All language subtitles for Shameless.S11E05.Episode.5.1080p.NF.WEB-DL.DDP.2.0.H.264-CHDWEB_track3_[eng]

Look at me, right?

And look at the Queen.

I was never a fan until it occurred to me
how much me and Ma'am have in common.

Bringing up kiddies,
you can't remember the names of.

I know she's not a single parent,
but she might as well be.

Plus, the pair of us,
we've stuck to our guns,

her, literally sometimes,
and flagshipped a dying breed.

Admired and despised equally.

Not for never lifting a finger, no,
for setting examples through extremity.

And whether you're a bigwig on her end
or a bigwig on mine,

you've still got all your dickheads
in the middle to deal with,

snip, snip, snipping at your benefits.

I mean, she can't not be looking at me
and thinking, "What's your secret, Frank?"

I got shot of my kids yonks back,

whereas she's yet to see
the back of a single one.

Fine!

I've had to get out of bed on occasion
to make ends meet,

whereas she,
she's done the whole thing from a chair.

Oh, and a drink for the lady.

Oh, sure, there's perks.

But look at her lot.
Brian May prancing about on her roof.

Now, look at my lot,

we know how to throw
a proper fucking pa-a-rty!

[guitar music plays]

[Chesney] Our old Head was never one
for motivational speeches.

The year I left school,
he got us all in assembly and said,

"Well, kids, if I could give you
one piece of advice, it would be this.

[switches flip]

Lower your expectations.

[scoffs]

Should've lowered his expectations.

Maybe then, he wouldn't have tried it on
with Clara Bremmer in the lower sixth.

Dreams can come true.

Look at me.

When I was ten,
all I wanted to do was see the world.

And now check me?

Got me own wheels
state-of-the-art sat-nav.

And every other month,
I do a fag run down the Chunnel.

[clatter]

Then, by the time I was 13,
I wanted to be an action hero...

-[thud]
-...shooting guns, battling bad guys.

-Oi!
-[triggers]

And now that's just an average
fucking Saturday afternoon!

And of course, by 15,
I wanted one thing and only thing only.

Sex. A lot of it.

And how did that turn out?

Well, I reckon my rep speaks for itself.

Even ended up fingering Clara Bremmer
day of that stupid assembly.

And unlike Mr. Wainwright,
I didn't lose my job over it.

Yeah,
keep them expectations sky-high, kids,

and one day, all this could be yours.

[coins clink]

1.85.

[Mary-Mae] That's great, that is, Ches.
Ever heard of service with a smile?

[rattling]

Thanks, Lillian, have a nice day.

[laughs]

Oh, cheer up, you miserable git!

If I was you, I'd never stop smiling.

Running my own business at your age?
Even if it is a bit--

A bit what?

Corner shop-y.

If it was mine,
I'd probably brighten things up,

make it the sort of place
customers want to hang out in, you know.

[thump]

Well, it's not yours, is it?

And if it's such a shithole,
how comes you're always hanging out here?

Eh?

[splatter]

Whoa! Ches?

What's going on, man?

Oh, fucking motor's gone!

These are free now, mate.

Come on, dickhead.

Rough day?

You could say that.

Staff cutbacks.

They've let me go.

Shit, I'm sorry.

It's not that I'm worried about.

It's telling our Patreesha.

She'll be OK about it, won't she?

She'll be sympathetic.

Very sympathetic.

[door opens]

[cheers]

Yeah, yeah, all right, all right.

Drink it in, ladies!

Fuck me, which one's Mr. Pink?

It's called class, Frank.

Some of us are born with it,

and some of us get a slap round the face
for being a cheeky prick.

Big pro-footballers birthday bash.

All VIP, of course.

But if you're a close friend of,
ahem, Joe Hart.

Whit woo!

What do you reckon, Karen?

Scrub up all right these lot, don't they?

Don't they just?

Can I have this dance?

Of course!

Did you sort the car?

Yeah. Parked out front.

The only way to make an entrance, Frank.

Well, I hate to break it to you,

what with me being nothing
but an un-hosed proletariat and all,

but isn't today the 14th?

You what?

The party was yesterday, you dick!

Oh, fuck nuts!

See, you can't buy class like that.

[laughs]

Didn't you look at them?

Calm down.

A setback is just a new opportunity.

We have a free evening...

[bottles rattling]

...a five-star hotel on wheels
parked out front,

and none of us has to drive.

If you need someone
to make up the numbers?

Sorry, Frank.

Strict dress code.

[laughter]

[door bell dings]

[Remona] Be with you in a second.

[inhaling through masks]

[Remona] Off you go.

Earning their chemical warfare badges?

Got them at a military antique store.

Used them as first prize
in the club-house raffle.

Pissed on that junior cricket set
their headmaster donated.

[chuckles]

Right.

What can I do for you?

Says you're flogging your shop.

How much for that chiller cabinet?

Well, it's difficult to say.

Make me an offer.

I've got 300 on me.

It's 305. Sorry.

What? Well, can't you--

Oh, I'm joking.

God, you're a bit of a serious one,
aren't you?

Lighten up a bit.

Look, do you think I want to spend
me evening here haggling over a fridge?

Are you selling it or not?

Well, I might consider it

if you go outside, come back in again
and ask me nicely.

Ask me nicely.

[air whooshes, chimes]

[doorbell dings]

Excuse me. May I buy your chiller cabinet?

Please.

Oh, you poor thing.

It'll be fine.

Something will come up.

Unemployed at your age.

Ta.

What are you going to do about it, Mum?

Well--

Well, your mother
is a very determined woman.

There's plenty of work out there

if you're prepared
to lower your standards a little.

Maybe I'll try becoming
a lady of leisure for a bit...

like you.

I'm hardly a lady of leisure.

I'm on the board of directors for mine
and Bernard's business empire, remember?

Oh, you mean the car wash?

Since when did you have
anything to do with that?

I oversee it all from a distance.

Yeah, on the sofa, watching Jeremy Kyle.

[Patreesha] I could get you a job there.

I don't want to work in a car wash.

I'll have a word tomorrow,
see if I can sort you something out.

I don't know what you'd do
without me sometimes.

[taps desk]

[Remona] Right, here we are.

Got to keep the VAT man happy.

Democracy isn't free, you know?

How comes you're selling up?

I just work here.

It's the owner that's selling it,

him and his partner
opening up some place in Ibiza.

[sighs]

Can't say I'll miss it.
I was getting too comfy here, anyway.

Itchy feet.

[scoffs] I know the feeling.

Oh, please!

If I'd have had your sense,
running my own business at 19,

I'd have owned half the world by now.

You should tuck your shirt in.

[indistinct chatter]

[laughter]

I'm telling you, Cool Britannia.

We had it all then.

You know what fucked it all up?

Tony Blair. Things Can Only Get Better?

Nah, nah, nah.

It was never about the Government.

Tory, Labour, right?

One man killed it for us all.

26 June, 1996.

Gareth fucking Southgate!

Gareth Southgate.

Because we believed, you see?

And then some long-faced gimp
kicks left instead of right and bang.

Whoosh.

The greatest single decade
in British history is over.

[sniffs]

That was 17 years ago.

-Fuck.
-Fu-u-uck!

Right.

If you could go back?

To '96, '97, whatever,
talk to yourself, do things different.

What would you change?

I spent the whole of my late teens
chasing Sarah Laymon.

Remember her?

[chuckles]

Ended up being best man
at her civil partnership.

Wasted years. Yeah.

Most of mine surrounded by
four grey walls and a fucking slop bucket.

But you make the best,
you pull yourself up again.

But you never get them back.
And you'll always wonder.

What about you?

No, nothing.

Come on,
everyone wants to change something.

No, no, no, no, not me.

Been around, seen the world,
found my soul mate

and got the perfect kids to show for it.

Wouldn't change a thing.

[laughs]

[muffled music playing]

[air whooshes]

[bird chirps]

[knock at door]

[snoring]

[knock at door]

[indistinct chatter over radio]

I'll sort it.

No, no, no.

I rented it, let me have a word.

[groans]

Kassi Blanco?

[sighs]

Disappointed, Blanco.

Money laundering,
fraud by misrepresentation

and then you hire this in your own name.

[door opens]

Call Esther.

Refused bail
and they won't let us see him.

I'll sort this, Esther. We'll sort this.

Oh, you know Kassi, par for the course.
[sighs]

Better get back,
whole load of food to prep.

Proper behind sched now.

I couldn't bag a hand off you, could I?

Big order for Tuesday.

Yeah.

[mouths]

[doorbell dings]

[Remona] Oh, there you are.

Boys have got it all cleaned up for you.

Perks of Arkaladom.

I can see how fascism starts.

And what you giving them
for their trouble today?

Land mines?

Any one of those boys would walk
through a hail of gunfire for me.

I shan't ask them to, though,
some parent would have a shit-fit!

Right,
shall we get this in your van, then?

Sweet.

So, this cabinet you're buying,

it's part of some refurbishment
you're doing, then?

Nah, just needed a new one.

A big refurbishment?

Well, I mean, I've been thinking lately

I could probably do a lot more
with the place.

Thinking, eh?

Anyone can think, Chesney.

I can think.

Don't you ever want to just do it?

Are you OK?

Yeah, yeah.

What if I wanted more than
just the chiller cabinet?

Well, it's all up for grabs, Ches.

What you after?

All of it.

[door opens]

Tam?

He's gone out.

God knows what they'll be up to!

Last time he was on baby-sitting duties,
he got our Saul's face painted.

Full-on, black-and-white minstrel.

Claims he thought it was a panda,
but I reckon he knew.

Couldn't get it off for days,
had to take him for his jabs like that.

Doctor Abonzo
really didn't see the funny side.

[Jamie] So, what are you going
to tell them? The kids?

About what?

Kassi.

No point fretting 'em.

I'll say he's on business for a few days.

He'll be back by the end of the week.

He's been refused bail!

Well, he would be. Skipped on it before.

I appreciate the concern
but it's nothing to worry about.

Honestly.

Start stirring this.

Clockwise.

Do you want to help?

No, I don't.

[door closes]

It's because I'll be your boss, isn't it?

That's what all the pissing
and moaning's about.

No. It's 'cause I don't want
to work in a car wash.

Have you ever heard the expression,
"Beggars can't be choosers"?

Have you ever heard the expression,
"fuck off"?

Only looking out for you,
just like I always have.

And, by the way, it's not a car wash
it's the car wash,

South Manchester's finest.

We take three times
what all the others make round here.

This place?

How?

Because I'm in charge, naturally.

Have you ever actually been inside?

No!

Exciting, isn't it?

[car door opens]

It's like Mary Portas
marching into Harvey Nicks.

Yeah.

That's exactly what it's like!

[Remona] Yep, it's a shit-hole.

But it won't be,
I'll take everything from yours.

All your olde-worlde shit.

Mod meets classic.

Local shop and chemist's.

Well, you just might own the world
by time you're 40 after all.

Aren't you clever?

Mind you,
if you're going to open a chemist's,

you're going to need someone
with a Pharmacist Practitioner licence,

aren't you?

You need me.

You want to work for me?

Do I fuck?

I want to work with you, partners.

Just to get you started anyway,
wouldn't want to hang around too long,

I've still got plans of my own.

Until then, Ches, let's face it.

You need me.

[explosion]

[car honks]

Who was that?

Oh, Remona.

She's amazing.

We're going into business together.

Chesco's getting an upgrade!

You never said anything about this before.

She just got me thinking.

You know, I'm 21, doing all right,
should want a bit more out of life.

That's exactly what I said, isn't it?

Maybe she just phrased it better?

I'll bet.

Knowing Ches, she phrased it better with
a cleavage you could park a Harley in.

Fuck off! I don't fancy her!

Yeah, sounds like it.

[smooches]

Whatever.

[door slams]

Patreesha?

Patreesha St Rose?

So, er, do you want a car doing,
then, or--

All right, where's the manager?

[over radio]
Mr. Black Mercedes is in again.

[car honk]

Manager?

There you go, love.

I can't say I'm surprised.

Could see he was a wrong 'un
from the off.

Nature versus nurture.

Never had your upbringing, see?

You do realise that all three of us
have been prison at least once?

Yeah, but for proper fucking stuff.

Not signing forms in the wrong name,
or whatever.

Anyway, these days, we're respectable.

How's the magic mushroom business going,
Mum?

Really good, son.

Oh, good.

[laughter behind]

Unexpected item in the bagging area.

Lovely.

Oh, here she is!

Hey, I missed my alarm call this morning.

What alarm call?

You and lover boy's morning delight,
headboard shaking us out of bed.

Aw, soz, Frank.

He's away all week.

I'll try and rattle it for you on my own!

That's the spirit.

[sloshing]

Last time.

Did she say anything?

She said loads of stuff.

Like?

Like, "Dough rises fastest
at 80 degree temperatures."

[Shane] That's true.

Well, it is!

Husband's looking at ten years
and she's running cookery classes

and pissing about with Gallagher.

I just don't get the woman.

She'll do anything you like,
she's not proud, my sister.

You can get her scrubbing the toilets
if you want.

I'm not hiring anyone
until I've spoken with your, er...

husband.

Well?

You know what he said?

You can have a job
but you'll be scrubbing the toilets.

I told him no sister of mine
will be doing any such thing.

Right.

Can we go home now, then?

We're missing Jeremy Kyle.

Jeremy Kyle finished two hours ago.

Oh, shut up!

[chuckles]

It's a drive through suck shop!

[laughs]

"I'm going to walk in there
like Mary Portas!"

More like Heidi Fleis!

Well, it won't be funny for them.

Not when I call the police
on their nasty little operation.

Er, speak to Dad first, please.

Both your names are on that place,
I'm scared you might get in trouble.

Look at that, they're here too.

You used to love the gays.

Going home.

Getting one of my heads.

Er, go easier on her, yeah?

...found his body under a pub
somewhere in Leicestershire.

Eh, Karen,
thanks for helping us out today.

Couldn't twist your arm tomorrow, could I?

Yeah.

I mean, I figured that you'd want
to go and see Kassi tomorrow.

[Esther] Oh, no,
he's probably glad of a few days' peace.

I know I would be!

Raising three kids,
you take it where you get it.

Am I right, Frank?

Preaching to the choir, sister!

[chuckles]

All right, Jamie?

Y'know, we were having a chat
the other night, me and Kas,

about what you'd change in your life,
if you could.

He said he'd change nothing.

Said his life was perfect.

He said that, "Perfect"?

So what?

This was all he wanted, was it?

"Pull on the brakes, that's good enough,
thank you, let's just stop here"?

She said I could have another...

[glass clinks]

There you go, Frank.

A fresh one, you know.

[Remona speaking Urdu]

[man speaking Urdu]

[dramatic music playing]

Boyfriend?

Business acquaintance.

I prefer my men a bit more...

Well, yeah, something like that.

[tape rolls]

Aw, don't worry about it, Chesney,
happens to all men, now and again!

Go, do your measuring.

[chuckles]

Oh, I'm only messing about, you clot.

I'll fetch the contract.

Whoa, contract?

Yeah, drew one up for us.

[door opens, closes]

Look, Remona.

[door opens]

Don't use that, you idiot!

Use the screwdriver.

[door closes]

[door opens, closes]

Just there, hon.

I don't have a pen.

Be prepared!

Just there, hon.

[rumbling]

[clatter]

[rattling]

Fuck me!

Friend of yours?

[airplane engine whooshing]

[thud, sudden silence]

I want a refund.

It doesn't work and it tastes funny.

No, but...

I thought that...

So, you'll speak to our solicitors
and handle it all?

OK.

Love you too. Bye!

What you doing? I wanted to say hello.

Sorry. Signal dropped.

Was that before or after you said bye?

After.

But, anyway, Bernard's going
to take care of everything,

so all we have to do is put
the whole stupid thing out of our minds.

Oh, so he's going to sort it?

Get rid of them all?

Does that mean I can get a job there now?

[Patreesha] What do you want to work
in a car wash for?

Have a bit of pride in yourself for once.

"Our own house, one we actually own,

preferably a long way
from this arse end cesspit!"

No offence.

None taken.

[knock at door]

[both at once] Come in!

Oh, you're just in time! You'll like this.

I've made a list!

[door closes]

I helped!

Frank helped.
Things I want, for me and Kass.

He says we're perfect?
He's forgotten, that's all.

There's so much more perfect
we still need to be.

[Frank] Read out number six.
I did number six.

I didn't write that one down, Frank.

Oh.

I'm going to see Kassi.

I thought you might want a lift.

Going to finish my list first.

Oh, Karen, don't worry
about helping us box that baklava,

going to do it tonight now.

He needs a brief.

Have you spoken to anyone?

Given any thought
to doing anything to help?

Kassi always deals
with that sort of stuff.

Kass can't sort it!

He's in a fucking police cell!

I know where he is, Jamie.

You've got a funny way of showing it.

-All right, Jamie--
-No, it's not all right!

If it was me in there, would you be sat
round the house baking fucking cakes?

[Frank] Baklava.

[exhales deeply]

I just don't get you.

No. You don't.

Because if you did,
you wouldn't come marching in here,

trying to tell me
how I'm supposed to act over my husband.

[door opens, closes]

He's just worried, Esther.

[door opens, closes]

Why didn't you put down number six?
It was good.

[Mary-Mae] Cub scouts, with gas masks?

Gas masks, chemistry sets

and a great big fucking seating plan
of a commercial jet!

And there was this bloke she was with,
should have seen him.

You couldn't look more terrorist
if you tried.

Beard, the works.

Do you know what you sound like?

Yeah, I do.

I was ten when the 9/11 happened,

and I still remember the way
people looked at my dad the day after,

like it was suddenly "us" and "them".

And now I sound like a "them".

But that doesn't necessarily
make it bollocks.

I've got to go over later.

Come with us, see for yourself,
tell me if I'm being a dick.

Why me?

'Cause you're like...

the only sort of
intelligent person I know.

Yeah, all right, then.

Quite fancy seeing what sort of woman
can get you to sign over half your shop

by fluttering her eyelashes.

I do not fancy her.

It's just this thing
she does with her mouth.

Oh, no, no, no!

It's not like that!

OK!

I'm not getting out of this one.

Mate--

All out of karma.

Fuck!

No, no.

None of that matters.

She matters.

She'll tell me that she'll be OK,
and I'll say I don't doubt it.

What else can you say?

But we'll both know we're lying.

Jamie, promise me you'll take care of her.

[door opens]

I need a word with your mum.

Not here.

I'll come back, then.

Actually, Tam, do you mind
if I come in for five minutes?

No.

Bernard knew, didn't he?

He lets them use the place.

That's where all the money comes from.

What?

Oh, come off it, it's not that big a deal.

Makes sense, actually.

You did always love your gays!

I did not!

What about your clique back in the day?

Those three lads,
used to follow you everywhere?

They weren't gay.

[laughs]

People called you The Pink Ladies!

Two of them wore more mascara than--

You can't always tell, OK?

Can't always tell.

[door opens, slams]

[soft instrumental music playing]

You said he were working.

Upstairs.

Why didn't you tell us?

Up-stairs.

[footsteps pounding]

They needed to know.

-Who the hell do you think you are?
-Their uncle.

You don't know them, or me.

You don't even know Kassi!

I made him a promise.

I'm going to be there for you and them.

And what if
we don't want you there, Jamie?

Well, then I guess we have a problem.

Yeah, I guess we do.

You needn't have stopped by.

I've got most of it down.

Figured we could just
move it all tomorrow.

I'm just shutting up.

Oh, either of you want a brew or anything?

No, thanks.

Tell your woman
she's allowed to speak for herself,

we're very anti-oppression round here.

[doorbell dings]

See?

She talks like that all the time.

With her mouth?

She's not doing that thing today!

I mean, "anti-oppression".

It sounds kind of terroristy, don't it?

Don't it?

[laughs]

No, no, no!

It was all here!

There was beakers, wires

and there was a picture of a plane
right there.

If it makes you feel any better,
I'm pretty certain she's not a terrorist.

Well, what's this, then?

That's a flight number, right?

MDD407? What else could it be?

Bang!

[breathes heavily]

-Sorry!
-Idiot!

[chuckles nervously]

What?

I don't...

What is it?

I saw this programme once,

it was about how people make
explosives out of household bits and...

Well, it was literally everything
in this box.

[bottles rattling]

What?

We were talking, me and Kassi,
about having another kid.

It's what we both wanted, what I wanted.

You're his brother.

Don't worry,
no actual penetration required.

Just lend us one of your wank rags
to wring out, I'll do the rest.

[laughter behind]

It's a joke, Jamie.

You deserved that.

[sighs]

They're moving him. I'm too late to visit.

You reckon you can sort anything,
don't you?

Yeah, I'll handle it.

Good.

[shouts] And we'll talk about
the jizz donation another time, yeah?

[Remona] Right.

Now.

All right, Mary-Lou?

Er, Mary-Mae.

Really?

Are you sure? You look like a Mary-Lou.

Chesney?
Tuck your shirt in, you're on duty.

Right, I want all the bottles from that
shelf putting on the shelf above,

I want that shelf clear.

Have you done that freezer
like I told you?

[paper rustles]

So, it is a flight number?

Do you think we're just being stupid?

I don't know, do I?

You see, this is the problem.

What am I supposed to do,
ring up MI5 and say,

"She's a Muslim
and she's got hair lacquer"?

You need to talk to her.

Get her going about Muslim stuff.
Fundamentalism.

And what?

Hope she says,
"Allahu Akbar, death to the West!"?

Don't be stupid!

Mary-Mae!

Sorry to grab you like this.

I wouldn't normally but...

I'm worried.

It's about your mum and dad--

Auntie Avril, it's fine.

I do know they're not together any more.

You do?

Sure. We all do, don't we?

Mmm.

Why don't they just get divorced?

It would mean Mum having to give a reason.

The reason.

I honestly think it would kill her
if she thought people knew the truth.

Particularly me.

Especially you.

I know.

Oh, Mary-Mae?

Your dad's gay, right?

Oh, yeah!

Thanks.

[door closes]

[Mary-Mae whispers] Right, go on.

-What?
-Go on!

[door opens, closes]

Er, so, Remona,
if you hadn't come to work for me,

what were you planning on doing?

Well, I was thinking of travelling.

I still might, once we've got
this place all up and running.

Where? The homeland?

The what?

I'm not a fucking druid!

Oi!

What is up with you?
You've been in a right weird mood all day!

I don't know.

Middle East, North Africa, Morocco.
Do me bit.

Your bit?

For the Caliphate?

Ooh! The Caliphate, eh?

You read the Koran, then, do you?

I had you figured more
as the "waiting for the DVD" type.

Flicked through it.

Never down with the whole
spiritual Islam stuff, though.

Takes more than aggressive pamphleting
to get people onside, don't it?

Dunno.

Depends how aggressively you pamphlet,
I suppose.

[sniffles]

Well, was that fundamentally?

Don't really know.

Don't you?

That flight's in three hours, right?

So as long as she's here--

Right, we're off.
We'll finish up tomorrow.

Where you going?

Scout stuff.

What Scout stuff?

Well, if we told you that,
we'd have to kill you!

[chuckles nervously]

Come on, boys!

[door opens]

[Patreesha] What you doing?

You said we were going shopping.

Bernard's done nothing.

So you're going to.

March in there like Mary fucking Portas
and lay down the law, just like you said.

All right.

I will, then.

Did you hear me?

Please.

Let's just go home.

OK.

[car door opens]

What are you doing here, Mrs. St Rose?

Nothing.

We're going.

Let's go, Avril.

[Tom] Well, I know you've spoke to him,
so we both know where we stand.

And as far as you're concerned,
this place carries on as normal.

Normal?

Some nerve using that word--

Oh.

Homophobia now,
because you do know who I am?

How this place got started?

How me and your Bernard used to--

[car honks]

[car door slams]

[siren wails behind]

I'm so sorry, Patreesha.

[seatbelt ticks]

[door slams]

[footsteps pounding]

Right. You listen to me.

Firstly, yeah, I know exactly who you are.

Secondly, I am not homophobic,
I just hate you.

And thirdly, I think we both know that
no matter who signs your cheques,

this whole enterprise will end
the second I sell my half of the lease...

which I'm not going to do.

Because I've just decided
I suddenly like this business after all,

especially the having your balls
in the drawer part.

What do you want?

"What do you want, boss?"

You can head off.

I'm going to introduce myself
to my new staff.

Sorry?

You heard him, Avril.

How this whole thing got started.

How him and Bernard
took these poor boys from the streets

and offered them a fresh chance at life.

Think it's about time I did my bit too.

You know me,
always been about taking care of others.

Yeah.

That's you all over.

[footsteps fading]

[keys and handbrake rattle]

This has gone too far.

Now, what are we going to do,

sit and watch her load of explosives
into the back of that van?

Follow her to the airport?

I'm going to talk to her.

Chesney! No, you can't!

She might listen to me.

Or she might strap you up
in a suicide vest

and hand you your flight tickets.

I need to talk to her.

[stutters]

[car door opens]

[doorbell dings]

[electric buzz]

Boys, as you were.

How did you know?

I saw it all, the chemistry kit,
the blueprint of the plane, MDD407.

Adam's flight to Ibiza.

Who's Adam, the guy with the beard?

What beard?

Adam's the owner, I told you that.
He's opening a bar in Ibi--

Oh, hang on.

Are you trying to say
I'm a fucking terrorist?

Aren't you?

Er, no, Chesney.

I'm a pharmaceutical technician.

And if you saw chemistry sets,

it's because I'm teaching this lot
how to make soap.

We try to fit it in
between model plane making

and planning mass genocide.

And I thought
you would've had more sense, Mary-Lou.

That's Mary-Mae.

What are you doing then?

What does it look like?

I'm burning down the shop.

Burning, why?

Because I spent 15 years of my life here,

and just like that
he's making me unemployed and homeless

without so much
as even breaking into a sweat.

Homeless?

Yeah, homeless.

I did live here, you know?

Not that it meant anything to him.

So, I'm burning this place to the ground,
I'm keeping your money

and nobody will be any the wiser.

Well, seeing as you're here,
you might as well give me a hand.

There's a couple more jerry cans
out the back.

[snorts]

[continuous dripping]

[door opens]

Come in.

What's up?

[electric beep]

We'll give you some privacy.

Where are you?

South.

Nice view of the Riviera.

Scenic.

You always did like the coast.

Seven-hour drive?

No. Five hours on the train.

Have to bring the kids.

Nights in a B&B,
half our life here, half our life there,

whilst we wait for you.

That's how it's going to be now, isn't it?

Perhaps.

No "perhaps" about it, Kas.

How could we not?

After all, we had the perfect life,
didn't we?

That's got to be worth waiting for,
hasn't it?

We weren't perfect.

[siren wails in distance]

No?

You talk in your sleep, you know?

Always the same thing.

[mimics] "I want big cock."

At first,
because of that stupid accent of yours,

I thought you were talking about yourself,
until you started adding, "In my mouth."

Oh?

But, you know, you should try
not to think about it too much.

You're an emotional eater, Esther.

Probably glad to be in there,
all those men.

I can't wait.

Ooh.

I don't want you horsing down pies,

jealous of all the action
I'm seeing in here.

[chuckles] How kind!

Not entirely.

I'm being a little selfish.

You know, your visits, you,
bigger and bigger each time,

I won't be able to get it up
in my cell at night.

Visions of your lardy buttocks
and thighs filling my head.

Ugh.

Perhaps it's better
I don't come at all, then?

Perhaps it is.

I will be OK, you know?

I don't doubt it.

[dog barking in distance]

[door opens]

Thanks, Jamie.

Nice to get that out of my system.

You must take care of her, Jamie.

She doesn't want taking care of,
you heard her, she's off her--

You promised.

[sighs]

Thank you.

So who's the bloke with the beard?

He's a hairdresser,
been saving a few bits for him.

Him? He was a hairdresser?

He's very good.

You could do with a trim yourself.

I'm not getting my hair cut.

[fire alarm blares]

Right.

I say you show me my new local,

and then we shift my cases
up to your flat.

What about my flat?

Guys, we really need to get going.

Where else am I going to live?

We've just burned my place down,
in case you haven't noticed.

Anyway, it was all in the contract.
You signed it.

Chesney, now!

[engine starts]

White wine spritzer,
and one for yourself, love.

I'm celebrating.

Why, have you won the lottery?

No.

They've gone back up.

Oh, god.

Eh, Charlton, you got a fag, mate?

Ta.

You OK?

I'll survive. It's what I do.

Well, when he makes a promise,
he sticks to it,

whether the rest of us like it or not.

He does mean well,
even if he does seem a bit--

Neanderthal.

Emotionally awkward!

I guess nobody's perfect, are they?

[laughter in the background]

And how are you tonight, Frank?

Oh, a bit dry.

[sloshes]

Last time.

Yeah, course.

All right, it's definitely mine.

Go on. See you in a minute.

So, the pink ladies ride again?

Yeah, they're nice lads
when you get to know them.

Thought I'd bring them down here.
They don't get out much.

You know, if my husband had lied to me,
about the business,

I mean, I'd have left him there and then.

Seems like a good reason.

Well, I'm not you, am I, Avril?

Which is probably why
I'm still happily married.

Four pina coladas, please.

[Remona speaking indistinctly over phone]

You're actually OK about this, aren't you?

Or more than OK, you almost seem happy.

Oh, what if I am?

She's all right, isn't she?

I've been in that flat on me own
for ages now.

Mm-hm.

Plus, you heard her,
she reckons she's a good cook.

And she keeps things tidy,
you saw that chemist.

You want a wifey, don't you?

Cooking and cleaning.

Trust me,
I'm not thinking of her as a wife.

-[thump]
-Oi!

Mind out, knobhead.

Fuck me! They've cloned Yvonne!

Who's Yvonne?

His mum.

Total mentalist.

Fucking mouth on her.

[dramatic music playing]

Chesney, tuck your shirt in.

[Chesney] Oh, I dunno.

Maybe I got this whole game wrong.

Maybe lowering your expectations
isn't such a bad thing after all.

[electric beeps]

'Cause if you don't...

Pencil mark,
have you done your pencil mark?

...you might actually start to believe
you've got everything you want.

And that's how you miss out
on the really good stuff.

Come on, do you want
your slave labour badges or not?

Like finding that certain someone
who suddenly makes you rethink it all,

changes your priorities,
makes you grow...

[phone vibrates]

...gives you a new set of expectations
to start all over again with.

[vibration continues]

And trust me, that beats being
an action hero any day of the week.

Call an ambulance.

He wanted to die. He did it himself.

[Billy] Young Aidan's found himself
in a spot of trouble.

Pretty much the only thing
standing between him and jail.

Bad enough we have to live here,

but I'm not sharing my space
with that parasite.

I don't want you hanging
round my house, Frank!

Well, your mum does.

I'm in the way.

[Esther] From now on, just the four of us.

[Dom] What about the flash trainers, eh?
We're driving around in Stan's car.

You think he killed him?

This is Stanton's cash card.
What you doing with that?

It wasn't fucking me!

What? Even Big Soapy Tit Wank?

Jesus.

[door closes]