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♪ Oh, this is gonna
be a groove for me ♪

♪ It's gonna be a little
something different ♪

♪ But we gonna give
it to 'em anyway ♪

♪ Are you ready? Come on! Ha! ♪

♪ We wanna give out a present
to everybody this Christmas ♪

♪ All around the world

♪ For every man,
woman, boy and girl ♪

♪ Are you ready right now?

♪ Come one, here we go

♪ Ah, I like it
like that, come on ♪

♪ That's it, all
right, come on ♪

♪ Oh-oh

♪ Christmas presents
around the world ♪

♪ Something mighty
sweet to see ♪

♪ If only if I just had

♪ A present for everyone

♪ Under one great
big Christmas tree ♪

♪ Every boy that wants
a brand-new toy... ♪

Jacket. Jacket. Jacket.

Okay, see you later.

♪ For every Johnny
that wants a car ♪

♪ Every junior that
wants a mobile bike ♪

♪ That rides and
rides and rides ♪

♪ Now my little daughter

♪ She wants a doll that cries

♪ One that walks
and wipes its eyes ♪

♪ And I see there's someone...

Flaxman's
Auction House.

How may I direct your call?

♪ Just to lean her
head in their arms ♪

♪ What a Christmas
present, this Christmas ♪

♪ Oh, what a gift you could be

♪ You know if I
could just give out ♪

♪ Christmas presents
to everyone ♪

♪ Under one great big
Christmas tree... ♪

I mean, obviously, it's not the
usual way of doing the pricing,

but I figured if we give people

a high percentage of
the money we make,

they'll be more likely
to give us more things

in the future, so...

In the end, everyone wins.

Have you told Flaxman?

Uh, no. No, I just want
to finish it first.

♪ Christmas presents
around the world ♪

♪ Something mighty
sweet to see ♪

♪ Only if I just had a
present for everyone ♪

♪ Well, every boy that
wants a brand-new toy ♪

♪ For every Johnny
that wants a car ♪

♪ For every junior...

- Ah, Mr. Flaxman.
- Bernard.

This is Henry Hackford

of the Metropolitan
Museum of Art.

Uh, it's an honor
to meet you, sir.

Nice to meet you, too.

I'd like you to take him
through your new catalog.

The Museum are
potential purchasers

of many of your treasures.

Yes, right.

Um, I'm just kind of late
for something. It's...

Okay. Sure, sure.

Oh, it'd be a pleasure, sir.

Of course. Thank you.

Thank you.

Why are you
carrying such an ugly bear?

It's a particular
focus on cartography

and the natural world.

I'm really proud of
the breadth and...

range of pieces we've
got in this sale.

Thank you.

Work ye, Bernard. Work ye.

Hello, Bernard.

Um, I-I'm so sorry.

I... Let-let me just
explain everything.

I already know what happened.

It was, "Of course,
Mr. Flaxman,"

and work, work, work.

And you missed your
daughter's birthday.

I mean...

Uh, yes, t-that's
pretty much it.

Really, I'm so sorry,
I ju...

Okay. Should I wake her up

so you can give
her your present?

Yeah, uh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, of course, um...

Uh, just give me one second.

I just, uh, I just
need to sort something.

Oh. Hey.

Hey. Hey, sweetheart.

Happy birthday!

Huh? Okay. Yep.

Um, well, I... I
got this for you.

Groceries?

No, no, uh, let me just
help you with that.

It's a jewelry box,
golden jewelry box.

Unbelievable, Bernie.

I think it's stuck.

Uh, oh, this is
your first antique.

Isn't it pretty?

Sweetie, why don't, um...

you go to your room and pack
a bag for Grandma's, okay?

Okay.

Oh, Bernie.

What are we gonna do? I, um...

I think I'm gonna take Eve
to my mom's like we planned,

but, uh... I'm just gonna
need some time there.

At least through
the holidays and...

I-I think it's best
if you don't come.

What?

Julie, no... please,
y-you're kidding.

Please be kidding.

No, Bernie, I am so not kidding.

This is the least funny
conversation of my life.

It's been going on
for such a long time.

It's like...

It's like you've
forgotten who we are.

And what a family
means. And I...

I'm really sorry about the box.

What she really wanted for
her birthday was a dollhouse.

Though I'm sure an hour of
her dad's undivided attention

would've been just as good.

Bernie, it is one thing
to drop the ball with me,

but with Eve?

I'll be back, okay?

You missed my birthday.

Oh, I'm... I'm so
sorry, sweetheart.

Mom says you're a
selfish bastard.

S-She was joking.

Well, d-darling...

♪ Bells will be ringing

♪ The glad, glad news

♪ Oh, what a Christmas

♪ To have the blues

♪ My baby's gone

- ♪ I have no friends

Come in.

♪ Please come home
for Christmas... ♪

Bernard. Sit ye. Sit ye.

♪ Once again.

Thank you for taking me
through the catalog last night.

It was very eye-opening.

Well, I'm glad it
was for you, sir.

I have to say, it was a
complete disaster for me.

Oh, dear.

By the time I got
home yesterday,

I'd missed my
daughter's birthday.

And then, my wife,

uh, she decided that
she was gonna...

well, sort of move
out for a bit.

That's terrible.

I need to find a way right
now t-to make things right.

What I'm trying to say
is I-I'm gonna need

more than just the holidays off.

I'm gonna need a few more weeks

to fight for my marriage.

Mm.

Yes, of course you are.

Oh.

Really? Oh, thank you, sir.

Will that be enough, though?

I-I honestly don't
know, sir. I hope so.

And what if we take
it one step further?

What if we extend
this sabbatical

to say, I don't know, 12 months?

And after that,
another 12 months.

And then another 12 months.

Are you... are you suggesting
I take three years off?

Five years. Ten years!

Let's go nuts!

All right. It sort of sounds
like you're firing me, sir.

Yes, I suppose I am.

You're a very evil person, sir.

Or a very clever businessman.

And you'll have years to
decide which.

Bernie.

Hey, Lenny.

What do you think?

They let me spruce
the place up a bit.

Seasonal. Everyone's included.

Yeah, it's very nice.

How you doing, man?

Very badly.

I can tell by looking at you.

It's making me sad.

Okay, well, sorry
to be a downer.

No, no, you want to talk? You
want me to get another chair?

You want to... I g... I'm
reading this great book.

This might be helpful.

It's a book about
parallel universes.

You know about this?

There might be another
you in another universe,

having a great life right now.

Maybe think about
that. That's uplifting.

Is it not?

Do you... What are you
doing for Christmas?

You want to come over?

You can hang out with
the cats. It's fun.

You watch them, they fight.
There's one that lives outside.

Y-You're very kind, but...

Oh, my God!

You'd
think I'd get used to it,

but I never do.

Okay, no, no, no, you
stay back, just stay back.

I-I don't want to hurt you,

but I will hurt you

if you... if you
don't get out of here.

No, no, no.

H-Help!

Oh, no. It's fine. What do
you want? What do you want?

Seriously, you can
take everything.

Oh, you're just
wailing and crying

like a little baby goat.

Uh, I don't know what you're...

I-I don't... I wish... I wish I
understood what you're saying.

Is this better?

Is it... Yeah, I mean,
yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. Then let's get to it.

Your wish is my command.

Yeah,
okay, yeah, no.

That's
funny 'cause of the...

I wish you'd stop
trying to kill me.

Oh, this? No, this is...

That's just force of habit.

Who are you? How'd
you get into my house?

Oh, wh...

I was in the box.

O-Okay, sure.

Listen, uh, look,
I-I don't judge you,

or whatever recreational
prescription drug

of choice you've taken.

Just don't touch that. I-I need
you to get out of my house.

Okay? Seriously,
how did you get in?

Okay, I'm going to
talk slower for you.

That box...

that you were rubbing...

I was in it.

Okay, sure.

Sure, and how... and how do you

get inside a box that's
nine inches wide?

Really good question. It's
a really simple answer.

You know, classic setup.

Angry sorcerer.

You know, crazy eyes.

Pointed a finger at me.

Puff of smoke. Spinning and
turning trough time and space.

The next thing I know,

I'm inside this stupid box.

Okay, wow, wow.

I know!

Now, that's a strong move.

The "I'm a genie" home
invasion excuse, that's...

It's not an excuse.

I am a genie.

Right, yeah.

- Right, right, right.
- Mm-hmm.

Damn.

I mean, the whole thing is...

No, no, no, you-you...

- Back off.
- Okay. All right.

Let's just...

You make wishes, and then
I make them come true.

That's how this
whole thing works.

Okay, so you're saying
you're an actual genie.

- Correct. We're like ghosts.
- Sure.

Or-or dragons or unicorns.

You know, it's like you-you
think we don't exist,

and then you bump into
one and you're like,

"Oh, hey. Oh, look at that.
A genie, genie, genie.

Genies everywhere."

Okay, well, you better get

your next alibi
ready pretty quick.

Okay, how about
this? Um, I-I wish...

Bring it.

That my phone wasn't dead.

A-And, oh, I know.
How about a camel?

I wish I had my very own camel.

Huh? That seems
reasonable, right?

Sure thing, boss.

It's whatever floats your boat.

Okay, uh...

I mean, that's a
coincidence. The...

Hmm.

Is that a coincidence?

Okay, I-I-I take back the
camel wish. I take it back.

Everybody always takes
the camel wish back.

Oh, my God.

T-That is
interesting, though. The...

I just don't want Eve
growing up with a dad

who never seems
to put her first.

I had to push back
at some point.

That's right.

God, the problem
with Bernard is...

And you know I still love him.

But the problem is that
he thinks everything

will just be okay in the end.

Hmm.

He is my guy,

but...

he just won't live
in the real world.

Wow. This is so cool.

Oh, my grandma
always used to say,

"You don't get
nothing for free."

I wish she could see
me now.

Hello, Bernard.

Oh, look at you. You're
as thin as a rake.

Okay, on second thought,
no hard feelings, Grandma,

I wish she couldn't.

Got it.

I-I did not like that.

Okay, so wait, am I...

Have I blown it already?
Am I already out of wishes?

No, keep at it.

What about the whole
three wishes thing?

Fairytale stuff.

Real
genies, unlimited wishes.

Wow, we have to be
very careful, don't we?

Uh, you do. If you
want my advice,

I would say use
the words "I wish"

with the caution that
you would usually reserve

for "please castrate me."

Just, you know.

Oh.

What?

- Problem?
- What? N-No, no. Me? No problem.

No, blow away.

I-I just suppose a lot
of things have changed

since you were last out.

- Always do.
- Oh.

It's different
every single time.

Wow, so you've been
out of the box before?

Oh, yeah. I mean, here and
there, yeah. But, I mean...

I don't know, from the
looks of this place,

I'm thinking, this time,
it's been a really long one.

I mean, give or
take a day or two,

- if-if-if my dating on the box is right...
- Yeah. Okay.

I'd-I'd say about...
2,000 years.

2,000 years?

- Yeah. Yeah.
- Okay.

That's new information to me.

- Is it?
- That's... Yeah.

All right, well...

Let's just get to work.

Just hit me. You know,
tell me what you want.

Is it girls?

Gold? Golden girls?

- Extra girls in gold, or what?
- Yeah, no, no,

- come on. That's...
- Well, I mean,

you don't have to
be embarrassed.

I know the score. You
know? I make you rich,

you go live in a palace,
you get five wives,

you start to get fat,
then you get mad at me,

- and you put me back in the box.
- No, no.

You've actually
got me all wrong.

Uh, money can't help me. It's...

Uh...

My wife and kid, they-they
just left for her mum's

and looks like it might
be the start of a whole...

a "trial separation" period.

What is... What are
we... What is this?

- What are we doing?
- Oh, no, nothing.

And, uh, then my boss
went and fired me.

Wow, that is "tough."

Yeah, that's not
really how it w-works.

Okay, well, I like it,

and I've been in a
box for 2,000 years,

so I'm just gonna keep that one.

- Sure, okay.
- So, about your

sleazeball "boss," um,

do you want me to kill him?

I'm kind of a sword
and slice gal.

I just get in...
get it done.

Um...

I will go with no.

- Oh.
- I mean, thank you.

Okay, that's too
bad 'cause I'm...

It's kind of like my specialty,

- if you know what I mean.
- Sure.

Okay. Hit me with
it. What do you want?

My three big wishes would
be to-to get my child

to love me again, to get
my wife to love me again,

and for us all to be happy.

Oh. Okay, uh,

it doesn't work like that.

Uh, wishes can't change
people's feelings,

but, yeah, that's

just kind of one of the
big rules. It's like a no.

Okay, um... Right.

- We've... That's a problem.
- Yeah.

Can I just ask, time
travel, can we do that?

'Cause that could
solve everything.

Or is that not...

That's a "no can do."

No time travel. That's crucial.

You would just destroy
the history of the world.

I don't know, maybe
we can figure out

some kind of plan
that would "encourage

your wife and child"

to start to feel differently
about you. Right?

Yeah, good. Good.

- You're right.
- Yeah.

- It's time for action.
- O-Oh, great.

- It's time for action.
- Oh.

- I like this.
- I-I wi... Oh, by the way,

- my name's Bernard.
- Oh, Bernard.

- Yeah, Bernard Bottle.
- Bernard. Oh, Bernard.

Bernard. Bernard Bottle.

Maybe you ever... You
ever just go by "Nardo"?

Uh... uh, I don't

- personally, no.
- No? Okay, think about it.

Uh, Flora Gwendolen Locheed,

uh, Firepit McAllister.

- Oh, beautiful name.
- Yeah. Oh, well, thank you.

So nice to meet you.

It's so nice to meet you, too.

- Yeah. Okay.
- Yes.

- That's good. Thank you.
- Oh, is that good? Okay.

- Oh, got it. And then it stops.
- Thank you. Uh, yeah.

- That's it.
- Got it.

But I-I wish... I wish

we were at my
mother-in-law's house.

I can do that.

Okay. Yeah, that's...

- It's a bit of a doozy.
- Yeah.

All right, take a...

- No, I'm good, I'm good.
- Okay, okay.

- I'm good.
- All right.

Oh, there she is.

Okay, okay. What's the
plan? What're we gonna do?

I-I don't know. I'm winging
it. Maybe this was a bad idea.

- May-Maybe.
- Was it?

It's better to have a
plan than not a plan.

Okay, but you know
what? We're here now.

So, let-let's do
something, okay?

- Right?
- Okay.

We're going back to, you
know, back in my day...

- Right.
- When a man or a woman

was trying to woo, you
know, someone, suitor,

- whatever you want to call it...
- Sure.

Mating dance. You want to keep

- this counterclockwise...
- Okay.

And this clockwise.

Don't ever sync
them up together.

I don't know
if I-I can do that.

Is that...?

- Okay.
- Oh, God, no, she saw me.

- She saw me.
- It's good.

- You can talk to her.
- Ah. What am I gonna say?

Can't we just vanish?

Bernard?

W-What are you doing here?

Hi. Um...

I... You know what? I-I-I
was just passing through,

and I thought I'd-I'd
just check to see if

you got here okay.

Who-who is this?

- Flora.
- Um...

This is F-Flora, yes.

- She's-she's a-a friend...
- Yup.

From work.

Yeah, it's nice to
meet you, ma'am.

Um, you know, we... Uh...

I do work with Nardo.

You know, we go to the
workplace together,

and we-we do work things in our,

in our work location.

You know what
the funny thing...

The reason why you
look so awesome is...

You just went to a
Renaissance fair, didn't you?

Didn't you?

- Didn't I?
- Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Look, Bernard, I don't
know... what you're up to,

but I-I think you
should go home.

- Too much. Too weird. Get...
- Yeah.

Go sleep it off.

So nice meeting you.

It's... Uh, I-I
like your sweater.

I think that went
well.

I wish we were back at my place.

Think, Nardo.

What is the way to get
to a woman's heart?

Uh, love, kindness,
consideration,

offering to do the washing up...

Okay. A-All of that's lovely,

but, also,

a massive sack full of
gifts is really good, too.

Okay. We can crack this.

Uh, are there any
markets near here?

Yeah. I mean, sure, a few.

I mean, this town's pretty
famous for its shopping.

Oh, we're in a town?

Yeah, quite a big one. New York.

Oh, a new town.
Well, la-di-da-di.

But, um, for now, why
don't we get some food?

You must be pretty hungry

after a couple of thousand
years in a small box.

Uh, you can say that again.

Well, uh, uh, I wish we had

a large pizza from
John's on Bleecker,

extra pepperoni, extra cheese.

Ooh!

Hmm.

- Ta-da.
- Huh.

Hmm.

I mean, I-I don't want to
hurt your feelings, but, um,

it just seems like things

maybe were a little bit
better back in my day.

We would wolf down,
like, a whole fresh deer,

or snatch a salmon
right out of the stream

with our bare
hands and just, ah.

You know, this is, what?

Okay.

This is just a
triangle of red bread.

Well, yeah, I-I mean, I
get what you're saying,

but why don't you
just give it a try?

- Really?
- Yeah, give it a go.

- Mmm.
- Huh?

- Wait a minute.
- Yeah?

Wait an ever-loving minute!

This is heaven.

See? Some new things
are pretty cool.

Uh, uh, this.

- This is gonna blow your mind.
- Okay.

Whoa. Uh, that's
not what I meant.

Eh, that's not
really what it's for.

It's not as good.

Really? Um, no.

Just, uh, pick a
song. Hit something.

That's not what I meant.

Maybe a bit more gentle.

Oh. What is it? Oh, "Spotifee."

We call it
Spotify. Okay, just one.

Gentle,
gentle, gentle.

- One line. Yeah.
- Oh, just one.

Something wrong?

No, something is
incredibly right.

My-my ears were made
to hear this music.

I mean... my wh... my whole soul

is... soaring.

Like a, like a
flock of flamingos.

This new music is incredible.

Yeah, actually, the music
isn't particularly new.

It's actually pretty old.

Why don't you try again?

♪ Collipark, Bubba Sparxxx

♪ Booty, booty,
booty, booty... ♪

♪ Booty, booty, booty, booty

♪ Rockin' everywhere

♪ Booty, booty, booty, booty,
rockin' everywhere... ♪

Hey, hey.

Oh, yeah! This is even better.

Whoo!

♪ For 'bout a month or two

♪ Put a tan on it then see

♪ What it do, I found
you, Ms. New Booty... ♪

Hey, can you, can
you not, please?

Hmm, no?

♪ For 'bout a month or two

♪ Put a tan on it,
then see what it do ♪

♪ Get it ripe, get it
right, hit it tight. ♪

God, he must be
so lonely already.

Don't panic.

Look, silence and solitude
will make him realize

what's really
important in this life.

- Oh! Ah!
- Man, I don't think

you get how good this music is.

I mean, back in my
day, it was all, like,

bagpipes and
hollowed out gourds.

Yeah, sure, sure. Maybe we could

continue this conversation
in the other room?

- You got it, Nardo. Great chair.
- Great.

Okay, sure. Do you want
to close... the door?

I mean, wowzers!

This place is big and
tall and-and busy.

- Yeah, it certainly is.
- Whew.

All right. Let's get to work.

Yeah, um, just
first, I just wonder,

maybe, should we, should we do
something about your clothes?

What?

I mean, I can't get
more stylish than this.

I just thought maybe
you might want to

blend in a little better.

Well, you got to do the thing.

Oh, sorry. Uh, I...

I wish you would
blend in a bit better.

All right. Uh, let's see.

Who do I... Ooh.

Well, they're killing it.

Uh...

I mean, can you even see me?

This is like, I'm blending.

You know what? I would,
I would keep going.

Uh, okay. All right.

Uh, no, no, no. Oh.

She's perfection.

I mean, this feels right. Right?

Uh...

You know,

IN-maybe third time's the charm?

You're very picky,
Nardo. Very picky. Okay.

Uh, let's see. Uh...

How about eeny, meeny,

miny, both.

I mean, now we're
talking. Am I right?

Yeah, uh...

Yeah, I guess that...
It sort of works.

Sort of works? I look fantastic.

Come on. We got to get
back on task. Let's shop.

You know what? We
can start here.

Okay.

- Welcome to Bloomingdale's.
- Oh.

- How you doing today?
- Good.

Enjoy your shopping.

I wish we had an
all-expenses-paid

shopping spree.

Oh. Okay.

Ooh.

Oh, this is amazing.

I've never seen
anything like it.

Oh, wait, look.

What do you call it?

- Oh, sanitizer.
- Sanitizer.

Mmm, it's zesty.

- No, it's...
- Mmm.

- No.
- Oh.

Nardo, look what I found.

Huh? I don't know what it
is, but it's really fun.

I think Julie might
love it. Look, and...

Okay. Sorry. She's new in town.

What is this? That's so pretty.

It's beautiful.

Your presence is my present.

Get it?

- You need to stop.
- Wait, wait.

Oh.

It's hard to run in these.

Pretty good haul, huh?

- You think so?
- Yeah.

I think Julie and Eve are
gonna be pretty excited.

Well, I hope they are.

- Oh, my God.
- What? What?

I had just hoped
that by now that this

kind of torture had stopped.

This is a gym.

They-they actually pay
to do these things.

Yeah. Okay, good one.

I will avenge thee!

Okay, you need to
stop that. Sorry.

I will avenge thee!

Sorry.

And what would you
like for Christmas this year?

Hey, wait a minute,
wait a minute.

Why-why are all these
people standing in line

to see Mr. Beardie?

Ooh, is he like the king
or an emperor or something?

Uh, no, it's actually,

it's just the whole
Christmas thing.

Basically, the guy
with the beard,

he flies around with
a bunch of reindeer.

- Okay.
- Uh, he goes down the chimney

and puts these presents in
these huge stockings that

kids hang along the fireplace.

Kind of amazing 'cause
you had a hard time

believing in genies,
but, uh, okay.

I want a car and
a rocket launcher.

Here is your pencil.

Christmas is also the time kids
learn all about disappointment.

Yeah, IN... Ugh.

- Here you go, sir.
- Oh, thank you.

Enjoy.

Excuse me, Bernard.

You, sir, are an artist.

- Thank you.
- Wow.

- Thanks. All right.
- Wow, wow, wow.

Okay, so tell me about this
whole Christmas thing of yours.

Oh. Uh, well, it-it's
become really commercial,

but... originally, it
was meant to celebrate

the birth of this guy. He was,
he was called Jesus Christ.

Wait, what? Jesus? Are you
talking about Mary's kid?

Yeah.

What? I knew him.

What did he do to get so famous?

You... Wow. Okay, uh,

well, he turned out
to be the Son of God.

Oh, no, I
thought he was kidding.

Wait, what? You-you
actually met him?

Yeah. Oh, my... yeah, last
time I was out of the box.

This is amazing, like...

What? I mean,

okay, what was,
what was he like?

What was Jesus like?

You know, he's Jesus. He's
just kind of like, "Hey."

But financially under-ambitious,

to tell you the truth. I
mean, I did say to him once,

I'm like, "With your talents",

"I mean water,
kaboom, into wine,

conjuring fish out of thin air."

I said, "Big J, we should
open a restaurant together."

You know, we could call
it, like, "Something Fishy"

or "Oh, My Cod."

Goody Two-shoes didn't want
anything to do with that.

Hey, well, I mean, to Big J.

- To Big J.
- Hmm.

Okay, how about this,
how about this, um...

Oh, I wish we could go
back to Santa's Grotto.

You got it.

Hello. Merry Christmas.

Okay, so,
um, I wish that

all these kids got
everything they wanted.

Ooh, he thinks he's
gonna get a pencil.

He is so not just
gonna get a pencil.

♪ Oh, yeah, candles
burnin' low ♪

- ♪ Lots of mistletoe.
- There you go.

- SANTA: Merry Christmas!
- ♪ Choirs singin' carols

- ♪ Right outside my door.

♪ All these things and more...

Whoo! Ride him! There you go.

Her parents are around
somewhere, right?

Uh, what is all of this?

Uh, it's how all these
different companies

get you to buy their thing.

Well, how about we do
something about that, Nardo?

Get wishing.

♪ I see your smilin' face

♪ Like I've never seen before

♪ Even though I love you madly

♪ It seems I love you more

♪ All these things and more...

Hey, should we change
that sign, too?

Uh, no, that's
actually, um, a cinema.

- Wait, do you want to see a movie?
- Yes.

I have no idea what
a movie is, but, uh,

I would really like
to see one, I think.

Ooh, he's fast.

- Yeah.
- He's very, very fast.

Don't do the jump.
Don't do the jumping!

No, no, no. This
mission is impossible!

It's in the title!

What is the name
of that hero guy?

- Oh, uh, Tom Cruise.
- Tom Cruise.

- Yeah.
- I mean, he's huge.

He's the biggest human
being I've ever seen.

Where-where do giants
like Tom Cruise live?

- Uh, in Los Angeles mainly.
- Los Angeles mainly.

I mean, I'm never going
there, because I think

he would take that enormous foot

and just crunch me with it.

Or, I don't know, maybe
I should go because

what if he uses those enormous
juicy lips to kiss me?

I really wouldn't worry
about it. I mean, Tom,

Tom Cruise is definitely
just normal size.

Like, in fact,
everything's normal sized.

It's just the movies
that make them look big.

Ah.

That's fine.

Ho, ho. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hi.

Hi. I don't think
we've been introduced.

- I'm Lenny.
- Oh.

- Oh, yeah, this is, um...
- Flora.

Pleasure, really. I
mean, I-I love this.

It's, uh... I love
a man in a uniform.

Thank you.

- Uh, she's my...
- I-I got it.

An old friend. You know,

just in from out of town.

Spending a few days just to help

this one get out of the pickle
he got himself into with Julie.

Good, I'm glad
someone's doing that,

and I think it's working.
I haven't seen him glowing

like this in a, in a bit.

- Well...
- You know, I try my best, but I don't think,

uh, I don't... I rarely glow.

- I think I... I'm a little rough, little rough.
- Oh.

I mean, I-I like things
rough around the edges.

- Do you?
- If you know what I mean?

- You old green eyes...
- Mm-hmm.

- Oh, hazel.
- Hazel is right.

And you get what I'm saying?

Yeah, I think everyone gets
what you're saying, so...

What's that?

Uh, uh, yeah.

I think he
has to go to the bathroom.

- You have a key.
- Don't you have a key?

- I don't need to go.
- Do you have to go to the bathroom?

Yeah, I do have... Good
seeing you, Lenny. Bye.

Okay, Bernie. Flora?
Di... Do... Have we met?

Like, back in the
day? Did we...?

It would've been
way back in the day.

- Way, way back.
- Key West. Key West?

Maybe.

We should go.

I'm almost ready.

Okay.

Ooh. That's nice.

Refreshing.

Let's do this.

How'd you
want to get there?

- Do you want one of those car things?
- Yeah.

Okay, what kind?

Just something subtle,

sensible.

Do you think we've
got enough presents?

I-I think we would
have had to have gotten

a second car to get any more.

Right, right? What
about this little guy?

All right, let's see
what this thing can do.

Okay. Okay, you ready?

All right, let's
get Julie and Eve back!

♪ Don't mess around with
those silly toys... ♪

Are you
sure I'm invisible?

Yes, I'm sure. Can-can you
stop switching sides, please?

Oh, she's cute.

She's definitely cute.

How was the story today?

- It was good.
- Good?

Wait, Dad?

- Hey, how are you?
- Good.

- Hey.
- Hey.

How are you do...? Oh.

I'm so sorry about the
other night, you know?

Yeah, very weird.

What's up?

Uh, I-I've just...

I've been wanting you to
know that I-I-I can be there.

You know, even when I'm not
meant to be there, so that,

you know, when I am meant
to be there, you know,

I'll definitely be... be there.

I know this can't be easy.

It's not easy for either of us.

Um...

Dad, do you want
to get ice cream?

Do I...?

- Um...
- Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, why not?

I wish the place had cherry.
That's my favorite flavor.

- The... You know what? I wis...
- I wish that, too.

- Uh, should we go? Yeah?
- Yeah. Yeah.

Hey, you don't happen
to have cherry, do you?

Yeah, actually, it just came in.

Well, look, it's so good to
see the two of you.

Oh, and don't let me
forget... Before I go,

I've got... I-I've got one
or two things in the car

that I'd really
love to give you.

Hey.

- Sorry, we're late, guys.
- Oh.

Oh. Uh, Bernie, uh,
you remember Johnny?

We grew up together. This
is his daughter Emma.

Uh, they live next
to my mom. I'm sorry.

I should've mentioned that
they were coming to meet us.

No, no, it's good.

- Yeah.
- Nice to finally meet ya.

Yeah.

It's been so lucky
having them next door.

I mean, as you can see, the
girls are two peas in a pod.

Great.

Great.

That's great.

Who's ready to go see a movie?

We are! We are! We are!

Okay, well, we
should probably go

- if we're gonna make it.
- Yeah.

Can we do the stuff in
the car another time?

Sure.

Yeah, sure. Sure, that's... fab.

Okay.

Okay.

- Bye, Dad.
- Yeah.

I'll see you later, darling.

- Have a good time, yeah?
- Yeah.

What if I bring
Eve by on Saturday?

For a night with you.

I mean, uh...

- Yeah, I would love that.
- Yeah?

Absolutely. Yeah. That's a...

- great plan.
- All right.

Let's do it.

- Bye, Bernie.
- It was a pleasure, man. -Yeah.

- Real pleasure.
- Yeah. Nice to...

nice to meet you...

Johnny.

Uh, hold up for me, guys.

- Dad, are you okay?
- Yeah!

- Are you okay?
- Yeah. Yeah.

- Whew, I'm good.
- Okay.

No, I'm good. I'm good.

Ah, it gets me every time.

I can't believe it.

How did I end up
fifth-wheeling my own family?

This is a disaster.

Here's a question... and there's
no wrong answer... but...

would you maybe feel
better if you would wish,

you know, for Johnny to
kinda...

So easy to do it.

It's actually easier to
do it than not to do it.

♪ Without that
girl of mine, oh! ♪

♪ Christmas just
ain't Christmas ♪

♪ Without the one you love

Hello, gorgeous.

Hello, handsome.

Do you think you and I could...

Yep.

Yeah?

Hi, Bernie.

So, Lenny's interesting.

I mean, that's a face that
has seen some fun, right?

Yeah. Well, he's
definitely single,

I can tell you that much.

I hope you like cats, 'cause
he's got a fair few of them.

Oh, I love cats.
They're delicious.

This Julie and Eve
thing's not gonna be easy.

Stop right there, buster.

Okay, Rome was not, as
you know, built in a day.

It took 12.

We have all night

to just sit and
come up with a plan,

what's our next move.

We've got this.

Are you expecting someone?

No, no.

Hey! My boy!

Hi!

- Everyone. -
- Hey, Julie!

Ooh, is that my baby, Eve?

Come give Grandma kisses!

I-I wish y-you could
meet... the caterer

- I got in for the evening.
- Oh.

And you can. Hi, I'm Flora.

- Hi.
- No, please don't.

- Hi. -Yeah.
- Oh. Sorry.

- Come in. Do come in.
- What?

Good to see you. -Okay.

Hi, Mum.

The caterer?

- You have a caterer?
- Well, I just thought I'd...

- Starving, so this works out.
- Hey.

How did you forget that your
entire family was coming over?

Yeah, I mean, there's-there's
been a lot of distractions

- in the last couple days.
- That's fair.

Okay, what do you need me to do?

Uh, okay, I wish there
was a complete meal

with all the trimmings
right here in this kitchen.

- That's pretty good!
- Yeah? Okay.

This is gonna be so fun.

I bet your family's great.

And then Paul looks
directly at me and says,

"David, I actually
am an accountant."

Imagine, we had quite
a laugh about that.

Why?

I'm
still a little confused.

Where are Eve and Julie?

- Great question.
- Yeah. Right. Um...

We're-we're actually on
a...

Bit of a break at the moment.

A break. What-what
does that mean, a break?

- Well, l-let me explain.
- Bernie,

- you've got to work on a marriage.
- I know.

Yeah, you can say that again.

Excuse me.

See? See, this is why I
never took the plunge.

You know? Some stallions,
they just need to roam free.

Bernard, hey, look,
man, if you ever want to talk,

mano y mano,

I'm here for you, bud.

Yeah, you're not
using that correctly.

Actually,
I'm pretty sure I am.

'Cause it's man
friend to man friend.

Who's ready for dead bird?

Huh?

That is a strange bunch.

I mean, you're telling me?

I-I j... I just wish
I could find a way

to make them happy, you know?

Wait a minute.

Okay. I have a fantastic plan.

Risky...

but I think fantastic.

All right, guys,
just l-listen up.

I've-I've got something
I'd-I'd love to tell you.

It's about me and Flora.

Mm. See? Told you.

He's already got
a new girlfriend.

No, it's... it is...

It's nothing to do with that.

It's-it's-it's...

Uh, um...

How do I say this?

Um, Flora, she's a genie.

A what?

- Don't laugh.
- -What?

- What? What?
- She can make wishes come true.

- Yeah.
- As you all know,

it's only three wishes.
Absolutely only three,

- but, yeah, that's, uh...
- Yeah. Three.

- Yeah.
- That's my Christmas gift to...

each one of you. Three wishes.

Pretty good gift, right?

Okay,

- okay, he's lost his mind. Julie's left him...
- What?

And he's lost
his mind. I mean,

you all thought I was the one
who was gonna go off the rails.

But, no, perfect Bernard...

Don't do that. Okay, it's true.

For example,
Mar-Marvin, you just...

you just had to wear
that Harvard sweatshirt,

again, even though we
all know Diana hates it.

Because he didn't go to Harvard.

- Why wear it? -
- BERNARD: I wish

Marvin was wearing something
Diana actually liked.

And I wish Dad could
be more like the man.

Mum fell in love with.

- Oh.
- Whoa.

- Oh, my God.
- And...

I wish Pete would stop
referring to himself

as a "lone wolf" and just sign
up for all the dating apps.

There you go.

There's my three.

Proof is in the genie pudding.

Am I right?

I wish I had my
old husband back.

Oh, God.

I actually have three
big ones planned.

First, I wish for
my own whole set

of Honma titanium golf clubs.

Oh!

You don't... You
don't even really like golf.

You just like wearing your
weird wicking fabric shirts

and drinking in the clubhouse.

Baby, I wish you
would stop talking

and just let me
get on with this.

Uh, uh...

Does that mean Diana's never
gonna be able to talk again?

Unless Marvin was
to wish for her

not to be able to
not talk anymore.

Oh, come on.

Dude!

Uh...

Okay.

Yeah, whatever. I,
like, wish that...

Diana could talk again.

Huh.

Well, thanks, babe.

Marvin, I wish you
would just go to hell.

Oh...

Okay, please stop!

Is anybody gonna wish
Marvin back from hell?

Damn it.

Fine.

I guess...

I guess I wish he'd
come back from hell.

Oh, my God!

What was it like?

Uh, I think it's pretty obvious.

Very hot down there.

- Mm.
- And how does the devil look like?

W-Well, he kind of looked
like Ricky Gervais.

All right, stop.

You're a family.
You're my family.

This is our one real
chance for happiness.

Please,

just... focus.

- Yeah.
- Actually,

Bernard,

I just wish this
whole thing was over.

Done.

Oh.

Oh, wowzers.

I mean, in all my years,

I have never seen anyone
use the wishes worse.

Yeah.

I mean, we've got
to be so careful.

All my family could
literally have gone to hell.

One of 'em did.

Yeah.

Okay. It's WWTCD time.

What's that?

"What would Tom Cruise do?"

Because Operation.

Bring Julie and Eve Back Home
is not Mission: Impossible.

What is it?

What?

Impossible.

You know, I think we
should start with, like,

kind of sprucing up
the place for Julie.

You know? Which means
probably getting...

rid of quite a few of these
old, dusty Nardo trinkets.

This is our first fix.

You know what? You're right.

She actually always
hated this thing.

- Yeah.
- Yeah. I can't imagine why.

Is it your shirt?

Uh, no, it's not mine.

It's actually... He was
a famous footballer.

Do you have his
underpants or trousers?

It's not a crazy question.

Yeah, no, I don't
have his pants.

So does anybody
else have your shirt

or maybe, maybe your underpants
under glass in their house?

Well, not yet, but...

Okay. All right.

Think we should swap
it for something

maybe, maybe that
Julie would enjoy.

What?

Let's swap it for something

- deeply respectful. You know?
- Oh, okay. All right.

Um... Go on.
Make it the Mona Lisa.

I mean, she could
have smiled, right?

N-No, no, no. That's really...
That's very much the point.

Ah.

Okay. Well, I don't know.

I think we're off
to a good start.

All right.

That's what I'm talking about.

- Well done!
- Oh, thank you.

I mean, look at this, right?

I think Julie's gonna love it.

But you see? Everything's
gonna be perfect again.

And you're gonna be back with
Julie and Eve, and I'm...

you know, I'm-I'm
g... I'm gonna be...

What?

Uh, nothing. You know?

I'll-I'll be around.

You know? Doing my thang.

Which, of
course, is doing your thang...

for you.

Which is great.

Okay, put a... put a
fork in me, I'm done.

Uh, that's... I don't want
you to put a fork in me.

- I'm just tired.
- Okay.

Okay. All right, good night.

- Night. Night, Flora.
- Uh-huh.

Mon Dieu.

Mon Dieu.

Hey, Dad.

Hey, child.

Child's mother. Exactly on time.

Punctuality. Very important
for relationships.

Right. I know that, now.

I'll see you tomorrow, baby.

Have fun.

Um, you'll bring her back?

Yeah, of course.
I'll see you then.

- All right. Bye.
- Bye.

I've got someone I
want you to meet.

Hi, Eve.

So, this is, um, Miss Flora.

She's gonna be staying
with us for a bit.

And if you need anything,
just-just let me know,

because, you know, your
wish is my command.

Indirectly.

- Okay. Young lady?
- Yep.

I think I might have
a couple of things

that might meet
with your approval.

Why don't you have a
look in your bedroom?

Is it a dollhouse?

It's definitely a
dollhouse!

Why?

- Why are you...
- I'm sorry. I got very excited.

Yeah?

Yes!
Yes, you like it?

- I love it!
- Go on. Go on and look.

Look at that. It's good.

Let's go to the bath.

Okay.

The trick is to be as
precise as possible.

- You see?
- Wow.

♪ Merry Christmas, baby...

The dollhouse is
awesome. Thanks, Dad.

Are you happy?

Yeah.

Oh, uh, Eve, Eve.

I'd love to see it if you want
to show me around a bit more?

I'd love that.

Let's do it. Okay?

All right. You've
got this, right?

Yeah. I got it. Precision?

♪ You surely treat me nice

Oh.

♪ Love you, baby,
the rest of my life ♪

♪ Merry Christmas, baby...

So, a running race?

Yep.

- Like an actual running race?
- Yes, you run.

It's just, I'm so
obviously gonna beat you.

I'm a fully grown
man with long legs

and you're a small girl
in old-fashioned shoes.

Yeah.

- Race you to the big tree!
- Hey!

Hey, that's cheating!

Being clever is not cheating!

Uh...

do you use it for something?

Yes.

Does it breathe?

I'm reading this book about,

about parallel universes
and time travel

- and dimensional portals.
- Yes.

- Right? You know about th...
- Yeah.

- Have you heard about it?
- I... Well, yes.

Uh, there's a high likelihood

that there's another version
of me that might be a,

like an equestrian
trainer or, or a chef.

Hmm, I would say it's...

You're definitely
somewhere else on a horse.

Hmm? Okay.

Ah.

Here comes trouble.

Hey, Flora. Hey, Lenny.

Hey, nice to have
you back, kiddo.

Your dad's kind of
boring on his own.

No way.

He used to be a selfish
bastard, but now he's great.

- Oh...
- Oh. Wow.

- Bye, Lenny.
- Bye.

Here she is, in one piece.

- Hi, Grandma.
- Hey, sweetheart.

Hey.

Did you have a good time?

- Really great.
- Oh, good.

Thanks, Bernie.
That's wonderful.

Hello?

- It's Julie.
- What?

- Let me hear.
- No, no, no, no.

No, that, that, that
would be great. Um...

Oh, Friday night here, 7:00?

No, that's-that's,
um, that's perfect.

Just the three of us?

Yeah, that's,
that's, that's great.

Okay, um, yeah,
I'll see you then.

Okay, bye.

What just happened?

Yeah, she, uh, she wants
to come over Friday night.

You are back in business.

Right? You are back in what?

- Business.
- That's right.

Okay. Do me a favor.

Let me handle dinner,

'cause romance is
kind of my thing.

- Romance is your thing?
- Yeah.

Okay, well, I-I wish
you would do that.

- Okay.
- Thank you, my friend.

Okay, this is it.

We are gonna do this, all right?

We are in it, and Julie's about

to find herself on the
road to Ro-Nardomance.

Nardomance. Buh-buh.

♪ Just kiss me once
and kiss me twice ♪

♪ Then kiss me once again

♪ It's been a long, long time

♪ Haven't felt like this...

Hi, Dad!

- Come on. Come in.
- Go.

All she's been talking
about is that dollhouse.

Yeah, I bet.

Wow.

You weren't
kidding...

When you said you
spruced up the place.

Yeah, well, I know you always
wanted a bit of a refresh.

- So...
- Oh, my God.

- Oh, so this is the dollhouse.
- Do you like it?

Okay, well...

It's amazing.

- Okay.
- Wow.

That was really delicious.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

All right, well, here you go.

Oh. Okay.

Why not?

When did you learn
how to make martinis?

- Ah, cheers to you.
- Cheers.

Oh, my God.

Look at that.

Fireworks.

How lucky are we?

Wow.

Look at that.

That is actually pretty magical.

Yeah.

♪ Without you

♪ So kiss me once,
then kiss me twice ♪

♪ Then kiss me once again

♪ It's been a long
time, oh, yeah. ♪

Hey, I, um...

I... Can we actually just
talk about something?

Uh, yeah.

Look, Bernie, I...

I know that this has
been a...

Really tough time
and I just, um...

And I know that it's
only been a couple weeks,

but I-I think it might
be worth thinking

about how this all
might work long-term.

Long-term?

Look, I don't mean forever.

Look, I don't,

I don't know what's
gonna happen,

I just...

Like, longer-term. Like now.

You know, f-for instance,

I was thinking that
maybe you could take Eve

on the 23rd and the 24th?

Uh, uh, you mean,
a-actual Christmas Eve.

Yeah.

Yeah, it... seems as
though magically, um,

us taking time apart has
been the making of you two.

I mean, that's good news.

Though, sort of cloaked in bad.

Bernard, you're a good man.

Thank you for dinner.

Bye, Dad.

See you tomorrow, darling.

Sorry.

- I'm sorry, that was tough.
- Yeah, I know.

But the Eve news,
that's great, so...

You know, I really thought

the fireworks were
gonna work better.

Yeah, the fireworks were
pretty epic actually.

I mean, I-I thought you
had some other stuff?

Yeah, I did, but then
Julie kind of left

before I hit my stride.

Ta-da!

I mean, not too shabby, right?

Is that a bear?

It used to be.

And a fire? We don't
have a chimney.

I'm a genie.

Right.

Ooh, I should let the band go.

The band?

- Hey, guys, I...
- Okay, here we go.

One, two, three, four.

What?

- What?
- It's Julie.

No.

It's Julie.

She went all the way downstairs

and she started thinking
about your Nardoness,

then she came all the way
back upstairs for-for this.

- Let's just...
- Do you think? Look...

- Ow! Don't do that.
- Yeah. Okay.

It's just good energy for ya.

- Okay.
- Yeah?

Oh, I should not be here.

- Okay, you know what?
- You, you...

I've got a date with
Tom Cruise tonight, so.

Okay, good. Um, well, hey,

I wi... I wish you
were at that cinema.

Thanks,
Nardo. Good luck.

♪ Kiss me twice

♪ Kiss me once again

♪ It's been a long time

- ♪ Oh, yeah.

Bernard, there's smoke
coming through the vents.

Everything okay in there?

Oh.

Ah, Flora.

- Here we go!
- And now,

for your feature presentation.

Here we go, here we go.

Here we go. Woo-hoo!

Buddy, you're lucky
we got here in time.

What are you doing with an
open fire in there anyways?

That's completely illegal.

Hey, Ricky. The Mona Lisa.

It's missing, ain't it?

Yeah.

I-Is it?

- Yeah.
- It's right there.

I wish I could swap
the jersey back.

Give it to me, Mr. Thomas
Cruise Control.

Come on, lock up, baby.

You okay, buddy?

Wow, Bernie.

Been a busy night, huh?

Yeah, it sure has.

Hey, we'll get you out, buddy.

Stay strong.

Okay, kid.

The good news is that
it's gonna take a bit

to extradite you
to France, so...

you'll be here in a nice, warm
American cell over Christmas.

- Mm-hmm.
- It's not very good news.

I mean, if...

If I miss Christmas,

my life is over.

Missing Christmas is the
least of your problems, buddy.

Do you know anything about
the French penal system?

Uh, n-no.

Think Texas Chainsaw Massacre

where everyone is dressed
like Inspector Clouseau.

- This can't be happening.
- It's happening,

but the solution
is quite simple.

All you got to do...
Look at me, look at me.

Tell me
the truth. Come on.

Okay, okay.

Now we're talking.

Okay. Okay.

The-the truth is...

I had an accomplice.

Officer Pepper to the bullpen.

Wow. Look at these digs.

You do okay, don't you?

- Is that the bad guy?
- What?

Nardo, I am here! I
am in the building!

Eagle has landed.

- Nardo, I am in the building.
- Ma'am. Ma'am.

- Please don't do that.
- Got it.

I thought that's what
it was there for.

So sor... Wha...
You guys both have guns.

I just have my dagger.

What? No. Put your hands up!

Oh, that's nice.

Quit screwing around.

Take your hat off.

Okay. I'll do that.

Commencing interview.

- Is-is this for me?
- Okay.

Thank you very much.

You're welcome.

Name.

- Mine?
- Yes.

Oh, okay.

Hi, there, um, Flora
Gwendolen Locheed,

uh, Firepit McAllister Cruise.

Is that, is that a
"Cruz" with a "U-Z"?

- S-E.
- S-E.

- As in, as in Tom.
- Okay.

Date of birth.

Let's see, it's second day of
the Feast of Angus the Fierce.

- Yes. Second day.
- But what year of the second day?

- Oh, geez.
- I need a month. I need a year.

You know what? I'm gonna
say 2,152 years ago

is probably...

I think that's
pretty darn close.

Okay, we're gonna put down
1969 from the looks of it.

- Okay.
- Okay.

- What's your profession?
- How do I...

Well, okay, I guess the
honest answer would be...

I, you know, dabbled
in a little bit of

being a warrior/hunter-gatherer,

but now, really, I strictly
just, uh, I'm a genie.

Uh, what was the last part?

Uh, but now I'm,
uh, just a genie.

Okay.

You believe that you're a genie?

Well, I know I'm a genie.

- You know you're a genie?
- Yes, because I'm a genie.

Uh, so, what kind of
prescription drugs

are you on now?

Ooh.

I don't know. What have you got?

What are you offering?

Okay, look, uh...

I'm gonna be honest with you.

I don't know if this is some
kind of bit you're doing,

you're crazy, or what, but...

I want to run with
this for a second.

- Okay?
- Okay.

So you are this magical genie.

- That's correct.
- So, if that's the case,

you have to know exactly

what you and your friend
Bernard are in for with prison.

Okay? You're gonna be stuck

in a little square
box for eternity.

No friends.

No family.

No freedom.

How does that sound to you?

Familiar.

Get ready, buddy boy.

December 23.

Guess where you're going?

JFK.

We're transferring you and
Ms. McAllister to France

immediately.

Goodbye. Arrivederci.

Adios. Salaam alaikum salaam.

Right, well, I-I guess we're
just gonna have to live

with the consequences
of our actions.

Right? Just-just two crooks

in the back of a
high-security van,

wishing they'd never got greedy.

You're funny, that's what
I like about you, Bernard.

Like, as if we're gonna put
you both in the same vehicle

for hours so you could
get your story straight.

What kind of idiots
do you think we are?

Right.

Hey. Get him out.

Hmm.

Flora!

I wish we could swap back!

Oh, so now you
want to talk, huh?

Hey, hey.

- All right, come on.
- Flora, it's me, it's Bernie.

I wish we could swap back.

- I wish we could swap back.
- Hey, buddy, buddy.

I wish we could
swap that painting back.

Get him out of here.

Seriously.

- You okay?
- Yeah, thanks.

Wow.

- Yeah?
- Detective Perez,

we have the French.

- The French? Put 'em on.
- Yeah.

Bonjour.

Bring me the painting!

It's not a painting, sir.

I know it's not a painting.

It's the painting.

The most valuable
painting in the world.

You're not
gonna like this, boss.

It's a jersey.

I'm gonna have to kill someone.

- That was close.
- Way too close.

We could've been fairly
and squarely screwed.

The wishing has to stop, right?

Well, yeah, maybe.

- Except...
- Except what?

Well, I mean,
except Julie and Eve

are gonna arrive
at mine any minute.

Okay, that's okay.
I mean, this is like

classic Flora and
Nardo stuff, right?

I mean, kicking names
and taking butts.

This is what we do.

- Uh...
- Okay.

So, yeah, they're
nearly here, so...

- Okay, okay. What do we do?
- So...

Oh, uh...

Just wondered if you
could maybe go invisible.

You know, just...

- Just... Yeah.
- No, that's... No, of course.

That's the right thing.

- Okay, good luck.
- Thank you.

Bye, Grandma.

- Hey, hey, sweetie.
- Dad!

Ah.

- How you doing? Yeah?
- Good.

- Hey.
- Hey, um, all right.

Well, I'll leave you to it.

- Thank you.
- Have a good time, you two.

- Yeah. Uh, you, too.
- Bye, Mom.

Yeah.

What you got in the bag, huh?

You look so cute in this jumper.

- Thank you.
- Where'd you get it?

Oh, Grandma got it for me.

Grandma got it for
you. Did you get me anything?

Mm. Sorry.

This is the big chimney, right?

How many little chimneys
can you put there?

You have to make sure you don't
tell Mum that we've exclusively

been eating sugar for
the last 48 hours.

I won't.

I can keep a secret.

I never told Mom
about you smoking

when she was at her
high school reunion.

Oh!

Burn.

But you still kind of
keep things from me.

Me? What are you talking about?

I'm your dad. I
tell you everything.

Dad, all of a sudden,

there's a random lady
living in our house?

Oh, she's good. Real good.

Okay. Well, I mean,
the-the truth...

I mean, do you want
to do the honors?

You're the boss.

Yeah, of course. I
forget that sometimes.

Okay, I'm gonna tell
her. I'm gonna tell you.

- Listen, okay.
- Mm-hmm.

So, um...

Flora here, fabulous Flora...

- Oh, thank you.
- Thank you.

She's a genie.

Ta-da.

Dad, I'm eight.

You got to come up with
something better than that.

- No, it's true.
- That's a tough cookie.

- Wow.
- She is. She really is.

So, Flora, you're a genie?

- I am.
- So, in that case,

you must have a
magic flying carpet.

Funny you should mention that.

- Hey, should we have some fun?
- Yeah!

Let's go, let's go!

Yeah!

Oh, oh, oh,
look at this guy. Wait.

Go home!

- It's Christmas!
- Go home!

- Whoa!
- Did you see his face?

- Ready to go to Grandma's?
- Mm-hmm.

Thank you, Flora.

That was the best
day of her life.

So, you've done everything
for Julie and Eve.

I was just wondering if
there's maybe something

that you want for Christmas.

Well, you know
what? I-I did have

one or two little thoughts.

And finally, a charming
Christmas story.

This evening, the
Bowery Mission received

an unexpected donation
from Oliver Flaxman,

owner of New York's own
Flaxman's Auction House.

The check for $100
million makes up

the entirety of Flaxman's
personal fortune,

and it will go towards
feeding and caring

for the unhoused this Christmas.

We go down to
Flaxman's Auctions now,

where a grateful
crowd has gathered.

Mr. Oliver Flaxman?

- Uh, yes.
- What made you make

such an incredibly
generous gesture?

What gesture?

- Oh, my God.
- Well, the Bowery Mission just received

- a $100 million charity check from you.
- Oh, wait.

Which was just deposited
to help feed the unhoused

this Christmas.

That's right.

Well, you've become a national
hero because of your generosity.

I have?

Could I, could I
just have a moment?

Absolutely.

- Yeah.
- You suck. Boo!

Boo.

And what a wonderful
story that is.

That's it for tonight.

From all of us here, goodbye

- and very merry Christmas Eve.
- That's the way. Nicely done.

Uh... you
got to be kidding me.

This is it. Best present ever.

What do you think?
Do you like it?

I... Well, uh, come on.

I don't know,
when-when we first met,

I was, I was just...

I was the most unhappy
man in the world.

I'd-I'd lost everything, but
at least I have Eve back.

Yeah.

Now, I'm...

you know, I'm-I'm
so much better,

so I-I wanted to get you
something special for Christmas.

And you have. I mean,
I have everything

I could ever want.

Well, not quite everything.

Did-did you see the
card that came with it?

Oh. What?

Oh.

Please be a hot chocolate
gift certificate.

- Please.
- Just read the card.

Read the card.

Ah.

That's great.

I...

We're equals, Flora.

Now, how can things go well
for me and not for both of us?

I don't think I remember
how to have my own life.

I think you'll get
the hang of it.

And I thought
the sweatshirt was good.

I mean, mm...

I mean, it is.

Yeah, that's, um,
that's my last wish.

How do you, how do
you want to do it?

Well, it comes with a
bit of... of good news.

Um, when a genie goes,

you know, usually people realize
that they forgot something,

so when I go,

you're still allowed
three wishes.

No, that's where the three
wishes thing comes from.

That's where the three
wishes thing comes from.

You-you got any ideas?

You know, I think the
whole point is that

you'll know what you
need when it happens.

So I'm just gonna leave
that to you, my friend.

Should I do it?

- Do it. Do it.
- Do it?

Okay.

I guess this is...

this is the end.

Yeah, I'm... out of here.

- Where are you gonna go?
- Uh...

you know, I'm still kind
of mulling that over.

I've actually thought
about going home.

Some unfinished
business with a, uh,

- sorcerer from hell.
- Yeah, but

you can't go back in time.
That's rule number one.

Uh, actually, that's...

How do I put...?
That's not 100% true.

For, as far as genie
rule number one, really,

you-you tell the
boss that, you know,

time travel is out
of the question

because it's, it's
really dangerous.

So it's for your
protection and also

'cause people make horrible
decisions usually, so...

But, I mean, is it literally

out of the question? No.

It's not.

Right, so I could just
wish you back home?

Well, I don't know, but, I mean,

I'm still kind of
considering my options.

I mean, really,
anything could happen.

You know, I could end up in
Los Angeles with this guy.

You know, just
sitting by a pool. We don't,

we don't know, right?

Oh, you know what? I almost...

This is for you.

And I know I said

that your final three wishes

are entirely up to you,
and that's-that's true,

but maybe consider
this like a hint

at what one of the
wishes could be.

So what's it mean?

We'll get to that in a minute.

Okay, I want to say
something to you.

Uh... and

I just think it's important
that you really hear me.

So years from now,

when you're old,

and gray, and probably
doughy in the middle.

When you're sitting around

reading stories
about my old pal,

JC, in-in your,

in your "Bibble" and...

- It's Bible, but...
- Whatever.

When you come to the phrase,

"The multitude gathered,"

I want you to remember

That one
of 'em found you

to be the very best friend
that she'd ever had.

Okay? And, uh,

I never really trusted
people because...

they're greedy and
they're selfish.

But, Bernard,

that's not ever you.

This is all getting
a bit too emotional.

I-I-I wish you'd just go.

No, no, no, no, no, no,
no. I was, I was just...

- It's so weird.
- I know.

I can't believe she just
left. She just took off?

Well, I mean, she
didn't so much as leave.

She sort of
disappeared, you know?

I thought we had a, you
know... She didn't say,

she didn't say, she
didn't say goodbye.

I know. It's a
complicated situation.

The weird thing is she
left this thing for me

and I-I can't make
head nor tail of it.

- What? It's a number.
- I know, but...

Maybe it's a...
international phone number.

Yeah, that's a good idea
actually. Like a plus four-four?

I don't know what that means.

We're sorry
your call cannot be completed.

- No.
- Oh!

It's a lottery number.
She had a vision.

We're gonna be rich.

- We'll just wait until the drawing.
- Wait, hold on.

- Hold on. Pass me that pad.
- What?

- This?
- Yeah.

Oh, look at that.
You're doing math.

I... You never think you're
gonna use it and then you...

- You're a genius.
- I could kiss you. -What?

- What? What happened?
- Good night. Good night!

Are we gonna win money?

Just let me wet my beak.

Flora,

my dear friend,

for the first of my
last three wishes,

I wish

I was back to the
very beginning.

♪ Little darlin'

♪ Don't you cry

♪ You know I tried to be
there with you by and by ♪

♪ When everything
is goin' wrong ♪

♪ Now don't you cry

♪ I'm wishin'

Bernard, this is Henry Hackford

of the Metropolitan
Museum of Art.

Ah, yes. An honor
to meet you, sir.

Nice to meet you, too.

I'd like you to take him
through your new catalog.

Yes, of course.

I'd love to oblige,
but I'm afraid

taking my daughter out for her
birthday is far more important

than following the
orders of a slimy,

nasty, seedy, supercilious,

gloating, ghastly, greedy
rip-off merchant like you.

So goodbye.

Have a very Merry Christmas.

And, oh, of course, I quit.

But, hey, you can keep the ugly bear.

♪ I wish that everything

♪ Was gold

♪ I wish you

♪ Were here to hold

♪ I'm wishin'

♪ Everything gold

♪ Wishin'

♪ Everything gold

♪ Wishin'

♪ Hold on to love,
hold on to love. ♪

Hey.

Hey.

You look beautiful.

What you trying to
butter me up for?

I really didn't think
you were gonna make it.

- No?
- No.

Okay, too much mascara?

Do I look like an owl?

You look perfect.

Bernie, what?

Thank you.

- What is this about?
- Mm.

Mm.

Dad!

Oh, happy birthday, baby doll.

How was work?

I quit.

Excuse me?

Did you just say the thing
that I have been dreaming

and-and hoping and
needing you to say

for, I don't know, what
seems like a lifetime?

I just figured I need to

spend a bit more time
with my girls, you know?

And at last, finally pursue

that lifelong dream of
a career in modeling.

Yeah, right.

I've been telling you,
look at this face.

Oh, Bernie, that
is such good news.

I was really getting
worried that maybe someday

soon we'd have to...

Yeah, I know.

No, you don't.

Trust me, I do.

Where are we going?

Oh, yeah. I thought maybe

this year we could do
something a little bit better

than skating, I thought
we could take this divine,

- this sophisticated young lady...
- No!

- Let me go.
- Out to the finest restaurant in town.

- Ooh.
- Yeah, I mean, it's a very important birthday.

- She's actually eight.
- Eight?

- You're actually eight, right?
- I'm eight.

Uh, sorry,
excuse me, sir.

Wow. What do you think, Eve?

- It's so cool.
- Evening.

Um, do you have
any spare tables?

Tonight? Do we have any
spare tables tonight?

Oh.

I wish you did.

Well, it so happens
that we do, sir.

Come this way. Table for three.

What did you do?

I've got this.

You flexing, huh?

You know, I think I'm gonna
go for the Cornish game hen.

Very good
choice, sir. Madam?

Uh, if I could have
the truffle salad

and, ooh, the steak tartare?

Certainly, madam.

And for you, young lady?

Peanut butter sandwiches and
cherry ice cream, please?

I'm afraid we absolutely
cannot serve anything

that is not on the menu.

I wish you could.

However, seeing as you
asked exceptionally nicely,

peanut butter sandwiches and
cherry ice cream coming up,

mademoiselle.

And perhaps some french
fries and a Coke float?

Thank you.

Thank you. That is sweet.

Give me some birthday luck.

You know,

um, a little toast.

To my exquisite,

so-much-smarter-than-me wife.

And to our hilarious, now
almost totally grown-up,

little girl

on her big birthday.

What more can a
man ever wish for?

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

- Cheers.
- ♪ Every day

♪ Will be like a holiday

♪ When my baby

♪ When my baby comes home

♪ Every day

♪ Oh, yeah

♪ Will be like a holiday

♪ Oh, yes, it will

♪ When my baby

♪ When my baby comes home

♪ Oh, every day

♪ Will be like a holiday

♪ Oh, yes, it will...

What do you say
we order in for dinner?

I don't think either of us
could be bothered to cook.

That's a great idea. Let me
go out and get something.

Okay, but maybe we shouldn't
do pizza from that place again.

Oh, come on, those are
the best pizzas ever.

You know what? You're
right. Get me that pizza

- and get it right now.
- Yeah?

- Yes. Now.
- Really? Mm.

Mm.

Evening, Charles.

Evening, Mr. Bottle.

Lenny, how you doing?

I'm great, man. I'm
living the dream.

What, are you kidding me?
Beats wearing a uniform

and hailing cabs
for jerks like you.

What are
you doing, you coming in?

- Yeah, thank you, Chef.
- Oh, great.

Let me get that door for ya.

- Oh, come on.
- Come on, it's like old times, pal.

Hey, honey.

Give us a nice hot one.

Of course.

One perfect pepperoni
for old Bernie boy.

I'm guessing you
want extra pepperoni?

Yeah. Please.

Your wish is my command.

♪ I wish I was a
little bit taller ♪

♪ I wish I was a baller,
I wish I had a girl ♪

♪ Who looked good,
I would call her ♪

♪ I wish I had a rabbit
in a hat with a bat ♪

♪ And a six-four Impala

♪ I wish I was like
six-foot-nine ♪

♪ So I can get with Leoshi

♪ 'Cause she don't know me
but, yo, she's really fine ♪

♪ You know I see her all
the time, everywhere I go ♪

♪ And even in my
dreams, I can scheme ♪

♪ Of ways to make her
mine 'cause I know ♪

♪ She's livin' phat,
her boyfriend's tall ♪

♪ And he plays ball, so how am
I gonna compete with that? ♪

♪ 'Cause when it comes
to playing basketball ♪

♪ I'm always last to be
picked and in some cases ♪

♪ Never picked at all, so I
just lean up on the wall ♪

♪ Or sit up in the bleachers
with the rest of the girls ♪

♪ Who came to watch
their man ball ♪

♪ I confess it's a shame
when you livin' in a city ♪

♪ That's the size of a box
and nobody knows yo' name ♪

♪ Glad I came, to my senses

♪ Like quick-quick, got
sick-sick to my stomach ♪

♪ Overcometh by thoughts of
me and her together, right? ♪

♪ So when I asked her out,
she said I wasn't her type ♪

♪ I wish I was a little bit
taller, I wish I was a baller ♪

♪ I wish I had a girl who
looked good, I would call her ♪

♪ I wish I had a rabbit
in a hat with a bat ♪

♪ And a six-four Impala

♪ I wish I was a little bit
taller, I wish I was a baller ♪

♪ I wish I had a girl who
looked good, I would call her ♪

♪ I wish I had a rabbit
in a hat with a bat ♪

♪ And a six-four Impala

♪ I wish... I wish

♪ I wish

♪ I wish... I wish

♪ I wish.

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