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1
00:00:09,792 --> 00:00:11,533
HEY, JANIE.
I'’M COLLECTING TOYS FOR CHARITY.
2
00:00:11,533 --> 00:00:12,925
GOT ANY?
3
00:00:12,925 --> 00:00:14,666
YOU CAN TAKE THIS ONE.
4
00:00:14,666 --> 00:00:18,670
SHE'’S UG-LY.
5
00:00:18,670 --> 00:00:21,543
THIS IS THE SUSAN B. ANTHONY
DOLL I GAVE YOU.
6
00:00:21,543 --> 00:00:24,024
SHE FOUGHT TO GIVE YOU
THE RIGHT TO VOTE.
7
00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:27,766
YEAH, AND I VOTE
TO THROW HER OUT.
8
00:00:27,766 --> 00:00:29,029
BEING A GREAT WOMAN
HAS NOTHING TO DO
9
00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:30,247
WITH BEING BEAUTIFUL.
10
00:00:30,247 --> 00:00:32,989
EWW, THAT IS HIDEOUS.
11
00:00:32,989 --> 00:00:35,470
DAD, THIS IS SUSAN B. ANTHONY,
12
00:00:35,470 --> 00:00:37,907
ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT WOMEN
IN HISTORY.
13
00:00:37,907 --> 00:00:39,256
REALLY?
THIS WHOLE TIME I THOUGHT
14
00:00:39,256 --> 00:00:41,867
IT WAS STEVEN SEAGAL.
15
00:00:41,867 --> 00:00:43,347
COME ON.
16
00:00:43,347 --> 00:00:45,523
OUT OF MY WAY,
TIME FOR {\an8}HARD DUTY.
17
00:00:45,523 --> 00:00:47,699
LOOK--
I KNOW YOUR MOTHER'’S MEATLOAF
18
00:00:47,699 --> 00:00:49,136
IS TOUGH ON THE PIPES,
19
00:00:49,136 --> 00:00:50,920
BUT I DON'’T NEED
A BLOW-BY-BLOW, OKAY?
20
00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:55,098
DAD, {\an8}THE FINAL PUSH
IS THE NAME OF A VIDEO GAME.
21
00:00:55,098 --> 00:00:56,534
FITZY, CARLOS, AND I
HAVE BEEN TRAINING
22
00:00:56,534 --> 00:00:58,536
FOR THIS ONLINE TOURNAMENT
FOR WEEKS.
23
00:00:58,536 --> 00:00:59,972
ALL RIGHT, JUST DON'’T FORGET
MY ONE RULE
24
00:00:59,972 --> 00:01:02,062
ABOUT PLAYING VIDEO GAMES.
25
00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:03,715
DON'’T LET IT CUT INTO ACTUAL
TV TIME.
26
00:01:03,715 --> 00:01:06,327
ATTA BOY.
27
00:01:08,938 --> 00:01:10,679
ARE YOU STILL HIDING FROM
YOUR BOSS, SWEETIE?
28
00:01:10,679 --> 00:01:13,421
HE DIDN'’T FOLLOW YOU HOME, AMY.
29
00:01:13,421 --> 00:01:15,249
YA NEVER KNOW.
RATINGS ON THE SOAP
30
00:01:15,249 --> 00:01:16,728
HAVE NEVER BEEN THIS LOW.
31
00:01:16,728 --> 00:01:18,861
CORDRELL'’S BEEN FIRING ACTORS
LEFT AND RIGHT.
32
00:01:18,861 --> 00:01:20,906
I FIGURE HE CAN'’T FIRE ME
IF HE CAN'’T FIND ME.
33
00:01:20,906 --> 00:01:23,431
LISTEN TO ME, I SEE CORDRELL
ALL THE TIME AT THE GOLF COURSE
34
00:01:23,431 --> 00:01:25,476
AND HE SEEMS NICE ENOUGH TO ME.
35
00:01:25,476 --> 00:01:27,696
I GOTTA TAKE JANIE FOR HER GOLF
LESSON, SO IF I RUN INTO HIM
36
00:01:27,696 --> 00:01:29,393
I'’LL JUST WORK SOME OF MY MAGIC
ON HIM--OKAY?
37
00:01:29,393 --> 00:01:31,178
OH, THAT'’S SWEET, HONEY,
BUT--BUT NO.
38
00:01:31,178 --> 00:01:32,570
NO, DON'’T TALK TO HIM.
39
00:01:32,570 --> 00:01:33,963
WHY?
40
00:01:33,963 --> 00:01:35,660
'’CAUSE YOU'’LL RUIN MY CAREER.
41
00:01:35,660 --> 00:01:37,575
SO WHAT, YOU HAVE TO WALK
AROUND DISGUISED
42
00:01:37,575 --> 00:01:39,316
FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE?
WHAT'’S CORDRELL GOING TO SAY
43
00:01:39,316 --> 00:01:40,883
WHEN HE SEES YA?
44
00:01:40,883 --> 00:01:43,059
"HEY, CRAZY, WEIRD, STRANGE,
OLD LADY, WHO ARE YOU
45
00:01:43,059 --> 00:01:44,800
AND WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'’ HERE?"
46
00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:47,759
STRANGER DANGER!
I'’LL SAVE YOU, DAVID!
47
00:01:47,759 --> 00:01:49,935
AAH!
48
00:01:49,935 --> 00:01:52,851
OH, I STAND CORRECTED.
49
00:02:16,484 --> 00:02:19,922
DADDY, ARE WE TAKING THE LONG
WAY TO THE CAR
50
00:02:19,922 --> 00:02:22,881
JUST TO SEE
YOUR PLAQUE AGAIN?
51
00:02:22,881 --> 00:02:24,840
DON'’T BE SILLY.
52
00:02:24,840 --> 00:02:27,973
I JUST CAME IN HERE TO CHECK
THE PRICE ON VISORS.
53
00:02:27,973 --> 00:02:30,715
AND WHILE WE'’RE AT IT, COME ON,
LET'’S GO LOOK AT THE PLAQUE,
54
00:02:30,715 --> 00:02:32,456
IT'’S RIGHT HERE.
55
00:02:32,456 --> 00:02:34,371
AREN'’T YOU PROUD THAT DAD
HOLDS THE COURSE RECORD?
56
00:02:34,371 --> 00:02:39,115
IF I SAY YES, WOULD YOU BUY ME
ONE OF THOSE PUPPETS?
57
00:02:39,115 --> 00:02:42,553
THOSE ARE NOT PUPPETS.
THOSE ARE CLUB COVERS.
58
00:02:42,553 --> 00:02:44,381
ALTHOUGH THIS ONE LOOKS A LOT
LIKE SPONGEBOB.
59
00:02:45,687 --> 00:02:46,992
OH!
60
00:02:46,992 --> 00:02:48,429
THAT'’S MOMMY'’S BOSS.
61
00:02:48,429 --> 00:02:50,735
I GOTTA GO TALK TO HIM.
62
00:02:50,735 --> 00:02:53,216
MOMMY SAID,
"NO, DON'’T.
63
00:02:53,216 --> 00:02:56,088
YOU'’LL RUIN MY CAREER."
64
00:02:56,088 --> 00:02:59,048
THAT COULD MEAN ANYTHING.
65
00:02:59,048 --> 00:03:03,574
I THINK IT MEANS, "NO, DON'’T.
YOU'’LL RUIN MY CAREER."
66
00:03:03,574 --> 00:03:05,924
GO PLAY WITH SPONGEBOB.
67
00:03:05,924 --> 00:03:08,057
EDWARD!
DAVID HOBBS.
68
00:03:08,057 --> 00:03:10,146
OH, I KNOW EXACTLY
WHO YOU ARE.
69
00:03:10,146 --> 00:03:11,539
YEAH, I KNOW YOU DO--
EVERYBODY DOES.
70
00:03:11,539 --> 00:03:13,018
I JUST SAY THAT
TO APPEAR HUMBLE.
71
00:03:13,018 --> 00:03:14,759
LOOK, I JUST WANT YOU
TO KNOW SOMETHING.
72
00:03:14,759 --> 00:03:17,327
I WANT YOU TO KNOW MY WIFE, AMY,
SHE LOVES DOING THE SHOW.
73
00:03:17,327 --> 00:03:21,201
SHE REALLY DOES AND...
THINKS THE WORLD OF YOU.
74
00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:23,028
MY WIFE AMY!
75
00:03:23,028 --> 00:03:25,335
YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT DOING
THE SHOW MEANS TO HER...
76
00:03:25,335 --> 00:03:27,119
MY WIFE AMY.
77
00:03:27,119 --> 00:03:28,730
WELL, I THINK
I HAVE SOME IDEA.
78
00:03:28,730 --> 00:03:30,775
UH, PROBABLY ABOUT AS MUCH
AS I ENJOYED HOLDING
79
00:03:30,775 --> 00:03:34,083
THE 16-YEAR COURSE RECORD
BEFORE YOU TOOK IT AWAY.
80
00:03:34,083 --> 00:03:36,128
LISTEN, WHY DON'’T WE GO OUT
AND PLAY A ROUND THIS WEEKEND?
81
00:03:36,128 --> 00:03:37,695
THIS WAY, YOU COULD
WIN YOUR RECORD BACK.
82
00:03:37,695 --> 00:03:39,567
WELL, I'’D LOVE TO,
BUT THE CLUB IS CLOSED
83
00:03:39,567 --> 00:03:42,091
FOR THE LOCAL
TEEN BEAUTY PAGEANT.
84
00:03:42,091 --> 00:03:43,962
TEEN BEAUTY PAGEANT?
85
00:03:43,962 --> 00:03:46,313
MAN, WHAT KIND OF PARENT PARADES
THEIR DAUGHTERS AROUND
86
00:03:46,313 --> 00:03:47,662
IN FRILLY BALL GOWNS
JUST SO THEY CAN
87
00:03:47,662 --> 00:03:49,707
FEEL BETTER
ABOUT THEMSELVES, RIGHT?
88
00:03:49,707 --> 00:03:51,535
YEAH, MY DAUGHTER'’S
IN THE PAGEANT.
89
00:03:51,535 --> 00:03:53,320
WELL, YOU DIDN'’T
LET ME FINISH.
90
00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:58,238
WHAT I MEANT TO SAY WAS THE BEST
KIND OF PARENT--THAT'’S WHO.
91
00:03:58,238 --> 00:04:02,285
COINCIDENTALLY, MY DAUGHTER
EMILY IS IN THE BEAUTY PAGEANT.
92
00:04:02,285 --> 00:04:05,245
WELL, IT'’S NICE TO MEET
A FELLOW PAGEANT ENTHUSIAST.
93
00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:08,596
I-I-I HATE PEOPLE WHO DISMISS IT
AS OLD-FASHIONED AND SEXIST.
94
00:04:08,596 --> 00:04:10,032
WE KNOW IT'’S SO MUCH MORE
THAN THAT.
95
00:04:10,032 --> 00:04:11,729
SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT.
96
00:04:11,729 --> 00:04:14,254
AND, AS A MATTER OF FACT, MY
YOUNGEST ONE--MY LITTLE JANIE--
97
00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:17,866
SHE ASPIRES TO THE GRACE AND
BEAUTY OF THE PAGEANT, AS WELL.
98
00:04:22,523 --> 00:04:24,264
THAT'’S NOT HER.
99
00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:29,486
SO, LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT,
YOU WANT ME TO ENTER
100
00:04:29,486 --> 00:04:32,750
A BEAUTY PAGEANT THAT GOES
AGAINST EVERYTHING I BELIEVE?
101
00:04:32,750 --> 00:04:34,622
WHY?
102
00:04:34,622 --> 00:04:36,450
I'’D RATHER NOT SAY.
103
00:04:36,450 --> 00:04:38,321
I'’LL ENTER A PAGEANT.
104
00:04:38,321 --> 00:04:39,583
I'’LL GIVE YOU TWO TICKETS
105
00:04:39,583 --> 00:04:41,193
TO THE CONCERT OF YOUR CHOICE, EMILY.
106
00:04:41,193 --> 00:04:43,631
MY PRINCIPLES CAN'’T BE BOUGHT
FOR TWO CONCERT TICKETS.
107
00:04:43,631 --> 00:04:45,633
I'’LL DO IT FOR FREE!
108
00:04:45,633 --> 00:04:47,025
AND WHAT DOES MOM THINK
OF ALL THIS?
109
00:04:47,025 --> 00:04:48,636
I'’LL THROW IN A LIMO
IF YOU DON'’T INVOLVE HER.
110
00:04:48,636 --> 00:04:50,681
I'’LL WALK THERE.
111
00:04:50,681 --> 00:04:53,118
YOU HAVE TO DO NOTHING.
JUST GO DOWN THERE, SIGN UP.
112
00:04:53,118 --> 00:04:55,469
YOU DON'’T EVEN HAVE TO TRY.
JUST GO AND SHOW UP.
113
00:04:55,469 --> 00:04:58,515
DAD, BEAUTY PAGEANTS SEND A
HORRIBLE MESSAGE TO YOUNG GIRLS
114
00:04:58,515 --> 00:05:00,430
THAT OUTER BEAUTY MATTERS MOST.
115
00:05:00,430 --> 00:05:04,086
I LIKE THAT MESSAGE.
116
00:05:04,086 --> 00:05:07,524
THAT'’S A GOOD MESSAGE.
117
00:05:07,524 --> 00:05:09,221
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'’LL DO IT.
118
00:05:09,221 --> 00:05:11,702
REALLY?
OH, GREAT. OKAY!
119
00:05:11,702 --> 00:05:15,402
BUT I AM DOING THIS
DOG-AND-PONY SHOW MY WAY.
120
00:05:15,402 --> 00:05:20,972
DOGS AND PONIES TOO?
CAN THIS GET ANY BETTER?
121
00:05:20,972 --> 00:05:22,713
OH, NOOOOO!
122
00:05:22,713 --> 00:05:25,281
MAN, I JUST GOT HERE!
123
00:05:25,281 --> 00:05:28,110
HEY, I'’M RETURNING YOUR DAD'’S
FIVE IRON HE LENT ME.
124
00:05:28,110 --> 00:05:31,722
DON'’T TELL HIM, '’CAUSE HE
DOESN'’T KNOW HE LENT IT.
125
00:05:31,722 --> 00:05:34,638
MARCUS, I HAVE BIGGER ISSUES
RIGHT NOW.
126
00:05:34,638 --> 00:05:37,337
FITZY AND CARLOS ARE SICK AFTER
EATING AT DISCOUNT TACO.
127
00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:39,382
AND NOW THEY CAN'’T PLAY
128
00:05:39,382 --> 00:05:41,558
IN TOMORROW'’S VIDEO GAME TOURNAMENT.
129
00:05:41,558 --> 00:05:43,604
FIRST OF ALL, HOW MUCH MONEY
WERE THEY TRYING TO SAVE
130
00:05:43,604 --> 00:05:47,434
BY EATING AT DISCOUNT TACO?
MM!
131
00:05:47,434 --> 00:05:49,653
AND SECOND, CAN'’T YOU
JUST PLAY WITHOUT THEM?
132
00:05:49,653 --> 00:05:52,526
NOPE.
WE ENTERED AS A THREE-MAN SQUAD.
133
00:05:52,526 --> 00:05:55,180
SIX WEEKS OF TRAINING,
JUST DOWN THE TOILET.
134
00:05:55,180 --> 00:05:58,662
HA, ALONG WITH THOSE
CHEAP TACOS.
135
00:05:58,662 --> 00:06:00,490
AM I RIGHT?
CAN I...GET A...
136
00:06:00,490 --> 00:06:02,666
MARCUS, YOU DON'’T UNDERSTAND
WHAT GOES INTO THESE ONLINE,
137
00:06:02,666 --> 00:06:04,233
MULTI-PLAYER GAMES.
138
00:06:04,233 --> 00:06:06,540
IT TAKES MONTHS TO EARN HEALTH
PACKS, WEAPONRY,...
139
00:06:06,540 --> 00:06:08,498
HOLD ON, I MEAN--I KNOW
YOU'’RE SAYING WORDS.
140
00:06:08,498 --> 00:06:13,460
ALL I'’M HEARING IS BOOP,
BOP, BOOP, BOOP, BOOP--NERD!
141
00:06:13,460 --> 00:06:16,637
CAN'’T BELIEVE IT'’S COME
TO THIS, BUT...
142
00:06:16,637 --> 00:06:19,640
WILL YOU GUYS BE ON MY SQUAD?
143
00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:23,034
NO, I CAN'’T.
144
00:06:23,034 --> 00:06:25,776
MANY YEARS AGO, WHILE PLAYING {\an8}
SAVE THE HUMANOIDS,
145
00:06:25,776 --> 00:06:28,866
I COULDN'’T SAVE THE HUMANOIDS, AND...
146
00:06:28,866 --> 00:06:31,956
I LIVE WITH THAT GUILT
EVERY SINGLE DAY.
147
00:06:31,956 --> 00:06:35,786
BUT YOU START A NEW GAME
AND THEY COME BACK, RIGHT?
148
00:06:35,786 --> 00:06:38,659
DO THEY, MARCUS?
DO THEY?
149
00:06:41,052 --> 00:06:42,532
- HEY, HONEY!
- HEY!
150
00:06:42,532 --> 00:06:44,186
OOH, I JUST BOUGHT
THE CUTEST LITTLE JEGGINGS
151
00:06:44,186 --> 00:06:45,840
FOR SOMEONE SPECIAL.
152
00:06:45,840 --> 00:06:47,232
HONEY, I'’VE TOLD YOU
A MILLION TIMES,
153
00:06:47,232 --> 00:06:50,366
I DON'’T HAVE THE THIGHS
FOR JEGGINGS.
154
00:06:50,366 --> 00:06:52,716
FORTUNATELY, EMILY DOES.
WHERE IS SHE?
155
00:06:52,716 --> 00:06:54,457
SHE'’S UPSTAIRS, BUT HANG--
156
00:06:54,457 --> 00:06:56,633
THERE'’S SOMETHING
I NEED TO TELL YOU.
157
00:06:56,633 --> 00:06:57,765
WHAT?
IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG?
158
00:06:57,765 --> 00:06:59,854
WELL, NO.
UH, EMILY HAS ENTERED
159
00:06:59,854 --> 00:07:04,075
A BEAUTY PAGEANT...
FOR NO APPARENT REASON.
160
00:07:04,075 --> 00:07:06,556
- A BEAUTY PAGEANT?
- FOR NO APPARENT REASON.
161
00:07:06,556 --> 00:07:08,123
I SHOULD GO TALK TO HER.
162
00:07:08,123 --> 00:07:10,125
YEAH, YOU SHOULD.
BUT WAIT, BEFORE YOU DO THAT,
163
00:07:10,125 --> 00:07:11,909
I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT I TRIED TO TALK TO HER
164
00:07:11,909 --> 00:07:12,954
AND ASK HER WHY,
FOR NO APPARENT REASON,
165
00:07:12,954 --> 00:07:14,912
SHE ENTERED
A BEAUTY CONTEST,
166
00:07:14,912 --> 00:07:16,740
AND SHE GOT REALLY SNIPPY
AND MOODY
167
00:07:16,740 --> 00:07:18,307
AND ALMOST
TORE MY HEAD OFF.
168
00:07:18,307 --> 00:07:20,483
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT,
IT'’LL PROBABLY BE DIFFERENT
169
00:07:20,483 --> 00:07:23,573
WITH YOU, HONEY,
SO...HAVE FUN.
170
00:07:23,573 --> 00:07:25,619
ON THE SECOND THOUGHT, MAYBE I
SHOULD GIVE HER SOME SPACE.
171
00:07:25,619 --> 00:07:28,535
WELL, TCH...
A MOTHER KNOWS.
172
00:07:32,582 --> 00:07:36,194
IT'’S LIKE CHRISTMAS
AND MY BIRTHDAY
173
00:07:36,194 --> 00:07:39,981
ROLLED UP INTO ONE
SPARKLY DREAM!
174
00:07:39,981 --> 00:07:41,809
CAN I GO SEE THE MAKE-UP
AREA?
175
00:07:41,809 --> 00:07:44,942
UH, WELL, SW--ALL RIGHT,
HAVE FUN.
176
00:07:44,942 --> 00:07:47,597
DAVID, DID YOU SEE WHOSE NAME
IS ON THE PROGRAM?
177
00:07:47,597 --> 00:07:49,556
AMY,
IF MY NAME'’S NOT ON IT,
178
00:07:49,556 --> 00:07:51,209
I'’M NOT INTERESTED.
179
00:07:51,209 --> 00:07:55,736
JULIETTE CORDRELL,
MY BOSS'’S DAUGHTER.
180
00:07:55,736 --> 00:07:57,651
THAT MEANS EDWARD
COULD BE HERE.
181
00:07:57,651 --> 00:07:59,435
OH...
182
00:07:59,435 --> 00:08:01,481
WHAT DID YOU DO?
183
00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:03,091
- ME?
- UH-HUH.
184
00:08:03,091 --> 00:08:04,222
WOW!
185
00:08:04,222 --> 00:08:05,789
DAVID, YOU KNOW
186
00:08:05,789 --> 00:08:07,487
HOW COMPETITIVE THE GUY IS.
187
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:09,837
WHEN HE FINDS OUT THAT EMILY
IS UP AGAINST HIS DAUGHTER,
188
00:08:09,837 --> 00:08:12,187
THIS COULD GO WRONG
IN SO MANY WAYS!
189
00:08:12,187 --> 00:08:14,755
OR YOU CAN BOND
OVER THE FACT
190
00:08:14,755 --> 00:08:19,629
THAT YOU BOTH HAVE DAUGHTERS
IN THE SAME BEAUTY CONTEST.
191
00:08:19,629 --> 00:08:21,326
PAGEANT PALS, IF YOU WILL.
192
00:08:21,326 --> 00:08:22,240
PAGEANT PALS.
193
00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:23,677
HELLO.
194
00:08:23,677 --> 00:08:26,418
WELL, HELLO, PAGEANT PAL.
195
00:08:26,418 --> 00:08:27,855
YOU KNOW, IT'’S FUNNY, AMY,
196
00:08:27,855 --> 00:08:29,378
I'’M USED TO SEEING YOU
AS AN ACTOR
197
00:08:29,378 --> 00:08:31,815
WHO COULD SLIP BACK INTO A COMA
AT ANY MOMENT,
198
00:08:31,815 --> 00:08:35,210
BUT BEING A PARENT PUTS YOU
IN A WHOLE NEW LIGHT.
199
00:08:35,210 --> 00:08:37,299
WELL...
200
00:08:37,299 --> 00:08:39,388
NOT THE TYPE OF LIGHT
YOU WALK TOWARDS, I HOPE.
201
00:08:42,870 --> 00:08:46,395
IT'’S AMAZING HOW OPPRESSIVE
THE GENDER STEREOTYPES ARE.
202
00:08:46,395 --> 00:08:49,441
I MEAN, IT'’S DISGUSTING THAT
THERE'’S NO MALE EQUIVALENT.
203
00:08:49,441 --> 00:08:51,487
YOU'’RE FUN!
204
00:08:51,487 --> 00:08:54,142
SHE'’S JUST TRYING TO
THROW US OFF OUR GAME.
205
00:08:54,142 --> 00:08:56,013
I'’M JUST SAYING
SOMETIMES EXPECTATIONS--
206
00:08:56,013 --> 00:08:59,800
WANT TO KNOW MY EXPECTATIONS?
I EXPECT TO WALK OUT OF HERE
207
00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:01,976
WITH A TROPHY
THE SIZE OF A SMALL CHILD.
208
00:09:01,976 --> 00:09:04,761
HELLO!
209
00:09:04,761 --> 00:09:06,241
THIS IS MY LITTLE SISTER, JANIE.
210
00:09:06,241 --> 00:09:07,895
SHE'’S THE REASON I'’M HERE.
211
00:09:07,895 --> 00:09:09,766
SHE THINKS BEING BEAUTIFUL
IS ALL THAT MATTERS IN LIFE.
212
00:09:09,766 --> 00:09:12,073
OH, SO YOU GET IT!
213
00:09:12,073 --> 00:09:14,423
JANIE, DO YOU WANT TO BE
IN A PAGEANT?
214
00:09:14,423 --> 00:09:16,817
LET'’S DO THIS THING!
215
00:09:23,867 --> 00:09:25,739
SO, TO SHOOT THE L.T.A.,
YOU PRESS THE X BUTTON.
216
00:09:25,739 --> 00:09:27,958
- THE X BUTTON.
- AND TO ACTIVATE YOUR HUD,
217
00:09:27,958 --> 00:09:31,092
YOU PRESS THE SQUARE BUTTON.
- SQUARE BU...OKAY.
218
00:09:31,092 --> 00:09:34,356
SO FAR, ALL I'’M HEARING
IS BUTTON.
219
00:09:34,356 --> 00:09:36,793
OH, MAN, WE DON'’T HAVE
A PRAYER WITHOUT KEVIN.
220
00:09:36,793 --> 00:09:39,187
I AM A QUICK STUDY.
I CAN LEARN THIS, MAN.
221
00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:44,932
I'’LL GO GET KEVIN.
222
00:09:49,284 --> 00:09:51,112
KEVIN!
223
00:09:51,112 --> 00:09:53,070
COME ON, MAN, WE NEED ANOTHER SOLDIER...
224
00:09:53,070 --> 00:09:57,379
TO OBLITERATE THE ENEMY
AND DESTROY THEIR WORLD!
225
00:09:57,379 --> 00:10:00,121
FOR THE CHILDREN.
226
00:10:00,121 --> 00:10:03,472
THAT'’S NOT ME ANYMORE, MARCUS.
227
00:10:03,472 --> 00:10:06,344
I NO LONGER WALK THE WAYS
OF THE WARRIOR.
228
00:10:06,344 --> 00:10:09,391
NO, I'’M OUT HERE AT PEACE
WITH MY BONSAI TREE.
229
00:10:10,827 --> 00:10:12,699
THERE'’S NO ANGER LEFT IN ME.
230
00:10:20,054 --> 00:10:21,969
OKAY,
THE ANGER'’S COMING BACK.
231
00:10:25,450 --> 00:10:27,409
FOLKS, PLEASE WELCOME
232
00:10:27,409 --> 00:10:30,064
MISS JULIETTE CORDRELL.
233
00:10:30,064 --> 00:10:35,460
JULIETTE IS A VISION
IN RHINESTONES AND CHIFFON.
234
00:10:35,460 --> 00:10:38,376
I LIKE TO
235
00:10:38,376 --> 00:10:39,856
WHETHER I'’M IN A DESIGNER GOWN,
236
00:10:39,856 --> 00:10:42,990
ENTERTAINING
AT ONE OF MY MANY HOMES,
237
00:10:42,990 --> 00:10:47,647
OR IN A DESIGNER GOWN HELPING
ONE OF THE MANY HOMELESS.
238
00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:50,562
IT'’S TRUE.
FASHION IS HER PASSION.
239
00:10:54,436 --> 00:10:56,133
IT'’S WORKING, WE'’RE FRIENDS.
- SHH.
240
00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:04,446
OUR NEXT, EMILY HOBBS,
IS A STUNNER IN...
241
00:11:07,841 --> 00:11:09,451
SWEAT PANTS?
242
00:11:09,451 --> 00:11:11,496
I FIND
THAT MY GREATEST ACCESSORY
243
00:11:11,496 --> 00:11:12,976
IS MY MIND.
244
00:11:12,976 --> 00:11:14,848
FOR IT DOESN'’T MATTER
WHAT A WOMAN IS WEARING
245
00:11:14,848 --> 00:11:18,199
ON THE OUTSIDE--IT'’S WHAT'’S
INSIDE THAT REALLY COUNTS.
246
00:11:18,199 --> 00:11:19,809
NO, IT'’S NOT!
247
00:11:30,211 --> 00:11:32,213
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
THE JUDGES FIND MISS HOBBS
248
00:11:32,213 --> 00:11:33,823
REFRESHINGLY ORIGINAL.
249
00:11:33,823 --> 00:11:37,784
BRAINS OVER BEAUTY, BUT, UH,
I'’M NOT SURE I LIKE IT.
250
00:11:37,784 --> 00:11:41,439
OH, ACCORDING TO THE
TELEPROMPTER, I DO LIKE IT.
251
00:11:41,439 --> 00:11:44,399
A 9.8?
252
00:11:44,399 --> 00:11:46,706
YOUR DAUGHTER IS BEATING MY
DAUGHTER WITH A STUNT LIKE THAT?
253
00:11:49,012 --> 00:11:51,928
COMING, EMILY!
254
00:11:58,674 --> 00:12:00,284
THIS IS AN ABSOLUTE NIGHTMARE.
255
00:12:00,284 --> 00:12:02,156
NOT ONLY IS OUR DAUGHTER
MOCKING THE PAGEANT,
256
00:12:02,156 --> 00:12:03,679
SHE'’S BEATING
MY BOSS'’S DAUGHTER.
257
00:12:03,679 --> 00:12:07,465
ALL RIGHT, I'’VE GOT GOOD NEWS.
258
00:12:07,465 --> 00:12:10,468
I INSULTED CORDRELL
ABOUT BEAUTY PAGEANTS.
259
00:12:10,468 --> 00:12:13,297
SO I BRIBED EMILY
TO ENTER THE CONTEST.
260
00:12:13,297 --> 00:12:15,082
YOUR IDEA OF GOOD NEWS
261
00:12:15,082 --> 00:12:17,737
IS SO DIFFERENT
THAN MY IDEA OF GOOD NEWS.
262
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:19,347
OKAY, WELL,
HERE'’S THE GOOD NEWS.
263
00:12:19,347 --> 00:12:20,783
SINCE I BRIBED HER
TO GET INTO IT,
264
00:12:20,783 --> 00:12:22,263
I CAN BRIBE HER
TO GET OUT OF IT.
265
00:12:22,263 --> 00:12:23,830
OKAY, THEN BRIBE AWAY, PAL.
266
00:12:23,830 --> 00:12:25,266
BECAUSE IF EMILY
WINS THIS PAGEANT,
267
00:12:25,266 --> 00:12:26,963
CORDRELL'’S GOING TO
GIVE MY CHARACTER EBOLA.
268
00:12:26,963 --> 00:12:28,312
OKAY?
- ALL RIGHT.
269
00:12:28,312 --> 00:12:30,924
AND NOW, TO START OFF
THE TALENT PORTION,
270
00:12:30,924 --> 00:12:33,622
EMILY HOBBS
AS THE MATH MAGICIAN.
271
00:12:42,849 --> 00:12:44,981
AND POOF, THE MATH MAGICIAN
272
00:12:44,981 --> 00:12:47,288
JUST PULLED A LOSER
OUT OF THE HAT.
273
00:12:51,509 --> 00:12:52,902
AND TIME!
274
00:12:52,902 --> 00:12:54,904
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
SHE DID IT!
275
00:12:54,904 --> 00:12:57,472
SHE DID IT?
276
00:12:57,472 --> 00:12:59,996
SHE DID IT!
277
00:13:08,439 --> 00:13:11,051
WHAT'’S THE MOST GRUESOME
AILMENT WE CAN GIVE AN ACTRESS?
278
00:13:11,051 --> 00:13:12,617
LIKE, WHAT'’S THAT HORRIBLE
DISFIGURING DISEASE
279
00:13:12,617 --> 00:13:15,185
THAT JOAN RIVERS HAS?
280
00:13:15,185 --> 00:13:16,056
REALLY?
281
00:13:20,016 --> 00:13:21,888
READY FOR THIS?
282
00:13:21,888 --> 00:13:24,499
I DON'’T KNOW, MAN.
I MEAN, WHAT IF I LOST MY EDGE?
283
00:13:24,499 --> 00:13:25,979
WHAT IF I CAN'’T PULL
THE TRIGGER ANYMORE?
284
00:13:25,979 --> 00:13:27,415
- AND WE'’RE LIVE!
- WHOO!
285
00:13:27,415 --> 00:13:30,461
EAT LASER, ALIEN SCUM!
286
00:13:30,461 --> 00:13:34,161
THIS IS FOR THE HUMANOIDS.
REDEMPTION IS MINE!
287
00:13:36,903 --> 00:13:38,861
IT'’S BEAUTIFUL, MAN.
288
00:13:38,861 --> 00:13:42,517
NOW, THIS GOT WEIRD FAST.
289
00:13:42,517 --> 00:13:45,215
MOM, DAD!
I'’M ONE OF THE FINALISTS!
290
00:13:45,215 --> 00:13:47,261
YAY!
291
00:13:47,261 --> 00:13:50,046
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE JUMPING?
292
00:13:50,046 --> 00:13:51,918
WE'’RE JUMPING ON THE INSIDE.
293
00:13:51,918 --> 00:13:53,615
ISN'’T THIS GREAT?
294
00:13:53,615 --> 00:13:55,138
I'’M WINNING BASED ON
MY INNER BEAUTY.
295
00:13:55,138 --> 00:13:56,792
OH, HONEY,
YOU'’VE MADE YOUR POINT.
296
00:13:56,792 --> 00:13:58,750
WOMEN HAVE BRAINS, OR WHATEVER,
BUT WE'’RE DONE HERE.
297
00:13:58,750 --> 00:14:00,317
LET'’S GO, OKAY?
- WAIT, NO!
298
00:14:00,317 --> 00:14:02,319
YOU WANT ME TO QUIT
THE COMPETITION?
299
00:14:02,319 --> 00:14:03,843
THROW AWAY EVERYTHING
I STAND FOR?
300
00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:05,453
EVERYTHING I BELIEVE IN?
301
00:14:05,453 --> 00:14:08,543
UH, PRETTY MUCH.
302
00:14:08,543 --> 00:14:12,286
BUT
I'’M DOING THIS FOR JANIE.
303
00:14:12,286 --> 00:14:14,636
SHE THREW AWAY A DOLL BECAUSE
SHE THOUGHT IT WAS UGLY, DAD.
304
00:14:14,636 --> 00:14:15,985
WELL, TO BE PERFECTLY HONEST,
305
00:14:15,985 --> 00:14:19,728
THAT STEVEN SEAGAL
WAS NOT A HANDSOME DOLL.
306
00:14:19,728 --> 00:14:21,121
HOLD ON. HOLD ON.
307
00:14:21,121 --> 00:14:24,689
EMILY, SWEETIE--DON'’T QUIT.
308
00:14:24,689 --> 00:14:27,823
I LOVE WHAT YOU'’RE DOING
FOR YOUR SISTER.
309
00:14:27,823 --> 00:14:30,086
AND YOUR FATHER AND I,
WE'’VE ALWAYS ENCOURAGED YOU
310
00:14:30,086 --> 00:14:32,436
TO GO OUT THERE AND BE
THE INDEPENDENT THINKER
311
00:14:32,436 --> 00:14:34,395
THAT WE ARE SO PROUD OF.
312
00:14:34,395 --> 00:14:35,483
THANKS, MOM, THANKS ,DAD!
313
00:14:35,483 --> 00:14:37,964
OKAY, I'’M, UH...
314
00:14:37,964 --> 00:14:39,574
A LITTLE CONFUSED HERE.
315
00:14:39,574 --> 00:14:42,969
I THOUGHT YOU WANTED ME TO
TALK HER OUT OF ALL THIS.
316
00:14:42,969 --> 00:14:45,188
I-I DID, BUT IF CORDRELL'’S
GOING TO BE PETTY AND FIRE ME
317
00:14:45,188 --> 00:14:47,321
BECAUSE EMILY'’S WINNING,
SO BE IT.
318
00:14:47,321 --> 00:14:48,800
WHAT'’S IMPORTANT TO HER
319
00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:52,021
IS WAY MORE IMPORTANT
THAN WHAT HE THINKS.
320
00:14:54,110 --> 00:14:56,286
I'’M AN ACTOR.
321
00:14:56,286 --> 00:14:59,550
HOW DO I KNOW WHAT TO THINK
IF NOBODY TELLS ME?
322
00:15:05,817 --> 00:15:09,038
LISTEN, YOU SWEATPANTS-WEARING
CALCULATOR,
323
00:15:09,038 --> 00:15:10,866
STOP MAKING A JOKE OUT OF THIS.
324
00:15:10,866 --> 00:15:13,477
IT'’S A POSITIVE MESSAGE,
AND I'’M NOT HURTING ANYONE.
325
00:15:13,477 --> 00:15:17,220
UH, HELLO!
YOU'’RE HURTING EVERYONE.
326
00:15:17,220 --> 00:15:20,920
I HAD BIG PLANS FOR THIS TITLE,
AND I'’M SURE MOLLY HERE
327
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:25,359
HAD SOME STUPID PLAN INVOLVING
A HORSE NAMED BUTTERSCOTCH.
328
00:15:25,359 --> 00:15:28,275
NOT EXACTLY,
ALTHOUGH I LOVE HORSES.
329
00:15:28,275 --> 00:15:33,193
AND IF I HAD ONE, BUTTERSCOTCH
WOULD BE A SUPER CUTE NAME.
330
00:15:33,193 --> 00:15:36,065
I'’M JUST HERE HOPING TO WIN
THE SCHOLARSHIP MONEY.
331
00:15:36,065 --> 00:15:38,546
SINCE MY DAD PASSED,
THERE'’S NO WAY MY MOM CAN AFFORD
332
00:15:38,546 --> 00:15:42,419
TO SEND ME OR MY LITTLE BROTHER
TO COLLEGE.
333
00:15:42,419 --> 00:15:45,031
UGH, TOO SAD FOR ME.
334
00:15:48,469 --> 00:15:51,211
OFF WITH YOUR HEAD, ALIEN!
335
00:15:51,211 --> 00:15:54,127
AND YOUR OTHER HEAD!
336
00:15:54,127 --> 00:15:56,042
MARCUS, I DON'’T LIKE
WHAT WE'’VE UNLEASHED.
337
00:15:56,042 --> 00:15:58,000
WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING.
338
00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:00,089
I GOT THIS.
339
00:16:00,089 --> 00:16:01,917
OKAY, YOU'’RE JUST RUNNING
AROUND IN CIRCLES,
340
00:16:01,917 --> 00:16:04,659
PATTING YOUR HEAD.
341
00:16:04,659 --> 00:16:06,487
WHY WOULD THEY MAKE A BUTTON
TO DO THAT?
342
00:16:06,487 --> 00:16:07,967
THEY DON'’T.
343
00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:12,972
I CAN'’T BELIEVE WHAT
I'’M ABOUT TO DO.
344
00:16:17,063 --> 00:16:18,716
WHO SHOT ME?
345
00:16:18,716 --> 00:16:21,893
I DID.
IT WAS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD.
346
00:16:21,893 --> 00:16:23,112
AH, YES!
347
00:16:23,112 --> 00:16:25,985
I GOT ONE!
BLAHH!
348
00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:28,988
MARCUS, YOU JUST SHOT ME!
349
00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:30,511
SO WHAT?
I'’M STILL IN THE BATTLE!
350
00:16:30,511 --> 00:16:31,860
OH, OH, OH, OH,
351
00:16:31,860 --> 00:16:32,948
JUST GOT ANOTHER ONE!
352
00:16:32,948 --> 00:16:36,517
YOU JUST SHOT YOURSELF.
353
00:16:36,517 --> 00:16:39,433
I'’M REALLY NOT GOOD AT THIS,
AM I?
354
00:16:39,433 --> 00:16:43,393
AND THEN THERE WERE THREE.
355
00:16:43,393 --> 00:16:46,135
HOWEVER, EMILY HOBBS
HAS AN UNBEATABLE LEAD.
356
00:16:46,135 --> 00:16:49,095
OH, WELL, GOOD LUCK TO ALL.
357
00:16:49,095 --> 00:16:51,140
THE QUESTION FOR OUR CONTESTANTS,
358
00:16:51,140 --> 00:16:54,404
IF I COULD GRANT YOU ONE WISH,
WHAT WOULD IT BE?
359
00:16:58,582 --> 00:17:00,541
WHEN I WAS LITTLE,
MY DAD TOLD ME
360
00:17:00,541 --> 00:17:02,891
I COULD DO DO ANYTHING
MY HEART CAN DREAM.
361
00:17:02,891 --> 00:17:06,286
SO MY WISH IS THAT EVERYONE,
NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE,
362
00:17:06,286 --> 00:17:09,637
CAN GET A CHANCE
AT A QUALITY EDUCATION.
363
00:17:09,637 --> 00:17:11,639
THAT'’S THE ONLY WAY
REAL DREAMS COME TRUE.
364
00:17:24,739 --> 00:17:30,136
IF I HAD ONE WISH,
I'’D WISH...
365
00:17:30,136 --> 00:17:32,268
THAT THERE WERE
NO MORE BABIES.
366
00:17:34,227 --> 00:17:37,404
THEY ARE GROSS, AND THEY ARE
DUMB, AND THEY CRY.
367
00:17:39,797 --> 00:17:42,104
- ALL RIGHTY, THEN.
- UH--
368
00:17:42,104 --> 00:17:45,629
I THINK I MAY HAVE MISSPOKEN.
369
00:17:45,629 --> 00:17:48,110
JUST TO BE CLEAR, I MEANT BABIES
370
00:17:48,110 --> 00:17:50,808
BUNNIES, PONIES, KITTENS,
WHAT HAVE YOU.
371
00:17:50,808 --> 00:17:52,854
DON'’T LIKE '’EM, DON'’T NEED '’EM.
GOOD NIGHT!
372
00:17:52,854 --> 00:17:55,465
LOVE YOU ALL!
OH, EXCEPT PUPPIES--HATE YOU!
373
00:18:12,743 --> 00:18:16,051
UH...YEAH.
374
00:18:16,051 --> 00:18:19,924
WHAT SHE SAID ABOUT THE BABY
THING, BLAH, BLAH.
375
00:18:19,924 --> 00:18:22,536
I'’M STUPID!
376
00:18:30,021 --> 00:18:31,414
WHAT'’S HAPPENING?
377
00:18:34,461 --> 00:18:36,506
WELL, I HOPE YOU'’RE HAPPY.
378
00:18:36,506 --> 00:18:38,378
YOU'’RE DAUGHTER RUINED
THE CONTEST FOR EVERYBODY.
379
00:18:38,378 --> 00:18:41,511
AND BY EVERYBODY, I MEAN ME.
380
00:18:41,511 --> 00:18:44,471
SO YOU, YOUR CHARACTER
WILL NO LONGER...
381
00:18:44,471 --> 00:18:46,603
JUST HOLD THAT THREAT
A SECOND.
382
00:18:46,603 --> 00:18:49,476
UM, LISTEN.
I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT
383
00:18:49,476 --> 00:18:51,565
AFTER WATCHING
OUR DAUGHTERS PERFORM
384
00:18:51,565 --> 00:18:54,394
WITH SUCH DIGNITY
AND GRACE,
385
00:18:54,394 --> 00:18:56,483
IT'’S INSPIRED ME TO DO THE SAME,
386
00:18:56,483 --> 00:18:59,616
AND, UM...
I HAVE TO TELL YOU
387
00:18:59,616 --> 00:19:02,750
THAT I DIDN'’T BREAK
YOUR COURSE RECORD.
388
00:19:02,750 --> 00:19:04,230
WHAT?
389
00:19:04,230 --> 00:19:06,710
YEAH, I TOOK A MULLIGAN
ON 18.
390
00:19:06,710 --> 00:19:09,365
- THAT'’S NOT ALLOWED.
- I-I'’M WELL AWARE OF THAT.
391
00:19:09,365 --> 00:19:10,975
AND I'’M NOT PROUD OF IT,
392
00:19:10,975 --> 00:19:13,413
BUT THE COURSE RECORD
IS STILL YOURS.
393
00:19:13,413 --> 00:19:14,892
YES!
394
00:19:16,981 --> 00:19:19,027
GOTTA RESPECT AN HONEST GOLFER.
395
00:19:19,027 --> 00:19:21,290
SEE YA ON THE LINKS, HOBBS.
- OKAY, YOU GOT IT.
396
00:19:21,290 --> 00:19:24,772
AND--AND I'’LL SEE YOU
ON THE SET MONDAY, HMM?
397
00:19:24,772 --> 00:19:27,122
YOU WILL?
398
00:19:27,122 --> 00:19:28,428
YOU WILL!
399
00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:32,910
THANK YOU.
400
00:19:32,910 --> 00:19:34,999
FOR?
401
00:19:34,999 --> 00:19:37,437
YOU NEVER TOOK A MULLIGAN.
402
00:19:37,437 --> 00:19:39,047
HOW DID YOU KNOW?
403
00:19:39,047 --> 00:19:40,527
BECAUSE THE LAST TIME
404
00:19:40,527 --> 00:19:44,139
YOU WERE ACCUSED OF TAKING
A MULLIGAN BY MARCUS
405
00:19:44,139 --> 00:19:46,185
YOU CALLED HIM CARCASS
FOR A MONTH.
406
00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:47,403
HUH?
- THAT'’S '’CAUSE FOR THAT MONTH,
407
00:19:47,403 --> 00:19:50,319
HE WAS DEAD TO ME.
408
00:19:58,762 --> 00:20:01,809
YOU LOST THE CONTEST
ON PURPOSE, DIDN'’T YOU?
409
00:20:01,809 --> 00:20:04,681
YEAH. MOLLY NEEDED IT
MORE THAN I DID.
410
00:20:04,681 --> 00:20:06,727
THAT'’S REALLY NICE.
411
00:20:06,727 --> 00:20:09,469
THAT'’S WHAT MAKES SOMEONE PRETTY
ON THE INSIDE.
412
00:20:09,469 --> 00:20:10,948
YOU'’RE EXACTLY RIGHT, JANIE.
413
00:20:10,948 --> 00:20:13,777
I GET STUFF.
414
00:20:13,777 --> 00:20:15,649
- EMILY?
- YEAH?
415
00:20:15,649 --> 00:20:18,652
WHY DO YOU HATE PUPPIES?
416
00:20:27,008 --> 00:20:29,010
FEELING BETTER, KEVIN?
417
00:20:29,010 --> 00:20:30,664
ALMOST.
418
00:20:39,673 --> 00:20:41,675
NOW I FEEL BETTER.
31252
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