All language subtitles for RuPauls.Drag.Race.All.Stars.S04E05.WOWRip.1080p-WEBRip.en

Previously on "All Stars..."

For this week's
maxi challenge,

you'll be appearing on
a twisted daytime court show,

"Jersey Justice."

This is my courtroom.
You don't talk to me that way.

I want my $5,000.

Naomi and I
are topping tonight.

You're on your freaking
second marriage.

- Security.
- Security? Sugar daddy.

[snores]

It wasn't your best, Latrice.

But no one wants
to send your ass home, bitch.

Girl, you're so beloved.
You ain't going home.

You guys basically handed
the scene over to Monique.

Monique Heart, Manila Luzon,

you're the top two All Stars
of the week.

[applause]

I'm gonna tear
the fucking roof off this place

to save my friend.

Bitch, the bottom line is that
it is shady if I go home today.

Monique Heart,
you're a winner, baby.

[applause]

Which queen have you chosen
to get the chop?

I chose Latrice.

Latrice Royale, sashay away.

Latrice!

Oh, Latrice is gone,

and I feel like I've let down
someone I love so much.

I feel like
I've let myself down.

And I'm just wrecked.

"It ain't over
till the fat lady sings.

"I love you all.

"Stay fierce and above all,
love each other.

Latrice Royale."

A class fucking act, girl.

I love you, Tricee.

- Love you, Latrice.
- Love you, boo.

Love you, Latrice.

I will see you
on the road, bitch.

Monique, you should be
so proud of yourself.

You really should.

They fucking ate you up.

You really turned
that lip sync out.

Her wig stayed on.

- Let's celebrate that.
- Yay.

This elimination was hard
because it was Latrice,

and I love Latrice.

But I saved Monét

because Monét
had a better report card.

America, I didn't keep Monét
because she's my friend.

Like, I love the bitch,
but not that much.

I'm very grateful
that Monique decided to save me

and give me another week

to fucking prove my worth
here in the competition.

You know what I mean?

Was that a hard decision
to make, Monique?

It was report card.
That's what we're holding.

Had it been me in the bottom,
y'all would have said

well, Monique, you were
in the bottom already,

so you're going home.

She had it easy

because her friend has
done better than my friend.

And so she can follow her heart
and also be fair.

How do you feel right now,
Manila?

I mean, it's just so...

It's so hard because
I couldn't save my friend,

and that makes me feel
like I'm not good enough.

[Manila] Everyone in the room
loves Latrice,

but they don't love Latrice
the way I do.

You know, they don't have
our history.

They don't have
that loyalty to each other

the way that we do.

And it's weighing down on me
in this moment.

And it's just
so much harder than I expected.

Can I just assume
that Monét's name

is in your titty right now?

when it comes down to it,

I just can't deny
what's in my heart.

You know how loyal I am
to my friends.

So I'm so sorry.

You know, there's no rule book
of how to play "All Stars."

If you wanted to pick my name
to go home,

that's your prerogative and how
you want to play the game,

and it's good to know.

Bitch, I'm gagged.

The bitch was gonna send me home
when I was doing well.

Now we're all realizing

the kind of game that she wants
to play, and you know what?

Drag queens, bitch?
A drag queen scorned, girl?

I'm done. [sniffles]

All right.

I don't know
if the other girls understand

that I owed it to my friend
to do my best to keep her here,

because I failed her before.

At the end of the day,
this is my decision.

And you know what?

I didn't get to exercise it,
so lucky you.

You get to stay.

Miss Congeniality is cracked,

the trophy is down,
and I am ready to play ball.

If Manila is in the bottom,

we don't even need
to deliberate.

I'm turning the lip sync out,
and you are going home.

[sobs]

♪ RuPaul's Drag Race ♪

The winner of "RuPaul's
Drag Race All Stars"

receives a one-year supply

of Anastasia Beverly Hills
cosmetics,

a coveted spot
in the Drag Race Hall of Fame,

and a cash prize of $100,000.

With extra-special guest judges

♪ RuPaul's Drag Race ♪

♪ May the best woman ♪

♪ Best woman win ♪

Yes, girl.

Another day.

♪ Kitty girl,
it's your world ♪

Here we are.
It's a new day.

My ride-or-die Latrice
is no longer with us.

That sounds like she died.

Last week was last week.

This week is gonna be fabulous.

A fabulous brand-new day.

Jesus is a biscuit.

[alarm]

Ooh, girl.

She done already
done had herses.

My All Stars.

Soap Opera says
you've got one life to live.

But I say old queens don't die,

they just tucker out.

You're killing me, Mary.

We're all gonna die!

[all laugh]

I'm made of preservatives,

so, bitch, I ain't dying
any time soon.

Yes, bitch,
you gonna outlive us all.

Hello, hello, hello.

- [cheers]
- Ladies.

- Come on, butterfly.
- Butterflies.

You know, like I always say,

as queer people, we get
to choose our families.

And over 30 years ago,
I chose my twisted sister...

[drum roll]

The Lady Bunny.
[cheers and applause]

Lady Bunny
is the funniest, nastiest,

smartest person I know.

I may not be a boxer,
but I can sure take a pounding.

I met her
when she was 19 years old,

and I actually put her in drag
the very first time.

- Oh.
- Yes, blame me.

Blame me.
[all laugh]

And when we moved to New York,

she started the legendary
Wigstock Festival,

and I haven't spoken
to her since.

[all laugh]

So it's with heavy heart
that I share this sad news.

For this week's
maxi challenge,

we're celebrating
the life and times

of the great Lady Bunny.

May she roast in peace.

- [cheers and applause]
- Okay.

Now, each of you needs
to write and perform a eulogy

as hilarious and outrageous
as Bun-Bun herself.

#AllStars4

Now, Monique,
you won last week,

so you get to choose the order
in which the queens appear.

Dearly beloveds,
start your engines,

and may the best All Star win.

- Yes!
- Whoo!

Girl, black funerals,
they have like 19 eulogies.

Yes, girl, and you smell
the fried chicken coming from--

It's like, let's go, girl.

Cut, put her in the dirt,
and let's go.

Put her in there.

I want to go to one.
I'm starving.

- I'm starving.
- We'll just go.

We'll just look in the
newspaper, find someone.

You know, I used to do that
in Brooklyn.

I would show up and be like,
yes, I miss her, too.

[laughs]
Get out. Are you serious?

Girl, me and my three friends.

Everyone has crashed a funeral
in their lifetime.

Am I alone?

- Have you thought about--
- Bitch.

I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to scare you.

I didn't mean
to scare you, girl.

Have you thought about
how you're going--

what order you're going to do?

Um, yeah.

I know how to play the game.

I'm going to use this power
to my advantage.

Hopefully it works.

I know I want to go
in the middle.

Um...

First.

Yes.

Opening. I like that.

So you're going to open it.

- Girl, I'm ready, girl.
- Okay.

Second.

Okay.

So one, two, three,
four, five, last.

I'm last?

This is so much more pressure

because I have to close the show
with a bang.

If I don't give
everything I've got,

I might find myself
in the bottom.

Stunning.
So Manila will close.

Miss Manila has been doing very
well in the comedy challenges,

so I put her last.

On purpose.

Because ending the show
is hard, America.

You bomb, you're going home.

Bunny is dead.

[cries and laughs]

I need another word.

Do we have a thesaurus?

This week's maxi challenge
is the roast of Lady Bunny.

She is dead before us,

and we have to give
our Ru-ology?

Ru-eulogy? A Ru-eulogy.

Right now I at least just want
to have one joke to tell Ru,

just so that he can tell me
if my humor is--

- There.
- There.

Lady Bunny smells so bad,

I heard she uses Wigstock
as her signature scent.

It smells like wet rag
and cum at the same time.

Hey, All Stars.

- Hello.
- Hey, Ru.

Why so quiet?
It's like a funeral in here.

[all laugh]

- Monét X Change.
- RuPaul.

Where da money at?

I don't know.
I'm trying to find it.

Yeah, you've got
that dashiki on.

Where'd you get that?

Well, you know,
it was $3.00 on 125th,

so I was like, mine.

Yeah, that's
your eating dress.

[laughs]

So you were in
the bottom two last week.

I was.

Does this scare you,
this eulogy?

I am going first,

so that is setting the tone
for the whole thing.

And as we all know
in "Drag Race" herstory,

if you fuck up in the beginning,
you're done, girl.

Have you worked
with Lady Bunny?

We've never necessarily
worked together,

but I have seen her
running around the West Village

with her little go-go heels,

and her wig bopping down behind
her down Christopher Street.

- Yeah.
- Her comedy is so, like--

she just makes you feel okay
about, like, the worst things.

Well, Lady Bunny makes it okay
for you to make fun of her

because she makes fun
of everybody else.

So she allows you
to make fun of her.

Are you going to
make fun of her?

Oh, I am going to destroy her.

Well, bitch,
you better make me laugh.

- I'm praying.
- I'll see you out there.

- Okay, Ru.
- All right, thanks.

- Thank you.
- Hi, Valentina.

Hi, mamacita.

You've done roasts
here before.

- I have.
- And you were safe.

It was good.

Was it good?

Michelle,
you is such tired-ass ho

that when you got carpal tunnel
from giving out free hand jobs,

she just became left-handed.

I'm so confused.

Tell me about your jokes.
Do you know Lady Bunny?

I know Lady Bunny personally.

I've been on tour with her.

- I'm sorry.
- I know.

As Lady Bunny, I want you
to talk about Valentina.

Girl, can you keep it on?
Please.

- Keep what on?
- The mask.

She always tells me,
please keep it on. Please.

Do you consider yourself
a comedy queen?

Absolutely not.

- No.
- No.

You are a what queen?
Fill in the blank.

- A star.
- Star queen.

- Yes.
- Okay.

I'm totally fine
not being a comedy queen.

There's so many out there,
and they do it well.

That being said,
being a funny queen

would be fucking helpful
right now.

I know who Valentina is.

It's usually something
to do with glamour. But--

You can do the Valentina
character with the fashion,

but do you doing a eulogy
for Lady Bunny.

You know what I'm saying?

- Can I get an amen?
- Amen.

The wheel
has already been invented,

so just do your wheel.

- Okay.
- All right.

We'll see you out there.

Thank you so much, Ru.

Trinity The Tuck.

You're a funny bitch.

Oh, God,
please don't say that.

You are.

Bitch, you've been on stage
since the day you were born.

I don't understand why
you come up into my house,

and you want to act like,
oh, oh, I'm all shy.

Oh, girl.
I don't understand that.

What makes me the most nervous

is the fact that this is like my
last hurdle to prove to myself

that I can do the things
that I didn't do well last time.

The roast on Season 9
was my biggest challenge.

I was bottom three.

Michelle, every time
I walk the runway,

you have this pungent look
on your face.

I reckon they have
some laxatives for that.

When you're trying
to deliver jokes,

it's an eternity in purgatory.

And I don't want to go to hell.

Again.

Don't overthink it.

You're giving a friggin' eulogy
to a dead whore,

for cryin' out loud.

How hard can that be?

Yeah.

And you're from Alabama.
Bunny's from Tennessee.

You know, that connection there
is innately funny.

No, it's not,
'cause we're probably cousins.

[both laugh]

I do think I'm funny,
but there's a difference

between being funny
with an act written out,

and just being funny.

Because not everybody
can do a roast.

And I don't feel confident
with that yet.

Make me laugh.
I'll see you out there.

- Okay. Thank you, Ru.
- Okay.

Manila Luzon.

- Hi, Ru.
- You know Lady Bunny.

- Mm-hmm. Yeah.
- Personally.

Have you worked with her?

I've worked with her
several times.

Have you ever seen her
out of drag?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because she looks
entirely different.

She looks like a homeless man.

I mean, and she smells
like one, too.

So now, at the funeral, do you
know what you're going to wear?

I'm going to be wearing
celebratory black.

[laughs]

Because finally
Lady Bunny's dead.

We've just been waiting
and waiting and waiting

for this old hag to finally die.

[laughs]

Oh, fuck.

I'm nervous because Manila,

who used to live in New York
for the past 10 years,

who knows Lady Bunny,

she is making Ru laugh
probably the most.

Gagging.

All right, Manila.
We'll see you there.

- Thanks.
- Thanks.

Ladies, gather around.

Joining us this week, we have
two extra-special guest judges.

You know and love her

from the television show
"Community,"

the shilarious Yvette
Nicole Brown will be here.

[cheers and applause]

And you know and love her
from "Saturday Night Live."

Cecily Strong will be here.

[cheers and applause]

Now, in a few moments
you'll meet Cecily,

who will help you
punch up your material

so you kill it tomorrow.

Good luck,

and don't fuck it up.

By-ee.

- Bye.
- Bye, Ru.

Oh. Oh, my God.

- It's Cecily Strong. Hello.
- Monét X Change.

It's a pleasure to meet you.

It's very much my pleasure.

Today we are working
with Cecily Strong,

and she is legendary, girl.

I live for Miss Cecily.

So, Monét,
you're doing your roast,

- your Ru-eulogy.
- Yeah.

Let's hear
where you're starting.

Lady Bunny dabbled
as a magician's assistant,

where she bragged
about achieving

one of the greatest
disappearing acts of all time:

her waistline.

There's got to be--

there's something better
to be a magician's--

I mean, magicians are freaks.

I think the more unexpected
I think always works better.

Better.

I mean, even if you do
a weight joke,

I think that's fine,

especially in drag world
where big is beautiful.

- Yeah.
- And it's nowhere else.

- [laughs]
- That's not my opinion.

That's society.

I've been pregnant
for six years.

[laughs]

And you're very nice
naturally,

so I think that you can get away
with a bit more, because--

- I'm Miss Congeniality.
- Exactly. Yes.

Lady Bunny
was born in Tennessee,

but developed her appetite
for black dick

when she met RuPaul in Atlanta.

[laughs]
That's great.

Working with Cecily is great.

She gives me great advice

about what I can make
a little stronger

and where I can take a little
more time for jokes to land.

I'm going to be so funny,

Lady Bunny's going
to turn over in her grave,

resurrect,
and slap the shit out of me.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Oh!

[laughs]

Nice to meet you.
How are you?

I am really nervous.

I feel very out of my element,

and I would love
to use this time

to get as much help
that I can from you.

Well, let's hear
what you have.

I have three jokes.

Okay, you probably need more.

Okay. All right.

Lady Bunny
is an inbred pig in a wig.

[laughs]
You started very harsh.

There are a lot of people,
when they do roasts,

it comes off as mean,

so we just have to find
how you approach this.

Well, I just imagined her
being like a roast, like...

[laughs]

You know,
like with the apple.

Right. I think like
that movement was funnier

than coming out and going
she's a big fat pig.

You just have
to soften it somehow.

So even if that's--if you
just say it like you're so sad.

Mm-hmm.

That that inbred pig died.

You know what I mean?

If you're going to be rude,

do it pretending that you don't
know that you're being rude.

Okay. Thank you so much.

- Don't get too nervous.
- Okay.

I want to tickle
that pickle, honey.

- Oh, wow.
- [laughs]

- Thank you.
- Okay. Oh.

I really want
to take the element

of a traditional southern
charismatic black preacher.

- Oh, that's nice.
- That's what I know.

- I come from that place.
- Perfect.

and all of those things.

- I think that's super smart.
- Very that.

I was thinking
it would start like this.

Dearly beloved,
we are gathered here today

to pay some old bitch
some respect. Uh-huh.

And the man on 125th said
for a bag of hot Cheetos,

she would give you the yum-yum,
ooh-ah sensation,

but yet you would come back
with a burning sensation.

- I'm liking all of this.
- Okay, well, good.

- This is the other one.
- And I would say

make sure you leave space...

- Room to laugh.
- ...for laughs.

Uh-huh. Now, I also have--

Now, this is where I need
a little finesse.

I'm trying to like connect
Jonah in the belly of a whale

to Lady Bunny
is shaped like a whale.

Sure. I mean,
if you want to do that,

I mean, you could say like,

and I hope Jonah will
get out now or something--

Ha!

Or maybe I could say,
or I hope Ru gets out.

Well, the only thing is,

if you say Jonah and the whale,

I think then
just keep it Jonah.

Stunning. Circle.
We gonna keep that name.

- Yeah. I'm sorry. I didn't--
- No, you know what?

I don't want to stop
what you're doing.

I'm going to take
all the cues and hints,

and then we gonna go pray on it,
all right?

I think Monique is taking
whatever she found helpful,

and whatever she didn't
find helpful doesn't matter.

Yeah, I'm good.
Okay, stunning.

Stunning.

Do you wanna
run some jokes by me?

Okay. Did you know that
doctors use a picture of Bunny

to immediately cure Viagra users

experiencing erections lasting
longer than four minutes?

Or four hours.
Four hours.

That's how long mine are.

Okay.

That face is not even one
a mother could love.

Her parents are now vegetarian.

Wait, I don't get that one.

Her parents are vegetarian.

But what does that
have to do with--

- are you saying because of pig?
- Because her face is so ugly,

like, why would you eat meat
after that?

That's a confusing joke,
so don't do that one.

Don't even do it.
Scratching it out.

Girl, this is not good.

Not good.
Abort mission, bitch.

Stunt double.

You can't tell,
but I'm sweating.

It's the Botox,
but I'm sweating right now.

Trinity needs
to go in the house

and find out where
she kept the drawing board.

I think she's got
some writing to do.

- Well.
- Hi, how are you?

Hi. What an entrance.

Are you going to do a character?
Are you doing--

I'm going to do me.

I want to show what
Naomi Smalls' humor is like.

Well, let me hear it.

Death is scary,
but you know what else is scary?

Bunny without bangs.

She's got more lines on her
forehead than a sheet of paper.

So like she was born
before Nintendo 64.

[laughs] Good.
I'm into that. Yes.

Obviously, like, everybody's
going to be doing age things,

so you have to think about it
in a different way.

Do you feel like
you have enough?

- Not yet.
- Okay.

Write a bunch and then
pick your best five minutes.

Okay.

- I guess that's obvious.
- Yeah.

But I'm saying it anyway.

- [laughs]
- I have some jokes,

so maybe you can help me out
on some of them.

Sure. Let me hear them.

- I'm excited.
- Okay.

So Lady Bunny was so old

that she actually caused
the extinction of dinosaurs.

Except the sores came

from when she gave them
all cold sores,

and that's why
they went extinct.

I think the second part
of the joke was stronger.

The sores part
is the funny part.

- Right.
- Okay.

Sores are hilarious.

Some of the people here
are just here

because they want to know
what she left them in her will.

You could even have the will.

Ooh, a prop will.

And you've got the honor
of being last,

so take it and own it.

I don't want to like
put more pressure on you,

but you have a big job
ahead of you.

So take tonight,

and figure out
how do you end this funeral.

How do I end this?

It's really easy.
Just make it really funny.

Cool.

You can be funny in real life,

and totally bomb when it comes
to performing on stage.

And I'm really nervous that I'm
going to have a little fuck-up

and the girls are gonna
taste that blood in the water,

and they're gonna just attack
and get me off.

Here we are.

The sponge and the broom.

Hello?
It's me, Villain-tina.

Villain-tina, girl.

All right, ladies,
I will not be talking today,

because I'm going to get ready.

Today is the day of the roast,

and it's a tense situation

because I have to get my script
done while getting ready.

I've yet to have really done a
full run-through of everything,

and my funny bone is exhausted.

Whose is this?

It looks like Latrice's
cover-up thingy.

Maybe since you couldn't
save her, she left you that.

Girl.

Speaking of eliminations, y'all,

like, now that it's getting,
like, to the nitty-gritty,

has anybody changed
their mindset

on how they're going to judge?

No, I think I'm still going to
do it based on the report card.

That's a good way
when it's obvious,

but at this point,
it's getting to a point

where we don't know, you know,

is someone in the bottom safe,
or in the top?

Or did you win
the lip sync or not? I mean--

Are they your best friend?

[laughs]
Very that.

I mean,
it's a really hard decision,

and like honestly, I didn't want
to have to make that decision.

When I found out that I was
in the top, I was devastated,

because I knew my friend
was going to be in the bottom.

And it didn't have
anything to do

with me trying
to get rid of you, Monét.

And it was more than just,
oh, here's her grades,

here are her statistics.

It was a lot more
than that for me,

and that's why
it was such a hard decision.

And it's going to get harder
and harder and harder

because the longer
we're here with each other,

the more I'm in love
with all of you.

Before this conversation
with Manila,

I was ready
to send her ass packing.

But now I'm hearing
what she's saying,

and I'm all up in my feelings,
because I get it.

Sometimes I wish I could be
just like a nasty bitch.

An evil, nasty cunt.

Oh, can I say that on TV?
Well, I just did.

You know, I don't have
the loyalties to Latrice anymore

because she's not here.

And, you know, going forward,

I mean, I'll do it my way when
it's my turn to do it my way.

That's a little nerve-wracking
for everybody,

because no one really knows

where they're going to stand
with you.

Very that.

Manila is playing
by her own set of rules.

You don't know
what is going through her head,

so that is kind of scary.

It's kinda like being around
a crazy person.

You don't know what they're
going to do next, girl.

She might pull out a blade,
girl.

Bye-bye, silicone.

[RuPaul laughs]

♪ Cover girl, put the bass
in your walk ♪

Walk?

♪ Cover girl, put the bass
in your walk ♪

♪ Head to toe,
let your whole body talk ♪

♪ Cover girl ♪

And what?

[applause]

Welcome to the main stage of
"RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars."

Michelle Visage,
do you believe in heaven?

Oh, honey,
you're soaking in it.

[laughs]

The hilarious Ross Mathews.

Now, have you roasted
anyone today?

I don't know if I could, Ru.
I think I'm too nice.

- Give it a try.
- Okay.

What's the difference
between Lady Bunny

and a filthy, disgusting,
gross, old, dusty whore?

I don't know.

Me, neither.

[all laugh]

But do let me know
if you find out, okay?

- [bell dings]
- And Cecily Strong.

Girl, you look so cute.

Oh, Ru, I don't get cute.

I get drop-dead gorgeous.

[all laugh]

And good grief,
it's Yvette Nicole Brown.

Ru, I love you.

And for good reason.

[all laugh]

This week,
we challenged our queens

to put the fun in funeral,

as they roast
the immortal Lady Bunny.

Dearly beloved,
start your engines,

and may the best All Star win.

[crying]

Oh, I just hope Lady Bunny's
in a better place.

Trust me, she is.

I've seen her apartment.

Friends and loved ones,

to pay tribute
to the Lady Bunny,

please welcome Monét X Change.

[exhales]

[all laugh]

Dearly beloved,
we are gathered here today

to celebrate the life, liberty,

and illiteracy
of our dear friend Lady Bunny.

[all laugh]

Many know her as Lady Bunny,

but I like to go by her original
drag name, Methuselah.

Or as they know her down
at the clinic, Patient Zero.

[all laugh]

She was often called
the Beyoncé of drag,

not because she was rich
and beautiful and famous,

but because she looked like
she was carrying twins.

[all laugh]

Look at that big bloated bitch
in that box.

Have you ever seen her
out of drag?

Anybody?

Category is Ben Franklin
fucked the Michelin Man. Amen.

You know,
this reminds me of a story

when we all went on tour.

Bunny expressed that she wanted
to eat a little Mexican.

Poor little Valentina
didn't stand a chance.

[all laugh]

Thank you all
for being here for me

in my time of need.

I cracked a nail,
and these are French tip.

Bunny is dead.

I personally blame Ru.

She created this mess.

But I understand.

Everyone needs
that one ugly friend.

Isn't that right, Valentina?

She's ugly on the inside, too.

- Ooh.
- Ooh.

Bunny does have
that special kind of face.

Ooh-hoo-hoo.

Doctors use a picture of her
to solve Viagra users with--

to solve Viagra users

with erections
lasting longer than four hours.

Is this the same Trinity
from Snatch Game?

Wish they would have solved
that joke, bitch. Whew.

Trinity should have just
brought Caitlyn Jenner back

to do this roast.

Praise the Lord, saints.

Praise the Lord.

I said praise the Lord,
saints.

Praise the Lord.

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah.

[laughs]

Dearly beloved,
we're gathered here today

with heavy hearts

and with full indigestion

over our dear sister's
departure.

The big bitch.
The big bitch lady named Bunny.

Come on, sing it with me.
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ She a ho ♪

Oh, I'm reminded of the story

of Jonah and the whale.

And how Jonah was gonna get out

of this big beached whale
right here.

And I do believe from all
the loads she has taken,

she might even be a sperm whale.

So my question
to you tonight, Jonah.

Jonah, can you hear me?

Get out!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Church lady, singing, okay.

I will laugh at anything
that's silly and funny,

but I didn't get the jokes.

Girl, I am lost and I'm, huh?

Hallelujah.

All right,
let's get into this.

Ah. We are here
to honor someone

who had no problem offending
literally everybody.

And I think
that came with confidence.

And confidence comes with age.

And we know how the bitch died.

From old, old, old, old,
old age.

Gosh, could you imagine

being born in a time
with no Nintendo 64?

And it's really cute to me
that Ru, you and Lady Bunny

went to the same wood shop
to get your teeth done.

But that's who you go to
in 1832.

[laughs]

It's very awkward
to see Naomi bomb like this.

What is really making this weird

is her laughing at her awkward
pauses and her awkward jokes.

She says a joke,
and it's like ha-ha-ha-ha.

It's like
that makes it even worse.

[laughs]

Oh, Bunny.

Rest in peace, Lady Bunny.

Oh.

Ru, this is a funeral,
goddamnit.

What part of mourning
don't you understand?

I'd like to keep them on,
please.

Mother, may I?

No.

[all laugh]

Oh, gosh, I was running late

and didn't have time
to finish my goddamn eyes.

That was that joke?

Okay.

Lady Bunny
is an inbred pig in a wig.

[chuckling]

Can't you just see her now

with the big juicy red apple
in her mouth

and Satan's finger up her ass?

[laughs]

It's like a car wreck
you just can't look away from.

You're like...

Mm-hmm.

Lady Bunny is such a whore.

Her sphincter ripped

and she's been using her
denture-less gums ever since.

[groans and chuckles]

[all laugh]

Oh!

[all laugh]

Dearly beloved,

and Michelle Visage.

[all laugh]

At least our poor Lady Bunny

met her fateful demise
doing something she loved:

when she choked to death
at a hotdog-eating contest.

[all laugh]

When the doctors
performed the autopsy,

they found that
she was full of seamen,

and the aircraft carrier
that they served on.

[all laugh]

Here I have Lady Bunny's
last will and testicle.

[all laugh]

To Trinity The Tuck,

the Lady Bunny has left
her biggest synthetic wig to you

that she melted down

so you can inject it
directly into your ass.

[all laugh]

Monique Heart,
the Lady Bunny leaves you

her crusty, dusty, old lashes,

because she thought
you needed a newer pair.

[all laugh]

Valentina, Lady Bunny
wanted you to know

that before she passed,
she called ICE,

and they're waiting for you
after the service.

[all laugh]

And last but not least,

to Lady Bunny's oldest friend
RuPaul.

[bell dings]
Lady Bunny wants you to know

that finally
you're the pretty one.

[all laugh]

Thank you guys so much

for coming and enjoying
our obituary,

or in her terms,
"oh, bitch, you hairy."

[all laugh]

Thank you.

[applause]

That was such a beautiful
tribute, ladies.

Now is there anyone
who has something else to say?

Say it now
or forever hold your--

- Hallelu!
- Oh.

[all laugh]

Oh, dear, where am I?

This can't be hell.

Bianca Del Rio's not here.

[all laugh]

I was worried that I would not
be able to keep a straight face,

but thanks to your roast jokes,
I didn't have much of a problem.

[all laugh]

No, I'm kidding.
You were terrific.

I really haven't
seen you all work before,

because I tend to know,
you know, like Bob and Bianca,

the ones that won their seasons
the first time around

and didn't have to
come crawling back.

[all laugh]

In some cases, Manila,
a couple "All Stars."

She's back again, honey.

Manila Luzon,
she's gonna keep on losing.

[all laugh]

Bunny, I am so glad
that you're alive.

I wish I could say
the same of you.

[all laugh]

Now you can die again.

Okay.
Let me get this right.

[imitating Miss Vanjie]
Miss Bunny, Miss Bunny.

[all laugh]
Miss Bunny.

♪ She's a super queen,
super queen ♪

Category is angelic white.

First up, Monét X Change.

Someone's gotta tell her she's
got toilet paper in her shoe.

[all laugh]

I'm bringing my own runway
to the runway.

This little train?
Ha, whatever, bitch.

- Oh.
- Oh.

I'm so fucking holy, bitch,

that I am stigmata
the house down boots.

I feel like I'm giving you
Saint X Change.

I'm holy.

Another bleeding heart liberal.

- [all laugh]
- Thank God.

Forgive me, Father,
for I have stunned.

[all laugh]

Say three Hail Marys
and call me in the morning.

[all laugh]

Trinity The Tuck.

Oh, my goddess.

I do like she's feathering
her hair now.

Yes, she is.

I'm an angel in disguise,

an angel that used to be
a fucking supermodel, bitch.

She looks fierce,

and she's going to walk this
runway with this halo, bitch.

Eat it.

Halo, she didn't.

Unleash the Kraken.

[all laugh]

It's not Versace.
It's Trinite.

[all laugh]

Monique Heart.

Oh, my God,
she's got a heart on.

She's got a big heart on.

[all laugh]

Mickey Mouse
is holding her head up.

[all laugh]

America, I am giving you
angelic white realness,

serving you Josephine Baker

meets with
Michael the Archangel.

It's beautiful.

That skort's made of forks.

[all laugh]

Levelor blinds.

They're not just for windows
anymore.

[all laugh]

Naomi Smalls.

Well, that queen's a prince.

Now, that guitar is practical.

Uh-huh.

Oh, she got that outfit
on sale for 1999.

[all laugh]

I am feeling my Prince
fantasy, erotic city come alive.

Even in heaven,
I'm a sexy motherfucker

giving you diamonds and pearls.

This is what it looks like
when doves cry.

Raspberry ber-gay.

[Ross laughs]

Dearly beloved,
we are gathered here

to give you this thing
we call a life.

[all laugh]

Valentina.

Oh, you guys,
her stomach's in knots.

[all laugh]

Well, that's where
my lasso went.

Yes. Oh, knotty girl.

This gown is so expensive,
it's worth more than your life.

I'm wearing 100%
of the finest silk that there is

covered in plumes of ostrich,

and hand-tied knots of crystals
all over my body.

Ba-gawk!

This is why you have to
cut those soda can things

- before you throw them away.
- Yes. Exactly.

Protect the wildlife.

This dress
really strikes a cord.

At least the floor's
getting cleaned.

Dust her?
I barely know her.

[all laugh]

Manila Luzon.

Well, this is from my era:
The Hades.

[all laugh]

Gladiator.

[all laugh]

I'm serving angelic fresco
on the ceiling of a church.

I'm giving you Aphrodite,
cherubs, and baroque arts.

I feel like I'm serving legs
for days

and blonde bombshell
Grecian fantasy.

If you don't like my angelic
look, then I'll see you in hell.

That bell
cherubs me the wrong way.

Oh, she's having twins.

[all laugh]

♪ She's a super queen ♪

Welcome, ladies.

It's time
for the judges' critiques,

starting with Monét X Change.

When you came out, the first
thing I wrote was fierce,

and then I wrote fearless.

And that's what I got

from the whole time that you
were speaking about Lady Bunny.

- Girl, you were funny.
- Thank you.

It was a joy to watch you,

because you had the audience
in the palm of your hand,

because you came out strong

and every single time
you delivered.

You had so many jokes.

Just in terms of hard jokes,
you had the most tonight.

And I thought
you were not just reciting them,

you were still staying present

to bounce off what was
happening in the moment.

Just so many good jokes.

- Thank you.
- I'm jealous.

Sometimes when it comes
to the main stage,

I worry about Monét X Change,
I'm not going to lie.

Tonight you have elevated
your look.

This is a beautiful
interpretation of angelic white.

The beadwork is extraordinary.
It fits your body.

The headpiece,
the inclusion of hair.

You almost rented your own
runway back there, the train.

It was just all
really beautiful.

- Thank you.
- I'm proud of you, Monét.

Thank you, Michelle.

Keep it up.
Don't let me down.

- I will not.
- Up next, Trinity The Tuck.

This outfit
is Las motherfucking Vegas.

This is Paris, France.

This is the top level of drag.

You're doing it right here
and right now.

- Thank you.
- Yes.

There's always the queen,
each season,

that I get excited,
edge of my seat

to see how she's going
to hit the runway.

You're that queen
in "All Stars" 4 for me.

Thank you.

But let's talk about
the challenge.

I think you were so caught up

in the "this joke,
then this joke,

and I'm looking here,"

that your timing got off
and you lost the crowd.

I think you overthought it.

I know you can do better
than what you did.

Thank you.

Up next, Monique Heart.

The look tonight, what is that
plastic-looking material?

- What is that?
- They're blinds.

Huh.

You know, blinds
are supposed to throw shade.

I'm not going to do that.

You're the only queen
who did a character.

I said praise the Lord,
saints.

Praise the Lord.

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah.

Had you done
that character before?

No.

- First time.
- First time.

Well, it worked for me.

Where it had issues

was because there was so much
after one another

and it was constantly
at the same pitch,

we lost some of those jokes.

You had some funny things
in there.

I'm a church girl,
so I really was the amen corner

the whole time
you were doing it.

It was biblically sound.

All of it
was just right in the Bible,

so I was like, yes.

And I just thought
it was really funny.

I thought you really
engaged the crowd.

You went for it.

Those big bouncing titties.

It was all so great.

And your head is so beautiful,
I could cry.

Up next, the artist formerly
known as Naomi Smalls.

Hi, judges.

You were Prince
when you walked out.

Only thing different
is you got legs for days.

Everything else was Prince.

Let's talk about
the challenge.

- Okay.
- This was a little rough.

I just didn't feel like
you were comfortable.

I felt like 90% of your jokes
were about age.

Old, old, old, old.

- It got old.
- [laughs]

I was trying to go with more
of the millennial approach

because I was kind of the only
one here who could do it.

Um...

Shade, shade.

[all laugh]

If you were giving more
to that obnoxious character,

I think that
would have helped you.

Bigger is always better.

[chuckles]

Up next, Valentina.

You are just the most
beautiful, sparkling,

strangest little bird.

I think you just kind of
do your own thing,

and it's fun to watch.

Thank you.

On the runway,
you looked beautiful.

White and gold just look really
beautiful on your skin.

It's just a great
color palette for you.

At the funeral, there wasn't
much in the joke realm.

You had some moments.

I'm not sure they were the
movements that were intended.

We just laugh at you
because you're likeable.

It just wasn't very funny.

I had an issue with you
in the challenge.

You didn't have eye makeup on.

I honestly ran out of time
with my makeup.

If I would have
continued my makeup,

I wouldn't have had a full set.

I still wish your eyes
had been done.

Up next, Manila Luzon.

♪ Ahh ♪

Manila,
you had a great entrance.

And once you peeked through
the little blinds and recoiled,

I was like I'm so here for
whatever this is about to be.

I really, really,
really enjoyed it.

You were gold.

You know, roasts are
all about go big or go home.

And with me, the harder,
the better, baby,

and you went hard.

It was a mic drop.

Thank you.

All of the jokes were great.

Your delivery
was really fantastic.

And you looked great.

You remind me of, like,

what I wanted to look like
in eighth grade.

[all laugh]

The runway tonight, you know,
this could look very costume-y.

But the small details
that make it tasteful,

like the shoes, like the hair,
are just really well done.

Good week for you.

And in this competition, this is
a good time to build momentum.

Thank you.

Thank you, ladies.

Based on your performances
in the roast and on the runway,

I've made some decisions.

Manila Luzon.

Monét X Change.

Con-drag-ulations.

You are the top two All Stars
of the week.

[applause]

You've each won a $3,000
gift card from MuLondon,

and a wig wardrobe
from Rock Star Wigs.

Merkins included.

[all laugh]

Ladies, this week
if you're not in the top,

you're in the bottom.

I have died and gone to hell.

Manila, Monét,
each of you needs to decide

which of the bottom queens
you'll eliminate

if you win the lip sync.

Thank you, ladies.
You may leave the stage.

Where's the drinks, honey?

When Ru says
I'm in the top two,

I'm ecstatic,
because this week,

if you're not in the top,
you're in the bottom.

And with Manila
pulling lip syncs, girl,

who knows what she's gonna do.

She might send RuPaul home.

We don't know
what she's gonna do.

I mean, I don't even know
how, like, to even feel.

However you judge
is up to you.

My track record
speaks for itself.

I've been in the top twice,

and this is my first time
in the bottom.

You can take that and make your
judgment based off that or not.

Being in the top twice,

this technically makes
my second time in the bottom,

which really, really sucks.

However, I feel like
I delivered and I showed up

and I'm going to continue
to do that.

And you have been safe.

And I have been safe, safe,
safe, safe, safe, safe, safe.

The queens
who are in the bottom

are all of a sudden realizing

that the numbers aren't actually
working out in their favor.

If you're going by report cards,

everyone's GPA
kind of averages out.

So where's being fair
going to take you now?

How do you feel, V?

I've been in the bottom once,

and that was with Gia Gunn
for Snatch Game

for something I didn't feel I
needed to be in the bottom for.

I didn't agree with that bottom,

and I don't agree again.

I've been doing very well.

During this challenge,

all of those judges
were laughing at my jokes.

Can't you just see her now

with the big juicy
red apple in her mouth

and Satan's finger up her ass?

[RuPaul laughs]

I don't understand.

They did say
that they weren't sure

if they were laughing with you
or basically at you.

They were laughing.

You are delusional
if you think that you did good,

because I was there.

I wasn't the worst.

I don't find myself deserving
of going home right now.

I've been doing so well
in this competition.

Who do you think
was the worst?

I think it would have been...

Monique or Naomi this week.

Based on the reaction.

- Reaction?
- Of the judges.

Man, how the fuck you think
I deserve to be in the bottom?

The bitch is delusional,

so I hope she gets chopped.

Well, maybe we should talk
with some of you guys.

Whatever you guys need
from us, just let us know.

I really don't need to have

a one-on-one conversation
with you.

I'm not trying to go home.

I just won last week and thought
I was winning this week.

Very that.

How are you feeling right now?

I feel, obviously, happy
to be, you know, at the top.

But it is, like, a very hard
decision to fucking make,

you know what I mean?

I mean, my heart is like--

You know, right now,
I'm like, silly boy,

what the hell's happening?

Girl, it fucking sucks.

I've never been in the bottom,

and this is not
a cute place to be.

Trust and believe,
I know that.

The fact that
I've never been in the top two

is scary as fuck.

But I've been consistent and
safe this entire competition,

so I hope that
my performance prior to this

is being factored in

when it comes to
the decision making

on who's going to stay.

If you were in my place,
like, what would you--

I would eliminate Valentina.

I mean, this is Naomi's
first time being on the bottom.

It's my first time
being in the bottom.

Monique has had two wins.

To me,
that's a clear path to me.

Trinity has proven that
she is a fabulous performer.

She's been in the top two
a couple times,

and she's fierce competition.

So maybe I should
get rid of her now,

so I don't have to worry about
her getting rid of me later.

I want to be here so bad.

I have so much more to show.

You know, it sucks.

You've been here to make the
decision about who goes home.

My biggest suggestion would be

trust your criteria
the way your mind works.

Be fair. Do the right thing.

With that being said,
it shouldn't be me. I know it.

Yeah. Valentina
was someone I was like

she is going to a frontrunner.

From day one,
she entered the workroom.

I was like top four
Valentina, down.

She's just not turning it out.

Oh, my God, this is not
where I expected you to be.

Me either.

But I'm really proud
of what I've done here.

And I think that I keep growing
with every challenge,

and keep learning.

And I want to keep competing.

I think I'm
a really good competitor.

Naomi made top three
on her season,

so I know she has what it takes

to come and slay
this competition.

But recently, Naomi has been

really fading
into the background.

So maybe this is her time?

[sighs] Um...

Manila's a wild card.

I don't know.

I think there's a fair way
to judge this.

I'm confident if Monét wins
I'll stay.

I'm not so confident
with Manila.

I don't know,
but I am trigged

to the motherfucker.

You want to be
the Venezuelan Barbie, great.

But you take three hours
to paint the same face,

and unless you're doing
a character,

there's no personality.

She needs to go home.

Like I want her to get chopped.

I am so proud of how
I've done and where I'm going.

I'm not the kind of person
that wants to ever come off

as desperately
begging to stay, please.

The power's in your hands.

No, that's not fierce.

That's not a star.

Like I said last time,

I can't wait to be
in that top with you, girl.

To be holding your hand like two
Miss Potential Universe.

I think Valentina might have
a distorted perception

of her performances recently.

Like, going home is not part
of my fantasy, either,

but we have to look at reality,
not fantasy right now.

- You want $10,000?
- [laughs]

- Do you want $10,000?
- Bitch.

Because this is like a--

This is a hard decision
to make.

It's a very hard
decision to make.

In picking the lipstick, I
want to be as fair as possible,

and I want to make a decision

that when I rest my head
on my pillow tonight,

that I feel okay
with the decision I made.

It's going to be the person
who I think did the worst today,

and who, by their track record,
deserves to go home.

I love all four of these girls,

and it's a very hard decision
to make,

but one that has to be done.

It's time to decide
who I will send home.

And I still don't even know
who I'm going to pick

walking up to this box.

Last week was
an emotional decision for me,

but it wasn't
a hard decision for me.

This is really hard.

I don't want to have the same
backlash that I did last week.

But I'm here to win the crown
and win the money,

and I need to do
what's best for my own game.

Welcome back, ladies.

Two top All Stars
stand before me.

Ladies, this is your chance
to impress me,

win $10,000,

and earn the power

to give one of the bottom queens
the chop.

The time has come...
[thunder]

for you to lip sync

[echoing] for your legacy.

Good luck,

and don't fuck it up.

[Michelle laughs,
music plays]

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Girl, I gotta go ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ I got to go now, really ♪

♪ Yeah, I'm kinda in a hurry ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Uh-huh,
here's the reason why ♪

♪ Jump, jump, jump to it ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Jump, jump, jump to it ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Shabba-doo-la-dwee-da ♪

♪ Jump, jump, jump to it ♪

♪ Do-do-do-dwee-da-
do-do-do-dwee-da ♪

♪ I can't talk to you now,
girl ♪

♪ I got love to get ♪

♪ When my baby calls
I gotta jump to it ♪

♪ I'm in a hurry,
there's love to get ♪

♪ When my baby calls ♪

♪ I jump, jump, jump to it ♪

♪ Jump, jump, jump to it ♪

♪ I really feel
I'm-a jump, jump, jump to it ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, yeah ♪

- ♪ Now, Kelly ♪
- ♪ Jump to it ♪

♪ You know when we talk ♪

♪ We have a lot of fun,
don't we, girl? ♪

♪ Dishing out the dirt
on everybody ♪

Yeah, girl.

♪ And giving each other
the 411 ♪

♪ On who drop-kicked who
this week ♪

♪ You know
what I'm talking about ♪

♪ When my baby calls ♪

♪ Sha-wee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-
dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee ♪

[all laugh]

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Ooh-oh-ho-ho-oh-ho-uh ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Oh, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, huh ♪

♪ Jump, jump, jump to it ♪

♪ I really flip
and I jump, jump, jump to it ♪

♪ Jump to it, oh ♪

♪ Jump, jump, jump to it ♪

[cheers and applause]

Oh, that was great.

Ladies,
I've made my decision.

Manila Luzon.

Con-drag-ulations.
You're a winner, baby.

Thank you.

[applause]

Monét X Change.

Con-drag-ulations.
You're also a winner, baby.

[applause]

Ru, thank you.

You've each earned
a cash tip of $5,000.

[applause]

Will the bottom queens
please step forward.

So this makes two.

Are we sending
two girls home

- or did we pick the same girl?
- Oh, my God.

America,
that's two lipsticks,

which means we could have
two people getting the chop.

Manila,

Monét,

with great power
comes great responsibility.

I should know.

For tonight...

no one is going home.

Oh.

[laughs] Thank God.

Cue the slime.

For the first time
in "Drag Race" herstory,

"All Star" rules are suspended

until further notice.

Oh, my God.

Ladies, please return
to the workroom

and wait
for further instructions.

You may leave the stage.

She ain't gotta tell me twice.

[all laugh]

Bye, ladies.

Bitch, what is the T?

I'm so confused.

- Maybe.
- Uh-oh.

"Get ready
to lip sync for your life."

"Life, life, life, life."

Oh, my God. So they're
going back to old way.

Back to the old rules.
No lipstick legacy.

It's lip sync for your life.

She was done
giving out them tips.

Girl, she was like we will
not have another Shangela

in the name of Jesus.

Boo!

[all scream]

Guess who's back.

No! Hey,
I thought she was dead.

No, not me.

Look behind you.

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

Just like Jesus rose Lazarus,

for some reason
he rose these horrible hos.

Uh.

Oh, this is gaggy.

Now, remember,
if you can't love yourself,

how in the hell you gonna love

a "RuPaul's Drag Race
All Stars" cliffhanger?

[all laugh]

Can I get an amen?

- Amen.
- Amen.

[evil laugh echoing]

Next time on "All Stars..."

If you are not shaking
in your boots right now, you--

- Oh, I'm shaking.
- You will. You better.

Gooped.

I felt like
you were disingenuous.

Ooh, girl.

Let it be known
you did what you did.

I think you are a little--

- No, she's not.
- I'm not.

You keep saying that, girl.

That's not going to be
my narrative

because that's not
how I feel, Gia.

These bitches have got to go.

Did you really feel like
I was the complete worst?

- Yeah.
- Wow.

I just wish
it could have been anyone else.

For the first time
in "Drag Race" herstory,

everything
is going to change forever.

But why?

Expect the unexpected.

- [laughs]
- [snarls]

[RuPaul laughs, bell dings]

♪ Who, who, who
do you think you ♪

♪ Who, who,
telling the truth now ♪

♪ Who, who, who
do you think you ♪

♪ We're all born naked
and the rest is drag ♪

♪ I'm telling the truth now ♪

♪ Telling, telling,
I'm telling the truth now ♪

♪ Telling, telling, I'm telling
the truth now ♪

♪ We're all born naked
and the rest is drag ♪

♪ Who, who, who do you-- ♪