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All language subtitles for Dicks. The Musical (Charles, Larry 2023)_WEBRip.1080p.x264.AAC5.1_EN

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:48,502 --> 00:00:50,138 New York City. 2 00:00:50,238 --> 00:00:52,307 Population: 100. 3 00:00:52,406 --> 00:00:57,912 A land full of CEOs, VIPs and STIs. 4 00:00:58,012 --> 00:00:59,013 And with that many people, 5 00:00:59,113 --> 00:01:02,951 there's bound to be a few great stories. 6 00:01:03,051 --> 00:01:04,251 Like this one. 7 00:01:04,319 --> 00:01:08,122 Our story begins like all great stories, 8 00:01:08,223 --> 00:01:10,524 with two straight men. 9 00:01:10,624 --> 00:01:13,527 Oh, fuck, I am good. 10 00:01:13,627 --> 00:01:16,597 Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. 11 00:01:16,697 --> 00:01:18,833 This is Craig Tiddle. 12 00:01:25,006 --> 00:01:27,342 And this is Trevor Brock. 13 00:01:27,441 --> 00:01:30,444 They're twins. Identical twins. 14 00:01:30,544 --> 00:01:32,579 Fuck you! They are. 15 00:01:32,679 --> 00:01:35,016 And how do I know all of this? 16 00:01:35,116 --> 00:01:37,252 Because I'm God. 17 00:01:37,352 --> 00:01:38,887 That's right. God. 18 00:01:38,987 --> 00:01:42,389 He/him. The greatest storyteller of all time. 19 00:01:42,489 --> 00:01:44,192 Check the sales of my book. 20 00:01:44,292 --> 00:01:46,460 Number-one bestseller in the world. 21 00:01:46,560 --> 00:01:49,796 They're highly successful alpha males. 22 00:01:49,898 --> 00:01:51,565 Virile. Strong. 23 00:01:51,665 --> 00:01:54,701 And oh-so-very manly. 24 00:02:06,147 --> 00:02:07,916 Fuck yeah. 25 00:02:08,016 --> 00:02:12,220 Wow, those twins really have it all. 26 00:02:15,256 --> 00:02:16,958 Oh! Good morning! 27 00:02:18,126 --> 00:02:20,427 Or do they? 28 00:02:20,527 --> 00:02:23,064 Craig and Trevor don't know they're twins. 29 00:02:23,164 --> 00:02:26,733 They were separated at birth and have never met. 30 00:02:26,834 --> 00:02:30,338 But that all changes today. 31 00:02:40,014 --> 00:02:41,796 Oh, Craig, I think you dropped your mug. 32 00:02:41,816 --> 00:02:43,750 Keep it, old lady. I got a lot of mugs. 33 00:02:43,851 --> 00:02:45,119 I got a lot of everything. 34 00:02:45,219 --> 00:02:46,921 Wow, your life seems perfect. 35 00:02:47,021 --> 00:02:50,858 Trust me, my smelly friend, it is. 36 00:02:50,959 --> 00:02:53,261 ♪ I got a mansion in the Hamptons ♪ 37 00:02:53,361 --> 00:02:55,495 ♪ I got a bungalow upstate ♪ 38 00:02:55,595 --> 00:02:57,999 ♪ I got a penthouse just for fucking ♪ 39 00:02:58,099 --> 00:02:59,968 ♪ And another where I masturbate ♪ 40 00:03:00,068 --> 00:03:01,002 ♪ Pow ♪ 41 00:03:01,102 --> 00:03:03,171 ♪ The money just keeps rolling in ♪ 42 00:03:03,271 --> 00:03:05,539 ♪ The good times never stop ♪ 43 00:03:05,639 --> 00:03:07,574 ♪ There's never been a man like me ♪ 44 00:03:07,674 --> 00:03:10,244 ♪ And I'll always be on top ♪ 45 00:03:11,846 --> 00:03:13,247 Package for Trevor Brock. 46 00:03:13,348 --> 00:03:14,449 Fuck this tiny thing. 47 00:03:14,548 --> 00:03:17,185 I already got the biggest package in town. 48 00:03:17,285 --> 00:03:19,354 ♪ My cock is fucking massive ♪ 49 00:03:19,454 --> 00:03:21,722 ♪ It always leaves the ladies sore ♪ 50 00:03:21,823 --> 00:03:24,025 ♪ Seven inches long Curves to the left ♪ 51 00:03:24,125 --> 00:03:26,060 ♪ Then it goes ten inches more ♪ 52 00:03:26,160 --> 00:03:27,996 - ♪ Ooh! ♪ - ♪ I got girls and cash ♪ 53 00:03:28,096 --> 00:03:28,997 ♪ Cars and booze ♪ 54 00:03:29,097 --> 00:03:31,332 ♪ I'm the cream of the fucking crop ♪ 55 00:03:31,432 --> 00:03:33,567 ♪ There's never been a man like me ♪ 56 00:03:33,667 --> 00:03:36,270 ♪ And I'll always be on top ♪ 57 00:03:38,373 --> 00:03:39,740 Thanks, doll. 58 00:03:40,174 --> 00:03:41,541 Mm-mm. 59 00:03:44,312 --> 00:03:45,679 Oop. 60 00:03:47,482 --> 00:03:48,850 You have a good day. 61 00:03:49,817 --> 00:03:51,017 Huh? 62 00:03:56,391 --> 00:03:57,724 Whoa. 63 00:04:09,871 --> 00:04:11,671 - You're welcome. - You're welcome. 64 00:04:17,945 --> 00:04:20,148 ♪ I'm the best ♪ 65 00:04:20,248 --> 00:04:22,417 ♪ So fucking blessed ♪ 66 00:04:22,517 --> 00:04:25,319 ♪ Sexy, smart It's just not fair ♪ 67 00:04:25,420 --> 00:04:28,089 ♪ I slay pussy everywhere ♪ 68 00:04:28,189 --> 00:04:29,490 ♪ I get what I want ♪ 69 00:04:29,589 --> 00:04:31,658 ♪ And what I got I flaunt ♪ 70 00:04:31,758 --> 00:04:35,296 ♪ And though some people find it strange ♪ 71 00:04:36,763 --> 00:04:40,268 ♪ No one's gonna make me change ♪ 72 00:04:50,577 --> 00:04:52,746 Oh, my God. 73 00:04:52,847 --> 00:04:54,182 Sorry, you just... 74 00:04:54,282 --> 00:04:55,049 You really look like me. 75 00:04:55,149 --> 00:04:57,385 I think you mean that you look like me. 76 00:04:57,485 --> 00:04:59,287 - Craig Tiddle. - Trevor Brock. 77 00:04:59,387 --> 00:05:00,754 - Whoa. - Whoa. 78 00:05:00,855 --> 00:05:01,856 I think I got some lube on you. 79 00:05:01,956 --> 00:05:04,358 Hey, no worries. I'll save that for later. 80 00:05:04,459 --> 00:05:05,759 Say, where do you work? 81 00:05:05,860 --> 00:05:08,762 GVPI. It's my first day at the new corporate headquarters. 82 00:05:08,863 --> 00:05:10,331 Hot damn! Me, too. 83 00:05:10,431 --> 00:05:11,979 You must be from the downtown office? 84 00:05:11,999 --> 00:05:14,082 That I am. Take it you're from the uptown branch? 85 00:05:14,102 --> 00:05:16,716 - My reputation precedes me. - Nope. Never heard of you. 86 00:05:16,736 --> 00:05:18,652 Actually, I'm the one who's never heard of you, so... 87 00:05:18,672 --> 00:05:19,673 Well, you should've heard of me, 88 00:05:19,773 --> 00:05:21,322 because I'm the number-one salesman 89 00:05:21,342 --> 00:05:22,410 this company's got. 90 00:05:22,510 --> 00:05:23,578 Hate to break it to you, buddy, 91 00:05:23,677 --> 00:05:25,645 but last time I checked, I was number one. 92 00:05:25,745 --> 00:05:27,126 Craig Tiddle's always on top. 93 00:05:27,148 --> 00:05:29,683 You might be on top of a sex offenders registry, 94 00:05:29,783 --> 00:05:31,953 but I've always been the best salesman. 95 00:05:32,053 --> 00:05:34,288 Fuck you, pal. I've had a record month. 96 00:05:34,388 --> 00:05:36,627 While you were in bed milking your morning wood, 97 00:05:36,723 --> 00:05:38,960 I've been pounding the pavement making sales. 98 00:05:39,060 --> 00:05:40,341 If you think I can't make sales 99 00:05:40,361 --> 00:05:41,576 and jerk off at the same time, 100 00:05:41,596 --> 00:05:43,177 you got another thing coming because... 101 00:05:43,197 --> 00:05:45,566 ♪ I always get the things I want ♪ 102 00:05:45,665 --> 00:05:47,634 ♪ There's no way I can flop ♪ 103 00:05:47,734 --> 00:05:50,271 ♪ There's never been a man like me ♪ 104 00:05:50,371 --> 00:05:52,573 ♪ And I'll always be I'll always be ♪ 105 00:05:52,672 --> 00:05:54,442 ♪ I'll always be on top ♪ 106 00:05:55,810 --> 00:05:57,445 ♪ Global Vroomba Parts ♪ 107 00:05:57,545 --> 00:05:58,980 ♪ No, we don't sell Vroombas ♪ 108 00:05:59,080 --> 00:06:00,680 ♪ Just the parts Like the gears ♪ 109 00:06:00,780 --> 00:06:03,117 ♪ And the wheels and those teeny tiny brushes ♪ 110 00:06:03,217 --> 00:06:04,741 Listen to me, you piece of shit. 111 00:06:04,819 --> 00:06:06,067 The sooner you make me money, 112 00:06:06,087 --> 00:06:08,087 the sooner you can afford health insurance. 113 00:06:08,122 --> 00:06:11,492 Health care is a luxury. 114 00:06:15,229 --> 00:06:17,965 This is... gorgeous. 115 00:06:18,065 --> 00:06:20,368 Beautiful. A beautiful space. 116 00:06:20,468 --> 00:06:21,836 Craig Tiddle, Trevor Brock. 117 00:06:21,936 --> 00:06:23,437 My two top salesmen. 118 00:06:23,538 --> 00:06:25,573 Oh, um, actually, I'm Trevor. 119 00:06:25,672 --> 00:06:26,872 Yeah, and I'm Craig. 120 00:06:26,908 --> 00:06:28,775 Oh, okay, well... 121 00:06:28,876 --> 00:06:31,025 You two motherfuckers look like y'all could be twins. 122 00:06:31,045 --> 00:06:32,527 - Mm, I don't see it. - I think we actually 123 00:06:32,547 --> 00:06:33,961 - look very dissimilar. - Yeah. 124 00:06:33,981 --> 00:06:35,049 I guess it's just, uh, uh, 125 00:06:35,149 --> 00:06:36,931 some shit that I really don't care about. 126 00:06:36,951 --> 00:06:39,287 I'm your new boss, Gloria Masters. 127 00:06:39,387 --> 00:06:41,189 Wow, a-a lady boss. 128 00:06:41,289 --> 00:06:44,091 I guess it really is the year that it is. 129 00:06:44,192 --> 00:06:45,907 - I'm crazy about that. - Yes, the year of the pussy. 130 00:06:45,927 --> 00:06:47,862 Exactly. So, boss, we were wondering, 131 00:06:47,962 --> 00:06:49,564 which one of us is top salesman 132 00:06:49,664 --> 00:06:51,279 and which one is a dumb little baby? 133 00:06:51,299 --> 00:06:52,400 Well, I'm glad you asked. 134 00:06:52,500 --> 00:06:55,369 As you can see right here, I have installed a leaderboard 135 00:06:55,469 --> 00:06:56,708 that tracks y'all's sales. 136 00:06:56,736 --> 00:06:58,372 Plug 'er in, fellas. 137 00:07:04,345 --> 00:07:05,947 - Yes! Yes! - Oh, no. 138 00:07:06,047 --> 00:07:08,516 Trevor Brock, my prize pig. 139 00:07:08,616 --> 00:07:10,451 But the rest of you motherfuckers? 140 00:07:10,551 --> 00:07:12,019 Get to work. 141 00:07:12,119 --> 00:07:14,288 Hey, tough titty, Tiddle. 142 00:07:14,388 --> 00:07:17,325 Hey, but chin up, maybe you could be my assistant. 143 00:07:17,425 --> 00:07:20,228 All my assistants suck my dick. 144 00:07:25,032 --> 00:07:26,400 What in God's green hell? 145 00:07:26,500 --> 00:07:29,103 Mark me down for 2,000 wheels, 2,000 gears 146 00:07:29,203 --> 00:07:31,239 and 3,000 of those teeny tiny brushes. 147 00:07:31,339 --> 00:07:32,539 That's a big sale. 148 00:07:32,607 --> 00:07:33,888 Let this be a lesson to you. 149 00:07:33,908 --> 00:07:35,977 Use people, like pawns on a checkerboard. 150 00:07:39,547 --> 00:07:41,182 Son of a fucking bitch. 151 00:07:41,282 --> 00:07:43,750 That's right. Back where I belong. 152 00:07:43,851 --> 00:07:46,420 For now. I'll admit, you're good. 153 00:07:46,520 --> 00:07:47,802 It's gonna be fun to crush you. 154 00:07:47,822 --> 00:07:49,022 Right back at you. 155 00:07:49,056 --> 00:07:50,591 - May the best man... - Win. 156 00:07:50,691 --> 00:07:52,593 Win. I was gonna say that. 157 00:07:52,693 --> 00:07:55,129 ♪ Craig Tiddle's fucking awesome ♪ 158 00:07:55,229 --> 00:07:57,732 ♪ Trevor Brock is off the charts ♪ 159 00:07:57,832 --> 00:07:59,967 ♪ They talk a lot about their dicks ♪ 160 00:08:00,067 --> 00:08:02,270 ♪ And they sell fucking Vroomba parts ♪ 161 00:08:02,370 --> 00:08:04,605 ♪ You won't ever take me down ♪ 162 00:08:04,705 --> 00:08:06,874 ♪ I'll work until I drop ♪ 163 00:08:06,974 --> 00:08:09,477 ♪ There's never been a man like me ♪ 164 00:08:09,577 --> 00:08:12,013 ♪ And I'll always be on top ♪ 165 00:08:12,980 --> 00:08:15,349 ♪ 15,000 gears ♪ 166 00:08:15,449 --> 00:08:16,998 - ♪ Money, money, money ♪ - ♪ Craig Tiddle ♪ 167 00:08:17,018 --> 00:08:18,366 - ♪ Money, money, money ♪ - ♪ Number one ♪ 168 00:08:18,386 --> 00:08:20,087 ♪ 20,000 wheels ♪ 169 00:08:20,187 --> 00:08:21,702 - ♪ Money, money, money ♪ - ♪ Trevor Brock ♪ 170 00:08:21,722 --> 00:08:22,623 - ♪ Money, money, money ♪ - ♪ Is getting it done ♪ 171 00:08:22,723 --> 00:08:23,758 ♪ 30,000 gears ♪ 172 00:08:23,858 --> 00:08:24,959 ♪ Craig Tiddle You're the best ♪ 173 00:08:25,059 --> 00:08:26,027 ♪ 40,000 wheels ♪ 174 00:08:26,127 --> 00:08:27,862 ♪ Trevor Brock Sign my chest ♪ 175 00:08:29,796 --> 00:08:31,499 I love fucking money! 176 00:08:31,599 --> 00:08:33,504 ♪ Who's it gonna be? Who's it gonna be? ♪ 177 00:08:33,567 --> 00:08:34,802 ♪ Who's it gonna be? 178 00:08:34,902 --> 00:08:37,538 ♪ Who's it gonna be? Who's it gonna be? ♪ 179 00:08:41,842 --> 00:08:44,412 100,000 teeny tiny brushes! 180 00:08:45,413 --> 00:08:47,114 ♪ Look around ♪ 181 00:08:47,214 --> 00:08:49,350 ♪ It's plain to see ♪ 182 00:08:49,450 --> 00:08:53,854 ♪ There's never been a man like me ♪ 183 00:08:55,690 --> 00:09:00,194 ♪ 'Cause I'm the fucking ♪ 184 00:09:00,294 --> 00:09:05,566 ♪ Top... ♪ 185 00:09:12,273 --> 00:09:13,307 Whew. 186 00:09:13,407 --> 00:09:14,607 Still at it, shrimp? 187 00:09:14,675 --> 00:09:15,943 Work hard, stay hard. 188 00:09:16,043 --> 00:09:17,645 Never been tied for first before. 189 00:09:17,745 --> 00:09:19,280 I'm used to being the total top. 190 00:09:19,380 --> 00:09:21,329 Oh, yeah, I'm gunning for your ass, little boy. 191 00:09:21,349 --> 00:09:23,317 That's why I'm here late. 192 00:09:23,417 --> 00:09:24,719 - Grinding. - Same. 193 00:09:24,820 --> 00:09:26,567 Definitely not because I have nowhere to go 194 00:09:26,587 --> 00:09:28,222 and no one to see. 195 00:09:28,322 --> 00:09:30,204 Oh, I got a vast network of meaningful relationships, 196 00:09:30,224 --> 00:09:31,807 for sure, but no time for those now. 197 00:09:31,827 --> 00:09:34,637 I got to put in the hours so I can stay ahead of you, Craig. 198 00:09:35,029 --> 00:09:36,230 - Trevor. - Huh? 199 00:09:36,330 --> 00:09:38,966 You just called me Craig. You're Craig. I'm Trevor. 200 00:09:39,066 --> 00:09:41,769 God, you're such an idiot, Trevor. 201 00:09:41,869 --> 00:09:43,069 No, I'm Craig. 202 00:09:43,104 --> 00:09:45,286 - You're Trevor, Trevor. - Damn it, we look alike. 203 00:09:45,306 --> 00:09:47,154 We do not. You have long hair like a girl. 204 00:09:47,174 --> 00:09:48,756 You have short hair like a lesbian girl. 205 00:09:48,776 --> 00:09:50,544 This haircut is classic Trevor. 206 00:09:50,644 --> 00:09:52,313 Fuck. Classic Cr... Fuck you! 207 00:09:52,413 --> 00:09:53,347 No, fuck you. 208 00:09:53,447 --> 00:09:55,638 - You don't get me. - You don't get me, either. 209 00:09:55,683 --> 00:09:56,883 No one does. 210 00:10:04,826 --> 00:10:09,096 ♪ I'm in this struggle all alone ♪ 211 00:10:09,196 --> 00:10:13,033 ♪ I don't know what to do ♪ 212 00:10:13,134 --> 00:10:16,670 ♪ I wish there was someone who knew ♪ 213 00:10:16,771 --> 00:10:20,241 ♪ What I am going through ♪ 214 00:10:20,341 --> 00:10:23,644 ♪ This feeling that I'm feeling ♪ 215 00:10:23,744 --> 00:10:27,381 ♪ It feels so very bad ♪ 216 00:10:27,481 --> 00:10:30,651 ♪ It's almost like my life's a lie ♪ 217 00:10:30,751 --> 00:10:35,556 ♪ And actually I'm sad ♪ 218 00:10:35,656 --> 00:10:40,928 ♪ No one understands what I've been through ♪ 219 00:10:42,296 --> 00:10:46,634 ♪ No one knows what it's like to be ♪ 220 00:10:46,734 --> 00:10:49,937 ♪ A man with my specific life ♪ 221 00:10:50,037 --> 00:10:52,908 ♪ Saying these specific words ♪ 222 00:10:53,007 --> 00:10:56,944 ♪ The only one who understands ♪ 223 00:10:57,044 --> 00:11:00,014 ♪ Is me ♪ 224 00:11:00,114 --> 00:11:02,216 Say, is this your family? 225 00:11:02,316 --> 00:11:05,252 What? No. But I definitely have a real family. 226 00:11:05,352 --> 00:11:07,334 And they're rich and smart and kind and real. 227 00:11:07,354 --> 00:11:09,825 Oh, me, too. I got a birth mommy and a birth daddy, 228 00:11:09,925 --> 00:11:12,393 same as everybody else. 229 00:11:12,493 --> 00:11:15,129 ♪ Growing up with just a mom ♪ 230 00:11:15,229 --> 00:11:18,332 ♪ It left a gaping hole ♪ 231 00:11:18,432 --> 00:11:21,435 ♪ My single dad He did his best ♪ 232 00:11:21,535 --> 00:11:24,638 ♪ But life She took her toll ♪ 233 00:11:24,738 --> 00:11:27,909 ♪ With Pops I could have fished for fish ♪ 234 00:11:28,008 --> 00:11:30,644 ♪ My fastball we'd perfect ♪ 235 00:11:30,744 --> 00:11:34,148 ♪ With Mom I could have learned to bake ♪ 236 00:11:34,248 --> 00:11:39,186 ♪ Or show women respect ♪ 237 00:11:39,286 --> 00:11:45,326 ♪ No one understands what I've been through ♪ 238 00:11:45,426 --> 00:11:49,898 ♪ No one knows what it's like to be ♪ 239 00:11:49,997 --> 00:11:53,100 ♪ A man with my specific life ♪ 240 00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:56,270 ♪ Saying these specific words ♪ 241 00:11:56,370 --> 00:12:00,374 ♪ The only one who understands ♪ 242 00:12:00,474 --> 00:12:02,409 ♪ Is me ♪ 243 00:12:02,510 --> 00:12:06,247 ♪ If you think I've had it easy ♪ 244 00:12:06,347 --> 00:12:08,984 ♪ Then you're wrong ♪ 245 00:12:09,083 --> 00:12:12,319 ♪ The road's been fucking hard ♪ 246 00:12:12,419 --> 00:12:15,322 ♪ And fucking long ♪ 247 00:12:15,422 --> 00:12:18,259 ♪ Everything I ever got ♪ 248 00:12:18,359 --> 00:12:21,395 ♪ I got all on my own ♪ 249 00:12:21,495 --> 00:12:24,365 ♪ I rose up from the ashes ♪ 250 00:12:24,465 --> 00:12:29,136 ♪ Of my single-parent home ♪ 251 00:12:29,236 --> 00:12:32,273 ♪ 'Cause I've always been a fighter ♪ 252 00:12:32,373 --> 00:12:35,609 ♪ Since the day that I was born ♪ 253 00:12:35,709 --> 00:12:41,615 ♪ On January 3rd, 1986 ♪ 254 00:12:41,715 --> 00:12:47,688 - ♪ At 5:08 a.m. ♪ - ♪ At 5:07 a.m. ♪ 255 00:12:47,788 --> 00:12:49,223 Wait, what the fuck, dude? 256 00:12:49,323 --> 00:12:52,928 Yeah, there are a lot of similarities happening here. 257 00:12:53,028 --> 00:12:54,328 - What is that? - This? 258 00:12:54,428 --> 00:12:56,031 Oh, the only thing I have 259 00:12:56,130 --> 00:12:57,698 from the dad I never knew is... 260 00:12:57,798 --> 00:12:59,533 Half of a locket. 261 00:12:59,633 --> 00:13:01,602 This is the only thing I have from my mom. 262 00:13:01,702 --> 00:13:04,204 I've never understood mine. It just says "our bo." 263 00:13:04,305 --> 00:13:06,320 I think it must be an ancient Indigenous saying. 264 00:13:06,340 --> 00:13:07,876 Mine only says "toys." 265 00:13:07,976 --> 00:13:10,277 Huh. But what if...? 266 00:13:12,379 --> 00:13:14,448 "Our two boys." 267 00:13:14,548 --> 00:13:16,450 Oh, my God. Does this mean... 268 00:13:16,550 --> 00:13:18,098 Hold on, sorry, you thought that said "toys"? 269 00:13:18,118 --> 00:13:20,287 Yeah, T-W-O-Y-S, toys. 270 00:13:20,387 --> 00:13:21,856 No, there's not a "W" in toys. 271 00:13:21,957 --> 00:13:22,958 Damn it all to fuck, Craig! 272 00:13:23,058 --> 00:13:24,505 Who cares about letters right now? 273 00:13:24,525 --> 00:13:26,660 You only have a dad. I only have a mom. 274 00:13:26,760 --> 00:13:29,176 We were born on the same day, almost down to the minute. 275 00:13:29,196 --> 00:13:30,396 We must be brothers. 276 00:13:30,431 --> 00:13:31,799 Not just brothers, Trevor. 277 00:13:31,900 --> 00:13:32,867 Twins. 278 00:13:32,968 --> 00:13:34,803 Wow, we're twins. 279 00:13:34,903 --> 00:13:36,332 We're fucking identical twins. 280 00:13:37,504 --> 00:13:42,576 ♪ No one understands what I've been through ♪ 281 00:13:43,644 --> 00:13:47,648 ♪ No one knows what it's like to be ♪ 282 00:13:47,748 --> 00:13:50,117 ♪ A man who thought he was alone ♪ 283 00:13:50,217 --> 00:13:52,053 ♪ But then found out he had a twin ♪ 284 00:13:52,186 --> 00:13:54,823 ♪ Who works at the same fucking job ♪ 285 00:13:55,890 --> 00:14:00,527 ♪ What a big coincidence ♪ 286 00:14:00,628 --> 00:14:07,534 ♪ The only one who understands ♪ 287 00:14:09,070 --> 00:14:14,441 ♪ Is we ♪ 288 00:14:16,878 --> 00:14:20,781 ♪ Is we ♪ 289 00:14:22,249 --> 00:14:27,621 ♪ Is we ♪ 290 00:14:32,861 --> 00:14:35,195 Gears. Wheels. 291 00:14:35,295 --> 00:14:36,931 Teeny tiny brush... Wow. 292 00:14:37,032 --> 00:14:41,468 L, M, N, O... 293 00:14:41,568 --> 00:14:42,768 P. 294 00:14:49,643 --> 00:14:51,245 - Hey. - Hey. 295 00:14:52,914 --> 00:14:54,115 This is crazy, right? 296 00:14:54,214 --> 00:14:55,749 Totally crazy. I mean... 297 00:14:55,850 --> 00:14:58,133 What are the odds of working with your long-lost twin? 298 00:14:58,153 --> 00:15:00,254 I don't know, one in four, three in four? 299 00:15:00,354 --> 00:15:01,923 - It's crazy. - Crazy. 300 00:15:02,023 --> 00:15:03,024 But wait. 301 00:15:03,124 --> 00:15:05,192 I can't believe Mom and Dad split us up. 302 00:15:05,292 --> 00:15:06,828 Like, is that abuse? 303 00:15:06,928 --> 00:15:08,163 Did they abuse us? 304 00:15:08,262 --> 00:15:10,197 We definitely experienced abuse-ment. 305 00:15:10,297 --> 00:15:12,332 - Oh, my God. - I mean, don't get me wrong. 306 00:15:12,433 --> 00:15:13,633 My life is awesome. 307 00:15:13,667 --> 00:15:15,669 No, no, no, no, m-m-mine is awesome, too. 308 00:15:15,769 --> 00:15:17,604 - I have an amazing job. - Amazing job. 309 00:15:17,705 --> 00:15:19,054 I'm always dating some big-tit lady. 310 00:15:19,074 --> 00:15:20,374 Stunning big-tit ladies. 311 00:15:20,474 --> 00:15:22,143 I always get the things I want. 312 00:15:22,242 --> 00:15:23,444 Except for a real family. 313 00:15:23,544 --> 00:15:25,512 Single-parent homes are not real families. 314 00:15:25,612 --> 00:15:26,848 That's true. 315 00:15:26,948 --> 00:15:28,549 Hmm. 316 00:15:29,316 --> 00:15:31,618 What do we do? 317 00:15:31,719 --> 00:15:34,288 You know, if Mom and Dad got married again, 318 00:15:34,388 --> 00:15:36,657 then we'd have a real family. 319 00:15:36,757 --> 00:15:37,957 What if... 320 00:15:39,127 --> 00:15:41,662 What if we tricked them into getting back together? 321 00:15:41,762 --> 00:15:43,597 Keep talking until I understand. 322 00:15:43,697 --> 00:15:45,432 We trick Mom and Dad into thinking 323 00:15:45,532 --> 00:15:46,915 they need to get married again. 324 00:15:46,935 --> 00:15:48,203 Oh, my God, yes. 325 00:15:48,302 --> 00:15:50,105 I'll go talk to Dad now and trick him 326 00:15:50,205 --> 00:15:51,973 into getting back together with Mom. 327 00:15:52,073 --> 00:15:53,640 Well, uh, no offense, 328 00:15:53,741 --> 00:15:55,355 - but you'd probably fuck it up. - Oh. 329 00:15:55,375 --> 00:15:56,947 I should be the one to trick Dad. 330 00:15:57,011 --> 00:15:58,211 But you've never met him. 331 00:15:58,245 --> 00:15:59,861 Baby, I'm the number-one salesman. 332 00:15:59,881 --> 00:16:00,781 I could trick anybody. 333 00:16:00,882 --> 00:16:03,317 Okay, hold up, I'm the number-one salesman. 334 00:16:03,417 --> 00:16:04,698 If anybody's gonna trick a parent 335 00:16:04,718 --> 00:16:06,366 they've never met, it's gonna be me. 336 00:16:06,386 --> 00:16:08,339 While you're tricking Dad, I'll trick Mom. 337 00:16:08,422 --> 00:16:10,024 And I'll do it better. 338 00:16:10,125 --> 00:16:11,558 All right, then. It's settled. 339 00:16:11,658 --> 00:16:13,908 We're switching places to trick the parent we never knew 340 00:16:13,928 --> 00:16:14,996 into getting married again. 341 00:16:15,096 --> 00:16:16,330 - Fine. Fine. - Fine. 342 00:16:16,430 --> 00:16:18,233 Which means we're going to need... 343 00:16:18,332 --> 00:16:20,201 Disguises! 344 00:16:20,300 --> 00:16:22,736 Wow, you look so good, King. 345 00:16:22,837 --> 00:16:23,905 You, too, King. 346 00:16:24,005 --> 00:16:25,987 I mean, obviously, I would've preferred a lace front, 347 00:16:26,007 --> 00:16:28,575 but sometimes a shake and go can get the job done. 348 00:16:28,675 --> 00:16:30,344 - Right. - So, what's Mom like? 349 00:16:30,444 --> 00:16:31,545 At the very least, I hope she fulfills 350 00:16:31,645 --> 00:16:33,494 every single expectation I have of her. 351 00:16:33,514 --> 00:16:35,395 - That's reasonable. - Just, like, an awesome, 352 00:16:35,415 --> 00:16:37,284 conventional, elegant mommy. 353 00:16:37,384 --> 00:16:39,433 God, if she's, like, a kooky old eccentric lady, 354 00:16:39,453 --> 00:16:41,555 I don't know what the fuck I'll do. 355 00:16:41,655 --> 00:16:44,625 Yeah, um, let's, uh, let's change the subject entirely. 356 00:16:44,725 --> 00:16:46,660 - Huh? - Tell me about Dad. 357 00:16:46,760 --> 00:16:47,594 Oh, our dad? 358 00:16:47,694 --> 00:16:49,164 - Yeah, our dad. - Um... 359 00:16:49,264 --> 00:16:50,879 Is he a big, strong macho guy like me? 360 00:16:50,899 --> 00:16:52,733 I hope he's a big macho guy like me! 361 00:16:52,834 --> 00:16:54,648 Yeah, listen, I would obviously love to talk 362 00:16:54,668 --> 00:16:56,383 about that, but look, oh, God, it's Mom's house. 363 00:16:56,403 --> 00:16:57,371 So I got to go right now. 364 00:16:57,471 --> 00:16:58,438 Oh, God! 365 00:16:58,539 --> 00:17:01,508 Okay, bye-bye. 366 00:17:01,608 --> 00:17:03,278 Drive, you piece of shit! 367 00:17:03,912 --> 00:17:05,914 Okay, Craig, you got this. 368 00:17:06,014 --> 00:17:08,116 Shit! Fuck! Damn! No! 369 00:17:08,216 --> 00:17:09,783 You're Trevor now, all right? 370 00:17:09,884 --> 00:17:12,386 And Trevor is gonna knock on the door. 371 00:17:24,032 --> 00:17:25,365 Hello? 372 00:17:26,968 --> 00:17:28,169 Mom? 373 00:17:28,269 --> 00:17:30,370 Why, Trevor, 374 00:17:30,470 --> 00:17:32,739 what a nice surprise. 375 00:17:33,908 --> 00:17:34,976 Mom! 376 00:17:35,076 --> 00:17:36,878 That's right, it's me. 377 00:17:36,978 --> 00:17:38,478 - Good old Mom. - Right. 378 00:17:38,579 --> 00:17:41,082 And I'm... Trevor. 379 00:17:41,182 --> 00:17:43,584 - Yes, you are. - So... 380 00:17:43,684 --> 00:17:45,752 Mom, you're in a wheelchair now? 381 00:17:45,854 --> 00:17:49,723 Well, Trevor, I've been in this wheelchair since January. 382 00:17:49,824 --> 00:17:52,861 Yes, and I haven't been here since then, so... 383 00:17:52,961 --> 00:17:55,296 January of 1979. 384 00:17:55,395 --> 00:17:56,931 Cool, so I do know this. 385 00:17:57,031 --> 00:18:00,400 Darling, what's the matter? You're not acting yourself. 386 00:18:00,500 --> 00:18:02,136 And what's with that hair? 387 00:18:02,237 --> 00:18:06,207 I don't remember it being this fake and shitty looking. 388 00:18:06,307 --> 00:18:07,842 It's a wig. Dah! 389 00:18:07,942 --> 00:18:11,846 I mean, um, I'm growing it out for a wig. 390 00:18:11,946 --> 00:18:13,413 Yeah, Locks for Love. 391 00:18:13,513 --> 00:18:15,183 - Oh. - I'm gonna give some bald, 392 00:18:15,283 --> 00:18:16,664 barren women a second chance. 393 00:18:16,717 --> 00:18:19,586 Well, I was just about to have some tea. 394 00:18:19,686 --> 00:18:21,655 Won't you join me? 395 00:18:21,755 --> 00:18:23,825 Mom, it's really good to see you. 396 00:18:24,259 --> 00:18:25,459 Really actually good. 397 00:18:25,525 --> 00:18:28,329 Well, it is really good to see you, too, dear, 398 00:18:28,428 --> 00:18:31,332 always, my darling boy. 399 00:18:31,431 --> 00:18:33,767 My only darling boy. 400 00:18:34,401 --> 00:18:36,170 The only boy I ever had. 401 00:18:36,271 --> 00:18:37,471 - Sure, yeah. - Yes. 402 00:18:37,571 --> 00:18:39,406 The only boy that ever came 403 00:18:39,506 --> 00:18:41,775 rocketing out of my vagina. 404 00:18:41,876 --> 00:18:42,676 Okay. 405 00:18:42,776 --> 00:18:44,578 I would've probably had another one 406 00:18:44,678 --> 00:18:46,281 just like you, but I didn't. 407 00:18:46,381 --> 00:18:48,349 - The more you... - I had a vasectomy. 408 00:18:48,448 --> 00:18:50,784 One second after you was born, 409 00:18:50,885 --> 00:18:52,320 - Wow. - I had a vasectomy. 410 00:18:52,452 --> 00:18:54,554 They snipped it. 411 00:18:55,957 --> 00:18:57,859 So, Mom... 412 00:18:57,959 --> 00:18:59,606 It's been a minute, what have you been up to? 413 00:18:59,626 --> 00:19:02,363 Oh, my gosh, Trevor! 414 00:19:02,462 --> 00:19:04,631 Well, you know me. 415 00:19:04,731 --> 00:19:05,632 I do. 416 00:19:05,732 --> 00:19:07,209 And all the things I get up to. 417 00:19:07,302 --> 00:19:09,871 Any specifics about it, though, would be appreciated. 418 00:19:09,971 --> 00:19:11,940 Tell me it as if I didn't know, 419 00:19:12,040 --> 00:19:14,255 - even though of course I do. - Ah, this morning, 420 00:19:14,275 --> 00:19:18,079 Patricia and I watched a film from the Criterion Collection. 421 00:19:18,179 --> 00:19:20,815 - You know Patricia, of course. - If you say so. 422 00:19:20,915 --> 00:19:23,684 Mom, you seem so cultured. 423 00:19:23,784 --> 00:19:26,520 Well, I'm glad you're finally recognizing that. 424 00:19:26,620 --> 00:19:30,325 Yeah, me, too, it's time that someone fina... 425 00:19:30,425 --> 00:19:32,961 Uh, that's sand. 426 00:19:33,061 --> 00:19:34,862 Oh, my God. 427 00:19:34,963 --> 00:19:38,232 I switched the tea and the sand again. 428 00:19:38,333 --> 00:19:39,533 Again? 429 00:19:39,566 --> 00:19:42,236 I'm going fast. 430 00:19:42,337 --> 00:19:44,405 I make my own sand, you know. 431 00:19:44,504 --> 00:19:46,040 - Do you? - Yes, I do. 432 00:19:46,140 --> 00:19:47,208 Out of what? 433 00:19:47,308 --> 00:19:48,642 Out of sand. 434 00:19:48,742 --> 00:19:50,378 Here you go, darling. 435 00:19:50,477 --> 00:19:51,692 - Thank you. - Oh, my gosh, 436 00:19:51,712 --> 00:19:53,381 wait a minute, not so fast. 437 00:19:53,480 --> 00:19:54,816 That'll be your reward. 438 00:19:54,916 --> 00:19:56,488 Before you go, I need you to grab 439 00:19:56,550 --> 00:19:58,453 something down for me, please? 440 00:19:58,552 --> 00:20:00,362 - Yeah, fucking sure. Um... - Yes, yes. 441 00:20:00,421 --> 00:20:01,788 It's that one right there. 442 00:20:01,889 --> 00:20:03,724 - This one? - Nope, that one. 443 00:20:03,825 --> 00:20:06,194 - So this one? - No, that one. 444 00:20:06,294 --> 00:20:08,662 - Okay, then this one? - No, darling, that one. 445 00:20:08,762 --> 00:20:09,831 - Here? - Darling? 446 00:20:09,931 --> 00:20:11,432 Let's calm down, look at me. 447 00:20:11,531 --> 00:20:13,301 - Do you see my finger? - I do. 448 00:20:13,401 --> 00:20:14,973 - This is called pointing. - Yeah. 449 00:20:15,036 --> 00:20:17,105 If you draw a little dotted line 450 00:20:17,205 --> 00:20:19,586 from the tip of my finger and you go poop, boop, boop. 451 00:20:19,606 --> 00:20:21,588 Yeah, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop right to here. 452 00:20:21,608 --> 00:20:22,810 - This is the one? - No! 453 00:20:22,910 --> 00:20:24,258 - Here? - Let me, okay, let me... 454 00:20:24,278 --> 00:20:25,279 I need to calm down. 455 00:20:25,380 --> 00:20:26,314 Could you describe it? 456 00:20:26,414 --> 00:20:28,096 Darling, I'm not going to spoil you. 457 00:20:28,116 --> 00:20:30,918 How about a single adjective of-of any of these? 458 00:20:31,019 --> 00:20:33,553 Not over there. Look, this is like this. 459 00:20:33,653 --> 00:20:35,189 - Here again. - Not that one. 460 00:20:35,289 --> 00:20:36,489 - Is it this one? - Yeah! 461 00:20:36,523 --> 00:20:38,126 Oh, motherfucker. Goddamn it. 462 00:20:38,226 --> 00:20:40,627 I could think of words you could've used. 463 00:20:40,727 --> 00:20:43,231 Ooh, well, that was quite an ordeal. 464 00:20:43,331 --> 00:20:45,066 - Yeah, I'll say. - Oh, my God. 465 00:20:45,166 --> 00:20:46,633 No, no, no, no, please. 466 00:20:46,733 --> 00:20:48,602 That's Jerome. He's easily aroused. 467 00:20:48,702 --> 00:20:50,405 Don't get him anywhere near me. 468 00:20:50,505 --> 00:20:51,538 You have sex with this? 469 00:20:51,638 --> 00:20:53,041 Darling, of course. 470 00:20:53,141 --> 00:20:55,376 Look at him, how could I possibly resist? 471 00:20:55,476 --> 00:20:57,478 - He? It's a he? - He's a they. 472 00:20:57,577 --> 00:20:59,814 Oh, God, well, I... Now that I know that you 473 00:20:59,914 --> 00:21:02,884 fuck this little gay boot, I'd love to put it somewhere. 474 00:21:02,984 --> 00:21:04,631 I think you should put him right down there 475 00:21:04,651 --> 00:21:06,521 next to Patricia, she can handle it. 476 00:21:06,653 --> 00:21:08,735 This is Patricia, who you saw the movie with? 477 00:21:08,755 --> 00:21:11,292 Darling, of course. You know Patricia. 478 00:21:11,392 --> 00:21:13,494 And I would ask you to unhand her! 479 00:21:13,593 --> 00:21:14,962 Okay, Mommy, you know what? 480 00:21:15,063 --> 00:21:16,911 I think maybe you need to get out of the house a little bit. 481 00:21:16,931 --> 00:21:19,800 Darling, why would I leave the house? 482 00:21:19,901 --> 00:21:22,303 I have everything I need right here. 483 00:21:22,403 --> 00:21:23,471 Yeah, sure. 484 00:21:23,570 --> 00:21:26,474 I lead a charmed life, Trevor. 485 00:21:26,573 --> 00:21:28,376 Don't you understand? 486 00:21:32,746 --> 00:21:36,884 ♪ My life's been quite the wild ride ♪ 487 00:21:36,984 --> 00:21:39,253 ♪ Intrigue, thrills ♪ 488 00:21:39,353 --> 00:21:42,023 ♪ Romance ♪ 489 00:21:42,123 --> 00:21:45,960 ♪ I may have reached my twilight years ♪ 490 00:21:46,060 --> 00:21:50,932 ♪ But it's all still song and dance ♪ 491 00:21:51,566 --> 00:21:53,234 ♪ Seasons come ♪ 492 00:21:53,334 --> 00:21:55,903 ♪ And seasons go ♪ 493 00:21:56,003 --> 00:22:01,375 ♪ My years keep flying by ♪ 494 00:22:01,476 --> 00:22:05,679 ♪ And now I sit here in my house until the day I die ♪ 495 00:22:05,779 --> 00:22:08,249 Trevor, I'm an independent woman. 496 00:22:08,349 --> 00:22:12,386 I do what I want when I want with whom I want. 497 00:22:12,487 --> 00:22:14,788 - I am very confused. - I'm afraid 498 00:22:14,889 --> 00:22:16,824 you simply don't understand 499 00:22:16,924 --> 00:22:20,660 what a gas it is when you get to be my age. 500 00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:22,130 ♪ I'm 93 ♪ 501 00:22:22,230 --> 00:22:23,598 ♪ No, 94 ♪ 502 00:22:23,697 --> 00:22:25,266 That can't be right. 503 00:22:25,366 --> 00:22:26,666 ♪ Just wait, there's more ♪ 504 00:22:26,766 --> 00:22:29,604 ♪ My back is broke My tits, they sag ♪ 505 00:22:29,703 --> 00:22:32,639 ♪ I have to pee into a bag ♪ 506 00:22:32,739 --> 00:22:35,843 ♪ I have three toes My eyes are coins ♪ 507 00:22:35,943 --> 00:22:38,913 ♪ A mouse named Pip lives in my loins ♪ 508 00:22:39,013 --> 00:22:41,748 ♪ I smell like milk Well, more like cheese ♪ 509 00:22:41,849 --> 00:22:45,286 ♪ My nipples wink I never sneeze ♪ 510 00:22:45,386 --> 00:22:47,822 ♪ I cannot remember the year I was born ♪ 511 00:22:47,922 --> 00:22:50,925 ♪ I sculpt all my friends out of clay ♪ 512 00:22:51,025 --> 00:22:54,162 ♪ I've seen every movie And most of them thrice ♪ 513 00:22:54,262 --> 00:22:57,465 ♪ For breakfast I only eat hay ♪ 514 00:22:57,565 --> 00:22:59,470 Well, this has been fun, but I got to be 515 00:22:59,567 --> 00:23:01,202 anywhere but here. 516 00:23:01,302 --> 00:23:04,272 ♪ I keep all my ice cubes inside of my purse ♪ 517 00:23:04,372 --> 00:23:07,175 ♪ I have a whole room full of geese ♪ 518 00:23:07,275 --> 00:23:09,911 ♪ I only read backwards I never use spoons ♪ 519 00:23:10,011 --> 00:23:12,380 ♪ My mother is also my niece ♪ 520 00:23:12,480 --> 00:23:14,982 ♪ My organs are cotton I cry melted butter ♪ 521 00:23:15,082 --> 00:23:17,451 ♪ I have no reflection I bathe in asbestos ♪ 522 00:23:17,552 --> 00:23:19,753 ♪ The world is a riddle I might be the devil ♪ 523 00:23:19,854 --> 00:23:22,390 ♪ My pussy fell off once in Greece, hey! ♪ 524 00:23:23,790 --> 00:23:25,792 Who saw that coming? 525 00:23:25,893 --> 00:23:28,095 I did. 526 00:23:29,430 --> 00:23:30,630 Craig. 527 00:23:30,898 --> 00:23:32,833 My favorite son. 528 00:23:33,401 --> 00:23:34,869 My only son. 529 00:23:34,969 --> 00:23:36,736 - What a surprise. - Yeah. 530 00:23:36,837 --> 00:23:38,406 I thought I'd swing by. 531 00:23:38,506 --> 00:23:40,174 Oh. 532 00:23:40,274 --> 00:23:41,876 A hug. 533 00:23:41,976 --> 00:23:45,213 Well, this is new. 534 00:23:45,313 --> 00:23:46,513 Uh... 535 00:23:47,682 --> 00:23:49,016 Don't forget to let go. 536 00:23:49,116 --> 00:23:51,052 Otherwise, we're just wrasslin'. 537 00:23:53,421 --> 00:23:54,989 Wow. 538 00:23:55,690 --> 00:23:57,558 Swanky digs, Dad. 539 00:23:57,658 --> 00:23:59,894 - Oh, hush. - No, I mean it. 540 00:23:59,994 --> 00:24:03,030 This place is so nice and clean and chic and... 541 00:24:03,130 --> 00:24:05,399 God, I wish I'd grown up here. 542 00:24:06,300 --> 00:24:08,836 What are talking about, Craig? You did grow up here. 543 00:24:08,936 --> 00:24:11,105 And I wish I could grow up here again. 544 00:24:11,205 --> 00:24:13,474 - Shame how time works. - Yeah. 545 00:24:13,574 --> 00:24:15,610 It really sucks. Care for a mimosa? 546 00:24:15,710 --> 00:24:17,278 Oh. 547 00:24:17,378 --> 00:24:20,114 Don't judge, but I've already had one... 548 00:24:20,214 --> 00:24:21,048 pitcher. 549 00:24:21,148 --> 00:24:23,184 Come on. 550 00:24:23,284 --> 00:24:24,652 Just kidding. 551 00:24:24,751 --> 00:24:26,454 But I do drink every morning. 552 00:24:26,554 --> 00:24:27,955 - Sure. - Cheers. 553 00:24:30,057 --> 00:24:30,992 Mmm. 554 00:24:31,092 --> 00:24:33,628 Craig, I'm glad you're here actually. 555 00:24:33,728 --> 00:24:36,097 Same, Dad. What do you want to do first? 556 00:24:36,197 --> 00:24:39,367 Play catch in the yard? Not talk about our feelings? 557 00:24:40,701 --> 00:24:42,870 Funny you should mention feelings. 558 00:24:45,339 --> 00:24:47,475 Uh... 559 00:24:52,213 --> 00:24:53,214 Wow. 560 00:24:53,314 --> 00:24:55,082 Okay. 561 00:24:55,182 --> 00:24:57,351 I've been meaning to tell you for some time. 562 00:24:58,419 --> 00:25:01,322 There's no easy way to say this, but... 563 00:25:01,922 --> 00:25:04,258 - But... - But what? 564 00:25:06,761 --> 00:25:07,961 I'm gay. 565 00:25:10,398 --> 00:25:12,867 Wait, wait, uh, this is something that I, 566 00:25:12,967 --> 00:25:15,169 Craig, didn't know about until just now? 567 00:25:15,269 --> 00:25:16,203 That's correct. 568 00:25:16,304 --> 00:25:18,272 Um, okay, great, then I can freely say, 569 00:25:18,372 --> 00:25:21,809 what the fuck, Dad, you're gay? 570 00:25:21,909 --> 00:25:23,924 Well, I was hoping for a little more enthusiasm, 571 00:25:23,944 --> 00:25:26,213 but yes, Craig, I'm gay. 572 00:25:26,314 --> 00:25:28,949 Queer as a three-dollar bill and just as thin. 573 00:25:29,050 --> 00:25:31,032 - Well, let's not go c... - Shh. Daddy's talking. 574 00:25:31,052 --> 00:25:32,920 - Mm-hmm. - Honestly, 575 00:25:33,020 --> 00:25:35,656 the signs have been there for ages. 576 00:25:35,756 --> 00:25:37,358 I'm only now realizing it. 577 00:25:37,458 --> 00:25:40,661 I am and have always been a normal homosexual man 578 00:25:40,761 --> 00:25:44,298 who does all the normal things normal homosexual men do. 579 00:25:44,398 --> 00:25:47,335 - Like what? - Well, I'll tell you. 580 00:25:48,369 --> 00:25:50,638 ♪ I wake up, drink my coffee ♪ 581 00:25:50,738 --> 00:25:52,907 ♪ Have brunch around 11:00 ♪ 582 00:25:53,007 --> 00:25:54,975 ♪ Walk my bichon frise ♪ 583 00:25:55,076 --> 00:25:57,378 ♪ Then nap till half past 7:00 ♪ 584 00:25:57,478 --> 00:25:59,815 ♪ A night out at the symphony ♪ 585 00:25:59,914 --> 00:26:01,982 ♪ Such elegance, what poise ♪ 586 00:26:02,083 --> 00:26:04,218 ♪ Or maybe I'll just stay at home ♪ 587 00:26:04,318 --> 00:26:06,120 ♪ With my two Sewer Boys ♪ 588 00:26:06,220 --> 00:26:07,154 What? 589 00:26:07,254 --> 00:26:10,391 ♪ The answer is perfectly clear ♪ 590 00:26:10,491 --> 00:26:15,831 ♪ It's a gay old life being queer ♪ 591 00:26:15,930 --> 00:26:18,332 I'm so sorry, did you say "Sewer Boys"? 592 00:26:18,432 --> 00:26:22,236 Oh, come on, Craig. You know my Sewer Boys. 593 00:26:27,408 --> 00:26:28,844 No! 594 00:26:28,943 --> 00:26:32,480 No! No! 595 00:26:32,580 --> 00:26:37,151 No! No! No! 596 00:26:37,251 --> 00:26:39,387 Christ on a crutch, Craig. 597 00:26:39,487 --> 00:26:40,488 Are you all right? 598 00:26:40,588 --> 00:26:43,657 You sounded like Maria Callas on a rough matinee. 599 00:26:43,758 --> 00:26:45,493 What the fuck are those things? 600 00:26:45,593 --> 00:26:47,795 My Sewer Boys. 601 00:26:47,895 --> 00:26:50,398 Pale little inbred creatures, 602 00:26:50,498 --> 00:26:51,265 live underground. 603 00:26:51,365 --> 00:26:53,801 Only communicate in clicks and whistles. 604 00:26:56,203 --> 00:26:58,606 I-I'm very confused. 605 00:26:58,706 --> 00:27:00,074 You do seem a bit off, dear. 606 00:27:00,174 --> 00:27:01,575 And what's with your hair? 607 00:27:01,675 --> 00:27:04,199 I don't remember it being this fake or shitty looking. 608 00:27:04,278 --> 00:27:06,247 Oh, God, who cares about wigs right now? 609 00:27:06,347 --> 00:27:07,883 Those things are disgusting. 610 00:27:07,982 --> 00:27:10,251 They're not disgusting, they're gay culture. 611 00:27:10,351 --> 00:27:12,686 Gay culture? Well, they don't seem gay. 612 00:27:12,787 --> 00:27:14,321 They seem dangerous. 613 00:27:14,422 --> 00:27:17,558 Well, I appreciate your concern, but... 614 00:27:17,658 --> 00:27:22,396 ♪ There's nothing dangerous about vacationing in Spain ♪ 615 00:27:22,496 --> 00:27:24,098 ♪ That is until you've thrown ♪ 616 00:27:24,198 --> 00:27:26,868 ♪ Half of your savings down the drain ♪ 617 00:27:26,967 --> 00:27:29,303 ♪ But money should be spent on things ♪ 618 00:27:29,403 --> 00:27:31,539 ♪ Both lovely and refined ♪ 619 00:27:31,639 --> 00:27:34,041 ♪ The Sewer Boys drink blood for fun ♪ 620 00:27:34,141 --> 00:27:35,776 ♪ And also read my mind ♪ 621 00:27:35,877 --> 00:27:40,014 ♪ Don't get in a tizzy My dear ♪ 622 00:27:40,114 --> 00:27:42,783 ♪ It's a gay old life ♪ 623 00:27:42,884 --> 00:27:46,187 ♪ Being queer ♪ 624 00:27:46,287 --> 00:27:48,824 What do you mean, they read your mind? 625 00:27:48,924 --> 00:27:50,991 Uh-oh, someone's hungry. 626 00:27:52,793 --> 00:27:54,295 Oh, God. 627 00:27:55,663 --> 00:27:56,564 Ah. 628 00:27:56,664 --> 00:27:58,732 They'll do anything for a little deli meat. 629 00:27:58,834 --> 00:28:02,002 No, I hate this. 630 00:28:02,670 --> 00:28:04,171 What are you doing? 631 00:28:10,311 --> 00:28:12,546 - Oh. - All right, it's your turn. 632 00:28:15,616 --> 00:28:18,118 Oh, there's got to be a different way to feed them. 633 00:28:18,652 --> 00:28:19,987 No! 634 00:28:22,590 --> 00:28:24,091 All right, all right. 635 00:28:27,461 --> 00:28:30,498 Hey, let's brainstorm some ideas together, Papa. 636 00:28:30,598 --> 00:28:31,465 Maybe a bowl. 637 00:28:31,565 --> 00:28:34,101 Have you thought about a fucking bowl? 638 00:28:34,201 --> 00:28:36,103 Nope, this is how we've always done it. 639 00:28:36,203 --> 00:28:38,072 Dinnertime with my Sewer Boys, 640 00:28:38,172 --> 00:28:39,640 Backpack and Whisper. 641 00:28:39,740 --> 00:28:40,940 Those are their names? 642 00:28:40,976 --> 00:28:41,910 Watch your talons. 643 00:28:42,009 --> 00:28:43,945 Talons. 644 00:28:44,044 --> 00:28:46,815 - Want some ham? - No, I don't want any ham! 645 00:28:46,915 --> 00:28:48,817 I feel like I'm in a fucking nightmare! 646 00:28:48,917 --> 00:28:51,285 Oh, I understand, son. 647 00:28:52,353 --> 00:28:56,023 Coming out can be just as hard on the family. 648 00:28:56,123 --> 00:28:58,994 But it's a journey we'll go on together. 649 00:28:59,093 --> 00:29:01,262 I'm not talking about coming out. 650 00:29:01,362 --> 00:29:03,631 I'm talking about the fucking monsters. 651 00:29:04,732 --> 00:29:08,736 Oh, shh! Don't say that in front of them. 652 00:29:08,837 --> 00:29:10,084 You'll hurt their feelings. 653 00:29:10,104 --> 00:29:12,306 Their feelings? They feel? 654 00:29:12,406 --> 00:29:15,442 What are they? Explain them to me! 655 00:29:16,677 --> 00:29:18,479 Well, it's a long story. 656 00:29:19,580 --> 00:29:20,681 Very well. 657 00:29:20,781 --> 00:29:22,116 Oh, yeah. Get a hat. 658 00:29:22,216 --> 00:29:23,852 ♪ Many decades ago ♪ 659 00:29:23,952 --> 00:29:25,386 ♪ I was down in the sewer ♪ 660 00:29:25,486 --> 00:29:27,655 - Why? - Shh, Daddy's singing. 661 00:29:27,755 --> 00:29:30,558 ♪ Rowing my boat through the slime and manure ♪ 662 00:29:30,658 --> 00:29:32,468 How did you get a boat into the sewer? 663 00:29:32,526 --> 00:29:34,361 You want to hear the story or not? 664 00:29:34,461 --> 00:29:37,631 ♪ Collecting adventures and treasures galore ♪ 665 00:29:37,731 --> 00:29:42,436 ♪ But I couldn't guess what fate had in store ♪ 666 00:29:42,536 --> 00:29:44,873 ♪ I rounded a bend and what did I see? ♪ 667 00:29:44,973 --> 00:29:48,342 ♪ Two creatures so bloody So foul, so carefree ♪ 668 00:29:48,442 --> 00:29:51,846 ♪ They were taking a bath in the corpse of a swine ♪ 669 00:29:51,947 --> 00:29:54,049 ♪ And that's when I knew ♪ 670 00:29:54,148 --> 00:29:57,785 ♪ They had to be mine ♪ 671 00:29:59,020 --> 00:30:01,322 ♪ I tried to entice them ♪ 672 00:30:01,422 --> 00:30:03,892 ♪ But they were too quick ♪ 673 00:30:03,992 --> 00:30:06,061 ♪ Tried to rip out my trachea ♪ 674 00:30:06,160 --> 00:30:08,495 ♪ Bite off my dick ♪ 675 00:30:08,596 --> 00:30:10,631 ♪ With a club I subdued them ♪ 676 00:30:10,731 --> 00:30:14,069 ♪ And made to depart ♪ 677 00:30:14,168 --> 00:30:17,005 ♪ And I stole the two creatures ♪ 678 00:30:17,104 --> 00:30:21,375 ♪ Who'd stolen my heart ♪ 679 00:30:21,742 --> 00:30:22,942 Jesus. 680 00:30:24,678 --> 00:30:28,782 ♪ My boy There's no reason to jeer ♪ 681 00:30:28,883 --> 00:30:32,854 ♪ It's a gay old life ♪ 682 00:30:32,954 --> 00:30:35,023 ♪ Being ♪ 683 00:30:35,122 --> 00:30:39,426 ♪ Queer... ♪ 684 00:30:39,526 --> 00:30:40,895 ♪ I bathe in bleach ♪ 685 00:30:40,996 --> 00:30:42,463 ♪ There's skiing up in Aspen ♪ 686 00:30:42,563 --> 00:30:44,345 - ♪ I play the horn ♪ - ♪ And sailing of West Palm ♪ 687 00:30:44,365 --> 00:30:45,432 ♪ One time I died ♪ 688 00:30:45,532 --> 00:30:46,968 ♪ The snow is fine as powder ♪ 689 00:30:47,068 --> 00:30:48,817 - ♪ I suck on corn ♪ - ♪ The waves are always calm ♪ 690 00:30:48,837 --> 00:30:50,819 - ♪ I poison fruit ♪ - ♪ But no matter where I am ♪ 691 00:30:50,839 --> 00:30:52,219 - ♪ I kissed a chair ♪ - ♪ There is no way ♪ 692 00:30:52,239 --> 00:30:53,754 ♪ I can resist the urge to climb ♪ 693 00:30:53,774 --> 00:30:55,322 - ♪ I juggle for exercise ♪ - ♪ Below the streets ♪ 694 00:30:55,342 --> 00:30:56,858 - ♪ Never use alphabet ♪ - ♪ And smell ♪ 695 00:30:56,878 --> 00:30:58,292 - ♪ And a tornado's my friend ♪ - ♪ That stinky mist ♪ 696 00:30:58,312 --> 00:30:59,948 ♪ The answer is ♪ 697 00:31:00,048 --> 00:31:02,282 ♪ Perfectly clear ♪ 698 00:31:02,383 --> 00:31:06,487 ♪ It's a gay old life ♪ 699 00:31:06,587 --> 00:31:09,024 ♪ Being queer ♪ 700 00:31:09,124 --> 00:31:14,662 ♪ I have no pussy ♪ 701 00:31:18,033 --> 00:31:19,934 Those foolish boys. 702 00:31:20,035 --> 00:31:21,970 What, oh, what will they do? 703 00:31:26,908 --> 00:31:30,145 Craig Tiddle's phone, Craig Tiddle speaking. Ah! 704 00:31:30,244 --> 00:31:31,893 Why didn't you tell me Dad was a gay man 705 00:31:31,913 --> 00:31:33,681 obsessed with Sewer Boys? 706 00:31:33,781 --> 00:31:34,816 Because I was ashamed. 707 00:31:34,916 --> 00:31:36,730 You don't know what it's like to feed Boar's Head ham 708 00:31:36,750 --> 00:31:39,154 to those slimy little demons your whole life. 709 00:31:39,253 --> 00:31:41,588 Why didn't you tell me Mom's pussy fell off? 710 00:31:41,689 --> 00:31:43,858 You weren't there. It was really disturbing. 711 00:31:43,958 --> 00:31:45,907 Well, I'm sure it was, but not knowing really... 712 00:31:45,927 --> 00:31:49,164 No, Craig. It was awful. 713 00:31:49,263 --> 00:31:52,100 It crawled away like a fucking cockroach. 714 00:31:52,199 --> 00:31:53,399 Mom was screaming at me, 715 00:31:53,434 --> 00:31:56,570 "Kill it! Kill it!" 716 00:31:56,670 --> 00:31:59,440 I raised my flip-flop to deal the death blow, 717 00:31:59,540 --> 00:32:01,675 and it stared me straight in the eyes. 718 00:32:01,775 --> 00:32:03,677 It had eyes now. 719 00:32:03,777 --> 00:32:06,780 "Dream of this," the pussy said to me. 720 00:32:06,881 --> 00:32:08,549 "Dream of this every night." 721 00:32:09,416 --> 00:32:10,819 And I do, Craig. 722 00:32:11,719 --> 00:32:12,919 I do. 723 00:32:13,787 --> 00:32:15,302 Well, our parents are fucking freaks, 724 00:32:15,322 --> 00:32:16,670 and there's nothing we can do about it. 725 00:32:16,690 --> 00:32:17,458 What do you mean? 726 00:32:17,558 --> 00:32:18,592 I mean that I thought our plan 727 00:32:18,692 --> 00:32:20,561 was going to be easy, and it was not. 728 00:32:20,661 --> 00:32:22,342 But I still want to be brothers, no homo. 729 00:32:22,362 --> 00:32:23,610 Want to be brothers, no homo, too. 730 00:32:23,630 --> 00:32:24,979 Well, then we have to do this. 731 00:32:24,999 --> 00:32:27,047 But our parents are completely incompatible. 732 00:32:27,102 --> 00:32:29,269 Mom has no pussy. 733 00:32:29,369 --> 00:32:31,472 Dad is a gay. 734 00:32:31,572 --> 00:32:34,742 I want this to work, okay? But it just feels... 735 00:32:35,944 --> 00:32:37,478 impossible. 736 00:32:37,578 --> 00:32:39,848 Anything's possible if you force it to be. 737 00:32:39,948 --> 00:32:41,883 - But... - Shh. 738 00:32:48,589 --> 00:32:51,126 ♪ When I was picking colleges ♪ 739 00:32:51,226 --> 00:32:53,761 ♪ My sights were set on Brown ♪ 740 00:32:53,862 --> 00:32:56,797 ♪ But my scores were all so miserable ♪ 741 00:32:56,898 --> 00:32:59,266 ♪ That they just turned me down ♪ 742 00:32:59,366 --> 00:33:02,336 ♪ So I went and saw the chancellor ♪ 743 00:33:02,436 --> 00:33:04,605 ♪ To make him think again ♪ 744 00:33:04,705 --> 00:33:06,406 ♪ And when he still refused ♪ 745 00:33:06,507 --> 00:33:12,213 ♪ I roofied him And then he let me in ♪ 746 00:33:12,312 --> 00:33:14,348 ♪ You can't give up ♪ 747 00:33:14,448 --> 00:33:17,451 ♪ When people tell you no ♪ 748 00:33:17,551 --> 00:33:19,386 ♪ You can't give up ♪ 749 00:33:19,486 --> 00:33:22,824 ♪ If you want it, make it so ♪ 750 00:33:24,159 --> 00:33:26,326 ♪ Life's a game of poker ♪ 751 00:33:26,426 --> 00:33:28,863 ♪ And I only play to win ♪ 752 00:33:28,963 --> 00:33:32,000 ♪ So if someone says don't do a thing ♪ 753 00:33:32,100 --> 00:33:34,668 ♪ Just do that thing again ♪ 754 00:33:35,736 --> 00:33:38,338 ♪ Last year I found a condo ♪ 755 00:33:38,438 --> 00:33:40,774 ♪ So high up in the sky ♪ 756 00:33:40,875 --> 00:33:43,945 ♪ But the grandmother who lived there ♪ 757 00:33:44,045 --> 00:33:46,446 ♪ She wouldn't let me buy ♪ 758 00:33:46,547 --> 00:33:48,950 ♪ So I framed her ass for larceny ♪ 759 00:33:49,050 --> 00:33:51,618 ♪ And now she rots in jail ♪ 760 00:33:51,718 --> 00:33:53,520 ♪ Then I roofied a whole bar ♪ 761 00:33:53,620 --> 00:33:55,322 ♪ And we all killed ♪ 762 00:33:55,422 --> 00:33:59,227 ♪ A humpback whale ♪ 763 00:33:59,326 --> 00:34:01,029 ♪ You can't give up ♪ 764 00:34:01,129 --> 00:34:04,132 ♪ When people tell you no ♪ 765 00:34:04,232 --> 00:34:06,034 ♪ You can't give up ♪ 766 00:34:06,134 --> 00:34:09,103 ♪ If you want it, make it so ♪ 767 00:34:10,604 --> 00:34:13,141 ♪ Life's a game of Boggle ♪ 768 00:34:13,241 --> 00:34:15,742 ♪ And I only play to win ♪ 769 00:34:15,844 --> 00:34:18,412 ♪ So if someone says don't do a thing ♪ 770 00:34:18,512 --> 00:34:20,751 - ♪ Just do that thing ♪ - ♪ And do that thing ♪ 771 00:34:20,781 --> 00:34:22,884 ♪ Again ♪ 772 00:34:22,984 --> 00:34:25,220 ♪ The losers are all thinking ♪ 773 00:34:25,320 --> 00:34:28,422 ♪ There's some secret to success ♪ 774 00:34:28,522 --> 00:34:31,192 ♪ And they also think that "no" means "no" ♪ 775 00:34:31,292 --> 00:34:35,897 ♪ But really "No" means "yes" ♪ 776 00:34:35,997 --> 00:34:41,002 ♪ "No" means "yes" ♪ 777 00:34:41,102 --> 00:34:43,004 ♪ You can't give up ♪ 778 00:34:43,104 --> 00:34:46,140 ♪ When people tell you no ♪ 779 00:34:46,241 --> 00:34:48,209 ♪ You can't give up ♪ 780 00:34:48,309 --> 00:34:52,479 ♪ If you want it, make it so ♪ 781 00:34:52,579 --> 00:34:54,715 ♪ Life's a fucking hand job ♪ 782 00:34:54,816 --> 00:34:57,584 ♪ And I only play to win ♪ 783 00:34:57,684 --> 00:34:59,620 ♪ So stroke my fucking cock ♪ 784 00:34:59,720 --> 00:35:02,824 ♪ Until I blast all on your chin ♪ 785 00:35:02,924 --> 00:35:05,592 ♪ Then take that cum and lube me up ♪ 786 00:35:05,692 --> 00:35:08,096 ♪ Until I come again ♪ 787 00:35:08,196 --> 00:35:11,032 ♪ And if someone says don't do a thing ♪ 788 00:35:11,132 --> 00:35:13,101 ♪ Just do that thing and do that thing ♪ 789 00:35:13,201 --> 00:35:14,302 ♪ And do that thing ♪ 790 00:35:14,401 --> 00:35:19,040 ♪ And do that thing... ♪ 791 00:35:19,140 --> 00:35:22,542 ♪ Again ♪ 792 00:35:22,643 --> 00:35:24,711 ♪ Do that thing again ♪ 793 00:35:30,852 --> 00:35:33,587 Ah. Should I open another bottle? 794 00:35:33,687 --> 00:35:35,089 I know it's our second, 795 00:35:35,189 --> 00:35:36,423 but we're not Baptists. 796 00:35:39,426 --> 00:35:40,641 Are you sure that thing's secure? 797 00:35:40,661 --> 00:35:41,762 Hardly. 798 00:35:41,863 --> 00:35:44,265 They've gotten out so many times, 799 00:35:44,365 --> 00:35:46,834 animal control made me tag them. 800 00:35:46,935 --> 00:35:49,404 Have you ever thought about putting them down? 801 00:35:49,503 --> 00:35:52,340 Good grief, I'd sooner put down my wine. 802 00:35:52,439 --> 00:35:53,955 Though I admit, they're a handful. 803 00:35:53,975 --> 00:35:56,643 I haven't had a vacation in years, 804 00:35:56,743 --> 00:35:59,380 and you know how I love jet lag. 805 00:35:59,479 --> 00:36:01,816 Let's talk about what I want to talk about. 806 00:36:01,916 --> 00:36:05,119 Like Mom, for example. If she's real or whatever. 807 00:36:05,219 --> 00:36:06,653 How did you two meet? 808 00:36:06,753 --> 00:36:09,090 Oh! It's a funny story. 809 00:36:09,190 --> 00:36:10,791 We met in a graveyard. 810 00:36:10,892 --> 00:36:12,894 I was trying to find a kidney. 811 00:36:12,994 --> 00:36:15,830 They sell like hotcakes on the black market. 812 00:36:15,930 --> 00:36:17,832 - You were graverobbing. - Why, Trevor, 813 00:36:17,932 --> 00:36:20,801 you know that was my job before the war. 814 00:36:20,902 --> 00:36:23,271 And after. Yahtzee. 815 00:36:23,371 --> 00:36:24,439 We're doing a puzzle. 816 00:36:24,538 --> 00:36:25,840 Puzzle. 817 00:36:26,941 --> 00:36:29,543 There was your mother, up to her neck 818 00:36:29,643 --> 00:36:31,478 in freshly-tilled dirt. 819 00:36:31,578 --> 00:36:34,282 When I called out to her, she pulled a gun on me. 820 00:36:34,382 --> 00:36:35,482 Thought I was a cop. 821 00:36:35,582 --> 00:36:37,952 Graverobbing was illegal in those days. 822 00:36:38,052 --> 00:36:39,253 It's still illegal. 823 00:36:39,354 --> 00:36:40,721 Well, don't tell the police 824 00:36:40,822 --> 00:36:43,925 or they'll make me return half my wardrobe. 825 00:36:44,025 --> 00:36:47,028 All this talk about Dad. What is it, Father's Day? 826 00:36:47,128 --> 00:36:48,810 You know, the more you yammer on about Dad, 827 00:36:48,830 --> 00:36:50,307 it makes me think you miss him. 828 00:36:50,365 --> 00:36:52,400 Like you want to see him again. 829 00:36:52,499 --> 00:36:54,202 - See your mother? - Why not? 830 00:36:54,302 --> 00:36:57,005 You said so yourself, you're fucking monster children... 831 00:36:57,105 --> 00:36:58,139 Sewer Boys! Sewer Boys! 832 00:36:58,239 --> 00:37:00,008 Whatever! 833 00:37:00,108 --> 00:37:03,311 Your Sewer Boys take up so much of your time. 834 00:37:03,411 --> 00:37:05,413 When's the last time you went out 835 00:37:05,512 --> 00:37:07,115 and had a little fun? 836 00:37:07,215 --> 00:37:09,217 A little daddy time? 837 00:37:09,317 --> 00:37:12,286 The last time I went out... 838 00:37:12,387 --> 00:37:14,755 I know the Nazis were still a thing. 839 00:37:14,856 --> 00:37:16,556 God, whatever happened to them? 840 00:37:16,656 --> 00:37:17,856 See, this is what I mean. 841 00:37:17,892 --> 00:37:19,861 You should leave the house now and then. 842 00:37:19,961 --> 00:37:22,030 Hit the town, look at a current globe, 843 00:37:22,130 --> 00:37:22,930 see Dad. 844 00:37:23,031 --> 00:37:24,611 I don't know about seeing your mother, 845 00:37:24,631 --> 00:37:26,733 but... you're right. 846 00:37:26,834 --> 00:37:28,369 A little company could be nice. 847 00:37:28,469 --> 00:37:31,172 Well, how about you and me go to dinner? 848 00:37:31,272 --> 00:37:33,107 Tomorrow night, 8:00 p.m.? 849 00:37:33,207 --> 00:37:34,407 Tomorrow night? 850 00:37:34,475 --> 00:37:36,610 Let's just have drinks here instead, eh? 851 00:37:36,710 --> 00:37:39,047 Or, or... we could go somewhere better. 852 00:37:39,147 --> 00:37:41,496 The kind of place where you could fall in love again. 853 00:37:41,516 --> 00:37:43,051 A place like 854 00:37:43,518 --> 00:37:45,652 La Chateaux. 855 00:37:45,752 --> 00:37:49,323 The most romantic restaurant in all of New York? 856 00:37:49,424 --> 00:37:50,958 Odd place to go with your son. 857 00:37:51,059 --> 00:37:52,306 Well, I already made a reservation, 858 00:37:52,326 --> 00:37:54,962 so enjoy your empty evening full of nothing 859 00:37:55,063 --> 00:37:56,477 but the silence of your own thoughts. 860 00:37:56,497 --> 00:37:59,699 And I loved that idea you had about dinner at La Chateaux. 861 00:37:59,800 --> 00:38:01,869 Wait a minute, wasn't that your idea? 862 00:38:01,969 --> 00:38:04,519 Yup, that's right, a dinner that's definitely your idea, 863 00:38:04,539 --> 00:38:05,907 and definitely with me. 864 00:38:06,007 --> 00:38:06,941 Bye, Mommy. 865 00:38:07,041 --> 00:38:08,241 Well, we'll see. 866 00:38:08,276 --> 00:38:11,045 I mean, uh, it was lovely of you to come over, though. 867 00:38:11,145 --> 00:38:13,514 I hope you'll come back... 868 00:38:13,613 --> 00:38:14,714 soon. 869 00:38:14,816 --> 00:38:16,050 Come back soon. 870 00:38:24,392 --> 00:38:29,864 ♪ The phone, it never rings ♪ 871 00:38:31,399 --> 00:38:36,838 ♪ The door, it never knocks ♪ 872 00:38:38,239 --> 00:38:43,377 ♪ I sit here with my bric-a-brac ♪ 873 00:38:43,478 --> 00:38:46,481 ♪ Oh, my tchotchkes ♪ 874 00:38:46,581 --> 00:38:50,184 ♪ And my clocks ♪ 875 00:38:52,120 --> 00:38:56,723 ♪ I don't think it's a problem ♪ 876 00:38:56,824 --> 00:39:03,397 ♪ That I hate to go outside ♪ 877 00:39:03,498 --> 00:39:06,601 ♪ Though I worry ♪ 878 00:39:06,700 --> 00:39:10,438 ♪ It'll take them weeks ♪ 879 00:39:10,538 --> 00:39:14,108 ♪ To find my body ♪ 880 00:39:14,208 --> 00:39:17,812 ♪ Once I've died ♪ 881 00:39:18,346 --> 00:39:20,081 ♪ I'm lonely ♪ 882 00:39:20,181 --> 00:39:23,650 ♪ I'm lonely, I'm lonely I'm lonely, I'm lonely ♪ 883 00:39:23,750 --> 00:39:25,319 ♪ I'm lonely ♪ 884 00:39:25,419 --> 00:39:26,786 ♪ So lonely ♪ 885 00:39:26,888 --> 00:39:31,425 ♪ So fucking lonely all the time ♪ 886 00:39:32,527 --> 00:39:35,729 ♪ I am a person ♪ 887 00:39:35,830 --> 00:39:37,498 ♪ Who's lonely ♪ 888 00:39:37,598 --> 00:39:42,370 ♪ My Sewer Boys They bring me joy ♪ 889 00:39:44,305 --> 00:39:49,877 ♪ They have throughout the years ♪ 890 00:39:51,345 --> 00:39:52,813 ♪ But I admit ♪ 891 00:39:52,914 --> 00:39:55,883 ♪ They've scared away ♪ 892 00:39:55,983 --> 00:39:59,654 ♪ My wife, my son ♪ 893 00:39:59,753 --> 00:40:02,689 ♪ My peers ♪ 894 00:40:02,789 --> 00:40:06,227 ♪ Could it be ♪ 895 00:40:06,327 --> 00:40:09,931 ♪ I've hid behind ♪ 896 00:40:10,031 --> 00:40:16,703 ♪ My sweet, delightful pets? ♪ 897 00:40:18,172 --> 00:40:20,942 ♪ That they've mired me ♪ 898 00:40:21,042 --> 00:40:23,878 ♪ In crippling debt ♪ 899 00:40:23,978 --> 00:40:28,748 ♪ And been the cause of my death threats ♪ 900 00:40:31,352 --> 00:40:32,786 ♪ I'm lonely ♪ 901 00:40:32,887 --> 00:40:37,425 ♪ I'm lonely, I'm lonely I'm lonely ♪ 902 00:40:38,259 --> 00:40:39,759 ♪ So lonely ♪ 903 00:40:39,860 --> 00:40:45,199 ♪ So lonely and so all alone ♪ 904 00:40:45,299 --> 00:40:49,170 ♪ I am a person ♪ 905 00:40:49,270 --> 00:40:51,939 ♪ Was it wrong to throw away ♪ 906 00:40:52,039 --> 00:40:54,508 ♪ The marriage that I had? ♪ 907 00:40:54,609 --> 00:40:56,077 ♪ Was it wrong? ♪ 908 00:40:56,177 --> 00:40:58,112 ♪ To split my children up ♪ 909 00:40:58,212 --> 00:41:01,482 ♪ Is there a chance that was bad? ♪ 910 00:41:01,582 --> 00:41:03,117 ♪ That was bad ♪ 911 00:41:03,217 --> 00:41:05,785 ♪ Am I wrong to live my life ♪ 912 00:41:05,886 --> 00:41:08,356 ♪ The way I do now? ♪ 913 00:41:10,524 --> 00:41:12,960 - ♪ Should I try to change? ♪ - ♪ Yes ♪ 914 00:41:13,060 --> 00:41:15,363 - ♪ Some way ♪ - ♪ Please ♪ 915 00:41:15,463 --> 00:41:16,530 ♪ Somehow ♪ 916 00:41:16,631 --> 00:41:17,598 ♪ Change ♪ 917 00:41:17,698 --> 00:41:19,734 ♪ I have so much to share ♪ 918 00:41:19,834 --> 00:41:20,835 ♪ Change ♪ 919 00:41:20,935 --> 00:41:23,004 ♪ Does anybody care? ♪ 920 00:41:23,104 --> 00:41:26,574 ♪ Please, God If you're listening ♪ 921 00:41:26,674 --> 00:41:30,244 ♪ Just trust me I'm Christian now ♪ 922 00:41:30,344 --> 00:41:35,549 ♪ Answer my motherfucking prayer ♪ 923 00:41:35,650 --> 00:41:38,352 Oh, not now. Not now. 924 00:41:43,391 --> 00:41:45,860 ♪ I'm lonely ♪ 925 00:41:45,960 --> 00:41:50,298 ♪ I'm so lonely ♪ 926 00:41:50,398 --> 00:41:52,133 ♪ So lonely ♪ 927 00:41:52,233 --> 00:41:56,804 ♪ So lonely, I'm all alone ♪ 928 00:41:56,904 --> 00:41:59,874 - ♪ I'm lonely ♪ - ♪ I'm lonely ♪ 929 00:41:59,974 --> 00:42:01,676 ♪ So very lonely ♪ 930 00:42:01,776 --> 00:42:03,878 ♪ You know I'm lonely ♪ 931 00:42:03,978 --> 00:42:07,515 ♪ I am a person ♪ 932 00:42:09,150 --> 00:42:11,919 - ♪ Who's ♪ - ♪ Who's ♪ 933 00:42:13,821 --> 00:42:15,956 ♪ Lonely ♪ 934 00:42:16,057 --> 00:42:19,593 - ♪ Lonely ♪ - ♪ Lonely ♪ 935 00:42:19,694 --> 00:42:22,530 ♪ Lonely ♪ 936 00:42:22,630 --> 00:42:29,503 - ♪ Lonely ♪ - ♪ Lonely ♪ 937 00:42:35,209 --> 00:42:37,291 Mom called me confirming she's on for dinner tonight. 938 00:42:37,311 --> 00:42:39,815 Oh, Dad has left me, like, 14 voice mails. 939 00:42:39,914 --> 00:42:42,105 - The plan is working, King. - Hell yeah, King. 940 00:42:42,183 --> 00:42:44,285 There's no way this can possibly go wrong. 941 00:42:44,385 --> 00:42:46,153 Uh... Oh, uh-uh. 942 00:42:46,253 --> 00:42:48,956 Tiddle, Brock, what the hell y'all two doing here? 943 00:42:49,056 --> 00:42:50,304 We're keeping your company afloat. 944 00:42:50,324 --> 00:42:51,672 - You're welcome. - I don't know 945 00:42:51,692 --> 00:42:52,907 if estrogen makes you forgetful, 946 00:42:52,927 --> 00:42:54,208 but we're your top two salesmen. 947 00:42:54,228 --> 00:42:55,710 Uh, you're not my two top salesmen. 948 00:42:55,730 --> 00:42:57,398 Check the board. 949 00:43:02,703 --> 00:43:03,671 Okay, so we missed a day 950 00:43:03,771 --> 00:43:05,119 and we fell down a slot or two. Big deal. 951 00:43:05,139 --> 00:43:07,455 Bid deal? Y'all ain't been here in two fucking weeks. 952 00:43:07,475 --> 00:43:09,256 - Two fucking weeks? - Two fucking weeks? 953 00:43:09,276 --> 00:43:11,025 - 'Cause we got that wig. - That's it. 954 00:43:11,045 --> 00:43:12,760 - That's where the time went. - Yeah. 955 00:43:12,780 --> 00:43:14,582 Y'all fucked up. So guess what? 956 00:43:14,682 --> 00:43:16,564 Because y'all haven't been making me no money, 957 00:43:16,584 --> 00:43:17,551 y'all are dead to me. 958 00:43:17,651 --> 00:43:18,933 - What? - You haven't been selling 959 00:43:18,953 --> 00:43:20,501 any fucking wheels, any fucking gears, 960 00:43:20,521 --> 00:43:22,069 and y'all damn sure ain't been selling 961 00:43:22,089 --> 00:43:24,158 no teeny tiny fucking brushes. 962 00:43:24,258 --> 00:43:26,961 Okay. I know we're not supposed to say this anymore 963 00:43:27,061 --> 00:43:28,909 because it's not acceptable or whatever, 964 00:43:28,929 --> 00:43:31,031 but you're being a bitch. 965 00:43:31,132 --> 00:43:32,199 Yeah, and I would say that 966 00:43:32,299 --> 00:43:33,514 the way you're acting right now 967 00:43:33,534 --> 00:43:34,935 is actually very bitch-y. 968 00:43:35,035 --> 00:43:37,938 Okay, well, I can show y'all two bitches a bitch. 969 00:43:39,673 --> 00:43:41,007 ♪ They say boys'll be boys ♪ 970 00:43:41,041 --> 00:43:42,356 ♪ Man, what a crock of shit ♪ 971 00:43:42,376 --> 00:43:43,891 ♪ These men They hold all the cards ♪ 972 00:43:43,911 --> 00:43:44,979 ♪ It makes me want to spit ♪ 973 00:43:45,079 --> 00:43:46,293 ♪ They always fucking shit up ♪ 974 00:43:46,313 --> 00:43:47,728 ♪ They're always making a mess ♪ 975 00:43:47,748 --> 00:43:50,351 ♪ But I'mma tell you the secret to my success ♪ 976 00:43:50,451 --> 00:43:52,720 ♪ Men are all stupid Weak little boys ♪ 977 00:43:52,821 --> 00:43:55,456 ♪ They're not very smart They just make lots of noise ♪ 978 00:43:55,556 --> 00:43:56,838 ♪ They got their nose up my ass ♪ 979 00:43:56,858 --> 00:43:58,072 ♪ They want to be teacher's pet ♪ 980 00:43:58,092 --> 00:43:59,340 ♪ And so I keep them on their toes ♪ 981 00:43:59,360 --> 00:44:00,361 ♪ And make those fuckers sweat ♪ 982 00:44:00,461 --> 00:44:02,029 - ♪ Girls ♪ - ♪ Girls ♪ 983 00:44:02,129 --> 00:44:03,711 ♪ Sit on your throne and just act like a queen ♪ 984 00:44:03,731 --> 00:44:06,434 ♪ And these boys will be dying to kiss the ring ♪ 985 00:44:06,534 --> 00:44:08,969 ♪ Train them to beg like the dogs that they are ♪ 986 00:44:09,069 --> 00:44:11,022 ♪ And you'll find that it ain't no thing ♪ 987 00:44:11,105 --> 00:44:14,442 ♪ To out-alpha the alpha ♪ 988 00:44:14,542 --> 00:44:16,143 ♪ Mm-hmm ♪ 989 00:44:16,243 --> 00:44:18,847 - ♪ Outfox the fox ♪ - ♪ Ah, yeah ♪ 990 00:44:18,946 --> 00:44:21,649 ♪ Outfox the fox ♪ 991 00:44:21,749 --> 00:44:24,118 ♪ Outsmart all these dummies ♪ 992 00:44:24,218 --> 00:44:26,787 ♪ Outsmart all these dummies ♪ 993 00:44:26,888 --> 00:44:29,356 ♪ Out-fuck all these cocks ♪ 994 00:44:29,457 --> 00:44:31,927 ♪ Out-fuck all these cocks ♪ 995 00:44:32,026 --> 00:44:34,495 ♪ They'll cop a feel or smack yo ass ♪ 996 00:44:34,595 --> 00:44:37,097 ♪ And then they'll suck their little thumbs ♪ 997 00:44:37,198 --> 00:44:40,100 ♪ These boys all want a kiss from mommy ♪ 998 00:44:40,201 --> 00:44:42,136 ♪ They're all scummy sacks of cum ♪ 999 00:44:42,236 --> 00:44:45,039 ♪ So put your foot right on they throat ♪ 1000 00:44:45,139 --> 00:44:48,609 ♪ If they are standing in your way and just ♪ 1001 00:44:48,709 --> 00:44:53,247 ♪ Make those fuckers pay ♪ 1002 00:44:58,986 --> 00:45:00,367 ♪ Stackin' my dollars Making my coin ♪ 1003 00:45:00,387 --> 00:45:01,635 ♪ Got drip in the back of my truck ♪ 1004 00:45:01,655 --> 00:45:03,137 ♪ Bank vault apartment Swimming in cash ♪ 1005 00:45:03,157 --> 00:45:04,491 ♪ Scrooge McFucking McDuck ♪ 1006 00:45:04,525 --> 00:45:06,607 ♪ I always stay stunnin' My shit is brand-new ♪ 1007 00:45:06,627 --> 00:45:08,762 ♪ My tuna is ahi My beef is Wagyu ♪ 1008 00:45:08,864 --> 00:45:10,879 ♪ Y'all are just servants This is my palace ♪ 1009 00:45:10,899 --> 00:45:12,185 ♪ Built it brick by brick ♪ 1010 00:45:12,233 --> 00:45:13,447 ♪ So get in a line Drop on your knees ♪ 1011 00:45:13,467 --> 00:45:14,502 ♪ And suck my fucking dick ♪ 1012 00:45:14,602 --> 00:45:15,983 ♪ Then eat my ass Lick my pussy ♪ 1013 00:45:16,003 --> 00:45:17,203 ♪ And find my clit ♪ 1014 00:45:17,271 --> 00:45:18,372 ♪ Just keep on fucking I'm not done ♪ 1015 00:45:18,472 --> 00:45:19,720 ♪ I'll tell you when to quit ♪ 1016 00:45:19,740 --> 00:45:20,940 ♪ Hell, yeah, I'm raw ♪ 1017 00:45:20,976 --> 00:45:22,176 ♪ Bitch, I'm the star ♪ 1018 00:45:22,276 --> 00:45:24,512 ♪ And yes, I'm real, boy There's no HR ♪ 1019 00:45:24,612 --> 00:45:27,214 ♪ I'm the fucking dom Don't need a fucking man ♪ 1020 00:45:27,314 --> 00:45:29,283 ♪ And by now you know my plan ♪ 1021 00:45:29,383 --> 00:45:31,953 ♪ Out-alpha the alpha ♪ 1022 00:45:32,052 --> 00:45:34,121 ♪ Out-alpha the alpha ♪ 1023 00:45:34,221 --> 00:45:36,423 ♪ Out-screw the cock ♪ 1024 00:45:36,524 --> 00:45:39,828 ♪ Yeah, out-screw these cocks ♪ 1025 00:45:39,928 --> 00:45:41,963 ♪ Outplay all these losers ♪ 1026 00:45:42,062 --> 00:45:44,966 ♪ Outplay all these losers ♪ 1027 00:45:45,065 --> 00:45:47,701 ♪ Out-juice all these nuts ♪ 1028 00:45:47,801 --> 00:45:50,972 ♪ Out-juice all these nuts ♪ 1029 00:45:51,071 --> 00:45:53,407 ♪ These baby boys can't keep the pace ♪ 1030 00:45:53,507 --> 00:45:56,043 ♪ They're all so fucking slow ♪ 1031 00:45:56,143 --> 00:45:58,980 ♪ They love acting like they run the place ♪ 1032 00:45:59,079 --> 00:46:01,382 ♪ But I'm the CEO ♪ 1033 00:46:01,482 --> 00:46:03,985 ♪ These men are fucking dinosaurs ♪ 1034 00:46:04,084 --> 00:46:06,387 ♪ About to be destroyed ♪ 1035 00:46:06,487 --> 00:46:11,225 - ♪ And I'm the asteroid ♪ - ♪ And I'm the asteroid ♪ 1036 00:46:11,325 --> 00:46:13,706 ♪ They've called me shrill They've called me slut ♪ 1037 00:46:13,727 --> 00:46:16,196 ♪ They've called me ice queen And what's more ♪ 1038 00:46:16,297 --> 00:46:19,099 ♪ They've called me crazy Called me loud ♪ 1039 00:46:19,199 --> 00:46:22,369 ♪ They've called me bitch and cunt and whore ♪ 1040 00:46:22,469 --> 00:46:24,839 ♪ Imagine, if you will ♪ 1041 00:46:24,940 --> 00:46:27,641 ♪ We murdered all the males ♪ 1042 00:46:27,741 --> 00:46:30,011 ♪ A woman-driven world ♪ 1043 00:46:30,110 --> 00:46:32,981 ♪ Where equity prevails ♪ 1044 00:46:33,080 --> 00:46:35,382 ♪ Sadly That's not how it is ♪ 1045 00:46:35,482 --> 00:46:37,618 ♪ But don't you get upset ♪ 1046 00:46:37,718 --> 00:46:40,454 ♪ I'll put those boys right in their place ♪ 1047 00:46:40,554 --> 00:46:42,256 ♪ Goddamn, that makes me wet ♪ 1048 00:46:46,027 --> 00:46:48,696 Trevor, Craig, you're fired. 1049 00:46:50,164 --> 00:46:52,000 ♪ Out-alpha the alpha ♪ 1050 00:46:52,099 --> 00:46:54,735 ♪ Out-alpha the alpha ♪ 1051 00:46:54,836 --> 00:46:57,204 ♪ Outfox the fox ♪ 1052 00:46:57,304 --> 00:46:59,874 ♪ Outfox the fox, ah ♪ 1053 00:46:59,975 --> 00:47:02,077 ♪ Outsmart all these dummies ♪ 1054 00:47:02,176 --> 00:47:05,046 ♪ Outsmart all the dummies ♪ 1055 00:47:05,145 --> 00:47:07,816 ♪ Out-fuck all these cocks ♪ 1056 00:47:07,916 --> 00:47:10,184 ♪ Out-fuck all these cocks ♪ 1057 00:47:10,284 --> 00:47:13,287 ♪ Out-alpha the alpha ♪ 1058 00:47:13,387 --> 00:47:15,890 ♪ Out-alpha the alpha Out-alpha the alpha ♪ 1059 00:47:15,991 --> 00:47:18,125 ♪ Out-alpha the alpha ♪ 1060 00:47:18,225 --> 00:47:21,062 ♪ Ah ♪ 1061 00:47:23,832 --> 00:47:25,766 Bitch, that was fun. 1062 00:47:25,867 --> 00:47:28,103 Okay, now, back to the story. 1063 00:47:43,350 --> 00:47:44,866 You know, fuck that fucking job. 1064 00:47:44,886 --> 00:47:47,154 - Who needs that fucking job? - Shh! 1065 00:47:47,254 --> 00:47:49,024 - Ugh. - Rude. 1066 00:47:49,124 --> 00:47:51,659 - Oh! Look, look, look. - Oh, oh. 1067 00:47:52,326 --> 00:47:54,896 Excuse me. Excuse me, ma'am. 1068 00:47:57,932 --> 00:47:59,166 M-Ma'am? 1069 00:48:17,584 --> 00:48:20,287 Ugh. Ugh. 1070 00:48:26,293 --> 00:48:28,328 Well, this is ridiculous. 1071 00:48:28,429 --> 00:48:29,697 I don't see him anywhere. 1072 00:48:29,797 --> 00:48:32,299 I'm just going to go right back ho... 1073 00:48:32,834 --> 00:48:35,369 - Evelyn? - Harris? 1074 00:48:35,469 --> 00:48:37,438 What are you doing here? 1075 00:48:37,538 --> 00:48:39,140 I'm having a romantic dinner... 1076 00:48:39,239 --> 00:48:40,340 - ...with Trevor. - ...with Craig. 1077 00:48:40,441 --> 00:48:42,776 Oh, my God. 1078 00:48:42,877 --> 00:48:44,077 The twins. 1079 00:48:44,145 --> 00:48:46,313 The twins must have found one another, 1080 00:48:46,413 --> 00:48:48,747 switched places to meet the parent they never knew 1081 00:48:48,817 --> 00:48:51,752 and then tricked us into coming here and reuniting. 1082 00:48:52,286 --> 00:48:53,822 Those rascals. 1083 00:48:53,922 --> 00:48:55,990 Well, I'm flummoxed. 1084 00:48:56,091 --> 00:48:57,758 I'm dumbfounded. 1085 00:48:57,859 --> 00:49:00,427 Those were always two of your best qualities. 1086 00:49:00,527 --> 00:49:03,597 Oh, Harris. 1087 00:49:03,697 --> 00:49:06,935 My God, Evelyn. How long has it been? 1088 00:49:07,035 --> 00:49:09,938 260 years. 1089 00:49:10,038 --> 00:49:14,675 It's been 260 years since we last saw one another? 1090 00:49:14,775 --> 00:49:18,245 Oh, I thought you meant since the French and Indian War. 1091 00:49:18,345 --> 00:49:21,515 Oh, I have no idea how long it's been since we... 1092 00:49:22,583 --> 00:49:24,219 split up. 1093 00:49:24,318 --> 00:49:27,922 Yes, well, at any rate, it's been a long time. 1094 00:49:28,455 --> 00:49:31,425 Yes. Yes, it has. 1095 00:49:33,061 --> 00:49:34,394 Garcon? 1096 00:49:35,362 --> 00:49:38,298 - Garcon? - Yes, madame? 1097 00:49:38,398 --> 00:49:40,701 Um, my apologies, but, uh, 1098 00:49:40,801 --> 00:49:43,537 we're actually going to have to cancel our reservation. 1099 00:49:43,637 --> 00:49:46,107 Yes, there's been a mistake. 1100 00:49:46,207 --> 00:49:47,474 - Oh, ooh. - Oh, oh. 1101 00:49:47,574 --> 00:49:49,309 Ah, but I hear that this wine 1102 00:49:49,409 --> 00:49:51,409 will be of particular interest to you both. 1103 00:49:51,445 --> 00:49:54,448 It's a 1970 Domaine Leroy, like you had 1104 00:49:54,548 --> 00:49:55,964 - on your honeymoon. - Like we had on our honeymoon. 1105 00:49:55,984 --> 00:49:58,253 And it's in a bottle. 1106 00:49:58,352 --> 00:50:01,388 Well, it is a very nice wine. 1107 00:50:02,090 --> 00:50:04,358 And it is free, after all. 1108 00:50:04,458 --> 00:50:07,061 - It's not. Enjoy. - Mmm. 1109 00:50:09,130 --> 00:50:10,497 A toast, 1110 00:50:10,597 --> 00:50:12,800 to our clever, stubborn boys. 1111 00:50:12,901 --> 00:50:16,104 They are the one thing we got mostly right. 1112 00:50:16,204 --> 00:50:18,438 Mostly. 1113 00:50:20,041 --> 00:50:23,011 And... dissolve. 1114 00:50:23,111 --> 00:50:25,445 - Mmm. - God, I've missed this. 1115 00:50:25,546 --> 00:50:27,962 And I haven't even thought about the Sewer Boys once. 1116 00:50:27,982 --> 00:50:32,020 Those fucking things are still alive? Ugh. 1117 00:50:32,120 --> 00:50:34,421 God, how old are they now? 1118 00:50:34,521 --> 00:50:35,789 They're younger, actually. 1119 00:50:35,890 --> 00:50:38,827 They operate outside of linear time. 1120 00:50:38,927 --> 00:50:41,328 Sure. I'm familiar. 1121 00:50:42,964 --> 00:50:45,967 What went wrong between us, Evelyn, 1122 00:50:46,067 --> 00:50:47,701 all those many moons ago? 1123 00:50:47,801 --> 00:50:50,872 Oh, what goes wrong with any couple? 1124 00:50:50,972 --> 00:50:53,074 We were young and foolish. 1125 00:50:53,174 --> 00:50:55,375 - We drifted apart. - Hmm. 1126 00:50:55,475 --> 00:50:57,544 And you did start fucking men. 1127 00:50:58,345 --> 00:51:00,547 All the time, fucking men. 1128 00:51:02,183 --> 00:51:04,919 There are always little clues that a person might be gay. 1129 00:51:05,019 --> 00:51:08,122 Well, it hardly matters now, since my pussy fell off. 1130 00:51:08,223 --> 00:51:10,058 Yes, it hardly matters now. 1131 00:51:12,160 --> 00:51:13,660 I'm sorry, what? 1132 00:51:14,428 --> 00:51:15,729 Delicious. 1133 00:51:18,066 --> 00:51:19,399 Hmm. 1134 00:51:19,499 --> 00:51:21,102 Evelyn, is something the matter? 1135 00:51:22,337 --> 00:51:24,571 Oh, you're choking. Oh! 1136 00:51:24,671 --> 00:51:25,871 Yes. 1137 00:51:30,345 --> 00:51:31,279 Hmm? 1138 00:51:31,378 --> 00:51:33,547 Oh. Harris? 1139 00:51:33,915 --> 00:51:35,016 Yes? 1140 00:51:35,116 --> 00:51:36,851 You're still holding onto me. 1141 00:51:36,951 --> 00:51:39,287 - Oh, I'm sorry. - Oh, no, no. It's fine. 1142 00:51:39,386 --> 00:51:40,586 - It's... - Oh. 1143 00:51:40,621 --> 00:51:42,257 It's more than fine. 1144 00:51:47,095 --> 00:51:48,729 What are we even doing? 1145 00:51:48,830 --> 00:51:50,030 I'm not sure. 1146 00:51:51,900 --> 00:51:53,433 Aren't you gay? 1147 00:51:53,533 --> 00:51:55,402 I-I don't know. It's like I'm... 1148 00:51:55,502 --> 00:51:57,771 I'm attracted to both men and women. 1149 00:51:57,872 --> 00:52:01,408 Huh. Well, now I have heard everything. 1150 00:52:01,508 --> 00:52:05,280 But, uh, also, and correct me if I'm wrong, 1151 00:52:05,380 --> 00:52:09,449 but, uh, didn't you just say that your... 1152 00:52:11,352 --> 00:52:12,619 ...pussy fell off? 1153 00:52:12,719 --> 00:52:16,623 Yes. Trevor had to kill it with a flip-flop in Greece. 1154 00:52:16,723 --> 00:52:20,828 But what he doesn't know is, I went back afterward, 1155 00:52:20,929 --> 00:52:24,365 scooped it up and put it into a plastic bag, 1156 00:52:24,464 --> 00:52:28,036 and now I always carry it with me 1157 00:52:28,136 --> 00:52:30,338 so that I feel like a woman. 1158 00:52:30,437 --> 00:52:32,606 Well, now I've heard everything. 1159 00:52:32,706 --> 00:52:34,708 Oh, my God. 1160 00:52:34,809 --> 00:52:36,710 Well, that was unexpected. 1161 00:52:37,778 --> 00:52:40,148 - Uh, oh. Oh, I'm sorry. - Oh. 1162 00:52:40,248 --> 00:52:41,595 These are yours, those are mine. 1163 00:52:41,615 --> 00:52:42,984 I'm so embarrassed. Yes. 1164 00:52:43,084 --> 00:52:45,619 Yes. 1165 00:52:46,254 --> 00:52:47,454 Oh, my God. 1166 00:52:50,124 --> 00:52:51,324 So... 1167 00:52:52,592 --> 00:52:54,661 we can be together. 1168 00:52:54,761 --> 00:52:57,999 Why, yes. Yes, we can. 1169 00:53:06,341 --> 00:53:09,143 ♪ I thought these feelings ♪ 1170 00:53:09,243 --> 00:53:11,478 ♪ All had died ♪ 1171 00:53:11,578 --> 00:53:14,681 ♪ But now you're here ♪ 1172 00:53:14,781 --> 00:53:18,552 ♪ And now I find ♪ 1173 00:53:18,652 --> 00:53:23,590 ♪ I've missed you very much ♪ 1174 00:53:25,726 --> 00:53:30,630 ♪ I've missed your hair Your eyes, your face ♪ 1175 00:53:30,731 --> 00:53:33,434 ♪ But now you're here ♪ 1176 00:53:33,533 --> 00:53:35,602 ♪ And now I yearn ♪ 1177 00:53:35,702 --> 00:53:41,209 ♪ For a tender lover's ♪ 1178 00:53:41,309 --> 00:53:43,510 ♪ Touch ♪ 1179 00:53:44,745 --> 00:53:46,280 - Wow. - Wow. 1180 00:53:52,286 --> 00:53:55,622 ♪ I feel the beat, beat, beat of your thumping heart ♪ 1181 00:53:55,722 --> 00:53:57,258 ♪ It's just my body telling you ♪ 1182 00:53:57,358 --> 00:53:58,658 ♪ I'm ready to start ♪ 1183 00:53:58,759 --> 00:54:01,496 ♪ Well, let's do it now because I'm ready to go ♪ 1184 00:54:01,595 --> 00:54:02,929 ♪ You know I like it rough ♪ 1185 00:54:02,997 --> 00:54:04,731 ♪ So don't you take it slow ♪ 1186 00:54:04,832 --> 00:54:07,835 ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪ 1187 00:54:07,935 --> 00:54:09,470 ♪ I'm desperate for your dick ♪ 1188 00:54:09,569 --> 00:54:11,239 ♪ Desperate for your pussy ♪ 1189 00:54:11,339 --> 00:54:12,539 ♪ Hungry for your dick ♪ 1190 00:54:12,639 --> 00:54:14,674 ♪ Give me Give me that pussy ♪ 1191 00:54:14,775 --> 00:54:17,845 ♪ I got the taste, taste taste of you on my tongue ♪ 1192 00:54:17,945 --> 00:54:20,948 ♪ I want to get real wild like when we were young ♪ 1193 00:54:21,049 --> 00:54:24,152 ♪ Well, let's do it now because I'm ready to go ♪ 1194 00:54:24,252 --> 00:54:27,488 ♪ Roll over here, baby 'Cause I'm fixing to blow ♪ 1195 00:54:27,587 --> 00:54:30,690 ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪ 1196 00:54:30,791 --> 00:54:32,360 ♪ I'm desperate for your snatch ♪ 1197 00:54:32,460 --> 00:54:34,262 ♪ I'm desperate for your cock ♪ 1198 00:54:34,362 --> 00:54:35,463 ♪ I want vagina ♪ 1199 00:54:35,562 --> 00:54:38,132 ♪ I'm talking about penis ♪ 1200 00:54:53,647 --> 00:54:56,350 ♪ I'm desperate ♪ 1201 00:54:56,451 --> 00:55:01,355 ♪ For your love ♪ 1202 00:55:01,456 --> 00:55:03,157 ♪ Desperate for your love ♪ 1203 00:55:09,729 --> 00:55:11,265 And stay out. 1204 00:55:11,365 --> 00:55:14,535 Oh, I had a cape. Ugh. 1205 00:55:14,634 --> 00:55:16,770 ♪ We did it, we did it ♪ 1206 00:55:16,871 --> 00:55:17,839 ♪ We did it ♪ 1207 00:55:17,939 --> 00:55:18,973 Harris, we're being mugged. 1208 00:55:19,073 --> 00:55:20,441 - We're gonna die. - No, no. 1209 00:55:20,541 --> 00:55:21,976 - No, darling. - Huh? What? 1210 00:55:22,076 --> 00:55:23,478 It-it's our boys. 1211 00:55:23,578 --> 00:55:24,778 Oh, my God! 1212 00:55:24,812 --> 00:55:26,680 - It's so good to see you. - Oh, yay. 1213 00:55:26,780 --> 00:55:29,283 To see you both together. 1214 00:55:29,383 --> 00:55:31,785 Now, why'd you switch places? 1215 00:55:31,886 --> 00:55:33,855 I guess we thought, since you gave us up, 1216 00:55:33,955 --> 00:55:35,590 - maybe it meant you... - Hated us. 1217 00:55:35,689 --> 00:55:37,825 Hated you? No. 1218 00:55:37,925 --> 00:55:39,659 We hardly even knew you. 1219 00:55:39,759 --> 00:55:42,964 We drew straws at the hospital and each took a kid. 1220 00:55:44,465 --> 00:55:46,367 I just can't get over it. 1221 00:55:46,467 --> 00:55:48,236 All of us, reunited. 1222 00:55:48,336 --> 00:55:49,736 It's just like we planned. 1223 00:55:49,837 --> 00:55:52,173 And now that you're back in love again, 1224 00:55:52,273 --> 00:55:54,175 you're gonna get married! 1225 00:55:54,275 --> 00:55:55,009 - What? - What? 1226 00:55:55,109 --> 00:55:56,643 Get married! And when you do, 1227 00:55:56,743 --> 00:55:57,992 do you think you'll change your last names? 1228 00:55:58,012 --> 00:55:59,679 Oh! Should we change our last names? 1229 00:55:59,746 --> 00:56:01,556 - No, wait. - We can all live together. 1230 00:56:01,616 --> 00:56:02,716 Then every day would be like Christmas. 1231 00:56:02,817 --> 00:56:04,452 - Yes. - Unless we're Jewish, 1232 00:56:04,552 --> 00:56:06,653 then every day would be like Easter. 1233 00:56:06,753 --> 00:56:10,625 Boys, boys, please, I mean, Craig, I just met you. 1234 00:56:10,757 --> 00:56:13,227 - I'm Trevor. - Exactly. And I'm gay. 1235 00:56:13,327 --> 00:56:15,543 Yeah, but you just had hot, awesome sex with Mom, 1236 00:56:15,563 --> 00:56:17,064 so now maybe you're straight. 1237 00:56:17,165 --> 00:56:19,333 It's clear that we were both just longing 1238 00:56:19,433 --> 00:56:20,868 for some physical touch. 1239 00:56:20,968 --> 00:56:22,637 We were fucking horny. 1240 00:56:22,736 --> 00:56:26,507 Right, exactly, but our marriage didn't work. 1241 00:56:26,607 --> 00:56:28,509 And I'm an independent woman. 1242 00:56:28,609 --> 00:56:33,147 I do not like when people live with... 1243 00:56:40,655 --> 00:56:42,023 me. 1244 00:56:42,123 --> 00:56:46,594 And I-I feel like maybe I haven't stressed this enough, 1245 00:56:46,693 --> 00:56:48,196 I do fuck men. 1246 00:56:48,296 --> 00:56:50,916 Not as often as I'd like, but whenever I get the chance. 1247 00:56:50,998 --> 00:56:53,167 Boys, listen now. 1248 00:56:53,267 --> 00:56:55,036 We love you, but... 1249 00:56:55,536 --> 00:57:01,876 we will never... 1250 00:57:02,910 --> 00:57:04,912 get married again. 1251 00:57:07,381 --> 00:57:09,716 This is stupid! 1252 00:57:09,817 --> 00:57:12,420 I hate you! And I hate both of you! 1253 00:57:12,520 --> 00:57:13,621 We lost everything 1254 00:57:13,720 --> 00:57:15,056 - because of you. - No. 1255 00:57:15,156 --> 00:57:16,857 Now we don't even have a family? 1256 00:57:16,958 --> 00:57:18,993 We can still be a family, 1257 00:57:19,093 --> 00:57:21,395 even if your mother and I aren't together. 1258 00:57:21,495 --> 00:57:23,264 No, not the kind we wanted. 1259 00:57:23,364 --> 00:57:26,033 You split us up when we were babies. 1260 00:57:26,133 --> 00:57:28,469 I mean, that's fucking psycho! 1261 00:57:28,569 --> 00:57:30,171 Boys, we didn't realize 1262 00:57:30,271 --> 00:57:32,273 that being lied to your entire lives 1263 00:57:32,373 --> 00:57:33,975 would upset you this much. 1264 00:57:34,075 --> 00:57:36,711 But at least we have each other now. 1265 00:57:36,811 --> 00:57:38,326 - No, no, no, no, no. - No, no, no, no. No, Dad. 1266 00:57:38,346 --> 00:57:39,981 - Yay! Yay! - No. No, Mommy. 1267 00:57:40,081 --> 00:57:41,983 - Yay. Yay. - No, Mommy. 1268 00:57:42,083 --> 00:57:44,285 - No. No. - Stop it. Stop it. 1269 00:57:45,620 --> 00:57:47,188 - Yay. - No. 1270 00:57:48,889 --> 00:57:49,857 Come on, Craig. 1271 00:57:49,957 --> 00:57:51,157 - Trevor. - Trevor. 1272 00:57:51,791 --> 00:57:53,327 Let's go. 1273 00:57:53,427 --> 00:57:55,062 - Yeah. - Ugh. 1274 00:57:55,162 --> 00:57:57,298 Don't. Don't leave like this. 1275 00:57:58,232 --> 00:57:59,432 Oh... 1276 00:58:00,767 --> 00:58:03,004 Which one is which? 1277 00:58:03,770 --> 00:58:04,972 We can still fix this. 1278 00:58:05,072 --> 00:58:06,587 We just need to get Mom and Dad to... 1279 00:58:06,607 --> 00:58:08,009 No, Trevor, just... No. 1280 00:58:08,109 --> 00:58:09,877 - You don't mean that. - I do. 1281 00:58:09,977 --> 00:58:13,147 I-I mean no, and no means no this time. 1282 00:58:13,247 --> 00:58:15,449 I'm done, okay? This is done. 1283 00:58:15,549 --> 00:58:16,749 What are you saying? 1284 00:58:16,817 --> 00:58:18,819 I-I don't know what I'm saying. 1285 00:58:18,919 --> 00:58:21,289 I've never felt this way before. 1286 00:58:21,389 --> 00:58:23,491 Usually when I want something, I get it. 1287 00:58:23,591 --> 00:58:26,258 In fact, it almost feels like society and all its systems 1288 00:58:26,294 --> 00:58:28,843 were built so that a man who looks like me can succeed. 1289 00:58:28,863 --> 00:58:31,632 And so, now to want something and not get it, 1290 00:58:31,732 --> 00:58:34,035 it-it makes me feel... feel... 1291 00:58:34,135 --> 00:58:36,103 - Feel what, Craig? What? - Feelings! 1292 00:58:36,203 --> 00:58:38,873 Bad ones! And I want to make them go away! 1293 00:58:38,973 --> 00:58:41,309 - This is just like you. - Excuse me? 1294 00:58:41,409 --> 00:58:43,744 To give up. I bet you give up on your boner 1295 00:58:43,844 --> 00:58:45,092 before it's even fully hard. 1296 00:58:45,112 --> 00:58:47,315 Fuck you. I have never given up on a semi. 1297 00:58:47,415 --> 00:58:49,130 My doctors say I am medically horny. 1298 00:58:49,150 --> 00:58:51,752 I never lost anything until you showed up. 1299 00:58:51,852 --> 00:58:53,354 You ruined my life! 1300 00:58:53,454 --> 00:58:54,922 You ruined mine, okay? 1301 00:58:55,022 --> 00:58:56,290 I knew this wouldn't work! 1302 00:58:56,390 --> 00:58:59,093 It would still work if you weren't a fucking quitter. 1303 00:58:59,193 --> 00:59:01,862 We didn't quit. We failed! 1304 00:59:05,266 --> 00:59:06,367 Well, if that's how you feel about it, 1305 00:59:06,467 --> 00:59:08,249 then I guess there's nothing left to say. 1306 00:59:08,269 --> 00:59:09,770 I guess not. 1307 00:59:09,870 --> 00:59:11,339 Goodbye forever, Craig. 1308 00:59:11,439 --> 00:59:13,140 Goodbye to you, too. 1309 00:59:13,240 --> 00:59:14,709 For forever. 1310 00:59:28,589 --> 00:59:29,789 Wait, you... 1311 00:59:29,825 --> 00:59:31,639 You've lived next to me this entire time? 1312 00:59:31,659 --> 00:59:33,094 I guess so. 1313 00:59:33,994 --> 00:59:35,429 That's weird. 1314 00:59:35,930 --> 00:59:37,365 Yeah. 1315 00:59:37,465 --> 00:59:38,665 That is weird. 1316 00:59:45,106 --> 00:59:50,644 ♪ No one understands what I've been through ♪ 1317 00:59:53,180 --> 00:59:59,220 ♪ No one knows what it's like to be ♪ 1318 01:00:00,221 --> 01:00:04,458 ♪ I just lost my brother twin ♪ 1319 01:00:07,928 --> 01:00:12,466 ♪ Who also was my only friend ♪ 1320 01:00:15,369 --> 01:00:20,574 ♪ The only one who understands ♪ 1321 01:00:23,010 --> 01:00:24,345 ♪ Is... ♪ 1322 01:00:41,495 --> 01:00:42,797 Jesus, Craig. 1323 01:00:42,898 --> 01:00:44,365 You look like shit. 1324 01:00:44,465 --> 01:00:46,000 I'm fine. Can it. 1325 01:00:46,100 --> 01:00:47,836 Hey, that's my job. 1326 01:00:47,935 --> 01:00:48,936 Shut up. 1327 01:00:49,036 --> 01:00:50,037 No, you shut up. 1328 01:00:50,137 --> 01:00:51,439 You know what? 1329 01:00:51,539 --> 01:00:53,240 Actually, fuck off. 1330 01:00:54,175 --> 01:00:56,143 Get the fuck out of here! 1331 01:01:01,282 --> 01:01:03,317 Oh, hey, hey. Can I bum one of those? 1332 01:01:03,417 --> 01:01:05,319 Man, I already gave you a whole pack. 1333 01:01:05,419 --> 01:01:07,803 Aren't you supposed to be some sort of hung hotshot? 1334 01:01:07,823 --> 01:01:09,256 He was once. 1335 01:01:09,990 --> 01:01:11,525 But he got fired. 1336 01:01:11,625 --> 01:01:12,894 And I heard 1337 01:01:12,993 --> 01:01:15,062 that while his penis is large, 1338 01:01:15,162 --> 01:01:17,231 it's only slightly above average. 1339 01:01:18,799 --> 01:01:20,936 No. That's not true. 1340 01:01:21,035 --> 01:01:22,736 It's very large! 1341 01:01:23,504 --> 01:01:24,704 Come back! 1342 01:01:27,074 --> 01:01:28,476 - Harris. - Hmm? 1343 01:01:29,577 --> 01:01:31,278 I'm worried. 1344 01:01:31,979 --> 01:01:33,013 About us? 1345 01:01:33,113 --> 01:01:34,515 No, not about us. 1346 01:01:34,615 --> 01:01:37,184 We'll be friends, and sometimes we'll fuck. 1347 01:01:37,284 --> 01:01:40,154 Okay, yes, same page, precisely. 1348 01:01:40,254 --> 01:01:43,557 I was talking about the boys. 1349 01:01:43,657 --> 01:01:44,625 Oh, them. 1350 01:01:44,725 --> 01:01:46,460 What are we going to do? 1351 01:01:47,194 --> 01:01:48,394 I don't know. 1352 01:01:48,429 --> 01:01:50,096 Should we drown them in the bathtub 1353 01:01:50,164 --> 01:01:52,066 in the old-fashioned way? 1354 01:01:54,768 --> 01:01:56,136 They didn't drown them. 1355 01:01:56,237 --> 01:01:58,339 They kidnapped them. 1356 01:02:01,575 --> 01:02:03,043 Surprise! 1357 01:02:03,143 --> 01:02:05,546 Mom? Dad? What the fuck? 1358 01:02:05,646 --> 01:02:08,282 - And where's my beard? - Where's my beard? 1359 01:02:08,382 --> 01:02:09,831 Those beards were fucking awesome. 1360 01:02:09,851 --> 01:02:10,886 Yes. 1361 01:02:10,986 --> 01:02:13,053 - No, they were fake. - And shitty looking. 1362 01:02:13,153 --> 01:02:14,455 Exactly. 1363 01:02:14,555 --> 01:02:17,826 Boys, we see now that splitting you up at birth 1364 01:02:17,926 --> 01:02:19,393 was borderline abusive, 1365 01:02:20,127 --> 01:02:22,096 but parenting's hard. 1366 01:02:22,196 --> 01:02:25,165 Everyone makes mistakes, right? 1367 01:02:25,266 --> 01:02:28,068 That's it? That's why you kidnapped us? 1368 01:02:28,168 --> 01:02:31,272 Oh, can you even kidnap an adult? 1369 01:02:31,372 --> 01:02:33,340 - Yes. - Listen, 1370 01:02:33,440 --> 01:02:35,322 we didn't want to be kidnapped, all right? 1371 01:02:35,342 --> 01:02:37,111 - We wanted you to apologize. - Right. 1372 01:02:37,211 --> 01:02:39,113 We are apologizing. 1373 01:02:39,213 --> 01:02:41,415 We're sorry that you're mad at us, 1374 01:02:41,515 --> 01:02:43,484 and we'd rather that you not be. 1375 01:02:43,584 --> 01:02:46,086 You know what? We would love to not be mad at you, 1376 01:02:46,186 --> 01:02:49,657 if you would just do what we want and get married. 1377 01:02:49,757 --> 01:02:52,526 Oh, eat me. Not again. 1378 01:02:52,626 --> 01:02:55,830 You two really are stubborn. 1379 01:02:55,931 --> 01:02:57,131 You two are stubborn. 1380 01:02:57,164 --> 01:02:58,198 Uh-oh, dinnertime. 1381 01:02:58,299 --> 01:03:00,067 - Why won't you change for us? - Yes. 1382 01:03:00,167 --> 01:03:03,637 I don't even know what there is to change. 1383 01:03:04,672 --> 01:03:06,640 This, Dad. Change this. 1384 01:03:06,740 --> 01:03:09,577 Oh! Now you've upset them. 1385 01:03:09,677 --> 01:03:11,478 - Oh. - Oh. Careful. 1386 01:03:11,579 --> 01:03:13,180 They don't like sudden movements. 1387 01:03:13,280 --> 01:03:14,715 - Ugh. - Oh! 1388 01:03:14,816 --> 01:03:16,017 Oh! 1389 01:03:16,116 --> 01:03:18,452 Oh, they're out. They're out. Ew, ew, ew! 1390 01:03:18,552 --> 01:03:22,122 Motherfucker! 1391 01:03:22,222 --> 01:03:25,026 Shut up! 1392 01:03:25,159 --> 01:03:27,728 Backpack. Whisper. Dear God, no! 1393 01:03:29,898 --> 01:03:31,465 Sewer Boys. 1394 01:03:31,833 --> 01:03:33,567 My Sewer Boys. 1395 01:03:35,603 --> 01:03:38,606 They've returned to the slimy depths 1396 01:03:38,706 --> 01:03:40,407 from whence they came. 1397 01:03:44,980 --> 01:03:46,314 They've gone down the pipes. 1398 01:03:46,347 --> 01:03:48,582 - Oh. - Back into the sewers. 1399 01:03:48,682 --> 01:03:49,516 I have to go after them. 1400 01:03:49,617 --> 01:03:50,952 Go after them? 1401 01:03:51,052 --> 01:03:53,153 But he's, like, 40 years old, I bet. 1402 01:03:53,253 --> 01:03:55,222 What do we all think of this cape? 1403 01:03:55,322 --> 01:03:56,790 I know, 1404 01:03:56,891 --> 01:03:59,995 it's too drab. I'm gonna go with the Valentino. 1405 01:04:00,095 --> 01:04:03,130 Are you sure this is a good idea? 1406 01:04:03,230 --> 01:04:05,033 Sure as schadenfreude. 1407 01:04:05,132 --> 01:04:06,533 I'm going in. 1408 01:04:06,634 --> 01:04:10,905 A sometimes-gay man all alone in the sewers? 1409 01:04:11,006 --> 01:04:13,507 Seems dangerous. 1410 01:04:13,607 --> 01:04:14,807 It is, 1411 01:04:15,409 --> 01:04:17,678 but those Sewer Boys, 1412 01:04:17,778 --> 01:04:19,313 they're my whole life. 1413 01:04:21,715 --> 01:04:23,051 Au revoir, my dear. 1414 01:04:23,150 --> 01:04:25,285 Oh, oh. 1415 01:04:27,254 --> 01:04:29,924 Goddamn it. 1416 01:04:30,025 --> 01:04:32,559 I just got these pants. 1417 01:04:33,427 --> 01:04:35,096 Come on, Mom, let's get you home. 1418 01:04:35,195 --> 01:04:36,263 But Harris is all alone and... 1419 01:04:36,363 --> 01:04:37,563 Oh, fuck him. 1420 01:04:37,631 --> 01:04:39,346 And what do you care? Don't you have to go back 1421 01:04:39,366 --> 01:04:41,368 to shutting out the entire world? 1422 01:04:43,004 --> 01:04:45,940 ♪ I'm 93 ♪ 1423 01:04:46,041 --> 01:04:49,110 ♪ No, 94 ♪ 1424 01:04:49,209 --> 01:04:52,346 ♪ That's not so bad ♪ 1425 01:04:52,446 --> 01:04:55,783 ♪ I do want ♪ 1426 01:04:55,884 --> 01:04:58,887 ♪ More ♪ 1427 01:05:18,039 --> 01:05:21,575 I'm coming, Harris! 1428 01:05:21,675 --> 01:05:23,544 What the fuck? 1429 01:05:23,644 --> 01:05:24,979 Jesus Christ. 1430 01:05:25,080 --> 01:05:27,748 Ugh. We're not going in there, right? 1431 01:05:27,849 --> 01:05:29,616 No fucking way. 1432 01:05:33,253 --> 01:05:35,222 - I'm gonna go in. - Okay, then me, too. 1433 01:05:35,322 --> 01:05:37,758 Whee! 1434 01:05:45,867 --> 01:05:47,668 ♪ I must run ♪ 1435 01:05:47,768 --> 01:05:49,603 ♪ To my boys ♪ 1436 01:05:49,703 --> 01:05:52,606 ♪ I must go I must run to my boys ♪ 1437 01:05:52,706 --> 01:05:53,975 Dad! 1438 01:05:54,075 --> 01:05:55,844 ♪ My God, they came ♪ 1439 01:05:55,944 --> 01:05:57,778 ♪ Could it be that I was wrong? ♪ 1440 01:05:58,980 --> 01:06:02,249 ♪ Was I running from my family all along? ♪ 1441 01:06:07,421 --> 01:06:09,190 ♪ Harris is so brave ♪ 1442 01:06:09,289 --> 01:06:11,226 ♪ The boys each found their twin ♪ 1443 01:06:11,358 --> 01:06:13,360 ♪ These men have charged back in my life ♪ 1444 01:06:13,460 --> 01:06:15,729 ♪ And changed it from within ♪ 1445 01:06:15,830 --> 01:06:17,765 ♪ Up is down ♪ 1446 01:06:17,866 --> 01:06:19,968 ♪ Left is right ♪ 1447 01:06:20,068 --> 01:06:22,904 ♪ And even underground ♪ 1448 01:06:23,004 --> 01:06:25,706 ♪ My world feels bright ♪ 1449 01:06:29,978 --> 01:06:31,578 ♪ I'm sorry we fought ♪ 1450 01:06:31,678 --> 01:06:33,882 ♪ Oh, my God, dude, me, too ♪ 1451 01:06:33,982 --> 01:06:38,052 ♪ My life's so much better when I am with you ♪ 1452 01:06:38,153 --> 01:06:40,054 ♪ It's not what I wanted ♪ 1453 01:06:40,155 --> 01:06:42,223 ♪ And yet, could it be? ♪ 1454 01:06:42,322 --> 01:06:45,692 ♪ Do we have a family? ♪ 1455 01:06:50,899 --> 01:06:52,167 ♪ I must run ♪ 1456 01:06:52,267 --> 01:06:54,149 - ♪ Harris is so brave ♪ - ♪ You're so fucking awesome ♪ 1457 01:06:54,169 --> 01:06:57,872 - ♪ Dude, you're awesome, too ♪ - ♪ My life's so much better ♪ 1458 01:06:57,972 --> 01:06:59,653 - ♪ When I am with you ♪ - ♪ These men ♪ 1459 01:06:59,673 --> 01:07:01,122 - ♪ Have charged back ♪ - ♪ They're here ♪ 1460 01:07:01,142 --> 01:07:02,756 - ♪ In my life ♪ - ♪ I fear that I was wrong ♪ 1461 01:07:02,776 --> 01:07:06,080 ♪ I've been running from my family all along ♪ 1462 01:07:06,181 --> 01:07:07,849 ♪ Do we have a family? ♪ 1463 01:07:11,451 --> 01:07:13,254 ♪ I can't believe ♪ 1464 01:07:13,353 --> 01:07:15,256 ♪ We are together ♪ 1465 01:07:15,355 --> 01:07:16,657 ♪ Underneath the city ♪ 1466 01:07:16,757 --> 01:07:19,093 ♪ Where it smells like piss ♪ 1467 01:07:19,194 --> 01:07:20,962 ♪ As a unit ♪ 1468 01:07:21,062 --> 01:07:23,298 ♪ We are so much better ♪ 1469 01:07:23,397 --> 01:07:26,301 ♪ I never thought it would be like this ♪ 1470 01:07:26,400 --> 01:07:28,236 ♪ Also, it smells like piss ♪ 1471 01:07:28,335 --> 01:07:31,371 ♪ It smells like piss ♪ 1472 01:07:31,471 --> 01:07:33,054 ♪ We're all down here together in the sewer ♪ 1473 01:07:33,074 --> 01:07:35,009 ♪ And it smells like fucking piss ♪ 1474 01:07:37,946 --> 01:07:39,146 Backpack. Whisper. 1475 01:07:39,180 --> 01:07:41,682 Die, Sewer Boys, die. 1476 01:07:41,782 --> 01:07:43,051 Dear God! 1477 01:07:43,151 --> 01:07:45,887 No! 1478 01:07:45,987 --> 01:07:47,521 No! Oh... 1479 01:07:47,621 --> 01:07:50,024 Die, die, die! 1480 01:07:50,124 --> 01:07:51,491 - Oh! Oh, God. - Oh! 1481 01:07:51,592 --> 01:07:53,527 Okay. All right, all right, all right, 1482 01:07:53,627 --> 01:07:55,063 all right, all right. 1483 01:07:57,098 --> 01:08:01,002 Mama's gonna need you to be brave, baby girl. 1484 01:08:02,070 --> 01:08:04,205 I know, I know, 1485 01:08:04,571 --> 01:08:06,241 but you got this. 1486 01:08:06,341 --> 01:08:07,674 All right. 1487 01:08:20,420 --> 01:08:22,023 Oh! 1488 01:08:26,760 --> 01:08:27,728 Ooh! 1489 01:08:27,829 --> 01:08:28,897 Oh, my God. 1490 01:08:28,997 --> 01:08:32,532 Eat my snatch, you government piece of shit. 1491 01:08:32,633 --> 01:08:34,601 Are you all right? Oh... 1492 01:08:34,701 --> 01:08:37,571 Jesus, Mom, your pussy saved the day. 1493 01:08:37,671 --> 01:08:39,374 Backpack. Whisper. 1494 01:08:39,473 --> 01:08:41,708 Oh. 1495 01:08:43,677 --> 01:08:46,381 Wait a minute, are those... 1496 01:08:46,480 --> 01:08:48,482 their parents? 1497 01:08:48,582 --> 01:08:51,685 They're so fake and shitty looking. 1498 01:08:52,686 --> 01:08:55,123 All right, 1499 01:08:55,223 --> 01:08:56,257 let's grab the little abortions 1500 01:08:56,357 --> 01:08:57,738 and get the fuck out of here. 1501 01:09:00,828 --> 01:09:02,028 No. 1502 01:09:02,729 --> 01:09:04,899 - Let them stay. - What? 1503 01:09:04,999 --> 01:09:06,267 But you love them. 1504 01:09:06,367 --> 01:09:08,303 I do, 1505 01:09:08,403 --> 01:09:10,356 but they deserve to be with their family. 1506 01:09:12,240 --> 01:09:13,440 And... 1507 01:09:14,142 --> 01:09:15,843 maybe when they're gone... 1508 01:09:17,345 --> 01:09:19,213 I'll finally have time to be with mine. 1509 01:09:19,314 --> 01:09:25,153 Aw... 1510 01:09:25,253 --> 01:09:26,586 - Does he mean us? - Yeah. 1511 01:09:26,687 --> 01:09:28,545 - I think he means us. - Oh, good. Okay. 1512 01:09:28,622 --> 01:09:30,124 Goodbye, Backpack. 1513 01:09:30,224 --> 01:09:32,526 - Bye. - Goodbye, Whisper. 1514 01:09:33,261 --> 01:09:35,729 Goodbye, Daddy. 1515 01:09:41,235 --> 01:09:42,937 Take care of yourselves. 1516 01:09:50,411 --> 01:09:53,580 Boys, I... I'm-I'm so sorry. 1517 01:09:54,548 --> 01:09:55,850 I was wrong. 1518 01:09:55,950 --> 01:09:57,151 And I was wrong. 1519 01:09:57,251 --> 01:09:58,886 We were wrong, too. 1520 01:09:58,987 --> 01:10:00,520 - Mm. - Big hug? 1521 01:10:00,620 --> 01:10:01,856 - Oh, yeah. - Big hug. 1522 01:10:01,956 --> 01:10:03,257 Family hug. 1523 01:10:03,358 --> 01:10:04,425 And so the twins 1524 01:10:04,524 --> 01:10:06,194 finally got the family 1525 01:10:06,294 --> 01:10:07,996 they never knew they wanted. 1526 01:10:15,169 --> 01:10:16,979 They even decided to move in together, 1527 01:10:17,005 --> 01:10:20,074 to a little shitbox on the Lower East Side. 1528 01:10:26,347 --> 01:10:27,647 No. 1529 01:10:27,748 --> 01:10:29,250 No, I don't want... 1530 01:10:30,084 --> 01:10:31,152 Whatever. 1531 01:10:31,252 --> 01:10:33,221 No, not me. I can't. 1532 01:10:36,590 --> 01:10:39,060 - Craig, what's wrong? - Trevor, what's wrong? 1533 01:10:39,160 --> 01:10:40,794 I was having a nightmare. 1534 01:10:40,895 --> 01:10:43,031 - A nightmare I was gay. - Me, too. 1535 01:10:43,131 --> 01:10:45,565 I was having a gay nightmare, and I was gay in it. 1536 01:10:45,665 --> 01:10:48,036 Oh, come here. I got you. 1537 01:10:48,136 --> 01:10:50,438 - You're not gay. - You're not gay either. 1538 01:10:50,537 --> 01:10:51,906 I've got you. 1539 01:10:56,543 --> 01:10:57,744 Oh. 1540 01:10:57,845 --> 01:11:00,114 - What is it? - I don't know. 1541 01:11:00,214 --> 01:11:03,384 I guess I just thought that if I got everything I ever wanted 1542 01:11:03,484 --> 01:11:05,319 - I'd somehow feel... - Complete? 1543 01:11:05,420 --> 01:11:07,687 Yeah, but I guess I still feel... 1544 01:11:07,788 --> 01:11:09,924 - Empty inside? - Yeah. 1545 01:11:10,024 --> 01:11:11,439 It's like I just wish there was... 1546 01:11:11,459 --> 01:11:12,672 Someone who has gone through 1547 01:11:12,692 --> 01:11:13,627 exactly what you've gone through 1548 01:11:13,727 --> 01:11:15,296 and know exactly how you feel? 1549 01:11:15,396 --> 01:11:17,165 Oh, my God, 1550 01:11:17,265 --> 01:11:18,866 I do have that person. 1551 01:11:18,966 --> 01:11:20,700 - That person is... - Me. 1552 01:11:20,801 --> 01:11:23,538 No. I was gonna say "you." 1553 01:11:23,637 --> 01:11:26,941 But, Trevor, when you say "you," 1554 01:11:27,041 --> 01:11:28,742 it means "me." 1555 01:11:29,944 --> 01:11:31,245 I... 1556 01:11:31,345 --> 01:11:33,047 I love you, Craig. 1557 01:11:34,581 --> 01:11:36,583 I love you, too, Trevor. 1558 01:12:02,742 --> 01:12:04,678 Oh, yeah! 1559 01:12:09,884 --> 01:12:12,120 Aw, fuck! 1560 01:12:12,220 --> 01:12:14,688 Oh, yeah! Oh! 1561 01:12:23,064 --> 01:12:26,267 What the fuck? 1562 01:12:33,407 --> 01:12:35,642 - Oh, my God. - Oh, wow. 1563 01:12:37,912 --> 01:12:40,747 - That was so hot. - That was so hot. 1564 01:12:40,848 --> 01:12:43,650 And easy. Everything made sense and was comfortable. 1565 01:12:43,750 --> 01:12:45,353 Easy, easy. 1566 01:12:45,453 --> 01:12:47,355 - Anal's easy. - Anal is easy. 1567 01:12:47,455 --> 01:12:49,357 It takes no practice to learn. 1568 01:12:49,457 --> 01:12:50,670 I didn't douche. Did you douche? 1569 01:12:50,690 --> 01:12:52,672 I didn't. No. I don't know what douching is. 1570 01:12:52,692 --> 01:12:53,928 Yeah. 1571 01:12:56,531 --> 01:12:57,965 So, then after cumming, 1572 01:12:58,065 --> 01:13:00,368 we laid there cuddling all night. 1573 01:13:00,468 --> 01:13:02,336 - It was beautiful. - I feel so lucky 1574 01:13:02,436 --> 01:13:05,206 to have found the only person in the whole world 1575 01:13:05,306 --> 01:13:07,375 who is as smart, awesome, 1576 01:13:07,475 --> 01:13:09,410 big-dicked, and smart as me. 1577 01:13:09,510 --> 01:13:10,945 And as fate would have it, 1578 01:13:11,045 --> 01:13:13,381 the person most like me 1579 01:13:13,481 --> 01:13:15,950 is my identical twin. Crazy. 1580 01:13:16,050 --> 01:13:17,684 - Crazy. - It's crazy. 1581 01:13:17,784 --> 01:13:19,420 - It's crazy. - Crazy. 1582 01:13:19,520 --> 01:13:20,759 - Babe, look at me. - Yeah? 1583 01:13:20,787 --> 01:13:23,157 - It's crazy. - I'm sorry, I just... 1584 01:13:23,257 --> 01:13:24,992 I find this so moving. 1585 01:13:25,759 --> 01:13:27,727 Okay, if anyone has any reason 1586 01:13:27,828 --> 01:13:29,729 this couple should not be wed, 1587 01:13:29,830 --> 01:13:31,698 speak now or forever hold your... 1588 01:13:37,305 --> 01:13:39,407 This is not what the Bible says. 1589 01:13:39,507 --> 01:13:41,008 What the fuck? 1590 01:13:41,108 --> 01:13:43,177 You do the math. This don't work. 1591 01:13:43,277 --> 01:13:46,614 Stop, stop, stop, you fucking assholes! 1592 01:13:46,713 --> 01:13:49,050 I command you. 1593 01:13:49,150 --> 01:13:52,486 - Why should we listen to you? - Yeah! 1594 01:13:52,587 --> 01:13:56,357 Because I am God! 1595 01:14:13,574 --> 01:14:16,377 Now listen and listen good, 1596 01:14:16,477 --> 01:14:17,712 you self-righteous, 1597 01:14:17,812 --> 01:14:20,081 judgmental flops. 1598 01:14:20,181 --> 01:14:22,782 Two twin brothers marrying each other, 1599 01:14:22,883 --> 01:14:24,652 it sounds like an abomination, 1600 01:14:24,751 --> 01:14:26,954 and yet, it's not. 1601 01:14:27,787 --> 01:14:30,958 Because love in all its forms, 1602 01:14:31,058 --> 01:14:34,895 is a divine thing given to you by me, 1603 01:14:34,996 --> 01:14:37,999 who, again, is God. 1604 01:14:38,099 --> 01:14:40,800 But, Father, they're fucking twins. 1605 01:14:40,901 --> 01:14:42,503 Is that Sister Tammy? 1606 01:14:43,037 --> 01:14:45,106 You shouldn't judge. 1607 01:14:45,206 --> 01:14:47,141 An apple a day keeps the doctor away, 1608 01:14:47,241 --> 01:14:50,177 but cum ain't apples. 1609 01:14:50,278 --> 01:14:51,646 - Gross! - Who is? 1610 01:14:51,746 --> 01:14:53,080 They are. 1611 01:14:53,180 --> 01:14:55,182 I don't do any of that nasty stuff. 1612 01:14:55,283 --> 01:14:58,019 I only have procreative sex with my wife. 1613 01:14:58,119 --> 01:15:00,087 - Yeah! - Lights off, eyes closed, 1614 01:15:00,187 --> 01:15:01,956 just as you intended, my Lord. 1615 01:15:02,056 --> 01:15:05,259 Don't put that shit on me, Steve. 1616 01:15:05,359 --> 01:15:08,129 Fucked up men, Yes, men, 1617 01:15:08,229 --> 01:15:10,797 took my words and changed the meaning. 1618 01:15:10,898 --> 01:15:14,902 I mean, you sticking your sloppy hard wiener 1619 01:15:15,002 --> 01:15:17,705 into your wife's wet hole? 1620 01:15:17,805 --> 01:15:19,707 That's disgusting, too. 1621 01:15:19,807 --> 01:15:22,043 Well, goddamn, if he ain't right about that. 1622 01:15:22,143 --> 01:15:23,110 When he explained it like that, 1623 01:15:23,210 --> 01:15:24,211 - I got it. - I never thought of it 1624 01:15:24,312 --> 01:15:25,660 - in that way. - I mean, it makes sense. 1625 01:15:25,680 --> 01:15:27,915 Look at these twins. 1626 01:15:28,015 --> 01:15:30,851 They're vile. Misogynists. 1627 01:15:30,951 --> 01:15:32,586 Pigs. Perverts. 1628 01:15:32,687 --> 01:15:35,523 - Depraved little sex pests... - Okay, we get it, God. 1629 01:15:35,623 --> 01:15:37,191 Yeah, relax, God. 1630 01:15:37,992 --> 01:15:39,960 But they love themselves, 1631 01:15:40,061 --> 01:15:42,997 in every sense of the word. 1632 01:15:43,097 --> 01:15:45,533 That's why I brought them together, 1633 01:15:45,633 --> 01:15:47,301 to teach you 1634 01:15:47,401 --> 01:15:50,137 that all love is love. 1635 01:15:51,272 --> 01:15:54,175 Damn, this story ended up good. 1636 01:15:54,275 --> 01:15:58,446 Oh, fuck it, I'm putting this one in the Bible. 1637 01:16:02,950 --> 01:16:04,418 Oh, Harris. 1638 01:16:05,720 --> 01:16:08,489 ♪ We share a love ♪ 1639 01:16:08,589 --> 01:16:11,559 ♪ That can't be ignored ♪ 1640 01:16:11,659 --> 01:16:14,061 ♪ A love sent to us ♪ 1641 01:16:14,161 --> 01:16:15,863 ♪ From our holy fucking Lord ♪ 1642 01:16:15,963 --> 01:16:17,598 This guy. 1643 01:16:17,698 --> 01:16:20,501 ♪ I have no pussy ♪ 1644 01:16:20,601 --> 01:16:23,604 ♪ And I'm straight and gay ♪ 1645 01:16:23,704 --> 01:16:26,107 ♪ People may judge us ♪ 1646 01:16:26,207 --> 01:16:32,680 ♪ But this is what we'll say ♪ 1647 01:16:32,780 --> 01:16:35,649 ♪ All love is love ♪ 1648 01:16:35,750 --> 01:16:38,652 ♪ Even when it's ugly ♪ 1649 01:16:38,753 --> 01:16:41,555 ♪ All love is love ♪ 1650 01:16:41,655 --> 01:16:44,625 ♪ Even when it's wrong ♪ 1651 01:16:44,725 --> 01:16:47,161 ♪ All love is love ♪ 1652 01:16:47,261 --> 01:16:52,199 ♪ Like a woman who fucks men made out of sand ♪ 1653 01:16:52,299 --> 01:16:54,969 ♪ All love is gross ♪ 1654 01:16:55,069 --> 01:16:58,139 ♪ But all love is love ♪ 1655 01:16:58,239 --> 01:17:00,508 ♪ You are my brother ♪ 1656 01:17:00,608 --> 01:17:04,111 ♪ My family, my kin ♪ 1657 01:17:04,211 --> 01:17:06,747 ♪ We share a bond ♪ 1658 01:17:06,848 --> 01:17:10,017 ♪ That comes from deep within ♪ 1659 01:17:10,117 --> 01:17:12,052 ♪ But our love has grown ♪ 1660 01:17:12,153 --> 01:17:15,790 ♪ Now it's ancient and divine ♪ 1661 01:17:15,891 --> 01:17:18,325 ♪ We'll fuck each other's assholes ♪ 1662 01:17:18,426 --> 01:17:25,132 ♪ Till we can't tell yours from mine ♪ 1663 01:17:25,232 --> 01:17:28,135 ♪ All love is love ♪ 1664 01:17:28,235 --> 01:17:31,472 ♪ Even when it's ugly ♪ 1665 01:17:31,572 --> 01:17:34,041 ♪ All love is love ♪ 1666 01:17:34,141 --> 01:17:37,578 ♪ Even when it's wrong ♪ 1667 01:17:37,678 --> 01:17:39,413 ♪ All love is love ♪ 1668 01:17:39,513 --> 01:17:43,852 ♪ Like a man who gets a blow job from a horse ♪ 1669 01:17:43,951 --> 01:17:47,521 - Wow. - ♪ All love is gross ♪ 1670 01:17:47,621 --> 01:17:50,558 ♪ But all love is love ♪ 1671 01:17:51,959 --> 01:17:53,327 - Oh! - Oh! 1672 01:17:53,427 --> 01:17:56,430 I now pronounce these twin brothers 1673 01:17:56,530 --> 01:17:57,731 legally married. 1674 01:18:02,570 --> 01:18:04,951 That's got to be a first. That's got to be a first. 1675 01:18:05,606 --> 01:18:07,274 God loves all of you 1676 01:18:07,374 --> 01:18:09,710 because God is all of you. 1677 01:18:10,544 --> 01:18:12,646 God is man and woman. 1678 01:18:12,746 --> 01:18:15,149 God is Black and white. 1679 01:18:15,249 --> 01:18:17,451 God is straight and gay. 1680 01:18:17,551 --> 01:18:19,855 What, hold on, what? You're gay? 1681 01:18:19,955 --> 01:18:21,255 Yeah, obviously... 1682 01:18:21,355 --> 01:18:23,270 ...amongst other things, but my point is that... 1683 01:18:23,290 --> 01:18:25,459 No, totally, we hear you. God is gay. 1684 01:18:27,094 --> 01:18:31,799 ♪ All love is love All love is love ♪ 1685 01:18:31,900 --> 01:18:34,101 ♪ God is a faggot ♪ 1686 01:18:34,201 --> 01:18:35,736 ♪ And all love is love ♪ 1687 01:18:35,837 --> 01:18:37,051 That's not exactly my point. 1688 01:18:37,071 --> 01:18:41,575 ♪ All love is love All love is love ♪ 1689 01:18:41,675 --> 01:18:46,514 ♪ God is a faggot and all love is love ♪ 1690 01:18:46,614 --> 01:18:51,252 ♪ All love is love All love is love ♪ 1691 01:18:51,352 --> 01:18:55,623 ♪ God is a faggot and all love is love ♪ 1692 01:18:55,723 --> 01:18:56,923 Everybody! 1693 01:18:58,125 --> 01:18:59,360 Sing along! 1694 01:19:00,661 --> 01:19:01,861 Can't hear you. 1695 01:19:02,931 --> 01:19:04,331 You're a bigot! 1696 01:19:06,166 --> 01:19:08,235 - ♪ All love is love ♪ - That's what I said. 1697 01:19:08,335 --> 01:19:10,170 - ♪ All love is love ♪ - Even incest. 1698 01:19:10,271 --> 01:19:12,172 - ♪ All love is love ♪ - Love a fruit. 1699 01:19:12,273 --> 01:19:13,307 ♪ All love is love ♪ 1700 01:19:13,407 --> 01:19:15,342 - Hallelujah! - ♪ All love is love ♪ 1701 01:19:15,442 --> 01:19:17,324 - ♪ All love is love ♪ - ♪ All love is love ♪ 1702 01:19:17,344 --> 01:19:18,412 ♪ All love is love ♪ 1703 01:19:18,512 --> 01:19:20,247 - ♪ All love is love ♪ - ♪ Oh ♪ 1704 01:19:20,347 --> 01:19:22,395 - ♪ All love is love ♪ - ♪ God is a faggot ♪ 1705 01:19:22,416 --> 01:19:24,498 - ♪ All love is love ♪ - ♪ Sing God is a faggot ♪ 1706 01:19:24,518 --> 01:19:26,988 - ♪ All love is love ♪ - ♪ Oh, God is a faggot ♪ 1707 01:19:27,087 --> 01:19:28,122 - ♪ All love is love ♪ - ♪ Yeah ♪ 1708 01:19:28,222 --> 01:19:29,690 ♪ All love is love ♪ 1709 01:19:29,790 --> 01:19:30,990 Yay, yeah! 1710 01:19:36,965 --> 01:19:38,566 Check out the New New Testament. 1711 01:19:38,666 --> 01:19:40,035 Coming this Christmas. 1712 01:19:40,134 --> 01:19:42,904 ♪ And all love 1713 01:19:43,004 --> 01:19:46,007 ♪ Is love ♪ 1714 01:19:55,016 --> 01:19:57,785 The end. 1715 01:20:05,125 --> 01:20:06,794 - Surprise! - Surprise! 1716 01:20:06,895 --> 01:20:08,830 Oh, I looked right into camera. 1717 01:20:17,872 --> 01:20:19,841 It doesn't really go in there. 1718 01:20:21,876 --> 01:20:23,310 - Spit it? - Yeah. 1719 01:20:33,787 --> 01:20:35,456 Yes, we can. 1720 01:20:43,163 --> 01:20:45,699 Uh, whatever. Y'all fucked up. 1721 01:20:48,937 --> 01:20:52,107 Kids, listen, we love you, but 1722 01:20:52,206 --> 01:20:56,777 we will never... get married. 1723 01:20:58,712 --> 01:20:59,912 Mom? 1724 01:21:05,486 --> 01:21:07,554 Let's go home and discuss it, eh? 1725 01:21:07,655 --> 01:21:09,991 Let's go home and get in the bed 1726 01:21:10,091 --> 01:21:11,759 and discuss it in my puss. 1727 01:21:15,663 --> 01:21:18,133 ...if you do what we want and get married. 1728 01:21:18,232 --> 01:21:20,434 Oh, for fuck's sake. 1729 01:21:20,534 --> 01:21:21,734 Eat me. 1730 01:21:26,306 --> 01:21:28,242 Tiddles. Titties. Craig. 1731 01:21:28,342 --> 01:21:30,577 Trevor Brock. My two top salesmen. 1732 01:21:30,678 --> 01:21:32,964 I feel like it says "Titties." I keep forgetting. 1733 01:21:45,726 --> 01:21:49,196 Of all the humiliations I've had in show business, 1734 01:21:49,296 --> 01:21:50,631 and they are legion, 1735 01:21:50,731 --> 01:21:53,434 this may be the most humiliating moment... 1736 01:21:53,534 --> 01:21:55,703 ...I've ever had. 1737 01:22:06,047 --> 01:22:07,381 Set. 1738 01:22:08,917 --> 01:22:10,517 My prize pig. 1739 01:22:10,617 --> 01:22:11,953 I wanna be a prize pig. 1740 01:22:12,053 --> 01:22:13,253 Hey, baby, 1741 01:22:13,320 --> 01:22:16,191 you could be a prize pig in my bed when I fuck you. 1742 01:22:21,963 --> 01:22:23,932 Okay. 1743 01:22:25,699 --> 01:22:27,234 Oh, my God. 1744 01:22:28,368 --> 01:22:30,704 Oh, my God. 1745 01:22:30,804 --> 01:22:34,608 I am the lady, the bitch, the boss, rich... 1746 01:22:34,708 --> 01:22:36,343 Don't put a gender on my title. 1747 01:22:36,443 --> 01:22:38,146 Yeah, and, lady, I'm Craig, so... 1748 01:22:38,245 --> 01:22:40,380 Lady? Yes, um, well... 1749 01:22:40,481 --> 01:22:42,577 I forgot what the fuck I was supposed to say. 1750 01:22:44,318 --> 01:22:45,920 Oh, this time, let's improvise. 1751 01:22:46,020 --> 01:22:47,989 Oh, God, no. 1752 01:22:48,089 --> 01:22:49,656 That's-that's bad. 1753 01:22:49,757 --> 01:22:52,060 'Cause then it's just a lot of potty talk. 1754 01:22:52,160 --> 01:22:54,129 - Mom! - Dad! 1755 01:22:54,229 --> 01:22:55,830 - Dad? - Mommy! 1756 01:22:55,930 --> 01:22:57,130 Cut! 1757 01:22:58,599 --> 01:23:00,467 I hope he's a big macho guy like me. 1758 01:23:00,567 --> 01:23:03,425 Um, yeah, listen, I would love to talk about that, obviously, 1759 01:23:03,504 --> 01:23:05,887 but this is actually Mom's house, so I got to go now. 1760 01:23:05,907 --> 01:23:07,107 Oh, God! 1761 01:23:09,043 --> 01:23:11,079 Okay, bye-bye. 1762 01:23:11,179 --> 01:23:12,392 Yeah, that's good, but I think 1763 01:23:12,412 --> 01:23:14,561 also maybe a little more open-handed, if possible. 1764 01:23:14,581 --> 01:23:15,682 - Okay. - Yeah, like that. 1765 01:23:15,783 --> 01:23:17,331 - That's good. Okay, good. - Yeah. Oh, God. 1766 01:23:17,351 --> 01:23:18,452 - Thank you. - Oh, God. 1767 01:23:18,552 --> 01:23:19,821 - Ugh. God... - Oh, God. 1768 01:23:19,921 --> 01:23:21,156 Open-handed pussy. 1769 01:23:28,462 --> 01:23:30,932 Hop on. 1770 01:23:31,032 --> 01:23:32,318 Yeah, get right under here, 1771 01:23:32,366 --> 01:23:33,938 - you'll feel much better. - Okay. 1772 01:23:34,035 --> 01:23:35,402 - Oh. Oh. - Oh! 1773 01:23:38,873 --> 01:23:40,741 Shh. 1774 01:23:45,814 --> 01:23:48,283 Shh. 1775 01:23:48,382 --> 01:23:50,218 - ♪ I loved a girl some... ♪ - Shh. 1776 01:23:54,088 --> 01:23:57,025 Single-parent families are not homes, that's true. 1777 01:23:57,125 --> 01:23:59,493 Single-parent homes are not families, that's true. 1778 01:23:59,593 --> 01:24:02,763 Single-parent families are not homes, that's true. Fuck! 1779 01:24:06,533 --> 01:24:10,071 That's-that's my other autobiography title. 1780 01:24:10,171 --> 01:24:12,173 "Fresh bag of ham." 1781 01:24:12,273 --> 01:24:15,844 No! No! 1782 01:24:15,944 --> 01:24:17,812 No! 1783 01:24:18,679 --> 01:24:21,348 Surprise, I'm in this movie. 1784 01:24:23,383 --> 01:24:27,155 ♪ I do want ♪ 1785 01:24:27,255 --> 01:24:29,723 ♪ More... ♪ 1786 01:24:29,824 --> 01:24:33,161 Sorry. Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. 1787 01:24:33,261 --> 01:24:35,029 And cut. 1788 01:26:02,582 --> 01:26:06,553 ♪ It's a gay old life ♪ 1789 01:26:06,653 --> 01:26:12,193 - ♪ Being queer ♪ - ♪ I have no pussy ♪ 130330