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1
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It was taken back in 2006, when
Grandma and Grandpa came to visit me
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00:00:07,640 --> 00:00:09,130
and we all went out to brunch.
3
00:00:09,140 --> 00:00:11,001
We all look pretty
happy, right?
4
00:00:11,246 --> 00:00:12,306
Wrong.
5
00:00:12,316 --> 00:00:13,670
I wish your face
would melt off.
6
00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:14,950
I wish your eyeballs
would explode.
7
00:00:14,980 --> 00:00:17,424
- I hate you.
- I hate you more.
8
00:00:17,434 --> 00:00:19,628
- I'm going to kill him.
- I can't say I blame you.
9
00:00:19,638 --> 00:00:21,928
No, I mean I'm seriously
going to kill him.
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00:00:21,945 --> 00:00:24,349
I don't care how unpleasant it is.
You have to talk to him.
11
00:00:24,359 --> 00:00:26,267
- Not now.
- Okay, if you don't, I will.
12
00:00:26,286 --> 00:00:27,492
Robin...
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00:00:28,157 --> 00:00:30,849
Okay, for any of this to make sense,
you got to understand,
14
00:00:30,862 --> 00:00:32,719
there are three
parts to this story.
15
00:00:32,732 --> 00:00:35,158
Let's start with the
Marshall and Lily part.
16
00:00:37,044 --> 00:00:41,280
As a 30th anniversary gift, I had flown
my parents to New York for the weekend.
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00:00:41,294 --> 00:00:43,378
Oh, I forgot to tell you,
your cousin Jimmy
18
00:00:43,394 --> 00:00:45,947
had a wonderful time at
that spa he visited.
19
00:00:45,964 --> 00:00:49,200
You mean the spa the judge ordered
him to go to to quit cocaine?
20
00:00:49,325 --> 00:00:50,720
Coffee?
21
00:00:51,033 --> 00:00:53,807
Now, Grandma and Grandpa didn't
like to talk about things
22
00:00:53,822 --> 00:00:55,870
that were
uncomfortable, emotional,
23
00:00:55,885 --> 00:00:57,878
or in any way... real.
24
00:00:57,892 --> 00:00:59,788
Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Mosby.
25
00:00:59,804 --> 00:01:01,799
Oh, Lily! Hi, Marshall.
26
00:01:01,812 --> 00:01:02,738
Good to see you.
27
00:01:02,754 --> 00:01:05,450
I was just stopping by to
pick up some of my things.
28
00:01:05,463 --> 00:01:08,757
Yes, we were so sorry
to hear about your...
29
00:01:08,784 --> 00:01:11,000
you know, the, the...
30
00:01:13,255 --> 00:01:14,258
Well...
31
00:01:14,272 --> 00:01:16,310
Lily calling off the
wedding and dumping me?
32
00:01:16,323 --> 00:01:19,337
Me begging Marshall to take
me back and him rejecting me?
33
00:01:19,355 --> 00:01:21,199
I love your hair.
34
00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:29,074
Advertise your product or brand here
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35
00:01:36,376 --> 00:01:38,478
This was only the second
time Marshall and Lily
36
00:01:38,493 --> 00:01:40,389
had seen each other
since breaking up,
37
00:01:40,406 --> 00:01:42,748
but to their credit,
it wasn't that awkward.
38
00:01:42,765 --> 00:01:44,221
Actually, we're cool.
39
00:01:44,233 --> 00:01:47,289
We just divided up CDs.
It was all very civil.
40
00:01:47,305 --> 00:01:49,000
I'm proud of us;
we're, we're good.
41
00:01:49,016 --> 00:01:52,480
Well, we were all going to
go to Casa a Pezzi at 8:00.
42
00:01:52,496 --> 00:01:54,750
Lily, would you
like to join us?
43
00:01:54,766 --> 00:01:56,580
Um...
44
00:01:56,596 --> 00:01:57,840
What?
45
00:01:57,853 --> 00:02:02,158
Well, I-I don't want to go if it
would make you uncomfortable.
46
00:02:02,175 --> 00:02:03,559
Why would it?
47
00:02:03,575 --> 00:02:06,459
Well, I mean, yeah, we're...
we're good,
48
00:02:06,473 --> 00:02:10,828
but you got to admit there's
that stuff between us.
49
00:02:10,844 --> 00:02:12,670
Um, not for me.
50
00:02:12,683 --> 00:02:14,920
Now it's just like
we're friends.
51
00:02:14,933 --> 00:02:17,971
It's like we're
brother and sister.
52
00:02:19,164 --> 00:02:21,760
"Brother and sister"?!
53
00:02:22,155 --> 00:02:26,290
Okay. Fine, yeah,
I'll see you at the restaurant, bro.
54
00:02:28,873 --> 00:02:31,498
See? Not awkward at all.
55
00:02:31,785 --> 00:02:33,418
- Hello, everyone.
- Hi.
56
00:02:33,436 --> 00:02:34,938
Hello, Marshall.
57
00:02:34,955 --> 00:02:37,200
Lily, that is a stunning dress.
58
00:02:37,215 --> 00:02:39,129
Oh, thanks.
59
00:02:39,143 --> 00:02:41,260
It's kind of revealing,
but I thought,
60
00:02:41,275 --> 00:02:44,619
"Hey, we're all
family." Right, bro?
61
00:02:46,153 --> 00:02:47,121
What's wrong?
62
00:02:47,134 --> 00:02:50,460
Oh, I,
I hurt my ankle in yoga today.
63
00:02:50,475 --> 00:02:52,909
The instructor told me to
just take deep breaths
64
00:02:52,925 --> 00:02:55,210
to get through
the pain, just...
65
00:03:01,914 --> 00:03:05,298
Are you all right?
You're kind of sweating.
66
00:03:05,316 --> 00:03:07,451
No, I'm fine. It's just...
67
00:03:07,465 --> 00:03:10,351
this roll is really spicy.
68
00:03:10,744 --> 00:03:12,578
Lily is evil!
69
00:03:12,595 --> 00:03:14,760
She just wore that
dress to torture me.
70
00:03:14,775 --> 00:03:16,841
Well, you know what?
Two can play at that game.
71
00:03:16,853 --> 00:03:19,998
See, at brunch,
I'm going to torture Lily right back.
72
00:03:20,015 --> 00:03:23,180
Yeah. There's a part of my body
that she's got a weakness for, too.
73
00:03:23,193 --> 00:03:25,920
Dude, you can't whip
that out at brunch.
74
00:03:26,574 --> 00:03:28,200
No, not that.
75
00:03:28,556 --> 00:03:32,270
I'm going to unleash my calves.
76
00:03:32,814 --> 00:03:34,489
That's crazy.
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00:03:34,506 --> 00:03:36,590
Nobody's turned on
by men's calves.
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00:03:36,604 --> 00:03:39,099
They're a thoroughly
unerotic body part.
79
00:03:39,116 --> 00:03:43,171
Well, yeah, I'd say that, too, if I
had those skinny little chicken legs.
80
00:03:44,734 --> 00:03:47,560
I'll be waiting by the
phone for your apology.
81
00:03:48,955 --> 00:03:51,498
So Marshall showed up
at brunch with a plan.
82
00:03:51,514 --> 00:03:52,941
- Hello.
- Oh, hi.
83
00:03:52,975 --> 00:03:54,318
- Hey, Marshall.
- Hey.
84
00:03:54,336 --> 00:03:56,080
Hey. How are you feeling?
85
00:03:56,096 --> 00:03:58,349
You looked kind of
feverish last night.
86
00:03:58,365 --> 00:04:00,501
Oh, no, I actually feel great.
87
00:04:01,216 --> 00:04:03,860
It is kind of warm in here,
though, isn't it?
88
00:04:03,876 --> 00:04:06,448
Oh, I don't know,
if anything, it's kind of...
89
00:04:06,465 --> 00:04:07,441
What are you doing?
90
00:04:07,456 --> 00:04:09,291
Oh, nothing. Nothing at all.
91
00:04:09,303 --> 00:04:13,239
I'm just making myself feel a
little bit more... comfortable.
92
00:04:17,816 --> 00:04:19,241
Oh.
93
00:04:19,784 --> 00:04:21,690
Oh, yes.
94
00:04:21,886 --> 00:04:25,290
I've been doing all these
toe lifts lately, and so...
95
00:04:25,345 --> 00:04:28,550
my calves have really
been cramping up.
96
00:04:38,173 --> 00:04:39,328
Take off your dress.
97
00:04:39,344 --> 00:04:41,659
Take off the rest
of your pants.
98
00:04:43,483 --> 00:04:45,211
I really wasn't
expecting that to happen.
99
00:04:45,224 --> 00:04:47,291
Yeah, me neither. It kind of
complicates things, doesn't it?
100
00:04:47,326 --> 00:04:51,441
Yeah, it does. Why did you have to
throw your magnificent calves at me?
101
00:04:51,455 --> 00:04:53,011
You know you have
a punter's leg.
102
00:04:53,026 --> 00:04:55,451
Well, why did you have to throw
your beautiful boobs at me?
103
00:04:55,465 --> 00:04:58,049
You know you have... boobs.
104
00:04:58,464 --> 00:05:01,749
Just admit it,
you came here trying to seduce me.
105
00:05:01,763 --> 00:05:03,721
Seduce you? You seduced me.
106
00:05:03,733 --> 00:05:06,668
You sat down next to me and
took most of your pants off.
107
00:05:06,684 --> 00:05:08,930
You went to San Francisco
for three months.
108
00:05:08,943 --> 00:05:10,369
How is that seducing you?
109
00:05:10,385 --> 00:05:11,931
Well, it's not but I'm
still mad about it.
110
00:05:11,964 --> 00:05:14,419
All right, that's it--
I want The Beatles Anthology.
111
00:05:14,436 --> 00:05:15,758
Oh, well, that's too bad;
I'm keeping it.
112
00:05:15,793 --> 00:05:17,839
And you know the U2
box set I gave you?
113
00:05:17,854 --> 00:05:19,901
Look inside--
all Dave Matthews.
114
00:05:19,915 --> 00:05:21,309
You are evil.
115
00:05:21,324 --> 00:05:22,998
Smile.
116
00:05:25,046 --> 00:05:26,151
I'm going to kill him.
117
00:05:26,163 --> 00:05:27,469
I can't say I blame you.
118
00:05:27,486 --> 00:05:30,490
No, I mean I'm seriously
going to kill him.
119
00:05:31,523 --> 00:05:34,741
Now let's talk about the
Barney part of the story.
120
00:05:35,914 --> 00:05:38,639
This was going to be Robin's
first time meeting my parents,
121
00:05:38,654 --> 00:05:40,959
so we were both
a little nervous.
122
00:05:41,905 --> 00:05:43,858
Barney, what are
you doing here?
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00:05:43,873 --> 00:05:45,869
Uh... I'm here to
meet your parents.
124
00:05:45,886 --> 00:05:47,148
They must be dying
to meet me after all
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00:05:47,185 --> 00:05:49,100
the legendary Barney
stories you've told them.
126
00:05:49,113 --> 00:05:51,011
I haven't told them any
legendary Barney stories.
127
00:05:51,046 --> 00:05:51,928
What?
128
00:05:51,945 --> 00:05:56,841
Barney, here is a list of all the things
I talk with my dad about: baseball.
129
00:05:59,113 --> 00:06:00,501
But I'm your best friend.
130
00:06:00,515 --> 00:06:01,591
Well, actually Marshall's my...
131
00:06:01,623 --> 00:06:03,418
I'm the most important
person in your life.
132
00:06:03,435 --> 00:06:04,479
Well, Robin's actually...
133
00:06:04,495 --> 00:06:06,849
How could your parents
not know about me?
134
00:06:06,865 --> 00:06:08,208
I'm delightful.
135
00:06:08,225 --> 00:06:12,458
To us, sure, in very small,
infrequent doses.
136
00:06:12,475 --> 00:06:14,298
I mean, come on,
you're not exactly the kind of friend
137
00:06:14,336 --> 00:06:16,099
parents want their kid to have.
138
00:06:16,113 --> 00:06:17,659
Oh, really?
139
00:06:17,674 --> 00:06:19,909
Then I guess those
shoes aren't the thing
140
00:06:19,926 --> 00:06:22,250
you're most wrong about today.
141
00:06:26,053 --> 00:06:27,729
- Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad.
- Ted.
142
00:06:27,746 --> 00:06:29,440
I know you've all been
excited to meet...
143
00:06:29,453 --> 00:06:33,459
Barney Stinson.
An honor to meet the two of you.
144
00:06:33,476 --> 00:06:35,890
That needlepoint "Bless This
Mess" pillow you made for Ted--
145
00:06:35,900 --> 00:06:37,228
what a stitch.
146
00:06:37,247 --> 00:06:39,403
Stitch! Did that just happen?
147
00:06:41,038 --> 00:06:43,180
Uh, Mom, Dad,
this is my girlfriend, Robin.
148
00:06:43,193 --> 00:06:44,210
- Hello.
- Hello.
149
00:06:44,226 --> 00:06:46,170
Oh, it's wonderful
to meet you, Robin.
150
00:06:46,183 --> 00:06:49,188
Oh, you are so pretty.
Isn't she pretty, Al?
151
00:06:49,206 --> 00:06:50,271
A real looker.
152
00:06:50,285 --> 00:06:53,590
That's funny, I didn't even
"look" in the mirror today.
153
00:06:55,523 --> 00:06:58,009
That's not anything, is it?
154
00:06:58,104 --> 00:07:02,719
So, I made a reservation at
San Marino tonight for 8:00.
155
00:07:02,735 --> 00:07:04,960
San Marino.
156
00:07:04,974 --> 00:07:06,659
Oh, you're serious? Yikes.
157
00:07:06,676 --> 00:07:09,108
No. We have to
try Casa A Pezzi.
158
00:07:09,123 --> 00:07:11,310
Best salmon risotto
I have ever had.
159
00:07:11,324 --> 00:07:13,538
I love salmon risotto.
160
00:07:13,555 --> 00:07:15,318
I know.
161
00:07:15,813 --> 00:07:18,048
How are we supposed to get
a table at Casa A Pezzi?
162
00:07:18,064 --> 00:07:19,370
They're booked for weeks.
163
00:07:19,384 --> 00:07:22,151
Well, lucky for you,
I happen to know the head waitress,
164
00:07:22,165 --> 00:07:24,581
which is ironic because...
165
00:07:25,676 --> 00:07:30,520
Ironic because we both work at a
homeless shelter where I serve the food.
166
00:07:30,533 --> 00:07:32,948
Where do you volunteer, Robin?
167
00:07:34,004 --> 00:07:35,591
What's the matter with you?
168
00:07:35,606 --> 00:07:38,150
I'm his girlfriend,
and I'm not even trying that hard.
169
00:07:38,164 --> 00:07:40,200
Way to wreck the
curve, kiss-ass.
170
00:07:40,216 --> 00:07:42,060
Robin, I'm his best friend.
171
00:07:42,075 --> 00:07:43,310
That's a commitment.
172
00:07:43,325 --> 00:07:45,978
Girlfriend, that's
like a bad flu.
173
00:07:45,994 --> 00:07:48,081
Out of your system after
a couple weeks in bed.
174
00:07:48,095 --> 00:07:49,621
High five.
175
00:07:50,134 --> 00:07:51,381
Can I help?
176
00:07:51,395 --> 00:07:52,989
Yes, you can, Virginia.
177
00:07:53,005 --> 00:07:56,820
There's a story behind that broach,
and I'm going to hear it.
178
00:07:56,835 --> 00:07:58,581
Well, funny you should ask.
179
00:08:02,433 --> 00:08:05,270
Whoa! Bravo, Barney.
180
00:08:05,913 --> 00:08:08,781
That is my all-time
favorite sonata.
181
00:08:08,793 --> 00:08:10,518
Barney, you are
just delightful.
182
00:08:10,533 --> 00:08:13,841
No, Virginia, you're delightful,
I am deligh-ted.
183
00:08:13,855 --> 00:08:15,149
And he's just Ted.
184
00:08:15,163 --> 00:08:18,319
I'm really not planning these things;
they just keep happening.
185
00:08:18,816 --> 00:08:21,739
Whoops. I think I dropped
an ice cube down here.
186
00:08:21,756 --> 00:08:23,451
Ow, it's so cold.
187
00:08:23,906 --> 00:08:26,028
All right, that's it,
I'm out of here.
188
00:08:28,333 --> 00:08:29,571
In a minute.
189
00:08:30,146 --> 00:08:32,118
Anyone up for a
drink at MacLaren's?
190
00:08:32,136 --> 00:08:33,609
- No, I'm kind of tired.
- Me, too.
191
00:08:33,623 --> 00:08:34,849
Yeah, I'm sure my
folks are gonna want...
192
00:08:34,883 --> 00:08:37,778
I feel like I could knock
back a few cervezas.
193
00:08:37,795 --> 00:08:39,659
Cervezas?
194
00:08:39,675 --> 00:08:41,399
Did he fall?
195
00:08:41,415 --> 00:08:45,331
I'd join you, too, but I want to
get up early for Mass tomorrow.
196
00:08:45,343 --> 00:08:48,948
St. Peter's, 8:45 a.m.,
it's my favorite service.
197
00:08:48,976 --> 00:08:53,079
Wait a minute-- you're able to
cross the threshold of a church?
198
00:08:53,096 --> 00:08:54,359
I'll save you a seat.
199
00:08:54,374 --> 00:08:57,038
Oh, you are just terrific.
200
00:08:57,055 --> 00:08:59,109
Isn't he, Susan?
201
00:08:59,464 --> 00:09:00,750
Robin.
202
00:09:00,763 --> 00:09:03,570
Susan, her name is Virginia.
203
00:09:06,754 --> 00:09:09,128
Dude, I am sincerely ticked
at your dad right now.
204
00:09:09,154 --> 00:09:10,401
Why?
205
00:09:10,416 --> 00:09:13,139
Last night,
we go to MacLaren's for a drink, right?
206
00:09:13,153 --> 00:09:15,671
So Barney darts back
into the burning house,
207
00:09:15,683 --> 00:09:17,799
lifts up the refrigerator
I'm pinned under
208
00:09:17,813 --> 00:09:19,911
and pulls me to safety.
209
00:09:20,206 --> 00:09:22,239
Whoa. You're like a hero.
210
00:09:22,255 --> 00:09:24,428
Oh, I'm no hero, Wendy.
211
00:09:24,444 --> 00:09:26,400
You know who is a hero?
212
00:09:26,413 --> 00:09:29,059
My Dalmatian, Smokey.
213
00:09:29,193 --> 00:09:33,689
He... didn't... make it out.
214
00:09:34,743 --> 00:09:36,311
I'm sorry.
215
00:09:38,304 --> 00:09:40,370
You poor, brave man.
216
00:09:40,386 --> 00:09:42,650
Why don't you give
the guy a hug?
217
00:09:42,666 --> 00:09:44,670
I'm... oh.
218
00:09:48,574 --> 00:09:51,158
My dad was your wingman?
219
00:09:51,173 --> 00:09:52,729
This is really
messing with my head.
220
00:09:52,746 --> 00:09:55,648
Barney, is my dad cool?
221
00:09:55,664 --> 00:09:57,288
I'm not done.
222
00:09:57,453 --> 00:09:59,788
So, your dad stays
to finish his drink,
223
00:09:59,805 --> 00:10:02,928
but I take off because I have to be
up early for Mass with your mom.
224
00:10:02,943 --> 00:10:04,248
Sure.
225
00:10:04,266 --> 00:10:08,718
Anyway, I realize that I left my
phone on the bar, so I come back...
226
00:10:12,375 --> 00:10:14,128
Oh, my God...
227
00:10:18,873 --> 00:10:20,459
Oh, my God.
228
00:10:20,636 --> 00:10:22,378
Is that really...
229
00:10:23,284 --> 00:10:25,991
- Oh, my God!
- I know.
230
00:10:26,106 --> 00:10:29,530
Can you believe your dad
rack-jacked me like that?
231
00:10:35,026 --> 00:10:37,999
My dad made out with
Wendy the waitress?
232
00:10:38,014 --> 00:10:40,610
He cheated on my mom?
No, that's impossible.
233
00:10:40,623 --> 00:10:43,619
Ted, it's a well-known
statistic that 83% of people
234
00:10:43,634 --> 00:10:46,501
married longer than six months
are seeing someone on the side.
235
00:10:46,515 --> 00:10:50,311
Do you know that when you make up
a statistic, you always use "83%"?
236
00:10:50,575 --> 00:10:52,018
You think I'm lying.
237
00:10:52,035 --> 00:10:54,101
Well, have you done any
surveys on the subject?
238
00:10:54,114 --> 00:10:58,059
Because the good people at
www.swingers.open-marriage-is natural\
239
00:10:58,075 --> 00:11:01,709
legalize-polygamy.org have,
and they beg to differ.
240
00:11:01,725 --> 00:11:03,120
That's not a real Web site.
241
00:11:03,136 --> 00:11:07,090
Oh, and I suppose I didn't get a real
T-shirt for running in their 10K.
242
00:11:10,633 --> 00:11:13,390
- Hi, Dad.
- Hey, Ted. Barney.
243
00:11:13,406 --> 00:11:15,888
- Enjoying your vacation so far?
- Oh, yeah.
244
00:11:15,904 --> 00:11:18,100
Uh, listen,
can I speak to you outside for a sec?
245
00:11:18,113 --> 00:11:19,458
Sure.
246
00:11:23,353 --> 00:11:25,199
So you went out with
Barney last night?
247
00:11:25,216 --> 00:11:26,360
Yeah.
248
00:11:26,766 --> 00:11:27,768
You have a good time?
249
00:11:27,786 --> 00:11:30,160
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Sorry you couldn't join us.
250
00:11:32,215 --> 00:11:33,658
Yeah.
251
00:11:34,454 --> 00:11:35,760
So...
252
00:11:36,603 --> 00:11:37,889
What?
253
00:11:38,333 --> 00:11:39,738
Well...
254
00:11:40,976 --> 00:11:42,298
Well what?
255
00:11:44,056 --> 00:11:47,509
You think Cerrano's got
a shot at the RBI title?
256
00:11:48,483 --> 00:11:50,760
I wanted to confront him,
but I couldn't.
257
00:11:50,773 --> 00:11:54,001
I guess I got the let's-not-talk-
about-anything-uncomfortable gene
258
00:11:54,014 --> 00:11:56,641
Well, you didn't get your dad's
close-the-deal gene, that's for sure.
259
00:11:56,673 --> 00:11:58,131
Smile.
260
00:11:58,553 --> 00:11:59,561
Great.
261
00:11:59,575 --> 00:12:03,021
I don't care how unpleasant it is.
You have to talk to him.
262
00:12:03,033 --> 00:12:04,241
Not now.
263
00:12:04,253 --> 00:12:06,019
Okay, if you don't, I will.
264
00:12:06,036 --> 00:12:07,341
Robin...!
265
00:12:08,074 --> 00:12:10,888
Okay, now I got to back up
all the way to the beginning
266
00:12:10,903 --> 00:12:13,800
to tell you the me and
Robin part of the story.
267
00:12:14,874 --> 00:12:17,630
We were expecting my
parents at any minute.
268
00:12:17,644 --> 00:12:19,289
One last thing about my mom.
269
00:12:19,303 --> 00:12:20,939
She grills every single
one of my girlfriends
270
00:12:20,974 --> 00:12:23,271
about when we're gonna
get married and have kids.
271
00:12:23,284 --> 00:12:24,901
But this is the first
time she's meeting me.
272
00:12:24,934 --> 00:12:25,608
Doesn't matter.
273
00:12:25,626 --> 00:12:28,098
And you'll know it's coming when
she mentions my cousin Stacy--
274
00:12:28,136 --> 00:12:29,918
six kids in five years.
275
00:12:29,935 --> 00:12:32,788
The woman's basically
a ride at a water park.
276
00:12:33,404 --> 00:12:36,168
But I don't want to get
married and have kids.
277
00:12:36,184 --> 00:12:37,711
What am I supposed to say?
278
00:12:37,724 --> 00:12:39,051
You know what?
279
00:12:39,065 --> 00:12:41,718
You're an adult with
perfectly valid opinions.
280
00:12:41,735 --> 00:12:43,221
You shouldn't have to
apologize for them.
281
00:12:43,255 --> 00:12:45,370
- I'm gonna lie.
- I would.
282
00:12:46,335 --> 00:12:49,598
Thanks again for letting
me have the U2 box set.
283
00:12:49,614 --> 00:12:51,909
I know how important
it is to you.
284
00:12:51,976 --> 00:12:54,378
I talked to Aunt
Caroline the other day.
285
00:12:54,393 --> 00:12:56,569
Stacy's pregnant again.
286
00:12:56,585 --> 00:12:58,910
Oh, good for her.
287
00:12:58,925 --> 00:13:00,990
- So, dear...
- Oh, boy.
288
00:13:01,003 --> 00:13:02,709
Tell us what it's like
being a journalist.
289
00:13:02,726 --> 00:13:04,451
I'm just not ready.
290
00:13:04,465 --> 00:13:06,869
Okay. No pressure.
291
00:13:06,895 --> 00:13:10,131
Oh. Uh, I thought you, um...
292
00:13:10,176 --> 00:13:11,621
It's great.
293
00:13:11,634 --> 00:13:12,560
Good.
294
00:13:12,573 --> 00:13:15,971
Focus on your job now,
because your career clock is ticking.
295
00:13:15,986 --> 00:13:19,941
There's time for marriage and kids
and all that other stuff later.
296
00:13:21,374 --> 00:13:23,418
Ooh, a piano!
297
00:13:25,136 --> 00:13:27,220
You lucked out with my
mom last night, huh?
298
00:13:27,233 --> 00:13:28,321
What a relief, right?
299
00:13:28,333 --> 00:13:29,528
Oh, absolutely.
300
00:13:29,544 --> 00:13:31,658
Whew, what a relief it is to
know I'm the one girlfriend
301
00:13:31,693 --> 00:13:34,110
your mom doesn't want
you to have kids with.
302
00:13:34,363 --> 00:13:35,999
Hooray?
303
00:13:36,305 --> 00:13:39,160
I mean, did she really think that
your college girlfriend Cheryl
304
00:13:39,175 --> 00:13:40,979
would pop out
attractive children?
305
00:13:40,996 --> 00:13:43,101
'Cause I've seen pictures,
and, I'm sorry,
306
00:13:43,113 --> 00:13:45,908
that girl had a brow
ridge like a caveman.
307
00:13:45,923 --> 00:13:48,661
Come on, she was just
frowning under direct light.
308
00:13:48,673 --> 00:13:51,391
And besides, that's not even what
I liked about her. It was her...
309
00:13:51,624 --> 00:13:53,289
It's not important.
310
00:13:55,046 --> 00:13:56,990
What happened to
Marshall and Lily?
311
00:13:57,003 --> 00:13:58,449
They've been fighting lately.
312
00:13:58,466 --> 00:14:00,589
They're probably off
somewhere going at it.
313
00:14:00,606 --> 00:14:01,810
More coffee?
314
00:14:01,826 --> 00:14:03,898
Oh, no, thank you.
315
00:14:04,664 --> 00:14:06,898
Isn't she sweet?
316
00:14:06,915 --> 00:14:10,530
Well, if she's so sweet,
maybe she should have Ted's babies.
317
00:14:10,753 --> 00:14:12,379
Excuse me?
318
00:14:12,396 --> 00:14:13,930
Nothing.
319
00:14:19,334 --> 00:14:20,598
Just a minute.
320
00:14:20,615 --> 00:14:22,380
Maybe less.
321
00:14:22,413 --> 00:14:25,748
Robin, dear.
Did I say something to upset you?
322
00:14:25,765 --> 00:14:28,259
Why don't you want me
to have your grandkids?
323
00:14:28,544 --> 00:14:30,510
Do you want to
have my grandkids?
324
00:14:30,525 --> 00:14:33,589
No! I mean, I don't know.
325
00:14:33,605 --> 00:14:37,019
I just... I want you to want me
to want to have your grandkids.
326
00:14:37,036 --> 00:14:39,789
And you should.
I'm a genetic gold mine.
327
00:14:39,805 --> 00:14:42,530
No family history of
diabetes or heart disease.
328
00:14:42,543 --> 00:14:45,871
Everyone has nonporous
teeth and perfect eyesight.
329
00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:50,161
I had one schizophrenic uncle,
but even he had perfect vision.
330
00:14:50,176 --> 00:14:52,111
Which was unfortunate
331
00:14:52,125 --> 00:14:54,729
for the people around
the bell tower he was in,
332
00:14:54,746 --> 00:14:56,909
but still he was a
very fine man, and...
333
00:14:56,923 --> 00:14:59,889
Excuse me. Sorry.
Didn't know that there was a line.
334
00:14:59,956 --> 00:15:01,818
Marshall, your zipper.
335
00:15:09,763 --> 00:15:12,768
Robin, it's not that I
don't want grandkids.
336
00:15:12,784 --> 00:15:14,940
It's just I don't think anyone
should make the mistake
337
00:15:14,954 --> 00:15:16,949
of getting married too young.
338
00:15:16,963 --> 00:15:17,989
Why do you say that?
339
00:15:18,006 --> 00:15:21,560
I mean, you got married pretty young.
That wasn't a mistake.
340
00:15:22,635 --> 00:15:24,270
Was it?
341
00:15:24,285 --> 00:15:25,770
Well...
342
00:15:25,835 --> 00:15:27,921
Okay, there's something
you don't know.
343
00:15:27,933 --> 00:15:29,619
Smile.
344
00:15:30,004 --> 00:15:31,380
I wish your face
would melt off.
345
00:15:31,394 --> 00:15:32,960
I wish your eyeballs
would explode.
346
00:15:32,975 --> 00:15:33,808
I'm gonna kill him.
347
00:15:33,826 --> 00:15:36,081
I don't care how unpleasant it is,
you have to talk to him.
348
00:15:36,116 --> 00:15:38,221
- Not now.
- Okay, if you don't, I will.
349
00:15:38,235 --> 00:15:39,391
Robin...!
350
00:15:40,483 --> 00:15:43,348
Oh, gosh, let me help you
pick those up, sweetheart.
351
00:15:43,366 --> 00:15:45,539
Sweetheart? Sweetheart?!
352
00:15:45,553 --> 00:15:47,221
The only sweetheart in your
life should be the woman
353
00:15:47,256 --> 00:15:49,661
you married 30 years ago,
not the waitress at the bar last night
354
00:15:49,696 --> 00:15:52,040
and not this clumsy floozy!
355
00:15:52,054 --> 00:15:53,540
I'm sorry, you're not a floozy.
356
00:15:53,555 --> 00:15:55,900
I'm upset,
I don't know what I'm saying.
357
00:15:55,913 --> 00:15:58,451
But stay away from my dad.
358
00:15:58,745 --> 00:16:01,348
Ted, what are you
talking about?
359
00:16:01,386 --> 00:16:02,741
Dad?
360
00:16:02,754 --> 00:16:07,328
You, uh, want to tell Mom what
happened at the bar last night?
361
00:16:09,136 --> 00:16:10,851
Okay.
362
00:16:10,866 --> 00:16:13,228
I hooked up with a waitress.
363
00:16:13,693 --> 00:16:15,169
Oh.
364
00:16:15,956 --> 00:16:17,339
Oh?
365
00:16:17,353 --> 00:16:19,218
I mean, oh!
366
00:16:19,233 --> 00:16:21,498
Oh! Ooh!
367
00:16:21,514 --> 00:16:24,761
We're going to have a serious talk
about this when we get home, Al.
368
00:16:24,776 --> 00:16:26,809
Oh, ooh!
369
00:16:27,075 --> 00:16:29,238
Serious talk? Mom, what...?
370
00:16:29,254 --> 00:16:31,709
He was kissing another woman.
Don't you care?
371
00:16:31,724 --> 00:16:33,639
Mrs. Mosby?
372
00:16:35,726 --> 00:16:38,699
Ted, we weren't quite sure
how to tell you this...
373
00:16:38,715 --> 00:16:41,448
Your mother and I are divorced.
374
00:16:46,604 --> 00:16:49,369
What do you mean you're divorced?
Since when?
375
00:16:49,386 --> 00:16:51,959
Oh, gosh,
it's been about nine months now.
376
00:16:51,974 --> 00:16:53,368
Closer to ten, I think.
377
00:16:53,386 --> 00:16:55,260
Time flies.
378
00:16:55,276 --> 00:16:57,888
So ten months ago,
you just up and decided
379
00:16:57,905 --> 00:16:59,691
to get divorced
without telling me?
380
00:16:59,706 --> 00:17:01,360
No, it wasn't a snap decision.
381
00:17:01,376 --> 00:17:03,880
We'd been separated
almost two years.
382
00:17:03,895 --> 00:17:05,860
How could you not
tell me this?!
383
00:17:05,875 --> 00:17:09,211
We meant to, it just never
seemed like the right time.
384
00:17:09,223 --> 00:17:11,181
So last Christmas...?
385
00:17:11,193 --> 00:17:13,080
We talked about
telling you kids then,
386
00:17:13,094 --> 00:17:15,360
but it didn't seem
very Christmasy.
387
00:17:16,334 --> 00:17:18,079
I got you a tandem bike.
388
00:17:18,095 --> 00:17:21,378
Oh, it didn't go to waste. Your mother
and Frank ride it all the time.
389
00:17:21,393 --> 00:17:22,830
Who the hell is Frank?!
390
00:17:22,843 --> 00:17:26,340
Oh, great guy.
I actually set them up.
391
00:17:26,353 --> 00:17:29,689
You remember Dr. Muchnik.
He did your braces.
392
00:17:32,504 --> 00:17:34,571
Okay, my head's
about to explode,
393
00:17:34,585 --> 00:17:36,681
and I don't want to get it
all over everyone's waffles,
394
00:17:36,713 --> 00:17:38,198
so I am leaving.
395
00:17:38,216 --> 00:17:40,220
Teddy bear, oh...
396
00:17:44,283 --> 00:17:47,219
You know,
he mentioned he was divorced last night.
397
00:17:47,234 --> 00:17:49,000
I totally spaced on that.
398
00:17:50,573 --> 00:17:52,961
Ooh, no line at
the omelet station.
399
00:17:59,145 --> 00:18:00,691
Lily...
400
00:18:01,093 --> 00:18:03,830
I'm sorry that I said
all those things.
401
00:18:03,883 --> 00:18:05,548
Me, too.
402
00:18:06,863 --> 00:18:09,961
I just find it really confusing
to be around you right now.
403
00:18:09,976 --> 00:18:11,680
It's the same for me.
404
00:18:12,646 --> 00:18:14,751
I think we're probably
both better off trying
405
00:18:14,765 --> 00:18:17,480
to keep some distance
for a while.
406
00:18:17,565 --> 00:18:19,528
Yeah, I think you're right.
407
00:18:27,134 --> 00:18:28,620
Are you wearing a push-up bra?
408
00:18:28,635 --> 00:18:30,100
Did you Mystic Tan your calves?
409
00:18:30,116 --> 00:18:32,039
I withdraw the question.
410
00:18:33,803 --> 00:18:36,658
We're sorry we didn't say
anything about the divorce.
411
00:18:36,674 --> 00:18:39,109
It was wrong not to tell you.
412
00:18:39,126 --> 00:18:40,561
Thank you.
413
00:18:40,576 --> 00:18:42,041
But listen,
don't tell your sister.
414
00:18:42,056 --> 00:18:43,978
It would just upset her.
415
00:18:44,343 --> 00:18:46,229
No, this is ridiculous!
416
00:18:46,245 --> 00:18:49,591
We have to start talking about stuff,
and not just baseball.
417
00:18:49,603 --> 00:18:51,609
Indians won today on
a walk-off double.
418
00:18:51,626 --> 00:18:53,998
Against the Red Sox?
Boy, that's a big win.
419
00:18:54,014 --> 00:18:56,941
No. No. No.
We're not gonna blow past this.
420
00:18:56,953 --> 00:18:58,948
I mean,
I don't even know who you people.
421
00:18:58,964 --> 00:19:01,139
I don't even know how you met.
422
00:19:01,156 --> 00:19:02,841
I never told you how
I met your mother?
423
00:19:02,853 --> 00:19:04,678
- No.
- Oh, great story.
424
00:19:04,693 --> 00:19:06,221
At a bar.
425
00:19:08,084 --> 00:19:09,451
That's it?
426
00:19:09,463 --> 00:19:12,449
That's what passes for
communication in our family?
427
00:19:12,463 --> 00:19:15,168
Man, when I have kids,
and I tell them how I met their mother,
428
00:19:15,184 --> 00:19:18,319
I'm gonna tell them everything,
the whole damn story.
429
00:19:19,344 --> 00:19:21,528
I think it was an Irish bar.
430
00:19:23,335 --> 00:19:25,601
I just, I don't...
I don't understand.
431
00:19:25,614 --> 00:19:27,320
You seemed so happy.
432
00:19:27,335 --> 00:19:29,678
When I was growing up,
you seemed so...
433
00:19:29,754 --> 00:19:31,349
What happened?
434
00:19:31,424 --> 00:19:33,931
We just realized we're
very different people.
435
00:19:33,945 --> 00:19:36,330
Your father's kind of a
head-in-the-clouds romantic,
436
00:19:36,345 --> 00:19:38,770
and I'm much more
down to earth.
437
00:19:38,783 --> 00:19:39,950
So?
438
00:19:39,965 --> 00:19:42,700
Robin and I are like that.
That doesn't mean anything.
439
00:19:42,716 --> 00:19:45,510
I wanted kids.
And your mother...
440
00:19:45,956 --> 00:19:48,391
also wanted kids.
441
00:19:49,246 --> 00:19:51,321
Robin and I have different
views on families.
442
00:19:51,333 --> 00:19:53,060
We're not about to
break up because of it.
443
00:19:53,074 --> 00:19:56,021
On some level, I always knew.
444
00:19:56,033 --> 00:19:58,278
I didn't even want to go out
with him in the beginning.
445
00:19:58,295 --> 00:20:02,279
But he spent months badgering
me until I finally gave in.
446
00:20:03,153 --> 00:20:07,449
Well, when you don't connect on
that many fundamental levels,
447
00:20:07,466 --> 00:20:11,381
it's only a matter of time before you
realize you're not meant to be together.
448
00:20:12,665 --> 00:20:14,668
But we love Robin.
449
00:20:14,686 --> 00:20:15,670
Absolutely.
450
00:20:15,685 --> 00:20:17,800
Meeting you was the
highlight of my trip.
451
00:20:17,813 --> 00:20:20,179
Well, second highlight.
452
00:20:21,086 --> 00:20:23,971
- We'll see you inside.
- Sorry.
453
00:20:28,846 --> 00:20:30,278
Wow.
454
00:20:30,415 --> 00:20:31,891
I know.
455
00:20:32,785 --> 00:20:35,299
They love me!
456
00:20:38,144 --> 00:20:41,471
So we are definitely going
to try and communicate more.
457
00:20:41,485 --> 00:20:43,249
From now on, full disclosure.
458
00:20:43,264 --> 00:20:47,028
Good. Good, I think it'll be
really good for the family.
459
00:20:47,046 --> 00:20:50,729
By the way, how's Grandma? She hasn't
returned my last couple calls.
460
00:20:56,993 --> 00:20:59,559
I'm gonna get some juice.
461
00:21:01,465 --> 00:21:03,191
No.
462
00:21:04,935 --> 00:21:07,139
No.
463
00:21:07,483 --> 00:21:11,311
You missed a great game last night.
Real squeaker.
464
00:21:14,166 --> 00:21:17,511
Transcript : Raceman
Subtitles : Willow's Team
www.forom.com
465
00:21:18,305 --> 00:21:24,481
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