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1
00:00:03,090 --> 00:00:04,743
Look at this ring.
2
00:00:04,787 --> 00:00:06,745
I cannot stop looking
at this ring.
3
00:00:06,789 --> 00:00:08,834
You know you still haven't
technically said yes, right?
4
00:00:08,878 --> 00:00:10,880
I mean, you said, "Oh, my God,"
like, a million times
5
00:00:10,923 --> 00:00:12,925
and then you hugged a man
that was not me.
6
00:00:12,969 --> 00:00:16,190
Of course I'll marry you.
I love you, Nick.
7
00:00:16,233 --> 00:00:17,756
Love you, too, Clem.
8
00:00:17,800 --> 00:00:20,020
I love that you want to come
straight here and tell my folks.
9
00:00:20,063 --> 00:00:21,499
I don't have parents to tell.
10
00:00:21,543 --> 00:00:23,762
And yours are like the mom
and dad of my dreams.
11
00:00:23,806 --> 00:00:24,763
You remember the plan, right?
12
00:00:24,807 --> 00:00:26,678
Like the back of my hand,
13
00:00:26,722 --> 00:00:28,811
which is so much sparklier now.
14
00:00:28,854 --> 00:00:30,813
All right, we're gonna
play it cool
15
00:00:30,856 --> 00:00:31,857
until we're eating,
and then...
16
00:00:31,901 --> 00:00:33,555
And then I'll say,
17
00:00:33,598 --> 00:00:35,861
"You know what my favorite
part of this dinner is?
18
00:00:35,905 --> 00:00:38,995
The karats, kaboom!"Kaboom!
19
00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:40,301
All right, let's do this.
20
00:00:40,344 --> 00:00:41,780
Not a word until dinner.
21
00:00:41,824 --> 00:00:43,043
All right.Okay.
22
00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:45,958
Hey, guys.Hey, you two.
23
00:00:46,002 --> 00:00:47,699
We're getting married!
24
00:00:47,743 --> 00:00:48,874
[screaming]
25
00:00:48,918 --> 00:00:51,007
I knew it!
I knew it!
26
00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:53,053
♪
27
00:00:58,058 --> 00:00:59,755
Nicholas, how could you
not tell your mother
28
00:00:59,798 --> 00:01:01,844
you were gonna propose?
29
00:01:01,887 --> 00:01:02,932
I was going to.
I was.
30
00:01:02,975 --> 00:01:04,238
But then I remembered
something.
31
00:01:04,281 --> 00:01:05,978
You can't keep a secret.
32
00:01:06,022 --> 00:01:07,241
That's true, Rose.
33
00:01:07,284 --> 00:01:09,156
You threw me a surprise
50th birthday party
34
00:01:09,199 --> 00:01:11,636
and made me design
the invitations.
35
00:01:11,680 --> 00:01:14,030
Who wants to be surprised, Walt?
36
00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:15,379
That's how people die.
37
00:01:16,989 --> 00:01:19,992
I knew you two
would end up together.
38
00:01:20,036 --> 00:01:23,126
I knew it since the first time
we all went out to dinner.
39
00:01:23,170 --> 00:01:24,736
My wedding gown.
40
00:01:24,780 --> 00:01:27,565
Ah, I saved it
for just this occasion.
41
00:01:27,609 --> 00:01:29,828
You wait right here,
I'll be right back.
42
00:01:29,872 --> 00:01:31,482
You really don't have
to wear it.
43
00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:35,007
I mean, if you don't,
I'll never hear the end of it.
44
00:01:35,051 --> 00:01:37,097
But I can handle that.
[chuckles nervously]
45
00:01:37,140 --> 00:01:39,316
Please, dear God,
wear the dress.
46
00:01:40,709 --> 00:01:43,625
It's Christian Dior.
But don't open it here.
47
00:01:43,668 --> 00:01:46,062
It's bad luck for the groom
to see the dress
48
00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:47,194
before the big day.
49
00:01:47,237 --> 00:01:49,152
Mom, I've seen pictures
of the dress.
50
00:01:49,196 --> 00:01:50,284
It's long, it's white,
51
00:01:50,327 --> 00:01:52,112
and I believe a head
pops out of the top.
52
00:01:53,461 --> 00:01:55,071
I'll go take a peek
in the other room, Rose.
53
00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:57,421
Ah, we are gonna need
a venue
54
00:01:57,465 --> 00:01:59,641
that holds
at least 300 people.
55
00:01:59,684 --> 00:02:01,947
Oh, and I don't know who's
designing your invitations...
56
00:02:01,991 --> 00:02:04,124
Guys, guys, let's just
pump the brakes.
57
00:02:04,167 --> 00:02:05,560
She might not even want
a big wedding.
58
00:02:05,603 --> 00:02:06,865
You know, her parents passed
away, and her half sister
59
00:02:06,909 --> 00:02:09,172
hasn't returned her calls
in, like, years.
60
00:02:09,216 --> 00:02:10,782
We're all the family she has.
61
00:02:10,826 --> 00:02:13,176
Of course, son.
We got carried away.
62
00:02:13,220 --> 00:02:15,526
Not another word.
63
00:02:15,570 --> 00:02:18,007
The dress is stunning.
64
00:02:18,050 --> 00:02:19,661
Throw it in the trash.
65
00:02:21,228 --> 00:02:22,838
Clem, this wedding is about you.
66
00:02:22,881 --> 00:02:25,014
So it can be as big
or as small as you want.
67
00:02:25,057 --> 00:02:27,799
All I care about
is that you're happy.
68
00:02:27,843 --> 00:02:31,586
Sweetie, I get to marry you
and be a part of this family.
69
00:02:31,629 --> 00:02:33,979
How could I be any happier?
70
00:02:34,023 --> 00:02:36,373
Oh... that is the most
71
00:02:36,417 --> 00:02:38,984
beautiful thing
I have ever heard.
72
00:02:39,028 --> 00:02:40,595
Except for
Walt's voice.
73
00:02:40,638 --> 00:02:43,163
Oh, your daddy has got to sing
at this wedding.
74
00:02:43,206 --> 00:02:45,034
WALT:
Honey, honey,
75
00:02:45,077 --> 00:02:47,906
let's not force them to make
any decisions right now.
76
00:02:47,950 --> 00:02:50,170
♪ Fly me to the moon
77
00:02:50,213 --> 00:02:52,998
♪ And let me play
among the stars... ♪
78
00:02:53,042 --> 00:02:55,044
I can't wait
for our first dance.
79
00:02:55,087 --> 00:02:58,003
Ooh, you know, what's gonna make
our first dance really special?
80
00:02:58,047 --> 00:02:59,396
Is when I do this.
81
00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:01,093
Can I get a beat?
82
00:03:01,137 --> 00:03:03,139
[beatboxing]
83
00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:04,923
Yeah.
84
00:03:04,967 --> 00:03:06,882
That's not really a beat,
but I'll dance to it anyway.
85
00:03:06,925 --> 00:03:09,145
Yeah.
86
00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:10,451
Solid abs, kid.
87
00:03:10,494 --> 00:03:11,930
[both scream]
88
00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:14,150
Hey, sis.
89
00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:16,892
Shannon,
what are you doing here?
90
00:03:16,935 --> 00:03:19,024
I picked the lock and now I'm
eating your leftover spaghetti.
91
00:03:19,068 --> 00:03:22,376
Or pad thai. Whatever it is,
it's not very good.
92
00:03:22,419 --> 00:03:23,942
How did you even get
in the building?
93
00:03:23,986 --> 00:03:26,249
I snuck in behind some
old blind lady with a cane.
94
00:03:26,293 --> 00:03:28,991
Didn't even know I was
in the elevator with her.
95
00:03:29,034 --> 00:03:31,472
It was like a horror movie.
[chuckles]
96
00:03:31,515 --> 00:03:33,038
Is this your sister?
97
00:03:33,082 --> 00:03:37,260
Half sister. You got any
hot sauce or, like, a burrito?
98
00:03:37,304 --> 00:03:38,696
Well, Shannon,
it's great to meet you.
99
00:03:38,740 --> 00:03:40,481
Hot sauce is on the stove.
I'll be right back
100
00:03:40,524 --> 00:03:42,178
'cause ya boy's naked.
[chuckles]
101
00:03:44,528 --> 00:03:47,749
Ooh! Speaking of hot sauce,
who's that?
102
00:03:47,792 --> 00:03:49,577
He's my fiancé.
103
00:03:49,620 --> 00:03:52,232
Ooh, "fiancé."
Look who speaks French.
104
00:03:52,275 --> 00:03:53,363
This place is bougie.
105
00:03:53,407 --> 00:03:55,844
You got a piano.
[scoffs]
106
00:03:55,887 --> 00:03:58,238
Glass Tupperware.
107
00:03:58,281 --> 00:04:02,067
Wait, am I, am I feeling
central air?
108
00:04:02,111 --> 00:04:03,678
Shannon,
what are you doing here?
109
00:04:03,721 --> 00:04:06,115
I needed a place to crash until
my boyfriend gets back tomorrow.
110
00:04:06,158 --> 00:04:07,377
He's selling a pound of weed
111
00:04:07,421 --> 00:04:09,510
to pay off the deposit
for a new apartment.
112
00:04:11,076 --> 00:04:12,861
He's a good man.
113
00:04:12,904 --> 00:04:14,950
You're gonna live
with a drug dealer?
114
00:04:14,993 --> 00:04:17,257
When you were 16,
you lived with a drug dealer.
115
00:04:17,300 --> 00:04:19,128
Mikey did not deal drugs.
116
00:04:19,171 --> 00:04:21,086
Mikey did drugs.
There's a difference.
117
00:04:22,131 --> 00:04:24,089
Why aren't you living
with your mom?
118
00:04:24,133 --> 00:04:25,700
Oh, you are way behind.
119
00:04:25,743 --> 00:04:27,354
She moved to Phoenix,
like, a year ago,
120
00:04:27,397 --> 00:04:30,052
and I cannot take living
with Dad anymore...
121
00:04:30,095 --> 00:04:32,054
Shh!
122
00:04:32,097 --> 00:04:33,969
I told Nick that Dad was dead.
123
00:04:34,012 --> 00:04:35,144
Why would you do that?
124
00:04:35,187 --> 00:04:37,102
Because he's
a narcissistic sociopath.
125
00:04:37,146 --> 00:04:39,627
Then what are you
marrying him for?
126
00:04:39,670 --> 00:04:41,281
I'm talking about Dad.
127
00:04:41,324 --> 00:04:43,500
Oh. Oh, yeah. He totally is.
128
00:04:43,544 --> 00:04:46,198
Look, family is really
important to Nick.
129
00:04:46,242 --> 00:04:48,331
And if he found out that I cut
my own father out of my life,
130
00:04:48,375 --> 00:04:49,506
he would never understand,
131
00:04:49,550 --> 00:04:51,203
so I kind of, sort of
panicked and...
132
00:04:51,247 --> 00:04:54,337
Murdered Dad, you psycho?
133
00:04:54,381 --> 00:04:56,861
Look, Nick knows
everything else about me,
134
00:04:56,905 --> 00:04:59,429
so please just don't
say anything about Dad.
135
00:04:59,473 --> 00:05:02,345
If there's one thing
I'm good at, it's lying.
136
00:05:02,389 --> 00:05:03,955
I need a beer,
like, yesterday.
137
00:05:03,999 --> 00:05:06,436
Uh... n-n-n-n-n-no.
138
00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:07,872
You cannot have a beer.
139
00:05:07,916 --> 00:05:09,352
Dad doesn't care if I drink.
140
00:05:09,396 --> 00:05:11,223
Well, Dad isn't here, is he?
141
00:05:11,267 --> 00:05:15,227
[crying]:
I know. He's dead.
142
00:05:15,271 --> 00:05:20,102
And he's never
coming back, ever.
143
00:05:20,145 --> 00:05:21,321
[whimpers]
144
00:05:21,364 --> 00:05:24,628
You're welcome. Now
can I have my beer?
145
00:05:29,894 --> 00:05:31,548
Babe, you forgot
your lecture notes.
146
00:05:31,592 --> 00:05:32,767
Mm. Thank you.
147
00:05:32,810 --> 00:05:34,551
Wait, is that,
like, paper?
148
00:05:34,595 --> 00:05:37,119
What is this, the fifth century?
[scoffs]
149
00:05:37,162 --> 00:05:38,860
Actually, paper was created
in the eighth century
150
00:05:38,903 --> 00:05:40,688
but did not become ubiquitous
until the Chinese brought
151
00:05:40,731 --> 00:05:45,388
papermaking to... medieval
Europe. You right.
152
00:05:45,432 --> 00:05:47,303
What are you?
153
00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:49,000
He happens to be
an associate professor
154
00:05:49,044 --> 00:05:50,959
of world literature at NYU.
155
00:05:51,002 --> 00:05:53,918
Hmm. Hope he "happens to be"
good in the sack.
156
00:05:53,962 --> 00:05:56,704
Speaking of school,
what are you, a sophomore?
157
00:05:56,747 --> 00:06:00,490
No, I dropped out last year,
so I'm a no-more.
158
00:06:00,534 --> 00:06:02,100
You dropped out of school?
159
00:06:02,144 --> 00:06:03,406
What do I need school for?
160
00:06:03,450 --> 00:06:07,410
The lady inside of this,
she knows everything.
161
00:06:07,454 --> 00:06:09,847
Okay, well,
I got to get to campus.
162
00:06:09,891 --> 00:06:11,109
It was lovely meeting you.Not a hugger.
163
00:06:11,153 --> 00:06:12,067
Okay.
164
00:06:12,110 --> 00:06:14,025
I'll just give this to Clem.
165
00:06:14,069 --> 00:06:15,418
All right.
Bye, sweetie. Love you.
166
00:06:15,462 --> 00:06:17,464
Bye.
167
00:06:17,507 --> 00:06:19,683
How could you drop
out of school?
168
00:06:19,727 --> 00:06:22,599
Oh, it was easy.
I just stopped going.
169
00:06:22,643 --> 00:06:23,818
Does Dad know?
170
00:06:23,861 --> 00:06:25,820
I don't know.
I just keep on telling him
171
00:06:25,863 --> 00:06:29,301
I'm on Christmas break, and he
keeps not caring about my life.
172
00:06:30,651 --> 00:06:32,087
And what gives you the right
to lecture me?
173
00:06:32,130 --> 00:06:33,697
Because I wasyou.
174
00:06:33,741 --> 00:06:34,829
And then I got
my life together.
175
00:06:34,872 --> 00:06:35,960
I've got a great guy,
176
00:06:36,004 --> 00:06:38,398
I've got a great job, and yes,
177
00:06:38,441 --> 00:06:41,052
that iscentral air
that you're feeling.
178
00:06:41,096 --> 00:06:42,837
Great job?
179
00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:44,447
Based on what you're wearing,
you're what?
180
00:06:44,491 --> 00:06:47,102
A Ghostbuster?
181
00:06:47,145 --> 00:06:49,496
I work for the Metropolitan
Museum of Art.
182
00:06:49,539 --> 00:06:51,628
Busting ghosts?
183
00:06:51,672 --> 00:06:53,630
Event planning.
184
00:06:53,674 --> 00:06:55,197
Okay, look, Shannon,
185
00:06:55,240 --> 00:06:57,460
I'm worried about you.
I really am.
186
00:06:57,504 --> 00:06:59,070
And I want you to know
that if there's
187
00:06:59,114 --> 00:07:02,073
anything you need, I'm here.
188
00:07:02,117 --> 00:07:05,033
Oh, oh. No, no.
I will never need a hug.
189
00:07:06,861 --> 00:07:09,037
And don't worry about me.
I'm fine.
190
00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:12,257
Okay, I won't worry about you.
191
00:07:12,301 --> 00:07:14,956
So when's El Chapo
picking you up?
192
00:07:14,999 --> 00:07:16,348
In, like, an hour.
193
00:07:16,392 --> 00:07:18,307
And he doesn't have
a stupid name like El Chapo.
194
00:07:18,350 --> 00:07:19,961
[chuckles]
195
00:07:20,004 --> 00:07:22,442
His name is MC DJ Jo Jo.
196
00:07:22,485 --> 00:07:24,444
Yep. Nothing to worry about.
197
00:07:29,492 --> 00:07:31,059
Excuse me. Can I help you?
198
00:07:31,102 --> 00:07:33,844
Yes, I would like to report
a father neglecting his child.
199
00:07:33,888 --> 00:07:35,629
Clem!
200
00:07:35,672 --> 00:07:37,457
Hi-ya, Dad.
201
00:07:37,500 --> 00:07:39,197
It's been years.
What are you doing here?
202
00:07:39,241 --> 00:07:42,200
Do you have any idea where
your 16-year-old daughter is?
203
00:07:42,244 --> 00:07:45,769
Shannon's 16?
204
00:07:45,813 --> 00:07:48,642
She dropped out of high school.
205
00:07:48,685 --> 00:07:52,384
Oh, calm down.
It's Christmas break.
206
00:07:54,430 --> 00:07:57,215
Wait. No, that can't be.
207
00:07:57,259 --> 00:07:58,782
It's September.
208
00:07:58,826 --> 00:08:01,219
Can we go someplace
and talk in private?
209
00:08:01,263 --> 00:08:02,699
Yeah, sure.
210
00:08:02,743 --> 00:08:05,528
Uh, can somebody get the hookers
out of the holding room?
211
00:08:07,399 --> 00:08:09,140
Okay,
212
00:08:09,184 --> 00:08:10,446
you're still here,
213
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:12,230
and you're making out
with sweet, sweet Evan
214
00:08:12,274 --> 00:08:14,232
from down the hall?
215
00:08:14,276 --> 00:08:17,105
Dude, you ever
heard of knocking?
216
00:08:17,148 --> 00:08:20,761
On my own front door? Yeah, no.
217
00:08:20,804 --> 00:08:22,763
Mr. Stewart,
218
00:08:22,806 --> 00:08:24,982
my mom told me to drop this off.
219
00:08:25,026 --> 00:08:26,767
They delivered it to us
by mistake.
220
00:08:26,810 --> 00:08:28,769
And then I met Shannon,
221
00:08:28,812 --> 00:08:32,990
and... I think I might be
in love with her, Mr. Stewart.
222
00:08:34,601 --> 00:08:36,341
No, Evan. You're confusing love
with dry-humping.
223
00:08:36,385 --> 00:08:38,474
Happens to the best of us.
224
00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:40,476
What an amateur.
225
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,609
I mean, how long can you stay
on first base
226
00:08:42,652 --> 00:08:45,786
without at least trying
to steal second?
227
00:08:45,829 --> 00:08:47,178
What happened?
I thought your boyfriend
228
00:08:47,222 --> 00:08:48,353
was picking you up this morning.
229
00:08:48,397 --> 00:08:49,877
Loser broke up with me.
230
00:08:49,920 --> 00:08:51,313
He met some ho at Arby's.
231
00:08:51,356 --> 00:08:55,012
Which is ironic because
he does not have the meats.
232
00:08:55,056 --> 00:08:57,711
You know what? It sounds like
you're better off without him.
233
00:08:57,754 --> 00:08:59,190
What's that supposed to mean?
234
00:08:59,234 --> 00:09:04,282
Uh... it means that you
are better off without him...
235
00:09:04,326 --> 00:09:06,110
I'm sorry,
I really don't know how
236
00:09:06,154 --> 00:09:07,895
to articulate that
any more clearly.
237
00:09:07,938 --> 00:09:10,201
Oh, sure. Defend him.
238
00:09:10,245 --> 00:09:11,463
What? No.
I was just defending you.
239
00:09:11,507 --> 00:09:13,291
Why? Because I'm a woman,
240
00:09:13,335 --> 00:09:15,555
so you don't think
I can defend myself?
241
00:09:15,598 --> 00:09:18,209
Are you kidding?
I am terrified of you.
242
00:09:18,253 --> 00:09:20,777
I'm done with men. They suck.
243
00:09:20,821 --> 00:09:23,911
From now on,
I'm going lesbian.
244
00:09:23,954 --> 00:09:25,956
[knocking on door]
245
00:09:28,306 --> 00:09:29,481
Ah.
246
00:09:29,525 --> 00:09:31,309
Too late, man,
she a lesbian now.
247
00:09:33,311 --> 00:09:35,313
I don't know why you're
so concerned with Shannon.
248
00:09:35,357 --> 00:09:36,706
Have you met her boyfriend?
249
00:09:36,750 --> 00:09:39,840
He's an MC and a DJ.
250
00:09:39,883 --> 00:09:42,930
She broke into my apartment
last night.
251
00:09:42,973 --> 00:09:44,932
That's awesome.
252
00:09:44,975 --> 00:09:46,237
I taught her
253
00:09:46,281 --> 00:09:49,153
how to pick locks,
just like I taught you.
254
00:09:49,197 --> 00:09:52,243
A dad isn't supposed to teach
their kids how to pick locks.
255
00:09:52,287 --> 00:09:54,071
He teaches them
how to play sports
256
00:09:54,115 --> 00:09:57,161
and reads them books and helps
them with their homework.
257
00:09:57,205 --> 00:09:59,773
Well, how am I gonna do all that
if I'm locked in a room
258
00:09:59,816 --> 00:10:02,384
and she can't get in?[sighs]
259
00:10:02,427 --> 00:10:04,560
This is exactly
why I stopped talking to you.
260
00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:08,303
Look, Clem, for the record,
261
00:10:08,346 --> 00:10:10,610
I never wanted this.
262
00:10:14,352 --> 00:10:16,311
Me neither.
263
00:10:16,354 --> 00:10:19,314
I mean, I never wanted kids.
264
00:10:21,925 --> 00:10:24,319
Of course that's what you meant.
265
00:10:24,362 --> 00:10:26,103
I knew I'd be bad at it!
266
00:10:26,147 --> 00:10:27,757
I didn't know what
to do with you.
267
00:10:27,801 --> 00:10:33,328
And after your mom died-- look,
I tried to get you other moms,
268
00:10:33,371 --> 00:10:35,330
but women are whack jobs.
269
00:10:35,373 --> 00:10:38,333
You guys are angry,
like, all the time.
270
00:10:38,376 --> 00:10:40,117
Has it ever occurred to you
that if all the women
271
00:10:40,161 --> 00:10:41,336
you know are angry,
272
00:10:41,379 --> 00:10:42,467
"like, all the time,"
273
00:10:42,511 --> 00:10:44,382
maybe it's because of you?
274
00:10:44,426 --> 00:10:46,428
Nah.
275
00:10:47,995 --> 00:10:50,345
I don't know.
276
00:10:51,346 --> 00:10:53,478
Maybe.
277
00:10:53,522 --> 00:10:57,352
You know, I used to take
Shannon to the zoo,
278
00:10:57,395 --> 00:10:59,528
and we'd watch the pandas
for hours.
279
00:10:59,571 --> 00:11:03,140
And I remember seeing this one
rocking his little cub to sleep,
280
00:11:03,184 --> 00:11:05,055
and I just started to cry,
281
00:11:05,099 --> 00:11:06,535
because
I couldn't believe
282
00:11:06,578 --> 00:11:08,929
that a panda was a better dad
than you.
283
00:11:08,972 --> 00:11:11,409
A panda.
284
00:11:11,453 --> 00:11:16,545
I mean, it's not like pandas
have a lot going on.
285
00:11:16,588 --> 00:11:20,244
You know, in spite of you,
I managed to turn out okay.
286
00:11:20,288 --> 00:11:22,246
But lightning
doesn't strike twice.
287
00:11:22,290 --> 00:11:25,249
Bring her home.
288
00:11:25,293 --> 00:11:27,469
Shannon needs a father.
289
00:11:27,512 --> 00:11:29,863
For once in your life,
try to be one.
290
00:11:31,908 --> 00:11:35,433
See? Women. Whack jobs.
291
00:11:39,263 --> 00:11:40,743
Hey, baby,
292
00:11:40,787 --> 00:11:43,354
I've been trying to call you.
Look how cute you look.
293
00:11:43,398 --> 00:11:44,312
How was your day?
294
00:11:44,355 --> 00:11:46,575
[grunts]
295
00:11:46,618 --> 00:11:48,490
That good, huh?
296
00:11:48,533 --> 00:11:50,535
It was awful.Aw.
297
00:11:50,579 --> 00:11:53,364
But I'm so glad that
we're finally alone.
298
00:11:53,408 --> 00:11:55,018
Mm, mm-mm.
299
00:11:55,062 --> 00:11:56,716
Shannon's in the other room.
300
00:11:56,759 --> 00:11:57,891
What?
301
00:11:57,934 --> 00:11:59,806
She's still here?
What happened?
302
00:11:59,849 --> 00:12:01,416
Well, to everyone's shock,
the drug dealer
303
00:12:01,459 --> 00:12:04,375
turned out not to be
a good person.
304
00:12:04,419 --> 00:12:05,725
Well, what is she gonna do?
305
00:12:05,768 --> 00:12:07,117
I don't know. I told her
she could crash here
306
00:12:07,161 --> 00:12:08,249
another night
till she figures it out.
307
00:12:08,292 --> 00:12:09,641
And when my mom
found out
308
00:12:09,685 --> 00:12:11,731
Shannon was here,
she invited us over for dinner.
309
00:12:11,774 --> 00:12:14,472
Shannon? At your parents' house?
310
00:12:14,516 --> 00:12:17,258
Hope your mom's making
corn dogs for dinner.
311
00:12:17,301 --> 00:12:20,000
Oh, my God, my wedding dress.
312
00:12:20,043 --> 00:12:22,437
Well, I was right.
Long, white,
313
00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:24,265
and the head pops
out of the top.
314
00:12:24,308 --> 00:12:25,570
[laughs]
315
00:12:25,614 --> 00:12:27,050
What the hell are you doing?
316
00:12:27,094 --> 00:12:28,399
What? We're having dinner
with the in-laws,
317
00:12:28,443 --> 00:12:29,574
and I wanted to wear
something nice,
318
00:12:29,618 --> 00:12:31,576
so I grabbed
this dumb old thing.
319
00:12:31,620 --> 00:12:33,013
It's a Christian Dior.
320
00:12:33,056 --> 00:12:35,755
Who cares what religion it is?
321
00:12:35,798 --> 00:12:38,366
Just take it off.Okay, okay. Fine.
322
00:12:38,409 --> 00:12:39,759
I thought you
guys would laugh.
323
00:12:39,802 --> 00:12:40,934
Look, Shannon,
324
00:12:40,977 --> 00:12:42,674
Nick's parents mean a lot to me,
325
00:12:42,718 --> 00:12:46,417
so tonight,
just please try not to...
326
00:12:46,461 --> 00:12:48,419
What, embarrass you
in front of them?
327
00:12:48,463 --> 00:12:50,073
I'm not a monster, Clem.
328
00:12:50,117 --> 00:12:52,510
I mean, look at you.
329
00:12:52,554 --> 00:12:54,556
You made something of yourself.
330
00:12:54,599 --> 00:12:56,471
I'm almost kind of happy
for you.
331
00:12:56,514 --> 00:12:57,907
Really? You are?
332
00:12:57,951 --> 00:12:59,126
Come on.
333
00:12:59,169 --> 00:13:00,910
Let's go find you something
to wear
334
00:13:00,954 --> 00:13:04,958
that's less deeply meaningful
and important to me.
335
00:13:05,001 --> 00:13:06,916
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
336
00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:09,310
Did you eat all of my nuts?
337
00:13:09,353 --> 00:13:10,354
Nick did.
338
00:13:10,398 --> 00:13:12,487
[laughs]
Nick ate all my pot nuts?
339
00:13:12,530 --> 00:13:14,054
Wait, your what nuts?
340
00:13:14,097 --> 00:13:17,057
My pot nuts.
Nuts with pot in them.
341
00:13:17,100 --> 00:13:19,624
My mari-walnuts.
342
00:13:19,668 --> 00:13:20,974
Oh, no.
343
00:13:21,017 --> 00:13:22,976
We're going
to his parents' house.
344
00:13:23,019 --> 00:13:25,239
Don't worry. They're super mild.
345
00:13:25,282 --> 00:13:28,242
Nick will be fine.
346
00:13:28,285 --> 00:13:30,287
[cackling]
347
00:13:32,072 --> 00:13:33,334
NICK:
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
348
00:13:33,377 --> 00:13:34,988
I know what you all
are thinking.
349
00:13:35,031 --> 00:13:40,297
"How did he get those olives
on his fingers?"
350
00:13:40,341 --> 00:13:43,561
That is absolutely not
what we were thinking.
351
00:13:43,605 --> 00:13:47,087
I removed the pimentos.
352
00:13:47,130 --> 00:13:49,698
Ah...
353
00:13:49,741 --> 00:13:51,265
Are you all right, son?
354
00:13:51,308 --> 00:13:52,919
I am bitchin', Dad.
355
00:13:52,962 --> 00:13:54,921
[Nick laughs]
356
00:13:54,964 --> 00:13:56,923
This is so lovely.
It really is.
357
00:13:56,966 --> 00:13:59,490
Thank you so much for
having us over for dinner.
358
00:13:59,534 --> 00:14:01,014
It's our pleasure.
359
00:14:01,057 --> 00:14:03,625
Besides, it's so wonderful
to finally meet your sister.
360
00:14:03,668 --> 00:14:05,932
Half sister. We
share the same dad.
361
00:14:05,975 --> 00:14:07,063
Oh.
362
00:14:07,107 --> 00:14:09,805
Who's, like, totally dead.
363
00:14:11,285 --> 00:14:13,461
I am so sorry about your father.
364
00:14:13,504 --> 00:14:15,071
How did he pass?
365
00:14:15,115 --> 00:14:16,681
Oh, it's-it's fine.
He was hit by a bu...
366
00:14:16,725 --> 00:14:18,901
Cancer. Mm-hmm.
Cancer.
367
00:14:18,945 --> 00:14:21,904
He was hit by
butt cancer.
368
00:14:21,948 --> 00:14:23,601
[laughs]
369
00:14:23,645 --> 00:14:25,908
[doorbell rings]
370
00:14:25,952 --> 00:14:27,867
Nicholas, that's not funny.
371
00:14:27,910 --> 00:14:30,826
We are talking
about their late father.
372
00:14:33,002 --> 00:14:34,264
Good evening, Officer.
Can I help you?
373
00:14:34,308 --> 00:14:36,701
Yeah, are, uh,
Clem and Shannon here?
374
00:14:36,745 --> 00:14:38,965
I'm their dad.
375
00:14:40,009 --> 00:14:43,056
Oh, my God, he's alive!
376
00:14:50,846 --> 00:14:52,195
NICK:
Clementine,
377
00:14:52,239 --> 00:14:53,980
you told me your dad was dead.
378
00:14:54,023 --> 00:14:57,853
This looks like very much
the opposite.
379
00:14:59,159 --> 00:15:01,204
How did you even find us?
380
00:15:01,248 --> 00:15:02,684
I'm a homicide detective.
381
00:15:02,727 --> 00:15:05,252
I have a hundred illegal ways
to track people down.
382
00:15:06,340 --> 00:15:07,776
What are you even doing here?
383
00:15:07,819 --> 00:15:10,953
That speech you gave
at the station about how Shannon
384
00:15:10,997 --> 00:15:14,609
was a messed up panda,
it-it got to me.
385
00:15:14,652 --> 00:15:16,132
I came to take her
386
00:15:16,176 --> 00:15:18,134
off your hands
like you begged me to.
387
00:15:18,178 --> 00:15:21,964
You begged Dad
to come and get me?
388
00:15:22,008 --> 00:15:23,923
What the hell
is wrong with you, Clem?
389
00:15:23,966 --> 00:15:25,185
I'm sorry. Look, I...
390
00:15:25,228 --> 00:15:27,187
Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.
391
00:15:28,797 --> 00:15:33,584
If you did not die from butt
cancer, what did you die from?
392
00:15:33,628 --> 00:15:36,413
Who is this guy?
He's stoned out of his gourd.
393
00:15:36,457 --> 00:15:37,762
He's my fiancé.
394
00:15:37,806 --> 00:15:40,374
And my son does not smoke pot.
395
00:15:40,417 --> 00:15:42,942
Oh, he didn't smoke it.
He ate it.
396
00:15:44,117 --> 00:15:47,424
And that is on me.
[laughs]
397
00:15:47,468 --> 00:15:51,820
Suddenly this evening
is starting to make sense.
398
00:15:51,863 --> 00:15:53,865
Why didn't you tell me
you were engaged?
399
00:15:53,909 --> 00:15:56,433
For the same reason that I told
everyone you were dead.
400
00:15:56,477 --> 00:16:00,133
Because I want nothing
to do with you.
401
00:16:00,176 --> 00:16:02,091
These people
are my family now,
402
00:16:02,135 --> 00:16:04,746
because my real one
is a disaster.
403
00:16:04,789 --> 00:16:06,661
Wow. You hear that, Shannon?
404
00:16:06,704 --> 00:16:08,489
You're a disaster.
405
00:16:11,144 --> 00:16:13,494
I was mostly talking
to you, Dad.
406
00:16:13,537 --> 00:16:17,715
Wow. You hear that, Shannon?
"Mostly."
407
00:16:17,759 --> 00:16:20,327
Come on, kid.Whatever.
408
00:16:20,370 --> 00:16:23,678
Bye, Clems.[sighs]
Shannon...
409
00:16:29,075 --> 00:16:31,468
Nick, I am so sorry.
410
00:16:31,512 --> 00:16:33,122
How could you lie
to me like that?
411
00:16:33,166 --> 00:16:35,559
Oh, come on.
Everyone lies a little.
412
00:16:35,603 --> 00:16:38,084
Even you. Like, I mean, you told
me that you've only been
413
00:16:38,127 --> 00:16:39,999
with five women
in your entire life,
414
00:16:40,042 --> 00:16:41,217
and we both know that that's...
415
00:16:41,261 --> 00:16:43,263
That's true.
That's true.
416
00:16:44,307 --> 00:16:45,787
We both know that's true.
417
00:16:45,830 --> 00:16:48,181
I just wish you felt like
you could be honest with me.
418
00:16:48,224 --> 00:16:52,141
That's all. And why are there
pimentos in my pocket?
419
00:16:53,099 --> 00:16:56,276
Look, I lied to you
because I was afraid.
420
00:16:56,319 --> 00:16:59,279
Afraid that if you knew
the truth,
421
00:16:59,322 --> 00:17:01,281
you wouldn't love me.
422
00:17:01,324 --> 00:17:03,370
Of course I'd love you.
423
00:17:03,413 --> 00:17:06,199
And honestly, now that I know
everything you've been through,
424
00:17:06,242 --> 00:17:09,724
and you still became
this amazing person,
425
00:17:09,767 --> 00:17:11,682
I might love you even more.
426
00:17:11,726 --> 00:17:13,423
[laughs softly]
427
00:17:16,339 --> 00:17:17,949
Is this Shannon's?
428
00:17:17,993 --> 00:17:20,996
Oh, she must've left it here.
429
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:22,998
[gasps]
430
00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:25,000
Her panda.
431
00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:28,177
I got this for her
when she was little.
432
00:17:28,221 --> 00:17:31,180
I know this is hard to believe,
but she used to be
433
00:17:31,224 --> 00:17:33,835
the sweetest kid
in the entire world.
434
00:17:33,878 --> 00:17:35,880
I can totally see that.
435
00:17:37,273 --> 00:17:39,232
Aw, look.
436
00:17:39,275 --> 00:17:42,887
She tried to steal
our Nespresso machine.
437
00:17:45,325 --> 00:17:47,327
Shannon's all alone, Nick.
438
00:17:47,370 --> 00:17:49,111
Like I was.
439
00:17:49,155 --> 00:17:50,721
I need to be there for her.
440
00:17:50,765 --> 00:17:52,941
Wedo.
441
00:17:52,984 --> 00:17:54,116
Can we go get her?
442
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:55,204
Let's go.
443
00:17:55,248 --> 00:17:56,423
[exhales]
444
00:17:56,466 --> 00:17:58,729
I am so lucky to have you.
445
00:17:58,773 --> 00:18:00,296
I'm the lucky one.
446
00:18:00,340 --> 00:18:03,299
You are seriously the most
incredible woman in the world.
447
00:18:03,343 --> 00:18:05,214
I'm really not.
448
00:18:05,258 --> 00:18:08,087
And if you'd slept with more
people, you would know that.
449
00:18:11,133 --> 00:18:13,918
Come on, Shannon. Open up.
450
00:18:13,962 --> 00:18:17,531
I would, but I'm too busy
being a disaster.
451
00:18:17,574 --> 00:18:19,141
[lock clicking]
452
00:18:19,185 --> 00:18:20,925
Huh.
453
00:18:20,969 --> 00:18:22,318
Haven't done that in years.
454
00:18:22,362 --> 00:18:24,233
What do you and Hot Sauce want?
455
00:18:24,277 --> 00:18:26,017
You left your backpack.
456
00:18:26,061 --> 00:18:28,150
Whoa, whoa.
457
00:18:28,194 --> 00:18:30,326
What happened
to my Nespresso machine?
458
00:18:32,198 --> 00:18:34,200
We want you
to come live with us.
459
00:18:34,243 --> 00:18:35,810
[scoffs]
Hard pass.
460
00:18:35,853 --> 00:18:37,855
My life is Gucci.
461
00:18:37,899 --> 00:18:40,423
No, Shannon,
your life is not Gucci.
462
00:18:40,467 --> 00:18:41,859
I know, because I had it.
463
00:18:41,903 --> 00:18:43,339
I drank a lot,
464
00:18:43,383 --> 00:18:46,386
I smoked a lot,
I hooked up with a...
465
00:18:47,691 --> 00:18:49,345
...fair amount.
466
00:18:50,868 --> 00:18:53,044
And after all that, you know
what I ended up getting?
467
00:18:53,088 --> 00:18:54,742
HPV?
468
00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:58,528
No. No.
469
00:18:59,834 --> 00:19:02,141
What I got was nothing.
470
00:19:02,184 --> 00:19:07,276
I had to figure everything out
the hard way, and it sucked.
471
00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:09,496
You could use
an older sister.
472
00:19:09,539 --> 00:19:13,021
Sister? That means nothing.
473
00:19:13,064 --> 00:19:16,242
Dad knocked up two different
women, and we popped out.
474
00:19:16,285 --> 00:19:18,635
There's probably 20 more
running around New York
475
00:19:18,679 --> 00:19:20,724
that look vaguely like us.
476
00:19:20,768 --> 00:19:23,205
Hey, of all the places
you could've broken into,
477
00:19:23,249 --> 00:19:25,207
you broke into
your sister's apartment.
478
00:19:25,251 --> 00:19:27,166
That means something.
479
00:19:29,037 --> 00:19:31,300
Look, I used to think
family meant nothing, too.
480
00:19:31,344 --> 00:19:34,216
But then I met this guy,
and I realized
481
00:19:34,260 --> 00:19:37,001
that family is everything.
482
00:19:38,394 --> 00:19:40,701
No one says "family" anymore.
483
00:19:40,744 --> 00:19:42,703
It's just "fam."
484
00:19:43,921 --> 00:19:45,749
Come on. Go get your stuff.
485
00:19:45,793 --> 00:19:46,968
Let's go home.
486
00:19:47,011 --> 00:19:49,100
Are you guys sure about this?
487
00:19:51,015 --> 00:19:53,975
We have never been less sure
488
00:19:54,018 --> 00:19:57,021
about anything
in our entire lives.
489
00:19:59,415 --> 00:20:03,245
[laughs]
490
00:20:03,289 --> 00:20:05,465
I knew she was a hugger.
491
00:20:05,508 --> 00:20:08,207
Guess who's coming in
to get some.
492
00:20:08,250 --> 00:20:10,209
[laughs]
493
00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:18,608
♪ Zip me to the zop ♪ Oh
494
00:20:18,652 --> 00:20:22,133
♪ Flip me, flip my flop
495
00:20:22,177 --> 00:20:23,352
[Shannon chuckles]
496
00:20:23,396 --> 00:20:25,354
What?
497
00:20:25,398 --> 00:20:27,791
So I put some mari-walnuts
on their salad.
498
00:20:27,835 --> 00:20:29,228
I got to find
some way to make
499
00:20:29,271 --> 00:20:31,142
these family dinners
interesting.
500
00:20:33,449 --> 00:20:35,277
Thank you
for letting her stay here.
501
00:20:35,321 --> 00:20:36,626
I couldn't say no.
502
00:20:36,670 --> 00:20:38,628
Well, you could have.
503
00:20:38,672 --> 00:20:40,935
Now, see, I did not know that.
504
00:20:40,978 --> 00:20:43,372
♪ Fill my heart with song
505
00:20:43,416 --> 00:20:46,027
Come on, baby.♪ And let me sing forevermore
506
00:20:46,070 --> 00:20:47,246
♪ Sing forevermore.
507
00:20:50,727 --> 00:20:53,687
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
508
00:20:53,730 --> 00:20:56,733
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
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