All language subtitles for Shameless.S10E02.Episode.2.1080p.NF.WEB-DL.DDP.2.0.H.264-CHDWEB_track3_[eng]

[tapping]

Anyone watching thinking we know fuck all

about knowing fuck all about owt,
needs to watch their backs!

Oh!

So you've had your Labour, reclassifying
skunk, sending prices sky-high.

Literally, literally,
taking the grass from its own roots.

And now you've got your Con-Dem-Nation.

Liberals noshing Tories
like altar boys picking dimps up.

Have we had a national
fucking stroke or what?

Is revolution a word or was it never?

Anybody watching needs to know,

we cope better than average
with irony in Chatsworth.

Well, for fuck's sake,
we live in Manchester,

and they charge us for water?

I wandered lonely as a clown,
necking mushrooms rarely found.

This green
and pleasant land in ancient time.

Yak! Yak! Yak! Yak! Yak! Yak!

It's not theirs any more.

-This is our England now!
-[cheering]

Party!

[theme music]

[door creaking]

[Mimi] Some people say parenting
is the hardest thing in the world.

Cilla, it's too early,
darling, go back to bed.

Do you want your brekkie then?

Those people
have never brokered major drug deals

between gangs of Scousers and Mancs,

robbed post offices
or smuggled a mobile phone

and charger in Strangeways.

Mothering's a natural thing.

It's not something
you need to work at, you just do it.

Make sure they're fed, watered,
pick 'em up if they fall over

and other than that...

Eat that, then sleep. Night!

Make sure they do as they're told.

["9 To 5" playing]

[alarm clock goes off]

♪ Tumble outta bed
And I stumble to the kitchen ♪

♪ Pour myself a cup of ambition ♪

♪ And yawn and stretch
And try to come to life ♪

-♪ Jump in the shower ♪
-Ah.

♪ And the blood starts pumpin' ♪

♪ Out on the street
The traffic starts jumpin' ♪

♪ With folks like me
On the job from nine to five ♪

[music stops]

If I'm up, every fucker's up.

[voice echoes] Fire!

Fire!

Quick! There's a big fuck-off fire,
people are dying!

Please, someone, help!

["9 To 5" continues]

-[woman] Morning, Frank.
-Yeah...

Morning, Pillhead.

Another warehouse project
last night, was it?

-Yeah, man.
-Yeah, man.

Eh, don't forget.

Smile! You're about to step onstage.

-[Wesley] Frank?
-Boss man!

This is Cheryl, our latest newbie.

You'll show her the ropes, won't you,
as our longest serving team member?

I've only been here a week.

[music playing loudly]

[music stops]

Everything going okay? Yeah?

-[music starts playing again]
-Woo...

Walk this way. And what we say is...

-Have a great day.
-Have a great day.

[Shane] Oh, jeez...
You think you could find a bigger chair?

[Jamie] Yeah, tell me about it.

Drop it down your end.

Not you!

[Karen] For God's sake, why don't you
just pick the bleeding thing up?

Why won't you do what I ask?

-Right, sit there.
-What's going on?

He won't do his drawing
at the table so there's felt tip all over.

Right, you sit there,
and you're drinking that juice.

He's only a baby.

He's wrecking the place. Look!

-It's not funny, Mimi.
-But it kind of is.

-What, drawing a co...
-[Jamie] Rocket.

Rocket.

Drawing a rocket all over the doors
and all over the walls isn't right.

Karen, boys will be boys.

Our Micky was always drawing c...

rockets.

He was obsessed with 'em,
draw 'em morning till night.

There was rockets here, there.
They were all over the place.

They weren't
all over your living room walls.

-It's not normal.
-He's only a kid.

What is the point
of us buying nice furniture,

trying to make the place look good,
when he's just gonna trash it?

You need to show him who's boss.
Give him a little smack.

And you think that's what he needs?

Give you a tap on the arse,
didn't do you any harm, did it?

[Shane] I've been such a naughty boy.

Oof! Naughtier than that!

Yeah.

Well, me and Jamie
don't believe in hitting, do we?

Give over. You two
have knocked out half of Chatsworth.

Hitting Connor.

Fair but firm.
Kids need structure, boundaries and rules.

Connor, no!

Aren't you supposed to be at school?

It's only assembly and shit like that.

It doesn't matter what it is.
Get your arse down there

before education
start banging on us door again.

-Now!
-All right, keep your wig on.

I mean it, Aidan,
we don't need the hassle.

Yeah, yeah.

Show off in front of your little mate
and you'll get a boot up the arse, lad.

She's not bad, your mum.
I'd well slip her one.

She ain't my mum.
She's just some prozzie who crashes here.

-I wanted to go to uni.
-Why didn't you?

-Not much point nowadays, is there?
-[Frank] Was there ever?

What are you doing out there?

Just showing Cheryl the ropes,
you know, like you said.

Got to get her up to speed
on the rule book, haven't we?

Well, can you carry on inside?

It's the lunchtime rush.
I need you on the counter.

I'm on my way.

Look, hold up. We're just grabbing
a fresh lung full of, you know,

-and we'll be right there.
-[woman] Wesley!

-Be quick.
-[Frank] Yeah.

-If they're short-staffed, shouldn't we...
-What's the worst that can happen?

Some lard-arse is going to be
two minutes late getting their burger?

Can't have management
throwing their weight around, can we?

Wankers.

Oi. That fucking chair
is completely stuck now.

Robbed the library?

Free The Child, Free the Mother.

[laughs]

-By Professor Alex Yates.
-Got some really good ideas, actually.

"You and your child
will discover the secret

to smash through the glass ceiling
and unlock the gateway

to a new world of freedom,
happiness and success."

No harm in having a little bit of help.

Eh, ease up, will you?
You know she's struggling.

I told her, kids need rules.

I brought you up on strict rules.
Never done you any harm.

You broke my rules, mate,

so now I've got to break
something of yours, yeah?

No!

-[scream]
-Oh, no...

Get us a vodka.

Just don't let it spin out of control,
Mam. I know what you're fucking like.

I doubt he meant it.

Oh, he meant it all right.

I mean, maybe he meant it affectionately?

"Just some prozzie who crashes
here"? How is that affectionate?

His mum's a prost... Hooker?

-Sex worker.
-Sex worker.

-So maybe he don't know any different.
-He thinks all women are prostitutes?

Yeah, could be.

-I'm gonna have to work on him.
-But you're a woman and a pros...

Sex worker.

Mayo the burgers,
wrap 'em up, get 'em out.

Mayo the burgers,
wrap 'em up, get... Pillhead?

Oh, fuck!

Oh, fucking hell!

[Frank] Rinse them under the tap. Hm?

-We're gonna have to shut the shop down.
-If we're closed, we don't get paid.

Shut down, everyone. Shut it down.

[Frank] What's the problem?

Nothing. Aside from him chucking up
in the deep fat fryer, nothing.

-Absolutely nothing.
-What, in there?

I told him I felt rough.

We'll have to kill the fryer,
cool the oil, drain, clean...

-Whoa, whoa! We don't have to do that.
-There are health and safety issues.

-This is a breach of company guidelines.
-I'm on full wages.

Chapter three,
subsection B, "Bodily fluids".

This is a code red.
I need to close the shop.

If you shut it down,
you won't hit your targets.

It's boiling fat,
nothing can live in there.

Just scoop the lumps out and carry on.

Yeah, if we knew
it was contaminated, we'd drain it

but if we didn't know...

-I couldn't--
-You're out front serving customers.

You don't know about it, do you?

It'll all be fine. Trust me.

You, go and stick your head in the fridge.

Cheryl, front of house with Tracy.
Akeeba, that's right, fresh fries.

Wesley, you clear that up. Come on!

Big time.

Anyone for pakora?

Come on!

World of Burger...

World of Pleasure. Mm-hm.

Oh-ho! Well done, Teamsters!
[laughs]

Right, come on, smokers, fill your lungs.

-You can cover for us, can't you?
-I'm in charge!

Yeah, course you are.

Fifty quid for a moggy.

I'm brassic and this stupid lunatic
is offering 50 fucking quid for a furball.

Stupid like that, aren't they?

They get all emotional over daft shit.

If they're on their moon.

Nah, man, my policy's sorted.

In-and-out, no involvement,
no trouble, no fucking headache.

Drop your cocks and grab your socks,
we are off to the flicks.

I'm taking you to see a film.

Him, not you,
and no, don't touch your penis.

No, you can't get the fucking staff.

Hey, Teamsters!

We've got a shift on.
Come on, let's get a, er, shift on.

Ooh, er, wait up, Frank.
You're not on the counter this afternoon.

I've got something
more suited to your talents.

World of Burgers chicken deal...
World of Burgers chicken deal.

World of Burgers, the ultimate chicken.
Fills you up, doesn't let you down.

Come on, love,
fair is fowl and fowl is fair.

You do not want to know
what two Cokes just cost me.

This so-called cinema
is so far up its own fucking arse,

they don't even sell popcorn.

We could've went to a normal pictures,
with normal films like normal people.

This has a strong woman in the lead,

cos sometimes films
just show women as pieces of meat.

Oh.

Women aren't just pieces of meat.

-We're a lot more than that.
-Yeah. We've got our differences.

Men and women, yeah, not just shagging...
We've got, like, different roles.

-Yeah.
-They go way back,

-like when we were cavemen and that.
-Yeah.

-But that's not exclusive to men.
-Yeah, but women...

Women just stayed in the caves,
carrying wood,

looking after the kids
and cooking the men's food.

But times have changed, haven't they?
It's not really like that any more, is it?

No. Men sign on and go to the pub
while women fuck around with their nails.

-Can I have a shot?
-You're underage.

Oh. And how old were you when you started?

C'mon.

-Shane.
-Y'ello.

I'm a good mum, aren't I?

-Aren't I?
-Yeah.

Well, you don't seem too sure.

Well, you're the only one
I've had, aren't you?

I've no-one else to compare you to.

I've been good to you lot.

Except for the time
you stashed drugs in Mandy's dolls, yeah.

Taught her about safe places.

And when you took Mickey prison visiting

when he was ten years old,
and you left him in Strangeways.

Taught him to respect authority.

Mm.

All in all, I've done a pretty good job.
Ha! See you later.

I hit these targets
and I'll be up for the new outlet

at the Trafford Centre,

and that would mean
that there'd be a vacancy right here

for some bright young go-getter.

Well, we could, erm,
celebrate the restaurant's birthday?

We could pretend
it's been here five years or something?

We could celebrate
the restaurant's birthday!

Decorate it with balloons,
and wear party hats,

and play disco music,
you know, Agadoo and all that.

What do you think?

Yeah. Yeah. That's a great idea, yeah.

-Burger me! Sorry.
-[chuckling] Okay, Frankie?

-How did it go?
-Great!

Here you go. Wanna see?

I've got to do me fucking job
here, y'know what I mean?

Hold that.

[laughs]

It was a proper, proper laugh!

And I met this bloke
dressed as a pint, promoting this pub,

and he gave me all
these beer tokens for all of us!

-[Frank] Yeah!
-Brilliant.

Take the costume off,
Frank, you look like a cock.

Back to work!

[Mimi] Twenty fags, please, Ches.

It's just meat, Lillian, just meat.

-They should say "meat", then.
-But they do.

-"Halal meat".
-Er, hello?

-But why can't they just say "meat"?
-Because it's halal!

[thud and clattering]

Connor!

[Mimi] Jesus, Karen,
control him, can't you?

Sorry, Ches.

One just grabs this sign
and went "my big cock", y'know?

-Yeah, I fucking get it.
-Oi!

You're not automatically entitled
to cigarette breaks, you know.

They're at my discretion.

Balloons. Five hundred.

We had a pump, but it's broken.

Get blowing, Frank.

You're joking?

Ah, fantastic!

Well done, Teamsters.

Come on, balloons all round.
[laughs]

Whoa, ho-ho. This isn't DIY fucking SOS!

It's just an old man blowing up
some balloons, right?

Get back to work, all of you.

It's just a bit of teamwork, you know.
You ought to celebrate that.

Now, remember, team, as you scrub
to within an inch of your lives,

that this is all Frank Gallagher's fault.

I've done nothing wrong!

I'm the manager. Not you, me.
And no more fag breaks.

Looked dead interesting.

-What d'you reckon?
-It had subtitles.

And?

Is that it?
Is that the extent of your review?

Okay, I thought it was...

a very interesting take
on gender politics,

-and a muscular piece of film-making...
-You're just reading that from the poster,

-aren't you?
-[Aidan chuckles]

Yeah.

-Bag of shite, wasn't it?
-Yeah.

Come on, let's go get wasted.

Yes!

[Karen] You stay there
and you do not move, cos God help me,

I will knock you into next week, got it?

-Karen?
-He won't do as he's told.

-He's wrecking the place.
-[Jamie] He's a baby, Karen.

Shouting at him is not going to help.

Well, according to your mother, it is.

-I have to show him who is the boss!
-What happened

to the positive parenting thing
you were doing, eh?

Here you go, darling.

You draw all over the walls,
draw all over the ceilings.

Do what you want,
because I don't care anymore.

Mummy is going to be positive.

Easy, innit?

Connor!

Ah.

My mum was a proper good-time girl.

But she drank her looks away
and the fellas pissed off.

She got depressed.

She wouldn't go out or anything.

Was like that till she died.

-What about yours?
-A slag.

And a smackhead.

There's got to be more to her than that.

No, that's it, the whole story.

She loves you.

Yeah, right.

She must do.
She brought you up, looked after you.

I was put in care.

Seven families in three years.

She had loads of chances to clean up.

Medication, counselling, support.

All that shit. She couldn't do it.

So they swiped me.

So, despite her addiction,

and all the nasty crap
that goes with it...

she never gave you up.

Tried to hold onto you.

They took you.

Must've really loved you.

Fuck it.

It's history, anyway.

So, you're stuck wi' me now, are you?

For better or worse!

I knew this would get out of hand.
She's all over the place because of you.

It's not my fault.
I only gave her a bit of motherly advice.

Why not try getting
your own house in order

before you start helping anyone else?

I'm qualified, thank you very much.
I've had seven kids!

And where are they all now, Mum, eh?
There's only me, Shane and Cilla left.

Karen's big enough to admit
we're struggling with Connor,

and she's trying to do
something about it. But you,

well, you think you're perfect,
Mam, and you're not. You're not.

Somewhere along the line,
you've failed every fucking one of us.

So do us a favour
and read that fucking book yourself.

Just be a couple more minutes.

What the fuck?

Frank?

-What's going on?
-I'm sorry, it's not...

Everything's just kind
of slowed down a little bit.

Ever since you binned fag breaks.

Woo-hoo...

[extremely slowly] Have a great day.

This is insubordination!

There's nothing in here that tells us
what speed we need to work at.

You're fired.

Oh, unfortunately, you can't.

Having successfully completed
my trial period,

you can only issue me with a warning
for unprofessional or gross misconduct,

bringing the company into disrepute,

harming or potentially
harming the company,

the company logo or any of its employees.

You could launch an investigation,

but you'd have to suspend me
with full pay first.

Fucking European Union.

Well, it's the only union
we've got left, mate. We are a team.

All of you?

-All of us.
-Well, I'm part of that team.

[Frank laughs]
Nah, you're management, mate.

Okay. Have it your way.

Welcome to management, Frank.
That's an extra 30 quid a week for you.

Come on, team!

Well, the only thing
that I think we need is a happy team,

so... put some choons on
and have a laugh. Sorted.

Oh, and fag breaks are back on.

Have one whenever you want.

-S'all right with you, innit?
-Hm. Do whatever you want.

As long as that lot
gets sorted before you clock off.

Staff hours, orders, rotas.
You'll have plenty of time,

providing your team
run the kitchen and counter okay.

Oh, and as you'll know
from paragraph three,

sub-section C of the company handbook,

"failure to complete and file paperwork
is an immediate sackable offence".

Tough at the top, eh, Frank?

[whispering] Cunt.

[evil laugh]

-Tch-tch-tch-tch. Here, 50 quid.
-[cat meows]

-Tch-tch-tch-tch.
-[cat meows]

Shit. Come here you, little fuck! Tiger!

-[tyres screeching]
-[cat yelping]

[phone ringing]

-[Shane sighs]
-[Aidan] Kelly! Kelly!

Y'all right?

-I wanted a word.
-[phone ringing]

Yeah? Oh, fuck off, Lillian!

Well, what we talked about,
"I've got you now..."

I was wondering if you want
to go out sometime, you and me.

What are you going on about, Aidan?
I'm fucking busy here.

Is your phone broke?

Look, can we talk about this later?

Sorry I'm late. Traffic were a bitch.

Traffic?

-I said I'd pay you double next month.
-I'm not here about that.

It's about your cat. Tiger?

Charity!

Charity, this man's found Tiger.

-There you go.
-What's...

That's Tiger.

-What's this, some kind of--
-Come on, I'm sure it's him.

A van got him... I think, you know,
judging by the tyre marks across his back.

I think that's his back, anyway.

Fuck it.

What about my 50 quid?

-In your own time, mate.
-Yeah, hang on, give us a minute.

Is that... Great.

Erm... Fries, sorry, just...

-Is that large fries, is it?
-[man] Yes, mate.

There you go, one Mighty Mountain Meal.

Sorry for the wait, I'm a bit...

Well... Hey!

-We were just finishing our fag break.
-Another one?

Well, you said we could
whenever we wanted to.

Right, no more breaks
until further notice.

I've got paperwork to do,
you've got targets to hit.

We'll never hit that.
And why do you care, anyway?

-Just do what I say, I'm the manager.
-Line manager,

-not that you've earned it or owt.
-Right, that's it. A verbal warning.

That's not fair!

Well, life isn't fair, sweetheart.
Come on, back to work, all of you!

[Cheryl] What can I get you?

You are as free

-to be whoever you want to be.
-What in the name of holy shit is that?

It's a cat. It's dead now.

No shit, CSI Chatsworth.
You can't leave that there.

-Why not?
-Because it's disrespectful.

All right, fair enough.
I'll give the Pope a bell,

and I'll see if I can sort out
a full-on fucking Mass for it.

-It's dead. Get over it, fuck's sake.
-You can't leave that there.

[whispering] Do something with it.

Something respectful, yeah?

Creativity, beauty and wonder are free,
just like you.

-[thumping]
-All right?

-Mm-hm.
-What's that noise?

-What noise?
-The banging.

It's Connor. I locked him in the wardrobe.
I'm being a firm parent.

Can't you see how happy
it's making us all?

[Ruby] Something respectful, yeah?

[cat meowing]

Excuse me? Excuse me!

Oh.

-Oi! Where are you lot going?
-Pub.

What, all of you?

You did the rota.

No, you have to stay.

Don't have to.

You're still in your trial period,
and you're on a verbal warning already.

Leave now and I'll sack you.

Stay or go, it's up to you.

[Mimi] "Children thrive on routine,

but routine doesn't have to inhibit,
doesn't have to be a straitjacket.

A good routine can liberate a child.

Let the child establish
his or her own routine.

Allow them to take control of their day."

[suspenseful music]

-Cilla? Cilla?
-[echoing sound of a child's laughter]

Cilla?

Cilla!

Cilla!

Cilla!

-Cilla!
-[car honking]

Cilla!

Cilla!

Oh! Oh-ho. Cilla!

Oh! Hiya.

Oh, hello, gorgeous! Oh!

We should've locked up by now.
We're well past closing time.

I'm the manager. I'll decide
when it's time to lock up, all right?

All right?

Shouldn't you be doing something?

Necking cheeky Vimtos and rimming Akeeba?

Work-wise.

Right, go on... What?

-What?
-[Cheryl] Nothing.

Just that thing you said
about how all management are wankers.

-You think I'm a wanker?
-With a plastic star.

Yeah, one more than you.

-Get the fuck down!
-Oh!

-What the fuck!
-I said, on the fucking floor now!

-Get off me!
-Please don't! No, I've got kids, don't!

-Frank? Frank!
-Please! I've got family!

Frank Gallagher?

Fucking hell.

-Shawy?
-Fucking hell!

How are you doing, mate?

Yeah, all right... You know. You?

Yeah, yeah, fine.

-You work here, then?
-I'm the manager.

-Line manager.
-Shut it.

[Shawy] Nice one! Yeah.

I'm dead sorry, mate,
but I'm still gonna have to rob the gaff.

You understand, don't ya?

Oh... Yeah.

Hey!

-Marty about?
-I don't know.

-Got you some chippies.
-Want a medal?

Aidan!

I'm sorry, I should... Aidan!

Look, we'll do something nice tomorrow.
Anything you fancy.

Fucking?
Yeah, I tell you what, let's fuck.

I've got a bit of money stashed,
let me know how much you charge.

I'm in deep to a loan shark,

our Amy's getting married
next month again,

and Tony needs
one of them motorised wheelchairs.

-Paralysed himself tombstoning.
-Yeah, I heard.

Fucking knobhead!

Times are hard.

You've done all right for yourself,
haven't you? Manager?

A proper manager
would have locked up, emptied the tills,

-put the takings in the safe--
-Yeah, yeah.

Shall I clip her?
Make it look an accident?

[Shawy chuckles]
It's a joke.

Hey, any jobs going here?
You could put in a word for us.

For you?

Yeah, you could vouch for us,
couldn't you? My trustworthiness and that.

Well, you know, just to be honest,
I don't think it's gonna happen, you know,

not with you robbing us and that.

-Right.
-But, if you didn't...

If you left without that,
then, you know, I could see what I can do.

A bag of money versus a lifetime
of minimum wages working for wankers.

Well, it pays time and half at weekends,

double on bank holidays
with a day off in lieu.

You've convinced me.

Oh, please don't. You're going to
get caught. There's CCTV cameras.

Eyewitnesses.

You wouldn't shop me, though, would you?

Well, he is the manager.

[Shawy] You're not one of them, Frank.
You're one of us.

-I'm sorry, mate, I--
-Don't.

I'm desperate.

-I'll phone the police.
-No. It's my call.

[Billy] What the fuck is going on?

Spinach soup. Super food, apparently.

Are you pissed?
It's the middle of the fucking night.

Cilla's decided she wants to get up.

Tell her it's not time to get up,
like you always do.

I can't.
I'm giving her "her own personal freedom".

"She'll decide her own sleep patterns."

[Cilla crying]

I can hear words coming out
your mouth, but they don't make any sense.

-I'm just trying to be a good mum.
-You are a good mum.

I'm not, I never have been!

And that little girl
is my last chance at it!

[Cilla crying]

I think you're a good mum.

Look, I, I...

What the fuck!

Here's the branch manager.

Look, I didn't wanna bother you
late last night.

We got turned over.
I really wanted to fight back, but...

they had guns.

I didn't get a chance to get
the night safe with the paperwork

and then turn the CCTV cameras on and...

Why are the police here? What's happened?

Absolute fucking disaster.

"Allow the child to set his own parameters

within the boundaries
laid down by the parents."

All right, that makes sense, kind of.

-So what stage is Connor at now?
-Stage five,

but, to be honest,
I think we got stuck about stage two.

"Failure to progress
between stages is a result

of a lack of parental reinforcement."

She's got it covered.

-There's good stuff in here.
-Is that right?

"Every child
has the potential for greatness--"

Where's the chapter
about drawing cocks on the wall?

Sorry?

Well, what does the professor say
about drawing cocks on the wall?

Mm...

"If you get stuck,
go back to the previous chapter."

So, book after book,
you read it to the letter.

And if it doesn't work,
it's not the book's fault,

it's your fault for not doing it properly.

It's a scam. It's fucking foolproof!

-So, I don't have to finish the book?
-It's bollocks.

We have got a great kid. He's happy.
He draws a few cocks on the wall, so what?

Hm. Thank fuck for that.

That one's not actually bad.

-Attention to detail.
-Hm.

-Proportion.
-Mm-hm.

-Our son is a fucking genius.
-Hm, is he.

Well, I fucked a 15-year-old.

He was dead nervy.
It was all over in about 30 seconds.

-And how old were you?
-Fourteen.

[laughter]

Get it over and done with.
He'll be that embarrassed,

he won't bother you again.

If you're worried about diddling me
out of my commission--

I'm not.

Oh, I don't know, I can't just fuck Aidan.

Why not?

Apart from it being
register-signing-illegal?

It just wouldn't be right,
it'd be like incest or summat.

He's not your blood. Fuck him and move on.

Put me back
on flipping burgers and frying fries.

I want to get the Trafford Centre outlet
and I always get what I want,

and whoever helps me achieve my dream
is going to end up running this place.

Whoever helps you

-will end up running this place?
-That's what I said.

How are we gonna make target now?

Cheryl, change of plan.

What?

Oh, don't. I've tried to get shot of it.

The only way I can get back
on the floor is by hitting the targets

and getting fuckhead
to the Trafford Centre.

Well, that's never gonna happen.

That's a very negative attitude.

Need a word with you.

I'll give you more than a word,
sweetheart.

Now.

Are we going to... fuck?

You better believe it, boy.

If you're up to it.

Get undressed. Now.

What, now?

Well, come on, what're you waiting for?

Come on, what's the matter with you?

No, Kelly, stop!

I don't want this.

Well, what do you want?

I want my mum.

-Mimi?
-Shh.

Cilla's asleep,
said she wanted to go night-nights.

Can't disturb her...

This isn't right.

[Mimi] It's in the book, Karen,
so it must be right.

I knew nothing
before this book, nothing at all.

Mimi...

Keep it down.
I don't want Cilla hearing conflict.

"A butterfly can't float in a war zone."

Mimi, get up.

You live on the Chatsworth.

You're a drug dealing,
loan-sharking, kneecapping Maguire.

There is no spring meadow
for a fucking butterfly to float.

This is an instruction manual
on how to live your life,

that's all. It's just ideas
and most of them are bollocks.

No, Karen, right.

I nearly lost Cilla yesterday.

I was reading the book, in the park,
then, I looked up and she'd gone.

Now, I could've lost my mind,

thinking she'd been snatched
by some paedo, but--

Or, if you hadn't been reading the book,
and doing what you usually do with Cilla,

watching her, playing with her,

being with her, none of it
would've happened, full stop.

You've been a mother seven times over.
You know what you're doing.

-Jamie doesn't think so.
-Course he does.

Look, he was just looking after me.
He's turned out all right, hasn't he?

Look, so what, you might not be
the greatest mother in the world. Who is?

We're all winging it, aren't we?

I'm not your mum.

No.

So, when I let you down,
you thought you'd put me in my place.

"Just some prozzie who crashes here."

Not really us, though, is it?
Mother and son or fuck buddies?

We've got something different.

I can't promise that I'll be here
for you, not all the time.

I've got work, Marty, mates,
got a million other things.

But I'll try.
I'll try harder to be better.

Hey. That's a big thing for me to say.

Nod.

Say "thank you".

But you've got to try an' all.

You've got to start seeing me
as something other than just a prostitute.

Now come on,
let's go get twatted at The Jockey.

You wouldn't really have done it,
would you? You know, shagged me?

You'll never know, will ya?

What're you doing, Shane?
The house stinks.

You're going to be the first to see it.
Wait.

See what?

Little bit of atmos.

What do you think?

City's 1970
European Cup Winners' Cup squad.

Franny Lee, Neil Young, little Colin Bell.

I'm gonna sell 'em
to the National Football Museum in town.

Colour that chart in, add a zero
to the figures and then bingo,

you're away.

Well, nobody knows
exactly how much money was robbed.

Head office'll think I've hit targets,
insurance pays out,

and I get to the Trafford Centre.

-Everybody's happy.
-Everything okay?

Yeah!

We've just had a little chat,
me and, er, Cheryl.

She's a pretty good sounding board
for a couple of ideas of mine.

And, it looks like, er,
she's on her way to running this place.

-Really?
-Yeah. I'm sorry, Frank.

Come on, Cheryl. Paperwork to do.

Cheer up. Have some pakora.

Hang on, we don't sell pakora.

[Frank laughs]

Peace offering?

Karen says I was a bit hard on you,
and she's right. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, an' all.

The second
you think you know all the answers

is the second you fuck it all up.

She does a good job
cos she's scared of getting it wrong.

Yeah, well, she's usually bang on.

[electric saw whirring]

Whoa, whoa! There's no need for that.
It'll fit through.

Flip it on its side...

Hm. You were right.
It is the wrong colour.

Ninety-nine times out of a hundred,
anyway.

We know parenting's hard.

The wee man kicks off every time
I try to brush his teeth.

He'll thank you for it one day.

Yeah, well, I never thanked you. So...

thank you.

For brushing your teeth?

Yeah, Mam, for brushing me teeth.

Don't know what you're thanking me for,
they're green and manky.

Well, that's your fault for buying me
sweets after visiting the dentist.

Er, a reward for being brave.

Er, mixed messages.

That's my fucking cat.

-Was your cat. Didn't want it, did ya?
-Er, that was years ago.

Stuff we didn't know that we know now!

-Like sugar rots your teeth.
-You had one chance!

-[Mimi] I'm not a fucking dentist.
-It's not fucking rocket science, is it?

You were a little twat
when you were little!

-I was four!
-[clamour]

[Mimi] Like it or not,
we're always learning something.

Someone wants to teach you a lesson
and put you on a steep learning curve,

but one day you've got to ask,
when's the fucking exam?

I'm sick of being taught lessons,
I just wanna be.

That's all, be.

My name is
Katherine Harmonica Joy Mimi Tutton,

and I'm a fuck up.

But so are you and you and you.

We're all fucked up.
None of us are perfect,

and none of us know everything,
and when we all finally fucking learn that

as our big, fuck-off, last lesson,

we'll all be able to get on living life
and have a great time.

[Kelly] She's been investing it
in kinky boots.

Gloria, we've got a house guest.

-Gloria.
-That was your mother?

-The money. I spent it!
-Three and a half grand?

I've bought something.

It's hard. Very hard. Suck me cock!

Tickle me balls. No, leave.

-This is--
-Brenda.

[Avril] Brenda is Lillian's slave.

You two should think of getting one.

I found a lump.

Which one is it?

[theme music]

So no news
from the National Football Museum, then?

No, not a sausage, funnily enough.

But you know what they say, don't you?

One man's loss is another man's profit.

You bastard.

Five pound,
your Museum Of Pop, five pound!