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1
00:00:05,200 --> 00:00:07,360
[intro music]
2
00:00:07,440 --> 00:00:12,040
[imitates train] Tickets this way
for the Chatsworth Express!
3
00:00:12,120 --> 00:00:16,320
Come and watch pikeys
making a mess of the lives
4
00:00:16,400 --> 00:00:19,520
they were given by him upstairs.
5
00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:23,000
And kids they're convinced
aren't actually theirs.
6
00:00:23,080 --> 00:00:24,040
[shouts] Stay away!
7
00:00:24,120 --> 00:00:30,720
What sounds on earth could ever replace
kids needing money or wives in your face?
8
00:00:30,800 --> 00:00:33,880
Cos this, people reckon, and me included,
9
00:00:33,960 --> 00:00:38,280
is why pubs and drugs
were kindly invented,
10
00:00:38,360 --> 00:00:42,000
to calm us all down
and stop us going mental.
11
00:00:42,080 --> 00:00:46,480
These are Chatsworth Estate's
basic essentials.
12
00:00:46,560 --> 00:00:50,800
We are worth every penny
for grinding your axes.
13
00:00:50,880 --> 00:00:55,480
You shit on our heads,
but you pay the taxes.
14
00:00:55,560 --> 00:00:58,480
[all laughing]
15
00:00:58,560 --> 00:01:01,480
Imagine a Britain
without Chatsworth buccaneers
16
00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:04,360
who'd come on your face
for the price of a beer.
17
00:01:04,440 --> 00:01:07,800
Make poverty history, cheaper drugs now!
18
00:01:07,880 --> 00:01:12,080
Make poverty history, cheaper drugs now!
19
00:01:12,160 --> 00:01:13,840
[laughing]
20
00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:15,360
Scatter!
21
00:01:15,440 --> 00:01:16,720
Party!
22
00:01:20,160 --> 00:01:21,200
[music fades out]
23
00:01:21,280 --> 00:01:24,480
[Patrick] Discussion groups,
chat lines, support networks.
24
00:01:24,560 --> 00:01:25,600
The new millennium,
25
00:01:25,680 --> 00:01:28,840
the age of the all-vocalising,
all-emoting fuck-up.
26
00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:34,640
Normal men and women spewing
the contents of their troubled souls
27
00:01:34,720 --> 00:01:37,000
into the ears of the uninterested,
28
00:01:37,080 --> 00:01:40,040
excreting the sorry waste
of their emotional innards
29
00:01:40,120 --> 00:01:42,720
into all manner of public places.
30
00:01:42,800 --> 00:01:45,840
Pubs, telly, newspapers.
31
00:01:47,520 --> 00:01:49,000
If only they'd zip it,
32
00:01:49,080 --> 00:01:52,160
and heed their inner voice,
the one that never lies.
33
00:01:53,320 --> 00:01:57,320
The one that screams at you
at the dead of night. Oh, aye!
34
00:01:57,400 --> 00:02:01,120
Tis better to remain silent,
and be thought a repressed old fart
35
00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:06,320
than open one's mouth and be discovered
a babblin', self-obsessed fool.
36
00:02:11,080 --> 00:02:12,560
Where his family's concerned,
37
00:02:12,640 --> 00:02:14,880
Paddy Maguire's
never been less than generous.
38
00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:18,160
But a fifty grand blow
would knock any man.
39
00:02:18,240 --> 00:02:20,240
[Jamie] Mam. Settlement.
40
00:02:20,320 --> 00:02:22,040
[Patrick] She set the business up with me,
41
00:02:22,120 --> 00:02:24,200
so it's fair
she should get half the spoils.
42
00:02:24,280 --> 00:02:26,160
But memories of our time together
43
00:02:26,240 --> 00:02:29,040
aren't going to keep me comfy
in my old age.
44
00:02:29,120 --> 00:02:31,120
I need to make serious hay now.
45
00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:32,800
[Patrick] There's a recession,
so people are what?
46
00:02:32,880 --> 00:02:34,360
-Skint.
-They borrow money. Then?
47
00:02:34,440 --> 00:02:36,200
-Can't pay it back.
-[Patrick] When these desperados
48
00:02:36,280 --> 00:02:39,320
want to forget about what
fuck-ups their lives have become,
49
00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:41,160
-they do what?
-Get off their heads.
50
00:02:41,240 --> 00:02:42,480
[Patrick] Drug sales soar.
51
00:02:42,560 --> 00:02:47,040
Economic gloom equals a pay-day boom,
and I want you in on it.
52
00:02:47,120 --> 00:02:50,600
I want Manchester to know that Maguire
and Sons are back in business.
53
00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:51,960
-Not for me.
-Not for--
54
00:02:52,040 --> 00:02:54,400
-Count me in.
-Hang on. What do you mean?
55
00:02:54,480 --> 00:02:56,520
[Patrick] We could make a killing!
What are you on about?
56
00:02:56,600 --> 00:02:58,120
-I've got a family.
-Good of you to remember!
57
00:02:58,200 --> 00:02:59,360
I've got Karen and Connor to think of!
58
00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:01,760
You're working your fingers to the bone,
and barely scraping a living!
59
00:03:01,840 --> 00:03:03,760
At least I'm not watching me
back all the time!
60
00:03:03,840 --> 00:03:05,520
-And what about you?
-I'm in, Dad.
61
00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:07,520
You still in possession of the bollocks
you were born with?
62
00:03:07,600 --> 00:03:09,080
I'm okay with moody weddings.
63
00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:11,720
-Oh! You're settling for "okay"?
-I'm in.
64
00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:13,280
Never thought I'd see the day.
65
00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:16,120
Sons of mine, gutless, pussy-whipped.
66
00:03:16,200 --> 00:03:19,280
There's more loyalty in those rats
I pay to sell the gear.
67
00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:20,760
-Look, Dad--
-Get out.
68
00:03:20,840 --> 00:03:22,720
-I wouldn't mind--
-[Patrick] Go on, out!
69
00:03:25,360 --> 00:03:26,640
Fuck off!
70
00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:34,040
-[slams door]
-[grunts]
71
00:03:35,520 --> 00:03:36,400
You did say no?
72
00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:38,080
Course I said no.
73
00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:41,960
You sound like you're sorry for him.
74
00:03:42,040 --> 00:03:43,560
Well, I am his son.
75
00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:46,240
Yeah, and he's yours.
76
00:03:46,320 --> 00:03:47,440
[baby babbling]
77
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[sighs] Oh, what?
78
00:03:53,560 --> 00:03:55,720
[putting on a baby voice]
Wooh, doo doo doo doo!
79
00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:59,360
I'm going to be the best dressed baby
in Chatsworth! Yay!
80
00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:01,640
Christ Karen, a hundred and fifty quid!
81
00:04:01,720 --> 00:04:04,120
For him to puke all over it?
82
00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:05,760
Get it back, get a refund.
83
00:04:07,920 --> 00:04:11,160
Hello? I'd like to place an order, please.
84
00:04:11,800 --> 00:04:13,640
-[movie projector]
-[incidental music]
85
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Christ, Carl!
Watch where you're putting it!
86
00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:44,080
That was trap two!
87
00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:48,440
I was the only one
willing to go along with Dad.
88
00:04:48,520 --> 00:04:49,960
He totally blanked me.
89
00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:53,880
That's cos you're an ideas person,
like him.
90
00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:56,000
A thinker, cerebral.
91
00:04:56,080 --> 00:04:58,520
More brains than a service station pastie.
92
00:04:58,600 --> 00:04:59,800
[Mimi tutting]
93
00:04:59,880 --> 00:05:03,080
Now, those balloons aren't going
to blow themselves up, are they?
94
00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:04,800
[Maxine] I mean,
95
00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:07,160
I'm an inspired shag, me.
96
00:05:08,160 --> 00:05:09,600
But bum sex?
97
00:05:10,480 --> 00:05:11,920
Why would he want to do that?
98
00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:14,760
-You should ask him how he'd like it.
-Mmm!
99
00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:17,040
About Sunday...
100
00:05:17,120 --> 00:05:19,840
We're welcoming our little man
into God's family.
101
00:05:20,640 --> 00:05:23,720
It's a celebration, yes,
but it's a holy day.
102
00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:27,840
So any talk of whoring
or crack pipes is right off. Yeah?
103
00:05:27,920 --> 00:05:29,280
-See you later.
-See you later, Max.
104
00:05:29,360 --> 00:05:31,960
[chuckling]
I think I can manage that for you, Mimi.
105
00:05:32,840 --> 00:05:35,680
Oh, and if you think I'm cocking up
on me god mum duties,
106
00:05:35,760 --> 00:05:39,800
-I'm sure you won't hesitate to pull me.
-There's nothing to worry about there,
107
00:05:39,880 --> 00:05:43,400
because Concepta, my cousin,
she's god mum now.
108
00:05:44,480 --> 00:05:45,520
What?
109
00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:49,480
Well. With the dancing and touring,
poor love never got a chance to have kids.
110
00:05:49,560 --> 00:05:53,240
So I thought it'd be nice for her
to have a little one she can be close to.
111
00:05:53,960 --> 00:05:56,240
You don't begrudge her
having a godson, do you?
112
00:06:01,440 --> 00:06:03,960
[Kelly] Heard the latest from your mother?
113
00:06:04,040 --> 00:06:05,800
We have been dumped as godparents,
114
00:06:05,880 --> 00:06:08,680
cos her cousin and her bloke
are a more glamorous option.
115
00:06:08,760 --> 00:06:10,560
No, it's just you who's been dumped.
116
00:06:10,640 --> 00:06:12,080
Concepta ain't got a bloke.
117
00:06:13,320 --> 00:06:15,480
-You're still godfather?
-[Shane] She only...
118
00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:17,040
She only told me this morning.
119
00:06:17,120 --> 00:06:19,880
And what was your reaction
when mummy hit you with that?
120
00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:22,400
I'm... I'm not arsed, Kel.
121
00:06:22,480 --> 00:06:25,960
Your girlfriend gets shat on
from a great height by your mother
122
00:06:26,040 --> 00:06:27,400
and you're not arsed?
123
00:06:27,480 --> 00:06:30,440
That's not what I meant! Kel!
124
00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:33,600
[high-pitched voice] Oops a daisy.
125
00:06:34,920 --> 00:06:37,120
Really looking forward to Sunday.
126
00:06:37,200 --> 00:06:39,760
Be nice to have all the family
under one roof again.
127
00:06:40,840 --> 00:06:42,960
I think it's time we settled up, isn't it?
128
00:06:43,040 --> 00:06:45,080
For the christening. Fifty-fifty.
129
00:06:45,160 --> 00:06:46,960
Paddy, honest, I'm really flush.
130
00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:49,840
Mimi, chuck yourself
under the King's horse,
131
00:06:49,920 --> 00:06:52,320
gaze at your chuff in a mirror,
but please,
132
00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:54,880
in the spirit of equality,
tell me what I owe.
133
00:06:54,960 --> 00:06:57,040
Okay, you win. 500.
134
00:06:59,080 --> 00:07:01,320
You only do it once, don't you?
135
00:07:01,400 --> 00:07:03,040
I'll fetch it for you right away.
136
00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:06,680
Dad?
137
00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:11,040
Why don't you just help him collect?
138
00:07:11,120 --> 00:07:13,320
God knows you could do with the readies.
139
00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:14,280
I've told you why.
140
00:07:14,360 --> 00:07:17,560
If not to boost your income,
then to keep an eye out for him.
141
00:07:17,640 --> 00:07:19,960
You know what it's like out there.
142
00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:22,960
Dad's covered.
Got some lads helping him out.
143
00:07:23,040 --> 00:07:25,640
Has he bollocks!
What's he going to pay them with?
144
00:07:25,720 --> 00:07:29,240
There's more brass on a string quartet
than on your dad just now.
145
00:07:30,840 --> 00:07:32,760
-Think about it.
-No!
146
00:07:32,840 --> 00:07:35,120
Now can we just leave it, please?
147
00:07:39,800 --> 00:07:42,360
Thirty grams of coke, 100 of cannabis.
148
00:07:42,440 --> 00:07:46,840
I'll be expecting two grand back.
Anything you make on top is yours.
149
00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:52,960
-Problem?
-How are we supposed to make owt on that?
150
00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:54,200
Get creative.
151
00:07:54,280 --> 00:07:57,840
So, besides hiking up the costs,
or mixing the gear,
152
00:07:57,920 --> 00:08:01,000
any other creative suggestions?
[lad] People ain't thick.
153
00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:03,480
They know what they want,
and how much it costs.
154
00:08:09,320 --> 00:08:10,480
All right, all right.
155
00:08:13,920 --> 00:08:15,560
Eighteen hundred.
156
00:08:17,920 --> 00:08:20,680
Make it quick if you value your kneecaps.
157
00:08:27,080 --> 00:08:28,960
We've been over this.
He's wearing that one.
158
00:08:29,040 --> 00:08:31,400
Cos you've got to keep your mother sweet.
159
00:08:31,480 --> 00:08:33,159
She's paying for everything
because you managed
160
00:08:33,240 --> 00:08:35,400
to spend every penny I put aside.
161
00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:40,400
For when he starts on solids.
It's the business.
162
00:08:40,480 --> 00:08:44,280
You can take that look off your face,
'cause I know what you're thinking.
163
00:08:44,360 --> 00:08:46,000
"It's all about Connor now."
164
00:08:53,920 --> 00:08:56,680
Better to spend 200 on something,
and wear it 100 times,
165
00:08:56,760 --> 00:08:58,640
than 30 quid and only wear it once.
166
00:08:58,720 --> 00:09:02,440
Jamie, it's not every day
your first-born's...
167
00:09:02,520 --> 00:09:04,440
[suspenseful tone]
168
00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:06,320
Karen?
169
00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:07,920
Karen?
170
00:09:14,560 --> 00:09:15,920
What is it, what's wrong?
171
00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:18,320
-[Mimi] What's going on?
-[Jamie] Karen!
172
00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:22,000
What is it? What are you looking for?
173
00:09:22,800 --> 00:09:23,640
[Jamie] Karen.
174
00:09:24,320 --> 00:09:25,160
What's going on?
175
00:09:27,320 --> 00:09:28,480
The baby.
176
00:09:29,840 --> 00:09:30,960
[Jamie] Where is he?
177
00:09:32,080 --> 00:09:34,240
When's the last time you had him, Karen?
178
00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:37,320
Mum, get upstairs! Check, quick!
179
00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:39,440
[frantic music]
180
00:09:39,520 --> 00:09:40,480
[heartbeats]
181
00:09:40,560 --> 00:09:41,440
Connor...
182
00:09:41,520 --> 00:09:42,680
[baby crying]
183
00:09:46,320 --> 00:09:47,480
Shane, Micky!
184
00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:51,120
Connor's missing. I'll check the shops,
185
00:09:51,200 --> 00:09:53,720
check the bus stop,
tell everyone he's missing!
186
00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:56,640
Get Carl, Ian, fuckin' everyone!
Find him, Micky!
187
00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:01,480
Aw, come on!
188
00:10:02,840 --> 00:10:03,800
Carl, I need your...
189
00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:08,520
I need your help when you've... finished.
190
00:10:22,640 --> 00:10:25,160
-You stupid...
-Leave the girl alone!
191
00:10:25,240 --> 00:10:27,960
How the fuck do you forget
where you leave your own son?
192
00:10:28,040 --> 00:10:30,680
Do you think
she really needs telling, Jamie?
193
00:10:32,320 --> 00:10:33,360
[door opens]
194
00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:35,080
[baby gurgles]
195
00:10:36,160 --> 00:10:38,800
-Oh, thank God!
-Oh, Joe, thank fuck!
196
00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:40,720
Said you'd only be five minutes.
197
00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:43,080
Asked me to take him
while she popped into Yvonne's.
198
00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:44,880
Everyone was smoking in there.
199
00:10:44,960 --> 00:10:49,120
My mobile goes, I'm yapping away,
I turn around and she's gone.
200
00:10:50,360 --> 00:10:51,480
I forgot...
201
00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:53,200
I forgot.
202
00:10:53,280 --> 00:10:55,560
Be the excitement
of the christening and that.
203
00:10:55,640 --> 00:10:57,640
[sighs] Cheers, Joe.
204
00:10:58,720 --> 00:11:01,440
-Drink?
-No, I'm driving. Thanks anyway.
205
00:11:01,520 --> 00:11:02,520
Later, yeah?
206
00:11:04,360 --> 00:11:05,280
Delivery, mate.
207
00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:08,280
I'm sorry.
208
00:11:10,040 --> 00:11:12,600
-[dramatic music]
-[sobbing]
209
00:11:16,560 --> 00:11:18,080
I'm off to pick up the cake.
210
00:11:18,160 --> 00:11:20,840
Running errands for the bitch
that's coming between us.
211
00:11:20,920 --> 00:11:23,920
-What kind of cretin are you?
-I'd like you to watch your mouth.
212
00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:25,880
I'd like you
to keep your nose out of our business.
213
00:11:25,960 --> 00:11:26,960
She's not coming between us.
214
00:11:27,040 --> 00:11:31,440
She is! And she's doing it
by running me down.
215
00:11:31,520 --> 00:11:36,000
And you're no innocent bystander.
You're her fucking accomplice!
216
00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:37,920
He's running a family errand.
217
00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:41,720
To fetch a cake for a baptism
that I should have been godmother at.
218
00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:44,680
-She doesn't mean anything personal.
-It's easy for you to say.
219
00:11:44,760 --> 00:11:46,320
You're not the one who's been shafted.
220
00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:48,800
Do you want me to tell her
that I can't be godfather no more?
221
00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:51,040
I want you to fight my corner!
222
00:11:58,000 --> 00:12:00,200
[Kelly] You've no idea, have you?
223
00:12:00,280 --> 00:12:02,880
The effect this had on me,
how touched I was,
224
00:12:02,960 --> 00:12:05,520
how it made me feel
that Karen and Jamie thought
225
00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:08,400
that I was good enough
to be godmother to their son.
226
00:12:08,480 --> 00:12:09,920
[Kelly] I was walking on air!
227
00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:14,920
And I wanted to do it right,
do Connor proud.
228
00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:17,840
Not just turn up,
hold the kid by the font,
229
00:12:17,920 --> 00:12:19,480
and then get hammered at the do
230
00:12:19,560 --> 00:12:21,960
like every other godparent
I have ever come across!
231
00:12:22,040 --> 00:12:23,640
Okay, you want it sorted?
232
00:12:23,720 --> 00:12:24,840
I'll sort it.
233
00:12:27,840 --> 00:12:29,040
[door slams]
234
00:12:29,880 --> 00:12:33,520
[weeping]
235
00:12:33,600 --> 00:12:37,760
I didn't do it to hurt Kelly, son.
I did it to protect her.
236
00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:41,560
She probably can't bless herself right,
never mind reel off the Creed.
237
00:12:41,640 --> 00:12:43,400
I don't think I can anymore.
238
00:12:43,480 --> 00:12:45,160
More the need for Concepta, then.
239
00:12:45,240 --> 00:12:48,560
She's blood. She'll always be around.
240
00:12:48,640 --> 00:12:50,160
I hate to say this,
241
00:12:50,240 --> 00:12:53,640
but what if Kelly traps off
with some loaded punter?
242
00:12:53,720 --> 00:12:57,080
[tuts] Any one of us could fuck off
at any time.
243
00:12:57,160 --> 00:12:58,240
You and Dad split up.
244
00:12:58,320 --> 00:13:02,000
Yeah, but we've got responsibilities
that bind us forever more.
245
00:13:02,080 --> 00:13:05,080
Apart from the dollop of lust and love,
you two have nothing.
246
00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:06,640
What are you getting out of this?
247
00:13:06,720 --> 00:13:10,520
You've got loads of godkids you never see,
so the whole thing is a load of shit.
248
00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:12,440
Your beloved write those lines.
249
00:13:12,520 --> 00:13:15,080
I've had enough of you and me dad
trying to run my life,
250
00:13:15,160 --> 00:13:16,880
trying to fuck things up for me.
251
00:13:20,160 --> 00:13:22,200
I'm not your little boy anymore.
252
00:13:22,280 --> 00:13:25,160
And I'm telling you right now,
253
00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:26,680
back off.
254
00:13:32,840 --> 00:13:34,480
[Jamie] You okay now?
255
00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:37,040
Embarrassed, more than anything.
256
00:13:39,320 --> 00:13:40,240
I'm sorry.
257
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:41,280
Yeah, so am I.
258
00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:45,080
My head's done in, with everything.
259
00:13:45,160 --> 00:13:49,240
Hey, just think,
after the christening, it's all over.
260
00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:11,360
No need to thank me.
261
00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:13,040
Fuck...off.
262
00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:15,760
There's something
I'd like to get off me chest.
263
00:14:15,840 --> 00:14:17,120
[shouts] Jamie, mate!
264
00:14:19,160 --> 00:14:21,360
Let's let Jamie in on our little secret.
265
00:14:22,280 --> 00:14:25,080
Oh, cheer up, Karen.
Confession's good for the soul.
266
00:14:25,160 --> 00:14:26,440
He'll kill you.
267
00:14:26,520 --> 00:14:29,040
-I'm ready for him.
-He won't believe you.
268
00:14:29,120 --> 00:14:31,680
Oh, so he hasn't noticed
the mole between your tits,
269
00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:33,800
or the birthmark on your left arse cheek?
270
00:14:33,880 --> 00:14:37,320
Or the way you dig your nails into
the back of his neck when you come?
271
00:14:40,240 --> 00:14:41,520
Something you should know.
272
00:14:45,520 --> 00:14:47,360
Your mam's invited me to Sunday's do.
273
00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:50,360
[Joe] Heard the delivery nurse
is always at Maguire christenings
274
00:14:50,440 --> 00:14:52,000
just checking that's cool with you?
275
00:14:52,080 --> 00:14:54,080
You've been there twice
for the little fella.
276
00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:55,160
How could I say no?
277
00:14:56,200 --> 00:14:57,360
See you later.
278
00:14:58,360 --> 00:14:59,200
Yeah.
279
00:15:17,360 --> 00:15:18,400
What's that?
280
00:15:19,560 --> 00:15:24,640
This is Back-Door Bertie,
our mutual fuck buddy.
281
00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:26,080
Well, he can fuck off.
282
00:15:26,160 --> 00:15:30,680
But I thought you wanted to indulge
in a little dark star penetration?
283
00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:31,800
I do, but...
284
00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:36,360
But that? There's no pleasure
for you sticking that in me.
285
00:15:36,440 --> 00:15:40,800
Well, maybe not, but you might love it,
and I'm all about giving, me.
286
00:15:40,880 --> 00:15:44,560
Imagine the pair of us casting off
our arse innocence together.
287
00:15:44,640 --> 00:15:48,680
What could be more romantic and binding?
288
00:15:49,880 --> 00:15:51,800
I promise I'll be gentle, Carl.
289
00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:57,360
[giggles]
290
00:15:57,440 --> 00:15:59,200
You're certainly in the minority.
291
00:15:59,280 --> 00:16:01,640
I bet hardly any straight blokes take it.
292
00:16:01,720 --> 00:16:04,760
What's the difference
between a straight man and a gay man?
293
00:16:04,840 --> 00:16:07,400
-Six cans of lager.
-[laughter]
294
00:16:07,480 --> 00:16:10,280
I'm not taking,
just considering possibilities.
295
00:16:10,360 --> 00:16:12,520
If you're thinking it,
you're halfway there.
296
00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:15,560
Me and Max are tight.
And what's good for the goose...
297
00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:17,920
What advice would you give
your little brother?
298
00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:20,720
Absolutely none.
I'm not talking bum sex with him!
299
00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:23,120
Be different if it was pussy, wouldn't it?
300
00:16:23,200 --> 00:16:26,400
I tell you what, once you've
made contact with Mr G spot...
301
00:16:26,480 --> 00:16:28,760
you'll kill yourself
for not hooking up sooner.
302
00:16:28,840 --> 00:16:30,040
Don't it hurt, though?
303
00:16:30,120 --> 00:16:33,880
You can't do the full monty straight off.
You've got to work up to it.
304
00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:35,240
How?
305
00:16:35,320 --> 00:16:38,040
Well, start small, and plenty of lube.
306
00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:40,520
-Lubrication.
-[spits]
307
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:43,320
Bit of spit does it for me
if I'm ever caught short.
308
00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:45,720
Let your mind open up to
the possibilities,
309
00:16:45,800 --> 00:16:47,680
and your arse'll follow.
310
00:16:47,760 --> 00:16:51,040
And... you're a Catholic, yeah, like me?
311
00:16:51,120 --> 00:16:53,680
The guilt'll just add
to the sheer thrill of it all.
312
00:16:53,760 --> 00:16:58,240
So, to recap,
you start small, work your way up.
313
00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:01,800
-[Micky] Ooh!
-[Ian laughing] Eh!
314
00:17:01,880 --> 00:17:02,960
[imitates dog barking]
315
00:17:03,040 --> 00:17:04,040
[barking]
316
00:17:04,119 --> 00:17:06,119
[imitates barking]
317
00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:08,280
[barking]
318
00:17:08,880 --> 00:17:09,760
[Patrick] Karen...
319
00:17:11,440 --> 00:17:13,880
-[Karen imitates dog barking]
-[dog barking]
320
00:17:13,960 --> 00:17:16,920
I fucking hate dogs!
Little disease-spreading shit machines!
321
00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:18,280
Karen...
322
00:17:19,119 --> 00:17:20,040
You look tired.
323
00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:21,680
Come on.
324
00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:28,359
Living over a pub's hardly peaceful.
325
00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:32,880
And I know Mimi's decibel level
isn't always within legal limits.
326
00:17:34,880 --> 00:17:36,640
Here.
327
00:17:39,960 --> 00:17:40,840
My place.
328
00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:42,960
It can be your little oasis.
329
00:17:44,640 --> 00:17:46,320
I want to help, Karen.
330
00:17:47,520 --> 00:17:51,160
[Patrick] Let's face it,
I'm the nearest thing you've got to a dad,
331
00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:54,240
and you're the nearest thing
I've got to a daughter now.
332
00:17:55,320 --> 00:17:57,360
[keys jingling]
333
00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:15,880
[urinating]
334
00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:38,720
-[farts]
-[party hooter blows]
335
00:18:38,800 --> 00:18:41,560
[laughs]
336
00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:48,240
Shit!
337
00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:02,800
If that's my consolation prize,
you can stick it up your arse.
338
00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:06,520
I tried my best, Kel.
Just seems like she's not having it.
339
00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:08,720
-She say why?
-Yeah, the religion thing.
340
00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:11,240
You know the reason she gave me the elbow
341
00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:13,640
is cos she can't stand a low-down...
342
00:19:14,760 --> 00:19:17,320
[sighs] Me being in the limelight.
343
00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:20,080
[Liam] Don't think
you've got any fears there, Kelly.
344
00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:23,320
In the New Testament,
Matthew never condemns prostitution.
345
00:19:24,040 --> 00:19:27,440
Turning to the Old Testament,
in the Book of Hosea,
346
00:19:27,520 --> 00:19:31,160
God says he'd never punish the daughters
of Israel for selling themselves.
347
00:19:31,760 --> 00:19:33,560
And besides, you're a masseuse.
348
00:19:43,360 --> 00:19:44,520
How could ya?
349
00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:47,560
[Mimi] If you didn't want him wearing it,
you could've said.
350
00:19:47,640 --> 00:19:50,480
-What's going on?
-Look what she did!
351
00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:54,880
Her, who I've treated
like me own daughter.
352
00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:59,200
I ironed it. Sorry, I didn't even notice.
353
00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:00,960
You didn't want Connor wearing it.
354
00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:03,640
And thought if you ruined it,
he wouldn't have to!
355
00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:06,720
Mimi, I can assure you,
I would never do something like that.
356
00:20:06,800 --> 00:20:11,520
This was my grandmother's,
and her mother before that.
357
00:20:12,120 --> 00:20:15,000
[whimpering] The names of my dead babies
are woven into it.
358
00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:16,840
It was an accident.
359
00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:22,520
[door slams]
360
00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:26,160
Oh, so, you don't believe me now?
361
00:20:26,240 --> 00:20:28,200
What sort of a bitch do you think I am?
362
00:20:28,280 --> 00:20:30,320
-I'm beginning to wonder.
-Right.
363
00:20:31,320 --> 00:20:32,240
I'll sort it.
364
00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:34,560
I'll fucking sort it!
365
00:20:35,840 --> 00:20:38,600
[yelling] I will sort it!
366
00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:42,200
[ripping cloth]
367
00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:52,840
The mark's do-able, but the tear...
[inhales]
368
00:20:53,680 --> 00:20:56,880
But with it being crocheted,
we should be able to hide it nicely.
369
00:20:56,960 --> 00:20:58,280
Brilliant.
370
00:20:58,360 --> 00:21:01,640
Problem is, this is Irish crochet,
and I only do the Filet.
371
00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:05,520
But my sister-in-law Mary,
she's good at the Irish.
372
00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:08,280
But the silk thread don't come cheap.
373
00:21:09,480 --> 00:21:11,480
-[knock on door]
-[suspenseful music]
374
00:21:12,360 --> 00:21:14,960
-Shit! Get me out of here!
-In there.
375
00:21:16,440 --> 00:21:17,640
[Lillian] Just a minute!
376
00:21:19,120 --> 00:21:20,600
Hi, Mimi. Come in.
377
00:21:21,880 --> 00:21:23,280
What can I do for you, love?
378
00:21:23,360 --> 00:21:25,480
Well, I'm not here
to have me clit flicked.
379
00:21:25,560 --> 00:21:26,720
Need a word with Kelly.
380
00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:28,280
Oh, she's tied up just now.
381
00:21:28,360 --> 00:21:30,240
[Kelly moaning]
382
00:21:31,960 --> 00:21:35,360
I've had a word with Paddy and Shane,
they had a thing or two to say.
383
00:21:35,440 --> 00:21:38,160
And I've decided
to rethink the whole godmother thing.
384
00:21:38,240 --> 00:21:41,800
Concepta's sound, but on balance
I feel your case is stronger.
385
00:21:41,880 --> 00:21:44,120
-What?
-You're more grounded.
386
00:21:44,200 --> 00:21:46,480
When she isn't high,
her head's in the clouds.
387
00:21:46,560 --> 00:21:48,640
And you only live round the corner.
388
00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:49,720
If a crisis strikes,
389
00:21:49,800 --> 00:21:51,960
what good's she propping up
the Waldorf bar?
390
00:21:52,040 --> 00:21:54,960
[Mimi] Despite having more
male customers than Burton's,
391
00:21:55,040 --> 00:21:56,960
I feel your heart's in the right place.
392
00:21:58,040 --> 00:21:59,120
You'll do for me.
393
00:21:59,840 --> 00:22:00,680
Deal?
394
00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:02,320
Deal.
395
00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:06,160
See ya.
396
00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:21,040
Get out.
397
00:22:21,120 --> 00:22:23,120
What sort of a welcome's that, eh?
398
00:22:40,760 --> 00:22:44,160
[Joe] She... she once told me that her...
399
00:22:45,160 --> 00:22:49,240
that her big dream was to go
skinny-dipping at night in Crete.
400
00:22:51,040 --> 00:22:57,200
I kept her messages on me mobile,
so I can hear her voice.
401
00:22:57,280 --> 00:22:58,640
[sniffling]
402
00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:01,400
[Joe sobbing]
403
00:23:05,840 --> 00:23:07,640
[weeping]
404
00:23:32,760 --> 00:23:35,040
If there's yellow stuff in it,
it's not cancer.
405
00:23:35,120 --> 00:23:37,080
I put sweet corn in that pasta dish.
406
00:23:37,160 --> 00:23:40,040
I was trying out some brown-eye action
with a party blower.
407
00:23:40,120 --> 00:23:43,320
But when I took it out,
the nozzle got stuck.
408
00:23:43,400 --> 00:23:46,200
-I can't get it out. Will you try?
-Oooh! Sorry, Carl...
409
00:23:46,280 --> 00:23:50,160
anal extractions didn't feature
on my auxiliary training course.
410
00:23:50,240 --> 00:23:53,080
You don't need a qualification
to work out what's gotta be done.
411
00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:55,280
No, but you do need equipment.
412
00:23:55,360 --> 00:23:58,440
Only I don't fancy wasting
me whole Friday night in A&E.
413
00:23:58,520 --> 00:24:01,200
-Not going there!
-[Maxine] They won't bat an eyelid.
414
00:24:01,280 --> 00:24:04,280
Had a vicar in last week,
he had a 12-inch candle up him.
415
00:24:04,360 --> 00:24:06,560
Said he fell backwards
putting up curtains!
416
00:24:06,640 --> 00:24:09,200
-You're nowt special.
-I'm not going, Max.
417
00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:12,680
-[party blower squeaks]
-What's that?
418
00:24:15,960 --> 00:24:18,960
Any bit of wind and it goes off.
419
00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:21,320
It's like having an internal mouth organ.
420
00:24:22,760 --> 00:24:25,080
Hey, Carl, give us a tune before you go.
421
00:24:25,160 --> 00:24:26,960
[moaning]
422
00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:30,680
-[door opens]
-[Patrick] Christ Almighty.
423
00:24:30,760 --> 00:24:31,960
[tense music]
424
00:24:32,040 --> 00:24:34,280
[Patrick] How much was lifted?
425
00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:40,000
[Patrick] Were they armed?
426
00:24:41,680 --> 00:24:43,920
[Patrick] Okay, okay.
I'll be right with you.
427
00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:47,760
[mouthing] Fuck off!
428
00:24:49,400 --> 00:24:50,520
[Connor gurgles]
429
00:24:57,920 --> 00:25:00,800
[Patrick] Just what I fucking need!
430
00:25:00,880 --> 00:25:01,800
[door opens]
431
00:25:02,800 --> 00:25:03,640
[door slams]
432
00:25:18,000 --> 00:25:19,320
I love you.
433
00:25:25,320 --> 00:25:27,120
-Don't fuck up.
-[man] No, I won't.
434
00:25:29,040 --> 00:25:30,160
[tense music]
435
00:25:30,240 --> 00:25:31,640
[glass smashes]
436
00:25:35,480 --> 00:25:38,080
-Who the fuck am I?
-[lad grunting]
437
00:25:38,160 --> 00:25:40,400
Who the...fuck...am I?
438
00:25:40,480 --> 00:25:42,280
Mr Maguire... Mr Maguire!
439
00:25:42,360 --> 00:25:45,240
Why are you treating me
like Bill Gates or bloody Carnegie?
440
00:25:45,320 --> 00:25:48,320
You're a charity case, all right,
but not one I'm supporting.
441
00:25:48,400 --> 00:25:53,240
-So where the fuck's my money?
-[lad grunting]
442
00:25:57,360 --> 00:25:59,680
As it's small,
a little irrigation'll budge it.
443
00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:02,400
As me vac's being serviced anyway.
444
00:26:02,480 --> 00:26:06,640
-Are you sure you know what you're doing?
-Every other day I do a rectal removal.
445
00:26:07,280 --> 00:26:11,360
I dislodge, I douche, I dab some talc,
and I return it to its wife.
446
00:26:12,120 --> 00:26:13,640
Come on, Carl. Drop 'em.
447
00:26:14,360 --> 00:26:15,240
Ready?
448
00:26:24,680 --> 00:26:25,960
Do I look stupid?
449
00:26:26,040 --> 00:26:29,960
-He's out getting the rest now.
-There are some people in this world...
450
00:26:30,040 --> 00:26:34,400
who learn their lessons well,
take on board advice, move on,
451
00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:37,680
and have relatively happy lives.
There are those that don't.
452
00:26:37,760 --> 00:26:39,440
You are obviously of the latter.
453
00:26:39,520 --> 00:26:40,760
Fuck you!
454
00:26:40,840 --> 00:26:43,200
You don't scare me! I know people.
455
00:26:43,280 --> 00:26:46,240
Once you're out of intensive care,
you go see those people,
456
00:26:46,320 --> 00:26:48,320
and ask them if they know Paddy Maguire!
457
00:26:48,400 --> 00:26:50,160
I guarantee they will!
458
00:26:52,920 --> 00:26:54,400
You've got...
459
00:26:54,480 --> 00:26:55,920
[gunshot]
460
00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:57,520
[heartbeat]
461
00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:23,080
How's my favourite bum boy?
462
00:27:23,160 --> 00:27:25,840
Last time I was slipping your Chrissy one,
she said he was fine.
463
00:27:25,920 --> 00:27:27,960
-Paddy through there?
-I'll give him a bell.
464
00:27:28,040 --> 00:27:30,520
Been ringing him for ages,
just keeps ringing out.
465
00:27:30,600 --> 00:27:31,640
Yeah?
466
00:27:36,200 --> 00:27:37,400
Two minutes, yeah?
467
00:27:40,760 --> 00:27:41,840
Cheers, son.
468
00:27:41,920 --> 00:27:43,000
Is me dad here?
469
00:27:43,080 --> 00:27:44,640
Nipped out for the papers.
470
00:27:44,720 --> 00:27:48,240
On a Saturday morning, there's nothing
that Mr Maguire and I like more
471
00:27:48,320 --> 00:27:50,920
than to talk current affairs
over a pot of Lady Grey.
472
00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:52,360
Really?
473
00:27:52,440 --> 00:27:54,640
Is he fuck here.
474
00:27:58,480 --> 00:28:01,080
Hey, Sean's here with the delivery,
and Dad's not in.
475
00:28:01,160 --> 00:28:02,760
You got three grand in the safe?
476
00:28:02,840 --> 00:28:05,920
[Jamie] Do I look like a man
who's got three grand in a safe?
477
00:28:06,520 --> 00:28:08,080
You can set your watch by Sean.
478
00:28:08,160 --> 00:28:09,680
Every Saturday at 12.
479
00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:12,400
Dad never misses him.
There's definitely something up.
480
00:28:12,480 --> 00:28:14,760
Pint of the dark stuff please, Jamie.
481
00:28:15,680 --> 00:28:18,160
Three grand, me tips.
482
00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:22,520
Karen all right?
483
00:28:22,600 --> 00:28:24,760
Not every day
you forget where your kid is.
484
00:28:24,840 --> 00:28:27,480
-You weren't laughing the other day.
-Nah, she's fine.
485
00:28:28,360 --> 00:28:31,560
-And that... is on the house.
-Good.
486
00:28:31,640 --> 00:28:33,680
So long as the baby blues haven't struck.
487
00:28:33,760 --> 00:28:36,040
She's just tired, that's all. We both are.
488
00:28:36,680 --> 00:28:40,280
[sighs] Having a baby in the house
really takes it out of you.
489
00:28:40,360 --> 00:28:43,320
A mate of mine said that him
and his missus are that knackered
490
00:28:43,400 --> 00:28:45,760
at the end of the day,
all they're fit for in bed is sleep.
491
00:28:45,840 --> 00:28:48,680
Your love life's out the window,
you're skint all the time.
492
00:28:48,760 --> 00:28:50,160
The strain was unbelievable.
493
00:28:51,080 --> 00:28:54,000
Hey, but listen, he didn't have
what you and Karen have got,
494
00:28:54,080 --> 00:28:55,800
-do you know what I mean?
-Uhm.
495
00:28:55,880 --> 00:28:57,440
-[man] Jamie?
-Yes, mate.
496
00:29:00,160 --> 00:29:02,000
[Lillian] Here's the rascal.
You wanna keep him?
497
00:29:02,080 --> 00:29:03,040
Pass.
498
00:29:03,120 --> 00:29:05,880
Should have it framed.
Once it's been disinfected.
499
00:29:05,960 --> 00:29:08,360
[Maxine] Health freaks would pay hundreds
for this treatment.
500
00:29:08,440 --> 00:29:10,640
If you know any,
tell them I'll do it cheaper.
501
00:29:10,720 --> 00:29:14,200
-Cheers, Lillian.
-It was all my pleasure.
502
00:29:17,040 --> 00:29:17,920
[kiss]
503
00:29:19,120 --> 00:29:21,040
-I underestimated you.
-How?
504
00:29:21,640 --> 00:29:25,200
Never thought for a second you'd ever
really consider being my bum chum.
505
00:29:29,360 --> 00:29:31,920
So, how can I make it up to you?
506
00:29:32,000 --> 00:29:34,200
You can have anything you like.
507
00:29:35,680 --> 00:29:39,560
[farts]
508
00:29:40,760 --> 00:29:42,000
[sighs]
509
00:29:42,840 --> 00:29:43,920
[groans]
510
00:29:49,600 --> 00:29:51,680
[door creaks]
511
00:29:51,760 --> 00:29:52,640
[knocks]
512
00:29:54,640 --> 00:29:55,600
You okay?
513
00:29:59,320 --> 00:30:00,200
[Jamie sighs]
514
00:30:04,520 --> 00:30:07,360
We'll have to make
a bit of "us" time, won't we?
515
00:30:07,440 --> 00:30:09,600
We're more than just Mum and Dad.
516
00:30:12,600 --> 00:30:14,640
Let's have a night out, eh?
517
00:30:14,720 --> 00:30:15,920
Too much effort.
518
00:30:17,600 --> 00:30:21,160
Once we've booked a table
and found a sitter, done the feeds,
519
00:30:21,240 --> 00:30:24,320
got his clothes sorted for the next day,
got meself sorted...
520
00:30:25,280 --> 00:30:27,240
all I'm fit for is bed.
521
00:30:27,320 --> 00:30:28,680
Things'll get better, yeah?
522
00:30:35,640 --> 00:30:37,080
I'm sorry.
523
00:30:37,160 --> 00:30:38,480
I'm not complaining.
524
00:30:40,080 --> 00:30:42,720
You and Connor are my world now.
525
00:30:45,440 --> 00:30:47,200
If anything happened...
526
00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:52,160
if anything...damaged us...
527
00:30:54,360 --> 00:30:55,760
I don't know what I'd do.
528
00:30:57,360 --> 00:30:58,400
[Jamie] Hey...
529
00:30:59,400 --> 00:31:03,440
nothing is gonna damage us.
530
00:31:03,520 --> 00:31:04,680
All right?
531
00:31:09,440 --> 00:31:11,680
Dad, it's Micky.
532
00:31:11,760 --> 00:31:13,200
Give us a bell, yeah?
533
00:31:15,240 --> 00:31:16,400
Peace offering.
534
00:31:17,880 --> 00:31:19,160
You know where the bar is.
535
00:31:20,720 --> 00:31:23,680
I knew you said you'd sort it,
but I didn't fancy your odds.
536
00:31:24,880 --> 00:31:25,960
[Frank] You know what,
537
00:31:26,040 --> 00:31:29,040
you lot probably
mock those South Sea Islanders,
538
00:31:29,120 --> 00:31:33,240
with bones through their noses,
performing their shaman rituals.
539
00:31:33,320 --> 00:31:39,920
When, in fact, you are partaking
in exactly the same bollocks.
540
00:31:40,000 --> 00:31:42,640
About tomorrow, Frank.
A verbal invite do ya?
541
00:31:42,720 --> 00:31:45,680
Be nice to see you there
for Katie's sake. Free bar.
542
00:31:46,720 --> 00:31:49,480
Oh, thanks, Mimi, love.
Yeah, I'll try and show me face.
543
00:31:50,200 --> 00:31:53,600
But what I was about to say
544
00:31:53,680 --> 00:31:58,840
is that common myths bind us.
545
00:31:58,920 --> 00:32:02,120
-Have either of you seen Dad?
-Am I some kind of baby-sitter now?
546
00:32:02,200 --> 00:32:04,120
He can look after himself.
547
00:32:04,200 --> 00:32:05,520
Help us look for him.
548
00:32:05,600 --> 00:32:09,120
-You know your dad. He'll be fine.
-[Shane] Get yourself a drink,
549
00:32:09,200 --> 00:32:11,160
sit yourself down and stop worrying.
550
00:32:12,880 --> 00:32:14,360
He won't thank you for it.
551
00:32:16,160 --> 00:32:17,480
What's up?
552
00:32:17,560 --> 00:32:20,160
[Ian] Seriously, what's up?
553
00:32:23,040 --> 00:32:26,240
If he's as nice as you say he is,
he won't mind helping, will he?
554
00:32:30,480 --> 00:32:32,560
Micky! Long time no see.
555
00:32:32,640 --> 00:32:35,680
Ady... How are things
with you and the missus?
556
00:32:37,360 --> 00:32:41,240
It's all right, he's a fully paid-up
member of the Uphill Shit Stabbers.
557
00:32:41,320 --> 00:32:42,240
[Ady] It's over.
558
00:32:42,320 --> 00:32:45,280
I came home one day and found her
with the man next door.
559
00:32:45,360 --> 00:32:48,000
Didn't think that'd bother ya.
Not after what we got up to.
560
00:32:48,080 --> 00:32:49,680
And the man over the road,
561
00:32:49,760 --> 00:32:52,480
and the man at the back,
and the man from next door but one.
562
00:32:52,560 --> 00:32:53,600
So you've left, then?
563
00:32:53,680 --> 00:32:56,760
Yeah, I've been living
with an interior designer from Cambodia.
564
00:32:57,400 --> 00:33:00,760
Can't string a sentence together,
but the flat looks fantastic,
565
00:33:00,840 --> 00:33:04,440
and the things he can do with a wok...
have to be seen to be believed.
566
00:33:04,520 --> 00:33:07,480
You should come round one night.
Both of you.
567
00:33:07,560 --> 00:33:10,440
I'm here about my dad. He's missing.
568
00:33:10,520 --> 00:33:12,760
-Well, how long?
-About 12 hours.
569
00:33:12,840 --> 00:33:14,920
Twelve hours? I've been on benders longer!
570
00:33:15,000 --> 00:33:17,440
He's never done this before. Ady, please!
571
00:33:17,520 --> 00:33:19,000
Look, this isn't like him.
572
00:33:19,080 --> 00:33:21,760
Something's happened
and no fucker'll believe me,
573
00:33:21,840 --> 00:33:23,200
and you're my last hope.
574
00:33:23,800 --> 00:33:25,320
Please, Ady,
575
00:33:25,400 --> 00:33:26,440
you've gotta help us.
576
00:33:28,040 --> 00:33:29,040
Please.
577
00:33:29,120 --> 00:33:31,880
[Patrick] You're through to Paddy Maguire.
Leave a message. [beep]
578
00:33:31,960 --> 00:33:34,520
Right, and what should happen now is
579
00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:37,320
the base station will flag up
the phone's location.
580
00:33:37,400 --> 00:33:39,000
There we go. Got ya!
581
00:33:40,880 --> 00:33:42,400
[yelling] Dad, it's me!
582
00:33:42,480 --> 00:33:44,120
Micky, Micky, calm down.
583
00:33:44,200 --> 00:33:45,640
-[Micky] Can you hear me?
-[Ady] Paddy.
584
00:33:45,720 --> 00:33:47,120
I'm going to radio for help.
585
00:33:50,120 --> 00:33:51,640
[sirens]
586
00:33:51,720 --> 00:33:53,760
Thanks a million for finding him.
587
00:33:53,840 --> 00:33:56,440
That was down to Micky.
He led the investigation.
588
00:34:02,640 --> 00:34:03,840
This is all down to me.
589
00:34:04,800 --> 00:34:06,840
Nah, it's not just you, Jamie.
590
00:34:06,920 --> 00:34:09,800
It's neither of you. No one's fault.
591
00:34:09,880 --> 00:34:11,840
He knew the risks he was taking.
592
00:34:12,520 --> 00:34:14,440
He asked for our help, and we said no.
593
00:34:16,040 --> 00:34:18,520
We let him down, Mum. All of us.
594
00:34:21,840 --> 00:34:23,440
Well, nearly all of us.
595
00:34:27,040 --> 00:34:29,920
-[Mimi] Oh, he's gorgeous. Look at him!
-[Jamie] Done well.
596
00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:32,520
-Eating, sleeping...
-[Mimi laughs]
597
00:34:32,600 --> 00:34:34,159
[Karen] Right. Grub's up!
598
00:34:34,239 --> 00:34:36,120
You're pushing the boat out.
599
00:34:36,199 --> 00:34:39,040
Well, we won't get to eat
till the other side of service, so...
600
00:34:39,120 --> 00:34:41,199
But there won't be a service.
601
00:34:44,320 --> 00:34:46,360
But this is Connor's big day.
602
00:34:46,440 --> 00:34:48,800
Yeah, but not without my dad, it isn't.
603
00:34:48,880 --> 00:34:50,880
We're cancelling. Right, Mum?
604
00:34:53,360 --> 00:34:56,120
And how would we explain
that to wee Connor?
605
00:34:56,199 --> 00:34:58,560
All I need is a clean shirt,
and I'll be with you.
606
00:35:24,880 --> 00:35:27,040
[shouts]
607
00:35:27,120 --> 00:35:27,960
[boom]
608
00:35:29,920 --> 00:35:30,840
[Mimi] Patrick?
609
00:35:32,040 --> 00:35:33,240
[Mimi] It's time.
610
00:35:42,600 --> 00:35:46,200
-You passed muster?
-Eventually.
611
00:35:48,200 --> 00:35:52,320
[all] I believe in one God,
the Father Almighty,
612
00:35:52,400 --> 00:35:56,960
maker of all things visible and invisible.
613
00:36:02,800 --> 00:36:03,760
If you'd like to...
614
00:36:12,840 --> 00:36:14,560
I'm not sure if I can.
615
00:36:18,120 --> 00:36:19,160
It's just...
616
00:36:21,600 --> 00:36:24,120
I don't actually believe in God.
617
00:36:24,200 --> 00:36:27,720
But if I'm called on,
I'll teach him to respect people,
618
00:36:27,800 --> 00:36:32,000
no matter what they do or don't
believe in, as long as they're decent.
619
00:36:32,080 --> 00:36:38,680
And I'll pray to a God I'm not sure exists
that is loved.
620
00:36:38,760 --> 00:36:40,320
I'm a prostitute, Father.
621
00:36:41,400 --> 00:36:45,000
Ex-junkie. But I know good from bad.
622
00:36:45,080 --> 00:36:48,760
And if I can teach him that,
it's job done, really, isn't it?
623
00:36:51,240 --> 00:36:52,200
[clears throat]
624
00:36:54,520 --> 00:36:56,640
I'm sorry if I've offended.
625
00:36:57,840 --> 00:36:59,960
I just don't want to let Connor down.
626
00:37:00,040 --> 00:37:00,960
Or meself.
627
00:37:01,040 --> 00:37:02,480
[mobile rings]
628
00:37:06,680 --> 00:37:11,520
[Connor cooing]
629
00:37:14,320 --> 00:37:15,720
[indistinct chatter]
630
00:37:15,800 --> 00:37:17,000
[Mimi] Here.
631
00:37:18,080 --> 00:37:20,760
Aomeone thought they were
very clever phoning Concepta,
632
00:37:20,840 --> 00:37:24,480
putting on a voice, telling her
that her flight had been cancelled.
633
00:37:24,560 --> 00:37:29,480
Only the thick fucking prick of
a prankster forgot to withhold the number!
634
00:37:29,560 --> 00:37:31,040
Didn't you, Shane?
635
00:37:37,320 --> 00:37:38,200
Fuck.
636
00:37:40,880 --> 00:37:42,920
[cheerful music playing]
637
00:37:43,880 --> 00:37:45,240
Word's been put out.
638
00:37:47,080 --> 00:37:50,760
Tell you what, whoever brings us
that kid is gonna be well flush.
639
00:37:50,840 --> 00:37:54,640
-Who put the word out?
-Me, J, Shane.
640
00:37:54,720 --> 00:37:56,760
Well, you'd no fucking right.
641
00:37:56,840 --> 00:38:00,840
I'm the director of Maguire Limited.
I make the executive decisions.
642
00:38:00,920 --> 00:38:02,520
He's gonna pay for this, Dad.
643
00:38:02,600 --> 00:38:05,400
Risking your lives? For what?
644
00:38:05,480 --> 00:38:07,080
For what?
645
00:38:09,960 --> 00:38:12,760
No more of my cubs will die
on my account. Call it off.
646
00:38:12,840 --> 00:38:16,000
He hurt you, they need to know
no one does that to our old man.
647
00:38:16,080 --> 00:38:17,880
Are you fuckin' deaf? Call it off!
648
00:38:28,880 --> 00:38:30,000
[Chrissy] Hey, sexy.
649
00:38:31,560 --> 00:38:34,680
What happened to that
Long Wet Spicy Screw?
650
00:38:34,760 --> 00:38:37,000
I was just savouring the thought of it.
651
00:38:37,080 --> 00:38:39,480
Are those limes ready yet, babe?
652
00:38:40,240 --> 00:38:41,360
[Karen in pain] Ah!
653
00:38:43,000 --> 00:38:44,800
[groans and sighs in pain]
654
00:38:47,280 --> 00:38:50,760
Is he any lighter now
he's washed of mortal sin?
655
00:38:53,760 --> 00:38:55,880
Didn't you fancy jumping in yourself,
656
00:38:55,960 --> 00:38:58,920
taking a spiritual cleanse?
657
00:38:59,000 --> 00:39:01,360
You can't just turn up and get christened.
658
00:39:01,440 --> 00:39:03,880
-There is a program.
-[mocking] There's a program!
659
00:39:03,960 --> 00:39:06,120
[Frank] But what would be the point, eh?
660
00:39:06,200 --> 00:39:09,200
[Frank] You'd only blot your copy book
the next day.
661
00:39:09,800 --> 00:39:11,800
[Frank] You're like me, you are.
662
00:39:12,680 --> 00:39:15,000
[Frank] Lured by earthly pleasures.
663
00:39:27,080 --> 00:39:30,600
[Mimi] How could you speak
to Micky like that, in public?
664
00:39:31,480 --> 00:39:34,320
The only one
who you wouldn't invite into the business,
665
00:39:34,400 --> 00:39:37,560
but the only one
who went out looking for you!
666
00:39:37,640 --> 00:39:39,640
Call yourself a father.
667
00:39:44,960 --> 00:39:46,440
[little boy] Bang! Bang!
668
00:39:46,520 --> 00:39:49,560
[toy gun triggering] [giggling]
669
00:39:49,640 --> 00:39:50,520
[gunshot]
670
00:39:52,040 --> 00:39:55,280
[country pop music playing]
671
00:39:55,360 --> 00:39:57,640
I thought raspberries were your favourite.
672
00:39:57,720 --> 00:39:59,880
Not when they're covered
in melted cow bone!
673
00:40:00,840 --> 00:40:03,760
The more I demanded, the more she dug in!
674
00:40:05,280 --> 00:40:07,000
The call was a last resort.
675
00:40:07,920 --> 00:40:11,000
I just... I just wanted to make it good.
676
00:40:11,600 --> 00:40:14,360
I want a man, Shane, a grown-up.
677
00:40:16,880 --> 00:40:20,400
But until I find one,
I suppose I'll have to make do with you!
678
00:40:21,360 --> 00:40:22,400
Come on.
679
00:40:33,960 --> 00:40:34,920
[Chrissy gasps]
680
00:40:35,000 --> 00:40:37,480
-Shit, I'm sorry!
-For fuck's sake!
681
00:40:37,560 --> 00:40:41,280
Why don't you go back to the loo
where you've come from, clean yourself up?
682
00:40:46,400 --> 00:40:47,440
She's a slut.
683
00:40:47,520 --> 00:40:49,000
Do you know what?
684
00:40:49,080 --> 00:40:52,040
Paddy nearly died yesterday,
and it woke me up to something.
685
00:40:52,120 --> 00:40:53,920
Life's too short.
686
00:40:54,000 --> 00:40:57,280
[Joe] I'm not going to waste my life
waiting for you, Karen.
687
00:40:57,360 --> 00:41:00,320
You've got two men in your life.
Why can't I have two women?
688
00:41:05,240 --> 00:41:08,800
Look at that.
Looks like a platypus on safari.
689
00:41:14,120 --> 00:41:17,120
-What the fuck did you just say?
-Nothing, Paddy.
690
00:41:17,200 --> 00:41:18,800
[Patrick] A platypus on safari?
691
00:41:18,880 --> 00:41:21,360
That's right,
run, you yellow-bellied gobshite.
692
00:41:21,440 --> 00:41:24,120
Utter another word that's less than kind,
and I'll do to you
693
00:41:24,200 --> 00:41:27,440
what mother nature should've done
50 years and 8 months ago.
694
00:41:27,520 --> 00:41:29,240
I'll erase you for good!
695
00:41:37,360 --> 00:41:38,920
[sobbing]
696
00:41:40,960 --> 00:41:42,480
[Micky] Nice one, Dad.
697
00:41:42,560 --> 00:41:44,160
How do you think she's feeling now?
698
00:41:46,480 --> 00:41:48,840
-Listen...
-[Mimi] You know something, Paddy?
699
00:41:48,920 --> 00:41:52,120
You make the china shop bull
look socially deft.
700
00:41:52,200 --> 00:41:54,120
I was protecting my family,
701
00:41:55,160 --> 00:41:56,240
like any good father should.
702
00:41:58,760 --> 00:42:00,360
Is that so contemptible?
703
00:42:04,640 --> 00:42:07,240
If you don't tell me what you want,
I can't help you.
704
00:42:07,320 --> 00:42:08,600
She's doing my head in.
705
00:42:08,680 --> 00:42:10,520
What's wrong with Katie now?
706
00:42:10,600 --> 00:42:12,280
[Kelly] The kiddies entertainer...
707
00:42:12,360 --> 00:42:15,040
-The fella you elbowed?
-[Maxine] With the broken nose?
708
00:42:15,120 --> 00:42:17,000
He won't be performing now.
709
00:42:23,720 --> 00:42:25,440
Once upon a time,
710
00:42:26,040 --> 00:42:30,120
there was a king
who lived in a mighty castle.
711
00:42:30,200 --> 00:42:33,080
He had all the things
a man could wish for.
712
00:42:33,760 --> 00:42:36,440
But he was a lonely king.
713
00:42:37,640 --> 00:42:40,800
That's right. There was something missing.
714
00:42:42,320 --> 00:42:44,360
-Are you with me so far?
-[children] Yes.
715
00:42:44,440 --> 00:42:49,600
Then one day,
he came across a gorgeous young woman.
716
00:42:51,320 --> 00:42:56,000
And before too long,
they were madly, madly in love.
717
00:42:56,720 --> 00:43:01,200
And the gods blessed them
with beautiful children.
718
00:43:01,960 --> 00:43:06,400
And he and his queen
loved them unconditionally.
719
00:43:06,480 --> 00:43:10,800
But the queen grew bored
and looked to entertain herself.
720
00:43:11,520 --> 00:43:12,920
[Patrick] Live her own life.
721
00:43:13,640 --> 00:43:16,760
Without his family around him,
without their love,
722
00:43:17,360 --> 00:43:20,880
he floundered, and he lost his crown.
723
00:43:24,200 --> 00:43:25,680
His daughter tried to...
724
00:43:27,160 --> 00:43:30,680
[tuts]
He lost his family and he lost his queen.
725
00:43:31,680 --> 00:43:37,600
He watched as his queen
threw everything she had... they had...
726
00:43:38,440 --> 00:43:39,960
down the drain.
727
00:43:40,040 --> 00:43:42,880
[Patrick] She wanted him dead.
728
00:43:42,960 --> 00:43:46,840
Never thought that he might be in need
of some... fucking assistance.
729
00:43:48,920 --> 00:43:52,040
[Patrick]
Never thought that he might be actually...
730
00:43:52,120 --> 00:43:54,360
screaming out for some kind of help.
731
00:43:56,160 --> 00:43:57,720
[woman] Come on.
732
00:43:57,800 --> 00:43:59,640
All he was looking for was someone...
733
00:44:01,560 --> 00:44:02,480
anyone...
734
00:44:06,080 --> 00:44:09,520
[shouting] to fucking listen!
735
00:44:14,240 --> 00:44:17,120
Just to fucking listen!
736
00:44:20,400 --> 00:44:21,960
That's all.
737
00:44:25,680 --> 00:44:26,960
That's all.
738
00:44:47,720 --> 00:44:48,880
Right.
739
00:44:50,600 --> 00:44:51,920
We're off to bed.
740
00:44:55,800 --> 00:44:56,880
Night, Mum.
741
00:45:01,160 --> 00:45:02,520
-Night, Mimi.
-Night, Karen.
742
00:45:12,200 --> 00:45:13,920
We're gonna get off an' all.
743
00:45:15,560 --> 00:45:20,080
[Patrick] Gandhi, Collins,
yer woman who wouldn't budge on the bus.
744
00:45:20,160 --> 00:45:23,280
All heroes. All freedom fighters.
745
00:45:29,400 --> 00:45:32,920
Few will ever be known
for grand acts of courage like them.
746
00:45:33,000 --> 00:45:34,600
But the taking of any liberty,
747
00:45:34,680 --> 00:45:37,440
whether it's freeing yourself to love,
748
00:45:37,520 --> 00:45:40,200
or speaking what your heart truly feels,
749
00:45:40,280 --> 00:45:41,800
now that takes balls.
750
00:45:41,880 --> 00:45:43,440
Night. Pull the door to.
751
00:45:48,200 --> 00:45:53,040
[Patrick] Breaking the shackles of mental
and emotional incarceration.
752
00:45:53,120 --> 00:45:54,800
Only a big man manages that.
753
00:45:54,880 --> 00:45:57,360
[exhales deeply]
754
00:46:07,480 --> 00:46:09,640
[Liam] How do you know
when things are moving too fast?
755
00:46:09,720 --> 00:46:11,920
-With a girl.
-Blimey!
756
00:46:12,000 --> 00:46:13,960
-[Liam] If you love her.
-[Maxine] Do you love her?
757
00:46:14,040 --> 00:46:16,520
-She's nicked one of my pens.
-That's serious.
758
00:46:16,600 --> 00:46:18,960
[Ivonne]
Please. Just a bit more time.
759
00:46:19,040 --> 00:46:20,440
[Yvonne shouts] Chesney, no!
760
00:46:21,680 --> 00:46:22,880
Plumber?
761
00:46:22,960 --> 00:46:25,000
-Leak?
-That is our plumber.
762
00:46:25,080 --> 00:46:27,400
Hundred quid,
and he'll hold your hand in Pizza Express.
763
00:46:27,480 --> 00:46:30,040
-What the fuck are you up to?
-[Karen laughing]
764
00:46:30,120 --> 00:46:32,400
I'd be alright
if you could choose how you go.
765
00:46:32,480 --> 00:46:34,040
You're not going to die.
766
00:46:34,120 --> 00:46:35,160
[man] What about your father?
767
00:46:35,240 --> 00:46:38,200
-He was a doctor.
-Family of medics, eh?
768
00:46:38,280 --> 00:46:39,600
[outro music]
769
00:47:18,320 --> 00:47:20,480
So, you've converted to Judaism,
770
00:47:20,560 --> 00:47:23,000
but you're having violent cravings
for pork scratchings?
771
00:47:23,080 --> 00:47:24,480
God, yeah.
772
00:47:25,280 --> 00:47:26,440
I'll see what I can do.
58895
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