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1
00:00:02,803 --> 00:00:05,737
(theme song playing)
2
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♪ ♪
3
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I don't know, Alex.
4
00:01:25,886 --> 00:01:28,353
I think I should be doing
something better with my life.
5
00:01:28,388 --> 00:01:30,400
You know, I've been
thinking about going to college.
6
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Really?
7
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Hey, that's great, Tony, I'm
glad to hear you talk like that.
8
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I only wish I knew
how to go about it.
9
00:01:36,297 --> 00:01:38,297
Well, you find a college,
you get an application,
10
00:01:38,332 --> 00:01:39,542
you make it out and send it in.
11
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Yeah, boy,
12
00:01:41,402 --> 00:01:44,168
nothing worthwhile
comes easy, does it?
13
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Come on, let's get out
of here, let's settle up.
14
00:01:47,508 --> 00:01:48,751
What does this come
to? Well, let's see,
15
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we had two pitchers
of beer at 3.65 a pitcher.
16
00:01:50,711 --> 00:01:51,711
Uh-huh.
17
00:01:52,746 --> 00:01:54,713
Oh.
18
00:01:54,748 --> 00:01:59,083
Uh... 3.65,
three-sixty... Thank you.
19
00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:06,658
Uh... three-sixty-five
times two,
20
00:02:06,693 --> 00:02:08,060
carry the seven.
21
00:02:08,095 --> 00:02:10,295
Um, they don't
ask this kind of stuff
22
00:02:10,330 --> 00:02:12,264
on college
applications, do they?
23
00:02:13,433 --> 00:02:15,400
Tony,
24
00:02:15,435 --> 00:02:18,403
you're making
this far too difficult.
25
00:02:18,438 --> 00:02:21,406
There's a simple and easy way
26
00:02:21,441 --> 00:02:23,408
to figure this out.
27
00:02:23,443 --> 00:02:25,410
Tommy?
28
00:02:25,445 --> 00:02:26,644
What do we owe you?
29
00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:28,446
Seven dollars and thirty cents.
30
00:02:29,550 --> 00:02:31,884
Sure, you went to college.
31
00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:34,786
Thanks. Hey, guys.
32
00:02:34,822 --> 00:02:35,921
Hey, Elaine.
33
00:02:35,956 --> 00:02:37,756
Well, I finally did it.
34
00:02:37,791 --> 00:02:39,758
I made an appointment
with my psychiatrist
35
00:02:39,793 --> 00:02:41,760
for this afternoon for Latka.
36
00:02:41,795 --> 00:02:43,762
Psychiatrist? Mm-hmm.
37
00:02:43,797 --> 00:02:45,797
You don't think it's really
that serious, do you?
38
00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:47,131
Serious?
39
00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:49,867
Come on, the man changes
personalities every day.
40
00:02:49,903 --> 00:02:51,803
I know, but he's
harmless, isn't he?
41
00:02:51,838 --> 00:02:52,937
Yeah, besides,
42
00:02:52,972 --> 00:02:54,806
one of his personalities
is a friend of mine.
43
00:02:54,841 --> 00:02:56,808
And another one
owes me 50 bucks.
44
00:02:56,843 --> 00:02:58,009
(phone ringing)
45
00:02:58,045 --> 00:03:00,445
Guys, I think Latka
should see Dr. Jeffries.
46
00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:02,314
Come on, no one
can help him but us.
47
00:03:02,349 --> 00:03:04,983
What time are we leaving?
48
00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:06,718
Elaine, it's a
phone call for you.
49
00:03:06,753 --> 00:03:08,052
It's your babysitter.
50
00:03:08,088 --> 00:03:09,198
Oh, okay. TOMMY:
Take it in the back.
51
00:03:09,222 --> 00:03:11,823
Wait, what...? As
soon as I finish this.
52
00:03:11,858 --> 00:03:14,126
Come on, Alex, maybe
this guy can help Latka.
53
00:03:14,161 --> 00:03:15,193
Aw. Come on,
54
00:03:15,229 --> 00:03:16,761
don't you believe
in psychiatrists?
55
00:03:16,796 --> 00:03:19,231
Tony, I really don't have any
opinion about psychiatrists,
56
00:03:19,266 --> 00:03:20,732
because I've never been to one.
57
00:03:20,767 --> 00:03:23,235
I've never really felt
I had to go to one.
58
00:03:23,270 --> 00:03:26,070
I believe you can get through
life by common sense, coping,
59
00:03:26,106 --> 00:03:28,840
and taking 30 showers a day.
60
00:03:28,875 --> 00:03:30,508
Oh, you know something?
61
00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:32,087
Those children of mine
are gonna kill each other
62
00:03:32,111 --> 00:03:33,378
one of these days.
63
00:03:33,414 --> 00:03:36,882
Jason put Jennifer's
Pokey doll in the microwave.
64
00:03:36,917 --> 00:03:38,517
Oh.
65
00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:40,184
Oh. And she found it.
66
00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:43,354
Now she's got to live
with that nightmare.
67
00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:46,124
Elaine, I don't want to seem
unsympathetic to your problems,
68
00:03:46,159 --> 00:03:47,993
but don't we have to
get to an appointment?
69
00:03:48,028 --> 00:03:49,995
Oh, oh, Alex, about that, uh,
70
00:03:50,030 --> 00:03:52,830
I promised Jennifer I'd go home.
71
00:03:52,866 --> 00:03:55,000
Hmm? Pokey's
funeral is this afternoon.
72
00:03:55,035 --> 00:03:56,334
Elaine!
73
00:03:56,370 --> 00:03:58,236
You're kidding...
you're indulging that kid!
74
00:03:58,271 --> 00:04:00,939
Pokey is a... Was Alex, was.
75
00:04:00,975 --> 00:04:02,107
Forgive me.
76
00:04:02,142 --> 00:04:04,343
Pokey was a rubber toy.
77
00:04:04,378 --> 00:04:08,347
With feelings and emotions
like any other rubber toy.
78
00:04:08,382 --> 00:04:10,816
What am I saying?
79
00:04:10,851 --> 00:04:12,050
Look, why don't I
80
00:04:12,085 --> 00:04:13,552
just give you
Dr. Jeffries's address,
81
00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:14,797
and then you can...
No, no wait, Elaine,
82
00:04:14,821 --> 00:04:16,432
I just promised... Come
on, Alex, come on, do this.
83
00:04:16,456 --> 00:04:18,890
Do this favor and I'll
owe you a big favor.
84
00:04:18,926 --> 00:04:20,425
I'll see you. Bye, Tony. Oh...
85
00:04:20,461 --> 00:04:23,428
now I'm stuck with this thing.
86
00:04:23,464 --> 00:04:26,631
I have to take Latka
to a psychiatrist.
87
00:04:26,667 --> 00:04:29,400
So he hasn't been acting
like himself lately... big deal.
88
00:04:29,435 --> 00:04:31,235
Big deal.
89
00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:32,770
All right, I'll take him.
90
00:04:32,806 --> 00:04:35,740
I'm telling you Tony, Elaine is
making much too much of this.
91
00:04:38,178 --> 00:04:40,144
Are you finished, Arlo?
92
00:04:40,180 --> 00:04:42,146
Finished?
93
00:04:42,182 --> 00:04:44,148
Uh, partner, I'm as finished
94
00:04:44,184 --> 00:04:45,650
as a white suit on a sissy
95
00:04:45,686 --> 00:04:47,619
who's been wrestling
a half-breed in pig slop.
96
00:04:51,558 --> 00:04:54,526
On the other hand, Elaine
may have a point there.
97
00:04:54,561 --> 00:04:56,494
♪ ♪
98
00:05:10,677 --> 00:05:12,677
Congratulate me.
99
00:05:12,713 --> 00:05:15,646
This is my last cigarette.
100
00:05:17,684 --> 00:05:20,318
Is, uh, toward you masculine
101
00:05:20,353 --> 00:05:22,320
and away from me feminine?
102
00:05:22,355 --> 00:05:24,155
I can never remember.
103
00:05:24,191 --> 00:05:26,124
Mmm.
104
00:05:29,196 --> 00:05:31,662
Would you like to
know how I quit?
105
00:05:31,698 --> 00:05:33,598
Why?
106
00:05:33,633 --> 00:05:34,633
(stammering)
107
00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:36,467
I just said to myself,
108
00:05:36,503 --> 00:05:38,469
I'm gonna do it all today.
109
00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:40,304
You know, the first day
110
00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:43,307
of the rest of your
life kind of thing.
111
00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:46,477
From now on, it's
no more cigarettes,
112
00:05:46,513 --> 00:05:49,480
no more promiscuity.
113
00:05:49,516 --> 00:05:53,151
No more Doris Marie Winslow
giving her phone number
114
00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:56,421
when it's listed anyway.
115
00:06:04,464 --> 00:06:07,431
You know I don't miss it.
116
00:06:07,467 --> 00:06:10,401
I thought this was
gonna be tough.
117
00:06:11,638 --> 00:06:13,638
My taste buds are returning.
118
00:06:13,673 --> 00:06:15,607
I admire your willpower.
119
00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:20,011
Hello?
120
00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:21,746
Where am I?
121
00:06:21,781 --> 00:06:24,715
What... why am I dressed
like the poop-kicker?
122
00:06:27,087 --> 00:06:29,054
Latka, is that you?
123
00:06:29,089 --> 00:06:30,588
Of course it is.
124
00:06:30,624 --> 00:06:32,524
Dr. Jeffries will be
ready for you in a minute.
125
00:06:32,559 --> 00:06:34,025
Thank you. Dr. Jeffries?
126
00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:35,159
Is somebody sick?
127
00:06:35,194 --> 00:06:36,394
He's a psychiatrist.
128
00:06:36,429 --> 00:06:37,996
Uh, remember, we
made an appointment?
129
00:06:38,031 --> 00:06:40,231
Oh, why do I need
a psychiatrist?
130
00:06:40,266 --> 00:06:41,900
Well, for, uh, for openers,
131
00:06:41,935 --> 00:06:43,902
there's this split
personality thing.
132
00:06:43,937 --> 00:06:46,404
Oh, no, no, that
was just a joke.
133
00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:48,072
Joke? Joke, yeah, take a joke.
134
00:06:48,107 --> 00:06:49,347
You mean you were just kidding?
135
00:06:49,375 --> 00:06:50,942
Yeah, just telling
a joke. Oh, really?
136
00:06:50,977 --> 00:06:52,944
Yeah. Uh-huh.
137
00:06:52,979 --> 00:06:55,613
You mean, you Latka, were
just pretending to be Arlo?
138
00:06:55,649 --> 00:06:57,448
Only pretend, yes. Oh, really.
139
00:06:57,484 --> 00:06:58,950
Why don't you just show me?
140
00:06:58,986 --> 00:07:00,196
Show you? Yeah,
prove it, please.
141
00:07:00,220 --> 00:07:01,453
Prove it? Yeah.
142
00:07:01,488 --> 00:07:03,121
Okay. Go ahead, right now.
143
00:07:03,156 --> 00:07:05,090
Prove it to you? Yeah.
144
00:07:17,104 --> 00:07:19,037
All right, buckaroo.
145
00:07:22,142 --> 00:07:25,110
There is not room
enough in this town
146
00:07:25,145 --> 00:07:29,114
for the-the-the...
the both of us.
147
00:07:29,149 --> 00:07:31,116
There is no room.
148
00:07:31,151 --> 00:07:32,317
(grunting)
149
00:07:32,352 --> 00:07:34,319
Wait, wait a minute,
wait a minute.
150
00:07:34,354 --> 00:07:37,322
This gets better.
151
00:07:37,357 --> 00:07:40,791
We both-both going to
have to go to the other town.
152
00:07:41,962 --> 00:07:43,294
No, Latka, no.
153
00:07:43,330 --> 00:07:44,562
No good? No.
154
00:07:44,597 --> 00:07:45,730
Come on, Latka.
155
00:07:45,765 --> 00:07:47,331
All right.
156
00:07:47,367 --> 00:07:48,934
Dr. Jeffries will see you now.
157
00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:50,268
Thank you. Oh, no,
158
00:07:50,304 --> 00:07:51,403
he will see my dust.
159
00:07:51,438 --> 00:07:53,672
No, no, no, no,
wait, wait, wait, wait!
160
00:07:53,707 --> 00:07:57,175
Look, Elaine thinks this is
important, and maybe it is.
161
00:07:57,211 --> 00:07:59,511
Latka, there's
nothing to be afraid of.
162
00:07:59,546 --> 00:08:01,246
I mean, you-you
have a stomachache,
163
00:08:01,281 --> 00:08:02,814
you go to a doctor, right? Yeah.
164
00:08:02,849 --> 00:08:04,816
You have a toothache,
you go to a dentist.
165
00:08:04,851 --> 00:08:07,319
You have primary and
secondary ego diffusion,
166
00:08:07,354 --> 00:08:09,120
you go to a psychiatrist.
167
00:08:09,155 --> 00:08:10,955
Look, Latka, you're
here right now, okay?
168
00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:12,289
Just-just talk to the man.
169
00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:13,625
All right.
170
00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:15,493
You know, I'm glad
you are my friend, Alex.
171
00:08:15,528 --> 00:08:16,968
I'm glad you are
here with me. Latka,
172
00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:18,629
there's nothing I
wouldn't do for you.
173
00:08:18,665 --> 00:08:19,665
Oh, good!
174
00:08:19,700 --> 00:08:21,132
Then I'm going to need someone
175
00:08:21,168 --> 00:08:23,101
to cut these pants off.
176
00:08:26,673 --> 00:08:29,607
(sobbing)
177
00:08:35,916 --> 00:08:41,552
And I-I have never felt
so emotional in my life.
178
00:08:41,587 --> 00:08:46,458
I cry and I cry every
time I think about them.
179
00:08:46,493 --> 00:08:48,460
Latka, I think we were all moved
180
00:08:48,495 --> 00:08:52,464
when Prince Charles
kissed Lady Di,
181
00:08:52,499 --> 00:08:55,633
but, uh, perhaps we
ought to, you know,
182
00:08:55,669 --> 00:08:57,868
take this time
to talk about you.
183
00:08:57,905 --> 00:09:00,372
Oh no, go on,
184
00:09:00,407 --> 00:09:02,007
I don't want to
seem like a bore.
185
00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:03,407
No, no, no, no.
186
00:09:03,443 --> 00:09:06,244
No, I'd-I'd just... I'd be...
187
00:09:06,279 --> 00:09:07,912
I'd be fascinated.
188
00:09:07,948 --> 00:09:09,047
Why don't you tell me
189
00:09:09,082 --> 00:09:11,583
what it was like growing
up in your country?
190
00:09:11,618 --> 00:09:15,587
Well, it was... it
was a full childhood.
191
00:09:15,622 --> 00:09:17,589
We had... we had the wood,
192
00:09:17,624 --> 00:09:20,558
we had the bucket,
we had the chair.
193
00:09:22,162 --> 00:09:24,795
Then when I was eight,
my father got a raise,
194
00:09:24,831 --> 00:09:27,198
so we moved some place indoors.
195
00:09:29,937 --> 00:09:33,671
Boy, I'm glad I got
that off my chest.
196
00:09:33,706 --> 00:09:35,640
You're good.
197
00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:42,046
Were you happy as a child?
198
00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:43,614
What's not to be happy?
199
00:09:43,650 --> 00:09:46,284
We had the wood, we had
the bucket, we had the chair,
200
00:09:46,319 --> 00:09:48,052
and we had the mother
who forced me to...
201
00:09:48,087 --> 00:09:49,720
Oh, hello!
202
00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:51,556
This might be something.
203
00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:53,624
Yes, Latka, yes, go on.
204
00:09:53,660 --> 00:09:55,627
Oh, no, no, it is nothing.
205
00:09:55,662 --> 00:09:56,994
This is okay, Latka.
206
00:09:57,030 --> 00:09:59,364
If you don't feel like
talking, you don't have to.
207
00:09:59,399 --> 00:10:02,199
But the more you talk,
the more I can help you.
208
00:10:02,235 --> 00:10:04,046
(as Vic Ferrari): Okay, what
do you want to talk about?
209
00:10:04,070 --> 00:10:05,970
I love talking to shrinks.
210
00:10:09,475 --> 00:10:12,477
Uh, we-we haven't met, have we?
211
00:10:12,512 --> 00:10:14,445
Vic, Vic Ferrari.
212
00:10:20,487 --> 00:10:22,320
Whoa!
213
00:10:22,356 --> 00:10:25,156
Somebody blew a bundle
at the Dodge City Sears.
214
00:10:25,191 --> 00:10:27,124
(laughs)
215
00:10:28,428 --> 00:10:30,395
Vic, uh...
216
00:10:30,430 --> 00:10:34,099
I'm-I'm Dr. Jeffries,
Latka's psychiatrist.
217
00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:35,533
Oh, really, eh?
218
00:10:35,569 --> 00:10:38,470
What is this, the "I'm
okay, you're okay" corral?
219
00:10:40,340 --> 00:10:42,273
Book this boy on Merv.
220
00:10:43,377 --> 00:10:46,344
Vic, it was great seeing you.
221
00:10:46,380 --> 00:10:49,480
But, uh, now I'd
like to talk to Latka.
222
00:10:49,516 --> 00:10:51,016
Oh, Latka Gravas? Yes.
223
00:10:51,051 --> 00:10:53,684
Hey, he's a cute little guy, but
between you and me, Doc, uh,
224
00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:56,687
he's all oatmeal north of the
eyebrows, you know what I mean?
225
00:10:56,723 --> 00:10:59,690
But, uh, if you want
him, you got him.
226
00:10:59,726 --> 00:11:02,026
(as Latka): Why are
you writing so fast?
227
00:11:02,062 --> 00:11:05,029
Huh?
228
00:11:05,065 --> 00:11:06,364
Uh, Latka?
229
00:11:06,399 --> 00:11:07,932
Yes? I just met Vic.
230
00:11:07,967 --> 00:11:09,434
Oh, yeah?
231
00:11:09,469 --> 00:11:12,403
Well, I have some
messages for him.
232
00:11:15,075 --> 00:11:17,708
Latka, uh, you had the wood,
233
00:11:17,743 --> 00:11:20,211
you had the bucket,
you had the chair,
234
00:11:20,246 --> 00:11:23,314
and you had the
mother who... Who what?
235
00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:25,316
Latka, I think you
want to tell me.
236
00:11:25,351 --> 00:11:27,985
Well...
237
00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:31,122
she forced me to spend the
summers with my Uncle Bobka.
238
00:11:33,760 --> 00:11:35,560
Listen, would...
239
00:11:35,595 --> 00:11:39,030
Is it possible for me to
speak with Uncle Bobka?
240
00:11:39,066 --> 00:11:42,033
Well, you can try, but
you have to talk loud.
241
00:11:42,069 --> 00:11:44,001
You see, they buried
him 12 years ago.
242
00:11:46,273 --> 00:11:48,239
Well, uh, could you tell me
243
00:11:48,275 --> 00:11:51,375
what, uh, uh, Uncle
Bobka was like?
244
00:11:51,411 --> 00:11:53,645
Oh sure, I can do that.
245
00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:55,079
I show you.
246
00:11:55,115 --> 00:11:56,247
(clears throat)
247
00:11:56,282 --> 00:11:58,249
He would say to me,
248
00:11:58,284 --> 00:12:00,918
(in deep voice): "Don't
be such a crybaby, Latka."
249
00:12:00,954 --> 00:12:03,855
"I will make a man of you.
250
00:12:03,890 --> 00:12:04,956
"Come with me.
251
00:12:04,991 --> 00:12:07,692
I will put hair on your yanick."
252
00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:11,196
Then he would take
me down to the river
253
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:13,198
and pretend to throw me in.
254
00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:16,067
(as young Latka): "But I don't
know how to swim, Uncle Bobka."
255
00:12:16,102 --> 00:12:17,569
(in deep voice): "Oh, come on,
256
00:12:17,604 --> 00:12:20,270
everybody knows how
to swim if they have to."
257
00:12:20,307 --> 00:12:22,907
Then, he would
throw me up in the air
258
00:12:22,942 --> 00:12:25,976
and catch me at the last minute.
259
00:12:26,012 --> 00:12:29,313
You see, he had no
children of his own to destroy.
260
00:12:31,284 --> 00:12:32,916
Every night I would lie in bed
261
00:12:32,953 --> 00:12:37,088
awake and I would wish
I was never been born.
262
00:12:37,123 --> 00:12:38,189
Yeah,
263
00:12:38,224 --> 00:12:40,324
what a terrible time
you must have had.
264
00:12:40,359 --> 00:12:41,793
Well, not so bad.
265
00:12:41,828 --> 00:12:45,730
Some children never
get to see their uncles.
266
00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:47,798
Latka, this, you know,
267
00:12:47,834 --> 00:12:49,767
this has been a
remarkable session.
268
00:12:49,803 --> 00:12:52,437
Thank you very much.
269
00:12:52,472 --> 00:12:56,040
But, uh, now, I'd, uh,
270
00:12:56,076 --> 00:12:58,476
I'd like to see Alex
Reiger, please.
271
00:12:58,512 --> 00:13:00,478
Okay.
272
00:13:00,514 --> 00:13:05,082
Could you send, uh,
Alex Reiger in, please?
273
00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:06,329
(as ALEX): Hi, Doc, Alex Reiger.
274
00:13:06,353 --> 00:13:07,952
Pleased to meet you.
275
00:13:09,889 --> 00:13:10,955
Excuse me.
276
00:13:10,990 --> 00:13:12,624
You're, you're Alex Reiger?
277
00:13:12,659 --> 00:13:14,992
That's right, I'm a cab
driver and I don't mind.
278
00:13:16,429 --> 00:13:21,432
Well, Alex, uh, you know it's...
279
00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:25,836
good meeting you.
280
00:13:25,872 --> 00:13:28,506
But I was just talking
to Latka and I'd,
281
00:13:28,541 --> 00:13:30,241
I'd really like to
see him again.
282
00:13:30,276 --> 00:13:32,710
Well, uh, I'd like
to oblige, Doc,
283
00:13:32,746 --> 00:13:34,112
but I'm afraid
that's impossible.
284
00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:35,580
You see, Latka's gone.
285
00:13:35,615 --> 00:13:36,747
He's gone?
286
00:13:36,783 --> 00:13:42,019
I see. Oh... Could I see Vic?
287
00:13:42,055 --> 00:13:43,888
Arlo?
288
00:13:43,923 --> 00:13:46,057
Anybody?
289
00:13:48,561 --> 00:13:51,061
Doctor Jeffries?
Yes, yes, come in.
290
00:13:51,097 --> 00:13:53,731
Uh, could you
excuse us a minute?
291
00:13:53,766 --> 00:13:55,699
I, uh...
292
00:14:01,474 --> 00:14:03,241
I, uh...
293
00:14:03,276 --> 00:14:05,310
I'd like to have a word
alone with your friend.
294
00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:07,778
Sure, Doc. I'll be
waiting outside.
295
00:14:09,648 --> 00:14:11,115
Excuse me.
296
00:14:11,150 --> 00:14:12,950
Certainly.
297
00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:21,659
Doctor, excuse me.
298
00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:23,494
Who does he remind me of?
299
00:14:23,529 --> 00:14:25,529
Sit down.
300
00:14:25,565 --> 00:14:27,898
Uh, first of all, Mr. Reiger.
301
00:14:27,934 --> 00:14:29,767
Who was that guy?
302
00:14:29,802 --> 00:14:32,236
I just want to set
your mind at ease that,
303
00:14:32,272 --> 00:14:35,340
uh, Latka, Mr. Gravas,
is in no danger.
304
00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:36,741
It wasn't Arlo.
305
00:14:36,776 --> 00:14:38,142
It wasn't Vic. And, uh...
306
00:14:38,177 --> 00:14:39,209
Who was he?
307
00:14:39,246 --> 00:14:40,712
Yeah, he'll, he'll be okay.
308
00:14:40,747 --> 00:14:42,580
Just as long as he
has all his friends
309
00:14:42,616 --> 00:14:43,881
around him to give him support,
310
00:14:43,917 --> 00:14:45,182
as long as he... Fine.
311
00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:46,351
But who is he?
312
00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:49,920
Alex... he's you.
313
00:15:01,301 --> 00:15:02,867
Hi, Alex. Hi, Tony.
314
00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:05,069
Alex, I'm worried.
315
00:15:05,104 --> 00:15:08,640
I got to take my college
aptitude test next week.
316
00:15:08,675 --> 00:15:12,010
In my high school, they
didn't even teach aptitude.
317
00:15:12,045 --> 00:15:15,579
Well, Tony, not everybody
should go to college.
318
00:15:15,615 --> 00:15:18,149
That's what it said under
my picture in the yearbook.
319
00:15:20,820 --> 00:15:22,286
It's so tough.
320
00:15:22,322 --> 00:15:23,687
You know, when
I was in the ring,
321
00:15:23,723 --> 00:15:25,189
I knew that's what
I wanted to be.
322
00:15:25,225 --> 00:15:27,202
Now, I don't know what
I'm going to do with my life.
323
00:15:27,226 --> 00:15:29,126
Wait a minute, Tony.
324
00:15:29,162 --> 00:15:31,662
If you miss boxing so much,
325
00:15:31,698 --> 00:15:33,463
have you ever
considered being a ref?
326
00:15:33,499 --> 00:15:34,798
Eree?
327
00:15:36,635 --> 00:15:38,703
Yeah, you remember the referee.
328
00:15:38,738 --> 00:15:40,337
He was the one in the ring
329
00:15:40,372 --> 00:15:43,007
who wasn't beating
you senseless.
330
00:15:43,042 --> 00:15:45,043
(laughing)
331
00:15:45,078 --> 00:15:46,777
A ref, huh, Alex? Yeah.
332
00:15:46,812 --> 00:15:48,680
You know, I like that idea.
333
00:15:48,715 --> 00:15:49,759
I'm gonna think about that.
334
00:15:49,783 --> 00:15:50,815
Thank you.
335
00:15:50,850 --> 00:15:52,717
A ref...
336
00:15:54,688 --> 00:15:56,954
(AS ALEX): Here
you go, Lou. Ooh.
337
00:15:56,990 --> 00:15:58,990
Ooh!
338
00:15:59,025 --> 00:16:01,158
Another lollapaloosa night
339
00:16:01,194 --> 00:16:04,828
for Reiger number two!
340
00:16:04,864 --> 00:16:08,131
I kiss the day you
went off your nut, Alex.
341
00:16:09,569 --> 00:16:11,802
Hey, Lou, uh, what do you
think of the human race?
342
00:16:11,838 --> 00:16:13,237
I'd like an outsider's opinion.
343
00:16:18,578 --> 00:16:20,978
Funnier than you.
344
00:16:23,016 --> 00:16:25,182
A buck and a half
for your thoughts.
345
00:16:26,952 --> 00:16:28,419
Inflation.
346
00:16:28,454 --> 00:16:29,620
Ah, it's nothing.
347
00:16:29,655 --> 00:16:31,389
I had a little problem,
I got it all solved.
348
00:16:31,424 --> 00:16:32,590
I'm going to be a referee.
349
00:16:32,625 --> 00:16:34,425
Sure you want to be a referee?
350
00:16:34,460 --> 00:16:35,826
I don't know, I mean,
351
00:16:35,862 --> 00:16:38,529
the money ain't that
great and fans hate them.
352
00:16:38,565 --> 00:16:40,698
Oh, why do you
want to be a referee?
353
00:16:40,733 --> 00:16:41,899
I don't know.
354
00:16:41,934 --> 00:16:44,001
Somebody thought
it was a good idea.
355
00:16:44,036 --> 00:16:46,103
Sounds like terrible
advice to me.
356
00:16:46,138 --> 00:16:47,838
Me, too.
357
00:16:51,277 --> 00:16:52,777
A referee?
358
00:16:52,812 --> 00:16:55,446
I thought it was a good idea.
359
00:16:55,481 --> 00:16:56,881
Oh, hey, Alex?
360
00:16:56,916 --> 00:16:57,982
Yeah?
361
00:16:58,017 --> 00:17:00,785
Uh, no, no, no, not
you, Alex, this Alex.
362
00:17:00,820 --> 00:17:02,687
Oh, right. Oh, but
that reminds me.
363
00:17:02,722 --> 00:17:03,821
Alex? Yeah?
364
00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:04,966
Uh, no, no, no, not you, Alex,
365
00:17:04,990 --> 00:17:06,858
this Alex. Oh, right.
366
00:17:06,893 --> 00:17:09,393
That advice you gave
me worked out beautifully.
367
00:17:09,428 --> 00:17:11,729
I kept Jason and Jennifer
apart until they begged me
368
00:17:11,764 --> 00:17:13,364
to let them play with
each other again.
369
00:17:13,399 --> 00:17:15,366
Well, I'm just
glad it worked out.
370
00:17:15,401 --> 00:17:16,834
Thanks.
371
00:17:16,870 --> 00:17:19,136
They're making you a
card for your refrigerator.
372
00:17:20,606 --> 00:17:22,773
Now, Alex, guess what?
373
00:17:22,808 --> 00:17:25,376
I have two tickets to
see Lena Horne tonight.
374
00:17:25,411 --> 00:17:26,544
You want to go?
375
00:17:26,579 --> 00:17:27,811
Uh, oh, no, I'm sorry Elaine,
376
00:17:27,847 --> 00:17:29,680
I, uh, I'm going to the
hockey game tonight.
377
00:17:29,715 --> 00:17:30,981
Sorry, I can't make it.
378
00:17:31,016 --> 00:17:32,282
Oh, that's okay.
379
00:17:32,318 --> 00:17:34,485
I-I can find somebody else.
380
00:17:36,789 --> 00:17:38,856
Um...
381
00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:40,824
I have two tickets for
Lena Horne tonight.
382
00:17:40,860 --> 00:17:42,193
Would you like to go?
383
00:17:42,228 --> 00:17:43,461
Sure, great.
384
00:17:43,496 --> 00:17:44,895
I got tickets to
the hockey game,
385
00:17:44,930 --> 00:17:46,964
but I'll just give
them to some kid.
386
00:17:52,605 --> 00:17:54,839
I should have done that.
387
00:17:54,874 --> 00:17:57,241
Okay, Alex, then it's a date.
388
00:17:57,277 --> 00:17:59,710
Uh, take your ticket 'cause I
have to meet you there, okay?
389
00:17:59,745 --> 00:18:01,045
All right. Okay.
390
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:02,680
Thank you.
391
00:18:04,184 --> 00:18:05,883
Elaine, Elaine!
392
00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:08,086
You just made a date with Latka!
393
00:18:08,121 --> 00:18:11,222
Uh, yeah, I guess I did, huh?
394
00:18:11,257 --> 00:18:13,357
I don't believe this!
395
00:18:13,393 --> 00:18:15,626
I don't believe that you're
not more concerned.
396
00:18:15,661 --> 00:18:17,761
You were the one
that got him to go to see
397
00:18:17,797 --> 00:18:19,274
a psychiatrist because
you were so upset.
398
00:18:19,298 --> 00:18:21,698
Yeah, I know, I, I did.
399
00:18:21,734 --> 00:18:23,267
You know, it's kind of strange,
400
00:18:23,302 --> 00:18:26,737
but, now that he's you,
somehow it seems okay.
401
00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:28,072
Wait a minute!
402
00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:31,775
Are you making a case
for multiple personality now?
403
00:18:31,810 --> 00:18:34,011
You know, you're getting
awfully emotional about this.
404
00:18:34,047 --> 00:18:35,513
You're damn right I am!
405
00:18:35,548 --> 00:18:37,348
How would you like
someone living your life?
406
00:18:37,383 --> 00:18:38,850
And having more fun at it?
407
00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:42,519
I mean, I might not
have been much,
408
00:18:42,554 --> 00:18:45,522
but at least I was the
only one being me.
409
00:18:45,557 --> 00:18:47,391
How come he's smarter than I am?
410
00:18:47,426 --> 00:18:50,127
How come he's booking
more money than I am?
411
00:18:50,163 --> 00:18:52,429
How come he's, uh... More fun.
412
00:18:52,464 --> 00:18:53,931
Thank you. More fun.
413
00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:57,101
Maybe I should be the
one giving up being me!
414
00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:58,347
You seem upset
about something, Alex.
415
00:18:58,371 --> 00:19:00,938
Yes, I am!
416
00:19:00,973 --> 00:19:02,617
You know, I'm on my
way to see Dr. Jeffries now
417
00:19:02,641 --> 00:19:03,941
and he's helped me a lot.
418
00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:05,175
Maybe he'll help you, too. Oh?
419
00:19:05,211 --> 00:19:06,522
Would you like to
come and talk to him?
420
00:19:06,546 --> 00:19:07,546
Would I like to come...
421
00:19:07,580 --> 00:19:08,913
(stammering): Yes, right now.
422
00:19:08,948 --> 00:19:10,915
Hi, Alex.
423
00:19:10,950 --> 00:19:12,950
Hi, Jim. Hi, Jim.
424
00:19:16,422 --> 00:19:17,688
Where are they going?
425
00:19:17,723 --> 00:19:19,456
To see their psychiatrist.
426
00:19:19,491 --> 00:19:24,061
Boy, what do you
think the odds are
427
00:19:24,096 --> 00:19:26,596
of two guys having
the same name,
428
00:19:26,632 --> 00:19:28,265
in the same garage,
429
00:19:28,301 --> 00:19:30,534
going to see the
same psychiatrist
430
00:19:30,569 --> 00:19:33,037
at the same time?
431
00:19:33,072 --> 00:19:35,706
Gotta be three to one.
432
00:19:41,114 --> 00:19:42,947
Dr. Jeffries,
433
00:19:42,982 --> 00:19:44,782
you've been seeing
Latka for a month now
434
00:19:44,817 --> 00:19:46,228
and I'm getting
worried about his health.
435
00:19:46,252 --> 00:19:47,618
Oh, I don't think there's
436
00:19:47,653 --> 00:19:49,130
any need to worry
about his condition.
437
00:19:49,154 --> 00:19:50,220
Well, I do.
438
00:19:50,255 --> 00:19:51,466
I'm going to strangle that guy.
439
00:19:51,490 --> 00:19:53,024
Now, how long is
this going to last?
440
00:19:53,059 --> 00:19:54,691
Well, from what I know about it,
441
00:19:54,727 --> 00:19:57,194
I'm surprised it's
gone on this long.
442
00:19:57,230 --> 00:20:00,764
But this is a fascinating case.
443
00:20:00,799 --> 00:20:04,434
(chuckling): I'm a lucky guy.
444
00:20:06,405 --> 00:20:10,407
Hey, maybe you can help.
445
00:20:10,443 --> 00:20:11,409
Hmm? Yes.
446
00:20:11,444 --> 00:20:12,577
Would you mind,
447
00:20:12,612 --> 00:20:15,111
would you mind staying
through his session?
448
00:20:18,817 --> 00:20:19,850
All right.
449
00:20:24,257 --> 00:20:25,556
Uh, Mr. Reiger?
450
00:20:25,592 --> 00:20:28,192
Would you step in now please?
451
00:20:31,831 --> 00:20:34,498
Would you mind sharing
this session with him?
452
00:20:34,534 --> 00:20:36,701
Not at all.
453
00:20:38,705 --> 00:20:40,938
Don't hog the therapy.
454
00:20:42,208 --> 00:20:45,542
Well, Alex, what's it
been like this week?
455
00:20:45,577 --> 00:20:47,077
Well, Doc,
456
00:20:47,113 --> 00:20:49,446
I've been thinking
about my life a lot.
457
00:20:49,482 --> 00:20:52,582
Where does Alex
Reiger go from here?
458
00:20:52,618 --> 00:20:55,185
I mean, uh, I don't want to crab
459
00:20:55,221 --> 00:20:57,354
uh, we're here, we take a shot.
460
00:20:57,389 --> 00:20:59,556
But when you examine my life,
461
00:20:59,591 --> 00:21:02,893
I had a bad marriage, my
wife was cheating on me.
462
00:21:02,928 --> 00:21:04,128
Which was probably my fault,
463
00:21:04,163 --> 00:21:05,729
I mean, I should have
caught her sooner.
464
00:21:07,599 --> 00:21:09,566
My daughter's grown, and, uh,
465
00:21:09,601 --> 00:21:11,502
we're not as close as I'd like.
466
00:21:11,537 --> 00:21:12,770
She does seem grateful,
467
00:21:12,805 --> 00:21:14,905
but, uh, I think
that's primarily
468
00:21:14,940 --> 00:21:17,041
for not inheriting my nose.
469
00:21:17,076 --> 00:21:18,909
Are you self-conscious
about your nose?
470
00:21:18,944 --> 00:21:21,044
No! Well, I sure am!
471
00:21:21,080 --> 00:21:22,713
I got a honker
here that won't quit!
472
00:21:22,748 --> 00:21:24,915
I mean, who are we kidding?
473
00:21:24,950 --> 00:21:27,084
But forget about how I
screwed up things right now.
474
00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:28,885
I was thinking
just the other night,
475
00:21:28,921 --> 00:21:31,221
I got a mediocre job
which I do very well.
476
00:21:31,257 --> 00:21:32,556
Yeah.
477
00:21:32,591 --> 00:21:34,391
But it doesn't stimulate
me. That's right.
478
00:21:34,426 --> 00:21:37,494
I like my friends, but the
nature of the relationship
479
00:21:37,529 --> 00:21:39,629
seems to be that I'm some
kind of authority figure.
480
00:21:39,665 --> 00:21:40,831
Right.
481
00:21:40,866 --> 00:21:42,499
I listen to their problems
482
00:21:42,535 --> 00:21:43,934
and I'm not
supposed to have any!
483
00:21:43,969 --> 00:21:45,168
Yeah!
484
00:21:45,204 --> 00:21:49,039
I take pride in accepting
things the way they are,
485
00:21:49,074 --> 00:21:51,408
but I just realized that
maybe that's because, uh,
486
00:21:51,444 --> 00:21:53,677
it's an excuse for not
having any ambition.
487
00:21:53,713 --> 00:21:55,979
(whistles)
488
00:21:56,014 --> 00:21:57,348
I'm starting to realize
489
00:21:57,383 --> 00:21:59,083
that my love for
life is unrequited.
490
00:21:59,118 --> 00:22:02,520
Oh, God, yes.
491
00:22:02,555 --> 00:22:05,055
Oh, he's pouring
out my heart here.
492
00:22:07,059 --> 00:22:09,059
So, I was really down
493
00:22:09,094 --> 00:22:11,128
till suddenly it came to me.
494
00:22:11,163 --> 00:22:14,297
The exact thing that I should do
495
00:22:14,333 --> 00:22:16,433
to put my whole life in order!
496
00:22:16,468 --> 00:22:17,668
What's that?
497
00:22:17,703 --> 00:22:19,537
And I feel like a million bucks!
498
00:22:19,572 --> 00:22:20,705
What?
499
00:22:20,740 --> 00:22:22,439
And you know what it is?
500
00:22:22,474 --> 00:22:23,273
What?
501
00:22:23,308 --> 00:22:26,110
It's so damn simple!
502
00:22:26,145 --> 00:22:27,189
What, what, what, what, what?
503
00:22:27,213 --> 00:22:30,314
The answer to it all is...
504
00:22:30,349 --> 00:22:32,016
What?! What, what?!
505
00:22:32,051 --> 00:22:34,618
(as LATKA): So, we had
the bucket, we had the wood...
506
00:22:34,653 --> 00:22:37,421
No, no, no, no!
507
00:22:37,457 --> 00:22:38,622
No, no, no!
508
00:22:38,657 --> 00:22:41,025
What was it? What?!
509
00:22:41,060 --> 00:22:43,527
(babbling) No!
510
00:22:43,562 --> 00:22:44,761
Mr. Reiger. He almost had it,
511
00:22:44,796 --> 00:22:46,196
you heard him, he almost had it!
512
00:22:46,232 --> 00:22:47,398
What? What's simple?
513
00:22:47,433 --> 00:22:49,065
Alex, you're squeezing me.
514
00:22:49,101 --> 00:22:51,435
Huh? Oh.
515
00:22:51,470 --> 00:22:53,804
Thank you very much.
516
00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:57,074
What is this?
517
00:22:58,177 --> 00:23:00,277
Ooh, could I please go now?
518
00:23:00,313 --> 00:23:02,879
I think I have a good
seat to see Lena Horne.
519
00:23:02,915 --> 00:23:04,180
Yeah.
520
00:23:04,217 --> 00:23:07,485
I think we've accomplished
a lot in one day.
521
00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:10,654
Yeah, must've been placed
here by a "put-pocket."
522
00:23:14,393 --> 00:23:16,427
Bye-bye.
523
00:23:17,830 --> 00:23:20,397
Thanks, Alex.
524
00:23:20,432 --> 00:23:21,799
Good seeing you again.
525
00:23:21,834 --> 00:23:23,600
Huh? Oh, yeah.
526
00:23:23,635 --> 00:23:24,901
It was good seeing you, too.
527
00:23:28,907 --> 00:23:33,310
Doctor, since there is
time left in the session...
528
00:23:33,345 --> 00:23:35,979
Have a seat.
529
00:23:37,083 --> 00:23:39,182
(as LATKA): Thank you very much.
530
00:24:15,888 --> 00:24:17,755
WOMAN: Good night, Mr. Walters!
531
00:24:17,790 --> 00:24:18,790
(grumbling)
36585
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