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1
00:00:46,200 --> 00:00:47,439
Oh!
2
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Wait. I'm busy.
3
00:00:51,680 --> 00:00:53,759
Well, can you move?
4
00:00:53,760 --> 00:00:55,679
All right, come in then.
5
00:00:55,892 --> 00:00:57,571
Thank you.
6
00:00:57,572 --> 00:00:59,371
What you doing?
7
00:00:59,683 --> 00:01:00,842
Hm?
8
00:01:00,843 --> 00:01:01,922
What are you doing?
9
00:01:01,923 --> 00:01:03,402
Looking for trilobites.
10
00:01:03,436 --> 00:01:04,795
Trilobites?
11
00:01:04,796 --> 00:01:08,355
You know, marine arthropods.
I found my old fossil collection.
12
00:01:08,356 --> 00:01:10,115
Wow, every night's a party
night round here.
13
00:01:10,116 --> 00:01:11,155
Pardon?
14
00:01:11,156 --> 00:01:12,395
All right, Pusface!
15
00:01:12,396 --> 00:01:13,355
Pissface. Hi, Mum.
16
00:01:13,356 --> 00:01:14,435
Hi.
17
00:01:14,436 --> 00:01:16,155
Where's Grandma? Is she coming?
18
00:01:16,156 --> 00:01:18,995
Oh, she's coming, all right.
And you'll never guess who with?
19
00:01:18,996 --> 00:01:21,915
How do I know who Grandma's
coming with? Hi, Mum.
20
00:01:21,916 --> 00:01:24,635
Hi, Bobble.
21
00:01:24,636 --> 00:01:26,475
One minute, you don't mean...?
22
00:01:26,476 --> 00:01:27,395
Her new boyfriend.
23
00:01:27,396 --> 00:01:30,155
Oh my god! We're going to meet
Grandma's new boyfriend!
24
00:01:30,156 --> 00:01:33,675
Oh, I told you, Mr Morris is not
Grandma's boyfriend, he's her...
25
00:01:33,676 --> 00:01:34,915
"Male companion".
26
00:01:34,916 --> 00:01:35,595
Exactly.
27
00:01:35,596 --> 00:01:37,115
Male prostitute.
28
00:01:37,116 --> 00:01:38,475
Stop it.
29
00:01:38,476 --> 00:01:40,635
- Jackie, I found a trilobite.
- Mazel tov.
30
00:01:40,636 --> 00:01:42,155
When are they getting here?
31
00:01:42,156 --> 00:01:44,675
Yeah, good question.
They were meant to be here about...
32
00:01:44,676 --> 00:01:46,875
Martin, you do know that's butter
you're eating?
33
00:01:46,876 --> 00:01:48,835
What?
34
00:01:48,836 --> 00:01:50,195
They're cubes of butter.
35
00:01:50,196 --> 00:01:51,955
Oh, I thought it was cheese.
36
00:01:51,956 --> 00:01:55,835
Oh, and put a top on. Mr Morris
won't want to see your hairy udders.
37
00:01:55,836 --> 00:01:57,435
Well he sees Grandma's.
38
00:01:57,436 --> 00:01:58,635
Very nice!
39
00:01:58,636 --> 00:02:02,395
God, grandma with a man. Urgh!
40
00:02:02,396 --> 00:02:03,435
Yeah, urgh!
41
00:02:03,436 --> 00:02:05,235
What do you mean, 'urgh'?
42
00:02:05,236 --> 00:02:07,955
Yeah, what's wrong with
your Grandma going with men?
43
00:02:07,956 --> 00:02:09,875
Oh, lovely way of putting it!
44
00:02:09,876 --> 00:02:12,715
Well, she obviously went with
a man to form you.
45
00:02:12,716 --> 00:02:14,475
Nice image.
46
00:02:14,476 --> 00:02:18,475
Thank you, Martin!
No, thank you all very much.
47
00:02:19,476 --> 00:02:23,475
Tastes like cheese.
48
00:02:25,196 --> 00:02:26,235
Sorry, Mum.
49
00:02:26,236 --> 00:02:29,995
Yeah.
50
00:02:29,996 --> 00:02:32,995
It's all right, it's just
since Grandad died,
51
00:02:32,996 --> 00:02:35,035
I've never seen my mum
with another man.
52
00:02:35,036 --> 00:02:36,835
- I'm sure he'll be really nice.
- Yeah, Mum.
53
00:02:36,836 --> 00:02:37,995
Do you think so?
54
00:02:37,996 --> 00:02:40,115
Well, if he's not, we'll just
strangle him
55
00:02:40,116 --> 00:02:41,675
and dissolve his body in acid.
56
00:02:41,676 --> 00:02:43,075
Or chop him up and burn him.
57
00:02:43,076 --> 00:02:46,995
Ah, that's my boys.
58
00:02:48,636 --> 00:02:50,875
Oh, oh, text from Grandma.
59
00:02:50,876 --> 00:02:51,635
Grandma can text?
60
00:02:51,636 --> 00:02:53,715
That's debatable.
61
00:02:53,716 --> 00:02:55,675
"Dear Jackie".
62
00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:58,075
"Dear"? That's a good start.
63
00:02:58,076 --> 00:03:00,795
"Sorry we are late, late.
64
00:03:00,796 --> 00:03:04,675
"Now we are, we here 7, 7, 7, 7".
65
00:03:04,676 --> 00:03:06,315
Huh?
66
00:03:06,316 --> 00:03:07,195
So that means?
67
00:03:07,196 --> 00:03:08,995
It means they're here.
68
00:03:08,996 --> 00:03:10,715
Oh my god, they're here!
They're here!
69
00:03:10,716 --> 00:03:12,395
When are they coming?
70
00:03:12,396 --> 00:03:14,755
They're here!
71
00:03:14,756 --> 00:03:16,235
He's got a cool car.
72
00:03:16,236 --> 00:03:18,075
God, it's in pieces.
73
00:03:18,076 --> 00:03:20,475
Did Grandma say
if Mr Morris had any eyes,
74
00:03:20,476 --> 00:03:23,435
cos I'm not sure he knows there's
a house right in front of him.
75
00:03:23,436 --> 00:03:25,675
Stop! Stop! Stop!
76
00:03:27,876 --> 00:03:31,875
Jesus.
77
00:03:32,116 --> 00:03:33,275
Hello, Mr Morris.
78
00:03:33,276 --> 00:03:37,275
Your bloody house just
broke my light.
79
00:03:37,716 --> 00:03:40,675
There. Drink, Mum?
80
00:03:40,676 --> 00:03:42,395
Two sherries, please.
81
00:03:42,396 --> 00:03:43,515
One for you and one for...?
82
00:03:43,516 --> 00:03:46,075
Both for me. Two sherries, please.
83
00:03:46,076 --> 00:03:49,555
OK, two sherries.
84
00:03:49,556 --> 00:03:51,155
Delightful bathroom.
85
00:03:51,156 --> 00:03:54,795
Oh, thank you.
Drink Mr Morris, er, Lou?
86
00:03:54,796 --> 00:03:56,675
There was no hand towel.
87
00:03:56,676 --> 00:03:57,315
Oh, I am sorry.
88
00:03:57,316 --> 00:04:00,315
I had to dry my hands
on the curtains.
89
00:04:00,316 --> 00:04:01,755
What else could I do?
90
00:04:01,756 --> 00:04:03,475
Not dry your hands on the curtains?
91
00:04:03,476 --> 00:04:05,915
- He's very clean.
- Hygienical.
92
00:04:05,916 --> 00:04:07,955
Um, would you like a drink?
93
00:04:07,956 --> 00:04:10,115
I think I'll have champagne.
94
00:04:10,116 --> 00:04:12,515
- Champagne?
- For this wonderful occasion.
95
00:04:12,516 --> 00:04:15,475
Lou does like his champagne.
96
00:04:15,476 --> 00:04:19,195
Um, I don't think we've got
any cham...
97
00:04:19,196 --> 00:04:21,355
Yes, we do, there's
a bottle in the fridge.
98
00:04:21,356 --> 00:04:24,355
No, that's the special bottle.
99
00:04:24,356 --> 00:04:26,675
Even better, the special
bottle of champagne.
100
00:04:26,676 --> 00:04:30,675
You know, your mother makes me
very happy, look.
101
00:04:31,476 --> 00:04:33,235
Oh!
102
00:04:33,236 --> 00:04:36,275
Mmmmm!
103
00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:38,195
I'm going to get the drinks.
104
00:04:38,196 --> 00:04:39,315
So am I.
105
00:04:39,316 --> 00:04:40,915
And so am I.
106
00:04:40,916 --> 00:04:43,555
Martin!
107
00:04:45,836 --> 00:04:49,835
Mwa! Oh, I'm all randy!
108
00:04:53,916 --> 00:04:55,715
He likes the loo.
109
00:04:55,716 --> 00:04:57,595
What?
110
00:04:57,596 --> 00:05:00,755
He likes the loo, your friend -
the male.
111
00:05:00,756 --> 00:05:02,035
The male.
112
00:05:02,036 --> 00:05:04,155
Stop it. He'll be here in a
minute.
113
00:05:04,156 --> 00:05:05,955
- After he's wiped his cock
on the curtains. - Jonny!
114
00:05:05,956 --> 00:05:07,955
Pow!
115
00:05:10,036 --> 00:05:11,155
What's that?
116
00:05:12,716 --> 00:05:14,155
Mr Morris?
117
00:05:19,156 --> 00:05:21,035
Well, go on.
118
00:05:21,036 --> 00:05:22,955
Bit scared.
119
00:05:25,876 --> 00:05:27,155
Hello, boys!
120
00:05:27,156 --> 00:05:28,875
Oh, hi Jim, what are you...?
121
00:05:28,876 --> 00:05:29,555
Who is it?
122
00:05:29,556 --> 00:05:30,115
Jim!
123
00:05:30,116 --> 00:05:32,075
Oh.
124
00:05:32,076 --> 00:05:34,915
Hello Jackie,
um, something smells nice!
125
00:05:34,916 --> 00:05:36,075
Why didn't you use the front door?
126
00:05:36,076 --> 00:05:38,995
Well, that's the thing,
I couldn't get there,
127
00:05:38,996 --> 00:05:42,995
because, well, did you know there's
a car parked right up against it?
128
00:05:43,556 --> 00:05:44,835
Yes, we know.
129
00:05:44,836 --> 00:05:46,555
Joyrider, is it?
130
00:05:46,556 --> 00:05:48,995
Um, sort of the opposite.
The guy's about 100.
131
00:05:48,996 --> 00:05:51,315
I'm 82, thank you very much.
132
00:05:51,316 --> 00:05:52,635
Hello, Mr Morris.
133
00:05:52,636 --> 00:05:53,915
Something wrong with my driving?
134
00:05:53,916 --> 00:05:56,715
Um, not specifically your driving,
135
00:05:56,716 --> 00:05:59,755
it's more specifically your parking.
136
00:05:59,756 --> 00:06:02,595
Who is this man?
137
00:06:02,596 --> 00:06:05,195
Oh, a dog. I don't like dogs. Dirty.
138
00:06:05,196 --> 00:06:07,875
No, not Wilson, he's very clean.
Aren't you, lovely?
139
00:06:07,876 --> 00:06:11,115
You shouldn't allow dogs near food
preparation areas. Dirty.
140
00:06:11,116 --> 00:06:11,995
He's not dirty.
141
00:06:11,996 --> 00:06:13,155
They're riddled with nits.
142
00:06:13,156 --> 00:06:15,795
No, not Wilson.
I had him de-riddled.
143
00:06:15,796 --> 00:06:18,595
Dirty, urgh!
144
00:06:18,596 --> 00:06:20,515
Who's that man?
145
00:06:20,516 --> 00:06:21,635
Sorry Jim, just ignore him.
146
00:06:21,636 --> 00:06:25,595
He looked like Hitler.
147
00:06:25,596 --> 00:06:29,595
It's, it's not Hitler, is it?
148
00:06:30,956 --> 00:06:32,195
Everything OK?
149
00:06:32,196 --> 00:06:33,235
Er...
150
00:06:33,236 --> 00:06:37,235
The man didn't like my driving!
We'll show him what a real driver is.
151
00:06:37,476 --> 00:06:38,515
Will we?
152
00:06:38,516 --> 00:06:42,475
If you're lucky, you can come with me
later to get a new bulb for my indicator.
153
00:06:42,476 --> 00:06:43,595
And if we're unlucky?
154
00:06:43,596 --> 00:06:45,395
Shhh!
155
00:06:45,396 --> 00:06:48,355
Have you ever worked?
156
00:06:48,356 --> 00:06:51,955
"Have I ever worked?" he asks?
What am I, a layabout? Of course I've worked!
157
00:06:51,956 --> 00:06:53,075
Martin!
158
00:06:53,076 --> 00:06:55,675
Actually I had a very
exciting career.
159
00:06:55,676 --> 00:06:57,635
- Did you?
- I worked with the armed forces.
160
00:06:57,636 --> 00:06:59,115
So you were in the army?
161
00:06:59,116 --> 00:07:02,275
No, we put the buttons
on the uniforms.
162
00:07:02,276 --> 00:07:03,155
What?
163
00:07:03,156 --> 00:07:04,275
Is that a thing?
164
00:07:04,276 --> 00:07:05,995
'Course it's a thing.
We had a machine.
165
00:07:05,996 --> 00:07:09,995
Oh, he had a big machine.
A very big machine!
166
00:07:13,156 --> 00:07:14,675
What did he do again?
167
00:07:14,676 --> 00:07:15,675
A button company.
168
00:07:15,676 --> 00:07:17,035
Mutton company?
169
00:07:17,036 --> 00:07:21,035
Just go and get the pickled
cucumber, would you?
170
00:07:21,476 --> 00:07:23,435
Mutton company?
171
00:07:23,436 --> 00:07:26,515
Yes, I had the biggest button
sewing company around.
172
00:07:26,516 --> 00:07:28,635
That is until Rutherford's
came along.
173
00:07:28,636 --> 00:07:30,155
He doesn't like Rutherford's.
174
00:07:30,156 --> 00:07:32,475
Rutherford's! They wouldn't know
a button from a monkey's anus!
175
00:07:32,476 --> 00:07:34,235
Oh! >
176
00:07:34,236 --> 00:07:36,635
Very succulent chicken, my love.
177
00:07:36,636 --> 00:07:38,115
Thank you.
178
00:07:38,116 --> 00:07:39,955
You, little legs.
179
00:07:39,956 --> 00:07:40,995
Me?
180
00:07:40,996 --> 00:07:42,235
Excellent.
181
00:07:42,236 --> 00:07:44,795
Have a guess how many staff
I had in London and the South East?
182
00:07:44,796 --> 00:07:47,595
Um, four?
183
00:07:47,596 --> 00:07:50,355
Four? Four!
184
00:07:50,356 --> 00:07:53,155
No, not you.
Don't listen to him.
185
00:07:53,156 --> 00:07:56,195
You, Beanstalk? How many staff do you
think I had working
186
00:07:56,196 --> 00:07:58,235
for me in London
and the South East?
187
00:07:58,236 --> 00:07:59,275
And the South East?
188
00:07:59,276 --> 00:08:00,755
And the South East.
189
00:08:00,756 --> 00:08:02,355
I dunno, 1,000?
190
00:08:02,356 --> 00:08:04,235
1,000? 1,000!
191
00:08:04,236 --> 00:08:05,355
All right, 100.
192
00:08:05,356 --> 00:08:05,955
Less.
193
00:08:05,956 --> 00:08:06,795
90?
194
00:08:06,796 --> 00:08:07,955
Much less.
195
00:08:07,956 --> 00:08:09,035
Five?
196
00:08:09,036 --> 00:08:10,715
More. Five!
197
00:08:10,716 --> 00:08:12,395
Six?
198
00:08:12,396 --> 00:08:14,475
11, all right?
199
00:08:14,476 --> 00:08:18,475
I had 11 damned loyal people
all working for me.
200
00:08:18,676 --> 00:08:22,675
And do you know what?
Not one of them ever slandered me.
201
00:08:22,716 --> 00:08:23,555
Really?
202
00:08:23,556 --> 00:08:24,475
Did they, Nellie?
203
00:08:24,476 --> 00:08:24,995
What?
204
00:08:24,996 --> 00:08:26,595
I was never slandered, tell 'em!
205
00:08:26,596 --> 00:08:29,435
He was never slandered.
206
00:08:29,436 --> 00:08:30,955
Pickle, anyone?
207
00:08:30,956 --> 00:08:31,875
Thank you, Melvin.
208
00:08:31,876 --> 00:08:33,795
Oh it's Martin.
209
00:08:33,796 --> 00:08:36,715
Argh!
210
00:08:36,716 --> 00:08:38,235
Arrrggghhh!
211
00:08:38,236 --> 00:08:40,955
Calm down.
You'll have a heart attack.
212
00:08:40,956 --> 00:08:42,595
Oh, bloody thing!
213
00:08:42,596 --> 00:08:44,315
You know that one doesn't open.
214
00:08:44,316 --> 00:08:47,075
Do you know how many heart
attacks I've had?
215
00:08:47,076 --> 00:08:48,555
Oh good. More guessing.
216
00:08:48,556 --> 00:08:51,115
Erm, none?
217
00:08:51,116 --> 00:08:55,115
Oh no, I've had some, not none.
You, your go.
218
00:08:55,956 --> 00:08:59,955
Oh, it's a horrible thing to have
to guess, Mr Morris.
219
00:09:00,596 --> 00:09:02,875
Um, one?
220
00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:06,155
Why does everyone guess
so low in this house?
221
00:09:06,156 --> 00:09:07,515
You, Tiny Tim.
222
00:09:07,516 --> 00:09:11,035
Thank you. Erm, a million.
223
00:09:11,036 --> 00:09:14,395
A million heart attacks?
You, Skyscraper?
224
00:09:14,396 --> 00:09:16,715
Erm, four?
225
00:09:16,716 --> 00:09:19,675
No, three. Three heart attacks.
226
00:09:19,676 --> 00:09:21,675
Is that a lot?
227
00:09:21,676 --> 00:09:23,835
- Have you ever had a heart attack?
- Erm, no.
228
00:09:23,836 --> 00:09:25,315
Would you like to
have a heart attack?
229
00:09:25,316 --> 00:09:26,355
Not really.
230
00:09:26,356 --> 00:09:29,315
How do you think it feels to have had
three - three! - Heart attacks?
231
00:09:29,316 --> 00:09:31,075
Er, I wouldn't really know.
232
00:09:31,076 --> 00:09:32,955
Oh, oh. Urgh!
233
00:09:32,956 --> 00:09:35,875
Ohhhh!
234
00:09:35,876 --> 00:09:37,675
Is he having a real...?
235
00:09:37,676 --> 00:09:39,595
- Mr Morris?
- Mum?
236
00:09:39,596 --> 00:09:41,515
Don't worry, he always does this.
237
00:09:41,516 --> 00:09:42,915
Oh! Er! Oh!
238
00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:45,675
That's how it feels!
239
00:09:46,716 --> 00:09:50,035
Oh, please excuse me.
240
00:09:50,036 --> 00:09:54,035
Lou Anthony Morris?
241
00:09:55,436 --> 00:09:57,275
Shall I get the acid?
242
00:09:57,276 --> 00:09:58,315
Shhh!
243
00:09:58,316 --> 00:10:00,595
Why are you calling me now?
I've told you...
244
00:10:00,596 --> 00:10:01,355
Mum?
245
00:10:01,356 --> 00:10:02,115
Yes.
246
00:10:02,116 --> 00:10:04,475
Mr Morris, er, he seems...
247
00:10:04,476 --> 00:10:07,035
- Horrible.
- Hitlerish.
248
00:10:07,036 --> 00:10:08,475
Nice.
249
00:10:08,476 --> 00:10:11,795
What? Oh yes, and er,
he's very kind.
250
00:10:11,796 --> 00:10:14,035
Well, maybe not kind,
251
00:10:14,036 --> 00:10:17,395
but er, well, you know...
252
00:10:17,396 --> 00:10:19,035
Yeah.
253
00:10:19,036 --> 00:10:21,115
What bloody business
is it of yours anyway?
254
00:10:21,116 --> 00:10:22,835
Who's he on the phone to?
255
00:10:22,836 --> 00:10:24,755
Mussolini?
256
00:10:24,756 --> 00:10:27,595
I think I know who he's talking to.
257
00:10:27,596 --> 00:10:28,995
Who?
258
00:10:28,996 --> 00:10:30,715
His wife.
259
00:10:30,716 --> 00:10:32,035
His what?
260
00:10:32,036 --> 00:10:33,675
His wife? I thought she was dead.
261
00:10:33,676 --> 00:10:37,515
No, she's still alive. She's 93.
262
00:10:37,516 --> 00:10:40,955
What? That's slander that is,
you bony old hag!
263
00:10:40,956 --> 00:10:43,235
Yes, that's definitely his wife.
264
00:10:43,236 --> 00:10:45,715
But they're divorced, yeah, Mum?
265
00:10:45,716 --> 00:10:48,995
Ah, ah...
266
00:10:48,996 --> 00:10:50,755
Don't let's go through all
that again.
267
00:10:50,756 --> 00:10:52,115
Mum?
268
00:10:52,116 --> 00:10:53,275
Grandma?
269
00:10:53,276 --> 00:10:54,315
Grandma?
270
00:10:54,316 --> 00:10:56,475
All right, all right.
271
00:10:56,476 --> 00:10:58,515
You mustn't say anything,
272
00:10:58,516 --> 00:11:02,515
but... we're having an affair.
273
00:11:05,676 --> 00:11:09,315
Do you know what you are?
You're a big bag of shit!
274
00:11:12,516 --> 00:11:14,943
Your bloody wall just broke my phone!
275
00:11:19,267 --> 00:11:21,346
Here, Pusface!
276
00:11:21,348 --> 00:11:22,427
Oh!
277
00:11:22,428 --> 00:11:24,707
Thank you. Pleasure.
278
00:11:24,708 --> 00:11:26,147
I can't believe it.
279
00:11:26,148 --> 00:11:30,147
My 78-year-old mother having
an affair with an 82-year-old man.
280
00:11:30,748 --> 00:11:32,427
Behind the back of
his 93-year-old wife.
281
00:11:32,428 --> 00:11:33,987
That could definitely be a porno.
282
00:11:33,988 --> 00:11:37,067
- Sorry, I just have to, um...
- Where are you going?
283
00:11:37,068 --> 00:11:39,307
His usual hiding place, no doubt.
284
00:11:39,308 --> 00:11:41,667
Thank you, Martin. Leave me in it!
285
00:11:41,668 --> 00:11:43,507
Oh, hello, love.
286
00:11:43,508 --> 00:11:46,547
Lou wondered if
there was any more champagne.
287
00:11:46,548 --> 00:11:48,067
Oh, did he?
288
00:11:48,068 --> 00:11:52,067
Yes, he said you were a bit mean
with his first glass.
289
00:11:52,228 --> 00:11:54,027
I was, was I?
290
00:11:54,028 --> 00:11:56,347
Apparently, it was all froth.
291
00:11:56,348 --> 00:11:57,507
Here, Grandma.
292
00:11:57,508 --> 00:11:59,347
No, Jonny. Let her get it herself.
293
00:11:59,348 --> 00:12:00,987
"Froth."
294
00:12:00,988 --> 00:12:04,227
Is there something the matter, dolly?
295
00:12:04,228 --> 00:12:05,747
What do you think, Mum?
296
00:12:05,748 --> 00:12:07,587
I don't know what you mean.
297
00:12:07,588 --> 00:12:09,667
OK, well, perhaps you can tell me
298
00:12:09,668 --> 00:12:12,827
what are Mr Morris's intentions?
299
00:12:12,828 --> 00:12:14,267
His intentions?
300
00:12:14,268 --> 00:12:15,827
Oh, come on, Mum!
301
00:12:15,828 --> 00:12:17,507
Adultery, at your age?
302
00:12:17,508 --> 00:12:19,627
Adultery?
303
00:12:19,628 --> 00:12:22,387
No, Jackie, it's not like that.
304
00:12:22,388 --> 00:12:23,507
Well, what is it like, then?
305
00:12:23,508 --> 00:12:26,707
Excuse me.
306
00:12:26,708 --> 00:12:28,547
I can't wait all night.
307
00:12:28,548 --> 00:12:31,627
Oh...
308
00:12:31,628 --> 00:12:33,627
Well...
309
00:12:33,628 --> 00:12:37,627
Perhaps it is a bit like that.
310
00:12:43,428 --> 00:12:45,587
Found you!
311
00:12:45,588 --> 00:12:46,467
What are you doing?
312
00:12:46,468 --> 00:12:47,907
God, that bloody man.
313
00:12:47,908 --> 00:12:48,707
Tell us about it.
314
00:12:48,708 --> 00:12:49,907
I had to get away.
315
00:12:49,908 --> 00:12:51,187
And you had to take your top off?
316
00:12:51,188 --> 00:12:53,307
Er, yes, I did.
317
00:12:53,308 --> 00:12:56,667
Promise me when I get old, you'll
just take me out and shoot me.
318
00:12:56,668 --> 00:12:58,827
We promise.
319
00:12:58,828 --> 00:13:00,547
Having fun with your stones?
320
00:13:00,548 --> 00:13:03,067
Not really. I can't find
any more wretched trilobites.
321
00:13:03,068 --> 00:13:04,467
That is a shame.
322
00:13:04,468 --> 00:13:06,547
Big shame.
323
00:13:06,548 --> 00:13:08,907
Well, thank you for abandoning me.
324
00:13:08,908 --> 00:13:11,867
I just had to watch Mr Morris
feed my mother pieces of apple.
325
00:13:11,868 --> 00:13:13,307
From his own mouth.
326
00:13:13,308 --> 00:13:15,067
Sexy!
327
00:13:15,068 --> 00:13:16,147
Go on.
328
00:13:16,148 --> 00:13:19,827
Mr Morris wants Little and Large to
get a new headlight thingy with him.
329
00:13:19,828 --> 00:13:21,427
What? Really?
330
00:13:21,428 --> 00:13:23,867
Yes, really. And anyway,
I want you to go with him.
331
00:13:23,868 --> 00:13:25,347
Er, because?
332
00:13:25,348 --> 00:13:26,747
Because I want you to ask him
333
00:13:26,748 --> 00:13:28,467
what his intentions are
towards your grandmother.
334
00:13:28,468 --> 00:13:30,027
Ask him his intentions?
335
00:13:30,028 --> 00:13:32,067
Sorry, are we in the 17th century?
336
00:13:32,068 --> 00:13:35,347
Oh, just do it for me.
337
00:13:35,348 --> 00:13:38,747
Thanks.
338
00:13:38,748 --> 00:13:42,747
Shitting arthropods!
339
00:13:46,908 --> 00:13:48,547
Pass us that book, would you?
340
00:13:48,548 --> 00:13:50,107
What book? This one?
341
00:13:50,108 --> 00:13:54,107
No, not that one, the big one.
342
00:13:58,548 --> 00:13:59,587
And the other one.
343
00:13:59,588 --> 00:14:01,067
Er...
344
00:14:01,068 --> 00:14:04,947
Come on, come on.
345
00:14:04,948 --> 00:14:06,707
Oh, that's better.
346
00:14:06,708 --> 00:14:08,107
First things first.
347
00:14:08,108 --> 00:14:10,147
One rule I have
when I'm in a vehicle.
348
00:14:10,148 --> 00:14:11,187
OK...
349
00:14:11,188 --> 00:14:12,067
Complete silence.
350
00:14:12,068 --> 00:14:13,107
Complete...
351
00:14:13,108 --> 00:14:14,267
Not a word.
352
00:14:14,268 --> 00:14:18,267
Er... Shh!
353
00:14:20,628 --> 00:14:21,787
Er, Mr Morris...
354
00:14:21,788 --> 00:14:25,787
Silence!
355
00:14:26,068 --> 00:14:27,987
Where are they?
356
00:14:27,988 --> 00:14:31,067
Stupid shop.
357
00:14:31,068 --> 00:14:32,947
Adam? His intentions?
358
00:14:32,948 --> 00:14:34,227
Why don't you do it?
359
00:14:34,228 --> 00:14:35,547
Go on, Little legs.
360
00:14:35,548 --> 00:14:39,547
These are the ones.
361
00:14:40,268 --> 00:14:43,347
Um, Mr Morris,
362
00:14:43,348 --> 00:14:44,707
can I ask you something?
363
00:14:44,708 --> 00:14:45,987
£4.44.
364
00:14:45,988 --> 00:14:47,227
Well, aren't you going to pay?
365
00:14:47,228 --> 00:14:48,227
For what?
366
00:14:48,228 --> 00:14:50,027
For the bulbs, of course.
367
00:14:50,028 --> 00:14:51,267
Why do we have to pay?
368
00:14:51,268 --> 00:14:53,747
Because if your grandmother
had never existed,
369
00:14:53,748 --> 00:14:55,987
I'd never have driven
into your doorstep.
370
00:14:55,988 --> 00:14:58,707
And that's actual logic, is it?
371
00:14:58,708 --> 00:15:00,227
£4.44.Yes, all right.
372
00:15:00,228 --> 00:15:01,267
Jonny, wallet.
373
00:15:01,268 --> 00:15:02,307
I don't have any money.
374
00:15:03,868 --> 00:15:07,787
Thank you.
375
00:15:07,788 --> 00:15:10,027
Oh! Um, Mr Morris.
376
00:15:10,028 --> 00:15:12,427
Sorry, um...
377
00:15:12,428 --> 00:15:13,827
Could I ask you something?
378
00:15:13,828 --> 00:15:15,147
What?
379
00:15:15,148 --> 00:15:16,907
Um...
380
00:15:16,908 --> 00:15:19,147
We just wanted to know...
381
00:15:19,148 --> 00:15:21,267
what are your...
382
00:15:21,268 --> 00:15:23,347
um,
383
00:15:23,348 --> 00:15:26,347
what are your inten...
384
00:15:26,348 --> 00:15:29,027
sive interests?
385
00:15:29,028 --> 00:15:30,347
My what?
386
00:15:30,348 --> 00:15:33,067
Your intensive interests.
387
00:15:33,068 --> 00:15:34,547
£4.44.
388
00:15:34,548 --> 00:15:38,547
Kindly pay the man.
389
00:15:38,628 --> 00:15:41,027
"Intensive interests?"
390
00:15:41,028 --> 00:15:42,427
Oh, I forgot something.
391
00:15:42,428 --> 00:15:46,387
Well, come on, give a man
a bit of room. Get out the way.
392
00:15:46,388 --> 00:15:48,707
Can I also get, um...
393
00:15:48,708 --> 00:15:50,267
a packet of those?
394
00:15:50,268 --> 00:15:52,027
These?
395
00:15:52,028 --> 00:15:53,347
Let me have a look at them.
396
00:15:53,348 --> 00:15:55,667
No, I've used these before.
They're too loose.
397
00:15:55,668 --> 00:15:57,267
Too loose?
398
00:15:57,268 --> 00:15:59,387
Adam, why is Mr Morris
buying condoms?
399
00:15:59,388 --> 00:16:01,227
They're more hygienical?
400
00:16:01,228 --> 00:16:03,107
You know he's going to
use them on Grandma?
401
00:16:03,108 --> 00:16:04,827
Technically, he'll use them
on himself and then...
402
00:16:04,828 --> 00:16:06,587
Please don't finish that sentence.
403
00:16:06,588 --> 00:16:10,387
Oh, yes, those are the ones.
Nice and tight.
404
00:16:10,388 --> 00:16:14,387
You may pay now. I'll be outside.
405
00:16:15,268 --> 00:16:19,267
Hmm, so those are
his intensive interests.
406
00:16:20,348 --> 00:16:21,947
Take this.
407
00:16:21,948 --> 00:16:23,627
You're welcome?
408
00:16:23,628 --> 00:16:25,147
Hi, all, everything all right?
409
00:16:25,148 --> 00:16:29,147
No. I'm worn out.
I'm having a lie down upstairs.
410
00:16:29,428 --> 00:16:31,547
Are you, um, OK?
411
00:16:31,548 --> 00:16:35,547
I trust you have clean sheets?
412
00:16:36,388 --> 00:16:38,307
Well, what are his...?
413
00:16:38,308 --> 00:16:39,387
Honourable.
414
00:16:39,388 --> 00:16:43,387
Definitely honourable.
415
00:16:51,588 --> 00:16:53,787
He has been a long time, Mum.
416
00:16:53,788 --> 00:16:54,587
Shall I wake the man?
417
00:16:54,588 --> 00:16:56,307
I wouldn't if I were you.
418
00:16:56,308 --> 00:16:58,387
He doesn't like being woken.
419
00:16:58,388 --> 00:16:59,867
I'm sure he'll be fine.
420
00:16:59,868 --> 00:17:02,947
He once tore a light
out of the wall.
421
00:17:02,948 --> 00:17:04,587
Right...
422
00:17:04,588 --> 00:17:05,827
Go on, go and check on Mr Morris.
423
00:17:05,828 --> 00:17:07,267
Us?
424
00:17:07,268 --> 00:17:09,947
- Go on.
- But what if he does that thing with the light?
425
00:17:09,948 --> 00:17:13,947
Oh, just see that he's OK.
426
00:17:16,348 --> 00:17:19,707
Boys.
427
00:17:19,708 --> 00:17:23,707
Be careful.
428
00:17:32,228 --> 00:17:33,467
He's still breathing.
429
00:17:33,468 --> 00:17:36,587
We could smother him.
430
00:17:36,588 --> 00:17:37,987
Adam, pocket.
431
00:17:37,988 --> 00:17:40,027
The condoms.
432
00:17:40,028 --> 00:17:42,107
- Go on, then.
- Go on, then, what?
433
00:17:42,108 --> 00:17:43,467
I think we should take them.
434
00:17:43,468 --> 00:17:44,747
What? Before Mum sees them.
435
00:17:44,748 --> 00:17:45,947
Don't be ridiculous.
436
00:17:45,948 --> 00:17:48,067
She'll be really upset.
Go on, take them.
437
00:17:48,068 --> 00:17:49,147
Me? Again?
438
00:17:49,148 --> 00:17:53,147
Go on.
439
00:17:56,708 --> 00:17:58,347
This isn't good.
440
00:17:58,348 --> 00:17:59,547
Hurry up.
441
00:17:59,548 --> 00:18:02,747
I mean really.
This really isn't good.
442
00:18:02,748 --> 00:18:04,187
Got you! Aah!
443
00:18:04,188 --> 00:18:05,947
You had your hand in my trousers.
444
00:18:05,948 --> 00:18:07,307
No, I didn't. It was an accident!
445
00:18:07,308 --> 00:18:08,547
An accident?!
446
00:18:08,548 --> 00:18:09,667
Yes, I slipped and...
447
00:18:09,668 --> 00:18:10,747
He did, he slipped...
448
00:18:10,748 --> 00:18:11,787
Crap and rubbish!
449
00:18:11,788 --> 00:18:13,067
Jesus!
450
00:18:13,068 --> 00:18:16,267
What's going...?
What happened to the light?
451
00:18:16,268 --> 00:18:18,547
Your son was fiddling
with my private parts.
452
00:18:18,548 --> 00:18:20,147
What? What?
453
00:18:20,148 --> 00:18:21,947
He had his hand down my trousers.
454
00:18:21,948 --> 00:18:24,507
- No, I didn't! I was...
- Adam!
455
00:18:24,508 --> 00:18:27,067
That makes you either a thief
or a molester. Which are you?
456
00:18:27,068 --> 00:18:29,147
- Thief's better. Say thief.
- What were you doing in here?
457
00:18:29,148 --> 00:18:30,627
Nothing. It was a mistake.
458
00:18:30,628 --> 00:18:32,987
I am sorry, Mr Morris.
459
00:18:32,988 --> 00:18:36,987
No, this is worse than Rutherford's!
460
00:18:38,308 --> 00:18:40,667
- What were you doing in there?
- He just tore the light out of the...
461
00:18:40,668 --> 00:18:42,467
What were you doing to the man?
462
00:18:42,468 --> 00:18:44,187
I wasn't doing anything.
463
00:18:44,188 --> 00:18:46,987
You weren't... you know?
464
00:18:46,988 --> 00:18:49,027
Of course I wasn't.
465
00:18:49,028 --> 00:18:49,907
He was a bit.
466
00:18:49,908 --> 00:18:51,627
Adam, tell me!
467
00:18:51,628 --> 00:18:53,347
Mum, I can't, OK?
468
00:18:53,348 --> 00:18:55,387
Um, you can. And you will.
469
00:18:55,388 --> 00:18:57,947
All right! God!
470
00:18:57,948 --> 00:19:01,107
You know his... intentions?
471
00:19:01,108 --> 00:19:02,667
Yes?
472
00:19:02,668 --> 00:19:06,107
Well...
473
00:19:06,108 --> 00:19:10,107
He bought a packet of...
474
00:19:15,548 --> 00:19:16,987
Right, that's it.
475
00:19:16,988 --> 00:19:18,467
Mum!
476
00:19:18,468 --> 00:19:19,707
Mummy!
477
00:19:19,708 --> 00:19:21,267
Never would I believe
478
00:19:21,268 --> 00:19:24,347
that I'd be subjected to
such a brutal sexual attack.
479
00:19:24,348 --> 00:19:26,027
Mr Morris, it really wasn't
a sexual...
480
00:19:26,028 --> 00:19:28,587
Move out of my way, please.
481
00:19:28,588 --> 00:19:30,867
Nellie, we're going.
482
00:19:30,868 --> 00:19:33,107
I've been sexually assaulted!
483
00:19:33,108 --> 00:19:36,507
Get your coat, Nellie.
It's an outrage.
484
00:19:36,508 --> 00:19:38,627
An absolute outrage,
an absolute bloody...
485
00:19:38,628 --> 00:19:42,267
Oh!
486
00:19:42,268 --> 00:19:44,267
Oh, my God! Shit!
487
00:19:44,268 --> 00:19:46,027
Oh, my God! Lou? Lou?
488
00:19:46,028 --> 00:19:46,547
Mr Morris!
489
00:19:46,548 --> 00:19:47,627
What's going on?
490
00:19:47,628 --> 00:19:49,547
Sorry! I'm sorry!
491
00:19:49,548 --> 00:19:50,667
Is he dead?
492
00:19:50,668 --> 00:19:51,587
Sorry.
493
00:19:51,588 --> 00:19:52,827
Oh...
494
00:19:52,828 --> 00:19:55,467
Ah!
495
00:19:55,468 --> 00:19:57,587
Think you're tough, do you?
496
00:19:57,588 --> 00:20:00,107
- I didn't mean to.
- You filthy slanderer!
497
00:20:00,108 --> 00:20:01,587
It's OK, Mr Morris.
498
00:20:01,588 --> 00:20:03,987
Let's see what you've got, then.
Come on, put 'em up.
499
00:20:03,988 --> 00:20:05,107
What?
500
00:20:05,108 --> 00:20:06,267
Put 'em up, half pint! Come on!
501
00:20:06,268 --> 00:20:07,427
"Put 'em up?"
502
00:20:07,428 --> 00:20:09,187
Come on, put 'em up! Lou! Stop it.
503
00:20:09,188 --> 00:20:10,467
Mr Morris, please.
504
00:20:10,468 --> 00:20:12,187
Oh, your top's come off, has it?
505
00:20:12,188 --> 00:20:14,307
You want some as well, do you?
506
00:20:14,308 --> 00:20:15,467
Pardon? Right.
507
00:20:15,468 --> 00:20:16,667
Jesus Christ!
508
00:20:16,668 --> 00:20:17,747
Lou! Come on!
509
00:20:17,748 --> 00:20:19,027
Put 'em up.
510
00:20:19,028 --> 00:20:20,107
Mr Morris...
511
00:20:20,108 --> 00:20:22,107
Put 'em up. You've had a nasty fall.
512
00:20:22,108 --> 00:20:23,947
A thousand, eh? What?
513
00:20:23,948 --> 00:20:25,707
A thousand workers at my factory?
514
00:20:25,708 --> 00:20:29,027
Even Rutherford's
didn't have a thousand!
515
00:20:29,028 --> 00:20:33,027
And where do you think you're going,
Mr Molester?
516
00:20:34,228 --> 00:20:36,507
Fiddling in an old man's
undergarments!
517
00:20:36,508 --> 00:20:37,827
Get off me!
518
00:20:37,828 --> 00:20:38,827
Stop it, Lou! >
519
00:20:38,828 --> 00:20:40,787
Pull your trousers up
and fight like a man.
520
00:20:40,788 --> 00:20:42,067
You're a lunatic!
521
00:20:42,068 --> 00:20:43,627
Come on, then. Fight the lunatic!
522
00:20:43,628 --> 00:20:44,987
Right, you, enough!
523
00:20:44,988 --> 00:20:46,067
Get off me!
524
00:20:46,068 --> 00:20:47,147
Careful, Martin!
525
00:20:47,148 --> 00:20:48,987
It's all right. Move, move, Jackie.
526
00:20:48,988 --> 00:20:50,467
Let me go, you vermin!
527
00:20:50,468 --> 00:20:51,867
Come on, out!
528
00:20:51,868 --> 00:20:52,907
No!
529
00:20:52,908 --> 00:20:56,027
Slanderers!
530
00:20:56,028 --> 00:20:57,867
Right, change of plan.
Everyone else out!
531
00:20:57,868 --> 00:20:59,747
Go on, that's it, run away!
532
00:20:59,748 --> 00:21:01,787
Run away! Sissies!
533
00:21:01,788 --> 00:21:03,507
Slanderers! Perverts!
534
00:21:03,508 --> 00:21:06,147
Dad!
535
00:21:06,148 --> 00:21:08,027
Come back, you coward.
536
00:21:08,028 --> 00:21:10,227
Lock the door, lock the door!
537
00:21:10,228 --> 00:21:11,627
Let me out, you apes!
538
00:21:11,628 --> 00:21:13,307
Christ!
539
00:21:13,308 --> 00:21:14,667
He's a lunatic.
540
00:21:14,668 --> 00:21:15,867
Slanderers!
541
00:21:15,868 --> 00:21:17,467
Lou! Please!
542
00:21:17,468 --> 00:21:19,787
Rutherford lovers!
543
00:21:19,788 --> 00:21:21,067
So what are we going to do?
544
00:21:21,068 --> 00:21:22,147
I don't know.
545
00:21:22,148 --> 00:21:23,747
Martin, what are we going to do?
546
00:21:23,748 --> 00:21:24,987
Um, sell the house?
547
00:21:24,988 --> 00:21:26,267
Oh, very good.
548
00:21:26,268 --> 00:21:28,067
Filthy scabs!
549
00:21:28,068 --> 00:21:29,627
Mum, what are we going to do?
550
00:21:29,628 --> 00:21:31,587
I'll tell you what
we're going to do.
551
00:21:31,588 --> 00:21:33,227
We're going to stand out here
552
00:21:33,228 --> 00:21:36,707
and wait till he has
another bloody heart attack.
553
00:21:36,708 --> 00:21:40,607
Bunch of penises!
554
00:21:40,688 --> 00:22:04,997
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555
00:22:05,047 --> 00:22:09,597
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