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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,200 --> 00:00:06,520 [tapping] 2 00:00:06,600 --> 00:00:09,320 Anyone watching thinking we know fuck all 3 00:00:09,400 --> 00:00:12,520 about knowing fuck all about owt, needs to watch their backs! 4 00:00:12,600 --> 00:00:13,480 Oh! 5 00:00:13,560 --> 00:00:18,360 So you've had your Labour, reclassifying skunk, sending prices sky-high. 6 00:00:18,440 --> 00:00:22,240 Literally, literally, taking the grass from its own roots. 7 00:00:22,320 --> 00:00:25,080 And now you've got your Con-Dem-Nation. 8 00:00:25,160 --> 00:00:28,840 Liberals noshing Tories like altar boys picking dimps up. 9 00:00:28,920 --> 00:00:32,320 Have we had a national fucking stroke or what? 10 00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:36,120 Is revolution a word or was it never? 11 00:00:36,200 --> 00:00:37,920 Anybody watching needs to know, 12 00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:42,160 we cope better than average with irony in Chatsworth. 13 00:00:42,240 --> 00:00:45,480 Well, for fuck's sake, we live in Manchester, 14 00:00:45,560 --> 00:00:48,360 and they charge us for water? 15 00:00:48,440 --> 00:00:53,040 I wandered lonely as a clown, necking mushrooms rarely found. 16 00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:56,760 This green and pleasant land in ancient time. 17 00:00:56,840 --> 00:00:59,360 Yak! Yak! Yak! Yak! Yak! Yak! 18 00:00:59,440 --> 00:01:02,640 It's not theirs any more. 19 00:01:02,720 --> 00:01:05,800 -This is our England now! -[cheering] 20 00:01:05,880 --> 00:01:07,720 Party! 21 00:01:07,800 --> 00:01:09,480 [theme music] 22 00:01:17,520 --> 00:01:19,320 [phone beeps] 23 00:01:19,400 --> 00:01:21,160 [Karen] My husband has killed men. 24 00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:24,480 I don't know how many, 25 00:01:24,560 --> 00:01:26,400 I don't know the circumstances. 26 00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:29,920 I do know better than to ask. 27 00:01:31,480 --> 00:01:34,200 There's a dark side to my husband. 28 00:01:34,280 --> 00:01:35,840 He has secrets. 29 00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:40,560 Defends what is his. 30 00:01:40,640 --> 00:01:44,320 It's in his blood, generation after generation. 31 00:01:45,440 --> 00:01:47,640 Do not cross my husband lightly. 32 00:01:47,720 --> 00:01:49,840 Because if he finds you… 33 00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:52,560 he will exact a terrible revenge. 34 00:01:52,640 --> 00:01:54,040 [phone rings] 35 00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:55,400 -I'll get it. -No, it's all right. 36 00:01:55,480 --> 00:01:57,280 I've got it. Go back to sleep. 37 00:02:00,840 --> 00:02:01,920 [door closes] 38 00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:06,760 Hello? 39 00:02:08,440 --> 00:02:09,400 This has to stop. 40 00:02:12,480 --> 00:02:14,480 You better stay in your hole, you little prick, 41 00:02:14,560 --> 00:02:17,160 because I'll cut your throat from ear to fucking ear. 42 00:02:21,320 --> 00:02:24,960 -Everything all right? -Yeah. Wrong number. 43 00:02:25,040 --> 00:02:26,600 Let's go back to bed. 44 00:02:34,680 --> 00:02:35,520 Cheers. 45 00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:39,760 [Frank] Cheers now. 46 00:02:39,840 --> 00:02:42,560 -South African? -Yes. 47 00:02:42,640 --> 00:02:45,120 You are a white South African? 48 00:02:45,200 --> 00:02:48,720 Batons and Soweto and Steve Biko? 49 00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:50,600 Desmond Mandela, and the rest. 50 00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:56,520 My father went out there after the war to be a policeman for a party. 51 00:02:56,600 --> 00:02:58,280 Apartheid. 52 00:02:58,360 --> 00:03:00,160 They know how to treat the police out there. 53 00:03:00,240 --> 00:03:02,720 They've got maids, gardeners, servants, the lot. 54 00:03:02,800 --> 00:03:04,680 And a proper respect for the law. 55 00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:08,880 -You must've had a passport before now. -Didn't need one. 56 00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:12,920 I've never been north of Bury, or south of Stockport. 57 00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:15,760 These are for the citizenship test, Lillian. 58 00:03:15,840 --> 00:03:17,880 Why would you need a citizen… 59 00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:19,560 You're not a British citizen? 60 00:03:19,640 --> 00:03:22,160 There were a load of forms to fill in, I couldn't be bothered. 61 00:03:26,520 --> 00:03:28,000 Woo, yeah! 62 00:03:28,080 --> 00:03:31,160 Hey, come on, pace yourself, son, it's a Snickers, not a sprint. 63 00:03:31,240 --> 00:03:33,160 Come on, Frank, I'm just getting warmed up. 64 00:03:33,240 --> 00:03:37,120 Eh, Señorita! Come on, drinks all round. 65 00:03:41,080 --> 00:03:42,600 Oh, you beauty! 66 00:03:42,680 --> 00:03:43,960 Click your fingers at me again, 67 00:03:44,040 --> 00:03:46,000 and you'll be tickling your prostate with them. 68 00:03:46,080 --> 00:03:47,720 [laughter] 69 00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:49,200 I do apologise. 70 00:03:50,960 --> 00:03:53,480 -Oh, hello, is the nursery full? -I heard the slap, didn't I? 71 00:03:53,560 --> 00:03:57,000 -Do it again. Please… -[laughter] 72 00:03:57,080 --> 00:04:01,960 When we ask for a drink, we ask with some fucking good grace. 73 00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:03,640 Some fucking good grace. 74 00:04:03,720 --> 00:04:07,440 Well, we would be most grateful if we could have a top up, please. 75 00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:09,560 Better. 76 00:04:12,560 --> 00:04:15,800 You know what? That might've been one of the most erotic moments of my life. 77 00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:19,240 I think you're confusing sex with corporal punishment. Schoolboy error. 78 00:04:19,320 --> 00:04:21,839 You know that I'm good with the ladies, better than most. 79 00:04:21,920 --> 00:04:25,240 -Oh, you think so, do you? Oh, right. Oh. -Yeah. 80 00:04:25,320 --> 00:04:27,200 -Watch and learn, son. -Go on. 81 00:04:27,280 --> 00:04:29,160 [clears throat] Could I interest you-- 82 00:04:29,240 --> 00:04:32,160 Not unless you had a full head and body transplant. 83 00:04:32,240 --> 00:04:34,360 -Crashed and burned. -[laughter] 84 00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:37,800 Mock if you must, but I have spread my seed plenty wide. 85 00:04:37,880 --> 00:04:40,320 -Flying solo doesn't count, Frank. -Solo! 86 00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:41,520 Dominos? 87 00:04:45,560 --> 00:04:50,400 -Anything? -Uh, just bills and stuff. Don't worry. 88 00:04:50,480 --> 00:04:51,680 Just got to, er… 89 00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:17,080 Come on, then, you fucking coward! Eh! 90 00:05:18,880 --> 00:05:20,160 [Shane] Shadow boxing again, eh? 91 00:05:20,240 --> 00:05:22,400 -What are you sneaking around for? -Fuck. 92 00:05:22,480 --> 00:05:25,520 I'm not sneaking around. I've got four pounds of fucking weed here. 93 00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:28,080 Do you think I'm gonna go in through the front door? 94 00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:30,920 That was out of order. 95 00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:32,960 -Pressure. -Oh, apology accepted. 96 00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:34,680 I didn't fucking apologise. 97 00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:37,600 Yeah, one of these days, I'm gonna hit back. 98 00:05:37,680 --> 00:05:41,120 A little alcohol, but definitely no weed, 99 00:05:41,200 --> 00:05:43,320 or her larynx will swell like a baboon's arse, 100 00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:45,640 then she'll be smoking through a hole in her neck. 101 00:05:50,920 --> 00:05:53,840 It's for my time. It's taking up more and more of my day. 102 00:05:53,920 --> 00:05:54,760 I've noticed. 103 00:05:56,160 --> 00:05:57,760 Meaning? 104 00:05:57,840 --> 00:06:00,720 Don't pick a fight just cos you've got a guilty conscience. 105 00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:03,200 Her mother's not got a pot to piss in. 106 00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:05,480 That lot would've cost her 60 quid over the counter. 107 00:06:05,560 --> 00:06:06,840 So, you're the Great Provider. 108 00:06:06,920 --> 00:06:09,120 -I hear you. -Yak, yak, fucking yak. 109 00:06:09,200 --> 00:06:12,400 Swear and wear a micro-mini, that'll get you ahead in life. 110 00:06:12,480 --> 00:06:15,040 -Start smoking while you're at it. -I already do. 111 00:06:15,120 --> 00:06:17,720 [door opens and closes] 112 00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:20,440 I'm helping people. 113 00:06:20,520 --> 00:06:25,960 -So what you gonna spend your earnings on? -Is that what your big book tells you? 114 00:06:26,040 --> 00:06:28,800 How to be a smart arse? 115 00:06:28,880 --> 00:06:31,120 You've convinced yourself what you're doing is right, haven't you? 116 00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:32,120 It is. 117 00:06:35,800 --> 00:06:36,960 [Dominic] You've got to ask yourself this: 118 00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:39,480 when was the last time you got your end away? 119 00:06:39,560 --> 00:06:42,040 Twice, this morning, and a blowy. 120 00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:44,080 Oh. Fuck. 121 00:06:44,160 --> 00:06:48,160 -I have recently, frequently-- -Thought not. 122 00:06:48,240 --> 00:06:53,360 Don't try and out-sex me. How many women have you poked? 123 00:06:53,440 --> 00:06:54,280 I haven't got a clue. 124 00:06:54,360 --> 00:06:55,720 A-ha. 125 00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:57,800 Look, the point is, him, he's starting out. 126 00:06:57,880 --> 00:07:02,240 Me… I guess I'm at my prime. You, you're a spent force. 127 00:07:02,320 --> 00:07:05,440 I mean pretty soon, your sex life will be consigned to history. 128 00:07:05,520 --> 00:07:06,680 Like Spangles. 129 00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:10,080 Oh. I'm out. 130 00:07:11,280 --> 00:07:13,800 Gotta start me shift. 131 00:07:13,880 --> 00:07:16,560 Thirty-two. And a half. 132 00:07:16,640 --> 00:07:19,920 -How many I've shagged. -I'll be back in a couple of hours, yeah? 133 00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:22,040 -Everything all right? -Why wouldn't it be? 134 00:07:24,840 --> 00:07:26,280 Twenty minutes, see you then. 135 00:07:26,360 --> 00:07:29,520 -[Mimi] Where you off? -Lock up in Gorton. There's been a fire. 136 00:07:29,600 --> 00:07:32,640 -Have we lost-- -The lot. We've lost the lot. 137 00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:35,840 -Who the fuck knew about Gorton? -No-one. 138 00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:38,960 Had to give the lads a postcode so they could Sat-Nav it. 139 00:07:39,040 --> 00:07:41,720 -You need company? -No. I'll be back as soon as. 140 00:07:50,160 --> 00:07:52,640 [laughter] 141 00:07:52,720 --> 00:07:55,120 -What they laughing at? -Pair of dinosaurs. 142 00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:57,800 Take their bras off, and their tits'll hit their knees. 143 00:07:57,880 --> 00:08:01,120 Wouldn't be a teenager again for all the money in the world. 144 00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:02,560 Oh, I fucking would. 145 00:08:02,640 --> 00:08:04,960 The damage I could cause, knowing what I know now. 146 00:08:05,040 --> 00:08:06,560 [Avril chuckles] 147 00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:09,480 Sandy Alexander dropped this off. Urine sample. 148 00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:14,560 "Any chance of the results by Tuesday", he says. 149 00:08:14,640 --> 00:08:18,680 From Patty Croker, in case you'd forgotten the last set. 150 00:08:18,760 --> 00:08:21,640 Patty's been warned off every GP's practice in North Manchester, 151 00:08:21,720 --> 00:08:23,520 and Sandy… 152 00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:25,200 I think he's diabetic. 153 00:08:25,280 --> 00:08:26,640 You're diagnosing people? 154 00:08:26,720 --> 00:08:28,880 I'm putting tests into the system. 155 00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:31,440 They send off hundreds to the lab every day. 156 00:08:31,520 --> 00:08:34,000 What's the point of having knowledge if you don't apply it? 157 00:08:38,559 --> 00:08:40,720 [Aidan] What do you think of them as a couple? 158 00:08:40,799 --> 00:08:43,039 -She'd have him for breakfast. -He's a big lad, your dad. 159 00:08:43,120 --> 00:08:47,320 Yeah, but she's a right dirty scrubber. You can tell. 160 00:08:47,400 --> 00:08:48,600 Mm. True. 161 00:08:57,400 --> 00:08:59,480 -Totally clear? -Absolutely. 162 00:09:02,480 --> 00:09:03,360 Jamie? 163 00:09:08,360 --> 00:09:09,880 It was nailed to the door. 164 00:09:13,560 --> 00:09:15,000 Whose is it? 165 00:09:17,920 --> 00:09:19,000 My wife's. 166 00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:37,760 Sixteen thousand four hundred twenty-one souls. 167 00:09:37,840 --> 00:09:40,680 That's how many I've boffed. 168 00:09:40,760 --> 00:09:44,000 -Before or after lunch? -Life-time, smart arse. 169 00:09:44,080 --> 00:09:45,720 It's a very precise number. 170 00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:49,120 Not 16,500, 16,421. 171 00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:51,200 Total population of the Chatsworth, 172 00:09:51,280 --> 00:09:56,360 according to the census of 2011, as reported on Mancapedia. 173 00:09:56,440 --> 00:09:59,720 What? You've fucked everyone on the Chatsworth? 174 00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:02,240 That's one a day since you were eight. 175 00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:07,160 -365 times 53, your age, minus 16-- -Stop. 176 00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:10,760 Fuck off and count matchsticks or lines on the road, you gimp. 177 00:10:10,840 --> 00:10:12,280 By association. 178 00:10:13,760 --> 00:10:15,560 Sex degrees of separation. 179 00:10:15,640 --> 00:10:18,960 Not a single individual on the Chatsworth that I have not fucked, 180 00:10:19,040 --> 00:10:23,000 -once or twice removed. -That's bollocks. 181 00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:23,920 Yeah? 182 00:10:25,280 --> 00:10:26,360 I've had him. 183 00:10:28,160 --> 00:10:30,600 -I think I would've remembered. -[Dominic chuckles] 184 00:10:31,680 --> 00:10:33,680 -I fucked her. -Oi! 185 00:10:33,760 --> 00:10:36,960 She regularly humps her hubby, presumably. 186 00:10:37,040 --> 00:10:38,520 -More fool him. -Again, oi! 187 00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:45,240 Hubby slithered out of the scally muff of his mother, 188 00:10:45,320 --> 00:10:49,880 where young William frequently deposits his juvenile jizz. 189 00:10:49,960 --> 00:10:52,520 Therefore, by association, 190 00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:54,680 I have jizzed where he has jizzed, 191 00:10:54,760 --> 00:10:57,920 though I jizzed there first, so to speak. 192 00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:00,560 -How long's this been going on? -Couple of weeks. 193 00:11:01,680 --> 00:11:04,840 At first, I thought it was just some numpty fancying his chances, 194 00:11:04,920 --> 00:11:07,680 but it's got to be a team. They're all over us. 195 00:11:07,760 --> 00:11:09,960 Where we are, who we're with, when we're in or out. 196 00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:15,360 I had to shred my bank cards this morning. Someone's been having a go at my accounts. 197 00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:21,440 This is the real deal, Mam. 198 00:11:23,720 --> 00:11:25,440 It could be coming from any direction. 199 00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:30,240 -Have you told Karen? -She'd fucking freak. 200 00:11:30,320 --> 00:11:33,640 I think you'd better. Forewarned and all that. 201 00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:40,720 You're gonna have to smoke them out. Find out who and then you'll know why. 202 00:11:42,960 --> 00:11:46,760 My little swimmers course through the blood-streams of all. 203 00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:51,040 -Female or male. I am omni-gender. -I'll put it on your tab. 204 00:11:51,120 --> 00:11:52,920 -See, anyone can do that. -Oh, yeah? 205 00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:56,720 Well, have a go, Rob Roy McGregor. You'll soon hit a hurdle. 206 00:11:56,800 --> 00:12:01,720 I have, for example, deposited my stuff in your little McMuff. 207 00:12:01,800 --> 00:12:04,560 Bullshit. And let's try and keep it clean. 208 00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:08,480 I rode Angie, who fucked Colin G… 209 00:12:09,720 --> 00:12:13,400 who shagged Tricia Patterson, who's the wife of young Danny, 210 00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:16,440 who's been dipping his wick in you recently, if I'm not much mistaken. 211 00:12:16,520 --> 00:12:18,840 Though not a lot of people are aware of the fact. 212 00:12:18,920 --> 00:12:20,080 Fucking married? 213 00:12:20,160 --> 00:12:22,280 -[laughter] -I am not. 214 00:12:22,360 --> 00:12:25,400 So, sex degrees of separation. 215 00:12:28,760 --> 00:12:29,600 I like it. 216 00:12:29,680 --> 00:12:33,960 And the beauty of it is, every time one of these rides someone new, 217 00:12:34,040 --> 00:12:35,520 my tally expands. 218 00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:39,760 Now how's that "history"? 219 00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:40,920 Pint! 220 00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:02,960 See you. 221 00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:12,000 Hiya. 222 00:13:12,080 --> 00:13:13,400 See you, sexy. 223 00:13:17,640 --> 00:13:20,880 Seems unfair. I've paid taxes all my life. 224 00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:22,200 No, you haven't! 225 00:13:22,280 --> 00:13:25,920 Not a farthing, ever. You're the one the Daily Mail warns us about. 226 00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:28,200 Chocolate? Party at yours then, is it? 227 00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:31,600 Got a lot of revising to do. Lillian wants a passport. 228 00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:36,520 In order to get one, she has to take a citizenship test. 229 00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:38,000 -Eh? -She was born abroad, 230 00:13:38,080 --> 00:13:39,960 never bothered to get naturalised. 231 00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:41,400 Hiya. 232 00:13:41,480 --> 00:13:43,480 Now she's tossed her hat in the passport ring, 233 00:13:43,560 --> 00:13:44,600 if she fails the test, 234 00:13:44,680 --> 00:13:47,320 she'll be deported for being an illegal immigrant. 235 00:13:47,400 --> 00:13:51,040 [Chesney laughs] 236 00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:52,560 C'mon, trigger. 237 00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:58,480 Something to say? 238 00:13:58,560 --> 00:13:59,400 No. 239 00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:03,000 [Chesney laughs] 240 00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:15,720 Fuck. 241 00:14:18,480 --> 00:14:21,680 -Her middle name's Finola? -That's not the issue. 242 00:14:21,760 --> 00:14:22,640 Are you totally sure? 243 00:14:22,720 --> 00:14:25,080 White blood cell count is off the scale. 244 00:14:25,160 --> 00:14:27,600 Red blood cell count is in her boots. 245 00:14:27,680 --> 00:14:29,840 It's not a good combination, Jackson. 246 00:14:29,920 --> 00:14:33,920 It's not a real name, is it, Finola? It sounds more like a pet's name. 247 00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:37,200 You have to tell her. Get her to a doctor. 248 00:14:37,280 --> 00:14:40,000 A, you're not gonna get Patty anywhere near a doctor, 249 00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:42,720 and B, no way am I telling her she's dying. 250 00:14:42,800 --> 00:14:44,600 -Patty's dying? -No! 251 00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:47,840 Maybe. We don't know. 252 00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:49,080 I've got to tell Aidan. 253 00:14:49,160 --> 00:14:52,120 You wanna live till you're 17, you'll say nothing. 254 00:14:54,720 --> 00:14:56,520 -Where are you going? -[Jackson] Town. 255 00:14:56,600 --> 00:14:58,960 While she's all grown up and out trying to bag a footballer 256 00:14:59,040 --> 00:15:01,880 and you're playing Doctor Dolittle, I've got a life. 257 00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:07,520 With great knowledge comes great responsibility. 258 00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:08,920 You have to tell her. 259 00:15:18,240 --> 00:15:20,960 Just to get warmed up. [clears throat] 260 00:15:21,040 --> 00:15:24,840 How many Parliamentary Constituencies are there? 261 00:15:24,920 --> 00:15:26,560 Seven. 262 00:15:26,640 --> 00:15:28,880 Close. Six hundred and fifty. 263 00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:32,680 But they'll probably give multiple-choice in the test, so stick in. 264 00:15:35,480 --> 00:15:38,600 What is the difference in the average hourly wage 265 00:15:38,680 --> 00:15:39,680 for men and women? 266 00:15:39,760 --> 00:15:43,640 Five, ten or twenty percent lower for women? 267 00:15:44,800 --> 00:15:46,360 Higher. 268 00:15:46,440 --> 00:15:48,560 No, sweetness. Lower. 269 00:15:48,640 --> 00:15:51,440 -Higher. -It's not a fucking game! 270 00:15:51,520 --> 00:15:52,920 I didn't get the question. 271 00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:56,200 Simpler one. 272 00:15:57,680 --> 00:16:01,400 How old was the Queen Mother when she passed away? 273 00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:02,320 What? 274 00:16:02,400 --> 00:16:06,000 -How old was the Queen Mother-- -The Queen Mother's not dead. 275 00:16:06,080 --> 00:16:06,920 Come again? 276 00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:09,360 She stole the show when William married Kate. 277 00:16:09,440 --> 00:16:10,800 With her gin and her horses, 278 00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:13,480 and all the young men oiled and sent up to her room. 279 00:16:40,880 --> 00:16:42,840 Except Barney. 280 00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:45,080 What? 281 00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:49,000 I've shagged everyone on the Chatsworth except Barney. 282 00:16:50,320 --> 00:16:53,080 There's no connection, nothing. 283 00:16:53,160 --> 00:16:55,440 Ah, come on Frank. Not like it matters. 284 00:16:55,520 --> 00:16:58,760 There, there, there. You can't win them all. 285 00:16:59,880 --> 00:17:03,200 Take them to the usual place and I'll be there soon as I can. 286 00:17:03,280 --> 00:17:05,720 And, Benny, tell absolutely no-one, understand? 287 00:17:08,119 --> 00:17:09,960 Just nipping to the park. 288 00:17:10,040 --> 00:17:11,839 -Have fun. -See you in a bit, love. 289 00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:17,760 -We're on. -Be careful. 290 00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:45,840 Donnelly… 291 00:17:45,920 --> 00:17:47,640 McCann… 292 00:17:47,720 --> 00:17:49,320 Turk… 293 00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:51,960 One of you cunts has been in my house, 294 00:17:52,040 --> 00:17:58,360 rifling through my wife's knicker drawer, taking pictures of my son, my family. 295 00:17:58,440 --> 00:18:01,560 Now I wanna know who sent you and why. 296 00:18:01,640 --> 00:18:03,240 [man] Fuck you, Maguire. 297 00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:10,120 Three… 298 00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:11,600 two… 299 00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:14,880 one. 300 00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:16,960 -Yah! -Oh. 301 00:18:17,040 --> 00:18:18,160 Strike one! 302 00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:38,120 Look at him taunting me. 303 00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:40,840 He's a big cock-tease, right enough. 304 00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:42,480 You know the worst of it? 305 00:18:42,560 --> 00:18:45,800 He fucking loves our deep fried double bacon burgers. 306 00:18:45,880 --> 00:18:47,600 Can't get enough of it. 307 00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:53,440 He's at my work every fucking day reminding me of my one failure. 308 00:18:53,520 --> 00:18:57,760 Failing to have fucked him by association is your biggest failure in life? 309 00:18:57,840 --> 00:18:59,280 My one and only. 310 00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:03,960 [Connor crying] 311 00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:06,640 Jesus Christ! 312 00:19:10,080 --> 00:19:12,160 Dump them somewhere public, send out a statement. 313 00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:15,640 -No problem, boss. -[phone ringing] 314 00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:19,240 -Mam, what's up? -[Mimi] They hit Karen. 315 00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:20,440 I'll be right there. 316 00:19:31,440 --> 00:19:32,400 Fuck! 317 00:19:39,640 --> 00:19:41,440 Ready for some questions, Champ? 318 00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:43,640 I was born ready. 319 00:19:43,720 --> 00:19:47,680 -What do you want for Christmas, lovely? -Michael Jackson tickets. 320 00:19:47,760 --> 00:19:49,520 Special guest appearance by… 321 00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:50,680 Whitney. 322 00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:55,360 If money were no object, where would you go on your holidays? 323 00:19:55,440 --> 00:19:59,520 New York. Dine at that restaurant on top of them Twin Towers. 324 00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:03,160 Three hundred and eighty degrees view across Manhat-ley. 325 00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:09,400 -What's happened? -She was grabbed in the park. 326 00:20:09,480 --> 00:20:11,880 Slapped her about the face in front of Connor. 327 00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:14,480 Then he stuffed this down the front of her shirt. 328 00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:21,880 [Karen] What's going on? 329 00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:26,680 What the fuck is going on? 330 00:20:29,360 --> 00:20:31,240 This isn't the first threat that's been made. 331 00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:34,840 Well, how many? 332 00:20:34,920 --> 00:20:36,320 Eight maybe. 333 00:20:39,680 --> 00:20:40,720 Who is it? 334 00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:43,560 I'm out of ideas. 335 00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:46,400 Have you done something to put us at risk? 336 00:20:46,480 --> 00:20:47,320 No. 337 00:20:49,720 --> 00:20:52,920 I am properly scared, Jamie. 338 00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:54,480 How many were there? 339 00:20:56,720 --> 00:20:58,160 I saw one. 340 00:20:58,240 --> 00:20:59,880 [Mimi] Tell him what he said. 341 00:21:04,160 --> 00:21:07,720 That Connor is a legitimate target. 342 00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:21,720 [Avril] They will do a second test. Have a consultant examine you. 343 00:21:22,920 --> 00:21:24,680 Things they can do these days… 344 00:21:26,640 --> 00:21:29,480 How many drinks did you have before you could tell me this? 345 00:21:29,560 --> 00:21:31,360 A few. 346 00:21:31,440 --> 00:21:32,480 I'm probably wrong. 347 00:21:33,520 --> 00:21:35,200 I've no idea what I'm doing. 348 00:21:35,280 --> 00:21:38,440 No, you'll not be wrong. There's no mistake. 349 00:21:38,520 --> 00:21:44,120 Leukaemia took my mother, and her sister, and my grandfather before them. 350 00:21:46,120 --> 00:21:48,200 I knew it would come at some point. 351 00:21:49,640 --> 00:21:52,720 -We'll get you to a doctor first thing. -You'll do no such thing. 352 00:21:54,400 --> 00:21:57,200 If I have it, I'll not be spending my last days 353 00:21:57,280 --> 00:21:59,160 having radio waves shot through me. 354 00:22:01,440 --> 00:22:03,720 How far gone do you think I am? 355 00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:07,200 I can't possibly know that. 356 00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:10,480 Yesterday, you thought you were Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman. 357 00:22:11,840 --> 00:22:16,000 You saw the results. You must have an idea. 358 00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:25,680 Thank you. 359 00:22:25,760 --> 00:22:28,760 If you'll excuse me, I have things to do. 360 00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:48,600 -How is he? -He's fine. Don't think he knows. 361 00:22:49,640 --> 00:22:52,280 I couldn't bear it if something happened to him. 362 00:22:52,360 --> 00:22:54,000 It won't. 363 00:22:54,080 --> 00:22:57,320 Maybe you should leave. It might be safer. 364 00:22:58,600 --> 00:22:59,680 I'm not going anywhere. 365 00:23:01,520 --> 00:23:03,720 Besides, what would we be without each other, eh? 366 00:23:30,480 --> 00:23:31,360 What the fuck? 367 00:23:33,200 --> 00:23:34,520 Woah, woah, woah. Stop it! 368 00:23:34,600 --> 00:23:37,480 This country is brought to its knees by immigrants. 369 00:23:37,560 --> 00:23:39,440 I'm second generation Bradford! 370 00:23:39,520 --> 00:23:41,600 [Lillian] I'm an immigrant. 371 00:23:41,680 --> 00:23:43,600 You're an immigrant! 372 00:23:43,680 --> 00:23:46,520 I'm Irish. God's chosen tribe. 373 00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:48,840 You don't even believe in God. 374 00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:51,960 -I believe in Ireland. -Piss off. 375 00:23:52,040 --> 00:23:53,560 [Irish music playing] 376 00:23:56,360 --> 00:23:58,680 Oh, how cute… 377 00:23:58,760 --> 00:24:00,920 Aw… 378 00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:04,080 -Boy or girl? -Girl. 379 00:24:04,160 --> 00:24:07,200 That's the ugliest fecking baby I ever saw. 380 00:24:07,280 --> 00:24:11,160 Looks like the Michelin Man ate Angel Delight and took a dump. 381 00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:17,760 You. 382 00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:21,760 It is time you embarked on the rest of your life 383 00:24:21,840 --> 00:24:24,560 and stopped dressing and behaving like a Jack Russell 384 00:24:24,640 --> 00:24:27,960 -in lipstick and heels. -I beg your pardon? 385 00:24:28,040 --> 00:24:29,320 Another couple of years, 386 00:24:29,400 --> 00:24:32,240 folk'll start thinking you actually are a transvestite, 387 00:24:32,320 --> 00:24:34,200 rather than merely resembling one. 388 00:24:34,280 --> 00:24:36,520 Who spiked your sherry? 389 00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:40,000 Ah! From Middle Earth comes the dulcet tones 390 00:24:40,080 --> 00:24:41,640 of the Scouse Skank unleashed. 391 00:24:41,720 --> 00:24:45,720 -Who the fuck do you think you're-- -Ah. Now, get back in your box. 392 00:24:45,800 --> 00:24:48,120 You've the face that sank a thousand ships. 393 00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:52,120 No wonder your husband ran off to be with the lady-boys. 394 00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:53,480 As for you… 395 00:24:53,560 --> 00:24:56,680 Wheelchair or not, I will kick you in the minge. 396 00:24:58,320 --> 00:25:00,640 That's all one needs to know about you. 397 00:25:04,240 --> 00:25:07,800 It's a tremendous sense of freedom. 398 00:25:25,280 --> 00:25:26,320 All right, Barney? 399 00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:27,520 All right? 400 00:25:27,600 --> 00:25:28,520 Prick tease. 401 00:25:29,640 --> 00:25:31,400 Eh, Barney, wait. Hold up. 402 00:25:32,640 --> 00:25:35,160 Love the old deep fried double bacon burgers, eh? 403 00:25:35,240 --> 00:25:36,720 Heaven sent. 404 00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:41,600 You know, after the breakfast rush, we toss a whole bunch of them. 405 00:25:41,680 --> 00:25:43,520 They don't want them reheated. 406 00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:46,480 -Very big on hygiene and that. -I know. 407 00:25:46,560 --> 00:25:49,320 Why don't you come by tomorrow and I'll, you know, 408 00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:50,520 put some in your direction, 409 00:25:50,600 --> 00:25:55,160 save you forking out 3.50 for a pile of old, you know, for a lovely meal. 410 00:25:55,240 --> 00:25:56,600 [mumbling] Yeah, why not? Yeah. 411 00:26:14,720 --> 00:26:16,000 What's going on? 412 00:26:16,080 --> 00:26:19,440 Emergency review. Wrong patients been getting the wrong results. 413 00:26:19,520 --> 00:26:20,720 How many? 414 00:26:20,800 --> 00:26:22,160 I mean, 415 00:26:22,240 --> 00:26:24,400 -have they found anything? -[Calum] Don't know. 416 00:26:24,480 --> 00:26:26,320 It's not just us, it's all over the North West. 417 00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:28,680 Every hospital, every department. 418 00:26:28,760 --> 00:26:31,400 Oh, well… That's good. 419 00:26:31,480 --> 00:26:34,320 Russian Roulette with blood test results? Proper spectator sport. 420 00:26:38,960 --> 00:26:40,480 You sure you should be doing that? 421 00:26:40,560 --> 00:26:42,640 My secrets are going with me… 422 00:26:43,680 --> 00:26:46,560 you little gobshite. 423 00:26:46,640 --> 00:26:48,480 Don't need to be so nasty. 424 00:26:48,560 --> 00:26:51,240 Why on earth not? Slutty little whore that you are? 425 00:26:51,320 --> 00:26:52,320 [Aidan laughs] 426 00:26:54,080 --> 00:26:57,840 [Avril] Blood tests all over the North will need to be triple-checked. 427 00:26:57,920 --> 00:27:02,480 Some lab in Durham cutting costs or staff or whatever. 428 00:27:02,560 --> 00:27:04,400 And that's good why? 429 00:27:04,480 --> 00:27:08,160 They're re-testing Patty's sample. The results were compromised. 430 00:27:08,240 --> 00:27:11,160 She's outside the house now, burning stuff. 431 00:27:11,240 --> 00:27:13,160 You have to tell her there's been a mistake. 432 00:27:13,240 --> 00:27:14,200 Yeah, right. 433 00:27:14,280 --> 00:27:15,520 She needs to know. 434 00:27:15,600 --> 00:27:17,560 Please. 435 00:27:17,640 --> 00:27:18,800 Shovel your own shit. 436 00:27:21,240 --> 00:27:24,200 Oi, Reese Witherspoon. If you're finished with your nails? 437 00:27:24,280 --> 00:27:25,480 [clicks tongue] 438 00:27:35,680 --> 00:27:37,200 Is he gone? 439 00:27:37,280 --> 00:27:39,280 Sally will have him till the weekend. 440 00:27:40,760 --> 00:27:42,160 Are you gonna be okay? 441 00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:45,720 Couple more possibilities. 442 00:27:45,800 --> 00:27:47,000 I'll have the lads with me. 443 00:27:48,240 --> 00:27:51,640 There's a couple of guys downstairs, inside and out. Everything will be fine. 444 00:28:02,760 --> 00:28:03,720 Out. Now. 445 00:28:09,560 --> 00:28:10,480 Is this you? 446 00:28:12,040 --> 00:28:14,200 What is… Ow! 447 00:28:14,280 --> 00:28:16,640 Are you threatening my family? 448 00:28:16,720 --> 00:28:19,800 -No, I'm not! Don't be stupid. -Who have you told about us? 449 00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:21,760 -No-one. -Dominic knew! 450 00:28:21,840 --> 00:28:25,120 That was to save your fucking life. 451 00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:27,960 Would Dominic have told anyone? 452 00:28:28,040 --> 00:28:31,400 He keeps secrets for a living. What is going on? 453 00:28:32,920 --> 00:28:35,080 [phone ringing] 454 00:28:38,880 --> 00:28:43,240 -[Karen] Jamie? Jamie, I'm sorry… -Karen? 455 00:28:43,320 --> 00:28:45,680 [distorted voice] I'll call you at 6pm this evening, 456 00:28:45,760 --> 00:28:47,600 let you know if she's still alive. 457 00:28:49,080 --> 00:28:50,120 Jamie? 458 00:28:53,560 --> 00:28:54,600 I'm sorry. 459 00:29:02,200 --> 00:29:05,320 -[Jamie] How the fuck? -We didn't know she'd gone out. 460 00:29:05,400 --> 00:29:08,600 You should've told us. I might've been able to help. 461 00:29:08,680 --> 00:29:10,640 Don't give me the stare cos I won't take it off you. 462 00:29:10,720 --> 00:29:12,720 This isn't the time. 463 00:29:12,800 --> 00:29:15,280 -What's the plan? -Nothing to do till six o'clock. 464 00:29:16,400 --> 00:29:18,360 We really don't know anything about these fucks? 465 00:29:18,440 --> 00:29:21,680 All the usual suspects, none of them. That's what we know. 466 00:29:26,240 --> 00:29:30,000 So, first of all, I was dying… 467 00:29:30,080 --> 00:29:31,760 and now I am not dying. 468 00:29:33,960 --> 00:29:37,000 I don't know. They're gonna re-test your sample. 469 00:29:37,080 --> 00:29:39,720 Chances are you've just got a virus or something. 470 00:29:39,800 --> 00:29:41,480 I destroyed my possessions 471 00:29:41,560 --> 00:29:45,560 and allowed a bank transfer of all my savings to my idiot daughter. 472 00:29:45,640 --> 00:29:48,880 -[Jackson] How is Libby? -She's an idiot, like she always was. 473 00:29:48,960 --> 00:29:52,320 And don't try to distract by feigning concern where you have none. 474 00:29:53,440 --> 00:29:57,080 There's nothing noble in telling a lie to protect a liar. 475 00:29:57,160 --> 00:30:02,760 I've burnt my bridges left and right, told everyone my true opinion, 476 00:30:02,840 --> 00:30:06,840 that they're arseholes, and now will be completely isolated. 477 00:30:11,200 --> 00:30:16,200 We could say I gave you the wrong pills and that you were confused. 478 00:30:16,280 --> 00:30:21,960 Oh, because doolally and old folk are natural bedfellows, of course! 479 00:30:24,080 --> 00:30:27,080 I think we've heard enough stories from you, don't you think? 480 00:30:39,200 --> 00:30:40,280 You okay? 481 00:30:40,360 --> 00:30:41,800 Getting there. 482 00:30:41,880 --> 00:30:45,480 It's a recognised condition, historophobia. 483 00:30:45,560 --> 00:30:48,680 The American Medical Association classifies it as a proper phobia. 484 00:30:48,760 --> 00:30:51,240 So, it's just totally random? 485 00:30:51,320 --> 00:30:53,880 No, no, no. It's historical facts she can't cope with. 486 00:30:53,960 --> 00:30:56,240 That would upset her so she just blanks them out. 487 00:30:56,320 --> 00:30:58,040 Pretends they never happened? 488 00:30:58,120 --> 00:30:59,320 Yeah. Pretty much. 489 00:30:59,400 --> 00:31:01,880 But then she'd have to rewrite the whole of history. 490 00:31:01,960 --> 00:31:03,560 That's what's fascinating, see? 491 00:31:03,640 --> 00:31:06,560 She's created this whole complex narrative in her own head. 492 00:31:06,640 --> 00:31:09,280 She lives in a parallel universe. 493 00:31:09,360 --> 00:31:12,120 Well, that would explain a great fucking deal. 494 00:31:18,480 --> 00:31:20,160 Jamie. 495 00:31:20,240 --> 00:31:21,600 Everything all right? 496 00:31:21,680 --> 00:31:22,880 Mind your own business. 497 00:31:38,520 --> 00:31:41,160 [phone ringing] 498 00:31:46,160 --> 00:31:47,840 -I wanna fucking-- -[Karen] I'm all right. 499 00:31:47,920 --> 00:31:49,720 Tell him to fuck right off. 500 00:31:51,120 --> 00:31:52,360 Karen. 501 00:31:55,720 --> 00:31:59,120 [distorted voice] You're still here? I take it your wife's disposable. 502 00:31:59,200 --> 00:32:00,200 Anything but. 503 00:32:01,680 --> 00:32:03,120 She's done nothing. 504 00:32:05,120 --> 00:32:08,000 Take me. I'll go anywhere, any time. 505 00:32:11,640 --> 00:32:13,960 -Are you still there? -[distorted voice] Tomorrow morning. 506 00:32:14,040 --> 00:32:17,320 Be in your shitty Merc, on Findhorn Road at nine a.m. 507 00:32:17,400 --> 00:32:20,800 No vests, no mates, no pals watching your arse. 508 00:32:22,480 --> 00:32:23,320 Fine. 509 00:32:24,920 --> 00:32:26,720 [distorted voice] You've put me in a lot of trouble, 510 00:32:26,800 --> 00:32:28,880 so make sure you bring 200 grand with you. 511 00:32:32,440 --> 00:32:33,760 I don't have that kind of money. 512 00:32:34,920 --> 00:32:36,680 [distorted voice] Then I'll kill your wife. 513 00:32:43,560 --> 00:32:46,920 Okay. We'll get a couple of motors, plain but sharp, you know. 514 00:32:47,000 --> 00:32:48,400 -Keep a distance. -Too risky. 515 00:32:48,480 --> 00:32:51,640 We'll never collect 200 grand across one night, love. 516 00:32:51,720 --> 00:32:55,800 We could borrow it, but we might as well paint targets on our backs. 517 00:32:55,880 --> 00:32:58,200 Besides, if it's a choice between you and her-- 518 00:32:58,280 --> 00:33:00,080 Will they stop there? 519 00:33:00,160 --> 00:33:02,360 What if it's you next time? Or Cilla? 520 00:33:04,360 --> 00:33:05,600 I've got the money. 521 00:33:05,680 --> 00:33:07,440 You what? 522 00:33:07,520 --> 00:33:09,040 [Jamie] I've got it. 523 00:33:09,120 --> 00:33:11,600 Going away fund in case of a moonlight flit. 524 00:33:12,840 --> 00:33:14,040 If something happens… 525 00:33:15,320 --> 00:33:18,000 take Karen and Connor and help them start somewhere else, 526 00:33:18,080 --> 00:33:19,160 away from here. 527 00:33:43,480 --> 00:33:47,680 Who was Britain's first woman prime minister? 528 00:33:47,760 --> 00:33:50,600 Don't be silly, you can't have a woman prime minister. 529 00:33:52,760 --> 00:33:57,000 Who is the England football manager? 530 00:33:57,080 --> 00:34:00,320 The Italian. You know, the one that looks like Mrs. Brown. 531 00:34:00,400 --> 00:34:04,480 Look, you fucking mad Afrikaner! 532 00:34:04,560 --> 00:34:07,680 Even if you don't believe it, learn it, pass the test, 533 00:34:07,760 --> 00:34:11,920 or there'll be no passport and no fucking holiday to Benidorm! 534 00:34:12,000 --> 00:34:13,600 But I love them documentaries. 535 00:34:14,920 --> 00:34:19,560 Just learn it, parrot-fashion, try not to think. 536 00:34:19,639 --> 00:34:20,600 I'll try. 537 00:34:22,040 --> 00:34:24,840 -She's got no chance. -They'll deport her. 538 00:34:24,920 --> 00:34:27,920 -[Gloria] Couldn't someone go with her? -[Kelly] You think they let mates in? 539 00:34:28,000 --> 00:34:32,639 No, but take the test alongside her. Less intimidating if she had a pal there. 540 00:35:03,360 --> 00:35:04,200 Keys. 541 00:35:15,600 --> 00:35:18,880 Put these on. Put your own clothes inside. 542 00:35:18,960 --> 00:35:20,240 Fuck you. 543 00:35:25,200 --> 00:35:26,080 Wait! 544 00:35:28,640 --> 00:35:29,960 [car door opens] 545 00:35:43,880 --> 00:35:47,720 This how you get your kicks, is it? Stripping men? 546 00:35:47,800 --> 00:35:48,880 Follow the Sat-Nav. 547 00:35:48,960 --> 00:35:51,080 When you get there, leave the money in the car. 548 00:36:08,600 --> 00:36:09,440 [Sat-Nav] Turn right. 549 00:36:15,400 --> 00:36:17,160 Be right with you, two minutes. 550 00:36:20,080 --> 00:36:21,680 Here we go. 551 00:36:21,760 --> 00:36:24,080 The one that got away. 552 00:36:24,160 --> 00:36:26,640 Yeah. Complete the set. 553 00:36:26,720 --> 00:36:29,480 [moaning] 554 00:36:29,560 --> 00:36:32,640 -Frank? -It's not what it looks like. 555 00:36:32,720 --> 00:36:33,960 Oh! 556 00:36:36,080 --> 00:36:37,520 Okay, maybe it is. 557 00:37:06,840 --> 00:37:07,760 Hello? 558 00:37:11,080 --> 00:37:13,200 -I'm unarmed! -[car starts] 559 00:37:13,280 --> 00:37:14,600 Oi! You fuck! 560 00:37:32,280 --> 00:37:33,240 I'm here! 561 00:37:34,560 --> 00:37:35,600 You got my money. 562 00:37:54,400 --> 00:37:56,560 If I don't get my wife back safe and smiling, 563 00:37:56,640 --> 00:37:58,480 you will be found, you fuck! 564 00:38:10,240 --> 00:38:12,000 Thank fuck. I thought they'd bluffed me. 565 00:38:16,440 --> 00:38:18,640 -Are you all right, Karen? -I will be. 566 00:38:20,400 --> 00:38:22,200 Come on. We need to get out of here. It's not safe. 567 00:38:22,280 --> 00:38:23,800 Nobody's coming, Jamie. 568 00:38:28,800 --> 00:38:30,400 Nobody's coming. 569 00:38:30,480 --> 00:38:31,720 What are you talking about? 570 00:38:33,440 --> 00:38:34,360 Just me. 571 00:38:40,360 --> 00:38:43,360 [Karen's voice] Still here? I take it your wife is disposable? 572 00:38:45,400 --> 00:38:48,840 [distorted voice] Still here? I take it your wife is disposable. 573 00:38:48,920 --> 00:38:50,640 It's an app. 574 00:38:50,720 --> 00:38:52,640 Any kid can get it for a couple of quid. 575 00:38:58,920 --> 00:39:01,440 -You lied to me. -[beep] 576 00:39:01,520 --> 00:39:03,240 [phone beeps] 577 00:39:05,240 --> 00:39:08,120 -[beep] -[phone rings] 578 00:39:08,200 --> 00:39:09,680 -I'll get it. -No, it's all right. 579 00:39:09,760 --> 00:39:11,320 I've got it. Go back to sleep. 580 00:39:15,320 --> 00:39:17,360 [Jamie] You better stay in your hole, you little prick, 581 00:39:17,440 --> 00:39:20,080 cos I will cut your throat from ear to fucking ear. 582 00:39:21,560 --> 00:39:24,840 [Karen] The phone calls, the text messages… 583 00:39:24,920 --> 00:39:25,920 [phone beeps] 584 00:39:26,000 --> 00:39:27,440 …the pictures. 585 00:39:28,840 --> 00:39:30,720 All me. 586 00:39:30,800 --> 00:39:32,480 [Jamie] Guy in the park? 587 00:39:37,280 --> 00:39:38,960 [Karen] Me. There was no guy. 588 00:39:39,040 --> 00:39:40,280 Hi! 589 00:39:43,080 --> 00:39:46,360 I went to great lengths because this matters. 590 00:39:48,200 --> 00:39:49,200 This is family. 591 00:39:51,320 --> 00:39:52,760 The kidnapping? 592 00:39:52,840 --> 00:39:54,760 A night in the Marriott. It wasn't too shabby. 593 00:39:56,040 --> 00:39:58,680 -Are you off your meds? -No, you cunt. 594 00:40:00,640 --> 00:40:02,040 You fucked Gloria. 595 00:40:03,680 --> 00:40:06,360 You know, you could've fucked all of Manchester and I'd never have known, 596 00:40:06,440 --> 00:40:07,400 but you didn't. 597 00:40:14,280 --> 00:40:18,760 -It was a mistake. -Yeah, too fucking right. 598 00:40:18,840 --> 00:40:20,240 -What if I'd left? -Then I'd have known 599 00:40:20,320 --> 00:40:21,920 that we don't matter to you. 600 00:40:23,160 --> 00:40:24,240 But we do. 601 00:40:25,600 --> 00:40:26,440 I do. 602 00:40:28,040 --> 00:40:30,960 You stood up for your family. 603 00:40:34,120 --> 00:40:35,040 Good for you. 604 00:40:39,640 --> 00:40:40,920 I'm impressed. 605 00:40:42,600 --> 00:40:44,320 Things will be different. 606 00:40:49,480 --> 00:40:51,560 [Karen] Now, I'm in charge. 607 00:40:54,760 --> 00:40:56,960 Though only you and I need to know that. 608 00:40:59,280 --> 00:41:00,960 [Jamie] How's that gonna work? 609 00:41:02,800 --> 00:41:03,920 [Karen] Every bit of money 610 00:41:04,000 --> 00:41:06,520 comes through me, income and expenditure. 611 00:41:08,120 --> 00:41:10,160 You probably think you can hide some, 612 00:41:10,240 --> 00:41:13,440 like you did with the 200K, but I will know. 613 00:41:14,720 --> 00:41:16,480 And, by the way… 614 00:41:16,560 --> 00:41:21,080 your going-away fund is now my going-away fund. 615 00:41:31,120 --> 00:41:32,720 What if it doesn't work? 616 00:41:32,800 --> 00:41:33,960 It will. 617 00:41:35,600 --> 00:41:36,480 You love me… 618 00:41:37,600 --> 00:41:39,440 and despite all your weaknesses… 619 00:41:44,200 --> 00:41:46,040 I love you. 620 00:41:46,120 --> 00:41:48,520 Now, should anything ever happen to me, 621 00:41:48,600 --> 00:41:52,320 my friend in the Ford has a lot of information… 622 00:41:52,400 --> 00:41:54,160 on your past… 623 00:41:54,240 --> 00:41:55,360 and your present. 624 00:41:57,080 --> 00:41:58,040 Who is he? 625 00:41:59,600 --> 00:42:01,920 Every marriage has its secrets. 626 00:42:12,880 --> 00:42:14,240 I know, and I'm sorry… 627 00:42:16,000 --> 00:42:17,280 I'll be right with you. 628 00:42:19,960 --> 00:42:23,240 -Everything all right? -It's these fucking re-tests. 629 00:42:23,320 --> 00:42:26,680 They want the drug history of the ICU going back a month. 630 00:42:26,760 --> 00:42:29,960 -Are these the false results? -[Calum] No, they're originals. 631 00:42:30,040 --> 00:42:31,880 All triple-checked. They're accurate. 632 00:42:31,960 --> 00:42:35,040 -Are you sure? -It's a good job you're pretty. 633 00:42:46,600 --> 00:42:49,240 This is me final word on it and I won't keep going on, 634 00:42:49,320 --> 00:42:53,280 but there are reasons governments and corporations don't pay ransoms. 635 00:42:53,360 --> 00:42:57,200 Now every one of us is a target, cos they know we'll pay out. 636 00:42:57,280 --> 00:43:00,760 Thanks, Mum. I'm glad you're not gonna keep going on about it. 637 00:43:00,840 --> 00:43:02,040 I won't. 638 00:43:04,760 --> 00:43:06,240 Hi, love. 639 00:43:06,320 --> 00:43:09,200 Come on, Frank. It's over, leave the man alone now. 640 00:43:09,280 --> 00:43:12,680 [clears throat] Yeah, you're probably right. 641 00:43:12,760 --> 00:43:16,160 Things are better imperfect, you know, they're not finished. 642 00:43:16,240 --> 00:43:19,080 Will you still get your dole money, now that you've been fired? 643 00:43:19,160 --> 00:43:20,160 I weren't fired. 644 00:43:21,200 --> 00:43:25,400 Technically, my position fell victim to internal restructuring. 645 00:43:25,480 --> 00:43:29,360 Oh. So they didn't want bad publicity? You know, "worker spunks in burger". 646 00:43:29,440 --> 00:43:32,240 For an alcoholic, you're a very astute man. 647 00:43:32,320 --> 00:43:34,400 -[Dominic] I'll drink to that. -[Frank chuckles] 648 00:43:34,480 --> 00:43:37,200 -Someone's got the love-balls in. -I'm official. 649 00:43:37,280 --> 00:43:39,640 Passed her citizenship test. Stood in the queue. 650 00:43:39,720 --> 00:43:40,840 She's all passport-ed up. 651 00:43:40,920 --> 00:43:43,000 Good for you. 652 00:43:43,080 --> 00:43:44,720 What's up with sour puss? 653 00:43:44,800 --> 00:43:47,560 Fucking failed the test. Seven out of twenty-four. 654 00:43:47,640 --> 00:43:50,360 -[Gloria] Come on, Kel. -Serve these while I go and see to Cilla. 655 00:43:51,720 --> 00:43:53,000 [Jackson] Tell her. 656 00:43:53,080 --> 00:43:54,440 [Avril] I can't. 657 00:43:54,520 --> 00:43:58,080 "You're dying. You're not dying. You're dying." It's cruel. 658 00:43:58,160 --> 00:44:00,880 Let this be the end of all that Doctor Dolittle stuff. 659 00:44:00,960 --> 00:44:04,360 Doctor Dolittle talked to the animals, you fucking arsehole. 660 00:44:07,800 --> 00:44:10,960 -You absolutely loathe me, don't you? -["One Last Chance" playing] 661 00:44:14,800 --> 00:44:19,240 ♪ And I try to remember ♪ 662 00:44:19,320 --> 00:44:22,360 ♪ Who I used to be ♪ 663 00:44:22,440 --> 00:44:26,680 ♪ I've got one last chance To get myself together… ♪ 664 00:44:26,760 --> 00:44:28,880 [Karen] My husband has killed men. 665 00:44:28,960 --> 00:44:30,800 He's a strong man… 666 00:44:30,880 --> 00:44:34,840 -a violent man, if need be. -Ah? 667 00:44:34,920 --> 00:44:37,440 [Karen] I love my husband. 668 00:44:38,600 --> 00:44:42,680 But he lied to me too often, too harshly. 669 00:44:42,760 --> 00:44:46,520 And now things have altered, permanently. 670 00:44:47,560 --> 00:44:53,880 You'd do well to remember… revenge is a dish best served female. 671 00:44:56,320 --> 00:44:58,360 Somebody has to tell the woman she's dying. 672 00:44:58,440 --> 00:45:01,200 -No way. Fuck off. -She'll think we're taking the piss. 673 00:45:01,280 --> 00:45:04,080 I would like to see Ireland one last time. 674 00:45:04,160 --> 00:45:06,760 For what it's worth, it was a mistake. 675 00:45:06,840 --> 00:45:09,760 You and me could fuck right now, even the score up with your husband. 676 00:45:09,840 --> 00:45:12,440 Tragic waste, your father. He was a weak person, you know? 677 00:45:12,520 --> 00:45:13,600 You're gonna lose him. 678 00:45:13,680 --> 00:45:15,800 Down on one knee, propose, the lot. 679 00:45:15,880 --> 00:45:17,400 [Mimi] It's our first anniversary. 680 00:45:17,480 --> 00:45:19,720 This is how much I love you, I wanna inhabit your skin. 681 00:45:19,800 --> 00:45:21,840 If you think you can talk about my dad like that… 682 00:45:21,920 --> 00:45:24,000 -What's going on, Ruby? -I'm gonna kill your mother! 683 00:45:24,080 --> 00:45:25,760 [theme music] 684 00:46:04,880 --> 00:46:07,720 Oh, yeah. I've had her. And her. 685 00:46:07,800 --> 00:46:11,680 Well, I've had her… and her. 686 00:46:11,760 --> 00:46:13,120 I've had her… 687 00:46:14,720 --> 00:46:15,680 and her sister. 688 00:46:16,720 --> 00:46:19,200 Well, I've had the mother. A night I'd rather forget. 689 00:46:19,280 --> 00:46:22,720 Oh. I've had her, when she was married to Terry B. 690 00:46:22,800 --> 00:46:25,280 I had Terry B's second wife… 691 00:46:25,360 --> 00:46:26,360 before they hooked up. 692 00:46:27,800 --> 00:46:29,640 Which means… 693 00:46:29,720 --> 00:46:31,760 -I've had… -[both] You? 694 00:46:31,840 --> 00:46:33,400 -[gagging] -[Chesney] Urgh… 52542

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