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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:08,400 --> 00:00:10,834 # You must remember this 2 00:00:10,880 --> 00:00:13,713 # A kiss is still a kiss 3 00:00:13,760 --> 00:00:16,718 # A sigh is just a sigh 4 00:00:19,440 --> 00:00:23,035 # The fundamental things apply 5 00:00:23,080 --> 00:00:26,709 # As time goes by # 6 00:00:32,040 --> 00:00:34,998 - Is this the right way round? - Hard to tell, really. 7 00:00:35,040 --> 00:00:38,589 - Try it on back to front. - Oh, I look like Napoleon. 8 00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:42,154 Oh, now, look. This is it. 9 00:00:42,200 --> 00:00:44,794 This is me. Front cover of the Tatler stuff, this is. 10 00:00:44,840 --> 00:00:47,308 I can't see your face properly. Put your head back. 11 00:00:47,360 --> 00:00:49,032 Ooh! 12 00:00:49,080 --> 00:00:50,559 Sorry, sorry. 13 00:00:51,160 --> 00:00:54,436 - What are you doing over here? - We're trying on hats. 14 00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:57,438 You're meant to be helping me choose something to be married in. 15 00:00:57,480 --> 00:01:02,600 - You're going to need a hat as well. - Why do I have to? I look silly in a hat. 16 00:01:02,640 --> 00:01:05,313 - I look silly in this too. - No, you don't. 17 00:01:05,360 --> 00:01:08,397 - It's... nice. - You hate it. 18 00:01:08,440 --> 00:01:09,793 Judith? 19 00:01:09,840 --> 00:01:13,071 - You both hate it. - I think madam looks very fetching. 20 00:01:13,120 --> 00:01:16,351 You thought madam looked very fetching in everything madam tried on. 21 00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:18,994 Sorry. Sorry. It's the wedding. 22 00:01:19,040 --> 00:01:22,555 I do understand, madam. The bride's mother always wants to look her best. 23 00:01:24,040 --> 00:01:27,077 I'm the bride. I'm the bride! 24 00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:31,955 - Oh, madam, I do apologise. I assumed... - Don't tell her what you assumed. 25 00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:36,676 I think your best bet is just to let her wander about on her own for a bit. 26 00:01:36,720 --> 00:01:38,199 Yes, good idea. 27 00:01:38,240 --> 00:01:40,231 I'll just hover. 28 00:01:41,680 --> 00:01:44,638 I like this, I think. I like the colour. 29 00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:47,114 Yeah, it's an unusual shade of beige, that. 30 00:01:47,160 --> 00:01:49,151 It's pink, isn't it? 31 00:01:49,200 --> 00:01:53,034 - Well, which colour is it? - It's sort of... pinky-beigey. 32 00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:57,517 - Or... beigey-pinky. - I thought it was stone. 33 00:01:57,560 --> 00:02:00,677 - Well, yeah. Could be. - Yes. That's probably what it is. 34 00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:02,711 How are you supposed to see anything in here? 35 00:02:02,760 --> 00:02:04,751 It's like the London Dungeons. 36 00:02:07,280 --> 00:02:10,397 - She's turning to jelly. - Let's try on some more hats. 37 00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:17,439 I don't think that Cruella De Vil wants us to. 38 00:02:17,480 --> 00:02:20,517 - (Alarm) - What on earth's that? 39 00:02:20,560 --> 00:02:22,516 - Oh... - Oh, Mum. 40 00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:26,439 Don't be silly. Of course I wasn't shoplifting. 41 00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:30,155 You were walking off the premises, wearing one article and carrying another. 42 00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:34,796 Four articles, actually. I was taking this out of the shop to look at it in broad daylight. 43 00:02:34,840 --> 00:02:37,513 Look, I can vouch for this lady. She's my mother. 44 00:02:37,560 --> 00:02:39,790 - Oh, yeah? - Oh, yes. 45 00:02:39,840 --> 00:02:42,798 - And who might you be? - I'm the boss of the gang. 46 00:02:42,840 --> 00:02:44,796 We always work in threes. 47 00:02:44,840 --> 00:02:47,308 - I see. - Look, for goodness' sake! 48 00:02:47,360 --> 00:02:51,558 - She's only joking. - I am a serious person. 49 00:02:51,600 --> 00:02:54,433 No, you're not, you're bumptious. 50 00:02:54,480 --> 00:02:58,155 - Yes, you are. Very. - Right, you wait here. 51 00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:01,590 Claudia, Reg here. 52 00:03:01,640 --> 00:03:04,154 Assistance required inside door A. 53 00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:11,834 I know there is only one door, Claudia, but it is known as door A. 54 00:03:12,640 --> 00:03:16,076 - He's sent for Claudia now. - This is ridiculous! 55 00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:20,716 Look, please, will you tell Reg that he doesn't need Claudia? 56 00:03:20,760 --> 00:03:24,992 - This is all a silly mistake. - Madam shouldn't have set the alarm off. 57 00:03:25,040 --> 00:03:28,350 - Madam is painfully aware of that. - Would you just tell Reg? 58 00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:31,119 It's all right, Reg, I can vouch for madam. 59 00:03:31,160 --> 00:03:34,277 I am prepared to take your word for it, Miss Fairbrace. 60 00:03:34,320 --> 00:03:36,709 Madam is naturally somewhat overwrought. 61 00:03:36,760 --> 00:03:38,512 She has a forthcoming wedding. 62 00:03:38,560 --> 00:03:41,711 In my opinion, the bride's mother should set an example. 63 00:03:41,760 --> 00:03:45,196 I'm the bride! I'm the bride! 64 00:03:48,480 --> 00:03:51,233 You've been a great help, Daisy. I shall miss you. 65 00:03:51,280 --> 00:03:53,191 Oh, it's been a smashing job. 66 00:03:53,240 --> 00:03:54,912 Maybe the next one? 67 00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:57,110 If there is one, I wouldn't want anybody else. 68 00:03:57,160 --> 00:04:00,152 - Good luck with the wedding. - Thanks. 69 00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:02,191 - Bye, then. - Bye, Daisy. 70 00:04:05,480 --> 00:04:08,631 - Oh! Goodbye, Mr Deacon. - Oh, hey, did I give you my number? 71 00:04:08,680 --> 00:04:10,796 Er, no need. I've got your number. 72 00:04:11,760 --> 00:04:14,558 And thanks for the garter. Bye. 73 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:22,433 What did she mean, thanks for the garter? 74 00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:25,392 - It was a little present. - You gave Daisy a garter? 75 00:04:25,440 --> 00:04:27,954 - It was appropriate. - Appropriate? 76 00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:31,197 Don't get all worked up. It was a small private joke we had. 77 00:04:31,240 --> 00:04:34,516 - Quite harmless. - What is it with you and young women? 78 00:04:34,560 --> 00:04:37,028 Years. They know I'm harmless. 79 00:04:38,200 --> 00:04:41,875 - Yes, but a garter? - Do you like the second episode or not? 80 00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:44,753 What? Oh, yes, Li, I do, I do. 81 00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:47,837 This ending, it's serious tear time. 82 00:04:47,880 --> 00:04:50,758 - It's not sloppy? - Was Romeo and Juliet sloppy? 83 00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:53,678 - They killed themselves. - So they did. 84 00:04:53,720 --> 00:04:57,793 - Well, what happens now? - I fax this to Mike in LA. 85 00:04:57,840 --> 00:05:03,153 He waves it under Sol's nose. Sol says liftoff and you have a miniseries in production. 86 00:05:03,200 --> 00:05:05,350 You left out Manny who will make minor alterations 87 00:05:05,560 --> 00:05:07,835 which will make it completely unrecognisable. 88 00:05:07,880 --> 00:05:09,836 Li, he is a script doctor. 89 00:05:09,880 --> 00:05:12,838 - What if the script isn't ill? - Then he's persona-not-needed. 90 00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:14,871 Either way, you're on a roll. 91 00:05:14,920 --> 00:05:17,150 So, what's your next project? 92 00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:20,749 - Getting married. - Hey, so it is. 93 00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:24,315 - Have you drawn up your battle plans? - I'm getting married, not going to war. 94 00:05:24,360 --> 00:05:27,318 - I meant the arrangements. - Oh. 95 00:05:27,360 --> 00:05:29,954 Oh, Jean's done most of that. 96 00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:32,798 - Women seem to enjoy that sort of thing. - (Door closes) 97 00:05:33,680 --> 00:05:36,478 - Jean? - No. 98 00:05:36,520 --> 00:05:38,272 A wet rag. 99 00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:41,153 - Hello, Alistair. - Hi. Heavy day? 100 00:05:41,200 --> 00:05:44,829 Oh, no, I just nearly got arrested for shoplifting, that's all. 101 00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:47,872 - What did you do? - I didn't do anything. 102 00:05:47,920 --> 00:05:51,435 A security guard called Reg did all the doing. 103 00:05:51,480 --> 00:05:54,153 I took something out to look at the colour in the daylight. 104 00:05:54,200 --> 00:05:58,159 - Why would you do that? - To see what the colour was. 105 00:05:59,240 --> 00:06:03,677 Listen, if this guy was offensive, I can be on my white charger in moments. 106 00:06:03,720 --> 00:06:05,711 It's all right, it's all settled now. 107 00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:09,230 - Why didn't you say that? - Can you hear me saying that? 108 00:06:09,280 --> 00:06:13,512 - No, that's the trouble. - Come on, lovely lady, you are stressed. 109 00:06:13,560 --> 00:06:17,314 - Of course I'm stressed. - Then here's the good news. 110 00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:21,797 Lionel has finished his miniseries. Which means you can pitch in and help, Li. 111 00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:24,638 Yes, of course I can. 112 00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:28,153 But listen, if you two don't want to take the strain, 113 00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:31,112 if you want somebody else to make the arrangements from A to Z, 114 00:06:31,160 --> 00:06:32,957 just call. 115 00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:35,230 - Who? - Me. 116 00:06:35,280 --> 00:06:37,191 Oh, that's very kind of you, Alistair, 117 00:06:37,240 --> 00:06:40,312 but I think we'd prefer to make the arrangements ourselves. 118 00:06:40,360 --> 00:06:43,079 Fair enough. Whatever you say. 119 00:06:43,120 --> 00:06:46,908 But if you do change your minds... just bell me. 120 00:06:48,160 --> 00:06:51,630 Now... I think it's hug time. 121 00:06:51,680 --> 00:06:56,708 - Don't start all that again. - Not me! 122 00:06:56,760 --> 00:06:58,955 You two, hmm? 123 00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:02,629 I'm off to find a fax to set Los Angeles ablaze. 124 00:07:02,680 --> 00:07:05,638 - I'll see myself out. Ciao. - Bye, Alistair. 125 00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:07,671 Cheerio, Alistair. 126 00:07:10,880 --> 00:07:13,792 - He does have some good ideas. - What, the arrangements? 127 00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:16,957 - No, the hug. - Oh... 128 00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:21,152 - I'm sorry I was so ratty. - You've been doing things on your own. 129 00:07:21,200 --> 00:07:23,839 - Drink? - Yes, please. 130 00:07:25,160 --> 00:07:29,711 These wedding arrangements, you know - I'm sure when you come down to it, 131 00:07:29,760 --> 00:07:32,513 there aren't nearly as many as people make out. 132 00:07:32,560 --> 00:07:34,551 No, perhaps not. 133 00:07:35,560 --> 00:07:38,199 - What's that? - Oh, this? 134 00:07:38,240 --> 00:07:40,834 Well, I've just made a few preliminary notes. 135 00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:46,990 Why do we want the curtains cleaned? 136 00:07:47,040 --> 00:07:49,998 You're muttering. What are you muttering about? 137 00:07:50,040 --> 00:07:53,828 It says here on page six, "Get curtains cleaned." 138 00:07:53,880 --> 00:07:55,552 - We must. - Why? 139 00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:57,158 They're filthy. 140 00:07:57,200 --> 00:08:01,478 I don't want my wedding guests looking at my curtains, saying how filthy they are. 141 00:08:01,520 --> 00:08:05,354 - They look perfectly clean to me. - That's cos you don't look. 142 00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:08,358 Well, I don't peer at them, if that's what you mean. 143 00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:10,789 Is that what you think the wedding guests are gonna do? 144 00:08:10,840 --> 00:08:14,719 - All stand and peer at the curtains? - There's a dry-cleaner's around the corner. 145 00:08:14,760 --> 00:08:17,877 - I'll take the curtains to the dry-cleaner's. - Thank you. 146 00:08:17,920 --> 00:08:21,310 - I'll take all the loose covers, if you like. - Thank you, that's on page seven. 147 00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:25,794 Oh, now that is not necessary. 148 00:08:25,840 --> 00:08:28,593 - Now what? - It says "Weed garden." 149 00:08:28,640 --> 00:08:30,631 You want the garden to look nice, don't you? 150 00:08:30,680 --> 00:08:34,150 Who is going to be looking at the garden to see how many weeds we've got? 151 00:08:34,200 --> 00:08:37,317 The same crowd who are peering at the curtains, I suppose. 152 00:08:37,360 --> 00:08:41,876 - Just give me that, will you? - Clear out the cupboard under the stairs? 153 00:08:41,920 --> 00:08:45,230 Just give me that, will you, please? Thank you. 154 00:08:45,280 --> 00:08:48,477 - You're not adding to it? - Look, could you be constructive? 155 00:08:48,520 --> 00:08:52,069 - Have you made your list? - Well, I can't compete with that. 156 00:08:52,120 --> 00:08:55,351 I mean your guest list, the people you want to invite to the wedding. 157 00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:58,198 Oh? Yes, I did, actually. 158 00:08:58,240 --> 00:09:01,437 - Yes, could I have it, please? - It's in my trouser pocket. 159 00:09:02,360 --> 00:09:04,351 Well, that's hardly Peru, is it? 160 00:09:07,240 --> 00:09:09,390 Oh, all right. 161 00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:12,273 Now, we don't want anything silly on the cake, do we? 162 00:09:12,320 --> 00:09:15,551 - Just a cake! Just a cake! - Oh, that's easy to say. 163 00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:20,431 Here you are. 164 00:09:22,440 --> 00:09:26,479 - It should have icing on it, I suppose. - Thanks for the tip. 165 00:09:29,240 --> 00:09:33,233 - You've only got seven people on this! - That's all I could think of. 166 00:09:34,080 --> 00:09:36,719 That's not very inventive, is it? 167 00:09:36,760 --> 00:09:39,832 Your father, Madge, Penny and Stephen, Judy, Sandy, and Alistair. 168 00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:42,348 They're all automatic invitations, anyway. 169 00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:44,595 I didn't know I was supposed to be inventive. 170 00:09:44,640 --> 00:09:47,518 In any case, you can't invent guests. 171 00:09:47,560 --> 00:09:50,028 You've put no effort into that, have you? 172 00:09:50,080 --> 00:09:52,071 You know more people than I do. 173 00:09:53,240 --> 00:09:55,515 - Where's your list? - It's in here. 174 00:09:55,560 --> 00:09:57,790 - How many people on that? - 78. 175 00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:02,072 - 78? - It'll come down a bit. 176 00:10:02,120 --> 00:10:06,398 - Oh, really? - Be very careful not to leave people out. 177 00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:10,353 - They can get very hurt. - Who are all these people? 178 00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:13,836 Who, for instance, is Stanley Gilchrist? 179 00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:15,871 Well, he's my chiropodist. 180 00:10:18,520 --> 00:10:21,398 He's a sweet man and he hasn't had an easy life. 181 00:10:21,440 --> 00:10:24,750 If that's the criterion, that list is gonna get bigger not shorter. 182 00:10:24,800 --> 00:10:27,394 Don't just make sweeping statements about it. 183 00:10:27,440 --> 00:10:29,715 Now just tell me one thing. 184 00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:33,275 How on earth do you expect to get these hundreds of people into this house? 185 00:10:33,320 --> 00:10:37,438 There are not hundreds and that's no problem. Guests spread out at a wedding. 186 00:10:37,480 --> 00:10:41,075 - Half of them on the roof, presumably? - Right, that's done it. Come on. 187 00:10:41,120 --> 00:10:43,509 - Where are you going? - We're going downstairs. 188 00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:46,472 - What, now? - Yes, now. I want to prove a point. 189 00:10:46,520 --> 00:10:50,115 - It's eleven o'clock. - Well, there is life after eleven o'clock. 190 00:10:50,160 --> 00:10:52,151 Come on. 191 00:10:55,760 --> 00:10:59,070 Let's clear out the cupboard under the stairs while we're at it! 192 00:11:04,160 --> 00:11:08,199 Now, we'll take this part of the room first. 193 00:11:08,240 --> 00:11:11,312 Now, you could fit 40 people in here easily. 194 00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:14,790 Assuming they stand on each other's shoulders. 195 00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:18,230 We'd move the furniture back and they'll all stand about in little groups. 196 00:11:19,320 --> 00:11:22,471 Tell me, how much room does a little group take up? 197 00:11:22,520 --> 00:11:26,752 - Say, four people. - About... that much. 198 00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:30,835 That's if they're all standing like this. 199 00:11:30,880 --> 00:11:33,553 How much would your group of four people take up? 200 00:11:33,600 --> 00:11:38,355 - Well, say about that much. - They're all really huge people, are they? 201 00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:40,868 No, not particularly. 202 00:11:41,360 --> 00:11:45,433 You don't stand about at a wedding reception with your hands at your sides. 203 00:11:45,480 --> 00:11:50,190 People have drinks in their hands and they make gestures while they talk. 204 00:11:50,240 --> 00:11:54,518 Gestures! You didn't say anything about flailing your arms about. 205 00:11:54,560 --> 00:11:56,596 - Maybe I exaggerated. - Yes, you did. 206 00:11:56,640 --> 00:11:59,791 Anyone who flailed about like that would need a room to themselves. 207 00:11:59,840 --> 00:12:01,796 You gesture, then. 208 00:12:01,840 --> 00:12:04,673 - Just naturally. - Well, all right. 209 00:12:09,080 --> 00:12:12,834 - That's not natural. - Yes, it is. 210 00:12:12,880 --> 00:12:15,997 People don't gesture like that. 211 00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:18,759 Not unless they have extraordinarily short arms. 212 00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:24,110 - Your people have arms like orang-utans. - Do we have any graph paper? 213 00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:27,357 - Why do you want graph paper? - Do the room to scale. 214 00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:29,868 Work out how many square feet each group needs 215 00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:32,195 and then divide that area into the whole. 216 00:12:32,240 --> 00:12:36,074 Just let's organise this group of four first. 217 00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:40,477 We'll be two people in a group of four and I won't do this if you won't do this. 218 00:12:40,520 --> 00:12:42,590 - Fair enough. - Now... 219 00:12:43,440 --> 00:12:45,795 - Now... - (Groans) 220 00:12:45,840 --> 00:12:47,353 Now... 221 00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:49,277 No! 222 00:12:49,320 --> 00:12:52,630 Well, you can't like the person you're talking to. 223 00:12:52,680 --> 00:12:54,477 Nobody stands that far apart. 224 00:12:54,520 --> 00:12:57,273 Your group looks like a rugby scrum. Just move back. 225 00:12:57,320 --> 00:13:00,357 - Further than that. - Oh... 226 00:13:00,400 --> 00:13:04,279 - You could get eight people in like this. - Are you square-dancing? 227 00:13:05,280 --> 00:13:08,556 - Trying to fit the guests in this room. - Comfortably. 228 00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:10,909 - Right. Let us know how you get on. - No, no! 229 00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:13,155 You can't go to bed. You can come and help. 230 00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:16,875 We're working on a group of four and then we'll multiply it by the area of the room. 231 00:13:16,920 --> 00:13:18,956 - Divide! - Divide, divide! 232 00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:22,515 - Two people. - What if there are only three in the group? 233 00:13:22,560 --> 00:13:25,757 - Or five. - Don't make difficulties. Come on. 234 00:13:25,800 --> 00:13:27,916 Now... Now... 235 00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:30,396 Now... Now... 236 00:13:30,440 --> 00:13:32,431 Now, we're four wedding guests. 237 00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:36,710 Now, just stand naturally. 238 00:13:36,760 --> 00:13:40,514 - It's hard, isn't it, trying to be natural? - Well, do your best. 239 00:13:40,560 --> 00:13:44,030 - We are too close together. - And now we're too far apart. 240 00:13:44,920 --> 00:13:47,275 It's like the hokey-cokey, this. 241 00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:49,788 ♪ You put your right leg in Your right leg out 242 00:13:49,840 --> 00:13:52,274 ♪ In, out, in, out, shake it... ♪ 243 00:13:52,320 --> 00:13:54,436 - (Both) Sorry. - Thank you. 244 00:13:54,480 --> 00:13:59,235 - We are too far apart. - Can I just ask one question? 245 00:13:59,280 --> 00:14:02,511 - Do these people like each other? - That's irrelevant. 246 00:14:02,560 --> 00:14:04,755 - No, it's not. - Of course it's not. 247 00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:08,031 If you like the person you're talking to, you stand like this. 248 00:14:08,080 --> 00:14:10,913 Yeah, and if you don't like them, you stand like this. 249 00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:13,599 - Now, I mentioned this. - Oh... 250 00:14:13,640 --> 00:14:17,474 What happens if you feel neutral? How do you stand then? 251 00:14:17,520 --> 00:14:20,432 - What, like this, this? - No, it would be much more... 252 00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:23,040 - Straight on, like this. - Mind you, mind you, 253 00:14:23,080 --> 00:14:26,197 you could like the person on one side of you and not the other. 254 00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:28,071 - You could. - Well, in that case... 255 00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:30,680 Oh, for goodness' sake, stop it. 256 00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:34,190 We are now in the realms of the imponderable. 257 00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:38,233 I mean, groups change, people move in and out of groups. 258 00:14:38,280 --> 00:14:43,274 How can we possibly be expected to make sure that each group is compatible? 259 00:14:43,320 --> 00:14:47,598 What do we do, vet them at the door as they come in and colour-code them? 260 00:14:47,640 --> 00:14:50,279 - I need some graph paper. - And I need a sit-down. 261 00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:58,278 You two hadn't actually gone to bed when you started thinking about this, had you? 262 00:14:58,320 --> 00:15:01,517 I was just trying to prove we could get the guests in, that's all. 263 00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:04,120 - How many will there be? - Several hundred. 264 00:15:05,400 --> 00:15:07,789 - 78. - 78? 265 00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:11,355 - It might come down a bit. - Well, there's always the garden. 266 00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:13,834 Yes, of course there is. 267 00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:17,509 - If it's a nice day. - Needs weeding, of course, the garden. 268 00:15:17,560 --> 00:15:20,199 You just get on with your calculations. 269 00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:25,238 Oh, I don't know. I thought there would be 101 things to do, not 1,001. 270 00:15:25,280 --> 00:15:27,794 Never mind, Mum. Sandy and I will help. 271 00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:32,516 Of course we will. We'll work our fingers to the bone and everything will be perfect. 272 00:15:32,560 --> 00:15:35,677 - Yes? - You may be interested in these figures. 273 00:15:35,720 --> 00:15:37,631 Erm... No. 274 00:15:37,680 --> 00:15:40,069 Actually, I think I'd better get my beauty sleep. 275 00:15:40,120 --> 00:15:43,908 Yes, so do I. I'm sorry, we just don't have your stamina. 276 00:15:43,960 --> 00:15:47,350 - Good night. - Good night. 277 00:15:49,720 --> 00:15:53,156 - Are you interested in these figures? - It depends what they prove. 278 00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:56,715 Well, I have to admit, they prove that you were right. 279 00:15:56,760 --> 00:15:58,193 Of course! 280 00:15:58,240 --> 00:16:03,598 As a matter of fact, we can get 56 people into that part of the room. 281 00:16:09,320 --> 00:16:11,311 - Are you sure? - Yes. 282 00:16:11,360 --> 00:16:18,755 - Look, room area of, say, 168 square feet. - Yes. 283 00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:23,430 Now, I've taken each group of people as taking up 12 square feet. 284 00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:26,836 That's without waving their arms about or leaving them at their side. 285 00:16:26,880 --> 00:16:28,029 Yes, all right. 286 00:16:28,080 --> 00:16:31,993 12 square feet into 168 square feet equals 14. 287 00:16:32,040 --> 00:16:38,309 And four to a group multiplied by 14 equals 56 people. 288 00:16:38,360 --> 00:16:42,353 - Good gracious. - I blacked out the squares to make certain. 289 00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:47,349 - Yes, there are no white squares at all. - No, I know! 290 00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:53,992 - Oh... - All those squares are people. 291 00:16:54,040 --> 00:16:57,316 There's no space at all. No wonder you could get 56 people in there. 292 00:16:58,160 --> 00:17:02,472 - I'll have to start all over again. - No, we've done enough people-packing. 293 00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:05,273 - Let's go back to bed. - We should never have left it. 294 00:17:05,320 --> 00:17:08,198 I think I'll have a custard tart. Do you want one? 295 00:17:08,240 --> 00:17:10,231 Oh, not really, no. 296 00:17:15,560 --> 00:17:17,551 Oh, filthy! 297 00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:24,716 - Where's Jean? - Upstairs. Why? 298 00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:30,071 Is that a weed or not? 299 00:17:30,840 --> 00:17:33,274 I don't know. It's got a flower on it. 300 00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:35,754 Yes, I know, but it could still be a weed. 301 00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:39,349 - I think it is a weed. - You want it to be, don't you? 302 00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:42,995 Yes. I've pulled up quite a few already. 303 00:17:43,040 --> 00:17:46,077 - How are you getting on? - I don't know half these people. 304 00:17:46,120 --> 00:17:47,997 I don't think Mum knows half these people. 305 00:17:48,040 --> 00:17:51,635 - It's getting out of hand, isn't it? - Well, weddings tend to do that. 306 00:17:51,680 --> 00:17:53,716 (Lionel) Oh, damn and blast! 307 00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:55,955 That's Lionel trying to take the curtains down. 308 00:17:56,000 --> 00:17:58,355 (Jean) I'll come and give you a hand in a minute. 309 00:17:58,400 --> 00:18:00,595 (Lionel) I nearly broke my arm then. (Jean) Oh! 310 00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:04,471 Oh, have you got to Aunt Win yet? 311 00:18:04,520 --> 00:18:07,159 - No, I'm only up to the D's. - Oh. 312 00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:10,192 - Who's Aunt Win? - Not a real aunt, a friend of my mother's. 313 00:18:10,240 --> 00:18:14,916 She must be very old now. When you get to her, ask if she'd like us to send a car. 314 00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:17,394 - Right, where does she live? - West Wales. 315 00:18:19,480 --> 00:18:22,313 - What have you got there? - What? A weed. 316 00:18:22,360 --> 00:18:26,273 - I'm weeding. - Oh. Well, it's probably easier to use a trug. 317 00:18:26,320 --> 00:18:29,278 Oh, I am. This is just a stray weed. 318 00:18:29,320 --> 00:18:30,992 (Doorbell) 319 00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:32,598 I'll get on, then. 320 00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:39,791 Alistair. 321 00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:43,111 Hi, Li. 322 00:18:44,360 --> 00:18:47,158 Oh, damn and blast. Will you come down? 323 00:18:50,160 --> 00:18:52,958 I found Aunt Win but she's crossed out. 324 00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:55,719 - Why? - How should I know? 325 00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:57,478 - Oh, dear! - What? 326 00:18:57,520 --> 00:18:59,511 I've just remembered. She's dead. 327 00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:05,108 Well, I am sorry, but it'll save a fortune on the car hire. 328 00:19:06,360 --> 00:19:09,113 Lionel's out of sorts. Hi, Judy. 329 00:19:09,160 --> 00:19:13,438 - Hello. - Lovely lady. This is for you. 330 00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:15,118 Your wedding clobber. 331 00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:18,152 Alistair, you can't buy me my wedding clobber. 332 00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:20,191 - I haven't. - Oh. 333 00:19:21,840 --> 00:19:23,876 Oh... 334 00:19:23,920 --> 00:19:27,356 This is that suit I liked in the shop before it all got out of hand. 335 00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:28,719 I know. 336 00:19:28,760 --> 00:19:32,514 If you didn't buy it, what are you doing with it? You haven't taken up shoplifting? 337 00:19:32,560 --> 00:19:36,997 Please! No, I just steamed in and, as your solicitor, pointed out a few things. 338 00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:39,838 - My solicitor? - Yes. 339 00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:44,592 I alerted them to the possibility of civil action on your part. 340 00:19:44,640 --> 00:19:47,712 Defamation of character, wrongful imprisonment, slander. 341 00:19:47,760 --> 00:19:49,910 They came round to my way of thinking. 342 00:19:49,960 --> 00:19:53,748 With their compliments. And if you don't like it, they'll change it. 343 00:19:55,080 --> 00:19:59,471 - Alistair! - It was just bluff. 344 00:19:59,520 --> 00:20:02,080 Don't knock bluff. Bluff can move mountains. 345 00:20:02,120 --> 00:20:04,429 So, how are the battle plans going? 346 00:20:04,480 --> 00:20:06,516 - Oh, you know. - A shambles! 347 00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:09,552 Then why not let me arrange everything? Hmm? 348 00:20:09,600 --> 00:20:12,797 Modesty forbids me to say that I am brilliant at organising, but... 349 00:20:12,840 --> 00:20:15,479 (Whistles)... I am brilliant at organising. 350 00:20:15,520 --> 00:20:17,954 To tell you the truth, there's nothing I'd like better. 351 00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:21,117 - So what's the prob? - They're not meant for normal fingers. 352 00:20:21,160 --> 00:20:23,151 They're not meant for normal fingers at all. 353 00:20:25,840 --> 00:20:28,513 Mum, he doesn't sound like he's having a wonderful time. 354 00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:31,472 But you know Lionel. He's very proud. 355 00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:34,751 - After all, it is his wedding. - It's yours as well. 356 00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:38,395 I think we need to interface. 357 00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:42,192 (Growls) 358 00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:49,198 - Sorry about the language. - I've heard worse. 359 00:20:49,240 --> 00:20:51,993 - Do you want a hand? - No, thanks. 360 00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:54,713 It's become a personal thing with me and those curtains now. 361 00:20:54,760 --> 00:20:58,116 - They're just little hooks. - I know they're just little hooks. 362 00:20:58,160 --> 00:21:02,073 Obviously designed by somebody who never wanted the hooks to be unhooked. 363 00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:06,958 - Oh, that's very kind of you. - They're not for you. 364 00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:11,551 - They're for me and Sandy. - Look, I will get those curtains down. 365 00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:14,797 It's nothing to do with the curtains. Alistair's here. He'd like a word. 366 00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:17,070 Oh, all right. 367 00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:20,236 Those are pansies, by the way. 368 00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:26,238 Have your drink and we'll replant them. 369 00:21:26,280 --> 00:21:28,669 A restaurant? 370 00:21:28,720 --> 00:21:32,429 - I hadn't considered a restaurant. - Then consider. 371 00:21:32,480 --> 00:21:34,550 You have a close crowd round here for drinks 372 00:21:34,600 --> 00:21:37,512 then everybody meets up at the restaurant for the big bash. 373 00:21:37,560 --> 00:21:39,357 You get a good deal on the food and wine 374 00:21:39,400 --> 00:21:42,995 and anything that gets trodden into the carpet has nothing to do with you. 375 00:21:43,040 --> 00:21:45,156 Oh, I like that bit especially. 376 00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:47,677 Hi, Li. We need to talk. 377 00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:50,757 If it's to do with Mike and Manny and Sol not liking the script, 378 00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:53,553 they can all jump off the Golden Gate Bridge. 379 00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:56,273 D for Geography. The Golden Gate Bridge is in San Francisco. 380 00:21:56,320 --> 00:21:58,311 Tell them to drive up there, then. 381 00:21:59,120 --> 00:22:01,793 I didn't come to talk about your script. 382 00:22:01,840 --> 00:22:04,593 I came to talk to you about the wedding arrangements. 383 00:22:04,640 --> 00:22:08,428 There's a big thick file somewhere that will answer all your questions. 384 00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:10,675 And a lot more you haven't even thought of yet. 385 00:22:10,720 --> 00:22:12,836 Will you stop being narky and just listen? 386 00:22:12,880 --> 00:22:14,791 You get narky every time you look at it. 387 00:22:14,840 --> 00:22:17,752 Hey, hold up, hmm? This is what I mean. 388 00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:19,836 This is stress. 389 00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:22,678 And I can take it all away from you just like that. 390 00:22:22,720 --> 00:22:25,871 - Let me make the arrangements. - Why would you want to do that? 391 00:22:25,920 --> 00:22:28,480 - Lionel! - Because in plain speak, Lionel, 392 00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:30,476 I am very fond of both of you. 393 00:22:31,960 --> 00:22:34,235 - Oh. - And hey! 394 00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:36,953 I know what a hassle this is for you. 395 00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:39,275 Fixing things is meat and drink to me, hmm? 396 00:22:39,320 --> 00:22:42,073 It's water off a duck's back, it's shooting fish in a barrel. 397 00:22:42,120 --> 00:22:45,351 Talking of food, now, Alistair has a wonderful idea. 398 00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:47,834 Why don't we have the reception in a restaurant? 399 00:22:47,880 --> 00:22:51,350 That way, we can stop arguing about square people in square feet. 400 00:22:51,920 --> 00:22:53,638 What sort of restaurant? 401 00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:55,989 Le Gavroche, San Lorenzo, Bibendum. You name it. 402 00:22:56,040 --> 00:22:59,555 Or we could go really off the wall and have a burger bash at Planet Hollywood. 403 00:22:59,600 --> 00:23:01,670 A what at where? 404 00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:04,314 - Or something simpler. - Yes, that too. 405 00:23:04,360 --> 00:23:06,510 And I'm not just talking food. 406 00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:12,317 I'm talking flowers, cards, photographers. I'm talking the whole package. 407 00:23:12,360 --> 00:23:14,794 It's nothing I could take much pride in, is it? 408 00:23:14,840 --> 00:23:18,230 - A man who couldn't arrange his own wedding. - Not couldn't, Lionel. 409 00:23:18,280 --> 00:23:20,635 Allowed a good friend to do it for him. 410 00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:24,598 I'm surprised you're in favour, which you obviously are. 411 00:23:24,640 --> 00:23:27,757 I thought about it and came to the conclusion that, at my age, 412 00:23:27,800 --> 00:23:30,360 taking the easy way out is not to be despised. 413 00:23:30,400 --> 00:23:34,791 I don't know. I'm not sure. I mean, we have made a start. 414 00:23:34,840 --> 00:23:37,400 Well, yes... 415 00:23:37,440 --> 00:23:40,512 Well, I'm very grateful for the offer, Alistair. 416 00:23:42,640 --> 00:23:44,358 Just let me think about it. 417 00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:47,358 Whatever you say. You know where to reach me. 418 00:23:47,400 --> 00:23:49,391 Thanks, Alistair. 419 00:23:55,640 --> 00:23:57,710 That's it! Get him back. 420 00:23:58,520 --> 00:24:01,990 Alistair! Alistair! He's thought! 421 00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:03,712 Oh! 422 00:24:09,880 --> 00:24:13,793 Do you think I should tell Alistair to make sure there's some vegetarian food? 423 00:24:13,840 --> 00:24:15,239 No. 424 00:24:15,280 --> 00:24:19,637 Well, what about railway timetables for people coming by train? 425 00:24:19,680 --> 00:24:21,750 - No. - Well, what about? 426 00:24:21,800 --> 00:24:23,995 What about doing what you said you were going to do 427 00:24:24,040 --> 00:24:26,429 and leaving it all to Alistair? 428 00:24:26,480 --> 00:24:29,517 It wasn't the curtain pole that made you change your mind, was it? 429 00:24:30,080 --> 00:24:34,119 To tell the truth, I liked the idea the minute he mentioned it. 430 00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:37,357 All I had to do was overcome some dated reservations. 431 00:24:37,400 --> 00:24:39,072 Like what? 432 00:24:39,120 --> 00:24:41,475 Like carrying your lady's favour into battle. 433 00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:43,511 Oh, you did say dated. 434 00:24:43,560 --> 00:24:46,358 Then I realised I already had my lady's favour. 435 00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:48,516 Which considering where we are is just as well. 436 00:24:48,560 --> 00:24:54,112 Quite. Let the squires prepare the feast. Next Saturday we are the king and queen. 437 00:24:54,160 --> 00:24:56,958 Buss me, my lord. 438 00:24:57,000 --> 00:24:58,797 What? 439 00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:02,309 - Give us a kiss. - Oh! 440 00:25:03,680 --> 00:25:05,989 Oh, I shall probably shake like a leaf. 441 00:25:06,040 --> 00:25:08,235 - Your hat will wobble. - Oh, I haven't got a hat! 442 00:25:08,280 --> 00:25:11,272 - Well, you've got all week to get one. - Oh... 443 00:25:12,480 --> 00:25:18,350 Don't answer if it's too personal but did you shake like a leaf when you married David? 444 00:25:18,400 --> 00:25:20,789 - Oh, that is very personal. - I said it was. 445 00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:25,391 Well, no, as a matter of fact, I didn't. I did love him but I didn't shake like a leaf. 446 00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:28,512 - What about your wedding in Kenya? - (Laughs) Oh... 447 00:25:29,280 --> 00:25:32,670 It was summer, so we had the service in the garden. 448 00:25:32,720 --> 00:25:35,029 Some of the male guests wore shorts. 449 00:25:35,080 --> 00:25:39,790 Great, baggy khaki jobs with legs of about four feet wide. 450 00:25:39,840 --> 00:25:43,469 - I had flick-ups. - Flick-ups! Whatever happened to them? 451 00:25:43,520 --> 00:25:47,513 They went the way of the big khaki shorts, I expect. 452 00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:51,678 And it rained all day. I was so worried my flick-ups would go limp. 453 00:25:51,720 --> 00:25:55,952 Well, we shan't have to worry about the weather. Alistair will arrange that. 454 00:25:57,760 --> 00:26:01,150 You should've seen his face when Daisy said, "Thanks for the garter." 455 00:26:01,200 --> 00:26:04,237 - Did you tell him it was my idea? - No, of course I didn't. 456 00:26:06,360 --> 00:26:10,069 - This wedding of yours... - Next week is this wedding of mine. 457 00:26:10,120 --> 00:26:12,111 Well, that wedding, then. 458 00:26:13,240 --> 00:26:17,472 When you said "I do," did you mean it? 459 00:26:20,360 --> 00:26:23,079 Yes. Did you? 460 00:26:25,040 --> 00:26:28,749 I suppose I meant, "I do, but with reservations." 461 00:26:30,080 --> 00:26:32,833 You don't have to say it at all in the registrar's office. 462 00:26:32,880 --> 00:26:37,192 - We make a kind of statement. - Doesn't have the same ring as "I do." 463 00:26:38,240 --> 00:26:41,073 No, but still... 464 00:26:41,120 --> 00:26:43,714 Still... Good night. 465 00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:46,991 Good night. 466 00:26:54,040 --> 00:26:56,838 - Lionel? - Yes? 467 00:26:57,960 --> 00:26:59,359 I do. 468 00:27:01,360 --> 00:27:03,351 I do too. 469 00:27:05,440 --> 00:27:07,431 (Both chuckle) 470 00:27:15,520 --> 00:27:18,239 # You must remember this 471 00:27:18,280 --> 00:27:20,840 # A kiss is still a kiss 472 00:27:20,880 --> 00:27:24,270 # A sigh is just a sigh 473 00:27:26,400 --> 00:27:29,995 # The fundamental things apply 474 00:27:30,040 --> 00:27:33,953 # As time goes by 475 00:27:37,200 --> 00:27:39,839 # And when two lovers woo 476 00:27:39,880 --> 00:27:42,599 # They still say I love you 477 00:27:42,640 --> 00:27:45,359 # On that you can rely 478 00:27:48,200 --> 00:27:52,398 # The world will always welcome lovers 479 00:27:54,000 --> 00:28:01,953 # As time goes by # 480 00:28:02,003 --> 00:28:06,553 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 40663

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