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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:54,810 --> 00:00:57,340 Falling in love is beautiful. 2 00:01:01,730 --> 00:01:06,380 We do it for one reason: nothing In the world makes us feel so good. 3 00:01:06,630 --> 00:01:08,420 - Don't! -"Don't!" 4 00:01:08,930 --> 00:01:12,280 - That hurts! - Poor Kate Let me make it better. 5 00:01:13,760 --> 00:01:16,230 You're ugly You're ugly! 6 00:01:27,290 --> 00:01:30,620 First love ls the most powerful because no one's been hurt yet. 7 00:01:30,810 --> 00:01:33,640 My first love was Bobby Norton. 8 00:01:33,850 --> 00:01:36,450 Everything he did had a sort of magic to it. 9 00:01:36,640 --> 00:01:38,660 The way he smiled, talked 10 00:01:38,850 --> 00:01:41,730 the way he walked like my favorite actor,Billy Jack 11 00:01:42,330 --> 00:01:44,320 Bobby was a movie star. 12 00:01:57,890 --> 00:01:59,720 You okay? 13 00:01:59,900 --> 00:02:03,100 Maybe you shouldn't shove so hard the next time. 14 00:02:07,460 --> 00:02:10,140 My heart just got bigger. 15 00:02:14,310 --> 00:02:17,820 When I do like this it looks like you only have one eye. 16 00:02:18,020 --> 00:02:19,930 Thank you. 17 00:02:31,620 --> 00:02:35,040 One of the differences between men and women when it comes to love 18 00:02:35,230 --> 00:02:38,590 ls the need to tell the world every little detail 19 00:02:38,780 --> 00:02:41,160 if you choose to spill your guts to someone 20 00:02:41,340 --> 00:02:43,330 just make sure it isn't Becky Sussman 21 00:02:52,260 --> 00:02:53,990 Bobby, are you okay? 22 00:02:54,170 --> 00:02:57,050 - How could you do it? - What did I do? 23 00:02:57,240 --> 00:03:00,070 You told everybody How could you do that? 24 00:03:00,250 --> 00:03:03,330 All my friends are making fun of me And now it's over. 25 00:03:03,510 --> 00:03:05,320 It's over! 26 00:03:06,240 --> 00:03:07,620 Bobby! 27 00:03:09,600 --> 00:03:12,580 I'll tell you friends I was lying! 28 00:03:14,430 --> 00:03:16,480 I'll let you hit me harder! Bobby! 29 00:03:19,740 --> 00:03:23,420 Love ls a minefield We take a step,get blown to pieces 30 00:03:23,620 --> 00:03:27,680 put yourself back together again and stupidly take another step 31 00:03:27,870 --> 00:03:29,670 I guess that's human nature. 32 00:03:29,850 --> 00:03:33,220 It hurts so much to be alone that we'd rather blow up than be single. 33 00:04:12,260 --> 00:04:14,300 Hey, Frank. 34 00:04:16,350 --> 00:04:20,040 That doesn't make the elevator go any faster, Kate 35 00:04:20,290 --> 00:04:23,680 I know, but it makes me feel more involved. 36 00:04:23,970 --> 00:04:26,310 - Are you angry? - No Why? 37 00:04:26,490 --> 00:04:28,870 I just heard single women 38 00:04:29,050 --> 00:04:31,550 tend to be 8 times angrier than married women. 39 00:04:31,750 --> 00:04:35,290 Maybe you should write an article about it, since you're not married. 40 00:04:35,900 --> 00:04:37,980 I would, but 41 00:04:38,170 --> 00:04:43,420 I'm writing about married bald guys who can't get hard without Viagra. 42 00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:15,620 - You're late. - I know. 43 00:05:15,840 --> 00:05:18,430 - Not a good day to be late. - Why not? 44 00:05:18,750 --> 00:05:20,760 Because the Anti-Christ is really pissed at you. 45 00:05:20,950 --> 00:05:23,550 She wants to see you in her office right now. 46 00:05:23,750 --> 00:05:27,100 - God Why? - I'm not supposed to say. 47 00:05:31,460 --> 00:05:33,880 - Do you have any stretch marks? - Not yet. 48 00:05:34,070 --> 00:05:36,960 Damn! I have a deadline on my Vitamin E piece. 49 00:05:37,150 --> 00:05:41,440 That bitch in accounting won't talk Anybody here have stretch marks? 50 00:05:44,120 --> 00:05:46,080 Sit down. 51 00:05:50,180 --> 00:05:51,940 God! 52 00:05:52,160 --> 00:05:56,680 Don't get old, Kate Old is ugly, ugly is death. 53 00:05:59,780 --> 00:06:01,090 - You're fired. - What? 54 00:06:01,280 --> 00:06:06,140 Get me Leo Was this a joke? Were you planning to turn in this thing? 55 00:06:06,340 --> 00:06:08,580 You said I should make the article my own, so I did 56 00:06:09,980 --> 00:06:12,990 Kate, this is a step-by-step description of sucking cock. 57 00:06:13,180 --> 00:06:16,220 - Yeah, I called it "Blow by Blow" - Very clever. 58 00:06:16,470 --> 00:06:20,390 "When life sucks, so should you Oral sex can cure depression." 59 00:06:20,580 --> 00:06:22,370 What the fuck were you thinking? 60 00:06:22,550 --> 00:06:26,340 Maybe the title is a little harsh But I found a great hook, no? 61 00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:31,040 I meant you should draw from your own experiences and relationships. 62 00:06:31,230 --> 00:06:32,610 That's what I did 63 00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:36,670 I know ten times more about blow jobs than I do about relationships 64 00:06:36,860 --> 00:06:39,260 I failed at every relationship I've ever been in 65 00:06:39,520 --> 00:06:42,150 I don't know about your personal life, and I don't give a shit. 66 00:06:42,340 --> 00:06:44,680 The point is, our readers still have hope. 67 00:06:44,860 --> 00:06:47,780 This is called Monique Magazine My name is at stake here. 68 00:06:47,970 --> 00:06:50,240 It is not called "Tired Old Jaded Dicksucker Review". 69 00:06:50,680 --> 00:06:54,310 What if Mary writes the piece on perfect relationships 70 00:06:54,490 --> 00:06:57,880 and I do the thing on stretch marks? I know tons of people with them 71 00:07:02,590 --> 00:07:05,410 I'm gonna be completely honest with you 72 00:07:05,600 --> 00:07:08,030 I can't cope with being fired. 73 00:07:08,220 --> 00:07:11,780 This is the only thing in my entire life I haven't failed at 74 00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:14,430 I can do the assignment, I know I can. 75 00:07:14,620 --> 00:07:17,410 Can you finish 2,5OO happy, perky words by deadline tonight? 76 00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:20,610 - Absolutely. - Then you are temporarily unfired. 77 00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:22,050 Now get the fuck out of here. 78 00:07:28,930 --> 00:07:30,830 Shit! Shit! 79 00:07:31,010 --> 00:07:33,120 So were you fired? 80 00:07:33,860 --> 00:07:35,800 Not yet. 81 00:07:36,090 --> 00:07:39,680 Somebody made a copy of your article and circulated it. 82 00:07:39,870 --> 00:07:41,640 Pretty good. 83 00:07:41,820 --> 00:07:44,220 So you use your hands? 84 00:07:57,590 --> 00:08:01,790 Happy, perky notes 85 00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:05,990 on how to find and keep that perfect man. 86 00:08:13,890 --> 00:08:16,100 We all want to be loved. 87 00:08:16,290 --> 00:08:20,260 It doesn't matter by whom,as long as they make us feel less alone. 88 00:08:21,630 --> 00:08:24,130 What makes a relationship last forever? 89 00:08:24,670 --> 00:08:28,640 If I knew the answer, I wouldn't be living alone with my four cats. 90 00:08:35,490 --> 00:08:38,430 They say you have to kiss a lot of frogs to get to the prince. 91 00:08:38,620 --> 00:08:42,140 Richard Miltnerwas the most boring frog I ever dated. 92 00:08:42,330 --> 00:08:44,730 But sometimes you just have to get out of the house. 93 00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:47,620 You know, masculine and feminine. 94 00:08:48,920 --> 00:08:51,270 We lucked out pretty good. 95 00:08:51,450 --> 00:08:54,150 My mother's corns aren't usually this bad. 96 00:08:54,330 --> 00:08:57,750 Lucky for us she wasn't able to walk well enough to come to the show. 97 00:08:57,950 --> 00:09:00,710 It's haunting, don't you think? 98 00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:03,160 What? 99 00:09:03,360 --> 00:09:05,380 The paintings They're pretty disturbing. 100 00:09:07,930 --> 00:09:10,840 - You think? - If I had a kid 101 00:09:11,040 --> 00:09:13,420 I definitely wouldn't put one of these up his bedroom. 102 00:09:14,820 --> 00:09:16,860 Unless I hated him. 103 00:09:17,340 --> 00:09:20,700 My father would've hung stuff like that from my ceilings. 104 00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:24,640 He hated me My mother hated me too. 105 00:09:25,660 --> 00:09:29,660 She used to tell me I was dying of cancer when I was four. 106 00:09:31,420 --> 00:09:34,360 It always sent me in depressions, which is exactly what she wanted 107 00:09:34,550 --> 00:09:36,740 because then I wouldn't ask her to make me lunch. 108 00:09:37,210 --> 00:09:39,780 She hated it when I bugged her for food or stuff. 109 00:09:43,450 --> 00:09:45,830 - Would you like a champagne? - What? 110 00:09:46,230 --> 00:09:48,190 A champagne, would you like one? 111 00:09:48,380 --> 00:09:50,760 Yeah, absolutely. 112 00:10:03,610 --> 00:10:05,860 Are you looking for me? 113 00:10:08,350 --> 00:10:11,070 I wasn't really looking for anyone. 114 00:10:11,710 --> 00:10:14,100 Do you mind if I talk to you for a minute? 115 00:10:14,560 --> 00:10:16,260 Sure. 116 00:10:16,830 --> 00:10:18,810 In the corner. 117 00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:21,380 - In the corner? - I don't like the middle of rooms. 118 00:10:21,570 --> 00:10:24,740 Just come with me to the corner No one's behind you in the corner. 119 00:10:35,620 --> 00:10:38,180 - Who's the guy you're with? - What guy? 120 00:10:38,370 --> 00:10:40,760 Richard? He's a stand-up comedian. 121 00:10:40,960 --> 00:10:43,240 He seems funny Is he your boyfriend? 122 00:10:43,420 --> 00:10:46,820 Richard? No He's 3O years old and lives with his mother. 123 00:10:47,680 --> 00:10:49,540 So what do you think of the paintings? 124 00:10:49,720 --> 00:10:51,970 I love the style, but I think they're a little immature 125 00:10:52,230 --> 00:10:54,950 Immature? What makes you say that? 126 00:10:55,130 --> 00:10:56,870 Look at that one over there. 127 00:10:58,750 --> 00:11:00,450 - What the hell does it mean? - That? 128 00:11:00,640 --> 00:11:04,740 That means there's a woman pulling a severed head out of her ass. 129 00:11:05,500 --> 00:11:08,030 What's the point? What do I learn from it? 130 00:11:08,540 --> 00:11:12,580 Maybe that's it There's no point You don't have to learn anything. 131 00:11:13,310 --> 00:11:15,330 I wonder what the artist looks like. 132 00:11:15,520 --> 00:11:17,890 He must be scary to make this shit. 133 00:11:18,080 --> 00:11:22,530 Maybe he has a highly developed dark side you don't understand. 134 00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:26,820 So how long did it take you to paint that one? 135 00:11:32,570 --> 00:11:35,680 Gosh, there you are I've been looking all over for you. 136 00:11:35,930 --> 00:11:39,050 You are a doll Look at this! Thank you 137 00:11:39,230 --> 00:11:41,380 Richard, Adam Levy. 138 00:11:43,970 --> 00:11:48,230 - You're the artist. - You're the lucky guy. 139 00:11:48,540 --> 00:11:51,850 We were just getting around to discussing our future children. 140 00:11:52,030 --> 00:11:54,180 Right, but I don't think you're gonna have a future together. 141 00:11:55,170 --> 00:11:59,260 - I'm sorry Excuse me? - You'd need to see the person again. 142 00:11:59,450 --> 00:12:01,560 You're not gonna be seeing her anymore 'cause she's my girlfriend. 143 00:12:01,760 --> 00:12:03,630 - What? - What? 144 00:12:03,810 --> 00:12:05,890 When we laid eyes on each other 145 00:12:06,080 --> 00:12:09,980 we had this spark Right? 146 00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:12,100 - Kate. - Isn't that right, Kate? 147 00:12:12,290 --> 00:12:13,640 No, actually. 148 00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:16,130 Is this some kind of joke? 149 00:12:16,350 --> 00:12:19,490 No, but this is: two guys walk into a bar. 150 00:12:19,810 --> 00:12:23,910 One guy is a 3O-year-old stand-up comedian who lives with his mother. 151 00:12:26,390 --> 00:12:29,470 Could we go now, please? 152 00:12:34,530 --> 00:12:38,110 You know, it is women like you who turn men into weirdos. 153 00:12:38,690 --> 00:12:41,760 Don't bother Once I've been hurt, there's no turning back. 154 00:12:45,250 --> 00:12:48,320 That wasn't cool I made it weird. 155 00:12:48,540 --> 00:12:50,970 - You shouldn't have done that. - I know. 156 00:12:53,510 --> 00:12:54,790 So where should we eat? 157 00:13:08,790 --> 00:13:11,650 You are without a doubt the tallest woman I've ever met in my life. 158 00:13:13,120 --> 00:13:14,950 Really? 159 00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:18,820 I've been noticing you have these 160 00:13:19,010 --> 00:13:21,320 long ET fingers. 161 00:13:22,460 --> 00:13:24,580 Like a tree frog. 162 00:13:27,010 --> 00:13:30,150 My God! How big? 163 00:13:30,590 --> 00:13:32,510 - Size 11 - Size 11? 164 00:13:32,700 --> 00:13:34,170 - Yeah, size 11 - Woman's size 11? 165 00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:36,410 Is this some kind of artist thing? Focusing on people's flaws? 166 00:13:37,080 --> 00:13:40,030 I don't see them as flaws, but as God's artistic choices 167 00:13:40,220 --> 00:13:43,550 I guess God decided to give you this abnormally large head. 168 00:13:45,250 --> 00:13:48,700 You know what's different? You're being shitty and mean. 169 00:13:48,890 --> 00:13:52,000 And I was celebrating your body, who you are. 170 00:13:52,190 --> 00:13:54,340 - You were celebrating my body? - I was. 171 00:13:55,010 --> 00:13:58,810 - I like this part normally. - What part is that? 172 00:13:59,010 --> 00:14:01,880 When it's new, you know You can ask all the fun questions. 173 00:14:02,240 --> 00:14:04,420 - Right. - Let me first. 174 00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:08,830 What's you relationship like with your dad? 175 00:14:09,210 --> 00:14:10,850 My dad's dead. 176 00:14:11,070 --> 00:14:13,950 He was hit by a car in front of me when I was six. 177 00:14:14,140 --> 00:14:16,420 God I'm so sorry. 178 00:14:16,610 --> 00:14:18,980 Just kidding We get along great. 179 00:14:20,030 --> 00:14:22,040 - Any brothers and sisters? - It's my turn 180 00:14:22,240 --> 00:14:24,410 I took your turn away Any brothers or sisters? 181 00:14:24,610 --> 00:14:27,480 Three older brothers How many women have you slept with? 182 00:14:28,440 --> 00:14:31,900 - Excuse me? - I know you've counted How many? 183 00:14:32,100 --> 00:14:36,000 - How many men have you slept with? - Not that many 13 184 00:14:36,640 --> 00:14:38,300 13? 185 00:14:39,140 --> 00:14:41,950 As like 13 different guys? 186 00:14:42,140 --> 00:14:45,350 Spread out over the years, that's not so many. 187 00:14:45,890 --> 00:14:48,610 Aren't you gonna answer the question? 188 00:14:50,370 --> 00:14:52,860 2 Okay? 189 00:14:54,170 --> 00:14:56,570 -2? That's it? - That's it. 190 00:14:56,760 --> 00:15:00,030 Some of us actually believe in having full relationships 191 00:15:00,220 --> 00:15:03,330 I believe in relationships Mine just happen to be short ones 192 00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:07,750 I'm sorry you're like a whore. 193 00:15:10,360 --> 00:15:13,160 - Excuse me? -13! Jesus Christ! 194 00:15:13,340 --> 00:15:15,170 Give me a break! 195 00:15:16,630 --> 00:15:19,520 - Were you popular in high school? - What do you think? 196 00:15:21,600 --> 00:15:24,090 - I guess that's a no. - I don't need this shit 197 00:15:24,290 --> 00:15:26,430 I was very popular in high school 198 00:15:26,620 --> 00:15:30,620 I was an artist, I used to draw all the pretty girls, made them better. 199 00:15:30,820 --> 00:15:32,480 They all loved me. 200 00:15:32,670 --> 00:15:35,300 They didn't sleep with me, but they loved me. 201 00:15:35,490 --> 00:15:37,830 How about you? 202 00:15:38,010 --> 00:15:40,260 You must 've been real popular with that attitude. 203 00:15:41,280 --> 00:15:44,070 No, I had huge buck teeth and bony knees. 204 00:15:44,250 --> 00:15:47,970 And I slouched to hide the fact I hadn't grown any boobs yet. 205 00:15:48,380 --> 00:15:50,910 And my hair was all stringy and everybody called me Horseface. 206 00:15:51,100 --> 00:15:53,180 Horseface? It suits you. 207 00:15:53,570 --> 00:15:55,170 - You think so? - I like it. 208 00:15:55,360 --> 00:15:57,760 - You like it? - What was your longest kiss? 209 00:15:58,980 --> 00:16:00,810 The longest kiss? 210 00:16:01,180 --> 00:16:03,490 Don't, it 'll just make me jealous. 211 00:16:03,670 --> 00:16:06,530 Just make sure this one's longer 212 00:16:12,890 --> 00:16:15,580 Adam was unlike any guy I'd ever know. 213 00:16:16,090 --> 00:16:17,990 We were instant best friends. 214 00:16:18,180 --> 00:16:21,380 Two people who understood each other without having to say a word. 215 00:16:22,170 --> 00:16:24,800 It wasn't like that at all In my first relationship. 216 00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:31,610 I was a bad idea to give up my virginity to my French teacher 217 00:16:37,020 --> 00:16:40,260 if two people want to be a couple of them 218 00:16:40,440 --> 00:16:44,730 it is good when they are making love with each other, they feel nice. 219 00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:47,300 - What? - Let's make love. 220 00:16:49,340 --> 00:16:52,700 We will, Mr Bossard I promise. 221 00:16:53,470 --> 00:16:57,600 I don't think I can tonight though I'm not really ready yet. 222 00:16:57,920 --> 00:17:02,400 Because you feel we don't have the quality of life together 223 00:17:02,590 --> 00:17:05,500 - I am sad for this. - What? 224 00:17:05,700 --> 00:17:09,120 Let's make love, Cheri, please I am waiting for so long. 225 00:17:09,980 --> 00:17:12,740 - Will it hurt? - Do not be scary 226 00:17:12,930 --> 00:17:16,610 - I am there for you needing me. - What? 227 00:17:26,550 --> 00:17:28,670 Mr Bossard 228 00:17:28,870 --> 00:17:31,390 are you doing it? 229 00:17:31,580 --> 00:17:35,170 I can't believe it It's supposed to hurt. 230 00:17:35,360 --> 00:17:37,990 Maybe it's because I've ridden horses all my life. 231 00:17:38,170 --> 00:17:40,700 Are you smaller than most guys? 232 00:17:43,160 --> 00:17:47,820 My older man daddy phase continued on right into college 233 00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:50,880 I was not a very evolved person by the time I ran into Eric. 234 00:17:58,050 --> 00:18:00,800 - Are you okay? - Are you blind? Out of your mind? 235 00:18:00,990 --> 00:18:03,870 What is wrong with you? This is a brand new car! 236 00:18:04,060 --> 00:18:06,620 You could've killed me! What are you doing? 237 00:18:07,750 --> 00:18:11,040 - I said I'm sorry, alright? - This is a US$ 5OO shirt! 238 00:18:11,230 --> 00:18:13,580 - I didn't see you. - You didn't see me? 239 00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:18,030 - Were you painting you toenails? - Listen, fuckface! I didn't see you! 240 00:18:18,330 --> 00:18:19,870 I didn't wake up this morning and go. 241 00:18:20,060 --> 00:18:23,960 "Today is the day I'm gonna crash into some fucking uptight yuppie!" 242 00:18:24,150 --> 00:18:26,230 You know what, lady? Fuck you! 243 00:18:26,430 --> 00:18:28,100 Fuck you! 244 00:18:29,300 --> 00:18:31,520 Shit! Fuck! 245 00:18:32,030 --> 00:18:35,040 - There! You see that? - How's that? 246 00:18:36,190 --> 00:18:38,530 - Take that! - Okay, break it up! 247 00:18:38,710 --> 00:18:40,760 - Officer, I. - Shut up! Hands behind your back! 248 00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:43,300 - Hit him with your big stick! - You! Get up there! 249 00:18:46,430 --> 00:18:49,540 - We got off on the wrong foot. - What? 250 00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:52,000 You just destroyed my car! 251 00:18:52,230 --> 00:18:55,970 I'm sorry about that Maybe we could start over again. 252 00:18:56,570 --> 00:19:00,100 You got any plans for dinner tonight after we make bail? 253 00:19:04,730 --> 00:19:07,290 So this is where writers hang out? 254 00:19:09,850 --> 00:19:10,880 What do you write about? 255 00:19:11,070 --> 00:19:13,930 I'm working on a novel between my journalism classes at UCLA. 256 00:19:15,190 --> 00:19:16,960 A novel? 257 00:19:17,150 --> 00:19:19,010 - What's it about? - Death. 258 00:19:21,340 --> 00:19:23,420 That sounds interesting. 259 00:19:24,790 --> 00:19:27,190 So what do you do? 260 00:19:27,450 --> 00:19:30,180 I work a lot with Big Red-Ass Monkeys. 261 00:19:31,420 --> 00:19:34,840 It's a band You know, the band? 262 00:19:35,100 --> 00:19:38,310 "Big Red-Ass Monkeys are here" I direct music videos 263 00:19:38,490 --> 00:19:41,380 isn't that the one where the naked girl swims with a chimp? 264 00:19:42,490 --> 00:19:44,100 Ape Great ape. 265 00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:47,840 Right I guess chimps don't have those big red asses. 266 00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:50,370 I don't know, I never checked. 267 00:19:59,520 --> 00:20:02,110 Do you think maybe I could kiss you? 268 00:20:03,420 --> 00:20:06,110 - Maybe later. - Maybe later when? 269 00:20:06,300 --> 00:20:09,240 Maybe later like 5 seconds 270 00:20:09,530 --> 00:20:13,570 5, 4, 3, 2 271 00:21:03,740 --> 00:21:06,240 I hate when that happens. 272 00:21:07,830 --> 00:21:10,690 A toast to our three-week anniversary. 273 00:21:16,060 --> 00:21:19,030 I think this is the longest relationship I've ever been in. 274 00:21:19,270 --> 00:21:23,360 Well, not counting Mr Bossard, which lasted one semester. 275 00:21:23,840 --> 00:21:26,700 - Did I ever tell you? - Don't mention your French teacher. 276 00:21:26,880 --> 00:21:29,080 It really disturbs me. 277 00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:33,770 - Good. - And your last relationship? 278 00:21:34,400 --> 00:21:37,950 - God What about it? - How long was it again? 279 00:21:38,430 --> 00:21:41,600 - Five miserable years. - What did you have in common? 280 00:21:43,620 --> 00:21:45,240 Nothing. 281 00:21:45,440 --> 00:21:47,590 What do we have in common? 282 00:21:47,770 --> 00:21:50,270 - We have a lot in common. - Like what? 283 00:21:53,750 --> 00:21:56,870 Like, how many people do you know 284 00:21:57,050 --> 00:21:59,840 who have sex in public places? 285 00:22:00,570 --> 00:22:03,400 Every guy I've ever met. 286 00:22:04,640 --> 00:22:07,770 Good morning You know what day today is, don't you? 287 00:22:07,970 --> 00:22:11,360 Sunday morning My turn. 288 00:22:12,350 --> 00:22:16,800 - I thought it was my turn. - Nope It's my turn. 289 00:22:20,350 --> 00:22:23,420 You know what? This game is idiotic. 290 00:22:23,620 --> 00:22:26,460 - It's not spontaneous. - That's not true. 291 00:22:26,660 --> 00:22:29,860 Scheduled spontaneity is the key to long-term love. 292 00:22:33,730 --> 00:22:35,740 Don't look so happy. 293 00:22:36,540 --> 00:22:38,880 I like Sundays. 294 00:22:41,560 --> 00:22:43,520 Careful, careful 295 00:22:49,380 --> 00:22:51,100 I'm not getting that. 296 00:22:51,300 --> 00:22:53,950 They can wait Come on. 297 00:22:54,910 --> 00:22:58,690 - Get it or you're not getting it. - I can't get it. 298 00:23:00,990 --> 00:23:02,430 Alright 299 00:23:03,990 --> 00:23:05,920 I'll be back. 300 00:23:09,980 --> 00:23:12,480 Don't lose your concentration, okay? 301 00:23:13,560 --> 00:23:15,640 Where you going? 302 00:23:15,840 --> 00:23:19,160 Now you want some, don't you? Hold that thought, okay? 303 00:23:19,740 --> 00:23:21,790 Daddy! 304 00:23:23,380 --> 00:23:26,940 - Guess what I did at Kiddieland? - We're gonna go Come with Mommy. 305 00:23:27,130 --> 00:23:31,070 It's not what it looks like, I'll explain Nell, wait! Nell! 306 00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:35,460 Kate, I can explain! 307 00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:37,470 Will you come back? 308 00:23:38,270 --> 00:23:39,690 Will you stop? Stop! 309 00:23:39,870 --> 00:23:43,430 - What are you? - I understand how you feel. 310 00:23:43,610 --> 00:23:46,720 You have no idea how anyone feels You're a social climber! 311 00:23:46,910 --> 00:23:50,430 - I'm planning on getting a divorce. - Don't ever touch me again! 312 00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:53,380 - Kate! - Daddy! 313 00:23:55,770 --> 00:23:57,640 Even when bad relationships end 314 00:23:57,820 --> 00:24:00,890 the pain can be severe enough to screw you up for years. 315 00:24:01,080 --> 00:24:03,680 We all pick up a little baggage after every breakup. 316 00:24:03,870 --> 00:24:06,370 The hope Is that when the bags start to accumulate 317 00:24:06,560 --> 00:24:09,310 we're still able to drag them into the next relationship. 318 00:24:09,560 --> 00:24:11,960 Fortunately when Adam and I moved In together 319 00:24:12,160 --> 00:24:14,110 my carry-on baggage was fairly light. 320 00:24:17,080 --> 00:24:20,730 - Let's put that one in the bedroom. - I was gonna put "Paul's Entrails". 321 00:24:20,930 --> 00:24:22,840 It's better for the bathroom 322 00:24:23,040 --> 00:24:25,250 if you want to be obvious. 323 00:24:25,430 --> 00:24:27,550 Okay, whatever you want. 324 00:24:31,360 --> 00:24:34,080 - I love you, Horseface. - I love you too 325 00:24:34,270 --> 00:24:37,760 I mean I love you more than I've ever loved anybody ever 326 00:24:38,780 --> 00:24:40,830 in my life. 327 00:24:42,520 --> 00:24:44,330 Where are you going? 328 00:24:48,860 --> 00:24:50,220 God. 329 00:24:50,400 --> 00:24:53,020 - Say it. - Why do you want me to say it again? 330 00:24:53,210 --> 00:24:55,490 Because it was cute And I want that cute moment saved forever. 331 00:24:55,810 --> 00:24:59,900 It's gonna sound forced And I'm irritated Could we just? 332 00:25:00,090 --> 00:25:02,560 - Just say it. - I love you. 333 00:25:03,830 --> 00:25:06,660 - Horseface! - I love you, Horseface 334 00:25:06,850 --> 00:25:08,610 I love you too Now strip. 335 00:25:08,790 --> 00:25:10,780 - Strip? - Strip. 336 00:25:10,970 --> 00:25:13,860 - Put the toy away and we'll. - Come on. 337 00:25:14,300 --> 00:25:16,350 - Don't poke the bear in the zoo. - Come on. 338 00:25:16,540 --> 00:25:18,620 - Don't poke the bear in the zoo. - Take it off Come on. 339 00:25:18,810 --> 00:25:20,580 - Don't poke the bear in the zoo. - Whip it out. 340 00:26:10,270 --> 00:26:13,730 When you finally share your lonely bed with the one you love 341 00:26:13,920 --> 00:26:16,550 life just doesn't get any better. 342 00:26:19,480 --> 00:26:23,490 - That was not me. - Stop Stop it. 343 00:26:24,990 --> 00:26:28,300 That was the first time you That was your first fart. 344 00:26:28,480 --> 00:26:31,360 That was your first fart You do love me. 345 00:26:31,550 --> 00:26:33,190 Don't blame it on me. 346 00:26:33,370 --> 00:26:36,060 That was so cute You're embarrassed. 347 00:26:36,260 --> 00:26:38,650 Come here No woman has ever farted in front of me before. 348 00:27:28,830 --> 00:27:30,980 Hi. 349 00:27:36,960 --> 00:27:39,170 - Hi. - What? 350 00:27:39,680 --> 00:27:41,990 - What? - Why are you smiling like that? 351 00:27:42,340 --> 00:27:44,870 It's our one-year anniversary You should be smiling too. 352 00:27:47,230 --> 00:27:48,930 I guess so. 353 00:27:49,400 --> 00:27:52,710 Come here Come on. 354 00:27:52,890 --> 00:27:56,250 No, come here Are you a grouchy little bunny? 355 00:27:59,260 --> 00:28:02,080 I'm taking you to some place very special today. 356 00:28:02,270 --> 00:28:04,610 - Where? - It's a surprise. 357 00:28:04,960 --> 00:28:07,200 Go fill me the tub and I'll take you. 358 00:28:07,380 --> 00:28:11,490 - Now, in the middle of the day? - I feel very dirty I need a tub. 359 00:28:11,740 --> 00:28:13,220 Forget it. 360 00:28:13,410 --> 00:28:17,720 Can you just fill me a tub? Come on, you big grouch, just go. 361 00:28:18,340 --> 00:28:22,050 My God, it's like pulling teeth with you to get anything. 362 00:28:25,150 --> 00:28:26,720 My God! 363 00:28:29,880 --> 00:28:32,650 Are you insane? What are we gonna do with all these kittens? 364 00:28:32,830 --> 00:28:34,980 I don't know Make stew, I figured. 365 00:28:35,740 --> 00:28:39,450 What are they doing in there? They like you, obviously. 366 00:28:39,650 --> 00:28:41,320 This one's Louie, this one's Murray. 367 00:28:41,570 --> 00:28:44,580 This is Steve and this is Mordecai. 368 00:28:45,920 --> 00:28:48,300 I got them from the Chinese restaurant. 369 00:28:49,150 --> 00:28:50,750 Hi, Mommy. 370 00:28:50,940 --> 00:28:53,370 Hello Aren't I cute? 371 00:28:53,560 --> 00:28:56,190 Hi You are my new Mommy now. 372 00:28:58,230 --> 00:29:02,020 Bet the other 13 guys you slept with didn't get you a litter of kitties 373 00:29:02,460 --> 00:29:05,090 I'm pregnant. 374 00:29:05,920 --> 00:29:10,820 - You're really? - I took a test and it turned pink. 375 00:29:11,800 --> 00:29:14,430 Pink? isn't it supposed to be like a plus sign? 376 00:29:15,290 --> 00:29:18,840 Believe me, I know how to pee on a stick and read directions. 377 00:29:22,100 --> 00:29:25,910 - I thought we were being safe. - Yeah, not safe enough. 378 00:29:27,870 --> 00:29:31,840 - God, we hardly know each other. - We know each other 379 00:29:32,030 --> 00:29:34,110 I just don't know if I'm ready to be a mother, Adam 380 00:29:34,300 --> 00:29:38,440 I'm too confused, too immature, too messy. 381 00:29:38,910 --> 00:29:43,080 What about abortion? Did you ever think about that 382 00:29:43,260 --> 00:29:44,610 possibility? 383 00:29:48,960 --> 00:29:51,810 I just never thought this would happen to me 384 00:29:52,030 --> 00:29:55,040 - I don't know what to do. - Here, come here. 385 00:29:55,780 --> 00:30:00,510 Don't worry A lot of people think it's the world's greatest present. 386 00:30:01,280 --> 00:30:04,670 - What do you think? - I'll tell you what I think: 387 00:30:04,860 --> 00:30:09,470 that our baby would be the cutest thing walking in poo-poo pants. 388 00:30:11,260 --> 00:30:12,890 Are you scared? 389 00:30:13,090 --> 00:30:16,770 Of what? Of doing the most natural thing in the world? 390 00:30:17,280 --> 00:30:21,560 Of bringing a gorgeous little brilliant genius into the world? 391 00:30:21,760 --> 00:30:23,560 No I wouldn't be scared. 392 00:30:23,740 --> 00:30:26,980 What if it wasn't a gorgeous genius? What if it was an ugly little troll? 393 00:30:27,640 --> 00:30:29,860 I guess we just have to pray to God 394 00:30:30,040 --> 00:30:33,440 that the baby takes after me. 395 00:30:34,880 --> 00:30:37,750 We could name it Ned, after my grandfather. 396 00:30:37,940 --> 00:30:40,860 - What if it's a little girl? - Nedina, we'll call it. 397 00:30:41,180 --> 00:30:45,350 This one needs to be changed I want you to practice to be a good Mommy. 398 00:30:46,490 --> 00:30:49,570 God, my stomach is huge! 399 00:30:50,460 --> 00:30:52,420 I look like Buddha. 400 00:30:52,610 --> 00:30:55,240 You're the same as always. 401 00:30:55,460 --> 00:30:57,770 So I've always had a Buddha gut? 402 00:30:57,950 --> 00:31:01,730 Calm down You've been pregnant a month The baby's too small. 403 00:31:01,920 --> 00:31:05,920 - Soon you'll look like a Volkswagen. - You have an abnormally large head. 404 00:31:06,840 --> 00:31:08,670 Come on, Horseface, get over here. 405 00:31:09,110 --> 00:31:10,590 Come on. 406 00:31:13,280 --> 00:31:15,450 Let's see what we got here. 407 00:31:18,430 --> 00:31:20,800 Ned wants a womb with a view. 408 00:31:20,990 --> 00:31:22,240 Ned's not very funny. 409 00:31:22,420 --> 00:31:26,180 Well, Ned's just a fetus We should cut Ned a little slack. 410 00:31:28,410 --> 00:31:31,490 And I think you're more beautiful than ever. 411 00:32:08,830 --> 00:32:11,390 Are you okay, baby? 412 00:32:14,300 --> 00:32:18,980 Are you okay? What's wrong? 413 00:32:22,200 --> 00:32:24,800 I'm bleeding. 414 00:32:25,050 --> 00:32:27,610 Something's wrong. 415 00:32:28,320 --> 00:32:30,500 Something is going wrong. 416 00:32:30,680 --> 00:32:32,580 Get up Get up. 417 00:32:33,180 --> 00:32:35,100 Where's your robe, baby? 418 00:32:35,290 --> 00:32:37,240 - Where's your robe? - I don't know. 419 00:33:10,460 --> 00:33:13,120 Do you think it's possible to love the same person forever? 420 00:33:13,310 --> 00:33:16,170 - Sure Don't you? - I don't know 421 00:33:16,350 --> 00:33:19,430 I haven't seen a relationship that didn't end one way or another. 422 00:33:19,610 --> 00:33:22,240 What about your parents? They've been together for 35 years. 423 00:33:22,430 --> 00:33:27,070 They live together, but they haven't said "I love you" for 2O years. 424 00:33:27,260 --> 00:33:30,720 Maybe that's human nature You spend that much time around a person 425 00:33:30,910 --> 00:33:35,260 saying "I love you" is probably like saying "cheese sandwich". 426 00:33:35,650 --> 00:33:38,040 God, I hope not 427 00:33:39,290 --> 00:33:41,370 Katie. 428 00:33:42,180 --> 00:33:48,030 - I cheese sandwich you. - I cheese sandwich you too. 429 00:34:00,090 --> 00:34:03,330 The longer you're with someone, the more annoying they'll become. 430 00:34:03,520 --> 00:34:07,620 You'll become annoying too So if you want perfection all the time 431 00:34:07,800 --> 00:34:10,080 don't bother having a relationship. 432 00:34:10,270 --> 00:34:12,070 Did you see that little old lady? 433 00:34:13,310 --> 00:34:18,270 - Didn't she look sad and lonely? - I didn't look I need some shoes. 434 00:34:18,500 --> 00:34:20,580 Her eyes were so hollow. 435 00:34:20,770 --> 00:34:23,520 Old people have hollow eyes Especially old women. 436 00:34:23,710 --> 00:34:25,410 - What? - Can we go in here? 437 00:34:25,590 --> 00:34:28,060 What do you mean, especially old women? 438 00:34:28,990 --> 00:34:32,160 - Women don't age as well as men. - How could you say that? 439 00:34:32,380 --> 00:34:34,650 How many 5O-year-old women do you see with 2O-year-old guys? 440 00:34:34,880 --> 00:34:37,920 That's a societal double standard It's got nothing to do with facts. 441 00:34:38,590 --> 00:34:41,250 Who looks better, Sean Connery or Shelley Winters? 442 00:34:42,820 --> 00:34:45,540 It's nature Men have thicker skin That's why women wrinkle more. 443 00:34:45,720 --> 00:34:49,250 - Shut up. - You're afraid to become obsolete. 444 00:34:49,430 --> 00:34:52,790 At a certain age men start to notice younger girls It freaks you out. 445 00:34:54,050 --> 00:34:56,740 Well, you're going bald! 446 00:34:58,430 --> 00:35:02,020 I have the keys! Where are you going? 447 00:35:11,520 --> 00:35:13,700 I've got one What do you have? 448 00:35:13,880 --> 00:35:16,540 This with topless female ninjas. 449 00:35:17,530 --> 00:35:19,810 Let's just get one 'Cause we'll forget to return them 450 00:35:20,000 --> 00:35:22,490 and it will be 8OO dollars for two movies. 451 00:35:22,680 --> 00:35:25,280 - And which one do you want? -"Nosferatu". 452 00:35:25,560 --> 00:35:28,160 You've seen it 5O times, and every time you get depressed 453 00:35:28,380 --> 00:35:31,490 I like being depressed It makes me feel deep and introspective. 454 00:35:31,680 --> 00:35:34,750 Wanna see what this is about? Maybe you might like it. 455 00:35:35,010 --> 00:35:38,010 "Nasty naked ninjettes infiltrates the mob and take over little Italy 456 00:35:38,200 --> 00:35:41,310 nunchacking their way to Mafia Don Guido Mantucci". 457 00:35:41,720 --> 00:35:43,940 That sounds incredible. 458 00:35:44,130 --> 00:35:45,850 Why do you have to do it? 459 00:35:46,050 --> 00:35:48,540 You think I wanna go home and snuggle 460 00:35:48,730 --> 00:35:51,170 and read subtitles and watch in black and white? 461 00:35:51,360 --> 00:35:54,590 Can't we ever go to a goddamn video store and not argue? 462 00:35:54,780 --> 00:35:56,580 Not as long as you have such shitty taste in movies. 463 00:35:56,770 --> 00:36:00,120 It's not true! How can you not appreciate German Expressionism? 464 00:36:00,320 --> 00:36:01,750 - I love German Expressionism. - Right. 465 00:36:01,950 --> 00:36:04,540 What I don't like is what you turn into when you watch that movie. 466 00:36:04,730 --> 00:36:08,090 You get all fixated on death "I'm gonna die, you're gonna die". 467 00:36:08,290 --> 00:36:11,460 Fine You watch your stupid titty movie, I'll watch my death movie. 468 00:36:11,640 --> 00:36:14,110 - You return yours, I'll return mine. - Fine. 469 00:36:17,600 --> 00:36:20,980 It's her birthday One of these should be free. 470 00:36:22,750 --> 00:36:24,030 Romance. 471 00:36:24,220 --> 00:36:27,260 The most important part of keeping a good relationship going. 472 00:36:27,450 --> 00:36:31,650 Be sure to treasure each one of those moments together In bed. 473 00:36:31,960 --> 00:36:34,500 We haven't had sex in a while. 474 00:36:35,290 --> 00:36:37,720 We haven't had sex in like three weeks. 475 00:36:38,880 --> 00:36:41,030 You're not even listening to me. 476 00:36:41,210 --> 00:36:42,710 No, I wasn't 477 00:36:42,910 --> 00:36:45,560 I said we haven't had sex in like three weeks. 478 00:36:45,950 --> 00:36:49,190 Maybe it's because you clip your toenails in our bed. 479 00:36:50,880 --> 00:36:53,480 What's the real reason? 480 00:36:53,730 --> 00:36:56,000 I don't know. 481 00:36:56,510 --> 00:36:59,230 Do you want to have sex right now? 482 00:36:59,420 --> 00:37:01,530 No Do you? 483 00:37:01,720 --> 00:37:03,550 No 484 00:37:04,980 --> 00:37:08,540 -ls there something wrong with us? - I don't know. 485 00:37:09,210 --> 00:37:11,360 Maybe we should force ourselves. 486 00:37:11,540 --> 00:37:15,870 - What? Like mutual rape? - It might turn us on. 487 00:37:27,220 --> 00:37:29,440 - I'm tired. - Me too. 488 00:37:36,800 --> 00:37:40,070 - Love you. - Love you too. 489 00:37:43,960 --> 00:37:46,940 Don't do that You don't know how much that bugs me. 490 00:37:51,780 --> 00:37:54,240 I said don't! 491 00:37:59,200 --> 00:38:02,330 If you do that one more time, I'm gonna scream. 492 00:38:14,330 --> 00:38:16,800 I think it's over. 493 00:38:16,990 --> 00:38:18,750 What's over? 494 00:38:18,940 --> 00:38:21,790 Us I think we're done. 495 00:38:21,980 --> 00:38:23,640 What are you saying? 496 00:38:23,840 --> 00:38:26,370 I think I need to break up. 497 00:38:28,820 --> 00:38:30,400 What did you just say? 498 00:38:30,590 --> 00:38:32,280 I said I think we should break up. 499 00:38:32,480 --> 00:38:35,580 No You said you need to break up. 500 00:38:35,770 --> 00:38:37,440 - What's the difference? - There's a huge difference. 501 00:38:37,750 --> 00:38:43,000 Saying "we" implies it is mutual Otherwise it means you're ending it. 502 00:38:43,200 --> 00:38:48,020 - Are you ending it? - I don't know I guess so. 503 00:38:49,090 --> 00:38:51,680 Have you met someone else? 504 00:38:53,760 --> 00:38:57,480 Nothing like that It's just we're becoming this old married couple. 505 00:38:57,820 --> 00:39:01,030 God It's the 13 guys thing, isn't it? 506 00:39:01,570 --> 00:39:03,880 That's what it is. 507 00:39:04,060 --> 00:39:07,330 You've been obsessed with my past, now you want to make it even. 508 00:39:07,510 --> 00:39:10,180 Shut up about that It's not the 13 guys 509 00:39:10,360 --> 00:39:13,340 I'm over that, I've dealt with that It's a non-issue, I promise you. 510 00:39:14,560 --> 00:39:16,670 Then why now? 511 00:39:16,860 --> 00:39:20,040 It's that I've never been single 512 00:39:20,150 --> 00:39:23,840 I've spent my whole life going from one relationship to another. 513 00:39:24,030 --> 00:39:25,720 And I've never been alone. 514 00:39:25,920 --> 00:39:29,240 Do you realize what you're saying? Do you realize what this means? 515 00:39:29,440 --> 00:39:31,750 What does this mean? 516 00:39:31,930 --> 00:39:33,950 It means this is it, the end. 517 00:39:34,140 --> 00:39:36,670 And once it's over, it's over. 518 00:39:36,860 --> 00:39:38,840 Yeah, I guess so. 519 00:39:39,040 --> 00:39:42,500 But it's not like we won't still be friends. 520 00:39:42,680 --> 00:39:44,450 Who said anything about being friends? 521 00:39:44,640 --> 00:39:47,010 We love each other I don't wanna lose you from my life. 522 00:39:47,200 --> 00:39:51,000 Know that when you get to number 13 I won't be here waiting for you. 523 00:39:51,200 --> 00:39:54,550 Give that up, it's not about that It isn't working for either of us. 524 00:39:54,740 --> 00:39:57,210 - You're not happy, are you? - No, I'm not happy. 525 00:39:57,400 --> 00:40:01,410 - So neither of us are happy. - You're right I'm miserable. 526 00:40:01,590 --> 00:40:04,570 Could you stop? You're packing my laundry now. 527 00:40:04,770 --> 00:40:07,190 Breaking up would be the best thing for me! 528 00:40:07,770 --> 00:40:10,150 You know what? 529 00:40:11,000 --> 00:40:14,760 - I feel good No, I feel great. - Come back to bed. 530 00:40:14,940 --> 00:40:18,180 Already it's like a weight has been lifted off my head. 531 00:40:19,010 --> 00:40:21,880 - Can't this wait? - I can breathe, I can think. 532 00:40:22,080 --> 00:40:24,840 All of a sudden life is clear It's amazing! 533 00:40:25,020 --> 00:40:26,330 I am so happy! 534 00:40:27,320 --> 00:40:29,370 When I look back at the love I had with Adam 535 00:40:29,570 --> 00:40:33,250 I see a pathetic potted plant nobody bothered to water. 536 00:40:33,720 --> 00:40:38,690 It started out green and lush, then eventually became a dried up stick. 537 00:40:46,430 --> 00:40:49,020 Breaking up ls like dying,slowly 538 00:40:49,210 --> 00:40:51,360 with nobody around. 539 00:40:51,550 --> 00:40:53,860 That's why ls so important during that dark period 540 00:40:54,040 --> 00:40:57,150 to keep yourself busy doing the things that don't depress you. 541 00:41:19,510 --> 00:41:21,980 Fuck me! Jesus! Kate! 542 00:41:22,170 --> 00:41:23,700 I can't believe it. 543 00:41:23,900 --> 00:41:26,210 Our relationship hasn't even started decomposing yet. 544 00:41:26,400 --> 00:41:29,220 - Who's this? - My friend Kate 545 00:41:29,660 --> 00:41:32,700 Kate, this is my friend Peaches. 546 00:41:33,250 --> 00:41:36,220 This must be the friend you just broke up with. 547 00:41:36,410 --> 00:41:38,970 And this must be the friend you just started fucking! 548 00:41:48,740 --> 00:41:50,080 Wait, wait. 549 00:41:50,270 --> 00:41:52,510 Peaches? My God! 550 00:41:52,700 --> 00:41:55,390 What the fuck is that thing on your face? 551 00:41:55,580 --> 00:41:57,570 - Keep your voice down. - What are you doing here? 552 00:41:57,760 --> 00:42:01,510 This is my movie! You came to make out with someone called Peaches? 553 00:42:01,690 --> 00:42:04,120 - How dare you? - I wanna call you Can I call you? 554 00:42:06,080 --> 00:42:09,320 No I'm gonna get over you And when I do, I'll call you. 555 00:42:09,500 --> 00:42:11,100 That could take days. 556 00:42:12,090 --> 00:42:15,100 Okay, let's see here. 557 00:42:16,220 --> 00:42:18,300 That's hideous. 558 00:42:18,520 --> 00:42:21,350 Here you go Kate, how about this? 559 00:42:21,540 --> 00:42:24,090 No That makes me look like a drug addicted hooker 560 00:42:24,290 --> 00:42:27,640 I wanna look great Like a drug addicted model 561 00:42:27,840 --> 00:42:30,400 I don't see what the big deal is It's just a birthday party. 562 00:42:30,590 --> 00:42:32,220 Adam's gonna be there. 563 00:42:32,410 --> 00:42:34,910 - Aren't you over him yet? - Of course I am 564 00:42:35,100 --> 00:42:38,750 I just want him to feel jealous when he sees me with Jerome Davis 565 00:42:39,640 --> 00:42:41,720 Jerome Davis? Wait a minute. 566 00:42:41,910 --> 00:42:45,020 The perverted basketball player who was obsessed with your ass? 567 00:42:46,530 --> 00:42:47,490 He was? 568 00:42:47,710 --> 00:42:50,620 You got a great ass You're a big woman 569 00:42:50,810 --> 00:42:53,990 but your ass is small and compact to fit your size. 570 00:42:54,360 --> 00:42:58,630 And yet if you take that ass and put it on your little friend here 571 00:42:58,810 --> 00:43:01,030 it would be fucking huge. 572 00:43:01,980 --> 00:43:04,100 That's it, I'm gone. 573 00:43:10,590 --> 00:43:12,740 God! 574 00:44:17,270 --> 00:44:18,910 Thought it was you. 575 00:44:21,760 --> 00:44:25,510 I didn't expect to see you here I didn't know Sam invited you. 576 00:44:26,100 --> 00:44:30,140 - No Mary invited me. - Mary? Of course. 577 00:44:30,330 --> 00:44:31,770 That's great. 578 00:44:31,960 --> 00:44:33,950 It's nice to see you. 579 00:44:35,510 --> 00:44:38,400 I haven't seen you in a while I've missed you. 580 00:44:38,590 --> 00:44:41,380 It's been a long time. 581 00:44:43,930 --> 00:44:48,160 - I'm sorry Hi, I'm Adam. - What's up, Ad? Jerome. 582 00:44:48,340 --> 00:44:51,900 It's not Ad, it's Adam What's up, Jer? 583 00:44:52,320 --> 00:44:55,970 - Why don't I call you tomorrow? - Don't make this a weird thing 584 00:44:56,220 --> 00:44:58,230 - I'll give you a call tomorrow. - Give me a call. 585 00:44:58,420 --> 00:45:01,750 Give me a call or page me, 'cause my shit's blowing up now. 586 00:45:02,200 --> 00:45:05,030 - Why don't you call me? - I will 587 00:45:05,210 --> 00:45:09,890 I'm running around a lot Star 82 so I now it's you, I'm screening. 588 00:45:23,840 --> 00:45:26,660 - That was really weird last night. - I know, that was really weird. 589 00:45:29,250 --> 00:45:31,290 - So you're in love? - I should be asking you that. 590 00:45:31,480 --> 00:45:34,880 - Why should you ask me that? - You kept kissing that Lolita! 591 00:45:35,070 --> 00:45:38,880 Come on, Michael Jordan was sucking your tonsils out. 592 00:45:39,070 --> 00:45:40,900 Where did you find that guy anyway? 593 00:45:41,080 --> 00:45:44,510 - Let's not get into that. - You're bringing it up 594 00:45:44,700 --> 00:45:47,710 - I'm ready to be mature. - Me too Absolutely. 595 00:45:48,930 --> 00:45:51,680 - How could you go with that freak? - How could you go with that bimbo? 596 00:45:51,870 --> 00:45:54,140 Savannah is not a bimbo She happens to play the harp. 597 00:45:54,340 --> 00:45:56,610 Excuse me A bimbo savant. 598 00:45:56,790 --> 00:45:59,550 At least I'm not having a fucking hot tub party with Dennis Rodman. 599 00:46:00,380 --> 00:46:03,940 - I can't believe you're jealous. - I'm not jealous Stop 600 00:46:04,130 --> 00:46:07,740 I don't like her, I don't love her I'll probably never see her again. 601 00:46:11,650 --> 00:46:15,640 - I was waiting for you. - Noon It was supposed to be. 602 00:46:15,840 --> 00:46:19,670 My harp lesson ended a little early I bought myself some new underwear. 603 00:46:21,280 --> 00:46:23,290 - I'm Savannah. - Kate. 604 00:46:23,480 --> 00:46:26,400 - Adam told me all about you. - Really? 605 00:46:26,620 --> 00:46:31,840 Go back to the coffee shop and wait for me I'll be there at noon. 606 00:46:32,030 --> 00:46:36,640 - And get me a mochaccino. - Okay Nice meeting you, Cynthia. 607 00:46:37,410 --> 00:46:39,300 It's Kate 608 00:46:39,490 --> 00:46:41,460 I meant Kate. 609 00:46:53,240 --> 00:46:55,160 Noon. 610 00:46:56,570 --> 00:47:00,150 - That felt really bad. - I know, I'm sorry. 611 00:47:00,410 --> 00:47:04,320 Don't be, we have to get used to it 612 00:47:04,470 --> 00:47:07,070 I have to go and throw up now 613 00:47:07,700 --> 00:47:10,270 Kate, I miss you so much You're my best friend. 614 00:47:11,360 --> 00:47:14,400 - I only feel normal around you. - I know. 615 00:47:15,000 --> 00:47:18,790 Hopefully over time this is all gonna work out. 616 00:47:19,900 --> 00:47:24,540 It will We just have to let go of those old feelings we had. 617 00:47:25,020 --> 00:47:26,850 Fine. 618 00:47:33,050 --> 00:47:36,890 So this Jerome guy, was he just like huge? 619 00:47:38,390 --> 00:47:41,790 I just wanna know as a friend Is that bad for a friend? 620 00:47:41,980 --> 00:47:46,720 Was it like, nice surprise big or you better take me home now big? 621 00:47:48,610 --> 00:47:51,880 Was it like I'm in over my head? Was it I'm in over my head big? 622 00:48:01,880 --> 00:48:03,930 As you move on In your search for love 623 00:48:04,120 --> 00:48:07,100 sex ls the fastest way to erase the past. 624 00:48:29,240 --> 00:48:31,810 Promise you'll never leave me 625 00:48:31,990 --> 00:48:34,020 I promise. 626 00:48:46,710 --> 00:48:48,930 What are you doing? 627 00:48:50,200 --> 00:48:51,620 What are you doing? 628 00:48:58,270 --> 00:48:59,390 Great. 629 00:48:59,580 --> 00:49:02,490 The only sex I've had in months and it's with you. 630 00:49:15,130 --> 00:49:19,070 Being single again can be difficult, but it can also be empowering. 631 00:49:19,260 --> 00:49:22,050 After my breakup I got out of the house as often as I could 632 00:49:22,240 --> 00:49:25,440 going to places that took my mind off my loneliness. 633 00:49:25,630 --> 00:49:31,230 Excuse me I'm looking for a joke gift for a friend's birthday. 634 00:49:31,420 --> 00:49:34,430 - What's the kinkiest stuff you have? - Depends. 635 00:49:34,620 --> 00:49:38,010 Do you mean kinky up the butt or just white bread kinky? 636 00:49:38,200 --> 00:49:40,900 Just white bread kinky, please. 637 00:49:41,080 --> 00:49:44,320 - Third aisle. - Thank you. 638 00:50:00,220 --> 00:50:03,100 It's a butt plug. 639 00:50:03,420 --> 00:50:06,180 Some guys like to put it up their butts. 640 00:50:07,680 --> 00:50:09,250 Great Thanks. 641 00:50:16,540 --> 00:50:21,080 So what's a nice girl like you doing at Earl's Pornorama? 642 00:50:21,300 --> 00:50:23,840 I'm here to buy a joke gift for a friend of mine 643 00:50:24,030 --> 00:50:28,740 - I'm not here to talk to strangers. - Why are you so nervous? 644 00:50:29,890 --> 00:50:31,900 Are you attracted to me? 645 00:50:32,090 --> 00:50:34,620 God, that is so arrogant! 646 00:50:35,070 --> 00:50:38,650 I feel uncomfortable picking up plastic dicks 647 00:50:38,840 --> 00:50:40,900 with some guy. 648 00:50:42,530 --> 00:50:44,360 Wait a minute. 649 00:50:44,540 --> 00:50:46,530 Don't I know you? 650 00:50:47,040 --> 00:50:49,760 - Could be. - God. 651 00:50:51,480 --> 00:50:55,550 Aren't you that guy in movies with the topless ninja girls? 652 00:50:56,280 --> 00:50:59,550 Yeah I've done a lot since then That was some earlier stuff 653 00:51:00,060 --> 00:51:02,010 I'm. 654 00:51:03,450 --> 00:51:05,920 - I'm Joey Santino. - I know. 655 00:51:06,110 --> 00:51:09,380 My ex-boyfriend forced me to watch all your movies. 656 00:51:09,780 --> 00:51:11,700 Forced you to? 657 00:51:11,900 --> 00:51:14,560 Well he loves you. 658 00:51:15,450 --> 00:51:18,720 Well, not after we fall in love, he won't 659 00:51:19,040 --> 00:51:20,800 I don't date actors 660 00:51:56,150 --> 00:51:59,580 Joey wasn't very bright But I loved his innocence 661 00:51:59,860 --> 00:52:01,470 I was going through my non-judgmental phase 662 00:52:01,660 --> 00:52:04,930 and didn't want to push people away just for saying stupid things 663 00:52:05,110 --> 00:52:07,160 I love you. 664 00:52:07,360 --> 00:52:10,210 - You've only known me for 14 hours! - I know 665 00:52:10,400 --> 00:52:13,790 I loved you in the first hour, but I waited 13 more to tell you. 666 00:52:13,980 --> 00:52:18,140 You just think you're in love 'cause we've been having sex non-stop. 667 00:52:20,060 --> 00:52:22,270 How can you be so cynical? 668 00:52:22,460 --> 00:52:25,120 I've never felt this way in my entire life. 669 00:52:25,310 --> 00:52:28,030 You're the most wonderful thing that's ever happened to me. 670 00:52:28,280 --> 00:52:30,660 You see? That's why I don't date actors. 671 00:52:30,840 --> 00:52:33,060 And you don't have to say you love me back Because 672 00:52:33,240 --> 00:52:36,960 I just want you to know how I feel 673 00:52:37,140 --> 00:52:39,450 that's all. 674 00:52:40,150 --> 00:52:43,620 Unless you want to I won't stop you from saying 675 00:52:43,810 --> 00:52:47,010 that you love me, if you want to. 676 00:52:59,710 --> 00:53:02,270 I like you a lot though. 677 00:53:14,530 --> 00:53:16,220 - Hello. - It's me. 678 00:53:16,420 --> 00:53:18,430 Hey,Adam What's up? 679 00:53:18,620 --> 00:53:21,790 Nothing much I haven't seen you for weeks Wanna grab dinner tomorrow? 680 00:53:22,210 --> 00:53:24,630 That's so sweet, but I can't I'm going out. 681 00:53:24,830 --> 00:53:27,590 What about Friday? Wanna see a movie on Friday? 682 00:53:27,770 --> 00:53:29,730 No, I can't I'm going to Malibu for the weekend 683 00:53:29,920 --> 00:53:31,710 Malibu? What's in Malibu? 684 00:53:32,120 --> 00:53:33,920 A big beach 685 00:53:34,110 --> 00:53:37,470 I saw that In a Thomas Guide once Who are you going with? 686 00:53:37,720 --> 00:53:41,080 Some guy, you don't know him He's got a house over there. 687 00:53:41,270 --> 00:53:44,760 - You like him? - What's with all the questions? 688 00:53:44,960 --> 00:53:47,200 No reason I just want to know if you like this rich Malibu guy. 689 00:53:48,030 --> 00:53:50,620 Yeah, I like him. 690 00:53:51,350 --> 00:53:54,780 - Do you like him a lot? - Yeah,he's nice. 691 00:53:57,240 --> 00:53:59,550 - Hello? - Do you love him? 692 00:54:00,540 --> 00:54:02,440 I think so, yeah. 693 00:54:02,620 --> 00:54:05,500 We've been together every day for the last couple of weeks. 694 00:54:05,690 --> 00:54:09,000 That's great for you You know what? I gotta run. 695 00:54:09,180 --> 00:54:12,120 'Cause I got a date with an actress You know. 696 00:54:13,050 --> 00:54:16,480 - I'll call you when I get back. - Sure, great. 697 00:54:37,370 --> 00:54:38,970 - I can't take it. - What? 698 00:54:39,160 --> 00:54:40,670 I cannot 699 00:54:40,790 --> 00:54:43,040 - I can't take it. - Just get in here 700 00:54:43,230 --> 00:54:47,200 I thought I was over you I thought I was done. 701 00:54:47,390 --> 00:54:50,560 God, this is horrible! 702 00:54:50,870 --> 00:54:54,500 - Please, don't go to Malibu. - Are you crazy? It's a joke, right? 703 00:54:54,750 --> 00:54:57,570 This is not a joke This is not. 704 00:54:57,760 --> 00:55:01,180 What's wrong? You've been dating non-stop This is the first guy 705 00:55:01,370 --> 00:55:04,480 I've even gotten close to. - I know I was wrong, I was silly 706 00:55:04,670 --> 00:55:08,510 I was stupid I didn't know how I felt about you until right now. 707 00:55:08,730 --> 00:55:11,190 - What about the actress? - It's canceled, it's over. 708 00:55:11,380 --> 00:55:14,530 - You shouldn't Joey's on his way. - Joey? 709 00:55:14,750 --> 00:55:17,690 His name is Joey? How could you date a guy named Joey? 710 00:55:17,980 --> 00:55:22,120 Let's get back together again I love you Let's have babies. 711 00:55:22,300 --> 00:55:25,820 Stop acting like an insane person! Go home and relax or something 712 00:55:26,010 --> 00:55:29,180 - I love you. - Go on your date, you'll be fine. 713 00:55:29,410 --> 00:55:32,160 - Could you just tell me one thing? - What? 714 00:55:32,540 --> 00:55:34,760 What's his last name? 715 00:55:35,160 --> 00:55:37,310 Just tell me his last name 716 00:55:38,080 --> 00:55:39,290 Santino 717 00:55:39,480 --> 00:55:42,180 Santino That's perfect Joey 718 00:55:44,860 --> 00:55:47,800 Joey Santino, the actor? 719 00:55:47,990 --> 00:55:51,300 My the titty ninja? You fucking hate him! 720 00:55:51,480 --> 00:55:53,950 Actually he's a very good actor. 721 00:55:54,140 --> 00:55:56,250 Clearly you haven't seen any of his later work. 722 00:55:56,440 --> 00:55:59,840 What, his later work? Motherfucker! 723 00:56:00,030 --> 00:56:03,230 My God! You're kidding me! How could you? 724 00:56:04,410 --> 00:56:06,330 Adam, you have to go. 725 00:56:06,520 --> 00:56:09,250 - You shouldn't fall in love. - Quit being such a hypocrite 726 00:56:09,850 --> 00:56:13,820 I'm a guy! I fuck! I don't fall in love! 727 00:56:14,010 --> 00:56:18,240 - Maybe you don't. - You think Mr Italian fucking 728 00:56:18,430 --> 00:56:21,060 he's fucking you, he loves you? I don't think so! 729 00:56:21,400 --> 00:56:24,420 - Whatever. - I'm fucking out of here, alright? 730 00:56:24,830 --> 00:56:26,690 This is fucking horse-shit! 731 00:56:26,870 --> 00:56:29,560 Don't fucking call! 732 00:57:04,020 --> 00:57:06,460 - Are you Miss Kate Wells? - Yeah 733 00:57:06,650 --> 00:57:08,870 I have a message for you from Adam Levy. 734 00:57:10,460 --> 00:57:14,080 Even though we're only pals Only pals,only pals 735 00:57:14,270 --> 00:57:18,740 I don't like the other gals You're my baby. 736 00:57:19,480 --> 00:57:23,420 Don't go out with that dumb guy That dumb guy, that dumb guy 737 00:57:23,610 --> 00:57:25,820 if you do I'll start to cry. 738 00:57:26,020 --> 00:57:29,880 You're my baby. 739 00:57:33,470 --> 00:57:35,750 Mr Levy would like you to have 740 00:57:35,930 --> 00:57:39,290 an autographed picture of himself 741 00:57:39,480 --> 00:57:42,790 and this Hold on, it gets better. 742 00:57:42,970 --> 00:57:46,970 - Cheese sandwich. - Thank you. 743 00:58:01,950 --> 00:58:04,160 - Hello. - Did the little guy sing? 744 00:58:04,950 --> 00:58:06,850 What do you think? 745 00:58:07,030 --> 00:58:08,930 - You got my picture up? - Adam? 746 00:58:09,110 --> 00:58:11,010 Next to the boys? 747 00:58:11,200 --> 00:58:13,660 Yes, I got the sandwich and I got your picture. 748 00:58:13,850 --> 00:58:15,860 - Could you stop torturing me? - Come over. 749 00:58:16,770 --> 00:58:20,080 Get rid of him We'll sport, we'll spoon, we'll do it all. 750 00:58:20,440 --> 00:58:22,840 - We'll lay around all day. - Adam. 751 00:58:23,040 --> 00:58:25,010 What are you wearing? 752 00:58:32,190 --> 00:58:34,270 God, it's beautiful here. 753 00:58:41,880 --> 00:58:44,790 Are you talking to me? 754 00:58:46,680 --> 00:58:49,180 Are you talking to me? 755 00:58:49,820 --> 00:58:51,620 There's nobody else here. 756 00:58:54,170 --> 00:58:57,320 Who the fuck do you think you're talking to? 757 00:58:58,500 --> 00:59:00,410 - De Niro! - Right. 758 00:59:00,600 --> 00:59:03,230 De Niro is the best I swear, I love him He's. 759 00:59:03,420 --> 00:59:05,440 De Niro. 760 00:59:05,630 --> 00:59:07,870 Yeah He's a good actor. 761 00:59:10,300 --> 00:59:12,060 Good? 762 00:59:13,530 --> 00:59:16,260 Good? I mean, we're talking about Robert De Niro here. 763 00:59:17,530 --> 00:59:21,210 Good? Come on He's a. 764 00:59:21,410 --> 00:59:24,480 Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are good Asparagus is good. 765 00:59:24,670 --> 00:59:26,880 De Niro, he's not. 766 00:59:27,520 --> 00:59:30,760 I mean, like "Cape Fear". 767 00:59:32,920 --> 00:59:34,870 Counselor. 768 00:59:35,060 --> 00:59:38,110 Come out, come out wherever you are 769 00:59:38,430 --> 00:59:42,690 I know you, you piece of shit! I'm better than you all! 770 00:59:42,870 --> 00:59:46,010 I can out-learn you, I can out-read you 771 00:59:46,210 --> 00:59:47,840 I can out-think you 772 00:59:48,030 --> 00:59:51,160 and I can out-philosophize you. 773 00:59:51,360 --> 00:59:54,260 And I'm gonna outlast you! 774 00:59:55,610 --> 00:59:59,410 That's good, right? And "Raging Bull", which is 775 00:59:59,620 --> 01:00:02,200 the greatest performance of all time. 776 01:00:02,900 --> 01:00:05,370 You're gonna get me down, Ray You're gonna get me down. 777 01:00:07,520 --> 01:00:11,130 Are you alright? I know the Heimlich. 778 01:00:12,450 --> 01:00:15,990 - You wanna ruin my relationship? - Your nose is so cute. 779 01:00:16,190 --> 01:00:18,610 You never tried to get me back before What ego trip are you on? 780 01:00:18,820 --> 01:00:20,030 - Can I kiss it? - What? 781 01:00:20,220 --> 01:00:22,610 - Your nose. - Stop screwing up my life 782 01:00:22,810 --> 01:00:24,960 I'm involved with somebody else. 783 01:00:25,140 --> 01:00:27,100 Marry me? Please. 784 01:00:27,290 --> 01:00:29,820 - Are you listening to me? - I get it, don't worry 785 01:00:30,010 --> 01:00:32,360 I broke up with you 'cause I was inexperienced. 786 01:00:32,540 --> 01:00:36,290 You were my third girlfriend How was I supposed to know better? 787 01:00:36,470 --> 01:00:40,320 You had it so easy compared to me I was your 14th You were my 3rd. 788 01:00:40,510 --> 01:00:41,970 - Look, you can't. - Just marry me 789 01:00:42,170 --> 01:00:45,530 I'm sorry, I screwed up I can't live with this kind of mistake. 790 01:00:45,730 --> 01:00:47,670 Don't you see? This is really bad timing. 791 01:00:47,860 --> 01:00:50,210 You can't just wait until I'm involved with somebody else 792 01:00:50,400 --> 01:00:53,210 then suddenly propose marriage or profess you love for me 793 01:00:53,410 --> 01:00:55,930 I'll change How does that sound? We're gonna make up a contract 794 01:00:56,120 --> 01:00:58,560 everything you don't like about me I'm gonna change. 795 01:00:58,750 --> 01:01:01,060 Death penalty You're against it, I'm for it I'm against it now. 796 01:01:01,240 --> 01:01:03,770 We're gonna go do candlelight vigils at the prison 797 01:01:03,970 --> 01:01:06,790 - I don't want you to change. - You know what? I won't change 798 01:01:06,970 --> 01:01:10,660 I'm enough I learned that from you We're gonna fly, take trips 799 01:01:10,840 --> 01:01:14,500 I'll go to therapy, I'll get over my fear of planes and we'll travel 800 01:01:14,680 --> 01:01:17,950 Adam, stop it Stop it right now. 801 01:01:19,990 --> 01:01:24,860 Alright Let me just ask you then Straight out, all kidding aside 802 01:01:25,310 --> 01:01:28,960 Katie will you marry me? 803 01:01:32,150 --> 01:01:34,340 No. 804 01:01:37,660 --> 01:01:40,190 I won't torture anymore then 805 01:01:40,960 --> 01:01:43,100 if you're happy, I'm happy you're happy. 806 01:01:43,580 --> 01:01:45,490 I made you miserable and I'm sorry. 807 01:01:47,610 --> 01:01:50,750 - I just want you to know something. - What? 808 01:01:51,710 --> 01:01:56,160 I can't be friends I'm just too weak. 809 01:01:56,350 --> 01:01:59,420 - Adam. - I can't even be around you. 810 01:01:59,610 --> 01:02:03,330 You're here like this incredibly juicy ham sandwich 811 01:02:03,510 --> 01:02:07,450 that I wanna eat, and I can't because my lips are sewn shut. 812 01:02:07,800 --> 01:02:11,010 - That's a pretty analogy. - You know what I mean. 813 01:02:21,110 --> 01:02:22,680 Have a nice life. 814 01:02:22,880 --> 01:02:26,560 Don't say that You know we'll see each other again. 815 01:02:26,780 --> 01:02:28,280 Yeah, right 816 01:02:41,240 --> 01:02:45,210 ls infatuation love? No But it feels like it ls. 817 01:02:45,400 --> 01:02:49,180 All those chemicals In your brain turn every word he says into poetry. 818 01:02:49,370 --> 01:02:52,440 Did I ever tell you what I used to do with my little brother? 819 01:02:52,920 --> 01:02:57,150 Whenever he did something wrong, I'd put dog shit under his pillow 820 01:02:57,330 --> 01:03:01,730 I'd say "Jimmy, go put you head under the pillow and count to 2O". 821 01:03:02,520 --> 01:03:05,470 Half the time he'd get to 1O before he realized what happened. 822 01:03:05,660 --> 01:03:08,570 That was pretty stupid 823 01:03:08,820 --> 01:03:10,420 Jimmy? No. 824 01:03:10,620 --> 01:03:13,970 He's a lawyer now He's the smartest of all of us. 825 01:03:21,340 --> 01:03:23,760 Now you remember me? 826 01:03:25,150 --> 01:03:29,380 Relations based entirely on sex end the minute the sex gets boring. 827 01:03:29,560 --> 01:03:31,840 So if you want it to last beyond boring sex. 828 01:03:32,020 --> 01:03:34,490 You'd better try to connect on a deeper level 829 01:03:34,680 --> 01:03:37,140 I brought us some cheese sandwich. 830 01:03:37,340 --> 01:03:39,170 Thanks. 831 01:03:42,580 --> 01:03:45,730 Do you think people can stay passionate about each other forever? 832 01:03:47,260 --> 01:03:50,490 Yeah As long as they work on the relationship 833 01:03:50,690 --> 01:03:52,730 and don't get fat 834 01:03:52,920 --> 01:03:54,630 I wonder 835 01:03:54,810 --> 01:03:57,300 I'm not sure it's natural I'd like to think it's possible though. 836 01:03:58,140 --> 01:04:02,560 I think that, over time, we'll come to take each other for granted. 837 01:04:02,750 --> 01:04:04,450 And after the years of staying together saying 838 01:04:04,630 --> 01:04:07,070 "I love you" is like saying "cheese sandwich", you know? 839 01:04:07,740 --> 01:04:11,160 Do you know that Robert De Niro is lactose intolerant? 840 01:04:17,750 --> 01:04:21,080 After the infatuation chemicals In my brain stopped multiplying 841 01:04:21,270 --> 01:04:23,900 I began to get over my non-judgmental phase 842 01:04:26,270 --> 01:04:30,650 Joey and I were gonna have a real conversation soon 843 01:04:32,030 --> 01:04:34,040 I'm gonna die. 844 01:04:35,390 --> 01:04:38,590 - Are you listening to me? - What? 845 01:04:38,780 --> 01:04:40,770 I'm gonna die. 846 01:04:40,960 --> 01:04:42,720 When? 847 01:04:42,910 --> 01:04:44,960 Someday. 848 01:04:45,150 --> 01:04:48,600 We're all gonna die Watch the movie. 849 01:04:49,750 --> 01:04:52,040 Doesn't that bother you? 850 01:04:52,220 --> 01:04:55,320 - I don't think about these things. - Why not? 851 01:04:55,520 --> 01:04:58,210 Look, we're in the middle of a movie. 852 01:04:58,390 --> 01:05:00,310 That's when I think about death the most. 853 01:05:00,500 --> 01:05:03,830 All these people staring into the darkness freaks me out. 854 01:05:04,410 --> 01:05:06,840 - Don't you get that? - No Okay? I don't get that. 855 01:05:07,040 --> 01:05:09,950 Why should I get that? I don't wanna get that. 856 01:05:10,270 --> 01:05:14,170 That's the problem We are supposed to get each other. 857 01:05:14,360 --> 01:05:16,580 You don't get me, I don't get you. 858 01:05:16,760 --> 01:05:19,840 What? What the fuck are you talking about? 859 01:05:20,030 --> 01:05:23,450 You know what my problem is? I'm a floater 860 01:05:23,650 --> 01:05:26,330 I float through life like a corpse on a river 861 01:05:26,520 --> 01:05:29,180 bumping into rocks and logs I don't choose my path. 862 01:05:29,370 --> 01:05:31,680 - Shut up! - I just bump into stuff, like you 863 01:05:31,860 --> 01:05:34,210 I bump into you in a porno shop, Boom! I have sex with you. 864 01:05:34,400 --> 01:05:37,440 Boom! I'm in a relationship with you I don't think, I just boom! 865 01:05:37,630 --> 01:05:40,120 - Shut the fuck up! - So that's what I am to you? 866 01:05:40,310 --> 01:05:42,970 I'm just some goddamn log you bumped into in a porno store? 867 01:05:43,520 --> 01:05:45,630 You're wearing sunglasses in a movie theater. 868 01:05:45,820 --> 01:05:49,470 - They're subscription. - That's prescription, you idiot! 869 01:05:49,660 --> 01:05:55,420 Okay, Mrs Thesaurus I'm an idiot You know, that's it. 870 01:05:55,990 --> 01:06:00,640 Hasta la vista, baby Here is a man who will no take it anymore. 871 01:06:01,400 --> 01:06:03,650 You're all gonna die Think about it. 872 01:06:03,840 --> 01:06:06,690 You're all gonna die And nobody will remember you 873 01:06:06,870 --> 01:06:09,880 because they'll all be dead too! Excuse me. 874 01:06:15,070 --> 01:06:18,620 Hi, this ls Adam I'm not home,so leave your message after the beep. 875 01:06:19,510 --> 01:06:21,700 Hi,Adam It's me 876 01:06:22,360 --> 01:06:24,570 Adam,are you there? 877 01:06:28,700 --> 01:06:33,310 I didn't wanna call anybody else. 878 01:06:33,500 --> 01:06:35,290 Are you okay? 879 01:06:36,220 --> 01:06:39,430 - What's wrong, baby? - We broke up. 880 01:06:39,610 --> 01:06:41,660 - God. - I broke up with Joey. 881 01:06:41,850 --> 01:06:44,310 That's horrible. 882 01:06:45,790 --> 01:06:47,390 - I'm such a failure. - You're not a failure 883 01:06:47,580 --> 01:06:50,330 I am I am a relationship leper. 884 01:06:51,390 --> 01:06:54,690 Not true You have more relationship potential than anybody I know. 885 01:06:54,870 --> 01:06:56,850 Fuck potential Anyone can have potential. 886 01:06:57,050 --> 01:07:00,630 Are you kidding? Your only problem is bad timing. 887 01:07:00,830 --> 01:07:04,520 Two people could be perfect, and if the timing's wrong, it won't work. 888 01:07:05,400 --> 01:07:08,570 Bad timing is the reason that most normal people end up single. 889 01:07:08,770 --> 01:07:10,630 Normal people? 890 01:07:10,810 --> 01:07:12,990 Weirdos are single because they're weird 891 01:07:13,180 --> 01:07:14,750 but people like us 892 01:07:14,940 --> 01:07:18,010 we're single because we're victims of bad timing. 893 01:07:18,300 --> 01:07:20,680 Since when did you have things so figured out? 894 01:07:20,860 --> 01:07:24,730 Since you fell in love and I've lain in bed awake every night and wonder 895 01:07:24,930 --> 01:07:27,830 if I'd ever find anybody who I feel as normal with. 896 01:07:36,250 --> 01:07:38,980 No Bad timing, Adam 897 01:07:45,590 --> 01:07:49,050 if the timing's ever right, you just let me know, okay? 898 01:07:52,180 --> 01:07:53,960 How about now? You think? 899 01:07:54,140 --> 01:07:57,450 Okay, that's cool Take as much time as you want. 900 01:08:07,770 --> 01:08:10,200 Love ls ecstasy and agony 901 01:08:10,560 --> 01:08:13,380 freedom and imprisonment 902 01:08:13,750 --> 01:08:16,420 longing and loneliness. 903 01:08:16,890 --> 01:08:20,670 It's what keeps us together when life tears us apart. 904 01:08:22,680 --> 01:08:28,610 So, when you find that perfect man, hold on tight. 905 01:08:28,800 --> 01:08:32,660 And then call me so I can see what he looks like and laugh 906 01:08:32,850 --> 01:08:35,450 because he doesn't exist, you sad, perky 907 01:08:35,650 --> 01:08:38,500 little optimistic suckers. 908 01:08:42,010 --> 01:08:44,350 I quit I couldn't do the assignment 909 01:08:44,630 --> 01:08:48,420 I've always felt like a fraud here Everything I wrote was crap. 910 01:08:48,700 --> 01:08:51,350 And I'm a total sellout, I can't do it anymore. 911 01:08:51,550 --> 01:08:55,270 And honestly I'm sorry if I've caused you any problems. 912 01:08:55,570 --> 01:08:59,060 Wait a minute She's way too fat. 913 01:08:59,260 --> 01:09:02,170 Everything you've written here has been bullshit? 914 01:09:02,610 --> 01:09:06,530 - Nothing has had a grain of truth? - Nothing. 915 01:09:06,720 --> 01:09:10,430 So your research on blow job being able to cure depression 916 01:09:10,620 --> 01:09:12,510 is completely made up. 917 01:09:12,700 --> 01:09:14,950 No, actually, that one was true. 918 01:09:15,130 --> 01:09:17,140 But it only works for the suckee. 919 01:09:17,340 --> 01:09:19,710 The sucker always stays depressed. 920 01:09:21,400 --> 01:09:23,260 I told you that 921 01:09:43,190 --> 01:09:44,730 I'm here. 922 01:09:44,930 --> 01:09:47,770 Actually, could I ask you a few questions if it's okay? 923 01:09:48,730 --> 01:09:51,260 Sure Go ahead. 924 01:09:51,870 --> 01:09:54,430 - Are you married? - No. 925 01:09:54,620 --> 01:09:57,590 - Do you have any children around? - No. 926 01:09:57,880 --> 01:10:00,960 Do you feel the need to have sex with a lot of different women? 927 01:10:02,010 --> 01:10:03,430 - No. - Are you a liar? 928 01:10:03,610 --> 01:10:04,830 Yes. 929 01:10:05,020 --> 01:10:06,520 Just kidding. 930 01:10:07,740 --> 01:10:09,690 Good You've got a sense of humor. 931 01:10:09,880 --> 01:10:12,410 That was my next question Can you listen? 932 01:10:13,180 --> 01:10:15,490 I'm sorry, what? 933 01:10:15,670 --> 01:10:19,940 - You see how I? - I get it Just one more, I promise. 934 01:10:21,210 --> 01:10:24,570 Do you have a problem with complicated women? 935 01:10:24,760 --> 01:10:27,100 Great Let's go. 936 01:10:27,350 --> 01:10:29,950 May I ask you one question? 937 01:10:30,140 --> 01:10:32,640 Of course I'm sorry, ask anything you want. 938 01:10:33,460 --> 01:10:36,020 Have you allowed Jesus Christ into your heart? 939 01:10:36,600 --> 01:10:39,840 - God! - If I could have one moment. 940 01:10:40,020 --> 01:10:42,490 - No Get out! - May I? 941 01:10:43,710 --> 01:10:47,160 - If the next knock is the devil. - Go! 942 01:10:47,350 --> 01:10:51,070 - Listen, have you allowed. - Go! Now! 943 01:10:51,930 --> 01:10:53,630 Thank you. 944 01:10:53,810 --> 01:10:56,120 Hi, are you Kate Wells? 945 01:10:56,320 --> 01:11:00,290 - Yeah And you're Rob, right? - That's right. 946 01:11:32,570 --> 01:11:36,570 Thank you. 947 01:11:38,430 --> 01:11:40,770 - Thanks for coming. - Nice to meet you. 948 01:11:48,440 --> 01:11:51,360 - You're good. - Thank you. 949 01:11:52,060 --> 01:11:54,340 And nasty. 950 01:11:55,450 --> 01:11:58,360 I like my men good and nasty. 951 01:11:59,070 --> 01:12:01,080 Thank you. 952 01:12:02,110 --> 01:12:05,630 - You got a girlfriend? - Yeah, I do. 953 01:12:06,330 --> 01:12:09,650 She's on a date now however. 954 01:12:38,010 --> 01:12:39,580 So where's your blind date? 955 01:12:39,770 --> 01:12:43,100 - I told him I was sick. - Yeah, you're sick alright. 956 01:12:43,290 --> 01:12:45,890 Yeah, from wanting you back. 957 01:13:13,530 --> 01:13:15,330 That was incredible 958 01:13:15,510 --> 01:13:18,660 I'm very proud of myself. 959 01:13:19,390 --> 01:13:22,430 - I did good, right? - Yeah, you did alright. 960 01:13:22,970 --> 01:13:26,450 - It was different. - I surprised you, I know it. 961 01:13:26,710 --> 01:13:30,430 - You seemed scared. - I wonder where you learned that. 962 01:13:31,000 --> 01:13:33,790 We should break up more often. 963 01:13:34,230 --> 01:13:35,970 We should 964 01:13:36,150 --> 01:13:38,780 - I love you. - Me too. 965 01:13:39,900 --> 01:13:42,240 Get out. 966 01:13:44,930 --> 01:13:47,970 - So with Joey, was is it now? 16? - Shut up. 967 01:13:48,160 --> 01:13:49,990 No, seriously 968 01:13:50,200 --> 01:13:52,420 15 I was 14. 969 01:13:52,600 --> 01:13:54,650 What about Peaches? Tell me about Peaches 970 01:13:54,840 --> 01:13:56,790 - I don't wanna know about her. - No, you do. 971 01:13:56,980 --> 01:13:58,780 Where do you think I learned that thing I did? 73144

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