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This programme contains graphic
violent scenes, strong language
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00:00:04,480 --> 00:00:06,840
and scenes which some viewers may
find upsetting from the start
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00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:08,680
This is a story about a boat,
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00:00:08,680 --> 00:00:13,120
a boat that washed up on a beach
and changed a lot of lives,
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00:00:13,120 --> 00:00:15,960
like for a woman called Janet...
Janet! ..and Samuel.
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My name's Samuel.
Hi...Samuel.
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And him... What you dinky doing,
you?
8
00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:23,880
..and her...
Pat Tooh with an H.
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00:00:23,880 --> 00:00:25,880
..and him... Ben.
10
00:00:25,880 --> 00:00:27,440
You don't know me...
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00:00:27,440 --> 00:00:29,240
..and this one. Le Tailleur.
12
00:00:29,240 --> 00:00:31,080
And also this guy...
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00:00:33,920 --> 00:00:35,760
He's not much of a talker.
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00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:37,760
STATIC HISS
15
00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:41,920
CROW CAWS
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00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:57,400
Argh!
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00:01:03,760 --> 00:01:08,560
Now, some stories start a long,
long time ago.
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00:01:10,280 --> 00:01:14,480
Some stories start
in a deep, dark wood.
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00:01:14,480 --> 00:01:18,680
Some stories start in a galaxy
far, far away.
20
00:01:18,680 --> 00:01:21,080
But this story starts here,
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00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:25,320
under a damn pylon, with a severed
head, of all things.
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00:01:28,160 --> 00:01:29,400
Shall we begin?
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00:01:32,040 --> 00:01:34,480
MOPED ENGINE
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00:01:40,840 --> 00:01:45,480
Let's go back in time
to the small town of Applebury.
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00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:48,280
Not the kind of place
people die to go to,
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00:01:48,280 --> 00:01:50,800
more the kind where people
go to die.
27
00:01:53,240 --> 00:01:56,920
It starts one morning,
a Thursday, I think,
28
00:01:56,920 --> 00:02:00,200
under smokestacks on a lonely
country road.
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00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:03,720
A woman with blue in her hair
driving towards a Thursday...
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00:02:03,720 --> 00:02:04,800
METALLIC CLUNK
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00:02:04,800 --> 00:02:08,000
..unlike any other
Thursday she'd experienced.
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00:02:12,120 --> 00:02:14,600
WHISTLING
33
00:02:23,240 --> 00:02:26,200
TUNELESS WHISTLING CONTINUES
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00:02:32,600 --> 00:02:37,240
Keith, do you mind?
It's like one of the Seven Dwarfs
had a fucking brain injury.
35
00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:41,000
I'm five-foot-seven.
Perfectly good height for a man.
36
00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:45,600
Anyhow, I don't claim to be musical.
That's my brother. Hey!
37
00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:48,960
He does... Less chat, come on,
we've got quotas here.
38
00:02:59,520 --> 00:03:03,120
Nigel! Shut it down,
there's a jam!
39
00:03:06,080 --> 00:03:07,560
Hang on.
40
00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:17,200
Yeah? Well, tell Maggie to...
41
00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:24,160
Nah. We'll have to get
someone from maintenance here.
42
00:03:24,160 --> 00:03:28,800
It's stuck, I can't get it
to work and I can't...
43
00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:30,600
OK, clear!
44
00:03:30,600 --> 00:03:31,960
SCREAMS
45
00:03:31,960 --> 00:03:34,000
Nige! Argh!
46
00:03:36,560 --> 00:03:38,760
MACHINERY STOPS
47
00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:56,960
Worst Thursday ever.
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00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:12,080
WAVES CRASHING
49
00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:31,920
FRENCH MUSIC ON RADIO
50
00:04:43,760 --> 00:04:46,240
SIREN
51
00:04:52,600 --> 00:04:55,560
LOUDSPEAKER: Please switch off your
engine, so we can board your vessel!
52
00:04:55,560 --> 00:04:56,720
Merde!
53
00:05:08,200 --> 00:05:10,120
Bonsoir.
54
00:05:10,120 --> 00:05:12,240
Do you mind tying that down for us?
55
00:05:25,040 --> 00:05:28,160
Bit nasty out, eh? I've seen worse.
56
00:05:31,360 --> 00:05:33,360
Mind if I take a look around?
57
00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:35,200
May I ask why?
58
00:05:35,200 --> 00:05:37,880
Take a quick look around,
then I'll be out your minge.
59
00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:49,440
Mackerel.
60
00:05:54,840 --> 00:05:57,000
Yeah, a whole lot of mackerel.
61
00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:58,800
It was a good haul.
62
00:06:09,480 --> 00:06:11,080
And...not mackerel.
63
00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:20,960
Come on, then.
64
00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:24,000
GRUNTING AND STRUGGLING
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00:06:26,160 --> 00:06:29,200
FRENCH MUSIC ON RADIO
66
00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:34,000
Argh!
67
00:06:40,680 --> 00:06:42,080
Fucking get up!
68
00:06:49,360 --> 00:06:51,720
MUSIC CONTINUES
69
00:07:00,200 --> 00:07:03,240
You fucking done? Fucking get up!
70
00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:04,440
Fucking get up!
71
00:07:04,440 --> 00:07:07,560
YELLING AND GRUNTING
72
00:07:17,880 --> 00:07:19,400
Urgh! Urgh!
73
00:07:33,080 --> 00:07:34,840
CLUNK
74
00:07:40,720 --> 00:07:44,480
JAUNTY FRENCH MUSIC CONTINUES
75
00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:01,240
THUNDER RUMBLES
76
00:09:22,760 --> 00:09:25,440
# Anything you can do,
I can do better... #
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00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:27,280
Hiya.
78
00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:28,920
Evening.
79
00:09:28,920 --> 00:09:30,720
# No, you can't
Yes, I can
80
00:09:30,720 --> 00:09:33,600
# No, you can't
Yes, I can. Yes, I can.
81
00:09:33,600 --> 00:09:36,320
# Anything you can be,
I can be greater
82
00:09:36,320 --> 00:09:38,520
# Sooner or later,
I'm greater than you
83
00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:40,040
# No, you're not
Yes, I am
84
00:09:40,040 --> 00:09:41,880
# No, you're not
Yes, I am
85
00:09:41,880 --> 00:09:44,200
# No, you're not
Yes, I am. Yes, I am!
86
00:09:44,200 --> 00:09:47,000
# I can shoot a partridge
with a single cartridge
87
00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:49,840
# I can get a sparrow
with a bow and arrow
88
00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:52,280
# I can live on
bread and cheese... #
Right...
89
00:09:52,280 --> 00:09:55,080
# And only on that? Yes.
So can a rat
90
00:09:55,080 --> 00:09:57,440
# Any note you can reach,
I can go higher
91
00:09:57,440 --> 00:10:00,240
# I can sing anything
higher than you
92
00:10:00,240 --> 00:10:01,680
# No, you can't
Yes, I can
93
00:10:01,680 --> 00:10:03,120
# No, you can't
Yes, I can
94
00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:05,920
# No, you can't
Yes, I can. Yes, I can.
95
00:10:05,920 --> 00:10:08,560
# Anything you can say,
I can say faster
96
00:10:08,560 --> 00:10:10,520
# I can say anything faster than you
97
00:10:10,520 --> 00:10:11,560
# No, you can't
Yes, I can
98
00:10:11,560 --> 00:10:12,600
# No, you can't
Yes, I can
99
00:10:12,600 --> 00:10:13,960
# No, you can't
Yes, I can
100
00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:16,000
# No, you can't
Yes, I can... #
101
00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:21,920
You could just buy it, you know,
love? You can buy them?!
102
00:10:21,920 --> 00:10:26,040
I didn't win it at a fair that
only exists for people who can sell
them on at fairs.
103
00:10:26,040 --> 00:10:28,680
See, how it works is
I buy the stuffed animals,
104
00:10:28,680 --> 00:10:32,200
and then in this stall, people come
and they play and they win...
105
00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:34,240
No, I get that. I were just...
106
00:10:34,240 --> 00:10:35,960
Doesn't matter.
107
00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:38,680
I'm out of money anyway.
That were my budget for the week.
108
00:10:38,680 --> 00:10:42,440
But it's not your problem.
Thanks. Thanks, anyway.
109
00:10:42,440 --> 00:10:44,760
Tell you what, Annie Oakley.
110
00:10:44,760 --> 00:10:48,200
You've practically bought it
already, amount you've slapped down.
111
00:10:51,960 --> 00:10:53,440
Here you go, pet.
112
00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:55,080
Are you sure?
113
00:10:55,080 --> 00:10:58,800
Piece of advice.
Don't let it shit on the floor
and definitely don't kiss it,
114
00:10:58,800 --> 00:11:00,880
or it turns into a
22-stone fuckhead.
115
00:11:03,360 --> 00:11:04,400
Ta.
116
00:11:16,800 --> 00:11:20,280
KIDS SCREAM
117
00:11:28,320 --> 00:11:30,560
KIDS LAUGH
118
00:11:54,920 --> 00:11:57,240
CROAKY VOICE: Alan...
119
00:11:57,240 --> 00:11:58,800
Alan!
120
00:11:58,800 --> 00:12:02,200
Ribbit, ribbit... No way!
Hiya, love.
121
00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:04,520
You finally won the beast!
Only took eight years.
122
00:12:04,520 --> 00:12:07,200
The approximate lifespan
of the West European hedgehog.
123
00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:10,600
Just don't kiss him, or he turns
into a 20-stone fuckhead. Ah!
124
00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:13,680
Sorry. How did you do it?
125
00:12:13,680 --> 00:12:16,200
RUSSIAN ACCENT: I am Russian spy.
You know this.
126
00:12:16,200 --> 00:12:21,080
Ah, right.
My hand, it become rocket launcher,
I shoot the cans at a local fair
127
00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:23,920
and job done, as they say.
Shush, don't tell anybody.
128
00:12:23,920 --> 00:12:25,640
You silly woman.
129
00:12:25,640 --> 00:12:27,120
New hand looks good.
130
00:12:27,120 --> 00:12:28,960
No, it doesn't.
But thanks, anyway.
131
00:12:30,920 --> 00:12:33,760
You all right? Yeah. I'll be fine,
they'll see me right.
132
00:12:33,760 --> 00:12:36,560
Janet, Janet...
133
00:12:36,560 --> 00:12:38,200
Dearie me.
134
00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:41,040
Bit of a coincidence seeing
you here, isn't it?
135
00:12:41,040 --> 00:12:45,160
No, I was out with a friend
actually. So... Yeah.
136
00:12:45,160 --> 00:12:48,440
Where is she, then?
She's, erm...
137
00:12:48,440 --> 00:12:52,920
Oh, yes, she's over there.
She's on one of the...
She's on the slide.
138
00:12:52,920 --> 00:12:57,640
No... Oh, no, she's not.
Maybe she... Hot-dogs. Candyfloss,
or something like that...
139
00:12:57,640 --> 00:13:00,600
She loves candyfloss.
You can't keep doing this.
140
00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:03,720
I don't want to get into
restraining orders, but...
141
00:13:03,720 --> 00:13:06,440
This is not your life now.
142
00:13:06,440 --> 00:13:10,320
Maybe you'd be happier
if you let Jesus into your world.
143
00:13:11,520 --> 00:13:12,760
Like I did.
144
00:13:13,920 --> 00:13:15,840
Let's go.
145
00:13:15,840 --> 00:13:18,000
We're praying for you, Jenny.
146
00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:20,640
It's Janet. You know it's Janet...
147
00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:25,880
She knew full well it was Janet.
148
00:13:25,880 --> 00:13:27,800
She was just fucking with her.
149
00:13:33,440 --> 00:13:34,640
Sorry.
150
00:13:40,640 --> 00:13:43,400
Would you like your fortune read,
darling?
151
00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:45,320
I think it's best I don't.
152
00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:50,320
They say fortune favours the brave.
153
00:13:50,320 --> 00:13:54,840
But sometimes, even the bravest
souls get left behind.
154
00:14:40,760 --> 00:14:43,920
That's the thing about life, see?
155
00:14:43,920 --> 00:14:46,920
Some frogs never do get kissed.
156
00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:49,680
Some fairy tales never
get their ending.
157
00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:57,760
But sometimes,
158
00:14:57,760 --> 00:14:59,520
they find another way.
159
00:14:59,520 --> 00:15:01,720
BIRDS CALL
160
00:15:03,480 --> 00:15:05,120
Drop it.
161
00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:32,520
Good boy.
162
00:15:32,520 --> 00:15:34,480
Come here. Come here!
163
00:15:36,280 --> 00:15:38,240
Jump. That's nice.
164
00:15:38,240 --> 00:15:41,120
Come here. Come on, then. Good boy.
DOG YAPPING
165
00:15:48,640 --> 00:15:50,000
Morning.
166
00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:51,440
Morning.
167
00:15:54,960 --> 00:15:57,680
Don't normally see anyone
else this time.
168
00:15:57,680 --> 00:15:59,080
I don't sleep well.
169
00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:01,960
Me neither.
170
00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:07,440
Wow! Quick, yours.
Ah, no, he's not mine.
171
00:16:07,440 --> 00:16:09,280
The neighbour lets me take him out.
172
00:16:13,800 --> 00:16:16,400
You're not from round here?
173
00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:17,600
What gave it away?
174
00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:19,960
Oh, you know...
175
00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:23,080
Everything.
176
00:16:23,080 --> 00:16:25,160
Yeah. Just moved up from London.
177
00:16:25,160 --> 00:16:27,400
We're "one of those".
178
00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:29,000
Tired of the rat race, were it?
179
00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:30,520
Yeah. Something like that.
180
00:16:42,320 --> 00:16:43,880
Tom!
181
00:16:43,880 --> 00:16:46,040
Tom! Where are you?
182
00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:47,200
Tom?
183
00:16:50,640 --> 00:16:54,000
OK. Major Tom?
184
00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:55,480
Major Tom!
185
00:16:57,120 --> 00:16:58,880
RATTLES CAT TREATS
186
00:16:58,880 --> 00:17:02,600
I'm sorry to have kept you waiting.
We seem to have misplaced our cat.
187
00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:07,800
When Major Tom returns, would you
please give us a call? Thank you.
188
00:17:09,360 --> 00:17:11,280
You're leaving me your cat?
189
00:17:12,560 --> 00:17:13,840
Thank you.
190
00:17:14,960 --> 00:17:17,080
ENGINE STARTS
191
00:17:19,720 --> 00:17:21,680
MAJOR TOM MEOWS
192
00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:29,800
THUNDERCLAP
193
00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:45,680
And the sea air of course,
good for the soul, they say.
194
00:17:46,800 --> 00:17:51,640
Well, your new home has been
officially recognised as the
country's hairiest arsehole.
195
00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:55,480
Makes Peterborough
look like...Portugal.
196
00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:02,160
I think it's people make places.
197
00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:05,680
Then we're really fucked.
198
00:18:07,960 --> 00:18:09,160
Sorry.
199
00:18:11,880 --> 00:18:13,800
WIND HOWLS
200
00:18:15,960 --> 00:18:17,360
DOG WHIMPERS
201
00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:21,640
DOG YAPS
202
00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:28,320
What the hell...? Bette, come here.
203
00:18:29,480 --> 00:18:32,240
What is it? What is it, girl?
204
00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:34,520
What is...?
205
00:18:52,520 --> 00:18:53,920
Jesus Christ!
206
00:18:55,680 --> 00:18:57,000
Oh, God!
207
00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:21,800
Call the police. My phone's out.
208
00:19:21,800 --> 00:19:23,600
Right. Just fucking... Come on.
209
00:19:40,120 --> 00:19:42,360
You got to look at this. What?
210
00:19:45,240 --> 00:19:47,480
Fucking hell! Yeah.
211
00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:56,600
What are you waiting for?
There's two dead people here.
212
00:19:56,600 --> 00:20:01,440
The street value's got to
run into tens of millions...
213
00:20:01,440 --> 00:20:05,680
So what? Let's just, erm...
Let's just give this a minute.
214
00:20:05,680 --> 00:20:07,960
Let's just think...
There's nowt to think about.
215
00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:10,480
Jesus! Give me your
fucking phone! Just, erm...
216
00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:13,960
Sometimes... Sometimes, the world...
217
00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:15,520
The world throws you a bone.
218
00:20:15,520 --> 00:20:18,840
But you don't always see it. You
don't always recognise it, but...
219
00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:23,560
This, what's happening right now,
this is the world
throwing us a bone.
220
00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:26,480
You want to fucking take it?
221
00:20:28,280 --> 00:20:29,640
I don't know.
222
00:20:31,120 --> 00:20:32,360
Are you mad?
223
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:36,000
My name's Samuel. What's your name?
224
00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:39,600
What? Look, this situation's fucked
up enough as it is without
us being total strangers.
225
00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:42,080
My name's Samuel.
What's yours, please?
226
00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:44,360
It's Janet.
OK. Janet. OK.
227
00:20:45,800 --> 00:20:47,040
Hi, Janet.
228
00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:50,320
Hi, Samuel.
229
00:20:50,320 --> 00:20:51,520
Erm...
230
00:20:54,040 --> 00:20:58,280
Listen... Listen, Janet, erm,
back in London, I was a lawyer.
231
00:20:58,280 --> 00:21:01,640
And I, think I might...
I know this is fucking insane,
it's insane, I know, but...
232
00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:04,560
I think I know someone who'd give
us a lot of money for this.
233
00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:10,440
I just came here to walk
the bloody dog. So did I!
234
00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:13,160
But then the world... Threw us a
bone, yeah. Only it's not a bone.
235
00:21:13,160 --> 00:21:16,240
It's a load of cocaine,
the size of a fucking Nissan!
236
00:21:16,240 --> 00:21:18,360
I've gambled away my
entire life savings.
237
00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:24,880
I sold my house,
which is why we moved here.
238
00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:27,200
Camilla, my wife, has no idea.
239
00:21:28,320 --> 00:21:30,800
I don't know what your story is...
No, you don't. Right.
240
00:21:30,800 --> 00:21:33,680
But you are telling me
you can't use a few million quid?
241
00:21:35,480 --> 00:21:38,320
It is not that simple.
But it could be.
242
00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:43,080
Sometimes, you know, the best thing
to do is to look out for yourself.
243
00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:45,640
Cos God knows life kicks
you in the bollocks often enough,
244
00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:48,320
and when you get a chance you need
to take it, grab it with
245
00:21:48,320 --> 00:21:51,880
both hands, because there's nothing
worse than living with regret...
246
00:21:51,880 --> 00:21:54,440
HE FADES OUT, WAVES CRASH
247
00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:56,040
Where would we keep it?
248
00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:40,320
We should go.
249
00:22:40,320 --> 00:22:42,560
DOG WHIMPERS
250
00:22:42,560 --> 00:22:44,080
Oh, shit! What?
251
00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:48,640
I got to clean my dog.
252
00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:02,200
MOBILE RINGS
253
00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:19,800
We missed our date last night.
254
00:23:19,800 --> 00:23:21,680
But I'd already paid the deposit,
255
00:23:21,680 --> 00:23:25,560
so I had a whole beef Wellington
to myself.
256
00:23:25,560 --> 00:23:27,360
And I ate it all,
257
00:23:27,360 --> 00:23:30,280
the whole soddin' Wellington.
258
00:23:30,280 --> 00:23:33,840
So are you going to give me
a call back, or what?
259
00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:37,120
Just a text or anything, just to
let me know that you're all right.
260
00:23:38,320 --> 00:23:40,440
Just call me, all right, love?
261
00:23:48,240 --> 00:23:52,240
Turns out the policeman's boyfriend
was also a policeman.
262
00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:55,960
And while he was
calling his dead lover,
263
00:23:55,960 --> 00:23:59,760
Samuel was washing
his Pomeranian in the sea.
264
00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:32,120
Come on, come on, come on.
265
00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:38,280
DOG YAPS
266
00:24:41,800 --> 00:24:44,360
Where the fuck were you?
What took you so long?
267
00:24:47,400 --> 00:24:50,240
There was a woman...on the beach.
268
00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:51,600
She saw me.
269
00:24:51,600 --> 00:24:53,680
What? Christ...
270
00:24:53,680 --> 00:24:57,000
Well, she didn't see my face.
Come on, just fucking drive.
271
00:25:07,800 --> 00:25:09,200
Hmm.
272
00:25:14,480 --> 00:25:16,360
999, what's your emergency?
273
00:25:16,360 --> 00:25:19,520
Yes, there's a Code 4
down at Applebury beach.
274
00:25:19,520 --> 00:25:21,240
A boat on the shore.
275
00:25:21,240 --> 00:25:23,240
No need for sirens,
just the meat wagon.
276
00:25:24,320 --> 00:25:25,600
Your name, please?
277
00:25:25,600 --> 00:25:27,680
Pat Tooh, with an H.
278
00:25:27,680 --> 00:25:30,320
Right, are you able to wait a while,
while we send an ambulance?
279
00:25:30,320 --> 00:25:34,320
I used to be a paramedic, love.
Trust me, they're extremely dead.
280
00:25:34,320 --> 00:25:36,720
They're on their way.
Ah, lovely.
281
00:25:44,600 --> 00:25:46,120
IN FRENCH:
282
00:27:32,280 --> 00:27:35,840
MUFFLED GRUNTS
283
00:28:51,560 --> 00:28:53,600
PHONE RINGS
284
00:29:03,920 --> 00:29:05,320
Yes?
285
00:29:05,320 --> 00:29:06,720
What is it?
286
00:29:06,720 --> 00:29:08,080
Sh!
287
00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:09,440
Sh, sh, sh, sh!
288
00:29:10,640 --> 00:29:12,120
Ah, hold on, hold on.
289
00:29:15,800 --> 00:29:19,160
HE CRIES IN PAIN
290
00:29:22,880 --> 00:29:25,640
HE CHOKES
291
00:29:36,400 --> 00:29:38,240
Say that again.
292
00:29:41,960 --> 00:29:43,720
You are talking about my shipment?
293
00:29:46,680 --> 00:29:48,160
But this is a joke.
294
00:29:48,160 --> 00:29:49,680
Tell me it's a joke.
295
00:29:58,920 --> 00:30:00,720
This is how.
296
00:30:16,200 --> 00:30:18,480
Where are we even going?
297
00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:21,200
I think we should drop
the dogs off first.
298
00:30:21,200 --> 00:30:23,640
Then I passed a storage
unit on my way in.
299
00:30:23,640 --> 00:30:26,560
Storage? Right. You've got all the
answers, haven't you,
300
00:30:26,560 --> 00:30:28,920
Mr Storage Face?
301
00:30:28,920 --> 00:30:30,160
Sorry, you got a charger?
302
00:30:30,160 --> 00:30:32,040
Just my phone's...
303
00:30:32,040 --> 00:30:34,320
My wife's, it's in there.
304
00:30:34,320 --> 00:30:36,120
That'll do it.
305
00:30:36,120 --> 00:30:37,920
Oh, I don't understand what just
happened.
306
00:30:37,920 --> 00:30:40,560
I feel like my heart's beating
right outside my chest.
307
00:30:40,560 --> 00:30:41,960
Maybe that's because it is.
308
00:30:54,360 --> 00:30:55,920
Shit.
309
00:30:57,560 --> 00:30:58,880
OK.
310
00:30:58,880 --> 00:31:00,440
OK, just...
311
00:31:00,440 --> 00:31:02,120
Just stay calm. I am.
312
00:31:02,120 --> 00:31:03,760
I'm talking to myself.
Oh.
313
00:31:06,240 --> 00:31:07,960
Come on, come on, come on.
314
00:31:07,960 --> 00:31:09,640
Keep calm, remember?
315
00:31:11,480 --> 00:31:13,200
Oh, no. What?
316
00:31:14,600 --> 00:31:15,840
What shall I do?
317
00:31:15,840 --> 00:31:18,520
Don't do anything. Just wait and...
Huh...
318
00:31:24,280 --> 00:31:25,440
OK.
319
00:31:35,040 --> 00:31:38,640
I'll get out of the way,
nice...and slow.
320
00:31:38,640 --> 00:31:41,080
What the fuck are you doing?
What do you mean, what am I doing?
321
00:31:41,080 --> 00:31:42,800
It's a one-way street!
What? Oh, shit.
322
00:31:42,800 --> 00:31:44,440
SIREN WAILS
323
00:31:42,800 --> 00:31:44,440
What is wrong with you?
324
00:31:44,440 --> 00:31:46,400
I wasn't thinking. Well, start.
Pull over!
325
00:31:46,400 --> 00:31:49,560
What? What if we just hit the pedal
and we don't look back?
326
00:31:49,560 --> 00:31:52,280
We're not Thelma and Louise, you
daft bastard. We're in Applebury.
327
00:31:52,280 --> 00:31:53,640
Stop the fucking car.
328
00:31:55,080 --> 00:31:57,760
Stay calm.
Yes, yes, I know.
329
00:31:57,760 --> 00:32:00,000
I'm talking to MYSELF now.
330
00:32:00,000 --> 00:32:01,600
SHE SIGHS
331
00:32:10,720 --> 00:32:12,800
RADIO CHATTER
332
00:32:26,360 --> 00:32:29,560
Hi, officer. So, look, I'm new here,
333
00:32:29,560 --> 00:32:32,000
and I, erm, was meant to take
a different turning
334
00:32:32,000 --> 00:32:34,480
and I ended up going down
this one-way street.
335
00:32:34,480 --> 00:32:36,520
You know you're
going down a one-way street?
336
00:32:36,520 --> 00:32:38,800
Yes, and I'm so sorry. Erm...
337
00:32:38,800 --> 00:32:41,040
You can't do that.
No, er...
338
00:32:41,040 --> 00:32:44,080
What if a car was coming towards
you? Or a bicycle?
339
00:32:44,080 --> 00:32:46,400
Neither would be good.
Or a van.
340
00:32:46,400 --> 00:32:48,560
Absolutely. A mobility scooter.
341
00:32:48,560 --> 00:32:50,640
Right...
A kid on a skateboard.
342
00:32:50,640 --> 00:32:52,200
Or those shoes with wheels on.
343
00:32:52,200 --> 00:32:54,240
Can you imagine how that could
have ended up?
344
00:32:54,240 --> 00:32:55,760
Terrible. Be dead.
345
00:32:57,040 --> 00:32:58,960
Hiya.
You all right?
346
00:32:58,960 --> 00:33:00,320
So, I really am very sorry.
347
00:33:00,320 --> 00:33:02,680
And I'm sorry to be wasting
police time.
348
00:33:02,680 --> 00:33:04,160
It's important,
the job you guys do.
349
00:33:04,160 --> 00:33:07,120
My friend and I, we were just out
walking our dogs together.
350
00:33:07,120 --> 00:33:08,840
Dog buddies!
351
00:33:10,720 --> 00:33:14,920
Yes, dog friends, and we got talking
and, er, the turning...
352
00:33:14,920 --> 00:33:16,400
All right.
353
00:33:28,480 --> 00:33:30,240
Tell me something, sir. Yes.
354
00:33:30,240 --> 00:33:31,840
In the back of your car there...
355
00:33:34,800 --> 00:33:36,200
..is that a whippet?
356
00:33:37,880 --> 00:33:41,000
Yes, yes.
Yeah, he's called Rambo. Rambo.
357
00:33:41,000 --> 00:33:42,840
My mummy used to have a whippet.
358
00:33:42,840 --> 00:33:44,840
Beautiful creatures, aren't they?
Yeah.
359
00:33:44,840 --> 00:33:47,200
Odd little bodies, though.
You can see their ribs.
360
00:33:47,200 --> 00:33:49,320
Yeah, you can.
Ben, come on.
361
00:33:50,520 --> 00:33:53,000
Look, all right, no harm done,
all right?
362
00:33:53,000 --> 00:33:55,200
But please be more careful
next time. Yes, will do.
363
00:33:55,200 --> 00:33:57,120
Yeah, of course. Thanks.
See you later. Right.
364
00:33:57,120 --> 00:33:58,840
Thank you so much.
Thank you.
365
00:34:08,000 --> 00:34:09,280
Dog buddies?
366
00:34:10,840 --> 00:34:12,360
I panicked.
367
00:34:27,400 --> 00:34:31,720
And that's just ten of the great
uses for safety pins.
368
00:34:31,720 --> 00:34:34,840
Harold's Life Hacks -
hit the subscribe button below.
369
00:34:34,840 --> 00:34:35,960
CAMERA BEEPS
370
00:34:38,760 --> 00:34:40,920
Hey. We need storage.
371
00:34:40,920 --> 00:34:43,000
Oh, and, er, these.
372
00:34:45,840 --> 00:34:47,640
HE SIGHS
373
00:35:33,840 --> 00:35:36,360
Right, we've got a padlock each,
374
00:35:36,360 --> 00:35:38,600
so it needs both of us
if we want to get into it.
375
00:35:39,920 --> 00:35:41,160
Don't you trust me?
376
00:35:41,160 --> 00:35:42,920
You said you were a lawyer,
didn't you?
377
00:35:56,400 --> 00:35:58,200
You can just ask me, you know.
378
00:35:58,200 --> 00:36:00,400
Ask you what?
My hand. You keep staring at it
379
00:36:00,400 --> 00:36:03,480
like it's a pair of tits.
No, I don't! You do.
380
00:36:03,480 --> 00:36:04,800
It were a work accident -
381
00:36:04,800 --> 00:36:08,080
hand versus industrial
metal-pressing machine.
382
00:36:08,080 --> 00:36:09,560
Guess who lost.
383
00:36:11,520 --> 00:36:13,120
Good lawyer could get you
six figures.
384
00:36:13,120 --> 00:36:15,560
Oh, my God!
I never thought of that!
385
00:36:15,560 --> 00:36:17,640
No, me, erm...
386
00:36:17,640 --> 00:36:20,440
My manager, he, er, he gave me
some whisky after it happened.
387
00:36:20,440 --> 00:36:23,160
Don't tell the bods
upstairs that you saw this.
388
00:36:23,160 --> 00:36:24,680
It'll just take the edge off it.
389
00:36:25,680 --> 00:36:27,280
I downed the lot,
390
00:36:27,280 --> 00:36:29,840
on account of the extreme fucking
agony I were experiencing.
391
00:36:29,840 --> 00:36:31,800
He later claimed that
I were drinking on the job,
392
00:36:31,800 --> 00:36:34,840
so, no pay-out...for me.
393
00:36:41,440 --> 00:36:43,520
You can ask me anything, you know.
394
00:36:43,520 --> 00:36:46,480
I'm all right, actually.
395
00:36:43,520 --> 00:36:46,480
MOBILE RINGS
396
00:36:46,480 --> 00:36:48,400
Sorry, got to take this.
397
00:36:48,400 --> 00:36:49,680
Hello, Samuel speaking.
398
00:36:51,320 --> 00:36:52,840
You're joking.
399
00:36:52,840 --> 00:36:55,240
OK. No, thanks. It's great.
I, erm...
400
00:36:55,240 --> 00:36:57,440
Can I call you back?
It's not a good time.
401
00:36:57,440 --> 00:36:58,640
Thank you.
402
00:36:59,960 --> 00:37:02,840
Who were that?
It's my cat, Major Tom.
403
00:37:02,840 --> 00:37:04,120
Your what?
404
00:37:04,120 --> 00:37:05,840
No, my cat's not calling me,
obviously.
405
00:37:05,840 --> 00:37:08,040
It's, er, my estate agent.
406
00:37:08,040 --> 00:37:10,280
When we moved out of the house
in London,
407
00:37:10,280 --> 00:37:13,120
the cat went AWOL,
and it seems he's back.
408
00:37:13,120 --> 00:37:15,800
You moved house
and you left your cat behind?
409
00:37:18,120 --> 00:37:19,520
What the fuck am I doing?
410
00:37:22,480 --> 00:37:24,120
What now?
411
00:37:24,120 --> 00:37:25,800
I don't know.
412
00:37:25,800 --> 00:37:28,120
What are you supposed to do
after something like this?
413
00:37:59,480 --> 00:38:01,760
I thought you could use this.
414
00:38:01,760 --> 00:38:04,960
Soy, right?
Oh, Colin, you're the best!
415
00:38:04,960 --> 00:38:07,280
It's all right.
I was passing anyway.
416
00:38:10,920 --> 00:38:12,880
I'd better be getting on.
Yeah.
417
00:38:16,560 --> 00:38:18,840
Why don't you just ask her out?
418
00:38:18,840 --> 00:38:21,640
I've, er,
actually written her a note.
419
00:38:21,640 --> 00:38:24,400
Great.
Just what every grown woman wants.
420
00:38:24,400 --> 00:38:27,000
Follow it up by pulling her pigtails
and telling her she smells
421
00:38:27,000 --> 00:38:28,440
and you're golden.
422
00:38:28,440 --> 00:38:31,440
Love might have been in the air
for Colin,
423
00:38:31,440 --> 00:38:33,000
but, for Arthur Lake,
424
00:38:33,000 --> 00:38:35,160
it was quite the opposite.
425
00:38:35,160 --> 00:38:39,200
As he sat there lost
in a haze of pain and sadness,
426
00:38:39,200 --> 00:38:42,240
the last thing
he needed to hear was the words...
427
00:38:42,240 --> 00:38:45,040
You all right, buddy?
428
00:38:46,920 --> 00:38:48,440
Buddy?
429
00:38:50,960 --> 00:38:53,560
Who are you?
Ben.
430
00:38:53,560 --> 00:38:56,800
You don't know me. Or my name.
Clearly.
431
00:38:56,800 --> 00:38:59,000
I just wanted to say how sorry
I was about what happened
432
00:38:59,000 --> 00:39:00,560
to your life-partner.
433
00:39:00,560 --> 00:39:03,080
I really am sorry, buddy.
434
00:39:03,080 --> 00:39:05,880
It's all right
if I call you buddy, isn't it?
435
00:39:05,880 --> 00:39:08,120
He seemed nice.
436
00:39:08,120 --> 00:39:11,360
I'm not that way inclined, you know,
but if I were, I'd be interested.
437
00:39:12,520 --> 00:39:15,160
He probably wouldn't be
interested in me anyway, would he?
438
00:39:15,160 --> 00:39:16,640
I wonder who would.
439
00:39:16,640 --> 00:39:18,680
Ian, maybe.
440
00:39:18,680 --> 00:39:20,120
Do you know Ian?
441
00:39:25,080 --> 00:39:27,120
Arthur... Come on.
442
00:39:30,280 --> 00:39:31,640
How are you doing?
443
00:39:31,640 --> 00:39:33,320
As you'd expect.
444
00:39:33,320 --> 00:39:35,560
I know you'd rather be anywhere
but here right now,
445
00:39:35,560 --> 00:39:37,120
only something's come up.
446
00:39:37,120 --> 00:39:38,640
How do you mean?
447
00:39:38,640 --> 00:39:41,320
Mark took a unit boat
out onto the water,
448
00:39:41,320 --> 00:39:44,200
but the case number
he assigned to it...
449
00:39:44,200 --> 00:39:45,440
It doesn't exist.
450
00:39:47,080 --> 00:39:49,320
Sorry, I don't...
Erm...
451
00:39:49,320 --> 00:39:50,560
What are you asking me?
452
00:39:50,560 --> 00:39:54,960
He takes a police vessel out into
the ocean - at night, on his own.
453
00:39:54,960 --> 00:39:57,440
Next thing we know, we find him
in that fishing boat
454
00:39:57,440 --> 00:39:59,680
with an as yet unidentified body.
455
00:39:59,680 --> 00:40:01,640
Are you saying he was on the take?
456
00:40:02,680 --> 00:40:05,120
Because if you are, sir,
that's some fucking bollocks.
457
00:40:05,120 --> 00:40:07,720
Not here, lad. In my office.
I'm fine where I am, thanks.
458
00:40:07,720 --> 00:40:10,040
We're just trying to piece things
together, that's all.
459
00:40:10,040 --> 00:40:11,920
I fucking loved him!
460
00:40:11,920 --> 00:40:14,240
So don't you dare stand there
and make out like
461
00:40:14,240 --> 00:40:16,040
him being killed
was somehow his fault!
462
00:40:16,040 --> 00:40:17,240
Mark was a good officer.
463
00:40:17,240 --> 00:40:19,360
The whole force has
suffered a loss today.
464
00:40:19,360 --> 00:40:20,960
HE CHUCKLES SARDONICALLY
465
00:40:20,960 --> 00:40:22,200
Nice eulogy.
466
00:40:22,200 --> 00:40:25,400
You going to bury his reputation
alongside his fucking corpse?
467
00:40:48,960 --> 00:40:50,880
Nice and easy.
468
00:40:50,880 --> 00:40:52,560
Good boy.
469
00:40:52,560 --> 00:40:55,480
I'm not doing rock, paper, scissors.
470
00:40:55,480 --> 00:40:56,680
Why?
471
00:40:56,680 --> 00:40:58,000
Cos it's stupid.
472
00:40:58,000 --> 00:40:59,840
And we've got pubes now, that's why.
473
00:41:00,960 --> 00:41:04,200
Well, how about
foot, cockroach, nuclear bomb?
474
00:41:05,800 --> 00:41:07,600
What the fuck is that?
475
00:41:07,600 --> 00:41:09,520
Well, it's basically
rock, paper, scissors.
476
00:41:09,520 --> 00:41:12,400
Oh, for fuck's sake.
No, I'm not doing it.
477
00:41:12,400 --> 00:41:14,000
All right, Ron, answer me this.
478
00:41:14,960 --> 00:41:17,280
How many times did you
fail your driving test?
479
00:41:19,240 --> 00:41:21,080
Twice.
480
00:41:21,080 --> 00:41:22,400
Three times.
481
00:41:22,400 --> 00:41:24,040
Fucked up the three-point turn.
482
00:41:24,040 --> 00:41:25,360
Well, there you go.
483
00:41:25,360 --> 00:41:27,200
You're driving this time.
484
00:41:27,200 --> 00:41:28,680
Oh, and do me a favour,
485
00:41:28,680 --> 00:41:30,920
have a little think about
what we're going to eat later.
486
00:41:30,920 --> 00:41:33,720
This place I drew
the map on looks lovely.
487
00:41:35,120 --> 00:41:37,280
20% voucher off and all, eh?
488
00:41:37,280 --> 00:41:38,640
THEY LAUGH
489
00:41:38,640 --> 00:41:40,240
You know it makes sense.
490
00:41:45,000 --> 00:41:46,480
Right, let's do it.
491
00:42:21,880 --> 00:42:24,520
PACKET RUSTLES
492
00:42:24,520 --> 00:42:26,080
HE MUNCHES
493
00:42:26,080 --> 00:42:27,120
PHONE RINGS
494
00:42:29,080 --> 00:42:30,440
Hmm...
495
00:42:32,360 --> 00:42:35,360
PACKET RUSTLES
496
00:42:41,080 --> 00:42:42,680
SHOTGUN COCKS
497
00:42:49,520 --> 00:42:51,640
ENTRY SYSTEM BUZZES
498
00:42:54,680 --> 00:42:58,120
SCREAMING AND GUNFIRE
499
00:43:05,240 --> 00:43:07,680
GUNFIRE CONTINUES
500
00:43:15,280 --> 00:43:18,960
SHOUTING AND SCREAMING
501
00:43:20,920 --> 00:43:23,600
SHRIEK, GUNSHOT
502
00:43:26,240 --> 00:43:29,160
NOISE ECHOES
503
00:43:33,560 --> 00:43:35,640
Please, no...
504
00:43:33,560 --> 00:43:35,640
GUNSHOT
505
00:43:38,160 --> 00:43:39,560
Please... Plea-...
506
00:43:41,320 --> 00:43:42,440
SHOTGUN COCKS
507
00:43:52,040 --> 00:43:55,120
HE STRAINS
508
00:44:04,320 --> 00:44:06,880
TINY SQUEAK
509
00:44:26,240 --> 00:44:28,520
HE BREATHES HEAVILY
510
00:44:41,600 --> 00:44:43,880
Get down, get down...
511
00:44:54,800 --> 00:44:57,960
Read it when this is done,
would you? Sh.
512
00:44:57,960 --> 00:44:59,840
DOOR OPENS
513
00:45:30,160 --> 00:45:31,760
No, no.
514
00:45:47,000 --> 00:45:48,640
SHE SCREAMS
515
00:45:54,520 --> 00:45:55,960
Stand up.
516
00:45:59,080 --> 00:46:01,560
Where's the evidence locker?
517
00:46:01,560 --> 00:46:05,000
It says it should fucking be here,
now where is it?
518
00:46:14,760 --> 00:46:17,080
I think it's the wrong way round.
519
00:46:20,840 --> 00:46:22,800
Ah...
520
00:46:22,800 --> 00:46:24,520
HE LAUGHS
521
00:46:25,720 --> 00:46:27,200
Cheers.
522
00:46:27,200 --> 00:46:28,520
GUNSHOT
523
00:46:33,560 --> 00:46:35,480
HE EXHALES
524
00:46:38,640 --> 00:46:41,000
PHONE LINE BLEEPS
525
00:46:57,040 --> 00:46:59,520
Wrong fucking floor. Basement.
526
00:47:04,000 --> 00:47:05,480
ENTRY PAD BEEPS
527
00:47:12,640 --> 00:47:14,160
ENTRY PAD BEEPS
528
00:47:25,320 --> 00:47:26,960
No, no, no.
529
00:47:28,520 --> 00:47:29,880
It's not here.
530
00:47:31,000 --> 00:47:32,480
It's fucking not here.
531
00:47:39,960 --> 00:47:42,320
ENGINE STARTS
532
00:48:14,920 --> 00:48:16,920
PHONE PINGS
533
00:48:27,640 --> 00:48:30,000
It were just a friend.
534
00:48:30,000 --> 00:48:32,040
PHONE PINGS
535
00:48:34,480 --> 00:48:38,880
Oh! Get two-for-one with a fax
machine there, did you?
536
00:48:38,880 --> 00:48:40,080
No.
537
00:48:41,200 --> 00:48:44,200
It's so I don't have a
24-hour casino in my pocket.
538
00:48:44,200 --> 00:48:45,640
Ah, sorry.
539
00:48:47,360 --> 00:48:49,680
Ah, OK...
540
00:48:55,480 --> 00:48:57,000
Why are you looking at me like that?
541
00:48:57,000 --> 00:48:59,840
Because I am wondering why you
agreed to do something like this.
542
00:48:59,840 --> 00:49:01,400
Cos you're so persuasive.
543
00:49:04,160 --> 00:49:05,640
Let me tell you something.
544
00:49:07,520 --> 00:49:08,720
You know my secrets...
545
00:49:10,000 --> 00:49:11,560
..all of them. Fucking hell.
546
00:49:11,560 --> 00:49:13,120
HE LAUGHS
547
00:49:13,120 --> 00:49:15,360
You're the only person
in the world who does.
548
00:49:18,480 --> 00:49:20,000
I reckon this is a safe space.
549
00:49:21,880 --> 00:49:22,920
OK.
550
00:49:24,600 --> 00:49:26,840
That weren't me friend
that texted earlier.
551
00:49:26,840 --> 00:49:28,400
It were me ex, Peter.
552
00:49:28,400 --> 00:49:31,960
Cos I accidentally, on purpose -
553
00:49:31,960 --> 00:49:33,960
- very on-purpose -
bumped into our boy
554
00:49:33,960 --> 00:49:36,520
the other day and he mentioned
a restraining order again.
555
00:49:36,520 --> 00:49:38,480
A restraining order?
That's your son, isn't it?
556
00:49:38,480 --> 00:49:40,920
He's not, actually.
I mean, he is.
557
00:49:40,920 --> 00:49:42,880
He were just a baby
when I met his dad.
558
00:49:42,880 --> 00:49:46,120
His mum had buggered off
and then suddenly there I were.
559
00:49:46,120 --> 00:49:48,360
Not a bloody clue
what I were doing.
560
00:49:48,360 --> 00:49:50,480
And I bloody loved it, every minute.
561
00:49:52,000 --> 00:49:54,920
Anyway, Peter, he met
a younger model
562
00:49:54,920 --> 00:49:57,240
who were hard for Jesus,
so that were that.
563
00:49:57,240 --> 00:49:59,920
So, now I can't see him any more.
564
00:49:59,920 --> 00:50:02,360
So, from being a mum to being...
565
00:50:05,400 --> 00:50:06,880
..numb, I suppose.
566
00:50:06,880 --> 00:50:08,720
Yeah, like I never fucking existed.
567
00:50:11,240 --> 00:50:13,200
That's shit. Sorry.
568
00:50:14,920 --> 00:50:17,040
Oh, fucking hell.
569
00:50:24,160 --> 00:50:26,280
Can I... Can I show you something?
570
00:50:31,800 --> 00:50:34,080
So, this is...yours?
571
00:50:34,080 --> 00:50:36,280
It's the last painting I sold.
572
00:50:36,280 --> 00:50:38,280
It's beautiful.
573
00:50:38,280 --> 00:50:40,120
Yeah, at least I kept the hand
I paint with.
574
00:50:40,120 --> 00:50:41,800
No, I mean it.
575
00:50:41,800 --> 00:50:43,680
You have real talent.
576
00:50:43,680 --> 00:50:45,240
Shades of Demuth...
577
00:50:47,560 --> 00:50:50,000
Charles Demuth.
578
00:50:47,560 --> 00:50:50,000
TANNOY CHIMES
579
00:50:50,000 --> 00:50:51,320
OK...
580
00:50:51,320 --> 00:50:53,440
ANNOUNCEMENT: Attention,
all shoppers,
581
00:50:53,440 --> 00:50:57,560
Tinley Shopping Centre will close
today at 4pm due to an incident...
582
00:50:57,560 --> 00:51:00,640
Yep. Years of effort
and if you're lucky,
583
00:51:00,640 --> 00:51:02,920
maybe you get a spot
in the Tinley Centre.
584
00:51:05,200 --> 00:51:07,120
Why'd you bring me here?
585
00:51:07,120 --> 00:51:12,520
Sometimes I come here and I pretend
like I'm in some art gallery
586
00:51:12,520 --> 00:51:15,680
and it's like I'm in some
alternate reality
587
00:51:15,680 --> 00:51:18,600
where I'm not the unluckiest
person in the world.
588
00:51:21,880 --> 00:51:23,760
So why did...?
589
00:51:23,760 --> 00:51:25,560
You asked me
590
00:51:25,560 --> 00:51:27,600
why I agreed to do this, right?
Mm-hm.
591
00:51:29,640 --> 00:51:31,880
Cos everything I thought I had -
592
00:51:31,880 --> 00:51:34,560
my future, me... Me fucking fingers,
593
00:51:34,560 --> 00:51:36,280
and me boy -
594
00:51:36,280 --> 00:51:38,200
it's all nothing.
595
00:51:38,200 --> 00:51:40,760
And I am... I am done with nothing.
596
00:51:40,760 --> 00:51:42,040
And you need to know that.
597
00:51:43,200 --> 00:51:45,520
Do not fuck me over on this.
598
00:51:46,640 --> 00:51:49,480
Do not fuck me over on this, please.
599
00:51:49,480 --> 00:51:51,960
MOBILE RINGS
600
00:51:56,640 --> 00:51:58,000
You OK, love?
601
00:51:58,000 --> 00:51:59,720
He hasn't told you anything,
has he?
602
00:51:59,720 --> 00:52:01,320
Who? Oh, your dad?
603
00:52:01,320 --> 00:52:04,200
No, no, apart from
where I can stick it. Why?
604
00:52:04,200 --> 00:52:06,880
It's just, it feels like there's
something going on.
605
00:52:08,320 --> 00:52:10,760
Like, afoot, you might even say.
606
00:52:10,760 --> 00:52:15,520
Dad and Suzie, they keep going quiet
whenever I come into a room like...
607
00:52:15,520 --> 00:52:17,200
Got to go. He's coming back.
608
00:52:18,240 --> 00:52:20,840
Alan. Alan?
609
00:52:20,840 --> 00:52:22,960
Fuck's sake.
610
00:52:20,840 --> 00:52:22,960
SHE TUTS
611
00:52:26,360 --> 00:52:28,920
Well, we should probably, er,
call it a night
612
00:52:28,920 --> 00:52:31,920
before your cat takes out
a second mortgage.
613
00:52:31,920 --> 00:52:33,800
Yes, yes, yes.
614
00:52:35,320 --> 00:52:37,520
The family will be wondering
where I got to.
615
00:52:40,880 --> 00:52:43,080
So, erm, all right.
616
00:52:43,080 --> 00:52:44,480
Well, then, erm, yeah.
617
00:52:44,480 --> 00:52:46,400
I'll... I'll...
618
00:52:46,400 --> 00:52:48,720
I'll be in touch.
Oh...
619
00:52:52,120 --> 00:52:54,120
Right,
leave it to the one with one hand.
620
00:52:54,120 --> 00:52:56,560
Actually, I can't just go and
pretend it's been a normal day.
621
00:52:56,560 --> 00:52:58,000
I'm going to go and drink some more.
622
00:52:58,000 --> 00:53:01,080
So, despite what you said,
you are welcome to come and join me.
623
00:53:03,520 --> 00:53:07,440
DANCE MUSIC PLAYS
624
00:53:12,880 --> 00:53:16,040
Let's leave Janet
and Samuel doing karaoke...
625
00:53:17,000 --> 00:53:19,640
..and go find Arthur running
626
00:53:19,640 --> 00:53:21,880
away from grief
627
00:53:19,640 --> 00:53:21,880
PHONE RINGS
628
00:53:21,880 --> 00:53:25,040
and towards a whole new
set of problems.
629
00:53:29,000 --> 00:53:31,240
Look, whatever you're selling,
piss off, all right?
630
00:53:31,240 --> 00:53:33,200
I'm not selling anything, Mr Lake.
631
00:53:33,200 --> 00:53:34,880
How are you?
632
00:53:35,960 --> 00:53:37,160
Who's this?
633
00:53:37,160 --> 00:53:39,000
Le Tailleur.
634
00:53:39,000 --> 00:53:41,840
The Tailor, like you would say.
635
00:53:41,840 --> 00:53:45,920
But, like most things,
it sounds better in French.
636
00:53:45,920 --> 00:53:48,840
We haven't met, but you have
something of mine, I think.
637
00:53:49,880 --> 00:53:52,000
I don't know what you're
talking about.
638
00:53:52,000 --> 00:53:54,040
The boat was found, and two bodies -
639
00:53:54,040 --> 00:53:55,680
my associate, your partner,
640
00:53:55,680 --> 00:53:57,800
and the boat's cargo is gone.
641
00:53:57,800 --> 00:54:00,040
My people checked the police
evidence room.
642
00:54:00,040 --> 00:54:01,640
I've done my work, you see.
643
00:54:01,640 --> 00:54:04,240
You were working together
to steal from me.
644
00:54:04,240 --> 00:54:06,120
Mate, I don't know who the fuck
you are
645
00:54:06,120 --> 00:54:09,000
or what the fuck you are talking
about, all right?
646
00:54:09,000 --> 00:54:11,800
Don't. Please.
647
00:54:11,800 --> 00:54:14,440
Another shipment of mine was taken
six weeks ago.
648
00:54:14,440 --> 00:54:16,080
Two men in police uniform.
649
00:54:16,080 --> 00:54:18,560
Now, one, I can shrug it off -
650
00:54:18,560 --> 00:54:21,120
bad luck, the cost of
doing business -
651
00:54:21,120 --> 00:54:23,160
but two...?
Get fucked.
652
00:54:25,400 --> 00:54:29,480
I believe appearances
are very important,
653
00:54:29,480 --> 00:54:31,880
no matter what your business.
654
00:54:31,880 --> 00:54:36,720
Perception is no mere superficial
concern, it is everything.
655
00:54:36,720 --> 00:54:39,360
And the perception
of my organisation,
656
00:54:39,360 --> 00:54:41,760
to lose two shipments...
657
00:54:41,760 --> 00:54:43,400
You see my problem?
658
00:54:43,400 --> 00:54:46,760
Seems to me you've got another
problem, pal.
659
00:54:47,920 --> 00:54:49,320
You've got to find me first.
660
00:54:55,200 --> 00:54:58,160
# Ground Control to Major Tom... #
661
00:54:58,160 --> 00:55:00,960
He claimed not to know anything.
662
00:55:00,960 --> 00:55:04,040
So, I have a journey to make.
663
00:55:05,800 --> 00:55:08,080
No, no, I'm looking forward to it.
664
00:55:08,080 --> 00:55:11,040
It's good to get out of the house
once in a while.
665
00:55:11,040 --> 00:55:13,200
The thing about stories is,
666
00:55:13,200 --> 00:55:15,960
it's they can take you anywhere.
667
00:55:15,960 --> 00:55:20,240
To well-paid mass murderers in
search of 20% discounts...
668
00:55:22,320 --> 00:55:24,920
..to the places that we
thought were gone
669
00:55:24,920 --> 00:55:26,520
and maybe lost forever.
670
00:55:28,600 --> 00:55:33,360
Fairy tales about frogs being
kissed that needed an ending...
671
00:55:36,320 --> 00:55:38,720
..to a boy playing an instrument
672
00:55:38,720 --> 00:55:41,760
thinking about the mother
he wishes could be his mother.
673
00:55:45,520 --> 00:55:50,280
# This is Ground Control
to Major Tom
674
00:55:50,280 --> 00:55:54,080
# You've really made the grade
675
00:55:55,360 --> 00:56:00,560
# And the papers want to know
whose shirts you wear
676
00:56:02,320 --> 00:56:08,080
# Now it's time to leave the capsule
if you dare... #
677
00:56:08,080 --> 00:56:11,120
I will find the money
and hang them from the sky.
678
00:56:11,120 --> 00:56:12,320
When I'm done...
679
00:56:14,080 --> 00:56:16,080
..there will be nothing left.
680
00:56:20,040 --> 00:56:23,520
Yes, stories can take us anywhere,
681
00:56:23,520 --> 00:56:25,960
sometimes even back
to the beginning,
682
00:56:25,960 --> 00:56:29,000
or the end,
depending on how you look at it.
683
00:56:43,120 --> 00:56:44,920
I'll give you a fiver to touch it.
684
00:56:44,920 --> 00:56:46,400
You reckon we should tell someone?
685
00:56:46,400 --> 00:56:48,200
Oi!
78078
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