All language subtitles for Kate.and.Leopold.2001.(118min).en

Time.

Time, it has been proposed,
is the fourth dimension.

Und yet,
for mortal man,

time has
no dimension at all.

We are like horses
with blinders,

seeing only
what lies before us.

Hear, hear.

Forever
guessing the future

und fabricating the past.

It's him.

Brilliant.

Quite right, Your Grace.

How, you ask,
can we lift

these shackles und live
not in the moment,

but in the glorious expanse
of time's continuum?

Listen, und I shall tell you.

The secret lies
in the enduring power
of our achievements...

...our creations.

As the pyramids testify
to the Egyptians,

so my glorious erection
shall represent

our culture in perpetuity.

Behold, rising before you

the greatest erection
on the continent...

...the greatest erection
of the age,

the greatest erection
on the planet.

Hold this.

Of course.

For the Herald,
Your Grace.

I understand you'll
be making an important
announcement tonight.

Good afternoon, ladies.
Please, excuse me, please.

Good afternoon.

And the Perrier-Jouet
should be chilled.

Do you understand?
Chilled.

Leopold!

Leopold,
where have you been?

Leopold!

Otis, I demand explication.

It's half past five,
he's not even dressed.

He'll be ready, My Lord.
I assure you.

I don't want him ready.
I want him resplendent!

Ah, Miss Blaine.

You dance like a...
Like a herd of cattle.

You are a rare woman

who lights up a room
simply by leaving it.

Might you be rich,
Miss Blaine?

You see, whilst I am
the third Duke,

the little secret of those
of us in the Royal Court,

apart from our
general uselessness,

is our massive
indebtedness.

It's always been
your misfortune, Leopold,

that you so thoroughly
amuse yourself

with the sound
of your own voice.

In a life
as stagnant as mine,

that I can
amuse myself at all

is an evolutionary marvel.

Hmm.

Please don't touch that.

The device you were
jabbering about,

to take priests
to the bell tower.

To take anyone, Uncle,
to the floor they so desire.

Buildings continue to climb.

Soon they will outstrip
the stamina of our legs.

You speak of progress
and invention.

Yet what I offer you
downstairs is reality.

Take a wife. Marry.

Marriage...

Marriage is the promise
of eternal love.

As a man of honor,
I cannot promise eternally

what I have never
felt momentarily.

Born into privilege,
yet perversely ashamed of it.

That is your tragedy.

My God. If my brother
could only see you,

he'd be heartbroken.

You are no duke.

Of course I'm not.

The monarchy is dead, Uncle.

We are relics.
That is reality.

The new Royals are men
of accomplishment.

Men like Roebling,
with his bridge,

Edison, with his lamp,

Diesel, Bell,
Westinghouse...

Those men made themselves
from nothing!

You, on the other hand,
were born with everything

and from it,
fashioned nothing.

As of tonight,
I wash my hands of you.

Take a good look
at your dance card, Leopold.

A wealthy bride
is your only surety.

Your Grace.

Your grace,
may I present Miss Tree

of the Trees
of Schenectady, sir.

Miss Tree?

It's an honor to be making
your royal acquaintance,
Your Highness.

Shall we?

Many dreams, all useless.

Who are you?

Uh...

No, no, no.
It's okay.

Please, wait, no.

I don't want to harm you.

Stop, please.

Sir, wait.

Pardon me.
Pardon me.

Go! Go!

Stop, sir, please!

Oh, my God.

No!

Oh!

Let go.

Just let go.
It's okay.

You don't understand!
Let go!

Oh!

I don't want to hurt you.
Let go.

Damn it!

Aah! Aah!

Whoa, whoa!

Oh, what the...

Bart!

Wait!

Shit! Ow!

Oh, my God.

We must remember, Bart,

that sometimes it is okay
to color outside the lines.

Hello?

My Palm Pilot,
you still have it.

Kate,
it's 1:00 in the morning.

And clearly you're awake,
so what is the infraction?

Look, Kate, I don't know
where your Palm Pilot is,

and I can't
do this right now.

Not now.
I'm expecting a call.

Oh, Bart.

Oh, I'm sorry, baby.

She is not a happy person.

Ah! Ah! Ow!

Damn it!

You know what, Stuart?
You know what? I'm...

- Kate...
- Stuart.

Please. I've got
somebody here, okay?

I know!
I saw her.

- No, you didn't.
- Yes, I did!

It's a him,
if that's any kind of
consolation to you.

So look,
now that you know
I'm not getting laid

just go to bed, okay?

Uh-uh, don't.
Do not hang up on me, Stuart.
Don't do that.

Kate, please!

I beg of you.
Something big is happening.

Something that validates
my entire life...

Something that validates
your entire life.

What could that possibly be?

Are you sitting down?

Yes.

- No, you're not.
- Yes, I am.

- No, you're not.
- Ye...

Okay.

I found it.

What did you find?

The portal.

A crack in the fabric of time.

It was over
the East River, Kate,

just where I said it would be.

You found the portal.

A portal into April 28, 1876.

I jumped off the
Brooklyn Bridge

and took a walk
in 1876 today.

I followed the Duke of Albany
around old New York.

- Are you listening?
- Avidly.

This here's the twist, Kate.
Here's the kicker.

What's the kicker?

He followed me home.

The Duke of Buffalo...

No. No. No.
The Duke of Albany.

Albany... followed you home
through a crack in time.

I told you about him.
He's a brilliant engineer.

He patented
the counterweight pulley.

He invented the elevator,
for Christ's sake.

You know what, Stuart?
You know what?

I'm not
your girlfriend anymore.

I haven't been
for a whole month now.

You can tell me the truth.

I am telling you
the truth.

You can tell me you went
and picked up a transvestite
in Times Square,

I don't care.

You know what, Kate?

This is it, right here.
This is it, in a nutshell.
Our... Our downfall.

You never, not once,
believed in me.

Oh, I did, Stuart.

I did, for four years.
And I got burnt.

Okay, you want
to know who he is?

I'll tell you who he is.

He is a hacker.

High-end. English.

I know him from Columbia.

He's in town for the
Mac Expo at the Javits.

We went out,
got a little sloppy
on Guinness,

and he passed out
on my couch.

And that's the truth?

Mmm-hmm.
That's the truth.

Okay?
Are you happy now?

Is that plausible enough
for you and your little
focus group?

You know what, Stuart?

I blew my best years on you.

Those were your best?

Look...

I'm sorry.

I have to go.

You'll get your Pilot
in the morning.

Orange alert.

Oh!

Otis!

Otis!

Bart, no.

- Otis.
- Stay there.

Quiet! Bart, stop!

Stay here. It's okay.

You?

- It's okay.
- Where am I?

Well, um, there's not
an easy explanation for that.

If it's a ransom you seek,
my uncle won't pay a cent.

Except, perhaps,
for my demise.

No, you're not being kidnapped.

Bart, quiet!

I can scarcely see,
thanks to your spray.

My eyes feel like
steak au poivre.

So I ask you again,
where the hell am I?

As far as I'm concerned,
you might be Jack the Ripper!

And you would have me believe

that I'm being detained
at present in the hereafter?

- The time to come?
- Yes.

Bart, quiet!
He needs a walk.

Oh, and you would
have me believe

that you have found
a crack in time.

You, of all people,
should understand.

I mean, you're a scientist.
You invented the elevator.

What is an elevator?

What the hell are you talk...
Where the hell am I?

I told you, you haven't
actually gone anywhere.

You're still in New York.

That, sir,
is not New York!

I'm afraid it is.

No, Kate.

Hello. Hello there.
What's your name?

- Leopold.
- Tell me something.

I'm having trouble
with my G-5.

How much RAM do I need
to properly run OS 9.6?

Clearly,
the Mac Expo is out.

So you must be...

A man out of time?
Or Sergeant Pepper?

You know what?
Actually, we could use
a little privacy..

Stuart, I want
my Palm Pilot.

Maybe later on, Kate.

I just want
my Palm Pilot, Stuart!

No. No.

Hey, give me my Palm Pilot!

Give it to me.

This is madness.

This is madness.
Who was that?

I... I feel as if
I've seen her...

Women have changed
since your time, Leo.

They've become dangerous.

It's on the landing!

You say
this is no kidnapping.

You say
you mean no harm.

Then why is it, sir,
you will not unlock the door?

I'm... I'm sorry, okay.

I'm sorry about her...

Look, with all due respect,

I can't let you just go
running around free
out there, okay?

This is New York City.

It's not such a safe
place anymore.

Look at you.

You look like some sort
of psychotic escapee

from a Renaissance fair.

I understand
you have some anxiety,

but you have to trust me.

I'm gonna get you
home, okay?

I promise.

Bart!

The portal opens up again
next week. Monday.

I know that
because it was my backup

in case I didn't
make it last night.

It's on a cycle, you know?
Kind of like, uh...

...total eclipse.

Once every 20 years.
You understand?

Generally,
I understand everything.

Since I've met you, nothing.

I can only assume
I'm in a nightmare
brought on by agita,

or else I am dead.

You're not dead.

Come here. Sit down.

Here.

Want some milk in yours?

Bart, can I just have...

Sorry, he's... He's really
got to go out.

Look here.

Uh...

I'd be honored
if you took a look at those.

Um, I'll explain everything
when I get back.

He's got to go out
or he's going to drop
a bomb in there.

Come on, let's go.

Back in five.

One quick trip to Spectra, Bart,

and you and I will be Nobel...

...Laureates.

Come on, Bart.

Hey, let's go.

Come on. Let's go.

Oh! Jesus.

Good boy, Bart.

Stay!

Stay, Bart.

Stay.

Oh, Bart, please stay!

Stuart,
you forgot the pointy thing.

Stuart...

Look, this is not complex.
He gave me the Palm Pilot,

but he forgot the pointy thing.

I've been warned about you.

Oh. Really?

And what, pray tell,
did the great disappointment say?

That you were dangerous,
though you hardly look it.

Oh, really?

A lady in trousers isn't
dangerous, merely plain.

I take it you're
a career woman.

Yeah, market research.

Hmm. Fine avocation
for women, research.

Perfect for
the feminine mind.

Huh.

You're a trip, Lionel.

I myself once courted
a librarian in Sussex.

Oh.

Good for you.

Aha.

I must confess

I feel as though we've met
on a previous occasion.

Well, Lionel,

seeing as I've never met
a single friend of Stuart's,

I'm not even sure
he's ever had any,

I really don't see
how that's possible.

Oh, man. Bart!

He just made
Lake Erie out there.

You just can't toss a dog
out into the hall like that.

You can't do that.

I assure you,
I did not.

- Let's go.
- I beg your pardon?

Come on, let's go.

Bart.

Look, pal, I don't care
how many elevators you got.

This one's
in my building.

Hang on a second.

Sorry about the elevator,
Miss Kate.

I've got them
on the phone right now.

Hey, Gracy. This is Lionel,
Stuart's friend.

How do you do?

Ten minutes.
I need someone here right now.

Oh.

- Watch it, man.
- I do beg your pardon.

Hey, what are you doing?

You need to be
going that way.
There's an electron...

Hello? Hello?
There's an electronics store.

- Hello?
- I'm sorry. Yes.

There's a patch of grass
across the street.

Take him there.
He'll do his business.

Can you give this to Stuart, please?
It's his cable bill.

They haul our furniture
and cradle our children

but this morning,
from the Battery to the Bronx

elevators have mysteriously...

So sorry.

- Stupid!
- I do beg your pardon.

Go on the sidewalk!

I beg your pardon.

Are you gonna remove that?

I beg your pardon?

Pick it up
and put it in the trash.

Absolutely not.

Maybe you don't understand.

It's against the law
to leave it there.

Are you suggesting, madam,
there exists a law

compelling gentlemen
to lay hold of canine
bowel movements?

I'm suggesting
you pick the poop up
and throw it away now.

I refuse, respectfully.

All right.

What's your name,
fancy pants?

Leopold...

Alexis Elijah Walker

Thomas Gareth Mountbatten.

All right, Stuart.

Have a nice day.

I appreciate you putting in
a good word for me

but J.J.'s not back
from London.

Right. Yeah. Bye.
What's with the elevators?

It's happening everywhere.

Darci.

Last page.

Sorry.

Did everyone live
happily ever after?

He lost his leg to gangrene
waiting for her on the island.

But they're together now.

Wonderful.

Oh, look, you got
your Palm Pilot back.

A nightmare.

Okay, so who do I owe?

Okay, uh, Bobby at Hasbro.
Reeves at Crunch.

And the finals came in
for "Love for Sale."

The call
with the studio's at 4:00.

The margarine thing's in 15
in the conference room.

and J.J. wants to talk
to you before that.

Oh, and one more thing.

I remember that you told me
to start thinking ahead,

so I know your brother's
getting back from
his retreat tomorrow

and if you want
something in the fridge...

- Darci...
- Mmm-hmm?

Can you tell me
why I'm upset right now?

Because, uh...

J.J. called this morning.

That is why
I have a cellphone.

- So you can call me...
- Kate, Kate, he didn't call.

He just popped
his head in here and
spoke two sentences.

So he's back?

Margo says he's going to make
a big announcement about
the merger next week.

Margo? What does she know?
How does she know anything
about anything?

Oh. All right.

So he popped
his head in here.

All right, so you have
to tell me exactly
what he said, Darci.

You have to start
at the beginning
and tell me...

He said, "Tell Kate I'm gonna
sit in on Farmer's Bounty."

J.J.

Good morning, Kate.

Good morning.

I'll see you in there.

Good Lord, it still stands.

The world has changed
all around it,

but Roebling's erection
still stands.

That, my friend,
is a miracle.

What?

It's a miracle, man!

It's a bridge.

Tell me when did they
adapt it for steam engines?

The fire brigade.

I don't know how it happened.
I found him in a shaft.

Stuart.

Leopold, what are you doing
out here?

- Down, one, two, three.
- Get back inside.

One, two, three.

They're taking him
to Goodman Memorial.

Fresh creamery butter.

Is there anything
more comforting?

There is.

And I know you will agree
when you try Farmer's Bounty,

with the essence
of real butter in every bite.

Your first choice.

However, 45% of our demo

circled "Shifty"
as his key descriptor.

Not good.

This is what I say.

Everybody should be trying
Farmer's Bounty

with the real, rich,
creamy taste of real butter.

Try it, and you will be losing
pounds. Poof! Boom! Voila!

Your second choice.

Unfortunately,
the group found him
obnoxious, abrasive,

and a whopping 72%
found him just plain creepy.

The spot rolls out
in four days.

We have to sh...

The product is shipping.
What the hell am
I supposed to do?

We have to do
another session. Tomorrow.

I had my assistant book
the response room at National

so we can decide
then and there.

Kate, are you all right?

You okay?

I'm fine.

Geez, Kate,
I'd ask for a decaf.

Monica, I need you
to call Barney's.

I need a white blouse,
size small,

in Kate's office by lunch.

Oh, dear.

Hi, you've reached Stuart.
please leave a message.

Leopold?

Leopold, look,
don't be frightened.

This is Stuart, okay?

I... I need you...

Is it Bell's
talking telegraph?

I... I... I saw a prototype
at last year's fair.

I need you to
pick up the handset, Leo.

You pick up
the green handset,

because I need
to talk to you.

Are you there?

- Hello?
- Leopold, thank God.

Listen, they're taking me
to X-rays.

Everything's gonna be fine,

but you have to stay
in the apartment,
do you understand me?

Oh, Stuart, I saw
Roebling's bridge today.

I saw it... complete.

Yes, yes, but listen to me.

You can't go out again.
You have to stay
in the apartment.

You have to stay in the house.

Stay in the apartment?
For how long?

Leo, I'll be back tonight.
I promise.

No more field trips.

Would you... Ow!

Hel... Hello?

Stuart? Hello?

Blast!

Hello.

Hello.

Who are you?

Hector. My mom works
late on Wednesdays,

so I watch TV with Stuart.

Want some Pirate's Booty?

...of course,
these... Hang on.

Excuse me, J.J., uh, I wanted
to thank you for the shirt.
That was very nice.

Come in, come in.

Yeah. Uh-huh.
Absolutely.

Oh, good, good.
Yeah, she's here
right now. I'll tell her.

Okay, okay. Bye.

Sit down.

That was Barry.

He was thrilled with your work
at the screening last night.

Oh, good. Good.

You're a rarity
among women, Kate.

I'm sorry?

You don't cling
to illusion.

You don't get
caught up in emotion.

You don't do pretty.

I don't?

You skew male.
You're like a man.

A man who
understands women,

their desires,
their needs.

You understand them but
you're not really one of them.

You don't mind
my being frank, do you?

No, I don't. No.

Edamame?

Kate?

But one day,
he lowered the Jolly Roger...

- Stu?
- ...and set sail in search

of another kind of treasure.

Not money,
not jewels, not gold,

but a bride.

Despite his being
a ruffian of the brine,

fearless in his plunder

and merciless with the sword,

the Pirate King
was also lonely.

You see,
he had never met a lady.

He never met a girl?

No. Not a girl, not a lady,
not even his own mother.

So what happened?

As with all comedies
the most ridiculous thing
imaginable...

The Pirate King
fell in love with

the major general's daughter.

Ah.

I had the good fortune to see
the premiere last month

at the Fifth Avenue Theatre.

Since when is Penzance
at the Fifth?

Is it your habit, sir,

to simply enter a conversation
without introduction?

Whoa, you are
deep in it.

It's cool.
I'm an actor, too.

I'm Charlie.
I live downstairs.

Kate McKay,
senior vice president.

Darci,
It hasn't happened.

All he did
was dangle a carrot.

Until he makes a decision,
the pressure is double.

When's he gonna
make a decision?

We're having dinner tomorrow

to discuss it further
at Commune.

- Kate?
- Yeah.

- I have Stuart on the line.
- No!

- No!
- He says he's in the hospital.

Leopold is just sitting alone
in my apartment right now.

God knows
what could happen to him.

Do you know
he got outside today?

Of course he did.
I made him walk your dog.

- What?
- Yeah.

No, Kate, you can't do that!
He can't go outside!

Jesus Christ, Kate.
He's from 1876, Kate.

He doesn't know our customs.

If something were
to happen to him,

it could be catastrophic.
- Shh!

If he doesn't go
back to April 28, 1876,

he doesn't get married
he doesn't have children.
And you wanna know what?

What happened
with the elevators today,

well, that's gonna seem
like a walk in the park.

Stuart, this is embarrassing.

It's embarrassing now,
all right?

Someone has to
keep an eye on him.

He...

Stuart, he's
a grown man.

He's a grown man.
He's fine.

- No. Wait.
- He can take care of himself. I'm going.

Kate, please.

Just take this
to Spectra, okay?

Get it developed.

You'll see
I'm telling the truth.

Tell Manny it's important.

You want double prints?

That's not funny, Kate.
This is not a joke.

You need help, Stuart.
You need help.

♪ ...square of the hypotenuse ♪

♪ Now we sing faster ♪

♪ I'm very good at integral
and differential calculus ♪

♪ I know the scientific names
of beings animalculous ♪

♪ In short,
in matters vegetable,
animal and mineral ♪

♪ I am the very model
of a modern Major-General ♪

Charlie?

Hey, Kate.

Can I see you downstairs
for a minute?

I invited someone
to dinner.

He's up there all alone.
Stuart's in the hospital.

I didn't think you would
have such a problem...

No, you didn't think, Charlie.
You didn't think.

You came home early,

one day early
from actor camp,

you didn't call.

It's not actor camp,
and, yeah, I came home
a day early, all right?

There was
this tai chi broad

who kept trying to stick her fingers...
- No, this is the point.

You immediately march upstairs
to my ex-boyfriend's apartment

and you invite
his freakish friend.

See, that's what it's about.
It's not that I went up there.

It's that it was
your ex-boyfriend...
No, it's not about Stuart.

Greetings, Kate.

- Charles.
- Hey, Leo.

Be nice.

So when's Stuart
getting back?

Couple of days,
maybe a week.

He promised me
that he would return
late this evening.

Well, maybe he will, Leopold.

He's so big
on keeping his promises.

May I have
the next course?

There is no next course. Ha.

Where I come from,
the meal is the result
of reflection and study.

Menus are prepared
in advance,

timed to perfection.

It is said without
the culinary arts,

the crudeness of reality
would be unbearable.

We had a saying
in the McKay house,

"You shake and shake
the ketchup bottle.

"None will come,
and then a lot'll."

What is that?

- I beg your pardon?
- Why are you standing?

I'm accustomed to stand
when a lady leaves the table.

Tell me, Charles,

when Stuart and your sister
were engaged,

did you happen
to read his papers

on the temporal universe?

I spent the morning
perusing them
and must confess...

Stuart and I
were never engaged.

Not even close.

But I did read...

Thank you.

But I did read his papers,
however, to show support.

Is Stuart still trying
to make a time machine?

That's the beauty of it.

He discovered no machine
was necessary.

All one had to do
was to develop formulae

to forecast portals,

natural windows
in the fabric of time.

Apparently,
Stuart located one
utilizing modern...

Ah.

...utilizing modern theories
of weather prediction.

What's a portal?

An opening
which exists for but a moment.

This explains why one must
jump through it from a height,

in order to achieve
the required velocity.

The speed of gravity,
to be exact.

It's quite brilliant.

You are so method.

You don't even break
for a second, do you?
It's unbelievable.

Oh, stop it, please!

No more. Stop, please?
I beg you. I'm tired.

Can you go away?
Can you just go away?

Can you go away?

She's drunk, Leo.

Oh, shut up, Charlie.

And you, can you go upstairs?
Can you go away?

I am truly sorry if I have
offended you in any way.

Good night, Charles.

Good night, Leo.

What the hell was that?

He thinks he's from
the 19th century, Charlie.
He thinks he's a duke.

I know.
Isn't that cool?

No.

Kate, he's in character.
He is an actor.

Oh, really?
For what show?

You know that just because
someone doesn't have
a paying gig

it doesn't mean they're not
working on their craft.

What's going on here?

Uh, I think there's
something wrong
with his, uh...

...thing.

- Give me that telephone.
- No.

- Give it to me.
- No, I need to...

What do you expect me to do?
You took away my cellphone.

They're not allowed
on hospital property.

I have to make
a phone call!

You're not going
to make one now.

No, no, you don't understand.

This is a very important
phone call.

I have to leave
this hospital now.
I can't be here anymore.

Mr. Besser, I am tired
of telling you this.

You are not going nowhere

until Dr. Feinstein
signs your release.

Did you ever take
any earth science,
Esther, hmm?

You look like
a smart woman.

Ever hear of the
time-space continuum?

Sounds important,
doesn't it? Well, it is.

You want to know
something, Esther?

It's broken! Okay?

And I'm the only guy
who can fix it.

So why don't you go down
the hall there

and get on your
little telephone

and call Dr. Feinstein?

Good night, Mr. Besser.

You tell him that...

You tell him that I...

Point the toes,
pull your shoulders back.

Take a deep breath in

and then exhale into
downward-facing dog.

Oh, be quiet!

Be quiet... Oh!

Bart, shut up!

That thing is
a damned hazard.

It's just a toaster!

Well, insertion of bread
into that so-called toaster

produces no toast at all,

merely warm bread.

Inserting the bread twice
produces charcoal.

So, clearly,
to make proper toast,

it requires
one and a half insertions,

which is something
for which the apparatus
doesn't begin to allow!

One assumes that when the
General of Electric built it,

he might have tried using it.

One assumes the General might
take pride in his creations

instead of just foisting them
on an unsuspecting public.

You know something?

Nobody gives
a rat's ass

that you have to
push the toast down twice.

You know why? Because
everybody pushes their
toast down twice!

Not where I come from.

Oh, because where
you come from,

toast is the result
of reflection and study.

Ah, yes, you mock me.

But perhaps one day,
when you've awoken

from a pleasant slumber
to the scent of a warm brioche

smothered in marmalade
and fresh creamery butter,

you'll understand that life is
not solely comprised of tasks,

but tastes.

Say that again.

Pardon me?

- Did they start yet?
- Yes.

Session list.

Leopold, Darci.
Darci, Leopold.

I'll like him to read. Can you
tack him on at the end?

And, um, Leopold,
go with Darci.

She'll take you to
the green room and
explain everything.

I need to work out.
I need a place I can work out

If I could get Mr. Duke?
Is he ready? Where is he?

Oh, my God, look at this.
Let's skip this one.

Mr. Duke, right here
on the floor.

Excuse me, that's
your mark, right there.

Just stand
on that tape line.

Look, forget this guy.
I can't waste
any more time, J.J.

We need to make
a decision now.

All right, we've got
plenty of good choices.
Let's cut it off, Kate.

That would be
a mistake, J.J.

Kate, the client
wants to move on.

We should see
this last guy. It'll...

Two minutes!

I think he looks like
the Quaker Oats guy.

Well, Phil, it's really not
about what you think.

It's about what they think.

They've been
in a coma all day,
and now look at them.

To them, huh,
this guy is a dream.

He's handsome,
honest, courteous.

Stands when you
walk in a room.

Brings you brioche in bed.

If you eat his margarine,

maybe your hips will shrink
and he'll come to your door.

I take it this is to be
delivered in direct address

as on Geronimo.

- Geronimo?
- He means Geraldo.

Exactly.

Uh, okay, everyone,
quiet, please. And action.

Start talking, bud.

Fresh creamery butter.

Is there anything
more comforting?

I say there is.

And perhaps you'll agree
when you sample

fat-free Farmer's Bounty...

...with the genuine essence of
creamery butter in every bite.

With every mouthful
of Farmer's Bounty,

you shall receive butter's

luxurious comfort
in your mouth

without adding to the luxury
of your waistline...

Not bad, Kate.

Where'd you find him?

He lives in my building.

Release form?

Right here, and here.

Oh. Hi.

- That was spectacular, Kate.
- Thanks, J.J.

A lot to talk about
tonight at dinner.

Nice work, Mr. Margarine.

Thank you.

Outfit was
a great idea. Nice.

Yes!

Yes! Yes!

Yes! Yes!

Whoo!

- Oh!
- You seem pleased.

Oh, you did
so great in there!

Man!

You are gonna be on
a national television spot.

I take it you're dining
with that man tonight.

Huh? Oh, yeah, J.J.
He's my boss.

You require a chaperone.
His intentions are obvious.

Oh. I'm alone with you.
Do I need a chaperone?

We're not courting, Kate.

If we were,
as a man of honor,

I would have informed you
of my intentions in writing.

Ugh.

Good day.

Hey!

Kate, why don't we take
one of these?

They're for tourists.

Sorry, she doesn't
seem interested.

Oh, hey, hello. Hello.

Hey! Hey!

Hey! Hey, you.

Kate!

Hey, you,
come back here!

Hey!
I'm gonna get you!

Hey! Asshole!

Goddamn it.

Give me your hand.

- What?
- Your hand, woman.

What do you think
you're doing?

Whoa, hey!

Whoa.

I warn you, scoundrel,

I was trained to ride
at the King's Academy

and schooled in weaponry
by the palace guard.

You stand no chance.

Where you run, I shall ride,
and when you stop,

the steel of this strap
will be lodged in your brain.

Your boyfriend's
a very good rider.

Yeah.

Are you for real?

Pardon me?

Are you for real?

I believe so.

You're a duke.

I was born a duke.

I've never felt like one.

Stay. Sit.

On your feet. Stay.

Stay.

Good boy.

I'm off to dinner.
What are you two doing?

I don't know.
Maybe we'll watch
the rest of the game

or go out
or something.

Oh, thank you.

Kate, may I repeat my offer
to serve as a chaperone?

Um, no, thank you, Leopold.

Charles, don't you
find this inappropriate?

As her brother,
I would think...

As her brother,
I would think

that my sister would
invite me to an audition.

Could be just me, though.
Seems kind, but...

- Charlie.
- Hmm?

You're not exactly
a margarine spokesperson.

I can't sell butter, Kate?

I don't mean
to be insulting...

It's insulting. I'm an actor.
You don't have faith in me
to sell butter?

- No, no, I'm sorry.
- I can do British, Kate.

I'm an actor.
I can be anybody!

You're a very,
very good actor.

- I am a good actor.
- You are.

Okay, fine.
All right, uh...

A Victorian dude
who's never seen, uh,

a Mets game watching TV.
- Okay.

Scene...

I say, are those little people
in that box of phosphorous?

Crikey, I believe it is!

This game's more beguiling
than cricket!

Indian.

Good golly, oh, Jesus!

It looks like Mike Piazza
just hit a game.

How about Canadian?

Oh, right. Oh, right on,
you like butter, huh?

Yeah, what's that about?

Oh, right on.
I think he hit a...

Good night.

Good night.

...all those people
up in that stadium.

Know what
they probably could go for?
Some margarine!

When your friend walked in
in that outfit

I was getting a little nervous
for you there.

"If you eat his margarine,
maybe your hips will shrink."

It's brilliant.

You saved Phil
from his own ambivalence.

I knew it was the way to go,
in my gut.

I'm counting on that gut.

Can I get a bottle of your
95 Lynch-Bages
and a bottle of Evian?

I'll tell you one thing,
your friend is gonna be
bigger than Mr. Whipple.

Thanks.

You're not sleeping
with him, are you?

No.

No.

Leo. Leo, come on.
Come here.

How's it going, man?

See the girl with
the long brown hair?

That's Patrice.

She's lovely.

She's mine.

Congratulations.

Hey, everybody, this is Leo!
Leo, this is everybody.

- What's up? Dennis.
- Hello.

Shelby, Allison, Monica.

And this, this is
the insatiable Patrice.

- Hey, Charlie.
- Hi.

Hey.

How do you do?

- Patrice, let me assist you.
- Thanks.

You got it? I was
going to get it.

Let me get that for you.

There you go.

You look
nice tonight. Very...

Like a Judy Blume book.

That's good,
because I thought for a moment

that body of water here
was a moat.

No, that's a pond.

The gardens are devastating.

They are. They're very,
very beautiful. Ooh. Ha.

You'll have to come
and see them firsthand.

Right, right.

After the merger
I'm going to be stuck
over there, setting things up.

I'll be craving
a little face time

from my new top honcho
in New York.

- What are you saying?
- I'm saying you should come visit.

I'll fly you over
for the weekend.

Oh, yeah, I heard that,
but, um,

the other part,
the part before that.

The part about
the top honcho.

I didn't understand that,
that part.

How about catching
an opera Saturday?

La Boheme's at the Met.

Okay, so she comes back,

the audience
is about to leave,

she comes back onstage

and she starts
squirting the audience

with this turkey baster
filled with this pine mist.

And she's screaming
"Un-sex me! Un-sex me!"

But no tears.
Just raw human passion.

Isn't, uh, Willem Dafoe
part of that group?

Yeah. And he did
this monolog

about how all
the best things in life

are hidden
in people's basements.

Like the Louvre.

I'm sorry.
You were saying, Charles?

- No, just...
- No, what about the Louvre?

Tell us what you were
going to say.

Well, only a fraction
of the Louvre is on the walls.

The rest is in the basement.

You've been in the basement
the Louvre?

Oh, yes.

I was an art history
major at Vassar.

Ahh...

And so,
what's down there?

Well, that's where
the real show begins,

unspoiled by dilettante.

Da Vinci, Michelangelo,
David, Chardin.

"Allow me
to assist you, Patrice."

"Oh, let me light that
for you, Monica."

"What, this?
This is my family crest.
Been in the family for..."

"Oh, in the basement?"

"What do they have
in the basement?"

"Why, the works of da Vinci,

"Michelangelo,
Chardin, David

"all surrounded
by great coral sponges
to absorb the moisture."

Just for the record,
I was working it.

I was in the zone and I
would have gotten her number

if you hadn't
turned the evening

into a guided tour
of the Louvre.

My apologies.

Let's get
one thing straight.

Patrice, she thought
you were cute,

probably gay and cute.

And cute, Leo,
that's the kiss of death.

- Perhaps.
- Perhaps? Certainly.

I believe
this is her number.

As I see it, Patrice
has not an inkling
of your affections.

And it's no wonder,

you, Charles,
are a merry-andrew.

A what?

Everything plays
a farce to you.

Women respond
to sincerity.

This requires pulling
one's tongue from one's cheek.

No one wants to be
romanced by a buffoon.

Now, that number
rings her.

- Yes.
- So ring her tomorrow.

I can't. She gave
the number to you.

Only because I told her
of your affections.

Wha... What did you say?

Merely that
you admired her,

but you were hesitant
to make an overture

since you'd been told
she was courting another.

Shit. That's good.

Wh... What did she say?

She handed me the napkin.

Charles,
it's quite late.

No, no, no,
she won't be home yet.

I get her machine,
I leave a message,

ball's in her court.

You're ladling calculation
upon comedy.

The point is to keep the ball
in your court.

You're right.
You're right. Okay.

Nothing need be done
till tomorrow.

Tomorrow.
Then I make my move.

An overture, Charles.
Make your intentions known.

Think of pleasing her,
not vexing her.

No vexing.

You're intoxicated.
We should retire.

I'm sure
Kate will be home.

I doubt it.

But it's nearly midnight.

You like her,
don't you?

- Who?
- Kate.

- You do.
- Oh, Charles, stop.

You like my sister.

Well, you made your
intentions known, right?

- Right?
- You've been drinking.

Leo, Commune,
right around the corner.

We could stop in,
you could give me
a couple of pointers,

pull out
a chair or two

you could throw out
a gesture here or there.

Yeah, see,
it's one thing with Patrice.
You don't give a shit.

It's a whole other
ball of wax

when it's a girl
you like, huh?

Yeah, who's
the merry-andrew now?

You want to vex
my sister!

I have to confess that
I'm a little bit confused.

Um...

No. Thank you.

When you asked me
to dinner tonight,

I was under the impression

that we were here
to discuss...

The merger.

Yes. Right. Yes.

And a possible promotion.

Yes.

Yes, that, too.

And, well, dinner is
winding down,

and we haven't
really discussed

anything even
remotely relevant

to what I thought
we came here to...

I don't believe I've ever
seen you this flustered, Kate.

You haven't even
kissed me yet.

Yeah.
Right. Well...

I like you, J.J., I do.
I like you quite a bit.

Um, as a matter of fact
I think you would agree
that a working...

a successful
working relationship

requires a great deal of...

What exactly is
our working relationship?

Kate...

Hi, Kate.

Hi, Charlie.

Well... What are you
doing here?

We just thought
we'd come by to say hi.

- Kate, J.J., right?
- Right.

- Might I have a word with you?
- Now?

In private.

No! No.

Mr. Margarine.

Please.
Please join us.

And where
did you say it is?

In Sussex.

- Near Ballmour.
- Yes.

Built in the 18th century.

Early 18th century.

Really? Are you quite sure?

Yes.

He's got pictures,
Leopold.

Perhaps you were swindled,
because I can assure you,

as of the late 19th century

there's nothing but
farmland near Ballmour.

You're mistaken.

That's not possible.

It's quite possible, Leopold,
that you are mistaken.

No, it is not possible.

Ballmour is the only
manor house in the county.

I know this because
I grew up there.

Leopold, it is irrelevant...

Leo, do you enjoy opera?

- I do. And do you?
- Oh, yes.

It keeps...
It keeps me alive.

Do you have a favorite?

- Boheme, La Boheme.
- La Boheme.

I've seen it 12 times.

That's... That's how
I learned to speak French.

You speak French?

Fluently.

- Ah.
- Ahh.

What did he say?

"How sweet your face looks

"gently encircled
by the soft moonlight."

Oh, I like that.

From the opening scene
of Boheme, a stunning duet.

Andre sings it to Mimi.

Andre...

I invited Kate
to the Met next week.

She's never been.
Patrone is singing Andre,
and she turned me down.

Can you explain that,
Leopold?

Well...

Boheme is one of
man's great achievements
and should not be missed.

But perhaps Kate resists
on moral grounds.

- Ugh.
- How so?

Should we get
the check?

Well, some feel that to
court a woman in one's employ

is nothing more than
a serpentine effort

to transform a lady
to a whore.

Oh.

J.J...

This guy is
charming, Kate.

The Duke of Margarine
thinks me a serpent.

No, he doesn't.

No, not a serpent.

That's too grand a word.
Simply a braggart and a cad

who knows less French than I,
if that's possible.

And by the way,

there's no Andre in Boheme,
it's Rodolfo.

And though it takes place
in France,

it's rarely played in French,
as it is written in Italian.

Good night.

Sorry.

Kate, might I have a word?

Coffee.

- Morning.
- Hi.

- You want some coffee?
- No, thanks.

You want to read...
You want to read your paper?

No, thank you, Charlie.
I want to go to work

and try and clean up
this mess you made.

You sure you don't...

Uh...

Hey, buddy.

Kate.

Uh, Kate!

- What?
- I... I just thought

maybe you'd want a kiwi
for... for the subway.

- That's a papaya, Charlie.
- Oh.

You're right. Okay.

But while using the product,

80% found the product
too soft to be...

effective.

This, of course, presents
a conundrum for us marketeers.

How do we maintain
a soft feel

on the exterior
of the plastic wrap or pack,

while retaining
the useful tensile strength

in the sheets.

Now, I'm gonna suggest
to the Summer Soft people

to scale back to a limited
release of the product
in the mid-Atlantic states,

where we can
refine the product

on the basis of extensive...

Dearest Katherine,

I behaved as an imbecile
last night,

animated in part by drink,
in part by your beauty,

and in part
by my own foolish pride.

And for that,
I am profoundly sorry.

Please accept
as a gesture of apology

a private dinner
on the rooftop
tonight at 8:00.

Okay, where are we
on Farmer's Bounty?

Kate?

Care to share with us?

Farmer's Bounty?

Where we are.

Where we are is good.

Um, as you know,
we found our spokesperson.

The response room final showed
a 96 in the top two boxes.

His key female descriptors...

were "handsome", "romantic"
with several write-ins of...

"What a hunk."

Great.

Here, hold this.

J.J.?

J.J., hi.

Um, listen, I just want
to apologize again

for what happened
last night.

There was no need
for things to get that way.

I appreciate that.

So... everything's okay?

Yes, Kate.

I didn't jump.
I fell.

There's a difference,
a subtle difference,

but nonetheless
a difference.

Why did you fall down?

Because there was no elevator.

And you feel
that was your fault?

You know what, I'm sorry.

I can see that
you are a very busy man,

and I'm sure there are
plenty of people clamoring

for your particular
brand of attention.

Unfortunately,
I am not one of them.

So if you don't mind,
would you please
unlock this door?

I'm concerned you might be
a danger to yourself.

And in such cases,

the state law requires
that I keep you under...

Hello? Will someone
please open this...

Fuck!

Everything all right,
Dr. Geisler?

Yes, Gretchen.
Everything's fine.

So, Stuart,
I'm going to prescribe
something called Prolixin.

It's a mild antipsychotic.
Nothing too strong.

"I was wondering...
I was wondering if you would
like to accompany me..."

"If you've already been
previously engaged
I understand."

...144. You'll see
a man called Gracy.

Tonight at 7:00, 7:30.
Please don't be late.

I got to talk to you
about this, okay?

'Cause there's some shit
here that just cannot be said.

Did you assemble
a bouquet for Patrice?

Yeah, I'll get her
one of these.

Look, you just can't
tell a woman she's...

"gracefully serene".

No, no, this will not do.

Wha... Why?
What is wrong with this one?

The orange lily
implies extreme hatred.

The begonia and lavender

danger and suspicion,
respectively.

Every flower
has a meaning, Charles.

Might I suggest
the amaryllis

which declares the recipient
a most splendid beauty.

Or the cabbage rose.

Darci.

Hmm?

What is this?

It's a reply
to Leopold's invitation.

Uh-huh?

You're going, right?

I haven't decided yet.

Oh, you haven't decided

if you want to have dinner
on your rooftop with a duke?

Who thinks he's from 1876!

No! And I would
appreciate it if...

Kate, come on, okay?

I don't know
what this guy did
to piss you off

but that is
the best apology letter
in the history of mankind.

Just sign it, Kate.
It's 4:30. We'll fax it.

Kate McKay's office.

They hung up.

Hi, is Patrice there?

Hey, Patrice?

Hi. It's me, Charlie.

Hey, Charlie.

I was just calling to find out
if you got my flowers.

Your... Your flowers.

I was calling to see
if you got the flowers
I sent you.

Yeah, I did.

And I was just wondering
if you would like to go
to a movie tonight,

and maybe afterwards perhaps
accompany me to dinner?

I mean, I...
I understand completely
if you're otherwise engaged.

But, uh...

You know, I just wanted
to say that, um...

Yeah?

Come on.

I wanted to say
that you've, uh, you know...

You've made
an impression on me.

And-and it-it's not
just the way you look...

I mean, which are great.

Your looks are, you know,
top-top shelf. But, uh...

I don't know, it's, um...

What?

You're graceful.

You know, the way
you move and speak.

I mean, some people
have a way with words
and, you know, you...

you do.

The bottom line is,
I like you.

Patrice?

What about 7:00?

7:00?

7:00 would be
heaven. Okay.

See you then.

It worked!
It worked cool!

Who's going out
with Patrice?

Charlie's going out
with Patrice!

Charlie's going
over there.

Oh, better go get ready.
Better go get changed.

Shouldn't change
too much, though

'cause she likes me
for who I am.

- Oh.
- Hey.

Charlie, you
look fantastic.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

I got a date.

I got to go. Bye.

Bye.

Kate?

Yeah?

Um, have a good time tonight.

Bye.

My God.

This is beautiful.

The very word
for which I was searching.

May I?

She was a real romantic,
my mom.

When Prince Charles
and Lady Di got married,
she had a party.

She made crumpets and jam.

It was like
a Super Bowl party,
but for moms.

She cried for a week.

I don't know the story of
Prince Charles and Lady Di.

Oh, you don't want to.

It's a cautionary tale.
Further proof.

Of what?

You can't live
a fairy tale.

I'm not very good with men.

Perhaps you haven't found
the right one.

Maybe. Or, uh,

maybe the whole love thing
is just a grown-up version
of Santa Claus,

just a myth we've been fed
since childhood,

so we keep buying magazines
and joining clubs,

and doing therapy,
and watching movies
with hit pop songs

played over love montages,

all in this pathetic attempt
to explain why our love Santa

keeps getting caught
in the chimney.

Otis always told me
love is a leap.

Lamentably, I was
never inspired to jump.

By my 30th birthday, I had,
according to my uncle,

become a blemish
on the family name.

So he brought me
to this country

with the proviso
I marry an American.

A girl with
a good deal of, um...

Charm?

Money.

Since my parents died
our family fortune had become,
shall we say, depleted.

I would be married now
if I hadn't followed Stuart.

I was to announce
a bride that night.

Who?

I don't know.

Someone. One of them.

What are you doing?

I'm just cleaning up.

Would you do me
the honor of a dance?

Please?

I am not much
of a dancer.

You're doing famously, then.

Leopold,
this was lovely.

But I don't know
if I can leap,

even if I am inspired.

People might think
I'm brave, but I'm not.

The brave are simply those
with the clearest vision
of what is before them.

Glory and danger alike

and notwithstanding,
go out to meet it.

Hey.

Morning, Charles.

How was your evening
with Patrice?

Good.

Nice.

How was yours?

Good.

Nice.

So, Leo, don't you think it's
time you tell me who you are?

What do you mean?

I mean, it's a blast
doing the duke thing
with you 24/7, but...

I don't want to see Kate
go through Stuart: The Sequel.

I know she seems
pretty tough

but she hasn't had it
that easy.

She's always getting
stuck with people

who don't hold up their end.

Like me.

- I just don't...
- I understand, Charles.

You do?

Yes.

So...

who are you?

I am the man
who loves your sister.

Okay,
pour the soap in.

Shut the lid.

Push the drawers in.

Close the door,

and you push this button.

A word to the wise,
don't press that
till she wakes up.

So she sees you doing it.

Oh, clever.

The proverbial tree
in the woods.

If a man washes a dish
and no one sees it...

- Did it happen?
- Right.

A cup of coffee, my dear.

Thank you.

Breakfast?

Nine-grain toast
with strawberries
and mascarpone, madam.

It's apparently low
in polyunsaturates.

It's really good.

It's good.

What should we do today?

Oh, no, no, no,
no, no, no.

Thank you. No.

You know what makes me happy?
You don't look good in those.

They're so completely
inappropriate for you.

Kate.

Kate, Kate, come.

Leopold? Leopold?

Hey, what are you doing?

It boggles the mind
that it is still here.

This is my uncle's home.
Well, was.

This is where I lived.
Good Lord.

A portrait of my parents.
And me.

Uh... Uh, Leopold?

Look, I just don't think
that we should just be barging
around here like that.

Leopold?

My old quarters.

What are you doing?

Hey.

The place where I put everything
I most cared for.

Hmm.

Things I didn't want
my uncle to touch.

My mother's ring.

Oh, it's beautiful.

You know,
I live on an island

connected to everything
by bridges

and I never cross them.

I've lived here
for ten years, and I've...

never been
to the other side
of anything.

You've never traveled?

No.

Do you...

What?

Do you miss
where you're from?

Hmm...

In a way, I'm...

I miss...

I miss its rhythm.

It was slower?

Quite a bit slower.

- Like today?
- Yes.

Do you hear that, Leopold?
Do you hear that music?

Yes.

Have you ever seen the movie
Breakfast at Tiffany's?

Uh, no.

"No."

Not yet.

You see that guy down there
with the light on?

Mmm-hmm.

He listens to
the soundtrack

of Breakfast at Tiffany's
every night

until exactly midnight.

And then he
turns his light off
and goes to sleep.

♪ My huckleberry friend ♪

♪ Moon river and me ♪

Oh, that means
it's Sunday.

Oh, I don't want it
to be Sunday.

I want more of this.

More 1876.

But, Kate, you don't work
on Sundays.

We can have more.

Well, I don't know,
'cause Sunday

is the day before the day
I work, so...

it gets poisoned.

I see.

Besides, tomorrow is the day
we shoot your commercial.

Kate?

Hmm?

Would you...

Might you ever consider?

Hmm?

It's time for bed.

Oh.

Oh.

I'm so relaxed.

That's all right.

Oh.

Oh.

You're tucking me in.

Yes.

Huh, you're my Otis.

Yes, Your Grace.

Oh, wait.

Hey, hey, don't...

Don't go upstairs. Stay.

I love you, Kate McKay.

Scone, Your Grace?

Ah, thank you, Millard.

And you brought
the Farmer's Bounty?

But of course.

Ah.

Fresh creamery butter.

Is there anything
more comforting?

I say there is.

And perhaps you'll agree

when you sample
fat-free Farmer's Bounty

with the genuine essence of
creamery butter in every bite.

With every mouthful of
Farmer's Bounty,

you shall receive

butter's luxurious comfort
in your mouth

without adding to the luxury
of your waistline.

Farmer's Bounty.

Now, on this one,

take a bite and smile.

And cut!

All right, check gate.

Good enough for me.

Can we get a Dedo
up here and something...

Oh, excuse me.

Excuse me. Is this an actual
sample of Farmer's Bounty?

Yeah. Why?

This tastes like
saddle soap.

Well, that's not really
your concern, now, is it?

Not my concern?

This product tastes
like raw suet.

How is that
not my concern?

Hey, pal,
it's a paycheck.

- Wait a minute.
- A paycheck?

This is an outrage.

Don't worry
about the taste.

Come back,
we need another shot.

Something that brings
the light up on this...

Leopold!

Leopold!

Hey.

Leopold, what's going on?
What are you doing?

They need you
back in there.

Do they?

Yeah. They have
to shoot the rest
of the spot.

They're not
finished yet.

Well, I want
no part of it.

Why?

- Have you tasted it?
- Farmer's Bounty?

Yes, Farmer's Bounty.

- Yeah, I've tasted it.
- It's revolting.

I know.

You know it's revolting,

yet you have
no qualms enlisting
me to endorse it?

It's diet.
It's supposed
to be awful.

I mean,
what is the problem?

The problem is
that for no reason

beyond my affection for you,

I find myself
peddling pond scum
to an unsuspecting public!

Hey, listen, you know,

the stakes are very high
for me here.

You can't just quit
because you don't like...

Yes, I can.
And so can you.

When one finds
oneself participating

in an endeavor
entirely without merit,
one withdraws.

No. No.

Because sometimes you have to
do things that you don't like.

Sometimes you have to
suck it up and finish
what you started.

It's part of life.

You sound like my uncle.

Look, Leopold, Jansen Foods

is a very important
account for my company.

If you don't go
back in there,

then I get into
a lot of trouble.

Is this what you
do at work, Kate?

Research methods
to deceive people?

Refine lies until
they resemble truth?

It's no wonder you dread
your work week.

Oh! Man, I don't
have time for this.

What has happened
to the world?

You have every
convenience,
every comfort,

yet no time
for integrity.

No. What I don't
have time for are
pious speeches

by 200-year-old men

who've never had
to work a day
in their life.

You have no idea
what I've done
with my life.

And you have no idea
what I've done with mine!

I haven't had all that
many comforts and
conveniences, Leopold,

because I've
been paying dues
all of my life,

and I'm tired,
and I need a rest,

and if I have to
peddle a little pond
scum to get one,

then so be it!

Very well.

We're kidding
ourselves, Leopold.

In point of fact,

I don't even really
know who you are.

You still don't believe
I'm the man I say I am?

We had a great weekend.
That's that.

And now it's Sunday.

It's over.

♪ There's such a lot of world
to see... ♪

I know.

I know, I know,
it sounds crazy.

Talking about finding
a crack in time
over the East River.

But in point...
In point fact, Gretchen,

you know...

It is no more
crazy than, uh,

a dog finding a rainbow.

Dogs are color-blind,
Gretchen.

They don't see color.

Really?

Just like
we can't see time.

We can feel it.

Oh!
We can feel it passing,

but, uh, we can't see it.

It's just a blur.

It's like, uh...

It's like we're
riding in a...

In a supersonic train

and the world is
just blowing by.

But imagine if we
could stop that train,
Gretchen. Hmm?

Imagine if we could
stop that train,

get out, look around,

and see time for
what it really is.

A universe,

a world, a thing
as unimaginable

as color to a dog.

And as real and tangible

as that chair
you're sitting in.

Now, if we could see it
like that...

I mean, really
look at it,

then,

maybe we could see
the flaws as well as the form.

And that's it.

It's that simple.

That's all I discovered.
I'm just a...

Just a guy who saw
a crack in a chair

that no one else
could see.

I'm that dog
who saw a rainbow.

Only, uh...

None of the other
dogs believe me.

I believe you.

I can see that some
things have happened

since I went away.

But...

You have to go back.

You understand
you'll be going back

to the same day
you left, April 28th.

Yes.

So you understand you
might be repeating
a few things.

You might
even see me.

Just don't follow
me this time.

Can I go in?

J.J. you asked
to see me?

Come on in.

I understand you,
uh, put out a fire
at the shoot yesterday.

Guess Mr. Duke's
got a bit of an ego
on him, huh?

Yeah.

I'm going to
England this week,

and I made a decision.
- Mmm-hmm.

You're going
to be the top
New York honcho.

So, this is going
to be your office.

I'll be making
it official tonight.

Thank you, J.J.
Thank you.

You earned it.

I'm heading over to Jansen
to sign the buy-out papers,
FTC stuff.

So, I'll see you later
at the thing.

- What did he say?
- I got it.

Oh, my God,
that's wonderful!

Just give me one second,
I'm sorry, Darci. One second.

Hi. You've reached Stuart.
Please leave a message.

Hello?

Leopold, I don't know
where you are,

but if you're there,
please pick up.

I got it.

I got the job.

I'm the new senior
Vice President

at CRG.

Uh, please call me.

I, um, I'm sorry
about the way things
came down yesterday.

I apologize.

I, uh, I just really
need to see you.

I'd love to see you tonight,

but I have this thing
at Farmer's Bounty.

But I'd love to
see you later.

I miss you.

I miss you.

Hey, Stuart.
How you feeling?

Where's Leo?

He went home.

He was for real.

He was for real.

Holy shit!

Look at this.

Oh, my God.

Do you understand?
Chilled.

And be sure to leave
another case
of the Chateau Marid.

Yes, sir.

Leopold!

Leopold,
where have you been?

Otis, I demand
explication!

It's half past 5:00!
He's not even dressed!

He'll be ready,
my Lord, I assure you.

I don't want him ready.
I want him resplendent!

This is the invitation.
You've got your table number,
your car number

and I've got Morty down there,
the guy you like.

He's on the Madison side.

Also, your phone sheet
is in here.

And Stuart called you
a couple times. So...

have a great time tonight.
You look beautiful.

I don't think
this is right.

I'm supposed to be
going to 2640 Madison.

That's where we are,
Miss McKay.

Have a nice evening.

- Hi.
- Hello.

Hello. Invitation, please.

They're still plugs.
They're just randomly
seeded with Minoxidil.

No cornrows.

Excuse me.

Hey, Kate.
Congratulations.

Thank you.

The hell with facelifts.

I'm into mini-lifts now.

Just a tiny little bit
each year.

I hear they're bringing back
the 840 next year.

So I'm just
running out the lease.

- Kate, congratulations.
- Thanks, Bob.

Mmm-hmm.

- Hey, Kate.
- J.J. Hi, Barry

- Congratulations.
- Thank you. Thank you very much.

Anyway, I'm just glad
they've got them fixed.

I was going to move
my office down to the lobby.

All right.

Excuse me.

Kate, don't powder
your nose for too long.

I'm going to give
this speech in
a couple minutes.

Okay.

All this time I thought
that I had pretzel fate,

and it had to be untwisted.

But what I never
considered is that

the whole thing
is a pretzel.

A beautiful 4-D pretzel
of kismetic inevitability.

Okay, you know what?
Get off park as soon
as you can,

and then go up Madison.

I was supposed to go back.

He was supposed
to come forward.

Then he was supposed
to go back again, and...

So was she.

Now, it's my pleasure and honor

to turn this over to
my friend J.J. Camden.

...to take priests
to the bell tower.

You speak of progress
and invention.

But what I offer
you downstairs
is reality.

Take a wife.

Marry.

Let us not bother
with this banter, Uncle.

Tell me whom you
want me to marry.

Well, who has
the most money.

Well, that would
be Miss Tree of the
Trees of Schenectady.

Good.

Consider it done.

Otis, fetch the ring.

I will announce
at midnight.

Invitation, please.

Uh, hello.
My name is
Stuart Besser.

I'm sorry,
I know we're not
on your list,

but his sister
is Kate McKay.
She works here.

I'm sorry, sir,
I can't just
let you in.

...and I learned that
there was one thing
that I could do,

and it didn't
require money

and it didn't require
a fancy school.

I learned that
I could please people.

And there is nothing
wrong with that!

I am a people pleaser, people!

Whoo!

Thank you so much.

I am so jazzed...

- Kate!
- Stuart!

- Kate.
- Charlie! What are you doing?

Take a look at these
pictures, Kate.

No! No-no-no-no!

...the woman who's gonna be
holding down the fort

in our New York offices,

our own little rising star,
Miss Kate McKay!

Just listen to me
for a second,
okay, please?

They're introducing
me downstairs
right now!

I'm sorry I was
a lousy boyfriend.

I'm sorry
I let you down.

I know all you wanted was
someone you could trust,

someone you
could believe in.

Oh, Stuart, really,
I can't talk about our
relationship right now.

No, Kate, just listen
to me, okay? Please.

Maybe we weren't such
a waste of time after all.

Kate?

I mean, maybe there's
a reason I was your guy.

What are you
talking about?

Maybe I was supposed
to help you find
your guy, Leopold.

Kate?

You got to go back, Kate.

You got to go back there.

Go back? How?

You have to jump off
the Brooklyn Bridge

within the next 23 minutes.

Kate!

Oh.

Kate!

Kate, just look
at the pictures, okay?

Is there a Kate McKay
in the house?

- Yeah. Here I am!
- Kate?

Here she is.

Well, without
further ado,

the new senior
Vice President of
our New York offices.

Here she is,
ladies and gentlemen,
Kate McKay.

Whoa, whoa! Whoa.

- You okay?
- Yeah.

I'm sorry.

Thank you.
Thank you.

Quite an entrance, huh?

Thank you, J.J.

Thank you very much.

Thank you.

Wow.

Well, this is
a great night.

We here at CRG have always
considered ourselves

to be in the "find what
people want" business,

and at Jansen, you guys
are in the "make what
people want" business.

So, imagine what
we can do together.

We'll be able to find out
exactly what people want

and make it for them.

So...

Yeah, so our customers

will be able to get exactly...

Uh...

...what they...

...they want.

And, uh...

...it's a great thing to,
to get what you want.

Uh, it's a really good thing.

Unless what you
thought you wanted

wasn't really what
you wanted because
what you really...

wanted...

you couldn't imagine,
or you didn't think
it was possible.

But...

But, what if someone
came along

who knew exactly
what you wanted
without asking?

They just knew.
Like they could hear
your heart beating

or listen to
your thoughts.

And what if they were
sure of themselves,

and they didn't have
to take a poll

and they loved you...

And you hesitated?

Uh...

And, I have to go.

I, uh...

I'm sorry,
but I have to go.

Kate?

Stuart, can you
tell me in short,

complete sentences
featuring no words
over two syllables

why exactly I am
in these pictures?

- Probably not.
- Try.

Because you
were there.

I wasn't. I would remember.
Believe me, I would
remember if I was there.

Because you're
going to be there.

If we get there
in time.

These are pictures
of the past,
not the future.

Not exactly.
Theoretically speaking,

if you go to the past
in the future,

then your future
lies in the past.

And that is a picture
of you in the future
in the past.

We have to make a run
for it. Let's go.

Come on. Come on.

Let's go,
let's go.
Come on!

Whoa! Where the hell
do you think
you're going?

$6.80 on the meter, pal.

It's going to close,
Kate! Come on!

Ladies and gentlemen,
may I have your attention?

The Duke of Albany
will be making a very
important announcement

in 20 minutes
from this very stage.

And I believe it shall
be an announcement

that will justify
the playing of
a bridal waltz.

Okay, this is
the hard part.

- What?
- The girder.

The girder?

You have to cross
the girder, Kate.

That girder?

Stuart, I can't
cross that girder.

You love him, right?

What?

Leopold.

You love him, right?

Yeah.

That's all you need
to know. Now go.

- You'll be fine.
- Katie...

Charlie... Charlie,
what am I... How are you...

No, don't worry about me.

- Now, Kate, now.
- Now?

The portal's
going to close.

- All right.
- Go.

- Ah!
- Oh, Jesus.

Whoo!

Oh, God.

You can do it.

Don't look down.

Oh, shit!

Charlie...

...I'll love you forever.

I love you.

It's okay.

Lady, what are you doing?

- Step back, lady.
- It's okay.

- Step back from there, lady.
- Wait, wait, wait.

Come back, lady.

Central, be advised
this is Bridge Post Four.

I've got a jumper
on the southwest
location of the bridge.

Have a supervisor,
ESU, and harbor respond

to this location forthwith.

Ladies and gentlemen,

it is with a glad heart
and a bright eye

that I proudly introduce
my beloved nephew,

Leopold, Duke of Albany.

Thank you.
Thank you, Uncle Millard.

Thank you.

I'm sorry, madam, but
this is a private affair.

No, you don't seem
to understand.

I need to get inside.

I need to get inside
right now and...

What seems to be
the problem?

Are you Otis?

Well, let us proceed.

Please raise your glasses.

So we may toast
to my bride-to-be,

the woman whose
welfare and happiness

shall be my solemn duty to maintain.
- Sorry. Excuse me.

Oh!

The future
Duchess of Albany...

...Kate McKay.

Of the McKays of...

Massapequa.

Massapequa.

I love you.

I love you.