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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,074 Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org 2 00:00:36,500 --> 00:00:40,700 You can run, but you can't hide from the Lord. 3 00:00:43,600 --> 00:00:46,100 You can never judge a woman with bad... 4 00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:28,500 Sarah Rose knows you're a beautiful person. 5 00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:34,400 Sarah Rose knows you have an unusual talent. 6 00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:39,300 Sarah Rose knows you're a teenage girl. 7 00:01:39,100 --> 00:01:41,900 And she definitely knows... 8 00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:46,500 that you are ready for the ultimate in teen glamour. 9 00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:52,900 The American Teen Princess Pageant! 10 00:01:52,700 --> 00:01:55,500 And now, a few words from last year's host... 11 00:01:55,400 --> 00:01:57,800 Mr. Adam West! 12 00:01:57,700 --> 00:02:00,200 The American Teen Princess Pageant... 13 00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:06,000 has been enriching the lives of American-made girls since 1945. 14 00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:08,400 The American Teen Princess Pageant... 15 00:02:08,300 --> 00:02:12,800 provides personal growth, scholarship, travel! 16 00:02:12,700 --> 00:02:16,500 And you might even meet a few celebrities. 17 00:02:16,400 --> 00:02:17,700 Yes! 18 00:02:17,700 --> 00:02:19,100 At the national level... 19 00:02:19,100 --> 00:02:22,600 thousands of seventeen-year-old girls like yourselves... 20 00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:25,500 compete around the country in places like... 21 00:02:25,500 --> 00:02:27,900 beautiful Mount Rose, Minnesota... 22 00:02:27,900 --> 00:02:31,800 and make it all the way here to Lincoln, Alabama... 23 00:02:31,700 --> 00:02:35,800 to compete for the title of American Teen Princess. 24 00:02:35,700 --> 00:02:39,100 So which one of you will it be? 25 00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:44,800 Like sands through the hourglass so are the "Days Of Our Lives. " 26 00:02:47,300 --> 00:02:50,000 God, Iris, you taped your shows over it. 27 00:02:49,800 --> 00:02:51,100 I'm sorry. 28 00:02:56,600 --> 00:02:59,300 Now, ladies, the rest of the tape... 29 00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:01,600 which is now gone forever... 30 00:03:01,500 --> 00:03:04,800 goes on about starting that great journey... 31 00:03:04,700 --> 00:03:07,900 which we call the American Teen Princess Pageant. 32 00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:09,500 So any of you young ladies... 33 00:03:09,500 --> 00:03:11,200 who'd like to start on that journey... 34 00:03:11,100 --> 00:03:13,500 you just come right down here and sign up. 35 00:03:13,500 --> 00:03:16,400 And, please, help yourself to some coffee and bars. 36 00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:20,000 Showtime. 37 00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:22,700 Do you think most people would say... 38 00:03:22,700 --> 00:03:25,000 that teenage beauty pageants are a good idea? 39 00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:26,400 Oh, yeah, sure. 40 00:03:26,300 --> 00:03:28,000 I know what some of your big-city, no-bra-wearin'... 41 00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:30,400 hairy-legged women libbers might say. 42 00:03:30,400 --> 00:03:31,900 They might say that a pageant... 43 00:03:31,900 --> 00:03:34,300 is old-fashioned and demeaning to the girls. 44 00:03:34,200 --> 00:03:36,200 What's sick is women dressing like men. 45 00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:37,700 You betcha, Iris. 46 00:03:37,700 --> 00:03:39,700 No, I think you boys are going to find something... 47 00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:41,400 a little bit different here in Mount Rose. 48 00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:43,800 For one thing, we're all God-fearin' folk. 49 00:03:43,700 --> 00:03:45,400 Every last one of us. 50 00:03:45,400 --> 00:03:49,700 And you will not find a "back room" in our video store. 51 00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:52,700 No, that filth is better left to the sin cities. 52 00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:54,700 A.k. a. Minneapolis, St. Paul. 53 00:04:16,400 --> 00:04:17,900 Oh, yeah, sure. 54 00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:19,300 Freda, sure. 55 00:04:19,300 --> 00:04:21,600 She was the oldest living Lutheran. 56 00:04:21,600 --> 00:04:24,300 Now she's as dead as a doornail. 57 00:04:24,100 --> 00:04:26,700 It's the damn Shriners who won't take down... 58 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:29,300 that goddamn sign, the lazy sons of bitches. 59 00:04:29,300 --> 00:04:32,200 Every year... every damn year, I tell 'em... 60 00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:34,600 "Take down the goddamn Freda sign... 61 00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:36,100 "you lazy sons of bitches!" 62 00:04:49,100 --> 00:04:52,900 Today's "to do" list includes a trip to the Mall of America... 63 00:04:52,700 --> 00:04:54,700 where we are going to be buying outfits... 64 00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:56,000 for the physical fitness number. 65 00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:57,100 Nothing too showy. 66 00:04:57,000 --> 00:04:58,600 No. You betcha, Iris. 67 00:04:58,600 --> 00:05:01,000 We need that third judge. Gosh, don't let me forget... 68 00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:02,200 We need to think of a theme. 69 00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:04,600 Gladys, look out! 70 00:05:04,500 --> 00:05:06,500 Gosh darn it. Hello, Father Dunegan. 71 00:05:06,500 --> 00:05:08,200 Sidewalks? Sidewalks? 72 00:05:09,700 --> 00:05:12,200 Iris, stop it. It's not his fault. 73 00:05:12,200 --> 00:05:15,700 The communal wine just proves too tempting for some of them. 74 00:05:15,700 --> 00:05:17,100 That's why we Lutherans use grape Kool-Aid... 75 00:05:17,100 --> 00:05:18,400 for the blood of Christ. 76 00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:21,200 There's a parking space over there. 77 00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:23,200 Oh, no. That's just a compact. Sorry. 78 00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:24,900 You'd think they'd have the parking lot of America... 79 00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:26,600 to go with the Mall of America. 80 00:05:26,500 --> 00:05:29,200 It's a $200 fine! 81 00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:32,100 I told you I would move the car if a cripple came. 82 00:05:32,100 --> 00:05:35,300 Now just run in the store and pick out some outfits. 83 00:05:35,200 --> 00:05:36,200 All right, let's go. 84 00:05:36,300 --> 00:05:37,700 Wait, wait, wait. 85 00:05:37,700 --> 00:05:38,900 What? 86 00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:40,700 I think I just thought of the theme. 87 00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:43,300 Oh, what? 88 00:05:43,300 --> 00:05:45,800 "Proud to be an American. " 89 00:05:45,800 --> 00:05:49,100 So, what was the theme of the pageant last year? 90 00:05:48,900 --> 00:05:51,700 Oh, that was "Buy American. " 91 00:05:51,600 --> 00:05:53,400 And the year before that was... 92 00:05:53,400 --> 00:05:55,600 "U.S.A. Is A-OK!" 93 00:05:55,600 --> 00:05:58,300 And can you remember the theme of your favorite pageant? 94 00:05:58,200 --> 00:06:00,200 Can I? 95 00:06:00,200 --> 00:06:02,000 "Amer-I Can!" 96 00:06:03,200 --> 00:06:05,300 People ask me where I get this. 97 00:06:05,300 --> 00:06:07,700 I don't know. A gift from God or something. 98 00:06:18,400 --> 00:06:19,600 Hi. 99 00:06:19,500 --> 00:06:23,200 Just introduce yourself and tell us why... 100 00:06:23,100 --> 00:06:24,600 you're signing up for the pageant. 101 00:06:24,500 --> 00:06:26,700 OK. Hi. Hi. 102 00:06:26,600 --> 00:06:29,200 I'm Leslie Miller. 103 00:06:29,100 --> 00:06:32,800 I'm signing up 'cause, you know... 104 00:06:32,700 --> 00:06:34,800 I always watch the pageants on TV... 105 00:06:34,700 --> 00:06:37,900 and my boyfriend thinks I'll win. 106 00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:39,400 For my talent, I'm going to be doing... 107 00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:41,000 You've been talking to this guy long enough. 108 00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:42,900 I'm trying to tell him... 109 00:06:42,900 --> 00:06:44,100 Now? 110 00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:51,300 Hi, Pat. 111 00:06:51,200 --> 00:06:52,700 Go Muskies! 112 00:06:55,300 --> 00:07:00,600 Hi. I'm Amber Atkins, and I'm signing up... 113 00:07:00,500 --> 00:07:03,200 'cause my two favorite people in the whole world... 114 00:07:03,100 --> 00:07:05,100 competed in pageants... 115 00:07:05,100 --> 00:07:07,900 my mom and Diane Sawyer. 116 00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:09,300 Course, I hope I end up... 117 00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:11,600 a little more like Diane Sawyer than my mom. 118 00:07:21,900 --> 00:07:24,400 Do you do any of the embalming? 119 00:07:24,300 --> 00:07:26,800 Oh, my God, no. Oh, God. 120 00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:28,700 I just do the hair and makeup on the deceased. 121 00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:32,200 I'm lucky I have an afterschool job... 122 00:07:32,200 --> 00:07:33,700 where I can practice my talent. 123 00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:41,300 Oh, yeah, sure. Every pageant is special... 124 00:07:41,300 --> 00:07:46,600 but this one is extra-super-special to me. 125 00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:49,800 When I was seventeen... I don't know if you know this... 126 00:07:49,700 --> 00:07:55,900 I was crowned Mount Rose's American Teen Princess... 127 00:07:55,800 --> 00:07:57,900 and this year... 128 00:07:57,900 --> 00:08:00,600 drumroll, please... 129 00:08:00,500 --> 00:08:05,600 my lovely daughter Rebecca Ann Leeman is competing. 130 00:08:06,900 --> 00:08:08,200 Is this my mark? 131 00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:14,000 Hi. I'm Rebecca Leeman, and I believe this pageant... 132 00:08:13,900 --> 00:08:15,700 is an important experience for every young woman. 133 00:08:15,700 --> 00:08:17,800 It... 134 00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:20,800 Well, it teaches you what's really important in life... 135 00:08:20,700 --> 00:08:23,700 and it has the power to change you... 136 00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:25,600 in ways you've never dreamed of. 137 00:08:34,700 --> 00:08:38,100 My mom gave me this nine-mill for my thirteenth birthday. 138 00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:40,700 Yeah. I'll always remember what she wrote in the card. 139 00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:42,700 "Jesus loves winners. " 140 00:08:42,600 --> 00:08:46,100 That's why no matter what I do, I aim to win. 141 00:08:50,800 --> 00:08:55,000 Why? Well, it's kinda like asking... 142 00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:58,600 why all the guys chew Copenhagen, you know? 143 00:08:58,500 --> 00:09:00,100 If you're seventeen... 144 00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:03,800 and you're not a total fry, it's just what you do. 145 00:09:05,100 --> 00:09:07,600 Have you decided what your talent is going to be yet? 146 00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:10,900 Mm-hmm. Yeah. I'm gonna sing and dance... 147 00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:13,000 to "New York, New York. " 148 00:09:12,900 --> 00:09:15,700 I just fell in love with the Big Apple last summer... 149 00:09:15,600 --> 00:09:18,000 when I was visiting my brother Peter there. 150 00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:21,000 He followed his dream all the way to New York. 151 00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:24,100 Wait. 152 00:09:24,100 --> 00:09:28,000 Here's Peter as... Liza! 153 00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:29,800 Here's him as Madonna. 154 00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:36,300 As Barbara. 155 00:09:41,100 --> 00:09:44,700 I don't know what my talent's gonna be yet. 156 00:09:45,700 --> 00:09:49,100 Kenny! Kenny, come. Come, Kenny. 157 00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:52,100 Oh, Kenny! Oh, this is Kenny. 158 00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:53,600 Spike, my German shepherd... 159 00:09:53,700 --> 00:09:56,300 he went to live with a nice family on a farm... 160 00:09:56,200 --> 00:09:57,900 after he attacked me... 161 00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:00,400 but it wasn't his fault, was it, Kenny? No. 162 00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:03,200 I had beef jerky in my front pocket. 163 00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:10,600 They remade my belly with skin from my butt. 164 00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:15,800 I was Mount Rose American Teen Princess in 1945. 165 00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:20,000 We were at war with the Japs. 166 00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:22,000 Didn't even get to keep my damn tiara. 167 00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:25,600 I had to turn it in for scrap. 168 00:10:31,400 --> 00:10:36,800 So we adopt Molly three year ago when we come to America... 169 00:10:36,600 --> 00:10:40,100 to help acclimate us to American. 170 00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:42,300 To America, Dad. 171 00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:47,000 She all-American girl. 172 00:10:46,900 --> 00:10:49,600 She our Teen American Princess. 173 00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:50,800 Oh, Ma. 174 00:10:57,600 --> 00:10:59,100 English! 175 00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:01,600 Speak English, you stupid little retard! 176 00:11:01,600 --> 00:11:06,400 So, Molly, tell movie man what you talent do. 177 00:11:06,300 --> 00:11:08,200 I'll be line dancing. 178 00:11:08,100 --> 00:11:10,500 Country western! 179 00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:12,400 Clint Black, ruff! 180 00:11:12,300 --> 00:11:15,900 Hey, what he got that I not got? 181 00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:20,300 So have you decided what your talent is going to be... 182 00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:21,600 for the pageant yet? 183 00:11:21,500 --> 00:11:25,600 Yeah. I'll be doing a dramatic monologue... 184 00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:29,600 and right now I'm thinking "Othello... " 185 00:11:29,500 --> 00:11:31,300 or "Soylent Green... " 186 00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:34,500 Well, my own version of it. 187 00:11:34,400 --> 00:11:37,000 You know, a lot of girls make a smooth transition... 188 00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:38,400 from pageants into acting. 189 00:11:38,300 --> 00:11:39,900 Competing for the title... 190 00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:44,300 of Minnesota's American Teen Princess sure was exciting... 191 00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:46,200 but I never could have won... 192 00:11:46,100 --> 00:11:49,100 without my Saint Paul pork products. 193 00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:53,300 I've been enjoying Saint Paul pork products for years. 194 00:11:53,100 --> 00:11:55,900 I grew up right next to these stockyards. 195 00:11:55,900 --> 00:11:58,600 It's still the same family-run business... 196 00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:02,700 that Walter and Vera Pularski started in 1920... 197 00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:06,100 when they raised and slaughtered their first pig. 198 00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:13,500 I just love Saint Paul pork products. 199 00:12:13,300 --> 00:12:16,300 In fact, I love 'em so much... 200 00:12:16,300 --> 00:12:18,600 I work here now! 201 00:12:20,100 --> 00:12:22,900 Oh, help yourself. 202 00:12:26,100 --> 00:12:27,800 Thanks. 203 00:12:27,800 --> 00:12:29,300 You're welcome. 204 00:12:29,300 --> 00:12:31,300 My talent will be... 205 00:12:31,300 --> 00:12:32,700 an interpretive... 206 00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:37,200 dance... 207 00:12:37,100 --> 00:12:39,700 while I sign... 208 00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:42,500 "Through the Eyes of Love. " 209 00:12:42,500 --> 00:12:45,700 Yeah. Well, see... 210 00:12:45,700 --> 00:12:47,800 I have a dream... 211 00:12:47,700 --> 00:12:50,900 of spreading sign language... 212 00:12:50,800 --> 00:12:53,300 around the world. 213 00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:59,800 Mom, will you be so kind? 214 00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:09,600 Tammy Curry... 215 00:13:09,600 --> 00:13:11,500 and I'm signing up for the pageant... 216 00:13:11,500 --> 00:13:12,700 'cause of the scholarships and all. 217 00:13:12,600 --> 00:13:14,600 This one's for varsity soccer. 218 00:13:14,500 --> 00:13:15,900 I'm captain. 219 00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:19,500 I run track, and right here I'm the new president... 220 00:13:19,300 --> 00:13:20,800 of the Lutheran Sisterhood Gun Club. 221 00:13:20,900 --> 00:13:23,300 Love that one. 222 00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:29,800 Would you say... 223 00:13:29,900 --> 00:13:31,900 you have a good chance to win this pageant? 224 00:13:31,900 --> 00:13:33,800 Yeah. You bet I do. 225 00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:37,400 I mean, maybe other people think I can't win a beauty pageant... 226 00:13:37,300 --> 00:13:39,600 but other people didn't think I could beat out... 227 00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:44,000 Becky Leeman for president of the gun club, either, and I did. 228 00:13:43,900 --> 00:13:46,300 It's just like Anthony Robbins says... 229 00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:47,400 "I'm a winner. 230 00:13:47,400 --> 00:13:50,100 "Nobody can stop me but me. " 231 00:14:00,300 --> 00:14:03,800 Well, you know, I think everybody's doing really well... 232 00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:06,000 considering the fact she was so young. 233 00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:07,700 It's always hard to see the young ones called home. 234 00:14:07,700 --> 00:14:10,700 Especially on an exploding thresher. 235 00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:14,100 It's just so odd and gross. 236 00:14:14,100 --> 00:14:15,500 You know, sometimes... 237 00:14:15,500 --> 00:14:18,700 it's hard to understand God's great plan. 238 00:14:20,300 --> 00:14:22,300 But the show must go on. 239 00:14:22,200 --> 00:14:24,000 I gotta get ahold of Ted... 240 00:14:24,100 --> 00:14:26,100 and ask him if we can use that barn light as a spot again... 241 00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:28,200 so you watch the Jell-O salad, OK? 242 00:14:28,100 --> 00:14:30,300 You girls gonna sign up for the pageant this year? 243 00:14:30,300 --> 00:14:32,300 I ain't gonna be in no goddamn pageant. 244 00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:34,200 Look what happened to that dork-ass farm girl. 245 00:14:34,100 --> 00:14:35,100 Tammy Curry? 246 00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:37,400 Yeah. Everyone says this is a big accident? 247 00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:39,300 She got iced because she wins everything... 248 00:14:39,300 --> 00:14:41,300 and this time someone didn't want her to win. 249 00:14:41,300 --> 00:14:42,800 This pageant's like a Roach Motel. 250 00:14:42,900 --> 00:14:44,900 Girls check in, but they don't check out. 251 00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:47,800 Yeah, and they say smoking's bad for your health. 252 00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:55,700 And... tendu, close. Tendu, close. 253 00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:58,200 Tendu, close, pli�. 254 00:14:58,100 --> 00:14:59,300 And repeat. 255 00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:00,600 Tendu... 256 00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:02,600 Suck in the bellies, girls! 257 00:15:02,500 --> 00:15:04,600 And tuck in the tushes! 258 00:15:04,600 --> 00:15:06,100 Close those legs. 259 00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:08,900 You look like a bunch of bowlegged cows. 260 00:15:08,900 --> 00:15:11,400 Other side! 261 00:15:11,300 --> 00:15:14,800 And tendu, close. Tendu, close. 262 00:15:14,700 --> 00:15:16,000 Tendu, close, pli�. 263 00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:18,800 Yeah, you boys sure picked a good year. 264 00:15:18,800 --> 00:15:20,700 If I was a betting woman... 265 00:15:20,700 --> 00:15:22,100 and there was a line on this in Vegas... 266 00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:24,800 I'd lay down ten to one that it all comes down... 267 00:15:24,700 --> 00:15:26,900 to Amber Atkins and Becky Leeman. 268 00:15:26,900 --> 00:15:28,700 Oh, sweet Jesus. 269 00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:30,100 What a showdown this should be. 270 00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:32,100 If Cain and Abel... 271 00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:34,200 Oh, God! 272 00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:35,900 That's so embarrassing. 273 00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:46,500 My winning the Mount Rose... 274 00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:52,700 American Teen Princess Pageant really changed my life. 275 00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:56,600 Amber does my hair once a week. 276 00:15:56,500 --> 00:15:58,700 Well, it's the least I can do... 277 00:15:58,800 --> 00:16:03,700 for the reigning Mount Rose American Teen Princess. 278 00:16:03,500 --> 00:16:05,800 - Oh, God. - What? 279 00:16:05,700 --> 00:16:08,600 Oh, just a little snarl. 280 00:16:08,500 --> 00:16:10,100 Don't tell. 281 00:16:11,900 --> 00:16:14,400 What? Oh, my God. 282 00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:18,300 Lights, camera, and me without a stitch of makeup on. 283 00:16:18,100 --> 00:16:20,100 What are you guys doing here? 284 00:16:20,100 --> 00:16:21,800 What are you doing here? 285 00:16:21,900 --> 00:16:27,100 Oh, Amber, like you're the only one who visits Mary? 286 00:16:26,900 --> 00:16:29,200 Who are you? 287 00:16:29,100 --> 00:16:33,500 "Who are you?" Oh, Mary, you kill me. 288 00:16:33,300 --> 00:16:35,200 She always says that. 289 00:16:35,100 --> 00:16:37,700 It's a little game we play every week. 290 00:16:37,700 --> 00:16:39,800 Same dippy little look on her face. 291 00:16:39,700 --> 00:16:42,100 "Who are you? Who are you?" 292 00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:43,500 Just like that. 293 00:16:43,500 --> 00:16:46,100 It's me... Becky. 294 00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:49,600 And I brought your favorites. 295 00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:52,400 Real nice, Becky. She's anorexic. 296 00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:56,300 She's skinny, Amber, not deaf. 297 00:17:17,500 --> 00:17:21,300 So, beyond this pageant you must have certain dreams... 298 00:17:21,300 --> 00:17:23,200 and certain things you aspire to, yeah? 299 00:17:24,100 --> 00:17:26,400 Yeah, I got dreams. 300 00:17:27,600 --> 00:17:30,300 Sometimes I dream of winning. 301 00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:31,900 I dream of getting out of Mount Rose... 302 00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:35,500 and being a big-time reporter like Diane Sawyer. 303 00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:38,300 I mean, guys get out of Mount Rose all the time... 304 00:17:38,100 --> 00:17:40,800 for hockey scholarships... 305 00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:42,200 or prison. 306 00:17:42,200 --> 00:17:45,600 Yeah, 1963. 307 00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:47,000 Her beauty worked against her... 308 00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:50,400 when she started as a reporter in Louisville, her hometown. 309 00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:51,800 Those were different times. 310 00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:55,000 That's my mom. 311 00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:56,700 Hey, Amber, did you get my smokes? 312 00:17:56,700 --> 00:17:59,100 Yeah. I'll get 'em in a sec. 313 00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:01,100 Aw, shit. 314 00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:02,600 They're from Los Angeles. 315 00:18:02,500 --> 00:18:04,800 They wanted to see my room and film me for their movie. 316 00:18:04,700 --> 00:18:07,800 Yeah, well, if they ask you to take your top off... 317 00:18:07,700 --> 00:18:09,700 get the money first. 318 00:18:09,700 --> 00:18:11,600 And go get my smokes! 319 00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:31,900 Hey, hey, you like it? 320 00:18:31,900 --> 00:18:33,400 - Open it. - This? 321 00:18:33,300 --> 00:18:34,800 Yeah, the globe. 322 00:18:34,700 --> 00:18:36,400 Go on, pull on the North Pole there. 323 00:18:36,500 --> 00:18:37,700 Here, watch. 324 00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:38,700 Honey, this isn't a showroom. 325 00:18:38,700 --> 00:18:41,000 See, this holds three full-size booze bottles. 326 00:18:40,900 --> 00:18:43,200 Tape cassette comes out of Afghanistan. 327 00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:47,000 All right, all right. 328 00:18:46,900 --> 00:18:49,700 How quickly they forget where this all comes from. 329 00:18:49,700 --> 00:18:51,100 Taiwan. 330 00:18:51,100 --> 00:18:53,700 That's enough, young lady. 331 00:18:53,700 --> 00:18:55,600 I beg your pardon. Would you like a drink? 332 00:18:55,600 --> 00:18:57,400 Lmpartial? 333 00:18:57,400 --> 00:19:00,100 When I'm outside these walls, I am Gladys Leeman... 334 00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:02,400 president Civil Servettes, impartial as the day is long. 335 00:19:02,300 --> 00:19:04,300 But I'm in my house now, and I gotta warn you... 336 00:19:04,300 --> 00:19:06,500 I'm wearing my wife apron and my mom hat... 337 00:19:06,500 --> 00:19:08,400 so I can safely say that I am the mother... 338 00:19:08,300 --> 00:19:11,300 of the most talented contestant Mount Rose has ever had. 339 00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:13,200 Oh, gosh, she's been singing and dancing... 340 00:19:13,100 --> 00:19:14,900 since she was knee-high to a pig's eye. 341 00:19:14,800 --> 00:19:17,000 Yeah, she's damn near as good as... 342 00:19:16,900 --> 00:19:18,900 you know, that little... that black fellow... 343 00:19:18,900 --> 00:19:20,500 the one with the glass eye... 344 00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:21,600 the Candy Man... 345 00:19:21,500 --> 00:19:24,000 - Sammy Davis, Jr. - Yeah, the Jew. 346 00:19:23,900 --> 00:19:25,600 Nice one, Dad. He's dead. 347 00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:39,000 Yeah. Then we have the Judges Interview. 348 00:19:38,900 --> 00:19:41,900 Where each girl has a little ten-minute get-together... 349 00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:44,200 with the judges prior to the pageant. 350 00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:45,600 Then we have the... 351 00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:51,300 Hello, Tony. 352 00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:55,500 Hey to the folks. 353 00:19:55,500 --> 00:19:56,900 Yeah, all right. 354 00:19:56,800 --> 00:19:58,500 Gladys, the Judges Interview. 355 00:20:05,700 --> 00:20:09,000 So you've judged a lot of pageants over the years? 356 00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:11,200 No. No. No way. No. 357 00:20:11,100 --> 00:20:13,100 Never judged a pageant before in my life. 358 00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:16,500 No way. 359 00:20:16,500 --> 00:20:18,500 Never been around young girls. 360 00:20:22,600 --> 00:20:25,400 I mean, even if I was... 361 00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:27,300 I mean, why would I want to be, you know? 362 00:20:27,300 --> 00:20:29,000 I don't get off on that kind of thing. 363 00:20:29,100 --> 00:20:30,800 That's really why you're asking, right? 364 00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:35,400 Someone say something? 365 00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:45,100 Do you judge the pageant every year? 366 00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:47,400 No. I've never judged nothin' before. 367 00:20:47,300 --> 00:20:50,100 Harold, are we on "Cops"? 368 00:20:50,100 --> 00:20:51,200 Are we on "Cops," Harold? 369 00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:52,500 Shut up, Hank. This here's business. 370 00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:57,300 Harold, Mom said not in the head! 371 00:20:57,300 --> 00:20:59,800 Well, Mom's dead, so shut your flytrap. 372 00:20:59,700 --> 00:21:02,300 I will if you shut your piehole. 373 00:21:11,700 --> 00:21:13,100 Don't make me... 374 00:21:13,100 --> 00:21:14,300 Don't make me kick you where the good Lord... 375 00:21:14,300 --> 00:21:16,300 Don't make me split you where you... 376 00:21:16,300 --> 00:21:18,000 Come on! You want some of this! 377 00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:21,200 So, are you excited? 378 00:21:21,300 --> 00:21:22,700 Oh, you bet. 379 00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:25,100 We're happier than the day Hankie got acquitted. 380 00:21:25,100 --> 00:21:27,900 I get made a judge, then the furniture store hires us... 381 00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:29,900 to paint the whole damn thing. 382 00:21:29,800 --> 00:21:31,800 We're going to use the money... 383 00:21:31,700 --> 00:21:33,700 to get our mom a proper headstone... 384 00:21:33,700 --> 00:21:37,000 and to move her out to the cemetery. 385 00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:42,900 Listen, guys, if you see anything you like... 386 00:21:42,900 --> 00:21:45,900 you just let me know because I happen to know the owner. 387 00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:48,000 So, here we are. 388 00:21:47,900 --> 00:21:50,200 My place of business, my little house of worship... 389 00:21:50,200 --> 00:21:52,900 the world's largest Conestoga wagon. 390 00:21:52,900 --> 00:21:54,700 Right here, we have a very attractive unit. 391 00:21:55,600 --> 00:21:57,500 Farmers like that one. 392 00:21:57,400 --> 00:22:00,100 OK, showtime. 393 00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:02,900 Hey, Tim, Carla, listen... 394 00:22:02,900 --> 00:22:05,400 you two don't Jew me down too much on that dinette... 395 00:22:05,300 --> 00:22:07,700 I'll throw in a hutch for free, OK? 396 00:22:07,600 --> 00:22:09,600 See, that's my specialty. 397 00:22:09,600 --> 00:22:13,300 You don't pay less, I give you more. 398 00:22:13,300 --> 00:22:17,100 The secret is... the hutch is included in the price. 399 00:22:16,900 --> 00:22:19,600 Ain't that right, Jean? 400 00:22:19,500 --> 00:22:21,800 Take a memo, sweetheart. 401 00:22:34,500 --> 00:22:36,800 Five, six, seven... and one... 402 00:22:36,700 --> 00:22:38,900 Get that tempo right. Kick it! 403 00:22:38,900 --> 00:22:40,000 Come on, kick it! 404 00:22:46,900 --> 00:22:49,700 Just watching the young girls. 405 00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:51,900 Contestants. You know... 406 00:22:51,900 --> 00:22:54,400 like the rest of my friends and neighbors. 407 00:22:59,000 --> 00:23:00,500 Are you getting her? 408 00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:01,900 The third one, the blond one. 409 00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:03,700 Leave him alone. It's OK. 410 00:23:09,500 --> 00:23:13,500 It's just a camera I keep in the glove compartment... 411 00:23:13,400 --> 00:23:17,600 for... car accidents. Insurance. 412 00:23:20,200 --> 00:23:22,200 I mean, you guys got a camera... 413 00:23:22,100 --> 00:23:24,200 and no one's accusing you of anything, right? 414 00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:44,300 So, Brett, you want to go to the lake with me on Thursday? 415 00:23:44,300 --> 00:23:47,900 Actually, I got practice on Thursday. 416 00:23:47,800 --> 00:23:49,300 Well, maybe Friday then. 417 00:23:49,400 --> 00:23:51,800 A bunch of us were going cow tipping. 418 00:23:51,700 --> 00:23:54,400 Well... 419 00:23:54,300 --> 00:23:56,300 I'm kind of busy on Friday. 420 00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:10,400 Give her your tray, Brett. 421 00:24:10,400 --> 00:24:12,700 You're holding up the line. 422 00:24:14,300 --> 00:24:16,000 Give it to her. 423 00:24:15,900 --> 00:24:17,800 Here, I'll take it. It's my job. 424 00:24:17,900 --> 00:24:20,100 No. It's all right. Don't worry about it. 425 00:24:20,100 --> 00:24:22,800 Well, you're supposed to put it in the... 426 00:24:27,100 --> 00:24:29,300 Aw, man. 427 00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:32,400 You got some lutefisk in your hair. 428 00:24:32,300 --> 00:24:34,100 Then it must be Wednesday. 429 00:24:35,800 --> 00:24:40,200 Lutefisk is codfish that's been salted... 430 00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:42,700 and soaked in lye for a week or so. 431 00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:47,400 It's best with lots of butter. 432 00:24:47,300 --> 00:24:51,200 I'm not really busy on Friday. 433 00:24:51,100 --> 00:24:53,500 I was just saying that, you know? 434 00:24:53,500 --> 00:24:54,600 I know. 435 00:24:54,700 --> 00:24:56,200 Well... 436 00:24:56,200 --> 00:24:58,700 if you wanted to do something... 437 00:24:58,600 --> 00:25:01,800 Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure. You bet. 438 00:25:01,700 --> 00:25:03,200 Oh, crap. 439 00:25:03,100 --> 00:25:05,100 I probably gotta work at the funeral home. 440 00:25:05,100 --> 00:25:07,100 We're real busy this time of year. 441 00:25:07,100 --> 00:25:09,500 Hunting season. 442 00:25:09,400 --> 00:25:12,200 Well, I'm cutting out of here early today... 443 00:25:12,100 --> 00:25:13,800 and doing a little duck hunting... 444 00:25:13,700 --> 00:25:15,500 but maybe I could call you tonight? 445 00:25:15,500 --> 00:25:16,600 Yeah, sure. 446 00:25:17,800 --> 00:25:19,000 - All right. - Fine. 447 00:25:33,500 --> 00:25:35,100 Oh, God. 448 00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:37,900 You don't think Becky saw you guys, do you? 449 00:25:37,800 --> 00:25:39,700 Look, you shouldn't be in here. 450 00:25:39,600 --> 00:25:41,000 Doreen gave us hair nets. 451 00:25:40,900 --> 00:25:43,600 No, listen. We shouldn't talk here. 452 00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:46,700 Stop by my house tonight, OK? 453 00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:49,200 Go. 454 00:26:03,200 --> 00:26:04,700 They take out her butt? 455 00:26:04,700 --> 00:26:07,200 Oh, Jesus H. Christ. 456 00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:08,800 Oh, are we on "Cops" again? 457 00:26:08,800 --> 00:26:10,600 OK, be quiet. 458 00:26:11,500 --> 00:26:13,800 It's just the guys that are, you know... 459 00:26:13,700 --> 00:26:15,600 making the movie about the pageant. 460 00:26:15,600 --> 00:26:17,700 I told you all about 'em. This here's Loretta. 461 00:26:17,600 --> 00:26:20,200 I tell Annette, you talk to me during my stories... 462 00:26:20,100 --> 00:26:22,200 you might as well be talking to the wall. 463 00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:23,600 You guys want a beer? 464 00:26:23,500 --> 00:26:25,600 No, thank you. Is Amber here? 465 00:26:25,600 --> 00:26:26,900 Oh, no. You just missed her. 466 00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:29,400 She got called down to the bone gardens. 467 00:26:29,300 --> 00:26:31,200 She's in a hell of a mood today. 468 00:26:31,100 --> 00:26:32,900 Say, you boys been to the Leemans'? 469 00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:34,100 Shut it, Loretta. 470 00:26:34,100 --> 00:26:36,500 If so, you got all the pictures of the winner you need. 471 00:26:36,500 --> 00:26:37,600 - Shut it. - It's true. 472 00:26:41,400 --> 00:26:44,700 Let's just say who should win, who deserves to win is Amber. 473 00:26:44,600 --> 00:26:48,000 Why don't you just paint a target on your ass? 474 00:26:47,900 --> 00:26:49,800 Best damn tapper, the most smartest. 475 00:26:49,700 --> 00:26:50,900 Most smartest? 476 00:26:50,900 --> 00:26:53,400 Oh, that's great. You're real educated. 477 00:26:53,300 --> 00:26:55,600 "Most smartest. " Get a picture of that. 478 00:26:55,600 --> 00:26:57,000 Most smartest. 479 00:26:56,900 --> 00:26:58,300 I'm cutting you off and sending you home. 480 00:26:58,300 --> 00:27:01,500 Excuse me, but I'm bragging up your kid here. 481 00:27:01,400 --> 00:27:02,700 I know. Come on, let's go. 482 00:27:02,700 --> 00:27:04,500 Amber's gonna be the next Diane Sawyer, you know. 483 00:27:04,500 --> 00:27:05,800 They're making a movie here. 484 00:27:05,800 --> 00:27:07,700 All right, they're making a movie. 485 00:27:07,700 --> 00:27:09,900 What makes you think that Becky's going to win? 486 00:27:09,900 --> 00:27:11,100 Why do I think Becky'll win? 487 00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:12,600 You're talking... Don't pinch. 488 00:27:12,500 --> 00:27:14,900 You're talking about the richest family in a small town. 489 00:27:14,900 --> 00:27:17,500 It's front-page news when one of 'em takes a shit. 490 00:27:17,400 --> 00:27:18,600 Oh, great. 491 00:27:20,500 --> 00:27:22,100 Can one of you boys give me a ride home? 492 00:27:22,100 --> 00:27:23,300 Don't fall for it. 493 00:27:23,300 --> 00:27:24,800 She lives two trailers down. 494 00:27:24,800 --> 00:27:26,000 So? Be real easy. 495 00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:27,500 Go on home, Loretta. 496 00:27:27,400 --> 00:27:29,600 Go on. The party's over. 497 00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:40,400 Oh, my God! 498 00:27:40,400 --> 00:27:43,300 Jesus Christ on a cross! 499 00:27:43,200 --> 00:27:46,000 Look, number one rule in a funeral home... 500 00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:48,200 Never sneak up on the living. 501 00:27:48,100 --> 00:27:49,800 You never know who could have an embalming needle... 502 00:27:49,800 --> 00:27:51,700 or a skull saw in their hand. 503 00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:54,000 Mr. Larson's son learned the hard way. 504 00:27:53,900 --> 00:27:56,100 He's buried next to my grandpa. 505 00:28:02,000 --> 00:28:03,600 Are you upset about Brett? 506 00:28:03,700 --> 00:28:05,500 Upset about Brett? 507 00:28:05,500 --> 00:28:08,800 Nah. Hazard of the trade. 508 00:28:09,700 --> 00:28:13,500 I don't really have time for guys anyways. 509 00:28:13,500 --> 00:28:14,700 It's weird, though. 510 00:28:14,700 --> 00:28:17,500 He took it right between the eyes. 511 00:28:18,600 --> 00:28:20,200 Don't often see that. 512 00:28:22,100 --> 00:28:24,900 So, you know, Brett just got shot in the head. 513 00:28:24,800 --> 00:28:26,100 He did? 514 00:28:26,000 --> 00:28:27,900 Well, hunting's dangerous. 515 00:28:29,000 --> 00:28:31,500 So, anyways, my mom gave me this thirty-aught... 516 00:28:31,500 --> 00:28:33,000 for my sixteenth birthday. 517 00:28:37,300 --> 00:28:39,400 I need Stella now. 518 00:28:39,500 --> 00:28:41,400 The family's steaming like a cow pie in July. 519 00:28:41,400 --> 00:28:43,900 Said she doesn't look nothin' like the picture they gave you. 520 00:28:43,800 --> 00:28:45,900 Sorry. I just thought she might not want to meet her maker... 521 00:28:45,800 --> 00:28:47,400 looking like a cheap whore. 522 00:28:47,300 --> 00:28:50,300 Well, this cheap whore is that family's loving mother. 523 00:28:50,200 --> 00:28:52,700 The Clemens said to make him look... 524 00:28:52,700 --> 00:28:54,400 like he just came in from snowmobiling. 525 00:28:54,400 --> 00:28:55,800 Pink cheeks and... 526 00:28:55,800 --> 00:28:58,200 Red nose and ears. I know, I know. 527 00:29:12,600 --> 00:29:16,800 Sorry I couldn't talk to you before in the cafeteria. 528 00:29:16,700 --> 00:29:18,500 I was scared, OK? 529 00:29:18,400 --> 00:29:22,000 I open my locker today after first period... 530 00:29:22,000 --> 00:29:26,400 and there's a picture of Tammy Curry taped inside. 531 00:29:26,300 --> 00:29:28,300 This was written on the back: 532 00:29:30,200 --> 00:29:33,200 Oh, yeah, hell of a way to go, there. 533 00:29:33,200 --> 00:29:35,900 After some thorough investigating... 534 00:29:35,900 --> 00:29:39,300 we determined that the Curry girl... 535 00:29:39,200 --> 00:29:41,800 must have been smoking and driving. 536 00:29:41,800 --> 00:29:44,600 Well, yeah, Tammy liked to drive her dad's thresher... 537 00:29:44,500 --> 00:29:46,600 but, I mean... 538 00:29:46,600 --> 00:29:48,800 She said the heavy vibration helped her think. 539 00:29:48,700 --> 00:29:52,200 But I know for a fact Tammy only smoked after a good drive. 540 00:29:52,200 --> 00:29:55,800 You ask me or anyone else who isn't scared to talk about it... 541 00:29:55,600 --> 00:29:57,600 Tammy was murdered. 542 00:29:59,400 --> 00:30:02,400 I bet Diane Sawyer never had to deal with crap like this. 543 00:30:03,200 --> 00:30:05,400 If it's another stray bullet to the head... 544 00:30:05,300 --> 00:30:06,600 I'm gonna need more caps. 545 00:30:06,700 --> 00:30:07,900 You have to go home. 546 00:30:07,900 --> 00:30:09,900 There's some kind of emergency at the trailer park. 547 00:30:09,900 --> 00:30:11,100 Relax. That's my ma's code... 548 00:30:11,200 --> 00:30:12,600 for bring home milk and a carton of Lucky... 549 00:30:12,600 --> 00:30:15,800 No. Loretta called. There's been a fire. 550 00:30:19,900 --> 00:30:21,400 Oh, my God. 551 00:30:41,000 --> 00:30:43,300 Hey, hey, hey! Family? 552 00:30:43,300 --> 00:30:46,200 No, she's just screaming "Mom" because she's got Turret's. 553 00:30:46,200 --> 00:30:47,500 She's Annette's kid, dipshit. 554 00:30:47,500 --> 00:30:50,400 She's alive, sweetie. She's right over there. 555 00:30:55,500 --> 00:30:57,600 I'll be right behind you in the hearse, OK? 556 00:30:57,500 --> 00:30:59,600 Don't let that worry you, Annette! 557 00:31:10,200 --> 00:31:15,100 So, Doctor, is this sort of an unusual injury? 558 00:31:15,000 --> 00:31:17,300 This was a doozie. 559 00:31:17,300 --> 00:31:20,700 Right now our chief concern is to stabilize Annette here... 560 00:31:20,500 --> 00:31:23,200 and then in surgery... 561 00:31:23,100 --> 00:31:24,600 remove this. 562 00:31:24,500 --> 00:31:27,000 Oh, God. 563 00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:28,600 Oh, Mom, it's so ugly. 564 00:31:28,700 --> 00:31:31,600 Ruined a brand-new pair of Lee Press-Ons. 565 00:31:31,500 --> 00:31:35,600 Well, I sat down to have a beer, and kablooey. 566 00:31:35,500 --> 00:31:36,900 Next thing I know... 567 00:31:36,900 --> 00:31:39,300 something blows through my kitchen window... 568 00:31:39,200 --> 00:31:43,000 and I'm ass-up in somebody's flower bed. 569 00:31:43,000 --> 00:31:46,100 Hey, ass-wipe, quit dicking around with the camera. 570 00:31:45,900 --> 00:31:47,200 Just put another book under it. 571 00:31:47,300 --> 00:31:48,500 Dude, don't say "ass-wipe. " 572 00:31:48,400 --> 00:31:51,900 Mom's got the window open. We gotta hurry up, though... 573 00:31:51,800 --> 00:31:53,900 because we only got three frickin' minutes on the battery. 574 00:31:53,900 --> 00:31:55,200 All right, ready. 575 00:31:55,100 --> 00:31:56,300 One, two... 576 00:31:56,300 --> 00:31:57,400 One, two, three! 577 00:32:01,500 --> 00:32:02,600 Shit! 578 00:32:02,600 --> 00:32:03,900 Let's get out of here! 579 00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:10,300 I shoved your tap shoes in my panties... 580 00:32:10,200 --> 00:32:12,400 before I was blown out of the house. 581 00:32:12,300 --> 00:32:14,600 You go find the guy who cut 'em off. 582 00:32:14,600 --> 00:32:15,700 He'll give 'em to you... 583 00:32:15,800 --> 00:32:19,200 so you can practice for the pageant. 584 00:32:21,600 --> 00:32:22,900 About that... 585 00:32:25,800 --> 00:32:27,900 I... Oh, my God! 586 00:32:30,300 --> 00:32:33,500 Oh, Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. 587 00:32:33,400 --> 00:32:35,600 She's pregnant! 588 00:32:35,600 --> 00:32:37,400 Oh, Amber, wait! 589 00:32:37,500 --> 00:32:40,000 Come back here. Mommy wants to talk to you. 590 00:32:39,900 --> 00:32:41,600 And then kill you! 591 00:32:41,500 --> 00:32:43,700 Why don't you see if there's any more beer... 592 00:32:43,600 --> 00:32:45,500 left in that can and relax a bit? 593 00:32:47,300 --> 00:32:50,000 - I'm quitting the pageant. - You're what? 594 00:32:50,000 --> 00:32:51,600 I'm quitting the pageant. 595 00:32:51,700 --> 00:32:55,500 I was just trying to scare you into changing your mind. 596 00:32:55,400 --> 00:32:57,300 Christ, the woman clung to your tap shoes... 597 00:32:57,200 --> 00:32:59,700 while flying through the air like a goddamn lawn dart. 598 00:32:59,600 --> 00:33:00,900 I know, I know. 599 00:33:00,900 --> 00:33:04,000 Hey, Little Miss Sad Pants and her friend Serious Sally. 600 00:33:03,900 --> 00:33:05,500 How about some nice cool mints... 601 00:33:05,600 --> 00:33:08,100 to turn those frowns upside down? 602 00:33:09,300 --> 00:33:11,300 Do you think a nice cool mint would help... 603 00:33:11,200 --> 00:33:13,800 if I shoved your head up your ass? 604 00:33:16,700 --> 00:33:18,000 So what do I say? 605 00:33:18,000 --> 00:33:19,900 Simple, just say... 606 00:33:23,200 --> 00:33:25,200 I know you sacrificed everything... 607 00:33:25,100 --> 00:33:27,200 relationships, dreams... 608 00:33:27,200 --> 00:33:28,700 your tummy, ass, and thighs... 609 00:33:28,700 --> 00:33:30,200 all to bring me into this world... 610 00:33:30,100 --> 00:33:33,000 all so I could have tap lessons and be in the pageant... 611 00:33:32,900 --> 00:33:35,500 the same one you were in, but you know what? 612 00:33:35,400 --> 00:33:36,600 I'm quitting. 613 00:33:36,500 --> 00:33:39,100 There. Easy as pie. 614 00:33:39,000 --> 00:33:41,100 Oh, my God. I am so dead. 615 00:33:41,100 --> 00:33:42,100 Yeah, you betcha. 616 00:33:43,000 --> 00:33:44,400 Go on, get out! 617 00:33:44,300 --> 00:33:47,500 Next one in here without a pack of Luckys in her hand dies! 618 00:33:47,500 --> 00:33:50,700 Yeah, sure. You have a super day, too. 619 00:33:50,500 --> 00:33:52,100 Get out! 620 00:33:53,200 --> 00:33:55,600 Mom, look. Don't talk. 621 00:33:55,500 --> 00:33:59,100 First of all, I'm not pregnant, OK? 622 00:33:59,100 --> 00:34:02,300 I am not letting go until you tell me what's up. 623 00:34:02,200 --> 00:34:06,000 Amber, I am reaching a point where I would kill someone... 624 00:34:05,900 --> 00:34:07,500 for the nicotine under their fingernails. 625 00:34:07,400 --> 00:34:08,600 You hear me, Loretta? 626 00:34:08,600 --> 00:34:10,900 OK, OK... 627 00:34:10,800 --> 00:34:13,600 yesterday I got this picture... 628 00:34:13,600 --> 00:34:17,000 so I'm thinking about... 629 00:34:16,800 --> 00:34:18,300 you know... 630 00:34:18,300 --> 00:34:20,100 I'm gonna quit the pageant. 631 00:34:20,000 --> 00:34:21,500 What? 632 00:34:21,500 --> 00:34:23,200 Oh, excuse us, guys. 633 00:34:23,200 --> 00:34:26,100 Would you excuse us for a moment? 634 00:34:25,900 --> 00:34:28,200 Loretta, get out of here! Go on, get out. 635 00:34:28,200 --> 00:34:29,400 What's your problem? 636 00:34:29,300 --> 00:34:32,300 What's my problem? Sit your skinny little ass down. 637 00:34:32,300 --> 00:34:33,700 Nice, Ma. Real nice. 638 00:34:33,700 --> 00:34:35,100 Nice mouth you got there... 639 00:34:35,200 --> 00:34:37,100 but I'm not going through this again. 640 00:34:37,000 --> 00:34:39,300 You? You're not going through it again? 641 00:34:39,200 --> 00:34:42,200 You're not the one that knows how Jiffy Pop feels, missy. 642 00:34:42,100 --> 00:34:43,700 Oh, come on, Mom. 643 00:34:43,600 --> 00:34:46,100 First the picture of Tammy, then Brett Clemmens, and now this? 644 00:34:46,100 --> 00:34:47,500 It's scary. 645 00:34:47,500 --> 00:34:49,600 Scary? Let me tell you scary. 646 00:34:49,500 --> 00:34:51,600 Look here. Look at me. 647 00:34:51,600 --> 00:34:53,800 You want to look like you've been rode hard... 648 00:34:53,800 --> 00:34:55,700 and put away wet when you're my age? 649 00:34:55,700 --> 00:34:56,900 I'm a lifer here. 650 00:34:56,800 --> 00:34:58,200 Best thing I got to look forward to... 651 00:34:58,200 --> 00:35:00,200 is to end up in some decent raisin ranch... 652 00:35:00,200 --> 00:35:02,700 where they change me twice a day. 653 00:35:05,900 --> 00:35:07,500 Honest to God, honey. 654 00:35:07,500 --> 00:35:10,600 If I had it to do over... 655 00:35:10,600 --> 00:35:12,900 I'd start walking out of this town... 656 00:35:12,800 --> 00:35:15,100 the minute I could take my first step. 657 00:35:15,000 --> 00:35:17,000 You know, practically... 658 00:35:16,900 --> 00:35:20,400 the only thing I wouldn't do different is have you. 659 00:35:22,900 --> 00:35:26,300 God, I hope that's you and not your concussion talking. 660 00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:27,400 It's me. 661 00:35:27,400 --> 00:35:32,100 I just don't want this to be the thing that you do over. 662 00:35:32,000 --> 00:35:35,400 Now, this pageant's your ticket out of here... 663 00:35:35,300 --> 00:35:37,900 and I know you can win. 664 00:35:37,900 --> 00:35:40,100 Come here. 665 00:35:40,000 --> 00:35:42,100 Oh, I love you much. 666 00:35:42,000 --> 00:35:43,500 I love you much. 667 00:35:43,600 --> 00:35:45,400 And you're gonna win. 668 00:35:45,300 --> 00:35:47,100 She's gonna win. 669 00:35:47,100 --> 00:35:48,200 Isn't she gonna win, Loretta? 670 00:35:48,300 --> 00:35:49,500 You bet. 671 00:35:49,400 --> 00:35:50,500 You'll see. 672 00:35:50,500 --> 00:35:52,600 Hell no, she ain't quitting. 673 00:35:52,600 --> 00:35:54,000 No. Mom said if I did... 674 00:35:53,900 --> 00:35:55,900 she'd look up my dad and marry him. 675 00:35:55,800 --> 00:35:58,500 So, has your mom kept your dad's life a secret? 676 00:35:58,500 --> 00:36:00,100 No, she never hid the fact... 677 00:36:00,100 --> 00:36:02,700 that my dad picked his career over us. 678 00:36:02,600 --> 00:36:04,000 What did she used to say? 679 00:36:04,100 --> 00:36:05,700 Once a carny, always a carny. 680 00:36:05,600 --> 00:36:08,100 Mom still cries when she sees a tilt-a-whirl... 681 00:36:08,100 --> 00:36:10,200 or a fat lady in a tube top. 682 00:36:10,100 --> 00:36:12,100 The Atkins fire. 683 00:36:12,000 --> 00:36:14,900 Foul play? Shit, no. 684 00:36:14,800 --> 00:36:16,700 After some extensive investigating... 685 00:36:16,600 --> 00:36:19,800 we determined that it must have been bad wiring. 686 00:36:19,700 --> 00:36:21,500 Bad wiring? 687 00:36:21,400 --> 00:36:23,900 That's the biggest crock of shit I ever heard. 688 00:36:25,200 --> 00:36:28,000 What, they have a sale on dull needles at K-Mart? 689 00:36:27,900 --> 00:36:30,400 I just need one more do-over. 690 00:36:47,600 --> 00:36:51,800 Now, we need to remember the three most important parts... 691 00:36:51,700 --> 00:36:54,600 to give a really good interview... 692 00:36:54,400 --> 00:36:56,200 Listen up, number one. 693 00:36:56,200 --> 00:36:58,100 Number one. 694 00:36:58,000 --> 00:37:00,500 American Teen Princesses... 695 00:37:00,400 --> 00:37:02,400 do not cross their legs like streetwalkers. 696 00:37:02,300 --> 00:37:04,400 Excuse me, "Miss Penthouse '98... " 697 00:37:04,400 --> 00:37:06,000 put your knees together. 698 00:37:06,000 --> 00:37:07,400 I could drive a boat show in there. 699 00:37:07,400 --> 00:37:08,900 Ankles together. 700 00:37:08,900 --> 00:37:11,600 Hands resting lightly on your laps. 701 00:37:11,500 --> 00:37:13,900 Good. Sit up straight. Smile. 702 00:37:13,800 --> 00:37:15,800 All right, number two. 703 00:37:15,700 --> 00:37:18,900 The judges are just as nervous as you are. 704 00:37:25,700 --> 00:37:27,100 So, are you about ready... 705 00:37:27,200 --> 00:37:30,200 to start the judging, start the interview there? 706 00:37:33,300 --> 00:37:35,800 I guess I could answer that. 707 00:37:35,800 --> 00:37:37,200 Yeah, we're ready. 708 00:37:37,200 --> 00:37:40,400 So we should probably get the young girls in here, then. 709 00:37:40,400 --> 00:37:43,400 You know, to start the interviews. 710 00:37:44,800 --> 00:37:48,000 If you could be any tree in the woods... 711 00:37:49,700 --> 00:37:51,500 what kind of tree would you be? 712 00:37:53,600 --> 00:37:54,700 Dogwood. 713 00:37:54,700 --> 00:37:56,100 Bonsai. 714 00:37:56,000 --> 00:37:57,300 Green? 715 00:37:57,400 --> 00:37:59,400 I can be any kind of tree you want. 716 00:37:59,300 --> 00:38:01,000 Just give me a minute to warm up. 717 00:38:06,700 --> 00:38:10,600 One with strong roots in a community like Mount Rose... 718 00:38:10,500 --> 00:38:13,600 a solid Christian trunk... 719 00:38:13,600 --> 00:38:17,300 and long leafy branches to provide shade... 720 00:38:17,200 --> 00:38:19,600 for handicapped kids on a hot summer day. 721 00:38:19,600 --> 00:38:22,800 You guys know the retard's pants are open? 722 00:38:24,000 --> 00:38:27,000 I don't want to see that. 723 00:38:28,300 --> 00:38:30,700 Who would you pick to be the president, dead or alive? 724 00:38:31,600 --> 00:38:33,400 Emperor Hirohito. 725 00:38:33,300 --> 00:38:34,600 Brett Favre. 726 00:38:42,100 --> 00:38:46,000 My mother, 'cause she could solve world hunger... 727 00:38:45,800 --> 00:38:48,800 with one of her blue-ribbon rhubarb pies... 728 00:38:48,800 --> 00:38:52,000 create world peace with one of her prayers... 729 00:38:51,900 --> 00:38:54,500 and still find time to look beautiful... 730 00:38:54,400 --> 00:38:57,100 for my dad, Lester Leeman. 731 00:38:56,900 --> 00:38:58,400 Do you like to swim? 732 00:38:59,400 --> 00:39:01,400 Yeah, I love to swim. 733 00:39:01,400 --> 00:39:03,400 When I was in New York, I met Greg Louganis... 734 00:39:03,300 --> 00:39:05,000 at one of my brother's shows. 735 00:39:18,200 --> 00:39:20,800 The tard's pants are completely off. 736 00:39:24,600 --> 00:39:25,800 Close up shop. 737 00:39:28,100 --> 00:39:30,400 Are you Amber Atkins? 738 00:39:30,300 --> 00:39:32,500 Yes, yes, I am. Hello. 739 00:39:35,400 --> 00:39:37,800 Name and spell all the United States... 740 00:39:37,800 --> 00:39:39,100 in alphabetical order. 741 00:39:41,200 --> 00:39:43,000 Seriously? 742 00:39:49,600 --> 00:39:52,000 Well... 743 00:39:52,000 --> 00:39:55,000 Alabama. 744 00:39:55,000 --> 00:39:57,800 A- I-a-b-a-m-a. 745 00:39:57,700 --> 00:39:59,100 Alaska. 746 00:39:59,000 --> 00:40:03,000 A- I-a-s-k-a. 747 00:40:05,000 --> 00:40:08,100 Arizona. 748 00:40:08,000 --> 00:40:11,300 A- r-i-z-o-n-a. 749 00:40:11,200 --> 00:40:12,900 West Virginia. 750 00:40:12,800 --> 00:40:16,900 W- e-s-t V-i-r-g-i-n-i-a. 751 00:40:16,800 --> 00:40:19,200 Wisconsin. 752 00:40:19,100 --> 00:40:22,800 W- i-s-c-o-n-s-i-n. 753 00:40:22,700 --> 00:40:23,800 Wyoming. 754 00:40:23,800 --> 00:40:26,800 W- y-o-m-i-n-g. 755 00:40:30,500 --> 00:40:33,200 Well, OK. 756 00:40:37,100 --> 00:40:39,900 With two weeks until the pageant... 757 00:40:39,900 --> 00:40:47,400 I was practicing my talent, finishing my costume... 758 00:40:47,100 --> 00:40:50,000 brushing up on current events... 759 00:40:49,900 --> 00:40:56,100 and running eighteen miles a day on about four hundred calories. 760 00:40:55,900 --> 00:40:58,000 I was ready. 761 00:41:09,600 --> 00:41:11,400 Girls, couple of things. 762 00:41:11,300 --> 00:41:12,800 All right, very important. 763 00:41:12,900 --> 00:41:16,400 Gladys wants us to all go in show order today. 764 00:41:16,200 --> 00:41:19,300 All right, so very important, don't forget that. 765 00:41:21,400 --> 00:41:24,000 Oh, yeah, really nervous. 766 00:41:25,000 --> 00:41:26,900 It's been about two months. 767 00:41:27,700 --> 00:41:30,600 I haven't told my boyfriend yet. 768 00:41:30,500 --> 00:41:32,000 How did you know? 769 00:41:32,100 --> 00:41:35,000 I meant nervous about the pageant. 770 00:41:34,800 --> 00:41:38,300 Oh, nervous about the pageant. 771 00:41:39,300 --> 00:41:41,400 There are eight thousand sequins... 772 00:41:41,300 --> 00:41:44,200 and fifteen hundred beads on the skirt alone. 773 00:41:44,100 --> 00:41:46,700 My mom had Mrs. Lopez make it. 774 00:41:46,600 --> 00:41:49,800 She's one of my father's many Mexican workers. 775 00:41:49,800 --> 00:41:53,200 He lifts them from the poverty they know in Mexico. 776 00:41:53,200 --> 00:41:56,100 Yeah, all my mom's clothes melted onto mine. 777 00:41:56,000 --> 00:41:59,800 Forming, like, this big polyester meteor in our closet. 778 00:41:59,700 --> 00:42:02,400 But in some kind of weird miracle... 779 00:42:02,300 --> 00:42:03,800 our neighbor boy Kenny Hansen... 780 00:42:03,700 --> 00:42:05,900 found my tap costume on the roof of their trailer... 781 00:42:05,900 --> 00:42:08,400 while he was setting coon traps for his dad. 782 00:42:08,300 --> 00:42:09,500 Here's the weird part. 783 00:42:09,600 --> 00:42:12,000 It was still on the hanger. 784 00:42:12,900 --> 00:42:15,100 This is my lucky bolt. 785 00:42:15,000 --> 00:42:17,700 They think that it fell from a DC-10. 786 00:42:17,600 --> 00:42:21,200 The doctor said I was really lucky the flat side hit me. 787 00:42:21,200 --> 00:42:24,000 'Cause otherwise it could have gone right through my head. 788 00:42:23,900 --> 00:42:27,200 I know, I know. Gives me the willies, too. 789 00:42:28,700 --> 00:42:32,000 Can we switch numbers? 790 00:42:32,000 --> 00:42:38,500 My cousin just had a deaf baby, and I get to go see it. 791 00:42:38,200 --> 00:42:39,600 I need to go first. 792 00:42:39,700 --> 00:42:42,800 Yeah, sure. It's my lucky number anyway. 793 00:42:42,700 --> 00:42:45,700 Diane Sawyer has number eight at her local. 794 00:42:46,500 --> 00:42:48,600 - Thanks. - You're welcome. 795 00:42:49,900 --> 00:42:55,100 I can see what's mine now 796 00:42:56,100 --> 00:43:01,400 Finding out what's true 797 00:43:02,200 --> 00:43:07,900 Since I found you 798 00:43:07,700 --> 00:43:12,400 Looking through the eyes 799 00:43:12,200 --> 00:43:14,500 Of... 800 00:43:14,500 --> 00:43:16,100 I'm gonna be honest. 801 00:43:16,100 --> 00:43:18,200 This is a hard time for me... 802 00:43:18,200 --> 00:43:21,500 because this is the time in the pageant... 803 00:43:21,300 --> 00:43:23,700 when you realize that tomorrow night... 804 00:43:23,600 --> 00:43:26,700 all but one of these girls is gonna walk away a loser. 805 00:43:26,700 --> 00:43:28,000 To be 806 00:43:27,900 --> 00:43:28,900 It's just really hard... 807 00:43:28,900 --> 00:43:31,800 for me to know what that would feel like. 808 00:43:31,800 --> 00:43:33,500 It can't feel good. 809 00:43:35,400 --> 00:43:37,500 Oh, my God, oh, my God. 810 00:43:37,500 --> 00:43:38,900 Don't touch her. 811 00:43:41,000 --> 00:43:43,200 Don't move the body. Don't touch the body. 812 00:43:43,100 --> 00:43:44,600 She could be paralyzed from the neck down... 813 00:43:44,600 --> 00:43:45,800 and you wouldn't know it. 814 00:43:45,800 --> 00:43:47,400 Someone call nine-one-one. 815 00:43:47,300 --> 00:43:49,400 Don't say anything... 816 00:43:49,300 --> 00:43:52,000 'cause it might be a hypnotic suggestion. 817 00:43:53,100 --> 00:43:54,900 Don't you get it? 818 00:43:54,900 --> 00:43:56,000 I was supposed to go first. 819 00:43:55,900 --> 00:43:58,300 I was contestant number one. 820 00:43:58,300 --> 00:44:01,100 That light was meant for my head. 821 00:44:01,000 --> 00:44:04,000 If Jenelle hadn't wanted to go first... 822 00:44:05,000 --> 00:44:07,500 I owe my life to that deaf baby. 823 00:44:10,300 --> 00:44:11,900 Hey, that was your mom. 824 00:44:12,000 --> 00:44:14,000 She wanted you to have this. 825 00:44:16,900 --> 00:44:18,500 Really, Loretta? 826 00:44:18,400 --> 00:44:19,600 You bet. 827 00:44:21,800 --> 00:44:23,900 My mom wanted me to have this? 828 00:44:25,700 --> 00:44:26,700 Oh, shut up. 829 00:44:26,700 --> 00:44:28,700 I thought it might help you get some sleep. 830 00:44:28,700 --> 00:44:31,000 Loretta, never have kids. 831 00:44:32,500 --> 00:44:35,600 Well, God love you for thinking I still could. 832 00:44:35,600 --> 00:44:37,500 Your ma did want you to have this, though... 833 00:44:37,500 --> 00:44:38,900 since your other one got toasted. 834 00:44:38,900 --> 00:44:41,300 It's just like Diane Sawyer's! 835 00:44:42,300 --> 00:44:43,800 Of course, it's not a size ten. 836 00:44:43,800 --> 00:44:45,300 Diane was a little hippy then. 837 00:44:45,300 --> 00:44:46,900 - Not our girl. - Oh, no. 838 00:44:57,900 --> 00:44:59,300 Pain meds. 839 00:44:59,300 --> 00:45:01,200 Hope this thing ends before they do. 840 00:45:04,000 --> 00:45:05,700 We have excitement. 841 00:45:05,700 --> 00:45:07,100 Big excitement. 842 00:45:07,100 --> 00:45:08,200 Go, Molly! 843 00:45:08,300 --> 00:45:10,000 Go. 844 00:45:10,000 --> 00:45:12,300 Leslie Miller kicks Teen Princess ass! 845 00:45:12,300 --> 00:45:14,300 Whoo! Go, Muskies! 846 00:45:30,400 --> 00:45:31,600 Oh, gotta go. 847 00:45:43,000 --> 00:45:45,500 Thank you, thank you. 848 00:45:45,400 --> 00:45:46,900 Oh, my. 849 00:45:46,800 --> 00:45:49,800 Is that for me or my gown? 850 00:45:54,200 --> 00:45:58,000 Welcome to the Mount Rose American Teen Princess Pageant. 851 00:45:58,000 --> 00:46:00,500 While every contestant... 852 00:46:00,400 --> 00:46:03,000 you'll meet here tonight is special and unique... 853 00:46:03,000 --> 00:46:06,000 they all have one thing in common. 854 00:46:05,800 --> 00:46:10,900 They are all proud to be an American. 855 00:46:49,300 --> 00:46:51,300 I chose Mount Rushmore... 856 00:46:51,300 --> 00:46:53,100 because to live in a country... 857 00:46:53,000 --> 00:46:54,800 where you can take an ugly old mountain... 858 00:46:54,800 --> 00:46:57,800 and put faces on it, faces of great Americans... 859 00:46:57,700 --> 00:47:00,700 who did so much to make our country super great... 860 00:47:00,600 --> 00:47:03,600 well, that makes me, Rebecca Leeman... 861 00:47:03,500 --> 00:47:05,500 proud to be an American. 862 00:47:05,500 --> 00:47:10,100 I'm Lisa Swenson, and I am proud to be an American... 863 00:47:09,900 --> 00:47:11,800 because living in a country where Lady Liberty... 864 00:47:11,800 --> 00:47:14,700 always keeps her flame burning bright... 865 00:47:16,100 --> 00:47:20,100 She always keeps her flame burning bright. 866 00:47:19,900 --> 00:47:22,300 It makes me proud to be an American. 867 00:47:22,300 --> 00:47:23,400 God. 868 00:47:23,300 --> 00:47:25,200 The Washington Monument... 869 00:47:25,300 --> 00:47:28,000 Oh, yeah, baby! 870 00:47:27,900 --> 00:47:28,900 Makes me... 871 00:47:28,800 --> 00:47:32,000 Leslie Miller, proud to be an American. 872 00:47:33,600 --> 00:47:36,600 Living in a country where no matter who you are... 873 00:47:36,500 --> 00:47:39,500 or where you come from, you can grow up... 874 00:47:39,500 --> 00:47:43,200 and become what you've always dreamed of makes me... 875 00:47:43,100 --> 00:47:46,200 Amber Atkins, proud to be an American. 876 00:47:46,100 --> 00:47:49,700 Atomic power makes me, Molly Howard... 877 00:47:49,600 --> 00:47:52,000 proud to be an Asian-American. 878 00:47:51,900 --> 00:47:55,600 My uncle Phil's world's-largest ball of twine... 879 00:47:55,500 --> 00:47:57,400 in Bundy, Minnesota... 880 00:47:57,400 --> 00:48:00,700 it makes me proud I'm American. 881 00:48:00,600 --> 00:48:04,100 I kind of misunderstood the assignment. 882 00:48:08,100 --> 00:48:11,500 A couple of notes from yesterday's dress rehearsal. 883 00:48:11,400 --> 00:48:12,800 Gladys says a couple of youse... 884 00:48:12,700 --> 00:48:14,000 are getting sexy with your hips... 885 00:48:14,100 --> 00:48:16,200 during the physical fitness routine. 886 00:48:16,200 --> 00:48:18,700 Oh, my God, my tap costume's gone. 887 00:48:18,600 --> 00:48:22,000 Amber, we are not putting on our talent costume. 888 00:48:22,000 --> 00:48:24,300 You need to put on your physical fitness outfit. 889 00:48:24,200 --> 00:48:26,200 Let's shake a leg, ladies! 890 00:48:26,100 --> 00:48:28,600 It was here before the opening number. 891 00:48:30,100 --> 00:48:31,700 Wait. 892 00:48:31,600 --> 00:48:33,900 What am I saying? 893 00:48:33,900 --> 00:48:36,700 I should just ask you, Becky. 894 00:48:36,600 --> 00:48:38,400 Where is it? 895 00:48:38,400 --> 00:48:39,600 What? 896 00:48:39,500 --> 00:48:42,000 You heard me. Where is it? 897 00:48:43,300 --> 00:48:46,100 If you're getting at something, you'd better just say it. 898 00:48:46,000 --> 00:48:48,100 I just did. 899 00:48:48,100 --> 00:48:49,900 Well, then you'd better be willing to back it up... 900 00:48:49,900 --> 00:48:51,300 because you're talking crazy. 901 00:48:51,300 --> 00:48:54,000 You bring me on some of that snotty attitude. 902 00:48:54,000 --> 00:48:55,100 Bring it on! 903 00:48:55,000 --> 00:48:56,800 Well, as my mother says at Sunday dinner... 904 00:48:56,800 --> 00:48:57,900 come and get it! 905 00:48:57,900 --> 00:48:59,300 I'll get it! 906 00:48:59,300 --> 00:49:00,400 I might even take seconds! 907 00:49:00,400 --> 00:49:03,100 If you want seconds, I'll make sure you get them! 908 00:49:03,100 --> 00:49:04,500 Give me your stringy ass! 909 00:49:06,800 --> 00:49:08,800 I think that you guys should leave. 910 00:49:08,800 --> 00:49:10,600 The girls are changing. I think you should leave. 911 00:49:10,500 --> 00:49:12,000 All right, let's go. 912 00:49:11,900 --> 00:49:14,400 - I hate her! - We all do. Let's go. 913 00:49:14,300 --> 00:49:16,300 Let's give a big round of applause... 914 00:49:16,300 --> 00:49:18,800 for last year's American Teen Princess... 915 00:49:18,700 --> 00:49:21,000 in her farewell performance. 916 00:49:20,900 --> 00:49:22,900 Who could ever forget her lip-synching... 917 00:49:22,900 --> 00:49:26,500 to "Don't Cry Out Loud" by Melissa Manchester? 918 00:49:26,400 --> 00:49:28,100 And here she is... 919 00:49:28,000 --> 00:49:29,800 Mary Johanson. 920 00:49:38,500 --> 00:49:44,000 Don't cry out loud 921 00:49:43,800 --> 00:49:46,400 Just keep it inside 922 00:49:46,400 --> 00:49:51,000 And learn how to hide your feelings 923 00:49:50,800 --> 00:49:56,400 Fly high and proud 924 00:49:56,300 --> 00:49:59,300 And if you should fall 925 00:49:59,200 --> 00:50:01,700 Remember you almost 926 00:50:01,700 --> 00:50:06,500 Had it all 927 00:50:08,900 --> 00:50:11,100 All right, why don't we pick up the stepladders... 928 00:50:11,000 --> 00:50:12,200 for the physical fitness number? 929 00:50:12,200 --> 00:50:13,300 There we go. 930 00:50:13,300 --> 00:50:14,700 They're wet. 931 00:50:14,700 --> 00:50:15,800 What? 932 00:50:15,800 --> 00:50:17,300 My hands are stuck. 933 00:50:18,200 --> 00:50:19,900 I'm kind of dizzy from the fumes. 934 00:50:19,800 --> 00:50:21,000 You know what, girls? 935 00:50:21,100 --> 00:50:23,600 Keep them away from you so they don't get on the outfits. 936 00:50:23,600 --> 00:50:24,700 There we go. 937 00:50:24,600 --> 00:50:26,500 Let's form a line. 938 00:50:28,700 --> 00:50:30,400 What kind of a mental retard... 939 00:50:30,400 --> 00:50:32,300 paints stepladders right before a pageant? 940 00:50:32,200 --> 00:50:34,100 I'm the judge! 941 00:50:35,100 --> 00:50:38,400 Back, you cuddly retard. 942 00:50:38,300 --> 00:50:39,700 Go, Hank! 943 00:50:39,600 --> 00:50:42,100 It's OK. 944 00:50:42,000 --> 00:50:43,100 My dress is fine. 945 00:50:44,200 --> 00:50:47,100 All right, so... 946 00:50:47,000 --> 00:50:49,200 our other judges are... 947 00:50:49,100 --> 00:50:50,700 Jean Kangas... 948 00:50:50,600 --> 00:50:52,000 and John Dough... 949 00:50:52,000 --> 00:50:54,900 Opening number looked good... 950 00:50:54,900 --> 00:50:58,300 solid, but now you're going to have to actually dance. 951 00:50:58,200 --> 00:51:01,700 So, here, put a dab of this on the old choppers, ladies. 952 00:51:01,600 --> 00:51:03,300 It'll help you smile... 953 00:51:03,300 --> 00:51:05,200 and when they're looking at your teeth, God willing... 954 00:51:05,200 --> 00:51:07,100 they won't be looking at your feet. 955 00:52:24,500 --> 00:52:26,600 Hurry up. 956 00:52:26,500 --> 00:52:27,900 OK, I think we all got some. 957 00:52:27,800 --> 00:52:29,500 Just take it off. 958 00:52:29,400 --> 00:52:31,800 Here, I didn't... 959 00:52:31,800 --> 00:52:34,200 I think it went really well. 960 00:52:34,200 --> 00:52:35,800 Don't go in the bathroom. 961 00:52:35,900 --> 00:52:37,800 Tess blew chunks all over. 962 00:52:37,700 --> 00:52:40,400 She ate a really large dinner. 963 00:52:40,400 --> 00:52:42,600 Maybe she should've shoved that lucky bolt... 964 00:52:42,500 --> 00:52:44,000 down her throat for dessert. 965 00:52:45,100 --> 00:52:48,100 And the winner of the spirit award goes to... 966 00:52:48,100 --> 00:52:51,600 I'd like to take you back seventeen years... 967 00:52:51,400 --> 00:52:54,800 when a peanut farmer was in the White House... 968 00:52:54,800 --> 00:52:57,000 a group of boys calling themselves Queen... 969 00:52:57,000 --> 00:52:58,700 topped the record charts... 970 00:52:58,700 --> 00:53:00,700 and Gladys Leeman was Gladys Wood... 971 00:53:01,700 --> 00:53:05,300 and she was Mount Rose American Teen Princess. 972 00:53:12,000 --> 00:53:14,400 Thank you very much. 973 00:53:14,400 --> 00:53:18,800 You know, seventeen years ago, I won the talent contest... 974 00:53:18,800 --> 00:53:20,000 by sewing... 975 00:53:20,900 --> 00:53:22,100 these culottes... 976 00:53:22,100 --> 00:53:24,100 Butterick pattern seven-four-three-two. 977 00:53:24,000 --> 00:53:25,900 And can you believe it? 978 00:53:25,900 --> 00:53:27,000 They still fit. 979 00:53:27,100 --> 00:53:29,900 She had a big ass then, she's got a big ass now. 980 00:53:29,900 --> 00:53:32,300 Our next contestant is ready, so let's welcome her... 981 00:53:32,300 --> 00:53:33,700 Tess Weinhaus. 982 00:53:38,600 --> 00:53:40,400 Yeah, it's just gone. 983 00:53:42,500 --> 00:53:43,600 I mean... 984 00:53:43,600 --> 00:53:46,700 I just wanna tap, you know? 985 00:53:46,700 --> 00:53:51,300 I'm not saying I'm the best or that I'd even win, but... 986 00:53:51,200 --> 00:53:53,300 shouldn't I at least get a chance to compete? 987 00:53:53,200 --> 00:53:57,000 The beagle is known for its howl. 988 00:54:00,700 --> 00:54:03,400 I just wanted my mom to see me dance. 989 00:54:03,300 --> 00:54:06,000 Amber, Amber, come here. 990 00:54:05,900 --> 00:54:08,500 Please. I got so much Vaseline on my teeth... 991 00:54:08,500 --> 00:54:10,500 I'm going to be smiling for a year. 992 00:54:10,600 --> 00:54:12,200 No. Here. 993 00:54:12,200 --> 00:54:13,400 It's nothing special... 994 00:54:13,400 --> 00:54:16,300 but talent like yours doesn't need to hide behind sequins. 995 00:54:16,300 --> 00:54:17,700 Oh, Miss K. 996 00:54:17,700 --> 00:54:19,000 Oh, look. 997 00:54:19,000 --> 00:54:24,400 But none can compare to the greatest bark of all... 998 00:54:24,200 --> 00:54:26,500 the German shepherd. 999 00:54:28,800 --> 00:54:32,400 Aw, hell, go out there and kick some Leeman ass. 1000 00:54:33,400 --> 00:54:35,700 Not so hard, sweetie. I heard something snap. 1001 00:54:35,600 --> 00:54:37,500 Roll him over! 1002 00:54:37,500 --> 00:54:38,400 Lay him flat! 1003 00:54:39,400 --> 00:54:41,100 Pin his shoulders! 1004 00:54:41,200 --> 00:54:42,700 To the mat! 1005 00:54:43,600 --> 00:54:45,100 Roll him over! Lay him flat! 1006 00:54:45,200 --> 00:54:47,200 Pin their shoulders to the mat! 1007 00:54:47,100 --> 00:54:48,700 Go... 1008 00:54:48,600 --> 00:54:50,000 Muskies! Yeah! 1009 00:54:59,700 --> 00:55:00,700 Fade in. 1010 00:55:01,900 --> 00:55:05,200 The year... 2024. 1011 00:55:06,600 --> 00:55:08,300 Planet... Earth. 1012 00:55:09,400 --> 00:55:11,400 The question on everyone's mind? 1013 00:55:12,500 --> 00:55:14,100 What is... 1014 00:55:14,200 --> 00:55:15,700 Soylent Green? 1015 00:55:20,500 --> 00:55:23,000 Mrs. Clark, why are you doing this to me? 1016 00:55:23,000 --> 00:55:25,000 Why are you pretending you don't know what's going on? 1017 00:55:24,900 --> 00:55:26,900 Amber, I'm sorry. I really am. 1018 00:55:26,900 --> 00:55:28,300 But you know the rules. 1019 00:55:28,400 --> 00:55:30,300 All talent costumes have to be OK'd... 1020 00:55:30,200 --> 00:55:31,600 by Gladys before the pageant. 1021 00:55:31,500 --> 00:55:33,100 But doesn't someone taking your costume... 1022 00:55:33,100 --> 00:55:35,600 so you can't compete overrule that rule? 1023 00:55:35,500 --> 00:55:37,600 Amber, I'm sorry. I don't make up the rules. 1024 00:55:37,500 --> 00:55:39,100 Oh, this... 1025 00:55:39,000 --> 00:55:40,600 this is bullshit! 1026 00:55:40,500 --> 00:55:43,700 Amber Atkins, that is not American Teen Princess language. 1027 00:55:43,700 --> 00:55:46,600 Good, because this isn't an American Teen Princess Pageant. 1028 00:55:46,600 --> 00:55:48,600 This is... this is... 1029 00:55:48,600 --> 00:55:50,500 this is Nazi Germany! 1030 00:55:54,100 --> 00:55:55,800 Where do they get this stuff? 1031 00:56:03,600 --> 00:56:05,600 I'm wearing this tap costume. 1032 00:56:05,600 --> 00:56:07,900 I'm going to do my talent tonight. 1033 00:56:07,900 --> 00:56:09,100 Oh, really? 1034 00:56:09,000 --> 00:56:10,500 I don't think so. 1035 00:56:13,800 --> 00:56:16,100 I hate to be the bearer of bad news... 1036 00:56:16,000 --> 00:56:18,700 but you know the rules state that a costume has to be OK'd... 1037 00:56:18,700 --> 00:56:20,700 at least a week in advance. 1038 00:56:20,700 --> 00:56:24,200 I couldn't let you go out there in that skimpy little thing. 1039 00:56:24,100 --> 00:56:25,700 We've got kids in the audience. 1040 00:56:25,600 --> 00:56:27,600 I hope you understand. 1041 00:56:27,600 --> 00:56:29,200 But you... I mean... 1042 00:56:29,200 --> 00:56:31,800 It's not my fault. Please. 1043 00:56:31,700 --> 00:56:33,800 I didn't do anything wrong. 1044 00:56:33,700 --> 00:56:36,200 I know the truth, that's why. 1045 00:56:36,200 --> 00:56:37,500 I must say... 1046 00:56:37,400 --> 00:56:39,600 Soylent Green... 1047 00:56:39,500 --> 00:56:41,600 is people! 1048 00:56:45,100 --> 00:56:47,000 Now, that's my cue. 1049 00:57:25,500 --> 00:57:28,200 I just wanted to compete. 1050 00:57:29,800 --> 00:57:33,200 I can't believe this is happening. 1051 00:57:33,100 --> 00:57:35,600 I can't believe she said... 1052 00:57:43,700 --> 00:57:44,800 Here. 1053 00:57:44,800 --> 00:57:46,300 Here? What? 1054 00:57:46,300 --> 00:57:47,800 My jacket. 1055 00:57:47,800 --> 00:57:50,200 Take it, because I got my costume OK'd a month ago... 1056 00:57:50,100 --> 00:57:51,700 before the pageant. You can wear it. 1057 00:57:51,800 --> 00:57:53,300 Put it on. 1058 00:57:53,200 --> 00:57:54,300 Oh, wow. 1059 00:57:54,400 --> 00:57:56,100 Lisa, I don't think you should do this. 1060 00:57:56,100 --> 00:57:57,800 They're never going to let you perform naked. I asked. 1061 00:57:57,800 --> 00:57:59,900 Shut up, you guys. 1062 00:57:59,900 --> 00:58:02,600 Listen, Amber... 1063 00:58:02,600 --> 00:58:05,400 I'm not going to win. 1064 00:58:05,300 --> 00:58:07,900 And let's be honest, the family only needs one Liza... 1065 00:58:07,800 --> 00:58:10,600 and Peter's got much better legs than me, OK? 1066 00:58:10,500 --> 00:58:11,900 Your parents will kill you. 1067 00:58:11,800 --> 00:58:14,500 Ah, come on. I love them... 1068 00:58:14,500 --> 00:58:18,100 but they only had me because Peter needed that kidney. 1069 00:58:23,300 --> 00:58:24,500 Thank you. 1070 00:58:27,800 --> 00:58:28,900 Now... 1071 00:58:29,000 --> 00:58:30,500 it is with overwhelming pride... 1072 00:58:30,500 --> 00:58:33,100 that I introduce to you contestant number six... 1073 00:58:33,000 --> 00:58:35,900 who is also the president of her class two years running... 1074 00:58:35,800 --> 00:58:38,400 an honor roll student, and the new president... 1075 00:58:38,300 --> 00:58:40,500 of the Lutheran Sisterhood Gun Club. 1076 00:58:40,500 --> 00:58:41,700 Ladies and gentlemen... 1077 00:58:41,600 --> 00:58:43,900 Rebecca Ann Leeman! 1078 00:58:51,300 --> 00:58:52,900 You know what? 1079 00:58:52,900 --> 00:58:54,400 The rumors are true. 1080 00:58:55,400 --> 00:58:58,900 I do have a special fella in my life... 1081 00:58:59,800 --> 00:59:02,200 and if nobody minds... 1082 00:59:02,200 --> 00:59:05,900 I'd like to sing a little song just for him. 1083 00:59:08,500 --> 00:59:12,500 You're just too good 1084 00:59:12,300 --> 00:59:13,500 To be true 1085 00:59:14,600 --> 00:59:17,200 Can't take my eyes 1086 00:59:17,100 --> 00:59:18,200 Off of you 1087 00:59:18,200 --> 00:59:19,400 Bullshit. 1088 00:59:19,300 --> 00:59:21,700 You'd be like heaven 1089 00:59:21,700 --> 00:59:23,700 To touch 1090 00:59:23,700 --> 00:59:25,500 I wanna hold you 1091 00:59:25,400 --> 00:59:27,300 So much 1092 00:59:28,300 --> 00:59:29,800 At long last 1093 00:59:29,800 --> 00:59:33,000 Love has arrived 1094 00:59:33,000 --> 00:59:35,400 And I thank God 1095 00:59:35,400 --> 00:59:36,600 I'm alive 1096 00:59:38,000 --> 00:59:40,400 You're just too good 1097 00:59:40,300 --> 00:59:42,300 To be true 1098 00:59:42,200 --> 00:59:44,900 Can't take my eyes 1099 00:59:44,900 --> 00:59:46,300 Off of you 1100 00:59:47,400 --> 00:59:49,900 I love you, baby 1101 00:59:49,800 --> 00:59:51,500 And if it's quite all right 1102 00:59:51,400 --> 00:59:53,500 I need you, baby 1103 00:59:53,400 --> 00:59:55,600 To warm the lonely night 1104 00:59:55,600 --> 00:59:58,200 I love you, baby 1105 00:59:58,200 --> 01:00:00,200 Trust in me when I say 1106 01:00:00,200 --> 01:00:02,700 Lisa, come on, you're next. 1107 01:00:02,700 --> 01:00:04,200 Nah, I quit. 1108 01:00:04,200 --> 01:00:06,900 And since my costume was OK'd a month ago... 1109 01:00:06,900 --> 01:00:08,000 I'm giving it to Amber. 1110 01:00:11,500 --> 01:00:14,000 Let me love you, baby 1111 01:00:13,900 --> 01:00:16,900 Let me love you 1112 01:00:31,400 --> 01:00:33,800 Oh, boy, I'd hate to follow that act. 1113 01:00:33,700 --> 01:00:36,400 The voice of an angel, that one. 1114 01:00:41,800 --> 01:00:45,000 I have just been notified that contestant number seven... 1115 01:00:44,900 --> 01:00:47,900 Lisa Swenson has dropped out of the pageant. 1116 01:00:50,200 --> 01:00:52,400 I know, but these things happen... 1117 01:00:52,300 --> 01:00:55,800 and we still have one more contestant... number eight. 1118 01:00:55,700 --> 01:00:56,900 Amber Atkins. 1119 01:02:27,800 --> 01:02:29,700 Thank you. 1120 01:02:43,000 --> 01:02:44,000 Well... 1121 01:02:45,300 --> 01:02:47,300 The time has finally come... 1122 01:02:48,900 --> 01:02:52,000 where we say good-bye to the judges... 1123 01:02:51,900 --> 01:02:55,900 so that they can go off and make the toughest decision... 1124 01:02:55,800 --> 01:02:57,000 of their lives. 1125 01:03:03,000 --> 01:03:04,400 So, who gets the crown? 1126 01:03:04,300 --> 01:03:05,500 How are you going to figure this all out? 1127 01:03:05,400 --> 01:03:08,000 Well, you know, we'll... 1128 01:03:07,900 --> 01:03:10,600 compare scores and figure out a winner... 1129 01:03:10,500 --> 01:03:12,900 because, I mean, we don't know who the winner is yet. 1130 01:03:12,900 --> 01:03:15,800 I mean, I have no idea who Jean picked... 1131 01:03:15,800 --> 01:03:17,300 or Harold. 1132 01:03:17,300 --> 01:03:18,800 - No. - No idea. 1133 01:03:20,500 --> 01:03:22,900 I know who the winner is. 1134 01:03:22,900 --> 01:03:24,600 I know who the winner... Harold. 1135 01:03:24,600 --> 01:03:26,300 I know who the winner is. 1136 01:03:26,300 --> 01:03:27,700 That's it. 1137 01:03:27,700 --> 01:03:31,700 You shut your goddamn mouth, you goddamn retard! 1138 01:03:31,500 --> 01:03:34,500 I've had your shit for two weeks now! 1139 01:03:34,400 --> 01:03:35,500 Come on. 1140 01:03:37,000 --> 01:03:39,400 Back off, college boy! Now listen! 1141 01:03:40,900 --> 01:03:43,800 Hank can't help it if he's born crazier than a shit-house rat! 1142 01:03:43,800 --> 01:03:47,500 For fuck's sake, why didn't you leave him with a sitter? 1143 01:03:52,100 --> 01:03:53,400 Nice, John. 1144 01:03:53,400 --> 01:03:54,600 That's real nice. 1145 01:03:54,600 --> 01:03:57,500 You know the baby-sitter's dead. 1146 01:04:01,900 --> 01:04:03,300 So... 1147 01:04:03,300 --> 01:04:05,200 Anyone talk to Jenelle lately? 1148 01:04:05,100 --> 01:04:07,800 Oh, yeah. I brought her some flowers this morning. 1149 01:04:07,800 --> 01:04:10,200 Yeah. She's in the room next to my mom. 1150 01:04:10,100 --> 01:04:12,200 Oh, she's super happy. 1151 01:04:12,200 --> 01:04:13,400 She's happy? 1152 01:04:13,500 --> 01:04:15,700 Oh, the blow to her head made her deaf. 1153 01:04:15,700 --> 01:04:16,800 Oh, God. 1154 01:04:16,800 --> 01:04:18,800 - Isn't that great? - Oh, that's great. 1155 01:04:18,800 --> 01:04:20,700 She's so happy. 1156 01:04:22,200 --> 01:04:24,000 Jesus Christ! 1157 01:04:23,900 --> 01:04:26,900 What are they doing, letting the retard count the votes? 1158 01:04:27,800 --> 01:04:29,600 Ladies, it's time. 1159 01:04:48,000 --> 01:04:50,400 Welcome back, everybody... 1160 01:04:50,400 --> 01:04:51,500 and judges. 1161 01:04:51,500 --> 01:04:53,500 Oh, gosh. 1162 01:04:53,600 --> 01:04:56,400 We are so darn close to that moment... 1163 01:04:56,300 --> 01:04:58,800 we have all been waiting for. 1164 01:04:58,800 --> 01:05:01,600 And now, our second runner-up... 1165 01:05:01,600 --> 01:05:03,900 and winner of a fifty-dollar scholarship... 1166 01:05:03,800 --> 01:05:07,200 for the vo-tech of her choice is... 1167 01:05:09,400 --> 01:05:10,500 Leslie Miller. 1168 01:05:15,400 --> 01:05:16,900 You rule, Leslie! 1169 01:05:29,400 --> 01:05:31,200 Envelope, please. 1170 01:05:34,500 --> 01:05:37,500 Our next prize, a seventy-five- dollar scholarship... 1171 01:05:37,500 --> 01:05:40,500 will be awarded to the first runner-up. 1172 01:05:40,400 --> 01:05:42,500 The first runner-up is... 1173 01:05:46,600 --> 01:05:48,400 Amber Atkins. 1174 01:06:13,700 --> 01:06:17,300 And now, finally the moment... 1175 01:06:17,100 --> 01:06:19,100 that I know I've been waiting for. 1176 01:06:19,100 --> 01:06:21,400 With a scholarship of five hundred dollars... 1177 01:06:21,400 --> 01:06:24,800 courtesy Leeman Furniture, and an all-expense-paid trip... 1178 01:06:24,700 --> 01:06:27,900 next weekend, when she will be competing for the title... 1179 01:06:27,900 --> 01:06:29,300 of Sarah Rose Cosmetics... 1180 01:06:29,200 --> 01:06:32,200 Minnesota American Teen Princess... 1181 01:06:38,200 --> 01:06:39,900 Our new... 1182 01:06:39,800 --> 01:06:43,500 Mount Rose American Teen Princess is... 1183 01:06:44,800 --> 01:06:46,500 contestant number... 1184 01:06:47,400 --> 01:06:49,200 You know what? It's my daughter... 1185 01:06:49,100 --> 01:06:51,600 Rebecca Ann Leeman! 1186 01:07:04,300 --> 01:07:06,400 Oh, thank you so much. 1187 01:07:08,800 --> 01:07:10,700 Bitch. 1188 01:07:28,000 --> 01:07:30,100 Here she is 1189 01:07:30,100 --> 01:07:31,500 Our Mount Rose 1190 01:07:31,500 --> 01:07:34,000 American Teen Princess 1191 01:07:33,900 --> 01:07:36,000 Look at her 1192 01:07:36,100 --> 01:07:38,200 Doesn't she look fine? 1193 01:07:38,200 --> 01:07:41,400 Our heart swells big 1194 01:07:41,300 --> 01:07:43,700 As we look at her 1195 01:07:43,600 --> 01:07:44,800 Our Mount Rose 1196 01:07:44,800 --> 01:07:49,500 American Teen Princess 1197 01:07:49,300 --> 01:07:50,900 One, two, three. 1198 01:07:51,900 --> 01:07:53,800 - You got her there? - Yeah, I got her. 1199 01:07:53,800 --> 01:07:56,200 We was robbed. We was robbed. 1200 01:07:56,100 --> 01:07:58,500 It's OK. They're just giving her a ride back. 1201 01:07:58,400 --> 01:08:01,000 She almost blew out of Loretta's pickup on the way over. 1202 01:08:01,000 --> 01:08:02,500 Thank God for bungee cords. 1203 01:08:03,700 --> 01:08:05,700 I got second runner-up. 1204 01:08:05,700 --> 01:08:07,000 I got second place. 1205 01:08:07,000 --> 01:08:08,800 - Third. - Huh? 1206 01:08:08,800 --> 01:08:10,500 - Third. - Bye. 1207 01:08:16,300 --> 01:08:19,700 Are you disappointed about not winning? 1208 01:08:19,600 --> 01:08:22,200 Yeah, well, no. 1209 01:08:22,200 --> 01:08:27,400 At least I got to compete, and my mom got to see me dance. 1210 01:08:27,200 --> 01:08:29,700 I guess number eight only worked for Diane Sawyer. 1211 01:08:29,700 --> 01:08:31,100 Oh, stop. 1212 01:08:31,000 --> 01:08:32,100 Let's go home. 1213 01:08:32,200 --> 01:08:33,700 I'll let you drive. 1214 01:08:35,500 --> 01:08:36,700 I hope it was worth it. 1215 01:08:36,800 --> 01:08:38,700 No, Dad, it was worth it. 1216 01:08:38,700 --> 01:08:40,100 Amber should've won. 1217 01:08:40,000 --> 01:08:41,100 I tell you one thing... 1218 01:08:41,200 --> 01:08:42,700 Peter never would've pulled a shenanigan like that. 1219 01:08:42,700 --> 01:08:44,900 Well, you know what, Dad? 1220 01:08:44,900 --> 01:08:46,900 You know what? Peter's gay. 1221 01:08:48,200 --> 01:08:49,300 Gay! 1222 01:08:50,900 --> 01:08:52,000 What? 1223 01:08:53,500 --> 01:08:54,700 So, Becky, how does it feel? 1224 01:08:54,600 --> 01:08:56,100 Oh, well... 1225 01:08:56,100 --> 01:08:58,900 I mean, it's all happening so fast. 1226 01:08:58,700 --> 01:09:00,800 I'm so excited. 1227 01:09:00,800 --> 01:09:03,600 I mean, I won. 1228 01:09:03,400 --> 01:09:07,200 I'm the winner, and I'm going to state. 1229 01:09:07,100 --> 01:09:10,300 She's the winner, and we're going to state. 1230 01:09:10,300 --> 01:09:11,600 What a surprise. 1231 01:09:11,500 --> 01:09:13,200 Gladys Leeman's finally going to go to state... 1232 01:09:13,200 --> 01:09:14,700 and she'll probably ride on Becky's ass... 1233 01:09:14,700 --> 01:09:16,300 all the way to nationals, too. 1234 01:09:16,300 --> 01:09:18,300 Wonder how she's going to fix that one. 1235 01:09:18,200 --> 01:09:20,500 Are you ladies going to the parade? 1236 01:09:20,400 --> 01:09:23,300 Nah. I think I'm, like, due or something. 1237 01:09:42,000 --> 01:09:45,200 Beautiful as a whore's ass today, huh, boys? 1238 01:09:47,400 --> 01:09:49,800 Do you need help with the cooler? 1239 01:10:09,200 --> 01:10:12,200 See, Gladys had me get that special-made from Mexico... 1240 01:10:12,100 --> 01:10:13,300 in case Becky won. 1241 01:10:13,400 --> 01:10:15,300 You know, I do a lot of business down there... 1242 01:10:15,200 --> 01:10:17,200 always offer to pay them off in tacos. 1243 01:10:18,500 --> 01:10:20,000 Oh, they love that. 1244 01:10:20,000 --> 01:10:21,300 Keep on moving through. 1245 01:10:24,200 --> 01:10:25,800 Let's get this straight right now. 1246 01:10:25,800 --> 01:10:27,400 We wouldn't have been late at all if not for you. 1247 01:10:27,500 --> 01:10:30,500 I want to have the big bag of little doughnuts. 1248 01:10:30,500 --> 01:10:31,600 You get nothing, Hank. 1249 01:10:31,500 --> 01:10:33,800 I want to eat a big bag of little doughnuts. 1250 01:10:33,800 --> 01:10:35,800 There's your paint can. 1251 01:10:35,700 --> 01:10:37,300 The next time you drink window cleaner... 1252 01:10:37,300 --> 01:10:39,500 I'm just going to leave it in you. 1253 01:10:43,900 --> 01:10:45,300 My pants are... 1254 01:11:00,900 --> 01:11:02,700 You rule! 1255 01:11:16,700 --> 01:11:17,800 Rebecca Ann Leeman. 1256 01:11:17,700 --> 01:11:20,400 You are the one that wanted this. 1257 01:11:20,400 --> 01:11:21,600 Now get up there. 1258 01:11:21,600 --> 01:11:24,700 I don't care if you have to ride this thing sidesaddle. 1259 01:11:24,700 --> 01:11:25,800 Get up there. 1260 01:11:25,700 --> 01:11:28,300 It smells funny... like gasoline. 1261 01:11:28,200 --> 01:11:30,900 Everything smells like that in Mexico. 1262 01:11:30,800 --> 01:11:32,600 My dress will reek, Mother. 1263 01:11:32,500 --> 01:11:33,900 You listen to me now, missy. 1264 01:11:33,900 --> 01:11:35,600 This thing cost your dad a pretty penny... 1265 01:11:35,600 --> 01:11:37,200 so you get your ass up there. 1266 01:11:37,100 --> 01:11:39,900 And show me some teeth. 1267 01:11:39,800 --> 01:11:41,900 Love you, baby. 1268 01:11:52,100 --> 01:11:53,900 You rule! 1269 01:11:55,900 --> 01:11:57,000 Stop it! 1270 01:11:57,000 --> 01:11:59,700 You are a bad kid! 1271 01:12:16,000 --> 01:12:17,500 You rule! 1272 01:12:21,200 --> 01:12:23,300 If I die from these fumes... 1273 01:12:23,400 --> 01:12:25,300 you'll make sure and cover up the hickeys on my neck? 1274 01:12:27,700 --> 01:12:30,400 And the bite marks on my ears. 1275 01:12:30,400 --> 01:12:31,900 Yeah, sure. 1276 01:12:31,800 --> 01:12:35,700 And I know it won't show, but on my inner thighs... 1277 01:12:35,500 --> 01:12:37,000 Yes, Leslie, OK. 1278 01:12:37,000 --> 01:12:38,600 Help! 1279 01:12:48,700 --> 01:12:50,500 OK, I designed the float. 1280 01:12:50,400 --> 01:12:57,000 And what's going to happen here is that this is going to look... 1281 01:12:56,700 --> 01:13:00,400 like a glistening lake beneath the swan. 1282 01:13:01,400 --> 01:13:02,700 We need more bars. 1283 01:13:02,800 --> 01:13:04,000 This is... What? 1284 01:13:04,000 --> 01:13:05,200 Enid ate a whole pan. 1285 01:13:05,200 --> 01:13:06,600 She can't do anything by herself. 1286 01:13:07,900 --> 01:13:10,200 This is exactly how I pictured it... 1287 01:13:10,100 --> 01:13:11,900 Choking on swan gas. 1288 01:13:14,000 --> 01:13:16,100 Oh, great. 1289 01:13:24,000 --> 01:13:25,500 Oh, my God. 1290 01:13:28,400 --> 01:13:30,700 Oh, crap. Oh, crap. Oh, crap. 1291 01:13:30,600 --> 01:13:31,700 Oh, my God. 1292 01:13:31,800 --> 01:13:33,300 Oh, crap. Oh, crap. 1293 01:13:46,900 --> 01:13:49,300 Oh, my baby! 1294 01:13:49,300 --> 01:13:51,100 Oh, my God! 1295 01:13:51,000 --> 01:13:53,700 The swan ate my baby! 1296 01:13:55,000 --> 01:13:59,100 Becky, baby, get up! 1297 01:13:59,000 --> 01:14:01,300 We got to go to state! 1298 01:14:03,000 --> 01:14:05,600 Gladys, let her go. 1299 01:14:05,500 --> 01:14:06,700 No. She's not getting up. 1300 01:14:06,700 --> 01:14:09,300 We got to... Get off of me, you cow! 1301 01:14:12,400 --> 01:14:15,200 What are you looking at, huh? 1302 01:14:15,200 --> 01:14:17,900 A whole goddamned town full of losers... 1303 01:14:17,800 --> 01:14:19,400 that's what I'm looking at! 1304 01:14:21,400 --> 01:14:22,600 And you... 1305 01:14:24,100 --> 01:14:25,900 You piece of shit trailer trash! 1306 01:14:25,900 --> 01:14:28,700 That should've been you in there! 1307 01:14:28,600 --> 01:14:30,800 Damn it, I should've killed you when I had a chance... 1308 01:14:30,800 --> 01:14:32,800 just like your little friend! 1309 01:14:32,900 --> 01:14:37,300 Tammy was one crispy critter up on that thresher! 1310 01:14:37,200 --> 01:14:39,800 Ding! Fries are up! 1311 01:14:40,800 --> 01:14:42,200 Stop it! Stop it! 1312 01:14:48,800 --> 01:14:50,000 Take it easy. 1313 01:14:49,900 --> 01:14:51,700 Let go of me! 1314 01:14:51,700 --> 01:14:53,100 Oh, my God, it's "Cops. " 1315 01:14:53,100 --> 01:14:54,600 He sells reproductions! 1316 01:14:54,600 --> 01:14:57,500 His furniture's as fake as my orgasms. 1317 01:14:57,500 --> 01:14:58,900 Hey, how you doing? 1318 01:14:59,000 --> 01:15:00,400 Hey. What's up, Scott? 1319 01:15:00,400 --> 01:15:02,000 You remember Bruce, right? 1320 01:15:02,000 --> 01:15:04,400 Bruce, that's Roy. Roy, Bruce. 1321 01:15:05,900 --> 01:15:09,500 And that's why, dear Lord, it's with such great sorrow... 1322 01:15:09,400 --> 01:15:12,000 we turn over to you this young woman... 1323 01:15:11,900 --> 01:15:14,200 whose dream of riding on a giant swan... 1324 01:15:14,200 --> 01:15:16,400 has brought about her untimely death. 1325 01:15:16,300 --> 01:15:21,900 Maybe it's your way of telling us to buy American. 1326 01:15:22,600 --> 01:15:23,900 That's right. 1327 01:15:25,500 --> 01:15:27,400 As acting president... 1328 01:15:27,400 --> 01:15:29,600 of the Mount Rose Civil Servettes... 1329 01:15:29,600 --> 01:15:31,300 it is my duty... 1330 01:15:31,200 --> 01:15:36,800 to make you Mount Rose American Teen Princess. 1331 01:15:38,700 --> 01:15:40,700 Turn around for the picture. 1332 01:15:40,600 --> 01:15:41,600 You look good. 1333 01:15:45,400 --> 01:15:47,200 What is wrong with you? 1334 01:15:47,200 --> 01:15:48,300 I don't know. 1335 01:15:48,300 --> 01:15:49,900 I didn't wanna win like this. 1336 01:15:49,800 --> 01:15:51,700 You stop right there. 1337 01:15:51,600 --> 01:15:53,100 You are a good person. 1338 01:15:53,100 --> 01:15:55,600 Good things happen to good people. 1339 01:15:55,500 --> 01:15:56,700 Really? 1340 01:15:56,600 --> 01:15:59,100 No, it's pure bullshit, sweetie. 1341 01:15:59,000 --> 01:16:01,800 You're lucky as hell, so you might as well enjoy it. 1342 01:16:01,800 --> 01:16:03,400 Let's get you a root-beer float. 1343 01:16:03,400 --> 01:16:05,500 You guys want some shots? I'm buying. 1344 01:16:06,500 --> 01:16:09,900 I never liked her, but she didn't deserve... 1345 01:16:09,800 --> 01:16:12,200 to die in the belly of a swan like that. 1346 01:16:12,200 --> 01:16:17,000 The whole thing's just kinda sad and lame at the same time. 1347 01:16:18,000 --> 01:16:19,900 This came for you, sweetie. 1348 01:16:19,900 --> 01:16:21,500 Hi, guys. 1349 01:16:21,500 --> 01:16:23,300 It's from the state! 1350 01:16:23,300 --> 01:16:24,800 Yeah. Open it up. 1351 01:16:25,700 --> 01:16:28,100 It's all the stuff I get to do. 1352 01:16:29,000 --> 01:16:30,300 OK, let's see. 1353 01:16:31,400 --> 01:16:34,900 We get a personal consultation with a makeup artist. 1354 01:16:35,900 --> 01:16:38,900 Oh, there'll be a choreographer to the stars. 1355 01:16:38,800 --> 01:16:40,300 - Choreographer. - The stars. 1356 01:16:41,200 --> 01:16:42,700 Oh, my God. 1357 01:16:42,700 --> 01:16:44,500 No way. Oh, my God. 1358 01:16:44,400 --> 01:16:46,900 For Christ's sakes, spit it out, Amber. 1359 01:16:46,800 --> 01:16:49,800 We'll be staying overnight at... 1360 01:16:49,700 --> 01:16:51,500 the Airport Howard Johnson! 1361 01:16:51,500 --> 01:16:52,900 Right by the airport! 1362 01:16:52,900 --> 01:16:54,000 Oh, Amber! 1363 01:16:54,000 --> 01:16:56,000 God, that's so great! 1364 01:16:57,300 --> 01:16:59,800 Oh, crap. I only got four weeks to practice. 1365 01:16:59,700 --> 01:17:01,200 Let's go, let's go! Right now! 1366 01:17:01,200 --> 01:17:02,400 I'm gonna call your mom. 1367 01:17:32,000 --> 01:17:34,100 All right, say, "airport hotel. " 1368 01:17:34,100 --> 01:17:35,100 Airport hotel! 1369 01:17:35,000 --> 01:17:37,000 Coffee and doughnuts. 1370 01:17:40,700 --> 01:17:42,600 Yeah, why don't you take a picture? 1371 01:17:42,600 --> 01:17:43,500 It lasts longer. 1372 01:17:43,600 --> 01:17:44,600 Loretta, don't do that. 1373 01:17:44,600 --> 01:17:45,900 All right. I'm sorry. They're just staring. 1374 01:17:46,000 --> 01:17:47,400 I gotta work with these girls. 1375 01:17:47,400 --> 01:17:48,500 OK, I'm sorry. 1376 01:18:14,200 --> 01:18:15,700 And you are... 1377 01:18:15,600 --> 01:18:18,100 Mount Rose American Teen Princess. 1378 01:18:18,000 --> 01:18:20,000 Funny, you don't look dead. 1379 01:18:23,600 --> 01:18:25,600 - OK, ladies! - Girls, come on. 1380 01:18:25,500 --> 01:18:28,200 Ladies, listen up. I'm Colleen Douglas. 1381 01:18:28,100 --> 01:18:31,400 And this raven beauty on my right is Terry Macy. 1382 01:18:31,200 --> 01:18:32,400 Hi there. 1383 01:18:32,400 --> 01:18:35,000 And we're your Minnesota American Teen Princess... 1384 01:18:35,000 --> 01:18:36,200 state board. 1385 01:18:36,200 --> 01:18:37,500 That's right. 1386 01:18:37,500 --> 01:18:40,300 We're also the cofounders of the Minnesota Modeling Academy. 1387 01:18:40,300 --> 01:18:42,100 Yep. And you can get your applications... 1388 01:18:42,000 --> 01:18:43,500 over here at the tiki bar... 1389 01:18:43,400 --> 01:18:45,400 and we will wave the fifty-dollar application fee... 1390 01:18:45,400 --> 01:18:47,800 if you list a friend and put down her address. 1391 01:18:49,100 --> 01:18:50,400 So... 1392 01:18:50,300 --> 01:18:51,500 you're cute. 1393 01:18:52,400 --> 01:18:53,800 Oh, I see you're married. 1394 01:18:53,800 --> 01:18:57,200 If you catch this in your mouth, I'll give you a present. 1395 01:18:57,000 --> 01:18:58,900 All right? Open wide. 1396 01:18:59,800 --> 01:19:01,600 Oh, God, you got that on the first try. 1397 01:19:01,600 --> 01:19:03,600 Come here. 1398 01:19:03,500 --> 01:19:05,400 Oh, you are cute. 1399 01:19:05,300 --> 01:19:06,900 OK, due to budgetary cutbacks... 1400 01:19:06,800 --> 01:19:08,300 And the fact... 1401 01:19:08,300 --> 01:19:10,300 that the national didn't cough up a goddamn nickel... 1402 01:19:10,300 --> 01:19:12,100 You won't be staying overnight. 1403 01:19:12,000 --> 01:19:13,600 So everybody pay attention. 1404 01:19:13,600 --> 01:19:16,300 You've got about eight hours till showtime. 1405 01:19:16,300 --> 01:19:18,000 Remember to count, ladies. 1406 01:19:18,000 --> 01:19:21,000 Cross on the left and arms up on eight. 1407 01:19:20,800 --> 01:19:22,800 On the beat, on the beat, on the beat! 1408 01:19:22,900 --> 01:19:25,300 Keep on. Keep moving it. 1409 01:19:25,200 --> 01:19:26,700 Come on, Miss Forest Lake... 1410 01:19:26,700 --> 01:19:28,500 take that stick out of your ass or I will! 1411 01:19:28,400 --> 01:19:30,100 All right. Very nice. 1412 01:19:30,000 --> 01:19:31,200 Now come on. 1413 01:19:31,300 --> 01:19:32,800 Mom's out here in the front row. 1414 01:19:32,800 --> 01:19:33,900 Come on. Sell it! 1415 01:19:33,900 --> 01:19:35,800 That's very nice. 1416 01:19:35,700 --> 01:19:37,000 Remember, figure eights, ladies. 1417 01:19:37,000 --> 01:19:43,400 I can sum up our entire philosophy with this glass. 1418 01:19:43,300 --> 01:19:45,400 I can look at it and see... 1419 01:19:45,300 --> 01:19:46,900 it's half full. 1420 01:19:46,900 --> 01:19:49,600 Which in the beauty pageant biz means... 1421 01:19:49,500 --> 01:19:51,100 "Where the hell is my waiter?!" 1422 01:19:51,100 --> 01:19:53,200 - Marco! - Polo! 1423 01:19:53,200 --> 01:19:56,400 Stop with the friggin' Marco Polo, or I'll come over there... 1424 01:19:56,200 --> 01:19:57,800 and rip your fat little heads off! 1425 01:20:06,700 --> 01:20:09,300 Miss Burnsville, you're up next. 1426 01:20:14,600 --> 01:20:17,000 I have a little secret weapon of my own. 1427 01:20:17,900 --> 01:20:19,000 Don't tell anyone. 1428 01:20:31,200 --> 01:20:33,200 Oh, I don't eat shellfish. 1429 01:20:33,200 --> 01:20:34,900 Ma always says, "Don't eat anything... 1430 01:20:34,900 --> 01:20:36,300 "that can carry its house around with it. 1431 01:20:36,300 --> 01:20:38,300 "Who knows the last time it's been cleaned?" 1432 01:20:38,200 --> 01:20:40,200 I've done about thirty-five pageants. 1433 01:20:41,100 --> 01:20:42,900 I guess my most memorable one... 1434 01:20:42,900 --> 01:20:45,400 would have to be Miss Teen America 1995... 1435 01:20:45,300 --> 01:20:46,800 'cause it was in Vegas. 1436 01:20:47,600 --> 01:20:49,300 And my roommate did Adam West. 1437 01:20:49,300 --> 01:20:52,600 She said he was so horny. 1438 01:21:04,300 --> 01:21:05,500 Oh, my God. 1439 01:21:22,200 --> 01:21:24,600 I should just go home now. 1440 01:21:25,500 --> 01:21:27,000 OK, real good. 1441 01:21:27,000 --> 01:21:28,500 One suggestion, sweetie. 1442 01:21:28,400 --> 01:21:31,000 Why don't you hike up your skirt a little bit then, OK? 1443 01:21:32,000 --> 01:21:33,100 Next! 1444 01:21:35,100 --> 01:21:37,100 Oh, my God. 1445 01:21:37,100 --> 01:21:38,600 I gotta go! 1446 01:21:38,500 --> 01:21:41,000 You better do something about those nerves, sweetie. 1447 01:21:40,900 --> 01:21:42,400 Thirty million people aren't gonna wait for you... 1448 01:21:42,300 --> 01:21:43,800 while you run to the john. 1449 01:21:43,800 --> 01:21:45,300 That's true. 1450 01:21:47,300 --> 01:21:49,600 Will somebody get a mop and a bucket? 1451 01:21:49,600 --> 01:21:52,700 Today, a beauty pageant turned ugly. 1452 01:21:55,600 --> 01:21:57,000 Did I win? 1453 01:21:56,900 --> 01:21:58,600 Honey, if I was a good lover... 1454 01:21:58,500 --> 01:22:00,500 Oh, for crap sake. 1455 01:22:00,600 --> 01:22:02,100 A salmonella dysentery outbreak... 1456 01:22:02,000 --> 01:22:04,700 now traced to improperly refrigerated shellfish... 1457 01:22:04,600 --> 01:22:07,200 was believed to be the cause. 1458 01:22:12,600 --> 01:22:15,300 Oh, my God. Do you think they heard us? 1459 01:22:15,200 --> 01:22:18,800 Oh, for Christ's sake! Call an ambulance! 1460 01:22:18,700 --> 01:22:19,900 An ambulance? 1461 01:22:19,800 --> 01:22:21,600 Call a priest, for Christ's sake! 1462 01:22:22,900 --> 01:22:25,000 Joining us now is David Richardson... 1463 01:22:25,000 --> 01:22:28,400 a member of a documentary crew filming the pageant. 1464 01:22:28,400 --> 01:22:31,000 He was there when tragedy struck. 1465 01:22:32,000 --> 01:22:35,100 Fuckin' beauty queens blowin' chunks everywhere. 1466 01:22:35,100 --> 01:22:38,900 I've never seen anything like it before, and... 1467 01:22:38,700 --> 01:22:40,000 I live in L.A. 1468 01:22:40,100 --> 01:22:41,400 Oh, hey, Ed. 1469 01:22:42,300 --> 01:22:43,800 That's our sound guy. 1470 01:22:43,700 --> 01:22:45,700 Could you tell us anything about the controversy? 1471 01:22:45,600 --> 01:22:47,100 Is there a controversy here? 1472 01:22:47,100 --> 01:22:48,500 Has there been sabotage? 1473 01:22:48,400 --> 01:22:49,300 Wait a minute. 1474 01:22:49,400 --> 01:22:51,300 While we haven't ruled out sabotage... 1475 01:22:51,300 --> 01:22:52,900 from neighboring state pageants... 1476 01:22:52,900 --> 01:22:54,500 Iowa, Wisconsin, South Dakota. 1477 01:22:54,600 --> 01:22:55,900 Yeah, that's right. 1478 01:22:55,800 --> 01:22:57,800 Ohio. 1479 01:22:57,700 --> 01:22:58,700 That bitch from Wisconsin. 1480 01:22:58,700 --> 01:22:59,700 All right then. 1481 01:22:59,700 --> 01:23:01,900 The important thing is we have a winner! 1482 01:23:01,900 --> 01:23:03,100 - Yes, we do. - OK. 1483 01:23:03,000 --> 01:23:05,300 The Minnesota Modeling Academy is proud to present... 1484 01:23:05,200 --> 01:23:07,000 Along with Sarah Rose Cosmetics... 1485 01:23:07,000 --> 01:23:08,100 Amber Atkins... 1486 01:23:09,600 --> 01:23:12,500 The new Minnesota American Teen Princess! 1487 01:23:12,400 --> 01:23:13,600 That's Amber Atkins. 1488 01:23:13,600 --> 01:23:15,600 That's right. From Mount Rose. 1489 01:23:15,500 --> 01:23:18,400 Amber, how do you feel? 1490 01:23:18,400 --> 01:23:19,800 Well, I... 1491 01:23:19,800 --> 01:23:22,100 I feel like I need to take a shower. 1492 01:23:23,100 --> 01:23:24,900 Honey, is this the best day of your life? 1493 01:23:24,900 --> 01:23:27,900 Yeah. I wish my mom was here, though. 1494 01:23:27,800 --> 01:23:29,200 Wave hi to her. 1495 01:23:29,300 --> 01:23:30,700 Hi, Mom. 1496 01:23:30,700 --> 01:23:32,200 Hey, you hear that? 1497 01:23:32,200 --> 01:23:33,700 Hi, monkey. 1498 01:23:33,600 --> 01:23:35,400 I got some. 1499 01:23:37,300 --> 01:23:39,700 Uh-huh. No, no. Gosh, no. 1500 01:23:39,700 --> 01:23:41,900 You know, I still don't want to be on camera. 1501 01:23:42,000 --> 01:23:44,300 I just wanna say... 1502 01:23:44,200 --> 01:23:46,500 that little bitch better watch her back... 1503 01:23:46,500 --> 01:23:48,100 at the nationals... 1504 01:23:48,000 --> 01:23:50,500 'cause I am making friends on the inside. 1505 01:23:50,400 --> 01:23:52,600 Yeah. Darn good friends. 1506 01:23:52,500 --> 01:23:54,600 Friends who have friends on the outside. 1507 01:23:54,600 --> 01:23:56,700 Get your sweet ass off the phone, Cinnamon. 1508 01:23:56,700 --> 01:23:57,800 Gotta go. 1509 01:23:59,000 --> 01:24:00,000 Oh, yeah. 1510 01:24:00,000 --> 01:24:01,500 I just can't believe it. 1511 01:24:01,400 --> 01:24:03,300 I'm Minnesota's American Teen Princess. 1512 01:24:03,200 --> 01:24:05,200 Our baby's going to nationals. 1513 01:24:05,200 --> 01:24:07,200 Lincoln, Alabama, look out! 1514 01:24:08,500 --> 01:24:10,800 I'm gonna be on TV just like Diane Sawyer. 1515 01:24:14,800 --> 01:24:16,300 Annette, just use your hand. 1516 01:24:16,200 --> 01:24:17,800 They told me to practice. 1517 01:24:30,500 --> 01:24:32,000 I did it. 1518 01:24:32,000 --> 01:24:33,500 OK. Ready? 1519 01:24:33,600 --> 01:24:36,600 Here's the signal I'm gonna give Mom when I'm on TV. 1520 01:24:38,200 --> 01:24:40,700 My little Carol Burnett. 1521 01:24:40,600 --> 01:24:42,100 Here she is... 1522 01:24:42,000 --> 01:24:44,300 Minnesota's American Teen Princess... 1523 01:24:44,200 --> 01:24:45,700 and soon to be... 1524 01:24:45,600 --> 01:24:49,100 the next America's American Teen Princess... 1525 01:24:49,000 --> 01:24:50,900 our little Amber. 1526 01:25:12,000 --> 01:25:14,300 So after Frank dusts the crops... 1527 01:25:14,200 --> 01:25:17,200 he's taking her to Lincoln, Alabama. 1528 01:27:34,800 --> 01:27:36,200 Come on out... 1529 01:27:36,200 --> 01:27:39,700 you little blond piece of trailer-park trash! 1530 01:27:44,700 --> 01:27:47,800 We're here in the sixth hour of a shootout between... 1531 01:27:53,800 --> 01:27:55,200 This is Amber Atkins... 1532 01:27:55,200 --> 01:27:58,500 reporting live from the Food Shack for KRLH News. 1533 01:27:58,400 --> 01:28:00,400 One of our reporters has just been shot. 1534 01:28:00,300 --> 01:28:03,300 Paramedics are working on her right now... 1535 01:28:06,300 --> 01:28:07,900 I'm Peter Atchison. 1536 01:28:08,000 --> 01:28:09,400 And I'm Amber Atkins. 1537 01:28:09,400 --> 01:28:11,500 For WAZB News, good night. 1538 01:28:12,000 --> 01:28:15,087 Download Movie Subtitles Searcher from www.OpenSubtitles.org 109242