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1
00:00:05,680 --> 00:00:07,760
Look at me, right?
2
00:00:07,840 --> 00:00:09,520
And look at the Queen.
3
00:00:09,600 --> 00:00:14,160
I was never a fan until it occurred to me
how much me and Ma'am have in common.
4
00:00:14,240 --> 00:00:16,680
Bringing up kiddies
you can't remember the names of.
5
00:00:16,760 --> 00:00:20,160
I know she's not a single parent,
but she might as well be.
6
00:00:20,240 --> 00:00:23,080
Plus, the pair of us, we've stuck
to our guns,
7
00:00:23,160 --> 00:00:26,800
her literally sometimes,
and flagshipped a dying breed.
8
00:00:26,880 --> 00:00:29,200
Admired and despised equally.
9
00:00:29,280 --> 00:00:34,760
Not for never lifting a finger, no,
for setting examples through extremity.
10
00:00:34,840 --> 00:00:37,360
And whether you're a bigwig
on her end or a bigwig on mine,
11
00:00:37,440 --> 00:00:39,520
you've still got all your dickheads
in the middle to deal with,
12
00:00:39,600 --> 00:00:41,360
snip, snip, snipping at your benefits.
13
00:00:41,440 --> 00:00:44,200
I mean, she can't not be
looking at me and thinking,
14
00:00:44,280 --> 00:00:46,040
"What's your secret, Frank?"
15
00:00:46,120 --> 00:00:49,160
I got shot of my kids yonks back,
16
00:00:49,240 --> 00:00:51,280
whereas she's yet to see
the back of a single one.
17
00:00:51,360 --> 00:00:52,400
Fine!
18
00:00:52,480 --> 00:00:54,760
I've had to get out of bed on occasion
to make ends meet,
19
00:00:54,840 --> 00:00:57,960
whereas she, she's done
the whole thing from a chair.
20
00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:01,520
Oh, and a drink for the lady.
21
00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:02,880
Oh, sure, there's perks.
22
00:01:02,960 --> 00:01:04,120
But, look at her lot.
23
00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:06,840
Brian May prancing about on her roof.
24
00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:09,080
Now, look at my lot,
25
00:01:09,160 --> 00:01:13,160
we know how to throw
a proper fucking pa-a-rty!
26
00:01:17,640 --> 00:01:19,240
[applause]
27
00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:24,240
["It's Only Make Believe" plays]
28
00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:28,560
[Patreesha] It's not easy having talent.
29
00:01:28,640 --> 00:01:31,680
I don't mean some dolly bird
dancing away on the telly
30
00:01:31,760 --> 00:01:33,720
with a bleedin' Border Collie.
31
00:01:33,800 --> 00:01:37,520
I mean real, proper talent.
32
00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:43,880
Talent alone's not enough.
33
00:01:43,960 --> 00:01:46,240
It's what you do with it that counts.
34
00:01:47,960 --> 00:01:50,320
Take Mikey Wilson.
35
00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:52,800
For a while he was Chatsworth's
next big thing.
36
00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:59,000
Oldham, City, even old whiskey-nose
at United was said to be impressed.
37
00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:06,040
But less impressed
by the arrest for drink-driving
38
00:02:06,120 --> 00:02:08,080
and the gram of coke in the glove box.
39
00:02:14,280 --> 00:02:16,280
Goodbye, Theatre of Dreams.
40
00:02:16,360 --> 00:02:18,320
["It's Only Make Believe" continues]
41
00:02:23,480 --> 00:02:26,240
[cheering]
42
00:02:26,320 --> 00:02:31,160
Or then there's Gillian Cassidy,
the estate's own Meryl Streep.
43
00:02:31,240 --> 00:02:33,040
You might remember her from Corrie.
44
00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:38,320
She played "Girl that Dave Smiles
at in the Rovers" back in 2009.
45
00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:43,840
Sadly, Hollywood didn't come a-knocking.
46
00:02:44,840 --> 00:02:48,160
Still gets to put those acting talents
to good use, though.
47
00:02:57,080 --> 00:02:58,200
And then there's me.
48
00:03:00,160 --> 00:03:04,040
Tony Wilson said I had something,
49
00:03:04,120 --> 00:03:05,800
God bless him.
50
00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:07,880
Everyone said it was going to happen.
51
00:03:09,560 --> 00:03:10,840
Everybody was wrong.
52
00:03:13,200 --> 00:03:14,280
It's not too late though.
53
00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:17,080
But that clock's a-ticking.
54
00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:21,880
Just need somebody to notice me,
55
00:03:21,960 --> 00:03:26,000
because if nobody does, if nobody cares,
56
00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:27,080
what's the point?
57
00:03:28,320 --> 00:03:30,480
What? I can't hear ya!
58
00:03:30,560 --> 00:03:32,280
It's this bloody noise!
59
00:03:34,440 --> 00:03:35,440
Shit.
60
00:03:35,520 --> 00:03:36,640
[applauds]
61
00:03:46,240 --> 00:03:47,960
A fucking jazz club?
62
00:03:48,040 --> 00:03:50,800
Can we at least pretend
we're sophisticated?
63
00:03:50,880 --> 00:03:52,520
You didn't mind in the Jockey.
64
00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:54,680
This isn't the Jockey.
65
00:03:54,760 --> 00:03:56,480
I thought that was just
a line for the fellas.
66
00:03:56,560 --> 00:03:59,160
I didn't realise we were actually going
to a fucking jazz club.
67
00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:02,840
Aw, she's just not wanting to show herself
up in front of her man.
68
00:04:02,920 --> 00:04:05,280
He's married. I'm married.
69
00:04:05,360 --> 00:04:07,480
He's just helping us with our singing.
70
00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:09,000
Well, Bernard's not really--
71
00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:10,880
-What?
-Around much.
72
00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:12,120
[man trumpeting]
73
00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:13,960
Is that him?
74
00:04:14,040 --> 00:04:15,960
-Ooh, arse like a peach!
-No.
75
00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:17,880
He's that one...
76
00:04:18,959 --> 00:04:19,959
there.
77
00:04:22,040 --> 00:04:24,480
Oh. Nice one. Yeah.
78
00:04:24,560 --> 00:04:27,880
Whoo! Get in there!
79
00:04:27,960 --> 00:04:31,960
[mimics] "Can we at least try
and pretend to be sophisticated?"
80
00:04:32,040 --> 00:04:33,600
-[laughter]
-[applauds]
81
00:04:45,320 --> 00:04:46,480
Hey!
82
00:04:47,760 --> 00:04:49,560
-Same again?
-Y'all right?
83
00:04:49,640 --> 00:04:51,800
Best behaviour, all of you.
I'm warning you.
84
00:04:52,920 --> 00:04:55,080
Louis, these are my friends.
85
00:04:55,160 --> 00:04:56,480
This is Louis.
86
00:04:56,560 --> 00:04:58,040
-You were very good.
-Yeah.
87
00:04:58,120 --> 00:05:00,520
Up there, blowin' on your big trombone.
88
00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:03,080
-Trumpet.
-Well, I didn't know you were coming.
89
00:05:03,160 --> 00:05:05,840
If I had, I'd have hauled you up on stage
for a song.
90
00:05:05,920 --> 00:05:07,200
I wouldn't want to embarrass myself.
91
00:05:07,280 --> 00:05:09,200
She's very shy and retiring.
92
00:05:09,280 --> 00:05:10,760
Yeah, we have these karaoke nights
93
00:05:10,840 --> 00:05:13,280
and we practically have to force her
to do a number.
94
00:05:13,360 --> 00:05:14,600
[chuckles]
95
00:05:14,680 --> 00:05:17,960
Well, with a bit of luck,
the days of karaoke might be over.
96
00:05:18,040 --> 00:05:20,040
We're still batting things back and forth
97
00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:23,400
but I've spoken to my producer friend
in Baton Rouge.
98
00:05:23,480 --> 00:05:25,800
-I think we're on for a visit.
-No way?
99
00:05:25,880 --> 00:05:29,200
So, our Patreesha is gonna be a star then?
100
00:05:29,280 --> 00:05:30,720
Er, being honest,
101
00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:34,800
a big singer with hit albums
and sold-out tours, maybe not.
102
00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:40,960
But a real singer with a real career,
103
00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:44,480
I think with a bit of luck and effort,
104
00:05:44,560 --> 00:05:47,280
yeah, that could happen.
105
00:05:48,480 --> 00:05:50,680
I will drink to that.
106
00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:53,600
-To Pat!
-To Pat!
107
00:05:53,680 --> 00:05:55,000
[glasses clinking]
108
00:05:57,520 --> 00:05:59,240
Eh, someone's in trouble!
109
00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:08,920
-So, what's happening now?
-Right.
110
00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:13,000
I'm gonna look into a few hotels,
draw up a schedule,
111
00:06:13,080 --> 00:06:17,360
and obviously we're gonna have to talk
about the financial side of things.
112
00:06:18,400 --> 00:06:20,200
I meant...
113
00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:21,400
now-now.
114
00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:29,120
Pat. Sorry. No, it's my fault.
115
00:06:30,320 --> 00:06:34,040
Look, it's obvious
that I'm very, very fond you, but--
116
00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:35,680
I know, you're married.
117
00:06:37,560 --> 00:06:39,800
My wife spends most of the time away.
118
00:06:39,880 --> 00:06:41,680
I mean, we're further apart
than strangers.
119
00:06:41,760 --> 00:06:43,240
It's barely a marriage at all.
120
00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:48,040
No, no, no, this is about you, Pat.
121
00:06:49,720 --> 00:06:50,960
It's your big chance, kid,
122
00:06:52,440 --> 00:06:55,800
and I don't want to screw things up
by mixing business with...
123
00:06:58,280 --> 00:06:59,400
Still...
124
00:07:00,840 --> 00:07:02,640
as the expression goes
125
00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:05,160
"What happens in Baton Rouge".
126
00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:18,120
We've got enough mouths to feed
without involving the feline world.
127
00:07:18,200 --> 00:07:20,640
-[whining]
-But Princess has got no home.
128
00:07:20,720 --> 00:07:22,040
Dad, please!
129
00:07:22,120 --> 00:07:23,640
Lesson in life, kiddo.
130
00:07:23,720 --> 00:07:25,480
Never rely on the kindness of strangers.
131
00:07:25,560 --> 00:07:27,800
Plus, Princess has got a penis,
132
00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:29,960
so technically, if he's gonna be a royal,
133
00:07:30,040 --> 00:07:32,480
he's a prince, or a duke at least.
134
00:07:32,560 --> 00:07:33,720
[whines, meows]
135
00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:42,760
What are you doing?
136
00:07:42,840 --> 00:07:45,440
-Nothing.
-Oh, yeah?
137
00:07:45,520 --> 00:07:47,880
I need them for school.
All the lads are doing it.
138
00:07:47,960 --> 00:07:50,320
Right, you get tatters deep in some woman,
139
00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:53,680
then you bring her panties in
and everyone has a sniff of 'em.
140
00:07:53,760 --> 00:07:55,720
Why didn't you just nick one
of your mam's?
141
00:07:55,800 --> 00:07:57,160
You are sick!
142
00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:00,320
And don't tell me mam either.
143
00:08:07,360 --> 00:08:08,760
Fuck you playing at?
144
00:08:08,840 --> 00:08:10,720
I'm just returning your property.
145
00:08:10,800 --> 00:08:13,000
[chuckles] It's a funny story actually.
146
00:08:13,080 --> 00:08:14,560
Put my pants down.
147
00:08:23,440 --> 00:08:24,360
Next month?
148
00:08:24,440 --> 00:08:25,560
Tickets are all booked.
149
00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:27,520
Never been to America.
150
00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:29,120
Louis goes all the time.
151
00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:32,679
God, it's really happening, isn't it?
152
00:08:32,760 --> 00:08:33,960
Just don't forget us little people
153
00:08:34,039 --> 00:08:35,840
when you're swanning round
in your private jet.
154
00:08:35,919 --> 00:08:37,640
Not gonna be like that.
155
00:08:39,080 --> 00:08:40,960
That's my 18th sorted.
156
00:08:41,039 --> 00:08:42,840
-Stev said I can have it at his.
-Stev?
157
00:08:42,919 --> 00:08:45,960
Do you think his parents are fine
with him throwing some big party?
158
00:08:46,040 --> 00:08:48,360
Nah, he doesn't live with his parents.
He squats.
159
00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:53,240
Let's take this through to the bedroom.
160
00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:01,640
Do you know what would be even better?
161
00:09:01,720 --> 00:09:05,240
-Big party at the Jockey.
-Nah, I'd rather have a car.
162
00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:06,960
Impress all your friends.
163
00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:09,440
Eighteen years old,
already a regular in a pub,
164
00:09:09,520 --> 00:09:10,680
everybody knows your name.
165
00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:12,960
-Dead impressive, that.
-We could have champagne.
166
00:09:13,040 --> 00:09:15,400
-A free bar!
-Just leave it with us, love.
167
00:09:15,480 --> 00:09:16,440
Within budget.
168
00:09:16,520 --> 00:09:18,360
[doorbell rings]
169
00:09:18,440 --> 00:09:19,600
Shit, that's Louis.
170
00:09:19,680 --> 00:09:20,880
I've not finished putting my face on.
171
00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:22,440
Just about the career then?
172
00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:24,280
Shut it.
173
00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:36,520
♪ Another bride, another June ♪
174
00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:43,720
♪ Another sunny honeymoon ♪
175
00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:51,360
♪ Another season, another reason ♪
176
00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:55,400
♪ For makin' whoopee ♪
177
00:09:58,080 --> 00:10:04,520
♪ A lot of shoes, a lot of rice ♪
178
00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:08,120
♪ The groom is nervous ♪
179
00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:11,880
♪ He answers twice ♪
180
00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:15,800
♪ It's really killing ♪
181
00:10:15,880 --> 00:10:19,160
♪ That he's so willin' ♪
182
00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:26,840
♪ To make whoopee ♪
183
00:10:28,840 --> 00:10:32,640
How have you remained
a secret all this time, Pat?
184
00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:35,040
That was a little bit off in the chorus.
185
00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:38,560
Never be afraid to aim for notes
that are out of your range.
186
00:10:38,640 --> 00:10:40,760
They are words to live by.
187
00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:42,640
-Do you think I could, er--
-Just that way.
188
00:10:45,520 --> 00:10:46,800
[sighs]
189
00:10:49,720 --> 00:10:51,200
I was totally flat, wasn't I?
190
00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:53,080
You're going places, our kid.
191
00:10:54,960 --> 00:10:56,000
[sighs]
192
00:10:58,640 --> 00:11:00,600
[rock music plays]
193
00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:06,320
-You're barred.
-What?
194
00:11:07,720 --> 00:11:10,440
-[sniffs]
-Oh, that?
195
00:11:10,520 --> 00:11:12,240
Minor misunderstanding.
196
00:11:12,320 --> 00:11:14,400
You stole me mam's knickers off the line.
197
00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:17,280
That's pretty major in my book
and you've not apologised yet.
198
00:11:17,360 --> 00:11:21,280
Yes, well, of course, in the shadowy world
of underwear thieves,
199
00:11:21,360 --> 00:11:25,720
your mother's unmentionables
have long been considered the Holy Grail.
200
00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:28,200
-[groans]
-[laughter]
201
00:11:28,280 --> 00:11:30,440
[Jamie] B-A-R-R-E-D.
202
00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:31,560
Barred!
203
00:11:40,480 --> 00:11:42,240
[sniffs]
204
00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:43,360
[gasps]
205
00:11:59,120 --> 00:12:01,320
♪ All of me ♪
206
00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:04,800
♪ Why not take all of me ♪
207
00:12:04,880 --> 00:12:06,400
[distorted] ♪ Can't you see ♪
208
00:12:06,480 --> 00:12:09,120
♪ I'm no good without you ♪
209
00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:10,880
Come on, come on, Pat! Come on!
210
00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:13,720
♪ I want to lose them ♪
211
00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:15,520
♪ Take my arms-- ♪
212
00:12:16,760 --> 00:12:18,320
-[thud]
-[gasps]
213
00:12:27,160 --> 00:12:29,160
-Louis!
-Jesus.
214
00:12:30,200 --> 00:12:32,280
[Patreesha] Shit! Call an ambulance!
215
00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:34,000
Fuck! My phone! Where's yours?
216
00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:36,280
[Patreesha] Fuck, fuck, fuck!
217
00:12:37,520 --> 00:12:39,720
OK, um, Louis?
218
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:42,040
What is it?
219
00:12:42,120 --> 00:12:43,480
Pills?
220
00:12:43,560 --> 00:12:44,920
You've got pills in there?
221
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:48,640
Louis!
222
00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:52,440
No, no. Come on, love.
223
00:12:53,960 --> 00:12:55,720
-Stay out of the light!
-Pat.
224
00:12:55,800 --> 00:12:57,280
-Come on!
-Pat!
225
00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:03,760
-Bloody hell.
-[gasps]
226
00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:12,080
It's gotta be dodgy.
227
00:13:12,160 --> 00:13:14,400
Nobody carries this much cash
around with them.
228
00:13:15,440 --> 00:13:16,360
He's dead.
229
00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:18,880
[siren wailing in distance]
230
00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:22,200
Look, I know you cared about him. A lot.
231
00:13:23,320 --> 00:13:26,480
Just died, right here in my living room.
232
00:13:26,560 --> 00:13:28,800
Pat, what are we gonna do about the money?
233
00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:31,120
Why not take his shoes while you're at it?
234
00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:32,760
Might get a couple of quid
for them down at the market.
235
00:13:32,840 --> 00:13:34,840
I'm thinking about you.
236
00:13:34,920 --> 00:13:37,200
Baton Rouge. America.
237
00:13:37,280 --> 00:13:38,840
Producer.
238
00:13:38,920 --> 00:13:41,040
All that takes money.
239
00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:42,280
[doorbell rings]
240
00:13:42,360 --> 00:13:43,880
[man] Hello? Paramedics.
241
00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:45,440
Can you open the door, please?
242
00:13:57,440 --> 00:13:59,000
Stand back, please.
243
00:14:00,560 --> 00:14:01,680
Is he breathing?
244
00:14:05,600 --> 00:14:07,200
Airway's clear, but he's non-responsive.
245
00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:08,840
No output.
246
00:14:08,920 --> 00:14:10,360
[knocks on door]
247
00:14:12,240 --> 00:14:15,080
I've just been banned from the Jockey.
And you want to know why?
248
00:14:15,160 --> 00:14:17,880
They're saying that I nicked
Mimi Maguire's underwear
249
00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:19,520
for the purposes of...
250
00:14:21,120 --> 00:14:23,040
of personal gratification.
251
00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:26,240
-I'm not gonna judge you, Frank.
-Because it wasn't me!
252
00:14:29,840 --> 00:14:31,520
Tell her.
253
00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:32,680
Tell her!
254
00:14:32,760 --> 00:14:34,240
Tell her that you stole
the witch's underwear
255
00:14:34,320 --> 00:14:36,400
so you could take it to school
and sniff it!
256
00:14:36,480 --> 00:14:37,840
I don't know what he's talking about.
257
00:14:40,200 --> 00:14:42,160
Jesus, that's low, Frank, even for you.
258
00:14:42,240 --> 00:14:44,240
Me? I'm the innocent party!
259
00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:55,000
Hello?
260
00:14:55,080 --> 00:14:57,920
It's me, it's only me,
261
00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:02,680
just your friendly neighbourhood person.
262
00:15:02,760 --> 00:15:06,120
I'm just here to discuss
the misunderstanding.
263
00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:10,760
Hello?
264
00:15:21,840 --> 00:15:23,000
-[splash]
-Oh, fucking hell.
265
00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:24,320
[gasps]
266
00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:34,400
So...
267
00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:36,520
also a funny story.
268
00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:38,760
You fucking pervert!
269
00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:50,520
The lock's been forced.
270
00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:55,120
Wait, is that what your look meant?
271
00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:57,200
Because my look was all,
"Let's get out of here, right now."
272
00:15:57,280 --> 00:15:59,000
We'll be in and out in five minutes.
273
00:15:59,080 --> 00:16:00,600
[siren wailing in distance]
274
00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:13,840
You sure he's got a wife?
275
00:16:13,920 --> 00:16:15,040
Of course he's got a wife.
276
00:16:15,120 --> 00:16:17,400
-Why would he have lied about that?
-I don't know.
277
00:16:17,480 --> 00:16:21,720
Just seems a bit bachelor-esque.
278
00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:22,920
Magic.
279
00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:25,000
Let's break in and critique the decor.
280
00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:26,040
Fine!
281
00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:31,640
Just see if he's got any contact lists,
laptop, rolodex, whatever.
282
00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:33,480
Proper little Miss Marple, aren't you?
283
00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:43,440
[paper rustles]
284
00:16:45,400 --> 00:16:47,120
That's the problem with nosing about.
285
00:16:48,960 --> 00:16:50,960
You look hard and long enough,
286
00:16:51,040 --> 00:16:54,480
you're bound to turn up
something you wish you hadn't.
287
00:16:54,560 --> 00:16:58,160
So says Mr. Darren bloody Smith.
288
00:16:58,240 --> 00:17:00,560
Louis works much better as a stage name.
289
00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:05,040
Travel to America all the time, did you?
290
00:17:06,680 --> 00:17:08,359
Doesn't look great, does it?
291
00:17:09,800 --> 00:17:10,960
No.
292
00:17:11,040 --> 00:17:12,079
[sniffs]
293
00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:15,720
You were special to me, you know.
294
00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:21,280
What is it exactly
that you don't trust, Pat?
295
00:17:21,359 --> 00:17:24,960
My intentions or your own talent?
296
00:17:27,560 --> 00:17:30,320
-Any luck?
-Yeah. Great.
297
00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:31,800
Got all the details.
298
00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:33,720
Baton Rouge, here you come.
299
00:18:08,440 --> 00:18:09,920
[siren wailing in distance]
300
00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:23,360
That's my wash on.
301
00:18:23,440 --> 00:18:24,520
I'll put it out later.
302
00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:26,680
You all right, Mum?
303
00:18:27,880 --> 00:18:28,880
Wonderful, love.
304
00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:33,560
[cell phone ringing]
305
00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:46,200
-Hello?
-[man] Avril?
306
00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:49,440
No. This is her phone. I'm her sister.
307
00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:50,520
Ah.
308
00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:52,640
Just to let you know
that I've spoken to the owners
309
00:18:52,720 --> 00:18:56,160
and we're all set, so if you can just
drop the cash deposit off at the office,
310
00:18:56,240 --> 00:18:59,720
we'll get the paperwork signed
and the flat's all hers.
311
00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:03,160
-Fantastic. Thanks.
-Bye now.
312
00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:04,280
[cuts line]
313
00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:08,200
I can't believe she'd do this to me.
314
00:19:09,280 --> 00:19:12,440
Pound signs spinning in her eyes
the moment she saw that money,
315
00:19:12,520 --> 00:19:14,080
a chance to get away from you.
316
00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:16,320
[sighs]
317
00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:18,600
Mary-Mae only visits when she wants to.
318
00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:19,720
And as for Bernard.
319
00:19:20,720 --> 00:19:23,040
Well, we all know about your husband.
320
00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:28,160
But your sister...
321
00:19:30,160 --> 00:19:33,200
Tch, tch, tch, that's a knife in the back.
322
00:19:34,480 --> 00:19:36,920
A wound that runs deep.
323
00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:39,240
Everybody thinks I'm a fucking mug.
324
00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:44,960
I didn't.
325
00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:47,760
I don't know that anymore.
326
00:19:49,120 --> 00:19:50,880
I don't know anything.
327
00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:52,320
You deserve that money.
328
00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:57,240
You deserve it for all them bastards
that have used you,
329
00:19:57,320 --> 00:19:58,640
cast you aside.
330
00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:02,360
You deserve all of it.
331
00:20:02,440 --> 00:20:04,960
Every last penny.
332
00:20:09,520 --> 00:20:11,240
This is your time.
333
00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:20,560
Oh, ta, kid.
Good to know you're on my side.
334
00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:21,880
Two quid.
335
00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:24,640
What?
336
00:20:24,720 --> 00:20:28,040
Oh! OK, there you go.
337
00:20:28,120 --> 00:20:31,320
There you go. Keep the change.
Buy yourself something nice.
338
00:20:31,400 --> 00:20:33,320
Two quid.
339
00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:35,280
You sent away Princess.
340
00:20:35,360 --> 00:20:37,600
Everyone is right. You're a bad man.
341
00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:39,520
Pfft. Everyone? Everyone!
342
00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:42,840
We're talking a small,
narrow-minded minority here.
343
00:20:42,920 --> 00:20:44,080
[glass shatters]
344
00:20:56,400 --> 00:20:58,360
Ah, fuck.
345
00:21:04,760 --> 00:21:06,280
[door rattles]
346
00:21:06,360 --> 00:21:07,600
[exhales]
347
00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:11,520
I came home, they'd got in somehow.
348
00:21:12,560 --> 00:21:15,400
They must have been looking for the money.
Look at this mess.
349
00:21:15,480 --> 00:21:17,960
-Jesus.
-Yeah.
350
00:21:20,200 --> 00:21:21,600
Luckily I had the money on me.
351
00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:24,040
I don't feel safe anymore.
352
00:21:24,120 --> 00:21:25,560
We need to get out of here.
353
00:21:31,600 --> 00:21:33,920
It's only for a few days.
It won't be that bad.
354
00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:36,000
Have you ever lived with my mum?
355
00:21:36,080 --> 00:21:38,360
-She's mental.
-She's all right.
356
00:21:38,440 --> 00:21:39,480
And I did it for you.
357
00:21:39,560 --> 00:21:40,600
Thought you'd be happy. Oh, yeah.
358
00:21:40,680 --> 00:21:42,480
Stuck in a pokey little flat
with two of them.
359
00:21:42,560 --> 00:21:44,160
Yeah, best news ever.
360
00:21:47,320 --> 00:21:49,920
Who do you think it is
that's after the cash?
361
00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:51,400
Dunno.
362
00:21:51,480 --> 00:21:54,040
Loan sharks, Moss Side drug dealers.
363
00:21:55,080 --> 00:21:57,960
Whoever it is,
they obviously want their money back.
364
00:21:59,960 --> 00:22:01,960
Maybe we should never have taken the cash
in the first place.
365
00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:04,280
It's a bit late for that now.
366
00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:08,480
You never did tell me
what you intend to do with your share.
367
00:22:08,560 --> 00:22:09,640
Haven't really thought about it.
368
00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:14,520
Twenty five grand though,
369
00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:17,480
that'd be enough to, I dunno,
370
00:22:17,560 --> 00:22:19,320
put down a deposit on a new place.
371
00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:22,520
Like I said, haven't really thought
that far ahead.
372
00:22:23,440 --> 00:22:24,880
When were you gonna tell me?
373
00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:28,440
I mean, am I really that much of a burden
374
00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:30,680
that you'd keep pushing
and shoving me off to America?
375
00:22:30,760 --> 00:22:34,720
Same time you're plotting a way
to move out without even a word.
376
00:22:34,800 --> 00:22:37,040
Maybe if you weren't such a fucking victim
all the time,
377
00:22:37,120 --> 00:22:38,080
I wouldn't have to.
378
00:22:38,160 --> 00:22:39,880
'Course. It's all my fault.
379
00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:42,640
No, no, actually.
380
00:22:42,720 --> 00:22:44,720
It's everybody else's.
381
00:22:44,800 --> 00:22:47,520
It's Bernard's fault you
were too blind to the fact
382
00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:49,320
that he's as bent as a Curly Wurly.
383
00:22:49,400 --> 00:22:53,880
It'll be Louis' fault that your career
will never amount to anything,
384
00:22:53,960 --> 00:22:56,320
and it'll be my fault
that you're all on your own
385
00:22:56,400 --> 00:22:58,000
with no one to complain to!
386
00:22:58,080 --> 00:22:59,960
Right!
387
00:23:00,040 --> 00:23:03,280
This one is definitely my fault then!
388
00:23:05,720 --> 00:23:06,960
Where are you going?
389
00:23:09,520 --> 00:23:10,520
Pat!
390
00:23:12,880 --> 00:23:16,200
This is all you fucking care about.
391
00:23:16,280 --> 00:23:17,880
[Mary-Mae] Mum, what you doing?
392
00:23:19,200 --> 00:23:20,400
Don't! No!
393
00:23:22,680 --> 00:23:23,840
Fuck!
394
00:23:24,880 --> 00:23:27,360
[Chesney] Like I said, won't be that bad.
395
00:23:37,360 --> 00:23:40,040
-So you stole the money?
-No.
396
00:23:40,120 --> 00:23:41,520
We were just holding on to it until...
397
00:23:43,680 --> 00:23:45,960
Yeah, we stole it.
398
00:23:46,040 --> 00:23:47,480
Maybe she was trying to protect you.
399
00:23:47,560 --> 00:23:48,720
Burn the evidence.
400
00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:52,000
No, she's doing what she always does.
401
00:23:52,080 --> 00:23:55,160
Making sure the whole fucking world
revolves around her.
402
00:23:55,240 --> 00:23:57,080
[dog barking in distance]
403
00:23:57,160 --> 00:23:59,600
[Chesney] Oh, she burnt £50,000!
404
00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:00,920
Wow.
405
00:24:09,440 --> 00:24:11,480
-Where's the bag?
-She binned it.
406
00:24:11,560 --> 00:24:12,720
Fuck's sake!
407
00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:26,640
[sighs]
408
00:24:26,720 --> 00:24:27,680
[vase shatters]
409
00:24:27,760 --> 00:24:31,680
[Louis] You deserve that money.
You deserve all of it.
410
00:24:32,800 --> 00:24:34,800
She's fucking set me up!
411
00:24:34,880 --> 00:24:36,200
I told you she were mental.
412
00:24:36,280 --> 00:24:39,000
The break-in, the danger.
413
00:24:39,080 --> 00:24:42,680
It's all distractions
so she can take every penny for herself.
414
00:24:42,760 --> 00:24:43,840
Don't you get it?
415
00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:47,800
I can honestly say
I've no idea what's going on.
416
00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:49,280
Wait.
417
00:24:49,360 --> 00:24:50,560
Does this mean that
418
00:24:50,640 --> 00:24:52,240
you'll be staying with us
or you're moving out?
419
00:24:52,320 --> 00:24:56,120
Give me one day, Ches,
and you won't see me for dust.
420
00:24:56,200 --> 00:24:57,760
[rock music plays]
421
00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:04,760
Nice car.
422
00:25:05,840 --> 00:25:07,280
Yeah.
423
00:25:07,360 --> 00:25:08,440
It's my cousin's.
424
00:25:08,520 --> 00:25:10,360
Looks like I'm having the party
at the Jockey.
425
00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:11,440
[Stev] Sweet.
426
00:25:11,520 --> 00:25:14,400
Just, uh, just text us the details, yeah?
427
00:25:14,480 --> 00:25:15,840
Don't need to, you're right here.
428
00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:17,680
[moans]
429
00:25:20,360 --> 00:25:21,360
What the hell?
430
00:25:22,560 --> 00:25:23,720
You arsehole.
431
00:25:23,800 --> 00:25:25,000
It's not what it looks like!
432
00:25:25,080 --> 00:25:26,520
[Princess meows]
433
00:25:26,600 --> 00:25:28,360
It's only a blowjob.
434
00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:29,360
She's my cousin.
435
00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:30,880
It's not like it counts!
436
00:25:30,960 --> 00:25:32,680
You can shut it and all.
437
00:25:36,440 --> 00:25:38,320
[indistinct chatter]
438
00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:39,400
[man sniffs]
439
00:25:42,920 --> 00:25:43,960
It's Gallagher, isn't it?
440
00:25:45,320 --> 00:25:46,360
Frank Gallagher?
441
00:25:47,400 --> 00:25:48,920
I'm Maurice O'Neill.
442
00:25:49,000 --> 00:25:51,440
I live in the courts, flat 19.
443
00:25:52,560 --> 00:25:53,760
Congratulations.
444
00:25:55,320 --> 00:25:57,240
Aye, very good.
445
00:25:57,320 --> 00:26:00,800
No, it's just I heard
about your little incident.
446
00:26:00,880 --> 00:26:01,800
Oh, yeah? What are you, then?
447
00:26:01,880 --> 00:26:03,840
Some have-a-go-hero, Pride of Britain,
448
00:26:03,920 --> 00:26:05,320
you want to make a name
for yourself, do you?
449
00:26:05,400 --> 00:26:07,400
-Go on, try it. Dare you.
-Quite the opposite.
450
00:26:09,120 --> 00:26:11,680
I think it's disgusting
how this place has treated you.
451
00:26:13,840 --> 00:26:15,640
Oh, well.
452
00:26:15,720 --> 00:26:19,000
The black beating heart
of our Big Society, that is.
453
00:26:19,080 --> 00:26:22,480
Thou shalt judge thy fellow man,
dob him in, hound him out.
454
00:26:22,560 --> 00:26:24,760
Divided we shall stand.
455
00:26:24,840 --> 00:26:29,480
Lessons ripped straight from the playbooks
of the Gestapo and the Stasi!
456
00:26:29,560 --> 00:26:30,760
Couldn't agree more.
457
00:26:31,760 --> 00:26:32,760
It's a fallen world.
458
00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:36,800
Do you like a drink, Mr. Gallagher?
459
00:26:39,160 --> 00:26:43,400
Maybe I should write a book,
Touched By A Filthy Bugger.
460
00:26:43,480 --> 00:26:44,680
Frank didn't actually touch you.
461
00:26:44,760 --> 00:26:47,120
He pinched me fuckin' knickers.
462
00:26:47,200 --> 00:26:48,960
Exposed himself to me.
463
00:26:49,040 --> 00:26:50,840
Right, yeah, he's a twat,
464
00:26:50,920 --> 00:26:52,960
but I've never had him down
for one of them perverts.
465
00:26:53,040 --> 00:26:54,880
He hasn't the energy
to wave his fucking dick about.
466
00:26:54,960 --> 00:26:56,440
Probably a misunderstanding.
467
00:26:58,840 --> 00:26:59,760
Flyers.
468
00:26:59,840 --> 00:27:00,880
I should hand out more flyers.
469
00:27:00,960 --> 00:27:01,960
Warn people.
470
00:27:10,400 --> 00:27:11,400
Oh!
471
00:27:13,520 --> 00:27:15,720
Hello, old friend.
472
00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:19,920
It's been a while.
473
00:27:21,160 --> 00:27:22,760
-You busy?
-Nope.
474
00:27:22,840 --> 00:27:24,480
Good.
475
00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:25,600
I need your help.
476
00:27:26,800 --> 00:27:28,080
I want you to kidnap my daughter.
477
00:27:30,160 --> 00:27:33,480
I just want to say something, right,
this is a bad idea.
478
00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:36,960
Fake kidnappings always backfire.
479
00:27:37,040 --> 00:27:38,400
Let me worry about that.
480
00:27:38,480 --> 00:27:40,000
All right. I'm just saying.
481
00:27:40,080 --> 00:27:44,040
Your sister finds out about this
and your relationship is fucked forever.
482
00:27:44,120 --> 00:27:46,960
Even worse, some nutjob finds out
about this or the cash
483
00:27:47,040 --> 00:27:48,480
and you've got proper trouble.
484
00:27:48,560 --> 00:27:50,760
You know what the estate's like,
nobody can keep a fucking secret.
485
00:27:50,840 --> 00:27:54,400
I'm not asking this as a favour.
I'll pay you.
486
00:27:54,480 --> 00:27:55,440
Two hundred quid
487
00:27:55,520 --> 00:27:57,480
and you can keep your opinions
to yourself.
488
00:27:59,120 --> 00:28:00,240
How much is she going for?
489
00:28:02,560 --> 00:28:04,480
-Fifty grand.
-Fuck off!
490
00:28:04,560 --> 00:28:06,400
She's not worth that much.
491
00:28:06,480 --> 00:28:08,240
She's worth much more.
492
00:28:09,280 --> 00:28:13,320
I just need her to hang out here
for a day, out of view.
493
00:28:13,400 --> 00:28:15,040
And for you to pick up the money
when it comes through.
494
00:28:15,120 --> 00:28:18,800
Oh, you see, you're making this sound
really nice and easy, aren't you?
495
00:28:20,440 --> 00:28:23,520
What you're really talking about here
is serious fraud.
496
00:28:23,600 --> 00:28:25,880
And Shane doesn't get out of bed
for less than 500.
497
00:28:25,960 --> 00:28:27,840
-Done.
-A thousand.
498
00:28:27,920 --> 00:28:30,120
-What's my cut?
-You get your party.
499
00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:32,200
-No.
-Fine, I'll buy you a bloody car.
500
00:28:32,280 --> 00:28:34,120
And you, 700, final offer.
501
00:28:38,960 --> 00:28:41,400
I like to think of us all as snowflakes.
502
00:28:42,480 --> 00:28:46,360
Each is special and unique, mysterious
in our ways.
503
00:28:48,240 --> 00:28:50,160
[burps] Exactly.
504
00:28:50,240 --> 00:28:52,120
But that's not what they want, is it?
505
00:28:52,200 --> 00:28:56,760
Society full of obedient little robots,
punching the time clocks,
506
00:28:56,840 --> 00:28:59,240
saluting the CCTV as they pass.
507
00:28:59,320 --> 00:29:02,200
The main thing is, we accept
all colours under the rainbow.
508
00:29:03,240 --> 00:29:05,520
As I've often said,
it's our differences that unite us.
509
00:29:06,640 --> 00:29:09,400
But you'll be able to share that
with the others soon.
510
00:29:09,480 --> 00:29:11,040
[indistinct conversations]
511
00:29:11,120 --> 00:29:12,200
Right.
512
00:29:12,280 --> 00:29:13,720
The other whats?
513
00:29:13,800 --> 00:29:15,040
Of our little brotherhood.
514
00:29:16,080 --> 00:29:18,800
Men of certain tastes.
515
00:29:18,880 --> 00:29:22,120
Oh, I'm not really
a brotherhood sort of person.
516
00:29:22,200 --> 00:29:24,200
More of a lone wolf.
517
00:29:24,280 --> 00:29:26,800
Because society has made you that.
518
00:29:27,840 --> 00:29:31,800
Oh, it took me some time to be strong
and finally admit that, hey,
519
00:29:31,880 --> 00:29:35,800
I am sexually aroused
by anthropomorphic animal characters.
520
00:29:35,880 --> 00:29:36,840
Eh?
521
00:29:36,920 --> 00:29:40,640
It think it was Soo from The Sooty Show
that first caused a quiver.
522
00:29:40,720 --> 00:29:41,960
Do you remember her?
523
00:29:43,320 --> 00:29:46,960
Dirty wee panda
in that teeny-weeny red skirt.
524
00:29:49,040 --> 00:29:51,000
Have you ever wondered
what a panda would look like
525
00:29:51,080 --> 00:29:52,880
with breast implants, Mr. Gallagher?
526
00:29:54,640 --> 00:29:56,920
I'll just take these
for the road, shall I?
527
00:29:57,000 --> 00:29:59,360
Don't be scared, Mr. Gallagher.
You're amongst friends now.
528
00:29:59,440 --> 00:30:00,840
You're no fucking friend of mine!
529
00:30:00,920 --> 00:30:03,560
Where are you gonna run, Mr. Gallagher?
There's nowhere left for you to go!
530
00:30:03,640 --> 00:30:04,680
Hey!
531
00:30:04,760 --> 00:30:06,080
We're all you've got!
532
00:30:08,960 --> 00:30:09,960
You were right.
533
00:30:11,280 --> 00:30:13,080
I should never have taken that money.
534
00:30:15,920 --> 00:30:17,320
My own daughter, Pat.
535
00:30:18,640 --> 00:30:20,680
My own fucking daughter!
536
00:30:21,880 --> 00:30:23,040
What we gonna do?
537
00:30:26,280 --> 00:30:29,320
-You pay the ransom.
-With what?
538
00:30:29,400 --> 00:30:30,960
I've got fuck all!
539
00:30:34,160 --> 00:30:35,800
I think we should call the police.
540
00:30:38,800 --> 00:30:41,400
Avs, I didn't...
541
00:30:43,520 --> 00:30:44,640
I didn't burn the money.
542
00:30:46,160 --> 00:30:47,200
I've still got it.
543
00:30:49,880 --> 00:30:50,920
All of it.
544
00:30:52,280 --> 00:30:54,320
No, you did.
545
00:30:54,400 --> 00:30:55,720
I saw you.
546
00:30:55,800 --> 00:30:56,840
No.
547
00:30:57,840 --> 00:30:59,640
I switched it before we even got here.
548
00:31:00,880 --> 00:31:04,960
I just got so screwed up
about you leaving.
549
00:31:06,440 --> 00:31:07,440
I'm sorry.
550
00:31:09,320 --> 00:31:12,720
So, we can...
551
00:31:14,600 --> 00:31:15,800
we can pay the ransom.
552
00:31:18,040 --> 00:31:19,880
It's my problem.
553
00:31:19,960 --> 00:31:24,600
I brought Louis, that money,
into our lives.
554
00:31:26,320 --> 00:31:27,320
Come here.
555
00:31:30,520 --> 00:31:31,840
[sighs]
556
00:31:31,920 --> 00:31:33,000
-[indistinct talk]
-Yeah, there.
557
00:31:33,080 --> 00:31:34,360
[cheering]
558
00:31:36,960 --> 00:31:38,440
Whoo.
559
00:31:44,600 --> 00:31:45,880
[yelling] Catch it!
560
00:31:51,240 --> 00:31:52,760
-What ya doing?
-Nothing.
561
00:31:52,840 --> 00:31:54,320
Doesn't look like nothing.
562
00:31:54,400 --> 00:31:56,360
Playing hide and seek. And you're it.
563
00:31:56,440 --> 00:31:57,800
Go on.
564
00:31:57,880 --> 00:32:00,320
-Go and hide.
-All right, but no peekin'.
565
00:32:01,360 --> 00:32:02,440
[door closes]
566
00:32:09,480 --> 00:32:11,200
I told you, piss off!
567
00:32:17,280 --> 00:32:19,200
[Patreesha] I'm just so, so sorry.
568
00:32:19,280 --> 00:32:20,720
[Avril] Yeah, I know.
569
00:32:20,800 --> 00:32:23,680
[Patreesha] No, I mean for trying
to stop you having your own life.
570
00:32:23,760 --> 00:32:24,720
I've failed at everything.
571
00:32:24,800 --> 00:32:26,680
Career, love.
572
00:32:26,760 --> 00:32:27,680
I just didn't want to admit
573
00:32:27,760 --> 00:32:29,480
I'd failed at being a sister as well,
you know?
574
00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:32,760
-Is that them?
-No.
575
00:32:33,880 --> 00:32:34,880
Over there.
576
00:32:36,360 --> 00:32:37,400
Fuckin' hell.
577
00:32:37,480 --> 00:32:39,320
Fucking hell!
578
00:32:39,400 --> 00:32:40,440
Money.
579
00:32:51,960 --> 00:32:53,640
If you've done anything to her?
580
00:32:57,120 --> 00:32:58,080
Mum!
581
00:32:58,160 --> 00:32:59,480
I was so scared!
582
00:32:59,560 --> 00:33:00,960
I thought I'd never see you again.
583
00:33:01,040 --> 00:33:02,480
Enough with the dramatics. Tone it down.
584
00:33:03,800 --> 00:33:05,880
I want you to know something.
585
00:33:05,960 --> 00:33:08,200
I will find out who you are.
586
00:33:08,280 --> 00:33:10,760
And I will hurt you
for what you've done to my family.
587
00:33:10,840 --> 00:33:11,800
You all right?
588
00:33:11,880 --> 00:33:14,520
Listen, Mimi wants me to make sure
everyone's got one of these, so.
589
00:33:14,600 --> 00:33:15,520
Billy?
590
00:33:15,600 --> 00:33:17,720
No, I know she's gone a bit psycho
over the whole thing,
591
00:33:17,800 --> 00:33:21,360
but she's the wife,
her who must be obeyed.
592
00:33:21,440 --> 00:33:22,760
Here, Shane.
593
00:33:22,840 --> 00:33:24,680
I love that bally, mate.
594
00:33:24,760 --> 00:33:27,080
-I'm not Shane.
-What?
595
00:33:27,160 --> 00:33:28,120
You are.
596
00:33:28,200 --> 00:33:30,760
Remember you wore that last Christmas,
at the big snowball fight,
597
00:33:30,840 --> 00:33:32,960
the one where you kept going on
about getting frostbite.
598
00:33:33,040 --> 00:33:35,280
I mean, come on, seriously,
it wasn't even cold
599
00:33:35,360 --> 00:33:37,800
and this guy's like Scott
of the friggin' Antarctic.
600
00:33:38,840 --> 00:33:40,920
-What the fuck?
-Her idea.
601
00:33:43,040 --> 00:33:45,760
You tried to rip me off?
602
00:33:45,840 --> 00:33:47,520
You tried to rip me off first!
603
00:33:48,720 --> 00:33:50,880
Catfight in three, two, one.
604
00:33:50,960 --> 00:33:52,960
-[turns video on, beeps]
-[groans]
605
00:33:54,960 --> 00:33:57,560
Come on! Fucker! I'll kill you!
606
00:33:57,640 --> 00:33:59,280
I'll kill you!
607
00:34:01,120 --> 00:34:02,360
[laughs]
608
00:34:04,480 --> 00:34:07,200
Come on! Aargh!
609
00:34:10,400 --> 00:34:12,440
-Fucker!
-[groans]
610
00:34:14,960 --> 00:34:16,880
[party music playing]
611
00:34:31,000 --> 00:34:32,000
What the fuck?
612
00:34:33,679 --> 00:34:34,600
It's all right.
613
00:34:34,679 --> 00:34:36,360
He's my neighbour, so it doesn't count.
614
00:34:36,440 --> 00:34:37,440
Twat.
615
00:34:41,639 --> 00:34:42,960
I'm going to be polite.
616
00:34:43,040 --> 00:34:44,320
Gonna be nice.
617
00:34:44,400 --> 00:34:48,239
Gonna plaster on a fake fucking smile
for your daughter's birthday party.
618
00:34:48,320 --> 00:34:52,040
But after that, we split the cash
and go our separate ways.
619
00:34:52,120 --> 00:34:53,159
End of.
620
00:34:53,239 --> 00:34:54,440
Fine by me.
621
00:34:54,520 --> 00:34:56,920
[party music playing]
622
00:35:07,760 --> 00:35:09,800
[people cheering, chattering]
623
00:35:14,600 --> 00:35:16,160
You're Patreesha, aren't you?
624
00:35:16,240 --> 00:35:18,840
You knew Louis. He died at your house.
625
00:35:18,920 --> 00:35:20,160
What makes you say that?
626
00:35:20,240 --> 00:35:21,800
One of us has a mate in the hospitals.
627
00:35:21,880 --> 00:35:25,200
Gave us the details
about poor Darren Smith.
628
00:35:25,280 --> 00:35:26,800
-Are you family?
-[chuckles]
629
00:35:26,880 --> 00:35:28,120
No. Far from it.
630
00:35:28,200 --> 00:35:30,400
We're trying to get the money back.
631
00:35:30,480 --> 00:35:32,480
The money he stole from all of us.
632
00:35:32,560 --> 00:35:34,960
-We don't know anything about money.
-Nothing about your money.
633
00:35:35,040 --> 00:35:37,600
Louis comes over all caring.
634
00:35:37,680 --> 00:35:39,880
Pretends to be married so you feel safe.
635
00:35:39,960 --> 00:35:43,720
Says you're unique, has a producer friend
in Baton Rouge,
636
00:35:43,800 --> 00:35:47,360
just needs some cash for the plane ticket
and he buggers off.
637
00:35:47,440 --> 00:35:49,440
He's been pulling the scam
all over Manchester.
638
00:35:49,520 --> 00:35:51,440
Ladies,
639
00:35:51,520 --> 00:35:53,040
I'm sorry you were conned,
640
00:35:53,120 --> 00:35:55,960
but we don't know anything
about your cash.
641
00:35:56,040 --> 00:35:57,400
What's in the bag?
642
00:35:57,480 --> 00:35:59,280
[Avril] I think you've made a mistake.
643
00:36:00,640 --> 00:36:03,720
And as you can see,
this is a private party.
644
00:36:05,120 --> 00:36:09,200
You don't want to be asked
to leave twice, seriously.
645
00:36:18,400 --> 00:36:19,680
He didn't ask you for cash, did he?
646
00:36:19,760 --> 00:36:21,600
'Course he fucking didn't.
647
00:36:21,680 --> 00:36:23,880
-Maybe we should--
-Return the money?
648
00:36:24,720 --> 00:36:27,760
I earned this. This is mine.
649
00:36:27,840 --> 00:36:29,160
They're probably full of bullshit anyway.
650
00:36:30,400 --> 00:36:32,640
Surprised you didn't get on
with them better.
651
00:36:39,760 --> 00:36:41,760
[Esther] What do you want to say to Frank?
652
00:36:43,280 --> 00:36:44,400
Tam.
653
00:36:46,120 --> 00:36:47,720
Sorry, Mr. Gallagher.
654
00:36:49,360 --> 00:36:51,200
Well, all right, no harm done.
655
00:36:51,280 --> 00:36:54,440
So if you can get your arse out there
and tell the rest of them!
656
00:36:54,520 --> 00:36:57,360
-No, Frank.
-I'm a pariah.
657
00:36:57,440 --> 00:36:59,000
I've been barred from the pub!
658
00:36:59,080 --> 00:37:01,880
Harangued by strangers
and neighbours alike.
659
00:37:01,960 --> 00:37:06,760
Groomed by weirdos
who like pandas with breasts!
660
00:37:06,840 --> 00:37:10,000
-People will get over it!
-People will feed on it!
661
00:37:10,080 --> 00:37:12,600
They'll keep it going and going
until I'm driven off the estate!
662
00:37:12,680 --> 00:37:14,480
I'm not throwing my son to the wolves!
663
00:37:15,720 --> 00:37:18,400
-Maybe if you spoke to Mimi--
-Tried that. Didn't work!
664
00:37:18,480 --> 00:37:20,280
Maybe you didn't say the right thing!
665
00:37:20,360 --> 00:37:21,960
I'm the aggrieved party.
666
00:37:22,040 --> 00:37:25,000
Why the fuck should I help you
and klepto boy over here?
667
00:37:25,080 --> 00:37:28,240
I'm the best bloody neighbour
you'll ever have.
668
00:37:30,920 --> 00:37:33,000
It's your word against me and Tam.
669
00:37:33,080 --> 00:37:34,840
Who do you think everyone's gonna believe?
670
00:37:34,920 --> 00:37:36,840
Really?
671
00:37:36,920 --> 00:37:40,240
Just tell her you did it for love.
672
00:37:44,680 --> 00:37:46,360
I'll show you what I found in his locker.
673
00:37:47,920 --> 00:37:49,280
And if you're anything like the others...
674
00:37:51,520 --> 00:37:52,760
you'll probably want this as well.
675
00:38:09,400 --> 00:38:10,640
No need to read on, love.
676
00:38:11,880 --> 00:38:12,920
It's only gonna hurt you.
677
00:38:16,200 --> 00:38:17,200
Very well, then.
678
00:38:21,600 --> 00:38:23,920
"Patreesha St Rose.
679
00:38:24,920 --> 00:38:29,960
Middle aged, lonely, clearly looking
for somebody to believe in her.
680
00:38:30,040 --> 00:38:35,280
Given the right attention,
will most likely be a pushover."
681
00:38:38,560 --> 00:38:40,760
Are you sure you want to hear this?
682
00:38:43,600 --> 00:38:44,680
[sighs]
683
00:38:50,640 --> 00:38:52,680
Avril was right.
684
00:38:52,760 --> 00:38:54,360
You've got victim written all over you.
685
00:38:54,440 --> 00:38:57,160
You're so self-centred
that anyone who spends any time with you
686
00:38:57,240 --> 00:38:59,280
just wants to hurt you
or get the fuck away from you,
687
00:38:59,360 --> 00:39:00,400
as fast as they can.
688
00:39:02,680 --> 00:39:04,160
Worst thing is...
689
00:39:06,480 --> 00:39:07,600
you miss me.
690
00:39:08,760 --> 00:39:12,360
Because you're grateful,
pathetically grateful,
691
00:39:12,440 --> 00:39:14,240
for the crumbs I threw you.
692
00:39:14,320 --> 00:39:15,320
Fuck off!
693
00:39:23,200 --> 00:39:25,880
[people chatter, laughter]
694
00:39:25,960 --> 00:39:29,240
♪ Send down thy truth... ♪
695
00:39:29,320 --> 00:39:31,680
I stole your underwear because...
696
00:39:33,720 --> 00:39:36,680
I am sexually attracted to you.
697
00:39:36,760 --> 00:39:37,680
Twat him.
698
00:39:37,760 --> 00:39:39,640
-For what?
-For what he's just said.
699
00:39:39,720 --> 00:39:41,360
It was a compliment.
700
00:39:41,440 --> 00:39:43,280
I know I don't mean the same to you.
701
00:39:43,360 --> 00:39:46,120
You don't remember the first time we met.
702
00:39:46,200 --> 00:39:50,400
You don't arrange your day
so that you bump into me accidentally.
703
00:39:50,480 --> 00:39:52,640
You don't mourn all the little choices
704
00:39:52,720 --> 00:39:57,080
that we've made that have led us down
separate paths, but I do.
705
00:39:57,160 --> 00:39:59,880
I, Vernon Francis Gallagher,
706
00:39:59,960 --> 00:40:02,800
am so in love with you
707
00:40:02,880 --> 00:40:09,280
that I had no choice but to steal
your underwear and expose myself to you.
708
00:40:14,280 --> 00:40:16,480
I feel sorry for you, Frank.
709
00:40:16,560 --> 00:40:19,320
You're so messed up in there but...
710
00:40:21,000 --> 00:40:22,680
I'll accept your apology.
711
00:40:22,760 --> 00:40:24,280
It's very gracious of you.
712
00:40:25,640 --> 00:40:27,600
This good lady's paying for my tab.
713
00:40:31,800 --> 00:40:33,400
Go on, then.
714
00:40:33,480 --> 00:40:35,600
You poor bastard.
715
00:40:35,680 --> 00:40:37,280
We've always been mates,
716
00:40:37,360 --> 00:40:38,680
but now I'm thinking
717
00:40:38,760 --> 00:40:40,880
ain't that the best way
to start off a relationship?
718
00:40:40,960 --> 00:40:41,920
A mate with tits.
719
00:40:42,000 --> 00:40:43,080
-Yeah.
-Perfect.
720
00:40:43,160 --> 00:40:44,760
-You want to slow down there, mate.
-What?
721
00:40:44,840 --> 00:40:47,040
She's all over me, man. I'm hot shit.
722
00:40:49,480 --> 00:40:51,600
-Eh.
-[sighs]
723
00:40:54,360 --> 00:40:55,680
Rule of thumb.
724
00:40:55,760 --> 00:40:57,880
Teenage girls love bad boys.
725
00:40:57,960 --> 00:40:59,400
Fuckin' great, innit?
726
00:41:00,400 --> 00:41:01,320
Don't worry about it, mate.
727
00:41:01,400 --> 00:41:03,720
She'll get sick of it and you'll be there
to pick up the pieces.
728
00:41:03,800 --> 00:41:06,680
Just give it five, six years at least.
729
00:41:06,760 --> 00:41:07,760
[chuckles]
730
00:41:10,800 --> 00:41:11,840
Pat.
731
00:41:11,920 --> 00:41:13,080
You can fuck off as well.
732
00:41:15,480 --> 00:41:18,160
♪ ...somebody's ♪
733
00:41:18,240 --> 00:41:19,880
Hey! What you doing?
734
00:41:19,960 --> 00:41:21,320
Cheeky cow.
735
00:41:22,600 --> 00:41:26,920
My name is Patreesha and I'm a failure.
736
00:41:28,360 --> 00:41:31,280
My husband Bernard
likes to fuck other men.
737
00:41:31,360 --> 00:41:32,920
[laughter]
738
00:41:33,000 --> 00:41:36,520
My daughter doesn't ever bother
coming round anymore.
739
00:41:36,600 --> 00:41:38,400
Don't blame her.
740
00:41:38,480 --> 00:41:42,680
And my sister just wants
to get the hell away from me.
741
00:41:42,760 --> 00:41:45,240
Again, no blame.
742
00:41:46,520 --> 00:41:49,840
But the man I loved, Louis...
743
00:41:51,520 --> 00:41:54,360
he saw something in me
744
00:41:54,440 --> 00:41:58,120
that I didn't know existed until today.
745
00:42:00,120 --> 00:42:01,800
He saw...
746
00:42:01,880 --> 00:42:03,080
a sucker!
747
00:42:03,160 --> 00:42:04,680
[laughter]
748
00:42:04,760 --> 00:42:07,760
Someone so desperate
749
00:42:07,840 --> 00:42:12,360
that he could rip me off
without breaking sweat!
750
00:42:13,520 --> 00:42:19,360
Well, I ripped him off
for 50 fucking grand!
751
00:42:20,720 --> 00:42:23,520
So who's the sucker now, you cunt?
752
00:42:23,600 --> 00:42:24,960
Bloody hell.
753
00:42:25,040 --> 00:42:27,400
Yeah, that's right.
754
00:42:27,480 --> 00:42:31,400
Fifty grand and it's all for me.
I deserve it!
755
00:42:31,480 --> 00:42:35,040
So rot in hell, you conniving bastard!
756
00:42:35,120 --> 00:42:37,600
-[mic static]
-Get your hands off me!
757
00:42:37,680 --> 00:42:38,760
For fuck's sake.
758
00:42:38,840 --> 00:42:41,600
Do you want to highlight the fact
we've got 50 grand in a place like this?
759
00:42:41,680 --> 00:42:43,760
-Come on!
-It's just one big note, is it?
760
00:42:47,560 --> 00:42:49,200
Jesus, Pat!
761
00:42:51,360 --> 00:42:52,880
You never told me you gave him money.
762
00:42:52,960 --> 00:42:54,840
Like you fucking care.
763
00:42:54,920 --> 00:42:56,080
Of course I care.
764
00:42:56,160 --> 00:42:57,800
You can fuck off with the rest of 'em!
765
00:43:11,120 --> 00:43:13,240
[siren wailing in distance]
766
00:43:13,320 --> 00:43:16,880
Nah, not having some wing-nuts
put the shits up me.
767
00:43:16,960 --> 00:43:18,480
Go on.
768
00:43:18,560 --> 00:43:21,400
Piss off and take it.
That's what you want.
769
00:43:21,480 --> 00:43:22,840
[Avril] I'm not leaving you.
770
00:43:24,160 --> 00:43:27,440
Right, what do you two twats want?
771
00:43:27,520 --> 00:43:29,720
-Dunno. Fifty grand would do it.
-[tyres screeching]
772
00:43:29,800 --> 00:43:32,960
Come on then, take it. I fucking dare you!
773
00:43:37,000 --> 00:43:40,240
You got a problem with them,
you got a problem with us.
774
00:43:40,320 --> 00:43:42,600
Who are you? Fucking Neighbourhood Watch?
775
00:43:47,200 --> 00:43:48,960
[smacks lips]
776
00:43:49,040 --> 00:43:50,280
[both sigh]
777
00:43:52,040 --> 00:43:53,280
Where can we take you?
778
00:43:53,360 --> 00:43:54,400
Just home.
779
00:43:54,480 --> 00:43:55,680
Fuck that. There's a party.
780
00:43:56,760 --> 00:43:59,160
[Avril] Uh, look,
781
00:43:59,240 --> 00:44:01,680
we might know where the money is and...
782
00:44:03,120 --> 00:44:04,760
we'll probably be able
to get it back to you.
783
00:44:06,960 --> 00:44:09,640
Definitely be able to get it back to you.
784
00:44:09,720 --> 00:44:10,640
Fair's fair.
785
00:44:10,720 --> 00:44:13,360
[Patreesha] Are we going
to the bloody party or what?
786
00:44:13,440 --> 00:44:16,440
["It's Only Make Believe" plays]
787
00:44:16,520 --> 00:44:18,720
Thank you.
788
00:44:18,800 --> 00:44:20,400
Whoo!
789
00:44:20,480 --> 00:44:21,680
[screams]
790
00:44:21,760 --> 00:44:22,840
Yay!
791
00:44:22,920 --> 00:44:26,000
Whoo!
792
00:44:26,080 --> 00:44:29,240
[Patreesha]
The world's full of frustrated artists,
793
00:44:29,320 --> 00:44:31,720
yelling out for someone to notice 'em.
794
00:44:35,160 --> 00:44:36,880
Hoping for that one moment
795
00:44:36,960 --> 00:44:39,560
where someone recognises their talent.
796
00:44:41,840 --> 00:44:46,080
Sees something special in them
that nobody's seen before.
797
00:44:46,960 --> 00:44:50,320
You can wait so long that you
don't even notice the good things
798
00:44:50,400 --> 00:44:52,120
that are right there in front of you.
799
00:44:54,240 --> 00:44:57,200
Folk that maybe can't make you a star,
800
00:44:57,280 --> 00:44:58,880
but they've got your back,
801
00:44:58,960 --> 00:45:01,760
they've seen great things
in you all along.
802
00:45:01,840 --> 00:45:03,840
Believed in you from the start.
803
00:45:11,120 --> 00:45:16,600
So I'll keep on going,
till my last bloody breath.
804
00:45:18,720 --> 00:45:20,240
In the meantime,
805
00:45:20,320 --> 00:45:25,800
I'm available for weddings, parties,
bar mitzvahs, you name it.
806
00:45:28,320 --> 00:45:30,240
Just don't forget to pack your earplugs.
807
00:45:30,320 --> 00:45:31,920
["It's Only Make Believe" continues]
808
00:45:49,840 --> 00:45:51,600
-Marry me.
-Put her out of her misery.
809
00:45:51,680 --> 00:45:53,240
It's finding the right moment, innit?
810
00:45:53,320 --> 00:45:56,800
[Mimi] I'd be crying off sick every week
if I had to do PE in that dump.
811
00:45:56,880 --> 00:45:59,160
That could be my legacy.
I could rebuild the gym.
812
00:45:59,240 --> 00:46:00,200
[coins clink]
813
00:46:00,280 --> 00:46:02,720
[Mimi] It'll take longer than building
the Great Wall of China at this rate.
814
00:46:02,800 --> 00:46:04,440
Robbing anything like that,
you're going down.
815
00:46:04,520 --> 00:46:05,560
[Billy] Still got some of them trackers?
816
00:46:05,640 --> 00:46:07,240
[Chesney] Jamie and Shane
aren't gonna be happy about this.
817
00:46:07,320 --> 00:46:09,080
-Where's the gear?
-I've got it.
818
00:46:09,160 --> 00:46:11,920
[Jamie] Two customers taxed in a week,
it's got to be someone close to home.
819
00:46:12,000 --> 00:46:13,560
What the fuck?
820
00:46:13,640 --> 00:46:15,400
Whatever it takes to be with you.
821
00:46:57,560 --> 00:46:58,960
-[Frank clicks lighter]
-I'm out of turps.
822
00:47:00,480 --> 00:47:02,160
Hurry up, then.
823
00:47:02,240 --> 00:47:04,120
I'll be back tomorrow. I've got homework.
824
00:47:04,200 --> 00:47:05,160
Looks better though, dunnit?
825
00:47:05,240 --> 00:47:06,880
How? How is that better?
826
00:47:08,360 --> 00:47:10,360
Come here, you. We're not finished.
827
00:47:10,440 --> 00:47:12,600
Get back here on your hands and knees!
59093
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