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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:38,522 --> 00:00:40,600 No ice. I'll get it myself. 2 00:00:40,624 --> 00:00:42,635 That's all... 3 00:00:42,659 --> 00:00:43,970 Oh, I beg your pardon sir. 4 00:00:43,994 --> 00:00:45,505 I didn't mean that. I'm sorry... 5 00:00:45,529 --> 00:00:48,508 Larry. Of all people, I haven't seen you in years. 6 00:00:48,532 --> 00:00:50,477 Shemp. You're a sight for sore eyes. 7 00:00:50,501 --> 00:00:52,679 Sit down. We'll have a drink. I don't mind if I do. 8 00:00:53,837 --> 00:00:56,197 What kind of stuff is this? 9 00:01:00,444 --> 00:01:02,689 Mm. Nice and fresh. 10 00:01:02,713 --> 00:01:04,391 When did you join the Woman Haters Club? 11 00:01:04,415 --> 00:01:06,193 Oh, it's a long story. I'll have to tell you 12 00:01:06,217 --> 00:01:07,360 a little later. All right. 13 00:01:07,384 --> 00:01:09,129 Right now, we're busy with this, you see. 14 00:01:09,153 --> 00:01:10,363 Oh, brother. 15 00:01:10,387 --> 00:01:12,832 Mm. 16 00:01:12,856 --> 00:01:14,834 There you are. 17 00:01:14,858 --> 00:01:15,835 Here's how. 18 00:01:15,859 --> 00:01:17,870 I know how. 19 00:01:34,612 --> 00:01:36,811 Too much seltzer. 20 00:01:42,986 --> 00:01:46,299 You're right. They do make that seltzer strong. 21 00:01:46,323 --> 00:01:48,602 Well, you asked me a question. 22 00:01:48,626 --> 00:01:50,837 It's a long story, but you asked for it. 23 00:01:50,861 --> 00:01:52,872 I was sitting at home reading the newspaper, 24 00:01:52,896 --> 00:01:55,175 when I happen to glance at the personal column. 25 00:01:55,199 --> 00:01:58,099 There was an ad that caught my eye. 26 00:02:00,337 --> 00:02:02,415 "Tired of being beautiful and alone. 27 00:02:02,439 --> 00:02:04,217 "Would like to meet clean, well-dressed, 28 00:02:04,241 --> 00:02:05,985 "handsome man about 35. 29 00:02:06,009 --> 00:02:07,387 "Object: matrimony. 30 00:02:07,411 --> 00:02:11,525 Address: box 41144 Daily Journal." 31 00:02:11,549 --> 00:02:12,925 What an opportunity. 32 00:02:12,949 --> 00:02:14,894 Beautiful and alone. 33 00:02:14,918 --> 00:02:17,631 But a handsome man, that might be a problem. 34 00:02:17,655 --> 00:02:19,655 What time is it? 35 00:02:24,328 --> 00:02:27,006 Every time I look at the seven-day clock, it stops. 36 00:02:27,030 --> 00:02:30,599 I can't be that ugly. Or can I? 37 00:02:33,103 --> 00:02:35,315 Mirror, mirror on the wall 38 00:02:35,339 --> 00:02:38,106 Who's the fairest Of them all? 39 00:02:39,976 --> 00:02:43,223 I break more mirrors that way. 40 00:02:43,247 --> 00:02:47,427 Well, believe it or not, she thought I was handsome. 41 00:02:48,586 --> 00:02:50,863 And I fell for her like a ton of bricks. 42 00:02:50,887 --> 00:02:53,300 Well, a few nights later, I went over to visit her 43 00:02:53,324 --> 00:02:56,925 at her apartment as usual, and uh... 44 00:02:58,329 --> 00:02:59,472 Mwah, mwah. 45 00:02:59,496 --> 00:03:02,297 Close your eyes. I have a surprise for you. 46 00:03:06,069 --> 00:03:10,049 Oh, darling, it's beautiful. 47 00:03:10,073 --> 00:03:11,251 Oh. 48 00:03:11,275 --> 00:03:14,376 Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. 49 00:03:18,148 --> 00:03:20,126 Oh, I'm gonna relax and smoke a bit. 50 00:03:21,452 --> 00:03:23,372 You wanna smoke? Thank you. 51 00:03:35,999 --> 00:03:37,176 Oh, excuse me. I'll get it. 52 00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:38,900 I'll get it. 53 00:03:47,278 --> 00:03:48,388 What can I do for you? 54 00:03:48,412 --> 00:03:49,456 This. 55 00:03:49,480 --> 00:03:51,791 Oh! 56 00:03:51,815 --> 00:03:53,025 Didn't you make a mistake? 57 00:03:53,049 --> 00:03:54,494 Yeah, I hit the wrong eye. 58 00:03:54,518 --> 00:03:57,419 Oh! 59 00:03:59,723 --> 00:04:01,534 Ah, my beautiful Jane. 60 00:04:01,558 --> 00:04:04,537 While it's in my brain, may I deign again to ask you 61 00:04:04,561 --> 00:04:07,307 not refrain the chance to make us twain. 62 00:04:10,801 --> 00:04:13,212 Mm. Yeah. 63 00:04:15,939 --> 00:04:20,487 Oh, darling, it's beautiful. 64 00:04:20,511 --> 00:04:22,656 Oh. 65 00:04:24,715 --> 00:04:25,992 You may kiss me. 66 00:04:26,016 --> 00:04:28,161 Indeed. 67 00:04:30,321 --> 00:04:32,666 Hey. What the hey? 68 00:04:32,690 --> 00:04:34,867 Who is this spotted raccoon? 69 00:04:34,891 --> 00:04:36,770 Oh, he tried to get engaged to me 70 00:04:36,794 --> 00:04:38,805 with that miserable little 2-karat ring. 71 00:04:38,829 --> 00:04:40,774 Just a minute, that was 2 and a half karats, 72 00:04:40,798 --> 00:04:42,275 you gold digger. 73 00:04:42,299 --> 00:04:43,743 Why don't you watch your manners? 74 00:04:43,767 --> 00:04:45,779 How dare you call my tomato a gold digger. 75 00:04:45,803 --> 00:04:47,414 Oh! Get away from here. 76 00:04:47,438 --> 00:04:48,670 Ha! 77 00:04:52,142 --> 00:04:53,842 Oh! 78 00:04:58,215 --> 00:05:00,327 I guess I told him a two or thing. 79 00:05:00,351 --> 00:05:02,128 Took care of that guy, I'll tell you. 80 00:05:02,152 --> 00:05:03,152 Oh! 81 00:05:05,055 --> 00:05:06,988 Oh, oh, oh! 82 00:05:11,127 --> 00:05:12,972 That caterpillar thinks he's smart, 83 00:05:12,996 --> 00:05:14,507 but he's not smart enough for me. 84 00:05:14,531 --> 00:05:15,742 I'll... Ah-ah. 85 00:05:15,766 --> 00:05:17,610 Look out. 86 00:05:18,836 --> 00:05:20,112 Oh, baby. 87 00:05:20,136 --> 00:05:21,180 Speak to me. 88 00:05:21,204 --> 00:05:22,515 Yes? This. 89 00:05:22,539 --> 00:05:24,379 Oh! Oh, oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! 90 00:05:25,275 --> 00:05:26,319 Hey, hey. 91 00:05:26,343 --> 00:05:28,355 I'll murder you. Take it easy now. 92 00:05:28,379 --> 00:05:30,122 Turn me loose. 93 00:05:30,146 --> 00:05:32,258 I'll get you. I'll tear your tonsils out. 94 00:05:32,282 --> 00:05:34,126 I can't move here. 95 00:05:34,150 --> 00:05:35,662 Get me out of this. I'll... 96 00:05:37,788 --> 00:05:40,299 I'm through with women forever. 97 00:05:40,323 --> 00:05:42,435 Give me back my ring. That's the wrong ring. 98 00:05:42,459 --> 00:05:44,170 So sue me. 99 00:05:46,263 --> 00:05:48,508 I'll catch up with you one of these days, wise guy, 100 00:05:48,532 --> 00:05:50,499 and when I do, pow. 101 00:05:53,837 --> 00:05:55,214 Women have always made trouble. 102 00:05:55,238 --> 00:05:56,583 They're all alike. 103 00:05:56,607 --> 00:05:58,718 Now my trouble started in the subway. 104 00:05:58,742 --> 00:06:00,720 It was crowded and I was hanging on to a strap. 105 00:06:00,744 --> 00:06:02,522 And all of a sudden, a beautiful girl get up 106 00:06:02,546 --> 00:06:03,556 and give me a seat. 107 00:06:03,580 --> 00:06:05,558 Well, to make a long friendship short, 108 00:06:05,582 --> 00:06:06,915 here I was at her home... 109 00:06:08,084 --> 00:06:10,497 That meal was wonderful. Oh, thank you. 110 00:06:10,521 --> 00:06:12,131 Beautiful and can cook too. 111 00:06:13,457 --> 00:06:15,535 Thank you. 112 00:06:15,559 --> 00:06:17,837 Well, now, will you excuse me while I powder my nose? 113 00:06:17,861 --> 00:06:19,606 Sure. Where does this pitcher belong? 114 00:06:19,630 --> 00:06:21,763 Up there in the cabinet. 115 00:06:25,335 --> 00:06:27,502 Oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh! 116 00:06:30,541 --> 00:06:33,653 Oh, she forgot to put the dirty dishes in the washer. 117 00:06:33,677 --> 00:06:35,822 I'll do it 118 00:06:36,847 --> 00:06:38,647 Oh! Oh! Oh! 119 00:06:44,154 --> 00:06:45,131 Oh! 120 00:06:45,155 --> 00:06:46,566 Oh, I'm so sorry! 121 00:06:46,590 --> 00:06:49,001 The automatic shut-off is out of order. 122 00:06:49,025 --> 00:06:50,503 Oh, you're soaking wet. 123 00:06:51,662 --> 00:06:53,706 You better get those wet clothes off 124 00:06:53,730 --> 00:06:54,874 before you catch cold. 125 00:06:54,898 --> 00:06:56,643 Come on, I'll give you something to wear. 126 00:06:56,667 --> 00:06:57,977 In a minute, in a minute. 127 00:06:58,001 --> 00:07:00,413 Oh! 128 00:07:00,437 --> 00:07:02,148 Come on. 129 00:07:02,172 --> 00:07:03,149 All right. 130 00:07:03,173 --> 00:07:04,984 Oh. 131 00:07:05,008 --> 00:07:06,553 Oh, they're soaked. Now you hurry up 132 00:07:06,577 --> 00:07:07,921 and get out of those wet clothes 133 00:07:07,945 --> 00:07:09,989 and I'll send them out to be cleaned and pressed. 134 00:07:10,013 --> 00:07:11,491 Meanwhile, make yourself at home. 135 00:07:11,515 --> 00:07:13,348 Thanks a lot. 136 00:07:26,864 --> 00:07:29,898 Oh! Oh, I'm sorry. 137 00:07:32,402 --> 00:07:33,546 Here you are. 138 00:07:33,570 --> 00:07:35,114 Where'd you get the men's pajamas? 139 00:07:35,138 --> 00:07:37,851 Well, they're my husband's, but we're separated. 140 00:07:37,875 --> 00:07:39,307 Oh. 141 00:07:43,480 --> 00:07:44,557 Here, put this on. 142 00:07:44,581 --> 00:07:46,158 It'll help keep you warm, I think. 143 00:07:46,182 --> 00:07:48,349 Oh, thank you. Thank you. 144 00:07:53,891 --> 00:07:56,536 Boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, what a night that was. 145 00:07:56,560 --> 00:07:57,537 Go on. 146 00:07:57,561 --> 00:07:58,838 Let's wet our whistles first. 147 00:07:58,862 --> 00:07:59,862 Here's looking at you. 148 00:08:34,598 --> 00:08:35,942 Sorry, pal. 149 00:08:35,966 --> 00:08:37,076 Go on with your story. 150 00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:39,145 Well, there we were in the living room 151 00:08:39,169 --> 00:08:41,313 waiting for my suit to come back from the cleaners. 152 00:08:41,337 --> 00:08:42,582 She was fond of music 153 00:08:42,606 --> 00:08:44,717 and I was playing the piano and singing. 154 00:08:44,741 --> 00:08:47,186 I was trying to impersonate that guy with the candelabra. 155 00:08:47,210 --> 00:08:48,320 Oh, yeah. 156 00:08:48,344 --> 00:08:52,792 ♪ Home Home on the farm ♪ 157 00:08:52,816 --> 00:08:55,061 ♪ In Georgia ♪ 158 00:08:55,085 --> 00:08:58,898 ♪ Our farm had such charm ♪ 159 00:08:58,922 --> 00:09:01,568 ♪ And mama's so sweet ♪ 160 00:09:01,592 --> 00:09:04,871 ♪ Cooks good things to eat ♪ 161 00:09:04,895 --> 00:09:07,206 ♪ In Georgia ♪ 162 00:09:07,230 --> 00:09:10,465 ♪ Down on the farm ♪ 163 00:09:15,038 --> 00:09:16,783 How was that? Oh, that's wonderful. 164 00:09:16,807 --> 00:09:17,850 You're quite a musician. 165 00:09:17,874 --> 00:09:20,186 Just fair. I play that in four sharps. 166 00:09:20,210 --> 00:09:21,420 I used to play in five flats 167 00:09:21,444 --> 00:09:22,922 but I got kicked out of the last one. 168 00:09:22,946 --> 00:09:25,324 Oh, what a lovely ring. 169 00:09:25,348 --> 00:09:26,960 May I see it? Certainly. 170 00:09:26,984 --> 00:09:28,984 Oh. 171 00:09:32,789 --> 00:09:34,834 Oh. 172 00:09:34,858 --> 00:09:36,535 Thank you very much. Now wait a minute. 173 00:09:36,559 --> 00:09:38,537 Oh, no. Now wait. Now give me that. 174 00:09:38,561 --> 00:09:40,807 Oh, it went down that hole. 175 00:09:42,065 --> 00:09:45,299 Excuse me. I'm expecting an important phone call. 176 00:09:46,703 --> 00:09:48,748 I can't get my hand under. 177 00:09:59,516 --> 00:10:01,494 Well. 178 00:10:01,518 --> 00:10:04,418 Gosh, it went down further. 179 00:10:09,660 --> 00:10:11,292 I'll get it. 180 00:10:15,598 --> 00:10:17,076 Oh, oh, oh! 181 00:10:17,100 --> 00:10:18,800 Oh, you cockeyed thing. 182 00:10:26,877 --> 00:10:28,710 What happened? 183 00:10:35,786 --> 00:10:38,586 I feel like a pretzel. 184 00:10:42,926 --> 00:10:44,570 Oh... 185 00:10:55,806 --> 00:10:58,818 Oh, oh, if she sees this mess, she'll kill me. 186 00:10:58,842 --> 00:11:00,486 I'd better get rid of it. 187 00:11:00,510 --> 00:11:02,722 Ah, in here with it. 188 00:11:02,746 --> 00:11:05,279 Never saw a piano with so much junk in it. 189 00:11:09,152 --> 00:11:10,384 Ooh! 190 00:11:15,525 --> 00:11:18,259 She'll kill me if she sees this. 191 00:11:19,596 --> 00:11:21,529 Oh. 192 00:11:26,603 --> 00:11:28,181 She'll never know the difference. 193 00:11:28,205 --> 00:11:29,816 Hello. 194 00:11:29,840 --> 00:11:31,450 You wrecker. 195 00:11:31,474 --> 00:11:34,386 Oh. Your ring. 196 00:11:34,410 --> 00:11:37,456 That will pay for the damage to my piano. 197 00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:38,925 There must be a way to get that ring 198 00:11:38,949 --> 00:11:41,027 without getting into trouble with the censor. 199 00:11:42,619 --> 00:11:43,730 Shh. 200 00:11:43,754 --> 00:11:44,931 Sweetheart. 201 00:11:44,955 --> 00:11:46,398 Open the door. I forgot my key. 202 00:11:46,422 --> 00:11:47,900 Oh, it's my husband. But I thought 203 00:11:47,924 --> 00:11:49,902 you were separated. We were. He was on a trip. 204 00:11:49,926 --> 00:11:51,170 That's separated, isn't it? 205 00:11:51,194 --> 00:11:53,139 Yeah... Oh, he's terribly jealous. 206 00:11:53,163 --> 00:11:54,707 If he finds you here, he'll kill you. 207 00:11:54,731 --> 00:11:57,009 If you think I'm afraid, you're right. 208 00:11:57,033 --> 00:11:58,111 Where will I hide? 209 00:11:58,135 --> 00:12:00,568 Upstairs. In the bedroom. 210 00:12:04,841 --> 00:12:06,219 Ah, darling. 211 00:12:06,243 --> 00:12:08,354 I'm sorry, honey. I must have forgot my key. 212 00:12:08,378 --> 00:12:09,956 Boy, are you a sight for sore eyes. 213 00:12:09,980 --> 00:12:11,290 Oh, well. 214 00:12:11,314 --> 00:12:13,659 Uh, you... You got home early, didn't you? 215 00:12:13,683 --> 00:12:14,961 Yes, I flew. 216 00:12:14,985 --> 00:12:16,462 And are my arms tired. 217 00:12:18,922 --> 00:12:21,189 I'm expecting a wire. 218 00:12:29,166 --> 00:12:30,777 Oh. Oh. Oh. 219 00:12:30,801 --> 00:12:32,566 A tiger. 220 00:12:35,906 --> 00:12:38,484 A boy said you told him to clean and press this suit. 221 00:12:38,508 --> 00:12:39,485 Whose is it? Um... 222 00:12:39,509 --> 00:12:40,686 Who are you hiding? 223 00:12:40,710 --> 00:12:41,687 Well... Never mind, 224 00:12:41,711 --> 00:12:42,855 I'll find him myself. Oh. 225 00:12:42,879 --> 00:12:44,556 Now, now, now, honey. I'll murder him. 226 00:12:44,580 --> 00:12:45,780 Please, no, listen. 227 00:12:46,482 --> 00:12:47,860 Moe, listen. Believe me. 228 00:12:47,884 --> 00:12:49,764 Well, I don't believe you. 229 00:12:51,288 --> 00:12:52,832 Moe. Put down that gun. 230 00:12:52,856 --> 00:12:54,466 I will if I don't find that rat. 231 00:12:54,490 --> 00:12:56,535 Ah-ha. The bed. 232 00:12:56,559 --> 00:12:57,636 Moe, there's nobody here. 233 00:12:57,660 --> 00:12:59,105 Why are you looking under the bed? 234 00:12:59,129 --> 00:13:01,440 Because that's where I hide when I... What am I saying? 235 00:13:01,464 --> 00:13:03,109 What? Never mind, I'll find him. 236 00:13:03,133 --> 00:13:04,576 Oh, the closet. 237 00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:06,979 - I'll get that home wrecker. - Please. Listen to me. 238 00:13:07,003 --> 00:13:08,781 - Please, please. - I'll find him. 239 00:13:08,805 --> 00:13:11,217 He must be amongst these clothes. 240 00:13:11,241 --> 00:13:13,119 Moe I told you, there is nobody here. 241 00:13:13,143 --> 00:13:14,153 Liar. 242 00:13:14,177 --> 00:13:15,454 Well, that's not my suit. 243 00:13:15,478 --> 00:13:17,523 And I'm gonna find the guy that it fits. 244 00:13:17,547 --> 00:13:18,825 Oh, Moe. 245 00:13:18,849 --> 00:13:21,027 Moe, please listen to me. 246 00:13:21,051 --> 00:13:22,561 I ain't listening to nobody. Oh! 247 00:13:22,585 --> 00:13:23,562 Shut up! 248 00:13:23,586 --> 00:13:24,697 How tall was he? 249 00:13:24,721 --> 00:13:25,764 Oh, he was about 5... 250 00:13:25,788 --> 00:13:27,366 Moe, I tell you, there's nobody here. 251 00:13:27,390 --> 00:13:28,670 Now, relax and sit down. 252 00:13:30,260 --> 00:13:31,237 Now listen. 253 00:13:31,261 --> 00:13:32,638 Oh, now, Moe, baby. 254 00:13:32,662 --> 00:13:33,973 Lie down and relax. 255 00:13:33,997 --> 00:13:36,042 You're getting all upset for nothing. 256 00:13:36,066 --> 00:13:37,409 Well, maybe you're right. 257 00:13:37,433 --> 00:13:39,879 Why, certainly. You're being silly. 258 00:13:39,903 --> 00:13:43,872 You know I wouldn't have another man in this apartment. 259 00:13:45,508 --> 00:13:46,975 Oh! 260 00:13:50,013 --> 00:13:51,512 Oh, oh, oh! 261 00:13:53,316 --> 00:13:55,094 I'll get you, you rat! 262 00:14:03,360 --> 00:14:05,504 I ran 16 blocks. 263 00:14:05,528 --> 00:14:07,639 Got pinched for masquerading as a woman. 264 00:14:07,663 --> 00:14:09,976 And I had to pay $50 fine. 265 00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:12,644 How do you like that? Oh, I hate women. 266 00:14:12,668 --> 00:14:16,837 I don't blame you, Shemp. Fifty dollars' fine, oh. 267 00:14:18,708 --> 00:14:20,186 Hey, there's Charlie. 268 00:14:20,210 --> 00:14:21,453 Let's say hello. 269 00:14:21,477 --> 00:14:23,489 All the dame wants is diamonds. 270 00:14:23,513 --> 00:14:24,523 Two karat, 4 karat... 271 00:14:24,547 --> 00:14:25,892 Hi, Charlie. Hello, Charles. 272 00:14:25,916 --> 00:14:28,261 Oh, hi, fellas. Say, I want you to meet a new member. 273 00:14:28,285 --> 00:14:29,695 This is, uh... 274 00:14:29,719 --> 00:14:30,696 Why, you rat. 275 00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:31,797 Oh! 276 00:14:31,821 --> 00:14:33,832 Oh, yeah? Who do you call a rat, eh? 277 00:14:33,856 --> 00:14:35,101 Oh! I'm sorry, 278 00:14:35,125 --> 00:14:36,936 Charlie, boy. Oh, a wise guy, huh? 279 00:14:38,194 --> 00:14:40,039 I'm sorry, there. Oh, you wanna fight, eh? 280 00:14:40,063 --> 00:14:41,695 Get out of here. 281 00:14:43,300 --> 00:14:44,565 I'll brain you. 282 00:14:55,511 --> 00:14:56,945 You fellas... 283 00:15:05,855 --> 00:15:07,266 Help. Help. 284 00:15:08,858 --> 00:15:10,303 Oh, Moe. Moe. 285 00:15:10,327 --> 00:15:12,738 Wait, I'll get you out of it. 286 00:15:12,762 --> 00:15:15,908 Hold still. 287 00:15:15,932 --> 00:15:17,910 Moe. Moe. 288 00:15:17,934 --> 00:15:19,979 Can I do something? Can I get you a glass of water? 289 00:15:20,003 --> 00:15:21,314 A truck hit me. 290 00:15:21,338 --> 00:15:23,537 Come on. Let's get out of here. 291 00:15:26,376 --> 00:15:28,354 Oh! Oh! 292 00:15:28,378 --> 00:15:30,957 Why don't you watch where you're going? 293 00:15:30,981 --> 00:15:34,660 Well, what a pleasant surprise. 294 00:15:34,684 --> 00:15:36,395 Jane. The diamond kid. 295 00:15:36,419 --> 00:15:39,065 Yes. Oh, this is wonderful. 296 00:15:39,089 --> 00:15:40,899 Long time no see. Where've you been? 297 00:15:40,923 --> 00:15:42,134 Well, I've been around. 298 00:15:42,158 --> 00:15:43,502 Oh! What are you doing? 299 00:15:43,526 --> 00:15:45,338 What are you doing? What? 300 00:15:46,363 --> 00:15:49,375 Oh, please! Oh, no! 301 00:15:49,399 --> 00:15:50,576 Now cut that... 19857

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