All language subtitles for Abbott_Costello S01E15 The Music Lover.DVDRip.HI.en.e-One

[Applause]

♪ Boo be-be-be boo-boo-boo ♪

Hey, where are you going
with the flowers and candy?

Huh? Where you going?

Well, I'll tell you, Abbott.

I bought these chocolate-covered
bonbons, and I bought the flowers.

- I'm going to bring them to Hillary.
- Hillary?

I want to find out how
I stand with Hillary.

Are they good chocolates?

Delicious chocolates. I
tried a couple of them.

You tried it? Let me see.

Want to see them?

Say, there's only
one chocolate in there.

What do you think I am, a hog?
I ain't going to eat the last one.

Will you...

Now, be careful
what you say, okay?

Take it easy. Take it easy.

Bud, can you tell me
where a Hillary Brooke lives?

Hillary Brooke?

- Hey, Abbott.
- What?

Ain't this guy a little too
old for Hillary Brooke?

And furthermore, she likes me.

Just a... Just a minute.

What do you want
Hillary Brooke for?

Well, for your
information, I'm her father,

and I'm here to take her back to
the country, where she belongs.

Now, wait a minute, Mr. Brooke.

Don't take Hillary
back to the country.

I mean, after all, she likes it here,
and she's got a lot of nice friends.

That happens to be your opinion,

but I say she ought to come
back home in the country,

where she belongs.

Now, just a minute...

You got to help me, Abbott.
Don't let him take Hillary back.

I'll help you out.

What is it in the country that
she can do she can't do here?

Well, she can
improve her cooking

so she'll be a good
wife when she's married,

and she can improve her sewing.

Right now she's a
darn good darner.

She can darn the
best socks in the world.

She darned that sock for me.

She darned that sock?

She sure did, and darn
good she did it, at that.

That's the only sock
like that in the world.

That's the only sock
like that in the world.

That's what I said.

Hey, Abbott, I hate to do this.

It's Hillary's father, but
listen... Give me $10 quick.

Sure, this is a pipe.

- I'll give you the $10 right back.
- I know.

Now, here's $10.

I'll bet you that I know where
there's another sock like that.

- You want to bet me $10?
- That's right.

Well, now, just a moment, then.

Just a moment, and we'll see.

There's a sawbuck right there.
Now, who's going to hold the money?

We'll let Mr. Abbott
hold the money.

I don't know him.

Well, he's as honest
as the day is long.

Well, the days must be
getting awful short around here.

Now, let me understand.

You're betting me $10

that you know where
there's another sock like this.

That's right.

Eh? Where?

On the other foot.

Ohh!

That's the way we
outsmart you city slickers.

- Where's Hillary's apartment?
- Over there.

Good night.

I...

Hey, Mr. Fields, I'm sorry.

We didn't mean to make
any noise here in the hallway.

But while you're here...
You're a pretty smart man,

and I want to ask you something.

- Come here.
- Yeah?

- Ohh, with that cigar, Mr. Fields.
- What's the matter, son?

Look... Thank you.

- Mr. Fields.
- Yes?

Can you tell me something
about the farm life?

Farm life?

If I was to work on a farm,
what would my chores me?

He knows how to milk cows.

Oh, my boy, milk
cows... That's not...

That's only one of the
things you do on a farm.

What do I have to do?

Oh, there's lots of things
that you do on a farm.

Now, if you listen to me
carefully, I'll give you an idea.

First, you get up, say,
about 3:00 in the morning.

Now, you milk 30 or 40 cows.

After you milk the
cows, you go down,

and you carry in 15 or 20
buckets of water from the well.

After that, you
chop down a tree,

make 15 or 25 or
30 cords of firewood.

You take the firewood. You
pad it up and get it all set.

Then you feed
200 to 300 chickens

and then you feed 50 or 60
goats and you slop the hogs

and... zingo! You're
ready for breakfast.

I'll just have a piece of toast.
I don't want to waste any time.

Thattaboy.

Now, after breakfast,
it's very simple.

You go out, and
you fix the tractor.

It takes three or four
hours to fix the tractor.

Then you plow five or six or
seven or eight acres of ground.

After that, you did and dig
and dig in the potato patch.

You dig out five or
six bushels of potatoes.

Then you go off to the barn,
and you pitch 16 or 20 tons of hay.

After you pitch the hay,
you go out in the orchard.

You pluck 15 or
20 boxes of apples.

You crate the apples,
you store the apples,

then you take fertilizer...
5 or 10 tons of fertilizer...

Fertilize the onion patches,

and... zingo! You're
ready for lunch.

I'll just put a little piece
of butter on the toast.

I don't want to waste no time.

Oh, good.

Now, after lunch, that's
where you have fun.

You dig a drainage ditch around
the first 40 acres of the farm,

then you fix the other 40 acres
of fences all around the other side.

You churn about
200 pounds of butter.

Then you trim the hedges.
It's about five miles of hedges.

After you trim the hedges, you
fill the lanterns, 150 lanterns,

then you bed down
about 200 cows.

You curry 150
horses, and... zingo!

You're ready for supper.

That's all I do is eat.

Eat? That reminds me... Thanks!

See you later.

- Hey, Abbott.
- What?

He told me everything, but
what about after supper?'

After supper? You don't know?

No.

Look, Abbott, what's he mean
by carrying all those horses?

I couldn't even lift
a good-sized dog.

Let me explain to you.

You see, after relaxing
all day, now comes...

- Relaxing?
- Yes. Now comes the hard work.

You see, at night, you harness
up the horse to the buggy,

and you take your
beautiful girlfriend, Hillary.

You place her in the buggy.

You sit alongside
her. You take the reins.

You're driving down a country
lane, and your little horsey...

He knows all the
things in the country.

He knows when to stop,
and when he does stop,

you put your arms around
your girlfriend, Hillary, like this.

You look into her eyes.
She looks into yours.

Then you pucker up your
lips. She puckers up hers.

Then you know what you do?

Zingo... I'm ready
for night lunch.

Ah, stop it.

- Oh! A left-handed slap.
- Shh.

Who's arguing?

Daughter, darling,
this city life ain't for you.

Come back to the farm with me.

I promised Clem Porterhouse
I'd bring you back to him.

He's been heartbroken
ever since you left.

Why, every night he stands under
my window and serenades me.

He's got such a beautiful voice.

Why don't the guy
marry her father?

I don't care how good his voice
is. I'm not going to marry his voice.

Well, you'll not marry anyone
unless he's got some talent.

Hey, Lou, I've got a way
that I think we can save Hillary

from going back to the farm.

You do like her, don't you?

- Oh, very much.
- Uh-huh.

- Knock on Mr. Fields' door.
- All right.

Go ahead.

- I'm sorry, Sir.
- What's the idea?

Sorry.

Mr. Fields, you have a
brother who's a singing teacher?

Say no more. I happen
to have a card right here...

Professor Melonhead
Fields, PhD, LLD, and DBTC.

- Oh, thanks a lot.
- Tell him I sent you.

- Yeah. Hey, Abbott.
- What?

What's this "DBTC"?

"Don't bend the card."

Come on.

Well, let's see.

Now we've got to find out

where Professor
Melonhead's singing school is.

- I can find out where it's at...
- We'll ask somebody.

- Excuse me, lady.
- Oh, thank you so much!

Are these for
me? They're lovely.

Give met the flowers. I ain't
going to give you nothing.

I'm only trying to find out

where Professor
Melonhead's singing school is.

- Where it is?
- Yeah, what street?

Oh, street. Oh, isn't
the street fascinating?

I love to walk up
and down the street.

One meets so many
interesting people there...

The policemen, the
peddlers, the newsboys.

Look at the little news center
down there, sell you those papers.

Here, take this.

Wait a minute. What
are you building?

- What's she building?
- Buildings?

Oh, aren't the buildings
wonderful? The big, tall buildings.

Look at that new building over there
with that beautiful girl in the light.

Isn't that lovely?

He's not interested
in girls and lights, lady.

Oh, girls in tights? I like...

Will you shut up?

Lady, we're trying
to find out the location

of Professor Melonhead's
singing school.

Well, I must be off.

I think you are.

Well, really!

- I have to go and meet my girlfriend.
- Girlfriend?

Mm-hmm, yes, she's
taking singing lessons

at Professor Melonhead's
studio, singing lessons.

I love to sing. Don't
you love to sing?

[Sings]

No, no, no.

Really, Sir.

Oh, well, I must
go now. Toodle-oo.

Toodle-oo.

Ohh! Ohh! Aah!

- We'll follow her.
- Follow that peacock.

♪ Remember me ♪

♪ Remember me ♪

♪ Remember me ♪

How dare you come in here
and interrupt my singing lesson,

just when I was about
to hit my pizzicato.

Oh, Ma'am, I'm very sorry
that you hurt your pizza pie.

Now... Why, this
lady sings like a bird.

Why don't you open up the window
and let the old buzzard fly out?

How dare you, you
gargantuan grubworm?

I'll have you know that
I'm free, full of life, and 38.

You're lucky. You
just missed the draft.

Get out of my way!

How dare you come in here
and interrupt my singing lessons?!

I never heard of such a thing!

What kind of
students you got here?

I'm sorry to say, Professor,
this happens to be my partner.

How do you do?
Mr. Costello, isn't it?

Very glad to know you, Sir.

This is the lad I was
telling you about.

Now, do you think you
can teach him to sing?

- Oh, can I t...
- You think you can?

I've... I've made singers
out of everybody in the world.

Why, every Hollywood
star is a pupil of mine.

Do tell.

I even taught
Lassie how to sing.

But Lassie's a dog.

He's a human being?

That's what I mean.

When I am through
teaching him to sing,

I'll be the light of his
life, the light of his soul.

Put your hat on, will you?

The light's shining
in my eyes right now.

Come on. Hillary wants me
to sing. I got to do something.

See what you can do with him.

Yeah, thanks. I'll see
you down the street.

All on account of you,
first with that there thing,

and then I got to
sing for the old man.

- Costello.
- Yes, Sir?

First we have to find out
what kind of a voice you've got.

Now, hold still.

Eeh!

Ah, baritone. That's fine.

I want to hear a few
notes of, let's say,

"Jeanie With the Light
Brown Hair." Come on.

♪ I dream ♪

♪ I dream ♪

♪ Of Jeanie with
the light brown hair ♪

Wonderful, wonderful.

You have a magnificent
voice, except for one thing.

You're posture is bad.

The way you stand is
very important in singing.

You see?

Your tummy pooches
out, and your hips droop in.

What you have to do is down
in front and up in the back.

See? Down in front
and up in the back.

Come on. Down in
front and up in the back.

You see?

The voice does not come
from here, as most people think.

The voice comes from the
diaphragm, which is down here.

You see, this is the
larynx, or the voice box.

Now, the voice comes
from the diaphragm,

up through the
esophagus, into the larynx.

Larynx, esophagus,
into the diaphragm.

The diaphragm, up the
esophagus to the larynx.

[Indistinct speaking]

Get away from the frying
pan. That's a shame.

No, no, no, my boy,
don't get excited.

- If you're ticklish...
- Okay...

[Singing indistinctly]

No, no, no, no, no, no.
You're not doing it correctly.

Now, you listen to the teacher.
Professor Melonhead will show you.

First I want to hear a tone.

I want a tone to come out of
your mouth shaped like a pear.

Which end first?

Never mind with that. It
doesn't make any difference.

I want a nice, full tone.

Let me hear a tone, one tone.

♪ Ma! ♪

- A round tone, round.
- Round?

Round.

♪ Booo! ♪

You're choking it back.
Let me hear it. Bring it out.

Let me hear it.

♪ Boooooo! ♪

No, no, no, bring
it out! Throw it out!

♪ Booooooooooo! ♪

No, no, no, don't hold it
back. You're cho... Throw it out!

♪ Booooooooo! ♪

From way back, and out!

♪ Booooooooo! ♪

From down here,
bring it up and out.

Come on.

♪ Booooooooooooo! ♪

Out! Out! Out! Out! Out! Out!

- What's the matter?
- I slipped.

No, no, no, I want
that tone to come up.

♪ Boooooooo! ♪

♪ Boooooooo! ♪

Now you've got it!

You've got to throw the tone
out. That's the important...

Now, listen, you
don't breathe properly.

You see, you choke
back the important tones.

Now, there's no vibration.

I want you to breathe for me.

Aaaaaaah!

That's wonderful!

You see? Your
lungs are full of air.

My boy, you're magnificent.

Now, there's one trick

that the great Greek orator
Demosthenes used to do

to cultivate and
improve his vocal tones.

He used to put pebbles in
his mouth under his tongue

and sing through the
pebbles. Now, we...

- He put rocks in his mouth?
- That's right.

- You like the idea.
- Eh. I want to be a singer.

Wait a minute. I've got
something a little tastier.

We don't have any rocks,

but I happen to have a
few crackers left from lunch.

Now, I'll show you what I mean.

You see, you put a few
crackers in the mouth like this

instead of rocks, huh?

Hmm?

Now, we do a song
called "Figaro," see?

♪ Oh, Figaro, Figaro! ♪

You see what I mean?

Do you get the idea?

I got...

Figaro... you see?
It's a very simple thing.

[Applause]

Well, Lou, now that you've
taken your singing lessons,

how do you feel?

♪ Hey, la va va va ♪

All right, all right,
all right, now.

Hold it. Hold it. Hold it.

Hold it.

We're going down
there to Hillary's father

and show him what
talent you have.

Come on. I want to get there in
a hurry, before the flowers die.

How do you love
those chrysanthemums?

- The what?
- Chrysanthemums.

- Those are daisies.
- They're chrysanthemums.

How do you spell it?

They're daisies.

- Lou.
- Yeah?

You are now ready to
save Hillary from the farm.

♪ Figaro, Figaro, Figaro ♪

We are now going...

I don't think I'm
hitting that note right.

I don't think I'm doing it
the way I'm supposed to.

♪ Figaro ♪

What are you doing?

Why don't you behave yourself?

Now, we're going
into Hillary's apartment.

You're going to
sing for her father.

- Wait, your face is very...
- Well, fix it up.

[Indistinct speaking]

♪ Figaro, Figaro, Figaro ♪

I don't care if Lou
Costello can sing.

Clem sings and accompanies
himself on a piano.

Uh-oh.

And as far as I'm concerned,

I'd rather have him
play the piano than sing.

I ought to take...

No, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

What's that old
man want me to do?

I took singing lessons.

Now the guy has
to be a piano player.

- I've got an idea.
- You got an idea.

We're going down to
Bacciagalupe's music store right away.

Come on. I'll explain it
to you on the way down.

Here we go again.

- Hey, Stinky, come here!
- Hello, Louie.

- Hey, do me a favor.
- What do you want me to do?

- Look, I got...
- Oh, no, no, you know what?

I always do something for you,
and I never get nothing for it.

- Ain't he just like a kid?
- Don't argue now, kids.

Now, look, Stinky, I
want you to do me a favor.

You take these flowers,
and you give them to Hillary.

And I want to tell
you something else...

Hillary's father is
in there with her.

He just come up from the
country, and he's got a lot of money.

Now, if you give
these flowers to Hillary,

I know her father will
give you a nice, big tip.

- Are you sure, now?
- I'm positive.

- He'll give you a big tip.
- Yeah, he will.

- You think I should do it?
- Well, naturally.

- Sure, he should. He's my pal.
- Okay, I'll do it.

You give them to Hillary,

and her father will
give you a big tip.

- Only one thing...
- What's that?

Whatever he gives
you, I want half.

Ohh, see? There you go.
You're always wanting more.

- I think it's fair we split 50-50.
- Now, that's...

- Should I do it?
- That's fair and square.

All right, if he said
it, then it's good.

Don't you think we
ought to split it 50-50?

Yes, he'll give you 50.

He'll give you half
of whatever he gets.

On your honor.

I'll give you half
of everything I get.

- On your honor.
- On my honor.

Boy Scout salute... Three
fingers, up to the head.

All right.

Okay, now give them to
Hillary, and I'll see you later.

Go ahead. Come on.

- Now, wait a minute. Abbott.
- What?

I don't get this
whole thing here.

Now, listen, you want
to prove to Hillary's father

that you're a great
musician, don't you?

Yeah.

- I have an idea.
- What is it?

We're going in here, buy a
Victrola, and a record, a piano record.

Then we're going
over to Hillary's house

and prove to her father

that you're the greatest
piano player in the world.

How? How you going to do this?

Very simple...

When we get up there,

I'll sneak behind the piano
with the Victrola and the record.

Yeah.

Now, all you have
to say is, "All right."

Yeah.

You got to the piano
and start playing.

Say, "All right," and
I'll put the record on.

How's it going to stop?

You say, "All right,"
again, then I'll stop.

Now, you're going
to be behind the piano

with the Victrola
and the record.

And then when I say, "All
right," you start to play it.

When I say, "All right,"
the second time, you stop.

That simple?

He'll think you're
marvelous. Come on in here.

Hey!

- Hi, Mr. Bacciagalupe!
- Hey.

Hello, Bud. Hello, Luigi.

[Speaking Italian]

Bacciagalupe, I want to
buy a Victrola and a record,

a piano record.

- I got a nice Victrola here.
- You got a nice Victrola?

- This is brand-new.
- Now, how about the record?

- This cost $15.
- That's all right, Bacciagalupe.

Record... I got
new records here.

No, I want a piano record.

Oh, piano... I got
just the thing for you.

- That's what I want.
- You like this one?

- What is it?
- This is called...

[Speaking Italian]

Well, what does it mean?

- Ophelia.
- Ophelia?

Yeah.

- Piano record?
- Sure. You like?

- How much is this?
- That's a very expensive record.

Oh, no!

[Speaking Italian]

Come here. I want to
show something to you.

- Now, Bacciagalupe...
- I'm sorry.

I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

- He meant no harm, Bacciagalupe.
- I don't want that...

You make me lose my
temperature sometimes, you know.

You've got other piano
records, haven't you?

- All right.
- I hope so.

- What's that?
- This one called "Amole."

- Huh?
- "Amole."

- "Amole"?
- What's it mean?

That means, "When I Go Down
South to See My Mom in Alabama,

She Come in the Front Door,

But I Miss Her Because
I Go in the Back Door

and We Miss Each
Other for Three Weeks."

- Piano record?
- It's a piano record.

Piano record.

Wait a minute, just a...

Come on.

Let's see if my piano
fingers are all right.

Yeah. Hey.

Hey, Stinky, did you
give Hillary the flowers?

Uh-huh.

Did you get anything
from the father?

- Mm-hmm.
- Well, come on, I want half.

- Come on, give him half, Stinky.
- Come on. I want half.

You told me you
get the bigger half.

There! Mnh!

That's what I like about Stinky...
He always pays his debts.

Come on.

Come on. Pick yourself
up. You asked for it.

Now, look, Lou...

Now, you understand
everything clearly?

I understand.

You're going to get behind
the piano with the Victrola.

Right.

And then when I say, "All right,"
you're going to play the record?

Yes.

And then when I say, "All right,"
the second time, you stop it.

That's all there is to it.
Now, knock on the door.

- Don't make any mistakes.
- All right.

- Hello, Louis. Hello, Bud.
- How do?

I want you boys to
say hello to my father.

Come on in.

Hillary, I've got a
great surprise for you.

What is it?

The greatest piano
player in the world.

Why, Louis, I didn't know
you could play the piano.

Ah, neither did I, but I
took some fast lessons.

Oh, yeah.

Well, do you know, there's
nothing that father likes better

than musicians, and
particularly a piano player.

Well, we knew that.

Well, you see, Hillary,
yeah, we know, too,

and your father wants a
piano player in the family.

I want to take a crack at that.

I want to show you I
can really play the piano.

Oh, well, I couldn't be more
pleased. I'll tell you what I'll do.

I'll go and get father now
and bring him out here

so he can hear you play
the piano. Oh, Louis...

I'll limber up my fingers
while you're gone.

- Go ahead.
- ♪ La la la la ♪

Come here. Come here.

- Now, I'll get behind the piano here.
- Yeah.

As soon as her father
comes in, tell him I went out

to get a newspaper or
something, anything at all.

Don't forget, Abbott...

When I say, "All right,
you start to play the record.

When I say, "All right,"
the second time, stop it.

If you don't, somebody's
going to hit me.

All right, I'll remember the
plan. Don't worry about it.

Oh, Louis, you know father. He
was just having a late breakfast.

And, Louis, I want to thank
you for these lovely flowers,

and I thought they should be in
here for this important occasion.

I brought your
daughter some flowers.

Yes, I can see.

They smell very delicious, too.

You know that?

Get over here.
Hillary, get over here.

Phew!

Well, pop, I'm going to
play the piano for you.

I'd like to play
the piano for you.

I want to show you
I'm a great musician.

- Oh, he plays beautifully, father.
- Does he?

- Yes.
- I'd like to hear you, bud.

You would? Bud?

- Come on and sit over here.
- All right.

Does your father
always eat this late?

Well, he didn't have
breakfast early this morning,

so he was just sitting
inside having it now.

That's a murderous thing there.

Well, now, what would you
like to have me play for you?

Well, let me see. I'd like to
hear "Cavalleria Rusticana."

- "Cavalleria Rusticana."
- Yeah.

Play it on the piano?

Some do.

Some do. "Cavalleria Rusticana."

That's a very tricky
piece, you know.

- "Cavalleria Rusticana."
- Yeah.

- Really nothing to it.
- With both hands.

Yeah, I'm going to play with
two hands. "Cavalleria Rusticana."

- You know how it goes?
- No, no.

- You don't?
- No.

- You know how it goes?
- No.

Wait till you hear
"Cavalleria Rusticana."

I play like nobody plays
"Cavalleria Rusticana."

- So, you don't know how it goes, huh?
- Nope, nope.

"Cavalleria Rusticana."

All right!

All right!

Oh, Louis, father
said it was wonderful!

I didn't say it was wonderful.

I said it was all right!

["Cavalleria Rusticana" plays]

All right!

When I say it, you...

Well, that was
"Cavalleria Rusticana."

- Oh, Louis, that was beautiful.
- It was beautiful.

Any other piece you
want me to play for you?

Yes, yes.

- I tell you what.
- What?

Play “The Poet and the Peasant."

"Poet and the Pheasant."

Not "pheasant," "peasant."

It sounds a little powerful.
"Poet and the Peasant."

Is that anything like
"Cavalleria Rusticana"?

Well, you play it
with two hands.

Yeah, I guess I do.
You know how it goes?

No, no.

Do you know it goes?

No.

Music lovers, just
taking off some pips.

I'll play “Poet
and the Peasant."

Did you like the
first piece I played?

Oh, it was wonderful, Louis.

No, it was all right.

["Cavalleria Rusticana" plays]

All right!

Will you keep your
big mouth shut?

Play the right...!

I was just...

sitting down.

I'm going to play the other
one for you that you want.

"Poet and the Peasant."

Pheasant.

All right!

["Cavalleria Rusticana" plays]

All right!

Pretty good, pretty
good, pretty good.

Well, what did
you think of that?

Well, that was
all to the mustard.

All to the mustard?

For a minute, I thought your father
was going to say it was all right.

["Cavalleria Rusticana" plays]

All right!

[Singing indistinctly]

♪ Get the cues right,
will you, junior? ♪

Louis, what are you
doing at the window?

I just want to see
the kids out there.

It lightens my heart. I'm
a great pianist, you know?

It's love of the soul
and all that sort of thing.

Get it right, ya dummy!

I play the piano the best.

Now, any other piece you'd
like to have me play for you?

Yeah. Let me hear
you play the seventh.

- Seventh what?
- Why, the seventh symphony, Louis.

Seventh symphony. The
way this guy digs them up.

You know how it goes?

No.

What's wrong with your old man?

What is it with family? He
don't know how nothing goes.

Well, I shall play
the seventh for you.

Hope I come out on top.

[Singing]

♪ The seventh ♪

Impersonation.

Moby Dick.

[Whistles]

I'm going to play the piano.
I'm going to play the piano.

The seventh.

All right!

All right!

All right!

I don't know. I don't know.
I don't know. I don't know.

All right!

All right!

All right!

I got to get the
hands in motion.

All right!

All right!

I got to look at the kids again.

Will you play...!

["Cavalleria Rusticana" plays]

All right!

["Cavalleria Rusticana"
continues playing]

All right!

["Cavalleria Rusticana"
continues playing]

All right!

["Cavalleria Rusticana"
continues playing]

All right!

["Cavalleria Rusticana"
continues playing]

All right, Abbott!

["Cavalleria Rusticana"
continues playing]

All right, Abbott!

["Cavalleria Rusticana"
continues playing]

["Cavalleria Rusticana"
stops playing]

Young man, you're a fake!

Hillary, I don't want you to have
anything to do with that young fella!

Come! Come with me, Hillary!

I'm not Hillary! There she is!

Hillary, I want you
to never let this man

darken your apartment again!

Come!

"Cavalleria Rusticana."

Why, you ungrateful dog!

You don't...

[Applause]

What's the matter with you?

What are you so sad about?

I never do anything right.

Well, I'm glad you admit it.

You never do.

You're always in trouble,
always doing something wrong.

Why do you do these
things, Lou? Why?

Oh, I'm a bad boy.

Certainly, you are.

Good night, folks.

So long.

[Applause]

All right.