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1
00:00:27,603 --> 00:00:28,627
Nothing.
2
00:01:46,148 --> 00:01:48,947
- Hello? Is this U.N.C.L.E.?
- Yes, it is.
3
00:01:51,654 --> 00:01:56,718
Believe me, Mr. Solo,
this is not a prank. I...
4
00:02:00,096 --> 00:02:01,689
You're on, Miss Osborne.
5
00:02:35,164 --> 00:02:40,193
Uh, miss. Uh, where can
we find Miss, uh, Osborne?
6
00:02:40,369 --> 00:02:43,362
Well, she left,
about a minute ago.
7
00:02:43,539 --> 00:02:47,840
- Uh, where did she go?
- Why, to Purdy's. To wait for the reviews.
8
00:02:48,010 --> 00:02:49,444
Where's Purdy?
9
00:02:49,612 --> 00:02:53,413
Well, if, um, you got a
car, I'll take you there.
10
00:02:54,850 --> 00:02:56,318
I got them. I got them.
11
00:02:56,485 --> 00:02:58,165
Come on, gather around,
everybody. Come on.
12
00:02:58,320 --> 00:03:01,916
Come, I got the reviews. Come on,
come on. Come on, honey, come on.
13
00:03:03,692 --> 00:03:05,627
Okay, quiet down,
quiet down. Come on.
14
00:03:05,795 --> 00:03:08,856
Shh. Let's see what they have
to say about an instant hit, huh?
15
00:03:09,031 --> 00:03:10,397
Who's that?
16
00:03:10,566 --> 00:03:14,003
Uh, that's Winky Blintz.
He's our director and star.
17
00:03:14,170 --> 00:03:17,004
- Winky Blintz.
- Blintz, Blintz.
18
00:03:17,173 --> 00:03:18,173
Here's Mr. Dreston:
19
00:03:18,340 --> 00:03:20,639
"If you think the opening
scene of The In-Out Show...
20
00:03:20,810 --> 00:03:24,042
is pretentiously obtuse,
you should just be patient."
21
00:03:24,213 --> 00:03:26,705
- Do you see Miss Osborne?
- Shh.
22
00:03:27,516 --> 00:03:33,012
"For once it gets going, it swings
downhill with all the pace and deftness...
23
00:03:33,189 --> 00:03:34,680
of an Alpine glacier."
24
00:03:36,692 --> 00:03:37,716
Fascist.
25
00:03:37,893 --> 00:03:39,725
- Please. It's important.
- What?
26
00:03:39,895 --> 00:03:43,297
Oh, Miss Osborne. Um.
27
00:03:43,466 --> 00:03:46,664
I don't see her. I know she's here. Oh,
she probably went to the powder room.
28
00:03:46,836 --> 00:03:49,567
Well, we have to see her
immediately. So, uh, would you mind?
29
00:03:49,738 --> 00:03:51,206
Let's see what the first...
30
00:03:51,373 --> 00:03:53,342
I might as well. I don't
have anything else to do.
31
00:03:53,509 --> 00:03:55,637
Things certainly don't look
too promising around here.
32
00:03:55,811 --> 00:03:58,007
Ah, Paul Hastenbrook,
there's a critic for you.
33
00:03:58,714 --> 00:04:02,048
"Last night at the New Wave
Theater, The In-Out Show went on...
34
00:04:02,218 --> 00:04:05,848
and on and on and on."
35
00:04:07,189 --> 00:04:09,852
The reviews aren't
exactly boffo, are they?
36
00:04:10,025 --> 00:04:11,891
"Boffo"?
37
00:04:12,061 --> 00:04:14,758
Yes, that's "box
office" to foreigners.
38
00:04:27,243 --> 00:04:29,838
Whatever she
wanted to tell us...
39
00:04:30,012 --> 00:04:32,504
I guess we'll have to
find it out for ourselves.
40
00:05:24,967 --> 00:05:27,937
The police are convinced
it was suicide, eh?
41
00:05:28,103 --> 00:05:30,629
Well, I suppose Miss Osborne
wouldn't be the first actress...
42
00:05:30,806 --> 00:05:33,640
to take her press
notices too seriously.
43
00:05:33,809 --> 00:05:36,540
It's not the police she
spoke to, it was me.
44
00:05:36,712 --> 00:05:39,181
What exactly did she tell you?
45
00:05:40,849 --> 00:05:43,689
She said she had something to tell
me, and I said, "What?" and she said:
46
00:05:43,852 --> 00:05:47,721
"Your entire organization is
in danger of being destroyed."
47
00:05:47,890 --> 00:05:49,153
Then she was cut off.
48
00:05:49,325 --> 00:05:51,521
I see.
49
00:05:51,694 --> 00:05:53,458
Well, it may interest
you, gentlemen...
50
00:05:53,629 --> 00:05:56,827
to know that a Thrush operative
has just been captured...
51
00:05:56,999 --> 00:06:00,766
carrying a copy of everything we
fed into our main computer yesterday.
52
00:06:00,936 --> 00:06:03,064
Has he been interrogated?
53
00:06:03,606 --> 00:06:05,199
Dead, unfortunately.
54
00:06:09,178 --> 00:06:11,977
This may be the
answer to the past week.
55
00:06:12,147 --> 00:06:17,051
Nothing in our entire operation against
Thrush seems to have worked properly.
56
00:06:17,219 --> 00:06:19,279
Do you think a personnel leak?
57
00:06:19,455 --> 00:06:21,754
Not very likely, I'm afraid.
58
00:06:21,924 --> 00:06:24,985
Our engineers think they've
got a tap on this computer.
59
00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:27,425
How? We're 50 feet
below ground level.
60
00:06:27,596 --> 00:06:30,498
They'd have to dig quite a
tunnel to get anywhere near us.
61
00:06:30,666 --> 00:06:32,532
Wouldn't our seismic
detectors pick them up?
62
00:06:32,701 --> 00:06:34,932
I don't have the answer to that.
63
00:06:35,104 --> 00:06:40,099
Miss, will you tell the chief
engineer that effective immediately...
64
00:06:40,276 --> 00:06:42,245
I want this computer shut down?
65
00:06:42,411 --> 00:06:44,073
Yes, Mr. Waverly.
66
00:06:44,246 --> 00:06:46,340
Except for the processing
of the most routine...
67
00:06:46,515 --> 00:06:48,108
and unclassified material.
68
00:06:48,284 --> 00:06:50,048
Yes, sir.
69
00:06:50,552 --> 00:06:54,751
I gather you see some connection
between this and the late Miss Osborne.
70
00:06:54,923 --> 00:06:57,188
Oh, possibly none.
71
00:06:57,359 --> 00:07:01,353
But for the time being, it's the
only thing we've got to go on.
72
00:07:01,530 --> 00:07:02,890
And we must
remember, gentlemen...
73
00:07:03,032 --> 00:07:05,968
that that theater is only
two blocks away from here.
74
00:07:06,135 --> 00:07:09,799
I know one of the
girls in the show.
75
00:07:09,972 --> 00:07:14,000
After those reviews, I have a feeling
if you don't hurry, you'll miss her.
76
00:07:16,111 --> 00:07:19,172
Not even a week from
Thursday? Well, uh...
77
00:07:19,348 --> 00:07:21,908
Sorry, my friend. We
are sold out for weeks.
78
00:07:22,084 --> 00:07:24,610
For weeks? Uh...
79
00:07:24,787 --> 00:07:27,256
How about a...? Maybe... Hmm.
80
00:07:30,392 --> 00:07:32,020
Hi, isn't it exciting?
81
00:07:32,194 --> 00:07:34,095
Yes, it's incredible. I
was looking for you.
82
00:07:34,263 --> 00:07:35,238
Uh, who's that...?
83
00:07:35,262 --> 00:07:37,461
Oh, that's Mr. Machina.
He's our producer.
84
00:07:37,633 --> 00:07:40,432
Come on, we're having a
cast meeting and I can't be late.
85
00:07:40,602 --> 00:07:43,902
- A month. We are sold out for a month.
- Hmm.
86
00:07:44,073 --> 00:07:45,871
Can you imagine?
87
00:07:46,041 --> 00:07:48,977
Just think what you could
do with lukewarm reviews.
88
00:07:49,144 --> 00:07:51,238
Let's go, kids, come
on. Come on, let's go.
89
00:07:51,413 --> 00:07:54,076
Now, you're probably all
curious what has happened.
90
00:07:54,249 --> 00:07:56,218
For the man who's gonna
give you the answers...
91
00:07:56,385 --> 00:07:58,625
here's our illustrious
producer, Mr. David X. Machina.
92
00:08:07,563 --> 00:08:10,397
Artists of the theater.
93
00:08:10,566 --> 00:08:13,593
Last night, you underwent
tragedy and disappointment.
94
00:08:13,769 --> 00:08:16,364
As for the first, you
know Eileen Osborne...
95
00:08:16,538 --> 00:08:19,269
would have wanted you to
bounce back just as you have.
96
00:08:19,441 --> 00:08:23,537
She always said, "The
show must go on." Always.
97
00:08:23,712 --> 00:08:25,442
She was quite a
conversationalist.
98
00:08:25,614 --> 00:08:28,273
It is for this reason
that I decided to buy
99
00:08:28,297 --> 00:08:30,917
all the tickets for
next month personally.
100
00:08:31,954 --> 00:08:36,358
I shall distribute them in the
firm belief that word of mouth...
101
00:08:36,525 --> 00:08:39,427
should quickly bring to
your incomparable artistry...
102
00:08:39,595 --> 00:08:41,723
the recognition it
so richly deserves.
103
00:08:47,069 --> 00:08:50,801
Mr. Machina, on behalf
of the entire cast...
104
00:08:50,973 --> 00:08:57,379
uh, I would like to say how deeply
we appreciate your trust in us...
105
00:08:57,546 --> 00:09:03,918
and I promise that we will do everything
to prove that trust well-founded.
106
00:09:04,086 --> 00:09:06,419
Thank you, Miss, uh...?
- Jerrod.
107
00:09:06,588 --> 00:09:08,352
Janet Jerrod.
108
00:09:08,524 --> 00:09:10,425
Uh, and as Miss
Osborne's understudy...
109
00:09:10,592 --> 00:09:14,256
I only hope that I can step
into her illustrious footsteps...
110
00:09:14,430 --> 00:09:18,060
in the illustrious way that
she would have wanted.
111
00:09:18,233 --> 00:09:23,604
Well, on that point, Miss Jerrod,
while I'm quite confident in your talent...
112
00:09:23,772 --> 00:09:28,710
I do feel that the role should
have a more experienced person.
113
00:09:29,578 --> 00:09:33,777
Mr. Blintz, therefore, has agreed
that Miss Osborne's replacement...
114
00:09:33,949 --> 00:09:38,819
should be Miss Linda Lamentiere.
115
00:09:59,808 --> 00:10:03,210
Is she a well-known star?
116
00:10:03,378 --> 00:10:05,938
I thought I knew
everybody in show business.
117
00:10:06,114 --> 00:10:08,845
- I never heard of her.
- Hmm.
118
00:10:11,286 --> 00:10:14,586
- It seems a trifle unfair to me, Napoleon.
- Hmm.
119
00:10:14,756 --> 00:10:18,193
You dally around with
a lush young actress...
120
00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:20,352
while I go prowling
around in a dirty basement.
121
00:10:20,529 --> 00:10:22,657
Ah, but we both have the
same noble objective in mind.
122
00:10:23,432 --> 00:10:26,527
By the way, do you know
anything about plumbing?
123
00:10:26,702 --> 00:10:30,264
Yes, you turn the tap counter
clockwise for warm and clockwise for cool.
124
00:10:30,439 --> 00:10:34,069
That's very good.
Uh, keep clockwise.
125
00:10:42,117 --> 00:10:44,609
Hey, hey, hey.
126
00:10:45,621 --> 00:10:48,147
- No admittance.
- Plumbing repairs.
127
00:10:48,323 --> 00:10:51,293
- Who called for a plumber?
- Oh, boy.
128
00:10:51,460 --> 00:10:53,224
Well...
129
00:10:54,296 --> 00:10:56,162
It's all there.
130
00:10:57,966 --> 00:11:01,733
Well, I didn't know anything
was wrong with the plumbing.
131
00:11:09,111 --> 00:11:11,603
- How are you doing?
- Oh!
132
00:11:11,780 --> 00:11:15,717
After all, it's his money. If he wants
an experienced actress for the job...
133
00:11:15,884 --> 00:11:18,149
that should be his
prerogative, right?
134
00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:19,320
- Right.
- Right.
135
00:11:19,488 --> 00:11:22,720
Listen, I'd to ask you
about Eileen Osborne.
136
00:11:22,891 --> 00:11:24,621
Well, I hate to
speak ill of the dead...
137
00:11:24,793 --> 00:11:27,353
but she certainly wasn't
much of an actress.
138
00:11:27,529 --> 00:11:30,021
She was, you know, well-liked.
139
00:11:30,198 --> 00:11:32,326
Well, do you know
anyone who didn't like her?
140
00:11:32,501 --> 00:11:35,096
- Huh?
- Someone who might wanna do her harm?
141
00:11:35,270 --> 00:11:37,034
- Harm Eileen?
- Mm-hm.
142
00:11:37,205 --> 00:11:39,504
No.
143
00:11:39,675 --> 00:11:42,907
- I'm sorry.
- Oh, it was my fault.
144
00:11:43,078 --> 00:11:46,071
Well, it was my pleasure.
145
00:11:56,525 --> 00:11:58,619
- Who was that man?
- Hmm?
146
00:12:00,529 --> 00:12:03,226
Obviously someone with a
taste for pretty young girls.
147
00:12:03,398 --> 00:12:06,334
Ha, and they put you in charge.
148
00:12:06,501 --> 00:12:10,563
Can you really imagine a man like
that going for anyone like Janet Jerrod...
149
00:12:10,739 --> 00:12:12,298
or whatever her name is?
150
00:12:12,474 --> 00:12:14,375
What are you thinking?
151
00:12:14,543 --> 00:12:18,071
Obviously, he could
be from U.N.C.L.E.
152
00:12:18,246 --> 00:12:19,646
Don't worry about it.
153
00:12:19,815 --> 00:12:22,910
If he's an U.N.C.L.E. agent, I can
assure you he will be taken care of.
154
00:12:38,333 --> 00:12:39,631
Hey!
155
00:12:42,437 --> 00:12:45,566
Oh, you took the wrong
turn. The main pipe is here.
156
00:12:45,741 --> 00:12:48,768
Oh, sorry.
157
00:12:53,515 --> 00:12:54,710
Hey!
158
00:12:56,752 --> 00:13:00,154
Hey, there's a show going
on upstairs, you know.
159
00:13:00,322 --> 00:13:02,257
Sorry, it just isn't my night.
160
00:13:02,424 --> 00:13:05,451
Just make sure you put
everything back the way it was.
161
00:13:05,627 --> 00:13:08,290
I... I... It'll be a pleasure.
162
00:13:19,341 --> 00:13:20,741
Anything?
163
00:13:20,909 --> 00:13:22,878
They might be able to
hide the tunnel entrance...
164
00:13:23,045 --> 00:13:25,045
but they couldn't cover
up the signs of digging.
165
00:13:25,213 --> 00:13:27,045
As usual, we're
on the wrong track.
166
00:13:27,215 --> 00:13:28,815
I haven't had a
chance to talk to Janet.
167
00:13:31,953 --> 00:13:37,859
Oh, my good man. Uh, would you
take this and buy yourself a bar of soap?
168
00:13:38,026 --> 00:13:39,688
You're a dirty guy.
169
00:13:43,165 --> 00:13:47,569
You would think that if the show were
as good as Mr. Machina says it was...
170
00:13:47,736 --> 00:13:51,195
uh, why was the
audience so quiet?
171
00:13:51,373 --> 00:13:54,969
Maybe they were, uh, overcome?
172
00:13:55,143 --> 00:13:58,136
But wouldn't you think they'd
give us at least one curtain call?
173
00:13:58,313 --> 00:14:02,944
And Miss Lamentiere... Oh, I
hate to be sour grapes, but...
174
00:14:03,118 --> 00:14:06,179
- How was she?
- Oh, I could play rings around her.
175
00:14:06,354 --> 00:14:09,188
How do you suppose
she ever got the part?
176
00:14:10,058 --> 00:14:12,138
- Come on, I'll get you something to eat.
- Ha-ha-ha.
177
00:14:12,227 --> 00:14:14,253
No. Thank you, Napoleon.
178
00:14:14,429 --> 00:14:16,728
I just wanna go
home and go to sleep.
179
00:14:16,898 --> 00:14:20,335
Oh, one of my shorter
dates. Very pleasant, though.
180
00:14:20,502 --> 00:14:23,404
- Okay, I'll take you home.
- You don't have to.
181
00:14:23,572 --> 00:14:26,064
Oh, I thought maybe,
uh, we could talk...
182
00:14:26,241 --> 00:14:28,938
about Miss Osborne,
Machina, other things.
183
00:14:29,111 --> 00:14:33,606
Please. I'll feel much more like
talking tomorrow night, I'm sure.
184
00:14:33,782 --> 00:14:38,186
Mm. All right. Only slightly
offended, he bade her good night.
185
00:14:47,395 --> 00:14:49,091
Mr. Solo?
186
00:14:49,264 --> 00:14:52,257
- Uh, yeah?
- We've got a message to relay to you.
187
00:14:52,434 --> 00:14:54,426
- Yeah, like don't go near that broad.
- Anymore.
188
00:14:54,603 --> 00:14:56,868
At all. You see, a friend
of her likes it that way.
189
00:14:57,038 --> 00:14:58,768
That way.
190
00:14:58,940 --> 00:15:02,468
See, I thought that kind of dialogue
went out with high-button shoes.
191
00:15:02,644 --> 00:15:04,545
- We're very serious.
- Very.
192
00:15:04,713 --> 00:15:09,208
Oh, well, I think everyone
should be serious once in a while.
193
00:15:41,516 --> 00:15:45,578
Does that leave any doubt
he's an U.N.C.L.E. agent?
194
00:15:45,754 --> 00:15:47,552
I'm afraid you're
right, my dear.
195
00:15:47,722 --> 00:15:50,453
I think, however, a
mere working over...
196
00:15:50,625 --> 00:15:54,494
is not gonna keep him out of
our hair for these next crucial days.
197
00:15:56,097 --> 00:15:58,532
- I have a suggestion.
- What?
198
00:15:59,100 --> 00:16:01,934
Put Mr. Solo in the lake.
199
00:16:24,626 --> 00:16:26,595
In you go, pal.
200
00:16:26,761 --> 00:16:28,457
Okay, you tie
him up. I'll drive.
201
00:16:28,630 --> 00:16:31,230
All right. Stay on that
street, they're right to the lake.
202
00:16:31,399 --> 00:16:32,399
Okay.
203
00:16:41,443 --> 00:16:45,539
Sir, Mr. Solo's distress
transmitter has been activated.
204
00:16:52,354 --> 00:16:54,255
Here's where it started.
205
00:16:54,422 --> 00:16:55,822
Get me Mr. Kuryakin.
206
00:16:55,991 --> 00:16:58,483
It seems to be heading
towards Central Park.
207
00:17:25,687 --> 00:17:27,451
All right, put him
down, right there.
208
00:18:31,252 --> 00:18:33,847
I can't say I approve much of
your choice of swimming pools.
209
00:18:35,190 --> 00:18:38,270
It would be all right if they just wouldn't
put so much chlorine in the water.
210
00:18:42,163 --> 00:18:44,223
Come in, Mr. Solo.
211
00:18:44,399 --> 00:18:45,594
Where are you?
212
00:18:45,767 --> 00:18:47,895
In a Turkish bath, sir.
213
00:18:48,069 --> 00:18:51,198
Oh. Oh, yes, of course.
214
00:18:51,373 --> 00:18:53,569
Well, we ran a check
on Mr. Machina.
215
00:18:53,742 --> 00:18:54,835
A Thrush?
216
00:18:55,010 --> 00:18:57,002
I wouldn't be surprised.
217
00:18:57,178 --> 00:19:00,637
Very wealthy, source unknown.
218
00:19:00,815 --> 00:19:02,545
Has a background in electronics.
219
00:19:02,717 --> 00:19:05,881
Everything adds up, sir,
except there's no sign of a tunnel.
220
00:19:06,054 --> 00:19:07,989
How else could they
be using that theater?
221
00:19:08,156 --> 00:19:09,681
That I don't know.
222
00:19:09,858 --> 00:19:12,953
But it's absolutely
imperative that we find out.
223
00:19:13,128 --> 00:19:17,395
Our inability to use the computer
is paralyzing our entire organization.
224
00:19:17,565 --> 00:19:20,034
Well, I have an idea they
killed Eileen Osborne...
225
00:19:20,201 --> 00:19:21,760
because she found something...
226
00:19:21,936 --> 00:19:25,056
and replaced her with one of their
own so they wouldn't have to do it again.
227
00:19:25,206 --> 00:19:28,301
Ergo, the answer must be
available to the new leading lady.
228
00:19:29,177 --> 00:19:31,078
Hmm.
229
00:19:31,246 --> 00:19:36,275
Well, perhaps, under the circumstances,
we ought to have someone on the inside.
230
00:19:36,451 --> 00:19:38,477
I have another idea, sir.
231
00:19:38,653 --> 00:19:40,713
Didn't you tell me you
played the French horn?
232
00:19:40,889 --> 00:19:43,085
I play the English horn, yes.
233
00:19:43,258 --> 00:19:45,698
Well, French horn, English horn.
What difference does it make?
234
00:19:45,860 --> 00:19:48,989
There is a number in the
show called "A Man is a Horn."
235
00:19:49,164 --> 00:19:53,295
Ugh. Oh, no, I
categorically refuse.
236
00:19:53,468 --> 00:19:56,199
It's a direct order,
Mr. Kuryakin.
237
00:19:58,706 --> 00:19:59,706
Yes, sir.
238
00:20:02,377 --> 00:20:06,007
How do you intend to get rid of the fellow
who's doing it now? Knock his teeth out?
239
00:20:06,181 --> 00:20:08,343
Haven't you ever heard
of Napoleon Solo...
240
00:20:08,516 --> 00:20:11,486
the talent scout for the
famous Hollywood mogul...
241
00:20:11,653 --> 00:20:13,645
L.B. Sternmacher?
242
00:20:13,822 --> 00:20:16,917
- Huh?
- Uh-huh.
243
00:20:17,959 --> 00:20:20,588
How could you do it to me,
Mr. Solo? Stealing one of my best men.
244
00:20:20,762 --> 00:20:22,922
Off he goes to Hollywood
without even an hour's notice.
245
00:20:23,064 --> 00:20:24,532
Now, how am I gonna replace him?
246
00:20:24,699 --> 00:20:26,565
You got a couple of
hours till show time.
247
00:20:26,734 --> 00:20:29,169
- You'll come up with something.
- Oh, thanks a lot.
248
00:20:29,337 --> 00:20:33,672
Napoleon, you never told me you
were a talent scout for Hollywood.
249
00:20:33,842 --> 00:20:37,335
Well, I didn't want to destroy
the purity of our relationship.
250
00:20:37,512 --> 00:20:41,643
Oh, yeah, but... Gee
whiz, Freddy Smallwood?
251
00:20:41,816 --> 00:20:43,341
Your time will come, love.
252
00:20:43,518 --> 00:20:45,146
- Winky.
- Things are just...
253
00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:48,085
- Winky.
- What?
254
00:20:48,256 --> 00:20:49,690
A guy wants to
see you about a job.
255
00:20:49,858 --> 00:20:51,458
I'm busy. Now, go
away, will you, Adolph?
256
00:20:51,626 --> 00:20:53,492
He says he plays the horn.
257
00:20:53,661 --> 00:20:56,096
Plays the horn?
Well, where is he?
258
00:20:56,798 --> 00:20:59,324
There's this question
of timing and talent...
259
00:20:59,501 --> 00:21:02,381
and if you got the talent, the
timing will eventually work itself out.
260
00:21:17,819 --> 00:21:21,017
A man is a horn
261
00:21:21,189 --> 00:21:25,058
Viciously he vibrates
In double-reed duplicity
262
00:21:25,226 --> 00:21:28,663
Honking, screeching, squealing
263
00:21:28,830 --> 00:21:32,528
Displaying his talents
For nothing but noise
264
00:21:34,802 --> 00:21:38,136
A man is a horn
265
00:21:42,076 --> 00:21:45,171
He is also a lute
266
00:21:45,346 --> 00:21:49,044
Strings turned tightly
to tune the tension
267
00:21:49,217 --> 00:21:50,947
That pulls him apart
268
00:21:51,119 --> 00:21:53,418
While percussively
plucking the strings
269
00:21:53,588 --> 00:21:56,251
And goodness that should
In his heart find a plot
270
00:21:56,424 --> 00:21:57,824
Where'd you get him?
271
00:21:57,992 --> 00:22:00,587
It was a miracle.
An absolute miracle.
272
00:22:01,162 --> 00:22:02,562
But there's not
273
00:22:02,730 --> 00:22:05,097
A man is a lute
274
00:22:07,769 --> 00:22:10,170
I don't believe in miracles.
275
00:22:26,254 --> 00:22:28,689
A man is a drum
276
00:22:31,359 --> 00:22:34,852
What's the matter, Miss Lamentiere?
You look as if you've seen a ghost.
277
00:22:35,029 --> 00:22:38,966
Oh, uh, it's... It's just that I
didn't expect to see you here.
278
00:22:39,133 --> 00:22:41,173
Oh, as a matter of fact, I
didn't expect to be here.
279
00:22:41,336 --> 00:22:44,465
I guess I'm just staged.
280
00:23:01,289 --> 00:23:03,918
A man is a drum
281
00:23:19,073 --> 00:23:20,735
You can't stand here, mister.
282
00:23:20,908 --> 00:23:23,377
Uh, well, I'm waiting
for Miss, uh, Jerrod.
283
00:23:23,544 --> 00:23:24,944
It's very dank
out in the alley...
284
00:23:25,113 --> 00:23:28,073
and I understand there's a very bad
hoodlum element in the neighborhood.
285
00:23:28,216 --> 00:23:29,775
Adolph, he's okay.
286
00:23:29,951 --> 00:23:34,150
- Stay out of the way, all right?
- Oh, indeed, I will, yes.
287
00:23:34,956 --> 00:23:37,084
- Hi.
- Hi.
288
00:23:37,592 --> 00:23:40,562
A man is a song
289
00:23:49,337 --> 00:23:51,329
Isn't he great?
290
00:23:51,506 --> 00:23:55,102
Not bad if you like
one-man bands.
291
00:23:55,276 --> 00:23:56,904
You know, this
is tomorrow night?
292
00:23:57,078 --> 00:23:58,740
- Fine. Fine, fine.
- Good.
293
00:23:58,913 --> 00:24:01,576
- Fine, I'll be right with you.
- All right.
294
00:24:14,495 --> 00:24:17,158
- Anything?
- Not so far. What about you?
295
00:24:17,332 --> 00:24:18,732
I don't know how
important it is...
296
00:24:18,900 --> 00:24:21,563
but the star's dressing
room is always locked.
297
00:24:21,736 --> 00:24:23,830
Even she doesn't have the key.
298
00:24:24,005 --> 00:24:26,099
Who does?
299
00:24:26,274 --> 00:24:29,540
Him. Name's Adolph.
300
00:24:29,711 --> 00:24:31,077
Hmm.
301
00:24:31,245 --> 00:24:33,874
"A man is a horn"? Hmm.
302
00:24:35,283 --> 00:24:38,447
- I'm ready.
- Okay.
303
00:26:29,330 --> 00:26:32,198
Open Channel D
for Napoleon Solo.
304
00:26:32,366 --> 00:26:34,178
Napoleon. Come in, Napoleon.
305
00:26:39,373 --> 00:26:41,569
I know another one
you're gonna like too.
306
00:26:41,742 --> 00:26:44,268
Um, I sing all the instruments.
307
00:26:45,580 --> 00:26:47,549
Napoleon. Come in, Napoleon.
308
00:26:49,350 --> 00:26:51,751
Sorry I had to call you back,
but I figured you'd wanna know.
309
00:26:51,919 --> 00:26:54,286
You did the right thing, Adolph.
310
00:26:55,223 --> 00:26:58,455
- Do you know who it is?
- No, sir. I didn't see him.
311
00:26:59,393 --> 00:27:00,622
Just a moment.
312
00:27:00,795 --> 00:27:03,594
Napoleon. Come in, Napoleon.
313
00:27:03,764 --> 00:27:06,529
That's our little
man with the horn.
314
00:27:06,701 --> 00:27:08,294
Come in, Napoleon.
315
00:27:08,469 --> 00:27:11,962
Looks like we need another
replacement for tomorrow.
316
00:27:12,139 --> 00:27:14,472
A pity. He was the
best thing in the show.
317
00:27:14,642 --> 00:27:16,304
- Napoleon Solo.
- Hmm.
318
00:27:17,545 --> 00:27:19,741
Should I take care of him now?
319
00:27:19,914 --> 00:27:22,509
Unfortunately, yes.
320
00:27:23,150 --> 00:27:26,052
- Decidedly, no.
- What?
321
00:27:26,220 --> 00:27:28,155
Come, come on, dear.
322
00:27:28,322 --> 00:27:29,722
Think.
323
00:27:29,891 --> 00:27:32,884
If U.N.C.L.E. has
planted a man in the cast...
324
00:27:33,060 --> 00:27:36,155
they obviously must have
strong suspicions about us.
325
00:27:36,330 --> 00:27:38,731
What would you do if you
were in their circumstances...
326
00:27:38,900 --> 00:27:40,926
and highly suspicious?
327
00:27:41,569 --> 00:27:44,164
I'd postpone the computer input.
328
00:27:44,338 --> 00:27:45,397
Of course you would.
329
00:27:45,573 --> 00:27:49,203
You'd postpone it until
you stopped the leak.
330
00:27:49,377 --> 00:27:52,506
I think we should
free Mr. Kuryakin.
331
00:27:52,680 --> 00:27:57,084
And try to convince him that
the leak has been stopped.
332
00:28:00,621 --> 00:28:03,022
- Adolph.
- Huh?
333
00:28:04,091 --> 00:28:07,357
Napoleon, for the last time,
will you come in, please?
334
00:28:07,528 --> 00:28:09,128
Napoleon. Come in, Napoleon.
335
00:29:12,326 --> 00:29:14,659
Well, whew.
336
00:29:14,829 --> 00:29:17,264
Well, what do you think L.B.
Sternmacher would say to that?
337
00:29:17,431 --> 00:29:22,062
Uh... Why don't you make some
coffee and we'll, you know, talk about it?
338
00:29:22,236 --> 00:29:23,363
Oh.
339
00:29:43,224 --> 00:29:45,455
Whoa. Boy, am I glad to see you.
340
00:29:45,626 --> 00:29:47,652
I thought I might have
to spend the night here.
341
00:29:47,828 --> 00:29:50,124
You see, I rather
stupidly locked myself...
342
00:29:50,148 --> 00:29:50,457
Huh.
343
00:29:50,631 --> 00:29:52,497
You didn't lock yourself in.
344
00:29:52,667 --> 00:29:54,727
- What?
- I locked you in.
345
00:29:54,902 --> 00:29:55,926
Oh?
346
00:29:58,739 --> 00:30:00,799
No, no, please. Listen to me.
347
00:30:00,975 --> 00:30:03,274
- I know you're from U.N.C.L.E.
- Go on.
348
00:30:03,444 --> 00:30:06,004
And I know just what you're
looking for. The computer tap, right?
349
00:30:06,147 --> 00:30:07,775
You're answering the questions.
350
00:30:07,948 --> 00:30:10,144
Okay. I can lead you to it.
351
00:30:10,918 --> 00:30:14,582
I mean it. You just say the
word and I'll take you there.
352
00:30:14,755 --> 00:30:17,247
Why should you do
such a noble thing?
353
00:30:17,892 --> 00:30:19,383
Money.
354
00:30:19,827 --> 00:30:20,954
Oh.
355
00:30:21,128 --> 00:30:24,565
- How much?
- Twenty thousand. Ten.
356
00:30:24,732 --> 00:30:26,394
Look, you gotta
make it worthwhile.
357
00:30:26,567 --> 00:30:29,162
If Thrush finds out what I'm doing,
you know what's gonna happen?
358
00:30:29,336 --> 00:30:31,430
With a little money, I
can leave the country.
359
00:30:31,605 --> 00:30:33,130
Maybe South America.
360
00:30:33,307 --> 00:30:35,606
I can start all over again.
361
00:30:35,776 --> 00:30:38,405
I'm not in the habit of carrying
that much cash with me.
362
00:30:38,579 --> 00:30:42,038
No, but you can
get it, can't you?
363
00:30:47,088 --> 00:30:48,784
You lead.
364
00:31:29,930 --> 00:31:32,490
- This is where I leave you.
- Just a minute.
365
00:31:32,666 --> 00:31:35,727
Look, Mr. Kuryakin, I brought
you here, that's enough.
366
00:31:35,903 --> 00:31:38,143
Don't expect me to be around
when things start happening.
367
00:31:38,305 --> 00:31:41,275
I'm not sure I'm getting
$10,000 worth of service.
368
00:31:41,442 --> 00:31:43,468
You just go through there.
369
00:31:43,644 --> 00:31:47,172
If you don't find what you're
looking for, you don't pay.
370
00:31:47,348 --> 00:31:50,876
I'm afraid that won't do.
You just keep leading.
371
00:31:53,754 --> 00:31:56,189
And don't turn around.
372
00:32:18,546 --> 00:32:20,538
This one lists the
batting averages...
373
00:32:20,714 --> 00:32:24,242
of all the players in their
interoffice softball league.
374
00:32:24,418 --> 00:32:27,013
Hardly of earth-shaking
importance, is it?
375
00:32:27,188 --> 00:32:29,453
Not at the moment. But, uh...
376
00:32:31,458 --> 00:32:34,053
It couldn't have gone
better, Mr. Machina.
377
00:32:34,228 --> 00:32:36,026
I saw the explosion myself.
378
00:32:36,197 --> 00:32:37,631
It was a good one?
379
00:32:37,798 --> 00:32:40,063
- Beautiful.
- Excellent.
380
00:32:40,868 --> 00:32:43,497
You'll forgive me
if I gloat, my dear.
381
00:32:43,671 --> 00:32:46,334
But I have reason to
be quite proud of myself.
382
00:32:46,507 --> 00:32:51,207
When I first proposed to Thrush Central
that we build and equip two tunnels...
383
00:32:51,378 --> 00:32:54,007
one to be used as a decoy, you
should have heard them scream:
384
00:32:54,181 --> 00:32:56,013
"You can't do that, Machina.
385
00:32:56,183 --> 00:32:58,063
You're already over
budget for the first tunnel.
386
00:32:58,219 --> 00:33:00,415
It is a complete waste
of time and money."
387
00:33:01,922 --> 00:33:05,825
Now, I wouldn't be surprised
if I were in line for a promotion.
388
00:33:05,993 --> 00:33:07,985
- I knew you were on your way up.
- Hmm.
389
00:33:08,162 --> 00:33:11,530
- From the moment I met you, I knew it.
- Hmm.
390
00:33:11,699 --> 00:33:13,759
- Adolph.
- Huh?
391
00:33:13,934 --> 00:33:16,768
How much is this U.N.C.L.E.
agent going to give you?
392
00:33:17,271 --> 00:33:18,762
Five thousand dollars.
393
00:33:18,939 --> 00:33:20,373
Mm-hm.
394
00:33:20,541 --> 00:33:24,706
Knowing you as I do, Adolph,
that means 10. Very well.
395
00:33:24,879 --> 00:33:27,314
When he delivers
it, you can keep 500.
396
00:33:28,482 --> 00:33:30,348
Thank you.
397
00:33:31,518 --> 00:33:35,114
- Do you think he will deliver it?
- I'm sure of it.
398
00:33:37,625 --> 00:33:40,686
I probably shouldn't have given
you such a big piece of cake.
399
00:33:40,861 --> 00:33:42,781
Do you realize this must
have a million calories?
400
00:33:42,930 --> 00:33:45,729
Mm. You know, it's unfortunate
you're such a good cook.
401
00:33:45,900 --> 00:33:46,900
Hmm?
402
00:33:47,067 --> 00:33:50,265
Why, I mean, it takes away
from your other obvious attributes.
403
00:33:50,437 --> 00:33:52,929
Uh... Hey, do you
realize it must be 1:00?
404
00:33:53,107 --> 00:33:54,584
- You know...
- You'd better be going.
405
00:33:54,608 --> 00:33:57,048
- I tell you, I'd hoped that...
- You haven't met my landlady.
406
00:33:57,077 --> 00:33:59,706
If she knew that
you were here...
407
00:34:07,187 --> 00:34:09,019
I do mean it.
408
00:34:09,189 --> 00:34:11,249
You better go.
409
00:34:12,126 --> 00:34:13,958
I have my reputation to protect.
410
00:34:14,128 --> 00:34:17,792
Mm. I see. Well,
you've destroyed mine.
411
00:34:21,969 --> 00:34:23,494
What's that?
412
00:34:23,671 --> 00:34:26,163
My, uh, pen.
413
00:34:26,340 --> 00:34:28,809
- Illya?
- Napoleon, are you all right?
414
00:34:28,976 --> 00:34:31,741
Uh, I'm a bit disappointed,
but that will pass.
415
00:34:31,912 --> 00:34:33,312
Why do you ask?
416
00:34:33,480 --> 00:34:35,381
I tried to get you earlier.
417
00:34:35,549 --> 00:34:38,815
No doubt before the
disappointment set in.
418
00:34:38,986 --> 00:34:40,147
Have you found anything?
419
00:34:41,088 --> 00:34:42,750
I'm not quite sure.
420
00:34:42,923 --> 00:34:45,688
I may have destroyed
the computer tap.
421
00:34:46,126 --> 00:34:47,126
You what?
422
00:34:47,294 --> 00:34:49,134
Well, our friend Adolph,
the backstage doorman?
423
00:34:49,296 --> 00:34:51,663
He led me to it for a price.
But it was too easy, Napoleon.
424
00:34:51,832 --> 00:34:53,767
I think it may
have been a decoy.
425
00:34:53,934 --> 00:34:57,029
And if it was, I have an
idea where the real thing is.
426
00:34:57,504 --> 00:34:58,631
What do you want me to do?
427
00:34:58,806 --> 00:35:01,173
Come to the theater
tomorrow night.
428
00:35:02,676 --> 00:35:06,306
I hate to subject you to the performance
again, but you might be useful.
429
00:35:06,480 --> 00:35:09,177
Shall I bring a few friends?
430
00:35:09,350 --> 00:35:10,682
Yes, it might be advisable.
431
00:35:10,851 --> 00:35:13,411
And if I'm not on-stage, look in
Miss Lamentiere's dressing room.
432
00:35:13,587 --> 00:35:15,920
Oh, and you might
get Mr. Waverly...
433
00:35:16,090 --> 00:35:19,959
to feed some important
misinformation into our computer.
434
00:35:20,127 --> 00:35:21,789
Right.
435
00:35:21,962 --> 00:35:24,864
Illya? Illya. He's not in
show business, is he?
436
00:35:25,032 --> 00:35:26,625
Well, that's debatable. Ahem.
437
00:35:26,800 --> 00:35:29,770
And you're not really
a talent scout for L.B...
438
00:35:29,937 --> 00:35:32,406
- What's his name?
- Uh, St... Sternmacher.
439
00:35:32,573 --> 00:35:33,666
- Yes.
- No, I'm not.
440
00:35:33,841 --> 00:35:37,073
Hey, you must be a
secret agent or something.
441
00:35:37,244 --> 00:35:38,644
Yeah, something.
442
00:35:38,812 --> 00:35:41,008
Well, uh, maybe you
shouldn't go after all.
443
00:35:41,181 --> 00:35:44,777
I mean, wouldn't you
like to tell me all about it?
444
00:35:45,686 --> 00:35:49,521
Well, as a matter of
fact, I'd be delighted.
445
00:35:50,557 --> 00:35:51,820
You think you can do it?
446
00:35:53,260 --> 00:35:55,195
Scared.
447
00:35:56,997 --> 00:36:00,525
No, I mean, I'm really scared.
448
00:36:01,802 --> 00:36:03,168
It's for U.N.C.L.E.
449
00:36:05,239 --> 00:36:09,267
Adolph is back in the office with
Machina, so I should have enough time.
450
00:36:09,443 --> 00:36:11,742
It'll be over in just a minute.
451
00:36:14,048 --> 00:36:16,074
Oh, I hope so.
452
00:36:23,690 --> 00:36:25,886
A mouse! A mouse!
453
00:36:27,728 --> 00:36:31,130
A mouse! It's a mouse! It's
a mouse! JANET: A mouse!
454
00:36:31,298 --> 00:36:35,235
No, you can't go in there.
Where's Adolph? Adolph!
455
00:36:42,176 --> 00:36:44,202
Adolph!
456
00:36:53,120 --> 00:36:56,955
- What is it, Linda?
- Oh, A m... A m... A mouse in there.
457
00:36:57,124 --> 00:37:01,391
All right, all right, everybody.
We have a show in a few minutes.
458
00:37:01,562 --> 00:37:03,690
- Get ready.
- Okay, guys, come on, it's warm up time.
459
00:37:03,864 --> 00:37:06,197
Come on, dancers, let's go.
460
00:37:11,071 --> 00:37:13,199
There he is. I'll
get that mouse.
461
00:37:15,275 --> 00:37:17,437
- Come on.
- Wait.
462
00:37:17,611 --> 00:37:19,512
The trapdoor. It's been opened.
463
00:37:19,680 --> 00:37:22,548
- Huh?
- Linda!
464
00:37:22,716 --> 00:37:24,116
Linda.
465
00:37:24,284 --> 00:37:26,947
Did you get him? Huh?
466
00:37:27,121 --> 00:37:29,181
Kuryakin. Where is he?
467
00:37:29,356 --> 00:37:33,452
Oh, I don't know. I saw him talking
to that understudy a while ago.
468
00:37:33,627 --> 00:37:35,255
Oh.
469
00:37:40,367 --> 00:37:41,367
No!
470
00:37:41,535 --> 00:37:44,061
- Aah! No!
- Well, then.
471
00:37:44,238 --> 00:37:47,868
Perhaps Miss Jerrod
will help us to look for him.
472
00:38:01,655 --> 00:38:04,090
Things have a habit of
repeating themselves, don't they?
473
00:38:04,258 --> 00:38:06,489
They do indeed, Mr. Kuryakin.
474
00:38:06,660 --> 00:38:08,526
Oh.
475
00:38:12,533 --> 00:38:16,834
If you will drop your gun,
please, Mr. Kuryakin?
476
00:38:52,773 --> 00:38:55,572
Remarkable, wouldn't you say so?
477
00:38:55,742 --> 00:38:58,234
How did you manage to get it
so close without our detecting it?
478
00:38:58,412 --> 00:39:01,541
Oh, very simple,
Mr. Kuryakin. Technology.
479
00:39:01,715 --> 00:39:05,675
New digging equipment which
cuts with ultrasonic waves...
480
00:39:05,852 --> 00:39:07,844
almost no seismic vibration.
481
00:39:08,021 --> 00:39:11,423
And the dirt is being processed
by a reactor right on the device.
482
00:39:11,592 --> 00:39:14,562
Most of it turned
into harmless gasses.
483
00:39:14,728 --> 00:39:18,824
All the dirt of this tunnel and the
other one wouldn't fill two barrels.
484
00:39:18,999 --> 00:39:20,297
Very ingenious.
485
00:39:20,467 --> 00:39:24,165
You wouldn't consider
selling it to U.N.C.L.E.?
486
00:39:24,338 --> 00:39:25,601
How much?
487
00:39:25,772 --> 00:39:28,264
Ah, that's more like it.
488
00:39:28,442 --> 00:39:30,934
"Specifications of a
new U.N.C.L.E. weapon...
489
00:39:31,111 --> 00:39:35,071
and a chemical formula
for a new explosive."
490
00:39:35,249 --> 00:39:37,548
Do you mean you bought
all those tickets for our show...
491
00:39:37,718 --> 00:39:39,619
just so you could use
our show as a cover-up?
492
00:39:39,786 --> 00:39:42,779
My dear, there was a much
more functional problem.
493
00:39:42,956 --> 00:39:46,825
The day the show
closes, the lease expires.
494
00:39:46,994 --> 00:39:48,656
Now, it wouldn't be a shame...
495
00:39:48,829 --> 00:39:52,732
to be evicted from such a profitable
location as this? Wouldn't it?
496
00:39:52,899 --> 00:39:54,265
You didn't like the show at all?
497
00:39:55,836 --> 00:39:57,600
Oh, you hypocrite.
498
00:39:58,138 --> 00:39:59,418
We all have our little failings.
499
00:39:59,573 --> 00:40:02,270
She doesn't know
anything about it. Let her go.
500
00:40:02,442 --> 00:40:06,436
Well, I just might do that,
Mr. Kuryakin. Except for one thing.
501
00:40:06,613 --> 00:40:07,842
What? What's that?
502
00:40:08,015 --> 00:40:11,918
Well, obviously, with
Linda out of the picture...
503
00:40:12,085 --> 00:40:13,951
you will have to go
on in her place tonight.
504
00:40:14,121 --> 00:40:16,818
The understudy gets her big chance.
- What?
505
00:40:16,990 --> 00:40:19,550
Do you really think I'd go on
after what I found out about you?
506
00:40:19,726 --> 00:40:22,719
My dear, this is not
a debatable matter.
507
00:40:22,896 --> 00:40:24,728
I need that performance.
508
00:40:24,898 --> 00:40:28,426
Tonight, of all nights, I don't
want any suspicions aroused.
509
00:40:28,602 --> 00:40:30,230
And the performance needs you.
510
00:40:30,404 --> 00:40:31,963
I'm sure you'll be splendid.
511
00:40:32,139 --> 00:40:33,835
I'd just like to see
you make me do it.
512
00:40:34,007 --> 00:40:35,873
You really wouldn't
like that, believe me.
513
00:40:36,043 --> 00:40:37,238
You'll do it.
514
00:40:37,411 --> 00:40:41,644
You see, because if you don't,
we will kill your friend Mr. Kuryakin.
515
00:40:49,556 --> 00:40:51,422
Charming girl.
516
00:40:51,591 --> 00:40:54,618
I really feel badly
about having to lie to her.
517
00:40:54,795 --> 00:40:56,195
Oh? What was the lie?
518
00:40:56,363 --> 00:41:00,300
Why, the implications if she performs,
that she will be able to save your life.
519
00:41:04,471 --> 00:41:06,599
Janet. Janet, where
have you been?
520
00:41:06,773 --> 00:41:08,693
They just told me Linda
wouldn't be here tonight.
521
00:41:08,842 --> 00:41:12,244
Tonight, of all nights, when I persuaded
him to come back and see the show again.
522
00:41:12,412 --> 00:41:13,675
- Who?
- Paul Hastenbrook.
523
00:41:13,847 --> 00:41:16,976
I told him the show has been redone
and he'd scoop all the other critics.
524
00:41:17,150 --> 00:41:19,881
- But it hasn't been redone.
- But it's jelled. It has confidence.
525
00:41:20,053 --> 00:41:23,581
Don't you see? He's gonna think he's
seeing a new show. Isn't it marvelous?
526
00:41:26,393 --> 00:41:28,419
It comes on your
shoulders, Janet.
527
00:41:28,595 --> 00:41:29,688
This is your big chance.
528
00:41:29,863 --> 00:41:33,732
Tonight... Tonight, you are
being gripped in the hands of fate.
529
00:41:44,010 --> 00:41:46,138
You understand it took
some forceful persuasion...
530
00:41:46,313 --> 00:41:47,906
to get these
tickets for tonight.
531
00:41:48,081 --> 00:41:50,744
Yes, I suspected as much.
532
00:41:50,917 --> 00:41:53,716
Show sold out and all that.
533
00:41:53,887 --> 00:41:58,848
We've got men scattered
throughout the house, just in case.
534
00:41:59,025 --> 00:42:00,823
Excellent.
535
00:42:00,994 --> 00:42:02,754
I only hope there won't
be any disturbance...
536
00:42:02,896 --> 00:42:05,058
until after Kuryakin's been on.
537
00:42:05,232 --> 00:42:08,964
- I'm most eager to see him perform.
- Hmm.
538
00:42:15,642 --> 00:42:18,305
Ladies and gentlemen, may
I have your attention, please?
539
00:42:18,478 --> 00:42:23,473
Tonight, the part of Susan Everybody
will be played by Miss Janet Jerrod.
540
00:42:23,650 --> 00:42:24,811
Thank you.
541
00:42:26,153 --> 00:42:28,918
That should be a pleasant
surprise for you, Mr. Solo.
542
00:42:29,089 --> 00:42:32,355
I'm not at all sure
about that, sir.
543
00:42:34,428 --> 00:42:36,761
Wonderful.
544
00:42:37,631 --> 00:42:41,762
Top-secret personnel records
of all U.N.C.L.E. executives.
545
00:42:41,935 --> 00:42:45,895
I can assure you, we will
make excellent use of this.
546
00:42:46,072 --> 00:42:50,168
And now, Mr. Kuryakin, I
think I go enjoy the show.
547
00:42:52,179 --> 00:42:57,174
I hope they will make do without
a horn player just this once.
548
00:43:10,530 --> 00:43:14,558
I march for love Justice,
brotherhood and art
549
00:43:14,734 --> 00:43:17,932
I march for wit, knowledge
Happiness and heart
550
00:43:18,104 --> 00:43:21,472
I march for good,
kindness Diligence and truth
551
00:43:21,641 --> 00:43:24,805
For the wisdom of age
And the wonder of youth
552
00:43:24,978 --> 00:43:28,210
Stand up and shout
Stand up and march
553
00:43:28,381 --> 00:43:31,283
You got nothing to
lose Except your arches
554
00:43:31,451 --> 00:43:35,047
Stand up and march
Stand up and shout
555
00:43:35,222 --> 00:43:38,750
If you wanna learn
what life is all about
556
00:43:38,925 --> 00:43:43,329
It's, uh, not one
of her better nights.
557
00:43:43,497 --> 00:43:46,990
Stand up and shout
Stand up and run
558
00:43:47,167 --> 00:43:50,569
You will never guess Who's
trapped inside the tunnel
559
00:43:51,271 --> 00:43:52,569
Stand up and march
560
00:43:52,739 --> 00:43:54,002
Stand up and sing
561
00:43:54,174 --> 00:43:56,871
You will find that friends
Are waiting in each wing
562
00:43:57,911 --> 00:44:01,245
- Excuse me, sir.
- Lost your nerve?
563
00:44:58,271 --> 00:45:00,111
The show just wouldn't
be the same without you.
564
00:45:00,273 --> 00:45:03,675
- It's nice to be missed. How's Janet?
- Lousy but unharmed.
565
00:45:03,843 --> 00:45:06,608
- Well, that won't last.
- I'm afraid you're right.
566
00:45:06,780 --> 00:45:08,772
I take it that's the real thing?
- Yes.
567
00:45:08,949 --> 00:45:11,077
And it's spewing out an
awful lot of misinformation.
568
00:45:11,251 --> 00:45:13,777
Go on. I'll catch up with you.
569
00:46:03,336 --> 00:46:06,602
All Thrush people! We need you.
570
00:46:16,182 --> 00:46:17,616
Keep dancing. Keep dancing.
571
00:46:17,784 --> 00:46:19,446
It's better than unemployment.
572
00:46:37,003 --> 00:46:40,303
The men who
fight, they fight for us
573
00:46:40,473 --> 00:46:44,001
And they sure could
use A little extra muscle
574
00:46:44,177 --> 00:46:46,203
Get the girl. JANET
Stand up and fight
575
00:46:46,379 --> 00:46:48,143
Stand up and roar
576
00:46:48,314 --> 00:46:50,977
Or you'll soon have
Leading Lady Number 4
577
00:46:57,524 --> 00:46:59,857
Keep playing. Keep playing.
578
00:47:00,026 --> 00:47:02,154
Keep playing
579
00:47:19,713 --> 00:47:22,581
Stand up and shout
Stand up and march
580
00:47:22,749 --> 00:47:26,777
You got nothing to
lose Except your arches
581
00:47:26,953 --> 00:47:29,548
Stand up and march
Stand up and shout
582
00:47:29,723 --> 00:47:33,683
If you wanna learn
what life is all about
583
00:47:35,028 --> 00:47:37,020
Bravo! Bravo!
584
00:47:41,334 --> 00:47:42,859
Bravo.
585
00:47:52,979 --> 00:47:54,641
"I don't recall ever
being so stunned...
586
00:47:54,814 --> 00:47:57,875
as by the total theatricality
of the second act...
587
00:47:58,051 --> 00:48:00,350
in which every physical
and sensory means...
588
00:48:00,520 --> 00:48:03,319
is used to embrace the audience
in a memorable experience."
589
00:48:03,490 --> 00:48:04,490
Oh.
590
00:48:04,657 --> 00:48:07,217
"And saving the
best until last...
591
00:48:07,393 --> 00:48:11,797
Janet Jerrod's transformation from
the nervous, off-key stereotype...
592
00:48:11,965 --> 00:48:13,831
to a zany, wild-eyed hoyden...
593
00:48:14,000 --> 00:48:16,128
marks the arrival
of a brand-new star.
594
00:48:16,302 --> 00:48:18,498
See it. By all means, see it."
595
00:48:20,006 --> 00:48:22,305
Can you believe it? Oh.
596
00:48:23,309 --> 00:48:25,437
- It's marvelous. JANET:
Thank you, thank you.
597
00:48:25,612 --> 00:48:28,343
- Yes, you were particularly so, my dear.
- Thank you.
598
00:48:28,515 --> 00:48:30,211
Oh, it's so exciting.
599
00:48:34,921 --> 00:48:36,856
What will the audience
do when they don't find...
600
00:48:37,023 --> 00:48:40,460
that total sensory
experience at the end of Act 2?
601
00:48:40,627 --> 00:48:42,323
Well, it's another old
American tradition.
602
00:48:42,495 --> 00:48:45,988
Theater audiences generally
like what the critics tell them to like.
603
00:48:46,166 --> 00:48:47,166
Exactly.
604
00:48:47,333 --> 00:48:49,063
As a matter of fact,
I've already decided...
605
00:48:49,235 --> 00:48:51,602
to incorporate the fight scene
into the show every night.
606
00:48:51,771 --> 00:48:54,673
Herbert and Marvin are
writing music and lyrics for it...
607
00:48:54,841 --> 00:48:56,434
Say...
608
00:48:57,076 --> 00:48:59,272
Now, this is kind of an
offbeat casting idea...
609
00:48:59,445 --> 00:49:02,347
but how would you two like
to play yourselves in the show?
610
00:49:03,316 --> 00:49:05,217
Don't call us.
611
00:49:05,385 --> 00:49:06,478
We'll call you.
48541
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