All language subtitles for The.West.Wing.S03E16.WEBRip.x264-FGT

Previously on The West Wing...

Toby keeps coming back
at me with this.

He says I let
the pitch go bye.

What pitch?

I smooth myself out publicly.

You're not "just folks."

You're not "plain spoken."

Do not... do not...
do not act like it.

I don't want to be killed.

Then make this election
about smart

and not qualified.

And not make it about
heavy weight.

You're a heavy weight.

TV BROADCASTER:
Good morning, Mr. President.

Good to have you with us.

PRESIDENT:
Good to be talking to you.

You're talking to us from
the Map Room this morning?

The Mural Room
as a matter of fact.

Well, welcome to
Sunrise Cincinnati, sir.

And I know you only have
a few moments

and you want to talk to us about

Thursday's prime-time
press conference.

That's right and Thursday night

we're going to talk about energy
dependence versus independence

and cleaner burning fuels that
get up to 80 miles per gallon

versus oil-based fuels

that pump billions of pounds
of pollution into our air

and perhaps just as important
are vulnerable

to very volatile price spikes.

We want to talk about
controlling our destiny

through innovation
instead of relying

so heavily on foreign oil.

Okay, now,
you mention foreign oil.

Yeah. 65% of the world's oil
reserves are in the Mid East.

Three percent are here at home.

I, for one, wouldn't mind

sending a little less
of my money over there

and the only alternative
is to use less oil.

Last question, Mr. President.

Governor Robert Ritchie
of Florida

the likely Republican nominee
for the fall campaign

in his new book
A Promise to Lead

he says that we should be
exploring

the Arctic National
Wildlife Reserve

for new sources of energy.

Will this be a hotly-contested
campaign topic?

I hope so, but there'll be

plenty of time
for campaigning come the fall.

Thursday night is about
America's energy future.

Thank you, very much,
President Jed Bartlet.

It's 12 past the hour.
Don't go away.

We'll be back with traffic
and weather updates.

Thank you very much, sir.

Thank you, Kim.

Uh... Terry.

I'm-- Terry, I'm sorry.

That's all right.

That was my ninth interview
this morning.

Are you ready to run
against Ritchie?

Well, I guess we'll be
ready to run against

whoever we have to run against.

What do you think of him?

Rob Ritchie?

I don't know him very well.

Well, good luck.
Thank you.

TOBY:
They all want to talk about

Ritchie's book.

We could talk about my book.

Theory and Design
of Macro Economics

in Developing Nations?
Yeah.

Okay, sir, we have two minutes
and 20 seconds and we're at

WKZN in Philadelphia.

Thanks.

When they say "explore" you
got to say "drilling."

There's a 12 point
kick with ANWAR

between "exploring"
and "drilling."

What else?
Saudi Arabia, bad.

Got it.

How's it going?

Good.

Do you have a minute?

Well, that's all I've got.

Could you do me a favor?

I just got faxed a letter
from Tabatha Fortis.

She says she's
not comfortable

going ahead
with the dinner next week

unless she gets
to chastise

the administration for
backing off its commitment

to banning land mines.

I'm sure it's just a matter
of hand-holding.

Would you ask Sam
to talk to her?

I'll do it.

I thought Sam 'cause he's
more familiar with land mines.

I'll talk to her.

Why?

'Cause.

What?

Is it possible you've
got a little touch of the poet?

Or would like
a little touch of the poet?

Yes.

Okay, then learn something about
land mines, would you?

We don't want to cancel.

About 300 of the finest minds
in the country are coming

plus some congressmen.

It'll be fine.

Knock 'em dead, de Bergerac.

Okay.

Okay what?

Nothing, I just meant,
you know, okay.

MAN:
They're back from commercial
in 20 seconds.

Drilling/exploring.
Yes, sir.

And Saudi Arabia bad.

Saudi Arabia very bad.

Okay.
Okay.

Why are you smiling?

Happiness
is my default position.

TV REPORTER:
And joining us now

from the Mural Room
of the White House

is President Bartlet.

Good morning, Mr. President.

Good morning. Thanks
for having me.

And you're here to talk about

Thursday's prime-time
press conference.

And to shill for
my new energy plan

which is about raising
fuel economy standards

working with Detroit
to develop hybrid cars

and using tax incentives
to promote alternative energy.

Why is alternative energy
important?

After a decade of wars with Iraq

and the spread of religious
extremism in Saudi Arabia

we still rely
on this very dangerous

very uncertain region for
a quarter of our oil reserves.

And I, for one, wouldn't mind

not sending quite so much
of my money there.

Now, wouldn't that suggest

that Florida Governor
Robert Ritchie was correct

in his book
A Promise to Lead

when he says we should be
opening up the Arctic

for exploration?

Exploring is what Magellan did

and Balboa and Jacques Cousteau.

What you're talking about
is drilling

which is the only way you know
if there's oil there

and which will forever damage
natural treasures like ANWAR.

What about Clean Coal?

Clean Coal is a term

that pollsters came up with

'cause it polls higher
than regular coal.

What we want are real
cleaner burning fuels.

We want to control our
destiny through innovation

and that's what we're going to
be talking about Thursday night.

Mr. President, thank you very
much for being with us today.

My pleasure.

It's 16 past the hour.

We'll be back with traffic
and weather

as Wake-up Philadelphia
continues.

MAN:
Okay.

Thank you, sir.
That was terrific.

Leslie, right?
Yes, sir.

Thanks a lot.

I mentioned
Governor Ritchie's book

because I hoping you'd rise
to the bait.

There'll plenty of bait
in September-October.

Have you read the book?
I'll read it
when he does.

What's your read on him so far?

I don't know, Leslie.

I think we might be talking
about a .22 caliber mind

in a .357 Magnum world.

Okay.

Okay, thanks again.

Who's next?

You were hot.

What?

When you said that just now.
You were hot.

They've got on it b-roll.

How'd the tape get out already?

We were just
talking about that.

There was a local AP reporter
at the station in Philly.

They didn't want to keep it
for an exclusive?

It's better for them
to have their call letters

splashed on every--
and the networks

will carry it tonight.

This is amateur crap, Sam.

How did it happen?

Well, first of all,
I wasn't there.

Who was there?

My boss.

The White House
Director of
Communications.

It wasn't his
fault, either.

It was eight seconds.

It was his
tenth interview.

He didn't see that
the green light was...

All right,
you're right.

What's first?

I have the briefing room
in 20 minutes.

What do you think
you're going to get?

Is the President saying
Governor Ritchie's stupid?

Yes.
No.

Yes is the only answer
to that question.

Why not the President

has the highest regard
for Governor Ritchie.

Believes he's
a broad thinker

and a dedicated
public servant?

Because it's
the Press Briefing Room

not the Improv.

There's no way for her
to walk this back.

She'll sound disingenuous
at best.

Naive at worst.

I'm more concerned with
how the President sounds.

I've got
80 boys and girls

who don't make the distinction.

And if I pretend Bobby Ritchie's
a nuclear physicist...

Then don't answer it.

We're focusing on energy
and dependence this week.

No. We're focusing on
this this week.

I can try a non-apology apology.

Try it.

"The President didn't realize
the camera was hot

"and he said something
he shouldn't have

as we all do
from time to time."

Nice.

Yeah. It's a head-fake
towards contrition.

And we hold
our heads high.

All right. Good.

We'll see how it goes.

Why do you suppose this
one's so hard to spin?

'Cause it's the classic
Washington scandal.

We screwed up
by telling the truth.

All right. Let's try
not to do that that much.

( whispering and giggling )

What's going on?

Hi, sugar lips.

I'm sorry?

Donna struck gold.

What is it?

LemonLyman.com.

What is it?

It's your fan site.

What are you talking about?

There's Web Site devoted

to all things "Josh."

You're kidding me?
No.

LemonLyman.com?

You have fans, Josh.

Not many of them
from the looks of it

but what they lack
in numbers

they more than make up for
in fervor.

What do they talk about?

You. You on Capital Beat.
You on Meet the Press.

You in U.S. News
and World Report.

Well, there's
also the section

called "Sightings About Town."

DONNA:
This is for reserved

for actual Josh encounters
of the third kind.

Most of which
seem to have taken place

in restaurants
and haberdasheries

to which you've never been

unless you're leading
a double life

and I think we both know
you're not that clever.

LemonLyman.com.

Right now we're viewing

the section devoted
to the Josh Fantasy Date.

This, it should be

painfully self-explanatory

is where the women, and more
than a few men I've got to say

discuss what they would do
with you if...

All right, can everybody
who doesn't work here

please go work
where they work.

I want to work here, now.

You can get this
at your own desk.

You better believe it.

See you at lunch.

All right, you've got
Senior Senior staff at C.O.S.

then Senior Staff
in the Roosevelt Room.

There's a meeting with
the economic team

to pre-brief for Fed Chair

and that's followed immediately
by Advance, State and NSC

to go over the next six months
of foreign travel.

Let me look
at this thing.

Josh...?

Right. Yes.

Let me know when
C.J.'s briefing starts.

Sorry I'm late.

Good morning,
Mr. President.

We hearing from the
Michigan delegation?

We will.

They'll want assurances
no mandates, no timetables

make the whole thing
voluntary

and industry-led.

Polluters aren't
going to write

the environmental laws.

What about the
Energy Workers Union?

They just want to know
what Saudi jobs we're after.

It is.

The money's in raising

the CAFE standards
to 40 miles per gallon.

That's the meeting
that's coming to my door.

What else?

You're going to be
reprimanded tomorrow night

on the house floor.

For what?

It's not nice
to call people dumb.

Let me ask
you something.

You're pretty dumb,
did you take offense?

Look at that.
I did it again.

CHARLIE:
Mr. President?
Yeah?

She's ready to start.

Seriously. The GOP's lining up

a bunch of people
for order speeches.

Calling me impolite?

I guess.

AIDE:
He's here.
You can send her in.

Anyway, the Whip's got
about 150 Democrats
ready to rebut.

You have any special
preferences?

I don't know.

I guess the biggest names.

You know what we'd
do if we were smart?

We wouldn't send anybody.

We'd look so good
by not showing up.

Let them whine
by themselves.

REPORTERS:
Good morning, C.J.

Good morning.

REPORTER 1:
C.J., was the
President saying

that Governor Ritchie
isn't up to the job
of being President?

The President didn't realize
the camera was hot

and he said something
he shouldn't have.

Something we all do
from time to time.

Nice.

REPORTER 2:
Isn't it early
to be going negative?

C.J.:
Yeah, again, he said something

he shouldn't have
and he wouldn't have

if he knew it was going to be
for public consumption.

REPORTER 3:
C.J., has he made the same
kind of remarks in private?

There's a reason they call it
private, Stuart.

All right,
I'm going back to work.

All right.

REPORTER 1:
C.J., is the President saying

that he's smarter
than Governor Ritchie?

The voters get to make
those kinds of judgments.

REPORTERS:
C.J.! C.J.!

Yes?

MARK:
Governor Ritchie
is calling

on the President
to apologize.

C.J.:
Yes.
Will he?

As I said yesterday

the President didn't realize
the camera was hot

and he said something
he shouldn't have.

Katie?
The Ritchie camp

is also challenging the
President to sign a pledge

basically a promise to run

a positive,
issue-oriented campaign.

Well, for one thing,
while the Governor

is the presumptive Republican
nominee, it's presumptive.

For that matter, so is
the President's renomination.

But more important than that

the President has been
a candidate

in seven statewide
and national elections

and every one of them

has been a substantive,
issue-based campaign

which is one of several reasons
why the voters have elected him

each and every time his name
has appeared on a ballot. Phil?

Were you aware
that several news organizations

have been trying to obtain
Governor Ritchie's transcripts

from the University of Florida?

You mean
since yesterday?
Yeah.

No, I wasn't.
I guess my question is

does the President feel
college transcripts

are an accurate barometer
of a person's fitness

to hold
a high public office?

I've never asked him,
but my guess is

the President feels that
a person's college transcript

is a reasonable barometer
for how a person did in college.

For the record, the President
graduated Summa Cum Laude

from the University
of Notre Dame

with a major in American Studies
and a minor in theology.

He received a Masters
and a Doctorate

at the London School
of Economics

and an honorary Doctorate
in Humane Letters

from Dartmouth University

where he was
a tenured professor.

I myself attended Cal Berkeley,
go Bears.

Thank you very much,
I'll talk to you later.

REPORTERS:
Thank you, C.J.

( sighs )

( door opening )

All right,
so far not bad.
What's next?

Well, But Wachtell's
in my office right now.

Of course he is.
Don't give him
what he wants.

I'm told I seldom give anybody
what they want.

We can't hold
a bipartisan summit

on bipartisanism,
we'll look ridiculous.

We're used to that,
aren't we?

Sam...
I'm not giving him
what he wants.

Is it me, or are
Ritchie's people

handling this wrong?

It's not you.
Why keep it alive?

There's no way for
them to look good.

The President was
mean to me? Let it go.

By the way,
my Princeton Tigers

could whip your Cal Bears
any day of the week.

At what?

Logarithms, possibly.

He's in your office.

Thank you.

Congressman.

There's a heavy stench
of partisanism in the air, Sam.

Actually, you know,
they just sprayed
for bugs.

How in the hell did Ziegler
let something like this happen?

Well, first of all,
it wasn't Toby's
fault, it was mine.

And it happened quickly
and we regret it.

How's reaction been
so far?

Our base is very happy,
but when our base is happy

there's usually trouble
someplace else.

The moderates are talking
about bolting the party.

Nobody's bolting the party,
it was an honest mistake.

And, by the way, had nothing
to do with partisanism.

Well, something has to be done.

There's very little
that can be done

from
the Communications Office.

A summit...

Congressman...

A summit on bipartisan
cooperation.

I can bring it up but it'll
get laughed out of the room.

Why?
It's an election year.

We want to be partisan.
We're trying to beat them.

Well, I've got to
be able to go back

and tell my moderate
friends something.

What about a Republican
appointment, or promotion?

We've got Ainsley Hayes.

That name sounds familiar.

She was Associate
White House Counsel

got promoted to Deputy Counsel

and she's just slightly
to the right of the Kaiser.

I'd make her visible right now.

Yes, sir, that's a good idea.

And learn to tell the difference
between red and green.

Yes, sir.

Okay then.

Ginger...

I need to see Ainsley.

She's on vacation.

When's she coming back?

Next week.
Mmm...

not so much, no.

JOSH:
Donna!

Yeah?

Sit down
we're going to post a response

on the site.
What site?

LemonLyman...
No.

Yeah, we got to post a response
to someone.

It's a bad idea.
Why?

You don't know
these people.

Neither do you.
Oh, yes, I do.

What's wrong
with them?
Nobody knows.

These are people taking a very
healthy interest in government.

They should be applauded.

Then applaud them,
but stay off the site.

These are the people talking.
I'm not an elitist.

You are an elitist.
I am an elitist

but I have respect for people
who don't measure up.

People on these sites
tend to be a little hysterical.

We've got to
correct something.
What?

Irmatrude writes,
"Three nights ago on Nightline

"Josh said, 'We'll be asking
for a GAO study

"of Medicare drug pricing.'

"Apparently, no
one's told Josh

that only Congress can ask
the GAO to do anything."

First of all, how cool is that

that they know what the GAO
can and can't do?

Oh, it's cool as all giddyup.

Sit down.
Please,
don't do this.

Sit down.

( Donna sighing )

Irmatrude...

Thanks for watching
me on Nightline.

Yes, I do know that only
Congress can instruct the GAO.

When I said,
"we'll be asking"

I mean Democrats and
not the White House.

Thank you for your concern.

Josh "Lemon" Lyman.

Are you sure you want
to sign off like that?

It's playful.

( softy ):
Okay...

You could get more in the
spirit of this, you know.

The people?
Yes.

What Josh doesn't know
is that some of these people

haven't taken their medication.

Let's watch what happens now.

( knocking )

Excuse me.

Hey! You're done.

( clears throat )

Is this tie all right?

I'm sorry?

This necktie,
does it go with the jacket?

God, I don't know, Toby.

The tie, is it red
or is it green?

Congratulations,
you're the hundredth person

to make that joke.

The tie is fine, why?
I'm meeting someone.

When?

Now.

Excuse me.

Ms. Fortis?

Yes.

I'm Toby Ziegler.

I've been thinking a lot
about it since you called.

Yeah?

There's nothings that
rhymes with Ziegler.

That's why no one write poetry
about me.

They could write in blank verse.

Dylan could do it.

Yeah, but he hasn't yet.

Am I, uh, really weird
right off the bat?

Do you want to be?

No.

Then you're not.

I think you're
just being nice.

I think if you ask around
you'll discover that's unlikely.

Do you want to come back
to my office?

Yeah.

Uh, so, you know what everybody
talking about out there?

The President's
open-mike gaffe.

That's exactly
what I was going to say.

Toby...?

Sam, say hello
to the newly-minted

United States Poet Laureate,
Tabatha Fortis.

Hi.
Yes, indeed.

Poetry, I must
tell you...
That's fine.

Nice meeting you.
You, too.

You guys poetry fans
around here?

We can't get enough
of it.

Oh, yeah,
who's your favorite?

You.

Nice.

Come on in.

Nice office.

Exactly 63 feet
from the Oval Office.

If you don't think we measure
you're out of your mind.

Okay. So.

Hello.
How are you doing?

We have a problem.

Yes.

We have arranged
a dinner in your honor.

We've invited 300
important people

we've invited the press

we've shined our shoes...

You've got to sign
the land mine treaty, Toby.

Whoa... What happened
to the nuance of diplomacy?

Oh, sorry, the shoes are shined.

No, we-we're there now,
you-you can't go back.

Sorry.

Right.

142 countries have signed it

84 have ratified,
12 destroyed their entire stock.

Yes.

You know who hasn't
signed it?

Us and Cuba.

You know who initiated it? Us.

And the nations of the world
rallied around it

in yet another impressive
display of American leadership.

And then?
We bolted.

Right.

And the reason we did
is because we love

anti-personnel land
mines. We love 'em.

And we think the government
should be in the business

of selling them,
like the Post Office.

In fact, the Post Office
is the sales venue

we've been considering.

Toby, I-I...
It's Korea.

Tabatha. There are 900,000
North Korean soldiers in the DMZ

and the only thing stopping them
from walking into South Korea

are 37,000 U.S. troops

and about a million land
mines along the border.

We have said
over and over

that we would be thrilled
to sign this treaty

if we could have an exemption
for South Korea

and we have been rebuffed.

Rebuffed...

I say.

Look, so

we disagree on this...

clearly,
what's the big deal?

Not a big deal at all.

Except?

If you voice your disagreement
at a party in your honor

hosted by the President
with the press in attendance

then it's a gigantic deal

which travels the 63 feet
right to this office.

All right then.

I'm sorry we can't have
the party.

But I like talking to you.

TABATHA:
Yeah, you're cute, and, uh...

I love the way you write.

( door closes )

Was the President calling
Governor Ritchie stupid?

Oh, my God, Day three.

Was he?

Well, I think this one may be
unspinnable.

And that's certainly
saying something

coming from my office.

Yeah, he was calling
him stupid.

WOMAN:
How's his mood been

the last few days?
Has he regretted it?

He hasn't been able
to feed or bathe himself.

( laughing )

The Governor's kicking off
a ten-state tour

and his campaign has indicated
that they'll be trying

to rally the nation around
his clean campaign pledge.

I'm quoting a
senior campaign
official now.

"A different kind
of politics is
sweeping the nation

and once the President
understands the hearts

and minds of the
American people

he'll have no choice
but to sign the pledge.

Mark, I swear to God,
as soon as the President

needs help understanding
the hearts and minds

of the American people,
he'll call

the Republican Governor
of Florida.

But this week, we're focused

on tomorrow night's
press conference

wherein we unveil
our national strategy

for energy independence.

Speaking of which,
this country has been
dependent on foreign oil

for far too long.

65% of our crude oil reserves
come from the Gulf.

Only three percent here at home.

Policy is the President's forte.

Are you guys trying to bait
Governor Ritchie

into an argument on energy
'cause you know you'll win?

Yeah, well, we all tried
to convince the President

that talking about policy was
just plain unsportsmanlike

but we didn't get anywhere.

Listen, I've had a lot of fun,
and I know you have, too.

I'll see you later.

ALL:
Thank you, C.J.

C.J.?

Chuckles.

The President would like
another pre-brief

and another run-through
tonight after dinner.

Sure.
Full-blown run-through.

Yeah.
Maybe that can be
when you can explain

your problem
with drilling ANWAR for oil.

Huh?
If we want to be
energy independent

if we've been relying
too long on foreign oil

what's wrong
with drilling in Alaska?

It will do huge
and lasting damage
to the environment

and will not,
in the long run,
reap that much oil.

It will have zero impact
on the environment.

And how do you know how
much oil is down there,
until you explore?

"Explore?"
Yes.

You mean, drill?

That's how you get
where the oil's at.

You've been
reading his book.

Excuse me?

A Promise to Lead,
Ritchie's book.

Whoever ghosted it
isn't bad.

Carol, would you put
together a page

on the environmental
impact of drilling

the Arctic National
Wildlife Reserve?

Yeah.
Make sure you note

exactly how many caribou
we made unhappy.

Thank you.

You bet.

( knocking )

SAM:
Come in.

Hey, welcome back.

What?!

How was the vacation?

It was 40 hours long.

Where'd you go?

Hilton Head.

What'd you do?

I unpacked,
and then I packed.

By the way,
congratulations.

Babish is promoting you
to deputy.

When did this happen?

Right after I told Bud Wachtel
that we already had.

What the hell
is going on?

Well, Monday morning,
there was a little incident

during the satellite interviews.

I read about it.
How could you let

something like that happen?

( sighing ):
Okay.

For everybody who works
outside the building

I'll fall on the sword.

But for everybody who works
inside the building

( shouting ):
I wasn't there!

Okay.

Didn't get much of a tan.

What do you need?

Capital Beat,
Capital Gang, Inside Politics.

To say what?

The President isn't
an elitist.

He respects everyone.

And that's why he made
a Southern Republican

who disagrees with
him a deputy counsel.

Congratulations
again, by the way.

He is an elitist.

Uh-oh.

It's elitist, geocentric,
Ivy League snobbery

to think if you
haven't written
six journal articles

on monetary
support mechanisms

you're not fit to lead.

We're of the belief

that if you're going to
setpolicy

it'd be a bonus
to understand it.

And at this point,
we'd be astonished

to discover
that Ritchie had read

as many as
six journal articles

on anything other than
athletic support mechanisms.

There's a difference
between

intellect and instinct.

252 million people
in the country.

You don't think
we ought to be able

to elect somebody
who's got both?

I'm saying

presidents can have
good advisors.

Good advisors
can better advise informed

and curious presidents.

But what happens
when Ivy League
presidents surround

themselves with
intellectual snobs?
All right.

Let's clear up
a couple of things

'cause that's the second time
you've invoked the "Evil Eight."

First of all, Notre Dame isn't
a member of the Ivy League.

They play football
as an independent.

They play basketball
in the Big East.

Second, we're very
interested in education
in this White House

so can you tell me
what's wrong with
the Ivy League?

Should we be discouraging
parents from hoping their kids

get into Princeton
and Yale and Dartmouth?

All I know is, we
got into Vietnam

courtesy of the
Beltway Chapter

of the Harvard Alumni
Association.

Yeah, except, that's
not all you know

because you're bright
and you're curious

and you worked hard,
and you got into Smith

and you got
your law degree where?

Cambridge, Massachusetts.

You lose, I win.
'Twas ever thus.

I was on vacation.

Life's tough in
the aluminum siding business.

Check the press office
on your TV schedule.

I will do the TV shows,
because I serve

at the pleasure of the President

but I do not want
a promotion that I didn't earn.

I'll talk to Babish.
Well, let me
check out

the pay differential first.

You bet.

C.J.:
Toby?
Yes.

We've gone
from one network

carrying the press conference
tomorrow night to four.

Are you kidding?
No.

I guess we shouldn't
be surprised.

No.

Where are you going?

Sightseeing.

Really?

Tabatha's never
been to Washington.

You going to get
that thing done

or you want me to talk to her?

It's going
to be fine.

You sure?

She's a poet.

She's new to things
like consequences.

Okay.

All four networks...

Listen, I have
a crazy thought.

Is it possible...?

What?

Hmm, never mind.

I'll see you later.

Okay.

Donna?

Yeah?

Something weird
has happened here.

Where?

LemonLyman...

No.

They don't seem
to be taking my response

in the spirit
in which it was intended.

Yeah.

Seems to be
a very unusual social structure.

For instance,
there's a leader

who seems to pride herself
on her organizational skills

and a certain amount
of discipline.

Right. That's what's
called a control freak.

Well, she does seem to do

an awful lot of scolding.

"You've posted
in the wrong place."

"Stay on topic, people."
"Don't use capital letters."

"I don't have time
to tell you twice"

when clearly, she does have time

to tell us twice.

But that's not
the problem.
No.

( clears throat )

"Someone needs to deal
with Josh's planet-sized ego

"by teaching him
government 101.

Who made him overlord
of the Democratic party?"

And someone else writes

"Is Josh delusional,
or is he actively trying

to destroy the separation
of powers?"

Well, are you?
No.

Then turn off
the computer

shut these people
up, and let's go
back to work.

I think I need to clarify

my original post.
Josh, there's

a prime time press
conference tomorrow

and a new energy
policy that you
have spent months

shepherding down the
field, and now, on
the one-yard line...

Sit down
in the chair.
Has the pressure

for you to get the
energy package...?

Sit down in the chair.

I think you've gone
'round the bend.

I'm dictating now.

I don't think it falls under
the category of "outrageous"

to suggest
that I might have friends

on the other end of the Avenue

who have the phone number
of the GAO.

Let me put this more plainly.

The White House can get a GAO
review of anything it wants

without posing a threat
to the separation of powers.

And I believe I'll use capital,
lower case or Sanskrit

right up until the moment

the Font Police cuff me
and read me Miranda.

That'll show them.

See, I think these are
good people, by and large

but they've come under the thumb
of a dictatorial ruler.

So, as with a small,
Central American country

my role is to incite
the people to topple her.

Josh?
Yeah?

You're way 'round the bend.

Can I get you a damp
towel or something?

No, but do we have
any Yoo-Hoo?

Yeah.
I'll take one.

I'm on it.

What are you doing?

Crossing off the
FDR Memorial

the Atrium and the
Folger Library.

I like crossing
off lists.

It's very
satisfying.

You like lists?

Yes.

You like crossing
things off?

I'll let you know
if it happens.

Hey, how'd you know
what hotel I was at?

We have you watched
when you're in DC.

Are you serious?

No.

Oh.

We always have you watched.

Aha.

So, you know
what I was thinking

might be fun?

If I came to the
White House dinner
and shut the hell up?

That's not what
I was going to say at all.

Oh, what were you
going to say?

If you came to the dinner

wore a beautiful dress
and shut the hell up.

( laughs )

I got a list of nine
former I-Corps Commanders

who served in Korea

who say that land
mines aren't necessary

to protect our
troops anywhere.

We're aware of all nine.

And we have, do we not,
other weapons

that are more effective
and less deadly to our side

that are already part
of a U.S. response plan

to the North
crossing the DMZ?

I work
in communications.

And land mines would
actually slow a
counter-invasion.

You have an answer
to any of this?

The President
of the United States

requests the honor
of your presence

and I'm sorry,
but you show up.

And I'm sorry, but
I tell the truth.

Not every minute
of the damn day, Tabatha.

I've seen what I've seen.

And I've been told
what I've been told.

And I have an audience
with the person

who can do something
about it.

To smile for a photo op
and recite 64 couplets

on the American experience?

That's treasonous.

Can we stop with the drama?

Toby?
Tabatha,
you don't know

what you're doing.

This isn't kid's stuff.

If you stand up in
the President's face

that's going to be the story

and nobody's going to care
about what you care about.

Nobody is going to care
about what you care about.

And... it'll be bad...

for you, for us

for the land mines,
everybody.

Can we just not
talk for a minute?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I-I got to give a
lecture tomorrow
night at Georgetown.

I just... I need to...

I need to not
talk for a minute.

Yeah.

PRESIDENT:
* Another sky *

* Another June

* Another something

* That rhymes with June

* Another reason,
another season *

* For making...
Wait a sec.

Yes, "sunny honeymoon" is
what you were looking for.

No, wait a sec.

He's absolutely right.
Hang on.

( knocks )

Excuse me.
I'm sorry for interrupting.

No, no. Keep your seats.

Leo?

You're absolutely right.

About what?
We shouldn't
show up.

Tell the Whip we want
to yield all our time.

While they're going
in front of the cameras

complaining about me
making fun of Ritchie

the Democrats will be
caucusing on literacy

We want to yield
and tuitall our time.ts.

Yes, sir.

Thank you.

or more accurately,
the walk down the red carpet

will happen at 9:01:30,
per the network's request.

He'll deliver
an opening statement

on his National Strategy
for Energy Independence

we expect that'll last
about 15 minutes

and then the President will take
questions for 45 minutes.

C.J.?

A senior official
in the communications office

of the Ritchie campaign

said if the President thinks
his candidate is stupid

he should just come right out
and say so.

Really.

Really.

Let's start a pool to guess

how long the senior
communications official

is going to keep his job
if once a day he suggest

that we call
his candidate stupid.

Somebody's got to step in
and stop this fight

'cause we're the only ones
scoring points

and we're not even playing.
Mark?

She's got a point there.

that the smartest
Presidents have
Dobeen the worst?ou

I don't grant your premise,
but...

John Quincy Adams was so full
of himself

he could hardly build
a coalition

around having eggs
for breakfast.

How many grand theories
of international relations

did Wilson come up with

that were dead on arrival
in Congress.

I don't care.
Why?

Because before I look
for anything

I look for a mind at work.

Nobody's saying
a President

needs to have a tenured chair
in semiotics

but you have to have...

What?

Gravitas.

And how do you measure that?

You don't,
but we know it when we see it

and Republican tend to mock it
when they do.

You think I'm wrong?

I do not.
No you don't

and the way I know you don't

is I saw you say so

on television.

Hey, Toby.

Why are you here?

The TV isn't working
in my office.

You did good on TV.

Thanks.

I'll be in my office.

How's it going with the poet?

I'm not sure.

Does she have a strong history
of activism?

She has no history of activism.

She said something yesterday,
when I was with her

she said-- she was talking
about land mines--

she said,
"From everything I've seen

and everything
I've been told..."

You think

she's getting some pressure?

I don't...

GINGER:
Toby?
Yeah.

It's someone
from Georgetown University.

I think there's a problem.

The Internet people
have gone crazy.

You're kidding.

They're calling the GAO

"General Josh's Standing Army"

and saying I don't understand
its mandate and purpose.

They're saying if I can get
a review of anything I want

I should start by reviewing
the job of Deputy C.O.S.

Then one guy compares me
to a poor man's Clark Clifford

and a page and a half of posts
debating whether or not

I was mocking Egyptians
with the Sanskrit reference.

I told you
they were hysterical.

I thought you meant
they were funny.

They're not.
I know they're not!

It's Lord of
the Flies in there.

Well, who invited you
in the first place?

It's got my name on it.

Look, I don't want to hear
about it anymore.

We've got an energy plan
in ten minutes.

I'm gonna...
Oh, Josh!

Yeah?
The Federal Page

of the Washington Post
just called Carol to confirm

that you're the Josh Lyman

who stated
on an Internet web site

that the White House
could order a GAO review

of anything it wants.

Without threatening
the separation of powers

is what I was saying.

You posted on a web site?

I was communicating
with the people.

Really?

C.J., it's a... crazy place.

It's got this dictatorial leader

who I'm sure wears a muumuu
and chain smokes Parliaments.

What did you go there for
in the first place?

It's called LemonLyman.com.

Let me explain something
to you

this is sort
of my field.

The people on these sites?

They're the cast of One Flew
Over the Cuckoo's Nest.

The muumuu wearing

Parliament smoker?
That's Nurse Ratched.

When Nurse Ratched
is unhappy

the patients are unhappy.

You? You're McMurphy.

You swoop in there
with your card games

and your fishing trips...

I didn't swoop in,
I came in

exactly the same way
everybody else did.

Well, now I'm telling you
to open the ward room window

and climb on out

before they give you
a pre-frontal lobotomy

and I have to smother you
with a pillow.

You're Chief Brom...
I'm Chief Bromden

yes, at
this particular moment.

I'm assigning an intern
from the press office
to that web site.

They're going to check it every
night before they go home.

If they discover
you've been there
I'm going to shove

a motherboard
so far up your ass... What?

Well... technically,
I outrank you.

So far up your ass!

Okay.
Okay?

How you doing?
Are we ready?

We are.
I believe we are.

You want
to walk over?

Donna, let's go,
it's time!

Excuse me.

Are you Mr. Zeigler?

What happened?

Well, she was giving her lecture

and then towards the end,
something... I don't know.

I think she's okay

but I asked her if there
was anyone I could call.

Where is she?

She's sitting out
on the steps.

Okay. Thanks.

Mm-hmm.

Was there
any press there tonight?

For a poetry lecture?

Right.

There was a man in Banja Luka
that I met.

He took his son and I...
to go fishing in the Sava River.

And the little boy, uh...
hooked a piece of garbage...

and when he tried to take it off
the line, it blew him up.

Right in front of his father.

And, uh...
right in front of me.

What happened tonight?

( sighs heavily )

Um... I decided
to highlight poets

who were never chosen
Poet Laureate

'cause they were
too rebellious.

Adrienne Rich, Anne Sexton,
Allen Ginsberg

and I went into "Howl."

I know "Howl"
like you know voting districts.

"I saw the best minds
of my generation

"destroyed by madness

"starving hysterical naked

dragging themselves through..."

and then, uh...

What?

I couldn't remember
anymore.

I couldn't, uh...

you know,
I-I couldn't remember anymore.

You think I think

that an artist's job
is to speak the truth.

An artist's job...
is to captivate you

for however long we've asked
for your attention.

If we stumble into truth,
we got lucky

and I don't get to decide
what truth is.

What you said
about South Korea makes sense

you know, uh,
people know more than I do.

I... I shouldn't be, uh...
you know...

I write poetry, Toby,
that's how I enter the world.

I was think maybe, you know...

I-I don't know
if you can do this, but...

I was thinking
if I could get

a few minutes alone
with the President

so that I could tell him

what I saw in Banja Luka?

Then it wouldn't have
to be thing

you know, at the dinner...
in there I could, uh...

I have 64 couplets
on the American experience

that I think
might be appropriate.

Yeah, we could do that.

What's that say?

"Meet Tabatha Fortis."

( chuckles )

I have to be at
a press conference.

Right.

C.J.:
So as a matter
of cold fact, Chipper

you'll see that it's
the Porcupine Caribou

and ANWAR's their
calving ground

and you can't put
a price tag on that

but that's hardly
the point.

36 species of fish,
36 land mammals

160 different bird species.

I admit,
this is a lot of wildlife.

Well, forget the wildlife

it hurts flesh
and blood subsistence
hunters in the area

changes migratory patterns

in ways we don't
even understand

increases freezing depths
of rivers and lakes...

And the emissions
from drilling.

Welcome home, it'll cause
pollutant haze and acid rain

and all this
in exchange for?

Not a lot of oil
to begin with.

PRESIDENT:
All right, here we go.

What time is it?

9:00, sir.

We'll see you inside.

Thank you, everyone.

C.J.?

Yes, sir?

I've been meaning
to tell you

you've done really well
this week

with the open-mike thing.

Thank you.
Didn't turn out
too bad.

No, sir, it didn't turn
out too bad at all.

In fact, the whole country's
talking about whether

Ritchie's smart
enough to be President.

And you didn't take a hit,
'cause it was an accident.

You know, it occurs to me

that even your choice
of language was interesting.

"A .22 caliber mind
in a .357 magnum world."

That's unusual for you,
a gun metaphor.

Toby mentioned to me that
when each interview was over

all the interviewers wanted
to talk to you about was Ritchie

and you took a pass each time.

Until Philadelphia.

Mr. President

is it possible
you saw the green light was on?

MAN:
Ladies and gentlemen

the President
of the United States.

That was old school.

Go knock'em dead.