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1
00:00:03,300 --> 00:00:04,451
This is Evan Scabetta.
2
00:00:04,547 --> 00:00:09,247
I'm calling from Non-bottled Wine
Beverage Monthly, a new publication.
3
00:00:09,344 --> 00:00:11,837
I was just calling to inform you...
4
00:00:11,933 --> 00:00:16,442
that your product has been selected
as the best boxed wine on the market.
5
00:00:16,538 --> 00:00:19,128
That's right, so all of us
here at the magazine thought...
6
00:00:19,128 --> 00:00:23,445
you should go ahead and send over
a fuckin' shitload of it.
7
00:00:23,541 --> 00:00:25,747
Oh, we love it.
It's so good.
8
00:00:25,843 --> 00:00:27,953
- We like--
- Merlot.
9
00:00:29,200 --> 00:00:31,022
We love the merlot.
10
00:00:31,119 --> 00:00:34,764
You're the best, Rita.
You always have been. Thank you.
11
00:00:34,860 --> 00:00:38,217
All right, boys. We've done this before.
Let's do it again.
12
00:00:38,313 --> 00:00:42,054
Simple, easy, by the book.
13
00:00:42,150 --> 00:00:44,356
Meet back here in 20 minutes.
14
00:00:45,011 --> 00:00:47,125
Downloaded from www.opensubtitles.org
15
00:01:32,127 --> 00:01:34,334
Holden University.
16
00:01:34,430 --> 00:01:36,541
This was our territory...
17
00:01:36,636 --> 00:01:39,897
and here we were,
48 days away from a diploma...
18
00:01:39,994 --> 00:01:42,776
that would open doors
for the rest of our lives.
19
00:01:42,872 --> 00:01:45,941
We're one step closer
to the American dream.
20
00:01:47,188 --> 00:01:49,299
After today's scam.
21
00:02:27,765 --> 00:02:30,643
Hey there! Mission Sports!
Everybody smile for the camera!
22
00:02:30,643 --> 00:02:32,753
It's gonna be on tonight at 8:00.
Everybody smile!
23
00:02:32,849 --> 00:02:36,014
Mission Sports
2-2 Bureau Sports Channel.
24
00:02:36,014 --> 00:02:38,700
One camera,
24-hour-a-day sports coverage.
25
00:02:38,796 --> 00:02:41,482
Yeah! Slow down. Slow down.
26
00:02:41,482 --> 00:02:43,688
You guys wanna be on TV?
Say hello to Mom!
27
00:03:05,559 --> 00:03:08,437
We're on 'em, we're on 'em.
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.
28
00:03:08,534 --> 00:03:12,275
You're great. You look good.
Big strides. Smile for the camera.
29
00:03:29,733 --> 00:03:31,651
No athletics like amateur athletics.
30
00:03:31,651 --> 00:03:34,817
I see the Olympics for you, baby.
Everybody's a winner.
31
00:03:49,974 --> 00:03:51,700
Right here, right here!
32
00:03:53,139 --> 00:03:54,578
All runners cross the street!
33
00:04:05,801 --> 00:04:07,816
This way, this way, this way!
34
00:04:07,816 --> 00:04:09,926
This is a different route.
35
00:04:21,437 --> 00:04:23,836
Beautiful! All right!
You're looking good!
36
00:04:36,305 --> 00:04:39,663
New route! This way!
Let's see the form! Big smiles!
37
00:04:39,663 --> 00:04:43,021
Everybody cross the street!
All runners cross the street!
38
00:04:43,117 --> 00:04:45,131
New route!
39
00:04:45,227 --> 00:04:47,626
- Watch where you're going, asshole!
- Oh, yeah.
40
00:04:58,561 --> 00:05:00,479
- My leg!
- I can't believe it!
41
00:05:00,479 --> 00:05:03,549
- Oh! You killed my tibia!
- Oh, my God.
42
00:05:03,645 --> 00:05:06,331
- What a travesty!
- Oh, Lord!
43
00:05:06,426 --> 00:05:08,249
Jesus, this looks bad.
44
00:05:08,345 --> 00:05:12,374
He's never gonna make it. He's supposed
to work in a kibbutz this summer.
45
00:05:12,470 --> 00:05:15,828
- Whatever, but I didn't do anything.
- Have mercy on my leg!
46
00:05:15,924 --> 00:05:18,897
Keep lyin, buddy. We got it on tape.
I might just call that number.
47
00:05:18,993 --> 00:05:21,295
- I'm calling my supervisor.
- Call a doctor while you're at it.
48
00:05:21,392 --> 00:05:25,324
- Hey, I was in Desert Storm, mister!
- God, it hurts!
49
00:05:27,243 --> 00:05:29,257
-All of this...
- You don't know anything about driving.
50
00:05:29,353 --> 00:05:32,135
- to pass a test.
- He broke my tibia!
51
00:05:32,231 --> 00:05:34,533
He broke my tibia!
52
00:05:34,629 --> 00:05:38,082
It's one of our favorite scams--
the worm in the apple.
53
00:05:38,082 --> 00:05:40,960
You see, the key was stealing
an official university blue book...
54
00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:43,263
which they kept under lock and key.
55
00:05:43,263 --> 00:05:45,469
Now, if you had an extra blue book...
56
00:05:45,565 --> 00:05:47,579
you could pretty much
get away with anything.
57
00:05:47,675 --> 00:05:51,704
And now, after this morning,
we had our very own supply.
58
00:05:53,047 --> 00:05:55,445
Okay, people, this is the midterm.
59
00:05:55,445 --> 00:05:57,844
I t is 3 0 percent of your grade.
60
00:05:57,844 --> 00:05:59,954
Now's the time to start panicking.
61
00:06:00,050 --> 00:06:03,311
For those of you who don't know me,
my name is Philip, I'm the head TA.
62
00:06:03,407 --> 00:06:06,285
If you don't know me,
that means you've never been to class.
63
00:06:06,285 --> 00:06:09,259
Study materials
need to go under our desk...
64
00:06:09,354 --> 00:06:11,465
as my minions pass out
the test booklets.
65
00:06:12,232 --> 00:06:14,343
Game time. Let me get some booklets.
We need three.
66
00:06:14,438 --> 00:06:17,124
That means our textbooks
go under-- Exactly!
67
00:06:17,220 --> 00:06:19,139
It's not open book.
68
00:06:19,139 --> 00:06:21,345
We left junior high a long time ago.
69
00:06:21,441 --> 00:06:23,647
Phase one: be invisible.
70
00:06:23,647 --> 00:06:25,566
Don't make eye contact.
71
00:06:27,581 --> 00:06:29,211
And our midterm...
72
00:06:29,307 --> 00:06:31,130
begins now.
73
00:06:31,226 --> 00:06:34,103
I gotta take a test.
I gotta take a test.
74
00:06:37,652 --> 00:06:38,612
Hi there.
75
00:06:42,257 --> 00:06:44,079
You're in my seat.
76
00:06:44,079 --> 00:06:46,286
- The seat was empty.
- I was getting test booklets.
77
00:06:46,382 --> 00:06:48,684
- Get out of my seat.
- We already have test booklets.
78
00:06:48,780 --> 00:06:51,562
Hi. Hello. Yeah.
See, the test booklets are out.
79
00:06:51,658 --> 00:06:54,055
So this conversation you're having
isn't taking place.
80
00:06:54,152 --> 00:06:56,454
So let's find a chair.
There are plenty over there.
81
00:06:56,550 --> 00:06:58,373
- He's in my seat, though.
- Exactly.
82
00:06:58,469 --> 00:07:01,826
And we're grownups, so we don't argue
over seats. Why don't we go over there.
83
00:07:04,992 --> 00:07:06,910
You just made my little black book.
84
00:07:08,349 --> 00:07:10,651
Okay, go sit. Go sit.
85
00:07:16,502 --> 00:07:18,709
Move, move, move.
You're late now. Move.
86
00:07:22,833 --> 00:07:25,232
- I'm sorry. Do you know him?
- No.
87
00:07:25,328 --> 00:07:26,863
- Are you sure?
- You're fine.
88
00:07:26,863 --> 00:07:28,973
- Good. Thank you.
- Eyes on my own paper.
89
00:07:29,933 --> 00:07:32,139
Joe Schmo has no answers for you.
90
00:07:33,194 --> 00:07:35,688
Man, this is a really hard test.
91
00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:38,470
I don't think I know
one of these damn answers.
92
00:07:38,566 --> 00:07:41,348
Good thing I'm not in this class.
93
00:07:41,348 --> 00:07:43,746
See, I'm simply here
to copy the questions down.
94
00:07:43,841 --> 00:07:46,144
Phase two: human copier.
95
00:07:47,871 --> 00:07:50,940
Look at me.
I'm an anonymous blender-inner.
96
00:07:54,202 --> 00:07:56,025
Phase three:
97
00:07:56,120 --> 00:07:57,942
make the switch.
98
00:07:59,765 --> 00:08:02,835
I leave the stolen blue book
as a decoy.
99
00:08:02,835 --> 00:08:05,905
And here?
Here's where I made my mistake.
100
00:08:06,001 --> 00:08:07,920
This is how it all started.
101
00:08:09,358 --> 00:08:11,565
But, I mean, look at her.
102
00:08:11,660 --> 00:08:14,442
That's the reason
I went to college.
103
00:08:18,663 --> 00:08:22,692
I wrote my number down in case you
wanna call me to talk about the test.
104
00:08:23,747 --> 00:08:25,570
Or just talk about anything.
105
00:08:26,337 --> 00:08:30,078
I gotta go. Here's my number.
I want you to call me.
106
00:08:30,078 --> 00:08:32,956
You know, tell me
how the rest of the test went.
107
00:08:32,956 --> 00:08:35,354
- You know?
- Okay.
108
00:08:37,176 --> 00:08:39,191
Just call me.
109
00:08:41,397 --> 00:08:43,892
Phase four: sanction the exit.
110
00:08:43,892 --> 00:08:47,728
- I have to go to the bathroom.
- That's not allowed during the test.
111
00:08:47,728 --> 00:08:49,167
I really have to go.
112
00:08:50,031 --> 00:08:51,278
Tell you what.
113
00:08:51,373 --> 00:08:55,402
Why don't you use that energy
as motivation to finish your test.
114
00:08:56,170 --> 00:08:57,513
Explosive diarrhea.
115
00:08:57,513 --> 00:09:00,775
Okay, go. All right.
And leave that stuff there.
116
00:09:03,364 --> 00:09:05,667
Good luck.
I mean that.
117
00:09:07,969 --> 00:09:09,599
What you just saw was cheating.
118
00:09:09,696 --> 00:09:13,437
Now I've got the questions, and
all my roommate needs are the answers.
119
00:09:13,533 --> 00:09:15,259
I just don't wanna get sloppy 600s.
120
00:09:15,739 --> 00:09:17,178
I told you, Jeff...
121
00:09:17,178 --> 00:09:21,494
you gotta work through gay porn
before they let you set foot in hetero.
122
00:09:21,494 --> 00:09:23,029
- Fellas.
- Really?
123
00:09:23,126 --> 00:09:26,291
Dave, is this true? You have to do gay
porn before you work in straight porn?
124
00:09:26,387 --> 00:09:29,553
- True.
- What a dirty, despicable business.
125
00:09:29,553 --> 00:09:31,183
- How'd it go?
- It went well.
126
00:09:31,279 --> 00:09:33,869
I slipped in, I slipped out.
It was beautiful.
127
00:09:35,788 --> 00:09:38,186
- I was fuckin' invisible. Relax.
- You're sure?
128
00:09:38,186 --> 00:09:39,433
Yeah, I was invisible.
129
00:09:39,529 --> 00:09:44,037
Guys, this is like child's play.
A baby could do this work.
130
00:09:44,134 --> 00:09:45,572
Don't get flashy, Karl.
131
00:09:45,668 --> 00:09:47,874
Nothing higher than an A-minus,
or we dock you.
132
00:09:47,970 --> 00:09:50,176
Look, I'm just saying--
133
00:09:50,272 --> 00:09:54,589
We pay you because you do phenomenal
work, so fill out that physics test.
134
00:09:54,686 --> 00:09:57,466
Maybe you wouldn't need someone
to fill out every test form...
135
00:09:57,563 --> 00:10:00,920
if you stopped smoking these doobies,
smack joint heads.
136
00:10:01,017 --> 00:10:04,182
Don't be so smug, Karl.
There's a lot here you don't know about.
137
00:10:06,100 --> 00:10:08,498
No. That does not agree with me.
138
00:10:10,513 --> 00:10:13,870
Okay, harrumph, it's over--
I saw that.
139
00:10:13,870 --> 00:10:16,364
Flip me off one more time,
I'm taking away the test.
140
00:10:16,461 --> 00:10:20,777
Pass 'em to your left.
To your left!
141
00:10:20,873 --> 00:10:22,695
Quickly.
142
00:10:22,792 --> 00:10:25,765
And you may leave.
I don't wanna see you anymore.
143
00:10:27,300 --> 00:10:29,123
Enjoy your vacation.
144
00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:48,876
Okay, the test is over.
We're done here.
145
00:11:07,088 --> 00:11:10,539
- So, how'd you do on the test?
- Oh, who knows?
146
00:11:10,635 --> 00:11:14,278
- What, you don't care?
- I'm obsessing about this purity test.
147
00:11:14,278 --> 00:11:16,866
- It's a magazine.
- I missed skank by two points.
148
00:11:16,962 --> 00:11:20,317
I don't think you have to
worry about that.
149
00:11:20,413 --> 00:11:21,754
Hey, hot boy.
150
00:11:21,850 --> 00:11:25,206
I thought that was your sexy ass.
Come here.
151
00:11:25,301 --> 00:11:27,602
Ooh, you guys are so fuckin' hot.
152
00:11:27,698 --> 00:11:29,997
- Give me some of that.
- Some of this?
153
00:11:33,162 --> 00:11:36,421
I was right.
You're a hard person to follow.
154
00:11:36,516 --> 00:11:40,445
I'm sorry, I don't think that
we've met before. I'm Angela.
155
00:11:41,501 --> 00:11:42,747
You like me?
156
00:11:42,747 --> 00:11:44,664
We just took a test together.
157
00:11:48,210 --> 00:11:51,086
You guys must've been in a zone
when you were taking that test.
158
00:11:51,086 --> 00:11:53,483
- We sat right next to each other.
- Hey, what's going on?
159
00:11:53,483 --> 00:11:55,112
How you guys doin'?
160
00:11:55,208 --> 00:11:57,029
- We're fine.
- Are you having a good day?
161
00:11:57,126 --> 00:11:57,988
- Yeah.
- Cool.
162
00:11:58,083 --> 00:12:00,960
You guys know where
Professor Markoe's office is?
163
00:12:02,685 --> 00:12:04,985
Yeah, Professor Markoe's office?
164
00:12:06,423 --> 00:12:08,341
I think it's
right the "F" over there.
165
00:12:08,436 --> 00:12:10,737
Can you see I'm having
a god damn conversation?
166
00:12:10,833 --> 00:12:13,516
Just back off
and go do your stupid-ass thing.
167
00:12:16,393 --> 00:12:20,513
The fact is, the midterm
has already been, and you missed it.
168
00:12:20,513 --> 00:12:21,952
You guys must not
have heard me.
169
00:12:22,240 --> 00:12:25,690
I'm Sam Schechter.
I got hit by a truck today.
170
00:12:25,786 --> 00:12:27,608
I heard all of that.
171
00:12:27,704 --> 00:12:31,250
- What the heck is going on?
- Professor Markoe, thank God.
172
00:12:31,250 --> 00:12:34,126
Listen, I got hit by a truck today.
173
00:12:34,126 --> 00:12:36,330
All I want is to take the midterm.
174
00:12:36,426 --> 00:12:39,301
Hit by a truck?
Are you okay?
175
00:12:39,397 --> 00:12:41,410
He got hit by a truck!
176
00:12:41,410 --> 00:12:43,328
Okay, but is he all right?
177
00:12:44,382 --> 00:12:47,737
I got hit by a truck.
I got a busted tibia.
178
00:12:48,792 --> 00:12:50,612
My rib cage is very tender.
179
00:12:52,146 --> 00:12:53,777
My testicle turned blue.
180
00:12:53,777 --> 00:12:58,281
Why don't you drop your trousers
and we'll examine 'em.
181
00:12:59,048 --> 00:13:03,074
The colour of your balls won't change
the fact that you missed the midterm.
182
00:13:03,170 --> 00:13:06,716
If it'll help me take the midterm,
I'm happy to show everyone my balls.
183
00:13:06,716 --> 00:13:08,347
We don't wanna see that.
184
00:13:08,442 --> 00:13:10,647
Forget about looking at the balls.
185
00:13:10,743 --> 00:13:12,948
You're gonna take the midterm.
186
00:13:13,043 --> 00:13:16,398
And you are gonna let him
take it at your desk.
187
00:13:16,494 --> 00:13:19,369
-You'll have to move until he's through.
-I gotta take it somewhere.
188
00:13:19,465 --> 00:13:23,492
And I want you to give him
all the time he needs.
189
00:13:23,492 --> 00:13:25,025
Good luck, kid.
190
00:13:27,038 --> 00:13:28,956
I'm tellin' you...
191
00:13:28,956 --> 00:13:30,872
tell that motherfucker to go.
192
00:13:30,872 --> 00:13:34,227
He is no damn good.
I bet he got crabs.
193
00:13:35,953 --> 00:13:39,212
Yeah, girl.
Put on my hot boots, get my groove on.
194
00:13:40,171 --> 00:13:41,705
- Yeah.
- Well, I'm finished.
195
00:13:43,621 --> 00:13:45,730
Think I did pretty good.
196
00:13:47,456 --> 00:13:48,606
Shotgun.
197
00:13:48,606 --> 00:13:53,399
Boys, to a very successful operation.
Possibly one of our last.
198
00:13:53,399 --> 00:13:55,891
Which I masterminded, by the way.
199
00:13:55,891 --> 00:13:58,192
We'll give you that.
200
00:13:58,192 --> 00:14:01,834
It's not too soon, I say.
I think the well's sort a run dry.
201
00:14:01,930 --> 00:14:03,751
Let's get the heck outta here.
202
00:14:03,848 --> 00:14:05,668
- You're ready to go to law school?
- Absolutely.
203
00:14:05,763 --> 00:14:09,311
Jeff's gonna get out too. He's gonna be
a financial master of the universe.
204
00:14:09,406 --> 00:14:12,474
- That'll help me get some fine bitches.
- It's time to move on, man.
205
00:14:12,570 --> 00:14:14,966
What do you have that's
better than this? This is great.
206
00:14:15,063 --> 00:14:16,884
This is great?
This is a shit heap.
207
00:14:16,979 --> 00:14:20,239
I gotta be honest. Best dorm on campus
doesn't excite me much anymore.
208
00:14:20,334 --> 00:14:24,072
Are you kidding? It took four years to
build this place. This place is great.
209
00:14:24,168 --> 00:14:27,332
You seem scared to move on 'cause you
don't know what to do with your life.
210
00:14:27,332 --> 00:14:30,303
-It's okay if you're afraid to graduate.
-If you're afraid of the future.
211
00:14:30,399 --> 00:14:34,904
You know what? This is going nowhere.
Let's just celebrate our latest win.
212
00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:37,396
- Celebrate how?
- The usual way, of course.
213
00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:27,683
The usual way.
214
00:15:27,683 --> 00:15:29,121
Lenny's.
215
00:15:29,121 --> 00:15:31,327
I'll get the birthday club cards.
216
00:15:34,202 --> 00:15:36,024
I say "happy,"
you say "birthday."
217
00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:37,079
- Happy.
- Birthday!
218
00:15:37,846 --> 00:15:39,475
When I say "birthday,"
you say "party." Birthday.
219
00:15:39,570 --> 00:15:40,435
Party!
220
00:15:41,392 --> 00:15:43,886
- Let's say it. Happy birthday.
- Happy birthday!
221
00:15:43,982 --> 00:15:46,665
- Let's party...
- Hearty!
222
00:15:47,624 --> 00:15:48,582
Party hearty.
223
00:15:49,734 --> 00:15:52,034
Here's to an A-minus, boys,
in physics.
224
00:15:52,130 --> 00:15:54,814
- The easy way.
- That's right.
225
00:15:54,909 --> 00:15:57,786
That's Sam.
Sam cheats for convenience.
226
00:15:57,882 --> 00:16:00,758
At this school, if you can't
pass a foreign language exam...
227
00:16:00,758 --> 00:16:03,826
you have to spend the next two years
taking courses at 8:00 a.m...
228
00:16:03,921 --> 00:16:05,743
on the other side of campus.
229
00:16:05,839 --> 00:16:08,523
Well, Sam does not
wake up at 8:00 a.m....
230
00:16:08,619 --> 00:16:10,535
and never plans to.
231
00:16:10,632 --> 00:16:13,891
The classroom is being threatened
by fire. Run from this inferno.
232
00:16:13,891 --> 00:16:17,342
Quickly, quickly! Everyone!
You, last student, turn!
233
00:16:17,342 --> 00:16:19,547
Good God, man,
what is wrong with you?
234
00:16:19,643 --> 00:16:21,944
You want to end up
like burnt breakfast toast?
235
00:16:25,780 --> 00:16:27,696
Your sacrifice puzzles and honors me.
236
00:16:27,696 --> 00:16:30,763
I must leave now. I am a coward.
Do not tell anyone.
237
00:16:31,339 --> 00:16:33,833
It was Sam's idea to join forces.
238
00:16:33,833 --> 00:16:35,748
Alone we were just a couple
of freshman cheaters...
239
00:16:36,420 --> 00:16:39,776
but together we were dangerous.
240
00:16:39,872 --> 00:16:42,269
I'm not an evil, lying genius.
241
00:16:42,364 --> 00:16:46,199
I just happen to know a technique.
I call it "The Seed of Doubt."
242
00:16:46,294 --> 00:16:47,925
I 'm a commercial
airline pilot.
243
00:16:47,925 --> 00:16:51,567
Say it, repeat it, believe it.
244
00:16:51,662 --> 00:16:52,526
Yeah, whatever.
245
00:16:52,621 --> 00:16:54,730
No, no,
I'm a commercial airline pilot.
246
00:16:58,470 --> 00:17:00,771
I, ladies...
247
00:17:00,867 --> 00:17:03,647
am a professional, commercial...
248
00:17:03,742 --> 00:17:06,618
airline pilot.
249
00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:09,686
- Cool!
- Yeah.
250
00:17:09,782 --> 00:17:11,028
Is he a pilot too?
251
00:17:11,124 --> 00:17:12,849
F.B.I.
252
00:17:12,945 --> 00:17:14,192
I got the ugly one.
253
00:17:14,192 --> 00:17:18,027
Jeff bought in sophomore year.
He marches to a different drummer.
254
00:17:18,027 --> 00:17:20,518
Jeff's not exactly crazy
about authority.
255
00:17:20,518 --> 00:17:22,724
He's just crazy.
256
00:17:22,820 --> 00:17:26,941
I don't want you to worry about
finishing the exam. No one ever does.
257
00:17:27,037 --> 00:17:30,298
That's the way I designed it,
so just finish writing whenever you--
258
00:17:30,394 --> 00:17:34,228
Time's up! Okay, that's it. Time's up.
Close your books, stop writing.
259
00:17:34,994 --> 00:17:36,912
Come forward with your papers
immediately.
260
00:17:37,009 --> 00:17:38,925
Everybody in the back.
261
00:17:39,021 --> 00:17:41,322
Everybody all the way in the back.
262
00:17:41,418 --> 00:17:43,335
You. Yes, you.
263
00:17:43,432 --> 00:17:45,731
Little Red Riding Hood.
Congratulations.
264
00:17:46,690 --> 00:17:48,896
You just got an "F '."
Come on up.
265
00:17:48,896 --> 00:17:51,868
There's always one in every crowd
who doesn't believe me.
266
00:17:51,868 --> 00:17:54,743
You can stop writing, sir. I don't care
if you have the cure for cancer.
267
00:17:54,743 --> 00:17:56,661
It's fruitless.
You will not pass.
268
00:17:58,003 --> 00:18:00,400
Sir, congratulations.
You have failed.
269
00:18:00,495 --> 00:18:03,660
- Do you even know my name?
- No, I don't know your name.
270
00:18:03,755 --> 00:18:05,672
No, you don't.
271
00:18:13,534 --> 00:18:15,930
What's your name?
What's your name?
272
00:18:16,026 --> 00:18:18,806
I've seen a lot of porno�s in my day.
It's like a trade secret.
273
00:18:18,902 --> 00:18:20,819
Next time you're jackin' off,
you sit Indian style.
274
00:18:20,819 --> 00:18:23,695
Believe what you want.
At least I get out some.
275
00:18:23,695 --> 00:18:26,572
You go through more tissues
than a widow.
276
00:18:26,667 --> 00:18:28,009
What? It's true.
277
00:18:28,009 --> 00:18:31,172
Who's the one who just said
I've seen a lot of porn?
278
00:18:31,268 --> 00:18:35,199
You are a rabid consumer of porn.
They have your name on file.
279
00:18:35,199 --> 00:18:38,362
You're the one who masturbates.
I'm not the--
280
00:18:39,034 --> 00:18:41,047
Happy birthday or whatever.
281
00:18:42,101 --> 00:18:43,156
What's up?
282
00:18:44,210 --> 00:18:46,512
How'd you do on the test?
283
00:18:46,608 --> 00:18:48,717
Well, I fucked up
the gravitational constant.
284
00:18:49,770 --> 00:18:51,304
Me too.
285
00:18:51,401 --> 00:18:53,223
What's your name again?
286
00:18:55,522 --> 00:18:57,535
Tom Weaver.
287
00:18:57,631 --> 00:19:00,316
Can we help you
with something, guy?
288
00:19:01,659 --> 00:19:03,480
Oh, my God, how's your leg?
289
00:19:03,575 --> 00:19:07,603
Obviously he's a lot better now.
Thanks for your concern.
290
00:19:07,699 --> 00:19:10,957
And if you're done
trying to hide the baloney pony...
291
00:19:11,052 --> 00:19:12,874
we've got some stuff to eat.
292
00:19:17,285 --> 00:19:19,201
Happy birthday.
293
00:19:19,297 --> 00:19:21,024
Yeah, dude.
Happy birthday, man.
294
00:19:21,120 --> 00:19:23,229
- Third one this week.
- I'm proud of you.
295
00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:28,597
- Who is that guy?
- He's just a busboy.
296
00:19:49,500 --> 00:19:51,324
Gimme seven!
297
00:19:51,420 --> 00:19:54,588
Hey, you guys are about to
enter into a world of pain.
298
00:19:54,685 --> 00:19:57,760
You. I know what you did.
I was there. I saw it.
299
00:19:57,760 --> 00:20:01,025
- Move, or you're gonna get hurt.
- It's that tweaked busboy, man.
300
00:20:01,121 --> 00:20:04,193
I know what you did. I was sitting
right next to you. Remember me?
301
00:20:04,289 --> 00:20:07,074
Hey, shorty.
How's your leg feeling, buddy?
302
00:20:07,170 --> 00:20:09,955
You're playing awfully good
for having a broken leg.
303
00:20:09,955 --> 00:20:13,318
Right, homeboy?
I'm not kiddin' around, bitch.
304
00:20:18,504 --> 00:20:21,576
Okay, let's see
the so-called proof.
305
00:20:21,672 --> 00:20:26,667
I got the proof. You were there, Dave.
Dave Goodman, 555-01 22.
306
00:20:26,763 --> 00:20:28,588
This is nothin'.
307
00:20:28,588 --> 00:20:30,413
Keep it.
I got plenty of copies.
308
00:20:30,510 --> 00:20:34,254
Of course, if this were to get out,
you guys would probably be expelled.
309
00:20:34,350 --> 00:20:37,327
Do you really need a diploma? No.
310
00:20:37,327 --> 00:20:41,170
But, you know, if you wanted
to go to a law school, for instance...
311
00:20:41,170 --> 00:20:43,089
that'd be pretty tough.
312
00:20:43,089 --> 00:20:47,797
Or be hired by a prestigious financial
firm like Stockton, Upright & Falk.
313
00:20:48,854 --> 00:20:50,389
I'm into that firm.
314
00:20:50,485 --> 00:20:52,022
I know. I saw your name
on the interview list.
315
00:20:52,118 --> 00:20:55,192
Good luck getting thatjob.
They don't hire cheaters.
316
00:20:56,921 --> 00:20:59,128
Hey, wait!
Ethan, wait. Dave.
317
00:20:59,128 --> 00:21:00,282
Dave, come on.
318
00:21:00,282 --> 00:21:03,451
Okay. What do you want?
319
00:21:06,332 --> 00:21:07,773
I got a proposition for you.
320
00:21:07,773 --> 00:21:10,175
You're obviously amoral...
321
00:21:10,175 --> 00:21:12,286
but certainly clever in your ways.
322
00:21:12,286 --> 00:21:14,977
And you, you may have some...
323
00:21:16,033 --> 00:21:18,338
people skills I may lack.
324
00:21:18,435 --> 00:21:21,123
What do you want? Money?
Free dry cleaning? Euro-pass?
325
00:21:21,123 --> 00:21:23,525
No, I don't--
A Euro-pass? No. No!
326
00:21:25,252 --> 00:21:27,750
I want you to get me a girl.
327
00:21:27,846 --> 00:21:30,054
- A girl.
- This is college!
328
00:21:30,150 --> 00:21:32,168
Bag your own bitches.
329
00:21:32,168 --> 00:21:34,087
Angela's not a bitch!
330
00:21:36,489 --> 00:21:38,314
Take it easy, man!
331
00:21:39,177 --> 00:21:41,291
Let him go.
You gonna be good?
332
00:21:41,291 --> 00:21:43,789
- Yes. Yes. Yes.
- Okay. Back away.
333
00:21:43,885 --> 00:21:45,230
I have copies.
334
00:21:45,326 --> 00:21:48,975
- I'm not afraid to expel you.
- Take it easy. Relax.
335
00:21:48,975 --> 00:21:51,088
Give me a day.
I need to think about this.
336
00:21:51,184 --> 00:21:53,681
This is a tough one.
Just give us the night.
337
00:21:57,523 --> 00:22:00,595
They call me Cool Ethan.
I live in Heineraker Hall.
338
00:22:00,691 --> 00:22:02,612
All right, cool.
We'll find you.
339
00:22:02,612 --> 00:22:04,246
All right?
340
00:22:08,375 --> 00:22:11,640
I didn'tlike being blackmailed
by "Cool Ethan"...
341
00:22:11,736 --> 00:22:14,042
but he did have good taste in women.
342
00:22:14,138 --> 00:22:18,076
Are you fucking insane?
This is a major breach of security.
343
00:22:18,173 --> 00:22:20,764
This guy could have us
kicked out of college, man.
344
00:22:20,860 --> 00:22:23,166
Look, we will get him the girl.
345
00:22:23,262 --> 00:22:25,278
Look, let me explain something to you.
346
00:22:25,278 --> 00:22:28,160
My college career
is a house of cards...
347
00:22:28,160 --> 00:22:32,002
glued together with thousands of lies,
and now it's being threatened...
348
00:22:32,002 --> 00:22:34,210
- Shut up!
- by some schoolboy with a crush?
349
00:22:34,306 --> 00:22:36,132
We'll get him the girl.
Relax.
350
00:22:36,419 --> 00:22:39,877
I've been watching you
everywhere you go.
351
00:22:39,974 --> 00:22:42,757
Soon you're gonna be mine, aren't you?
352
00:22:42,854 --> 00:22:46,023
Who's that? That's the most
beautiful girl in the world.
353
00:22:46,119 --> 00:22:47,944
I like you.
354
00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:50,729
Everything here,
you touched it, baby.
355
00:22:50,825 --> 00:22:55,052
We're gonna get married one day
and have 23 little kiddies.
356
00:22:55,148 --> 00:22:57,260
And I'm gonna get a job
at Stockton, Upright & Falk...
357
00:22:57,356 --> 00:22:59,469
and be so rich that you're
gonna love me forever.
358
00:22:59,469 --> 00:23:02,254
And we're gonna have sex
in my bedroom
359
00:23:07,344 --> 00:23:10,610
Guys, we're a team. Back me up.
What do you say, huh?
360
00:23:12,146 --> 00:23:15,124
Just promise me
this has nothing to do with the girl.
361
00:23:15,221 --> 00:23:18,389
Hey, this has nothing
to do with the girl.
362
00:23:20,694 --> 00:23:23,768
Don't you fuckin'
"Seed of Doubt" us, man.
363
00:23:23,864 --> 00:23:25,880
This has nothing...
364
00:23:25,976 --> 00:23:28,282
to do...
365
00:23:28,282 --> 00:23:30,586
with the girl.
366
00:23:35,389 --> 00:23:37,309
Okay. I'll buy it.
367
00:23:37,309 --> 00:23:41,055
Thanks. Jeff, I got a job for you.
You'll start tomorrow.
368
00:23:41,151 --> 00:23:44,034
- Sam, come on. I know you're in.
- Fuck.
369
00:23:47,201 --> 00:23:49,124
Yo, wake up.
370
00:23:51,235 --> 00:23:54,021
- I brought you coffee.
- I don't touch that stuff.
371
00:23:54,117 --> 00:23:55,653
- Can I come in?
- No.
372
00:23:55,749 --> 00:23:58,919
No one comes into Ethan's room.
Ethan's rules.
373
00:24:01,608 --> 00:24:03,050
What's that smell?
374
00:24:03,145 --> 00:24:06,602
Maybe it's the smell of your ass
getting kicked out of school.
375
00:24:06,698 --> 00:24:08,522
Well, enough of this gay banter.
376
00:24:08,619 --> 00:24:10,636
- We're gonna get you the girl.
- On what day?
377
00:24:10,636 --> 00:24:13,037
Well, let's say on Monday.
378
00:24:13,037 --> 00:24:15,341
- Tuesdays are better.
- Tuesdays--
379
00:24:15,437 --> 00:24:17,359
- It'll be a Tuesday.
- Great.
380
00:24:17,359 --> 00:24:19,280
You're smart.
I like you.
381
00:24:19,376 --> 00:24:21,200
I'll probably give you a nickname.
382
00:24:25,234 --> 00:24:28,499
We needed a plan to get into
Angela's room, so Jeff knocked.
383
00:24:30,323 --> 00:24:33,205
Yoo-hoo! It's Steve Pasternak
looking for Angela.
384
00:24:33,302 --> 00:24:35,318
- Angela, please.
- Do I fuckin' know you?
385
00:24:35,414 --> 00:24:38,584
I lent Angela my notebook because
I take such "world-famous" notes.
386
00:24:38,680 --> 00:24:40,601
So I was wondering if I could--
387
00:24:40,697 --> 00:24:42,618
Are you busy with something?
388
00:24:42,714 --> 00:24:45,692
Yeah. I was masturbating.
389
00:24:48,092 --> 00:24:50,012
Masturbating.
In the dorms.
390
00:24:50,012 --> 00:24:53,471
Well, that's what you get
when you go to art school.
391
00:24:53,567 --> 00:24:56,447
What do you want, her room?
Right over there.
392
00:24:57,600 --> 00:25:00,961
- Thank you.
- Don't touch anything.
393
00:25:02,594 --> 00:25:05,378
So, do you know
what the book looks like?
394
00:25:05,474 --> 00:25:08,740
Let me tell you what it looks like.
It's a very distinctive note--
395
00:25:09,701 --> 00:25:11,621
Some of my notebook
had her handwriting in it.
396
00:25:25,548 --> 00:25:29,294
There's really nothing here.
Someone's going to have to make contact.
397
00:25:29,390 --> 00:25:31,310
I will break, I will enter...
398
00:25:31,310 --> 00:25:33,808
I will torch, I will shatter,
I will rifle...
399
00:25:33,904 --> 00:25:35,728
I will pillage, I will probe...
400
00:25:35,823 --> 00:25:39,090
but I'm really not comfortable
just talking to a girl.
401
00:25:39,186 --> 00:25:41,010
You know what, boys?
402
00:25:41,106 --> 00:25:43,891
Why don't you just
let me take care of it?
403
00:25:43,987 --> 00:25:48,213
You treat a hot girl like dirt
and she'll stick to you like mud.
404
00:25:54,456 --> 00:25:57,434
Watch where you're going,
you skanky-ass bitch.
405
00:25:57,530 --> 00:25:59,163
- Cocksucker.
- Slut.
406
00:25:59,259 --> 00:26:01,083
- Butt-wipe.
- Ho.
407
00:26:01,178 --> 00:26:02,717
Monkey boy.
408
00:26:10,015 --> 00:26:12,992
Maybe I should make the contact.
What do you think?
409
00:26:13,088 --> 00:26:14,145
Sam?
410
00:26:16,547 --> 00:26:19,908
Swirling gases growing
hotter and hotter...
411
00:26:19,908 --> 00:26:22,980
until it reaches
a critical temperature...
412
00:26:22,980 --> 00:26:26,534
and transforms itself in to
the most awesome sight in the universe.
413
00:26:26,630 --> 00:26:29,415
What is this sight called?
Anybody?
414
00:26:33,545 --> 00:26:36,427
Remember me? Dave.
I'm a friend of Ethan's.
415
00:26:36,427 --> 00:26:38,348
- We're in the middle of class.
- You know. Cool Ethan.
416
00:26:40,268 --> 00:26:43,053
Here.
These are for you. Hey.
417
00:26:43,149 --> 00:26:46,416
Look at the matches.
He's in the inside.
418
00:26:48,623 --> 00:26:51,793
- That's Cool Ethan.
- I don't know who Ethan is.
419
00:26:51,890 --> 00:26:53,618
You don't know
who Cool Ethan is?
420
00:26:53,714 --> 00:26:55,922
You, our new friend
with the pipe.
421
00:26:57,940 --> 00:26:59,766
What's the formula
for finding critical mass?
422
00:26:59,861 --> 00:27:01,301
Keep 'em.
423
00:27:04,951 --> 00:27:06,872
True.
424
00:27:12,633 --> 00:27:15,419
- I don't know, man.
- Hello, dark angel.
425
00:27:15,516 --> 00:27:18,108
Fuckin' dinner on a budget.
426
00:27:18,205 --> 00:27:19,261
What'd you guys get?
427
00:27:20,414 --> 00:27:23,776
I got some term papers, some E-mails
and this "dream guy" survey.
428
00:27:23,872 --> 00:27:26,752
- I don't know what it means.
- This shit is cheesier.
429
00:27:26,848 --> 00:27:28,673
You're right.
430
00:27:28,769 --> 00:27:32,323
Dream guy, huh? "Intelligent,
good-looking, smart, funny."
431
00:27:33,379 --> 00:27:35,300
Sam, where'd you say she was from?
432
00:27:35,396 --> 00:27:36,933
She's a local.
433
00:27:37,989 --> 00:27:41,351
A local, huh? Looks like I'm gonna be
making a visit to the Patton's house.
434
00:27:45,577 --> 00:27:47,208
- Charles Patton?
- Yes.
435
00:27:47,304 --> 00:27:49,034
Ron Mathius, US Census Bureau.
436
00:27:49,130 --> 00:27:50,956
You've been selected for
a personal information session.
437
00:27:50,956 --> 00:27:53,644
- Is that bad?
- No, that's good, sir.
438
00:27:53,740 --> 00:27:57,485
- Aren't you young for government work?
- I'm not a GS-1 1 yet, no.
439
00:27:57,485 --> 00:28:00,078
- I'm just a GS-4, but--
- GS-4!
440
00:28:00,078 --> 00:28:01,999
- Shall we do it?
- Let's get it on.
441
00:28:01,999 --> 00:28:04,401
- All right, then.
- Come in.
442
00:28:04,401 --> 00:28:06,802
We at the Census Bureau
like to dig a little deeper...
443
00:28:06,802 --> 00:28:09,299
find out the stuff that just
doesn't translate to paper--
444
00:28:09,396 --> 00:28:11,220
Wow! What a beautiful home.
445
00:28:11,315 --> 00:28:13,620
Well, then, you should
meet the decorator.
446
00:28:13,716 --> 00:28:16,598
Ron Mathius, Census Bureau,
my wife Valerie.
447
00:28:19,959 --> 00:28:22,551
- Great job. Yeah.
- Oh, thank you.
448
00:28:22,551 --> 00:28:24,186
- Would you like a drink?
- Yes!
449
00:28:24,282 --> 00:28:26,106
Well, you're gonna get a drink.
450
00:28:26,203 --> 00:28:28,219
That's adorable.
451
00:28:29,083 --> 00:28:31,773
- This is your only female dependent?
- Yes.
452
00:28:31,869 --> 00:28:35,133
In that case, I'm gonna need
a passport, a birth certificate...
453
00:28:35,229 --> 00:28:39,168
social security number, diary,
vaccination reports and...
454
00:28:39,168 --> 00:28:40,895
that pretty much wraps it up.
455
00:28:40,895 --> 00:28:44,642
- Okay, let me go see what I can find.
- That would be a really big help.
456
00:28:45,507 --> 00:28:46,851
Wonderful. Super.
457
00:28:48,004 --> 00:28:49,828
He really is a sweet man.
458
00:28:49,924 --> 00:28:51,749
- He's a sweetheart.
- Yeah.
459
00:28:51,845 --> 00:28:53,670
He's great.
460
00:28:53,766 --> 00:28:56,071
This is a very lovely house
you have here.
461
00:28:56,166 --> 00:28:57,414
- Oh, thank you.
- You're welcome.
462
00:28:57,510 --> 00:28:59,529
- I like to decorate.
- I can see that.
463
00:28:59,624 --> 00:29:01,545
- And I do my own gardening.
- Your own gardening?
464
00:29:01,641 --> 00:29:03,563
- And decoupage.
- Decoupage?
465
00:29:03,658 --> 00:29:06,828
I love to suck cock.
And I arrange flowers too.
466
00:29:06,924 --> 00:29:09,133
Where's those school records, honey?
467
00:29:09,229 --> 00:29:12,014
In the back of her closet,
in the shoe box.
468
00:29:12,110 --> 00:29:15,278
Shoe box!
Yes! I knew that.
469
00:29:15,374 --> 00:29:16,912
Oh, shit.
470
00:29:17,008 --> 00:29:18,352
What now?
471
00:29:20,754 --> 00:29:22,866
"My ideal guy has...
472
00:29:22,962 --> 00:29:25,843
child like wonder, maturity...
473
00:29:25,843 --> 00:29:28,533
blue eyes, honesty...
474
00:29:28,533 --> 00:29:31,413
knows what to say
without being told."
475
00:29:32,855 --> 00:29:35,257
Does that sound
like anybody to you?
476
00:29:35,257 --> 00:29:37,176
Forest Whitaker?
477
00:29:38,138 --> 00:29:39,865
Dave.
478
00:29:40,633 --> 00:29:42,843
What the hell are you doing?
479
00:29:45,052 --> 00:29:48,605
House rules. You don't make your own
drinks. Valerie makes your drinks.
480
00:29:48,702 --> 00:29:51,102
Where is Valerie?
481
00:29:51,198 --> 00:29:53,023
Well, while you're back there--
482
00:29:54,177 --> 00:29:56,001
He's not gonna sell us out
for a girl.
483
00:29:56,096 --> 00:29:58,017
- He might.
- I don't think he will.
484
00:29:58,113 --> 00:30:00,898
-He might.
-I know Dave, and I don't think he will.
485
00:30:00,994 --> 00:30:03,301
- Thank you.
- Let me show you--
486
00:30:03,397 --> 00:30:06,564
You know what? I know where the door is.
You have a pleasant day.
487
00:30:06,660 --> 00:30:08,966
I'm gonna--
Thank you. Good-bye.
488
00:30:09,062 --> 00:30:11,368
No, thank you.
Thank you for coming.
489
00:30:13,000 --> 00:30:17,130
And where have you been hiding
all this time, my little monkey?
490
00:30:25,500 --> 00:30:29,341
I got lucky at her parent�s house
and hit the mother lode of information.
491
00:30:29,436 --> 00:30:31,260
I mean, Angela was perfect--
492
00:30:31,356 --> 00:30:35,388
4.0 GPA, volunteer at a hospital
and a homeless shelter.
493
00:30:35,484 --> 00:30:38,268
I mean, the girl's
never even had a cavity.
494
00:30:39,996 --> 00:30:43,164
Okay, I 'm done. "X" marks the spot.
I 'm here. Peace.
495
00:30:43,260 --> 00:30:45,757
Dudes, I 'm breaking off
so I can find my homeys.
496
00:30:45,852 --> 00:30:47,773
- Whatever.
- Okay, cool.
497
00:30:50,652 --> 00:30:53,532
- So, what's the status with the girl?
-Just a second.
498
00:30:53,532 --> 00:30:55,740
- Go with the hospital?
- Yeah.
499
00:30:57,084 --> 00:30:59,293
So she volunteers at this hospital--
500
00:30:59,388 --> 00:31:01,788
Nope. Oh, no. No hospitals.
501
00:31:01,884 --> 00:31:04,668
- No hospitals.
- You can talk to her at the hospital.
502
00:31:04,764 --> 00:31:06,492
What would me say?
503
00:31:06,590 --> 00:31:08,701
You're right. She wouldn't like you.
So we're gonna trick her.
504
00:31:08,797 --> 00:31:11,484
We're gonna tell her
you have a girlfriend.
505
00:31:11,581 --> 00:31:14,076
- It's less threatening.
- Find a new plan.
506
00:31:14,076 --> 00:31:16,957
I'm kicking you guys out unless
you find a new place. No hospitals.
507
00:31:16,957 --> 00:31:18,588
You're not getting me
to go to a hospital.
508
00:31:18,684 --> 00:31:21,565
- It's a beautiful hospital.
- That's what they said before.
509
00:31:36,444 --> 00:31:38,461
- Angela, you're a big help.
- Thanks.
510
00:31:41,342 --> 00:31:42,877
Ethan.
511
00:31:42,972 --> 00:31:44,412
Ethan. Right. From, um--
512
00:31:44,507 --> 00:31:46,909
- Physics.
- Yeah.
513
00:31:46,909 --> 00:31:49,596
- How are you?
- I'm cool.
514
00:31:49,693 --> 00:31:53,724
I didn't know that you
volunteered here at the hospital.
515
00:31:53,820 --> 00:31:56,125
Well, I don't. I'm here
'cause you're here. Just kidding.
516
00:31:56,220 --> 00:31:59,005
I just hate watching people suffer...
517
00:31:59,005 --> 00:32:01,980
so I figure why not put things
in perspective and help out, you know?
518
00:32:02,075 --> 00:32:04,668
My girlfriend's also a doctor
up in Boston. I think I love her.
519
00:32:04,668 --> 00:32:06,588
- Oh, really?
- Yeah. You need any help?
520
00:32:09,468 --> 00:32:12,348
Hi, Mrs. Van Graf.
I'm Angela, a student volunteer here.
521
00:32:12,444 --> 00:32:14,268
We brought you your lunch.
522
00:32:14,364 --> 00:32:16,573
Well, I don't want any lunch.
523
00:32:16,668 --> 00:32:19,260
Okay, that's fine.
We don't have to have lunch.
524
00:32:19,260 --> 00:32:22,813
We could just have a conversation,
learn more about you.
525
00:32:22,908 --> 00:32:26,077
- I'm Ethan.
- I don't want to talk either.
526
00:32:26,173 --> 00:32:27,996
I'm sure there's
a lot we could talk about.
527
00:32:28,091 --> 00:32:29,438
We could watch TV.
528
00:32:29,533 --> 00:32:34,427
No, actually, I think maybe we should
learn more about Mrs. Van Graf here.
529
00:32:34,427 --> 00:32:36,443
Like, are you from this area?
530
00:32:37,117 --> 00:32:38,269
Hell no.
531
00:32:38,365 --> 00:32:40,476
- I came here for work.
- What did you do?
532
00:32:40,572 --> 00:32:42,300
I worked the docks.
533
00:32:42,973 --> 00:32:45,181
See? She worked on the docks.
That's fascinating.
534
00:32:45,181 --> 00:32:47,676
I mean, most women weren't
the least bit interested--
535
00:32:47,772 --> 00:32:49,691
I used to be a whore.
536
00:32:56,220 --> 00:32:59,486
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Holy-- Are you okay?
537
00:32:59,581 --> 00:33:01,115
- Are you okay?
- Get Dr. Danvers!
538
00:33:03,804 --> 00:33:06,588
- Ethan's gonna take care of this.
- Go get Dr. Danvers!
539
00:33:06,684 --> 00:33:08,509
- I'll be right back.
- I'm gonna stay.
540
00:33:08,605 --> 00:33:10,429
I'm new, so bear with me.
541
00:33:10,524 --> 00:33:13,885
Oh, I'm so hot.
I'm overheating.
542
00:33:13,981 --> 00:33:16,285
- Do you need a Fresca?
- No, I don't need a Fresca.
543
00:33:16,380 --> 00:33:18,683
- What can I get you?
- A sponge bath.
544
00:33:18,683 --> 00:33:20,605
- Over there.
- A sponge bath?
545
00:33:20,605 --> 00:33:23,868
- Yeah.
- Well, I've only sponged myself, but--
546
00:33:23,964 --> 00:33:26,174
- Sponge bath.
- Okay, here I come.
547
00:33:26,269 --> 00:33:28,092
Holy--
548
00:33:28,188 --> 00:33:31,164
Oh, sponge me.
549
00:33:31,164 --> 00:33:33,854
Oh, so very hot.
550
00:33:34,812 --> 00:33:36,445
Is that better?
551
00:33:36,445 --> 00:33:38,363
- Yes.
- You like that?
552
00:33:38,363 --> 00:33:40,381
- You've got great hands.
- Oh, thank you.
553
00:33:40,477 --> 00:33:42,302
You've got a great rack.
554
00:33:42,397 --> 00:33:44,220
So, you're cooling off, right?
555
00:33:44,316 --> 00:33:46,333
No, I'm just getting hotter.
556
00:33:47,005 --> 00:33:49,404
- Okay, so, just on the boobies?
- Great sponger!
557
00:33:49,500 --> 00:33:52,476
- Wanna make sure we got everything.
- Oh, you got it.
558
00:34:04,500 --> 00:34:06,323
- What are you doing?
- Sponge bath.
559
00:34:06,419 --> 00:34:08,624
- That is against hospital regulation.
- Let a professional do that.
560
00:34:08,720 --> 00:34:12,079
- You're not supposed to be doing that.
- Put the sponge down.
561
00:34:12,174 --> 00:34:15,339
- This is his first day.
- The dirty old whore told me to do it.
562
00:34:15,339 --> 00:34:17,066
Get away from the patient!
563
00:34:19,559 --> 00:34:23,780
And then it just so happens that they
walk in when I'm sucking on her nipple.
564
00:34:26,465 --> 00:34:28,384
So you fingered an old lady?
565
00:34:28,384 --> 00:34:30,877
She was asking for it.
566
00:34:30,973 --> 00:34:33,277
It's totally fixable
from where I'm standing.
567
00:34:33,372 --> 00:34:36,346
How hard can it be?
I mean, right, Sam?
568
00:34:36,346 --> 00:34:38,455
Dave, could you talk to Angela for me?
569
00:34:38,551 --> 00:34:40,374
Yeah, I could talk to her.
570
00:34:41,813 --> 00:34:43,730
I was hoping you'd say that...
571
00:34:43,730 --> 00:34:46,609
'cause I'd really hate
to kick you guys out of school.
572
00:34:50,541 --> 00:34:53,226
All right, dudes.
See you later.
573
00:34:56,870 --> 00:34:57,927
You.
574
00:34:58,023 --> 00:35:00,419
You were right.
We should study together.
575
00:35:00,515 --> 00:35:02,915
- I never said that.
- It'd be a good idea.
576
00:35:03,011 --> 00:35:06,368
- So you use my notes, I do the work--
- I'm not gonna use your notes.
577
00:35:06,464 --> 00:35:09,245
To tell you the truth,
I've got a photographic memory.
578
00:35:09,340 --> 00:35:11,259
I mean,
I practically know everything.
579
00:35:11,356 --> 00:35:13,177
Try me.
580
00:35:13,273 --> 00:35:15,672
- We don't have to do this.
-Just try me.
581
00:35:15,672 --> 00:35:18,068
- Okay, what's the fastest land mammal?
- Cheetah.
582
00:35:19,317 --> 00:35:20,947
What's the only country
to straddle two continents?
583
00:35:20,947 --> 00:35:22,482
Turkey. I got one.
584
00:35:22,578 --> 00:35:25,551
A guy and his son are driving
and they get in an accident.
585
00:35:25,551 --> 00:35:28,428
- They go to a hospital--
- And the mother was a doctor.
586
00:35:28,428 --> 00:35:30,156
You see? We got chemistry.
587
00:35:30,251 --> 00:35:31,881
Wow. Did you feel that?
588
00:35:31,977 --> 00:35:33,800
Yeah, it's electric.
589
00:35:35,910 --> 00:35:38,308
All right, there's
a study group Wednesday nights.
590
00:35:38,308 --> 00:35:40,228
507 Obal Hall.
591
00:35:42,527 --> 00:35:44,352
Put that in your photographic memory.
592
00:35:50,105 --> 00:35:53,463
- What about this?
- Is this a study group or a date?
593
00:35:54,614 --> 00:35:55,956
It's a study group.
594
00:35:56,052 --> 00:35:59,506
I just invited that guy Dave.
595
00:35:59,506 --> 00:36:02,384
Hypothetically, if there is no Ethan,
she's not your type?
596
00:36:02,384 --> 00:36:03,630
She's not my type.
597
00:36:03,725 --> 00:36:06,029
Her gorgeous face and pert
breasts disgust you, right?
598
00:36:06,125 --> 00:36:08,426
The thing is, she's got this--
599
00:36:11,207 --> 00:36:13,989
Are you gettin'
the special tingle from this boy?
600
00:36:15,716 --> 00:36:17,826
You're getting the special tingle!
601
00:36:17,922 --> 00:36:21,088
- It's not the tingle that worries me.
- What is it?
602
00:36:22,717 --> 00:36:23,773
It's the guy.
603
00:36:23,869 --> 00:36:25,595
You start to change for somebody...
604
00:36:25,595 --> 00:36:27,418
and before long they change you.
605
00:36:27,418 --> 00:36:29,432
- You know, and this is--
- Right, right, right.
606
00:36:29,529 --> 00:36:31,447
- This is who I am.
- That's interesting.
607
00:36:31,543 --> 00:36:35,283
You know my policy. You gotta
show the boobs and work the ass.
608
00:36:36,147 --> 00:36:37,586
I have no boobs.
609
00:36:37,681 --> 00:36:39,407
You're right.
We'll work the ass.
610
00:36:42,478 --> 00:36:45,355
-Hi, Angela.
-This is Dave. He's gonna study with us.
611
00:36:45,355 --> 00:36:46,985
Like David and Goliath.
612
00:36:47,081 --> 00:36:49,959
You know, maybe you're
an expert in astrophysics...
613
00:36:49,959 --> 00:36:51,876
but some of us
could use some study time.
614
00:36:51,876 --> 00:36:54,660
Who really cares about this crap?
615
00:36:54,755 --> 00:36:57,152
About a billion Alpha Centaurians.
616
00:36:57,152 --> 00:37:01,372
I am so sick of people
sitting in a room...
617
00:37:02,812 --> 00:37:05,592
studying and wasting the most
important years of their life...
618
00:37:05,689 --> 00:37:08,279
worrying about what some dipshit
is gonna say on a test.
619
00:37:08,374 --> 00:37:11,253
This is where it's at.
We should really get out.
620
00:37:11,253 --> 00:37:14,131
So, the concerns of the little people
don't apply to visionaries like you?
621
00:37:14,131 --> 00:37:18,063
It's wasn't you. It was the guys
in the room. It was hot in there and--
622
00:37:18,158 --> 00:37:21,994
- You're holding my hand.
- Well, we might hit a patch ofice.
623
00:37:26,408 --> 00:37:28,997
- So I got this plan.
- What's the plan?
624
00:37:30,533 --> 00:37:34,847
I plan to take you to this place where
you can actually study the real thing...
625
00:37:34,943 --> 00:37:37,151
and not what's in the textbook.
626
00:37:37,248 --> 00:37:38,686
What do you say?
627
00:37:38,781 --> 00:37:41,084
- I'd say it's a good plan.
- All right, then.
628
00:37:41,180 --> 00:37:44,249
What one's that?
The one that looks like the Death Star.
629
00:37:45,687 --> 00:37:47,222
That's Castratia.
630
00:37:49,332 --> 00:37:53,169
The myth has it that she's the
most beautiful of all the goddesses...
631
00:37:53,169 --> 00:37:56,045
and any mortal man
who would try to court her...
632
00:37:56,045 --> 00:38:00,171
she would slice his manhood off.
633
00:38:01,801 --> 00:38:03,527
- Come on, no.
- No, seriously.
634
00:38:03,527 --> 00:38:05,447
- No. Come on.
- Yes. Seriously.
635
00:38:05,543 --> 00:38:07,365
- Really?
- No.
636
00:38:35,757 --> 00:38:38,538
You know what?
My arm's getting numb.
637
00:38:38,633 --> 00:38:40,169
Oh, I'm sorry.
638
00:38:40,265 --> 00:38:42,087
- Sorry.
- That's okay. That's fine.
639
00:38:42,183 --> 00:38:44,676
It does that, you know.
640
00:38:52,542 --> 00:38:54,844
Was that wrong?
641
00:38:54,940 --> 00:38:56,474
No. No, I mean--
642
00:38:58,970 --> 00:39:01,463
Because-- I'm sorry.
I just thought that--
643
00:39:01,463 --> 00:39:02,998
Let me just explain.
644
00:39:03,094 --> 00:39:04,724
I got this friend, and--
645
00:39:06,258 --> 00:39:08,752
He really likes you,
and I cannot do that to him.
646
00:39:08,848 --> 00:39:11,821
You're a very beautiful girl,
but, you know, he's--
647
00:39:11,821 --> 00:39:14,026
- I grew up with him--
- What friend?
648
00:39:14,122 --> 00:39:17,384
His name's Ethan. You don't know him?
Everybody knows him.
649
00:39:19,974 --> 00:39:21,029
I know Ethan.
650
00:39:21,125 --> 00:39:23,331
He's a great guy, and--
651
00:39:23,428 --> 00:39:27,648
I guess I just don't understand
what Ethan has to do with...
652
00:39:27,744 --> 00:39:30,717
you and me.
653
00:39:30,813 --> 00:39:32,156
Give him a chance.
654
00:39:32,252 --> 00:39:35,224
You'd really get along with him.
655
00:39:35,224 --> 00:39:37,145
You know, Cool Ethan.
656
00:39:40,213 --> 00:39:41,845
Okay, Dave.
657
00:39:43,284 --> 00:39:45,490
She'll be comin' 'round the mountain
when she comes
658
00:39:46,735 --> 00:39:48,557
She'll be comin' 'round the mountain
659
00:39:48,654 --> 00:39:50,285
She'll be comin'
'round the mountain
660
00:39:50,382 --> 00:39:52,106
She'll be comin' 'round the mountain
661
00:39:52,204 --> 00:39:54,122
When she comes
Now you!
662
00:39:54,122 --> 00:39:55,464
She'll be ridin' six white horses
663
00:39:55,559 --> 00:39:56,998
When she comes
664
00:39:57,095 --> 00:39:58,630
She'll be riding six white horses
665
00:39:58,630 --> 00:40:00,452
When she comes
666
00:40:00,548 --> 00:40:02,082
She'll be riding six white horses
667
00:40:02,179 --> 00:40:04,000
She'll be riding
six white horses
668
00:40:04,097 --> 00:40:07,358
She'll be riding six white horses
669
00:40:07,454 --> 00:40:09,276
When she comes
670
00:40:11,292 --> 00:40:13,113
-Jeff, it's Dave.
- Yeah?
671
00:40:13,208 --> 00:40:15,416
- What were you doing?
- Nothing. Nothing at all.
672
00:40:15,416 --> 00:40:18,197
Check out Ethan's schedule for me.
Where is he now?
673
00:40:18,293 --> 00:40:20,596
Yeah, he should be
heading for the library right now.
674
00:40:20,691 --> 00:40:22,992
- Awesome. Thanks, man.
- Don't worry about it.
675
00:40:25,007 --> 00:40:26,063
Where were we?
676
00:40:32,777 --> 00:40:34,503
You. Come here.
677
00:40:34,598 --> 00:40:36,901
Have you talked to her?
Does she understand?
678
00:40:36,997 --> 00:40:40,835
She was a little suspicious at first,
but I'm dealing with it.
679
00:40:40,835 --> 00:40:42,273
This is so "F"-ed up.
680
00:40:42,273 --> 00:40:45,150
You said you could get me a complete
profile of what she wants in a guy.
681
00:40:45,150 --> 00:40:47,932
How do you know that she's "the one"?
682
00:40:47,932 --> 00:40:49,370
I just do.
683
00:40:49,370 --> 00:40:53,206
Besides the fact that she's beautiful,
smart and funny, how do you know?
684
00:40:54,646 --> 00:40:56,564
Because of the way she smiles.
685
00:40:56,564 --> 00:40:58,483
Because of her smile.
686
00:40:58,483 --> 00:41:01,840
Because when I close my eyes all I see
is her face laughing and moving...
687
00:41:01,840 --> 00:41:05,005
and screaming and screaming
and screaming...
688
00:41:05,005 --> 00:41:06,923
and screaming and screaming.
689
00:41:06,923 --> 00:41:09,034
- I thought you said you loved her.
- Why do you care?
690
00:41:09,130 --> 00:41:11,624
- I'm just trying to figure it out.
- Yes, I love her!
691
00:41:11,719 --> 00:41:14,021
- Yes, I love her completely.
- You love her.
692
00:41:14,021 --> 00:41:15,555
And I hate her completely.
693
00:41:15,555 --> 00:41:18,912
But that's something I want to work on
with just her, me and her together...
694
00:41:18,912 --> 00:41:20,351
in a locked room.
695
00:41:20,351 --> 00:41:23,517
So bring me the girl, Dave,
or you and your friends are goin' down.
696
00:41:32,534 --> 00:41:34,164
We have plenty to eat.
697
00:41:34,259 --> 00:41:36,465
Vegetarians on this side,
meat over here.
698
00:41:36,561 --> 00:41:38,385
Hey, how are you, Bill?
699
00:41:38,480 --> 00:41:40,302
- How's everything going? Good?
- Okay.
700
00:41:40,398 --> 00:41:43,277
Angela? Weird!
701
00:41:44,715 --> 00:41:46,537
Ethan, what are you doing here?
702
00:41:46,633 --> 00:41:49,704
Well, I'm in the food service industry
and I like bums, so it's kinda my duty.
703
00:41:49,800 --> 00:41:52,100
Okay.
704
00:41:52,196 --> 00:41:55,266
- Angela?
- Yeah. Hi. How are ya?
705
00:41:55,362 --> 00:41:58,721
While I've got you here,
could I ask your advice on something?
706
00:41:58,816 --> 00:42:00,637
Yeah, sure. What's up?
707
00:42:00,732 --> 00:42:04,284
Well, it's kind of about
my girlfriend Stephanie.
708
00:42:04,284 --> 00:42:05,625
Oh, yeah, your girlfriend.
709
00:42:05,721 --> 00:42:08,503
I just need a woman's POV
on the whole "sitch."
710
00:42:08,598 --> 00:42:11,956
Actually, you know what?
Can I talk to you about something?
711
00:42:12,053 --> 00:42:12,916
Sure.
712
00:42:13,011 --> 00:42:16,847
I kinda wanted to talk to you
about us, if that's cool.
713
00:42:16,847 --> 00:42:18,766
Yeah, fine.
714
00:42:18,766 --> 00:42:20,685
I know you don't have
a girlfriend, Ethan.
715
00:42:20,685 --> 00:42:22,602
And I know that you like me.
716
00:42:22,602 --> 00:42:25,673
You know, this is kinda--
Can I just be honest?
717
00:42:25,769 --> 00:42:27,686
Go ahead, go ahead.
718
00:42:28,742 --> 00:42:30,851
I really like someone else.
719
00:42:31,907 --> 00:42:33,729
Do you-- Did you--
720
00:42:33,826 --> 00:42:37,277
Oh, my God, I am so sorry.
I led you on.
721
00:42:38,332 --> 00:42:41,596
Angela, I like you as a friend.
722
00:42:41,691 --> 00:42:43,129
You're the sweetest thing.
723
00:42:43,129 --> 00:42:44,376
- Oh, my God.
- Really?
724
00:42:44,471 --> 00:42:46,294
Yes, you completely
misinterpreted everything.
725
00:42:46,391 --> 00:42:48,213
You're not my type.
726
00:42:48,213 --> 00:42:50,036
- Don't worry.
- God, I'm so embarrassed.
727
00:42:50,036 --> 00:42:51,953
It happens all the time.
It's cool.
728
00:42:51,953 --> 00:42:54,543
I'm really happy
that we got this cleared up...
729
00:42:54,639 --> 00:42:56,653
because the guy that I like
is your friend Dave.
730
00:42:56,748 --> 00:42:58,668
- Dave!
- Yeah!
731
00:42:58,668 --> 00:43:00,683
Fudge!
732
00:43:00,683 --> 00:43:03,943
I can't stop thinking about him.
I can't shut up about him.
733
00:43:03,943 --> 00:43:06,150
I know!
You can't shut up about him!
734
00:43:06,150 --> 00:43:09,986
- You want me to go talk to him?
- Would you really?
735
00:43:09,986 --> 00:43:14,207
No problem. I'll put it in my book.
I'll say, "Talk to Dave about Angela."
736
00:43:14,302 --> 00:43:15,933
Don't worry.
737
00:43:15,933 --> 00:43:19,290
Come here. Let's get these lousy
sons of bitches something to eat, huh?
738
00:43:24,182 --> 00:43:28,211
Maybe she needs a little sponge bath.
She's so dirty.
739
00:43:28,306 --> 00:43:29,937
Put the underwear
on your head, Ethan!
740
00:43:30,034 --> 00:43:33,007
Please! Oh, Ethan,
put the underwear on your head!
741
00:43:33,007 --> 00:43:35,212
- No! No!
- I love it!
742
00:43:35,212 --> 00:43:37,419
You shut up, Dave!
You shut up, Dave!
743
00:43:37,514 --> 00:43:38,762
Does that feel good?
744
00:43:40,486 --> 00:43:42,598
Does that feel good?
745
00:43:42,695 --> 00:43:44,900
Ethan, what are you doing?
746
00:43:47,107 --> 00:43:49,313
I'm not gonna eat that shit,
you fuckin' retard.
747
00:43:50,368 --> 00:43:52,957
No one calls me a retard,
you freakin' hobo!
748
00:43:56,410 --> 00:43:57,467
Get his shoes!
749
00:44:00,918 --> 00:44:03,700
It's still 22 to 3, mine.
750
00:44:03,797 --> 00:44:05,810
I think we could do better than that.
751
00:44:05,906 --> 00:44:07,824
Come on!
752
00:44:07,824 --> 00:44:10,223
What is that, man?
You wearing musk?
753
00:44:10,223 --> 00:44:13,676
Oh, yeah. I'm going to sing
with this band tonight.
754
00:44:13,676 --> 00:44:16,169
- What? You don't sing.
- No, I sing.
755
00:44:16,265 --> 00:44:18,471
- Bullshit. You don't sing.
- I sing!
756
00:44:18,471 --> 00:44:20,389
I sing.
757
00:44:20,485 --> 00:44:23,459
- If you sing, right now sing.
- I'm saving my voice.
758
00:44:26,816 --> 00:44:28,446
Hello! Hello!
759
00:44:28,542 --> 00:44:30,365
Reanna?
760
00:44:30,461 --> 00:44:33,818
- Ethan.
- Yup, and I've got gifts.
761
00:44:33,818 --> 00:44:35,449
You just let your self in?
762
00:44:35,545 --> 00:44:38,615
Angela, I feel really bad
about what happened today with the bums.
763
00:44:38,615 --> 00:44:41,204
Ethan, it's fine. Don't worry about it.
I'm already over it.
764
00:44:41,204 --> 00:44:43,123
No, Angela, it's not okay.
765
00:44:45,040 --> 00:44:46,959
I'm bad!
766
00:44:48,877 --> 00:44:51,180
- That's really clever, Ethan.
- Take that. I got it for you.
767
00:44:52,137 --> 00:44:55,016
I wanted to be sure that you and I
are best friends...
768
00:44:56,072 --> 00:44:57,989
No matter what.
769
00:44:57,989 --> 00:45:00,388
- Ethan, that's a troll.
- Gnome it's not.
770
00:45:02,306 --> 00:45:04,703
All right, I have to go now.
771
00:45:04,703 --> 00:45:05,663
Wait.
772
00:45:07,103 --> 00:45:09,884
One more thing.
A wee leprechaun.
773
00:45:09,979 --> 00:45:12,282
Okay, that one I don't get.
774
00:45:12,378 --> 00:45:14,009
I'll be your best friend...
775
00:45:14,105 --> 00:45:16,502
until you steal my pot of gold!
776
00:45:18,707 --> 00:45:20,243
Don't do that.
777
00:45:20,243 --> 00:45:23,313
- I'm just kidding.
- Okay, time to go. Yeah.
778
00:45:23,408 --> 00:45:26,094
- Okay.
- Remember that favour?
779
00:45:26,189 --> 00:45:28,301
- Talking to Dave?
- Yeah.
780
00:45:28,396 --> 00:45:30,219
Don't. I'll handle it.
781
00:45:30,219 --> 00:45:32,711
I'm gonna see him tonight, so I think
it'll be better if I handle it.
782
00:45:32,711 --> 00:45:34,630
Oh. You're gonna
see him right now?
783
00:45:34,630 --> 00:45:36,549
- Really?
- Yeah.
784
00:45:36,549 --> 00:45:39,427
Well, that frees me up.
Great.
785
00:45:39,427 --> 00:45:41,344
I hope you enjoy the presents--
786
00:45:51,799 --> 00:45:55,157
Let me just take this moment
and say one thing.
787
00:45:55,157 --> 00:45:57,843
We have, like, three weeks
till the exam, and--
788
00:45:57,843 --> 00:46:00,720
I wrote the damn mock exam!
I gave it to you!
789
00:46:00,720 --> 00:46:02,637
"I wrote the mock exam"?
790
00:46:02,637 --> 00:46:05,036
Hey, let's get out of here.
791
00:46:05,036 --> 00:46:06,954
- No.
- Yeah.
792
00:46:06,954 --> 00:46:09,736
- No.
- No? Come on.
793
00:46:10,792 --> 00:46:12,615
Please?
794
00:46:12,710 --> 00:46:14,437
I'll take you somewhere.
795
00:46:43,404 --> 00:46:46,186
Oh, my God! Thank God!
I thought you were with Dave!
796
00:46:46,186 --> 00:46:47,624
Oh, baby.
797
00:46:50,502 --> 00:46:51,557
Yeah? So what?
798
00:47:52,273 --> 00:47:55,534
I don't know.
I don't want to stop loving you.
799
00:47:55,534 --> 00:47:57,644
I mean, where are you?
800
00:47:57,741 --> 00:48:00,042
Don't make me
put you under lock and key.
801
00:48:00,138 --> 00:48:02,056
I know you're a good girl.
802
00:48:02,056 --> 00:48:05,222
You'd better not be doing something
you're not supposed to.
803
00:48:05,317 --> 00:48:07,331
The big bad wolf's gonna find you.
804
00:48:19,897 --> 00:48:22,006
Been using a new shampoo?
805
00:48:27,090 --> 00:48:28,721
Playa little game!
806
00:48:29,777 --> 00:48:31,696
Duck, duck, goose, huh?
807
00:48:32,749 --> 00:48:34,765
Duck, duck...
808
00:48:34,860 --> 00:48:35,916
goose!
809
00:49:10,158 --> 00:49:11,980
Oh, shit.
810
00:49:12,076 --> 00:49:14,954
Something's wrong.
811
00:49:19,942 --> 00:49:22,244
-Jesus Christ.
- And we're back!
812
00:49:26,943 --> 00:49:28,575
I want to be polite...
813
00:49:28,575 --> 00:49:32,027
but how many decoupage gifts
can you receive?
814
00:49:32,027 --> 00:49:36,056
I don't know. I guess she makes
my dad happy. So what can I say?
815
00:49:36,056 --> 00:49:37,974
So you like living in the dorm?
816
00:49:38,071 --> 00:49:39,892
My God, I was so happy
to get out of the house.
817
00:49:39,988 --> 00:49:42,675
My stepmother drives me crazy.
818
00:49:42,771 --> 00:49:46,704
- My real mom lives in St. Louis.
- St. Louis?
819
00:49:46,704 --> 00:49:48,622
She's a Midwestern gal.
820
00:49:49,964 --> 00:49:51,212
That's great news.
821
00:49:52,362 --> 00:49:56,295
Really?
Tell me something about you.
822
00:49:57,542 --> 00:49:59,460
What do you want to know?
823
00:49:59,460 --> 00:50:00,899
- A secret.
- A secret?
824
00:50:02,434 --> 00:50:05,695
- A secret, huh?
- I'm sure you have plenty.
825
00:50:05,791 --> 00:50:07,613
Got a few.
826
00:50:07,708 --> 00:50:10,971
- So tell me.
- Yeah, tell her, Dave.
827
00:50:11,066 --> 00:50:12,985
Tell her the real secret.
828
00:50:12,985 --> 00:50:17,492
Me and my friend, Jeff,
we can control the power on campus.
829
00:50:17,589 --> 00:50:20,371
How's that for a secret?
We hack into the power grids.
830
00:50:20,466 --> 00:50:23,632
Looks like I'm gonna have to pay
your friends a little visit, Dave.
831
00:50:23,632 --> 00:50:26,509
Me and my friend, Jeff, we can
control the power on campus.
832
00:50:26,509 --> 00:50:30,154
How's that for a secret?
We hack into the power grids.
833
00:50:30,154 --> 00:50:32,935
- Don't say a fucking word, Ethan.
- Look at that shot.
834
00:50:33,031 --> 00:50:34,854
He's "doing" his special lady.
835
00:50:34,950 --> 00:50:37,059
Shut the fuck up!
836
00:50:37,155 --> 00:50:38,978
I don't want to see
any more, all right?
837
00:50:39,075 --> 00:50:41,568
He's "f" -ing you.
He "f"-ed me.
838
00:50:41,568 --> 00:50:43,869
And now I got a little movie
of him "f" -ing her.
839
00:50:43,965 --> 00:50:46,268
Dude, enough about Dave.
You don't know a thing about Dave.
840
00:50:46,364 --> 00:50:49,049
He betrayed you.
He stole my girl.
841
00:50:49,145 --> 00:50:52,216
He's not our friend.
What?
842
00:50:52,311 --> 00:50:53,941
Son of a bitch!
843
00:50:54,037 --> 00:50:57,873
The little freak is right,
all right? Dave screwed us.
844
00:50:57,873 --> 00:51:01,137
He's not the only one who screwed us.
We're getting screwed by the system.
845
00:51:01,137 --> 00:51:05,067
The system that forces us guys
to like girls, all right?
846
00:51:05,067 --> 00:51:08,330
We're getting pushed into this. What if
we just take the girls out of it?
847
00:51:08,425 --> 00:51:11,687
We can have our own system.
It's a counter system.
848
00:51:11,782 --> 00:51:15,139
Then you do things together--
You swim, you row, you boat...
849
00:51:15,236 --> 00:51:16,963
you eat, you stink.
850
00:51:17,058 --> 00:51:19,358
We can just be guys.
You can have sex--
851
00:51:19,358 --> 00:51:22,813
You can do it, you know, many guys
at a time, but it's not gay.
852
00:51:22,908 --> 00:51:24,443
That's interesting.
853
00:51:24,443 --> 00:51:26,361
I'm gonna go talk to
Dean Rattenbaugh about that...
854
00:51:26,361 --> 00:51:29,910
while I'm getting your ass expelled.
855
00:51:30,007 --> 00:51:31,924
- Come over here.
- What?
856
00:51:32,020 --> 00:51:33,460
Sit down.
857
00:51:39,503 --> 00:51:42,764
- Give me the tape.
- Oh, this tape?
858
00:51:45,066 --> 00:51:46,504
What do I get?
859
00:51:49,000 --> 00:51:50,820
This is everything
we have on Angela.
860
00:51:50,916 --> 00:51:52,931
How much of that did I work
to steal my own self?
861
00:51:53,026 --> 00:51:54,944
Shut up.
I'm giving it to him.
862
00:51:56,959 --> 00:51:59,165
Everything you need
to get the girl is in here.
863
00:52:00,029 --> 00:52:02,042
- On three.
- All right, on three.
864
00:52:02,042 --> 00:52:04,345
- One--
- If I could interject something here.
865
00:52:05,401 --> 00:52:07,222
I'm not gay, you know.
866
00:52:14,033 --> 00:52:17,104
I'm the kind of guy who will
867
00:52:17,200 --> 00:52:20,459
Not insist that
you go on the pill
868
00:52:20,556 --> 00:52:24,106
I'm cool with
splitting the bill
869
00:52:24,202 --> 00:52:26,311
-And I'll kill
- Oh, my God.
870
00:52:26,407 --> 00:52:28,420
- Who you want me to kill
- It's Ethan.
871
00:52:30,723 --> 00:52:33,025
Stay there.
872
00:52:33,121 --> 00:52:35,135
You and me
873
00:52:35,231 --> 00:52:38,012
- Hey, new-wave boy!
- Don't you see
874
00:52:38,012 --> 00:52:40,794
Shut the fuck up!
875
00:52:40,890 --> 00:52:43,288
- Don't you see
- Do we fucking know this guy?
876
00:52:43,384 --> 00:52:45,591
My heart is beat-beat-beating
877
00:52:45,686 --> 00:52:47,605
It's Ethan again.
878
00:52:47,700 --> 00:52:50,962
Oh, Angela
879
00:52:50,962 --> 00:52:54,415
Oh, how I need you so
880
00:52:54,415 --> 00:52:57,579
'Cause your eyes
are like two shining blue
881
00:52:57,675 --> 00:53:00,457
Rockets in the night
come to take me away
882
00:53:00,553 --> 00:53:02,855
Come and fuck me, baby
883
00:53:02,951 --> 00:53:05,349
He is so--
884
00:53:05,446 --> 00:53:07,555
And don't let me hurt you
just by accident
885
00:53:07,652 --> 00:53:09,570
- I probably won't, but
- Shut up!
886
00:53:12,159 --> 00:53:13,215
Fudge!
887
00:53:13,215 --> 00:53:15,421
Ethan, I appreciate
the effort, but--
888
00:53:15,517 --> 00:53:17,724
- I wrote this for you!
- What do you want?
889
00:53:17,819 --> 00:53:20,217
It's 2:00 in the morning.
890
00:53:20,313 --> 00:53:21,367
I wanna come up.
891
00:53:21,463 --> 00:53:24,436
- This has to end, right now.
- Invite him up.
892
00:53:24,533 --> 00:53:27,218
We'll make him clean
the fucking bathrooms.
893
00:53:27,218 --> 00:53:30,863
Besides, maybe he's good in bed.
The little ones always are. Come on.
894
00:53:32,494 --> 00:53:35,468
- Move.
- You can come up for one minute.
895
00:53:35,564 --> 00:53:36,714
Really?
896
00:53:43,333 --> 00:53:45,251
Guys? Hey, yo!
897
00:53:56,954 --> 00:53:58,584
Wow!
898
00:54:05,970 --> 00:54:07,312
Love.
899
00:54:26,975 --> 00:54:29,949
Okay. I'm going to
fix your nose...
900
00:54:30,045 --> 00:54:33,114
and we're going
to have a little talk, okay?
901
00:54:33,210 --> 00:54:34,841
Okay.
902
00:54:34,936 --> 00:54:38,198
This is not very manlike
of me, is it?
903
00:54:38,294 --> 00:54:41,268
Ethan, it's a tiny cut.
It's no big deal.
904
00:54:43,186 --> 00:54:45,679
You're right.
It's just a cut on skin.
905
00:54:45,775 --> 00:54:49,228
You're so awesome. Your room is
so awesome. Your phone is kick-ass.
906
00:54:49,324 --> 00:54:51,531
And you know what?
I love you.
907
00:54:55,846 --> 00:54:58,916
You and I are just friends.
908
00:54:59,012 --> 00:55:02,081
I have to make that clear to you,
because this cannot continue.
909
00:55:02,179 --> 00:55:04,095
You're still on
this whole Dave thing.
910
00:55:06,590 --> 00:55:08,316
Unbelievable.
911
00:55:08,316 --> 00:55:11,002
It's not a Dave thing.
912
00:55:11,098 --> 00:55:13,593
I'm in love with him.
913
00:55:13,593 --> 00:55:15,510
Have you two been physical?
914
00:55:16,469 --> 00:55:19,059
You know what?
915
00:55:19,059 --> 00:55:20,306
That's it.
916
00:55:20,306 --> 00:55:23,855
What Dave and I do is none of your
business. It's time for you to leave.
917
00:55:23,952 --> 00:55:26,829
I was hoping you wouldn't
take it this far. Damn it!
918
00:55:26,925 --> 00:55:28,267
Enough is enough!
919
00:55:28,363 --> 00:55:31,432
Will you quit breathing so loud?
I can't hear what he's saying.
920
00:55:31,527 --> 00:55:35,461
- God, I'm so scared for us.
- It's too late for this, you know?
921
00:55:35,557 --> 00:55:37,379
You've been duped
by the worst kind of con man.
922
00:55:37,475 --> 00:55:38,913
When I fell in love with you...
923
00:55:39,009 --> 00:55:41,024
I knew I couldn't get you
because you're so beautiful.
924
00:55:41,120 --> 00:55:43,230
So I paid Dave and his goons
to get close to you.
925
00:55:43,230 --> 00:55:45,150
He put together
a dossier of information...
926
00:55:45,150 --> 00:55:46,683
which I studied every night.
927
00:55:46,779 --> 00:55:48,603
I do not believe
what you're saying to me.
928
00:55:48,699 --> 00:55:51,287
How do you think I know
your favourite animal is a monkey?
929
00:55:51,383 --> 00:55:54,549
- Ethan, shut up!
- I said, "Dave, stop. It's over.
930
00:55:54,549 --> 00:55:57,043
She is a lovely girl
with a pure heart.
931
00:55:57,043 --> 00:55:59,440
Don't taint her
with your octopus ink!"
932
00:55:59,536 --> 00:56:02,318
- Something is wrong with you.
- Nothing's wrong with me.
933
00:56:02,414 --> 00:56:05,196
- No, something--
- Bullshit.
934
00:56:05,196 --> 00:56:07,305
You know how he brags
about the power grids?
935
00:56:07,401 --> 00:56:09,609
That's how he's going
to talk about you.
936
00:56:09,705 --> 00:56:12,389
You're just another thing
for him to brag about.
937
00:56:12,486 --> 00:56:15,555
I'm not the kind of guy who would
rub this kind of proof in your face.
938
00:56:26,106 --> 00:56:27,352
Good Christ!
939
00:56:27,449 --> 00:56:29,367
- Stop. Just listen.
-You deserve that, asshole.
940
00:56:29,367 --> 00:56:31,382
- I can explain everything.
- Ethan explained everything.
941
00:56:31,382 --> 00:56:33,779
- Don't listen to Ethan! He's psychotic!
- You are a fraud!
942
00:56:33,875 --> 00:56:35,793
You are a child!
You're manipulative!
943
00:56:35,889 --> 00:56:37,999
And worst of all,
you're a whore!
944
00:56:39,151 --> 00:56:41,068
I am not a whore.
945
00:56:41,164 --> 00:56:44,043
You used me
to make a hundred bucks.
946
00:56:44,140 --> 00:56:46,248
Angela, I didn't
do anything like that.
947
00:56:46,344 --> 00:56:49,317
- You didn't?
- I didn't.
948
00:56:49,413 --> 00:56:52,003
I didn't do anything wrong.
949
00:56:59,101 --> 00:57:02,170
Why did you steal
my E-mails, Dave?
950
00:57:09,557 --> 00:57:12,051
I came clean. And you should
have stopped when I asked--
951
00:57:12,146 --> 00:57:15,120
You told her I did it for money?
Huh, you little freak?
952
00:57:15,215 --> 00:57:16,559
What are you doing here anyways?
953
00:57:16,654 --> 00:57:20,491
I'm gonna ask you this right now
and I want you to answer me honestly.
954
00:57:23,081 --> 00:57:24,616
Did you...
955
00:57:24,711 --> 00:57:26,535
or did you not...
956
00:57:27,974 --> 00:57:31,426
seduce me because of some deal
you had with Ethan?
957
00:57:31,522 --> 00:57:33,441
See, it wasn't
exactly like that.
958
00:57:33,537 --> 00:57:37,085
Dave, will you just answer yes or no?
Please,just answer me.
959
00:57:39,579 --> 00:57:41,401
- Yes.
- Oh, shit.
960
00:57:43,224 --> 00:57:46,772
Angela, you see?
I told you he was violent! Look!
961
00:57:46,772 --> 00:57:49,747
Angela, please, baby, please.
962
00:57:49,842 --> 00:57:51,856
Listen to me. Listen to me!
963
00:57:51,952 --> 00:57:54,062
This is not a good night for my nose.
I'm gonna go disinfect it.
964
00:57:59,049 --> 00:58:01,641
Well, I don't know about the punch
in the nose, but I think she likes me.
965
00:58:01,641 --> 00:58:03,559
You don't love her.
966
00:58:05,956 --> 00:58:07,779
I do tonight.
967
00:58:11,615 --> 00:58:13,438
Hey, do you have a condom?
968
00:58:17,850 --> 00:58:19,289
Fuck.
969
00:58:22,165 --> 00:58:24,853
I want you to get
this bad energy out.
970
00:58:24,948 --> 00:58:28,785
Ethan, I really don't feel like
being touched right now, okay?
971
00:58:28,881 --> 00:58:30,128
Thanks.
972
00:58:30,224 --> 00:58:32,335
Then you need a jump-start.
973
00:58:34,540 --> 00:58:35,499
Clear!
974
00:58:36,938 --> 00:58:39,048
Clear! Clear!
975
00:58:39,143 --> 00:58:40,487
Ethan, it's--
976
00:58:42,693 --> 00:58:44,803
It's been kind of a long night.
977
00:58:44,900 --> 00:58:47,584
I don't want to kick a dead horse,
but that Dave...
978
00:58:48,736 --> 00:58:50,174
he's a bad dude.
979
00:58:50,174 --> 00:58:52,380
You made the right decision.
980
00:58:52,380 --> 00:58:54,395
Thanks for being honest.
981
00:58:55,929 --> 00:58:57,368
No problem.
982
00:58:59,862 --> 00:59:03,027
- I'm tired.
- I know. Me too.
983
00:59:03,122 --> 00:59:05,714
Move over.
Let's go to bed.
984
00:59:05,810 --> 00:59:07,152
Move over.
985
00:59:08,398 --> 00:59:10,604
How about you sleep on the couch?
986
00:59:12,524 --> 00:59:13,578
Okay.
987
00:59:13,673 --> 00:59:17,030
Shh, be quiet.
We're in my girlfriend's dorm.
988
00:59:18,470 --> 00:59:20,485
You wanna what?
989
00:59:20,581 --> 00:59:23,363
No, we shouldn't.
990
00:59:23,458 --> 00:59:26,144
Okay, but you be quiet,
hair doll.
991
00:59:29,309 --> 00:59:31,035
Like that?
992
00:59:31,132 --> 00:59:33,626
I said to her, or him,
I said--
993
00:59:33,626 --> 00:59:37,078
- I can't believe you guys.
- Oh, you can't believe us?
994
00:59:37,174 --> 00:59:39,572
You know what? I can't believe you.
You betrayed our trust.
995
00:59:39,668 --> 00:59:42,642
-I did not betray you!
-That's the one thing we had between us.
996
00:59:42,737 --> 00:59:45,711
- I did not betray anyone!
- But you said my name on that tape.
997
00:59:45,711 --> 00:59:47,055
What about that?
998
00:59:47,150 --> 00:59:50,219
You might as well have
broadcast it to the whole campus.
999
00:59:50,316 --> 00:59:52,042
Man, I mean,
we can't do that to her.
1000
00:59:52,137 --> 00:59:53,193
What?
1001
00:59:53,193 --> 00:59:56,070
The guy is a stalker.
I mean, Ethan, he's nuts.
1002
00:59:56,070 --> 00:59:58,948
- How was I supposed to know?
- You know what?
1003
00:59:59,044 --> 01:00:00,290
Fuck you.
1004
01:00:00,386 --> 01:00:03,456
I'm the one who took care of it.
You're out.
1005
01:00:03,551 --> 01:00:05,950
I can't trust you anymore.
You're out.
1006
01:00:08,828 --> 01:00:10,171
You sure did fuck up.
1007
01:00:14,872 --> 01:00:18,611
But you didn't fuck up
so much as you fucked up.
1008
01:00:18,611 --> 01:00:21,104
You find somebody,
and it just feels right.
1009
01:00:21,200 --> 01:00:23,312
It's like fate.
1010
01:00:23,407 --> 01:00:25,517
Exactly!
It was my fate to meet her.
1011
01:00:25,517 --> 01:00:28,394
But it wasn't your fate
to be with her.
1012
01:00:28,394 --> 01:00:30,313
Unfortunately, my friend, fate...
1013
01:00:31,656 --> 01:00:33,862
has a different plan for you.
1014
01:00:33,957 --> 01:00:36,452
You will grow up,
go out into the world.
1015
01:00:36,548 --> 01:00:39,712
You'll forget all about
the things that happened here.
1016
01:00:39,808 --> 01:00:41,823
Ethan, Angela...
1017
01:00:41,919 --> 01:00:43,838
the shit we pulled.
1018
01:00:43,934 --> 01:00:46,235
Those hookers that
we thought were girls.
1019
01:00:46,331 --> 01:00:48,440
And you're going to
go out there...
1020
01:00:48,537 --> 01:00:51,223
and no one-- no one...
1021
01:00:51,319 --> 01:00:54,197
can shoot you down
because a woman one time...
1022
01:00:54,197 --> 01:00:57,650
stepped on your heart
and left a scar in its wake.
1023
01:00:57,650 --> 01:00:59,377
That is your fate, Dave.
1024
01:01:00,239 --> 01:01:02,638
Just as it is my fate...
1025
01:01:02,638 --> 01:01:05,036
to some day become shogun.
1026
01:01:17,504 --> 01:01:19,903
Fucking idiot!
Are you kidding me?
1027
01:01:24,027 --> 01:01:27,480
There goes Dave the liar.
I "f"-ed his old girlfriend.
1028
01:01:30,453 --> 01:01:33,523
- Oh, Ethan.
- Oh, Cameron.
1029
01:01:33,619 --> 01:01:36,400
- Oh, yeah!
- Baby, baby.
1030
01:01:36,496 --> 01:01:38,031
Boobies, boobies.
1031
01:01:40,334 --> 01:01:42,732
Stone-hard reality, Dave.
1032
01:01:42,827 --> 01:01:44,649
I asked you to stop.
1033
01:01:47,911 --> 01:01:50,308
Cameron!
Take off my pants.
1034
01:01:53,475 --> 01:01:55,392
Oh, no. That's my mom.
1035
01:02:36,542 --> 01:02:40,666
Is enough enough
Is enough enough
1036
01:02:43,063 --> 01:02:46,709
I saw the sign
When I opened up my eyes
1037
01:02:46,805 --> 01:02:48,051
I saw the sign
1038
01:02:50,163 --> 01:02:52,559
When I opened up my eyes
I saw the sign
1039
01:03:05,509 --> 01:03:09,728
No one's gonna drag you up to get
into the line where you belong
1040
01:03:09,824 --> 01:03:13,757
I saw the sign
I saw the sign
1041
01:03:17,018 --> 01:03:19,897
Guys, I saw the sign.
1042
01:03:19,897 --> 01:03:22,964
And it opened my eyes.
I gotta be with Angela.
1043
01:03:22,964 --> 01:03:26,418
- As your attorney, I can't advise that.
- I'm telling everything. That's it.
1044
01:03:26,513 --> 01:03:28,145
You guys have nothing
to worry about.
1045
01:03:28,241 --> 01:03:31,022
- You're serious about this, man?
- Dead serious.
1046
01:03:31,118 --> 01:03:32,750
I need to be with her.
1047
01:03:32,846 --> 01:03:35,339
Hey, you're not fucking
"seed of doubting" me now?
1048
01:03:35,339 --> 01:03:37,833
Sam, I'm not
going to lie anymore.
1049
01:03:38,983 --> 01:03:40,807
I'm done.
1050
01:03:42,245 --> 01:03:45,027
I have something to say to you.
1051
01:03:45,123 --> 01:03:49,343
And I think that it's important
that I say it out of the cage.
1052
01:03:55,098 --> 01:03:59,032
I think you're doing the right thing.
I've never seen you like this before.
1053
01:03:59,127 --> 01:04:02,005
You know what?
I've never felt like this before.
1054
01:04:02,101 --> 01:04:05,648
Listen, I blew up last night,
but I'm proud of you.
1055
01:04:05,744 --> 01:04:09,293
I wish I could back you up.
I'm not getting kicked out of college.
1056
01:04:09,388 --> 01:04:11,692
This is me.
You have to understand this.
1057
01:04:11,788 --> 01:04:14,473
You guys aren't going to pay for this.
I'm gonna do this myself.
1058
01:04:14,473 --> 01:04:16,680
I never would have given that stuff
to Ethan in a million years...
1059
01:04:16,776 --> 01:04:18,597
if I thought that you
felt this way.
1060
01:04:18,694 --> 01:04:20,229
You did what you had to do.
That's fine.
1061
01:04:20,229 --> 01:04:24,066
I guess I felt
a little bitjealous because...
1062
01:04:24,161 --> 01:04:26,750
you have a girlfriend now,
or whatever...
1063
01:04:26,846 --> 01:04:28,862
and I felt like I was left out.
1064
01:04:28,862 --> 01:04:30,779
Come on.
1065
01:04:30,779 --> 01:04:32,986
- Really?
- A little bit.
1066
01:04:33,081 --> 01:04:35,671
Come here. Give me a hug.
Got nothing but love for you.
1067
01:04:36,536 --> 01:04:39,796
Oh, one, two, three,
four hard nipples. Nope.
1068
01:04:39,892 --> 01:04:43,728
This is really weird. I never thought
we'd see the day when the team split up.
1069
01:04:44,976 --> 01:04:47,085
Wait. Not yet.
1070
01:04:47,182 --> 01:04:51,785
We don't split up yet. Cool Ethan?
He caught you cheating, right?
1071
01:04:51,785 --> 01:04:53,703
- Yeah.
- Right?
1072
01:04:53,703 --> 01:04:56,198
He's gunning for your job, right?
1073
01:04:56,293 --> 01:04:58,213
You know my whole story.
1074
01:04:58,213 --> 01:04:59,460
You got his stuff?
1075
01:05:01,569 --> 01:05:05,214
One more job, guys.
I say we bury him.
1076
01:05:05,310 --> 01:05:07,707
But wait,you say.
How did we get Ethan's documents?
1077
01:05:07,803 --> 01:05:09,817
Allow me to refreshyour memory.
1078
01:05:09,913 --> 01:05:12,121
When you only see two of us,
watch out.
1079
01:05:12,217 --> 01:05:16,148
Because the third one is probably
rifling through your shit.
1080
01:05:24,974 --> 01:05:26,987
It was time to put
our gifts to use.
1081
01:05:27,083 --> 01:05:30,728
So we split up into two groups
to take Ethan down.
1082
01:05:32,551 --> 01:05:35,428
First on the list,
Stockton, Upright and Falk.
1083
01:05:36,772 --> 01:05:39,361
Ethan wanted to work there
more than anything.
1084
01:05:39,361 --> 01:05:41,663
So we thought
we'd lend him a hand.
1085
01:05:49,721 --> 01:05:53,557
Professor Markoe's?
Yes, the exam is today.
1086
01:05:53,557 --> 01:05:54,709
Back on up, slick.
1087
01:05:59,311 --> 01:06:01,997
Oh, God, I 'm choking.
1088
01:06:02,093 --> 01:06:04,299
Oh, God, I'm choking!
1089
01:06:04,395 --> 01:06:06,025
God, he's choking
on a piece of steak.
1090
01:06:06,121 --> 01:06:08,136
I don't know what to tell you,
but I think Philip called this one in.
1091
01:06:08,232 --> 01:06:11,014
I run this office.
All of this is me.
1092
01:06:19,358 --> 01:06:21,374
- Oh, fuck.
- Are you all right?
1093
01:06:21,470 --> 01:06:23,482
I'm fine now. Thanks to you.
1094
01:06:23,482 --> 01:06:25,784
Thanks to this
fine, young gentleman.
1095
01:06:28,567 --> 01:06:31,060
If you just let me get in there, I'll
replace that mouse and be outta there--
1096
01:06:31,156 --> 01:06:32,787
Thank you. Fix it.
1097
01:06:32,883 --> 01:06:34,992
Wes Mann. I'm in emerging markets.
And you are?
1098
01:06:35,090 --> 01:06:39,405
Ethan Dulles. I'm actually only here
for an interview with Mr. Leonard.
1099
01:06:39,405 --> 01:06:43,242
Oh, well. Leonard Leonard
and I are very good friends.
1100
01:06:43,242 --> 01:06:44,873
I'm gonna march you
right up there.
1101
01:06:44,968 --> 01:06:47,079
Let me help you out.
You've had such a hard day.
1102
01:06:47,079 --> 01:06:50,053
I look good and everything, but I'm
still freaked out, 'cause of the meat.
1103
01:06:50,149 --> 01:06:52,449
So if you could
give me a little privacy.
1104
01:06:57,438 --> 01:06:59,261
Yes, this is a message
for Mr. Dulles.
1105
01:06:59,357 --> 01:07:02,905
This is Mr. Leonard's office in Human
Resources at Stockton, Upright and Falk.
1106
01:07:03,194 --> 01:07:05,878
- Good work down there, Mr. Dulles.
- You can call me Jack.
1107
01:07:05,975 --> 01:07:07,702
Jack?
1108
01:07:07,797 --> 01:07:09,907
It says on here that
your first name is Ethan.
1109
01:07:10,964 --> 01:07:12,786
- Call me Jack.
- All right, Jack.
1110
01:07:12,881 --> 01:07:17,004
Jack, what one word
would you say...
1111
01:07:17,004 --> 01:07:18,923
describes yourself perfectly?
1112
01:07:22,952 --> 01:07:26,981
I'm gonna have to say slave
to the freaky-assed booby.
1113
01:07:27,077 --> 01:07:28,324
That's not one word.
1114
01:07:28,420 --> 01:07:31,200
You know, Philip said
that you were available.
1115
01:07:31,297 --> 01:07:33,695
Hurry up, brownie,
cookie, whatever.
1116
01:07:33,695 --> 01:07:35,709
You get into this job because
you like to work with your hands.
1117
01:07:35,805 --> 01:07:37,915
I work with my--
1118
01:07:38,011 --> 01:07:40,888
I work with my hands all the time.
I mean, love to rub you down.
1119
01:07:40,984 --> 01:07:46,357
You ever had a massage with heated
stones? Like nothing you'd believe.
1120
01:07:46,453 --> 01:07:48,275
On your resume
under "activities"...
1121
01:07:48,371 --> 01:07:52,015
you have "smokin' blunts
with the homeys"...
1122
01:07:52,110 --> 01:07:54,701
and "bustin� caps in whitey."
1123
01:07:55,756 --> 01:07:57,770
Can you explain that?
1124
01:07:57,866 --> 01:07:59,689
Please come to
Mr. Leonard's office...
1125
01:07:59,785 --> 01:08:02,279
as soon as you possibly can
for your job interview.
1126
01:08:02,375 --> 01:08:03,813
- Thanks.
- Yes!
1127
01:08:03,909 --> 01:08:07,171
You know as well as I do
how I very well got the job.
1128
01:08:07,171 --> 01:08:09,664
You and me, boy,
we can handle shit, all right?
1129
01:08:09,760 --> 01:08:10,814
Right, right.
1130
01:08:15,227 --> 01:08:18,296
You watch Leonard Leonard
handle some shit.
1131
01:08:20,120 --> 01:08:21,847
Oh, Angela
1132
01:08:25,874 --> 01:08:27,698
Oh, how I need you so
1133
01:08:33,261 --> 01:08:34,987
I see what I wanted to do
1134
01:08:43,236 --> 01:08:44,865
Now
1135
01:08:59,159 --> 01:09:00,501
Yeah!
1136
01:09:04,530 --> 01:09:08,175
Stockton, Upright and get
those lousy cheaters expelled.
1137
01:09:10,189 --> 01:09:12,587
Ethan Dulles is waiting
in the lobby for me?
1138
01:09:13,642 --> 01:09:15,560
I don't-- What's the holdup?
I've been waiting a half-hour.
1139
01:09:15,657 --> 01:09:17,287
Still checking.
1140
01:09:17,383 --> 01:09:19,876
You let him in here and your ass
is grass, and I'm the lawn mower.
1141
01:09:21,220 --> 01:09:24,386
Actually, that appointment's
no longer on the books.
1142
01:09:24,386 --> 01:09:27,262
Okay, well, I'll just go
check the books. Bitch.
1143
01:09:27,358 --> 01:09:29,660
Heard you got a little smart
with Mr. Leonard.
1144
01:09:31,867 --> 01:09:33,305
Get him out of here now.
1145
01:09:33,401 --> 01:09:34,744
The lawn mower's waiting.
1146
01:09:34,840 --> 01:09:37,621
I want that punk
thrown out of this building.
1147
01:09:37,718 --> 01:09:40,595
I parked my wheel right out here.
I'm fine. Thanks, guys.
1148
01:09:41,745 --> 01:09:43,760
Can you believe that?
1149
01:09:50,858 --> 01:09:53,352
- Get him.
- Come here!
1150
01:09:54,696 --> 01:09:56,039
Help me!
1151
01:10:01,410 --> 01:10:04,095
This is the final exam.
1152
01:10:04,191 --> 01:10:08,028
From this point on there's
no talking, no study guides...
1153
01:10:08,123 --> 01:10:09,274
no exceptions.
1154
01:10:10,233 --> 01:10:14,070
You have three hours. That's it.
Pencils down after that.
1155
01:10:14,837 --> 01:10:18,003
Begin now.
1156
01:10:33,061 --> 01:10:35,365
Hi. Yeah, we're having
a test here. A final.
1157
01:10:35,460 --> 01:10:38,241
- Hold on. Just wait a second.
- I don't have a second.
1158
01:10:38,241 --> 01:10:39,297
Excuse me.
1159
01:10:40,543 --> 01:10:44,573
- We're having a test here.
-Just relax. This can't wait. Please.
1160
01:10:44,668 --> 01:10:46,394
- You can talk to her after the--
-Just relax.
1161
01:10:46,490 --> 01:10:50,328
These people are taking a test--
They are taking a final exam.
1162
01:10:50,424 --> 01:10:52,629
- Please just give me five minutes.
- Am I coming up there?
1163
01:10:52,724 --> 01:10:55,411
- Is that how it's gonna be?
-Just listen to me. Please.
1164
01:10:55,507 --> 01:10:58,480
Just give me one second.
Okay? Just one second.
1165
01:11:00,878 --> 01:11:03,372
- You think I'm a liar?
- Yeah.
1166
01:11:03,469 --> 01:11:05,675
Yeah. Well, I am a liar.
1167
01:11:07,113 --> 01:11:10,277
Ethan never paid me.
He blackmailed me.
1168
01:11:11,238 --> 01:11:13,635
I did it because
he caught me cheating.
1169
01:11:14,691 --> 01:11:16,705
What the fuck?
1170
01:11:19,103 --> 01:11:20,924
I am a cheater.
1171
01:11:22,172 --> 01:11:24,186
I have cheated my way
through high school.
1172
01:11:24,281 --> 01:11:26,392
I have cheated my way
through college.
1173
01:11:26,392 --> 01:11:28,214
I have cheated my way
through everything.
1174
01:11:28,310 --> 01:11:30,805
I don't think I've ever
taken a test honestly.
1175
01:11:30,901 --> 01:11:34,450
I've engineered blackouts.
I've done bomb threats.
1176
01:11:34,545 --> 01:11:37,808
I've hacked into the administration
network. I've done it all.
1177
01:11:37,904 --> 01:11:40,972
I mean, I think this is the first
legit thing I've ever done.
1178
01:11:42,027 --> 01:11:45,767
And there's no angle.
And there's definitely no scam.
1179
01:11:47,590 --> 01:11:51,619
I'm doing it because--
because I love you.
1180
01:11:51,715 --> 01:11:53,824
You love me?
1181
01:11:53,921 --> 01:11:55,456
I do love you.
1182
01:11:58,909 --> 01:12:01,786
I'm pretty sure
I'm in the wrong class.
1183
01:12:01,881 --> 01:12:06,869
But, I just gotta say,
that was really moving.
1184
01:12:07,734 --> 01:12:10,227
Well, honesty, folks.
Right?
1185
01:12:10,323 --> 01:12:13,297
Isn't that the most
important thing, honesty?
1186
01:12:13,297 --> 01:12:17,325
That's what it's all about. I didn't
understand that until I met you.
1187
01:12:18,955 --> 01:12:21,834
- That was beautiful.
- Thank you. Thank you.
1188
01:12:38,523 --> 01:12:40,537
Well, you're just
Mr. Party Pants, aren't you?
1189
01:12:41,687 --> 01:12:43,798
You all think you know this man?
1190
01:12:43,894 --> 01:12:46,292
Well, I have in my hand
hard evidence...
1191
01:12:46,292 --> 01:12:49,745
that this man is,
in fact, a cheater!
1192
01:12:52,047 --> 01:12:54,540
Why are you clapping?
Why are you clapping?
1193
01:12:54,636 --> 01:12:56,555
Why are you clapping?
1194
01:12:58,282 --> 01:13:00,200
What the hell is this?
1195
01:13:02,597 --> 01:13:04,325
Well, Ethan,
I told her the truth.
1196
01:13:04,325 --> 01:13:06,818
And I told her I cheated
and I told her I loved her.
1197
01:13:08,161 --> 01:13:11,711
- You don't believe him, do you?
- I don't know.
1198
01:13:11,806 --> 01:13:14,204
I want to, Dave...
1199
01:13:14,299 --> 01:13:15,738
but I just can't.
1200
01:13:17,466 --> 01:13:19,670
- I don't wanna. I don't wanna!
- Shut up.
1201
01:13:19,768 --> 01:13:22,549
I couldn't take it anymore.
We're a team. You go down, we go down.
1202
01:13:22,549 --> 01:13:24,755
I don't think so.
If you're not enrolled--
1203
01:13:24,852 --> 01:13:28,496
I am in the class. I'm Sam Schechter.
I got hit by a fucking bus.
1204
01:13:32,236 --> 01:13:34,251
He's telling you the truth.
1205
01:13:34,347 --> 01:13:36,936
I know he is, because he
got caught helping me cheat.
1206
01:13:38,280 --> 01:13:41,636
It's a scam. Another scam.
You can't believe them.
1207
01:13:41,636 --> 01:13:44,035
Oh, another scam, huh?
That's interesting.
1208
01:13:44,035 --> 01:13:46,144
Listen, Angela, we took
this picture in Ethan's room.
1209
01:13:47,105 --> 01:13:49,022
If you don't want
to be with Dave, that's fine.
1210
01:13:49,022 --> 01:13:53,434
You might want to avoid getting hacked
up by "eyebrows" on your wedding night.
1211
01:13:53,531 --> 01:13:56,216
What is this?
That's a little weird.
1212
01:13:56,313 --> 01:13:59,670
- Let me see this one second.
- Could you explain that to me?
1213
01:13:59,670 --> 01:14:01,588
Ethan, what is that?
1214
01:14:01,588 --> 01:14:03,506
A picture I let the boys--
1215
01:14:03,603 --> 01:14:05,327
If you think that's weird,
one more thing.
1216
01:14:05,424 --> 01:14:06,479
This is good.
1217
01:14:08,303 --> 01:14:09,741
It's a hair doll.
1218
01:14:09,741 --> 01:14:11,753
Yeah. It's gross, right?
1219
01:14:11,850 --> 01:14:14,536
- Here you go.
- Ethan, what is this?
1220
01:14:14,633 --> 01:14:17,222
- Is this a hair doll?
- I didn't make that.
1221
01:14:17,318 --> 01:14:20,292
It fell out of your hair that way
and I want it back.
1222
01:14:20,387 --> 01:14:22,498
-It fell out this way? I don't think so.
-Give it back!
1223
01:14:22,593 --> 01:14:24,800
- I want it back!
- Give it back!
1224
01:14:26,526 --> 01:14:30,268
You're going down!
Why are you laughing?
1225
01:14:30,268 --> 01:14:31,801
What?
1226
01:14:31,897 --> 01:14:34,104
- You have a cheater in your midst.
- Where?
1227
01:14:34,104 --> 01:14:36,118
You can't have her,
'cause I own her.
1228
01:14:36,214 --> 01:14:39,954
I'm gonna file criminal charges
on all your asses.
1229
01:14:40,050 --> 01:14:42,833
- He's holding a hair doll.
- I need the cheater's name.
1230
01:14:42,833 --> 01:14:45,134
- He answers to Ethan.
- Ethan. Here.
1231
01:14:45,229 --> 01:14:47,917
I had a nickname for you. Want to know
what it was? I'm not gonna tell you.
1232
01:14:48,971 --> 01:14:51,657
- All right, it was "Laser."
- This one right here.
1233
01:14:51,753 --> 01:14:54,437
Hi, Ethan.
Can I see that paper?
1234
01:14:54,437 --> 01:14:57,412
Fine. Yes. Here, here.
1235
01:14:57,508 --> 01:14:58,562
Thank you.
1236
01:14:58,658 --> 01:15:00,961
His name's right on there.
It's David.
1237
01:15:01,056 --> 01:15:02,401
Okay, Ethan.
1238
01:15:02,496 --> 01:15:06,045
This is a copy of the final exam,
which is what we're taking right now.
1239
01:15:06,140 --> 01:15:08,059
That means you're in violation
of the honour code.
1240
01:15:08,155 --> 01:15:09,306
It's not mine.
1241
01:15:09,306 --> 01:15:11,320
You just handed it to me.
1242
01:15:11,415 --> 01:15:14,293
- Are you crazy?
- I think you're crazy.
1243
01:15:14,390 --> 01:15:16,116
What?
1244
01:15:17,267 --> 01:15:20,144
Give me that test.
You are mine, motherfucker!
1245
01:15:21,199 --> 01:15:23,599
You guys are fucking retarded.
1246
01:15:23,599 --> 01:15:24,941
You know what?
1247
01:15:25,036 --> 01:15:28,200
Why don't you shut your mouth,
you skanky-assed "bee-yatch."
1248
01:15:28,296 --> 01:15:30,600
- Fuck you, cocksucker.
- Slut.
1249
01:15:30,696 --> 01:15:32,518
- Shithead.
- Ho.
1250
01:15:32,614 --> 01:15:33,957
Monkey boy.
1251
01:15:36,545 --> 01:15:38,561
So what do you say?
1252
01:15:39,713 --> 01:15:41,151
Do I have a chance?
1253
01:15:44,988 --> 01:15:46,234
Yes.
1254
01:15:46,234 --> 01:15:47,673
Come here, then.
1255
01:16:02,444 --> 01:16:05,513
Every now and then, we're all
given a perfect moment.
1256
01:16:06,761 --> 01:16:08,967
A moment where
everything makes sense.
1257
01:16:09,062 --> 01:16:11,843
A moment where everything
seems right and good...
1258
01:16:11,843 --> 01:16:14,530
and everything's gonna be okay.
1259
01:16:14,627 --> 01:16:16,832
If you can be kissing
a girl like Angela...
1260
01:16:16,832 --> 01:16:18,941
in the middle
of a moment like that...
1261
01:16:19,038 --> 01:16:21,916
well, you really got it made.
1262
01:16:23,547 --> 01:16:26,424
The university
took stern action.
1263
01:16:26,424 --> 01:16:28,918
We got kicked out of school.
1264
01:16:30,164 --> 01:16:32,082
Sam took it like a man.
1265
01:16:32,082 --> 01:16:33,905
I 'm sorry!
1266
01:16:34,002 --> 01:16:36,495
I guess we all learned
a life lesson, except for Jeff.
1267
01:16:36,592 --> 01:16:38,989
Jeff learned a different lesson.
1268
01:16:39,085 --> 01:16:41,100
Jeff learned
how to print diplomas.
1269
01:16:42,537 --> 01:16:46,375
In the end, I guess I realized
you can't scam when it comes to love.
1270
01:16:46,470 --> 01:16:50,307
But still, guys like me,
Sam and Jeff...
1271
01:16:50,403 --> 01:16:52,514
we can't scam
our own natures either.
1272
01:16:52,609 --> 01:16:54,239
We're all still friends.
1273
01:16:54,335 --> 01:16:56,926
I'm still with Angela,
and I've never been happier.
1274
01:16:57,021 --> 01:16:58,268
It's strange.
1275
01:16:58,365 --> 01:17:01,914
You think you got life all figured out,
and it just keeps surprising you.
1276
01:17:02,010 --> 01:17:05,271
And to think, I learned
how to be a better man...
1277
01:17:05,367 --> 01:17:07,284
from getting blackmailed
by that little freak--
1278
01:17:08,724 --> 01:17:10,067
Cool Ethan.
1279
01:17:13,999 --> 01:17:18,411
I love you, but I hate you
1280
01:17:18,506 --> 01:17:23,399
Which brings to mind
how much I love you
1281
01:17:23,494 --> 01:17:27,140
We could've worked this out
you know
1282
01:17:27,236 --> 01:17:32,415
In a little room
In a little locked room
1283
01:17:32,511 --> 01:17:36,348
I'm sorry you had
to settle for Dave
1284
01:17:36,348 --> 01:17:40,665
The one-dimensional man
1285
01:17:40,665 --> 01:17:45,462
He's filed under "cocksucker"
in my little black book
1286
01:17:45,557 --> 01:17:50,254
Sweetness can rot your teeth
1287
01:17:50,254 --> 01:17:54,285
Bittersweet cacophony
1288
01:17:54,381 --> 01:17:57,545
But you hold the key
1289
01:17:57,641 --> 01:18:00,903
You hold the key
1290
01:18:00,903 --> 01:18:04,260
To my little locked room
1291
01:18:04,357 --> 01:18:09,823
You hold the key
You hold the key
1292
01:18:09,919 --> 01:18:14,619
To my little locked room
1293
01:18:14,619 --> 01:18:18,264
Please let me
1294
01:18:18,360 --> 01:18:20,662
Out soon
1295
01:18:22,868 --> 01:18:24,787
I love you.
1296
01:22:47,891 --> 01:22:49,904
I 've never done a porno before.
1297
01:22:50,000 --> 01:22:51,822
Until now, bitch.
1298
01:22:52,099 --> 01:22:54,107
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