All language subtitles for Another Period s03e03 Olympics.eng

[rousing brass music]

[applause]

A little known sporting
contest, the Olympics,

is coming to America for the first time.

As a Bavarian, I am most excited
for the archery competition.

In fact, my nephew Adolf

is coming from Austria to observe.

- [arrow thwacks]
- Bull's-eye!

Adolf, did you see that?

Uncle Victor,

do you ever feel like
the beauty of the world

is so intense that your heart may just

explode in your chest?

- Oh, my God.
- [soft laugh]

I know he's my nephew, but I must admit,

I do not care for Adolf Hitler.

And that concludes
men's archery for today!

Huh. That's queer.

The way he said "men's archery,"

as though there could be any other kind.

And now may I present the competitors

for the first-ever
Olympic women's archery team.

What... did he say "women's"?

[Xzibit's "Runway Walk"]

? Damn what I got to
say to get a piece of that ?

? Damn what I got to
say to get a piece of that ?

Women? In Archery?

Women in archery!

[rousing dramatic music]

- [gasps]
- [laughs]

No!

[heaves] [gags]

[vomits]

? I want the money I want the fame ?

? I want the whole world
to know my name ?

? This is mine, I got to get it ?

? I got to get it, got, got to get it ?

? "Another Period" ?

Synced and corrected by hawken45
for www.addic7ed.com

Absolutely disgusting!

God hates you! You!

And since all women are disabled
when it comes to sport,

here to usher in this
momentous new occasion,

my good friend, the one
and only, Helen Keller.

[applause]

Save your cheers and taunts.

She doesn't know where she is.

Of course they choose Helen Keller
to be the ladies' sports ambassador.

She can't even compete!

I never let my circumstance

determine my destiny.

And neither do the inspiring women here.

[applause]

By the tits of Medusa, don't clap.

She doesn't know
you're clapping for her!

Keller or not,
I'm joining this archery team.

Prep the sports corset.

Make ready my field gown.

If anyone's going to be famous
for sports, it's going to be me.

Help me down.

[remixed classical music]

[clears throat]

Freddy, that is not how
an adult unpacks.

What are you doing
with the Constitution?

- Oh, I signed that.
- You should not have done that.

Yeah, there's some tricky stuff

about black people in there.

Just find somewhere safe to keep it.

Freddy.

This is your birth certificate.

[soft laugh]

Says that you're adopted.

What?

That means your mother and father
aren't your mother and father.

Mumu and Pupu?

That means that Lillian and
Hortense aren't your sisters.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Wait, who's Hortense?

Neither is Beatrice.

[dramatic music]

I've been... having sex with
a stranger my whole life?

No, if Beatrice isn't your sister,

that means you didn't commit incest.

Yes, I understand what it means!

You don't have to rub it in.

No, it's a good thing.

There is no scandal.

You're just... a regular adulterer.

It's a good thing?

Yes, everyone in Washington

cheats on their wives and vice versa.

What?

We'll announce the good news
right after the Olympics.

? Turn up, turn up, turn up,
turn up the bass ?

I cannot believe they're
allowing female archers

into the Olympics!

I mean, archery was our final refuge.

Yes, we have our clubs
and our corporations,

and the entire Congress, but

what does any of it
mean without archery?

Why can't women be happy
with traditional ladies' sports,

like giving me a backrub or...

no sports at all?

It's not even the fact
that they're women.

It's just that archery
was good as it was.

And do you know what burns me?

When you're courting a woman
and you think you have a...

a very good conversation

about the value of her father's horses,

and so you give your
calling card to her butler.

And then she takes two weeks

to have her servant deliver
her calling card to your butler.

- I mean, what are we even doing?
- What are we doing?

Honestly, women's archery
is but the first step

towards a world none
of us would recognize.

Gentlemen, it is time to take action.

Excuse me, Uncle Victor,

but this conversation's
a bit too barbaric for my taste.

Could I please go to
the garden and draw?

[scoffs softly] Yes, go.

[dramatic string music]

What was that?

Timothy, I have great news.

You're a princess.

Beatrice, I have great news.

What is it?

You and I are not brother and sister.

But... we have all the same servants.

I know, but Celery found my gift
certificate, and I'm adopted.

- [gasps]
- Do you know what this means?

No.

It means that we can
finally be together.

- Oh, Frederick.
- Oh.

[gentle romantic music]

[music halts]

What? Is it my breath?

Because I've been playing this game

where I brush my teeth never.

No, that's not it.

It feels like something's missing.

With us.

Well, then, we have to go find it.

[gentle somber music]

?

[rousing string music]

All wealthy women learn
archery when they're young.

It's the only sport that teaches

the three basic tenets of womanhood:

silence, standing still,
and crushing boredom.

Hear ye! Hear ye!

We are the WNBA!

The Worried Nationalists
on Behalf of Archery.

And we are here to claim

archery as a sport for gentlemen!

So get your fat, bloated pig face

off of my archery range!

I'll tell you what, Victor.

We'll leave if
you can hit the bull's-eye.

Hell, we'll leave if you
can even hit the target.

[laughter]

Please.

This is so easy.

[tense music]

?

- [groans]
- [women laughing]

Ow.

No, no, no, this is...

this is a bow for women.

It's not regulation.

- Yeah.
- Stop laughing.

No, no, actually... keep laughing.

As a man, I command
you to keep laughing.

- That's it.
- Ha-ha-ha.

[mock laughter]

This isn't over.

I've got quite a few
more arrows in my...

uh, what's the thing
they keep the arrows in?

My arrow... holder.

Beatrice and I lost our love somewhere,

so we decided to retrace our steps

and see where we left it.

And hopefully it's in the house,

because I once lost a
teddy bear in the woods

and I never... [stifled cry]

[tearful laugh]

I never...

still out there. [cries]

Remember when we were babies,

and also last year when
we used to take baths together?

Mm-hmm.

Maybe this is where we lost our love.

Oh, Frederick.

[romantic music]

[music halts]

I don't think we left
our love in the tub.

Remember this place,

where I lost my virginity to you...

and you're pretty sure
you lost it to me?

Maybe this is where we lost our love.

Oh, Frederick.

?

[music halts]

I'm sorry.

I don't think we left it here either.

Remember this place?

?

- No.
- [music halts]

Not at all.

Me neither. I don't think I've even
ever been in this room before.

Why did I bring you here?

[dull string music]

Frederick. Did you ever think...

Don't say it.
Don't say that I would have lost

that foot race to
Chucky Addleston if I hadn't

told him his mother died
of an exploding brain.

I wasn't.

Oh.

I was going to say,

do you think maybe
our love is gone because

we're no longer brother and sister?

Well, maybe we can just pretend.

You mean, like role play?

Ooh! I call Beatrice.

You always get to be Beatrice.

Well, maybe because
I'm better at it than you.

"Grr. I'm Beatrice. And I'm your sister.

And I'll poison the nanny if she
tries to teach us the alphabet."

"Ooh, I'm Frederick.
And I'm your brother.

We share the same toilet."

Oh.

And we share the same...

[together] Parents.

- Oh, Beatrice.
- Oh, Frederick.

[gentle romantic music]

[both moaning]

Oh, oh, oh, be gentle.

Ah!

[inhales deeply]

[music halts]

Wait, wait.

It's no use.

I think, maybe,

being twins was the only thing
keeping us together.

Guess I'll just have to
go find my real parents.

Maybe I have a real sister
who I can have sex with.

She's a lucky girl.

I know.

[gentle somber music]

?

Words didn't seem to deter them,

so the WNBA is taking things up a notch.

[upbeat guitar music]

Why, Judith,

these are your private boudoir drawings.

?

[men chuckling]

Ah!

Smile less!

What do you have to be so happy about?

I'm going back to Iowa.

[men laughing]

Telegram.

"I'm going to [bleep]... stop...
your face... stop."

I quit!

[men chuckling]

[glass shatters]

Oh, my God.

?

"Next time, this goes into your uterus."

[gasps]

[men cheering]

Well done, gentlemen.

Well done.

This one? [soft scoff]

I'll take care of her.

[dramatic whoosh]

[birds chirping]

[sniffing]

What is that wonderful aroma?

[faint Klezmer music]

?

[singing Yiddish]

[singing continues]

- [chuckles]
- Good Shabbos, Hamish.

Good Shabbos, Doctor.

Oh.

Hello.

Can we help you?

Yeah. What is this table of delights?

Why, this is Shabbat.

It's the centerpiece
of the entire Jewish faith.

Oh. Where are our manners?

Take a seat. Huh? Join us.

All are welcome here. [Chuckles]

Are you not going
to the women's archery event?

The women's archery event?

[both laugh]

What will they think of next?

Women's shoes?

Medicine, but for women?

[both laugh]

Ah, smells like the hallah's ready.

[playful dramatic music]

Damn it, Lillian. Listen to reason.

A woman has no place
in an archery competition.

Listen to me, you festering boil,

women aren't good at anything.

We're not smart enough to vote.

We're not stable enough to own property.

We can't be trusted with a bank account.

And on top of that, we're not funny.

That's true.

But we can shoot a [bleep] arrow

into a goddamn target,

so just give me that one little thing.

God, why won't you drop out

like your pathetic little friends?

I don't know if you've heard,

but your little archery whores
are proving to be cowards

in the face of very real
threats of violence

from me.

Yes, well, now that you've
eliminated my competition,

the gold will be all mine.

I wanted to thank you for that.

You're so thoughtful. [Laughs]

So then the farmer goes to Heaven,

and he says to God...

[speaks German].

And then God says to the farmer...

[speaks German] [laughs]

[both laugh]

[pleased sighs]

We are having so much fun
with you, little boy.

- You know, I've got an idea.
- Yes?

Why don't we go round the table

and engage in that
ancient Jewish ritual,

where we say whom,
if we could travel back in time,

each of us would kill.

Oh, good, good. I love this game.

- Go, go, go, go.
- Okay.

I would choose Marco Polo

for stealing pasta from the Chinese.

Let's see. Who would I choose?

I think that I would choose

my ex-lover, Louise.

Oh, wait! No, she's still alive.

So, technically, I could kill her now.

So, um, uh, Marco Polo as well.

- Marco Polo.
- What about you, little Adolf?

Yes, Hitler, who would you kill

if you could go back in time?

[ethereal music broods]

Oh, I...

I don't like to think about violence.

It makes my tummy queasy.

- Ah.
- Oh, well.

You're a better man than I. [chuckles]

To Adolf Hitler!

To Adolf "Peaceful" Hitler!

[laughs] Shabbat shalom, young man.

- Yes.
- Sha... bbat shalom.

Mm.

And... bite

and chew and chew and bite

and chew and chew and chew

- and bite.
- [Inhales]

And chew and chew and chew and chew...

I saw my birth certificate.

I know that I am adopted,

and that Beatrice is not my sister.

So you don't have to
lie to me anymore, Mother.

If that is your real name.

Don't be ridiculous, Frederick.

Keep chewing, Garfield.

You and Beatrice are both my children.

I gave birth to you, remember?

I don't remember.

Frederick, you're not adopted.

Now, please leave.

I've just started a new health regimen.

And... bite

and chew and chew and chew

and bite and chew and chew.

New apple.

Goddamn Dodo.

Of course I forged that
birth certificate.

But don't worry,

I'll find a way to get Frederick
into the White House.

And now,

the moment you have all
been waiting for:

the Women's Lady-Archery Finals.

Get off the field!

[men jeering]

Unfortunately, all of
the other competitors

have dropped out, other
than Lillian Bellacourt.

- Which means...
- I win.

I win the gold!

The event is cancelled.

Of course, you can't have a
competition without competitors, so.

Well, that's not fair.
I've already had my neck girded

to support the weight
of the heavy gold medal.

If life were fair, Lillian,
then lemons would be sweet

and my wife would be her brother, Gary.

You shall not play archery today.

[pouts]

[rousing dramatic music]

Ladies, are you going to let
these sniveling half-men

intimidate you into giving up the chance

to lose a competition to me?

Who's with me?

Wait!

I will compete.

[gasps]

May the woman with
the most functioning senses win.

[dramatic hip-hop music]

Beatrice, there are you.

I have wonderful news.

I spoke with Mother, and she is positive

that we both came out of her.

We are brother and sister.

- Oh, Frederick!
- [delighted laugh]

Both: Mmm.

[gentle romantic music]

[music halts]

- Wait.
- Mm?

- Wait.
- What?

I just remembered
where we lost our love.

- It was here, in this room.
- Ah.

When you blamed me for our relationship

and sent me to live in a nunnery.

How does that have
anything to do with this?

Well, you were mean to me.

And for reasons I don't understand,

that makes me not want to
have sex with you anymore.

I just don't understand how my behavior

and your desire to have sex
with me are at all related.

I don't know either.

But it's over, Frederick.

No. It can't be over.

No, Beatrice, wait... don't leave me.

Where are you going?

I'm going to watch women's archery.

[laughs]

Women's archery?

Don't laugh. It's not funny!

It's pretty funny.

No, no! Beatrice, please don't leave me.

Adolf, I just gotta say,

I can't get it out of my mind.

Why wouldn't you kill somebody

if you knew that you
could get away with it hum?

Yes, even I, who have taken
an oath to preserve life,

other than those lives that I've taken

through medical malpractice, would

love to kill a man from time to time.

Destroying life is destroying art.

Und I am an artist.

You're an artist?

Keeping secrets, Hitler. We love art.

- We love art... show us some.
- Show us.

You want to see my art?

- Yes!
- Yes, of course.

We'd love to.

Hitler, please.

Oh.

It is a boy who is eating the
jelly, butter, and peanut sandwich.

Well, Hitler,

I must say, this art...

Stinks!

[both laugh]

Oh, it does. You are a bad artist.

Were you using shit for ink?

Because pee-yew.

Mother says I show great promise.

Oh, Mother is an idiot.

Your mother should only
make one great promise.

And that's to keep you
away from the art supplies.

[both laughing]

I hate you!

I'm sorry,

did you just say, "I hate Jew"?

No. I said I hate you.

You are terrible people!

Just terrible!

Now I know who I'd kill

if I went back in time.

Myself!

[solemn music]

Well, that was dramatic.

- [crowd startles]
- I got it.

And so, Helen Keller's final arrow,

like the previous two, has failed

to make not only the target,

but that end of the field completely.

I think this is perhaps because

she is not a trained archer

and, of course, she is as blind

as a Louisiana bluesman.

Which means all

that Lillian Bellacourt must do now is

simply hit the target at all to win.

[rousing orchestral music]

- Stand down!
- [crowd gasps]

[epic dramatic music]

Not today, Victor.

It is verboten!

Which is German for
"don't [bleep] do it!"

Well, I don't speak German
because I'm a woman

and no one ever bothered
to send me to school.

Now, get out of the way.

I won't get out of the way

for you or any other woman.

For you have made men the target.

Do it, Lillian! End him!

Get out of the way!

You'll have to kill me first.

[epic dramatic music]

Well, this isn't a hard decision at all.

[arrow thwacks]

?

[slow-motion groan]

- [applause]
- I won!

I won! Where's my gold?

[giggles] Where's my gold?

Oh, no. No, no, no.

No, you see, you haven't
actually won anything yet.

There's no gold?

Well, no, no, but you have won

the chance to compete
in the actual Olympics,

which are, of course, in the far future.

This isn't the Olympics?

[soft laugh] We're in Newport.

These were the trials.

But you have won the chance

to represent women everywhere.

But I don't care about women anywhere.

Sorry, girls.

Next stop,

a no-expenses-paid trip

to St. Louis, Missouri.

That's right, opal of the Mississippi.

Which happens to have
three two-star hotels,

one of which is a riverboat.

- Hm?
- St. Louis?

Think of the catfish.

- I could get scalped!
- Mm-hmm.

I wouldn't be caught dead
in a rail-over state.

Hm.

I supposed Helen Keller wins.

- [applause]
- Tell her she won.

[uplifting music]

?

[crying]

?

[arrow thwacks]

[whoosh]

[arrow thuds]
[crowd gasps]

[crowd groaning]

_

[all groaning]

Oh. I'm sorry.

I don't think we left it here either.

Blanche, finish me off!

Oh, [bleep], [bleep]!

[moans intensely] [exhales]

Thank you.

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