All language subtitles for Abbott_Costello S02E09 From Bed to Worse.DVDRip.HI.en.e-One

[Applause]

Heeeey, Abbott!

[Humming]

Oh!

Ow.

Ow!

Just... Ow!

That's amazing.

I didn't even
put it up like that.

But this is an amazing thing.

All you got to do is throw it, and
the thing stands up all by itself.

Got to plug this thing in.

Get the iron all set.

Should have bought
two of these. They're cute.

Now I got to press Abbott's
coat so he looks neat.

- Hello, Louie.
- Hello. How d'you do?

Fine. Everything's great. I've
got some great news for you.

I'm tickled to death to see this
here. That's ambition, my boy.

But wait till you hear this.

- We've got a job.
- A job?

I got a job for both of us.

I walked all day, but I finally
located a wonderful job.

- Where?
- At Caraway's Nursery.

What are you going
to do, mind babies?

Yes... No, no, not mind babies.

It's a store for
the garden, like...

You know, seeds and flowers
and implements, lawn mowers and...

Oh, we're going to
sell that kind of stuff?

Sell all that kind of stuff,

and if we handle the job carefully,
we could stay there forever.

Oh, I'm glad.

All you have to do is use your
brains. You know what I mean.

And I'm tired, boy. Oh, I've been
walking and walking and walking.

Take your coat off. Let
me have your coat, then.

Thanks, Louie.

- Sit down and relax, buddy.
- Yes, I'm tired out.

- I'll press this here suit.
- Yeah, press it for me...

Aah!

Ouch! Ouch!

Ouch! Yow!

I don't want it!

Come on!

What's going on here?!
What's happening!

Aah!

Now, look. Let's do a
good job for Mr. Caraway.

You watch the store while I
check around the hothouses.

Okay.

Ohh, excuse me! I'm sorry.

What can I do for you, Sir?

Peat moss.

Hiya, Mr. Moss.
My name is Costello.

Peat moss!

Hiya, Pete. What
you want? I'm not deaf.

Look, dummy, my
name's not Pete Moss.

That's what I want
to buy... Peat moss.

It's right there on the shelf.

Why do you go around telling
everybody you're Pete Moss?

Oh, oh, it's on the
shelf. I'll be right back.

How much you want of this?

- Give me a pound of it.
- A Pound.

And I want to get
a lot of other things.

Well, here, figure
out what you want.

I want about a pound of grass
seed, about two pounds of clover seed,

about a pound of...

Hold it! Hold it! Hold it!

What do you think,
I'm a mathematician?

Take it easy, now. I
ain't got a trigger mind.

A pound of poppy seed.

Got any thyme?

I got plenty of time.

Go on. Give me some.

How much time do you want?

Use your own judgment.

What else?

Here... to lighten up
the ground, a few bulbs.

Bulbs?

Certainly, about a
half a dozen will do.

I'll get the rest of
this stuff tomorrow.

Well?!

- Where are my packages?
- Packages?

I put it all in the
same bag for you.

You what?!

Put it all in the same bag.

You idiot!

- Can I help?
- Yes, you can.

I want to do some grafting.
I want to learn how to graft.

Graft? Why come in here?

Have you tried the
pool room next door?

- Why should I go there?
- You'll find more grafters there.

Are you trying to tell me
you don't want to help me

get started with my grafting?

Lady, you're so beautiful.
You look so intelligent.

Why don't you give
up the whole thought?

Are you feeling all right?

All I want to do is
graft a few stalks.

What is the difference...
Stocks, bonds, cash?

You're bound to wind up in jail.

[Woman laughs]

What's so funny?

Oh, I'm talking about grafting
a little slip from one plant

into the stalk of another
plant to improve my garden.

- Never heard of it.
- Here, I'll explain it to you.

You take a slip
from a certain plant.

Then you take a slip
from another plant.

That's really wonderful
stuff. Believe me.

I think this ought
to do the trick.

Now, you know how
to spray this, don't you?

- No, I have no idea.
- Well, I'm going to have to show you.

See, you got to get this
on real tight. I'll show you.

Oh, that's great.

Works fine, but I'm
afraid it's a little too heavy

for the wife to handle.

I better take one
of those small ones.

- One of the small ones?
- Yes.

- How about that?
- That's fine.

You've been so interesting.
I'll drop by again real soon.

You do that, beautiful.

I'll straighten you
out in a minute, Sir.

Now, hold on.

Oh!

You must be short of help to have
a dumb ox like that around here.

I know. He's pretty impossible.
I may have to get rid of him.

Here, Sir.

There you are. There you go.

Oh!

You didn't get rid
of him soon enough.

Boy, someday somebody is going
to knock that silly head of yours

right off your shoulders!

- Like who?
- Like me!

- Of course I like you.
- I...

Go put that money
in the cash register

before you lose it.

Yes, Sir. Put it in
the cash register!

"Put the money in
the cash register."

In the cash register.

Hey, Abbott,
here, you put it in.

- Give me the money.
- Go ahead.

Wait. Hey, before you
put it in here, wear the hat.

Oh, what's that
got to do with it?

In there... that's
where it belongs.

That's cute. I'd like
that to keep happening.

Oh, the hat.

Hey, here comes
our neighbor, Bill Hart.

Well, if it ain't Abbott and...

What are you doing here?

Abbott and I run the joint.

You don't say.

I do say.

We're helping Mr. Caraway.

What can we do for you, Bill?

Well, I need a lot of stuff.

I'm planting a vegetable
garden in my backyard.

Wait a minute. That's silly, ain't
it? That's a lot of work for nothing.

Oh, not if I win
the big cash prize.

What cash prize?

Well, if you could read, you'd
have seen it in all the papers.

The Big American Seed
Company is giving away 1,000 bucks

for the best home garden
raised by any local citizen.

When do the cash
awards take place?

Oh, not for some weeks
yet, but I'll be all set

when the inspection
committee comes around.

Hey, Abbott, this is better
than working for a living.

Mm-hmm.

What can we do for you?

Well, first off, have you got
any of them hand-spray objects

you use to kill pests?

Yes, we've got plenty
of those... Over here.

Right this way, Bill. There's
quite an assortment here.

Ah, which one would
you recommend?

Well, how do you like that one?

Maybe something
bigger would be better.

Well, show him, Lou.

You don't like this one, do you?

Hey, here's a beauty.
Here's the master size.

- That's a big one.
- Yeah, that's the ticket.

- Is it in good working order?
- Oh, sure, I'll show you.

I'm sorry, Bill. I'm sorry.

Some dope must have
loaded this here thing.

Now, Bill, you see, we're not
acquainted with the stuff here.

It's all new to us.

Okay, maybe it was a mistake,

but knowing Costello's
reputation, I doubt it.

No, no, no, Sir.
I'll vouch for him.

Take it easy. Take it easy.

What else did you want, Bill?

Okay, now, where's your
stuff for a vegetable garden?

Oh, that's all over
here, Bill, over here.

Now, Bill, you'll find everything
you need right over here.

Swell, here's what I want.

Now, get up on the ladder,

and give Mr. Hart
everything that he calls out.

I want some beans
and peas, for one thing.

- Beans and peas?
- Yeah. They're all up there.

- This ain't a vegetable store.
- Go ahead. You'll find everything...

- Oh, you mean the seeds.
- The seeds.

They're up in there somewhere.

No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, that's not...

Take it easy.
Don't drop anything.

Now, there's the...
Wait a minute. Lou.

I'm sorry.

That's not it.

Lou, what are you doing?

I don't know what I'm doing,
but I'm doing something.

I'm getting Mr. Caraway's seeds.

Beans and peas...
That's right, seeds!

Stand still. Over
here. Stay up there.

Lou, stay up.

Get up on the ladder. That's it.

All right, all
right, the stuff...

Wait, don't throw...

Don't throw the stuff...

It's up on the top shelf.

What are you doing out here?

Over there!

Oh, Louis, go over there.

Whoa!

Ouch!

You know, Louie, I
was just thinking...

After what you did to
our neighbor Mr. Hart,

yesterday in the store,

if he ever sees us
working in this garden,

he'll jump that
fence and murder us.

That big bag of wind...
He don't scare me.

I'm going to make
such a good garden

that, for that $1,000 prize,
I'll make a sucker out of him.

Attaboy, that's the
spirit. I knew it was in you.

- And another thing, Abbott.
- What?

If you would stop being
a lump on a stump,

we'd get the thing finished.

But Louie, you
know the spells I take

with these pains
here in my shoulder.

Every time there's
some work to do,

your shoulder always
gets the pains in the sho...

- I can't help it, Lou.
- Does it hurt?

Yeah.

Don't! Don't. Don't.
Don't. Ohh, Louie.

- Hello, Mr. Fields.
- Well, good morning, boys.

Good morning, Mr. Fields.

It certainly is nice to see you
boys working in the garden.

- Thanks for the loan of the garden.
- Oh, that's all right.

We're all going to enjoy
your nice, fresh vegetables.

Just a minute. What do you
mean, "We're all going to enjoy"

my nice vegetables?

Well, it's simple.
Mr. Abbott knows.

The owner of the land
always shares in the crop.

Don't forget, Mr. Fields,
I bought all the stuff,

and I'm planting all the stuff.

What do you mean,
"We're all going to enjoy" it?

But you forget it's my ground,
my tools, huh, my air, hmm?

Air? You mean you're going to
get us in trouble about the air?

Oh, it's all my air,
my ground, my land.

Everything is mine... the water.

Well, we should
split with him, Louie.

Sure, we split 50-50.

We're going to have
to split with him?

Sure.

Well, then in that case, I'm going
to have to plant some split peas.

Don't you worry about
a thing, Mr. Fields.

We'll have the garden
all cleaned up today,

and we'll share the vegetables.

Well, that's very
nice. Good luck, boys.

We're going to show
that neighbor Mr. Hart,

what a real garden looks like.

We're going to show him.

We are going to show him.

- I'm going to go to work right now.
- That's a boy.

You better... Ohh! Ohh,
don't. That's too heavy.

This was too heavy?

Hey, we win that $1,000,

we'll show that Caraway that
it's no good working for him.

He had no right to fire us.

You're right.
You're right there.

What's the idea?

I'm sitting down.

What do you mean,
sit... Get up out of there.

You said, "We're going to
show that guy next door, Bill."

That's what we're going to do.

I don't want to be a clog
in the wheel of progress.

- Oh, get up out of there.
- Ohh, my shoulder, Abbott.

- Get up out of there.
- My shoulder hurts.

Don't!

- I hurt yours?
- Yes.

I'm sorry.

Well, come on. Let's get going.

Relax. I'm going to
plant some more seeds.

Yeah, go ahead.
I got to sit down.

Hey.

See? Now, there's
something you'd never notice.

Hey, that's the worst thing
in the world for a garden...

A trailing arbutus.

You're making me feel like
Brutus, the way you... Come here.

No, that would ruin
all your garden, Louie.

What did you do to my garden?
You wrecked the whole garden.

A trailing arbutus going
through your garden...

Now look what I got to do.

I got to start the
whole thing up

'cause you had to get
hold of a trailing arbutus?

- Wait a minute.
- What do you call it?

What's the idea of planting
lima beans and corn together?

What do you expect to raise?

- Succotash.
- Suc...

You and your garden. I
knew I shouldn't be over there.

What are you doing?
Are you planting eggs?

Planting eggs for what?

Eggplants.

I don't know, Louie. I guess
I'll have to take a hand here.

- You know what your trouble is?
- What?

You're not digging
the holes deep enough.

No?

You got to plant those
seeds down deep.

Hold this.

See, it's the earth
that brings them up.

Yeah, you brought up all
the earth with the trail arbutus.

That would have ruined
your vegetables, Lou.

You ruined the whole garden.

Go ahead. Make the
hole deeper and then...

I'd square hit them...

Go ahead. Put it down
there. I'll put the seeds in.

I'll make a deeper hole.

- Way down.
- Deeper hole in there.

That it?

- That deep enough?
- That's good enough.

Now take it out.

Take it out.

- Oy!
- Ugh.

Oh, eek!

Look out. Look out.
Look out. Look out.

You can't do anything.
Here, hold the seeds.

There you go.

Aah!

Ugh.

- What did you do that for?
- I didn't do nothing.

- What did you do that for?
- I didn't do n...

What did you do that...
Don't tell me you didn't...

Hey, I think you hit a pipe
or something, didn't you?

Certainly, you broke a
pipeline. That's what you did.

Hold it. Hold it.

I knew I shouldn't
let you in here alone.

Take it easy.

It's stopped up.

It's Mr. Fields. I don't
think he paid his water bill.

There's something wrong.

- Is everything all right?
- Nothing coming out now.

- Huh?
- Nothing coming out now.

- Get over there.
- Huh?

Get over there to the
main line and turn it off.

- Get over there.
- Wait a minute. Wait.

- Get over there.
- That's...

Go on. Turn it off.

Hey, come here.

Now, we've got to get
this stump out of here

so that we have
more room for planting.

Well, don't look at me. I
ain't going to pull this thing up.

You don't pull it
up. You blow it up.

Are you kidding?
You what? Blow it up.

You're just telling me to...

Look, you go ahead and
finish with your garden.

I'll go and see if Fields has
got any dynamite in there.

- Excuse me, please.
- Go ahead.

Come on.

Come on. Get back in there.

Come on. Get back in there.

Come on.

Get out, you thief.

Come here.

Look at this.

Over here, where you belong.
You belong to the other guy.

Over there. Come on. Get. Get.

Get out!

Get!

Get over there. Get in there.

Get... Don't talk back to me.

Get in there where you belong.

Get... Get in there
where you b...

Get your head in there. Don't...

Get your head in there.

Come here!

Ohh!

Get your filthy paws
off of my chickens.

Th-They come over my yard here.
They were wrecking my garden.

Hand them over.

My chickens don't
get out of my yard

unless somebody gives
them a boost over the fence.

Now, wait a minute, Mr. Bill.

They were over here
eating up all my corn.

Oh, you're using corn to
lure them into your yard?

Your chickens
don't appeal to me.

If it happens again,

I'm going to plant you
along with the corn.

Oh.

Plant me along with the corn.

Hey.

Come here. Why don't
you leave that man alone?

- Smarty-pants.
- Never mind the "smarty-pants."

Now, come on. Get
this junk away from here,

that arbutus plant
and everything.

Get it cleared so we
can get rid of this stuff.

Pick it all up, everything.

Clear it all up.

Pick it right up
and get rid of it.

Okay.

Go ahead.

Aah! Not there.

Throw it over the fence.

First you try to
steal my chickens.

Now you're dumping
trash in my yard.

- I ought to sock you!
- Now, wait a minute.

Oh, come on. Don't
let him bluff you.

- Huh?
- Tell him off.

- Yeah, you can get off now.
- Yeah?

Ohh!

And you... What
are you butting in for?

I ought to give you a...

I'm your pal. I'm only kidding.

- Yeah, let's keep it that way.
- Okay, Bill.

Stay out!

Have you had enough now?

Eh, you...

Aah!

Come on. Come on. Come on.

Get over here.

You ought to be ashamed of yourself,
letting that guy bully you like that.

That's just like being a coward.

- Yeah, but it's a lot healthier.
- Aah.

Let's play with
dynamite. It's safer.

Nah, never mind that.

I've got the hole all dug
for the dynamite. I'll put it in.

No, you don't. This is my job.
I'm an expert at this kind of stuff.

What do you know about dynamite?

- What do I know about dynamite?
- Yeah, what do you know?

Ever since I was a little kid, I
used to play with firecrackers.

Go ahead, but be careful.

- You got nothing to worry about.
- Take it easy, boy.

You know, this thing
can blow you to pieces.

It ain't going to blow
me to pieces, Bud.

Just take it easy.
That's... No, no, no, no!

Easy, boy.

- I got to get it out, don't I?
- You want to live, don't you?

- Certainly, I want to get it out.
- Then take it easy.

Just take it easy,
now. Easy, slow, easy!

No, no, no!

Wait a... Wait. Stop.

- I've got this in my racket.
- I know your racket.

I don't want to
be a flying saucer.

- Easy, slow.
- What are you getting scared about?

What do you mean?
That's dynamite.

Take it... Don't!

Don't!

Take it easy, Lou!

Lou!

Ohh!

No!

Easy. The least little
jar will blow us up.

- Are you kidding?
- I'm not kidding.

Ah, stop.

Now, take it easy.
Handle it with care.

No, no, Lou!

Lou, Lou, please.
That is not stick candy.

Just put it in the hole. Ohh!

Oh, boy.

- Let me handle this job right here.
- Yeah, well, take it easy with it.

Take it easy... Ohh! Ohh!

Don't do that. Don't...

Give them to me. You're scared.

Put it in the hole.

There.

No, no! No!

Won't be long now.

Boy, oh, boy, take it easy, Lou.

That's it. That's enough dirt.

- Go ahead. You got a match?
- Oh, sure.

Thataboy. Put that down there.

That's enough. Lay it aside.

Uh-oh.

Hey, your friends are back.

Get out of here! Get! Scat!

Get!

Go on! Go on!

Get!

[Explosion]

Ohh.

Boy, you better think
up a good excuse now.

Hey. Do you smell something?

It's the fuse.

- Uh-oh, let's get out of...
- Don't run. Walk safely.

Come on.

Who's going to pay for my fence?

- He is.
- He is.

Well, just not so fast.
First we agree on the price.

- All right, we agree on the price.
- Yeah, we'll pay.

Sit down.

First we figure the lump
of 20 feet of fence boards.

It comes to $32.90.

- That's cheap.
- We'll give you $90.

- $12.
- $12.

Sit down. The nails.
Mind the nails... $3.

Abbott, it ain't going
to be long now. Let's go.