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1
00:00:01,230 --> 00:00:04,722
Big windows, lots of light,
finished basement.
2
00:00:04,833 --> 00:00:06,732
Why has this place been
sitting on the market so long?
3
00:00:06,905 --> 00:00:07,884
_
4
00:00:07,969 --> 00:00:10,870
It's a buyer's market,
as we have discovered.
5
00:00:10,905 --> 00:00:11,971
Tough time to sell.
6
00:00:12,006 --> 00:00:14,435
Is that why you reduced
the price several times?
7
00:00:14,514 --> 00:00:16,604
_
8
00:00:16,657 --> 00:00:17,610
_
9
00:00:17,729 --> 00:00:18,978
You're really getting a steal.
10
00:00:19,013 --> 00:00:20,912
Oh, I saw the patchwork in the basement.
11
00:00:20,948 --> 00:00:22,147
You have termite trouble?
12
00:00:22,213 --> 00:00:24,276
_
13
00:00:24,435 --> 00:00:25,017
Termites?
14
00:00:25,070 --> 00:00:28,187
Well, this house is such
a hospitable environment,
15
00:00:28,222 --> 00:00:30,122
who wouldn't want to live here?
16
00:00:30,157 --> 00:00:31,089
[Laughs]
17
00:00:31,124 --> 00:00:33,057
So, what do you say?
18
00:00:33,093 --> 00:00:35,326
You know,
you've done a good job renovating,
19
00:00:35,362 --> 00:00:38,029
and it's a great deal, so...
20
00:00:39,432 --> 00:00:40,732
- I'll take it.
- Oh!
21
00:00:40,767 --> 00:00:42,066
[Women laughing, cheering]
22
00:00:42,102 --> 00:00:43,201
Ooh, yeah!
23
00:00:43,236 --> 00:00:44,503
Smart!
24
00:00:44,538 --> 00:00:47,705
You and your family will be very,
very happy here.
25
00:00:47,740 --> 00:00:49,273
Oh. Oh, no. I'm not gonna live here.
26
00:00:49,309 --> 00:00:50,475
I'm gonna rent it out.
27
00:00:50,510 --> 00:00:53,277
In this market,
renting's where the real money's at.
28
00:00:53,313 --> 00:00:56,225
This place is gonna pay for
itself a dozen times over.
29
00:00:58,831 --> 00:01:00,385
- Get out of my house!
- All right!
30
00:01:00,420 --> 00:01:01,919
Bye-bye. [Door slams]
31
00:01:01,954 --> 00:01:04,421
S02E21
Rent Day
32
00:01:04,456 --> 00:01:05,589
Fresh off the boat
33
00:01:05,625 --> 00:01:07,290
I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go
34
00:01:07,326 --> 00:01:09,426
If you don't know,
homey, now you know
35
00:01:09,461 --> 00:01:10,694
Fresh off the boat
36
00:01:10,730 --> 00:01:13,030
Homey,
you don't know where I come from
37
00:01:13,065 --> 00:01:14,565
But I know where I'm goin'
38
00:01:14,634 --> 00:01:15,817
I'm fresh off the boat
39
00:01:15,902 --> 00:01:18,505
sync and corrected by ninh
www.addic7ed.com
40
00:01:20,678 --> 00:01:22,318
_
41
00:01:22,403 --> 00:01:24,022
_
42
00:01:24,109 --> 00:01:27,144
Jessica, we've been trying to
sell this house for months.
43
00:01:27,179 --> 00:01:29,413
We've been through Halloween vandals,
44
00:01:29,448 --> 00:01:30,713
black mold, termites.
45
00:01:30,749 --> 00:01:31,915
Exactly.
46
00:01:31,950 --> 00:01:34,584
And after all that,
we're only gonna break even.
47
00:01:34,619 --> 00:01:38,021
We're supposed to make
money on this house.
48
00:01:38,056 --> 00:01:41,123
And if we rent it out, we will.
49
00:01:41,159 --> 00:01:42,959
"We" rent it out?
50
00:01:42,994 --> 00:01:44,393
That man was right.
51
00:01:44,429 --> 00:01:47,096
Why buy a sickly cow and fatten it up
52
00:01:47,131 --> 00:01:48,364
and then sell it for beans?
53
00:01:48,399 --> 00:01:49,365
No.
54
00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:52,468
You milk that cow every month...
55
00:01:52,503 --> 00:01:54,158
for 300 years.
56
00:01:54,972 --> 00:01:57,106
But we don't know anything
about being landlords.
57
00:01:57,141 --> 00:01:59,475
You have to find tenants,
hire a real-estate attorney,
58
00:01:59,510 --> 00:02:01,143
contracts, credit checks, handyman...
59
00:02:01,179 --> 00:02:03,179
Eh, that's all fluff.
60
00:02:03,214 --> 00:02:05,214
We just need to find the right tenants.
61
00:02:05,249 --> 00:02:07,883
I will take care of everything.
62
00:02:07,918 --> 00:02:10,418
All you have to do is sit back
63
00:02:10,454 --> 00:02:13,622
and let the rent checks roll in.
64
00:02:14,825 --> 00:02:16,058
[Eddie laughs]
65
00:02:16,093 --> 00:02:18,026
Oh, I love doing crosswords with you.
66
00:02:18,062 --> 00:02:20,428
Such a great way for us
to spend time together.
67
00:02:20,464 --> 00:02:22,831
Dad! We found the missing TV remote!
68
00:02:22,866 --> 00:02:24,499
Oh, thank God. These are so boring.
69
00:02:24,534 --> 00:02:25,734
Where was it?
70
00:02:25,769 --> 00:02:27,668
This was a tough case.
71
00:02:27,704 --> 00:02:29,270
Some remotes don't want to be found.
72
00:02:29,306 --> 00:02:31,772
First, we had to rule out
the obvious suspects...
73
00:02:31,808 --> 00:02:34,342
Couch cushions,
the magazine holder in the bathroom,
74
00:02:34,377 --> 00:02:36,444
Grandma... But they all checked out.
75
00:02:36,480 --> 00:02:37,979
So where was it?
76
00:02:38,014 --> 00:02:39,647
You left it in the pantry.
77
00:02:40,556 --> 00:02:42,283
The... pantry? That's... odd.
78
00:02:42,319 --> 00:02:43,918
I...don't go in the pantry.
79
00:02:43,953 --> 00:02:46,020
I believe you do go in the pantry...
80
00:02:46,055 --> 00:02:49,456
To cry after you watch a
certain movie called "Babe."
81
00:02:50,173 --> 00:02:51,458
"That'll do, pig.
82
00:02:51,494 --> 00:02:52,893
[Voice breaking] That'll do."
83
00:02:54,697 --> 00:02:56,631
Well [Chuckles] you found the remote.
84
00:02:56,666 --> 00:02:57,898
Thank you. [Sniffles]
85
00:02:57,934 --> 00:03:00,008
Here's a little something
for your trouble.
86
00:03:01,098 --> 00:03:03,203
Emery: Thanks,
but we don't do it for the money.
87
00:03:03,239 --> 00:03:04,871
We do it for justice.
88
00:03:05,299 --> 00:03:06,806
But w-we'll take the money, though.
89
00:03:06,842 --> 00:03:09,075
Another cased solved
by The Huang Boys...
90
00:03:09,111 --> 00:03:11,102
A perfect nine for nine.
91
00:03:11,599 --> 00:03:13,514
Tell your friends.
92
00:03:13,980 --> 00:03:15,449
Louis: "Tell your friends."
93
00:03:17,185 --> 00:03:19,385
Yo, Dad,
since you're handing out free money,
94
00:03:19,420 --> 00:03:23,156
this is the Ironman watch,
and I need it on my body.
95
00:03:23,191 --> 00:03:26,059
It has a lap timer,
a stainlesssteel case back,
96
00:03:26,094 --> 00:03:29,195
and it's water-resistant
up to 100 meters.
97
00:03:29,230 --> 00:03:30,864
[Splash]
98
00:03:32,067 --> 00:03:34,267
Aaaaaaaah!
99
00:03:36,737 --> 00:03:37,836
Louis: Ohhh.
100
00:03:37,872 --> 00:03:40,139
So you're a watch guy,
like your old man.
101
00:03:40,175 --> 00:03:41,840
[Chuckles] I remember my first...
102
00:03:41,876 --> 00:03:46,078
Gold Casio, mini calculator,
programmable alarm.
103
00:03:46,113 --> 00:03:47,413
You should have seen it. [Chuckles]
104
00:03:47,482 --> 00:03:49,114
Oh, wait. You can see it.
105
00:03:49,150 --> 00:03:50,315
Because it's right here.
106
00:03:50,951 --> 00:03:51,817
[Alarm beeping]
107
00:03:51,852 --> 00:03:53,886
Ah. Listen to her sing.
108
00:03:53,921 --> 00:03:56,855
That's the gentle tweeting
of a punctual robot bird.
109
00:03:56,891 --> 00:03:58,323
[Chuckles]
110
00:03:58,358 --> 00:03:59,825
I knew you'd feel me, Dad.
111
00:03:59,860 --> 00:04:01,694
So, want to give me cash or...
112
00:04:01,729 --> 00:04:03,862
[Chuckles]
113
00:04:03,898 --> 00:04:06,665
[Both laughing]
114
00:04:16,068 --> 00:04:17,275
Oh.
115
00:04:18,912 --> 00:04:21,580
So... why should I rent to you?
116
00:04:21,615 --> 00:04:23,915
Because I'm a family man,
and my kids come first.
117
00:04:23,950 --> 00:04:24,949
I work for a nonprofit.
118
00:04:24,984 --> 00:04:26,283
I served three tours in the Navy,
119
00:04:26,319 --> 00:04:27,351
and I'm now teaching...
120
00:04:27,386 --> 00:04:29,120
I'm Jordan. This is my wife, Raquel.
121
00:04:29,155 --> 00:04:30,421
We filled out your application
122
00:04:30,456 --> 00:04:32,489
and included our college
transcripts and LSAT scores.
123
00:04:32,525 --> 00:04:33,657
Hope that's okay.
124
00:04:33,693 --> 00:04:35,492
LSATs? So you're lawyers?
125
00:04:35,528 --> 00:04:37,829
Well, we're not in law anymore.
126
00:04:37,864 --> 00:04:40,623
We're in medicine now.
It's just much more lucrative.
127
00:04:41,500 --> 00:04:42,766
I suppose it is.
128
00:04:42,801 --> 00:04:44,668
Um, okay. No pets?
129
00:04:44,704 --> 00:04:45,902
Nonsmokers?
130
00:04:45,938 --> 00:04:47,163
No weekend jazz bands?
131
00:04:48,774 --> 00:04:50,907
You seem perfect.
132
00:04:50,943 --> 00:04:52,476
A little too perfect.
133
00:04:52,511 --> 00:04:54,245
Sweetie...
134
00:04:54,280 --> 00:04:55,979
she deserves to know.
135
00:04:56,014 --> 00:04:57,447
I knew it. What is it?
136
00:04:57,482 --> 00:04:59,682
We never want to have kids.
137
00:04:59,718 --> 00:05:00,951
[Sighs]
138
00:05:03,856 --> 00:05:05,122
[Cartoon playing on television]
139
00:05:05,157 --> 00:05:06,589
[Chuckles]
140
00:05:08,727 --> 00:05:10,160
[TV turns off]
Father, I'd just like to follow up
141
00:05:10,195 --> 00:05:11,527
on our conversation yesterday.
142
00:05:11,563 --> 00:05:12,562
[Sighs]
143
00:05:12,597 --> 00:05:14,230
You're very close to me right now.
144
00:05:14,266 --> 00:05:16,299
While I explained the
benefits of watch ownership,
145
00:05:16,334 --> 00:05:17,667
I didn't tell you all the ways
146
00:05:17,702 --> 00:05:20,169
that not having a watch
is ruining my life.
147
00:05:20,204 --> 00:05:22,104
Could you just back up an inch?
148
00:05:23,642 --> 00:05:24,807
When we're ordering pizza,
149
00:05:24,842 --> 00:05:27,209
I have no idea if it
takes 30 minutes or less.
150
00:05:27,245 --> 00:05:28,477
I'm like, "You're late."
151
00:05:28,512 --> 00:05:29,845
The guy's like, "Where's your proof?"
152
00:05:29,881 --> 00:05:31,781
And I'm like, "Right here.
153
00:05:31,816 --> 00:05:32,748
Oh."
154
00:05:32,784 --> 00:05:35,384
Eddie,
don't make everything about pizza.
155
00:05:35,419 --> 00:05:36,752
This is about responsibility.
156
00:05:36,788 --> 00:05:37,920
I know if I buy you that watch,
157
00:05:37,955 --> 00:05:39,989
you'll wear it for one day,
then toss it aside.
158
00:05:40,024 --> 00:05:41,657
I promise I won't.
159
00:05:41,692 --> 00:05:43,159
I'll tell you what...
160
00:05:43,194 --> 00:05:45,727
If you can take care of
my watch for one week
161
00:05:45,763 --> 00:05:47,396
and prove to me that you're responsible,
162
00:05:47,431 --> 00:05:50,198
then maybe I'll think about
buying you an Ironman watch.
163
00:05:50,233 --> 00:05:51,300
Yes! Deal!
164
00:05:51,335 --> 00:05:52,801
[Grunts]
165
00:05:52,836 --> 00:05:54,903
Now, let me just give you
a quick lay of the land.
166
00:05:54,938 --> 00:05:56,638
Watch out for her light.
It's a little fickle.
167
00:05:56,707 --> 00:05:58,740
She feeds on arm hair, so be careful.
168
00:05:58,776 --> 00:06:00,709
The 7 button on the
calculator is broken,
169
00:06:00,744 --> 00:06:02,811
so you have to add the 3 and 4 first.
170
00:06:02,846 --> 00:06:04,412
Or 2 and 5. However you want to do it.
171
00:06:04,447 --> 00:06:05,780
I don't want to micromanage that.
172
00:06:05,816 --> 00:06:08,783
Or 8 minus 1. Whatever. User's choice.
173
00:06:12,289 --> 00:06:15,156
You get a Chipwich,
and you get a Chipwich!
174
00:06:15,192 --> 00:06:17,758
Do you know why it is
raining Chipwiches?
175
00:06:17,794 --> 00:06:22,262
Because I just found
us the perfect renters.
176
00:06:22,298 --> 00:06:23,230
You did?
177
00:06:23,265 --> 00:06:25,098
Just deposited their
check in my account.
178
00:06:25,134 --> 00:06:27,000
I'll write you both
checks for your share!
179
00:06:27,217 --> 00:06:29,757
_
180
00:06:29,839 --> 00:06:32,540
This is my money that I earned.
181
00:06:32,575 --> 00:06:34,641
It's not Marvin's money. It's my money.
182
00:06:34,676 --> 00:06:35,909
I got Honey money.
183
00:06:35,945 --> 00:06:39,179
Good thing I convinced you
both to invest in the property
184
00:06:39,215 --> 00:06:41,414
and convinced you both to rent it out,
185
00:06:41,450 --> 00:06:42,816
because I'm a visionary.
186
00:06:42,852 --> 00:06:44,184
Oprah.
187
00:06:44,220 --> 00:06:45,185
Gayles.
188
00:06:45,221 --> 00:06:46,686
[Telephone rings]
189
00:06:48,023 --> 00:06:49,489
Huang residence.
190
00:06:49,524 --> 00:06:50,790
Is this Mrs. Huang?
191
00:06:50,826 --> 00:06:51,924
Yes, this is she.
192
00:06:51,960 --> 00:06:53,125
I'm calling to inform you
193
00:06:53,161 --> 00:06:55,628
that the check you
just deposited bounced.
194
00:06:57,164 --> 00:06:59,130
What? [Gasps]
195
00:06:59,166 --> 00:07:00,566
I don't understand.
196
00:07:00,601 --> 00:07:01,967
I know it's confusing.
197
00:07:02,002 --> 00:07:04,336
The word "bounce" seems so positive...
198
00:07:04,372 --> 00:07:05,671
Like Tigger.
199
00:07:06,454 --> 00:07:07,706
I don't understand
200
00:07:07,742 --> 00:07:10,442
how my ear appointment
can be approaching.
201
00:07:10,478 --> 00:07:12,511
[Chuckles] It feels like
it was just yesterday.
202
00:07:12,546 --> 00:07:14,579
Okay, well, bye.
203
00:07:15,648 --> 00:07:17,349
Come on, come on. Write our checks.
204
00:07:19,186 --> 00:07:20,618
Yes.
205
00:07:22,489 --> 00:07:24,122
[Smacks lips]
206
00:07:24,157 --> 00:07:25,757
Yes.
207
00:07:25,792 --> 00:07:27,759
Your checks. Ha ha.
208
00:07:27,794 --> 00:07:31,028
Here... you...
209
00:07:35,001 --> 00:07:36,233
[Smacks lips]
210
00:07:37,437 --> 00:07:38,235
Go.
211
00:07:44,076 --> 00:07:45,242
Yes! Thank you.
212
00:07:45,752 --> 00:07:47,488
_
213
00:07:49,255 --> 00:07:50,781
[Knock on door]
214
00:07:50,816 --> 00:07:51,882
Oh!
215
00:07:51,918 --> 00:07:53,284
- Hi, Jessica.
- Hey.
216
00:07:53,319 --> 00:07:55,585
Hi. So,
there's been some kind of a mistake.
217
00:07:55,621 --> 00:07:56,954
The bank called yesterday,
218
00:07:56,989 --> 00:07:59,589
and they said that your check bounced.
219
00:08:00,295 --> 00:08:01,658
Oh, you know why?
220
00:08:01,693 --> 00:08:03,493
That's probably because there's
no money in our account.
221
00:08:03,529 --> 00:08:05,658
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's for sure it.
222
00:08:06,007 --> 00:08:06,938
Yeah.
223
00:08:11,024 --> 00:08:13,468
What do you mean, you have no money?
224
00:08:13,593 --> 00:08:14,758
- Eh...
- Buh...
225
00:08:14,793 --> 00:08:15,726
[Both laugh]
226
00:08:15,794 --> 00:08:16,693
It's kind of a long story.
227
00:08:16,729 --> 00:08:18,028
Come in, come in.
228
00:08:18,063 --> 00:08:19,529
Come on.
229
00:08:19,598 --> 00:08:22,265
Please, have a seat.
230
00:08:22,300 --> 00:08:24,001
We're having cash-flow problems.
231
00:08:24,036 --> 00:08:25,969
But I thought you were doctors.
232
00:08:26,005 --> 00:08:28,171
[Chuckling] Oh, no. God, no.
233
00:08:28,206 --> 00:08:30,841
We were enrolled as guinea
pigs in these drug trials,
234
00:08:30,876 --> 00:08:32,509
but then we got disqualified.
235
00:08:32,544 --> 00:08:34,177
Yeah, when we said we were in medicine,
236
00:08:34,212 --> 00:08:36,045
I guess, technically,
the medicine was in us.
237
00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:38,148
So, I guess you didn't go to law school,
either?
238
00:08:38,183 --> 00:08:39,749
Oh, no, no, no. We did. We did.
239
00:08:39,784 --> 00:08:41,451
We just... hated it.
240
00:08:41,486 --> 00:08:43,919
It was so long and boring and expensive,
241
00:08:43,955 --> 00:08:46,122
which is why we're so deep in debt.
242
00:08:46,158 --> 00:08:48,591
Honestly, we were surprised
you rented the house to us,
243
00:08:48,627 --> 00:08:50,527
especially when you
saw our credit report.
244
00:08:50,562 --> 00:08:52,427
Fffft! Credit checks are fluff!
245
00:08:52,463 --> 00:08:55,164
This is my credit check... My gut.
246
00:08:55,199 --> 00:08:58,100
Then your gut's as bad as mine
after that trial IBS drug.
247
00:08:58,136 --> 00:09:00,169
Speaking of, the toilet's backed up.
248
00:09:00,204 --> 00:09:01,871
Can we get the number for the handyman?
249
00:09:01,906 --> 00:09:03,305
Fluff!
250
00:09:03,340 --> 00:09:05,107
You know what? Forget this.
251
00:09:05,143 --> 00:09:06,375
Pack your...
252
00:09:06,410 --> 00:09:07,777
Honey: [Singsong voice] Knock, knock!
253
00:09:07,812 --> 00:09:09,144
Didn't mean to interrupt,
254
00:09:09,180 --> 00:09:11,880
but we just wanted to stop
by and meet the new tenants.
255
00:09:13,551 --> 00:09:16,918
Yes. These are them...
Our perfect tenants.
256
00:09:16,953 --> 00:09:19,421
Jessica's been raving about you guys.
257
00:09:19,456 --> 00:09:21,790
Guess who spent her share on
a fancy hat-of-the-month club.
258
00:09:22,003 --> 00:09:25,188
_
259
00:09:26,130 --> 00:09:28,098
_
260
00:09:28,099 --> 00:09:29,363
[Car alarm chirps]
261
00:09:29,399 --> 00:09:31,766
Male voice: Protected by Viper.
Stand back.
262
00:09:31,802 --> 00:09:33,168
It's nice to meet you.
263
00:09:33,203 --> 00:09:35,103
Want to come in and play "Geese Lord"?
264
00:09:35,138 --> 00:09:39,007
You know what?
We would love to, but we just can't.
265
00:09:39,042 --> 00:09:40,942
We're very, very busy.
266
00:09:41,676 --> 00:09:43,623
_
267
00:09:43,665 --> 00:09:46,480
_
268
00:09:47,612 --> 00:09:48,282
So, apparently, my dad
269
00:09:48,318 --> 00:09:50,484
has been sending letters
to our old address,
270
00:09:50,520 --> 00:09:53,187
but, honestly, he's been gone
from my life for so long now,
271
00:09:53,223 --> 00:09:54,622
I wonder if I even want him around.
272
00:09:54,657 --> 00:09:55,989
How do you miss someone who...
273
00:09:56,025 --> 00:09:56,890
Hold up!
274
00:09:56,926 --> 00:09:57,958
Where's my watch?!
275
00:09:57,993 --> 00:09:59,392
Where's my dad?!
276
00:10:09,404 --> 00:10:10,971
I lost Dad's watch!
277
00:10:11,006 --> 00:10:12,472
Give us all the details.
278
00:10:12,507 --> 00:10:14,274
I had taken it off to
shower on Saturday.
279
00:10:14,309 --> 00:10:15,842
I know I put it in a safe place...
280
00:10:15,877 --> 00:10:16,976
On top of G-Dubs.
281
00:10:17,011 --> 00:10:19,246
One witness... Toy glowworm.
282
00:10:19,281 --> 00:10:21,414
And then, I don't remember.
283
00:10:21,450 --> 00:10:23,416
I don't know if I put
it back on afterwards.
284
00:10:23,452 --> 00:10:25,151
Maybe. I don't know!
285
00:10:25,186 --> 00:10:27,053
Client's memory unreliable.
286
00:10:27,088 --> 00:10:30,056
Possible victim of amnesia.
287
00:10:30,091 --> 00:10:31,657
The Huang Boys are on the case.
288
00:10:32,493 --> 00:10:34,593
[Glove snaps]
We need to dust for fingerprints.
289
00:10:34,662 --> 00:10:36,328
I'll get the flower.
290
00:10:36,364 --> 00:10:37,363
[Sighs]
291
00:10:37,398 --> 00:10:38,631
Honey: Need a ride?
292
00:10:38,666 --> 00:10:40,066
Oh, is that...
293
00:10:40,101 --> 00:10:41,333
My leased Probe?
294
00:10:41,369 --> 00:10:43,469
Yes. Yes, it is.
295
00:10:43,504 --> 00:10:44,670
She's got a full tank of gas.
296
00:10:44,705 --> 00:10:46,272
If we wanted, we could probably make it
297
00:10:46,307 --> 00:10:48,039
all the way to N'awlins.
298
00:10:48,075 --> 00:10:49,575
Oh. [Laughs] I can't.
299
00:10:49,610 --> 00:10:51,943
Uh, I-I have to go check on the tenants.
300
00:10:51,979 --> 00:10:54,446
Turns out there's a
little plumbing issue.
301
00:10:54,482 --> 00:10:56,081
Oh, no. Well, then, I'll come help.
302
00:10:56,116 --> 00:10:58,550
Oh, no! No, no, no. It's fine. I got it.
303
00:10:58,586 --> 00:11:01,820
I was gonna go anyway, because...
304
00:11:01,855 --> 00:11:02,954
[Squeals]
305
00:11:02,990 --> 00:11:04,756
I got them a welcome gift basket.
306
00:11:04,792 --> 00:11:06,658
Oh, perfect! I'll give it to them.
307
00:11:06,693 --> 00:11:08,626
Oh,
that's so nice of you to think of this.
308
00:11:08,695 --> 00:11:10,595
You know,
that's why we're great partners...
309
00:11:10,630 --> 00:11:12,164
Because you think of
these kind of things.
310
00:11:12,199 --> 00:11:14,399
Now, go to N'awlins, you nosy bitch!
311
00:11:14,434 --> 00:11:16,935
[Laughing] All right.
312
00:11:20,073 --> 00:11:22,039
Hi. How's it going?
313
00:11:22,074 --> 00:11:23,908
Oh! [Laughs]
314
00:11:23,943 --> 00:11:25,209
Hey, Jessica.
315
00:11:25,244 --> 00:11:27,779
I was just trying to drive
beers into the living room.
316
00:11:27,814 --> 00:11:28,646
What's up?
317
00:11:28,682 --> 00:11:30,515
If you have money to waste
318
00:11:30,550 --> 00:11:33,618
on pizza and video games and tiny cars,
319
00:11:33,653 --> 00:11:35,520
you have money for rent.
320
00:11:35,555 --> 00:11:36,587
Move.
321
00:11:39,992 --> 00:11:41,258
[Grunts]
322
00:11:41,294 --> 00:11:42,860
No more cable. Nonessential.
323
00:11:43,863 --> 00:11:47,764
No more takeout. Make your own food.
324
00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:50,201
This is a schedule for the Florida bar.
325
00:11:50,236 --> 00:11:53,337
You're gonna hit the books and pass it.
326
00:11:53,372 --> 00:11:54,604
Get real jobs.
327
00:11:54,640 --> 00:11:55,806
Yeah. Okay.
328
00:11:55,841 --> 00:11:57,240
Yeah, I mean, we're not good with money,
329
00:11:57,275 --> 00:11:58,875
so this is actually really helpful.
330
00:11:58,910 --> 00:12:01,311
And until you pay me what you owe me,
331
00:12:01,347 --> 00:12:02,212
you're the handyman.
332
00:12:02,247 --> 00:12:03,714
Fix the toilet yourself.
333
00:12:03,749 --> 00:12:05,982
And fix up the place while you're at it.
334
00:12:06,017 --> 00:12:07,517
Add value.
335
00:12:07,553 --> 00:12:09,152
Maybe a blueberry patch.
336
00:12:10,021 --> 00:12:11,387
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
337
00:12:14,392 --> 00:12:16,592
Sorry, G-Dubs. We're almost done.
338
00:12:16,627 --> 00:12:18,862
Evan: I think he likes it.
339
00:12:21,066 --> 00:12:23,333
Boys, I need your help.
340
00:12:23,368 --> 00:12:24,500
I lost Eddie's watch.
341
00:12:24,535 --> 00:12:26,302
Twist.
342
00:12:27,171 --> 00:12:27,936
Talk to us.
343
00:12:27,972 --> 00:12:29,304
Well, on Saturday,
344
00:12:29,340 --> 00:12:30,706
I walked past Eddie's room
345
00:12:30,742 --> 00:12:33,776
and saw he had carelessly left
my watch lying on his bed.
346
00:12:33,811 --> 00:12:35,878
So I took it to teach him a lesson.
347
00:12:35,913 --> 00:12:37,012
And then I lost it.
348
00:12:37,081 --> 00:12:38,814
Possible irony.
349
00:12:38,850 --> 00:12:40,148
Emery: Dad, Eddie took off the watch
350
00:12:40,184 --> 00:12:41,617
because it was his shower day.
351
00:12:41,652 --> 00:12:43,518
His shower day is on Sunday.
352
00:12:43,553 --> 00:12:44,920
He switched it to Saturdays
353
00:12:44,955 --> 00:12:47,122
because he gets so worked up during
"American Gladiators."
354
00:12:47,157 --> 00:12:48,523
[Cheering on television]
355
00:12:48,912 --> 00:12:51,092
_
356
00:12:51,628 --> 00:12:53,828
Gladiators, ready!
357
00:12:53,864 --> 00:12:56,464
Oh, no. He just took it off to shower.
358
00:12:56,500 --> 00:13:00,101
I need you to find that watch
before the end of the week.
359
00:13:00,136 --> 00:13:01,770
And whatever you do, don't tell Eddie.
360
00:13:01,805 --> 00:13:04,672
Permission to extend bedtime
so we can solve the case?
361
00:13:04,708 --> 00:13:08,242
Crime doesn't sleep,
and neither should you.
362
00:13:08,278 --> 00:13:10,177
[Chicken clucking]
363
00:13:13,750 --> 00:13:14,682
The hell?
364
00:13:14,718 --> 00:13:16,483
"Fiduciary."
365
00:13:16,519 --> 00:13:17,584
[Both laugh]
366
00:13:17,620 --> 00:13:18,852
Why is there a chicken
on the front lawn?
367
00:13:18,888 --> 00:13:20,154
Oh.
368
00:13:20,189 --> 00:13:23,357
We took your advice about making
our own food to save money,
369
00:13:23,393 --> 00:13:24,625
so we got some chickens,
370
00:13:24,660 --> 00:13:26,394
and it cut our breakfast budget to zero.
371
00:13:26,429 --> 00:13:27,594
What are you...
372
00:13:27,630 --> 00:13:29,230
Zero? No kidding.
373
00:13:29,265 --> 00:13:30,764
We had to pay for the chickens
374
00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:32,133
and the materials to build the coops
375
00:13:32,168 --> 00:13:33,734
and the food and the vet bills...
376
00:13:33,769 --> 00:13:35,001
We got them microchipped...
377
00:13:35,037 --> 00:13:36,737
So the savings should kick
in in about two months.
378
00:13:37,807 --> 00:13:39,306
Out! Get out!
379
00:13:39,341 --> 00:13:40,507
You two are hopeless!
380
00:13:40,543 --> 00:13:42,375
Pack your bags. I'm evicting you.
381
00:13:42,411 --> 00:13:45,245
Oh, we're not leaving.
382
00:13:45,280 --> 00:13:47,280
Mnh. Since you made
us study for the bar,
383
00:13:47,316 --> 00:13:49,782
we remembered that we have
these things called rights.
384
00:13:49,818 --> 00:13:52,352
Yeah. Legally, you can't kick us out.
385
00:13:52,387 --> 00:13:54,120
If you did, we could have you arrested.
386
00:13:54,189 --> 00:13:55,121
Sorry.
387
00:13:55,157 --> 00:13:56,122
- No hard feelings.
- Uh...
388
00:13:56,158 --> 00:13:57,123
Here.
389
00:13:57,159 --> 00:13:59,725
[Singsong voice] These are for you.
390
00:14:02,030 --> 00:14:04,197
Ohh! They're warm!
391
00:14:04,232 --> 00:14:06,632
I don't want your warm,
homemade butt eggs!
392
00:14:06,668 --> 00:14:08,400
- You're gonna love them.
- Yeah.
393
00:14:15,059 --> 00:14:17,126
Whoop! Whoop!
That's the sound of the beast
394
00:14:17,162 --> 00:14:18,627
Whoop! Whoop!
[Horn honking]
395
00:14:18,663 --> 00:14:19,495
Hey!
396
00:14:19,530 --> 00:14:20,296
Whoop! Whoop!
397
00:14:20,331 --> 00:14:21,397
Pull over!
398
00:14:21,432 --> 00:14:22,398
That's the sound of the beast
399
00:14:22,433 --> 00:14:23,499
Whoop! Whoop!
[Horn honking]
400
00:14:23,534 --> 00:14:24,533
That's the sound of the police
401
00:14:24,568 --> 00:14:25,902
Yeah, right there. Stay.
402
00:14:25,937 --> 00:14:28,037
That's the sound of the beast
403
00:14:28,072 --> 00:14:29,138
Whoop! Whoop!
404
00:14:29,174 --> 00:14:30,639
That's the sound of the police
405
00:14:33,744 --> 00:14:36,412
I know I was speeding, but my sister...
406
00:14:36,447 --> 00:14:37,446
Oh. Hi, Jessica.
407
00:14:37,481 --> 00:14:39,748
Officer Bryson, I need your help.
408
00:14:39,784 --> 00:14:42,284
I've got deadbeat law
students in my house.
409
00:14:42,320 --> 00:14:43,852
I rented the investment
property to them,
410
00:14:43,887 --> 00:14:45,287
and they refuse to leave.
411
00:14:45,356 --> 00:14:47,255
Oh, so you've got squatters.
412
00:14:47,291 --> 00:14:50,358
That is the perfect disgusting
word for what they are.
413
00:14:50,393 --> 00:14:52,227
Unfortunately, I can't help you.
414
00:14:52,262 --> 00:14:54,062
The law is very much on their side.
415
00:14:54,097 --> 00:14:55,363
You can't just turn them out.
416
00:14:55,398 --> 00:14:57,765
So they can just stay in my house,
417
00:14:57,801 --> 00:14:59,400
not pay rent,
418
00:14:59,436 --> 00:15:01,756
and I can't do anything about it?
419
00:15:02,372 --> 00:15:04,905
These people are not my mother-in-law.
420
00:15:05,942 --> 00:15:07,041
So, can I go?
421
00:15:07,076 --> 00:15:08,674
Just remember...
422
00:15:09,278 --> 00:15:10,812
Driving is a privilege.
423
00:15:10,847 --> 00:15:11,612
[Knocks]
424
00:15:11,648 --> 00:15:12,747
Whoop! Whoop!
425
00:15:12,782 --> 00:15:14,529
That's the sound of the police
426
00:15:18,688 --> 00:15:20,454
Any progress? We're running out of time.
427
00:15:20,489 --> 00:15:22,489
Good news, Dad.
We heard back from Casio.
428
00:15:22,524 --> 00:15:25,960
Turns out,
the watch was manufactured in 1985.
429
00:15:25,995 --> 00:15:28,863
Your story checks out.
You're no longer a suspect.
430
00:15:28,898 --> 00:15:30,898
Guys! What's going on with...
431
00:15:30,933 --> 00:15:32,299
Dad!
432
00:15:32,335 --> 00:15:33,433
What are you doing here?
433
00:15:33,469 --> 00:15:35,903
Oh, nothing. Just, uh, coming in to...
434
00:15:35,938 --> 00:15:37,671
ruffle the hair of my boys.
435
00:15:37,706 --> 00:15:39,506
[Chuckles]
436
00:15:39,541 --> 00:15:42,242
Oh, well, I also... came to ruffle.
437
00:15:42,277 --> 00:15:44,845
[Chuckles]
438
00:15:45,615 --> 00:15:47,614
There you are.
439
00:15:53,043 --> 00:15:54,720
All right, then. Uh, yeah.
I'll see you later, then.
440
00:15:54,756 --> 00:15:55,755
Yeah, see you around.
441
00:15:55,790 --> 00:15:56,555
Oh.
442
00:15:56,591 --> 00:15:57,924
[Door closes]
443
00:16:00,383 --> 00:16:02,228
You're sure you want me
to shut the power off?
444
00:16:02,264 --> 00:16:04,130
They've left me no choice, Jerry.
445
00:16:04,165 --> 00:16:06,366
I tried to teach them.
They refused to learn.
446
00:16:06,401 --> 00:16:09,002
I went to the law.
The law turned its back on me.
447
00:16:09,037 --> 00:16:10,403
Shut it down.
448
00:16:12,940 --> 00:16:14,640
Now turn off the water.
449
00:16:18,345 --> 00:16:20,613
Now sic this stray cat on the chickens.
450
00:16:22,717 --> 00:16:24,750
[Cat meows]
451
00:16:28,588 --> 00:16:31,356
She's got the scent. Send her in.
452
00:16:33,693 --> 00:16:35,294
[Meowing]
453
00:16:35,329 --> 00:16:38,496
She's formulating a plan of attack.
454
00:16:38,532 --> 00:16:39,831
Apex predator.
455
00:16:39,866 --> 00:16:42,067
[Meows]
456
00:16:42,102 --> 00:16:43,334
[Insects chirping]
457
00:16:47,407 --> 00:16:48,706
No.
458
00:16:48,742 --> 00:16:50,508
Candlelight is so romantic.
459
00:16:50,544 --> 00:16:54,746
And who needs water when
we have
margaritas?
460
00:16:54,781 --> 00:16:58,049
No ice, so they're room-temp,
just like in Mexico.
461
00:16:58,084 --> 00:16:59,850
Mexico's nailing it. [Chuckles]
462
00:16:59,885 --> 00:17:01,118
Mm!
463
00:17:01,154 --> 00:17:03,620
Oh, baby, look. Look at them.
464
00:17:03,656 --> 00:17:05,022
[Chuckling] Oh!
465
00:17:05,058 --> 00:17:08,025
[Clucking, purring]
466
00:17:08,061 --> 00:17:10,461
Man taught you to hate each other,
but you said no.
467
00:17:11,965 --> 00:17:12,997
Should we have a kid?
468
00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:13,965
Yeah. I want that.
469
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:15,433
Okay, good.
470
00:17:15,468 --> 00:17:17,601
[Both chuckling]
471
00:17:17,636 --> 00:17:20,036
[Alarm beeping]
472
00:17:20,072 --> 00:17:21,572
[Gasps]
473
00:17:21,607 --> 00:17:23,239
Thank God! The Huang Boys did it!
474
00:17:23,275 --> 00:17:24,908
Yeah
475
00:17:24,944 --> 00:17:26,477
Well, Dad, It's the end of the week,
476
00:17:26,512 --> 00:17:28,779
and I still have your watch,
like I said I would.
477
00:17:28,814 --> 00:17:31,081
Well, look at that! Impressive.
478
00:17:31,116 --> 00:17:33,016
I never should have doubted you, Eddie.
479
00:17:33,051 --> 00:17:36,119
We solved it!
We found the missing watch!
480
00:17:36,154 --> 00:17:37,187
Wait.
481
00:17:37,222 --> 00:17:38,754
If that's your watch,
482
00:17:38,790 --> 00:17:41,724
then... whose watch is this?
483
00:17:41,759 --> 00:17:44,494
It's a new one. I bought it.
484
00:17:44,529 --> 00:17:46,896
I saw my watch lying in your room,
485
00:17:46,931 --> 00:17:48,031
and I thought you were being careless,
486
00:17:48,066 --> 00:17:49,665
so I took it to teach you a lesson.
487
00:17:49,701 --> 00:17:51,901
[Alarm beeping] I shouldn't have...
488
00:17:53,805 --> 00:17:55,004
That's my robot bird.
489
00:17:55,039 --> 00:17:56,906
It isn't either of these watches.
490
00:17:56,941 --> 00:17:59,341
[Beeping continues]
491
00:18:00,945 --> 00:18:03,245
Ma, why do you have my watch?
492
00:18:03,289 --> 00:18:06,337
_
493
00:18:06,474 --> 00:18:08,644
_
494
00:18:08,819 --> 00:18:10,685
But I'm your son.
495
00:18:10,721 --> 00:18:12,287
Why are you messing with me?
496
00:18:13,257 --> 00:18:14,256
Mm.
497
00:18:14,291 --> 00:18:16,225
Wait... If Grandma has your watch
498
00:18:16,260 --> 00:18:19,194
and this is the watch
you bought to replace it,
499
00:18:19,230 --> 00:18:22,864
then whose watch do Evan and Emery have?
500
00:18:24,568 --> 00:18:27,368
[Sighs] We bought it...
With our justice fund!
501
00:18:27,404 --> 00:18:28,570
We'd solved every case,
502
00:18:28,605 --> 00:18:30,764
and we didn't want to
ruin our perfect record.
503
00:18:33,176 --> 00:18:35,476
Looks like the real
victim in all of this
504
00:18:35,512 --> 00:18:36,912
was the truth.
505
00:18:36,947 --> 00:18:38,679
I'm too young for this crap.
506
00:18:41,451 --> 00:18:42,450
Squatters?
507
00:18:42,485 --> 00:18:43,918
They won't leave.
508
00:18:43,953 --> 00:18:45,153
I thought you said that...
509
00:18:45,188 --> 00:18:48,556
I didn't know how to
tell you I was wrong.
510
00:18:49,042 --> 00:18:50,791
I got us into this situation,
511
00:18:50,826 --> 00:18:52,660
and now I don't know how to get out.
512
00:18:52,695 --> 00:18:55,596
So, those checks you wrote us
came out of your own account?
513
00:18:56,210 --> 00:18:57,798
Yes. [Sighs]
514
00:18:57,833 --> 00:18:59,366
I'm surprised you were
able to cash them.
515
00:18:59,401 --> 00:19:01,479
I signed them "Montana Moorehead."
516
00:19:01,977 --> 00:19:04,972
I don't understand why you
didn't just tell us the truth.
517
00:19:05,007 --> 00:19:07,041
Because I'm supposed to be a visionary.
518
00:19:07,076 --> 00:19:09,476
I'm supposed to be Oprah.
519
00:19:09,511 --> 00:19:13,447
You invested your money in
that house because of me,
520
00:19:13,482 --> 00:19:15,915
and it's been nothing but problems.
521
00:19:15,951 --> 00:19:18,552
I convinced you to trust me,
522
00:19:18,587 --> 00:19:19,886
and I failed.
523
00:19:24,859 --> 00:19:26,693
Did you know Oprah got fired?
524
00:19:28,463 --> 00:19:29,295
What?
525
00:19:29,330 --> 00:19:30,797
Early in her career,
526
00:19:30,832 --> 00:19:32,999
from a local news station in Baltimore.
527
00:19:33,034 --> 00:19:35,568
Did she let that stop her?
528
00:19:35,604 --> 00:19:36,535
Did she give up?
529
00:19:36,571 --> 00:19:38,905
Did she take her lapel Mic and go home?
530
00:19:39,687 --> 00:19:40,539
No.
531
00:19:40,575 --> 00:19:42,575
No. That's right.
532
00:19:42,611 --> 00:19:44,276
She didn't.
533
00:19:44,312 --> 00:19:45,711
And neither will you.
534
00:19:45,746 --> 00:19:48,581
So, this first investment
property didn't work out.
535
00:19:48,616 --> 00:19:49,781
So what?
536
00:19:49,817 --> 00:19:51,283
The next one will.
537
00:19:51,319 --> 00:19:53,319
The important thing is
that you keep going,
538
00:19:53,354 --> 00:19:54,453
and before you know it,
539
00:19:54,489 --> 00:19:56,918
you'll have a horse farm
and your own book club.
540
00:19:57,471 --> 00:20:00,025
Thank you, Honey.
541
00:20:00,060 --> 00:20:04,229
Now I know Oprah can be
Oprah because she has Gayle.
542
00:20:05,206 --> 00:20:07,699
And Gayle can be Gayle
because she has Oprah.
543
00:20:07,735 --> 00:20:09,334
Sure.
544
00:20:09,369 --> 00:20:10,902
Maybe.
545
00:20:10,938 --> 00:20:11,870
No.
546
00:20:11,905 --> 00:20:14,205
Yeah, that was too far. I felt it.
547
00:20:16,294 --> 00:20:17,693
Okay, so, I know
548
00:20:17,729 --> 00:20:20,163
we made a little less from
the sale than expected,
549
00:20:20,198 --> 00:20:24,333
but at least the squatters are
now the new owner's problem.
550
00:20:24,368 --> 00:20:26,268
Here. Take your share.
551
00:20:27,371 --> 00:20:30,272
Or... reinvest it.
552
00:20:31,084 --> 00:20:32,508
Jessica, I don't know.
553
00:20:32,543 --> 00:20:34,777
I just feel lucky not
to have lost money.
554
00:20:35,221 --> 00:20:36,914
_
555
00:20:37,015 --> 00:20:38,614
Oh, okay. That's fair.
556
00:20:38,649 --> 00:20:40,782
Here. Take your checks.
557
00:20:40,817 --> 00:20:43,818
Or... reinvest it.
558
00:20:44,325 --> 00:20:46,801
What does Florida have more
of than any other state?
559
00:20:46,928 --> 00:20:48,056
Alligators?
560
00:20:48,091 --> 00:20:49,191
Fuddruckers.
561
00:20:49,226 --> 00:20:51,260
Condominiums.
562
00:20:51,295 --> 00:20:54,362
Or, as I like to call them,
condo-money-ums.
563
00:20:55,866 --> 00:20:58,203
Well, now we have to do it.
564
00:20:58,425 --> 00:21:00,203
sync and corrected by ninh
www.addic7ed.com
565
00:21:00,253 --> 00:21:04,803
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