Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:38,522 --> 00:00:40,600
No ice.
I'll get it myself.
2
00:00:40,624 --> 00:00:42,635
That's all...
3
00:00:42,659 --> 00:00:43,970
Oh, I beg your pardon sir.
4
00:00:43,994 --> 00:00:45,505
I didn't mean that.
I'm sorry...
5
00:00:45,529 --> 00:00:48,508
Larry. Of all people,
I haven't seen you in years.
6
00:00:48,532 --> 00:00:50,477
Shemp. You're a sight
for sore eyes.
7
00:00:50,501 --> 00:00:52,679
Sit down. We'll have a drink.
I don't mind if I do.
8
00:00:53,837 --> 00:00:56,197
What kind of stuff is this?
9
00:01:00,444 --> 00:01:02,689
Mm.
Nice and fresh.
10
00:01:02,713 --> 00:01:04,391
When did you join
the Woman Haters Club?
11
00:01:04,415 --> 00:01:06,193
Oh, it's a long story.
I'll have to tell you
12
00:01:06,217 --> 00:01:07,360
a little later.
All right.
13
00:01:07,384 --> 00:01:09,129
Right now,
we're busy with this, you see.
14
00:01:09,153 --> 00:01:10,363
Oh, brother.
15
00:01:10,387 --> 00:01:12,832
Mm.
16
00:01:12,856 --> 00:01:14,834
There you are.
17
00:01:14,858 --> 00:01:15,835
Here's how.
18
00:01:15,859 --> 00:01:17,870
I know how.
19
00:01:34,612 --> 00:01:36,811
Too much seltzer.
20
00:01:42,986 --> 00:01:46,299
You're right. They do make
that seltzer strong.
21
00:01:46,323 --> 00:01:48,602
Well, you asked me a question.
22
00:01:48,626 --> 00:01:50,837
It's a long story,
but you asked for it.
23
00:01:50,861 --> 00:01:52,872
I was sitting at home reading
the newspaper,
24
00:01:52,896 --> 00:01:55,175
when I happen to glance
at the personal column.
25
00:01:55,199 --> 00:01:58,099
There was an ad
that caught my eye.
26
00:02:00,337 --> 00:02:02,415
"Tired of being beautiful
and alone.
27
00:02:02,439 --> 00:02:04,217
"Would like to meet clean,
well-dressed,
28
00:02:04,241 --> 00:02:05,985
"handsome man about 35.
29
00:02:06,009 --> 00:02:07,387
"Object: matrimony.
30
00:02:07,411 --> 00:02:11,525
Address: box 41144
Daily Journal."
31
00:02:11,549 --> 00:02:12,925
What an opportunity.
32
00:02:12,949 --> 00:02:14,894
Beautiful and alone.
33
00:02:14,918 --> 00:02:17,631
But a handsome man,
that might be a problem.
34
00:02:17,655 --> 00:02:19,655
What time is it?
35
00:02:24,328 --> 00:02:27,006
Every time I look at
the seven-day clock, it stops.
36
00:02:27,030 --> 00:02:30,599
I can't be that ugly.
Or can I?
37
00:02:33,103 --> 00:02:35,315
Mirror, mirror on the wall
38
00:02:35,339 --> 00:02:38,106
Who's the fairest Of them all?
39
00:02:39,976 --> 00:02:43,223
I break more mirrors that way.
40
00:02:43,247 --> 00:02:47,427
Well, believe it or not,
she thought I was handsome.
41
00:02:48,586 --> 00:02:50,863
And I fell for her
like a ton of bricks.
42
00:02:50,887 --> 00:02:53,300
Well, a few nights later,
I went over to visit her
43
00:02:53,324 --> 00:02:56,925
at her apartment as usual,
and uh...
44
00:02:58,329 --> 00:02:59,472
Mwah, mwah.
45
00:02:59,496 --> 00:03:02,297
Close your eyes.
I have a surprise for you.
46
00:03:06,069 --> 00:03:10,049
Oh, darling, it's beautiful.
47
00:03:10,073 --> 00:03:11,251
Oh.
48
00:03:11,275 --> 00:03:14,376
Mwah. Mwah. Mwah.
49
00:03:18,148 --> 00:03:20,126
Oh, I'm gonna relax
and smoke a bit.
50
00:03:21,452 --> 00:03:23,372
You wanna smoke?
Thank you.
51
00:03:35,999 --> 00:03:37,176
Oh, excuse me.
I'll get it.
52
00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:38,900
I'll get it.
53
00:03:47,278 --> 00:03:48,388
What can I do for you?
54
00:03:48,412 --> 00:03:49,456
This.
55
00:03:49,480 --> 00:03:51,791
Oh!
56
00:03:51,815 --> 00:03:53,025
Didn't you make a mistake?
57
00:03:53,049 --> 00:03:54,494
Yeah, I hit the wrong eye.
58
00:03:54,518 --> 00:03:57,419
Oh!
59
00:03:59,723 --> 00:04:01,534
Ah, my beautiful Jane.
60
00:04:01,558 --> 00:04:04,537
While it's in my brain,
may I deign again to ask you
61
00:04:04,561 --> 00:04:07,307
not refrain the chance
to make us twain.
62
00:04:10,801 --> 00:04:13,212
Mm. Yeah.
63
00:04:15,939 --> 00:04:20,487
Oh, darling, it's beautiful.
64
00:04:20,511 --> 00:04:22,656
Oh.
65
00:04:24,715 --> 00:04:25,992
You may kiss me.
66
00:04:26,016 --> 00:04:28,161
Indeed.
67
00:04:30,321 --> 00:04:32,666
Hey.
What the hey?
68
00:04:32,690 --> 00:04:34,867
Who is this spotted raccoon?
69
00:04:34,891 --> 00:04:36,770
Oh, he tried
to get engaged to me
70
00:04:36,794 --> 00:04:38,805
with that miserable
little 2-karat ring.
71
00:04:38,829 --> 00:04:40,774
Just a minute, that was
2 and a half karats,
72
00:04:40,798 --> 00:04:42,275
you gold digger.
73
00:04:42,299 --> 00:04:43,743
Why don't you watch
your manners?
74
00:04:43,767 --> 00:04:45,779
How dare you call my tomato
a gold digger.
75
00:04:45,803 --> 00:04:47,414
Oh!
Get away from here.
76
00:04:47,438 --> 00:04:48,670
Ha!
77
00:04:52,142 --> 00:04:53,842
Oh!
78
00:04:58,215 --> 00:05:00,327
I guess I told him
a two or thing.
79
00:05:00,351 --> 00:05:02,128
Took care of that guy,
I'll tell you.
80
00:05:02,152 --> 00:05:03,152
Oh!
81
00:05:05,055 --> 00:05:06,988
Oh, oh, oh!
82
00:05:11,127 --> 00:05:12,972
That caterpillar thinks
he's smart,
83
00:05:12,996 --> 00:05:14,507
but he's not smart enough
for me.
84
00:05:14,531 --> 00:05:15,742
I'll... Ah-ah.
85
00:05:15,766 --> 00:05:17,610
Look out.
86
00:05:18,836 --> 00:05:20,112
Oh, baby.
87
00:05:20,136 --> 00:05:21,180
Speak to me.
88
00:05:21,204 --> 00:05:22,515
Yes?
This.
89
00:05:22,539 --> 00:05:24,379
Oh! Oh, oh!
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
90
00:05:25,275 --> 00:05:26,319
Hey, hey.
91
00:05:26,343 --> 00:05:28,355
I'll murder you.
Take it easy now.
92
00:05:28,379 --> 00:05:30,122
Turn me loose.
93
00:05:30,146 --> 00:05:32,258
I'll get you.
I'll tear your tonsils out.
94
00:05:32,282 --> 00:05:34,126
I can't move here.
95
00:05:34,150 --> 00:05:35,662
Get me out of this.
I'll...
96
00:05:37,788 --> 00:05:40,299
I'm through with women forever.
97
00:05:40,323 --> 00:05:42,435
Give me back my ring.
That's the wrong ring.
98
00:05:42,459 --> 00:05:44,170
So sue me.
99
00:05:46,263 --> 00:05:48,508
I'll catch up with you
one of these days, wise guy,
100
00:05:48,532 --> 00:05:50,499
and when I do, pow.
101
00:05:53,837 --> 00:05:55,214
Women have always made trouble.
102
00:05:55,238 --> 00:05:56,583
They're all alike.
103
00:05:56,607 --> 00:05:58,718
Now my trouble started
in the subway.
104
00:05:58,742 --> 00:06:00,720
It was crowded
and I was hanging on to a strap.
105
00:06:00,744 --> 00:06:02,522
And all of a sudden,
a beautiful girl get up
106
00:06:02,546 --> 00:06:03,556
and give me a seat.
107
00:06:03,580 --> 00:06:05,558
Well, to make a long
friendship short,
108
00:06:05,582 --> 00:06:06,915
here I was at her home...
109
00:06:08,084 --> 00:06:10,497
That meal was wonderful.
Oh, thank you.
110
00:06:10,521 --> 00:06:12,131
Beautiful and can cook too.
111
00:06:13,457 --> 00:06:15,535
Thank you.
112
00:06:15,559 --> 00:06:17,837
Well, now, will you excuse me
while I powder my nose?
113
00:06:17,861 --> 00:06:19,606
Sure. Where does
this pitcher belong?
114
00:06:19,630 --> 00:06:21,763
Up there in the cabinet.
115
00:06:25,335 --> 00:06:27,502
Oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh!
116
00:06:30,541 --> 00:06:33,653
Oh, she forgot to put
the dirty dishes in the washer.
117
00:06:33,677 --> 00:06:35,822
I'll do it
118
00:06:36,847 --> 00:06:38,647
Oh! Oh! Oh!
119
00:06:44,154 --> 00:06:45,131
Oh!
120
00:06:45,155 --> 00:06:46,566
Oh, I'm so sorry!
121
00:06:46,590 --> 00:06:49,001
The automatic shut-off
is out of order.
122
00:06:49,025 --> 00:06:50,503
Oh, you're soaking wet.
123
00:06:51,662 --> 00:06:53,706
You better get
those wet clothes off
124
00:06:53,730 --> 00:06:54,874
before you catch cold.
125
00:06:54,898 --> 00:06:56,643
Come on, I'll give you
something to wear.
126
00:06:56,667 --> 00:06:57,977
In a minute, in a minute.
127
00:06:58,001 --> 00:07:00,413
Oh!
128
00:07:00,437 --> 00:07:02,148
Come on.
129
00:07:02,172 --> 00:07:03,149
All right.
130
00:07:03,173 --> 00:07:04,984
Oh.
131
00:07:05,008 --> 00:07:06,553
Oh, they're soaked.
Now you hurry up
132
00:07:06,577 --> 00:07:07,921
and get out of those wet clothes
133
00:07:07,945 --> 00:07:09,989
and I'll send them out
to be cleaned and pressed.
134
00:07:10,013 --> 00:07:11,491
Meanwhile, make yourself
at home.
135
00:07:11,515 --> 00:07:13,348
Thanks a lot.
136
00:07:26,864 --> 00:07:29,898
Oh! Oh, I'm sorry.
137
00:07:32,402 --> 00:07:33,546
Here you are.
138
00:07:33,570 --> 00:07:35,114
Where'd you get
the men's pajamas?
139
00:07:35,138 --> 00:07:37,851
Well, they're my husband's,
but we're separated.
140
00:07:37,875 --> 00:07:39,307
Oh.
141
00:07:43,480 --> 00:07:44,557
Here, put this on.
142
00:07:44,581 --> 00:07:46,158
It'll help keep you warm,
I think.
143
00:07:46,182 --> 00:07:48,349
Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
144
00:07:53,891 --> 00:07:56,536
Boy, oh, boy, oh, boy,
what a night that was.
145
00:07:56,560 --> 00:07:57,537
Go on.
146
00:07:57,561 --> 00:07:58,838
Let's wet our whistles first.
147
00:07:58,862 --> 00:07:59,862
Here's looking at you.
148
00:08:34,598 --> 00:08:35,942
Sorry, pal.
149
00:08:35,966 --> 00:08:37,076
Go on with your story.
150
00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:39,145
Well, there we were
in the living room
151
00:08:39,169 --> 00:08:41,313
waiting for my suit
to come back from the cleaners.
152
00:08:41,337 --> 00:08:42,582
She was fond of music
153
00:08:42,606 --> 00:08:44,717
and I was playing the piano
and singing.
154
00:08:44,741 --> 00:08:47,186
I was trying to impersonate
that guy with the candelabra.
155
00:08:47,210 --> 00:08:48,320
Oh, yeah.
156
00:08:48,344 --> 00:08:52,792
♪ Home
Home on the farm ♪
157
00:08:52,816 --> 00:08:55,061
♪ In Georgia ♪
158
00:08:55,085 --> 00:08:58,898
♪ Our farm had such charm ♪
159
00:08:58,922 --> 00:09:01,568
♪ And mama's so sweet ♪
160
00:09:01,592 --> 00:09:04,871
♪ Cooks good things to eat ♪
161
00:09:04,895 --> 00:09:07,206
♪ In Georgia ♪
162
00:09:07,230 --> 00:09:10,465
♪ Down on the farm ♪
163
00:09:15,038 --> 00:09:16,783
How was that?
Oh, that's wonderful.
164
00:09:16,807 --> 00:09:17,850
You're quite a musician.
165
00:09:17,874 --> 00:09:20,186
Just fair.
I play that in four sharps.
166
00:09:20,210 --> 00:09:21,420
I used to play in five flats
167
00:09:21,444 --> 00:09:22,922
but I got kicked out
of the last one.
168
00:09:22,946 --> 00:09:25,324
Oh, what a lovely ring.
169
00:09:25,348 --> 00:09:26,960
May I see it?
Certainly.
170
00:09:26,984 --> 00:09:28,984
Oh.
171
00:09:32,789 --> 00:09:34,834
Oh.
172
00:09:34,858 --> 00:09:36,535
Thank you very much.
Now wait a minute.
173
00:09:36,559 --> 00:09:38,537
Oh, no.
Now wait. Now give me that.
174
00:09:38,561 --> 00:09:40,807
Oh, it went down that hole.
175
00:09:42,065 --> 00:09:45,299
Excuse me. I'm expecting
an important phone call.
176
00:09:46,703 --> 00:09:48,748
I can't get my hand under.
177
00:09:59,516 --> 00:10:01,494
Well.
178
00:10:01,518 --> 00:10:04,418
Gosh, it went down further.
179
00:10:09,660 --> 00:10:11,292
I'll get it.
180
00:10:15,598 --> 00:10:17,076
Oh, oh, oh!
181
00:10:17,100 --> 00:10:18,800
Oh, you cockeyed thing.
182
00:10:26,877 --> 00:10:28,710
What happened?
183
00:10:35,786 --> 00:10:38,586
I feel like a pretzel.
184
00:10:42,926 --> 00:10:44,570
Oh...
185
00:10:55,806 --> 00:10:58,818
Oh, oh, if she sees this mess,
she'll kill me.
186
00:10:58,842 --> 00:11:00,486
I'd better get rid of it.
187
00:11:00,510 --> 00:11:02,722
Ah, in here with it.
188
00:11:02,746 --> 00:11:05,279
Never saw a piano
with so much junk in it.
189
00:11:09,152 --> 00:11:10,384
Ooh!
190
00:11:15,525 --> 00:11:18,259
She'll kill me if she sees this.
191
00:11:19,596 --> 00:11:21,529
Oh.
192
00:11:26,603 --> 00:11:28,181
She'll never know
the difference.
193
00:11:28,205 --> 00:11:29,816
Hello.
194
00:11:29,840 --> 00:11:31,450
You wrecker.
195
00:11:31,474 --> 00:11:34,386
Oh. Your ring.
196
00:11:34,410 --> 00:11:37,456
That will pay
for the damage to my piano.
197
00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:38,925
There must be a way
to get that ring
198
00:11:38,949 --> 00:11:41,027
without getting into trouble
with the censor.
199
00:11:42,619 --> 00:11:43,730
Shh.
200
00:11:43,754 --> 00:11:44,931
Sweetheart.
201
00:11:44,955 --> 00:11:46,398
Open the door.
I forgot my key.
202
00:11:46,422 --> 00:11:47,900
Oh, it's my husband.
But I thought
203
00:11:47,924 --> 00:11:49,902
you were separated.
We were. He was on a trip.
204
00:11:49,926 --> 00:11:51,170
That's separated, isn't it?
205
00:11:51,194 --> 00:11:53,139
Yeah...
Oh, he's terribly jealous.
206
00:11:53,163 --> 00:11:54,707
If he finds you here,
he'll kill you.
207
00:11:54,731 --> 00:11:57,009
If you think I'm afraid,
you're right.
208
00:11:57,033 --> 00:11:58,111
Where will I hide?
209
00:11:58,135 --> 00:12:00,568
Upstairs.
In the bedroom.
210
00:12:04,841 --> 00:12:06,219
Ah, darling.
211
00:12:06,243 --> 00:12:08,354
I'm sorry, honey.
I must have forgot my key.
212
00:12:08,378 --> 00:12:09,956
Boy, are you a sight
for sore eyes.
213
00:12:09,980 --> 00:12:11,290
Oh, well.
214
00:12:11,314 --> 00:12:13,659
Uh, you... You got home early,
didn't you?
215
00:12:13,683 --> 00:12:14,961
Yes, I flew.
216
00:12:14,985 --> 00:12:16,462
And are my arms tired.
217
00:12:18,922 --> 00:12:21,189
I'm expecting a wire.
218
00:12:29,166 --> 00:12:30,777
Oh. Oh. Oh.
219
00:12:30,801 --> 00:12:32,566
A tiger.
220
00:12:35,906 --> 00:12:38,484
A boy said you told him
to clean and press this suit.
221
00:12:38,508 --> 00:12:39,485
Whose is it?
Um...
222
00:12:39,509 --> 00:12:40,686
Who are you hiding?
223
00:12:40,710 --> 00:12:41,687
Well... Never mind,
224
00:12:41,711 --> 00:12:42,855
I'll find him myself.
Oh.
225
00:12:42,879 --> 00:12:44,556
Now, now, now, honey.
I'll murder him.
226
00:12:44,580 --> 00:12:45,780
Please, no, listen.
227
00:12:46,482 --> 00:12:47,860
Moe, listen. Believe me.
228
00:12:47,884 --> 00:12:49,764
Well, I don't believe you.
229
00:12:51,288 --> 00:12:52,832
Moe.
Put down that gun.
230
00:12:52,856 --> 00:12:54,466
I will if I don't find that rat.
231
00:12:54,490 --> 00:12:56,535
Ah-ha. The bed.
232
00:12:56,559 --> 00:12:57,636
Moe, there's nobody here.
233
00:12:57,660 --> 00:12:59,105
Why are you looking
under the bed?
234
00:12:59,129 --> 00:13:01,440
Because that's where I hide
when I... What am I saying?
235
00:13:01,464 --> 00:13:03,109
What?
Never mind, I'll find him.
236
00:13:03,133 --> 00:13:04,576
Oh, the closet.
237
00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:06,979
- I'll get that home wrecker.
- Please. Listen to me.
238
00:13:07,003 --> 00:13:08,781
- Please, please.
- I'll find him.
239
00:13:08,805 --> 00:13:11,217
He must be amongst
these clothes.
240
00:13:11,241 --> 00:13:13,119
Moe I told you,
there is nobody here.
241
00:13:13,143 --> 00:13:14,153
Liar.
242
00:13:14,177 --> 00:13:15,454
Well, that's not my suit.
243
00:13:15,478 --> 00:13:17,523
And I'm gonna find
the guy that it fits.
244
00:13:17,547 --> 00:13:18,825
Oh, Moe.
245
00:13:18,849 --> 00:13:21,027
Moe, please listen to me.
246
00:13:21,051 --> 00:13:22,561
I ain't listening to nobody.
Oh!
247
00:13:22,585 --> 00:13:23,562
Shut up!
248
00:13:23,586 --> 00:13:24,697
How tall was he?
249
00:13:24,721 --> 00:13:25,764
Oh, he was about 5...
250
00:13:25,788 --> 00:13:27,366
Moe, I tell you,
there's nobody here.
251
00:13:27,390 --> 00:13:28,670
Now, relax and sit down.
252
00:13:30,260 --> 00:13:31,237
Now listen.
253
00:13:31,261 --> 00:13:32,638
Oh, now, Moe, baby.
254
00:13:32,662 --> 00:13:33,973
Lie down and relax.
255
00:13:33,997 --> 00:13:36,042
You're getting all upset
for nothing.
256
00:13:36,066 --> 00:13:37,409
Well, maybe you're right.
257
00:13:37,433 --> 00:13:39,879
Why, certainly.
You're being silly.
258
00:13:39,903 --> 00:13:43,872
You know I wouldn't have another
man in this apartment.
259
00:13:45,508 --> 00:13:46,975
Oh!
260
00:13:50,013 --> 00:13:51,512
Oh, oh, oh!
261
00:13:53,316 --> 00:13:55,094
I'll get you, you rat!
262
00:14:03,360 --> 00:14:05,504
I ran 16 blocks.
263
00:14:05,528 --> 00:14:07,639
Got pinched for masquerading
as a woman.
264
00:14:07,663 --> 00:14:09,976
And I had to pay $50 fine.
265
00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:12,644
How do you like that?
Oh, I hate women.
266
00:14:12,668 --> 00:14:16,837
I don't blame you, Shemp.
Fifty dollars' fine, oh.
267
00:14:18,708 --> 00:14:20,186
Hey, there's Charlie.
268
00:14:20,210 --> 00:14:21,453
Let's say hello.
269
00:14:21,477 --> 00:14:23,489
All the dame wants is diamonds.
270
00:14:23,513 --> 00:14:24,523
Two karat, 4 karat...
271
00:14:24,547 --> 00:14:25,892
Hi, Charlie.
Hello, Charles.
272
00:14:25,916 --> 00:14:28,261
Oh, hi, fellas. Say,
I want you to meet a new member.
273
00:14:28,285 --> 00:14:29,695
This is, uh...
274
00:14:29,719 --> 00:14:30,696
Why, you rat.
275
00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:31,797
Oh!
276
00:14:31,821 --> 00:14:33,832
Oh, yeah?
Who do you call a rat, eh?
277
00:14:33,856 --> 00:14:35,101
Oh!
I'm sorry,
278
00:14:35,125 --> 00:14:36,936
Charlie, boy.
Oh, a wise guy, huh?
279
00:14:38,194 --> 00:14:40,039
I'm sorry, there.
Oh, you wanna fight, eh?
280
00:14:40,063 --> 00:14:41,695
Get out of here.
281
00:14:43,300 --> 00:14:44,565
I'll brain you.
282
00:14:55,511 --> 00:14:56,945
You fellas...
283
00:15:05,855 --> 00:15:07,266
Help. Help.
284
00:15:08,858 --> 00:15:10,303
Oh, Moe. Moe.
285
00:15:10,327 --> 00:15:12,738
Wait, I'll get you out of it.
286
00:15:12,762 --> 00:15:15,908
Hold still.
287
00:15:15,932 --> 00:15:17,910
Moe. Moe.
288
00:15:17,934 --> 00:15:19,979
Can I do something?
Can I get you a glass of water?
289
00:15:20,003 --> 00:15:21,314
A truck hit me.
290
00:15:21,338 --> 00:15:23,537
Come on.
Let's get out of here.
291
00:15:26,376 --> 00:15:28,354
Oh! Oh!
292
00:15:28,378 --> 00:15:30,957
Why don't you watch
where you're going?
293
00:15:30,981 --> 00:15:34,660
Well, what a pleasant surprise.
294
00:15:34,684 --> 00:15:36,395
Jane.
The diamond kid.
295
00:15:36,419 --> 00:15:39,065
Yes.
Oh, this is wonderful.
296
00:15:39,089 --> 00:15:40,899
Long time no see.
Where've you been?
297
00:15:40,923 --> 00:15:42,134
Well, I've been around.
298
00:15:42,158 --> 00:15:43,502
Oh! What are you doing?
299
00:15:43,526 --> 00:15:45,338
What are you doing?
What?
300
00:15:46,363 --> 00:15:49,375
Oh, please!
Oh, no!
301
00:15:49,399 --> 00:15:50,576
Now cut that...
19857
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.