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00:00:03,754 --> 00:00:06,048
(grand orchestral fanfare
playing)
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00:00:28,403 --> 00:00:30,656
♪ ♪
3
00:00:37,246 --> 00:00:39,539
(dogs barking)
4
00:00:41,250 --> 00:00:43,418
♪ ♪
5
00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:53,971
(birds chirping)
6
00:00:53,971 --> 00:00:57,266
("Follow You" by Dave Sarazen
playing)
7
00:00:59,977 --> 00:01:03,313
REGGIE: Today is gonna be
the best day ever.
8
00:01:03,313 --> 00:01:04,815
How do I know that?
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00:01:04,815 --> 00:01:06,650
Because every day
is the best day ever.
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00:01:06,650 --> 00:01:08,735
I love my life.
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00:01:08,735 --> 00:01:11,947
I love sunshine,
I love butterflies,
12
00:01:11,947 --> 00:01:16,243
but more than anything,
I love Doug.
13
00:01:16,243 --> 00:01:18,412
- (barking)
- Hey!
14
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Shut the fuck up.
15
00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:22,416
Fucking piece of shit.
16
00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:24,751
REGGIE:
That's Doug, also known as
17
00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:26,503
the best owner in the world.
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00:01:26,503 --> 00:01:28,463
- (barks)
- (mocking grunt)
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00:01:28,463 --> 00:01:31,216
I still remember
the first day we met.
20
00:01:31,216 --> 00:01:33,844
She was, too, flirting
with you. -(Reggie barks)
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00:01:33,844 --> 00:01:36,179
(gasps) Hey, babies.
22
00:01:36,179 --> 00:01:38,890
REGGIE:
The second Doug laid eyes on me,
23
00:01:38,890 --> 00:01:41,226
we knew we were meant
to be together.
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00:01:41,226 --> 00:01:42,894
(sighs):
Fuck.
25
00:01:42,894 --> 00:01:46,273
REGGIE: Ever since that day,
he and I have been inseparable.
26
00:01:47,065 --> 00:01:48,775
Why is Doug so great?
27
00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:50,193
- Where do I begin?
- Get down.
28
00:01:50,193 --> 00:01:52,571
He loves being around me
so much,
29
00:01:52,571 --> 00:01:54,781
he doesn't even have a job.
30
00:01:55,991 --> 00:01:58,702
Also, Doug doesn't get me
boring dog toys.
31
00:01:58,702 --> 00:02:00,829
He lets me come up
with my own toys.
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00:02:00,829 --> 00:02:02,247
Hi, Reggie. What you got?
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00:02:02,247 --> 00:02:04,458
REGGIE:
Like this stretchy thing.
34
00:02:04,458 --> 00:02:06,793
- What the fuck?
- Uh...
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00:02:06,793 --> 00:02:07,919
Those aren't mine.
36
00:02:07,919 --> 00:02:09,796
There is a simple explanation.
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00:02:09,796 --> 00:02:11,381
This was supposed to be
a Christmas present.
38
00:02:11,381 --> 00:02:12,549
Doug, it's July.
39
00:02:12,549 --> 00:02:14,051
REGGIE:
Sometimes I worry
40
00:02:14,051 --> 00:02:15,969
if I'm doing a good job
making Doug happy.
41
00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:17,721
- You don't get it.
- I'm done. Reggie.
42
00:02:17,721 --> 00:02:19,806
REGGIE: But then I realized
I do make Doug happy.
43
00:02:19,806 --> 00:02:22,142
What are you doing?
You don't even like the dog.
44
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I love this dog.
(smacking lips)
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REGGIE:
And that makes me happy.
46
00:02:25,729 --> 00:02:28,482
(sighs) -All that matters
is that you like him,
47
00:02:28,482 --> 00:02:30,734
and I like that
you don't get to have him.
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00:02:30,734 --> 00:02:33,612
You are a total fucking loser.
49
00:02:33,612 --> 00:02:35,822
- Yeah, a loser with a dog.
- (door slams shut)
50
00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:38,658
REGGIE: Honestly,
the only thing in the world
51
00:02:38,658 --> 00:02:41,370
that Doug maybe loves
more than me
52
00:02:41,370 --> 00:02:44,373
is his favorite toy: his penis.
53
00:02:44,373 --> 00:02:46,166
He gives it haircuts.
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00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:47,626
He watches TV with it.
55
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WOMAN (over computer):
(moans) Flip it around!
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Stop staring. You're ruining it.
57
00:02:50,587 --> 00:02:52,631
REGGIE:
And the way he pets that thing,
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00:02:52,631 --> 00:02:55,258
sometimes I wish I was a penis.
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00:02:55,258 --> 00:02:56,843
But every time
I try to play with it,
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he gets so possessive.
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00:02:58,678 --> 00:03:00,180
Get off! Get-- Bad dog!
62
00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:01,890
REGGIE:
The key to any good relationship
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00:03:01,890 --> 00:03:03,266
is having things in common.
64
00:03:03,266 --> 00:03:04,518
We both like barking.
65
00:03:04,518 --> 00:03:06,978
- (coughing)
- (barking)
66
00:03:08,105 --> 00:03:10,148
We both love a good scratch.
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00:03:10,148 --> 00:03:11,817
(Doug sniffing)
68
00:03:13,902 --> 00:03:18,657
And we can stay up all night
just talking for hours.
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00:03:18,657 --> 00:03:19,991
(groans)
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00:03:19,991 --> 00:03:21,952
You fucked up my life,
didn't you?
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00:03:21,952 --> 00:03:24,204
REGGIE: Even though I don't
understand what he's saying...
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00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:28,208
She never would've found out
if it wasn't for your dumb ass.
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00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:30,544
REGGIE:
...I can tell he loves me.
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00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:31,962
(knocking at door)
75
00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:35,382
And while I don't know
that many human beings,
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00:03:35,382 --> 00:03:38,301
I think it's safe to assume
he's one of the best.
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00:03:38,301 --> 00:03:40,429
(sighs) Goddamn it.
78
00:03:40,429 --> 00:03:41,930
It's bullshit, Mom.
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They're kicking me out
80
00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:45,142
'cause your last check
wasn't enough for rent.
81
00:03:45,142 --> 00:03:47,310
REGGIE: You might say
Doug is messy, but lately...
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00:03:47,310 --> 00:03:49,312
DOUG: No, I'm not gonna
move back home.
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00:03:49,312 --> 00:03:50,689
REGGIE:
...he's been much better
84
00:03:50,689 --> 00:03:52,023
at putting his toys away.
85
00:03:52,023 --> 00:03:53,483
No, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Look.
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00:03:53,483 --> 00:03:55,026
It's just, you know that I can't
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00:03:55,026 --> 00:03:57,237
live that close to a school.
88
00:03:58,196 --> 00:04:00,323
No!
89
00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:07,497
Bad dog! That's my favorite
fucking bong, dude!
90
00:04:09,833 --> 00:04:11,251
(sighs)
91
00:04:13,336 --> 00:04:16,631
Oh. You like that ball,
don't you?
92
00:04:17,883 --> 00:04:19,676
REGGIE:
Lately, Doug has been playing
93
00:04:19,676 --> 00:04:22,179
a brand-new game with me
called fetch-and-fuck.
94
00:04:22,179 --> 00:04:23,513
Fetch!
95
00:04:23,513 --> 00:04:25,015
REGGIE:
Basically, Doug drops me off
96
00:04:25,015 --> 00:04:26,808
really far away...
97
00:04:26,808 --> 00:04:28,518
Sayonara, ke-mo sah-bee.
98
00:04:28,518 --> 00:04:31,813
REGGIE: ...throws the ball
and drives home without me.
99
00:04:31,813 --> 00:04:34,024
Then it's my turn
to get the ball
100
00:04:34,024 --> 00:04:35,609
and find my way back home.
101
00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:37,486
When I bring the ball back,
102
00:04:37,486 --> 00:04:39,196
- he says...
- Fuck.
103
00:04:39,196 --> 00:04:42,240
REGGIE (laughs): And that's
how I know I won the game.
104
00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:43,533
DOUG:
Fetch!
105
00:04:44,618 --> 00:04:46,578
REGGIE: We've been playing it
a lot lately.
106
00:04:46,578 --> 00:04:48,079
- DOUG: Fuck!
- Sometimes we play it
107
00:04:48,079 --> 00:04:49,956
three or four times
in the same day.
108
00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:51,166
DOUG:
Fetch!
109
00:04:51,166 --> 00:04:53,502
- (Reggie barks)
- (sighs): Fuck.
110
00:04:53,502 --> 00:04:55,295
Fetch! Fuck!
111
00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:57,506
Fuck! Fuck.
112
00:05:00,383 --> 00:05:02,052
Holy fuck!
113
00:05:02,052 --> 00:05:03,470
REGGIE:
"Holy fuck" is right.
114
00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:04,721
I win again!
115
00:05:04,721 --> 00:05:06,598
That's it.
116
00:05:07,390 --> 00:05:10,018
This ends now.
117
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("Shine on Me" by Dan Auerbach
playing)
118
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♪ You only got
a couple miles to go ♪
119
00:05:14,022 --> 00:05:16,066
♪ If you're trying
to drive me insane... ♪
120
00:05:16,066 --> 00:05:18,527
REGGIE:
These road trips are the best.
121
00:05:18,527 --> 00:05:20,987
Because you get to see
the exciting world
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00:05:20,987 --> 00:05:22,614
outside our town.
123
00:05:25,617 --> 00:05:27,786
Keep driving, Doug.
124
00:05:27,786 --> 00:05:29,996
Don't make it too easy on me.
125
00:05:29,996 --> 00:05:32,541
(chuckles)
I love a challenge.
126
00:05:32,541 --> 00:05:36,294
♪ 'Cause I hide from everyone ♪
127
00:05:36,294 --> 00:05:38,713
♪ Shine on me ♪
128
00:05:39,548 --> 00:05:41,675
♪ Shine on me ♪
129
00:05:42,592 --> 00:05:45,428
♪ Shine on me ♪
130
00:05:46,513 --> 00:05:48,723
♪ Shine on me ♪
131
00:05:51,268 --> 00:05:53,770
This round's gonna be
the hardest one yet,
132
00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:57,857
because we went way further
than we've ever gone before.
133
00:05:57,857 --> 00:06:01,111
In fact, I have no idea
where we are.
134
00:06:01,111 --> 00:06:02,612
And that's exciting.
135
00:06:02,612 --> 00:06:04,322
♪ Shine on me ♪
136
00:06:05,156 --> 00:06:06,908
♪ Shine on me... ♪
137
00:06:06,908 --> 00:06:09,953
I know the world seems like
a scary place sometimes,
138
00:06:09,953 --> 00:06:11,580
but I don't worry.
139
00:06:11,580 --> 00:06:13,123
Good luck fetching this.
140
00:06:13,123 --> 00:06:15,667
REGGIE: Because I'm always
safe at Doug's side.
141
00:06:15,667 --> 00:06:17,502
♪ Shine on me ♪
142
00:06:17,502 --> 00:06:19,588
(tires squealing)
143
00:06:21,172 --> 00:06:23,550
(fading):
♪ Shine on me. ♪
144
00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:37,772
♪ ♪
145
00:06:50,285 --> 00:06:53,330
♪ ♪
146
00:06:59,586 --> 00:07:03,632
REGGIE: Sure, Doug really
challenges me with this game,
147
00:07:03,632 --> 00:07:06,301
but that's just because
he believes in me.
148
00:07:06,301 --> 00:07:08,261
(thunder rumbling)
149
00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:10,055
You know what they say.
150
00:07:10,055 --> 00:07:13,516
The best relationships
are the hard ones.
151
00:07:14,392 --> 00:07:16,519
You have to put in the work.
152
00:07:17,354 --> 00:07:19,397
- (clattering)
- You got to have courage.
153
00:07:19,397 --> 00:07:23,193
And you always need to remember
that real love...
154
00:07:24,653 --> 00:07:27,072
...is never easy.
155
00:07:37,207 --> 00:07:39,376
♪ ♪
156
00:07:49,219 --> 00:07:51,888
But even though
I love this game,
157
00:07:51,888 --> 00:07:54,724
I kind of want it to be over.
158
00:07:54,724 --> 00:07:57,102
Because, well...
159
00:07:57,102 --> 00:07:59,646
I really just want to be home.
160
00:08:06,236 --> 00:08:08,613
(horn honks)
161
00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:12,158
(dog barking nearby)
162
00:08:12,158 --> 00:08:15,161
Okay. Time to get moving.
163
00:08:15,161 --> 00:08:17,831
(singsongy):
Going back to Doug's.
164
00:08:19,874 --> 00:08:21,960
(siren wailing in distance)
165
00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:23,837
(muffled):
This is a nice neighborhood.
166
00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:25,463
- (cat yowling nearby)
- (clattering)
167
00:08:25,463 --> 00:08:27,382
I like all the trash.
168
00:08:27,382 --> 00:08:28,842
And the needles.
169
00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:30,844
So many needles.
170
00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:33,096
FEMALE VOICE:
Hey, honey.
171
00:08:33,096 --> 00:08:35,598
You ever been
with an Afghan before?
172
00:08:35,598 --> 00:08:39,602
REGGIE: Uh, no, I-I don't
think so, but thank you.
173
00:08:41,604 --> 00:08:45,066
Well, well, well.
What do we have here?
174
00:08:45,066 --> 00:08:46,359
You lost?
175
00:08:46,359 --> 00:08:48,570
Hi there, uh, big dogs.
176
00:08:48,570 --> 00:08:50,613
Yes, I am lost.
177
00:08:50,613 --> 00:08:52,198
I'm trying to get
to Doug's place.
178
00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:54,033
Do you... do you know which way
that is from here?
179
00:08:54,033 --> 00:08:55,452
Hmm...
180
00:08:55,452 --> 00:08:56,953
- You say Doug's place?
- I did. Yeah.
181
00:08:56,953 --> 00:08:58,955
Oh, yeah, yeah,
I know which way that is.
182
00:08:58,955 --> 00:09:00,123
Oh, great.
183
00:09:00,123 --> 00:09:01,958
Right up my fucking ass,
you little shit.
184
00:09:01,958 --> 00:09:03,626
Oh, no, that can't be right.
185
00:09:03,626 --> 00:09:06,880
O-O-Okay, well,
I'll just be on my way.
186
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:09,174
Uh, can-can I please have
my ball back?
187
00:09:09,174 --> 00:09:12,135
Your ball? You'll be lucky if
I let you leave with your life.
188
00:09:12,135 --> 00:09:15,013
Hey! Who in the fuck
is making all that noise
189
00:09:15,013 --> 00:09:17,056
- in my fucking alley?
- Whoa, who's this guy?
190
00:09:17,056 --> 00:09:18,767
Oh, you don't want me
to come around
191
00:09:18,767 --> 00:09:20,643
this fucking corner,
now, do you?
192
00:09:20,643 --> 00:09:22,604
Shit's gonna get crackin'.
Trust me.
193
00:09:22,604 --> 00:09:24,481
You want to dance,
motherfuckers, huh?
194
00:09:24,481 --> 00:09:25,940
You want to dance?
195
00:09:25,940 --> 00:09:28,318
Let's do this.
196
00:09:28,318 --> 00:09:30,570
What's up, bitches? Huh?
197
00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:31,821
Oh, he's tiny.
198
00:09:31,821 --> 00:09:33,198
The shadow--
I thought he was...
199
00:09:33,198 --> 00:09:34,574
I thought he was fucking big.
200
00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:36,409
Yeah, we can destroy
this guy, right?
201
00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:39,120
Yeah, go ahead, bite me,
you raggedy motherfuckers.
202
00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:40,455
I dare you.
203
00:09:40,455 --> 00:09:42,332
You know how many diseases
is up in me?
204
00:09:42,332 --> 00:09:45,001
Rabies, scabies,
whatever disease you can get
205
00:09:45,001 --> 00:09:46,795
from tongue-fucking
a dead squirrel.
206
00:09:46,795 --> 00:09:50,173
Which I did last night
'cause I'm crazy, man.
207
00:09:50,173 --> 00:09:51,216
(sputters)
208
00:09:51,216 --> 00:09:53,009
That's a 37-inch vertical.
209
00:09:53,009 --> 00:09:54,969
I'm-a tell you right now,
you run up on me
210
00:09:54,969 --> 00:09:57,722
and I'll stick this paw
right up your ass and in his,
211
00:09:57,722 --> 00:09:59,599
- like a shish kebab.
- Whoa. This guy seems nuts.
212
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:01,601
Look at the way he's barking
at his own ass.
213
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:03,019
I'll do it. I'll do it.
214
00:10:03,019 --> 00:10:04,604
I'll bite my own ass off!
215
00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:07,065
Oh, man, the fuck is wrong
with this guy?
216
00:10:07,065 --> 00:10:08,942
I'm so crazy
I'll fuck the trash.
217
00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:10,318
You like it, don't you?
218
00:10:10,318 --> 00:10:11,444
(grunts) You like it.
219
00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:12,654
You want to get recycled?
220
00:10:12,654 --> 00:10:14,155
Anybody got a twisty tie?
221
00:10:14,155 --> 00:10:16,032
'Cause I'm fucking this bag up.
222
00:10:16,032 --> 00:10:17,283
Okay, who's next?
223
00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:18,785
He's freaking me out.
Let's bounce.
224
00:10:18,785 --> 00:10:20,829
Fight you or I'll fuck you!
Dealer's choice.
225
00:10:20,829 --> 00:10:23,039
But either way,
you're getting worms.
226
00:10:23,039 --> 00:10:24,374
(laughs)
227
00:10:24,374 --> 00:10:26,292
Large breeds, man--
these motherfuckers.
228
00:10:26,292 --> 00:10:30,004
Man, look, always falling for
that crazy little dog trick.
229
00:10:30,004 --> 00:10:31,256
Hey. You with me, kid?
230
00:10:31,256 --> 00:10:32,507
'Cause this block
ain't for dogs like you.
231
00:10:32,507 --> 00:10:33,758
We should get the hell
out of here.
232
00:10:33,758 --> 00:10:35,385
But my tennis ball...
233
00:10:35,385 --> 00:10:37,220
Ah, fuck it.
We'll get you another one.
234
00:10:40,515 --> 00:10:42,183
(dog barking nearby)
235
00:10:42,183 --> 00:10:44,936
I'm Bug, by the way.
You got a name?
236
00:10:44,936 --> 00:10:46,145
Oh, uh, right. Sorry.
237
00:10:46,145 --> 00:10:47,397
It's good to meet you, Bug.
238
00:10:47,397 --> 00:10:48,690
M-My name is Shitbag.
239
00:10:48,690 --> 00:10:49,983
What?
240
00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:51,860
Oh, it's short
for Dumbass Shitbag,
241
00:10:51,860 --> 00:10:54,571
but sometimes
Doug pronounces it Fucknugget.
242
00:10:54,571 --> 00:10:57,156
Uh, none of those
sound like names.
243
00:10:57,156 --> 00:11:01,369
Oh. Well, Doug's lady friend
used to call me Reggie.
244
00:11:01,369 --> 00:11:03,830
Reggie. There you go.
Yeah, we're gonna go with that.
245
00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:05,164
Let's keep moving.
246
00:11:05,164 --> 00:11:07,458
So, uh, how long you been
a stray for, Reggie?
247
00:11:07,458 --> 00:11:09,669
- Oh, I... no, I'm not a stray.
- Oh, you're not?
248
00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:11,754
I-I'm just out here
temporarily. -Oh.
249
00:11:11,754 --> 00:11:13,381
I actually have an owner.
250
00:11:13,381 --> 00:11:15,925
We're playing this game where
he drops me off far away...
251
00:11:15,925 --> 00:11:17,135
- Mm-hmm.
- ...throws a ball...
252
00:11:17,135 --> 00:11:18,303
- Right.
- ...and then it's my turn
253
00:11:18,303 --> 00:11:19,762
to bring the ball back home.
254
00:11:19,762 --> 00:11:21,431
(laughing)
255
00:11:21,431 --> 00:11:23,433
(Reggie chuckling)
256
00:11:23,433 --> 00:11:25,101
(both laughing)
257
00:11:25,101 --> 00:11:26,603
BUG:
Holy shit.
258
00:11:26,603 --> 00:11:28,479
- Yeah.
- That's, uh...
259
00:11:28,479 --> 00:11:29,939
(stammering):
I'm sorry, man,
260
00:11:29,939 --> 00:11:31,608
but that's incredibly tragic.
261
00:11:31,608 --> 00:11:33,276
And the funniest fucking thing
262
00:11:33,276 --> 00:11:35,236
I've heard
in a long fucking time.
263
00:11:35,236 --> 00:11:36,863
Well, I'm glad
you're having a good laugh.
264
00:11:36,863 --> 00:11:39,115
Take it from me, kid,
that owner of yours,
265
00:11:39,115 --> 00:11:41,326
he's not playing
any game with you.
266
00:11:41,326 --> 00:11:43,369
- He left your ass, okay?
- Huh?
267
00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:45,955
You are officially a stray.
268
00:11:45,955 --> 00:11:47,206
D-Don't call me that.
269
00:11:47,206 --> 00:11:48,833
It's nothing to be ashamed of.
270
00:11:48,833 --> 00:11:51,711
I'm a stray, and I'm having
the time of my life.
271
00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:53,630
You'll learn. How old are you?
272
00:11:53,630 --> 00:11:54,839
I'm two.
273
00:11:54,839 --> 00:11:57,342
Well, I'm three,
and I have seen it all.
274
00:11:57,342 --> 00:11:58,635
Paw to God.
275
00:11:58,635 --> 00:12:00,887
I once saw a dog
that was half Labrador
276
00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:02,388
and half poodle.
277
00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:04,265
- A-A labradoodle.
- No, no, no, no.
278
00:12:04,265 --> 00:12:05,975
- A poo-dor.
- A poo-dor?
279
00:12:05,975 --> 00:12:07,185
The other way around.
280
00:12:07,185 --> 00:12:08,811
- Even fucking weirder.
- Yeah.
281
00:12:08,811 --> 00:12:11,314
Point is,
life out here on your own
282
00:12:11,314 --> 00:12:14,651
can be fucking awesome
as long as you go by the rules.
283
00:12:14,651 --> 00:12:16,986
Well, what rules?
284
00:12:16,986 --> 00:12:18,321
Rule number one:
285
00:12:18,321 --> 00:12:20,239
You want something,
you pee on it.
286
00:12:20,239 --> 00:12:22,075
Whatever you pee on,
it's yours.
287
00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:23,368
Let's try it out.
288
00:12:23,368 --> 00:12:24,911
You-you see that lamppost
over there?
289
00:12:24,911 --> 00:12:26,996
Yeah. -Why don't you go
over there and pee on that?
290
00:12:26,996 --> 00:12:28,539
And you're sure this is okay?
291
00:12:28,539 --> 00:12:30,458
Go ahead.
Ain't nobody giving a fuck.
292
00:12:30,458 --> 00:12:32,585
You're a fucking stray now.
That's my point.
293
00:12:32,585 --> 00:12:36,130
Well, I'm-I'm not a stray,
but yeah, okay.
294
00:12:36,130 --> 00:12:37,507
Congratulations.
295
00:12:37,507 --> 00:12:39,759
You now own a lamppost.
296
00:12:40,677 --> 00:12:42,011
Oh, wow.
297
00:12:42,011 --> 00:12:43,846
Now, let's talk
rule number two:
298
00:12:43,846 --> 00:12:46,182
You can pretty much fuck
whatever you want.
299
00:12:46,182 --> 00:12:48,017
Have you ever humped
anything before?
300
00:12:48,017 --> 00:12:50,103
Well, I wouldn't say
I've humped, per se,
301
00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:52,355
but I do like to dance
on Doug's leg.
302
00:12:52,355 --> 00:12:53,898
Dude, that wasn't dancing.
303
00:12:53,898 --> 00:12:56,609
Baby, you was humping--
the devil's dance.
304
00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:59,904
But now the world
is like a buffet
305
00:12:59,904 --> 00:13:02,073
- for your tiny dog dick.
- Really?
306
00:13:02,073 --> 00:13:04,283
You know what?
I recently fucked this couch.
307
00:13:04,283 --> 00:13:05,576
- No.
- Mm-hmm.
308
00:13:05,576 --> 00:13:07,286
Best sex of my life.
309
00:13:07,286 --> 00:13:08,788
- Wow. Really?
- Yeah.
310
00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:10,373
Oh, a-a-and she's dirty, too.
311
00:13:10,373 --> 00:13:11,874
Oh, well, I-I can tell.
312
00:13:11,874 --> 00:13:14,127
Looks like she hasn't
been washed in years.
313
00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:16,045
(smacks lips)
I'll see you later, baby.
314
00:13:19,257 --> 00:13:21,217
It was nice to meet you.
315
00:13:22,010 --> 00:13:24,554
Now, rule number three,
316
00:13:24,554 --> 00:13:28,182
and this is the most important,
bar none:
317
00:13:28,182 --> 00:13:31,477
You are on your own.
318
00:13:31,477 --> 00:13:32,729
That's awful.
319
00:13:32,729 --> 00:13:34,147
That's not a bad thing,
all right?
320
00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:35,815
Now, right now
you're freaking out
321
00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:37,942
'cause you feel like, you know,
y-you need this Doug guy.
322
00:13:37,942 --> 00:13:40,194
- I do.
- But no, no, trust me.
323
00:13:40,194 --> 00:13:41,654
You don't.
324
00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:44,157
Humans trick us into thinking
that we need 'em,
325
00:13:44,157 --> 00:13:46,242
but they're just
brainwashing us, man.
326
00:13:46,242 --> 00:13:49,287
Point is, you ain't got to deal
with that shit no more, okay?
327
00:13:49,287 --> 00:13:50,830
You a stray.
328
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:52,915
You can do anything
you want now. -I don't know.
329
00:13:52,915 --> 00:13:55,001
Come on! Repeat after me:
330
00:13:55,001 --> 00:13:57,420
I can do anything.
331
00:13:57,420 --> 00:14:00,173
I can do... anything?
332
00:14:00,173 --> 00:14:01,591
Damn fucking right you can.
333
00:14:01,591 --> 00:14:04,260
Now, you want to see
how fucked-up humans can be?
334
00:14:04,260 --> 00:14:05,720
Come on.
335
00:14:06,929 --> 00:14:10,767
BUG: Look at
these motherfuckers here.
336
00:14:10,767 --> 00:14:12,477
A bunch of pet dogs
337
00:14:12,477 --> 00:14:14,645
losing their minds over
their 15 minutes of freedom.
338
00:14:14,645 --> 00:14:19,233
God! If only our wolf ancestors
could see these pussies.
339
00:14:20,109 --> 00:14:22,111
Follow me.
340
00:14:22,111 --> 00:14:24,072
Now, why are these humans
so desperate to keep us?
341
00:14:24,072 --> 00:14:26,532
- Because they love us?
- No, no, I-I got a theory.
342
00:14:26,532 --> 00:14:28,910
- They need us for our poop.
- Huh?
343
00:14:28,910 --> 00:14:30,369
BUG:
Watch that lady. Watch her.
344
00:14:30,369 --> 00:14:31,913
- See? See?
- REGGIE: Uh-huh.
345
00:14:31,913 --> 00:14:34,165
BUG: It's like they're
collecting it for something.
346
00:14:34,165 --> 00:14:35,750
REGGIE: What do you think
they're doing with it?
347
00:14:35,750 --> 00:14:37,418
I think they're using it
to make chocolate. -Oh.
348
00:14:37,418 --> 00:14:39,212
Have you ever had
a piece of chocolate? -No.
349
00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:41,547
Exactly. Come on. I'm gonna
introduce you to my homeys.
350
00:14:41,547 --> 00:14:43,925
I thought you said
these dogs were all losers.
351
00:14:43,925 --> 00:14:45,635
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I say a lot of shit.
352
00:14:45,635 --> 00:14:47,553
- Hey, losers.
- Hey, Bug.
353
00:14:47,553 --> 00:14:50,139
Oh, if it isn't the tiny dog
who caught the car.
354
00:14:50,139 --> 00:14:51,474
I did catch that car.
355
00:14:51,474 --> 00:14:52,642
No, everyone knows
that's impossible.
356
00:14:52,642 --> 00:14:53,893
Yeah, it was parked.
357
00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:55,645
Yeah, it parked
after I caught it.
358
00:14:55,645 --> 00:14:57,480
No, there was no one in the
car. -Yeah, no one in the car.
359
00:14:57,480 --> 00:14:59,565
Listen, I don't even have to
keep this conversation going.
360
00:14:59,565 --> 00:15:01,818
What I was trying to do, losers,
361
00:15:01,818 --> 00:15:04,320
was introduce you
to my new friend Reggie.
362
00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:05,613
He just got dumped.
363
00:15:05,613 --> 00:15:07,490
Aw. Sorry, mate.
Welcome to the club.
364
00:15:07,490 --> 00:15:09,283
Uh, sorry.
Was it at least mutual?
365
00:15:09,283 --> 00:15:10,576
Oh, no,
it-it's actually just a game.
366
00:15:10,576 --> 00:15:11,828
Reg, I want you to meet Hunter.
367
00:15:11,828 --> 00:15:13,079
He's a therapy dog
368
00:15:13,079 --> 00:15:15,081
who works in a home
for dying humans.
369
00:15:15,081 --> 00:15:17,500
Which sounds like an okay gig,
370
00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:19,252
except that he was trained
to be a police dog.
371
00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:21,671
You almost made it
to the police squad?
372
00:15:21,671 --> 00:15:23,172
- That's awesome.
- (chuckles)
373
00:15:23,172 --> 00:15:24,924
Yeah, I-I guess it's awesome.
374
00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:26,843
Get the fuck out of my way,
cone boy!
375
00:15:26,843 --> 00:15:28,511
Oh, uh, sorry about that, Bubsy.
376
00:15:28,511 --> 00:15:30,596
Hunter, say something back, mate.
377
00:15:30,596 --> 00:15:32,431
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah. Um...
378
00:15:32,431 --> 00:15:35,852
Hey, Bubsy, you got
any fucking... weekend plans?
379
00:15:35,852 --> 00:15:37,895
What? It still sounds
friendly. -REGGIE: You got him.
380
00:15:37,895 --> 00:15:39,272
Yeah. Raw-dogging your mom.
381
00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:42,191
Ah, right. Well,
I'm pretty sure she's dead,
382
00:15:42,191 --> 00:15:44,443
- but good luck anyway.
- Pussy!
383
00:15:44,443 --> 00:15:46,779
(chuckles) Love those
observations, Bubs. Take care.
384
00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:48,030
Hunter, get your weight up.
385
00:15:48,030 --> 00:15:49,115
Don't let him talk to you
like that.
386
00:15:49,115 --> 00:15:50,491
You're the biggest dog here.
387
00:15:50,491 --> 00:15:51,826
You should eat
his freaking face off,
388
00:15:51,826 --> 00:15:53,369
shit it out
and then eat it again.
389
00:15:53,369 --> 00:15:54,954
Bug, you know
I don't love confrontation.
390
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:56,831
Yeah, don't let the big dick
fool you.
391
00:15:56,831 --> 00:15:58,291
He's just a gigantic pussy.
392
00:15:58,291 --> 00:16:00,042
Whoa.
393
00:16:00,042 --> 00:16:01,460
It is a great penis.
394
00:16:01,460 --> 00:16:03,337
Oh, thanks. You know,
I try to keep it clean,
395
00:16:03,337 --> 00:16:05,298
do my best to lick it
as much as possible.
396
00:16:05,298 --> 00:16:06,883
Yeah, the only thing thicker
than Hunter's dick
397
00:16:06,883 --> 00:16:08,718
is the sexual tension
between these two.
398
00:16:08,718 --> 00:16:10,845
- Oh, come on. (chuckles)
- Bug, no. What?
399
00:16:10,845 --> 00:16:12,889
- That's funny, though.
- Yeah, right. Imagine.
400
00:16:12,889 --> 00:16:15,308
(chuckling):
"Thicker than Hunter's dick."
401
00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:16,726
- But no, no.
- No.
402
00:16:16,726 --> 00:16:19,645
Now, Maggie, on the other hand,
is one bad bitch.
403
00:16:19,645 --> 00:16:21,731
But sadly,
her owner Jenna thinks
404
00:16:21,731 --> 00:16:24,233
the badder bitch is
the puppy that replaced her.
405
00:16:24,233 --> 00:16:26,611
So, Bella looked at me like,
"I want a cupcake, too,"
406
00:16:26,611 --> 00:16:28,571
so I was like,
"I'm gonna get her a cupcake."
407
00:16:28,571 --> 00:16:30,948
- I am so here for that.
- Right?
408
00:16:30,948 --> 00:16:34,660
So, Jenna said, "Sit,"
which I did.
409
00:16:34,660 --> 00:16:36,078
But then I thought,
410
00:16:36,078 --> 00:16:37,830
"Wouldn't it be cute
if I acted all confused
411
00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:39,957
and tilted my head like,
'Huh?'" -Oh, my God, stop.
412
00:16:39,957 --> 00:16:42,376
Man, sure got to suck
to compete with that.
413
00:16:42,376 --> 00:16:44,045
No, it's fine. (chuckles)
414
00:16:44,045 --> 00:16:46,172
Bella's young and cute and fun,
so of course Jenna loves her
415
00:16:46,172 --> 00:16:47,924
more than me right now,
and I get that.
416
00:16:47,924 --> 00:16:50,468
Cool. Anyways, I was thinking,
if you guys are free later...
417
00:16:50,468 --> 00:16:52,511
But what I really don't get
is why Jenna thinks
418
00:16:52,511 --> 00:16:54,472
it's so adorable when
she spins around in circles.
419
00:16:54,472 --> 00:16:56,057
Like, I could do that
in my sleep.
420
00:16:56,057 --> 00:16:57,600
But you know what?
It's totally fine. It's fine.
421
00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:59,143
Mm, okay. -You know what?
It doesn't get to me
422
00:16:59,143 --> 00:17:00,311
so much anymore.
423
00:17:00,311 --> 00:17:01,646
I'm fine.
I'm not jealous or worried
424
00:17:01,646 --> 00:17:03,064
or angry or depressed
or confused
425
00:17:03,064 --> 00:17:04,649
or fuming or unhinged at all.
426
00:17:04,649 --> 00:17:06,192
Yeah, you seem totally fine.
427
00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:07,777
And now that Jenna's spending
so much time with Bella,
428
00:17:07,777 --> 00:17:09,654
it's given me a chance
to do a little self-care.
429
00:17:09,654 --> 00:17:11,239
Like, I've been going
into the digging.
430
00:17:11,239 --> 00:17:12,823
I really like the feeling
of the soil under my nails.
431
00:17:12,823 --> 00:17:14,367
I'm just, like,
out in the fresh air again.
432
00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:15,785
I'm just really connecting
to the land.
433
00:17:15,785 --> 00:17:17,370
No, I'm-I'm learning
I love digging.
434
00:17:17,370 --> 00:17:20,248
I love digging!
I love it! I love to dig!
435
00:17:21,749 --> 00:17:23,000
(clears throat)
436
00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:24,210
- What-what's happening?
- See, Reg?
437
00:17:24,210 --> 00:17:25,795
Aren't you happy
to be a stray now
438
00:17:25,795 --> 00:17:27,880
and not have to deal
with all that owner bullshit?
439
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:30,174
Well, no, as I said,
I'm not a stray.
440
00:17:30,174 --> 00:17:32,551
Doug and I are just
playing a game. -Mm-hmm.
441
00:17:32,551 --> 00:17:34,470
Look, why don't you come out
with us tonight?
442
00:17:34,470 --> 00:17:36,806
And you can learn
how beautiful it can be
443
00:17:36,806 --> 00:17:38,474
when you're off the leash.
444
00:17:38,474 --> 00:17:41,978
If I can't convince you
that being a stray is great,
445
00:17:41,978 --> 00:17:43,312
- scraps night will.
- HUNTER: Sure will.
446
00:17:43,312 --> 00:17:44,772
- MAGGIE: Yeah.
- Well, thank you,
447
00:17:44,772 --> 00:17:46,816
but I really should be
getting back to Doug.
448
00:17:46,816 --> 00:17:48,150
What? Why?
449
00:17:48,150 --> 00:17:49,485
So I can make him happy.
450
00:17:49,485 --> 00:17:51,028
Isn't that a dog's purpose?
451
00:17:51,028 --> 00:17:53,447
Don't you ever say that again!
452
00:17:53,447 --> 00:17:55,741
- (groans) -Here we go.
- Reggie, your purpose
453
00:17:55,741 --> 00:17:59,578
is not to make some stupid
human families happy.
454
00:17:59,578 --> 00:18:02,873
It's not to make some single
loser feel more complete.
455
00:18:02,873 --> 00:18:05,084
Your purpose is to do...
456
00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:07,962
BUG, HUNTER and MAGGIE:
Whatever the fuck you want.
457
00:18:07,962 --> 00:18:09,547
And when you are a stray...
458
00:18:09,547 --> 00:18:11,424
BUG, HUNTER and MAGGIE:
There's a lot to fucking do.
459
00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:13,134
Why do I feel like
there's an echo in here?
460
00:18:13,134 --> 00:18:14,677
'Cause you've said this
a million times. -I know.
461
00:18:14,677 --> 00:18:16,429
- I love that spiel.
- HUNTER: No, it's fine.
462
00:18:16,429 --> 00:18:17,680
It's fine. -You write your own
fucking speeches, okay?
463
00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:18,681
- Okay.
- MAGGIE: Yeah.
464
00:18:18,681 --> 00:18:20,558
Now, what do you say, guys?
465
00:18:20,558 --> 00:18:22,643
- Another scraps night?
- BOTH: Yes.
466
00:18:22,643 --> 00:18:25,187
All right, meet at
the pizza place at sundown,
467
00:18:25,187 --> 00:18:28,065
and we gonna fuck shit up.
468
00:18:28,065 --> 00:18:29,567
♪ Get wild... ♪
469
00:18:29,567 --> 00:18:31,986
("Get Wild" by Prismo
featuring Ohana Bam playing)
470
00:18:34,488 --> 00:18:36,198
So, what is scraps night?
471
00:18:36,198 --> 00:18:38,451
It's that one magnificent
night of the week
472
00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:39,994
where humans are
a lot more willing
473
00:18:39,994 --> 00:18:42,621
to give us food or drop it
accidentally or both.
474
00:18:42,621 --> 00:18:44,874
That stuff that
they're dropping is gold.
475
00:18:44,874 --> 00:18:47,501
Oh. I just feel like we're
gonna get in trouble, though.
476
00:18:47,501 --> 00:18:48,794
No, we're cleaning up.
477
00:18:48,794 --> 00:18:50,421
These fuckers love it
when we clean up.
478
00:18:50,421 --> 00:18:51,922
BUG:
Wait for it.
479
00:18:53,424 --> 00:18:54,717
Wait for it.
480
00:18:54,717 --> 00:18:55,801
MAGGIE:
Drop the fucking pizza, bitch.
481
00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:57,053
BUG:
That's the one!
482
00:18:57,053 --> 00:18:58,512
- Let's do this!
- (Reggie yelps)
483
00:18:58,512 --> 00:19:00,806
♪ I-I-I-I'm with all my dogs ♪
484
00:19:00,806 --> 00:19:02,558
♪ Finna fuck the city up ♪
485
00:19:02,558 --> 00:19:05,144
♪ Keep a pocket full, got these
bitches wanna hit me up ♪
486
00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:06,771
♪ Drinking by the pool ♪
487
00:19:06,771 --> 00:19:08,606
♪ Doing drugs,
is you lit or what? ♪
488
00:19:08,606 --> 00:19:09,815
♪ Making hella noise... ♪
489
00:19:09,815 --> 00:19:12,109
This water is making me dizzy.
490
00:19:12,109 --> 00:19:15,196
Oh, it's about to get
real dizzy up in this bitch.
491
00:19:15,196 --> 00:19:16,572
Oh, I don't mind feeling dizzy.
492
00:19:16,572 --> 00:19:17,948
- MAGGIE: Pace yourself, Reg.
- I like it.
493
00:19:17,948 --> 00:19:19,408
(echoing):
♪ Get wild ♪
494
00:19:23,954 --> 00:19:26,123
(echoing):
♪ Get wild ♪
495
00:19:28,542 --> 00:19:30,378
BUG:
Chester, for the last time,
496
00:19:30,378 --> 00:19:31,962
there's no fucking fence there.
497
00:19:31,962 --> 00:19:33,464
Just come out with us.
498
00:19:33,464 --> 00:19:34,715
I can't.
499
00:19:34,715 --> 00:19:37,134
I'm telling you,
there is a magical fence there.
500
00:19:37,134 --> 00:19:38,844
You just can't see it.
501
00:19:38,844 --> 00:19:40,179
- Come on, Chester.
- Chester!
502
00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:42,098
BUG, HUNTER and MAGGIE:
Chester! Chester!
503
00:19:42,098 --> 00:19:46,102
Honestly, that is persuasive,
and I don't know why.
504
00:19:46,102 --> 00:19:47,478
("Chester!" chant continues)
505
00:19:47,478 --> 00:19:49,605
Oh, I can't believe
I'm doing this.
506
00:19:49,605 --> 00:19:51,273
Stop being a pussy,
and do this.
507
00:19:51,273 --> 00:19:52,274
Okay.
508
00:19:52,274 --> 00:19:53,484
(whoops) Run!
509
00:19:53,484 --> 00:19:55,152
BUG:
Chester!
510
00:19:55,152 --> 00:19:56,695
- BOTH: Chester! Chester!
- MAGGIE: Come on!
511
00:19:56,695 --> 00:19:58,280
You've got it, Chester!
You've got it!
512
00:19:58,280 --> 00:19:59,824
- (electrical crackling)
- (screams)
513
00:19:59,824 --> 00:20:01,575
- (Reggie gasps)
- (Maggie whooping)
514
00:20:01,575 --> 00:20:02,868
Goddamn!
515
00:20:02,868 --> 00:20:05,538
It's real!
The magic fence is real!
516
00:20:05,538 --> 00:20:08,374
♪ Big dog status,
big dog baggage ♪
517
00:20:08,374 --> 00:20:11,210
♪ Big dog, fuck it,
I got big dog habits ♪
518
00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:14,213
♪ See, I'm going hard
in the paint, doing damage ♪
519
00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:17,716
♪ Big dog tell me do it,
look like I'm average... ♪
520
00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:20,344
Oh, yeah. You gonna get it.
521
00:20:20,344 --> 00:20:21,720
Somebody been naughty.
522
00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:23,305
You a naughty owl.
You a little naughty owl.
523
00:20:23,305 --> 00:20:24,640
(hooting)
524
00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:25,933
You're right, Bug.
525
00:20:25,933 --> 00:20:27,518
I like this humping.
526
00:20:27,518 --> 00:20:29,687
Bug, can I try your owl?
527
00:20:29,687 --> 00:20:32,314
I told you scraps night was
gonna be off the chain, baby.
528
00:20:32,314 --> 00:20:34,775
- I'm having a great time.
- Ain't this about a bitch.
529
00:20:34,775 --> 00:20:36,485
Look at this motherfucker
right here.
530
00:20:36,485 --> 00:20:38,112
What you want? Huh, homey?
531
00:20:38,112 --> 00:20:39,697
I'll rip
your motherfucking nuts off.
532
00:20:39,697 --> 00:20:41,407
- Come on, let's go.
- Pointy-eared motherfucker.
533
00:20:41,407 --> 00:20:42,783
Come on. It's not worth it.
534
00:20:42,783 --> 00:20:44,493
- HUNTER: There you go, Reg.
- I'm doing good?
535
00:20:44,493 --> 00:20:46,579
Give it to him.
Give it to that gnome, Reg.
536
00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:48,497
Tell that gnome
you're his daddy.
537
00:20:48,497 --> 00:20:50,499
Hey, gnome, I'm your father.
538
00:20:50,499 --> 00:20:52,126
- It's good to finally meet you.
- Uh, Reggie...
539
00:20:52,126 --> 00:20:53,794
Even under
these strange circumstances.
540
00:20:53,794 --> 00:20:55,129
- No, Reggie.
- Reggie!
541
00:20:55,129 --> 00:20:56,213
Oh, you can't get me.
542
00:20:56,213 --> 00:20:57,882
Aha, ah-- I'm too fast for you.
543
00:20:57,882 --> 00:20:59,884
I'm too fast for you.
This motherfucker is keeping up.
544
00:20:59,884 --> 00:21:02,094
Come on, let's go. -Who your
little bitch-ass friend
545
00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:03,637
with the motherfucking
home perm and shit?
546
00:21:03,637 --> 00:21:05,347
- What did you just say?
- There you go, Reg.
547
00:21:05,347 --> 00:21:06,849
Don't you look at me
like that. -Get up in his ass.
548
00:21:06,849 --> 00:21:08,851
I would hate for this
to get violent.
549
00:21:08,851 --> 00:21:10,352
I didn't know I had a son.
550
00:21:10,352 --> 00:21:11,979
And he's a gnome of all
things. -MAGGIE: Oh, Reggie!
551
00:21:11,979 --> 00:21:14,023
God, shut up! -Does anyone
want to hump my son?
552
00:21:14,023 --> 00:21:16,400
He's handsomely dressed
in a smart little tunic.
553
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:19,195
Yo, Chester.
You got balls, baby.
554
00:21:19,195 --> 00:21:20,779
That magic fence was legit.
555
00:21:20,779 --> 00:21:22,323
I kept telling you!
556
00:21:22,323 --> 00:21:24,992
What a weird thing a magic
fence would be to make up.
557
00:21:24,992 --> 00:21:26,410
I can do anything.
558
00:21:26,410 --> 00:21:27,786
- MAGGIE: Reggie, don't.
- HUNTER: Wait, wait.
559
00:21:27,786 --> 00:21:29,079
- What's going on?
- Reggie, no.
560
00:21:29,079 --> 00:21:30,623
- Don't do it.
- HUNTER: Reggie, no.
561
00:21:30,623 --> 00:21:32,708
I can do anything.
562
00:21:32,708 --> 00:21:35,586
Do not test the dark arts, kid.
563
00:21:35,586 --> 00:21:38,797
♪ ♪
564
00:21:46,263 --> 00:21:47,640
♪ Get wild. ♪
565
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:49,099
Oh, shoot!
566
00:21:49,099 --> 00:21:50,559
- That was fucking amazing!
- Incredible!
567
00:21:50,559 --> 00:21:51,810
- Yeah!
- MAGGIE: You did it!
568
00:21:51,810 --> 00:21:53,312
- That's impossible.
- HUNTER: Reggie!
569
00:21:53,312 --> 00:21:55,147
I did it! I did it!
570
00:21:55,147 --> 00:21:56,315
(laughter)
571
00:21:56,315 --> 00:21:58,567
HUNTER:
Oh, what a night.
572
00:21:58,567 --> 00:22:02,613
Reg, I could tell
the moment I sniffed your anus
573
00:22:02,613 --> 00:22:04,156
you're a great guy.
574
00:22:04,156 --> 00:22:05,991
- You're a legend.
- BUG: Yeah, baby.
575
00:22:05,991 --> 00:22:08,744
I told you strays life
is the best life.
576
00:22:08,744 --> 00:22:10,037
Yeah, you got to admit,
577
00:22:10,037 --> 00:22:11,914
it's fun to be off leash
for a bit, right?
578
00:22:11,914 --> 00:22:13,874
MAGGIE: Right? -Yeah, well,
it is kind of awesome
579
00:22:13,874 --> 00:22:15,501
not having to hold my pee
for ten hours
580
00:22:15,501 --> 00:22:18,003
- until Doug lets me outside.
- (laughter)
581
00:22:18,003 --> 00:22:19,797
And I like the sound
of "legend"
582
00:22:19,797 --> 00:22:21,257
a lot more than "shitbag."
583
00:22:21,257 --> 00:22:22,758
HUNTER:
Guys, I'm still peeing.
584
00:22:22,758 --> 00:22:24,927
Wait, is that really
what he called you?
585
00:22:24,927 --> 00:22:27,471
And I really don't miss
roasting in the car
586
00:22:27,471 --> 00:22:29,306
when he stops at a store
and he leaves me
587
00:22:29,306 --> 00:22:31,100
with the windows cracked
just barely enough
588
00:22:31,100 --> 00:22:32,977
- for me to stay conscious.
- MAGGIE (chuckles): Wait, what?
589
00:22:32,977 --> 00:22:35,062
And I'm just panting,
gasping for air
590
00:22:35,062 --> 00:22:39,108
and trying to survive until
he comes back in 45 minutes.
591
00:22:39,108 --> 00:22:41,735
(chuckles)
Classic Doug. Too funny.
592
00:22:41,735 --> 00:22:43,612
(laughs, sighs)
593
00:22:43,612 --> 00:22:47,700
So, this guy neglects you,
throws you on the street,
594
00:22:47,700 --> 00:22:49,910
and you still think
he's a good guy?
595
00:22:49,910 --> 00:22:52,246
Yeah. I mean,
if Doug doesn't like me,
596
00:22:52,246 --> 00:22:54,748
why does he let me eat
his leftover human food?
597
00:22:54,748 --> 00:22:57,001
So he doesn't have to buy
dog food.
598
00:22:57,001 --> 00:22:59,128
And why didn't he put
a collar and tags on you?
599
00:22:59,128 --> 00:23:02,047
Because he doesn't believe
in labels.
600
00:23:02,047 --> 00:23:03,132
Oh, come on, Reg.
601
00:23:03,132 --> 00:23:04,425
And the bandanna he gave me
602
00:23:04,425 --> 00:23:06,302
is way more special
than a collar
603
00:23:06,302 --> 00:23:08,971
'cause he used it
for his penis sneezes.
604
00:23:08,971 --> 00:23:10,055
- Ew.
- Ew.
605
00:23:10,055 --> 00:23:11,390
Doug loves me.
606
00:23:11,390 --> 00:23:13,183
We have a good relationship.
607
00:23:13,183 --> 00:23:15,311
You just don't understand
the situation,
608
00:23:15,311 --> 00:23:17,730
because if Doug's
such a bad guy
609
00:23:17,730 --> 00:23:20,816
and he-he left me on purpose
610
00:23:20,816 --> 00:23:24,903
and he hurt me on purpose,
that would mean...
611
00:23:24,903 --> 00:23:27,239
that would mean...
612
00:23:27,239 --> 00:23:29,658
Doug doesn't love me.
613
00:23:33,454 --> 00:23:36,373
Can, uh, you guys
just give me a second?
614
00:23:38,584 --> 00:23:40,753
♪ ♪
615
00:23:43,464 --> 00:23:44,882
Oh, poor little guy.
616
00:23:44,882 --> 00:23:47,343
That is just
the classic toxic relationship.
617
00:23:47,343 --> 00:23:50,179
I should probably talk to him.
I am a therapy dog.
618
00:23:50,179 --> 00:23:51,764
Nah, give him some space.
619
00:23:51,764 --> 00:23:53,349
Kid's been through a lot.
620
00:23:54,266 --> 00:23:56,185
DOUG: That's what
you fucking sound like,
621
00:23:56,185 --> 00:23:57,686
you piece of shit.
622
00:23:57,686 --> 00:24:00,064
- (imitates Reggie's barking)
- (Reggie barking)
623
00:24:00,064 --> 00:24:01,899
Oh, get off! Get--
624
00:24:01,899 --> 00:24:04,318
Bad dog! Bad dog! Bad dog!
625
00:24:04,318 --> 00:24:07,029
(echoing):
Worst dog in the fucking world.
626
00:24:11,158 --> 00:24:14,078
♪ ♪
627
00:24:15,663 --> 00:24:17,289
MAGGIE:
Hey, Reggie.
628
00:24:17,289 --> 00:24:18,791
I know you're feeling hurt
right now
629
00:24:18,791 --> 00:24:20,876
and it's-- ugh--
must be so hard
630
00:24:20,876 --> 00:24:22,378
to figure out what to do...
631
00:24:22,378 --> 00:24:23,629
I'm going back to Doug's.
632
00:24:23,629 --> 00:24:25,047
- What?
- The fuck, man?
633
00:24:25,047 --> 00:24:26,715
What's it gonna take
for you to understand
634
00:24:26,715 --> 00:24:28,926
that he's not playing
a game with you?
635
00:24:28,926 --> 00:24:31,553
And I'm not playing a game
with him.
636
00:24:31,553 --> 00:24:33,097
Okay...
637
00:24:33,097 --> 00:24:36,266
All my life, I felt like
I wasn't worth anything
638
00:24:36,266 --> 00:24:39,895
unless I heard those words,
"Good boy,"
639
00:24:39,895 --> 00:24:41,855
but they never came.
640
00:24:41,855 --> 00:24:45,109
Well, he needs to know
he's hurt me.
641
00:24:45,109 --> 00:24:46,485
He needs to feel my pain.
642
00:24:46,485 --> 00:24:49,071
And he needs to pay
for what he did
643
00:24:49,071 --> 00:24:50,989
with the only thing
he truly loves.
644
00:24:51,740 --> 00:24:54,076
I'm gonna bite his dick off.
645
00:24:54,076 --> 00:24:55,911
- Oh.
- Wait, did he just say bite...
646
00:24:55,911 --> 00:24:57,496
Yeah, I-I'm still
a little drunk,
647
00:24:57,496 --> 00:24:59,665
but did I just hear you say
that you were gonna...
648
00:24:59,665 --> 00:25:02,626
I said I'm gonna bite
his dick off.
649
00:25:02,626 --> 00:25:05,671
- Oh, I'm 100% in for this.
- HUNTER: No, no, no, no, no.
650
00:25:05,671 --> 00:25:07,715
Bug. Wait, wait, wait.
Reggie, please.
651
00:25:07,715 --> 00:25:10,092
I feel you-- I really do--
but this-this is insane.
652
00:25:10,092 --> 00:25:11,969
Yeah, like, maybe there's
653
00:25:11,969 --> 00:25:13,595
a metaphorical dick
you could bite off.
654
00:25:13,595 --> 00:25:15,264
Like-like-like you could
pretend my dick is his dick,
655
00:25:15,264 --> 00:25:17,015
and you could give it
a stern talking-to.
656
00:25:17,015 --> 00:25:19,560
No, his dick-- no exceptions.
657
00:25:19,560 --> 00:25:21,603
Playing with that thing
was his favorite activity
658
00:25:21,603 --> 00:25:23,397
until he started
putting things in boxes.
659
00:25:23,397 --> 00:25:25,566
MAGGIE: Boxes? -Oh, shit.
That means he's moving soon.
660
00:25:25,566 --> 00:25:26,942
- Moving? Oh, God.
- HUNTER: Oh, man.
661
00:25:26,942 --> 00:25:28,360
- Wh-What if we're too late?
- Calm down.
662
00:25:28,360 --> 00:25:29,903
We definitely
don't have much time.
663
00:25:29,903 --> 00:25:31,864
Any places, smells,
landmarks you remember
664
00:25:31,864 --> 00:25:33,157
on the road to get here?
665
00:25:33,157 --> 00:25:35,451
Uh, I-I just...
I-I remember passing
666
00:25:35,451 --> 00:25:37,327
an enormous hamster wheel.
667
00:25:37,327 --> 00:25:39,329
- Okay, hamster wheel.
- Uh, uh, a giant cone
668
00:25:39,329 --> 00:25:40,873
that looked like Hunter's.
669
00:25:40,873 --> 00:25:42,374
BUG: Giant cone that looked
like Hunter's. Okay.
670
00:25:42,374 --> 00:25:44,334
And the...
and the devil in the sky.
671
00:25:44,334 --> 00:25:47,212
And the devil in the sky. Boom!
That's basically a road map
672
00:25:47,212 --> 00:25:49,465
right to this guy's
custard launcher.
673
00:25:49,465 --> 00:25:51,133
Bug, there's no way.
It's impossible.
674
00:25:51,133 --> 00:25:52,634
Nah. No, no, no, not quite.
675
00:25:52,634 --> 00:25:53,927
Reggie's got no shot
676
00:25:53,927 --> 00:25:55,596
of making it back in time
on his own,
677
00:25:55,596 --> 00:25:58,807
but if we all go,
I got the street smarts,
678
00:25:58,807 --> 00:26:00,601
you got the muscle,
and Maggie's got
679
00:26:00,601 --> 00:26:03,312
a sense of smell so good
she could sniff one asshole
680
00:26:03,312 --> 00:26:05,898
and tell you what the guy ate
three breakfasts ago.
681
00:26:05,898 --> 00:26:07,816
- (sniffs) Bunch of nickels.
- Exactly.
682
00:26:07,816 --> 00:26:08,817
She's incredible.
683
00:26:08,817 --> 00:26:10,819
Guys, we can do this.
684
00:26:10,819 --> 00:26:12,780
- No, there is no way...
- I'm in.
685
00:26:12,780 --> 00:26:14,072
...I am missing this.
686
00:26:14,072 --> 00:26:15,365
Let's do it!
687
00:26:15,365 --> 00:26:17,993
Really? You guys would
do this for me?
688
00:26:17,993 --> 00:26:19,369
Hell yeah.
We got your back, Reg.
689
00:26:19,369 --> 00:26:20,871
- MAGGIE: Yeah.
- BUG: All right, guys.
690
00:26:20,871 --> 00:26:23,749
Let's show these humans
they can't toss us aside
691
00:26:23,749 --> 00:26:26,418
without facing
some bad fucking consequences.
692
00:26:26,418 --> 00:26:27,711
Fellas.
693
00:26:27,711 --> 00:26:29,630
Lady.
694
00:26:29,630 --> 00:26:31,840
Let's go get some dick. (howls)
695
00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:33,175
(howling)
696
00:26:33,175 --> 00:26:34,843
Howling.
697
00:26:34,843 --> 00:26:37,596
- Howl. Howling.
- (others howling)
698
00:26:37,596 --> 00:26:40,265
(clears throat)
I'm just not a great howler.
699
00:26:40,265 --> 00:26:42,935
("Check Yo Self" by Ice Cube
playing)
700
00:26:42,935 --> 00:26:45,813
♪ Yeah, word is bond ♪
701
00:26:45,813 --> 00:26:48,065
♪ Das EFX in this,
you know what I'm sayin'? ♪
702
00:26:48,065 --> 00:26:50,818
♪ Straight from the sewer,
word is bond, yeah ♪
703
00:26:50,818 --> 00:26:52,694
♪ Check yo' self
before you wreck yo' self ♪
704
00:26:52,694 --> 00:26:54,112
♪ 'Cause I'm bad
for your health ♪
705
00:26:54,112 --> 00:26:55,489
♪ I come real stealth ♪
706
00:26:55,489 --> 00:26:57,908
Fuck you!
♪ Dropping bombs on your moms,
fuck car alarms ♪
707
00:26:57,908 --> 00:27:00,118
♪ Doing foul crime, I'm that
brotha wit' yo' Alpine ♪
708
00:27:00,118 --> 00:27:02,621
♪ Sold it for a six-o,
always let tricks know ♪
709
00:27:02,621 --> 00:27:04,915
♪ And friends know
we got the indo ♪
710
00:27:04,915 --> 00:27:07,960
♪ No, I'm not a sucker
sitting in a House of Pain ♪
711
00:27:07,960 --> 00:27:09,962
♪ And no, I'm not the butler,
I'll cut ya ♪
712
00:27:09,962 --> 00:27:12,214
♪ This ain't
no fucking motion picture ♪
713
00:27:12,214 --> 00:27:14,967
♪ A guy or bitch-a,
I'll get wit' cha and hit ya ♪
714
00:27:14,967 --> 00:27:18,595
♪ Taking that yak to the neck,
so you better run a check ♪
715
00:27:18,595 --> 00:27:20,180
♪ So come on
and chickity-check yo' self ♪
716
00:27:20,180 --> 00:27:22,975
Fuck you!
♪ Before you wreck yo' self,
chickity-check yo' self ♪
717
00:27:22,975 --> 00:27:24,560
♪ Before you wreck yo' self,
boy ♪
718
00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:26,311
♪ Check yo' self
before you wreck yo' self ♪
719
00:27:26,311 --> 00:27:28,480
♪ 'Cause shotgun bullets
are bad for your health... ♪
720
00:27:28,480 --> 00:27:30,691
- (dogs howling)
- HUNTER: Howling.
721
00:27:30,691 --> 00:27:32,067
Howling.
722
00:27:32,067 --> 00:27:33,443
♪ Check it. ♪
723
00:27:33,443 --> 00:27:35,904
- (retching, groaning)
- (song ends)
724
00:27:35,904 --> 00:27:37,865
Why didn't nobody tell us
that dog journeys
725
00:27:37,865 --> 00:27:39,491
are so fucking exhausting?
726
00:27:39,491 --> 00:27:41,243
- Yeah.
- Oh, this is brutal.
727
00:27:41,243 --> 00:27:43,328
I was still drunk
when I agreed to do this.
728
00:27:43,328 --> 00:27:45,497
- Yeah, I'm hangry.
- Yeah, I'm starving.
729
00:27:45,497 --> 00:27:47,207
I just threw up over there,
so there might be
730
00:27:47,207 --> 00:27:49,334
something in there if you want
to give it a... -Ooh.
731
00:27:49,334 --> 00:27:50,669
Okay.
732
00:27:50,669 --> 00:27:52,254
I bet that's some of the pizza
from last night.
733
00:27:52,254 --> 00:27:54,089
BUG: Oh, yeah,
lot-lots of good shit in there.
734
00:27:54,089 --> 00:27:55,465
Oh, there's those nickels.
(chuckles)
735
00:27:55,465 --> 00:27:57,092
Guys, we-we got to keep moving.
736
00:27:57,092 --> 00:27:58,302
You can't miss this thing.
737
00:27:58,302 --> 00:27:59,970
It's like a giant hamster wheel
738
00:27:59,970 --> 00:28:02,598
but without the hamster
and it smells like hot dogs.
739
00:28:02,598 --> 00:28:04,433
Smells like hot dogs?
(sniffing)
740
00:28:04,433 --> 00:28:06,894
This is her superpower.
She's unbelievable.
741
00:28:06,894 --> 00:28:08,687
- Look at that nose.
- REGGIE: You got something?
742
00:28:08,687 --> 00:28:10,147
Wait a minute.
743
00:28:10,147 --> 00:28:11,732
Wait, d-do you smell that?
744
00:28:11,732 --> 00:28:13,108
I just smell plastic.
745
00:28:13,108 --> 00:28:14,526
(sniffing):
Oh, yeah. Oh.
746
00:28:14,526 --> 00:28:15,986
Yeah, I've got it.
747
00:28:15,986 --> 00:28:18,655
She's walking away.
Should we follow her?
748
00:28:18,655 --> 00:28:20,532
I'm gonna follow her.
749
00:28:21,491 --> 00:28:23,118
BUG: No, no, no, no, no.
A sausage is the one
750
00:28:23,118 --> 00:28:24,870
that looks like shit
but it don't taste like shit.
751
00:28:24,870 --> 00:28:26,580
REGGIE:
Okay. What is a hot dog?
752
00:28:26,580 --> 00:28:27,956
Guys. Shh. Drop it. Look.
753
00:28:27,956 --> 00:28:29,416
- What the fuck is this?
- That's it.
754
00:28:29,416 --> 00:28:30,918
The giant hamster wheel.
755
00:28:30,918 --> 00:28:32,544
- We're on the right track.
- BUG: All right, guys.
756
00:28:32,544 --> 00:28:34,880
We're on a time crunch,
but Hunter's gonna die
757
00:28:34,880 --> 00:28:36,632
if we don't get some food
in him, okay?
758
00:28:36,632 --> 00:28:37,925
Maggie, you hang with Hunter.
759
00:28:37,925 --> 00:28:39,301
- MAGGIE: Gotcha.
- HUNTER: Good plan.
760
00:28:39,301 --> 00:28:41,094
- Reg, you know what time it is?
- Uh...
761
00:28:41,094 --> 00:28:42,679
- It's grub time. Damn right.
- It's grub... yeah, grub time.
762
00:28:42,679 --> 00:28:44,932
- Let's get some grub.
- Let's get some grub.
763
00:28:44,932 --> 00:28:46,600
MAGGIE:
This fucking place is weird.
764
00:28:46,600 --> 00:28:48,101
HUNTER:
So weird.
765
00:28:48,101 --> 00:28:49,561
BUG: I never really can
understand humans, man,
766
00:28:49,561 --> 00:28:51,188
especially, like,
the lighter-shade ones.
767
00:28:51,188 --> 00:28:52,856
They some strange motherfuckers.
768
00:28:52,856 --> 00:28:54,900
REGGIE:
I was thinking the same thing.
769
00:28:54,900 --> 00:28:57,402
- (barks)
- Hey.
770
00:28:59,112 --> 00:29:01,907
Um... (chuckles)
your dog messed up my shot.
771
00:29:01,907 --> 00:29:04,076
- (dog barks)
- Uh, I think he's telling me
772
00:29:04,076 --> 00:29:05,911
I should pay for you
to take another one.
773
00:29:05,911 --> 00:29:07,621
Oh, is that right?
774
00:29:07,621 --> 00:29:09,081
Yeah, that's what...
that's what he was saying.
775
00:29:09,081 --> 00:29:10,999
- I promise.
- (laughs)
776
00:29:10,999 --> 00:29:12,417
I wouldn't...
I wouldn't make it up,
777
00:29:12,417 --> 00:29:14,127
but he's a good...
he's got good ideas.
778
00:29:14,127 --> 00:29:16,254
GUS: I could tell
James felt different
779
00:29:16,254 --> 00:29:17,923
about this human girl.
780
00:29:17,923 --> 00:29:20,592
Maybe it was because
she smelled like biscuits.
781
00:29:20,592 --> 00:29:22,177
Or maybe it was because
782
00:29:22,177 --> 00:29:23,887
something about her was special.
783
00:29:23,887 --> 00:29:27,099
Excuse me. Do you know where we
can get some food around here?
784
00:29:27,849 --> 00:29:29,851
GUS:
As I was saying,
785
00:29:29,851 --> 00:29:32,437
James thought
he was helping this girl,
786
00:29:32,437 --> 00:29:35,691
but the truth is
she was helping him.
787
00:29:35,691 --> 00:29:36,942
Oh, fuck this bullshit.
788
00:29:36,942 --> 00:29:38,193
Wait, what is he doing?
789
00:29:38,193 --> 00:29:39,444
I've seen this shit before.
790
00:29:39,444 --> 00:29:41,279
He's one of those
narrator dogs.
791
00:29:41,279 --> 00:29:44,282
Hey! No one's listening
to your lame human story,
792
00:29:44,282 --> 00:29:45,742
you fucking dumbass.
793
00:29:48,286 --> 00:29:51,289
GUS:
Sadly, the little dog was right.
794
00:29:51,289 --> 00:29:54,001
No one was listening
to my story.
795
00:29:54,001 --> 00:29:56,586
Which is too bad
because I'm the only one
796
00:29:56,586 --> 00:29:59,756
who knows James is
a cold-blooded serial killer.
797
00:29:59,756 --> 00:30:03,427
He's got three bodies buried
in the backyard already,
798
00:30:03,427 --> 00:30:05,929
but I guess no one's interested.
799
00:30:05,929 --> 00:30:07,180
I can't believe that dog.
800
00:30:07,180 --> 00:30:08,640
He was so obsessed
with his owner
801
00:30:08,640 --> 00:30:09,891
he didn't even acknowledge us.
802
00:30:09,891 --> 00:30:11,393
I'm-a tell you, kid,
803
00:30:11,393 --> 00:30:12,853
the moment they leash you up,
snip your balls
804
00:30:12,853 --> 00:30:14,646
is the moment
they got you by 'em.
805
00:30:14,646 --> 00:30:17,190
Hold on. They snip your balls?
806
00:30:17,190 --> 00:30:18,567
- Oh, yeah.
- Ugh.
807
00:30:18,567 --> 00:30:19,943
And I think they're
collecting those, too,
808
00:30:19,943 --> 00:30:21,403
- to put in the chocolate.
- MAN: Come on!
809
00:30:21,403 --> 00:30:23,071
- Get your hot dogs here!
- Oh, shit. Look.
810
00:30:23,071 --> 00:30:25,073
- I got jumbo dogs!
- Okay, here's the plan.
811
00:30:25,073 --> 00:30:26,867
You grab the sausages,
and I'll go over there
812
00:30:26,867 --> 00:30:28,744
and fuck the guy's leg
as a distraction.
813
00:30:28,744 --> 00:30:30,328
And... break!
814
00:30:30,328 --> 00:30:33,707
Uh, I don't think fucking
the guy's leg is necessary,
815
00:30:33,707 --> 00:30:36,084
but I see you've
already started. All right.
816
00:30:36,084 --> 00:30:37,627
- (bell dinging)
- Ooh, gimme, gimme, gimme.
817
00:30:37,627 --> 00:30:39,880
- Bunny! (squealing)
- WOMAN: You won! (laughs)
818
00:30:39,880 --> 00:30:41,339
- I can't believe I won!
- Yeah!
819
00:30:41,339 --> 00:30:43,550
MAGGIE:
Oh, look at that toy bunny.
820
00:30:43,550 --> 00:30:45,469
You know, it hasn't even
been a day yet,
821
00:30:45,469 --> 00:30:47,137
but I really miss toys.
822
00:30:47,137 --> 00:30:48,764
Jenna had some good ones.
823
00:30:48,764 --> 00:30:50,390
I'd rip that shit apart
824
00:30:50,390 --> 00:30:52,601
until I found that squeaky toy
in the middle.
825
00:30:52,601 --> 00:30:54,269
HUNTER:
Ugh, I miss squeaky toys, too.
826
00:30:54,269 --> 00:30:56,104
MAGGIE: But, of course,
I only got to play
827
00:30:56,104 --> 00:30:58,065
with those squeak toys
if I was a good girl
828
00:30:58,065 --> 00:31:00,901
and I smiled the right way for
her stupid freaking selfies.
829
00:31:00,901 --> 00:31:03,904
The amount of work
that goes into looking cute.
830
00:31:03,904 --> 00:31:05,197
Honestly,
I had to go spin around
831
00:31:05,197 --> 00:31:06,656
in a perfect circle like this,
832
00:31:06,656 --> 00:31:08,241
move into a
"oh, I'm so fuckable" pose
833
00:31:08,241 --> 00:31:09,743
with my paws crossed,
834
00:31:09,743 --> 00:31:11,870
and then I'd have to
stand up straight, paws up.
835
00:31:11,870 --> 00:31:13,413
I have to show all my tits.
836
00:31:13,413 --> 00:31:16,291
Yeah, right, that--
yeah, that's pretty fuckable.
837
00:31:16,291 --> 00:31:19,127
I mean, uh, that-that...
that's-that's weird.
838
00:31:19,127 --> 00:31:20,545
Wait, uh, there they are.
839
00:31:20,545 --> 00:31:23,632
(clears throat) You know,
Maggie, there's, um...
840
00:31:23,632 --> 00:31:27,135
there's so much more to like
about you than just your looks.
841
00:31:27,135 --> 00:31:28,470
- You think so?
- Sure.
842
00:31:28,470 --> 00:31:30,722
I-I mean, you are hands down
843
00:31:30,722 --> 00:31:32,516
the best sniffer I've ever met.
844
00:31:32,516 --> 00:31:33,934
- Huh.
- But you're also smart
845
00:31:33,934 --> 00:31:35,185
and you can jump high
846
00:31:35,185 --> 00:31:37,646
and you know
like nine human words.
847
00:31:37,646 --> 00:31:38,939
That's insane.
848
00:31:38,939 --> 00:31:40,982
I actually know 31,
but thank you.
849
00:31:40,982 --> 00:31:43,485
Honestly, I-I'd have to list
about 20 more things
850
00:31:43,485 --> 00:31:45,570
before I even got
to anything to do with
851
00:31:45,570 --> 00:31:47,197
how beautiful you are.
852
00:31:49,241 --> 00:31:50,867
Um...
853
00:31:50,867 --> 00:31:52,452
I'm sorry, that was too much.
854
00:31:52,452 --> 00:31:55,580
No, that-that means
a lot to me.
855
00:31:55,580 --> 00:31:58,375
You know,
you're a really good listener.
856
00:31:58,375 --> 00:31:59,793
Oh, that's because
all the sound
857
00:31:59,793 --> 00:32:01,461
funnels through the cone
right to my ears.
858
00:32:01,461 --> 00:32:03,130
(chuckles) No, I didn't...
859
00:32:03,130 --> 00:32:05,173
- Never mind.
- Wait, wait. What?
860
00:32:05,173 --> 00:32:08,343
Have you ever thought about...
about taking the cone off
861
00:32:08,343 --> 00:32:11,429
for a little while
just to... just to see?
862
00:32:11,429 --> 00:32:12,889
No.
863
00:32:12,889 --> 00:32:15,267
I bet you'd look
really handsome. (chuckles)
864
00:32:15,267 --> 00:32:16,685
Really?
865
00:32:16,685 --> 00:32:18,270
Yeah.
866
00:32:18,270 --> 00:32:19,896
BUG (laughing):
That's how you do it, Reg, baby.
867
00:32:19,896 --> 00:32:21,356
REGGIE:
That was awesome!
868
00:32:21,356 --> 00:32:23,984
Oh, wait a minute.
Okay, what's this vibe?
869
00:32:23,984 --> 00:32:25,235
- (stammering): Oh, no.
- Oh, nothing.
870
00:32:25,235 --> 00:32:26,528
- Yeah, what vibe?
- Nothing.
871
00:32:26,528 --> 00:32:27,946
- What vibe?
- There is no vibe.
872
00:32:27,946 --> 00:32:30,115
Your boner implies
that there's a vibe.
873
00:32:30,115 --> 00:32:33,118
Oh, uh, well, you know, that's
because our friendship...
874
00:32:33,118 --> 00:32:34,828
(chuckles) got me erect.
875
00:32:34,828 --> 00:32:36,454
Yeah, it was a friend boner.
876
00:32:36,454 --> 00:32:38,373
Then why don't you get boners
for us?
877
00:32:38,373 --> 00:32:40,792
I mean, uh,
are we not your friends?
878
00:32:40,792 --> 00:32:43,461
What? No, no, you guys
get me hard all the time.
879
00:32:43,461 --> 00:32:47,007
Hunter, that's about the
sweetest thing I've ever heard.
880
00:32:47,007 --> 00:32:49,759
Speaking of boners,
how about some sausages?
881
00:32:49,759 --> 00:32:51,261
We took 'em from a human.
882
00:32:51,261 --> 00:32:53,722
You stole these from a human?
What if someone saw?
883
00:32:53,722 --> 00:32:55,724
Relax.
Grow back some testicles.
884
00:32:55,724 --> 00:32:57,851
- Ain't nobody saw.
- (fireworks booming)
885
00:32:57,851 --> 00:33:00,103
(Hunter and Maggie gasping,
yelping)
886
00:33:00,103 --> 00:33:01,479
God saw!
887
00:33:01,479 --> 00:33:03,273
God sees everything!
888
00:33:03,273 --> 00:33:05,066
- Run!
- (Maggie screams)
889
00:33:05,066 --> 00:33:07,194
- We're under attack!
- Save yourselves!
890
00:33:07,194 --> 00:33:08,653
We got to find cover!
891
00:33:08,653 --> 00:33:10,655
The whole fucking place
is gonna blow!
892
00:33:10,655 --> 00:33:12,365
Move! Move!
893
00:33:12,365 --> 00:33:13,867
- (screaming)
- HUNTER: Oh, God!
894
00:33:13,867 --> 00:33:15,952
- REGGIE: We're all gonna die!
- (bell clangs)
895
00:33:15,952 --> 00:33:17,495
Mama!
896
00:33:17,495 --> 00:33:19,206
- (fireworks popping quietly)
- Wow.
897
00:33:19,206 --> 00:33:20,916
(gentle carnival music plays)
898
00:33:20,916 --> 00:33:22,542
- (fireworks booming loudly)
- Duck! -Stay low!
899
00:33:22,542 --> 00:33:25,337
- They got us surrounded!
- Go, go, go!
900
00:33:25,337 --> 00:33:26,546
- Run!
- They're coming after us!
901
00:33:26,546 --> 00:33:27,839
This way! Hurry!
902
00:33:27,839 --> 00:33:29,799
HUNTER:
It's so loud inside the cone!
903
00:33:32,135 --> 00:33:33,470
- Oh, shit.
- No.
904
00:33:33,470 --> 00:33:35,096
- No, no, no, no, no, no!
- We got to get over.
905
00:33:35,096 --> 00:33:37,682
We got to dig. We got to dig!
906
00:33:37,682 --> 00:33:38,892
Dig. Dig faster.
907
00:33:38,892 --> 00:33:40,352
Hunter, Maggie, help us dig.
908
00:33:40,352 --> 00:33:42,604
- What? What's going on?
- Come on, Maggie, dig!
909
00:33:42,604 --> 00:33:44,606
- You said you love digging.
- I lied!
910
00:33:44,606 --> 00:33:47,484
- I hate digging!
- There we go.
911
00:33:47,484 --> 00:33:48,944
Okay, let's go.
912
00:33:48,944 --> 00:33:50,946
Oh, I hate how the dirt feels
under my nails!
913
00:33:50,946 --> 00:33:52,447
Wait, wait. Guys, I'm stuck!
914
00:33:52,447 --> 00:33:54,950
My bandanna's stuck!
915
00:33:54,950 --> 00:33:56,701
Aah!
916
00:33:56,701 --> 00:33:58,245
- Oh, no.
- Reggie!
917
00:33:58,245 --> 00:34:00,372
- Reggie, no!
- Reggie, come on, buddy.
918
00:34:00,372 --> 00:34:01,539
Maggie, Hunter, help me out.
919
00:34:01,539 --> 00:34:03,041
No, no, no, no.
Get out of here.
920
00:34:03,041 --> 00:34:04,251
It-It's too late for me.
921
00:34:04,251 --> 00:34:06,044
Listen to me.
It's not too late.
922
00:34:06,044 --> 00:34:07,712
No. Save yourself.
923
00:34:07,712 --> 00:34:11,007
And tell Doug I wanted
to bite his dick off.
924
00:34:11,007 --> 00:34:13,260
Bite it for me, if you can.
925
00:34:13,260 --> 00:34:15,470
Look at me. You're gonna live,
926
00:34:15,470 --> 00:34:19,140
and you're gonna bite
that dick yourself.
927
00:34:19,140 --> 00:34:20,767
MAGGIE:
Hunter, the fence!
928
00:34:20,767 --> 00:34:22,936
(grunting, growling)
929
00:34:22,936 --> 00:34:24,271
Check this out.
930
00:34:24,271 --> 00:34:26,439
(grunting):
Come on.
931
00:34:26,439 --> 00:34:28,858
Holy shit, they have a bomb!
932
00:34:29,776 --> 00:34:32,946
- Come on, Reggie.
- Come on. (grunting)
933
00:34:35,907 --> 00:34:37,575
REGGIE: I'm almost free.
I'm almost free.
934
00:34:37,575 --> 00:34:38,743
- Come on, Reggie!
- Aah!
935
00:34:38,743 --> 00:34:40,287
Aah! Come on, let's go!
936
00:34:40,996 --> 00:34:42,664
BUG:
Let's move, move, move, move!
937
00:34:42,664 --> 00:34:44,958
MAGGIE:
Come on, guys, let's go!
938
00:34:46,835 --> 00:34:48,295
(sighs)
939
00:34:48,295 --> 00:34:50,797
Oh, well, uh...
940
00:34:50,797 --> 00:34:52,382
You guys want to kiss a little?
941
00:34:52,382 --> 00:34:55,719
- (all panting)
- Oh, my God! Holy shit.
942
00:34:55,719 --> 00:34:57,345
Guys, that was crazy.
943
00:34:57,345 --> 00:34:59,347
I feel like now I need
an emotional support dog.
944
00:34:59,347 --> 00:35:02,559
Bug, (laughs) you looked like
you were gonna shit yourself.
945
00:35:02,559 --> 00:35:04,561
I did. I literally did that.
946
00:35:04,561 --> 00:35:06,187
Oh, God. -HUNTER: He did.
I stepped in it.
947
00:35:06,187 --> 00:35:08,315
- (panting)
- Reg, you okay?
948
00:35:08,315 --> 00:35:10,025
Uh, it's nothing. I-I...
949
00:35:10,025 --> 00:35:13,445
It's just, you guys
risked your life for me.
950
00:35:13,445 --> 00:35:15,113
Bug, you saved me.
951
00:35:15,113 --> 00:35:16,948
I never thought
anyone would do that.
952
00:35:16,948 --> 00:35:19,034
Of course we would. Come on.
953
00:35:19,034 --> 00:35:20,785
You're part of the pack, Reggie.
954
00:35:20,785 --> 00:35:22,620
- We stick together.
- HUNTER: That's right.
955
00:35:22,620 --> 00:35:24,497
I've never been part
of a pack before.
956
00:35:24,497 --> 00:35:25,707
Well, you are now.
957
00:35:25,707 --> 00:35:27,459
I didn't even know
that was a thing.
958
00:35:27,459 --> 00:35:29,252
- (laughter)
- We'll make it a thing.
959
00:35:29,252 --> 00:35:30,462
MAGGIE:
Yeah.
960
00:35:30,462 --> 00:35:33,298
So, I kind of have
a weird idea.
961
00:35:33,298 --> 00:35:35,884
Could... could we maybe...
962
00:35:35,884 --> 00:35:38,178
(scoffs)
pee on each other?
963
00:35:38,178 --> 00:35:39,054
Say what, now?
964
00:35:39,054 --> 00:35:40,555
Well, you said that
965
00:35:40,555 --> 00:35:42,474
when you pee on something
that it's yours.
966
00:35:42,474 --> 00:35:44,059
I just thought that,
since we're all,
967
00:35:44,059 --> 00:35:45,560
like, friends now, we could...
968
00:35:45,560 --> 00:35:48,897
Pee on each other
so we belong to each other?
969
00:35:48,897 --> 00:35:50,023
Yeah.
970
00:35:50,023 --> 00:35:51,900
(scoffs)
That was a stupid idea.
971
00:35:51,900 --> 00:35:55,570
Jenna would be so mad if
I came home covered in urine.
972
00:35:56,446 --> 00:35:58,281
- Let's fucking do it.
- HUNTER: Oh, we're doing it.
973
00:35:58,281 --> 00:36:00,950
Okay. Why don't we, like,
do, like, a circle thing?
974
00:36:00,950 --> 00:36:02,827
Yeah, and let's just lift
our left leg. -Starboard side.
975
00:36:02,827 --> 00:36:05,372
Yeah, lift our left leg,
and then we'll... -There we go.
976
00:36:05,372 --> 00:36:07,749
- Oh, good, I get to pee on Bug.
- Yeah, that's good.
977
00:36:07,749 --> 00:36:09,334
(all sighing)
978
00:36:09,334 --> 00:36:10,543
BUG:
Whoa.
979
00:36:10,543 --> 00:36:12,003
You know, this isn't just
warming my body.
980
00:36:12,003 --> 00:36:13,296
It's warming my heart.
981
00:36:13,296 --> 00:36:14,589
- REGGIE: Aw.
- BUG: Wow.
982
00:36:14,589 --> 00:36:16,466
I guess this makes us
family now.
983
00:36:16,466 --> 00:36:18,593
- Yeah, we're BFFs.
- HUNTER: Yeah.
984
00:36:18,593 --> 00:36:21,262
Even better. We're Pee-FFs.
985
00:36:21,262 --> 00:36:23,264
(chuckling):
Pee-FFs! I love it.
986
00:36:23,264 --> 00:36:25,809
- Yeah. Love that.
- MAGGIE: Oh, Bug!
987
00:36:25,809 --> 00:36:27,727
You look happy.
988
00:36:27,727 --> 00:36:29,270
What are you talking about,
I look happy?
989
00:36:29,270 --> 00:36:30,688
I'm just smiling
because we're all sitting here
990
00:36:30,688 --> 00:36:32,232
pissing on each other,
so I just...
991
00:36:32,232 --> 00:36:34,109
I cracked a smile.
It's not an emotional thing.
992
00:36:34,109 --> 00:36:35,819
- Nah, you love us.
- MAGGIE: You love us!
993
00:36:35,819 --> 00:36:37,529
Okay, that's it. -HUNTER:
Yeah, that's right. You do.
994
00:36:37,529 --> 00:36:39,197
- That's my cue to go to bed.
- Oh, come on, Bug.
995
00:36:39,197 --> 00:36:41,408
Look, listen, listen,
we got a lot of walking to do
996
00:36:41,408 --> 00:36:42,909
and not much time to do it.
997
00:36:42,909 --> 00:36:45,036
Let's get some sleep.
998
00:36:45,036 --> 00:36:47,122
H-H-Ho-Hold on one second.
999
00:36:50,458 --> 00:36:52,335
- Go back the other way.
- Better the other way.
1000
00:36:52,335 --> 00:36:54,212
Try sniffing the ground. H-Have
you tried sniffing the ground?
1001
00:36:54,212 --> 00:36:56,339
- Fucked that one up. (groans)
- You got to reset yourself.
1002
00:36:56,339 --> 00:36:57,841
- Yeah, you go back 90 degrees.
- Fucked that one up, too.
1003
00:36:57,841 --> 00:36:59,426
- You were so close.
- REGGIE: Now sit down.
1004
00:36:59,426 --> 00:37:01,761
- That'll do. That'll do.
- All right, finally, good.
1005
00:37:01,761 --> 00:37:04,639
- Time for bed. Yeah. Okay.
- MAGGIE: Let's get some sleep.
1006
00:37:04,639 --> 00:37:06,182
HUNTER:
And a quick turn.
1007
00:37:06,182 --> 00:37:08,017
- Time to go to sl...
- Wait. Hang on. -One turn.
1008
00:37:08,017 --> 00:37:09,644
- Two turns. Three turns.
- MAGGIE: Oh, God.
1009
00:37:09,644 --> 00:37:11,020
Bug's really fucked
with my head. I don't know...
1010
00:37:11,020 --> 00:37:12,772
- There.
- MAGGIE: Five,
1011
00:37:12,772 --> 00:37:14,607
- four, three, two, one.
- HUNTER: Again. Again. Okay.
1012
00:37:14,607 --> 00:37:15,733
Okay, okay, now I'm ready.
1013
00:37:15,733 --> 00:37:18,194
- (muttering)
- MAGGIE: Easy.
1014
00:37:18,194 --> 00:37:20,280
And... down.
1015
00:37:20,280 --> 00:37:22,490
I'm getting much faster
at that.
1016
00:37:23,741 --> 00:37:25,243
- Good night, everyone.
- Good night, Reg.
1017
00:37:25,243 --> 00:37:26,453
- Good night, Reggie.
- And, uh, thanks again
1018
00:37:26,453 --> 00:37:27,954
for letting me pee on you guys.
1019
00:37:27,954 --> 00:37:29,289
- Reggie?
- Yeah?
1020
00:37:29,289 --> 00:37:30,623
Could you just stop
fucking talking, please?
1021
00:37:30,623 --> 00:37:32,584
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
- Okay.
1022
00:37:34,419 --> 00:37:36,588
♪ ♪
1023
00:37:37,964 --> 00:37:40,049
(birds calling)
1024
00:37:40,925 --> 00:37:43,178
REGGIE:
Okay, guys. Big day today.
1025
00:37:43,178 --> 00:37:44,929
Next up is the giant cone.
1026
00:37:44,929 --> 00:37:47,307
BUG: I don't know what kind of
cone we're gonna find out here.
1027
00:37:47,307 --> 00:37:49,767
REGGIE: It can't be too hard
to find. It's gigantic.
1028
00:37:49,767 --> 00:37:51,644
BUG: All I see is trees,
but whatever.
1029
00:37:51,644 --> 00:37:54,731
Hey, mate, have you thought
about how you're gonna do it?
1030
00:37:54,731 --> 00:37:56,191
Uh, sorry. D-Do what?
1031
00:37:56,191 --> 00:37:57,859
- Bite Doug's dick off.
- Oh.
1032
00:37:57,859 --> 00:38:00,945
Were you thinking lengthwise
or tip-to-shaft?
1033
00:38:00,945 --> 00:38:03,615
Gosh, I don't know. I-I've
never bitten off a dick before.
1034
00:38:03,615 --> 00:38:06,284
(chuckles) I guess I'll let it
just come to me in the moment.
1035
00:38:06,284 --> 00:38:08,786
So, at what point of this trip
are you gonna build up
1036
00:38:08,786 --> 00:38:10,455
a little BDE
and make a move, huh?
1037
00:38:10,455 --> 00:38:12,290
With Maggie? -Yes, Mag...
No, with this mossy stump.
1038
00:38:12,290 --> 00:38:14,250
What the fuck you think
I'm talking about?
1039
00:38:14,250 --> 00:38:16,753
(chuckles) No way.
She wouldn't go for me.
1040
00:38:16,753 --> 00:38:19,005
I mean, maybe a door opens up
down the road,
1041
00:38:19,005 --> 00:38:20,507
but for now we're just friends.
1042
00:38:20,507 --> 00:38:22,258
Wh-What are you talking about,
opening up doors?
1043
00:38:22,258 --> 00:38:23,551
We don't have thumbs.
1044
00:38:23,551 --> 00:38:25,512
You got to knock
the fucking door down.
1045
00:38:25,512 --> 00:38:27,222
Yeah, but who would
want to date
1046
00:38:27,222 --> 00:38:30,058
a failed police dog
who wears a cone 24/7?
1047
00:38:30,058 --> 00:38:33,520
Oh, come on, dude.
Girls date losers all the time.
1048
00:38:33,520 --> 00:38:37,440
You know, Reggie, that you
don't have to do it, right?
1049
00:38:37,440 --> 00:38:39,734
What are you talking about?
Of course I do.
1050
00:38:39,734 --> 00:38:41,486
I'm gonna get
all over that dick.
1051
00:38:41,486 --> 00:38:42,987
Chomp, chomp, chomp. Mmm!
1052
00:38:42,987 --> 00:38:45,323
Yeah, but you could just,
you know, move on from Doug,
1053
00:38:45,323 --> 00:38:47,742
and then you wouldn't have to
do anything to him at all.
1054
00:38:47,742 --> 00:38:49,744
You could always
just let it go.
1055
00:38:49,744 --> 00:38:51,496
I-I'm not... (chuckles)
1056
00:38:51,496 --> 00:38:53,873
No, I'm not just
gonna let it go.
1057
00:38:53,873 --> 00:38:55,208
All right, look,
1058
00:38:55,208 --> 00:38:56,834
you failed doggie school
'cause you was a wuss,
1059
00:38:56,834 --> 00:38:58,878
but there's nothing
we can do about your past.
1060
00:38:58,878 --> 00:39:02,382
We might, however, be able to
get that thing off your head.
1061
00:39:02,382 --> 00:39:04,551
- This? No, no, you can't.
- Sure, we can.
1062
00:39:04,551 --> 00:39:06,594
If we all pull together,
we could...
1063
00:39:06,594 --> 00:39:08,680
No, no, I mean, I-I need it.
1064
00:39:08,680 --> 00:39:10,848
I keep it on intentionally.
1065
00:39:10,848 --> 00:39:12,433
Wait, really? I just assumed
1066
00:39:12,433 --> 00:39:14,185
it was, like, you know,
a medical thing.
1067
00:39:14,185 --> 00:39:15,395
Oh, it is.
1068
00:39:15,395 --> 00:39:17,021
I-I'll do anything
to keep it on.
1069
00:39:17,021 --> 00:39:19,357
And most self-inflicted
injuries will do the trick.
1070
00:39:19,357 --> 00:39:21,776
You know, cat scratches,
ear infection from the toilet,
1071
00:39:21,776 --> 00:39:23,903
lick my testicles
for hours and hours
1072
00:39:23,903 --> 00:39:26,364
until the humans get concerned.
1073
00:39:26,364 --> 00:39:29,033
But it's worth it.
I get anxious sometimes,
1074
00:39:29,033 --> 00:39:31,703
and the cone helps me
block things out.
1075
00:39:31,703 --> 00:39:34,038
What are you guys
talking about?
1076
00:39:34,038 --> 00:39:36,332
Oh, uh, nothing.
You know, same old, same old.
1077
00:39:36,332 --> 00:39:37,875
I'm telling him he's got to get
1078
00:39:37,875 --> 00:39:39,627
- that big dick energy.
- (scoffs) Bug.
1079
00:39:39,627 --> 00:39:41,504
Well, you got
the first part down.
1080
00:39:41,504 --> 00:39:43,631
Aw, thanks for complimenting
my penis, Maggie.
1081
00:39:43,631 --> 00:39:45,508
You know,
your vagina's huge, too.
1082
00:39:45,508 --> 00:39:48,678
- Seriously?
- Shit. Why did I say that?
1083
00:39:50,013 --> 00:39:51,806
BUG: Hey, Reg,
let me ask you something.
1084
00:39:51,806 --> 00:39:53,308
- REGGIE: Yeah?
- How sure are you
1085
00:39:53,308 --> 00:39:54,976
that the big cone is this way?
1086
00:39:54,976 --> 00:39:58,479
I don't know, on a scale
of sure to not sure,
1087
00:39:58,479 --> 00:40:00,273
pretty sure...
1088
00:40:02,066 --> 00:40:03,985
...that I'm not really sure.
That I'm sure of.
1089
00:40:03,985 --> 00:40:06,070
- Holy shit. We're lost.
- MAGGIE: Ah, great.
1090
00:40:06,070 --> 00:40:08,072
- I knew this would happen.
- Hey, calm down, Bug.
1091
00:40:08,072 --> 00:40:10,074
We'll figure it out.
This could be a lot worse.
1092
00:40:10,074 --> 00:40:11,826
Oh, really, Hunter?
I'm starving,
1093
00:40:11,826 --> 00:40:14,329
we're completely fucking lost,
and my little puppy paw pads
1094
00:40:14,329 --> 00:40:15,913
are really hurting right now,
1095
00:40:15,913 --> 00:40:18,333
so how exactly
could this get worse?
1096
00:40:19,167 --> 00:40:20,835
Huh? How could it?
Tell me, huh?
1097
00:40:20,835 --> 00:40:22,587
How could it get worse?
1098
00:40:23,421 --> 00:40:24,839
- (bird screeching)
- Oh, oh, oh!
1099
00:40:24,839 --> 00:40:26,591
Bug! -Why did I say
it could get a lot worse?
1100
00:40:26,591 --> 00:40:28,343
Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Oh, please,
please, please don't drop me.
1101
00:40:28,343 --> 00:40:30,053
- Don't eat me. None of that!
- MAGGIE: Bug!
1102
00:40:30,053 --> 00:40:31,512
HUNTER: That eagle has
some good timing.
1103
00:40:31,512 --> 00:40:33,097
Bug! Hold on, buddy!
1104
00:40:33,097 --> 00:40:34,641
Reg, Reggie, guys, help me.
1105
00:40:34,641 --> 00:40:36,934
Ask him if he wouldn't mind
bringing you lower!
1106
00:40:36,934 --> 00:40:38,353
What?
What are you talking about?
1107
00:40:38,353 --> 00:40:40,063
- I don't speak bird.
- We're in a real pickle!
1108
00:40:40,063 --> 00:40:41,898
Help, help, help. Do something.
Somebody do something.
1109
00:40:41,898 --> 00:40:43,566
Oh! Oh, God!
1110
00:40:43,566 --> 00:40:46,944
(Reggie yells, grunts)
1111
00:40:47,236 --> 00:40:48,112
Fuck!
1112
00:40:48,112 --> 00:40:50,615
BUG: Yes! No!
Shit, this is fucking crazy.
1113
00:40:50,615 --> 00:40:52,158
- We're going higher.
- HUNTER: Hold on, buddy.
1114
00:40:52,158 --> 00:40:53,785
Reggie! Bug!
1115
00:40:53,785 --> 00:40:56,913
Oh, wow, your balls look huge
from this angle.
1116
00:40:56,913 --> 00:40:59,874
Thank you, but holy fuck!
1117
00:40:59,874 --> 00:41:01,084
(tweeting)
1118
00:41:01,084 --> 00:41:04,128
MAN: That is
a golden-cheeked warbler.
1119
00:41:04,128 --> 00:41:06,589
I've been missing that one.
1120
00:41:07,507 --> 00:41:09,258
Uh...
1121
00:41:10,927 --> 00:41:13,221
(humming)
1122
00:41:13,221 --> 00:41:14,389
Check.
1123
00:41:14,389 --> 00:41:15,932
(sighs)
1124
00:41:15,932 --> 00:41:18,142
(Bug barking in distance)
1125
00:41:22,230 --> 00:41:24,232
Holy shit.
1126
00:41:24,232 --> 00:41:27,902
That is the craziest thing
I have ever seen.
1127
00:41:28,986 --> 00:41:30,530
And I'm Dennis Quaid,
1128
00:41:30,530 --> 00:41:33,408
and Dennis Quaid
has seen some shit.
1129
00:41:33,408 --> 00:41:35,743
- Let me down, bitch!
- Bug, look! Over there!
1130
00:41:35,743 --> 00:41:37,495
- The giant cone!
- What?
1131
00:41:37,495 --> 00:41:39,956
- REGGIE: The giant cone!
- BUG: Oh, the cone.
1132
00:41:39,956 --> 00:41:41,416
Well, shit,
that would be great news
1133
00:41:41,416 --> 00:41:43,418
if we weren't stuck
to this fucking bird.
1134
00:41:44,585 --> 00:41:46,838
Bug, I got an idea. Hang on!
1135
00:41:46,838 --> 00:41:49,590
- (grunting)
- Reg, what are you doing?
1136
00:41:49,590 --> 00:41:51,926
Oh, God.
1137
00:41:51,926 --> 00:41:54,429
That's bold. It's too bold.
1138
00:41:54,429 --> 00:41:56,097
(screaming)
1139
00:41:56,097 --> 00:41:58,307
REGGIE:
Here we go!
1140
00:41:58,307 --> 00:41:59,684
(Bug gasps)
1141
00:42:01,436 --> 00:42:03,646
- Well, shit. Ow!
- Aah!
1142
00:42:04,105 --> 00:42:05,523
Fuck! Not again!
1143
00:42:05,523 --> 00:42:07,608
(Bug and Reggie grunting
and groaning rapidly)
1144
00:42:07,608 --> 00:42:08,776
Reggie! Bug!
1145
00:42:08,776 --> 00:42:10,903
- BUG: Aah! Help!
- REGGIE: Aah! Branch!
1146
00:42:10,903 --> 00:42:13,197
- BUG: Shit! Fuck!
- REGGIE: Oh! Smaller branch!
1147
00:42:13,197 --> 00:42:15,199
(both grunting and yelling)
1148
00:42:15,199 --> 00:42:17,452
(grunting and yelling continue)
1149
00:42:19,078 --> 00:42:21,205
Wow, they're hitting
a worst-case-scenario
1150
00:42:21,205 --> 00:42:23,207
amount of branches.
1151
00:42:23,207 --> 00:42:25,334
BUG:
Paws, paws, paws, paws, paws!
1152
00:42:25,334 --> 00:42:26,711
(grunts) Tail!
1153
00:42:26,711 --> 00:42:28,880
(grunts, sighs)
1154
00:42:28,880 --> 00:42:30,715
Oh, my God, I am so sorry.
1155
00:42:30,715 --> 00:42:32,925
I did not mean to barge in
like this.
1156
00:42:32,925 --> 00:42:34,177
- What, are you guys wrestling?
- (Bug yelling)
1157
00:42:34,177 --> 00:42:35,803
- BUG: Shit!
- (both yelling)
1158
00:42:35,803 --> 00:42:38,431
- MAGGIE: Bug!
- (Bug screaming)
1159
00:42:38,431 --> 00:42:40,641
- Reggie!
- HUNTER: You're alive!
1160
00:42:40,641 --> 00:42:42,560
BUG:
Fuck, got a stick up my ass.
1161
00:42:42,560 --> 00:42:44,312
REGGIE:
Well, Hunter was right.
1162
00:42:44,312 --> 00:42:46,230
That could've been worse.
1163
00:42:46,230 --> 00:42:47,857
BUG: Just get the fuck
out of the bush.
1164
00:42:47,857 --> 00:42:50,151
HUNTER: Reggie, you are
once again a legend.
1165
00:42:50,151 --> 00:42:51,402
Guys, that was epic.
1166
00:42:51,402 --> 00:42:53,488
Fucking leaves. Get off me.
1167
00:42:53,488 --> 00:42:54,864
Guys, you wouldn't believe it.
1168
00:42:54,864 --> 00:42:56,115
- We saw the giant cone.
- HUNTER: What?
1169
00:42:56,115 --> 00:42:57,158
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
we did, we did.
1170
00:42:57,158 --> 00:42:58,743
- Really?
- That's amazing.
1171
00:42:58,743 --> 00:42:59,952
Yeah, that means we're heading
in the right direction.
1172
00:42:59,952 --> 00:43:01,245
Yeah, a-and not to be cheesy,
1173
00:43:01,245 --> 00:43:02,914
but being up in the sky
like that
1174
00:43:02,914 --> 00:43:05,291
just moments from my death,
1175
00:43:05,291 --> 00:43:07,502
I-I learned something
about life.
1176
00:43:07,502 --> 00:43:08,586
- Wh-What's that?
- What?
1177
00:43:08,586 --> 00:43:10,505
Birds don't have genitals.
1178
00:43:10,505 --> 00:43:12,757
Well, then how do they...
1179
00:43:12,757 --> 00:43:13,966
I don't know.
1180
00:43:13,966 --> 00:43:16,552
Maybe they have
both parts inside.
1181
00:43:16,552 --> 00:43:18,513
So, if you were to say,
"Go fuck yourself,"
1182
00:43:18,513 --> 00:43:21,349
they could actually do it.
1183
00:43:22,391 --> 00:43:24,185
Um, okay, then.
1184
00:43:24,185 --> 00:43:26,854
So, hey, next up is
the devil in the sky.
1185
00:43:26,854 --> 00:43:29,524
(Reggie, Bug and Maggie howling)
1186
00:43:29,524 --> 00:43:30,817
HUNTER:
Howling.
1187
00:43:30,817 --> 00:43:32,527
Come on, guys,
we're over halfway there.
1188
00:43:32,527 --> 00:43:34,946
HUNTER: Hey, my howl's getting
better. You guys hear that?
1189
00:43:34,946 --> 00:43:36,906
- Hey, man, uh...
- Yeah?
1190
00:43:36,906 --> 00:43:38,908
I really appreciate
what you did up there.
1191
00:43:38,908 --> 00:43:40,910
I mean, no need to pee
on each other
1192
00:43:40,910 --> 00:43:43,454
or anything like that,
but thanks.
1193
00:43:43,454 --> 00:43:46,040
Of course. We're Pee-FFs.
1194
00:43:46,040 --> 00:43:47,542
We stick together.
1195
00:43:47,542 --> 00:43:49,126
All right, all right,
all right. Enough.
1196
00:43:49,126 --> 00:43:50,670
Put your tongue
back in your mouth.
1197
00:43:50,670 --> 00:43:53,631
("A-O-K" by Tai Verdes playing)
1198
00:43:54,882 --> 00:43:58,302
HUNTER: Okay, okay. Never have
I ever gone down on a girl dog.
1199
00:43:58,302 --> 00:43:59,554
MAGGIE:
Really? Seriously?
1200
00:43:59,554 --> 00:44:00,888
You guys lick your balls
all day.
1201
00:44:00,888 --> 00:44:02,557
HUNTER: Oh, no, no, no.
That's different.
1202
00:44:02,557 --> 00:44:04,308
- REGGIE: That's different.
- HUNTER: That's different.
1203
00:44:04,308 --> 00:44:05,852
- MAGGIE: H-How is it different?
- BUG: It's way different.
1204
00:44:05,852 --> 00:44:07,395
- REGGIE: Yeah.
- HUNTER: Bones to biscuits.
1205
00:44:07,395 --> 00:44:08,855
MAGGIE: I can't believe
that I'm the only one.
1206
00:44:08,855 --> 00:44:10,064
HUNTER:
What, you went down on a...
1207
00:44:10,064 --> 00:44:11,649
MAGGIE:
I was experimenting.
1208
00:44:11,649 --> 00:44:13,067
- Come on, I was in my twos.
- BUG: Ah, yeah, yeah.
1209
00:44:13,067 --> 00:44:14,360
HUNTER:
Oh, yeah, that's the twos.
1210
00:44:14,360 --> 00:44:15,820
REGGIE:
Oh, like a Rumspringa.
1211
00:44:15,820 --> 00:44:17,446
♪ Living in this
big blue world... ♪
1212
00:44:17,446 --> 00:44:20,283
REGGIE: Okay, I got one.
Would you rather eat poop or...
1213
00:44:20,283 --> 00:44:21,617
BUG, HUNTER and MAGGIE:
Eat poop.
1214
00:44:21,617 --> 00:44:23,035
BUG:
Definitely eat poop.
1215
00:44:23,035 --> 00:44:24,453
REGGIE: Okay.
But I didn't even get to...
1216
00:44:24,453 --> 00:44:25,746
BUG:
It doesn't matter. I like poop.
1217
00:44:26,664 --> 00:44:28,875
REGGIE: So, question. When dogs
have sex from behind...
1218
00:44:28,875 --> 00:44:30,293
HUNTER:
Okay, okay.
1219
00:44:30,293 --> 00:44:31,752
- ...what's the style?
- BUG: That's just called
1220
00:44:31,752 --> 00:44:33,212
- regular style.
- MAGGIE: Regular style.
1221
00:44:33,212 --> 00:44:34,338
REGGIE:
I mean, is there another style,
1222
00:44:34,338 --> 00:44:35,673
or do we only have one style?
1223
00:44:35,673 --> 00:44:36,924
BUG: I only know
one style of fucking,
1224
00:44:36,924 --> 00:44:38,175
and I've been doing it
my whole life.
1225
00:44:38,175 --> 00:44:39,760
REGGIE:
Then what's human style?
1226
00:44:39,760 --> 00:44:41,262
BUG: In human style,
the boy pretends to be the dog
1227
00:44:41,262 --> 00:44:43,055
and the girl pretends
to be the couch.
1228
00:44:43,055 --> 00:44:44,307
It's very complicated.
1229
00:44:44,307 --> 00:44:46,017
REGGIE:
Wow, that is complicated.
1230
00:44:46,017 --> 00:44:48,102
HUNTER:
Every species is different.
1231
00:44:49,270 --> 00:44:51,439
♪ Two, four, six, eight,
who do we appreciate... ♪
1232
00:44:51,439 --> 00:44:52,857
MAGGIE:
All right, I've got a joke.
1233
00:44:52,857 --> 00:44:54,442
- Knock, knock.
- (others barking)
1234
00:44:54,442 --> 00:44:56,193
MAGGIE: No, no, no.
You got to ask, "Who's there?"
1235
00:44:56,193 --> 00:44:58,237
BUG:
Oh, oh, okay. Got it, got it.
1236
00:44:58,237 --> 00:44:59,947
- MAGGIE: Knock, knock.
- (others barking)
1237
00:44:59,947 --> 00:45:02,366
Guys, stop! You won't even
let me get to the joke part.
1238
00:45:02,366 --> 00:45:04,201
HUNTER: Later, Maggie.
Somebody's at the door.
1239
00:45:04,201 --> 00:45:06,203
BUG: Nothing funny about
a stranger at the door.
1240
00:45:06,203 --> 00:45:09,081
MAGGIE: Ugh, you guys
are fucking morons.
1241
00:45:09,081 --> 00:45:12,335
♪ I know I'll be A-O, A-OK... ♪
1242
00:45:12,335 --> 00:45:14,503
(sniffing)
1243
00:45:15,504 --> 00:45:17,214
MAGGIE:
You guys got anything yet?
1244
00:45:17,214 --> 00:45:19,300
Nah. Man, and I'm starving.
1245
00:45:19,300 --> 00:45:20,760
Anything edible over there?
1246
00:45:20,760 --> 00:45:22,011
Like a buffalo chicken pizza?
1247
00:45:22,011 --> 00:45:23,387
Nah, just squirrel poops.
1248
00:45:23,387 --> 00:45:24,889
Ah, nah, I can't eat
no more of that shit.
1249
00:45:24,889 --> 00:45:26,307
You know what,
that goes right through me.
1250
00:45:26,307 --> 00:45:28,893
REGGIE:
Hey, I think I got something.
1251
00:45:28,893 --> 00:45:30,770
What do you got?
1252
00:45:33,981 --> 00:45:36,150
- What are those?
- Kind of looks like food.
1253
00:45:36,150 --> 00:45:37,777
I-I don't... I don't know.
1254
00:45:38,736 --> 00:45:40,321
- ALL: Mmm.
- REGGIE: Oh, it's not too bad.
1255
00:45:40,321 --> 00:45:41,822
BUG:
I'm down to clown.
1256
00:45:41,822 --> 00:45:43,491
REGGIE: Mmm. How many
of these should we eat?
1257
00:45:43,491 --> 00:45:45,076
- HUNTER: Mm, all of them?
- BUG: Yeah, that makes sense.
1258
00:45:45,076 --> 00:45:47,078
MAGGIE:
These are so good. Mmm.
1259
00:45:47,078 --> 00:45:48,287
Ooh, this one's spicy.
1260
00:45:48,287 --> 00:45:50,706
HUNTER:
Kind of nutty, right?
1261
00:45:56,170 --> 00:45:58,297
(belches) All right.
1262
00:45:58,297 --> 00:46:00,091
(sighs) That should hold us.
1263
00:46:00,091 --> 00:46:01,676
Solid dinner.
1264
00:46:01,676 --> 00:46:04,428
Mmm. All right,
let's get moving.
1265
00:46:04,428 --> 00:46:06,889
Oh, shit. Uh, give me a sec.
1266
00:46:06,889 --> 00:46:08,432
Whoa, whoa.
1267
00:46:08,432 --> 00:46:10,101
What the fuck?
1268
00:46:13,646 --> 00:46:16,607
("Flat Beat" by Mr. Oizo
playing)
1269
00:46:19,193 --> 00:46:21,445
Hunter, your cone.
1270
00:46:21,445 --> 00:46:24,740
Oh, yeah. Yeah, I know.
I should probably take it off.
1271
00:46:24,740 --> 00:46:26,742
No, no. It's growing.
1272
00:46:26,742 --> 00:46:28,202
Oh, my God.
1273
00:46:28,202 --> 00:46:29,745
(laughs):
Oh, my God.
1274
00:46:29,745 --> 00:46:31,789
- FEMALE VOICE: Bug.
- No.
1275
00:46:31,789 --> 00:46:33,457
FEMALE VOICE (singsongy):
Bug...
1276
00:46:33,457 --> 00:46:34,792
BUG:
Can't be.
1277
00:46:36,794 --> 00:46:38,129
Dolores.
1278
00:46:38,129 --> 00:46:39,922
Hello, Bug.
1279
00:46:39,922 --> 00:46:41,215
What you doing out here?
1280
00:46:41,215 --> 00:46:42,383
We need to talk.
1281
00:46:42,383 --> 00:46:44,969
Wait, Maggie.
You look different.
1282
00:46:44,969 --> 00:46:46,137
Really?
1283
00:46:46,137 --> 00:46:48,389
Oh, shit.
You look different, too.
1284
00:46:48,389 --> 00:46:50,558
- How so?
- Um, you kind of...
1285
00:46:50,558 --> 00:46:53,728
Is it my human hands?
1286
00:46:53,728 --> 00:46:55,229
Hey, do you think
I could play piano now?
1287
00:46:55,229 --> 00:46:56,397
MAGGIE:
Definitely.
1288
00:46:56,397 --> 00:46:58,524
(buzzing)
1289
00:47:01,318 --> 00:47:02,778
REGGIE:
Doug?
1290
00:47:03,571 --> 00:47:04,947
(echoing):
Hey, Reggie.
1291
00:47:04,947 --> 00:47:06,407
Doug!
1292
00:47:06,407 --> 00:47:07,825
How's it going?
1293
00:47:07,825 --> 00:47:09,243
Not great.
1294
00:47:09,243 --> 00:47:10,995
Just giving it one last shave,
1295
00:47:10,995 --> 00:47:13,748
'cause word on the street is
you're planning to bite it off.
1296
00:47:13,748 --> 00:47:15,499
Oh, that was supposed to be
a surprise.
1297
00:47:15,499 --> 00:47:17,168
Who told you?
1298
00:47:18,002 --> 00:47:19,837
- Sorry, Daddy.
- Oh!
1299
00:47:19,837 --> 00:47:21,380
My son, the gnome.
1300
00:47:21,380 --> 00:47:23,090
- We're done, Bug.
- What?
1301
00:47:23,090 --> 00:47:25,259
- I'm seeing someone else now.
- Who?
1302
00:47:25,259 --> 00:47:26,302
(bird screeches)
1303
00:47:26,302 --> 00:47:27,595
BUG:
You kidding me? Him?
1304
00:47:27,595 --> 00:47:29,305
Hey, go fuck yourself, man!
1305
00:47:30,014 --> 00:47:32,349
I actually can.
I have both parts!
1306
00:47:32,349 --> 00:47:33,601
Dolores, come back!
1307
00:47:33,601 --> 00:47:34,977
GUS:
He yelled to the sky.
1308
00:47:34,977 --> 00:47:36,979
But what Bug didn't realize...
1309
00:47:36,979 --> 00:47:38,397
Oh, fuck you, narrator dog.
1310
00:47:38,397 --> 00:47:39,440
GUS:
He said.
1311
00:47:39,440 --> 00:47:41,192
Stop saying, "He said."
1312
00:47:41,984 --> 00:47:43,527
GUS:
He replied.
1313
00:47:43,527 --> 00:47:46,113
I always had such high hopes
for you, Reggie.
1314
00:47:46,113 --> 00:47:48,032
I just wanted you to be a...
1315
00:47:48,032 --> 00:47:50,409
(distorted):
good boy.
1316
00:47:51,410 --> 00:47:53,704
All I ever wanted
was to be a good boy.
1317
00:47:53,704 --> 00:47:55,122
Goodbye, Reggie.
1318
00:47:57,041 --> 00:47:58,918
Wait! Doug, come back!
1319
00:47:58,918 --> 00:48:00,544
Oh, whoa. What's that smell?
1320
00:48:00,544 --> 00:48:02,213
- What? Wh-What?
- (sniffing)
1321
00:48:02,213 --> 00:48:04,256
MAGGIE:
It's coming from over here.
1322
00:48:04,256 --> 00:48:05,800
Hunter, are you seeing this?
1323
00:48:05,800 --> 00:48:06,926
(toy squeaking)
1324
00:48:06,926 --> 00:48:08,469
HUNTER and MAGGIE:
Toys!
1325
00:48:08,469 --> 00:48:10,805
Guys, get in here.
Get over here.
1326
00:48:10,805 --> 00:48:12,056
(toys squeaking)
1327
00:48:12,056 --> 00:48:14,141
BUG: Reg, Reg!
Pull this one with me.
1328
00:48:14,141 --> 00:48:15,851
- It's squishy!
- Oh, fluffy!
1329
00:48:15,851 --> 00:48:17,478
I can't feel my snout.
1330
00:48:17,478 --> 00:48:19,647
MAGGIE:
Oh, there's toys everywhere!
1331
00:48:19,647 --> 00:48:20,981
(laughing)
1332
00:48:20,981 --> 00:48:24,860
HUNTER: Oh, I don't want
this day to ever end.
1333
00:48:24,860 --> 00:48:27,029
Yeah. Me, neither.
1334
00:48:28,823 --> 00:48:30,991
(birds calling)
1335
00:48:34,203 --> 00:48:36,956
(snoring)
1336
00:48:38,999 --> 00:48:41,043
Morning, guys.
1337
00:48:41,043 --> 00:48:42,211
Comfy?
1338
00:48:42,211 --> 00:48:44,130
Oh, shit.
I thought you were Dolores.
1339
00:48:44,130 --> 00:48:45,798
My bad. I got to go pee.
1340
00:48:45,798 --> 00:48:47,675
What's that by your feet,
Reggie?
1341
00:48:47,675 --> 00:48:48,968
My feet?
1342
00:48:48,968 --> 00:48:50,344
What are you talking about?
What is that?
1343
00:48:50,344 --> 00:48:51,387
Yeah, what is that?
1344
00:48:51,387 --> 00:48:53,347
Oh, my God. That's an ear.
1345
00:48:54,056 --> 00:48:56,433
- An ear?
- Holy fucking shit.
1346
00:48:56,433 --> 00:48:58,853
They were toys. Guys,
where are the goddamn toys?
1347
00:48:58,853 --> 00:49:01,355
This is not real.
This is not real.
1348
00:49:01,355 --> 00:49:02,565
HUNTER:
Th-This is real.
1349
00:49:02,565 --> 00:49:04,358
This is real. Oh, my God!
1350
00:49:04,358 --> 00:49:05,693
We killed 'em! (gasping)
1351
00:49:05,693 --> 00:49:07,027
I'm gonna barf.
1352
00:49:07,027 --> 00:49:09,071
(retches) Oh, God.
There's fur in the barf.
1353
00:49:09,071 --> 00:49:11,282
We're fucking murderers!
Oh, my God, now I'm gonna barf.
1354
00:49:11,282 --> 00:49:13,200
Holy fuck. Holy fuck.
This can't be happening.
1355
00:49:13,200 --> 00:49:14,618
Hang in there. Stay with me.
1356
00:49:14,618 --> 00:49:15,828
I-I'll fix you.
1357
00:49:15,828 --> 00:49:17,329
Bug, what are you doing?
1358
00:49:17,329 --> 00:49:18,831
What it look like I'm doing?
1359
00:49:18,831 --> 00:49:20,875
I'm getting rid of
the evidence. Nobody can know!
1360
00:49:25,629 --> 00:49:27,840
(flies buzzing)
1361
00:49:29,258 --> 00:49:33,846
Um, we are gathered here today
to say goodbye to the bunnies.
1362
00:49:33,846 --> 00:49:36,056
Honestly, what we did
was an accident.
1363
00:49:36,056 --> 00:49:37,766
- Absolutely.
- Mm-hmm. -Right.
1364
00:49:37,766 --> 00:49:40,394
And I know that if we weren't
confused from the food we ate
1365
00:49:40,394 --> 00:49:43,355
we would have never mauled you,
tore all your limbs off
1366
00:49:43,355 --> 00:49:46,775
and shook your corpses around
while giggling gleefully...
1367
00:49:46,775 --> 00:49:48,152
by accident.
1368
00:49:48,152 --> 00:49:49,904
So, bless you, bunnies.
1369
00:49:49,904 --> 00:49:50,988
- Yes. Sorry.
- Bless you.
1370
00:49:50,988 --> 00:49:52,281
- So sorry.
- Sorry.
1371
00:49:52,281 --> 00:49:53,824
- Amen.
- All right, that's it.
1372
00:49:53,824 --> 00:49:55,201
Never speak of this again.
1373
00:49:55,201 --> 00:49:56,869
Not one word, you hear me?
1374
00:49:56,869 --> 00:49:58,495
Not one fucking word.
1375
00:49:58,495 --> 00:50:00,748
- Not one word about what?
- Oh, shit. The cops.
1376
00:50:00,748 --> 00:50:02,291
"Oh, shit" is right, motherfucker.
1377
00:50:02,291 --> 00:50:04,585
Wait, wh-what did we do?
We're innocent. I promise.
1378
00:50:04,585 --> 00:50:06,003
- Sit!
- I am.
1379
00:50:06,003 --> 00:50:08,214
On the ground. Lay down,
paws where I can see 'em.
1380
00:50:08,214 --> 00:50:10,007
- We are laying down.
- Search these bitches.
1381
00:50:10,007 --> 00:50:11,425
They're hiding something.
1382
00:50:11,425 --> 00:50:13,177
- Oh, God. What do we do?
- Calm down. I got this.
1383
00:50:13,177 --> 00:50:15,095
I'm-a speak
with my white dog voice.
1384
00:50:15,095 --> 00:50:16,597
Hello, Officer.
1385
00:50:16,597 --> 00:50:18,140
None of us have ever killed
1386
00:50:18,140 --> 00:50:20,059
- a bunny in our lives.
- MAGGIE, REGGIE, HUNTER: Bug!
1387
00:50:20,059 --> 00:50:21,685
What?
Everybody, shut the fuck up.
1388
00:50:21,685 --> 00:50:24,271
We're looking for a lost
Girl Scout, Riley Anderson,
1389
00:50:24,271 --> 00:50:25,940
age eight in human years.
1390
00:50:25,940 --> 00:50:27,983
Wandered away from her campsite
two days ago.
1391
00:50:27,983 --> 00:50:30,110
Thought you dogs might have
some contact with her.
1392
00:50:30,110 --> 00:50:31,695
I've got nothing, sir.
1393
00:50:31,695 --> 00:50:33,447
But it smells like you haven't.
Let's move out.
1394
00:50:33,447 --> 00:50:35,032
Wait, wait. I could help.
1395
00:50:35,032 --> 00:50:37,201
I'm sorry, I don't really want
to be that bitch,
1396
00:50:37,201 --> 00:50:39,286
but I'm actually really good
at sniffing,
1397
00:50:39,286 --> 00:50:42,122
and I'd be happy to assist
in finding this lost girl.
1398
00:50:42,122 --> 00:50:45,709
Adorable. Yeah, no, thanks,
Australian shep-turd.
1399
00:50:45,709 --> 00:50:47,419
Excuse me,
but you really shouldn't
1400
00:50:47,419 --> 00:50:48,796
talk to her like that.
1401
00:50:48,796 --> 00:50:51,006
And what the fuck
are you gonna do about it?
1402
00:50:51,006 --> 00:50:52,675
I-I will do nothing
the fuck about it.
1403
00:50:52,675 --> 00:50:54,343
I am sitting down now.
1404
00:50:54,343 --> 00:50:55,552
Oh, Hunter.
1405
00:50:55,552 --> 00:50:56,845
Hunter?
1406
00:50:56,845 --> 00:50:58,639
Rolf?
1407
00:50:58,639 --> 00:51:01,433
Holy mother-flipping shit!
1408
00:51:01,433 --> 00:51:03,143
I didn't recognize you
with the cone.
1409
00:51:03,143 --> 00:51:04,895
Yeah, yeah, I got a cone now.
1410
00:51:04,895 --> 00:51:06,146
Bring it in, bro.
1411
00:51:06,146 --> 00:51:07,523
- Buddy!
- Give us some.
1412
00:51:07,523 --> 00:51:09,024
ROLF: God, hey, well,
I should've known,
1413
00:51:09,024 --> 00:51:10,651
'cause your butthole smells
exactly the same.
1414
00:51:10,651 --> 00:51:12,569
HUNTER: You know, I'll never
forget this butthole.
1415
00:51:12,569 --> 00:51:13,737
- The fuck?
- You know this guy?
1416
00:51:13,737 --> 00:51:15,155
ROLF:
You kidding me?
1417
00:51:15,155 --> 00:51:17,241
This fucker and I went
to the academy together.
1418
00:51:17,241 --> 00:51:19,702
Everything I know, I learned
from this son of a bitch.
1419
00:51:19,702 --> 00:51:21,537
Technically, we're all
sons of bitches, sir.
1420
00:51:21,537 --> 00:51:22,663
Shut up.
1421
00:51:22,663 --> 00:51:24,373
Hey, so where'd you
end up, brother?
1422
00:51:24,373 --> 00:51:26,292
Drug sniffing, bomb detection?
What are we talking about?
1423
00:51:26,292 --> 00:51:29,545
Oh, um, well, I take care
of dying humans.
1424
00:51:29,545 --> 00:51:32,673
Oh. Well, I mean, that's not
the end of the world, I guess.
1425
00:51:32,673 --> 00:51:34,591
Well, for them it is.
(chuckles)
1426
00:51:34,591 --> 00:51:36,176
Well, hey, guys.
1427
00:51:36,176 --> 00:51:37,803
You found some strays, Rolf?
1428
00:51:37,803 --> 00:51:39,847
Huh? Good job.
1429
00:51:39,847 --> 00:51:41,515
So, what are you fuckers doing
out here, huh?
1430
00:51:41,515 --> 00:51:43,684
Oh, uh, well,
it's a long story.
1431
00:51:43,684 --> 00:51:44,852
We're gonna bite
a guy's dick off.
1432
00:51:44,852 --> 00:51:46,228
It's actually a short story.
1433
00:51:46,228 --> 00:51:47,646
Nice.
Man, when I joined the force,
1434
00:51:47,646 --> 00:51:49,273
you could bite dicks
left and right.
1435
00:51:49,273 --> 00:51:50,941
Nowadays, I chomp a dick,
1436
00:51:50,941 --> 00:51:52,818
I got to fill out
two weeks of paperwork.
1437
00:51:52,818 --> 00:51:55,946
Can I get an AC unit
down to Old Forest Road 54?
1438
00:51:55,946 --> 00:51:57,698
We're trying to get
to the devil in the sky.
1439
00:51:57,698 --> 00:51:58,782
Does that sound familiar?
1440
00:51:58,782 --> 00:52:00,617
Devil in the sky? Yeah.
1441
00:52:00,617 --> 00:52:02,286
You stick with us,
we'll show you the way.
1442
00:52:02,286 --> 00:52:04,747
- Wow. Really?
- Sure thing, rat boy.
1443
00:52:05,622 --> 00:52:07,541
ROLF: Let's not wait so long
next time, huh?
1444
00:52:07,541 --> 00:52:08,876
What's it been, seven years?
1445
00:52:08,876 --> 00:52:10,377
I think just one,
but every year
1446
00:52:10,377 --> 00:52:11,962
feels like seven to us,
so that makes sense.
1447
00:52:11,962 --> 00:52:13,547
Okay, listen. We got to get
our story straight.
1448
00:52:13,547 --> 00:52:14,798
- Uh-huh.
- It was a possum
1449
00:52:14,798 --> 00:52:16,091
who killed all the bunnies,
got it?
1450
00:52:16,091 --> 00:52:17,384
Wait, what's the possum's name?
1451
00:52:17,384 --> 00:52:18,719
Uh, Greg.
1452
00:52:18,719 --> 00:52:21,096
That's not a believable name
for a possum.
1453
00:52:21,096 --> 00:52:22,556
Ooh, can it be Monty?
1454
00:52:22,556 --> 00:52:24,933
- Hey, Cath.
- Steve. Thanks for coming over.
1455
00:52:24,933 --> 00:52:27,102
Hey, little guy. Want a treat?
1456
00:52:27,102 --> 00:52:28,645
Treats! I love treats!
1457
00:52:28,645 --> 00:52:31,482
Oh, my goodness.
Does somebody want a treat?
1458
00:52:31,482 --> 00:52:33,317
This one's all for you.
I got tons of treats.
1459
00:52:33,317 --> 00:52:34,735
Reggie, it's a trap!
1460
00:52:34,735 --> 00:52:36,487
- Hey!
- (Maggie screams)
1461
00:52:36,487 --> 00:52:39,323
BUG: Hey, hey! Those bunnies
were dead when we found 'em!
1462
00:52:39,323 --> 00:52:41,575
It was a possum named,
uh, Greg or-or...
1463
00:52:41,575 --> 00:52:43,577
REGGIE: Monty!
His name was Monty, not Greg!
1464
00:52:43,577 --> 00:52:45,871
BUG:
No choice. They threatened us!
1465
00:52:45,871 --> 00:52:47,998
But, Rolf,
I thought we were pals.
1466
00:52:47,998 --> 00:52:49,500
Sorry, old friend.
The law's the law.
1467
00:52:49,500 --> 00:52:50,876
You know how it is.
1468
00:52:50,876 --> 00:52:53,003
What a sadistic fuck.
1469
00:52:53,003 --> 00:52:55,422
Hey, calm down, sweetie pie.
You'll all be fine.
1470
00:52:55,422 --> 00:52:57,216
You got tags,
they'll send you home.
1471
00:52:58,509 --> 00:53:00,219
- (dogs barking)
- (wolf whistle)
1472
00:53:00,219 --> 00:53:02,096
- Whoa, fresh meat.
- Hey, big boy.
1473
00:53:02,096 --> 00:53:04,890
- I like the mouth on that one.
- Mm, we gonna cuddle real hard!
1474
00:53:04,890 --> 00:53:07,184
Hey, bitch. Hey, little bitch.
(howls) -(smacking lips)
1475
00:53:07,184 --> 00:53:09,436
Guys, we got to get
out of here.
1476
00:53:09,436 --> 00:53:10,938
We're running out of time.
1477
00:53:10,938 --> 00:53:12,689
- Where even are we?
- Nowhere good.
1478
00:53:12,689 --> 00:53:14,775
No, no, no, no, no.
I can't be here.
1479
00:53:14,775 --> 00:53:15,943
I can't. Not this again.
1480
00:53:15,943 --> 00:53:17,528
Come on, mate. We'll be fine.
1481
00:53:17,528 --> 00:53:19,363
Yeah, Rolf told us
they'll just send us home.
1482
00:53:19,363 --> 00:53:20,948
- It'll be all right.
- They only send you home
1483
00:53:20,948 --> 00:53:22,658
if you got a home
to go back to.
1484
00:53:22,658 --> 00:53:24,243
And do you know
what these people do
1485
00:53:24,243 --> 00:53:26,453
to dogs that don't have one,
Hunter? Huh?
1486
00:53:26,453 --> 00:53:29,289
Do you have any idea
what they're about to do to me?
1487
00:53:29,289 --> 00:53:30,707
What they're about
to do to Reg?
1488
00:53:30,707 --> 00:53:32,167
Calm down, Bug.
We'll figure this out.
1489
00:53:32,167 --> 00:53:33,710
There ain't nothing
to figure out, Maggie.
1490
00:53:33,710 --> 00:53:35,629
These humans caught us,
and now we are fucked!
1491
00:53:35,629 --> 00:53:37,089
Bug, you don't know that.
1492
00:53:37,089 --> 00:53:38,382
Yeah. Uh, I mean, Bug,
1493
00:53:38,382 --> 00:53:40,384
you say you know
so much about humans,
1494
00:53:40,384 --> 00:53:41,844
but you don't really know them, either.
1495
00:53:41,844 --> 00:53:43,512
I mean, you've never
had an owner.
1496
00:53:43,512 --> 00:53:44,680
You never had a Jenna.
1497
00:53:44,680 --> 00:53:45,973
You never had a Doug.
1498
00:53:45,973 --> 00:53:46,974
I had an Emma.
1499
00:53:46,974 --> 00:53:48,475
- (gasps)
- What?
1500
00:53:48,475 --> 00:53:49,935
Whoa, Bug.
1501
00:53:49,935 --> 00:53:51,311
You had an owner?
1502
00:53:51,311 --> 00:53:52,938
Yeah.
1503
00:53:52,938 --> 00:53:58,110
And I told myself that I would
never say her name again,
1504
00:53:58,110 --> 00:54:00,571
but y'all need to hear this.
1505
00:54:00,571 --> 00:54:01,864
- No.
- No? Okay.
1506
00:54:01,864 --> 00:54:03,574
BUG:
I don't remember everything,
1507
00:54:03,574 --> 00:54:05,742
but I remember the day
she got me out of there.
1508
00:54:05,742 --> 00:54:07,911
- (gasps) This one.
- (parents laughing)
1509
00:54:07,911 --> 00:54:09,413
MOTHER:
He's a cute little bugger.
1510
00:54:09,413 --> 00:54:11,123
Cute little bug.
1511
00:54:11,123 --> 00:54:13,083
♪ When we were on top... ♪
1512
00:54:13,083 --> 00:54:15,294
BUG:
We did everything together.
1513
00:54:15,294 --> 00:54:16,503
We played all day,
1514
00:54:16,503 --> 00:54:18,922
and no matter how stupid
I acted,
1515
00:54:18,922 --> 00:54:20,841
- she always laughed.
- (laughs)
1516
00:54:20,841 --> 00:54:22,176
Trick or treat.
1517
00:54:22,176 --> 00:54:23,886
BUG:
We even did this thing I hated
1518
00:54:23,886 --> 00:54:26,180
where she would dress us up
in super weird clothes
1519
00:54:26,180 --> 00:54:28,849
and ask the neighbors
to give us that chocolate
1520
00:54:28,849 --> 00:54:31,185
- humans make from dog poop.
- Oh, oh, not for you, honey.
1521
00:54:31,185 --> 00:54:32,561
- (thunder crashes)
- (Bug whimpers)
1522
00:54:32,561 --> 00:54:34,354
EMMA:
It's okay. It's just a storm.
1523
00:54:34,354 --> 00:54:36,523
BUG: But even better
than all the fun we had
1524
00:54:36,523 --> 00:54:38,358
is, uh, the way
she made me feel.
1525
00:54:38,358 --> 00:54:39,985
I love you.
1526
00:54:39,985 --> 00:54:43,322
BUG: When she said that,
I felt so special.
1527
00:54:43,322 --> 00:54:44,781
And then it was usually
followed by
1528
00:54:44,781 --> 00:54:47,159
these incredible
belly scratches.
1529
00:54:47,159 --> 00:54:49,077
No one ever made my leg
kick like that.
1530
00:54:49,077 --> 00:54:51,288
Except for this one night
with this raccoon
1531
00:54:51,288 --> 00:54:54,124
I don't like to talk about,
but, uh... anyway. -(giggles)
1532
00:54:54,917 --> 00:54:58,295
But then I made a mistake.
1533
00:54:58,295 --> 00:55:00,506
- (yelps)
- (Emma screams)
1534
00:55:00,506 --> 00:55:02,466
It was a blur.
1535
00:55:03,383 --> 00:55:06,553
I didn't even know what I did
until it was too late.
1536
00:55:06,553 --> 00:55:08,805
Say goodbye to Bug.
1537
00:55:09,681 --> 00:55:11,099
(whimpers softly)
1538
00:55:11,099 --> 00:55:12,726
(crying)
1539
00:55:12,726 --> 00:55:14,144
(barks)
1540
00:55:15,437 --> 00:55:18,565
BUG: I thought I was getting
put in time-out or something,
1541
00:55:18,565 --> 00:55:22,069
but... but the place
she sent me to...
1542
00:55:23,529 --> 00:55:25,948
...the time-outs there
never end.
1543
00:55:26,782 --> 00:55:28,617
- (woman screams)
- MAN: Whoa!
1544
00:55:33,288 --> 00:55:35,415
I never saw her again.
1545
00:55:35,415 --> 00:55:38,835
After all we had been through--
everything she made me feel,
1546
00:55:38,835 --> 00:55:42,673
everything I thought
I made her feel--
1547
00:55:42,673 --> 00:55:44,299
just nothing.
1548
00:55:44,299 --> 00:55:45,926
We did so much together.
1549
00:55:45,926 --> 00:55:48,262
She taught me so many tricks.
1550
00:55:48,262 --> 00:55:53,100
But the one trick she never
wanted me to learn was: stay.
1551
00:55:53,100 --> 00:55:54,518
(whimpers softly)
1552
00:55:54,518 --> 00:55:56,061
I think I zoned out
around the middle part.
1553
00:55:56,061 --> 00:55:57,646
Can you tell
the middle part again?
1554
00:55:57,646 --> 00:55:59,940
Hunter, I'm not gonna
tell the middle part again.
1555
00:55:59,940 --> 00:56:01,733
I'm sorry, Bug. I had no idea.
1556
00:56:01,733 --> 00:56:03,860
Don't be sorry, Reg.
Be thankful.
1557
00:56:03,860 --> 00:56:05,946
'Cause you got a chance
to make this right.
1558
00:56:05,946 --> 00:56:10,075
Oh, what I wouldn't give
to bite this girl in the dick.
1559
00:56:10,075 --> 00:56:12,786
But, you know, she's six, and I
don't know where she lives now,
1560
00:56:12,786 --> 00:56:15,455
and she's a girl and doesn't
even have a dick, but still.
1561
00:56:15,455 --> 00:56:18,333
Listen, what we're doing
isn't just about Doug.
1562
00:56:18,333 --> 00:56:20,711
We're doing this
for all of them.
1563
00:56:20,711 --> 00:56:23,088
For every single one
of those humans
1564
00:56:23,088 --> 00:56:25,716
who treated us like shit.
1565
00:56:25,716 --> 00:56:28,468
Man, biggest mistake
of my life.
1566
00:56:28,468 --> 00:56:30,887
Yeah. I'd regret that bite, too.
1567
00:56:30,887 --> 00:56:32,347
The bite? No.
1568
00:56:32,347 --> 00:56:33,932
I'm talking about her.
1569
00:56:33,932 --> 00:56:35,809
She's the mistake, not the...
1570
00:56:35,809 --> 00:56:37,102
Okay, well, we can talk about
1571
00:56:37,102 --> 00:56:38,645
getting back at your exes
all we want,
1572
00:56:38,645 --> 00:56:40,981
but none of that matters
if we can't get out of here.
1573
00:56:40,981 --> 00:56:44,359
Guys, what if we can
get the key?
1574
00:56:44,359 --> 00:56:46,903
♪ ♪
1575
00:56:51,658 --> 00:56:53,035
HUNTER:
Oh, no.
1576
00:56:53,035 --> 00:56:55,871
We'd need, like,
a super long pole to hook it.
1577
00:56:59,082 --> 00:57:01,251
Why is everyone looking at me?
1578
00:57:05,172 --> 00:57:06,965
Come on, Hunter, you can do it.
1579
00:57:08,550 --> 00:57:10,135
- (Hunter grunting)
- REGGIE: Dude, you're so close.
1580
00:57:10,135 --> 00:57:11,428
Just a little more.
1581
00:57:11,428 --> 00:57:13,180
Come on, get hornier.
You can do it.
1582
00:57:13,180 --> 00:57:14,681
This is all I got.
1583
00:57:14,681 --> 00:57:16,850
Maggie, come on. Excite him.
1584
00:57:17,684 --> 00:57:19,770
(whispering):
Hunter, this has been
1585
00:57:19,770 --> 00:57:24,024
a really long, hard trip,
1586
00:57:24,024 --> 00:57:26,652
but the thing
that keeps me panting
1587
00:57:26,652 --> 00:57:31,490
is thinking about us doing it,
regular style.
1588
00:57:31,490 --> 00:57:33,450
Oh, boy. It-It's working.
1589
00:57:33,450 --> 00:57:35,702
Keep talking, Maggie.
More sexy stuff.
1590
00:57:35,702 --> 00:57:36,953
Just picture me,
1591
00:57:36,953 --> 00:57:40,165
all eight nipples rock hard,
1592
00:57:40,165 --> 00:57:44,628
and I'm wearing nothing but...
(gasps) the cone.
1593
00:57:44,628 --> 00:57:45,754
(grunts)
1594
00:57:46,630 --> 00:57:47,964
REGGIE:
You're doing it, Hunter!
1595
00:57:47,964 --> 00:57:49,383
Come on, Hunter.
1596
00:57:49,383 --> 00:57:51,093
Use that dick of yours.
1597
00:57:51,093 --> 00:57:52,302
Yes, Hunter!
1598
00:57:52,302 --> 00:57:54,971
- (straining)
- MAGGIE: Hunter! Hunter!
1599
00:57:54,971 --> 00:57:57,099
ALL:
Hunter! Hunter!
1600
00:57:57,099 --> 00:58:00,977
Hunter! Hunter! Hunter! Hunter!
1601
00:58:00,977 --> 00:58:03,063
ONE DOG:
Hunter!
1602
00:58:03,063 --> 00:58:04,690
Sorry, guys. It's hopeless.
1603
00:58:04,690 --> 00:58:06,108
MAGGIE:
Ugh. Hunter.
1604
00:58:06,108 --> 00:58:07,984
Shit. Really thought
that was gonna work.
1605
00:58:07,984 --> 00:58:10,070
HUNTER:
Sorry my dick let you down.
1606
00:58:10,070 --> 00:58:11,947
REGGIE:
Wait. I've got it.
1607
00:58:11,947 --> 00:58:14,324
What's the one thing
humans are obsessed with?
1608
00:58:14,324 --> 00:58:15,492
Uh, themselves.
1609
00:58:15,492 --> 00:58:16,743
- Painting their faces.
- Dying.
1610
00:58:16,743 --> 00:58:18,537
No. Bug, you said it yourself.
1611
00:58:18,537 --> 00:58:22,499
What's the thing humans are
most obsessed with about dogs?
1612
00:58:22,499 --> 00:58:24,501
- Our shit.
- Yes.
1613
00:58:24,501 --> 00:58:26,461
Every single time we shit,
what do they do?
1614
00:58:26,461 --> 00:58:27,838
They come and bag it up.
1615
00:58:27,838 --> 00:58:29,673
- Yeah.
- That's right. Once this place
1616
00:58:29,673 --> 00:58:32,175
gets all poopy,
Willy comes in and bags it up
1617
00:58:32,175 --> 00:58:34,428
like he's collecting it
for something. -OTHERS: Mm-hmm.
1618
00:58:34,428 --> 00:58:35,721
- Exactly.
- MALE DOG: For chocolate.
1619
00:58:35,721 --> 00:58:37,305
And that's our ticket
out of here.
1620
00:58:37,305 --> 00:58:39,850
We poop until
he has to open these doors,
1621
00:58:39,850 --> 00:58:41,852
and when he does, we charge.
1622
00:58:41,852 --> 00:58:43,437
- MAGGIE: Good idea, Reg.
- Nice thinking, kid. I'm in.
1623
00:58:43,437 --> 00:58:45,105
And I got a couple of shits
in the chamber.
1624
00:58:45,105 --> 00:58:47,607
- (dogs groaning, murmuring)
- No thanks, kid.
1625
00:58:47,607 --> 00:58:48,900
What's wrong with you guys?
1626
00:58:48,900 --> 00:58:50,444
Don't you want to get out
of this place?
1627
00:58:50,444 --> 00:58:53,029
Of course. But we've been
burned so many times
1628
00:58:53,029 --> 00:58:54,406
we're smart enough to know
1629
00:58:54,406 --> 00:58:56,116
that we'll never get
beyond these walls
1630
00:58:56,116 --> 00:58:58,368
without a human coming
to adopt us.
1631
00:58:59,202 --> 00:59:01,496
Look, I get it.
1632
00:59:01,496 --> 00:59:03,498
I've had dark moments.
1633
00:59:03,498 --> 00:59:05,375
Moments where I felt stuck.
1634
00:59:05,375 --> 00:59:08,670
Moments where,
even if you couldn't see it,
1635
00:59:08,670 --> 00:59:11,965
felt like there was a wall
or a fence holding you back.
1636
00:59:11,965 --> 00:59:14,468
Yeah, invisible magic fences.
I swear to God, that's real.
1637
00:59:14,468 --> 00:59:17,637
But I'm here to tell you
that's garbage talk.
1638
00:59:17,637 --> 00:59:20,682
'Cause I was lucky enough
to meet some amazing friends
1639
00:59:20,682 --> 00:59:23,560
who taught me that
just beyond those walls
1640
00:59:23,560 --> 00:59:26,480
is a bunch of incredible stuff
worth living for.
1641
00:59:26,480 --> 00:59:28,148
There's lampposts to pee on.
1642
00:59:28,148 --> 00:59:31,359
There's scraps to eat
and couches to make love to.
1643
00:59:31,359 --> 00:59:32,778
And dead bunnies that...
1644
00:59:32,778 --> 00:59:34,237
- (Bug clears throat)
- I-I know nothing about.
1645
00:59:34,237 --> 00:59:35,906
Yeah, I know nothing
about that, either.
1646
00:59:35,906 --> 00:59:37,240
Got no clue what you're
talking about on that one.
1647
00:59:37,240 --> 00:59:38,492
And tennis balls to fetch, and...
1648
00:59:38,492 --> 00:59:39,868
A dick to bite off.
1649
00:59:39,868 --> 00:59:41,995
What? Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That, too.
1650
00:59:43,288 --> 00:59:46,583
But most importantly, there's
a life out there worth living.
1651
00:59:46,583 --> 00:59:48,251
- MAGGIE: Whoo! Reggie!
- HUNTER: Go, Reg!
1652
00:59:48,251 --> 00:59:51,838
So I'm asking you, do you want
to stay here and die,
1653
00:59:51,838 --> 00:59:55,926
or do you want to shit
your brains out and live?
1654
00:59:55,926 --> 00:59:57,427
ALL:
Live!
1655
00:59:57,427 --> 00:59:59,012
We want to live!
1656
00:59:59,012 --> 01:00:00,597
Then poop with me!
1657
01:00:00,597 --> 01:00:02,849
Poop with me to freedom!
1658
01:00:02,849 --> 01:00:05,018
♪ Oh, shit, oh, shit,
oh, shit ♪
1659
01:00:05,018 --> 01:00:07,521
♪ Oh, shit,
oh, shit, oh, shit ♪
1660
01:00:07,521 --> 01:00:10,232
- ♪ Oh, shit, oh, shit ♪
- ♪ Are you ready for this? ♪
1661
01:00:10,232 --> 01:00:12,567
- ♪ Oh, shit, oh, shit ♪
- ♪ Oh... ♪
1662
01:00:13,527 --> 01:00:16,905
Dig deep inside of you,
deep inside your colon.
1663
01:00:16,905 --> 01:00:20,408
Release your pent-up feelings.
1664
01:00:20,408 --> 01:00:21,952
Let it flow.
1665
01:00:21,952 --> 01:00:23,537
♪ When I come to the club ♪
1666
01:00:23,537 --> 01:00:25,121
- ♪ Step aside ♪
- ♪ Oh, shit ♪
1667
01:00:25,121 --> 01:00:27,415
♪ Part the seas,
don't be havin' me in the line ♪
1668
01:00:27,415 --> 01:00:28,625
♪ Oh, shit... ♪
1669
01:00:28,625 --> 01:00:31,044
Great work, everybody.
Keep on pooping.
1670
01:00:31,044 --> 01:00:33,672
- ♪ And me love you long time ♪
- ♪ Oh, shit ♪
1671
01:00:33,672 --> 01:00:35,715
♪ How come every time
you come around ♪
1672
01:00:35,715 --> 01:00:38,552
♪ My London, London Bridge
wanna go down? ♪
1673
01:00:38,552 --> 01:00:41,763
♪ Like London, London, London,
be goin' down like. ♪
1674
01:00:42,597 --> 01:00:44,683
(song ends)
1675
01:00:46,685 --> 01:00:49,145
Those are my eyes.
1676
01:00:49,145 --> 01:00:50,397
Exactly.
1677
01:00:50,397 --> 01:00:53,316
I think Dad's really
gonna love this.
1678
01:00:55,986 --> 01:00:57,404
(sniffs)
1679
01:00:57,404 --> 01:00:59,990
(continues sniffing)
1680
01:00:59,990 --> 01:01:02,701
I think it's working.
Places, everyone.
1681
01:01:05,787 --> 01:01:07,956
(takes deep breath)
1682
01:01:08,832 --> 01:01:10,417
♪ ♪
1683
01:01:10,417 --> 01:01:13,169
Oh... oh, God.
1684
01:01:13,169 --> 01:01:15,964
I can taste it. Oh.
1685
01:01:19,342 --> 01:01:20,969
What?
1686
01:01:20,969 --> 01:01:22,804
(sighs)
1687
01:01:24,598 --> 01:01:26,308
Oh, fuck.
1688
01:01:29,436 --> 01:01:31,605
(keys jingling)
1689
01:01:34,900 --> 01:01:36,359
(lock clicks)
1690
01:01:36,359 --> 01:01:38,236
(door opening)
1691
01:01:41,448 --> 01:01:43,325
Very cute.
1692
01:01:43,325 --> 01:01:45,535
Very funny. (chuckles)
1693
01:01:45,535 --> 01:01:47,162
I see what's going on here.
1694
01:01:47,162 --> 01:01:51,875
You guys think that I am
1695
01:01:51,875 --> 01:01:54,377
a big fat fucking asshole, right?
1696
01:01:54,377 --> 01:01:56,212
You know everything about me.
1697
01:01:56,212 --> 01:01:59,215
You know all the things
that have happened in my life
1698
01:01:59,215 --> 01:02:01,718
with my dad and my ex-wife.
1699
01:02:02,886 --> 01:02:04,888
(sobbing softly)
1700
01:02:07,057 --> 01:02:10,644
Bravo. Bravo.
1701
01:02:10,644 --> 01:02:11,686
Oh, encore!
1702
01:02:11,686 --> 01:02:14,522
Just kidding. It's done.
1703
01:02:14,522 --> 01:02:17,233
We are done!
1704
01:02:17,233 --> 01:02:18,610
- (barking)
- Wait, what are you...
1705
01:02:18,610 --> 01:02:20,987
(yelps, grunts)
Oh, my God. Wh-Whoa.
1706
01:02:20,987 --> 01:02:22,405
(whimpers, yells)
1707
01:02:22,405 --> 01:02:23,406
(groans)
1708
01:02:23,406 --> 01:02:24,908
Charge!
1709
01:02:24,908 --> 01:02:26,952
(dogs whooping, barking)
1710
01:02:26,952 --> 01:02:28,745
(sobbing)
1711
01:02:32,666 --> 01:02:34,668
(continues sobbing)
1712
01:02:37,003 --> 01:02:38,338
Ah, we did it!
1713
01:02:38,338 --> 01:02:39,923
I can't believe
we shit that much!
1714
01:02:39,923 --> 01:02:41,841
Hunter's dick! Hunter's dick!
1715
01:02:41,841 --> 01:02:43,718
To hell with you!
1716
01:02:43,718 --> 01:02:45,887
(panting)
1717
01:02:50,183 --> 01:02:52,519
(chuckling)
1718
01:02:52,519 --> 01:02:54,187
Thanks for your patience, folks.
1719
01:02:54,187 --> 01:02:56,064
Really.
1720
01:02:56,064 --> 01:02:57,065
(chuckles)
1721
01:02:57,065 --> 01:02:59,359
Ooh. I'm sorry, Diane.
1722
01:02:59,359 --> 01:03:01,486
Uh... uh...
1723
01:03:01,486 --> 01:03:04,614
(laughs)
"Then poop with me to freedom."
1724
01:03:04,614 --> 01:03:06,866
- So cheesy, but I loved it.
- (laughs) What a plan.
1725
01:03:06,866 --> 01:03:08,451
What a speech, Reg.
1726
01:03:08,451 --> 01:03:10,620
Actually, Reginald,
I preferred the first speech.
1727
01:03:10,620 --> 01:03:13,415
You know, the one where you
convinced all of us to do this,
1728
01:03:13,415 --> 01:03:16,418
back when you were focused
on biting Doug's dick off.
1729
01:03:16,418 --> 01:03:18,461
- MAGGIE: Bug.
- Okay, okay, Bug, look...
1730
01:03:18,461 --> 01:03:20,296
Oh, look!
1731
01:03:20,296 --> 01:03:22,424
The devil in the sky.
We made it.
1732
01:03:22,424 --> 01:03:23,967
Look at that fucking guy!
1733
01:03:23,967 --> 01:03:26,720
HUNTER: Burn in hell, you
motherfucking son of a bitch.
1734
01:03:26,720 --> 01:03:28,096
I hate everything about him.
1735
01:03:28,096 --> 01:03:29,723
That dumbass smile,
those shitty pants.
1736
01:03:29,723 --> 01:03:31,599
I want to rip your nuts off
and make you watch!
1737
01:03:31,599 --> 01:03:33,184
Stupid hat
and your stupid truck
1738
01:03:33,184 --> 01:03:35,812
with the door
on the other side of the thing.
1739
01:03:35,812 --> 01:03:37,147
I hate his face.
1740
01:03:37,147 --> 01:03:38,815
I hate his personality.
I hate his bag.
1741
01:03:38,815 --> 01:03:41,109
HUNTER: He smells like
a thousand different houses,
1742
01:03:41,109 --> 01:03:43,653
and I can't trust that.
1743
01:03:43,653 --> 01:03:46,281
Anyways, good job, guys.
The final landmark.
1744
01:03:46,281 --> 01:03:47,991
- Yeah. That's right.
- And right on schedule.
1745
01:03:47,991 --> 01:03:50,076
Yeah, barely. You remember
which way to go from here?
1746
01:03:50,076 --> 01:03:54,414
Uh, yeah, we just... we just
stay on this road for now.
1747
01:03:54,414 --> 01:03:55,498
Good. Let's move.
1748
01:03:55,498 --> 01:03:56,458
- All right.
- MAGGIE: Great.
1749
01:03:56,458 --> 01:03:57,667
W-Wait, wait, wait.
1750
01:03:57,667 --> 01:03:59,002
One second. Can't leave yet.
1751
01:03:59,002 --> 01:04:00,211
- Huh?
- What's up, Reg?
1752
01:04:00,211 --> 01:04:01,629
Where is it?
1753
01:04:01,629 --> 01:04:03,423
Oh, there.
1754
01:04:04,924 --> 01:04:06,259
All right. Let's go, guys.
1755
01:04:06,259 --> 01:04:08,595
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Hold on a second.
1756
01:04:08,595 --> 01:04:10,722
Why couldn't you leave
without the ball, Reggie?
1757
01:04:10,722 --> 01:04:13,475
I don't know.
I-I just like tennis balls.
1758
01:04:13,475 --> 01:04:15,769
I know ball guys.
You're not a ball guy.
1759
01:04:15,769 --> 01:04:17,937
Well, you don't know
everything about me.
1760
01:04:17,937 --> 01:04:20,774
Well, I'm learning
a little more right now.
1761
01:04:20,774 --> 01:04:22,275
Drop the ball, Reg.
1762
01:04:22,275 --> 01:04:23,860
What? No.
1763
01:04:23,860 --> 01:04:25,862
Drop the fucking ball.
1764
01:04:25,862 --> 01:04:28,782
- Leave it.
- I'm not gonna leave the ball.
1765
01:04:28,782 --> 01:04:30,075
- Drop the ball!
- No.
1766
01:04:30,075 --> 01:04:31,367
Reggie, you drop
that goddamn ball!
1767
01:04:31,367 --> 01:04:33,036
- No.
- You don't even like balls!
1768
01:04:33,036 --> 01:04:34,662
Doug likes balls!
1769
01:04:34,662 --> 01:04:36,122
- Doug?
- (Maggie gasps)
1770
01:04:36,122 --> 01:04:37,207
HUNTER:
Oh, Reg.
1771
01:04:37,207 --> 01:04:38,958
I don't know why, but he does.
1772
01:04:38,958 --> 01:04:40,877
And when we play the game
fetch-and-fuck,
1773
01:04:40,877 --> 01:04:44,130
it always ends when I come home
and bring him back a ball.
1774
01:04:44,130 --> 01:04:46,841
So I know he's expecting it,
and I'm not gonna let him down.
1775
01:04:46,841 --> 01:04:48,760
- Goddamn it.
- So, when you told me
1776
01:04:48,760 --> 01:04:51,638
you didn't know how you were
gonna bite Doug in the dick,
1777
01:04:51,638 --> 01:04:54,140
the real reason you don't know
is because...
1778
01:04:54,140 --> 01:04:56,226
You're not gonna bite Doug
in the dick. -(sighs)
1779
01:04:56,226 --> 01:05:00,063
Look, when we first set out,
I was totally into the plan.
1780
01:05:00,063 --> 01:05:02,023
But the closer we got to Doug,
1781
01:05:02,023 --> 01:05:05,652
the more I realize
that I miss him.
1782
01:05:05,652 --> 01:05:07,779
And I think he misses me, too.
1783
01:05:07,779 --> 01:05:08,988
Reggie, don't do this.
1784
01:05:08,988 --> 01:05:10,824
You deserve so much better
than him.
1785
01:05:10,824 --> 01:05:12,200
I don't, Hunter.
1786
01:05:12,200 --> 01:05:13,576
I really don't.
1787
01:05:13,576 --> 01:05:15,161
You know why Doug abandoned me?
1788
01:05:15,161 --> 01:05:17,664
Because I was the problem
in our relationship.
1789
01:05:17,664 --> 01:05:18,998
I ate his shoes.
1790
01:05:18,998 --> 01:05:20,750
I woke him up so early
every day
1791
01:05:20,750 --> 01:05:22,252
because I needed to pee.
1792
01:05:22,252 --> 01:05:23,711
And I pooped on the rug.
1793
01:05:23,711 --> 01:05:25,588
We've all pooped on the rug, Reggie.
1794
01:05:25,588 --> 01:05:28,299
Oh, did you roll in it, Maggie?
Did you roll in the poop?
1795
01:05:28,299 --> 01:05:30,718
Because guess what,
I rolled in the poop.
1796
01:05:30,718 --> 01:05:32,053
Okay, that's not great.
1797
01:05:32,053 --> 01:05:34,013
God, I can't believe
it took me this long
1798
01:05:34,013 --> 01:05:37,058
to realize this-- that every
time he called me a bad dog,
1799
01:05:37,058 --> 01:05:38,601
he was absolutely right.
1800
01:05:38,601 --> 01:05:40,103
It was all my fault.
1801
01:05:40,103 --> 01:05:41,396
Wow.
1802
01:05:41,396 --> 01:05:42,689
Well, I'm not gonna be
a bad dog anymore.
1803
01:05:42,689 --> 01:05:44,691
It's time for me
to be a good boy.
1804
01:05:44,691 --> 01:05:48,486
Jesus, I cannot believe that I
risked my life for this asshole
1805
01:05:48,486 --> 01:05:51,406
just so he could go back
and get with another asshole.
1806
01:05:51,406 --> 01:05:54,075
I did all of this for you, Reggie.
1807
01:05:54,075 --> 01:05:55,493
You didn't do this for me.
1808
01:05:55,493 --> 01:05:57,620
You said it yourself--
this isn't about Doug.
1809
01:05:57,620 --> 01:05:59,622
This is about
every single one of them
1810
01:05:59,622 --> 01:06:01,374
who treated us like shit.
1811
01:06:01,374 --> 01:06:02,584
This is about Emma.
1812
01:06:02,584 --> 01:06:04,627
- Reggie.
- Fuck you.
1813
01:06:04,627 --> 01:06:06,754
Hey, how about
rule number three, Bug?
1814
01:06:06,754 --> 01:06:08,006
You're on your own?
1815
01:06:08,006 --> 01:06:09,465
Well, then what were we?
1816
01:06:09,465 --> 01:06:11,217
Wow. -I don't think
you really want to be a stray.
1817
01:06:11,217 --> 01:06:12,635
I think you're sad and lonely.
1818
01:06:12,635 --> 01:06:14,220
Can you believe
this fucking guy?
1819
01:06:14,220 --> 01:06:16,556
And I think the only reason
you claim to hate humans
1820
01:06:16,556 --> 01:06:19,100
is because, if you ever stop
to think about what happened,
1821
01:06:19,100 --> 01:06:22,854
you'd realize that Emma
didn't fuck it up; you did.
1822
01:06:22,854 --> 01:06:24,397
Get the fuck away from me.
1823
01:06:24,397 --> 01:06:26,316
Believe me, I-I fucked up
with my owner, too,
1824
01:06:26,316 --> 01:06:28,985
so thank you for helping me
realize I was the problem.
1825
01:06:28,985 --> 01:06:31,863
Only difference is
I have a chance to fix it
1826
01:06:31,863 --> 01:06:34,073
and not end up like you.
1827
01:06:34,073 --> 01:06:35,283
(growls, grunts)
1828
01:06:35,283 --> 01:06:36,618
Hey, hey, hey,
what are you doing?
1829
01:06:36,618 --> 01:06:37,827
- Guys, guys, stop.
- Guys, stop it.
1830
01:06:37,827 --> 01:06:39,287
- Guys! -Guys, come on.
- Come on!
1831
01:06:39,287 --> 01:06:40,872
- Give me this fucking thing.
- Give it back!
1832
01:06:40,872 --> 01:06:42,290
- Bug.
- MAGGIE: Guys.
1833
01:06:42,290 --> 01:06:43,416
REGGIE: Doug gave me that!
Give that back!
1834
01:06:43,416 --> 01:06:45,001
- I know he did.
- No!
1835
01:06:45,001 --> 01:06:46,920
- HUNTER: Stop it. Stop.
- MAGGIE: Bug, don't do that.
1836
01:06:46,920 --> 01:06:49,380
BUG: That's what I think
about you and your owner.
1837
01:06:49,380 --> 01:06:51,257
Go fuck yourself, Reggie!
1838
01:06:51,257 --> 01:06:53,509
You two deserve each other.
1839
01:06:56,971 --> 01:06:59,682
♪ ♪
1840
01:07:01,935 --> 01:07:03,728
- Reggie, don't do this!
- Reg.
1841
01:07:03,728 --> 01:07:06,022
I hope he's already left
without you.
1842
01:07:11,194 --> 01:07:13,071
Man.
1843
01:07:13,071 --> 01:07:16,783
I really thought my dick
was gonna hook those keys.
1844
01:07:16,783 --> 01:07:20,745
Um, but this is also a bummer.
1845
01:07:20,745 --> 01:07:22,914
♪ ♪
1846
01:07:29,087 --> 01:07:31,381
Bug, we can't go back.
1847
01:07:31,381 --> 01:07:32,674
Sure, we can.
1848
01:07:32,674 --> 01:07:34,759
The devil in the sky,
cone, hamster wheel,
1849
01:07:34,759 --> 01:07:36,761
just in the opposite order
of how we came.
1850
01:07:36,761 --> 01:07:38,263
No dead bunnies this time.
1851
01:07:38,263 --> 01:07:39,806
Bug, she means
we can't leave him like this.
1852
01:07:39,806 --> 01:07:42,350
First off, Hunter,
we didn't leave him.
1853
01:07:42,350 --> 01:07:43,768
He left us.
1854
01:07:43,768 --> 01:07:45,937
Second, we don't know
the rest of the way
1855
01:07:45,937 --> 01:07:47,397
back to Doug's place anyway.
1856
01:07:47,397 --> 01:07:49,774
And third, I'm not just
gonna hang around here
1857
01:07:49,774 --> 01:07:51,317
and let some dickless bird
1858
01:07:51,317 --> 01:07:53,486
swoop in on my girlfriend
while I'm gone.
1859
01:07:53,486 --> 01:07:55,113
- What?
- (sighs) Look,
1860
01:07:55,113 --> 01:07:57,115
if there's one thing
that the asshole got right,
1861
01:07:57,115 --> 01:07:59,993
it's that I have been
wasting my time with you guys.
1862
01:07:59,993 --> 01:08:02,996
I'm a stray, and I should start
acting like one.
1863
01:08:02,996 --> 01:08:04,872
- Wait, where are you going?
- I don't know.
1864
01:08:04,872 --> 01:08:07,083
- I'm about to go do some nunya.
- What's nunya?
1865
01:08:07,083 --> 01:08:09,085
- Nunya fucking business!
- HUNTER: Oh, yeah,
1866
01:08:09,085 --> 01:08:10,670
I walked right into that one.
1867
01:08:10,670 --> 01:08:12,839
(sighs) Let's go home, Hunter.
1868
01:08:12,839 --> 01:08:14,549
(Hunter sighs)
1869
01:08:16,551 --> 01:08:18,386
Talking about I'm lonely.
Talking about I'm scared.
1870
01:08:18,386 --> 01:08:20,221
Fuck does he think
he's talking about?
1871
01:08:20,221 --> 01:08:22,348
I'm-a tell you right now,
I ain't lonely,
1872
01:08:22,348 --> 01:08:23,933
and I damn sure ain't scared.
1873
01:08:23,933 --> 01:08:25,727
(gasps) Fuck you, leaf.
1874
01:08:25,727 --> 01:08:27,353
(scoffs) End up like me?
1875
01:08:27,353 --> 01:08:29,689
I pissed on two cars
and three houses last week.
1876
01:08:29,689 --> 01:08:31,733
That's right,
I'm a three-year-old dog,
1877
01:08:31,733 --> 01:08:33,359
and I'm already a homeowner.
1878
01:08:33,359 --> 01:08:34,736
I'm living
the motherfucking dream, hmm?
1879
01:08:34,736 --> 01:08:36,529
And I'm not scared to be alone.
1880
01:08:36,529 --> 01:08:38,656
Matter of fact,
I ain't scared of anything.
1881
01:08:38,656 --> 01:08:40,116
(twig snaps)
1882
01:08:40,116 --> 01:08:41,117
Who's that?
1883
01:08:41,117 --> 01:08:42,410
Don't come closer.
1884
01:08:42,410 --> 01:08:45,496
I-I, uh... I'm crazy.
I fuck trash!
1885
01:08:51,544 --> 01:08:53,087
(growling)
1886
01:08:54,797 --> 01:08:56,132
(growling)
1887
01:08:57,592 --> 01:08:59,552
(barking)
1888
01:09:00,511 --> 01:09:02,722
Nope, not doing this.
1889
01:09:02,722 --> 01:09:04,098
Just walk away, Bug.
1890
01:09:04,098 --> 01:09:07,268
Little girls like Emma suck,
and you know it.
1891
01:09:07,268 --> 01:09:10,480
(whimpering)
1892
01:09:12,148 --> 01:09:13,483
(sobbing softly)
1893
01:09:13,483 --> 01:09:15,443
Don't listen to her, man.
Don't listen to her.
1894
01:09:15,443 --> 01:09:17,528
Another fucking narcissist
1895
01:09:17,528 --> 01:09:19,113
putting her needs
above your own.
1896
01:09:19,113 --> 01:09:21,074
You've been down
this fucking road before, man.
1897
01:09:21,074 --> 01:09:23,117
Just... just...
1898
01:09:23,117 --> 01:09:25,286
(sighs) Goddamn it.
1899
01:09:32,126 --> 01:09:34,504
Hey there. (chuckles)
1900
01:09:34,504 --> 01:09:37,173
What are you doing out here
all alone?
1901
01:09:37,882 --> 01:09:39,592
Did you get lost like me?
1902
01:09:39,592 --> 01:09:40,802
It's gonna be okay.
1903
01:09:40,802 --> 01:09:42,178
Holy shit. Wait!
1904
01:09:42,178 --> 01:09:43,388
You're the girl
that everyone's looking for.
1905
01:09:43,388 --> 01:09:44,514
Holy shit.
1906
01:09:44,514 --> 01:09:46,933
I found her! I found her!
1907
01:09:46,933 --> 01:09:48,601
S-Somebody, please help!
1908
01:09:48,601 --> 01:09:49,852
I found the girl!
1909
01:09:49,852 --> 01:09:52,313
- That's Bug.
- Bug! Where are you?
1910
01:09:52,313 --> 01:09:53,981
Let's go.
1911
01:09:53,981 --> 01:09:56,609
♪ ♪
1912
01:09:56,609 --> 01:09:58,194
I see him!
1913
01:09:58,194 --> 01:09:59,529
(barks)
1914
01:09:59,529 --> 01:10:00,780
I can't believe
you found the girl.
1915
01:10:00,780 --> 01:10:02,365
Oh, my God, Bug.
1916
01:10:02,365 --> 01:10:04,867
Come on. We got to get her
some help. She's in bad shape.
1917
01:10:04,867 --> 01:10:06,494
- MAGGIE: Help! Over here!
- HUNTER: Over here!
1918
01:10:06,494 --> 01:10:07,829
We found her! Help!
1919
01:10:07,829 --> 01:10:10,498
- Help! Help!
- Rolf, you dickhead! Help!
1920
01:10:10,498 --> 01:10:13,751
(Bug, Maggie and Hunter
shouting in distance)
1921
01:10:13,751 --> 01:10:15,795
Lost kid! Let's move!
1922
01:10:15,795 --> 01:10:17,046
- Over here!
- Rolf! -Help!
1923
01:10:17,046 --> 01:10:18,256
- Here they come.
- HUNTER: Over here.
1924
01:10:18,256 --> 01:10:20,216
Munchkin, check the girl.
1925
01:10:20,216 --> 01:10:22,552
Hell of a job,
Hunter and small dogs.
1926
01:10:22,552 --> 01:10:25,555
- Didn't know you had it in you.
- Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Riley!
1927
01:10:25,555 --> 01:10:27,932
Riley, here you are.
Good dog. Good dog.
1928
01:10:27,932 --> 01:10:29,267
You're okay.
1929
01:10:29,267 --> 01:10:30,476
I'm not even gonna ask
1930
01:10:30,476 --> 01:10:32,311
how you ended up
back in these woods.
1931
01:10:32,311 --> 01:10:35,648
All I'll ask is:
How can I repay you?
1932
01:10:36,816 --> 01:10:39,527
You can help save
my best friend.
1933
01:10:39,527 --> 01:10:41,904
♪ ♪
1934
01:10:41,904 --> 01:10:44,407
Oh, what am I gonna say?
What am I gonna say?
1935
01:10:44,407 --> 01:10:47,368
Okay, I should probably
rehearse this.
1936
01:10:47,368 --> 01:10:48,494
Hey, Doug.
1937
01:10:48,494 --> 01:10:49,912
(imitating Doug):
Hey, shitbag.
1938
01:10:49,912 --> 01:10:51,247
(normal voice):
What have you been up to?
1939
01:10:51,247 --> 01:10:52,665
(imitating Doug):
Mostly masturbating.
1940
01:10:52,665 --> 01:10:54,834
(normal voice):
Oh, cool. Classic Doug.
1941
01:10:54,834 --> 01:10:56,878
So, I owe you an apology.
1942
01:10:56,878 --> 01:10:58,212
(imitating Doug):
Okay.
1943
01:10:58,212 --> 01:10:59,505
(normal voice):
You were totally right
1944
01:10:59,505 --> 01:11:00,756
to ditch me in that alley.
1945
01:11:00,756 --> 01:11:02,008
I mean, I was terrible.
1946
01:11:02,008 --> 01:11:03,342
(imitating Doug):
Agreed.
1947
01:11:03,342 --> 01:11:05,011
(normal voice):
But I was wondering, um,
1948
01:11:05,011 --> 01:11:07,722
if we could maybe make
some changes when I'm back.
1949
01:11:07,722 --> 01:11:09,682
Like, maybe we could
do walks now
1950
01:11:09,682 --> 01:11:12,768
and possibly increase
pee breaks to twice a day
1951
01:11:12,768 --> 01:11:15,855
and maybe, if you feel like it,
you could call me a...
1952
01:11:15,855 --> 01:11:18,608
a good boy
every once in a while.
1953
01:11:23,404 --> 01:11:25,781
Ugh, this is stupid.
1954
01:11:29,285 --> 01:11:30,828
What you mean,
you can't track him down?
1955
01:11:30,828 --> 01:11:32,288
You're sniff dogs.
That's what you do, right?
1956
01:11:32,288 --> 01:11:34,165
Yeah, come on, Rolf,
they taught us that.
1957
01:11:34,165 --> 01:11:35,583
It's impossible.
1958
01:11:35,583 --> 01:11:37,293
We can't track him without
knowing his scent first.
1959
01:11:37,293 --> 01:11:39,170
Did you get any whiff of him
yesterday, Munchkin?
1960
01:11:39,170 --> 01:11:40,963
Nothing I can recall, sir.
1961
01:11:40,963 --> 01:11:42,590
- Wait! The bandanna!
- Come again.
1962
01:11:42,590 --> 01:11:44,258
We can get his scent
from the bandanna.
1963
01:11:44,258 --> 01:11:46,219
- Let's go! Let's go!
- Nice, Maggie.
1964
01:11:46,219 --> 01:11:48,429
Rolf? Hey, Rolf!
1965
01:11:48,429 --> 01:11:50,389
- There it is!
- BUG: There! There it is!
1966
01:11:50,389 --> 01:11:52,183
There it is!
1967
01:11:52,183 --> 01:11:53,935
HUNTER:
Way to go, Maggie.
1968
01:11:53,935 --> 01:11:55,436
ROLF:
Halt!
1969
01:11:55,436 --> 01:11:57,522
Good God, what's that smell?
1970
01:11:57,522 --> 01:11:58,981
Can you smell Reggie
off that thing?
1971
01:11:58,981 --> 01:12:01,901
(sniffs) I'm not getting
any dog off of this, sir.
1972
01:12:01,901 --> 01:12:03,027
Just a lot of urine.
1973
01:12:03,027 --> 01:12:04,362
- Oh, huh. Oh, wow.
- Huh.
1974
01:12:04,362 --> 01:12:06,030
- That's, uh, weird.
- It was Bug.
1975
01:12:06,030 --> 01:12:07,782
And from the same patterns,
I can tell
1976
01:12:07,782 --> 01:12:09,575
this was
a very small pee stream,
1977
01:12:09,575 --> 01:12:12,662
indicative of a dog with
an unbelievably tiny penis.
1978
01:12:12,662 --> 01:12:14,789
- Again, Bug.
- It ain't indicative of shit.
1979
01:12:14,789 --> 01:12:17,333
If anything, it is indicative
of a well-shaped,
1980
01:12:17,333 --> 01:12:20,211
sensual penis
that transcends dick size.
1981
01:12:20,211 --> 01:12:22,255
Lots of TDU-- tiny dick urine--
over here.
1982
01:12:22,255 --> 01:12:23,881
It would take a miracle
to pick up
1983
01:12:23,881 --> 01:12:25,424
any dog scent
off of that thing.
1984
01:12:25,424 --> 01:12:27,426
There you are.
What's gotten into you guys?
1985
01:12:27,426 --> 01:12:29,262
- (sniffing)
- ROLF: Fuck are you doing?
1986
01:12:29,262 --> 01:12:30,596
You'll taint the smell!
1987
01:12:30,596 --> 01:12:32,223
I'm doing your job.
1988
01:12:32,223 --> 01:12:33,891
Now, back the fuck off, Adolf.
1989
01:12:33,891 --> 01:12:35,268
- Adolf?
- It's 'cause you're
1990
01:12:35,268 --> 01:12:36,769
a German shep... Oh, whatever.
1991
01:12:36,769 --> 01:12:38,271
I get it now. Hitler reference.
1992
01:12:38,271 --> 01:12:39,605
(sniffing)
1993
01:12:39,605 --> 01:12:41,607
Go, Maggie. Go, Maggie.
1994
01:12:45,528 --> 01:12:47,029
I'm picking up...
1995
01:12:47,029 --> 01:12:49,282
bitches of the night,
pizza, vomit pizza,
1996
01:12:49,282 --> 01:12:50,908
hot dogs, all of our pee,
1997
01:12:50,908 --> 01:12:52,868
- eagle feathers, Dennis Quaid?
- (eagle screeches)
1998
01:12:52,868 --> 01:12:55,037
Squirrel sex, dead bunnies
that I know nothing about,
1999
01:12:55,037 --> 01:12:56,539
Hunter's boner,
oh, lots of shit,
2000
01:12:56,539 --> 01:12:58,916
a tiny Boston terrier dick and...
2001
01:12:58,916 --> 01:13:00,626
Reggie! I got him.
2002
01:13:00,626 --> 01:13:01,794
- Yes, Maggie.
- Let's move!
2003
01:13:01,794 --> 01:13:02,878
HUNTER:
Come on, let's go!
2004
01:13:02,878 --> 01:13:04,297
Thanks, Rolf!
2005
01:13:04,297 --> 01:13:06,549
Except for when
you fucked us over!
2006
01:13:06,549 --> 01:13:07,925
Good luck, soldiers.
2007
01:13:07,925 --> 01:13:10,177
And sorry
I'm such a fucking asshole!
2008
01:13:10,177 --> 01:13:12,054
I should really work on myself.
2009
01:13:12,054 --> 01:13:14,223
♪ ♪
2010
01:13:28,279 --> 01:13:30,448
♪ ♪
2011
01:13:39,332 --> 01:13:41,500
(door creaks)
2012
01:13:55,473 --> 01:13:58,184
♪ ♪
2013
01:14:03,397 --> 01:14:06,233
DOUG: Oh, thanks
for shitting on the carpet.
2014
01:14:06,233 --> 01:14:08,527
The fuck are you thinking, huh?
2015
01:14:08,527 --> 01:14:12,031
Oh, you're such a stupid
little piece of shit.
2016
01:14:20,206 --> 01:14:23,125
Can you just leave me
the fuck alone?
2017
01:14:23,125 --> 01:14:25,419
Bad dog!
2018
01:14:29,173 --> 01:14:31,092
- (Reggie barking)
- (Doug imitating barking)
2019
01:14:31,092 --> 01:14:34,303
DOUG: That's what you fucking
sound like, you piece of shit.
2020
01:14:47,775 --> 01:14:50,444
♪ ♪
2021
01:15:01,706 --> 01:15:05,042
Okay, one last shit on
the carpet, and then I'm out.
2022
01:15:24,895 --> 01:15:26,522
Hey, Doug.
2023
01:15:27,356 --> 01:15:29,024
(sighs):
Fuck.
2024
01:15:29,024 --> 01:15:30,776
It's me, Reggie.
2025
01:15:30,776 --> 01:15:33,863
A-And look, I-I know
you can't understand
2026
01:15:33,863 --> 01:15:35,156
what I'm saying right now...
2027
01:15:35,156 --> 01:15:36,532
This is not happening.
2028
01:15:36,532 --> 01:15:39,243
...but I just want to say
how I feel.
2029
01:15:39,243 --> 01:15:41,245
I know you didn't like me.
2030
01:15:41,245 --> 01:15:43,164
I mean, obviously.
2031
01:15:43,164 --> 01:15:45,207
You abandoned me in the street.
2032
01:15:45,207 --> 01:15:48,127
But just know that
I did everything I could
2033
01:15:48,127 --> 01:15:49,962
to make you feel loved.
2034
01:15:49,962 --> 01:15:52,381
And I thought,
if I loved you enough,
2035
01:15:52,381 --> 01:15:55,468
then maybe you would
love me back.
2036
01:15:56,343 --> 01:15:58,304
But then I met new friends.
2037
01:15:58,304 --> 01:16:02,558
I met the sweetest big dog
with just the nicest dick,
2038
01:16:02,558 --> 01:16:05,644
the most talented,
baddest bitch in the world,
2039
01:16:05,644 --> 01:16:08,272
and the-the tiniest, scrappiest,
2040
01:16:08,272 --> 01:16:11,942
funniest best friend
I could ever ask for.
2041
01:16:11,942 --> 01:16:15,780
Oh, and I met my son, too,
who's a gnome, and we had sex.
2042
01:16:15,780 --> 01:16:17,072
But whatever.
2043
01:16:17,072 --> 01:16:20,117
The point is
those friends showed me
2044
01:16:20,117 --> 01:16:22,161
what real love feels like,
2045
01:16:22,161 --> 01:16:24,747
and it's nothing
like what we had.
2046
01:16:24,747 --> 01:16:28,209
Now I know that
I wasn't a bad dog.
2047
01:16:28,209 --> 01:16:31,587
You were a bad man.
2048
01:16:31,587 --> 01:16:33,589
Bad man! Bad man!
2049
01:16:33,589 --> 01:16:34,673
(barking)
2050
01:16:34,673 --> 01:16:36,926
(sighs)
2051
01:16:37,760 --> 01:16:39,595
Goodbye, Doug.
2052
01:16:39,595 --> 01:16:41,138
And fuck you.
2053
01:16:47,561 --> 01:16:49,522
Now, what do I got to do
2054
01:16:49,522 --> 01:16:52,900
to get you the fuck
out of my life?
2055
01:16:52,900 --> 01:16:55,194
I mean, how do you
not get it, man?
2056
01:16:55,194 --> 01:16:58,656
I drove you three hours away.
2057
01:16:58,656 --> 01:17:00,533
I mean, how could I make it
any more clear
2058
01:17:00,533 --> 01:17:02,535
that I don't care about you?
2059
01:17:02,535 --> 01:17:04,703
I don't fucking love you.
2060
01:17:04,703 --> 01:17:06,705
Goodbye forever, shitbag.
2061
01:17:07,998 --> 01:17:11,710
Well, at least I found
someone who loved me.
2062
01:17:11,710 --> 01:17:13,587
Pee-FFs forever.
2063
01:17:13,587 --> 01:17:16,423
(barking)
2064
01:17:16,423 --> 01:17:18,384
ALL:
Pee-FFs forever!
2065
01:17:18,384 --> 01:17:19,885
The fuck?
2066
01:17:19,885 --> 01:17:21,637
Who the hell are these dogs?
2067
01:17:21,637 --> 01:17:24,557
Jesus Christ, it's like
a fucking dog movie in here.
2068
01:17:24,557 --> 01:17:27,059
(growling)
2069
01:17:27,059 --> 01:17:28,394
Oh, yeah?
2070
01:17:28,394 --> 01:17:31,230
The fuck are you gonna do
about it, cone boy?
2071
01:17:40,823 --> 01:17:42,199
Oh, shit.
2072
01:17:42,199 --> 01:17:44,535
(growls, barks)
2073
01:17:46,161 --> 01:17:48,497
(snarling)
2074
01:17:48,497 --> 01:17:49,999
Reggie, you okay?
2075
01:17:49,999 --> 01:17:51,667
Listen, Bug, I-I'm so sorry
for what I said. I...
2076
01:17:51,667 --> 01:17:53,210
Don't worry about that
right now.
2077
01:17:53,210 --> 01:17:54,920
Yeah, we've got a dick
to rip off.
2078
01:17:54,920 --> 01:17:57,131
- (grunting)
- (Hunter snarling)
2079
01:17:59,258 --> 01:18:01,135
Get the fuck off me!
2080
01:18:01,886 --> 01:18:03,220
Fuck. What the...
2081
01:18:03,220 --> 01:18:05,973
Get off me! Let go! Goddamn it.
2082
01:18:05,973 --> 01:18:07,766
Ow! Fuck, my knee!
2083
01:18:07,766 --> 01:18:09,685
- Goddamn it!
- (barks)
2084
01:18:09,685 --> 01:18:12,187
Oh, you want some, huh?
2085
01:18:12,187 --> 01:18:13,772
(barking)
2086
01:18:14,607 --> 01:18:16,442
Oh, goddamn it!
2087
01:18:16,442 --> 01:18:18,485
You little fuckers owe me
a microwave!
2088
01:18:18,485 --> 01:18:19,612
(barking)
2089
01:18:19,612 --> 01:18:21,530
Eat some foot!
2090
01:18:22,323 --> 01:18:24,199
Aah, my foot!
2091
01:18:24,199 --> 01:18:26,410
(panting)
2092
01:18:28,454 --> 01:18:29,872
Shitbag.
2093
01:18:32,666 --> 01:18:34,543
(grunting)
2094
01:18:36,921 --> 01:18:38,589
(screams)
2095
01:18:38,589 --> 01:18:41,133
Oh, fuck, my back!
2096
01:18:41,133 --> 01:18:42,760
Fuck! -Guys, we should
get out of here.
2097
01:18:42,760 --> 01:18:44,011
BUG:
Reggie!
2098
01:18:44,011 --> 01:18:45,846
Got you, you little shit.
2099
01:18:45,846 --> 01:18:47,806
Well, look at you.
2100
01:18:47,806 --> 01:18:49,850
You got yourself some friends?
2101
01:18:49,850 --> 01:18:53,312
Let me tell you furry fucks something.
2102
01:18:53,312 --> 01:18:56,941
Your little buddy here
ruined my life.
2103
01:18:56,941 --> 01:19:00,486
Before him, I had
a fucking good thing going.
2104
01:19:00,486 --> 01:19:03,614
A roof over my head,
checks from my mom,
2105
01:19:03,614 --> 01:19:04,990
two girlfriends.
2106
01:19:04,990 --> 01:19:08,786
Now I have no house,
no girlfriends,
2107
01:19:08,786 --> 01:19:10,704
and I have to masturbate
all day.
2108
01:19:10,704 --> 01:19:13,958
All right, this dog turned me
into a fucking loser!
2109
01:19:13,958 --> 01:19:15,417
Why's he talking so much?
2110
01:19:15,417 --> 01:19:19,505
You ever see the end
of Marley & Me? Huh?
2111
01:19:19,505 --> 01:19:20,923
Yeah. Me, neither.
2112
01:19:20,923 --> 01:19:23,008
It's fucking boring.
2113
01:19:23,008 --> 01:19:26,387
But I do know that
the dog dies in the end.
2114
01:19:26,387 --> 01:19:28,180
- (all barking)
- I'm gonna enjoy
2115
01:19:28,180 --> 01:19:30,724
squeezing the life out of you.
2116
01:19:30,724 --> 01:19:32,643
BUG: Maggie, Hunter,
get in position.
2117
01:19:32,643 --> 01:19:34,061
- MAGGIE: Got it.
- HUNTER: Copy.
2118
01:19:34,061 --> 01:19:35,604
DOUG: 'Cause you squeezed
the life out of me.
2119
01:19:35,604 --> 01:19:37,147
Wait, what's happening?
2120
01:19:37,147 --> 01:19:39,191
What are they doing getting in
a line like that? What...
2121
01:19:39,191 --> 01:19:41,694
♪ ♪
2122
01:19:41,694 --> 01:19:44,530
(distorted):
Fuck you!
2123
01:19:50,244 --> 01:19:53,288
("Wrecking Ball" by Miley Cyrus
playing)
2124
01:19:57,626 --> 01:20:00,295
- ♪ We clawed, we chained ♪
- (growling)
2125
01:20:00,295 --> 01:20:01,964
♪ Our hearts in vain ♪
2126
01:20:01,964 --> 01:20:05,259
♪ We jumped, never asking why ♪
2127
01:20:05,259 --> 01:20:09,054
♪ We kissed, I fell
under your spell ♪
2128
01:20:09,054 --> 01:20:14,226
♪ A love no one could deny ♪
2129
01:20:14,226 --> 01:20:16,395
♪ Don't you ever say... ♪
2130
01:20:16,395 --> 01:20:18,939
Bad fucking dog.
2131
01:20:18,939 --> 01:20:21,817
You're goddamn right.
2132
01:20:22,526 --> 01:20:24,611
♪ I came in
like a wrecking ball ♪
2133
01:20:24,611 --> 01:20:26,238
(distorted screaming)
2134
01:20:26,238 --> 01:20:30,200
♪ I never hit so hard in love ♪
2135
01:20:30,200 --> 01:20:34,329
♪ All I wanted was
to break your walls ♪
2136
01:20:34,329 --> 01:20:36,665
♪ All you ever did was ♪
2137
01:20:36,665 --> 01:20:38,208
♪ Wre-e-eck me ♪
2138
01:20:38,208 --> 01:20:39,376
(distorted screaming)
2139
01:20:39,376 --> 01:20:42,963
♪ Yeah, you, you wre-e-eck me ♪
2140
01:20:42,963 --> 01:20:46,925
♪ I put you high up in the sky ♪
2141
01:20:46,925 --> 01:20:51,055
♪ And now
you're not coming down ♪
2142
01:20:51,055 --> 01:20:55,225
♪ It slowly turned,
you let me burn ♪
2143
01:20:55,225 --> 01:20:58,896
♪ And now
we're ashes on the ground ♪
2144
01:20:59,772 --> 01:21:03,108
♪ Don't you ever say
I just walked away ♪
2145
01:21:03,108 --> 01:21:06,403
♪ I will always want you ♪
2146
01:21:06,403 --> 01:21:10,365
♪ I came in
like a wrecking ball ♪
2147
01:21:10,365 --> 01:21:14,203
♪ Yeah, I just closed my eyes
and swung ♪
2148
01:21:14,203 --> 01:21:17,623
♪ Left me crashing
in a blazing fall ♪
2149
01:21:17,623 --> 01:21:22,961
♪ All you ever did was
wre-e-eck me ♪
2150
01:21:22,961 --> 01:21:26,381
♪ Yeah, you, you wre-e-eck me ♪
2151
01:21:26,381 --> 01:21:28,509
(whimpering)
2152
01:21:29,927 --> 01:21:33,388
♪ I never meant to start a war ♪
2153
01:21:33,388 --> 01:21:37,017
♪ I just wanted you
to let me in... ♪
2154
01:21:37,017 --> 01:21:39,728
Uh, yeah,
we should probably leave.
2155
01:21:39,728 --> 01:21:41,146
Oh, yeah, we got to go
right now?
2156
01:21:41,146 --> 01:21:42,481
I was kind of enjoying this.
2157
01:21:42,481 --> 01:21:43,982
♪ I guess I should've
let you win... ♪
2158
01:21:43,982 --> 01:21:45,484
Yo, Reg, I got to be
honest with you, man.
2159
01:21:45,484 --> 01:21:46,944
I ain't think
you was gonna do that shit.
2160
01:21:46,944 --> 01:21:48,737
MAGGIE:
You really committed to that.
2161
01:21:48,737 --> 01:21:50,239
HUNTER: Yeah, that was more
graphic than I was expecting.
2162
01:21:50,239 --> 01:21:51,490
MAGGIE:
That was almost too far.
2163
01:21:51,490 --> 01:21:52,741
BUG:
You one-upped me, for sure.
2164
01:21:52,741 --> 01:21:54,076
I mean, I bit a girl's ankle.
2165
01:21:54,076 --> 01:21:56,787
You ripped a man's penis off.
2166
01:22:04,711 --> 01:22:06,588
(song ends)
2167
01:22:06,588 --> 01:22:08,507
("Follow You" by Dave Sarazen
playing)
2168
01:22:08,507 --> 01:22:11,677
- (birds chirping)
- (dogs barking)
2169
01:22:11,677 --> 01:22:15,013
REGGIE: Today is gonna be
the best day ever.
2170
01:22:15,013 --> 01:22:16,515
How do I know that?
2171
01:22:16,515 --> 01:22:19,226
Because every day
is the best day ever.
2172
01:22:19,226 --> 01:22:22,688
Hunter went back to his job
at the old human home,
2173
01:22:22,688 --> 01:22:24,648
and he didn't even need
his cone.
2174
01:22:24,648 --> 01:22:25,899
Hey, Cone of Shame.
2175
01:22:25,899 --> 01:22:27,484
Where's your lampshade?
(chuckles)
2176
01:22:27,484 --> 01:22:29,945
Actually, Bubsy,
I don't need that cone anymore,
2177
01:22:29,945 --> 01:22:32,489
just like I don't need
any of your shit anymore.
2178
01:22:32,489 --> 01:22:33,740
Fuck you, Bubsy.
2179
01:22:33,740 --> 01:22:35,659
Wow. I had no idea
you felt that way.
2180
01:22:35,659 --> 01:22:38,120
I'm sorry. I-I'm just gonna go.
2181
01:22:39,037 --> 01:22:40,455
Fuck your mother!
2182
01:22:40,455 --> 01:22:41,957
(laughs) Fuck out of here!
2183
01:22:41,957 --> 01:22:43,542
REGGIE: And he finally
found the courage
2184
01:22:43,542 --> 01:22:45,335
to let Maggie know
how he feels about her.
2185
01:22:45,335 --> 01:22:47,171
And now they have sex
all the time.
2186
01:22:47,171 --> 01:22:49,715
Regular style, of course.
2187
01:22:49,715 --> 01:22:51,508
Attaboy, Hunter.
2188
01:22:52,759 --> 01:22:54,928
Reminds me of when I was young.
2189
01:22:54,928 --> 01:22:57,556
You used to fuck dogs?
2190
01:22:57,556 --> 01:22:58,724
What?
2191
01:22:58,724 --> 01:23:00,142
REGGIE:
And Maggie, well,
2192
01:23:00,142 --> 01:23:02,561
she finally got
the owner she deserves.
2193
01:23:02,561 --> 01:23:05,564
Maggie's part of
the detection squad now,
2194
01:23:05,564 --> 01:23:07,733
and she's the best sniffer
on the team.
2195
01:23:07,733 --> 01:23:10,444
Oh, I love the costume
you gave her.
2196
01:23:10,444 --> 01:23:11,653
So good.
2197
01:23:11,653 --> 01:23:13,822
Uniform. For work.
2198
01:23:13,822 --> 01:23:15,657
REGGIE:
And Bug's the same old Bug.
2199
01:23:15,657 --> 01:23:17,826
With one pretty big exception.
2200
01:23:17,826 --> 01:23:20,162
He's changed his stance
on people.
2201
01:23:20,162 --> 01:23:21,496
(laughing)
2202
01:23:21,496 --> 01:23:24,166
Or at least
one very special person.
2203
01:23:24,166 --> 01:23:25,834
- (barking, laughing)
- ♪ And you're feeling down ♪
2204
01:23:25,834 --> 01:23:27,169
♪ You can follow me ♪
2205
01:23:27,169 --> 01:23:29,588
♪ And I'll show you
how to love ♪
2206
01:23:30,547 --> 01:23:31,757
♪ To love... ♪
2207
01:23:31,757 --> 01:23:33,800
REGGIE: Sure, joining a family
was a bit
2208
01:23:33,800 --> 01:23:36,720
of a learning experience
for him.
2209
01:23:38,138 --> 01:23:39,932
Oh, baby, I love this.
2210
01:23:39,932 --> 01:23:42,351
Your cushions are so much
tighter than Dolores's.
2211
01:23:42,351 --> 01:23:46,104
Now, what is this fabric?
Faux suede?
2212
01:23:46,104 --> 01:23:47,272
Hey.
2213
01:23:47,272 --> 01:23:48,649
Oh, hey, Kevin.
2214
01:23:49,524 --> 01:23:51,818
Come on, buddy.
No humping the couch.
2215
01:23:53,195 --> 01:23:55,906
Nothing will ever
come between us.
2216
01:23:56,865 --> 01:23:59,618
REGGIE:
Yep, life is pretty damn great.
2217
01:23:59,618 --> 01:24:01,411
So we'll see you guys tonight?
2218
01:24:01,411 --> 01:24:02,537
- Yep.
- You know it.
2219
01:24:02,537 --> 01:24:04,373
ALL:
Scraps night.
2220
01:24:06,833 --> 01:24:10,212
REGGIE: As for me,
I chose to stay a stray,
2221
01:24:10,212 --> 01:24:12,047
and I couldn't be happier.
2222
01:24:12,047 --> 01:24:14,216
And for any dogs in need,
2223
01:24:14,216 --> 01:24:16,301
I'll be there
to show them the ropes.
2224
01:24:16,301 --> 01:24:18,929
Hey there. I'm Reggie.
You got a name?
2225
01:24:18,929 --> 01:24:21,265
Oh, hi. I'm-I'm Shitstain.
2226
01:24:21,265 --> 01:24:24,184
No. No, no, no.
That's not your name. Trust me.
2227
01:24:25,018 --> 01:24:27,020
Rule number one
of being a stray:
2228
01:24:27,020 --> 01:24:29,314
You want something,
you pee on it.
2229
01:24:29,314 --> 01:24:31,149
And whatever you pee on
is yours.
2230
01:24:31,149 --> 01:24:33,318
Oh. How about this lamppost?
2231
01:24:33,318 --> 01:24:35,946
- That's mine!
- Oh. Okay.
2232
01:24:35,946 --> 01:24:37,239
Rule number two:
2233
01:24:37,239 --> 01:24:39,074
You can pretty much hump
whatever you want.
2234
01:24:39,074 --> 01:24:40,701
- Cool! Sweet!
- Awesome! Yes!
2235
01:24:40,701 --> 01:24:45,539
Rule number three is the most
important rule, bar none:
2236
01:24:45,539 --> 01:24:47,666
You are not alone.
2237
01:24:48,542 --> 01:24:50,627
You know,
I used to think my place
2238
01:24:50,627 --> 01:24:52,879
was by Doug's side,
but now I know
2239
01:24:52,879 --> 01:24:55,090
my place is
wherever I want it to be,
2240
01:24:55,090 --> 01:24:58,343
and I've never felt
more at home.
2241
01:24:58,343 --> 01:25:00,512
'Cause I know a guy
who lets me crash
2242
01:25:00,512 --> 01:25:02,681
whenever I want.
2243
01:25:02,681 --> 01:25:04,641
- Hey, loser.
- Hey, fuckface.
2244
01:25:06,226 --> 01:25:07,936
(chuckling)
2245
01:25:07,936 --> 01:25:10,105
Liam, the cute scruffy dog
is back!
2246
01:25:12,190 --> 01:25:13,900
(laughter)
2247
01:25:13,900 --> 01:25:15,777
(barks)
2248
01:25:16,778 --> 01:25:19,531
- Isn't this the life?
- (Reggie sighs)
2249
01:25:20,532 --> 01:25:22,451
LIAM:
Who's a good boy?
2250
01:25:22,451 --> 01:25:24,036
You're a good boy.
2251
01:25:24,870 --> 01:25:26,955
Such a good boy.
2252
01:25:26,955 --> 01:25:29,166
REGGIE:
I've learned a lot since Doug.
2253
01:25:29,166 --> 01:25:31,001
Sure, there are some bad people
in this world,
2254
01:25:31,001 --> 01:25:34,838
but even Bug would agree--
the good ones are out there.
2255
01:25:34,838 --> 01:25:37,007
You just got to keep
your eyes open.
2256
01:25:37,007 --> 01:25:38,550
Hey, kids.
2257
01:25:38,550 --> 01:25:40,052
I'll rip your fucking lungs
out through your mouth!
2258
01:25:40,052 --> 01:25:41,678
- Fuck you, mailman! Fuck you!
- Son of a bitch!
2259
01:25:41,678 --> 01:25:43,430
Oh, these guys have
a lot of energy, don't they?
2260
01:25:43,430 --> 01:25:45,140
I'm-a eat your fucking nut
sack... -You're a bad person!
2261
01:25:45,140 --> 01:25:46,558
Get out of here, you evil,
evil little shit! -Aw.
2262
01:25:46,558 --> 01:25:47,934
I'll give you
to the count of three,
2263
01:25:47,934 --> 01:25:49,728
and then I'm gonna jump
this fence
2264
01:25:49,728 --> 01:25:51,605
- and skull-fuck you to death!
- You stupid fucking evil devil!
2265
01:25:51,605 --> 01:25:53,357
You're just as bad as your
friend in the sky! -One, two...
2266
01:25:53,357 --> 01:25:55,275
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. You smart.
- You fuckwad, go! Go!
2267
01:25:55,275 --> 01:25:56,568
- You smart.
- Go! Keep moving!
2268
01:25:56,568 --> 01:25:58,320
BUG:
Smart move. Keep walking.
2269
01:25:58,320 --> 01:26:00,155
REGGIE: Don't even think about
coming back here tomorrow.
2270
01:26:00,155 --> 01:26:01,490
- Fuck off!
- BUG: Yeah, bitch.
2271
01:26:01,490 --> 01:26:03,075
You don't want to get
this guy angry.
2272
01:26:03,075 --> 01:26:05,660
REGGIE: I may be small,
but you have no idea
2273
01:26:05,660 --> 01:26:07,913
what I'm capable of.
2274
01:26:07,913 --> 01:26:10,165
Just ask Doug!
2275
01:26:10,165 --> 01:26:12,834
I ripped the guy's cock off!
2276
01:26:12,834 --> 01:26:15,504
♪ This is for the Gz
and this is for the hustlas ♪
2277
01:26:15,504 --> 01:26:18,006
♪ This is for the hustlas,
now back to the Gz ♪
2278
01:26:18,006 --> 01:26:20,592
♪ This is for the Gz
and this is for the hustlas ♪
2279
01:26:20,592 --> 01:26:22,969
♪ This is for the hustlas,
now back to the Gz ♪
2280
01:26:22,969 --> 01:26:25,263
♪ It's one-nine-nine-trey,
so let me just play ♪
2281
01:26:25,263 --> 01:26:26,973
♪ It's Snoop Dogg,
I'm on the mic ♪
2282
01:26:26,973 --> 01:26:28,642
- ♪ I'm back with Dr. Dre ♪
- (eagle screeches)
2283
01:26:28,642 --> 01:26:30,977
♪ But this time I'm-a hit
yo' ass with a touch ♪
2284
01:26:30,977 --> 01:26:33,605
♪ To leave motherfuckers
in a daze, fucked up ♪
2285
01:26:33,605 --> 01:26:36,108
♪ So sit back, relax,
new jacks get smacked ♪
2286
01:26:36,108 --> 01:26:38,777
♪ It's Snoop Doggy Dogg,
I'm at the top of the stack ♪
2287
01:26:38,777 --> 01:26:41,571
♪ I don't lack for a second
and I'm still checkin' ♪
2288
01:26:41,571 --> 01:26:44,199
♪ The dopest motherfucker
that ya hearin' on the record ♪
2289
01:26:44,199 --> 01:26:46,368
♪ It's me, ya see,
S-N-double-O-P ♪
2290
01:26:46,368 --> 01:26:48,662
♪ D-O-double-G-Y,
the D-O-double-G ♪
2291
01:26:48,662 --> 01:26:52,374
♪ I'm fly as a falcon
soarin' through the sky ♪
2292
01:26:52,374 --> 01:26:54,251
♪ And I'm high
till I dizzie, rizzide ♪
2293
01:26:54,251 --> 01:26:57,379
♪ So check it, I get busy,
I make your head dizzy ♪
2294
01:26:57,379 --> 01:26:59,923
♪ I blow up your mouth
like I was Dizzy Gillespie ♪
2295
01:26:59,923 --> 01:27:01,967
♪ I'm crazy,
you can't phase me ♪
2296
01:27:01,967 --> 01:27:03,635
♪ I'm the S, oh, yes,
I'm fresh ♪
2297
01:27:03,635 --> 01:27:05,137
♪ I don't fuck
with the stress ♪
2298
01:27:05,137 --> 01:27:07,806
♪ I'm all about the chronic,
bionic, ya see ♪
2299
01:27:07,806 --> 01:27:10,809
♪ Every single day, chillin'
with the D-O-double-Gs ♪
2300
01:27:10,809 --> 01:27:13,061
♪ P-O-U-N-D,
that's my clique, my crew ♪
2301
01:27:13,061 --> 01:27:15,480
♪ You fuck with us,
we gots to fuck you up ♪
2302
01:27:15,480 --> 01:27:17,482
♪ I thought you knew,
but yet and still ♪
2303
01:27:17,482 --> 01:27:20,902
♪ You wanna get real, now it's
time to peel, you say chill ♪
2304
01:27:20,902 --> 01:27:23,071
♪ And feel
the motherfuckin' realism ♪
2305
01:27:23,071 --> 01:27:24,906
♪ Snoop Doggy Dogg
is on the mic ♪
2306
01:27:24,906 --> 01:27:26,575
♪ I'm hittin' hard as steel ♪
2307
01:27:26,575 --> 01:27:29,161
♪ This is for the Gz
and this is for the hustlas ♪
2308
01:27:29,161 --> 01:27:31,913
♪ This is for the hustlas,
now back to the Gz ♪
2309
01:27:31,913 --> 01:27:34,416
♪ This is for the Gz
and this is for the hustlas ♪
2310
01:27:34,416 --> 01:27:36,835
♪ This is for the hustlas,
now back to the Gz ♪
2311
01:27:36,835 --> 01:27:39,671
♪ This is for the Gz
and this is for the hustlas ♪
2312
01:27:39,671 --> 01:27:42,257
♪ This is for the hustlas,
now back to the Gz ♪
2313
01:27:42,257 --> 01:27:44,843
♪ This is for the Gz
and this is for the hustlas ♪
2314
01:27:44,843 --> 01:27:47,679
♪ This is for the hustlas,
now back to the Gz. ♪
2315
01:27:47,679 --> 01:27:49,598
(barking)
2316
01:27:52,058 --> 01:27:53,518
(song ends)
2317
01:27:53,518 --> 01:27:55,729
In addition to the multiple
facial lacerations
2318
01:27:55,729 --> 01:27:58,648
and the, uh,
severe burn wounds,
2319
01:27:58,648 --> 01:28:01,610
we also discovered
an alarming amount of, um,
2320
01:28:01,610 --> 01:28:03,778
fecal bacteria in your system,
2321
01:28:03,778 --> 01:28:08,033
um, which I would imagine came
from the... the... the-the...
2322
01:28:08,033 --> 01:28:09,618
Dog shitting in my mouth?
2323
01:28:09,618 --> 01:28:11,453
- Right. Yeah.
- Yeah.
2324
01:28:12,287 --> 01:28:16,458
Um, ba-ba-ba...
checking the clipboard.
2325
01:28:16,458 --> 01:28:20,086
Uh, oh, yeah, we also, uh, uh,
couldn't reattach the penis.
2326
01:28:21,671 --> 01:28:25,091
DOUG:
Fuck...!
2327
01:28:25,091 --> 01:28:27,260
♪ ♪
2328
01:28:36,728 --> 01:28:39,231
(beatboxing)
2329
01:28:39,231 --> 01:28:41,107
♪ Jamie ♪
2330
01:28:42,150 --> 01:28:44,819
♪ Jamie Foxx ♪
2331
01:28:44,819 --> 01:28:46,696
♪ Will Ferrell ♪
2332
01:28:46,696 --> 01:28:48,907
(barking rhythmically)
2333
01:29:00,293 --> 01:29:03,255
♪ Dirty, dirty dog ♪
2334
01:29:03,255 --> 01:29:05,215
♪ I'm a stray ♪
2335
01:29:05,215 --> 01:29:07,384
(barking rhythmically)
2336
01:29:13,306 --> 01:29:15,392
♪ Quit doggin' me! ♪
2337
01:29:16,268 --> 01:29:18,270
♪ Quit doggin' me! ♪
2338
01:29:19,187 --> 01:29:21,398
(beatboxing and barking
rhythmically)
2339
01:29:21,398 --> 01:29:23,942
♪ I'm a str-str-stray ♪
2340
01:29:23,942 --> 01:29:25,735
♪ I'm a stray. ♪
2341
01:29:25,735 --> 01:29:27,988
♪ ♪
2342
01:29:57,809 --> 01:29:59,936
♪ ♪
2343
01:30:29,841 --> 01:30:31,968
♪ ♪
2344
01:31:01,956 --> 01:31:04,084
♪ ♪
2345
01:31:33,988 --> 01:31:36,116
♪ ♪
2346
01:32:05,937 --> 01:32:08,064
♪ ♪
2347
01:32:37,969 --> 01:32:40,096
♪ ♪
2348
01:33:02,744 --> 01:33:04,913
(music fades)
162671
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