All language subtitles for Y tu mama tambien [And Your Mother Too].2001.BRRip.XviD.AC3-VLiS.eng

Promise that you're not going to fuck
any Italians, babe.

Why are you saying that?

- Or some gringo backpacker?
- No, it's disgusting!

Maybe a French homo?

No!

How about a dirty Mexican
selling bracelets in the French Riviera?

Tenoch!

- With nobody.
- Of course not.

- Promise me.
- I promise.

- What?
- Come on, you know!

Know what?

I promise...

that I won't even sleep...

with a Chinese.

- I'm not joking!
- Don't you trust me, Tenoch?

- Yes.
- So what?

- Well, promise.
- And you?

I promise, too.

Let's hear it.

- But we'll do it together.
- Together.

One... two... three.

I promise that I...

won't fuck...

- any Brazilian.
- Any German.

- Argentinean.
- Polish.

- Venezuelans.
- Irish.

- Or from Guasave.
- Your father.

Are you mad?

Ana's mother, a divorced
French woman, a teacher...

at the Foreigners Institute...

didn't object about Tenoch
sleeping with her daughter.

It was different for Julio.

He could stay with Cecilia
only until dinner...

and had to come back in the morning
for the trip to the airport.

Although he didn't show it, Cecilia's father,
a paediatrician specialising in allergies...

thought his daughter's relationship
with Julio had gone too far.

Her mother, a Lacanian psychologist,
saw it differently.

She believed their relationship
was innocent.

- She can't find her passport!
- Then she's going to miss the plane!

Julio!
Help me look for the passport!

- Quick, we're in a hurry!
- Yes, yes.

Did you take the car out?

- Shut the door!
- And the passport?

It's here, stupid.

Come on, babe!

Hurry.

- What a nice goodbye.
- Oh, yeah!

What are you going out tonight?

No, I'll be missing you too much, babe.

I know I'm going to miss you an awful lot.

- Come on!
- Cecilia!

- Your mother!
- Come, come!

I want to take a bit of you inside me.

The plane won't wait for you, darling!

Move! Move!

Did you find your passport?

- Here it is!
- Good.

Hello! How are you?

- Have you seen Esteban?
- No, I haven't.

Ana, let's do the check-in!

What's up, charolastra?

- I hate this farewell bullshit?
- Why don't they just go.

I'm going to miss her,
but this is too much. Bye bye.

- Hi, guys.
- Hey, how's it going?

Why are you so pale?

Never mind.

- Princess.
- Hi, dad! How are you?

Ana's father was a journalist
who had recently become a politician.

He was the Director of Logistics at the
Department of Culture in Mexico City.

Although he had a liking for Tenoch,
he referred to him as the "Preppie"

in front of his colleagues,
but never in front of Ana.

- Let's go.
- I wish I was already there.

- Don't go.
- I'll miss you so much.

- I don't want to leave, sweetie.
- Ana!

Smell of bread.

You pig!
Get the hell off!

A graduation gift.

You should have failed!

Stop it.
Don't be a baby.

- Did your old man get pissed off?
- He lost it.

If I don't take Economics,
I can forget the car.

You'd give up our car...

- because of a fucking course?
- I hate economists!

They can all go and fuck themselves.

- You're an idiot.
- No way.

I want to be a writer.
Switch to Literature with me, man.

No way.

Fucking traffic! I bet my sister's
in another demonstration.

It's their right, charolastra.

And it's my right to tell them
to fuck off.

I suppose so.

- But left-wing chicks are hot, mate.
- Totally.

Are you wearing perfume?

Holy shit!
You fucking pig!

Open it!

- Open it!
- It's locked.

Open it, arsehole!

On that day, three demonstrations
took place across the city.

But the traffic jam was caused
by a pedestrian.

Marcelino Escutia,
a bricklayer from Michoacan.

Marcelino was hit by a speeding bus.

He never used the pedestrian bridge...

because its poor location forced him to walk
three extra miles to his work site.

His unidentified body
was collected by the Red Cross...

and taken to the city morgue.

It took four days for the corpse
to be claimed.

Tenoch Iturbide was the second
of three children...

born to a Harvard trained economist,
Secretary of State...

and a housewife who attended
various spiritual seminars.

His parents considered
naming him Hernán...

but he was born the year his father
joined the ruling party...

and affected by a sudden nationalism...

he opted to give his son
an Aztec name: Tenoch.

Once we're stoned, we'll drop a little E.

I've brought some stuff from
San Francisco. Good stuff!

Really?

Total organic shit!

If Miriam comes,
I'll slip it into her sweet little thing...

- What a babe!
- Yeah!

At the party she was walking around
rubbing her arse against me.

Truth is, she's a bit of a slut.

The one I want to screw is Shorty's chick.

She's got these little tits...

She's a stunner.

Not here, arsehole.
Let's go to the terrace!

- The smell is the same.
- It stinks, mate!

- Nice, isn't it?
- Don't be an arsehole.

- Dry.
- Of course.

Monkey stuff.

A strong joint.

Tenoch!

My mother.

- Hello, madam. How are you?
- Hi, Julio.

- Hi, mum.
- Hello, sweetheart.

What's going on?
You seem strange.

Are you sad?
Must be your girlfriends.

Come on, boys.
They're not really gone.

Think of them, and you'll be with them.

- Are you coming to Jessica's wedding?
- Of course! I wouldn't miss it.

You have to dress up, all right?
The President is coming.

Get rid of that cigarette, Tenoch.

Good evening, madam.
Your garden totally rules.

- I didn't know you were here, Saba.
- I'm everywhere.

At the party, Julio and Tenoch
used alcohol and marijuana...

and ecstasy from San Francisco.

Their dating strategies failed.

They worried this failure would be
the blueprint for the rest of the summer.

At 4am Julio threw in the street.

Around 5am, Tenoch smashed
his headlight on the way home.

The same night Saba had his first
group sex experience.

A week went by...

and for Julio and Tenoch,
boredom became routine.

Tenoch's father served on the board
of a country club...

so his son had access to the facilities
on Mondays, when the club was closed.

One, two, three.

You were smoking earlier,
that's why you run out of breath.

Like you're the pro.

You beat me by less than two metres.

Two? I'd say ten!

- Maybe four.
- Let's call it eight.

You're full of shit.

I may be full of shit...

but you've got a really ugly cock.

It looks like a hooded monk...

- So blow it up, arsehole!
- Back off, homo!

Six, seven...

eight, nine, ten, eleven.

Shit, more bodyguards than guests!

Three for the Comonforts,
three for the Guerreros.

Don't point.

My dad's boss brought two,
like that government guy.

- And a shit load for the President.
- Don't forget Herminio.

- No, he's my driver.
- But he's got a gun.

Smart move, sir.
Tenoch is drunk.

Come on, dad.
I already said hello to the President.

The Gonzalez kids are looking for you.

Be nice to them, please!

They've always been so nice with you.

All right, dad.

Do you remember that fat girl?

How are you?
It's been ages!

You see?

What are you doing?

What a bunch of arseholes, right?

- As you say, sir.
- Hey, man.

A rum and coke, light on the coke.

Do you remember your cousin, Tenoch?
He wants to be a writer, too.

I'll let you two catch up. Cheers!

- Cheers.
- Cheers, aunt. Thanks.

- That poor dog.
- Yes.

Last time we met, you were crying...

over the loss of a Ninja Turtle.

- It was a ThunderCat.
- Whatever.

So you want to tell stories
about rich brats?

No, stories about arseholes like you.

It's one thing to write cute stories.
Creating literature is another.

- So when are you starting?
- Did you read my book?

- I've read the reviews.
- Critics are all arseholes!

Alejandro Montes de Oca, "Jano",
was the nephew of Tenoch's mother.

His father died when he was three,
leaving him to his mother's care.

He escaped her excessive attention
by going abroad for a masters.

He was now back after ten years.

Think about it.
Do you really want to be a writer?

Anybody can spell...

but it takes a lifetime to be a writer.

This is my cousin, the writer.

It's not only about discipline and technique.

You have to create your own style.
You need life experience...

What do you really know about life?

Yes, Tenoch, what experience do you have?

Little bastards!

Sorry, I'm sorry.

Are you all right?

Thank you all for joining us...

in this humble celebration.

And especially...

the President of our country
and his lovely wife...

who took time from his busy schedule...

to share this special moment
for Jessica and Francisco Javier...

in spite of their duties.

Your presence is a testimony
of your enormous modesty.

In the presence of such illustrious guests...

I would like to wish the bride and the groom
every happiness.

She's gorgeous.

Hello.

- Pleased to meet you.
- Hi.

- Hello.
- Hi.

- Aren't you bored of this all?
- No.

- Not even a little bit?
- Excuse me.

- Well, a little bit.
- Yes?

- Where are you from?
- From Madrid, Spain.

- And what brings you here?
- My husband is in the family.

- On which side?
- On the bride's side.

Did you see what they've done to me?

Yes, you, little prick.

Luisa Cortés lost her parents
in a car accident when she was ten.

She was brought up by her great-aunt,
a Franquista spinster who became sick...

and Luisa had to take care of her
for the last five years of her life.

Luisa lived with her until she was 20,
when she married Jano.

Four months later, her aunt died.
She had been her last living relative.

- What happened?
- Those two arseholes.

You can't meet the President like this.

Let's do it another time.

- No, let's go.
- With a bit of salt...

- Salt.
- Let's look for another suit.

- Jano, don't do this to me.
- Careful.

Keep an eye out for my mother.

Hey, is he your husband?

- Yes, why?
- He's my cousin.

His cousin.

- What's your name?
- Me? Tenoch.

- Tenoch?
- Yes.

You're little Tenoch?

I met you years ago,
before getting married.

You were crying because you lost
your ThunderCat.

You have a good memory!

- Do you smoke?
- Thanks.

- You're a man now.
- Thanks.

So, how long have you been here?

About a month.

Jano's teaching at the University.
He's starting in September.

Are you going on holiday?

He's going to Villahermosa
with other scholars.

But I'm staying to fix up the house
and to look for a job.

But if we find the time,
I'd love to go to the beach. And you?

- We're going to the beach.
- To Puerto Escondido, right?

- Jano told me it was beautiful.
- No, that place is rubbish.

Isn't it beautiful?

Only a bunch of yuppie backpackers
and lousy surfers...

We go to a place only the fishermen know.

What's it called?

- Mouth... What's it called?
- Heaven's Mouth.

Heaven's Mouth, sure.

- It's wonderful!
- A paradise!

It's a slice of heaven right here on Earth.

Tropical.

A slice of heaven on earth.

A paradise on earth,
with roots...

- You could come with us.
- Yeah, come with us!

Me?

- Would you take me with you?
- Sure.

- Of course.
- Is there a place to sleep?

Yes, on a bed of sand,
warm and smooth...

- under a starry sky.
- In luxury.

We can drink coconuts
and bring some forties.

- Forties?
- Big bottles of beer.

Jano will love the idea.

The Mariachis.

The president left one hour later.

He had an urgent meeting
with the leaders of his ruling party...

to appoint the candidates
for the upcoming national elections.

The next morning, at 10am...

he would express his outrage
about the Cerro Verde massacre...

and deny that the State Governor was
involved with the tragedy.

After offering condolences
to the relatives of the victims...

he flew to Seattle for a world
summit on globalisation.

The days passed, and while Jano
was away at a symposium...

Luisa went to the doctor to get the results
of some tests.

In the waiting room,
she did a magazine quiz titled...

"Are You A Satisfied Woman?"

In the first question,
Luisa picked answer B:

"I prefer to be awake
rather than sleeping and dreaming."

In question four, C:

"I value time more highly
than money or power."

In question seven, A:

"I think more about the present
than the past or the future."

She scored 16 points.

The magazine defined her as a woman
who is afraid to accept her freedom.

Luisa didn't agree.

Think about Conchita's tits.
Those stiff and hard nipples.

Nice!

And Mayela's pussy?

All wet and hairy.

- And your girlfriend's mother?
- Shut up.

That Arts teacher?

- Yes, Miss Georgina.
- She never wore knickers.

- Salma Hayek!
- Yeah, Salmita!

- Hey, your cousin.
- What cousin?

The...

The Spanish one!

Yes?

Hello?

- My love.
- Jano.

Are you fine?

It's just that...

I'm drunk, Luisa.

Then go to sleep.
We'll talk tomorrow.

I'll be back in two days.

- I love you so much.
- I love you too.

I'm an idiot.
I swear. I'm a piece of shit.

Go to sleep, you're drunk.

I'm an arsehole.
A piece of shit.

Calm down.
What's wrong?

- Are you all right?
- It's just that...

It's just that...

I've slept with another woman.

I'm telling you, I'm a piece of shit.

Luisa?

Why are you telling me this?

I love you so much!

Why are you telling me this?

Here is your sandwich, darling.

- With your favourite cheese.
- Thanks.

Hello?

One moment, please.

It's for you, Tenoch.

- Who is it?
- It's Luisa.

The Spanish.

Oh, hello! How are you?

I'm glad I've found you.
You said you were leaving today.

- To go where?
- To Heaven's Mouth, right?

Yes, we're leaving today.

- Are you ready yet?
- Well, we're sorting things out.

- Listen, a question...
- What?

Is your invitation still valid?

Hello?

- Well...
- I guess it isn't.

- It's OK, never mind.
- Wait. Yes, yes.

- Never mind, I don't want to bother you.
- No, it's fine.

Just tell us where to pick you up.

I live at 52, Calle Machu Picchu.
Third floor, intern D, like delta.

- Hello?
- Still sleeping, you lazy fuck?

I was up all night watching videos.

- Hurry up, we're going to the beach.
- What?

To Heaven's Mouth.

- But it doesn't exist.
- I know, but Luisa wants to go there.

- What Luisa?
- The Spaniard.

- Are you joking? Really?
- Really. We need your car.

Absolutely not. It won't make it,
the radiator's fucked...

Plus it's my sister's turn to use it.
Let's take yours.

My dad took it away because of
the smashed headlight...

- and for not taking Economics.
- What an arsehole.

Julio Zapata lived
with his mother and his sister.

He hadn't seen his father
since he was five.

His mother had always been
a secretary in a corporation.

His sister Manuela, known as "Boinas"...

studied Political Science at the
National University of Mexico.

After a long negotiation, Julio managed
to borrow the car for five days.

In exchange, she would get it
for the following three weeks...

so that she could drive to Chiapas
with her friends

to deliver clothing, and medicine and food.

- Beer!
- Beer, beer, beer.

Here's the beer.

One, two...

For three!

Condoms!

- Where's your size?
- It's the men's sector.

Beware, mate.

After Puebla, just take the back roads...

- The landscape is awesome.
- Got it.

Then follow this road.

That's not a road, you fool, it's a river!

- You're going towards Veracruz!
- A river...

- Which way do we go, man?
- Towards Oaxaca.

Then you go this way...

but watch out for roadblocks.

Hide your stuff where they can't find it
and drive like a saint...

- Saba, we're in a hurry.
- Yes, be quick.

Then you get to this small village...

you drive by this massive Coke bottle
and there's this cow, remember I told you?

- Saba, and then what?
- Yeah, then?

What?

- The beach, ugly fool!
- Yeah, the beach.

Turn right on a dirt road
and you're on the beach.

That's all.

Yes?

I'll be right down.

Give it to me, I'll help you.

Be quiet, it's my car.

- What do you do for a living.
- What do you think?

- You're a sociologist.
- Cold.

- Philosopher?
- No, cold.

- Psychologist.
- Really?

- A Victoria's Secret model?
- Freezing!

We give up.

I'm a certified dental technician.

- What's that?
- She dries your drooling, at the dentist.

- Really?
- Yes.

- Why such a choice?
- I didn't choose it.

When I played with my dolls...

I didn't pretend to suck out their drool.

- Why then?
- I was 16, my aunt fell sick...

and I had to find a job fast.

In four months I had a degree.

But what did you really want to do?

I never did very well at school...

all I wanted to do...

was travel.

Travel...

- Yeah, I love taking trips.
- Yeah, on acid.

- You've never been on a plane!
- Yes, I have!

- Three times, big deal.
- So what?

You really thought I was a philosopher?

- You look like a thinker.
- And you're married to Jano.

Luisa often went to dinners with Jano
and his artist and intellectual friends.

She was never comfortable.

There was always someone,
whether with good intentions or not...

who would press Luisa for an opinion
during their debates.

Humbly, she used to answer...

"I don't know anything about these things."

She often thought about challenging
the guests...

to see if anyone could name every tooth
in the right order.

She never dared.

Hey charolastra, pass me the crisps.

What's charo...

- Charolastra?
- Yes. What's it?

"Charo" is kind of a Mexican cowboy,
so it's something like "astral cowboy".

- Cool, isn't it?
- Very.

Actually, Daniel didn't understand
the lyrics to this English song.

Char-olas-tra, char-o-lo...

Charolastra, charolo

According to Saba... it refers to the dead
weight we are for your father.

- So Daniel and Saba are "charolastras"?
- Yes.

But Saba has been taken
by the investigation of...

the altered states
of his expanded conscience.

- In a mystical phase?
- No, dope.

- He's out of his mind.
- We see Daniel less and less.

- He's drifting away.
- Is that why you don't see him?

No, it's not that. He's just into other things.

But he's still in the club.

Pecas is just a honorary member...

because she has terrible boyfriends.

- She didn't sign our manifesto.
- Manifesto?

What does it say?

- No way.
- It's secret.

- I won't tell anyone.
- We'd be forced to kill you.

One: There's no greater honour
than being a Charolastra.

Two: Do whatever you feel like.

Three: Pop beats poetry.

- Four: Get high at least once a day.
- Saba's idea.

Five: You shall not screw a fellow
charolastra's girlfriend.

Six: Team America's supporters
are queers.

Seven: Forget morals and rules!

Eight: Never marry a virgin.

- Nine: Club America's supporters...
- You've already said that.

It's worth repeating.
They are queers.

Crappy team.

Ten: Truth is cool but unattainable.

The truth is totally amazing,
but you can never reach it.

Eleven: The arsehole who breaks
any of the previous rules...

Loses his title of charolastra.

You should give your Manifesto
to the government. It would be a success.

Nah, politicians are arseholes.
But it's cool, isn't it?

Don't the charolastras eat?

Julio and Tenoch told her
many other stories.

Each story reinforced their bond...

creating an inseparable entity.

The stories, although adorned by
personal mythology, were true.

But as truth is always partial,
some facts were omitted.

It was never mentioned how Julio
lit matches to hide the smell...

in Tenoch's house...

Or that Tenoch used his foot
to lift the toilet seat at Julio's house.

Those were details that one didn't need
to know about the other.

- Do you have girlfriends?
- Yes, Ceci.

- Ana Bananas.
- Bananas?

And where are they now?

Travelling around Europe, on holiday.
They're cool.

- Where in Europe?
- Around Italy.

They're lucky.

- They say it's wonderful.
- Yes, but that's not why.

- Why?
- Why do girls go to Italy?

- For the clothes?
- On holiday?

The men! Italian guys are sexy!

What are you saying?
You don't know them.

- Right.
- Ceci would never cheat on me.

- She wanted to tattoo my name on her tit.
- Yes.

- But her mother didn't want her to.
- I popped Ana's cherry.

- She only does it with me.
- Exactly.

I'm pleased.

Your girlfriends are lucky
to have boyfriends like you.

- And are you charolastras faithful?
- Of course.

Good. As it should be.

Have you ever cheated on Jano?

Me? Cheating on Jano?
No, I'd never do that.

- I'm so hungry...
- Here comes the lady.

Has he ever cheated on you?

Jano has always needed reaffirmation.

Really?

- Has he cheated on you?
- Go and get some beers.

- One for me too.
- Where did you meet him?

- In a bar in Madrid.
- Really?

I bet he was drunk.

No, he was sober.
I was the one who was wasted.

I was there with friends.

- Really?
- Yes.

- And?
- And then?

I saw this sharp guy, full of attitude.

He comes to me and goes:

- "You're gorgeous!"
- What did you see in him?

Really, what did you see?

Well, I don't know.
Jano and I share a lot of things.

Like?

Well...

He has no father and I'm an orphan.

His mother was annoying...

like the aunt I used to live with.

Those five years
I took care of her were terrible.

Poor thing.

Jano was the only one there for me.

- Shall we toast?
- Sure!

To relaxing.

- So what will you have?
- I don't know...

Thanks. Good night.

Good night.

- Shit!
- The little one's for you!

- Spliff?
- Coming right up.

- Hey.
- What's up?

Do you think Ana and Ceci
are fucking any Italians?

- No way!
- There's piss all over.

- No, right?
- Absolutely not.

And Italians are queers.

Sure.

Do you think your cousin
wants to have sex?

- Looks like Jano cheats on her.
- Serious stuff, eh?

Maybe we can heal her pain
and make her happy.

I'll show you.
Come on.

Hi, guys.

I'm coming.

- What's up?
- Still in bed?

Let's go.
We'll never make it to the beach.

- Come on, you lazy shit!
- Julio, let's go.

Now?

- Nice. Early bird special.
- This way.

- Can you drive like that?
- Yes.

You won't even feel the curves.

We fly like the Concorde.

It's high-grade dog shit.

- Very nice dog shit.
- Sure.

Good.

- Do you smoke a lot?
- Now and then. You?

- Not usually.
- Want a beer?

Tenoch realised he had never visited
Tepelmeme...

the birthplace of Leodegaria Victoria,
his nanny...

who emigrated to Mexico City
when she was 13.

She found work with Tenoch's family
and had cared for him since he was born.

He called her "mummy"
until he was four years old.

Tenoch did not share this
with the others.

- Give me a little more.
- There's something for everyone.

I saw you last night.

- What?
- What?

- You know what I'm talking about.
- No, what?

You think it's cool to spy on women
in their hotel rooms?

It was his idea.

Ah, yes?

And you followed him.

- Did you want to see me naked?
- No.

- See me naked and have a wank.
- Come on.

Tell me one thing...

Did you make love
with many other women?

- A few.
- Bullshit.

- What.
- He's only fucked his girlfriend.

- You're wrong, arsehole!
- Who else then?

- Flavia.
- That's bullshit!

The idiot came while
he was putting the condom on.

- You told me.
- What?

A donation for the Queen?

And you, Tenoch?

- What?
- Have you made love with others...

Thank you.

...apart from your girlfriend?
- Two or three.

- Yes, two or three hookers.
- Hookers?

- Whores.
- Really? Do you go with whores?

The little queen is gorgeous.

- I don't go with whores.
- You do.

- You're a whore-chaser.
- No way.

- Goodbye!
- Goodbye!

Wonderful!

Did you fuck many guys before Jano?

I started late and met Jano soon.

- Were you a virgin?
- A virgin? No.

There was a guy before.

And he gave it to you. Wham, bam!
Tell us the truth.

Actually, yes.

He took me to the factory where his uncle
worked as a security guard.

I was so scared, I barely knew him.

I thought he wanted to kiss me.
Instead...

he popped my cherry.

- The bastard.
- It hurt so badly...

I thought I'd never do it again.

But we did it every time we saw each other.

I thought he just wanted to have sex...

but he also wanted to talk.

- He fell in love with me.
- Who wouldn't?

He'd pick me up from school on his bike,
in a leather jacket.

It was amazing. I was fascinated by him.

I always bunked off any time I could.

Bunking off,
like doing blow jobs and stuff?

Yes, that, too.

No, bunking off means
skipping school lessons.

I used to skip lessons
to spend more time with him...

We'd go to the park,
or take a ride on his bike.

We were even about to go
to the French Riviera.

Me too.

A friend found him a job there as a waiter.

We had everything packed and ready.

He had a ponytail and a broken tooth.

And an earring on the right.

I was so in love with him, I swear.

Deeply in love.

- Then Jano came along, right?
- No.

- So what?
- He died in a bike accident.

Shit.

He was 17.

If they had passed this spot
10 years earlier...

they would have seen a couple of cages
in the middle of the road...

and then driven through a cloud
of white feathers.

Shortly after, more crushed cages, filled
with bleeding chickens flapping their wings.

Later on, an overturned truck,
surrounded with smoke.

Then they'd have seen
two bodies on the road...

one smaller than the other,
barely covered by a jacket.

And next to them,
a woman crying inconsolably.

Give me a cigarette.

- No, it's a nice song.
- The battery is down.

Turn on the radio.

Shit.

- Hide all the stuff.
- Don't worry.

- Keep calm.
- Don't look at them.

Look, they got arrested.

Don't look at them.

What's going on?

Wow, look what just woke up!

That woke up both of you.

Must be the heat.

- Got a hard-on?
- And how!

- That little thing?
- Small?

My Teodoro is only 5 millimetres shorter
than your Rasputin.

Bullshit.

- Did you measure them?
- Yes.

- His is really ugly.
- How ugly?

- He has a hood.
- Come on.

- Yummy!
- What?

- See?
- It's rubbish, it's disgusting.

How do you make love with them?

- Sweetly, passionately.
- Yeah, with jiribilla.

With what?

With tenderness.

- What do you do to them?
- First, some foreplay to heat up the oven.

Kisses on her tits
and nibbling on her nipples.

And then?

- Then I stick it all in.
- With jiribilla.

And then?

I screw her till she begs for mercy.

- That's it?
- What do you mean?

Ceci twists and moans,
like an oyster with lime.

- Ana cries.
- Oh, poor darling.

- No, she cries with pleasure.
- I can imagine.

- In the missionary position?
- Missionary, doggy-style, everything.

Ana likes to be on top,
sitting down, too...

And a good 69, as well.
All the Kamasutra.

- All of it?
- I do everything.

And what about that thing
when you put a finger in...

- in the arse?
- In the arse? Oh, fuck!

Go get some water!
Some water!

- I told you.
- Towards San Rafael.

- And how much does it take?
- It'll be ready tomorrow.

No, but thanks anyway.

- Nice sombrero.
- Yes, really nice.

You can keep it.

- Really?
- Yes.

- Is it a gift?
- Yes.

- Really?
- Yes.

Thanks.

It looks good on me.

Here's the coconut.

- Thanks.
- Sorry.

That's my name.

Beautiful name, Luisita.

Hi, Jano. I know you're not back yet, but...

I'm calling because I didn't leave
any messages, not to make you worry.

I wanted to disappear from your life,
no warning - gone.

Now I realise that's wrong.

This is my message,
but actually, I don't know what to say.

I met a woman named Doña Martina.

She's 98 and she remembers everything
since when she was 5.

Imagine all she has lived...

and everything you would never
get a chance to live.

Your mother sent the mousse you like,
it's in the fridge.

Don't forget to pay the phone bill,
it's on your desk.

Pick up your shirts from the laundry.

Don't go there anymore,
they ruin your clothes.

Well, take care.

See you.

Pass me the shampoo.

Shampoo!

Please.

- Oh, I'm sorry.
- No, you can come in.

- Are you all right?
- Yes.

It must be the heat, and the long drive.

Could we borrow some shampoo?

Did you bring it?

Take the towel off.

What?

Take it off.

- The towel?
- Yes, the towel.

Take it off, Tenoch.

Don't cover yourself.

- You're easily turned on, eh?
- Yeah, right?

- You lied, it curves to the left.
- What?

You said it curved to the right,
but it curves left.

- Oh, yeah.
- I imagined it that way, you know.

Why don't you stroke it?

Stroke it? Here?

- Stroke it. Touch yourself.
- No.

Do you want me to help you?

Do you want me to show you my tits?

I'll show them if you touch yourself.

Come here, Tenoch.

Closer.

I'm wet. Want to feel it?

- Yes.
- Touch me.

Touch me.

Lick me, Tenoch, lick me.

- But take my knickers off.
- Sure, sure.

No, come up here.

Mamacita!

- I'm sorry.
- It's fine, it doesn't matter.

Relax.

Julio didn't know what he felt.
He only knew it wasn't anger.

The only time he had felt this pain
in his stomach was when he was 8...

when he woke up thirsty one night...

and on his way to the kitchen
found his mother in his godfather's arms.

Julio had retired in silence...

and never told anyone about it.

How are you, pal?

I'm here.

What about a little challenge?

- No, it's all full of leaves.
- No problem.

OK.

You've let me beat you.

You had no reason.

I fucked Ana.

What?

You heard me. I fucked your girlfriend.

Tenoch had only felt this pain
in his stomach when he was 11...

when he saw a photo of his father
on an article that linked him to a scandal...

involving the sale of
contaminated food to the poor.

Tenoch and his parents moved to
Vancouver for eight months.

Tenoch never asked the reason.

Luisa didn't know about Julio's confession.

During dinner, though,
she felt the tension between the two friends.

She assumed that her transgression
had disrupted a natural balance...

that only she could restore.

- Good night.
- Good night.

Good night, Tenoch.

What's up?

- You're not sleeping with Luisa?
- Fuck off.

How many times did you fuck her?

Just once. We were really wasted.

- When?
- Stop it.

- No, tell me. When?
- I don't know.

You don't know, arsehole?

When you went to Lake Tahoe.

- And where was Cecilia?
- She was sick.

Was it at her place?

- No.
- Where then?

- At a party.
- What party, arsehole?

I don't know, mate.
I think at Fruit Loop's place.

When Saba popped her cherry?

- I think so.
- Why are you laughing, fucker?

- Saba.
- Don't laugh!

- Who started it?
- Both. We were so fucking drunk.

And where did you do it?

In the sister's room.

How was Ana dressed?

- Shit! I can't remember.
- Was she wearing trousers or a skirt?

What knickers was she wearing?

- What knickers? You've heard me!
- White, I suppose.

- Did she take it in her mouth?
- No!

Look at me, idiot. Did she suck it?

- Did you lick her?
- No, of course not.

- Did she come?
- How do I know? It was very quick.

- Did she enjoy it?
- How could I know?

- And you, arsehole, did you enjoy it?
- No, no.

I felt like shit, I swear.

I wanted to tell you...

Go to hell, fucker!

You fucked our friendship!
You fucked my trust!

You fucked my girl, arsehole!
You fucked me!

I'm the biggest loser,
bringing you comics from Lake Tahoe.

And a dress for Ana, that slut!

That's fucked up.

Fuck off.

Tenoch, I'm sorry, man.

I didn't mean it.

Didn't mean it?

You don't fuck a girl by accident!

You don't fuck her!

- You don't fuck her!
- No.

He went on all night long.

Tenoch engaged himself
in an endless quest for details.

He wanted to make a puzzle with pieces
that wouldn't always match.

While Julio moulded these details trying
to create a less painful truth.

Lady Martina gave Luisa the stuffed mouse
with her name on it as a present.

It had belonged to her great-granddaughter,
Luisa Obregón...

who died of a heatstroke
while crossing the desert of Arizona...

Iooking for a better future.

Luisa believed that
the dead kept being present.

She wondered how long she would live on
in other people's memories.

But she didn't want to fill her mind
with thoughts of death.

The heat has hit you, too?

A crazy heat.

Hey, where are you going?

- Stay here.
- I want to see Rasputin.

Listen, I don't like the idea.

You came into my room, Tenoch,
but it might have been Julio just as well.

Bullshit.

If you think I'm the driver, fuck yourselves.

Go fuck off!

Calm down!

Fucking pigs!

Me, me, me, me.

- The shoes.
- The what?

Shoes.

OK, pull them off.
Now...

...this way, this way, this way.

Come here!

Give it to me.

Come, feel me.
Be calm. Quiet.

Look at me.

- Wait for me.
- Careful.

I'm sorry.

It's all right.

Luisa, I'm sorry.

It's just that...

Hey, don't be that way.

Wasn't this what you wanted?

It was your game, right?

To take me away and screw me?

Wasn't that it?

So what?

I'm stupid.

You know what I should've done?
Not slept with either of you.

That's what I should have done.

I didn't want to hurt anyone.

Do you believe me?

- Do you forgive me?
- Yes, yes.

Let's go.

Me too.

- You too, what?
- Julio.

Me too, arsehole.

- You too what?
- I fucked your girlfriend, Ceci.

It's not true.

- When?
- After the Plastilina Mosh gig.

Son of a bitch.

That's why you
brought me home first, right, arsehole?

- Where?
- My place.

- Your place?
- In my room.

- She had flowered knickers.
- You slept with his girlfriend?

- This arsehole also fucked mine!
- What happened to Three?

Three: Don't fuck the others' girlfriends.

That's Five!

Get out!

Get out of the car, fucker!
I'm going to rip you in half!

- Open!
- Hey, guys, stop it!

Fuck...

Classic white trash, fucking peasant.

This fucking peasant
is going to rip your head off!

- Blow me!
- Get out!

- Fuck off!
- Snob queer!

- To hell.
- Julio, listen...

Son of a bitch!

You can go fuck yourselves!

I'm such an idiot!

I thought you'd be different,
but you're just animals!

Your Manifesto is a bunch of bullshit!

Like idiots, breaking your own rules!

You mark your territory and quarrel
but you just want to screw each other!

That's what you want!

Who cares if you screw each other's
women, if you come immediately?

Play with babies
and you'll end up washing nappies!

See that, arsehole?

- Come on, get out, open!
- No.

- She's leaving.
- You've pushed her.

How could you fuck my Ceci?

That slut!

- So we're even, right?
- Even?

Even my arse!
Beg forgiveness like I did last night!

- Come on!
- I'm sorry.

- On your knees, son of a bitch!
- She's looking for a lift.

I know, arsehole! On your knees!

Move away.

- Move away if you want me to get out.
- Here you go.

I'm not going to touch you.

Sorry.

- On both your knees.
- I'm sorry.

Sorry for what?

I'm sorry I fucked your girlfriend Ceci, OK?

Come on, idiot, she's leaving.

- How many times did you fuck her?
- Just once, what do you think?

You're not my charolastra anymore!

- You don't mean anything to me anymore.
- You neither.

You're a piece of shit!

- Come on, Luisa, get in.
- No.

I'll take a bus to Puerto Escondido!
To hell with you and your Heaven's Mouth.

We want to go there with you.

So you can fight like dogs?
No, thanks.

- We won't fight.
- We promise.

I don't want to be on a deserted beach
with a pair of arseholes.

- We've been arseholes.
- We'll do as you say.

You'll be the boss.

- We're almost there!
- We're really close!

If I come, we do things my way.

One more fight and I'm gone for good.

Whatever you want.

Now we play by my rules.

I'll make my own Manifesto!

You totally lost it, Julio.

One: I won't fuck with any of you.
Fuck each other, if you wish.

Two: I sunbathe naked and I don't want you
sniffing around like dogs.

Three: I pick the music.

Four: The moment I ask,
please shut your mouths.

Five: You cook.

Six: No stories about your poor girlfriends.

Seven: If I ask, stay 10 yards from me.
Or better 100.

Eight: Obviously,
you do all the manual labour.

Nine: You may not speak of things
you don't agree on.

Even better, just keep your mouths shut!

And ten: You're not allowed
to contradict me.

Much less push me!

Julio and Tenoch
didn't know where they were...

or how to get to their destination.

Saba's directions were contradictory.

Fearing that Luisa would find out,
Julio turned right, onto a dirt road.

They thought Luisa was sleeping.

They didn't know that
her fear prevented her from doing so.

It had nothing to do with darkness
or with what was surrounding her.

Hey!

We got "ceviche"...

fried fish and beer!

Jesús Carranza,
known as "Chuy", and his wife Mabel...

were the fourth generation
of a family of fishermen.

They lived nearby in San Bernabé,
a nature preserve.

Chuy offered himself to escort them
to the beaches the next day.

He asked them 350 pesos,
including lunch.

- Can I drive?
- No.

- I know boats, man.
- Go ahead.

- Just don't go too fast.
- I know boats, man.

- There! Great swimming beach.
- What's it called?

- The Heaven's Mouth.
- Very beautiful.

Whoa...

Lucero, leave the lady alone!

It's OK, she's teaching me how to swim.

- Let me help you.
- It's OK, I got it.

Go and swim with your friend.
The water is warm.

Let's see you float like a corpse.

Whoa, she's really dead...

Oh, Lucero.

He's a cry-baby, he whines all night
and wakes up Mummy.

He only stops in my arms.

He just likes being with his sister.
So pretty, isn't she?

She looks a lot like you, Mabel.
Same eyes.

You should have children, ma'am.
You're good with them.

You're just the right age.

He fell asleep. What do I do?

Márquez passes it to Ramón.

Ramón passes, Zepeda rushes down
along the sideline...

and the stadium goes wild!

Claudio the emperor steals the ball.
You can trust him!

A trustworthy emperor!

Still waiting for the guest of honour,
the goal!

Shoot, damn it!

Here we are.

A pass to Cuauhtémoc...

who cuts to the middle towards the goal...

he shoots and...

what a save!

Saved by Campos!

That's why
he's a regular of the national team!

That's why!

What?

Don't you like Campos?

Do you ever wish you could live forever?

- Yes.
- It'd be beautiful.

Wouldn't it be great?

At the end of the year, Chuy and his family
will have to leave their home...

because a new luxury hotel
will rise in San Bernabé.

They will relocate to the outskirts
of Santa María Colotepec.

Chuy will attempt to give boat tours...

but a collective of Acapulco boatmen...

supported by the local Tourism Board,
will block him.

Two years later,
he'll end up as a janitor at the hotel.

He will never fish again.

- Holy shit.
- What?

What the hell?

- Speed up, Chuy!
- Shit.

Get away from here, you bastards!

Not that way, no!

- They're shitting inside!
- Get out, bastards!

- You're throwing shit on me!
- Out!

Let's go!

Quick, little shit!

The pigs rendered the campground
uninhabitable.

It was late, and Julio and Tenoch
decided to sleep in San Bernabé...

where Chuy offered them a room
with electricity and water for 75 pesos.

Luisa looked forward to a shower,
even with cold water.

They would return the next day
to strike the camp.

The 23 pigs had escaped
from a nearby ranch.

Over the next two months,
14 would be slaughtered.

Three of them would provoke
an outbreak of trichinosis...

among those who attended
a festival at the Chavarín Ranch.

Don't spin, arsehole!

I don't know, Jano,
tell your mother whatever you want.

Let me talk or I'll hang up.

OK, thanks.

I would have left anyway,
your confession just made it easier.

I'm grateful for that.

This is not a revenge.

I always knew about your affairs.
With Carmen in Escorial...

and the one in Barcelona.
I've always known.

I just hoped you would change, that's all.

My decision has nothing to do with that.

I can't explain now,
but soon you'll understand, OK?

Don't blame yourself
and don't blame me...

it's nobody's fault.

No, I don't hate you.
And please, don't hate me.

Listen, Jano, listen.

I'm calling to say that I love you,
and that you've been my life.

I don't expect a happy farewell,
but let it be affectionate, at least.

Jano, calm down, please.

Did you notice I hardly took any money?

No, I have more than I need.

I left my keys in the kitchen,
with the spare set.

Don't lose the terrace key,
there's just one copy.

I took your Ibiza T-shirts.

You know I like to sleep in them.

I just hope you learn to be happy.

I am now.

Take care, Jano.
I'll hang up now, OK? Bye.

Fuck you! Rematch!

I'm grateful to all the women
Jano has betrayed me with.

How did I notice?

Fucking with him. He tried things on me
that he learned from them.

- You notice these things.
- Like the finger in the arse, right?

- Yes.
- Come on, really?

But you must know how to do it.
With delicacy.

You can't just stick it in.

Jano was a master of finesse.

- To the master of finesse!
- To Jano!

Jano, wherever you are.

I'm glad I've met you.

Sometimes you're fuckheads,
but in the end...

you're pretty cool guys.

You're so lucky to live in Mexico.

Look, it breathes with life.
It's great!

- To the sweet Mexico!
- To Mexico!

Magic and musical.

- So, are you friends or not?
- No.

Come on, make peace.

- So I'm white trash, arsehole?
- Right that.

- Do you remember that big thing?
- Fuck, that's my car.

And I'm some fucking yuppie?

- OK, a preppie.
- But you love coming to my house!

Only to get a taste
of what your old man robs.

Isn't your dad an honest man?

Isn't he honest?

What arseholes!
Now you're friends again.

- To the charolastras!
- To the charolastras!

- Beer, anyone?
- Make sure they're cold.

Sure, sure.

- Luisa.
- What?

- I'm sorry for the push.
- Oh, Julio.

- Well, you should be!
- I know.

Give me a kiss.

You're forgiven.

- Hey, Luisa.
- Yes?

Tell us the truth:

Who fucks better,
between us? The truth.

- You make me laugh.
- Come on.

Despite the fiasco,
you each have your own charms.

But who made you feel better?

I'll mimic Tenoch coming:

"Mamacita! Mamacita!"

- I don't believe it!
- But Julio, you cross your eyes.

You both have to quit whacking off
and work up your resistance.

- I bet he came before me!
- Both of you, stop whacking off.

- And number Seven?
- Eliminate it.

Chuy, nothing like tooting
the old horn, eh?

- To spanking the monkey!
- Yes!

No, leave the monkeys alone.

By the way:

These boys don't know
how to go down on a girl.

- I didn't do it at all.
- You're surely as naive as he is.

You were slurping like this was a lollipop.

You have to be gentle. You have to
make the clitoris your best friend.

What kind of friend is always hiding?

Search and you shall find.
The greatest pleasure is giving pleasure.

- Absolutely. Hail the clit!
- Yes!

- To the clitoris.
- To the clitoris.

Listen, seriously...

Truth, I want the truth:

Did Ceci blow you?

The truth?

- She bites a little.
- She did blow you!

- Does Ana bite too?
- No, she is really good.

- You said she didn't blow you!
- Just the tip.

She missed the main course.

- Aren't blow jobs great, Chuy?
- Hey, Chuy!

- To blow jobs!
- Wait.

Since we're spilling our guts...

I fucked Ceci a few times.

No big deal. I poked Ana a bunch of times.

- Yuck, I've been stirring your vanilla!
- Me too.

So we're milk brothers!

He fucked my girl, but he comes in a blink!

To your girlfriends,
who are having 10 Italians at a time!

- To Luigi!
- To Francesco!

To Tiberio!

- Got any change?
- Who wants the little maggot here?

I'll take it.

Hey, Tenoch.

- And your mother, too, you know?
- What?

Honestly. The day she cleaned my aura.

Are you serious?

Absolutely!

- Cheers!
- You're mad.

Luisa! To all mothers!

Who sings "La Sandunga"?

- "La Sandunga"?
- Camilo Sesto!

Wait. Give me a number and a letter.

Thirteen.

- Ah... B.
- 13-B.

Past Heaven's Mouth,
you'll find Palicata Bay...

and the beaches of Chacrita
and Santa Rita.

- And Chacagua.
- "Chacagua." What wonderful names.

- What do they mean?
- I don't know.

- Good morning, sleepy head.
- Sleepy head.

Want some eggs?

- A shrimp soup?
- Please. And a beer.

The best antidote.

- I have to give the car back to my sister.
- Fine.

- Was it Chacue...
- Chacagua.

- Is there anything after Chacagua?
- There's Amaranto.

Golden Beach is there.
Huge, with many waves.

Many people drown there.
But at dusk is wonderful.

Golden Beach?

- Some more soup.
- No, thanks.

I better get going.
My folks will start to worry.

Julio also has to return the car to his sister.

I might stay a few days here with Mabel.

They'll show me some beaches.

- I'm hungry, Ma.
- Here, have some.

Go, go!

At 1pm, Julio and Tenoch
began their journey back home.

It was a very quiet, uneventful trip.

Their families never knew
about the trip to the beach with Luisa.

She stayed behind to begin
her exploration of the local coves.

The last thing she told
Tenoch and Julio was:

"Life is like the surf,
so give yourself away like the sea."

When they returned, Cecilia and Ana
broke up with Tenoch and Julio.

Two months later,
Tenoch started dating his neighbour.

Nine months later, Julio started dating a girl
from his French class.

Julio and Tenoch
stopped seeing each other.

The following summer, the ruling party
lost the presidential election...

for the first time in 71 years.

Julio ran into Tenoch
on the way to the dentist.

Going for a cup of coffee was easier
than making excuses to avoid it.

- Have you seen Saba?
- No, but I heard he's living in a hippie town.

Cool.

And Daniel?

Total queen at this point.

His dad kicked him out.

- That sucks.
- Nah, the fucker's happy.

Got a boyfriend and everything.

That's cool.

- I got accepted at the University.
- Cool. When do you start?

- In September.
- Economics?

Yep.

- And you?
- Biology at the UAM. Next week.

- What bad luck, eh?
- Yes. The UAM begins sooner.

Do you know about Luisa?

No.

What?

- She's dead.
- What the fuck are you saying?

- Anything else, guys?
- No, thanks.

- How?
- Cancer.

She had it everywhere.

It happened there in San Bernabé.
A month after we left.

Chuy called Jano. And that's it.

That's terrible.

She knew all along.

She didn't want to tell anyone.

Luisa spent her last four days
in the Hospital of Santa María Colotepec.

By her request...

Chuy and Mabel never mentioned
her adventure with Tenoch and Julio.

Before dying, she gave Lucero
the little stuffed mouse named Luisa.

Tenoch excused himself.

His girlfriend
was waiting for him at the cinema.

Julio insisted on paying the bill.

They will never meet again.

- See you, right?
- Sure.

The bill, please.