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1
00:00:01,507 --> 00:00:02,873
( Michael Jackson's
"Annie" playing )
2
00:00:02,874 --> 00:00:04,873
CHRIS:
Before Cops was a show on TV,
3
00:00:04,868 --> 00:00:07,001
I saw cops chasing
criminals every day
4
00:00:06,995 --> 00:00:08,994
on the streets in Bed-Stuy.
5
00:00:08,989 --> 00:00:10,988
Some of the criminals
were fast.
6
00:00:10,983 --> 00:00:12,982
Come on. Let's go!
7
00:00:12,976 --> 00:00:15,808
( gasping )
8
00:00:15,801 --> 00:00:17,500
* Annie, are you okay? *
9
00:00:17,495 --> 00:00:19,161
* So, Annie, are you okay *
10
00:00:19,157 --> 00:00:20,756
Some of them were fast,
11
00:00:20,752 --> 00:00:22,685
then slow.
12
00:00:24,240 --> 00:00:25,740
And no matter what you saw,
13
00:00:25,737 --> 00:00:27,736
the most important thing
was to not get involved.
14
00:00:27,730 --> 00:00:30,029
( siren blaring )
15
00:00:30,023 --> 00:00:32,888
* Annie, are you okay?
Are you okay, Annie? *
16
00:00:32,880 --> 00:00:34,212
* Annie, are you okay? *
17
00:00:34,209 --> 00:00:36,208
Hold this.
What is it?
18
00:00:36,203 --> 00:00:37,302
What you think it is?
19
00:00:37,300 --> 00:00:39,700
And you better have it
when I get back!
20
00:00:39,693 --> 00:00:42,125
* He came into
your apartment *
21
00:00:42,119 --> 00:00:43,651
* Left the bloodstains
on the carpet *
22
00:00:43,647 --> 00:00:45,312
Hey, where's
the weed, T.J.?
23
00:00:45,308 --> 00:00:46,441
I ain't got no weed, man!
24
00:00:46,438 --> 00:00:47,470
Yeah, right.
25
00:00:47,468 --> 00:00:49,934
Where's the weed, T.J.?
26
00:00:49,927 --> 00:00:51,993
I had never actually
seen real marijuana.
27
00:00:51,988 --> 00:00:55,320
But after having a bag of it
shoved into my hands,
28
00:00:55,310 --> 00:00:57,110
I knew onething:
Where's the weed, T.J.?
29
00:00:57,106 --> 00:00:59,437
if that's what happened to the
guy who didn't have the weed,
30
00:00:59,431 --> 00:01:01,464
I didn't want to know
what would happen
31
00:01:01,458 --> 00:01:03,890
to the guy who did have it.
32
00:01:03,884 --> 00:01:05,818
( funky hip-hop theme playing )
33
00:01:16,079 --> 00:01:18,346
* Oh, make it funky now *
34
00:01:34,901 --> 00:01:37,734
A bag of weed can cause you
all kinds of problems:
35
00:01:37,726 --> 00:01:39,725
big ones, like losing your job;
36
00:01:39,720 --> 00:01:42,218
and little ones, like trying
to figure out where to hide it.
37
00:01:42,211 --> 00:01:45,711
I thought about hiding it
in the bathroom.
38
00:01:45,701 --> 00:01:49,133
( Rick James'
"Mary Jane" playing )
39
00:01:51,350 --> 00:01:54,883
Who's hiding $27 worth of weed
in the toilet?!
40
00:01:54,873 --> 00:01:56,738
* I'm in love
with Mary Jane *
41
00:01:56,733 --> 00:01:58,399
I thought about hiding it
in my room.
42
00:01:58,395 --> 00:02:00,661
* She's my main thing *
43
00:02:00,655 --> 00:02:02,320
Mama!
44
00:02:02,316 --> 00:02:05,016
Somebody hid some weed
in Chris' sock drawer!
45
00:02:05,008 --> 00:02:08,007
I even thought about hiding it
in the kitchen.
46
00:02:07,999 --> 00:02:10,831
* She comes as no surprise *
47
00:02:10,823 --> 00:02:14,154
Who hid weed in my cereal?!
48
00:02:14,145 --> 00:02:17,144
But I decided the
safest place to hide it
49
00:02:17,135 --> 00:02:20,001
was on me.
50
00:02:19,994 --> 00:02:22,993
Even though I hid the weed,
I couldn't hide the smell.
51
00:02:22,984 --> 00:02:24,983
( sniffing )
52
00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:26,778
What is that?
53
00:02:26,773 --> 00:02:28,138
What is what?
54
00:02:28,135 --> 00:02:29,701
That smell.
55
00:02:29,697 --> 00:02:31,696
I don't smell
anything.
56
00:02:31,691 --> 00:02:33,323
Maybe it's the greens.
57
00:02:33,319 --> 00:02:34,518
If you can't smell
anything,
58
00:02:34,515 --> 00:02:35,947
how do you know
it's the greens?
59
00:02:35,944 --> 00:02:37,177
( sniffing )
60
00:02:37,174 --> 00:02:38,440
That's not greens.
61
00:02:38,437 --> 00:02:39,935
Oh, it's greens, all right.
62
00:02:39,931 --> 00:02:42,597
It smells like it's coming
from under the table.
63
00:02:42,590 --> 00:02:46,523
( sniffing )
64
00:02:46,512 --> 00:02:48,044
It smells like weed.
65
00:02:49,103 --> 00:02:51,036
( dramatic theme playing )
66
00:02:52,792 --> 00:02:57,491
( heart beating )
67
00:02:57,478 --> 00:02:58,943
How do you know
what weed smells like?
68
00:02:58,939 --> 00:03:00,505
Scratch 'n sniff
Rick James sticker?
69
00:03:00,501 --> 00:03:02,834
I think I might have smelled
it at the record store.
70
00:03:02,828 --> 00:03:04,126
What record store?
71
00:03:04,123 --> 00:03:05,456
The Jamaican record store.
72
00:03:05,453 --> 00:03:07,785
I went there to get
the new Lisa Lisa album.
73
00:03:07,778 --> 00:03:10,712
( coughing )
74
00:03:13,581 --> 00:03:15,981
Ya, mon, check
back next week!
75
00:03:17,634 --> 00:03:19,700
How many times do I have
to tell you kids,
76
00:03:19,695 --> 00:03:21,461
the Jamaicans
do not sell records?
77
00:03:21,456 --> 00:03:23,821
Or if they do,
they're Sean Paul.
78
00:03:23,815 --> 00:03:25,381
What were you doing
over there anyway?
79
00:03:25,377 --> 00:03:26,876
Andrea is having
a listening party
80
00:03:26,872 --> 00:03:28,804
for the new Lisa Lisa
and Cult Jam album.
81
00:03:28,799 --> 00:03:30,731
And I wanted the album
so I would know the songs.
82
00:03:30,726 --> 00:03:32,126
But it's not out yet.
83
00:03:32,123 --> 00:03:33,922
She was such a big fan
of Lisa Lisa,
84
00:03:33,918 --> 00:03:36,451
for a while we had to call her
Tonya Tonya.
85
00:03:36,444 --> 00:03:37,675
Party? When?
86
00:03:37,672 --> 00:03:38,905
Wednesday
after school.
87
00:03:38,902 --> 00:03:40,634
Can I go?
No.
88
00:03:40,630 --> 00:03:43,562
My father hardly ever said no
to Tonya,
89
00:03:43,553 --> 00:03:45,219
so we were more shocked
than she was.
90
00:03:45,215 --> 00:03:47,048
What?
What?
91
00:03:47,044 --> 00:03:48,542
Tonya, change your tone.
92
00:03:48,538 --> 00:03:49,570
How come I can't go?
93
00:03:49,568 --> 00:03:50,768
It's just Andrea's.
94
00:03:50,765 --> 00:03:52,663
I can't sleep if I know
you're not home.
95
00:03:52,658 --> 00:03:54,557
I said no. That's it.
96
00:03:54,552 --> 00:03:56,918
That look means,
"We'll see about that."
97
00:03:56,912 --> 00:03:59,412
Keeping weed on me
98
00:03:59,405 --> 00:04:01,437
didn't seem like
such a great idea,
99
00:04:01,432 --> 00:04:04,366
so I decided to just
keep it near me.
100
00:04:07,114 --> 00:04:09,081
( comic theme playing )
101
00:04:22,865 --> 00:04:25,864
Back at school,
I had Jamaican Gold in my shoe
102
00:04:25,856 --> 00:04:27,855
and Italian Greg on my case.
103
00:04:27,849 --> 00:04:29,848
Are you crazy
bringing that here?
104
00:04:29,843 --> 00:04:31,309
I couldn't
leave it at home.
105
00:04:31,306 --> 00:04:33,205
Well, you're gonna be
leaving everything at home
106
00:04:33,200 --> 00:04:34,665
when you end up in jail.
107
00:04:34,661 --> 00:04:36,127
Why didn't you
just throw it away?
108
00:04:36,124 --> 00:04:38,123
( school bell rings )
109
00:04:38,117 --> 00:04:41,116
Because he knows who I am,
and knows where I work--
110
00:04:41,108 --> 00:04:43,140
plus he said that
when he comes back,
111
00:04:43,135 --> 00:04:44,467
I better have it.
112
00:04:44,464 --> 00:04:46,363
What difference does
it make what he says?
113
00:04:46,358 --> 00:04:47,958
He's going to jail.
And when he gets out,
114
00:04:47,954 --> 00:04:50,220
this weed's gonna be right
there at Doc's waiting for him.
115
00:04:50,214 --> 00:04:51,679
I don't care if it
takes 20 years.
116
00:04:51,675 --> 00:04:53,007
It might be legal by then.
117
00:04:53,004 --> 00:04:54,636
Well, you can't
keep it in that sock.
118
00:04:54,632 --> 00:04:55,665
You smell like the ocean.
119
00:04:55,663 --> 00:04:56,895
I have no where
else to put it.
120
00:04:56,892 --> 00:04:58,891
Some drug mules
would beg to differ.
121
00:04:58,886 --> 00:05:00,885
I'll get you
something.
122
00:05:00,879 --> 00:05:03,612
Meet me in the
bathroom before lunch.
123
00:05:05,697 --> 00:05:07,197
Hey, girl.
124
00:05:07,194 --> 00:05:08,193
Hey!
125
00:05:08,191 --> 00:05:09,456
What's all this?
126
00:05:09,453 --> 00:05:10,852
I got you a computer.
127
00:05:10,848 --> 00:05:12,714
A computer? For what?
128
00:05:12,709 --> 00:05:14,741
To keep the salon organized.
129
00:05:14,736 --> 00:05:17,401
It holds customer
information, appointments,
130
00:05:17,394 --> 00:05:19,861
calculate our accounts
receivable and payable.
131
00:05:19,854 --> 00:05:21,385
It does just about
everything but hair.
132
00:05:21,381 --> 00:05:23,181
Oh, I don't need a computer.
133
00:05:23,177 --> 00:05:24,709
Girl, I'm a walking computer.
134
00:05:24,705 --> 00:05:26,038
But I'm not.
135
00:05:26,035 --> 00:05:27,667
Girl, I don't even
know what's going on
136
00:05:27,663 --> 00:05:28,995
in my own salon anymore.
137
00:05:28,992 --> 00:05:30,591
Sounds like my father.
138
00:05:30,587 --> 00:05:32,519
Try it! You'll like it.
139
00:05:32,514 --> 00:05:34,448
That sounds like
my father, too.
140
00:05:36,136 --> 00:05:38,635
While my mom was entering
the computer age,
141
00:05:38,629 --> 00:05:41,628
Greg was contemplating
the stoned age.
142
00:05:41,619 --> 00:05:43,451
Chris?
143
00:05:43,447 --> 00:05:44,813
Yeah?
144
00:05:44,809 --> 00:05:46,808
Hey, up top.
145
00:05:46,803 --> 00:05:48,835
What's this?
146
00:05:48,830 --> 00:05:50,629
It's a kitchen
container.
147
00:05:50,624 --> 00:05:51,890
It's airtight.
148
00:05:51,887 --> 00:05:53,719
That way it keeps
all the freshness in,
149
00:05:53,715 --> 00:05:56,081
but it keeps the smells
from getting out.
150
00:05:56,074 --> 00:05:57,239
Hey, by the way.
151
00:05:57,237 --> 00:05:58,737
I got an idea.
152
00:05:58,733 --> 00:06:00,231
Maybe we should just smoke it.
153
00:06:00,227 --> 00:06:01,794
You know, get rid
of all the evidence.
154
00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:18,309
Are you high?
155
00:06:18,305 --> 00:06:19,571
I'm trying to hide
the evidence,
156
00:06:19,568 --> 00:06:20,700
not be the evidence.
157
00:06:20,697 --> 00:06:22,229
What about T.J.?
158
00:06:22,226 --> 00:06:25,058
Look, every moment you have
that weed in your possession,
159
00:06:25,050 --> 00:06:27,883
you increase the statistical
chances of getting caught.
160
00:06:27,875 --> 00:06:29,340
You could go to jail.
161
00:06:29,336 --> 00:06:31,003
If we smoke it,
it's gone.
162
00:06:30,999 --> 00:06:32,497
I'm gonna not do
that, all right?
163
00:06:32,494 --> 00:06:34,159
I'm gonna take my
chances not being high.
164
00:06:34,154 --> 00:06:36,587
Somewhere, Bobby Brown said,
"This show is ridiculous,"
165
00:06:36,581 --> 00:06:38,580
and changed the channel.
166
00:06:38,575 --> 00:06:40,107
While I was holding weed,
167
00:06:40,103 --> 00:06:42,135
my mother was about
to hold a grudge.
168
00:06:42,130 --> 00:06:44,163
Hey, Peaches.
169
00:06:44,157 --> 00:06:45,323
Hi!
170
00:06:45,321 --> 00:06:47,119
Whatcha you doing here?
171
00:06:47,114 --> 00:06:48,447
Vanessa said
172
00:06:48,444 --> 00:06:51,376
that she would give me a
discount on my next touch-up
173
00:06:51,368 --> 00:06:53,501
if I showed you all your
way around the computer.
174
00:06:53,495 --> 00:06:55,794
Rochelle, this girl, she
knows what she is doing.
175
00:06:55,788 --> 00:06:57,253
Most people, they get
out of prison--
176
00:06:57,249 --> 00:06:58,582
they end up
back in jail.
177
00:06:58,579 --> 00:07:00,545
This girl is gonna
end up running a company.
178
00:07:00,540 --> 00:07:04,238
Well, it can't be too hard
if you learned it in prison.
179
00:07:04,228 --> 00:07:06,394
You know, a lot
of people think
180
00:07:06,388 --> 00:07:07,821
when you're in prison,
all you learn
181
00:07:07,817 --> 00:07:09,249
is how to be
a better criminal.
182
00:07:09,246 --> 00:07:10,845
But if you stay positive
and motivated,
183
00:07:10,841 --> 00:07:12,206
you can learn anything
in there.
184
00:07:12,203 --> 00:07:14,703
You could become a lawyer.
You could get in shape.
185
00:07:14,696 --> 00:07:16,728
I'm telling you, my prison
was better than school.
186
00:07:16,723 --> 00:07:17,888
How would she know?
187
00:07:17,885 --> 00:07:19,318
She's never been to school.
188
00:07:19,315 --> 00:07:20,681
Well, that's okay.
189
00:07:20,677 --> 00:07:22,542
I could do it.
You know, uh, Ow. Ooh.
190
00:07:22,538 --> 00:07:24,771
I like to get a feel
for things myself.
191
00:07:24,765 --> 00:07:26,930
I'm more of a...
a hands-on type.
192
00:07:26,924 --> 00:07:28,890
She's more
the hands-on-your-neck type.
193
00:07:30,746 --> 00:07:32,144
( computer whirring )
Oh!
194
00:07:32,141 --> 00:07:34,808
While the weed was burning
a hole in my gym bag,
195
00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:36,964
I was hoping
not to burn my lasagna.
196
00:07:36,959 --> 00:07:38,459
Remember:
197
00:07:38,455 --> 00:07:42,287
this dish will count as 50%
towards your final grade.
198
00:07:42,276 --> 00:07:43,542
How's your lasagna, Chris?
199
00:07:43,539 --> 00:07:45,371
Great. I'm just putting
the finishing touches
200
00:07:45,366 --> 00:07:46,532
on the sauce.
201
00:07:46,530 --> 00:07:47,629
How's your angel food cake?
202
00:07:47,626 --> 00:07:50,593
It's gonna be
just like me...
203
00:07:52,178 --> 00:07:54,211
...sweet and light
204
00:07:54,206 --> 00:07:56,238
and everybody'll
want a piece.
205
00:07:56,232 --> 00:07:57,598
If everyone is George Michael.
206
00:07:57,595 --> 00:07:59,361
( dog barking in distance )
Whatever you say.
207
00:07:59,357 --> 00:08:01,055
Ay bendito,
208
00:08:01,050 --> 00:08:02,583
hold me!
209
00:08:02,580 --> 00:08:04,745
Angel, please let me go.
210
00:08:04,739 --> 00:08:06,905
I'm sorry. I'm scared.
211
00:08:06,899 --> 00:08:08,165
So am I.
212
00:08:08,162 --> 00:08:09,428
Please let me go.
213
00:08:09,425 --> 00:08:11,424
MAN: Ma'am.
WOMAN: Oh, come on in.
214
00:08:11,419 --> 00:08:13,418
( dog barks )
What's going on?
215
00:08:13,413 --> 00:08:15,579
Oh, looks like a
random drug raid.
216
00:08:15,573 --> 00:08:17,338
Drug raid?
217
00:08:17,334 --> 00:08:20,200
There's a lot of people getting
high in school these days.
218
00:08:20,192 --> 00:08:22,558
That's why they call it
high school.
219
00:08:22,551 --> 00:08:24,449
But they didn't announce
they were gonna do this.
220
00:08:24,444 --> 00:08:26,443
That's why it's
called a raid, papi.
221
00:08:26,438 --> 00:08:28,204
Class,
222
00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:30,299
this is K-9
Officer Kilo.
223
00:08:30,293 --> 00:08:32,892
Now, there's no reason
to be afraid.
224
00:08:32,885 --> 00:08:34,917
He doesn't bite
unless he's ordered to.
225
00:08:34,912 --> 00:08:36,744
He's better behaved
than Naomi Campbell.
226
00:08:36,739 --> 00:08:39,239
We're just here
to do a walk-through.
227
00:08:39,232 --> 00:08:41,331
Just keep your places.
We'll be done in a sec.
228
00:08:41,326 --> 00:08:44,258
( students screaming )
229
00:08:44,250 --> 00:08:47,748
They either had weed or John
Mayer was playing outside.
230
00:08:47,738 --> 00:08:49,572
( overlapping yelling )
231
00:08:49,567 --> 00:08:51,500
OFFICER:
Get him!
232
00:08:52,923 --> 00:08:55,123
Hold on here.
Get back here!
233
00:08:58,139 --> 00:09:01,772
This was gonna be the lasagna
that bakes you back.
234
00:09:10,435 --> 00:09:11,666
Now I had two problems.
235
00:09:11,663 --> 00:09:13,662
The guy's weed was
in a lasagna.
236
00:09:13,657 --> 00:09:15,590
And I had a lasagna
full of weed.
237
00:09:15,585 --> 00:09:17,617
Ooh, that looks
delicious!
238
00:09:17,612 --> 00:09:19,778
I would've thought you would
fry up some chicken,
239
00:09:19,772 --> 00:09:21,138
but this is a real surprise.
240
00:09:21,135 --> 00:09:23,167
( school bell rings )
241
00:09:23,161 --> 00:09:24,827
Leave your dishes
at your stations.
242
00:09:24,823 --> 00:09:26,122
I'm gonna wrap
and label this
243
00:09:26,119 --> 00:09:28,151
and keep them in the
freezer for Friday.
244
00:09:28,146 --> 00:09:29,611
Friday? What's Friday?
245
00:09:29,607 --> 00:09:32,441
It's a movie about weed
with Ice Cube and Chris Tucker.
246
00:09:32,433 --> 00:09:34,798
The faculty will be judging
your dishes this year.
247
00:09:34,792 --> 00:09:36,624
And you're
representing your class.
248
00:09:36,619 --> 00:09:38,252
And that's my ass.
249
00:09:38,248 --> 00:09:39,913
While I worried
about prison bars,
250
00:09:39,909 --> 00:09:42,775
my mother struggled
to become Bill Gates.
251
00:09:42,767 --> 00:09:44,766
Hey, Mom.
Hey!
252
00:09:44,761 --> 00:09:46,793
Hey!
253
00:09:46,788 --> 00:09:48,921
What are you guys doing here?
254
00:09:48,915 --> 00:09:50,147
Peaches told us
we can come
255
00:09:50,144 --> 00:09:51,809
and she'll show us how
to work the computer.
256
00:09:51,805 --> 00:09:53,571
One day, everybody is
gonna have one of these.
257
00:09:53,567 --> 00:09:55,200
No reason they
can't get a head start.
258
00:09:55,195 --> 00:09:57,560
Um, I'm a little
busy right now.
259
00:09:57,554 --> 00:09:59,220
Oh, come on, Ma.
Can we try it, please?
260
00:09:59,216 --> 00:10:00,882
Girl, go ahead.
Let 'em try.
261
00:10:00,878 --> 00:10:02,210
After a few minutes
with Peaches,
262
00:10:02,207 --> 00:10:03,807
they'll be
teaching you things.
263
00:10:05,596 --> 00:10:07,329
Go on. But
just a minute.
264
00:10:07,325 --> 00:10:08,489
Oh, what are
you doing
265
00:10:08,486 --> 00:10:09,819
with these manuals?
266
00:10:09,816 --> 00:10:11,749
Funny!
267
00:10:14,037 --> 00:10:16,003
Can I talk you
for a minute?
268
00:10:20,185 --> 00:10:22,117
Do you have a
problem with me?
269
00:10:22,112 --> 00:10:23,979
What? No.
270
00:10:23,974 --> 00:10:25,472
Why would you
ask me that?
271
00:10:25,468 --> 00:10:27,868
Because you keep embarrassing
me in front of people.
272
00:10:27,862 --> 00:10:29,260
And Peaches is
in there acting like
273
00:10:29,256 --> 00:10:31,689
she's Albert Einstein
with my kids.
274
00:10:31,683 --> 00:10:32,849
Now, if you want
to replace me,
275
00:10:32,846 --> 00:10:34,077
then just say so.
276
00:10:34,074 --> 00:10:36,207
Rochelle, you're
being ridiculous.
277
00:10:36,202 --> 00:10:38,234
How would you feel if I
bought a computer here that
278
00:10:38,228 --> 00:10:41,194
knew how to do hair and she knew
how to work it and you didn't?
279
00:10:41,186 --> 00:10:44,118
Rochelle, you sound
like a crazy woman.
280
00:10:44,110 --> 00:10:46,342
Now, if you don't want her
helping with the computer, fine.
281
00:10:46,336 --> 00:10:48,369
But you better learn it
fast, 'cause the person that
282
00:10:48,364 --> 00:10:51,296
manages this store is going
to be working on that computer.
283
00:10:51,288 --> 00:10:54,487
While my mother was getting
the lowdown from Vanessa,
284
00:10:54,478 --> 00:10:56,911
I was trying not to get
the whole faculty high.
285
00:10:58,066 --> 00:10:59,700
Hey, I know you.
You're that black kid.
286
00:11:01,256 --> 00:11:04,689
How'd you like to
make a five spot?
287
00:11:04,680 --> 00:11:05,746
I'd like that.
288
00:11:05,743 --> 00:11:07,074
I need to get
into the Home Ec room.
289
00:11:07,071 --> 00:11:08,704
I left something in there.
Sure.
290
00:11:08,700 --> 00:11:10,232
What'd you leave?
291
00:11:10,229 --> 00:11:12,894
I'd rather not say.
292
00:11:12,886 --> 00:11:14,619
Let's just say
293
00:11:14,615 --> 00:11:17,314
we left five bucks
in there. Oh.
294
00:11:17,306 --> 00:11:18,672
( chuckles ):
Five bucks.
295
00:11:18,669 --> 00:11:20,436
That's good.
That's very clever.
296
00:11:25,215 --> 00:11:27,914
Hey, where are you going?
297
00:11:27,906 --> 00:11:29,639
I'm going to Andrea's
listening party.
298
00:11:29,635 --> 00:11:31,000
Dad said you couldn't go.
299
00:11:30,997 --> 00:11:32,664
( mocking ):
"Dad said you couldn't go."
300
00:11:32,660 --> 00:11:33,991
Dad is asleep
and Mama's at work.
301
00:11:33,987 --> 00:11:35,819
As long as I get home
before Daddy wakes up,
302
00:11:35,815 --> 00:11:38,148
and you keep your mouth shut
and stay out of my business,
303
00:11:38,141 --> 00:11:39,806
then we shouldn't
have a problem.
304
00:11:39,802 --> 00:11:41,168
A'ight.
305
00:11:41,165 --> 00:11:42,498
When a person says "a'ight,"
306
00:11:42,495 --> 00:11:44,261
that means,
"Do what you want,
307
00:11:44,256 --> 00:11:46,555
but I'm telling you
it's a bad idea."
308
00:11:46,549 --> 00:11:48,947
Mr. President, I'm telling you,
I think hiring
309
00:11:48,941 --> 00:11:52,940
this Lewinsky girl
is a bad idea.
310
00:11:52,928 --> 00:11:54,860
CLINTON ( on phone ):
I don't care what you think.
311
00:11:54,855 --> 00:11:57,055
I want her on the clock
Monday morning.
312
00:11:57,049 --> 00:11:58,215
Got me?
313
00:11:58,213 --> 00:12:00,212
A'ight.
314
00:12:00,207 --> 00:12:03,539
While Tonya was breaking out,
I was breaking in.
315
00:12:03,529 --> 00:12:05,195
Oh, man,
where's all the food?
316
00:12:05,191 --> 00:12:07,456
Mrs. Williams had me move it
over to the cafeteria freezer.
317
00:12:07,450 --> 00:12:10,183
Why didn't you tell
us this before?
318
00:12:10,176 --> 00:12:12,841
Listen here,
Mr. I'd-Rather-Not-Say,
319
00:12:12,833 --> 00:12:14,499
how do I know
what you're looking for?
320
00:12:14,495 --> 00:12:15,827
Blame yourself.
321
00:12:15,824 --> 00:12:17,689
Well, can you let us
into the cafeteria kitchen?
322
00:12:17,684 --> 00:12:20,018
No, only the chef
has those keys now.
323
00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:23,106
I think you're going
to need a Plan B.
324
00:12:23,101 --> 00:12:24,801
As in "bail" money.
325
00:12:26,340 --> 00:12:28,605
I always believed that drugs
could destroy your life
326
00:12:28,599 --> 00:12:30,099
because I wasn't even
using them
327
00:12:30,095 --> 00:12:31,993
and my life was getting worse
by the day.
328
00:12:31,988 --> 00:12:33,720
The next time we're
going to see that lasagna
329
00:12:33,716 --> 00:12:35,283
is when the faculty
is eating it.
330
00:12:35,279 --> 00:12:37,244
If only we could pull
an Indiana Jones,
331
00:12:37,239 --> 00:12:39,105
like Raiders of the Lost Ark.
332
00:12:39,100 --> 00:12:41,099
You mean when he swaps the
bag of sand for a statue?
333
00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:42,427
Yeah, the old bait-and-switch.
334
00:12:42,424 --> 00:12:43,688
All right,
I guess I can make
335
00:12:43,685 --> 00:12:45,684
another lasagna, but how
are we going to switch that
336
00:12:45,679 --> 00:12:47,513
with the weed lasagna
without anybody seeing?
337
00:12:47,508 --> 00:12:51,140
See the answer in Indiana Jones
and the Temple of Weed.
338
00:12:51,130 --> 00:12:52,661
Hey.
* Baby, I think I love you *
339
00:12:52,657 --> 00:12:54,790
Hey, what's up, Julius?
* From head to toe *
340
00:12:54,784 --> 00:12:55,950
Have you heard
341
00:12:55,948 --> 00:12:57,980
of Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam?
Oh, that's it.
342
00:12:57,974 --> 00:13:01,240
Ooh, that song is hotter
than grits on Al Green, baby.
343
00:13:01,231 --> 00:13:03,197
Look, I need that
album for Tonya.
344
00:13:03,192 --> 00:13:04,824
She wanted to hear it
at a listening party,
345
00:13:04,820 --> 00:13:06,086
but I wouldn't let her go.
346
00:13:06,083 --> 00:13:07,915
I can't let her be
the only girl on the block
347
00:13:07,910 --> 00:13:10,276
that hasn't heard it.
Oh, man, you're in luck.
348
00:13:10,270 --> 00:13:11,568
( tape stops )
349
00:13:11,565 --> 00:13:15,165
Shoot, this came out
yesterday in limited release.
350
00:13:15,155 --> 00:13:16,653
He released it
from the back of a truck.
351
00:13:16,649 --> 00:13:18,882
And the only people
that are listening to it
352
00:13:18,876 --> 00:13:20,641
are listening parties and me.
353
00:13:20,637 --> 00:13:22,536
And you're lucky.
354
00:13:22,531 --> 00:13:26,231
I love $12 more
than I love Lisa Lisa.
355
00:13:26,220 --> 00:13:27,818
My dad was wondering
if he could just have
356
00:13:27,814 --> 00:13:29,580
one Lisa for half the price.
357
00:13:29,576 --> 00:13:30,842
* From head to toe *
358
00:13:30,839 --> 00:13:32,238
Ha-ha! Here you go.
359
00:13:32,234 --> 00:13:33,766
All right, thank you.
Enjoy, brother.
360
00:13:33,763 --> 00:13:35,096
* I love you
from head to toe *
361
00:13:35,092 --> 00:13:37,423
Back at home, my mother
was about to find out
362
00:13:37,417 --> 00:13:39,351
about something
she didn't know.
363
00:13:39,346 --> 00:13:40,944
Mmm, that smells good.
364
00:13:40,940 --> 00:13:43,240
It's lasagna.
Chris made it.
365
00:13:43,234 --> 00:13:44,665
I didn't know he
could make lasagna.
366
00:13:44,662 --> 00:13:46,661
Yeah, he learned
in Home Ec.
367
00:13:46,655 --> 00:13:48,222
One is for us,
and the other,
368
00:13:48,219 --> 00:13:49,951
he has to take
back to his school.
369
00:13:49,946 --> 00:13:51,644
So don't eat it.
370
00:13:51,640 --> 00:13:52,940
Where are you going?
371
00:13:52,937 --> 00:13:54,303
I'm going to register
372
00:13:54,300 --> 00:13:57,265
for computer class
at the Learning Skills Annex.
373
00:13:57,256 --> 00:13:59,888
How much is that
going to cost? Not much.
374
00:13:59,881 --> 00:14:02,480
Drew and Tonya said Peaches
was teaching them the computer.
375
00:14:02,473 --> 00:14:03,939
How come she can't teach you?
376
00:14:03,936 --> 00:14:06,468
( singing ):
* Ooh, baby, I think I love you *
377
00:14:06,461 --> 00:14:08,960
♪ From head to toe.♪
Peaches only knows a little.
378
00:14:08,953 --> 00:14:10,819
I need to learn
about programming.
379
00:14:10,814 --> 00:14:12,679
Oh, no, she knows
all about that.
380
00:14:12,674 --> 00:14:14,607
She designed this program
that lets her log in
381
00:14:14,602 --> 00:14:17,068
all her community
service hours.
382
00:14:17,062 --> 00:14:19,660
Baby, if Peaches can
teach you for free,
383
00:14:19,652 --> 00:14:21,119
how come I'm paying
for classes?
384
00:14:21,116 --> 00:14:22,614
'Cause you're not
married to Peaches.
385
00:14:22,610 --> 00:14:24,342
Now, can I take my class
or would you rather
386
00:14:24,338 --> 00:14:26,404
me get locked up
and learn in jail?
387
00:14:26,398 --> 00:14:28,497
He's seriously
thinking about this.
388
00:14:28,492 --> 00:14:30,257
Hey, it's okay.
389
00:14:30,252 --> 00:14:31,519
Take your classes.
390
00:14:33,809 --> 00:14:36,240
At school the next day,
I had to stop the cook-off
391
00:14:36,234 --> 00:14:37,567
from turning into a bake-off.
392
00:14:37,564 --> 00:14:39,164
We have to create
a diversion.
393
00:14:39,160 --> 00:14:41,491
Nobody will be paying attention
and it'll be the perfect time
394
00:14:41,484 --> 00:14:42,951
to switch the lasagnas.
395
00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:48,199
You serious?
396
00:14:48,196 --> 00:14:49,362
As a heart attack.
397
00:14:49,360 --> 00:14:51,128
Wait for my signal.
398
00:14:55,384 --> 00:14:58,182
And now, I'd like
to begin the tasting.
399
00:14:58,174 --> 00:15:00,208
Come on.
400
00:15:07,978 --> 00:15:09,078
I bet you
you would've.
401
00:15:10,369 --> 00:15:12,836
( fire alarm rings )
402
00:15:14,989 --> 00:15:16,521
Okay, this is not
a scheduled alarm.
403
00:15:16,517 --> 00:15:18,183
I need everyone
to evacuate
404
00:15:18,179 --> 00:15:21,644
in an orderly fashion.
405
00:15:21,634 --> 00:15:23,568
( indistinct shouting )
406
00:15:33,564 --> 00:15:34,963
Chris, come on!
407
00:15:34,960 --> 00:15:36,859
You might be black,
but you're not fireproof.
408
00:15:36,854 --> 00:15:39,021
Leave that bag there.
409
00:15:42,038 --> 00:15:43,303
( horn honking )
410
00:15:43,300 --> 00:15:44,634
GREG:
Chris!
411
00:15:45,793 --> 00:15:47,025
What took you so long?
412
00:15:47,022 --> 00:15:48,654
Just wanted to make
sure nobody saw me.
413
00:15:48,650 --> 00:15:50,584
Cool.
414
00:15:52,371 --> 00:15:55,004
Meanwhile, my mother was paying
for computer classes
415
00:15:54,997 --> 00:15:56,530
to save her pride.
416
00:15:58,619 --> 00:16:00,153
Hi, class!
417
00:16:01,244 --> 00:16:03,811
Welcome to
Computer Love Lesson.
418
00:16:03,804 --> 00:16:05,369
I Peaches!
419
00:16:05,365 --> 00:16:07,497
Y'all know y'all don't
know nothing, right?
420
00:16:07,491 --> 00:16:09,691
I managed to get the lasagna
out of school.
421
00:16:09,685 --> 00:16:13,216
Now all I had to do was make
sure me and T.J. were cool.
422
00:16:13,206 --> 00:16:14,472
T.J.:
Hey!
423
00:16:14,469 --> 00:16:16,301
I want my stuff.
424
00:16:16,297 --> 00:16:18,064
And you bet not have
smoked none.
425
00:16:18,059 --> 00:16:20,758
Oh, I didn't smoke it.
426
00:16:20,751 --> 00:16:22,884
I, uh, baked it.
427
00:16:29,092 --> 00:16:30,257
There you go.
428
00:16:31,949 --> 00:16:34,214
Hmm-hmm...
429
00:16:34,208 --> 00:16:35,708
So let me get
this straight.
430
00:16:35,704 --> 00:16:38,169
You didn't want to learn
the computer from me,
431
00:16:38,162 --> 00:16:40,628
but then I catch you
432
00:16:40,622 --> 00:16:42,788
trying to learn it
from somebody else.
433
00:16:42,782 --> 00:16:44,247
Peaches, you're
the one teaching me.
434
00:16:44,244 --> 00:16:46,176
You didn't know
it was going to be me.
435
00:16:46,171 --> 00:16:47,437
How could you do this, Rochelle?
436
00:16:47,434 --> 00:16:49,266
I am your friend.
437
00:16:49,261 --> 00:16:50,961
I didn't want
you to think
438
00:16:50,957 --> 00:16:52,889
that I wasn't smart
enough to learn it.
439
00:16:52,884 --> 00:16:54,216
Why come?
440
00:16:54,212 --> 00:16:55,645
'Cause I learned
it in a prison?
441
00:16:55,642 --> 00:16:57,207
No.
Yes!
442
00:16:57,203 --> 00:16:58,335
Tell the truth.
443
00:16:58,333 --> 00:17:00,399
Tell the truth
and set your mind free.
444
00:17:00,393 --> 00:17:01,993
Okay, I was jealous.
Jealous of who?
445
00:17:01,989 --> 00:17:03,153
You. Me?
Yeah. Why?
446
00:17:03,151 --> 00:17:04,618
Because I didn't
want people to think
447
00:17:04,614 --> 00:17:05,713
that you were better than me.
448
00:17:05,711 --> 00:17:06,743
Better than you?
Yeah.
449
00:17:06,740 --> 00:17:07,839
I'm a felon.
450
00:17:07,837 --> 00:17:09,836
I have a parole officer.
I can't vote.
451
00:17:09,831 --> 00:17:12,430
I have a tattoo
on my back
452
00:17:12,423 --> 00:17:13,889
made with a safety pin.
453
00:17:13,885 --> 00:17:15,383
And it says "Larry."
454
00:17:15,379 --> 00:17:17,545
And it's misspelled,
L-A-R-Y-R.
455
00:17:17,540 --> 00:17:18,539
And Larry did it.
456
00:17:18,537 --> 00:17:20,002
Oh.
Rochelle, I'm not
457
00:17:19,998 --> 00:17:21,997
better than you,
I want to be just like you.
458
00:17:21,992 --> 00:17:23,492
How many times I
gotta tell you that?
459
00:17:23,488 --> 00:17:24,687
The only thing
460
00:17:24,684 --> 00:17:27,550
I got going for me
is these computers.
461
00:17:27,542 --> 00:17:29,307
And last week,
I was this close
462
00:17:29,303 --> 00:17:30,803
to stealing each
and every one of them.
463
00:17:30,799 --> 00:17:34,297
Every day is a struggle,
Rochelle, every day.
464
00:17:34,287 --> 00:17:35,919
But I keep going and I
keep going,
465
00:17:35,915 --> 00:17:39,215
because someday I hope I can be
half as good as you are.
466
00:17:41,532 --> 00:17:43,631
You are.
467
00:17:43,625 --> 00:17:44,791
I am what?
468
00:17:44,789 --> 00:17:45,788
Half as good as me.
469
00:17:45,786 --> 00:17:47,619
Thank you.
470
00:17:50,138 --> 00:17:51,704
( sotto voce ):
Sorry.
471
00:17:51,700 --> 00:17:52,799
What? What was that?
472
00:17:52,797 --> 00:17:55,596
What? I didn't
hear that one.
473
00:17:55,588 --> 00:17:57,220
( hushed ):
I'm sorry. No, you know what?
474
00:17:57,216 --> 00:17:59,382
You really, you're mumbling
and you really need to turn
475
00:17:59,376 --> 00:18:01,308
the volume up like this:
what, what?!
476
00:18:01,303 --> 00:18:02,536
Okay, I said
I was sorry.
477
00:18:02,533 --> 00:18:05,165
Sorry!
Sorry! Sorry!
478
00:18:05,158 --> 00:18:06,157
Thank you.
479
00:18:06,155 --> 00:18:07,587
Now, sit down.
480
00:18:07,584 --> 00:18:10,050
Two weeks later,
Malvo stole all the computers
481
00:18:10,043 --> 00:18:12,941
and used the money to have
her tattoo removed.
482
00:18:12,933 --> 00:18:14,700
Back at home,
my father was doing
483
00:18:14,695 --> 00:18:16,027
some computing of his own.
484
00:18:16,024 --> 00:18:17,889
* from head to toe *
485
00:18:17,884 --> 00:18:19,384
Catchy little tune,
isn't it?
486
00:18:19,381 --> 00:18:20,647
Huh?
487
00:18:20,644 --> 00:18:22,875
You went to Andrea's
house, didn't you?
488
00:18:22,869 --> 00:18:23,868
Don't lie.
489
00:18:23,866 --> 00:18:25,266
I'm sorry, Daddy.
490
00:18:25,262 --> 00:18:26,427
No, she's not.
491
00:18:26,425 --> 00:18:27,925
Tonya, come here.
492
00:18:29,780 --> 00:18:32,247
Tonya, I know
you're growing up,
493
00:18:32,241 --> 00:18:33,973
and you can't be
my little girl forever.
494
00:18:33,968 --> 00:18:35,400
So throw her out the house.
495
00:18:35,397 --> 00:18:37,862
But you've got junior high and
high school in front of you.
496
00:18:37,855 --> 00:18:40,288
And a foot coming up
fast behind you.
497
00:18:40,282 --> 00:18:42,648
That's the time when most
kids make bad decisions.
498
00:18:42,641 --> 00:18:44,407
I'm here to help
you make good ones.
499
00:18:44,403 --> 00:18:45,935
By choking some sense into you.
500
00:18:45,931 --> 00:18:47,163
You understand?
501
00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:48,760
I understand, Daddy.
502
00:18:52,478 --> 00:18:54,110
For me?!
Yup.
503
00:18:54,106 --> 00:18:55,339
Thank you!
504
00:18:59,389 --> 00:19:01,021
You did something
I didn't like,
505
00:19:01,017 --> 00:19:02,782
now I'm doing something
you don't like.
506
00:19:02,777 --> 00:19:05,378
You're lucky he didn't
make you pay $12.
507
00:19:06,434 --> 00:19:07,999
Man, that was
such a close call.
508
00:19:07,995 --> 00:19:09,595
It's a good thing I
was able to get in there
509
00:19:09,591 --> 00:19:10,856
and switch those lasagnas.
510
00:19:10,853 --> 00:19:13,252
What? I switched
the lasagna.
511
00:19:13,246 --> 00:19:15,711
When?
Right before I left the room.
512
00:19:15,704 --> 00:19:17,237
What did you do?
513
00:19:17,233 --> 00:19:19,199
Chris, come on!
514
00:19:19,194 --> 00:19:20,959
You might be black,
but you're not fireproof!
515
00:19:20,955 --> 00:19:22,522
Leave that bag there.
516
00:19:23,580 --> 00:19:25,514
( exciting theme playing )
517
00:19:41,989 --> 00:19:43,855
Wait a minute--
so that means that
518
00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:45,949
I gave the lasagna with
no weed in it to T.J.
519
00:19:45,944 --> 00:19:47,377
That would be correct.
520
00:19:47,373 --> 00:19:48,637
So if that went to T.J...
521
00:19:48,634 --> 00:19:50,235
Who's got the lasagna
with the weed in it?
522
00:19:53,720 --> 00:19:59,652
♪ The tide is high,
but I'm holding on... ♪
523
00:19:59,634 --> 00:20:02,566
Feed me some more lasagna.
524
00:20:02,558 --> 00:20:03,958
Mmm...
525
00:20:03,955 --> 00:20:05,321
( giggles )
526
00:20:05,317 --> 00:20:07,049
* I'm not the kind of girl *
527
00:20:07,045 --> 00:20:09,244
* Who gives up just *
528
00:20:09,238 --> 00:20:11,237
* Like that *
529
00:20:11,232 --> 00:20:14,198
* Everybody hates Chris. *
530
00:20:22,365 --> 00:20:24,299
( upbeat theme playing )
531
00:20:24,349 --> 00:20:28,899
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