't do that, please.
I hate it when you cry.
363
00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:58,200
( sobbing )
364
00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:01,000
All right, all right,
all right.
365
00:15:01,100 --> 00:15:02,600
Look, wait, wait,
wait, come on.
366
00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:06,000
I'll tell Sheridan it was
all my fault, all right?
Fine.
367
00:15:06,100 --> 00:15:07,500
Wait up, guys!
368
00:15:07,500 --> 00:15:08,900
That's great.
Really nice.
369
00:15:08,900 --> 00:15:10,800
Oh, God!
370
00:15:10,900 --> 00:15:11,900
What is it?
371
00:15:11,900 --> 00:15:12,900
A car.
372
00:15:12,900 --> 00:15:14,200
It's Sheridan; we're doomed.
373
00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:15,600
( doorbell rings )
374
00:15:15,600 --> 00:15:17,500
( sighs )
Uh...
375
00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:20,300
Woody! You found him!
Ah.
376
00:15:20,300 --> 00:15:22,900
Oh, God, I don't know
who to kiss first!
377
00:15:22,900 --> 00:15:25,400
Well, I just had
a breath mint.
378
00:15:27,700 --> 00:15:28,700
Buster!
379
00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:31,600
Hey, man, way to go.
380
00:15:31,700 --> 00:15:33,200
Where'd you find him?
381
00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:35,300
Oh, at an auto wrecking yard.
382
00:15:35,300 --> 00:15:36,900
What were you doing there?
383
00:15:36,900 --> 00:15:38,800
Just browsing.
384
00:15:40,500 --> 00:15:43,700
Oh, Buster, Buster,
good old Buster.
385
00:15:43,700 --> 00:15:45,500
Oh, no, that's not Buster,
that's Satan.
386
00:15:45,600 --> 00:15:47,200
What?
SAM:
Who?
387
00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:49,300
I was brushing the snow
off of the hubcaps,
388
00:15:49,300 --> 00:15:52,300
and I saw Satan here chewing
through a tire, and I thought
389
00:15:52,300 --> 00:15:54,700
you know, he looks just like
that picture of Buster.
390
00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:57,600
So I borrowed him, in case
we don't find the other dog.
391
00:15:57,600 --> 00:15:59,500
Woody, take him
to the kitchen.
392
00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:02,900
I only hope we can fool Sheridan
with this flea bag.
393
00:16:02,900 --> 00:16:04,800
He's no flea bag,
Miss Howe.
394
00:16:04,900 --> 00:16:06,500
He's a trained attack dog.
395
00:16:06,500 --> 00:16:08,600
Come on, sweetheart.
396
00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:11,400
( phone rings )
An attack dog?
397
00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:13,400
He brings an attack dog
into this house?
398
00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:15,000
Come on, his heart's
in the right place.
399
00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:16,500
Hello?
400
00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:18,900
Oh, God, you found him?
401
00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:19,700
Hm?
402
00:16:19,700 --> 00:16:20,700
Oh, that's wonderful.
403
00:16:20,700 --> 00:16:22,700
Yeah. Give me your address.
404
00:16:22,700 --> 00:16:23,900
Uh-huh.
405
00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:26,100
Okay, I'll come
and get him right now.
406
00:16:26,100 --> 00:16:28,800
A neighbor at the end
of the road found him.
407
00:16:28,800 --> 00:16:30,400
Here's the address.
You go get him.
408
00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:32,100
I'm on my way.
Woody?
409
00:16:32,100 --> 00:16:33,900
Bring Satan out here, please.
410
00:16:33,900 --> 00:16:35,900
Woody, we found Buster.
411
00:16:35,900 --> 00:16:37,800
You can take Satan back
to the junkyard.
412
00:16:37,900 --> 00:16:40,300
But, Miss Howe, he hasn't
finished his snack yet.
413
00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:42,400
I gave him something
out of the refrigerator.
414
00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:46,300
Well, actually, he opened
the door and took it, but
I got out of the way.
415
00:16:46,300 --> 00:16:49,100
Woody, whatever.
J-Just take him out of here.
416
00:16:49,100 --> 00:16:49,700
Go, go, hurry.
417
00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:51,400
Hurry, hurry,
hurry.
418
00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:53,700
Sheridan's here.
He just drove up.
419
00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:54,900
Woody, cancel that. Sam...
Yeah?
420
00:16:54,900 --> 00:16:57,300
Uh, y-you go around the
back way and get Buster.
421
00:16:57,300 --> 00:16:58,800
All right?
Woody, you take Satan
422
00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:00,900
into the kitchen
and get him some kibble.
423
00:17:00,900 --> 00:17:03,400
We hope that Sam gets back
in time with Buster, so
we don't have to use him,
424
00:17:03,500 --> 00:17:05,400
but if he doesn't get back
in time with Buster,
425
00:17:05,500 --> 00:17:07,400
then we have to convince
Sheridan that Satan is Buster,
426
00:17:07,500 --> 00:17:09,600
until Sam gets back
and we can switch
Buster for Satan.
427
00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:14,900
Or I could just put
steak sauce on my throat
and let Satan chow down.
428
00:17:14,900 --> 00:17:17,700
Uh, I understand everything
perfectly, Miss Howe.
429
00:17:17,700 --> 00:17:19,600
Come on, Sam,
let's get your kibble.
430
00:17:19,600 --> 00:17:20,700
( both laughing )
431
00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:23,900
I was just kidding, Miss Howe.
432
00:17:31,700 --> 00:17:33,400
I'm back.
433
00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:35,200
Where's my big boy?
434
00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:36,500
Where's my Buster?
435
00:17:36,600 --> 00:17:38,800
What, no hello?
No description of the trip?
436
00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:43,100
No slides?
I finished early so I
caught a late flight.
437
00:17:43,100 --> 00:17:45,100
( whistles ):
Here, boy!
438
00:17:45,100 --> 00:17:47,000
Where are you, boy?
Here, Buster!
439
00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:49,000
He is, um...
440
00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:51,100
He's sleeping in the kitchen.
That's right.
441
00:17:51,100 --> 00:17:53,300
Miss Howe, who's this man?
442
00:17:53,300 --> 00:17:54,800
This man?
443
00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:56,100
He's Woody.
444
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,800
He's my boyfriend.
445
00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:01,100
Wow, Miss Howe.
446
00:18:02,900 --> 00:18:06,000
Your boyfriend calls you
Miss Howe?
447
00:18:06,100 --> 00:18:09,700
I was his teacher.
448
00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:12,500
I got real lonely,
449
00:18:12,600 --> 00:18:14,400
a-and I thought I'd call
him over here for company.
450
00:18:14,400 --> 00:18:15,600
I hope you don't mind.
451
00:18:15,700 --> 00:18:16,700
No, of course not.
452
00:18:16,700 --> 00:18:18,000
Now, listen, I'm very tired.
453
00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:21,500
I just want to say hi to my dog
and then go to bed.
454
00:18:21,500 --> 00:18:23,200
So if you don't mind.
455
00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:25,700
You want us to leave?
456
00:18:25,700 --> 00:18:28,000
He wants us to leave, Woody.
457
00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:30,300
Great! How about a
burger and a movie?
458
00:18:30,300 --> 00:18:33,200
Then we can go
someplace and park.
459
00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:34,900
Later!
460
00:18:34,900 --> 00:18:37,600
First, I'd like
to stand here and
have a little chat
461
00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:39,800
with Mr. Sheridan
about his trip.
Not now.
462
00:18:39,900 --> 00:18:41,500
I want to see Buster.
463
00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:44,300
No, Mr. Sheridan!
Yes, Miss Howe.
Come on, Buster, let's wrestle!
464
00:18:44,300 --> 00:18:46,800
Woody, we can't
let him do this.
Well, don't worry, Miss Howe.
465
00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:49,800
He won't attack unless he hears
the command word, "Cochise."
466
00:18:49,900 --> 00:18:52,600
Cochise? Well, he's
never gonna say that.
467
00:18:52,700 --> 00:18:54,600
Or unless he provokes him.
468
00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:56,700
( vicious growling )
469
00:18:56,800 --> 00:18:58,800
SHERIDAN:
Take that, big boy.
470
00:18:58,900 --> 00:19:02,000
I got your tail now,
I got your tail!
471
00:19:03,800 --> 00:19:05,400
Hey, it worked--
he thinks that's his dog.
472
00:19:05,500 --> 00:19:08,900
Yeah, right. If he
lives, we fooled him.
473
00:19:08,900 --> 00:19:10,700
Sammy to the rescue!
474
00:19:10,700 --> 00:19:12,200
Sam, get that mutt
out of here!
475
00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:14,600
What?
Sheridan's in the kitchen
with Satan!
476
00:19:14,600 --> 00:19:16,700
This is no time
for folk singing.
477
00:19:17,700 --> 00:19:21,000
Oh, oh, oh! Well...
what are we gonna do?
478
00:19:21,100 --> 00:19:23,400
All right, go out the front,
sneak around the back.
479
00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:25,900
I'll try to divert
Sheridan's attention
while you make the switch.
480
00:19:25,900 --> 00:19:28,000
But remember, they
look exactly alike.
481
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:28,900
All right, all right.
482
00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:30,400
Come on, boy,
come on.
483
00:19:30,500 --> 00:19:32,900
Boy, Buster's frisky.
( chuckles )
484
00:19:32,900 --> 00:19:35,000
I was playing "get my thumb,"
485
00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:38,400
and he was practically bouncing
off the ceiling.
486
00:19:38,400 --> 00:19:40,200
Well, I bet he
was just so glad
487
00:19:40,200 --> 00:19:41,900
to have you back.
Yeah. Well,
I'm gonna
488
00:19:41,900 --> 00:19:43,300
feed him now, Miss Howe.
489
00:19:43,300 --> 00:19:45,000
No, I already fed him.
490
00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:46,100
We ordered out.
Chinese.
491
00:19:46,100 --> 00:19:48,800
( dogs growling, barking )
492
00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:52,400
That sounds like two dogs
in there.
Mr. Sheridan,
493
00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:55,200
there's something that
I've been wanting to ask you.
494
00:19:55,300 --> 00:19:57,800
Is this a bowling trophy?
495
00:19:57,800 --> 00:20:01,300
No, it's my late wife's ashes.
496
00:20:01,300 --> 00:20:03,600
She was a good-sized woman.
497
00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:06,600
Excuse me,
I want to see to Buster.
498
00:20:09,100 --> 00:20:10,400
Mission accomplished.
499
00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:13,400
I made the switch.
Satan's in the car.
500
00:20:13,500 --> 00:20:14,300
Oh...
501
00:20:14,300 --> 00:20:16,800
Well, there was only Buster
in there.
502
00:20:16,900 --> 00:20:18,200
Good! Well,
I'll be going.
503
00:20:18,300 --> 00:20:19,600
Bye-bye!
504
00:20:19,600 --> 00:20:20,600
Good night.
505
00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:21,600
Miss Howe!
506
00:20:22,500 --> 00:20:23,800
Who's that man?
507
00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:24,900
Uh, I'm her boyfriend.
508
00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:26,600
That's right.
He's my boyfriend.
509
00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:29,900
Miss Howe, we
have to talk.
510
00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:38,000
Look at him.
You're not so tough
511
00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:39,800
when you're not
running around loose, are ya?
512
00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:41,100
( Cliff chuckles )
513
00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:43,100
( blabbering )
514
00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:47,400
I wouldn't do that
if I were you, Cliff.
515
00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:49,200
If you look very closely,
you'll see he has
516
00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:51,900
several tiny little mailbags
notched on his leash.
517
00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:56,300
Yeah. Yeah, oh, yeah,
I'm real scared, Norm.
518
00:20:56,300 --> 00:20:57,700
( chuckles ):
Look at me shake.
519
00:20:57,700 --> 00:20:59,300
( blabbering )
520
00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:03,500
Woody,
521
00:21:03,500 --> 00:21:06,500
I thought you were gonna return
the hound from hell.
522
00:21:06,500 --> 00:21:08,200
Oh, the guy's coming
for him tomorrow.
523
00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:10,200
Unless, of course, you'd
like to reconsider
524
00:21:10,300 --> 00:21:11,600
and keep him as our mascot.
525
00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:13,100
That's exactly
what this bar needs:
526
00:21:13,100 --> 00:21:15,800
a loaded weapon that goes off
when you say the word,
527
00:21:15,800 --> 00:21:17,500
C-O-C-H-I-S-E.
528
00:21:17,500 --> 00:21:19,700
Great! Spelled it right.
529
00:21:22,900 --> 00:21:24,500
Greetings, all.
SAM:
Hey, Doc.
530
00:21:24,500 --> 00:21:27,300
Oh, there's a sturdy fellow.
531
00:21:27,300 --> 00:21:30,500
Hello, boy.
532
00:21:30,500 --> 00:21:31,500
What's this?
533
00:21:31,600 --> 00:21:33,700
"Don't say 'Cochise'
to this dog."
534
00:21:38,900 --> 00:21:41,300
Woody, he didn't attack.
535
00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:42,500
No, he didn't.
536
00:21:42,500 --> 00:21:44,400
Maybe he didn't hear
the attack word.
537
00:21:44,500 --> 00:21:46,500
Frasier?
538
00:21:46,500 --> 00:21:47,200
Cochise!
539
00:21:52,300 --> 00:21:54,700
Cochise. Cochise, Cochise.
540
00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:56,600
REBECCA:
This is Buster!
541
00:21:56,600 --> 00:21:58,600
I thought you were gonna
make the switch!
542
00:21:58,600 --> 00:22:01,700
Well, I did, but they were
tearing at each other,
and it got confusing.
543
00:22:01,700 --> 00:22:03,200
I was trying to separate them
544
00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:05,300
and protect my goodies
at the same time.
545
00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:10,000
Hey, if this isn't
Satan, then Satan is...
546
00:22:10,100 --> 00:22:12,300
Chewing the spleen
out of Mr. Sheridan.
547
00:22:12,400 --> 00:22:14,200
All right, Sam,
548
00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:15,200
hand me the phone.
549
00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:16,900
Woody, come around here
and untie Buster.
550
00:22:16,900 --> 00:22:19,100
I've got to call Mr. Sheridan
and warn him.
551
00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:21,200
We've got to make
another switch.
552
00:22:22,200 --> 00:22:24,600
Hello. This is Rebecca Howe.
553
00:22:24,700 --> 00:22:27,200
Yes, I need to speak
to Mr. Sheridan, please.
554
00:22:27,200 --> 00:22:28,700
I don't care
if he's asleep!
555
00:22:28,700 --> 00:22:31,000
Wake him up, this
is an emergency.
556
00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:33,300
Well, all right, would you
please just go upstairs
557
00:22:33,300 --> 00:22:36,800
and tell the man not to say the
word "Cochise" around his dog.
558
00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:40,400
Well, wait-- I just remembered
the attack word isn't "Cochise,"
559
00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:42,400
it's that other Indian name.
560
00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:43,800
( laughs ):
Woody, what other
Indian name?
561
00:22:43,900 --> 00:22:46,000
There are a million other
Indian names, my friend.
562
00:22:46,100 --> 00:22:47,200
There's, uh, Crazy Horse,
563
00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:48,800
Sitting Bull,
Pocahontas, Geronimo.
564
00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:50,100
( vicious barking )
( yells )
565
00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:53,000
WOODY:
That's it!
566
00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:57,300
CLIFF:
Go away! Go away!
567
00:22:57,300 --> 00:23:00,700
Hey, he's got Mr. Clavin
trapped in the men's room.
568
00:23:00,700 --> 00:23:03,800
That's okay-- we can use
the one up at Melville's.
569
00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:06,100
Oh, hey, hey, it's okay,
I got the, uh...
570
00:23:06,200 --> 00:23:09,100
I got the number of that guy
from the auto wrecking yard.
571
00:23:09,200 --> 00:23:12,000
I can call him and get
the counter-command.
I'll do it.
572
00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:14,200
Oh, hello, Mr. Sheridan.
573
00:23:14,200 --> 00:23:17,000
Sorry, I have
the wrong number.
574
00:23:17,100 --> 00:23:19,100
Hello?
Hi. I'm calling for Woody.
575
00:23:19,100 --> 00:23:21,000
We need the counter-command
for Satan.
576
00:23:21,100 --> 00:23:23,500
CLIFF:
Get out of here,
you beast from hell!
577
00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:25,500
( vicious growling )
Okay, thanks.
578
00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:25,900
Did you get it?
579
00:23:25,900 --> 00:23:26,800
Yeah.
580
00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:27,800
Well, what is it?
581
00:23:27,900 --> 00:23:29,900
( Cliff groaning in pain )
582
00:23:29,900 --> 00:23:32,000
Good night, everyone!
583
00:23:32,100 --> 00:23:34,000
( vicious barking )
584
00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:37,000
Good night, everyone!
Satan!
585
00:23:38,700 --> 00:23:39,900
Good night, everyone!
586
00:23:39,900 --> 00:23:41,100
( barking continues )
587
00:23:41,100 --> 00:23:42,800
It doesn't work.
588
00:23:42,900 --> 00:23:44,900
( barking continues )
54471
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