All language subtitles for A Very Serious Person (2006)

Gil!
It's time for breakfast!

I'm coming!

Who are you supposed to be?
Cleopatra again?

No, I'm Marie Antoinette.

Well, you don't look very grand.

I'm in the tumbrel
on my way to the guillotine.

Can we watch
"Gone With The Wind" today?

I brought the tapes.

Certainly not.
That movie is four hours long.

Three hours and forty minutes.

I told you we'd watch it
on the first rainy day.

Let's go shopping.

I have to wait for the next
loser to arrive.

Standards have certainly gone
downhill since I was a nurse.

What's this one's name?

Jan, or Janice.
Something like that.

I'll be dead
before she arrives -

dead and buried!

I thought you didn't
want to be buried.

That's right.
I don't.

And the minute I croak,
Betty has the phone number

the hospital will whisk me
away and that's the end of me.

I was gonna send these
to a thrift shop,

but maybe I should have
willed these plates to someone.

I want your gold charm bracelet.

I told you you're getting it.

It's in my safe deposit box
until you're 21.

Some day you'll be able
to give it to your wife.

Why can't I have it now?

I'm not going to give a kid
a gold charm bracelet.

Ten to one you'll lose it!

No, I won't!
I'll keep it in a jewelry box.

It'll help me remember you.

You're full of shit.

Gil, you know
you're a big, fat liar?

What?

You promised you'd
go swimming today.

I've paid for 12 swimming
lessons and I'm going to be

very mad if this summer ends
and you're still dog paddling.

I don't see what's so important
about learning to swim.

Everyone has to be
self-sufficient

and know how to swim,
type and drive!

I don't want you ending up
a recluse,

watching old movies
on television all day.

There's a swimming
class at two o'clock.

Put your suit on.

Wait!
I'm getting a cold.

My nose is stuffed up...

I need a Tums.

A Tums is for your tummy.

Well, I'm feeling
sort of nauseous, too.

You must think
I'm a complete idiot.

I'm serious.
I don't feel well.

Tomorrow you're going swimming -
and no excuses!

Ahh!

Why do you scream?

You scared me.

Is this your house?

Yes.
Who are you?

I've been sent from the agency.

What agency?

Are you the nurse?

Mrs. Aronson
is your grandmother?

Yes.

She's in her room upstairs.
Everyone's asleep.

Where are you from?
You have an accent.

Who else lives here?

Just me, my grandmother
and Betty, our housekeeper.

She came with us from New York.
Is that where you're from?

You come here every summer?

Yeah, unfortunately.

Why didn't you call?
My grandmother was very worried.

Where are your parents?

I've never had a father.

My mother didn't think
that was important.

She died six years ago.

How long have you been a nurse?

Where is my room?

This is my grandmother's room.

Mine is on the left and Betty's
is right down the hall.

She gets up very early to make
my grandmother's breakfast.

Of course, my grandmother
gets up even earlier.

She says since she's been sick

she's lost all sense
of day and night.

This is your room.

My mother did that painting
when she was in college.

Are you interested in art?

I draw, but writing is
really my passion.

Do you like old movies?

Oh...
Are you... ?

Is it... time?

Time, Mrs. Aronson?

You're from�

Denmark.
I'm Jan.

There was some confusion
as to the time of my arrival.

In this light... I thought
you were the grim reaper.

Are you a registered nurse?

Oh, yes.

You need more pillows.

I don't really like--

I want your head lifted.
That's important.

There's a smell of damp.

Mildew.
It's everywhere.

I don't much care for that.

The bedpan, I presume?

We can find better.

You think?

Ja... I think.

Excuse me?

I'm Jan, the nurse.

What happened to Jan?

That I could not tell you.

I imagine you must be Betty.

What are you doing?

Making a breakfast for my lady.

Well, the lady is very
particular about what she eats,

which is practically nothing.
I'll fix the breakfast!

What goes in and comes out of my
patient is very much my concern.

She has a bad reaction
to dairy products.

There is no dairy in this.

You should have slippers on.

What's in it?
It looks disgusting.

It's one of those
vitamin drinks.

My grandmother doesn't
believe in vitamins.

- She hates that shit.
- I beg your pardon.

She calls it "woo woo."
Shirley MacLaine.

Weird!
She won't drink it.

Let me go in first.
You're not what she expected.

Good morning.

Jan, you've met my little group?

Oh, yes.

Let's see what you've
cooked up here.

I'm dubious.

Mmm... it's nice and cold.

Is there ice cream in here?

No.
It's made from rice.

And yet it's so rich and creamy.

And it has a kind of
wonderful, nutty taste.

Flaxseed oil.

I never go anywhere
without my magic ingredients.

Betty is an ice cream nut.
Take a sip.

That's all right.

I have a constant craving
for something cold.

How did you know that?

Nursing is about anticipation.

Well, today is bath day.

When you're ready,
give me a holler.

Mrs. Aronson is already bathed.

Oh, Betty, don't look
so shocked.

It was the most exciting thing
that's happened to me in years.

I've had it!

He barks orders at me like I'm
some coffee shop dishwasher.

I won't be treated that way!

Betty, the rod is crooked.

And he pushes this one around
like he's in boot camp.

There's nothing wrong
with a little discipline.

Gil, take off my turban.

You're gonna get it
all stretched out.

Betty, it's all bunched
up on one side.

I thought we were gonna
have a fun summer.

I thought it was gonna be,
you know, just us.

And he's always there -

always wanting to
do things his way.

Well, I have my own ways,
thank you very much.

It's too late now for me to be
pushed around by this...

Nazi!

He's very good with me.
I like having a male nurse.

Hmm... if you can
call him male.

Jan is the first health care
person I can count on

since this torture began.
You want me to fire him?

Please?

Gil, it's time you grew up.

And Betty, it's time
you acted your age.

Gil, I let you
get away with murder.

You promised you'd make every
effort to learn to swim.

All right, all ready!
I'm tired of hearing about it.

Then do it!
Today!

That Mrs. Kupchunas teaches
Mondays, Wednesdays

and Fridays at two o'clock.

I hate her
and I hate that place.

You have the worst
genes in the world.

Cancer, heart disease, diabetes.

It all runs in our family!

If you don't exercise, I promise
you, you will drop dead

of a heart attack
before the age of 50!

Okay! I'll swim.

This is the worst summer
of my entire life.

Stroke and stroke.

Breathe.

That's right, Mr. Horowitz.
Very good.

Travis, pay attention.

Right and left and right,
inhale.

Almost, Gil.
Good.

Travis!

Gil, face in the water.

Stop it!
I'm drowning!

Gil, Mr. Horowitz and Travis
are already pollywogs.

You're going to stay a tadpole
until you master this.

When that right arm comes up,
you take a breath.

Water.

I beg your pardon, Mr. Horowitz?

Water, warm.

Gil, did you pee-pee
in the pool?

Gil, where are you going?
We still have 20 minutes left.

No way!

Get back in the pool,
young man, now!

No!

but don't drown it.
And the right fertilizer can

make all the difference
in the world.

particularly in the beginning.
It's a tough little cookie.

I can't believe what I'm seeing.

You actually got into the pool?

Yes.
And I'm never going back.

What do I do about that?

Well, today's the day.

What's today?

The first rainy day.

You promised we'd watch
"Gone With The Wind" together.

Oh, I'm so sorry, honey.
I just can't.

Why not?

I can't take any
sound right now.

My head is bursting.

Just watch a little
and I bet you'll get into it.

Please, honey.
Let's watch it another time.

But I want to watch it today.

Turn that off!

Turn it off right now.
I mean it!

No!
You promised!

Your grandmother
is not well today.

Go to your room and read
or work on your writing.

You're always sick when I need
you to do something.

- I can't fight with you today.
- Why did we have to come here?

I hate this house!
I hate this whole summer!

Come on!
Watch the movie with me!

Please! Please!!

What am I gonna do?

WATCH THE MOVIE!!!!

Let go of me!

What are you doing?
Let go of me!!

What's your problem?
I can't stand you!

I'm so humiliated.

Gil, you're making such a mess!!

Why are you cutting up all those
nice old magazines?

They could be valuable.

Oh, Betty, cool it.

I'm sure he'll make something
wonderful out of it.

He always does.

I'm going into town
to pick up your prescriptions.

Gil, care to join me?

Gil, take a walk with Jan.
You need some air.

I want to finish this.

Finish it later.
I want you to get some sun.

But put a hat on.

All right.

And straighten up
and stop slumping.

You just wait.
You're gonna have

a great big hump on your
back by the time you're 40.

I saw you roll your
eyes just now!

- Walk faster.
- It's hot.

Don't you ever sweat?

Only commonplace people sweat.

- Are you some kind of snob?
- Absolutely not.

I have pity
for low-class people

who cannot control
their sweat glands.

At the end of the summer I hear
you'll be going to Florida.

Yeah.

Are you close to
these relatives?

Met 'em once. Three times.

Grandma says they're
well-meaning simpletons,

whatever that is.

Perhaps you'd prefer going
to a boarding school.

I'd rather eat my own tongue.

Let's turn here.

So then you are dismissing
the entire state of Florida?

Not the state...
just the people that live there.

Where the hell are we?

We're taking a shortcut so you
won't die of heat prostration.

Shall we go in and dip
our feet in the pool?

We can't do that.
That's trespassing.

You don't have much of a sense
of adventure, do you?

This is good.

Reminds me somewhat
of the Cote D'Azur.

- What's that?
- The south of France.

When were you there?

When I was dancing,

we would do a season
every year in Monte Carlo.

- You were a ballet dancer?
- Modern dancer.

I don't know why
I'm telling you this.

You never seem very interested
in anyone but yourself.

I've asked you
a zillion questions,

but you never answer them.

I'm interested in conversation,
not an interrogation.

In St. Tropez there was
a gorgeous stretch of beach

where we could sunbathe nude.

Everyone was naked?
Boys and girls together?

We were dancers.
It was perfectly natural.

In Scandinavia
we are raised to sit

in the sauna with our families.

The whole family
gets naked together?

I had no idea
you were so provincial.

What are you doing?
He'll kick us out.

May I help you, Miss?

I'd like a Perrier, with a lime.
And Gil, what are you drinking?

A coke?

Take your hand
away from your face.

You look like a criminal.

He called you "Miss."

I really hadn't noticed.

Go dip your feet
in the pool

and tell me if the water
is cold or tepid.

It's pretty warm.

I'd go in if I had
my bathing suit.

Here is your bathing suit.

- How'd you get it?
- Put it on.

There's no place to change.

Cover yourself with this.
No one will see.

These people have
many other concerns.

What are you making?

It will let itself be known.

I think it's going
to be a scarf.

You may very well be correct.

It really is warm.

What's the name of the actress
in the old movies?

She's always in the water,
in beautiful color.

Esther Williams?

Ja, Esther Williams.
She always makes me laugh.

She keeps smiling
even when she's underwater.

Then she rises out of
the swimming pool

with all sorts of flaming
torches around her

and she still has this big,
fat smile on her face.

I wish you could do that.
That would be amusing.

Let me try.

No! I don't want you to get ill.

I'm gonna do it.

I really don't think you should.

Oh, that was very funny.

Let me try it again.

Oh, I like that.

There was a beautiful dance
by the Ballet Russes

about swimming,
called Le Train Bleu.

The story was by Cocteau.

The backdrop curtain
was painted by Picasso.

The costumes
were by Chanel.

Tres chic.
Tres elegant.

My grandmother sometimes
wears Chanel Number Five.

Of course she does.

You should swim as if you were
dancing "Le Train Bleu"

for Monsieur Diaghilev.

It doesn't look like
you're dancing.

That's because I'm in the water.

Kick your feet more -
little, gentle kicks.

Round the arm...

From your shoulder
down to the fingers.

Give me beautifully
arched fingers.

It's a more elegant line if you
dip your face in the water.

- When do I breathe?
- Forget about the breathing.

He's gotta breathe.

When he has to breathe,
he will breathe.

Tuck your head down like a swan.

Then raise it up out of the
water to see the sky.

Bravo!

You see?
He swims like a champion.

What are you looking for?

A beauty salon that is
somewhat disreputable,

but not too hideous.

I wonder.

Is this a full-service salon?

Depends what you mean
by full service.

Do you do eyelash tinting?

It's against the law, you know.

Ja.

You've had this done before?

Ja.

Who told you to come here?

Intuition.

Get inside.
Lee, draw the blinds.

I still say you should've used
deep black on those brows.

Lee, the man doesn't want
to look like Joan Crawford.

Okay?

There's a big article
here on ballet.

Jan used to be a dancer.

I am a great devotee
of the dance.

I went to the ballet all the
time when I lived in Philly.

He was a modern dancer.

If you can't stick a
dollar in their g-strings,

I ain't interested.

Lee, don't be so crass.

Okay, we leave this on
for ten minutes.

Your eyelashes are really long.

Ah, look, the young Hitler.

Kid, you could use a trim.
On the house.

Can you put streaks in?

Don't you dare.

And don't use the clippers -
just a scissors.

Fraulein Maria,
we're ready for you

to start singing
"My Favorite Things" now.

Don't worry.
Lee is a genius hair cutter.

I keep expecting he's gonna
give notice and pick up

and move to Atlantic City
to be with the boyfriend.

Glenda!

I can't believe you just outed
me in front of the kid.

Well, suffice to say,
my better half, Randy,

does live in Atlantic City.

He has a fantastic apartment.
But that's our problem.

We have completely
different tastes in decor.

He loves clutter
and heavy Victoriana,

whereas I am more into
black and white deco

and clean lines.
I guess there's a possibility-

How long will this go on?

I think that dye needs to stand
for another five minutes.

I meant your story.

Ta-da!

Keep your face in the
water a bit longer.

Count to ten,
and then lift up.

I've had enough.
I'm getting out.

You've been in the
water five minutes.

I thought you were beginning
to enjoy this a little.

Forget it.
I just can't do it.

What are you rebelling against?

Me?

I don't care if you
learn to swim.

Your grandma?

She'll be gone in a few months.

What do you want?
To be stronger?

That's always good.

I don't know.
I'm confused.

Don't be confused!

A serious person knows
what is important to him.

All right.
I'll swim...

just to the middle
and that's it.

Is that your son?

I work for his grandmother.

Maybe I'll try
to get to the end.

If you think that's best.

You have an interesting
method of teaching swimming.

Francais?

De Montreal.

- Et you?
- Denmark.

How long are you staying here?

We don't belong here.
We just use the pool.

I won't tell anyone.

Shall we join him in the water?

I don't know how to swim.

Does the boy know that?

So many secrets.

Excellent improvement
over yesterday.

This is--

Gilles.

That's funny.
His name is Gil.

Gilles, Gil.

Gil, Gilles.

- Very amusing.
- Ha, ha.

And you?
Your name?

It's Jan.

I'm getting cold.
Let's go back.

I'm here just for the weekend

with my sister
and her girlfriend.

We're leaving tomorrow.

It's rather lonely being
one man with two lesbians.

Do you have any plans
for the evening?

Speak English!

Gil, your cousin Carol
just called.

She's going to be in New York
on business and she thought

while she's up north
she'd pay us a visit.

She's bringing Larry with her.

That's her son?

He's a couple of years
older than Gil.

It'll be good to get
know them better

before you go down there.

They're such dullards.

Dullards?
Where'd you get that from?

You.

My, don't you look handsome.

Are you sure it's all
right for me to go?

Please.

And if you order anything
particularly delicious,

bring me the leftovers.

I can't remember the last time
I dined in a restaurant.

I'd bring you half the meal
if I thought you would eat it.

Off with you.

I have my cellphone
if you need me.

Go!

All right then.

Please don't think I'm
some sort of sex addict.

In fact, it's been
rather a long time.

The same with me.

My sister and her lover
will be out very late.

I can't believe they're
in bed at this hour.

It's only nine o'clock.

I'm so sorry.

Well, what can you do?

Oh, no.
Don't.

You're not here to work.

What?

We're supposed to be
doing this together.

I'm not your patient.

I didn't mean
to hurt your feelings.

It's... the way I am.

You've been a nurse
for a very long time?

I suppose I've been a nurse

one way or another
my entire life.

I had a much younger sister
who was very fragile.

I took care of her...

but when she died I was away.

That must have been
difficult for you.

I have nothing
to feel guilty about.

I was on tour.
I couldn't--.

I didn't mean to suggest...

Mon dieu.

This is Jan.

My sister, Maude.

Who's that girl?

Scarlett?

It's Vivien Leigh.

Who else would it be?

What did you say her name was?

Vivien Leigh.
She's your favorite actress.

I'm sorry.

I'm afraid you're gonna
have to turn it off.

Should I call Betty?

No, it's late.
I don't want to bother her.

You want... some water?

Betty!

Stop it. Please.
Betty!!!

Marianne is coming
down with a cold.

We didn't go out.

But she took some medicine.
She won't wake up till morning!

Yes. Okay.

The ambulance is on the way.

I'll call Jan on his cell phone.

It's all right... it's all right.

Shhh.

I think I'd better go.

No. Don't!

My poor little brother
hasn't been laid in months.

Okay.

I'm going to go
outside and smoke

and you have ten minutes
to finish up.

I'm gonna ask you
a few questions.

Mrs. Aronson, how old are you?

What a terrible thing
to ask a lady.

I'm, um- I just had a birthday.

Didn't I?

Mrs. A, answer the question.

How old do I look?

Now remember,
I have no makeup on.

Who's the President
of the United States?

Abraham Lincoln!

Grandma, would you cool it?

Tell them who's the President.

Gil, I want you to go to bed.
Right now!

I mean it!
Right now!

Look, I forgot to
take my medication.

This sort of thing
happens to me.

I have no intention
of spending the night

in some grotesque
hospital emergency room.

End of discussion!

What's happened?

You're a little late,
but everything's under control.

Where the fuck were you,
asshole?!

I tried to call you!

You're the world's
most rotten nurse.

Where the fuck were you?!

Look who's here.
You missed all the action.

Our girl forgot to take her
anti-seizure medication.

I had it all set up
for you on the bureau.

I know you did.
You were perfect.

If I were perfect,
I would have been here

and none of this
would have happened.

Poor Betty.

Go to bed and get some sleep.

What I need is a
good shot of whiskey.

I don't know...

I just don't know.

What don't you know?

I had this brilliant master plan

that Gil and I would have
this beautiful summer.

That's all I asked for.

I just don't know
if I'm going to make it.

I'm beginning to think it was
very selfish of me,

keeping Gil with me this long.

This is a very
determined young man.

I know that he wants every
minute he can have with you.

I don't think you should
deny him that.

Jan is right.

Please, don't send me away.

I won't act silly anymore.

I'll be good.
I promise.

You are good.

I'm sorry.

Shh... shh... you're a good boy.

Glenda, you gotta cut
some layers into that hair.

That one-length Pocahontas
look is so over.

I like Jan's hair
just the way it is.

Life is about change.

I became a redhead
at the age of 60.

My goal is to be remarried
by the age of 60.

And if my boyfriend, Harvey,
doesn't propose soon,

I'm gonna be a murderess
by the age of 50.

Jan says only stupid people
have to be paired off

like animals on Noah's ark.

- Does he really?
- Yeah.

And after lunch today,

he's going to take me
to Coney Island.

Oh, wow.
Jan's hair is perfect.

Jan's taking me to Coney Island.

Jan knows everything!

Jan and Gil sitting in a tree,
K-l-S-S-l-N-G.

That's not funny!

Yeah, take it back.

No.
Make me.

Jan and Gil kissin1 in a tree�

Stop it!

Take it back or I shall
throw my coke at you.

Hey, none of that in here.

I was just kidding.
Can't you take a joke?

Take it back.

No.

Prepare to die.

You come near me
with that shampoo

and I'll have you deported,
you stale piece of danish.

What kind of salon is this?!

I am getting really mad!

This is totally filled with
iced tea and you both know

I have got better aim
than either of you.

Oh, yeah?
Just try it!

Get him, Gil!

I'm a struggling divorcee
trying to run a business here!

I'm sorry, Mrs. Nadel.

They were making you
a human shield.

This is no way
to run a business!

I know that!
Oh, my God!

Hey!

I'll get you, you little runt!

What is going on here?

One!

Two!

Three!

Ahhhhhh!

You motherfuckers!

You Americans always
want to be happy.

Why is it necessary
to walk around every day

like a grinning village idiot?

Well, I don't want to be
depressed all the time.

Life is full of questions.

If one reflects intelligently
about them, one gets depressed.

Be grateful for five minutes
of happiness twice a year.

Let's go in there!
Let's get our picture taken!

How much does it cost to
get your picture taken?

The two of you together?

Thirty dollars
and you get two prints.

Wow!
That much?

I guess we'd better skip it.

No.

This would make a nice gift
for your grandmother.

I have some money.

And I'll put it in a fine
genuine antique frame

for only an additional $25.

For you I'll make it $20.

Just the picture will do.

If the antique doesn't grab you,
go contemporary.

We got aluminum, brass.

An elegant black
is always a big favorite.

Just the photo.

You want the photo in
black and white, color or sepia?

Definitely sepia.

Whatcha got there?

I want you to wear this?

You want him to be
a confederate, huh?

And I'm gonna wear this.
Do you have wigs?

Yeah, sure.
Blonde, red, brunette.

Oh, you don't want to wear that.

I do.

This is for your grandmother.
I'll find something for you.

Let me wear this.
It'll be funny.

It's like we're an
old time couple.

The kid's got imagination.

Here.
This is much better.

Yeah, that looks real sharp.
You look like a young cadet.

Look in the mirror.
You'll like this.

I don't like this.

No, this is perfect.

Stop it!
Forget the whole thing.

Gil!

You sure know how
to kill a good time.

There are certain things
we might find amusing,

that other people
may not understand.

You need to loosen up.

Grandma says that's
how you get a stroke.

Let's get our
handwriting analyzed.

Dude?
Are you okay?

Jan! Are you okay?

I'm not sure.

- Let's call a taxi.
- I know the number.

I know it must hurt
like the devil,

but it's only a slight sprain.

You've gotta stay off your
feet for a couple of days.

Betty, fill a...

Basin?

Yes, fill it with some...

What the hell
am I trying to say?

Warm water and Epsom Salts.

Right... now do it.

Aye, Aye, Captain.

You're going to have
to sleep down here.

Gil, go upstairs and get some
pillows, sheets and blankets

and Jan's pajamas.

No, no, this really
isn't necessary.

You do as I say!

I'm the head nurse now.

Oh, I'm enjoying this.

You wanna play cards?

I'll teach you Rummy 500?

No.

You want me to
scratch your back?

It'll really relax you.

Noo.

I know.

We can watch
"Gone With The Wind."

Ja.

Gil, what is it
you write all day?

I call them my "lives."

Are they stories?

They're more like outlines.

I go year by year and write down
the story of a person's life.

So who is this?

This is Cassandra Lee Evans.

She's a great star
of stage and screen.

She died last year.

Well, actually,
all of them are dead.

Why do they all have to die?
That's rather grim.

They have to die.
The story has to have an end.

But some of them
live to be very old.

Eleanor Stevens
lived to be 98.

She was in silent films.

What was Cassandra Lee's fate?

I'm still working on it.

She was born in 1920 in Ireland,
and I'm only up to 1946,

so she's 26 years old.

She was raised in an orphanage
and at the age of 19

she was discovered
by David O. Selznick -

and was even up for the role

of Scarlett in "Gone
With The Wind,"

but she got raped
and couldn't do it.

Did they find the man
who raped her?

That's not really important,
but during World War II

she entertained the soldiers
and she fell madly in love

with her piano player.

And I think the night before
they get married,

he's gonna get
killed by a Nazi.

Perhaps he lives
and writes her a show.

Yeah.
Like a big Broadway musical!

And on the opening night,
on her way

to the glamorous party,
she gets raped in the taxi.

Wasn't she raped once all ready?

Well, I guess she
could get cancer.

She gets a wonderful review.

That's boring.

No.

But you see, up till
now she's only been

in the corps de ballet.
This was her first solo.

Here it's the opening
night party,

and the newspapers come in.

She gets a rave review.
So she searches for her lover -

The piano player--
The composer!

Ja.

No one has seen him
for quite some time.

She goes into the powder room
to fix her makeup.

She opens the door
and suddenly there he is -

kissing this woman
she has never seen.

"Who is this woman?" she asks.

"This is my wife."

So she gets drunk
and stumbles home.

And then,
behind the Plaza Hotel,

a man grabs and rapes her.

Oh, Gil!

But then, she finds a gun
in her purse and kills him?

Ja, she kills the bastard.

You have a very big
knot back here.

That knot is ten years
of Mrs. Abatelli

and her depilatory problems.

Are you wearing makeup?

What do you got, X-ray eyes?

No, it's just that your
face looks so perfect.

Well, I'm in
the beauty business.

Can't look like an old hag.

Besides, it's just a
little "touch-and- glow,"

a little "here and there."

A little "kiss-me-quick."

Those magic fingers!
Where'd you learn this?

When I was dancing, if someone
in the company was injured,

I discovered I had a talent
for easing their pain.

How do you get
your lips so shiny?

It's a secret weapon.

Bonnie Bell Bubblegum Glitter
Lip Gloss.

Can I try some?

Yeah.
Just use a little bit though.

Towards the end of my marriage,
I was involved -

well, let's just say it -

I was having an affair with the
next door neighbor's husband.

I'm not proud of this,
but, oh...

his sense of touch--

Lee, come outside
and have a smoke with me.

An overture of friendship.

I may faint.

Jan, you don't smoke.

Well, sometimes grownups
do very stupid things.

Gee, before I know it,

you'll be asking me to
be your brunch buddy.

What the hell do you
think you're doing?

What?
What did I do?

Encouraging the boy
to put on makeup.

We were having fun?

Have you learned that
word in English yet?

F-U-N. Fun!

I am trying to
prepare this child

to live with his
relatives in Florida.

And yet you encourage
this this camp behavior.

Do you know what will happen
to him in his new school?

Do you want him to be ridiculed?
Do you want him beat up?

This kid is who he is.

You're not going to change
that by telling him

that being a queen is a
fate worse than death.

I thought you were
merely stupid,

now I begin to think
you are evil.

You just wait a God-damned,
old-fashioned American minute.

You have crossed the line here.

That kid is gay.
GAY!

He is obsessed with
old movie actresses.

He likes playing beauty parlor.

That was me when I was his age.
And I bet it was you, too.

I don't want to hear
a gay pride speech.

Listen to me.

I was told by my teachers,
by my parents, by my brother

that I had to try to pass.

That I had to dress
in a certain way,

that I had to take the queeny
inflection out of my voice,

play sports I hated
and was lousy at,

in order to protect me
from being made fun of

or get beaten up.

I did everything they wanted,
and I was miserable.

I hated myself more
and I still got beaten up.

You live in a very pretty,
gay fantasy world,

where if you are fabulous
and outrageous,

everyone will love you.

Jan, if you take that wonderful
kid who is so free

and expressive and you get
him all self-conscious

and starting
to dislike himself--

Well, in my humble opinion,
that is a crime.

But you see,
I don't respect your opinion.

You're a very silly person.

So you think that
I'm a bad influence?

At least I don't go
around encouraging him

to act like my boyfriend

because it suits
my sick, twisted ego.

What's the matter?
You can't take the truth, babe?

Don't misunderstand me.

I'm not a homewrecker, exactly�

Listen, Frigidaire,
you can take your

neurotic self-hatred
and shove it!

That is if there's room next
to that icicle up your ass!

Hey!
None of that in here!

Ow!

Be proud, Gil!
Proud!

May I come in?

Grandma says you should
change your bandage.

Gil, I don't need our help.

It's very kind of you,
but I can take care of myself.

Why were you
so mad at Lee today?

Nothing important.

Are you gay?

What?

Are you gay?

Ja.

So am I.

What do you think gay means?

I like pretty things,
and making stuff,

and old movies and records.

Those are silly cliches.
There's more to it than that.

You mean, liking guys?

So you find yourself
attracted to other boys?

I don't know.
I'm not sure.

Then why are we having
this conversation?

Do you like being gay?

It's not a question
of liking or disliking.

It's what I am
and I'm fine with it.

Then what's wrong
with me being gay?

There is nothing wrong
if you really are gay.

But you're very young.

How old were you
when you knew you were gay?

I thought I could talk
to you about this stuff.

I am here for you.

I can do my best to be wise.

Can I ask you a really
personal question?

No.

But I thought you said-

Goodnight!

I don't see why you have
to move heaven and earth

to spend a fortune at that
fancy hotel restaurant

when I could make
a lovely lunch at home.

I have not seen my niece
in three years!

I don't want Carol to see me
as some pathetic, sick old lady.

All right, all right.

I have the cane.
Just get my legs.

Thank you.

Here's your purse.

Now just get in the car
and drive us to the hotel.

Are we ready yet?

I've been with the Mummers
now for five or six seasons.

I started out painting flats
and sewing the costumes,

and now they've
got me directing.

You wouldn't believe the
production we were able

to put on
for a measly $5,000.

Of course, none of us were paid.
We do it just for the fun of it.

But I tell ya, I delivered
a "Damn Yankees"

that our group
can be very proud of.

I can't believe the weight
you've lost, Carol.

I can see your pretty
jaw line again.

Aunt Ruth, you always say that.

I haven't had a weight problem
since I was 18 years old.

I have the movie of
"Damn Yankees" on DVD.

I love Gwen Verdon.

You have very
sophisticated tastes.

Hey, Gil, you wanna
go in the water?

Mom, we're goin' swimmin'.
It's been a half hour.

It's been 20 minutes.

You've got another 10 minutes
to digest that burger.

Carol, how do you find
the time to work

and direct a large production
while raising a family?

Well, it takes
careful scheduling.

I've been raising myself
since the second grade.

We only rehearse in the
evenings twice a week.

What sort of work do you do?

I'm an executive secretary
with Blue Cross Blue Shield.

What does your husband do?

Jan, you're giving the poor
girl the third degree.

It's fine.

He's in ad sales.
Don's on the road quite a bit.

But when we're all in one place,
we make every second count.

We're also very involved
at our temple.

Your side of the family
is the religious side.

I don't think Gil has
been in a syringe

more than once
in his entire life.

What the hell
are you talking about?

Aunt Ruth, I think
you mean synagogue.

That's what I said.

We always celebrate Christmas.

Don't worry, so do we.

Mom, it's ten minutes.
Can we go in the water now?

All right all ready.
Go in the water.

Hey, hey, Speedy Gonzales.
I want you to wear sunscreen.

- Mom.
- You heard me.

I can't keep this one
out of the water.

Turn around.

I'm giving you the 45
on your back and shoulders.

Gil.
SPF 60... total protection.

That's enough, Mom.

Gil, come on.

Is that guy gay?

I guess so.
Maybe.

I have this friend, Bradley.
And we think he might be gay

because he's never
really had a girlfriend.

I've never had a girlfriend.

That's okay, you're still a kid.

That Larry certainly is
at home in the water.

He's a natural athlete.

And, thank God,
his grades are good, too.

Will you excuse me?

That Jan is quite a character.

I'd be up shit's creek
without him.

What's the matter?
Aren't you getting in?

I can't jump
into the water like him.

Come on, Gil,
aren't you coming in?

Get in the water your own way.

And show your grandmother
how you swim across the pool.

You know I can't swim
a lap without stopping.

Just do it the way
we rehearsed it.

I'm feeling sort of nauseous.
Maybe I have food poisoning.

I'll do it some other time.

There may never be another time.

Head bowed... then up.

What's he doing?

Kick... two, three,
four, kick!

I think he's swimming.

I didn't make it to the end.

You did better.
You had showmanship.

Would this count as one of your
five minutes of happiness?

What?

Oh, yes.
I would imagine it would.

You did very well.

Nice save, Bro.

It was a miracle!

Was that really you swimming?

You were like the star
of the Aquacade.

You know, you're gonna be okay
after I kick the bucket.

Are you sort of... ready to go?

Almost.

I'm looking forward
to a nice long sleep

with no nightmares.

But you know...

it might get very
rough at the end, sweetie.

I... won't hold it against you
if you want to go

to Carol's early.

No, I want to be with you.

I was with my father
when he died.

I held his hand and he asked,

"Are you still there?
I can't see you anymore."

And I said,
"Yes, Papa. I'm here."

And he took a deep breath
and he was gone.

There are certain memories
that remain very precious.

It's a comfort.

They were all out of
that soy bean crapola.

I need to talk to you guys.

What's the matter?
Is your grandmother okay?

I had this idea for something

that would really
cheer Grandma up.

I want to give her
a wonderful night.

There are two things
that I know she'd really like.

First, I want to give her
a big lobster dinner.

She'd never eat
a lobster dinner.

She can hardly
keep down chicken broth.

Maybe she'll have
a couple bites.

And the other thing is
I'm writing a play

and we're gonna put it
on here, in the backyard.

Who'll be in the cast?

That pretty little
blonde girl down the street?

Her mother told me she models.

I don't want strangers in it.

I want you to star in it,
and Glenda and Lee.

No, not him.
He's coarse and vulgar.

He's not a serious person.

I want him.
This is my show.

So, when are we gonna
do this dinner theatre?

I think it should be very soon.

Well, we got the wigs.
Given.

And my friend Chubby -
Glenda, you remember Chubby -

he works at the
costume place in town

and he told me if I ever needed
something to just call him

and he'd hook me up.

We can get hoop skirts,
velvet capes, anything.

I know what the costumes
should look like.

Remember, this is
an undersea fairytale.

It's about Neptune's daughter.

I've got a brilliant idea!

We could move the whole thing
to the banquet room

at the Lobster Shack.

It just had a complete makeover!

Honey, you'll love it.
It's a camp.

And I'll pick up the tab.
I insist.

I appreciate your enthusiasm,
but Gil is the director

and he has his own vision
of the mise-en-scene.

All I was trying to--

Just listen!

We start at the bottom of the
sea in King Neptune's garden

and his daughter finds a jewel
that's been lost for centuries.

And this jewel is magical,

and it reflects the vision
of your one true love...

I know this is gonna be
just as I imagined it!

Shhh.
You'll wake up your grandmother.

My sister who had a doll that
was dressed much like this.

I love it.

You know, we might have
to stay up all night.

If we must, we will.

Don't put on too many sparkles.

Lee tells me you're
moving to Florida.

We love Florida.

Every summer we go down to
South Beach for the White Party.

We have friends down there.

Randy, that's not right.

You're stretching it
way too tight.

It's supposed to swag.

Oh, shit!

Randy, remind me, we have to go
down to the basement later

to get this really nice
armchair that I want

my grandmother to sit in.

I don't want her sitting in
that horrible old wheelchair.

I'll fix it, sir.

I can fix it.

Glenda and I are planning
a trip to the Bahamas

over the holidays.

Where is that?

The Bahamas.
Glenda loves it there.

This house is like a
three-ring circus today.

Betty, is there anything
I can do to help you?

You just sit there
and look pretty.

It's easy to feel
pretty when you've got

a handsome man
sitting in your kitchen.

Oh, it's Hurricane Gil.

Stop it.
I'm in a hurry.

I just want to hug you.

I can't believe you've
done all this for me.

You're just A-Number One
in my book.

You know that?

Okay, I love you, too.

Now, I gotta go.

Fucking Fuck!

I can't believe this!
Fuck me!

You're trying this on
for the first time now?

I didn't think it needed
any special attention.

And now I can't get it on
my big fat head.

It's a mannequin wig.

You know mannequins
have pin heads.

You're not helping me, Glenda.

What am I going to do?
I've ruined the whole play.

Hold on one second...

Is it going?
Is it gonna go on?

It's not working.

Damn it!
Get it off!

Sweetie, sweetie!

Maybe it would fit...

if you removed your hairpiece.

I'm not wearing a hair�

It's on permanently.

Give me the wig.

- He's cutting the wig!
- Shhh.

- He's butchering the wig!
- Shhh.

Bring me a strip of elastic
and a needle and thread.

You look fantastic!

Ta da!!!

Whatcha got in there?
The Sunday Times?

It's all me.
You've seen me in my Speedo.

Oh, yeah.

Go like this.

Okay.
It's time to start.

Lee, remember,
we changed the blocking.

You cross all the way
stage left.

- Shall we proceed?
- This is it.

Lee, cross all the way
stage left.

Right.

Left.

Yes.
This is an emergency.

Please send an ambulance!

You look pretty.

You wanna sit
outside for a while?

I want to wear my new raincoat.

It's not raining out.

I'm not going out
without my new raincoat.

What are you talking about?

Billy, be serious.

Don't make me mad at you.
I'll slap you.

Mrs. A., this is Gil.

I know my brother.

I'm gonna be mad as hell
if you don't get me my raincoat!

It's in the armoire.

What armoire?

Right there.

Okay.

What are you doing?

We're finding your raincoat.

What?

I don't know what
you're talking about.

I'm very tired.

I'm sorry.
I have to go!

She's gone.

What?

She died.

I missed it?

When did she die?

Some time during the night.

I can't believe I missed it?

I wanted to be
with her when she went.

But you were.

No...
No, I wasn't...

I was asleep.

You don't...
You just don't get it!

Go away.

Betty is driving Gil
to the airport tomorrow.

And I go my way.

I don't have an address.

Save it, Sweetie.

You're not gonna be writing
us any long letters.

Do you have another assignment
lined up, Miss Poppins?

No.
But I'm driving out west.

I've lived in the mountains.
I've lived by the water.

But I've never lived
in the desert.

Everybody's ditching us, Lee.

Florida sounds nice for Gil.

I know he likes
his cousin Carol.

Well, what he says
and what he feels...

What are you suggesting?

Well, let's just say,
it's not what I would

have chosen for the boy.

What's wrong with her?

It's not that anything
is wrong with her,

although one could say
that she has a busy job

and does the amateur theater.
Her husband is never around

and her own son
runs all over the place.

Maybe it's fine, but...

maybe it's not the best thing.

So you're saying that
you think you'd make

a better parent for the kid?

Is that what you
think I'm saying?

Ja, maybe I would make
a better parent than some

distant relative
who hardly knows him.

Yeah, you're what every child
dreams of for a Daddy.

He learns from me.
I'm good for him.

So just shut up, Lee.

You're so defensive.

You don't know anything about
me or what I can or cannot do.

You're missing the point, dear.

Mrs. A was a very smart gal.

I think you need to accept that
her choice was very thought out.

His grandmother didn't know
me when she made her plans.

She got to know you.

Well, perhaps she was wrong.

And I'm wrong, selfish,

to let this child go off
to live with strangers.

Jan, this is cuckoo thinking -
unrealistic!

Why do you talk to me like this?

She's talking sense.

I have to leave.

Just be careful before
you rush into anything!

That's all I'm saying!

Thank you both,

for your friendship
and your faith.

Maybe I shouldn't
even take all this crap.

I wonder if I'll even
have my own closet.

Stop packing for a moment.

I suppose you've realized
that it's not very likely

that we'll ever see
each other again.

Yeah.

I'd like us to go on
being friends.

How?

There are ways,
if you really want it.

You want me to come visit you?

I want you to live with me.

Are you serious?

Ja.

I believe that would
be a good thing.

You want to be my father?

I'm a very responsible,
serious person.

Did you ever talk this
over with my grandmother?

No.

But I think she would approve.

Wow.

Move with you out west.

That would be kind of amazing.

How are we gonna get there?

I'm buying a car
and I'm going to drive.

I'm assuming you haven't
mentioned anything

to cousin Carol.

No.
Not yet.

I wanted to ask you.

I'm not so sure she's
just gonna bow out.

She was really into this.

She's being very generous,
but perhaps she'll be relieved.

Gee, thanks.

You know what I mean.

All my stuff's already been
sent to Jacksonville.

She can send your things to you.

Where?

You don't exactly know
where you're going.

I have people we can stay with
until we find our own place.

I'd have to go to school.

We'll find you
a very good school.

Didn't you like Carol?

She seemed like a good person,
well meaning,

but you don't know
what she's really like.

You think she was putting
on some kind of act?

You just don't know people
until you live with them.

And her son, you have to admit,

you have nothing
in common with him.

He was nice.
I liked him.

He seemed like someone
who could be very... intolerant.

No, he didn't.

Grandma really looked into this.

She wasn't just gonna throw me
into some strange situation.

She always made
the right decisions for me.

Always.

I'm not disputing your
Grandmother's choices.

I was finally feeling
really good about living

in Jacksonville,
and now you're getting me

all insecure
and making me think

Carol's going to tie
me up and beat me

and cousin Larry's gonna
call me names.

I'm not suggesting any of that.

You are!

And I'm supposed to just get
into a car with you

and travel to the
middle of nowhere?

It would be an adventure.

Don't you think people
would think it's...

a little weird?

Weird?

Why do you say weird?

This guy and this boy...
living together.

You know what I mean.

This isn't like you, Jan.

You're a very serious person.

That's what I need to be now.

Well, it seems
you have your plans

and are happy with them.

That's good.

It was wrong of me to toss
all this new things at you

at this very late moment.

I just needed to be sure
that you were content

with your arrangements.

Wrap each of those
little things separately.

You don't want them to break.

Gil!
Hey, Gil!

We thought we'd pop over
to say goodbye.

We were wondering if there was
gonna be any sort of service

or funeral for Mrs. A?

No.

She willed her body to science
to be used as a medical cadaver.

Well, that's a...
very noble thing to do.

Yeah.

Glenda and I brought you
a little something.

This is gorgeous.

For when you write
your masterpiece.

I also threw in
a bunch of samples.

Bath salts, clarifying toner.

Thank you.

You're gonna stay in touch?
You have our e-mail addresses?

I'll really gonna miss you both.

We'll meet again.

If not in Jacksonville,
then Timbuktu.

Let's go, Mister.
It's time to hit the road.

Where's Jan?
I haven't seen him all morning.

You didn't look inside his room?
It's empty.

He just left
without saying goodbye?

Sounds like him.

- Take care of yourself!
- Have a safe trip!

And drive slow.

- Send postcards!
- Don't take any wooden nickels!

Goodbye!

Betty, pull over!

You left without saying goodbye.

Don't you have a plane to catch?

Why did you do that?

I had many things
to do this morning,

errands to run,
before I catch my bus.

I stopped by your room before
I left but you were asleep.

Yeah.
I guess I was.

Well...you'd better get started.

You want to get
to the airport early.

Yeah.

I brought a lot to read.

Well... goodbye.

Good luck.

I think things should
go very well for you.

Thanks.

You too.

I hope you find more than
five minutes of happiness!