All language subtitles for The.West.Wing.S03E06.WEBRip.x264-FGT

Previously on The West Wing...

We need help.

I'm bringing in
Bruno Gianelli.

It's too early
for Bruno.
No.

Toby, Sam and Josh-- the guys
aren't going to like it.

They'll have
to live with it.

Leo, the only races
I've ever lost

are ones where the candidate
didn't listen

or the advice
didn't get through.

That isn't going to happen
this time.

Connie, it seems to me your job

is to wait until Doug
leaves the room

and then say, "What Doug
really meant was..."

How much they pay you
for that?

Sometimes it's my job to say it
when he's in the room.

Mrs. Bartlet, I want
to talk to you about...

Dr. Bartlet.

When did I stop
being Dr. Bartlet?

When in the campaign
did I decide

that women were going
to like me more

if I called myself Mrs.?

One day, I'm going to get
called to the Situation Room

and it's going to be good news.

We'll have discovered
buried treasure

or it turns out
there's life on Andromeda

and they think
we're doing a good job.

When's that day
going to come, Nancy?

When's that going
to happen?

Settle down.

What do you need?

The Commander of the Pac Fleet
has informed us

that he's lost contact
with the USS Portland

which is a Sea Wolf class sub.

What were their orders?

They were on
a close-in a week ago.

They were supposed
to report in
yesterday at 14:00.

They were going to surface
to periscope depth

and download and upload
deterrence intelligence data.

Well, they've gone quiet.
They're a submarine.

Sure, maybe.

But?

They usually call in and
say they're going quiet.

What are the other
possibilities?

That they've lost all power

and they're drifting aimlessly
in hostile waters.

What hostile waters?

Yeah, the Portland's
in the Yellow Sea.

Their last location was
60 miles due west of Seoul.

We haven't heard from them
and they're in North Korea?

Yeah.

What do we have ready
if we need to order

a massive and undetectable
rescue mission?

We put two DSRVs
on alert from Ballast
Point, San Diego.

Two C-141 Starlifters
are on alert at
NAS North Island,

ready to pick up
a rescue crew
and fittings.

They'll meet up with two
Fast Attack Sea Wolfs

we have stationed off Japan--
each carrying 50 Tomahawks.

They practice for
this all the time

but we shouldn't
do it, not yet.

Why not?

Because I think

they've gone quiet.

You said they usually call.

They usually do.

I've got to tell
the President.

The President's
going to hit the
panic button, Leo.

If the Portland
went quiet,

it's 'cause somebody's
sitting on top of them.

These guys know
what they're doing.

I'll be back.

The propellers aren't going.

No.

They know I want to leave now?

Yes, sir.

The propellers
aren't going.

Maybe they're saving fuel.

That makes sense.

Also, there's a chance I could
get hit getting on or off.

( chuckles ):
Yeah.

Excuse me?

Sir?

You think I'm
not tall enough

to get hit in the neck
by the propellers on Marine One?

I think Dikembe Mutombo

isn't tall enough
to get hit in the neck

by the propellers on Marine One.

I duck when I get on that
helicopter, and you should, too.

It's just good safety sense.

Yes, sir.

They know I want
to leave now?
Yes, sir.

Filing day, Charlie.

Last to get on the ballot
in New Hampshire.

Yes, sir.

I'm going myself.

Oh, I could send an aide...

But you're going yourself?
I'm going myself.

Always have, always will.

There's nothing left
to run for after this.

Fair enough.

Always have, never will.

But I'm going myself.

You know why?

It's a statement
about democracy?

It's a profound statement
about democracy.

Are you mocking me?

No, sir.

The thing
before wasn't

a crack about my height?

No...
Yeah, it was.

LEO:
You all set to leave?

Yes, I am.
I'm going myself.

It's a profound statement
about democracy.

It's not a problem.

I'm up, I'm back--
the whole thing
takes two hours.

I think it's great.

And I know how much
you love doing it.

I do love doing it.

It's one of my
all-time fav...

Yeah, you can't go.

Why not?

This is one of those things
we've talked about

that sounds worse than it is

because of your inexperience
with the military.

What is it?

Okay.

The USS Portland
is a Sea Wolf class--

or big-- nuclear
submarine.

Yeah.

It has a crew of 137,

is loaded down
with highly classified

intelligence-gathering equipment

and is in the waters
off North Korea.

Right.

We don't have it right now.

What does "we don't
have it" mean?

Well, as you know,
with our ships,

our boats and our submarines,
we keep in pretty close touch

with radar, sonar, satellites,
radio, encrypted messages...

and we don't have
the Portland right now.

We don't have it.

We do not.

And they're
in North Korea.

Yes, last we heard.

So we're going to set up
meetings in the next few hours.

Plus, if anything happens,

I don't like people knowing
you were running for election

while the boat
was out there.

No, I think I'll go ahead
and cancel that trip, Leo,

if only to stick around

and see how this sounds worse
than it really is.

I'll stick around, too.

I think you will.

* Love's going to leave me

( instrumental music continues )

* I'm too sexy for my shirt,
too sexy for my shirt *

* So sexy it hurts...

Hey, I'm here.

I'm glad.

What's this song about?

This is "I'm Too Sexy."

Yeah, for his shirt

he's too sexy.

Other things, too.
He lists them.

Yeah, well, I think
he's feeling good.

I think he's feeling sexy.

Too sexy.

I think it's
the kind of thing

where someone says, "Oh,
this is just too good."

Hyperbole.

Yeah.

So it's not a problem.

It's not a song about
somebody having a problem.

No, he's feeling good.
That's why he's singing.

Okay.

You see
the wires?

Not yet. Is there anything?

No.

Majority leader

was doing local news
in Cleveland last night

and they asked him why
he wants to be President.

What did he say?

I really don't know.

Wait a second.

Are you telling me
he got the question and he...

It was a
train wreck.

I recognized all the words...

Get me the transcript.

Yeah.

* I'm too sexy for my car,
too sexy... *

Ten-hut.

Where's the damn
submarine, Nancy?

I don't want to hear
"I don't know."

I want to hear how many people
are out there

swimming around
looking for it!

See, and I
thought you

were going to panic, sir.

LEO:
Nancy, I happen to agree
with the President

who, on military
matters by the
way, is a lot...

Shut up.

Yeah.

How long can the crew
survive down there?

Well, we don't know
what's going on.

You want
the worst-case scenario?

Yes.

If they're flooding,
it could be

a matter of hours.

How close are
these guys to landfall?

They're about 4,000 yards

off the southern coast
of Kaesong in Haeju Bay.

4,000 yards,
they get that close?

Yes, sir.

They set a wire tap on a cable

in North Korea's
coastal operations zone.

4,000 yards?

Yeah.

Can they send
a distress signal?

They can, but they won't

if they think
they'll be detected.

They would wait to send
a distress signal and risk

their lives?

Mr. President,
submariners understand

that, if they sink, it won't be
a rescue, it'll be a recovery.

They measure
risk and rewards

not just in terms
of their own lives,

but in terms
of national interest.

Well, that's great.

I assess the national interest

by the number of people alive,
not dead.

You have four hours

before I order
the Pacific Fleet
into Haeju Bay.

Thank you, sir.
Thank you, sir.

Thank you, Mr. President.

We need to weigh in
with somebody at State.

I agree.
Yes.

Is Peter
still recovering?

Yes.

All right, we'll talk
to someone else--

someone we trust.
Yeah.

Anybody but...
Albie Duncan.

Right, anybody but him.

No, I'm saying it's got
to be Albie Duncan.

Why?

'Cause he knows what
he's talking about.

So does Peter.

Peter's recovering
from heart surgery.

Was it... I don't...
Was it serious heart surgery?

We've got to meet
with Albie.

He's going to scold me.

He's been at the State
Department since Truman

and he thinks I'm a kid
and that he outranks me.

You'll be fine.

I've got to tell him
I lost a submarine.

Can I make something up

like say, "What if
a friend of mine,
hypothetically..."

We'll meet with him
as soon as he can get here.

Bring a copy
of the Constitution.

I want to show him
I'm not scared.

Good morning.

Hey, Bruno.
Hey, Connie.

Hey, Bruno, can you devise
a campaign strategy

that involves beating
the crap out of Leo?

Why not?

Yeah.

Okay, let's get started.

Where's Toby?

He's in the...
I don't care.

These are direct
mail leaflets.

"Bartlet: Hopelessly Liberal."

"Bartlet: Super-Liberal."

"Bartlet: Liberal,

Liberal, Liberal."

These aren't coming
from our side, right?

No.

You want to run an ad?

The most
dangerous time

in an incumbent's campaign

is before there's
opposition.

Plus, the hearings
are around the corner.

There's a stealth
war going on.

Leaflets, flyers,
phone trees...

How much is it going to cost?

One million five for this one.

But, in the
next three months,

I'll need $8 million
for new ads and airtime.

Work up an ad

for 60 bucks and a waffle
and we'll talk.
Sam...

We're going to need that money
in Iowa in nine weeks.

If we don't spend it now, we're
going to have problems in Iowa.

We don't even know
if there's a challenger yet.

And if there is one,
we'd like to scare him off.

And you don't think
the best way to do that

is to keep the war chest intact?

Aha, you're talking
about hard money.

Yeah, I'm talking
about hard money.

What are you talking about?

Excuse me.

Listen, Toby...

What does $105 million
mean to you?

What do you mean?
I just got tipped

that the new budget will include
an additional $105 million

for the National Park Service

and that number means something
and I can't remember what.

I don't know.

Anybody?

No.

Listen...

Just give me a few minutes.
I'll be back.

Does $105 million
mean anything to you?

I'm a simple girl, Toby.

Yes, yes you are.

Bonnie, $105 million?

My answer hasn't changed
since the last time
you asked me.

Toby...
C.J.

"I'm... too sexy for my shirt,
too sexy for my skirt,

too sexy...
for the other things!"

What in God's name is...

He got the question.
Who?

The majority leader.
When?

Last night, local news,
Cleveland, Ohio.

Oh, me-oh, oh, my-oh.

Oh, Cleveland, Ohio,
he got the question!

What's the question?

Why do you want
to be President?

And what'd he say?

"The reason I would run,
were I to run

is, I have a great belief
in this country as a country

and in this people as a people
that go into making this country

a nation with the greatest
natural resources

and population of people,

educated people."

( imitates gunshot )

I'll spread it around.

"I'm...too sexy for my shoes

"too sexy for the blues,
too sexy..."

C.J.

Yeah.
The new budget's
going to have

an additional $105 million
for the National Park Service.

Does $105 million
mean anything to you?

No.
Okay.

Except it's the same amount
for the budget

for the National Endowment
for the Arts.

Yeah.

Get me...

I'll get her on the phone.

Why, Dr. Bartlet.

Don't start
with me, Oliver.

Start what?

All right,

you want to give me grief
about my ankle,

do it quickly, get it over with

so we can move on
with this rectal probe.

Do you know why I call you
Dr. Bartlet?

Because I have
a medical license?

and because when I look at you,
I think about health.

Goodness, what happened
to your ankle, Dr. Bartlet?

I broke it.

Otherwise, I'd be
ramming it up your...

How did you break it?
It was in
the newspapers.

I'm sure you read about it.

I read Le Monde.
Was it in Le Monde?

I don't know.

I don't read Le Monde.

Pity.

I was hiking, Oliver.
I was hiking.

Are you really that much
an enemy of nature?

Nature is to be protected from.

Nature, like a woman,

will seduce you with its sights
and its scents and its touch...

and then it breaks your ankle.

Also like a woman.

What the hell kind of dates
are you going on, Oliver?

I hear ya.

Yeah.

But here's what I think
you should do,

Dr. Bartlet,
and I'm speaking to you

as White House Counsel
to First Lady.

I want you to make
a national address,

encouraging women
not to go hiking

or at least not ask me
to go with them.

Do we get to work?

Jonathan Hawkings

Nina Alva, Maurice Blustein,
Jessica Nording--

do these names
mean anything to you?

Where'd you get them?

Democrats on Oversight.

They're on the witness list?

Yeah.
Those are some
of the patients

involved in malpractice suits
against me.

How many have there been
altogether?

Four were immediately dismissed
as nuisance suits.

I went to court on two
and won, one was settled.

It's the life of a doctor.

From this witness list,

it is becoming clear to me

what the President's biggest
liability is going to be.

What?

You.

Tawny.

"Throne," by Rain Billings,

a photographer from North Dakota

whose work consists of Polaroids

of his dysfunctional family
in the bathroom.

Yes.

"One Horse-Two Horse"
by Marc Moloney.

He calls himself
an installation artist.

Did your committee...?

What it is,
is two big screen TVs

side by side,
one of them with footage

of black stallions
running in reverse

the other one showing
The Godfather.

Tawny...

"Slut" is a one-word poem

by Jules Waltz.

It's stamped in scarlet on a
piece of 40x40 black canvas.

Here's a woman
who gets naked,

covers herself completely
in chocolate and sings.

Does that appeal to you?

By and large,
I'm not wild about musicals.

They're all projects
funded by Oakenwood

during his chairmanship
of the Endowment.

You're dissolving the Endowment

to give more money
to National Parks?

"Hold the Lettuce."

Lydia Benedict's
two bacon cheeseburgers

were constructed
from pieces of burlap
and rottweiler dung.

It's not me.
It's the committee I work for.

Look...
( knock at door )

Excuse me.

Hey, Tawny.

Sam, have you heard
of Andrew Hawkins?

No.

You funded

his performance piece recently,

which involved him destroying
all his belongings

outside a Starbucks
in Haight Ashbury.

I've done that
a couple of times.

I didn't know there
was funding available.

Yeah.

Can I talk to you a second?

Yeah.

What's going on?

Appropriation's wants
to eliminate the NEA.

What's going on in there?

He thinks it's time
to run ads.

With what?

Soft money.

All right, I'll
be in when I can.

Oh, hey, you know what?

The NEA... that's
$105 million.

Yeah.

Sam.
Yeah?

Did you hear?
What?

The majority leader
got the question last night.

And?
( choking sounds )

Get me the transcript.
Yeah, listen.

I've got to get
back in there.

We've got an answer, right?

To what?
If he's asked why

he wants to be President,
we've got a good answer?

I'm sure we do.
I've got to get
back in there.

* I'm too sexy...

BABISH:
Arlene Neiderlander.

She's the wife of a patient
upon whom I performed

a coronary artery by-pass graft.

She filed a wrongful death suit

claiming he died as a result
of complications due to surgery.

Did he?

He developed an infection,

like two percent
of CABG surgeries;

in his case,
mediastinitis.

He was 74, diabetic,

and the infection spread
to his liver.

New York Superior Court
Judge Nguyen dismissed the case.

Oliver, draw a line for me
from the malpractice suits

to the Committee's
investigation of the President.

It's an investigation
of you, too, Abbey.

You had prescriptions filled
in your own name

which you administered
daily to the President.

But that in itself...
Hang on.

You're not a medical expert,
you didn't keep records

you violated medical practices
in three states

and most important,
you're his wife,

which is a violation
of the AMA's code of ethics.

How is this the purview

of House Government Reform
and Oversight?

It's not.

They don't have a criminal case
against the President, do they?

No.

But they can develop one
against me.

Yeah.

And in going after me,

they can paint the President.

Sure.

Distract him
from governing.

Distract the public's attention
from the campaign.

Yeah.

It was an infection.

It was a liver infection.

Should we keep going?

Yeah.

SAM:
You know what we're
talking about here?

Sure.

Do you know what
we're talking about?

She knows what
we're talking about.

I want to make sure Connie
knows what we're talking about.

I know what we're talking about.
Fine.

Sam?
Yeah.

You know what we're
talking about, right?

We're talking about unlimited,
unregulated money

that can be raised
in staggering amounts.

Yes.

Understand it's not
like there's a law

that envisioned soft money.

It's just that
there's no law

that specifically
bans it.

It's a loophole so big,

you could race
the America's Cup through it.

How can the President
be opposed

to soft money one year
and then take it the next?

Where's he going to be

on campaign finance reform
tomorrow?

Exactly where he is today.

Leading the charge against it.

In the meantime,
Congress and the FEC

have been sitting
on their hands.

Is that our fault?

No.

No.

So, now Bartlet's

supposed to obey a law
that doesn't exist?

What's next,
imaginary street signs?

Excuse me, but there's
such a thing as...

What?

There's such a thing as...

What?

Okay, we're going to sit quietly
for a moment.

Okay.

Leadership by example.

There's such a thing
as leadership by example.

Yeah, it comes
right before

getting your ass kicked
in an election.

We're really talking
about this, huh?

Mm-hmm.

Toby's going to be in
in a minute.

PRESIDENT:
Every single election.

Yes.

Legislature.
House. Governor.

Yeah.

President.

Yeah. It's a statement
about democracy.

I've heard it before.

I was just...
( knock at door)

Sir?

Is he here?

Yes, sir.
Okay.

It's a profound
statement about
democracy.

Mr. President.

Good morning, Albie.

Good morning.

Hello, Leo.

Good to see you, Albie.

Can I get you
anything?

No, sir.

Some coffee,
a soft drink?

No, sir.

Okay.

Okay.

I've asked you here, Albie,

because you are
the Assistant Secretary of State

and I, of course,
am the President.

What have you done?

You see, right away.

Don't worry
about it.

Albie, the Pac Fleet Commander's
informed us

that we've lost contact
with the Portland.

The Portland's a Sea Wolf class?

Yeah.
Where is it?

Lake George.

Somewhere in Haeju Bay.

You've lost a nuclear submarine
in North Korea, Mr. President.

Thanks, Albie, that much
the National Security Council

has made clear to me.

Any chance
they've gone quiet?

Nancy thinks
there is.

I'm assuming
they didn't radio.

No.

And if they were in trouble,

you see, they wouldn't
send a distress signal

'cause they might be detected.

And submariners have a
different set of criteria

when assessing
risk versus

reward.

He knows.

Okay, I'll just stand
over there.

Where are we?

The President wants to give
four hours before a rescue.

We're an hour into it.

All the pieces
in place?

Yep.

Who do we talk to
in the meantime?

Nobody.

You sure?

Yes.

We don't talk
to the North Koreans?

And tell 'em what?

You've got casus belli?

Cause for war.

Little thing
called Latin.

Albie, if we tell
North Korea

we violated their waters,

it could be interpreted
as an act of war?

It is an act of war.

We'll tell them it's not.

It is.

You violated international law.

You've taken provocative action.

At best, you'll be creating
a crisis atmosphere

and North Korea's got

the fourth largest army
in the world.

1968, the USS Pueblo

was on an intelligence mission
off the DPRK.

North Korea attacks
with vessels and a MiG jet.

The 82 surviving crew
are captured,

they're held and tortured
for 11 months

until we issue an apology
for "the grave acts

of espionage committed
by the U.S. ship."

I was there.

'Kay.

Can I talk to you
alone for a second?

Yeah.

Let's not call
North Korea just yet.

No.

Leo, gut feeling.

Has the boat gone quiet?

Yeah.

Trust the captain,
trust the crew.

All right.
Three more hours.

And I think
he should stay.

Who?
Albie.

He can talk us
through some things

and if we need
to start making calls,

he'll be helpful.

Also, he'll be good to
have around for morale

'cause he's
Mr. Happy Fun Guy.

Look...

Albie...

I'm going to ask you
to stay around for a while.

Well, then,
I'll take that soft drink now

if you've got it, Mr. President.

Just a little
Schweppes Bitter Lemon

on ice with a twist.

Charlie!

Yes, sir.

Charlie, could you
have someone bring

some Schweppes Bitter Lemon

and a copy of the Constitutional
order of succession, please.

Yes, sir.

( sighs )

"As always, your thoughtfulness
is greatly appreciated.

"Also appreciated was the visit
to the White House

"by some 50 of your constituents

"on board a bus that was
chartered by your office.

"Their complaints

"were respectfully heard
by my assistant

"and I regret that matters
escalated to the point

"where she felt it necessary
to call in the Park Police.

"You'll be happy to know that
their bus has been refueled

"and that the seniors
are on their way home,

"each having been allowed
to keep their security tags

as a souvenir."

Look, I was just...
"Signed... "

Do it.

Excuse me.
Hey.

You got a second?

Type that.

Look, I was just...
Type it.

May I use your computer?

What's wrong with yours?

One of them poured Wheatina
on the keyboard.

Go ahead.

( sighs )

We had a little problem earlier.

What's up?

The majority leader got
the question last night.

Yeah? And just
kept on digging.

"We have the greatest technology
of any people

"of any country in the world,
along with the greatest--

"not the greatest,
but very serious--

"problems confronting
our people

"and I want to be President

"in order to focus
on these problems

"in a way that uses
the energy of our people

to move us forward, basically."

Yes.

It's the "basically"
that makes it art.

Listen, the best thing we can do
is to take a step back.

We can't be seen to be gloating.

Sure, yeah, we do that
when nobody's looking.

Okay.

Anything else?
No.

They poured Wheatina
on her keyboard.

Listen.

How good is our answer?

It's good.
Really?

Yeah.
What is it?

Do we have one?

Josh!
I'm sure
we have one.

Will you check?

Yeah.

Will you check today?

Yeah.
Thank you.

Okay.

( sighs )

No. The problem is
that Oakenwood thinks

that the mission of the NEA
is to subsidize artists

in this country.

The mission of the NEA
is to subsidize artists

in this country.

Oh, then that's the problem.

In fact, it's not
to subsidize artists--

it's to subsidize art.

Go ahead and explain
that distinction in Topeka.

Well, they're pretty
bright in Topeka.

None of the artists
you mentioned

ever received any direct
money from the Endowment.

Why? Because the last time

the Republicans
tried to lose the NEA--

not three times ago,
but the last time--

we got rid of the
individual grants.

And your friend Oakenwood
found a back door

by giving money directly
to the museums that put on...

Toby, do you like this stuff?

Tawny, you'd need
the Budweiser Clydesdales

to drag my ass
to Picasso and Monet.

I'm not the guy you want
deciding this!

And you're not the guy
I want deciding this!

And I don't know
where you get the idea

that taxpayers
shouldn't have to pay

for anything
of which they disapprove.

Lots of them don't like tanks.

Even more don't like Congress.

( knock at door )

Hi.

Lisa Mulberry, 28,

specializes in
placing genitalia

in anatomically
incorrect...

( growling )

Excuse us.

Sure.

Look, we can't spend soft money
on a primary ad anyway, so...

No,

he's passing
the magic words test.

What magic words test?

U.S. Supreme Court,

Buckley v. Valeo,
the Court created a loophole

by ruling
that campaign finance laws

only apply to communications

that in express terms
advocate the election

or defeat of a clearly
identified candidate
for federal office.

...he just paged me.

If you don't put
"Vote Bartlet" in the ad,

you can pay for it
with unmarked bills

from a bank heist
if you want.

CONNIE:
And we should know.

There's also Footnote 52

where the Court said campaign
finance laws only apply

to communications with the terms
"vote for," "elect," "support"

"cast your ballot for," "Smith
for Congress," "vote against"

"defeat," "reject,"
and that's it.

I'm savant-like.

If it
doesn't use

those specific words?

It is an issue ad.

You know what they say
about money and politics?

No.

It's like water on pavement.

Why is it like water
on pavement?

That's a good...

It finds every crack
and crevice.

The standard
ought to be

does the ad try to influence
the outcome of the election?

If so, you can't use
soft money, period.

Well, zippity-doo-da, Sam.

Excuse me?

That isn't what the standard is.

Now, I think we should run
in the same election

as everybody else.

Toby?

I've got to go back in there.

When I come back, show me an ad
without the magic words.

BABISH:
Francis Pendleton.

ABBEY:
Frank.

This was the case
you settled?
Yeah.

$58,000 payout
from SVM Mutual.

Mm-hmm.

Why didn't that come out
in the campaign?

There was
a confidentiality clause.

No one would know that figure

unless they subpoenaed
the Pendleton settlement papers.

They did.

You performed an
atrioventricular
canal repair on...

Is there a deal to be made?

Is there?

Oliver...

I raise my right hand,

they're halfway
to where they want to be.

Is there a deal?

Can't say they're guaranteed
to be interested.

But they might be.
If they thought

putting you on the stand
was too big a risk.

Why would it be a risk for them?

You know the story
of the desperate man

who breaks into the pharmacy
to get medicine for his wife?

A life is saved,
a window's broken.

Right.

And I get to pay
to have it fixed.

So they might be interested.

What would they what?

At best?

Start with at worst.

At worst?

Yeah.

Suspended jail sentence
of three to five years.

All right, what's the one
right above that?

ALBIE:
The USS Glomar.

Top Secret debacle.
Project Jennifer.

Glomar goes after Clementine,
the sunken Russian Golf.

Six feet a minute, that's
how fast we pulled her up.

Then all of a sudden-- blam!

Her claw breaks in two,
the Golf dangles loose

one sub from another,
steel ripping off,

everything we needed
including its nuclear missile,

its transmitters,
its code books,

everything, gone.

USS Gudgeon, 1957.

Eight Soviet ships
caught her, kept her
cornered for four days.

The oxygen depletion,
migraines, fainting....

Couldn't cook, couldn't
light a cigarette.

They smoke in subs?

They used to.

The Oklahoma, the Hornet,
the Lexington, a CV-2...

the USS Wasp...

( thumping )
Wasp was

a CV-7
out in the Solomon Islands...

Oh, God, I'm sorry,
am I still here?

You lost your boat
in the wrong part of the world

there, Mr. President.

I haven't

lost the boat yet,
Mr. Secretary,

and I happen to be
the only one in the building,

who thinks we should be sending
the Fast Attack subs right now.

And I'm an hour away
from gathering the NSC

and calling Japan.

I'm sorry, I wasn't listening.

I say, you lost your boat

in the wrong part of the world,
Mr. President.

Leo.

Albie.

It was a U.N. action

Mr. Secretary.

16 countries were involved
in that police action,

Mr. Secretary.

33,000-34,000 American dead.

How come we're the only ones
still fighting?

Where did everybody go?!

Well, Columbia's
fighting a drug war.

Ethiopia's trying
to feed itself.

Belgium and the
Netherlands--

well, they've
got cheese

and chocolate
to make, I suppose.

( knock at door )

Sir?
Yeah.

Josh.

Send him in.

Good afternoon, sir.

Hey, Josh.

Joshua.
Good afternoon,
Mr. Secretary.

Anything going on
I should know about?

We're just catching up.

This can wait for another time.

No.

Give it to me now.

I want a distraction.

No, it's, it's all right, sir.

Give it to me.

It's campaign related.

That's okay.

Well, the majority leader
got the question last night.

He tanked.

Yeah, and we're starting

to put together an answer
for when you get it.

The question?

Why do you want to be President?

I don't.

Well, we'll...

put that in the hopper
and show you a draft.

Good.

Thank you,
Mr. President.

Leo?

55 minutes.

( clock ticking )

and progress
around the world.

I'm running for reelection
'cause I want to make sure

that all our people can share
in 21st century jobs.

C.J.:
Jobs and
industries

we can't even imagine today.

Bring the benefits
of new medical advancements

to all our families.

And harness new technology
and the Internet

as a force for faster
economic growth.

Better education

and a freer exchange of ideas
around the world.

Yes.
There it is.

That's fine.

( blows raspberry )

Hmm.

You want to say something?

No.

I thought it was...

( blows raspberry )

It's got crisp,
commanding phrases.

It's got active verbs
like "harness."

It paints a picture
of the future.

That's why somebody wants
to become President?

Medical research
and the Internet?

She's got a point.

Sometimes you get your face
on a coin.

Okay...

this shouldn't be hard.

You guys should charge money
for this.

Tawny, you should sell tickets
and charge money

and call it
"Journey Back to Germany"

where, in 1937, they held a show
of degenerate art,

vilifying art
they deemed sick.

Art that featured

insolent mockery of the divine.

Art that wasted the taxes
of the German working people.

Well, how much do you think
we could get?

Look...

I think it's in
incredibly bad taste

to equate the U.S. Congress
with the Nazis.

Me, too.

Toby...

In Europe and Japan,

they're spending
between $1.5

and $3 billion on the arts.

Congress thinks $105 million
is indulgent?

Yes.

There is a connection
between the progress

of a society
and progress in the arts.

The age of Peracles
was also the age of Phidias.

The age of Lorenzo de Medici
was also the age

of Leonardo da Vinci.

The age of Elizabeth was
the age of Shakespeare.

Ain't none of these guys
da Vinci or Shakespeare.

Says you.

Let's wait till November.

See how many voters
agree with me.

National Parks?

National Park security.

Security?

Yeah.

Really?

Yeah.

The parks are safe, Tawny.

We spend a lot of money
on that.

They could be safer.

And the money
for that could

come from someplace else.

Like where?

Like...

New taxes?

Yeah.

What do you want?

Get rid of Oakenwood.

We'll find the money
someplace else.

Get rid of Oakenwood.

Yeah.

ABBEY:
What if I agree

to a suspension of my license?

I agree to a suspension
of my license

for the length of Jed's term.

If he serves
a second term,

it includes
those years, too.

All three states?

New Hampshire,
Missouri and Arizona.

I pay a fine.

I pay a fine,
and the violation is recorded

in the Practioners' Databank.

And I resign from all boards
and organizations.

That gives them a clear win,
right?

Yeah.

So what do you think?

You're not my client.
Yes, but I'm saying...

It's not my job

to protect your medical license.

What do you think?

I think it's good.
Yeah?

Any White House Counsel would
think it was good.

Will you help me

convince the President?

No.
Why?

Because it stinks.

You just said it was good.

It stinks.
In a good way?

No.
Oliver...

You broke some laws, Abbey,
and quite frankly,

you should be ashamed
of yourself

but this investigation
isn't about that.

Look...

It's about the criminalization
of politics.

An attempt to do
in a hearing room

what they couldn't do
at the ballot box.

I understand,
but we don't have the luxury...

Abbey, stop
eating fruits.

Stop eating
vegetables.

It's doing something bad to you.

Fruits and vegetables
will seduce you

like a woman with...
Oliver!

Truth isn't a luxury.

You're going to go in there.

You're going to swear an oath.

You're going to get
asked questions.

You're going to tell the truth.

It's the way you stand up
and say, "Stop!"

You should be careful, Oliver.

You keep talking like a person,

they're going to kick you out
of the bar.

I've been kicked out of bars
before.

I meant...
I know
what you meant.

BRUNO:
Instead of

"Jed Bartlet's
fighting

to rebuild
crumbling schools"

we'll make it
"We're fighting

to rebuild
crumbling schools."

And we've got a picture
of the President on the screen.

BRUNO:
Yeah, and we change

"Vote Bartlet for America"
to, uh,

"Paid for by Democrats
for America."

SAM:
You've changed

five words.
Magic words.

They're not magic.
It's an illusion.

It's a scam.

Yeah.

Where are we?
Bruno and Connie
have managed

to fight their way
out of the straitjacket

of our campaign finance laws.

BRUNO:
It's an issue ad.

It's a candidate ad

with some words changed.

Magic words.

Connie.

I don't know of any other way
to fight fire, Toby.

Why are you so bent

on countering these idiot
leaflets?

'Cause I am tired of
working for candidates

who make me think I
should be embarrassed

to believe what
I believe, Sam!

I'm tired of getting
them elected!

We all need
some therapy

because somebody
came along

and said liberal
means soft on crime

soft on drugs,
soft on Communism,

soft on defense.

And we're going to tax you
back to the Stone Age

because people shouldn't have
to go to work

if they don't want to.

And instead of saying,
"Well, excuse me,

"you right wing, reactionary,

"xenophobic, homophobic
anti-education,

"anti-choice,
pro-gun

Leave it to Beaver trip
back to the '50s"

we cowered in the corner
and said,

"Please don't hurt me."

No more.

I really don't care
who's right, who's wrong.

We're both right.

We're both wrong.

Let's have two parties, huh?

What do you say?

( sighs )

I agree.

Toby...

So let's stick

to the spirit of the law.

The spirit of the law

means no soft money.

No, I'm saying
let's do an issue ad.

An actual issue ad.

Let's do a bunch.

Health care.

Equal opportunity.

School construction.
School construction.

Does anyone think
that raising awareness

of crumbling schools
won't help us?

There's actually
a reasonable point here.

New polls see Republicans
as better on education

with no basis for it.

And the ad could spark a debate
on the issue, which would help.

And we take a parallel path
on our free media.

Yeah.

CONNIE:
"Across America
our schools

"are crumbling.

"Holes in the walls

"kids packed into trailers
like sardines in a can.

Half of America's
schools are in
disrepair."

And when schools
fall down, so
do test scores.

This isn't bad.

I like this.

Yes?

Why am I nervous?

It's not amoral.

( laughs )

Yeah.

Okay.

"Across America,
schools are crumbling."

ALBIE:
...sweeping Wonsan Harbor
near Sin-Do Island

turned to starboard,
hit a mine--

bam-- sank!

The USS Gurke,
the Saint Paul,

the Irwin, a DD-794,

Thank you.

...the John W. Morrison,

which took 150 rounds
of 107 mm air bursts

from a shore battery
at Hodo Pando, 1953.

The Manchester...

Okay.

I beg your pardon?

It's time.

You've still got ten minutes
by my watch, Mr. President.

Yeah. We're going now.

What happens,
you contact Pac Fleet?

And Pac Fleet contacts Ballast.

In San Diego,
right?
Yes, sir.

We've got a C-141 Starlifter

at North Island.

It'll transport
the DSRVs.

Tell me what they do.

They submerge
and approach Whiskey-3

and dock with it.
Whiskey-3?

It's Portland's
code name, sir.

Once they're secure,
the rescue team will

blow out the docking collar,
and the survivors will exit

through the forward escape trunk
in groups of 24.

How many trips will it take?

Six trips to off-load them all.

What about injured?

There'll be a medical team,
but any seriously injured

will be MedEvacked
to Tokyo.

Ten-hut.

Let's go get 'em.
Time's up.

Sir.
What?

We have Whiskey-3-Charlie
on sat high com.

What does that mean?

We have the Portland
on satellite.

What does that mean?

We have them.

COMMAND:
Whiskey-3-Charlie,

this is Pac Fleet.

Report your whiskey, over.

PORTLAND:
Pac Fleet,

Whiskey-3-Charlie,

whiskey is 36.6 degrees north
by 110 west.

Went deep and quiet to avoid
close aboard contact

with LUDA-class destroyer.

Mechanical situation's
at full-op.

Whiskey-3-Charlie,
this is Pac Fleet.

Roger all, happy hunting.

( clears throat )

All right.

Okay.

There they are.

See, they went deep and quiet
to avoid a close aboard

with a LUDA-class destroyer.

What you got to do
in these situations is,

you trust the captain,
you trust the crew.

Yes, sir.

Hey.

Good afternoon, sir.

It got filed?

Yes, sir.

It got filed.

Yes, sir.

So I'm on the ballot
in New Hampshire.

Yeah.

Okay.

When Romans ran
for the office of Consul...

Did I just see you
roll your eyes?

No, sir.
They wore
whitened togas

to show their intent.

A bit silly, perhaps.

Perhaps.

But it was an act of
personal commission.

Mr. President.

What?

I know how much
you like to think of yourself

as a man of the people--
Roman references and all--

but you're the only person

who can launch
our nuclear weapons.

You travel
in a fully-secured perimeter.

You rescue submarines.

Maybe it's time
for it to be okay

that an aide delivers
a piece of paper.

You're pretty mouthy today.

C.J.'s waiting inside, sir.

Hey.

Good afternoon,
Mr. President.

Hey...

do you duck when you're
getting on Marine One?

No, sir.

Okay.

Should I?

I think the blades
are high enough.

The majority leader got
the question last night.

I heard.

He went to the zoo.

Yeah. Listen,

I want you to go easy on him.

He's a conscientious
and dedicated guy.

It's not an easy question.

Can you answer it?

Why do I want to be President?

Yeah.

( sighs )

I've been
thinking about it

for the last couple of hours.

I almost had it.

( sighs )