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1
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:09,343
[woman on TV] That has been, really,a difficult thing for me.
2
00:00:09,426 --> 00:00:12,763
My mother has always beena very difficult person all her life.
3
00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:16,642
Very unhappy. I can never remembermy mother being happy.
4
00:00:16,725 --> 00:00:21,104
[inhales deeply] And as she gets older,however she was as a young person,
5
00:00:21,230 --> 00:00:24,483
I find it's just now exaggeratedand, uh...
6
00:00:24,566 --> 00:00:29,821
so, she's, uh, 83and now very extremely negative,
7
00:00:29,905 --> 00:00:34,201
very extremely unhappy, and, uh...that has been hard for me...
8
00:00:34,284 --> 00:00:38,455
-[classical music playing]
-[audience cheering and applauding]
9
00:01:04,648 --> 00:01:06,233
[woman] Hello, audience.
10
00:01:07,276 --> 00:01:09,069
Thank you for coming.
11
00:01:09,820 --> 00:01:12,864
You are here because you want to laugh...
12
00:01:12,948 --> 00:01:16,326
and you want to forgetabout your problems.
13
00:01:17,244 --> 00:01:18,745
But I cannot allow it.
14
00:01:20,038 --> 00:01:21,707
You should not laugh.
15
00:01:22,791 --> 00:01:25,585
You should not forgetabout your problems.
16
00:01:27,254 --> 00:01:28,880
The world is not funny.
17
00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:32,634
-We are all dying.
-[audience laughing]
18
00:01:32,718 --> 00:01:34,845
The world is not funny.
19
00:01:35,512 --> 00:01:37,806
Twelve percent of the world's population
20
00:01:37,889 --> 00:01:40,976
does not have accessto clean drinking water.
21
00:01:42,060 --> 00:01:44,187
The world is not funny.
22
00:01:44,313 --> 00:01:47,232
Guy Fieri ownstwo functioning restaurants.
23
00:01:47,316 --> 00:01:50,235
-[audience laughing and applauding]
-The world is not funny.
24
00:01:52,070 --> 00:01:56,575
So then...now that we understand the context,
25
00:01:56,658 --> 00:01:59,911
now that we realizehow terribly unfunny the world is...
26
00:02:01,038 --> 00:02:02,205
let's do this.
27
00:02:02,289 --> 00:02:05,292
-[organ music playing]
-[audience cheering and applauding]
28
00:02:07,377 --> 00:02:10,547
[man] Entertainers are not hereto help you.
29
00:02:10,631 --> 00:02:12,507
They are here to control you.
30
00:02:12,591 --> 00:02:15,052
-[audience continues cheering]
-Never listen to them.
31
00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:17,638
Never give them what they want.
32
00:02:17,721 --> 00:02:24,269
And most importantly,never make some fucking noise!
33
00:02:24,353 --> 00:02:27,397
[audience cheers loudly]
34
00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:29,441
[hip-hop music playing]
35
00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:37,991
[audience continues cheering]
36
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:48,752
-[bell dings]
-[rapping] ♪ Ladies! ♪
37
00:02:48,835 --> 00:02:51,421
♪ Ladies, if you feel meSay, "Hell, yeah!" ♪
38
00:02:51,505 --> 00:02:52,714
[all women] Hell, yeah!
39
00:02:52,798 --> 00:02:56,468
♪ Fellas! Come on, fellasIf you feel me, say, "Hell, yeah!" ♪
40
00:02:56,551 --> 00:02:57,719
[all men] Hell, yeah!
41
00:02:57,803 --> 00:03:01,556
♪ Virgins, if you haven't felt a personSay, "Hell, yeah!" ♪
42
00:03:01,640 --> 00:03:02,724
[audience] Hell, yeah!
43
00:03:02,808 --> 00:03:06,645
♪ If you can divide by zeroLet me hear you say, "Hell, yeah!" ♪
44
00:03:06,728 --> 00:03:07,729
[audience] Hell, yeah!
45
00:03:07,813 --> 00:03:10,190
-No, you can't.
-[audience laughing]
46
00:03:10,273 --> 00:03:12,651
Mathematically impossible.
Listen.
47
00:03:12,734 --> 00:03:14,945
Don't be Pavlovian.
I'm looking for actual answers here.
48
00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:18,073
Trying to gather information.
Let's go.
49
00:03:18,156 --> 00:03:21,660
♪ If you like drinking boozeLet me hear you say, "Hell, yeah!" ♪
50
00:03:21,743 --> 00:03:22,994
[audience] Hell, yeah!
51
00:03:23,078 --> 00:03:26,665
♪ If you like smoking weedLet me hear you say, "Hell, yeah!" ♪
52
00:03:26,748 --> 00:03:28,125
[audience] Hell, yeah!
53
00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:30,836
-Gotcha. Get these motherfuckers.
-[police siren wailing]
54
00:03:30,919 --> 00:03:33,088
[officer 1] Get down on the ground!Get down on the ground!
55
00:03:33,171 --> 00:03:35,132
[Bo] Pot is ruining America.
[officer 1] Where's the weed?
56
00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:36,591
Where's the weed?
57
00:03:36,675 --> 00:03:38,260
[officer 2] Yeah,we got a room full of potheads.
58
00:03:38,343 --> 00:03:39,636
We're gonna need backup.Over.
59
00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:40,721
Psych!
60
00:03:40,804 --> 00:03:42,222
♪ If you don't give a fuckAbout the law ♪
61
00:03:42,305 --> 00:03:44,433
♪ Let me hear you say"Fuck the police" ♪
62
00:03:44,516 --> 00:03:45,517
[audience] Fuck the police.
63
00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:47,978
♪ If that seems oversimplified to youLet me hear you say ♪
64
00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:50,564
♪ "It's a really tough jobAnd they're doing their best" ♪
65
00:03:50,647 --> 00:03:53,608
♪ If you know nothing about the conflictBetween Israel and Palestine ♪
66
00:03:53,692 --> 00:03:55,277
♪ And thus feel super uncomfortable ♪
67
00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:56,778
♪ Weighing in on itTil you've read about it ♪
68
00:03:56,862 --> 00:03:59,656
♪ Let me hear you say"No comment" ♪
69
00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:00,782
[audience] No comment!
70
00:04:00,866 --> 00:04:03,952
Good call. I have no idea
what's going on over there.
71
00:04:04,953 --> 00:04:06,288
What are they fighting about?
72
00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:09,708
They have similar hats.
73
00:04:10,834 --> 00:04:12,502
♪ If you want to start the show ♪
74
00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:14,880
♪ Let me hear you say, "Hell, yeah"Come on ♪
75
00:04:14,963 --> 00:04:16,465
[audience] Hell, yeah!
76
00:04:16,548 --> 00:04:18,091
♪ If my name's Bo... ♪
77
00:04:20,385 --> 00:04:21,970
-Whoops.
-[audience laughing]
78
00:04:22,053 --> 00:04:24,264
I think you're done
with this call and response shit.
79
00:04:25,056 --> 00:04:26,767
That's what I thought.
80
00:04:26,850 --> 00:04:28,977
If you want me to get introspective,
81
00:04:29,060 --> 00:04:31,605
-let's get introspective.
-[soft music playing]
82
00:04:31,688 --> 00:04:34,941
[singing] ♪ I can't wrap my mind aroundExactly why I'm here ♪
83
00:04:35,025 --> 00:04:38,320
♪ I know you paid moneyI should be funny ♪
84
00:04:38,403 --> 00:04:41,698
♪ Other than thatDon't know why I'm here ♪
85
00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:44,659
♪ To make you laugh, right?That's only half-right ♪
86
00:04:44,743 --> 00:04:47,913
♪ Look at the worldI don't know why I'm here ♪
87
00:04:47,996 --> 00:04:51,124
♪ All this laughter can'tFeed starving Africans ♪
88
00:04:51,208 --> 00:04:56,755
♪ I just hope I don'tGet more from this than you do ♪
89
00:04:57,798 --> 00:05:02,761
♪ I would love to tell youThat everything is fine ♪
90
00:05:04,221 --> 00:05:06,473
♪ You wanna be happy ♪
91
00:05:06,556 --> 00:05:09,100
♪ Well, get in line ♪
92
00:05:09,184 --> 00:05:12,938
[rapping] ♪ Yeah, this is almostMusically incoherent at this point ♪
93
00:05:13,063 --> 00:05:15,941
♪ Y'all ain't never seen a comedy showLike this in your fucking life ♪
94
00:05:16,024 --> 00:05:17,317
♪ And for good reason ♪
95
00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:20,195
-♪ It gets old after a few minutes ♪
-[audience laughing]
96
00:05:20,278 --> 00:05:21,530
♪ You'll see ♪
97
00:05:25,033 --> 00:05:26,493
[audience cheering]
98
00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:29,037
♪ Let's get this show going ♪
99
00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:31,331
♪ Let's get this show startedOkay ♪
100
00:05:32,874 --> 00:05:33,917
♪ One, two, three, four ♪
101
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:36,086
-[music stops]
-So I was at the dentist the other day...
102
00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:38,421
-[audience laughing and cheering]
-Yeah.
103
00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:39,965
[audience applauding]
104
00:05:46,930 --> 00:05:48,056
And nothing funny happened,
105
00:05:48,139 --> 00:05:50,141
so I was like,
"Don't mention that on stage."
106
00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:53,645
I already fucked it up.
107
00:05:57,315 --> 00:05:59,067
-No, you fucking don't.
-[audience laughing]
108
00:05:59,150 --> 00:06:01,027
You do not.
109
00:06:01,111 --> 00:06:02,988
Haters gonna hate,
lovers gonna love.
110
00:06:03,071 --> 00:06:04,656
You need to reject
both sides of the spectrum
111
00:06:04,739 --> 00:06:08,285
-to leave a... healthy middle.
-[audience laughs]
112
00:06:10,662 --> 00:06:12,956
Stop participating.
113
00:06:13,039 --> 00:06:15,542
Not a participatory thing
going on up here.
114
00:06:16,459 --> 00:06:18,503
Trying to immortalize something
I've worked on for a long time.
115
00:06:18,587 --> 00:06:19,838
Shut up!
116
00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:23,508
[chuckles]
I have not...
117
00:06:24,801 --> 00:06:26,761
made my mind up about...
118
00:06:27,762 --> 00:06:30,557
masturbation.
It's weird and I'm torn.
119
00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:33,018
You know,
'cause on one hand, it feels good.
120
00:06:33,101 --> 00:06:35,687
[audience laughing and cheering]
121
00:06:35,770 --> 00:06:37,772
[applauding]
122
00:06:44,154 --> 00:06:45,947
[cheering]
123
00:06:50,660 --> 00:06:52,704
Did you not think
I was gonna use it, idiots?
124
00:06:52,787 --> 00:06:55,040
-[audience laughing]
-It's not a prop.
125
00:06:56,916 --> 00:06:58,752
It will be used intermittently.
126
00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:04,299
Guys...
I've got a lot of problems in my life.
127
00:07:04,382 --> 00:07:06,426
I wrote a song
about some of the problems in my life.
128
00:07:06,509 --> 00:07:08,720
I hope that some of you can relate to it.
Here we go.
129
00:07:08,803 --> 00:07:10,889
[playing slow song]
130
00:07:24,611 --> 00:07:30,283
♪ Walking aroundI got no one to talk to ♪
131
00:07:30,367 --> 00:07:33,036
♪ There's everyone ♪
132
00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:36,164
♪ And then there's just me ♪
133
00:07:36,247 --> 00:07:42,045
♪ If I could changeDon't you think that I'd do it ♪
134
00:07:42,128 --> 00:07:47,425
♪ God only knowsWhy he cursed me to be ♪
135
00:07:47,509 --> 00:07:51,096
♪ A straight white man ♪
136
00:07:51,179 --> 00:07:53,264
[audience laughing]
137
00:07:53,348 --> 00:07:55,058
♪ I state my problems ♪
138
00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:59,145
♪ Other people roll their eyes ♪
139
00:07:59,229 --> 00:08:01,106
♪ Three trips to the mall ♪
140
00:08:01,189 --> 00:08:05,193
♪ Zero khakis in my size ♪
141
00:08:05,276 --> 00:08:11,241
♪ I've never been the victimOf a random search for drugs ♪
142
00:08:11,324 --> 00:08:14,119
♪ But you can't sayMy life is easy ♪
143
00:08:14,202 --> 00:08:17,747
♪ Until you've walked a mile in my Uggs ♪
[breath trembling]
144
00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:19,541
[audience laughing]
145
00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:25,296
♪ Straight white man ♪
146
00:08:25,380 --> 00:08:29,676
♪ I know the road looks tough ahead ♪
147
00:08:30,927 --> 00:08:33,346
♪ The women want rights ♪
148
00:08:33,430 --> 00:08:36,891
♪ The gays want kids ♪
149
00:08:36,975 --> 00:08:39,728
-What?
-[audience laughing]
150
00:08:39,811 --> 00:08:42,230
♪ Can't you just leave us alone? ♪
151
00:08:42,313 --> 00:08:44,983
♪ And also"No" to the things you asked for ♪
152
00:08:49,070 --> 00:08:51,364
They're being greedy
and they know it, okay?
153
00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:09,007
[mock sobs]
154
00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:14,304
♪ Everyone thinks that I've got it easy ♪
155
00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:17,140
♪ And just 'cause it's true ♪
156
00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:19,893
♪ Doesn't mean that it's right ♪
157
00:09:19,976 --> 00:09:22,187
♪ So pull up a chair ♪
158
00:09:22,312 --> 00:09:25,190
♪ And put down your pitchforks ♪
159
00:09:25,273 --> 00:09:27,150
♪ Give me a chance ♪
160
00:09:27,233 --> 00:09:29,736
♪ To show you what it is like ♪
161
00:09:29,819 --> 00:09:34,532
♪ To be a straight white man ♪
162
00:09:35,784 --> 00:09:40,914
♪ The churches never made meFeel ashamed of who I am ♪
163
00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:47,545
♪ But I get emails from ZapposThat Gmail doesn't mark as spam ♪
164
00:09:47,629 --> 00:09:53,802
♪ My country's constitutionWas handwritten by my race ♪
165
00:09:53,885 --> 00:09:57,597
♪ But my wife bought meThe brand new iPhone ♪
166
00:09:57,680 --> 00:09:59,849
♪ With an iPod Touch's case ♪
167
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:01,768
[voice breaking]
Case doesn't fit that phone.
168
00:10:01,851 --> 00:10:03,561
[audience laughing]
169
00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:08,191
♪ Straight white man ♪
170
00:10:08,274 --> 00:10:13,780
♪ I know the road looks tough ahead ♪
171
00:10:13,863 --> 00:10:16,324
♪ The women want rights ♪
172
00:10:16,407 --> 00:10:19,911
♪ The blacks wantNot to be called "the blacks" ♪
173
00:10:21,204 --> 00:10:22,747
Sorry.
174
00:10:22,831 --> 00:10:24,958
♪ Can't you just leave us alone? ♪
175
00:10:25,041 --> 00:10:27,585
♪ Also, "no" to the things you asked for ♪
176
00:10:28,211 --> 00:10:30,088
♪ No ♪
177
00:10:54,571 --> 00:10:58,491
♪ Straight white man ♪
178
00:10:58,575 --> 00:11:04,873
♪ I know the road looks tough ahead ♪
179
00:11:04,956 --> 00:11:07,500
♪ The women want rights ♪
180
00:11:07,584 --> 00:11:10,170
♪ The African Amer-- ♪
It doesn't work with the rhythm.
181
00:11:10,253 --> 00:11:11,671
[audience laughs]
182
00:11:14,132 --> 00:11:16,551
♪ We used to have all the money and land ♪
183
00:11:16,634 --> 00:11:19,596
♪ And we still doBut it's not as fun now ♪
184
00:11:23,558 --> 00:11:25,518
[audience cheering and applauding]
185
00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:39,282
-[softly] Thank you.
-[audience cheering and applauding]
186
00:11:47,290 --> 00:11:50,209
If you were offended by that,
it was ironic.
187
00:11:50,293 --> 00:11:52,253
Isn't that fun?
I meant the whole opposite of it.
188
00:11:52,337 --> 00:11:54,130
White guys, it's easy to be a white guy.
189
00:11:55,340 --> 00:11:59,802
Yeah, white guy, we deserve a...
cheer once in a while.
190
00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:04,098
Very easy to be a white guy.
Very easy.
191
00:12:04,182 --> 00:12:06,100
But white guys get a lot of shit
and it's not fair,
192
00:12:06,184 --> 00:12:07,769
'cause we've done
a lot of things, you know?
193
00:12:07,852 --> 00:12:09,312
We invented a lot of stuff.
194
00:12:09,437 --> 00:12:12,982
White guys invented everything
but peanut butter, I believe.
195
00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:16,194
That's what I was taught in school.
Everything but peanut butter.
196
00:12:16,277 --> 00:12:19,113
Doesn't sound right,
but the American educational system
197
00:12:19,197 --> 00:12:20,281
having a racial bias?
198
00:12:20,365 --> 00:12:21,991
No way, Joseph.
199
00:12:22,784 --> 00:12:25,995
Guys, white... white people
are a little uncomfortable.
200
00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:27,872
We'll do a racial joke
about the white people
201
00:12:27,956 --> 00:12:30,166
so you don't feel uncomfortable.
202
00:12:30,249 --> 00:12:32,085
White people,
we like the same foods.
203
00:12:32,168 --> 00:12:34,671
Favorite sandwich,
peanut butter and...
204
00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:36,089
-[audience] Jelly!
-...jelly.
205
00:12:36,172 --> 00:12:38,174
-Macaroni and...
-[audience] Cheese!
206
00:12:38,257 --> 00:12:40,551
Our favorite chips,
salt and vi...
207
00:12:40,635 --> 00:12:42,136
-[audience] ...negar!
-Wow!
208
00:12:42,220 --> 00:12:44,013
-[audience laughing]
-Who said it?
209
00:12:46,182 --> 00:12:47,642
Get the cameras on them.
210
00:12:49,185 --> 00:12:50,520
Your grandkids are gonna see this,
211
00:12:50,645 --> 00:12:53,648
know what a bigot
their grandfather or grandmother were.
212
00:12:53,731 --> 00:12:55,900
Every non-white person,
see who said that,
213
00:12:55,984 --> 00:12:57,652
find them after the show.
214
00:12:59,612 --> 00:13:01,864
Put the lights down.
Their faces creep me out.
215
00:13:01,948 --> 00:13:03,324
[audience laughing]
216
00:13:15,044 --> 00:13:17,880
Guys, I'm not "perfect," okay?
217
00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:21,300
I don't "use air quotes correctly,"
all right?
218
00:13:21,384 --> 00:13:24,971
But I am against double standards
across the board.
219
00:13:25,888 --> 00:13:26,931
Why is it...
220
00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:29,600
that when a woman
wears revealing clothing,
221
00:13:29,684 --> 00:13:31,060
she's labeled a slut,
222
00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:33,563
yet if I were to wear
her skin as a jacket,
223
00:13:33,646 --> 00:13:35,023
I'm a murderer?
224
00:13:35,106 --> 00:13:36,816
-What?
-[audience laughing]
225
00:13:38,276 --> 00:13:40,278
If I fuck a kid,
I'm a pedophile,
226
00:13:40,361 --> 00:13:43,406
but if a kid fucks me,
I'm the pedophile again?
227
00:13:43,489 --> 00:13:46,242
Twice in a week?
What is this?
228
00:13:46,325 --> 00:13:47,493
-[upbeat music playing]
-[man] Hey, Bo.
229
00:13:47,577 --> 00:13:48,995
Do you want to sing a song with us?
230
00:13:49,078 --> 00:13:51,664
-Okay.
-Great!
231
00:13:51,748 --> 00:13:53,791
-I don't know the words, though.
-That's all right.
232
00:13:53,875 --> 00:13:56,210
-You'll figure it out.
-All right!
233
00:13:56,294 --> 00:13:58,755
-Whoo!
-♪ Hey, Bo, guess what? ♪
234
00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:00,590
-What?
-♪ You're a faggot ♪
235
00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:04,385
-[music stops]
-[audience laughing]
236
00:14:04,469 --> 00:14:06,512
[audience cheering and applauding]
237
00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:19,567
Wasn't clever, it was just mean.
238
00:14:20,651 --> 00:14:23,071
Bigoted.
I apologize for that.
239
00:14:23,154 --> 00:14:25,656
So I was interrupted the other day
while my--
240
00:14:25,740 --> 00:14:26,741
-[man] Hey, Bo.
-Motherfucker.
241
00:14:26,824 --> 00:14:28,618
-You want to sing another song together?
-I really don't.
242
00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:30,286
-Too bad.
-God damn it.
243
00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:31,746
♪ Hey, Bo, guess what? ♪
244
00:14:31,829 --> 00:14:33,122
-I'm a faggot.
-Correct!
245
00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:34,207
It's not funny.
246
00:14:34,290 --> 00:14:37,085
♪ You're a faggot, you're a faggotYou're a fucking faggot ♪
247
00:14:37,168 --> 00:14:38,503
♪ You're a faggot, you're a fucking... ♪
248
00:14:38,586 --> 00:14:39,796
Can you turn the lights off at least?
249
00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:42,298
♪ You're a faggot, you're a faggotYou're a fucking faggot... ♪
250
00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:45,301
Is this funny to you people?
Turn it off. Turn the track off!
251
00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:46,427
-[record scratches]
-[music stops]
252
00:14:46,511 --> 00:14:48,888
-Why was it on a record player?
-[audience laughing]
253
00:14:48,971 --> 00:14:52,683
You got a record player back there?
You have hooked up a record player?
254
00:15:03,319 --> 00:15:04,946
You know,
it's one thing to make that,
255
00:15:05,029 --> 00:15:08,408
but to press it onto vinyl
is a whole other thing, all right?
256
00:15:08,491 --> 00:15:11,494
-It's gonna outlive me.
-[audience applauding]
257
00:15:11,577 --> 00:15:13,871
Just to be clear,
I wrote, conceived and executed
258
00:15:13,955 --> 00:15:15,039
the entirety of that bit.
259
00:15:15,123 --> 00:15:17,750
-Do not give those dumb fucks any credit.
-[audience laughing]
260
00:15:17,834 --> 00:15:19,752
It's all me, baby.
All me.
261
00:15:21,337 --> 00:15:23,047
Look at you people
in the Abe Lincoln seats.
262
00:15:23,131 --> 00:15:25,800
Bam! Too late.
Too late.
263
00:15:25,883 --> 00:15:28,052
How dare you make that joke so late?
264
00:15:31,681 --> 00:15:34,559
I'm a big fan of hip-hop.
265
00:15:34,642 --> 00:15:37,311
'Cause I like words.
I like poetry.
266
00:15:37,395 --> 00:15:39,897
And hip-hop feels like a way
to condense a lot of those things
267
00:15:39,981 --> 00:15:41,023
into a short amount of time.
268
00:15:41,107 --> 00:15:43,568
There are artists
that still do that. Uh...
269
00:15:43,651 --> 00:15:45,945
Yeah, Kendrick Lamar,
very word-heavy, very poetic. But--
270
00:15:46,028 --> 00:15:47,029
-[audience cheers]
-What are you doing?
271
00:15:47,113 --> 00:15:48,114
Look, this is my show.
272
00:15:48,197 --> 00:15:50,533
Do not veer credit
to people outside this building.
273
00:15:50,616 --> 00:15:52,368
-[audience laughing]
-[chuckles]
274
00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:54,871
Most... [chuckles]
most...
275
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:57,999
Hip-hop artists, for me,
and it is for me, hip-hop,
276
00:15:58,082 --> 00:16:02,336
has traded in words and poetry
for beat fetishism.
277
00:16:02,420 --> 00:16:07,383
It's where you make a sick beat
and then you rap anything over it.
278
00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:08,759
And people lose their minds.
279
00:16:08,843 --> 00:16:11,095
I'll give you an example.
Is there a sick beat back there for me?
280
00:16:11,179 --> 00:16:13,139
-[hip-hop beat playing]
-Oh, shit!
281
00:16:18,019 --> 00:16:19,520
[rapping]
♪ I am not one of you ♪
282
00:16:19,604 --> 00:16:22,523
♪ I am not a human being ♪
283
00:16:22,607 --> 00:16:24,817
♪ You know what I am? ♪
284
00:16:24,901 --> 00:16:27,778
♪ I'm a little teapotShort and stout ♪
285
00:16:27,862 --> 00:16:31,449
♪ Here is my handleHere is my spout ♪
286
00:16:31,532 --> 00:16:34,410
♪ When I get all steamed upThen I shout ♪
287
00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:36,787
♪ Sing itTip me over and... ♪
288
00:16:36,871 --> 00:16:38,581
-[audience] Pour me out!
-Let's go.
289
00:16:38,664 --> 00:16:41,959
[man] ♪ Pour me outPour me out ♪
290
00:16:42,043 --> 00:16:44,545
♪ Tip me overAnd pour me out ♪
291
00:16:44,629 --> 00:16:47,048
♪ Nigga, pour me out ♪
292
00:16:47,131 --> 00:16:48,883
♪ Pour me out ♪
293
00:16:48,966 --> 00:16:51,886
-♪ Tip me over and pour me out ♪
-Okay.
294
00:16:51,969 --> 00:16:55,640
♪ Baa, baa, black sheepHave you any wool? ♪
295
00:16:55,723 --> 00:16:59,143
♪ Yes, sir, yes, sir, three bags full ♪
296
00:16:59,227 --> 00:17:02,647
♪ One for the master, one for the dame ♪
297
00:17:02,730 --> 00:17:05,358
♪ One for the little boyThat's livin' down the lane ♪
298
00:17:05,441 --> 00:17:07,068
-♪ Baa ♪
-[man] ♪ Lives down the lane ♪
299
00:17:07,151 --> 00:17:08,778
-♪ Whoo! ♪-♪ Lives down the lane ♪
300
00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:11,697
Why is there a young boy
living alone down the lane?
301
00:17:11,781 --> 00:17:14,742
-Who signed this boy's lease?
-[audience laughing]
302
00:17:15,785 --> 00:17:17,828
Am I the only one
concerned for this little boy?
303
00:17:18,371 --> 00:17:19,914
Two examples is enough.
304
00:17:19,997 --> 00:17:21,249
-[music stops]
-Okay, thank you.
305
00:17:21,332 --> 00:17:23,793
[audience cheering and applauding]
306
00:17:32,927 --> 00:17:36,180
A lesser comedian
would have milked that for four verses.
307
00:17:37,598 --> 00:17:40,685
And a better comedian
wouldn't have done it all.
308
00:17:40,768 --> 00:17:43,479
[chuckles] I'm right in the sweet spot.
309
00:17:46,482 --> 00:17:47,775
These, uh...
310
00:17:47,858 --> 00:17:52,321
These cannons cost $200,
just for that joke.
311
00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:55,783
I could give that money
to a homeless person, make their day,
312
00:17:55,866 --> 00:17:58,327
and I don't do that very often.
313
00:17:58,411 --> 00:18:00,663
That is my first decision every morning.
314
00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:05,543
Not today. Nah.
I'll do that tomorrow.
315
00:18:05,626 --> 00:18:07,878
Tomorrow comes and it's still today.
316
00:18:07,962 --> 00:18:10,798
Tomorrow's a relative term.
We're not getting there.
317
00:18:10,881 --> 00:18:12,842
Makes Annie more depressing.
318
00:18:12,925 --> 00:18:14,927
[audience laughing and cheering]
319
00:18:19,890 --> 00:18:20,933
[woman cheers]
320
00:18:21,017 --> 00:18:23,519
-Fuck you.
-[audience laughing]
321
00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:25,146
You don't know where I'm going.
Don't act like it.
322
00:18:25,229 --> 00:18:26,480
You are not ahead of me.
323
00:18:26,564 --> 00:18:29,483
I will retain the element of surprise.
[exclaims]
324
00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:36,115
I'm trying to work on my improv.
325
00:18:37,158 --> 00:18:39,994
My show is very planned,
uh, to the word.
326
00:18:40,077 --> 00:18:41,621
-You know, to the gesture.
-[spring sound effect]
327
00:18:41,704 --> 00:18:43,748
And I'm trying to break out of that.
328
00:18:44,874 --> 00:18:47,543
I want to make something
brand new for every show,
329
00:18:47,627 --> 00:18:49,128
that only a few people get to experience.
330
00:18:49,211 --> 00:18:50,880
-What's your name, man?
-Rob.
331
00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:52,131
Rob? All right.
332
00:18:52,214 --> 00:18:53,883
I'm gonna try to make up a song
about Rob...
333
00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:57,553
[chuckles] off the top of my head.
This might not work.
334
00:18:57,637 --> 00:19:00,389
Um, it's just...
It's to keep me sharp, trying to...
335
00:19:00,473 --> 00:19:02,016
I'm stalling,
trying to think of rhymes for Rob.
336
00:19:02,099 --> 00:19:03,684
It's not fair.
Okay.
337
00:19:03,768 --> 00:19:05,269
Song about Rob.
Hit the track.
338
00:19:05,353 --> 00:19:06,604
[upbeat music playing]
339
00:19:07,313 --> 00:19:08,522
Fuck.
340
00:19:10,358 --> 00:19:11,692
[man] ♪ Bo had sex with... ♪
341
00:19:11,776 --> 00:19:12,985
-♪ Rob's... ♪-♪ Mom ♪
342
00:19:13,069 --> 00:19:14,278
♪ Bo had sex with... ♪
343
00:19:14,362 --> 00:19:15,738
-♪ Rob's... ♪-♪ Mom ♪
344
00:19:15,821 --> 00:19:17,531
Bo, I heard you had sexwith older woman last night.
345
00:19:17,615 --> 00:19:18,949
I did.
346
00:19:19,033 --> 00:19:20,242
-What's her son's name?
-Rob, he's right there.
347
00:19:20,326 --> 00:19:22,453
-I fucked his mother.
-♪ Bo had sex with... ♪
348
00:19:22,536 --> 00:19:23,704
-♪ Rob's... ♪-♪ Mom ♪
349
00:19:23,788 --> 00:19:24,789
♪ Bo had sex with... ♪
350
00:19:24,872 --> 00:19:25,915
-♪ Rob's... ♪-♪ Mom ♪
351
00:19:25,998 --> 00:19:28,751
♪ I fucked her for an hourThen left when I was done ♪
352
00:19:28,834 --> 00:19:31,295
♪ 'Cause fucking is her gameAnd Rob is her son ♪
353
00:19:31,379 --> 00:19:34,507
-[music stops]
-Did we plan that? We did not plan that.
354
00:19:34,590 --> 00:19:37,134
-[audience cheering and applauding]
-How does he do it?
355
00:19:37,218 --> 00:19:39,970
How does he pretend to do it?
How does he remain contrived?
356
00:19:40,054 --> 00:19:42,598
I'm not... I'm not honest
for a second up here!
357
00:19:43,933 --> 00:19:45,893
Honesty is for the birds, baby.
358
00:19:47,561 --> 00:19:50,690
You want an honest comedian,
go see the rest of them, all right?
359
00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:53,484
"This thing actually happened."
360
00:19:53,567 --> 00:19:55,653
-Cool.
-[audience laughing]
361
00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:03,828
[man in audience] Whoo!
[Bo] Boy, oh, boy.
362
00:20:04,787 --> 00:20:06,997
Any big fans of country music out there?
363
00:20:07,081 --> 00:20:09,458
-[audience cheering]
-Yeah.
364
00:20:09,542 --> 00:20:12,545
Ooh, some people extending my name.
"Boo," that's also approval.
365
00:20:12,628 --> 00:20:14,255
-Uh, I think...
-[audience laughing]
366
00:20:14,338 --> 00:20:16,006
I think country music...
367
00:20:17,174 --> 00:20:18,759
gets a bad rep.
368
00:20:18,843 --> 00:20:21,011
You know, why is it that
when Bruce Springsteen
369
00:20:21,095 --> 00:20:23,389
sings about a fucking turnpike it is art,
370
00:20:23,472 --> 00:20:25,307
and then when someone sings
about a horse,
371
00:20:25,391 --> 00:20:27,643
it's dumb inherently?
I don't think... [scoffs]
372
00:20:27,727 --> 00:20:30,354
I think some of the greatest songwriters
of all time are country artists.
373
00:20:30,438 --> 00:20:32,273
Dolly Parton, Willie Nelson...
You know?
374
00:20:32,356 --> 00:20:34,608
And if you're writing honestly,
that is art.
375
00:20:34,692 --> 00:20:37,153
And I would never bash that.
Um, the problem is...
376
00:20:38,112 --> 00:20:42,742
with a lot of modern country music,
what is called stadium country music,
377
00:20:42,825 --> 00:20:45,745
the sort of Keith Urban brand
of country music,
378
00:20:45,828 --> 00:20:47,872
is that it is not honest.
379
00:20:47,955 --> 00:20:50,374
-It is the exact opposite of honest.
-[country music playing]
380
00:20:50,458 --> 00:20:52,668
Where instead of people
actually telling their stories,
381
00:20:52,752 --> 00:20:54,754
you got a bunch
of millionaire metrosexuals
382
00:20:54,837 --> 00:20:56,630
who've never done
a hard day's work in their life,
383
00:20:56,714 --> 00:21:00,009
but they figured out the words
and the phrases they can use
384
00:21:00,092 --> 00:21:01,427
to pander to their audience,
385
00:21:01,510 --> 00:21:03,929
and they list the same words
and phrases off,
386
00:21:04,013 --> 00:21:06,223
sort of mad-lib style in every song,
387
00:21:06,307 --> 00:21:10,227
raking in millions of dollars
from actual working-class people.
388
00:21:10,311 --> 00:21:11,854
You know the words.
You know the phrases.
389
00:21:11,937 --> 00:21:13,105
Phrases like...
390
00:21:14,231 --> 00:21:17,151
♪ A dirt road, a cold beer ♪
391
00:21:17,234 --> 00:21:20,279
♪ A blue jeans, a red pickup ♪
392
00:21:20,362 --> 00:21:23,574
♪ A rural noun, simple adjective ♪
393
00:21:23,657 --> 00:21:25,117
[audience laughing]
394
00:21:26,076 --> 00:21:29,163
♪ No shoes, no shirt ♪
395
00:21:29,246 --> 00:21:32,541
♪ No JewsYou didn't hear that ♪
396
00:21:32,625 --> 00:21:34,502
[audience laughing]
397
00:21:34,585 --> 00:21:36,629
Sort of a mental typo.
398
00:21:38,464 --> 00:21:41,258
♪ I walk and talk like a field hand ♪
399
00:21:41,342 --> 00:21:44,678
♪ But the boots I'm wearingCost three grand ♪
400
00:21:44,762 --> 00:21:47,973
♪ I write songs about riding tractors ♪
401
00:21:48,057 --> 00:21:49,809
♪ From the comfort of a private jet ♪
402
00:21:49,892 --> 00:21:53,062
♪ I could sing in Mandarin ♪
403
00:21:53,145 --> 00:21:56,106
♪ You'd still know I'm pandering ♪
404
00:21:56,190 --> 00:21:58,943
♪ Hunting deer, chasing trout ♪
405
00:21:59,026 --> 00:22:01,946
♪ A Bud Light with the logo facing out ♪
406
00:22:02,029 --> 00:22:05,282
♪ Hear that subtle mandolin ♪
407
00:22:05,366 --> 00:22:08,494
♪ That's textbook pandering ♪
408
00:22:08,577 --> 00:22:11,497
♪ I own a private ranchThat I rarely use ♪
409
00:22:12,414 --> 00:22:13,916
I don't like dirt.
410
00:22:13,999 --> 00:22:16,961
One verse, one chorus in the bag.
411
00:22:17,044 --> 00:22:19,505
Now it's time to talk to the ladies.
412
00:22:19,588 --> 00:22:24,927
I'm hoping my Southern charm offsets
all these rape-y vibes I'm putting out.
413
00:22:26,178 --> 00:22:28,847
♪ Good girl in a straw hat ♪
414
00:22:28,931 --> 00:22:32,601
♪ With her arms out in a cornfield ♪
415
00:22:32,685 --> 00:22:34,770
♪ That is a scarecrow ♪
416
00:22:36,313 --> 00:22:38,107
Thought it was a human woman.
Sorry.
417
00:22:38,190 --> 00:22:41,151
♪ A cold night, a cold beer ♪
418
00:22:41,235 --> 00:22:44,488
♪ A cold jeansStrike that last one ♪
419
00:22:44,572 --> 00:22:47,950
♪ I'm wanting youI hope you're feeling me ♪
420
00:22:48,033 --> 00:22:50,160
Subtextually.
421
00:22:50,244 --> 00:22:53,747
♪ We go to bedYou doze off ♪
422
00:22:53,831 --> 00:22:56,458
♪ So I take your country girlClothes off ♪
423
00:22:56,542 --> 00:22:58,794
♪ I put my hands on your body ♪
424
00:22:58,877 --> 00:23:01,797
♪ It feels like hayIt's a fucking scarecrow again ♪
425
00:23:01,880 --> 00:23:04,883
♪ Like Mike's Evander-ing ♪
426
00:23:04,967 --> 00:23:08,012
♪ Fuck your ears, I'm pandering ♪
427
00:23:08,095 --> 00:23:10,639
♪ I write songs for the people who do ♪
428
00:23:10,723 --> 00:23:13,892
♪ Jobs in the townsThat I'd never move to ♪
429
00:23:13,976 --> 00:23:17,187
♪ Legalize gerrymandering ♪
430
00:23:17,313 --> 00:23:20,107
♪ Tolerate my pandering ♪
431
00:23:20,190 --> 00:23:21,775
♪ You got a beautiful mouth ♪
432
00:23:21,859 --> 00:23:23,277
♪ I got a beautiful... ♪
433
00:23:23,360 --> 00:23:25,738
Y'all dumb motherfuckers
want a key change?
434
00:23:25,821 --> 00:23:28,616
♪ Thematically meandering ♪
435
00:23:28,699 --> 00:23:32,077
♪ Emphatically pandering ♪
436
00:23:32,161 --> 00:23:34,872
♪ I got a tight grip on my demo's balls ♪
437
00:23:34,955 --> 00:23:38,417
♪ Say the word "truck"They jizz in their overalls ♪
438
00:23:38,500 --> 00:23:40,502
♪ You don't know what land you're in ♪
439
00:23:41,211 --> 00:23:44,423
♪ I'm in the land of pandering ♪
440
00:23:44,506 --> 00:23:46,091
♪ And I'll be upfront ♪
441
00:23:46,925 --> 00:23:53,390
♪ I do what I do'Cause I'm a total fucking country boy ♪
442
00:23:53,474 --> 00:23:56,185
-[audience cheering]
-[music stops]
443
00:24:06,445 --> 00:24:09,782
-You know, like, that genre.
-[audience laughing]
444
00:24:09,865 --> 00:24:11,867
They're lying to you.
That's all.
445
00:24:11,950 --> 00:24:13,702
They're lying...
446
00:24:13,786 --> 00:24:16,330
Entertainers, they are lying
and they are manipulating you.
447
00:24:16,413 --> 00:24:19,625
And it's not in a good way.
It's like advertising. You deserve better.
448
00:24:19,708 --> 00:24:20,834
I'm not saying I'm it,
449
00:24:20,918 --> 00:24:22,252
but I'm the guy that says
you deserve better.
450
00:24:22,336 --> 00:24:25,297
You go get better.
You say, "Thank you, weird man. Bye."
451
00:24:28,425 --> 00:24:30,969
Anyone watch celebrity lip-syncing
on The Tonight Show, you know?
452
00:24:31,053 --> 00:24:33,514
-[audience cheering]
-It's the end of culture.
453
00:24:33,597 --> 00:24:36,141
Culture's over, everybody.
We lost.
454
00:24:37,518 --> 00:24:40,688
This is entertainment.
How is this entertainment?
455
00:24:40,813 --> 00:24:42,064
People we've seen too much of
456
00:24:42,147 --> 00:24:44,858
mouthing along to songs
we've heard too much of.
457
00:24:44,942 --> 00:24:47,236
And this the bread and butter
of American television.
458
00:24:47,319 --> 00:24:49,822
And it's always one of two things
on celebrity lip-syncing.
459
00:24:49,905 --> 00:24:53,492
It's either a male celebrity lip-syncing
to a woman's song...
460
00:24:53,575 --> 00:24:55,577
[laughs] "But he's not..."
461
00:24:55,661 --> 00:25:00,666
Or it's a rich, young white actress
462
00:25:00,749 --> 00:25:03,961
ironically lip-syncing to a hip-hop song.
[laughs]
463
00:25:04,044 --> 00:25:06,422
[rapping] ♪ Fuck the policeComing straight from the underground ♪
464
00:25:06,505 --> 00:25:07,506
Can you believe this song
465
00:25:07,589 --> 00:25:11,093
was once an honest articulation
of class struggle? [laughs]
466
00:25:11,176 --> 00:25:12,386
Fuck these people.
467
00:25:12,469 --> 00:25:14,221
How dare they think
that them fucking around
468
00:25:14,304 --> 00:25:15,931
is worthy of your attention?
469
00:25:16,014 --> 00:25:18,809
Them playing Pictionary?
Your attention's a valuable thing.
470
00:25:18,892 --> 00:25:21,311
I worked for three years
to get it for an hour.
471
00:25:21,395 --> 00:25:22,438
And I barely get there.
472
00:25:22,563 --> 00:25:23,772
[silence]
473
00:25:23,856 --> 00:25:26,066
-See?
-[audience laughing]
474
00:25:26,150 --> 00:25:27,234
[exhales]
475
00:25:28,318 --> 00:25:30,195
I saw a gorgeous...
476
00:25:31,530 --> 00:25:34,491
dick.
I was in the public restroom.
477
00:25:34,575 --> 00:25:35,868
Some guys might be like me.
478
00:25:35,951 --> 00:25:37,870
I cannot use a urinal
when there's a guy beside me.
479
00:25:37,953 --> 00:25:39,621
I freeze up.
So I have to use the stalls.
480
00:25:39,705 --> 00:25:43,000
In this case, all the stalls were taken.
I had to use a urinal.
481
00:25:43,083 --> 00:25:45,878
There was a guy beside me.
I took a little look.
482
00:25:48,130 --> 00:25:49,757
You're not picturing this.
All right.
483
00:25:55,971 --> 00:25:57,222
[dramatic music playing]
484
00:26:12,196 --> 00:26:15,574
-[angelic vocalization]
-[audience laughing]
485
00:26:23,123 --> 00:26:25,209
The bit is over.
I'm not talking into his dick now.
486
00:26:25,292 --> 00:26:26,710
I didn't rip off his dick.
487
00:26:26,794 --> 00:26:29,546
And I'm now not talking
into a severed dick.
488
00:26:29,630 --> 00:26:31,965
The show is a series of discrete bits.
489
00:26:33,550 --> 00:26:34,760
That one's over.
490
00:26:35,761 --> 00:26:38,263
God, if you don't get that...
491
00:26:51,443 --> 00:26:53,570
-[pounds piano keys]
-[blows raspberry] Reset the momentum.
492
00:26:53,654 --> 00:26:55,823
I cannot be coasting
off the inertia of past jokes.
493
00:26:55,906 --> 00:26:57,699
-[playing slow song]
-[audience laughing]
494
00:26:57,783 --> 00:26:59,076
Need to earn it.
495
00:27:00,410 --> 00:27:01,954
Every bit should come out of a vacuum, eh?
496
00:27:07,459 --> 00:27:08,919
We all want love.
497
00:27:10,629 --> 00:27:13,674
How many single ladies out there
looking for love tonight?
498
00:27:13,757 --> 00:27:16,468
[women in audience] Whoo!
499
00:27:16,552 --> 00:27:19,555
-Yeah. "Whoo" that sadness out.
-[audience laughing]
500
00:27:20,597 --> 00:27:22,432
There's more where that came from.
501
00:27:25,143 --> 00:27:26,895
Ladies, I know what you want.
502
00:27:28,188 --> 00:27:29,481
Want.
503
00:27:30,649 --> 00:27:31,859
Want.
504
00:27:33,986 --> 00:27:36,363
♪ You want a guy that's sweetA guy that's tough ♪
505
00:27:36,446 --> 00:27:38,782
♪ A feminist who likes to pay for stuff ♪
506
00:27:38,866 --> 00:27:40,325
♪ The kinda guy that getsAlong with your friends ♪
507
00:27:40,409 --> 00:27:42,911
♪ Without being attracted to any of them ♪
508
00:27:42,995 --> 00:27:45,622
♪ A good boy, a bad boy, a good bad boy ♪
509
00:27:45,706 --> 00:27:47,583
♪ A half-good, half-bad half-boy ♪
510
00:27:47,666 --> 00:27:49,418
♪ Loves your brotherSensitive but not weak ♪
511
00:27:49,501 --> 00:27:52,254
♪ And is a great loverCalls your mother on the weekend ♪
512
00:27:52,337 --> 00:27:58,260
♪ Though you might thinkThat this guy only exists in your mind ♪
513
00:27:59,094 --> 00:28:00,762
♪ But guess what? ♪
514
00:28:01,346 --> 00:28:02,514
♪ You're right ♪
515
00:28:02,598 --> 00:28:04,808
♪ If you want love ♪
516
00:28:05,809 --> 00:28:08,520
♪ Lower your expectations a few ♪
517
00:28:08,604 --> 00:28:11,440
♪ Because Prince CharmingWould never settle for you ♪
518
00:28:11,523 --> 00:28:14,943
♪ If you want love ♪
519
00:28:15,027 --> 00:28:17,446
♪ Just pick a guy and love him ♪
520
00:28:17,529 --> 00:28:19,114
♪ And if he's got a thing for feet ♪
521
00:28:19,197 --> 00:28:21,241
♪ Say fuck it, sweep me off them ♪
522
00:28:21,325 --> 00:28:22,367
Now...
523
00:28:23,535 --> 00:28:25,370
the good thing is that, uh...
524
00:28:27,247 --> 00:28:30,292
At least men have very realistic
expectations for women...
525
00:28:31,501 --> 00:28:36,048
he said, sarcastically setting up
a second verse in a comedy song.
526
00:28:38,592 --> 00:28:41,053
♪ You want a girl that's niceA girl that's not ♪
527
00:28:41,136 --> 00:28:43,222
♪ Obsessed with her looksBut is insanely hot ♪
528
00:28:43,305 --> 00:28:45,057
♪ The kind of girl that you canShow to your folks ♪
529
00:28:45,140 --> 00:28:47,893
♪ Loves the movies that you likeAnd always laughs at your jokes ♪
530
00:28:47,976 --> 00:28:49,978
♪ A real girl, a hot girl,A really hot girl ♪
531
00:28:50,062 --> 00:28:52,147
♪ A brand new really hot real doll ♪
532
00:28:52,231 --> 00:28:54,274
♪ Wants to impress youDoesn't care if you notice ♪
533
00:28:54,358 --> 00:28:57,277
♪ And only ever uses youTo tickle her throat with ♪
534
00:28:57,361 --> 00:29:02,783
♪ Though you might think that this girlOnly exists in your mind ♪
535
00:29:03,867 --> 00:29:07,371
♪ But she's realBut last week, she died ♪
536
00:29:07,454 --> 00:29:10,332
♪ If you want love ♪
537
00:29:10,415 --> 00:29:13,043
♪ Lower your expectations a lot ♪
538
00:29:13,126 --> 00:29:16,463
♪ You might think your dick is a giftI promise it's not ♪
539
00:29:16,546 --> 00:29:19,466
-[women in audience cheering]
-♪ If you want love ♪
540
00:29:19,549 --> 00:29:21,510
♪ Just pick a girl and love her ♪
541
00:29:21,593 --> 00:29:25,806
♪ Then whip out your dick andLet the girl you love decline the offer ♪
542
00:29:25,889 --> 00:29:28,809
♪ I don't want a neat freakI don't want a slob ♪
543
00:29:28,892 --> 00:29:31,186
♪ Somebody with bedheadAnd a dead-end job ♪
544
00:29:31,270 --> 00:29:34,815
♪ 'Cause I won't settle for less ♪
545
00:29:34,898 --> 00:29:36,316
♪ Than perfect ♪
546
00:29:36,400 --> 00:29:39,319
♪ We want perfect childrenA perfect life ♪
547
00:29:39,403 --> 00:29:42,322
♪ Perfect husband or a perfect wife ♪
548
00:29:42,406 --> 00:29:44,366
♪ But deep down, we know ♪
549
00:29:44,449 --> 00:29:46,827
♪ We don't deserve it ♪
550
00:29:46,910 --> 00:29:48,370
[audience laughing]
551
00:29:50,330 --> 00:29:51,331
♪ But ♪
552
00:29:52,958 --> 00:29:58,755
♪ We all deserve love ♪
553
00:29:58,839 --> 00:30:02,217
♪ Even on the daysWhen we aren't our best ♪
554
00:30:02,301 --> 00:30:03,719
♪ 'Cause we all suck ♪
555
00:30:03,802 --> 00:30:06,221
♪ But love can make us suck less ♪
556
00:30:06,305 --> 00:30:10,434
♪ We all deserve love ♪
557
00:30:10,517 --> 00:30:14,146
♪ It's the very best part of being alive ♪
558
00:30:15,230 --> 00:30:20,360
♪ And I would knowI just turned 25 ♪
559
00:30:20,444 --> 00:30:22,487
[audience cheering]
560
00:30:22,571 --> 00:30:23,655
That's young.
561
00:30:26,783 --> 00:30:28,201
[dramatic music playing]
562
00:30:51,016 --> 00:30:53,935
-[farts]
-[audience laughing and applauding]
563
00:31:00,025 --> 00:31:02,152
Original does not mean good.
564
00:31:03,945 --> 00:31:05,572
Anyone can do anything.
565
00:31:06,782 --> 00:31:08,033
Don't let me off the hook too easy.
566
00:31:08,116 --> 00:31:11,328
♪ War, huh, good God, y'all ♪
567
00:31:11,411 --> 00:31:13,455
♪ What is it good for? ♪
568
00:31:13,538 --> 00:31:15,499
♪ Increasing domestic manufacturing ♪
569
00:31:15,582 --> 00:31:17,959
-All right. Uh...
-[audience cheering]
570
00:31:18,043 --> 00:31:19,086
I don't want to get political
571
00:31:19,169 --> 00:31:22,464
'cause I only know
my own ideas of other people's ideas.
572
00:31:24,591 --> 00:31:26,885
We just played in Alabama.
They just like the lights.
573
00:31:26,968 --> 00:31:29,930
-I didn't even need to do jokes.
-[audience laughing]
574
00:31:30,013 --> 00:31:32,474
"Motherfucker's got moving candles."
575
00:31:32,557 --> 00:31:35,852
No, not quite.
[clicks tongue]
576
00:31:35,977 --> 00:31:39,022
Alabama was actually nice.
You're elitist pricks.
577
00:31:39,106 --> 00:31:40,982
-[audience cheering]
-Isn't that fun?
578
00:31:42,651 --> 00:31:43,819
[scoffs]
579
00:31:44,736 --> 00:31:48,073
-[audience laughing]
-Yeah, you like that.
580
00:31:53,036 --> 00:31:56,248
-[dramatic music playing]
-[man] And now...
581
00:31:56,331 --> 00:32:00,252
what making a peanut butterand jelly sandwich feels like
582
00:32:00,335 --> 00:32:03,088
when you're high on marijuana.
583
00:32:06,716 --> 00:32:08,385
[suspenseful music playing]
584
00:32:35,162 --> 00:32:36,538
[inaudible]
585
00:32:55,223 --> 00:32:58,351
-[music stops]
-[audience cheering and applauding]
586
00:32:58,435 --> 00:33:00,020
[dramatic music playing]
587
00:33:00,103 --> 00:33:01,855
[man] And now...
588
00:33:01,938 --> 00:33:05,275
what making a peanut butterand jelly sandwich feels like...
589
00:33:06,318 --> 00:33:07,944
when you're shit-faced.
590
00:33:11,823 --> 00:33:13,575
[slow rock music plays]
591
00:34:11,341 --> 00:34:12,509
[inaudible]
592
00:34:24,813 --> 00:34:26,773
-[music stops, door opens]
-[woman] Hey, baby, I'm home.
593
00:34:26,856 --> 00:34:28,525
-[door closes]
-[keys jangling]
594
00:34:29,734 --> 00:34:32,571
-Honey, you okay? What's wrong?
-[inaudible]
595
00:34:32,654 --> 00:34:33,905
[stutters] Are you drunk?
596
00:34:33,989 --> 00:34:35,532
Have you been...You've been drinking, haven't you?
597
00:34:35,615 --> 00:34:37,617
You've been fuck...You're fucking wasted, aren't...
598
00:34:37,701 --> 00:34:38,702
-[inaudible]
-I can't hear you.
599
00:34:38,785 --> 00:34:40,870
Speak into the microphone.
600
00:34:40,954 --> 00:34:42,122
I'm not.
601
00:34:42,205 --> 00:34:44,541
[woman] What's behind your back?What're you holding behind your back?
602
00:34:44,624 --> 00:34:45,625
-Itching.
-Just...
603
00:34:45,709 --> 00:34:47,836
-Just don't be--
-Itchy back.
604
00:34:47,919 --> 00:34:50,171
What is... what're you hidingbehind your back? Just show me.
605
00:34:50,255 --> 00:34:53,133
It's a jar of peanut butter, all right?
Sue me.
606
00:34:53,216 --> 00:34:55,719
[woman] That's mayonnaise.That is a jar of mayonnaise.
607
00:34:55,802 --> 00:34:58,263
That is not peanut butter.Why are you holding a jar of mayonnaise?
608
00:34:58,346 --> 00:34:59,848
Why are you holding a jar of mayonnaise?
609
00:34:59,931 --> 00:35:01,683
I'm not holding a jar of mayonnaise.
610
00:35:01,766 --> 00:35:03,226
-Touché, bitch.
-You know what?
611
00:35:03,310 --> 00:35:04,519
I am fucking done with this shit, okay?
612
00:35:04,603 --> 00:35:05,687
I had to get up at 5:00 a.m.
613
00:35:05,770 --> 00:35:07,147
-I had to be at work at 6:00.
-[plays piano keys]
614
00:35:07,230 --> 00:35:08,982
I had an exhausting day.
615
00:35:09,065 --> 00:35:11,026
I just wanna come home,unwind, relax,
616
00:35:11,109 --> 00:35:13,903
and I come home to a messthat I have to clean up--
617
00:35:13,987 --> 00:35:16,573
-[stutters] I'll clean it up.
-No, no! I will have to clean it up.
618
00:35:16,656 --> 00:35:18,950
Because you'll make it worseif you try to, okay?
619
00:35:19,034 --> 00:35:20,285
-Yeah.
-You know what?
620
00:35:20,368 --> 00:35:21,870
I'm fucking done with this.
621
00:35:21,953 --> 00:35:22,954
-Are you?
-You are so immature.
622
00:35:23,038 --> 00:35:24,414
-She's done.
-I cannot leave you alone
623
00:35:24,497 --> 00:35:26,082
without you getting shit-faced.
624
00:35:26,166 --> 00:35:28,627
This is what I deal with Monday through...
625
00:35:28,710 --> 00:35:31,087
-Monday.
-Who are you talking to right now?
626
00:35:32,088 --> 00:35:33,757
You just gestured to the sink.
627
00:35:33,840 --> 00:35:36,384
-What does that mean?
-There's an audience full of people.
628
00:35:36,468 --> 00:35:38,011
Okay, you know what?This bit is getting
629
00:35:38,094 --> 00:35:40,096
a little too weird and meta.Okay, we're done with it.
630
00:35:40,180 --> 00:35:41,556
I agree.
Where's that going?
631
00:35:41,640 --> 00:35:43,516
Sometimes you don't write an end to a bit,
so you skip it.
632
00:35:43,600 --> 00:35:44,976
Before they know it,
you're on to the next thing.
633
00:35:45,060 --> 00:35:46,645
Guys, I was at the store recently.
634
00:35:46,728 --> 00:35:49,064
-[scattered cheers]
-And, uh, no, I will save you time.
635
00:35:51,066 --> 00:35:52,359
I bought something.
636
00:35:54,653 --> 00:35:57,489
-[audience cheering]
-No, no, no, no. No.
637
00:35:57,572 --> 00:35:59,157
Sit in silence.
638
00:36:01,618 --> 00:36:03,328
Do you guys know
what continuity errors are?
639
00:36:03,411 --> 00:36:05,288
It's where in one shot
something's one way,
640
00:36:05,372 --> 00:36:07,082
in another shot it's another way.
You know those things?
641
00:36:07,165 --> 00:36:09,626
-Anyway...
-[audience laughing]
642
00:36:13,880 --> 00:36:16,591
[man] This comedy performanceis brought to you in part by...
643
00:36:16,675 --> 00:36:18,635
-Sorry about this.
-...Flamin' Hot Cheetos.
644
00:36:18,718 --> 00:36:22,222
-[rock music playing]
-[man] ♪ Flamin' Hot Cheetos ♪
645
00:36:22,305 --> 00:36:25,100
♪ They're like regular CheetosBut they're flamin' hot ♪
646
00:36:25,183 --> 00:36:27,560
♪ Normal Cheetos are for pussies ♪
647
00:36:27,686 --> 00:36:29,437
♪ But Flamin' Cheetos are not ♪
648
00:36:30,522 --> 00:36:31,815
♪ For pussies, that is ♪
649
00:36:31,898 --> 00:36:33,858
They're not sponsoring me.
I'm just trying to get them to.
650
00:36:33,942 --> 00:36:37,570
-[audience laughing and applauding]
-They're not returning my calls.
651
00:36:39,364 --> 00:36:41,533
Evasively cheesy is more like it.
652
00:36:43,868 --> 00:36:45,704
Mmm. Label-less water.
653
00:36:47,247 --> 00:36:49,332
Nothing tastes better
than not getting sued.
654
00:36:50,709 --> 00:36:51,876
I, uh...
655
00:36:52,752 --> 00:36:54,295
I don't love my fans.
656
00:36:55,338 --> 00:36:57,799
I have to be...
I don't. You don't want that...
657
00:36:57,882 --> 00:37:01,219
You don't want that desperate,
sort of cloying thing from an entertainer.
658
00:37:01,302 --> 00:37:03,555
"My fans, oh,
they stick with me through everything,
659
00:37:03,638 --> 00:37:06,057
through thick and thin."
Do not stick with me through thick.
660
00:37:06,141 --> 00:37:08,184
If I stop entertaining you,
throw me to the curb.
661
00:37:08,268 --> 00:37:10,729
You wouldn't stick with your mechanic
if he stopped fixing your car.
662
00:37:10,812 --> 00:37:13,523
I'm in a service industry.
I'm just overpaid, okay?
663
00:37:13,606 --> 00:37:15,900
[audience laughing]
And a lot of...
664
00:37:15,984 --> 00:37:17,986
I feel a lot of artists,
pop artists especially,
665
00:37:18,069 --> 00:37:19,988
sort of infringe upon...
666
00:37:20,071 --> 00:37:23,283
responsibilities that just aren't theirs,
in terms of their audience,
667
00:37:23,366 --> 00:37:26,661
maintaining their audience
at an emotional level.
668
00:37:26,745 --> 00:37:28,621
Some of you might be sad
and going through things.
669
00:37:28,705 --> 00:37:30,498
I feel for that.
Life is tough.
670
00:37:30,582 --> 00:37:32,959
I'm not gonna fix that with a song.
671
00:37:33,042 --> 00:37:36,254
Like "Brave" or "Roar."
You know these inspirational...
672
00:37:36,337 --> 00:37:37,672
What I'm trying to say...
673
00:37:38,673 --> 00:37:42,343
is don't listen to a song...
like this.
674
00:37:42,427 --> 00:37:44,679
-[playing upbeat song]
-♪ Have you ever felt sad or lonely? ♪
675
00:37:44,763 --> 00:37:46,765
♪ Have you even felt two feet tall? ♪
676
00:37:46,848 --> 00:37:47,974
♪ Have you ever thought ♪
677
00:37:48,057 --> 00:37:50,935
♪ "Man, if onlyI was anybody else at all"? ♪
678
00:37:51,060 --> 00:37:55,440
♪ They like to kick youWhen times get rough ♪
679
00:37:55,523 --> 00:37:58,902
♪ Then you give your allBut it's not enough ♪
680
00:37:58,985 --> 00:38:02,822
♪ And sticks and stonesMight break your bones ♪
681
00:38:02,906 --> 00:38:07,410
♪ But words can break your heart ♪
682
00:38:07,494 --> 00:38:11,372
♪ But if you don't know where to go ♪
683
00:38:11,456 --> 00:38:15,627
♪ I'll show you where to start ♪
684
00:38:15,710 --> 00:38:18,171
-♪ Kill yourself ♪
-[audience laughing]
685
00:38:18,254 --> 00:38:21,299
♪ It will only take a minuteAnd you'll be happy that you did it ♪
686
00:38:21,382 --> 00:38:23,927
♪ Just go over to your ovenAnd shove your head in it ♪
687
00:38:24,010 --> 00:38:26,221
♪ Kill yourself ♪
688
00:38:26,304 --> 00:38:29,307
♪ Really, you should do itThere's really nothing to it ♪
689
00:38:29,390 --> 00:38:32,185
♪ Just grab a mugAnd chug a cup of lighter fluid ♪
690
00:38:32,268 --> 00:38:34,103
-Okay. Now...
-[audience laughing]
691
00:38:36,481 --> 00:38:39,484
-I feel like you pulled back.
-[audience laughing]
692
00:38:40,777 --> 00:38:43,071
Maybe it's on account of the fact
that I'm telling you
693
00:38:43,154 --> 00:38:45,824
to kill yourself over and over again.
694
00:38:45,907 --> 00:38:47,992
I'm just trying to make a simple point.
695
00:38:48,076 --> 00:38:53,581
That these... That life's toughest
problems don't have simple answers.
696
00:38:53,665 --> 00:38:55,959
You shouldn't just be brave.
You shouldn't just roar.
697
00:38:56,042 --> 00:38:57,836
You shouldn't kill yourself.
698
00:38:57,919 --> 00:39:00,421
But I understand that...
699
00:39:00,505 --> 00:39:03,842
it's a sensitive subject and you're
probably just hearing me say that.
700
00:39:03,925 --> 00:39:06,761
And I've dealt with...
I don't want to be... Look.
701
00:39:06,845 --> 00:39:09,055
♪ I sound un-empathetic ♪
702
00:39:09,138 --> 00:39:10,890
♪ I sound mean and rude ♪
703
00:39:10,974 --> 00:39:12,642
♪ Suicide is an epidemic ♪
704
00:39:12,725 --> 00:39:15,311
♪ And I don't want to be misconstrued ♪
705
00:39:15,395 --> 00:39:19,274
♪ Signs of depression go overlooked ♪
706
00:39:19,357 --> 00:39:21,025
♪ So if you're depressed ♪
707
00:39:21,109 --> 00:39:24,320
♪ Then you need to bookA therapy session ♪
708
00:39:24,404 --> 00:39:26,573
♪ Talk about your depression ♪
709
00:39:26,656 --> 00:39:30,660
♪ And let a professional hear it ♪
710
00:39:30,743 --> 00:39:35,039
♪ But if you search for moral wisdom ♪
711
00:39:35,123 --> 00:39:39,335
♪ In Katy Perry's lyrics, then ♪
712
00:39:39,419 --> 00:39:41,963
-♪ Kill yourself ♪
-[audience cheering]
713
00:39:42,046 --> 00:39:45,091
♪ It won't be painfulIf you are able ♪
714
00:39:45,174 --> 00:39:47,385
♪ To give a little kissTo an oncoming train ♪
715
00:39:47,468 --> 00:39:49,470
♪ You'll kill yourself ♪
716
00:39:49,554 --> 00:39:51,472
♪ It's over, mull it ♪
717
00:39:51,556 --> 00:39:53,141
♪ There's a trigger, pull it ♪
718
00:39:53,224 --> 00:39:55,268
♪ Get it through your head"It" being a bullet ♪
719
00:39:55,351 --> 00:39:57,520
♪ Stick your tongue in a plug ♪
720
00:39:57,604 --> 00:39:59,731
♪ Suck a pipe of exhaust ♪
721
00:39:59,814 --> 00:40:01,608
♪ Make some toast in the tub ♪
722
00:40:01,691 --> 00:40:03,651
♪ Nail yourself to a cross ♪
723
00:40:03,735 --> 00:40:05,653
♪ Hold your breath 'til it's gone ♪
724
00:40:05,737 --> 00:40:07,822
♪ Drink a gallon of Mace ♪
725
00:40:07,906 --> 00:40:09,407
♪ Be gay in Iran ♪
726
00:40:09,490 --> 00:40:12,076
-♪ Let Oprah sit on your face ♪
-[audience laughing]
727
00:40:12,160 --> 00:40:13,578
♪ Jump off of a bridge ♪
728
00:40:13,661 --> 00:40:15,330
♪ Skinny dip in a flood ♪
729
00:40:15,413 --> 00:40:17,540
♪ Skydive attached to a fridge ♪
730
00:40:17,624 --> 00:40:19,876
♪ Drink a Haitian guy's blood ♪
731
00:40:19,959 --> 00:40:21,544
♪ Break into the zoo ♪
732
00:40:21,628 --> 00:40:23,504
♪ Give the tiger a shove ♪
733
00:40:23,588 --> 00:40:25,673
♪ Eat a Phillips-head screw ♪
734
00:40:25,757 --> 00:40:29,761
-♪ Marry Courtney Love ♪
-[audience laughing and cheering]
735
00:40:29,844 --> 00:40:31,346
Sorry.
736
00:40:41,439 --> 00:40:44,233
-Don't kill yourself.
-[audience laughing]
737
00:40:44,317 --> 00:40:46,527
I don't like explaining jokes that...
738
00:40:46,611 --> 00:40:48,404
The joke where I tell everyone
to kill themselves
739
00:40:48,488 --> 00:40:51,449
-might deserve an explanation. Do not!
-[audience laughing]
740
00:40:53,076 --> 00:40:55,036
And if you're offended,
do not write a blog.
741
00:40:55,119 --> 00:40:58,706
I apologize immediately.
Sorry! Right away!
742
00:41:02,043 --> 00:41:03,711
-[woman shouts indistinctly]
-[man] Whoo!
743
00:41:03,795 --> 00:41:05,463
What's that, ma'am?
744
00:41:05,546 --> 00:41:08,549
What did you say?
This is your moment. Who said it?
745
00:41:10,259 --> 00:41:12,303
[audience laughing]
746
00:41:14,430 --> 00:41:17,100
Do not objectify me, okay?
747
00:41:18,393 --> 00:41:19,936
You think it's okay
just 'cause I'm a dude?
748
00:41:25,608 --> 00:41:27,735
You think it's okay
'cause he's a dude?
749
00:41:27,819 --> 00:41:30,279
That is homophobia.
Just the fact that you find it funny.
750
00:41:30,363 --> 00:41:33,533
"Ooh, a guy said take off your pants.
That's not God's way."
751
00:41:33,616 --> 00:41:35,702
[laughs mockingly]
752
00:41:35,785 --> 00:41:37,537
Jesus Christ, you bigots.
753
00:41:38,746 --> 00:41:39,998
I, uh...
754
00:41:41,124 --> 00:41:43,960
Show's been pretty rock and roll so far.
You know, I know it.
755
00:41:44,043 --> 00:41:45,628
-And I...
-[audience cheering]
756
00:41:45,712 --> 00:41:49,298
I'd love to keep it going,
but life is not always rock and roll.
757
00:41:49,382 --> 00:41:51,300
I'm not gonna keep life out of my show.
758
00:41:51,384 --> 00:41:54,137
I went through a pretty rough...
[chuckles]
759
00:41:54,220 --> 00:41:56,347
uh, breakup recently.
It was a long time coming.
760
00:41:56,431 --> 00:41:59,308
Uh, we had a lot of conversations
about it, she and I.
761
00:41:59,392 --> 00:42:01,894
But recently we had the conversation...
762
00:42:01,978 --> 00:42:05,148
It wasn't recent, but I remember it
like it was yesterday, you know?
763
00:42:05,231 --> 00:42:06,774
-[piano playing]
-She came out of the shower,
764
00:42:06,858 --> 00:42:09,610
her hair wet, her shoulders wet.
765
00:42:09,694 --> 00:42:12,655
-It was a shower. It's water.
-[audience laughing]
766
00:42:14,365 --> 00:42:16,284
She turned to me and she said it...
767
00:42:17,660 --> 00:42:18,786
She said...
768
00:42:18,870 --> 00:42:20,163
[singing] ♪ It's over ♪
769
00:42:22,665 --> 00:42:26,586
♪ We shouldn't fight to stay togetherJust to fight again ♪
770
00:42:26,669 --> 00:42:29,756
♪ It's overWe're unhappy ♪
771
00:42:29,839 --> 00:42:33,051
♪ We need to take a breakFrom us to make us right again ♪
772
00:42:33,134 --> 00:42:37,055
♪ And even though it's not gonna goAny further ♪
773
00:42:37,138 --> 00:42:39,932
♪ I swear I don't regret a second of it ♪
774
00:42:40,016 --> 00:42:42,810
♪ And when the dust has settled ♪
775
00:42:42,894 --> 00:42:47,565
♪ I hope we can still be friends ♪
776
00:42:47,648 --> 00:42:48,649
Then I said...
777
00:42:48,733 --> 00:42:50,318
-[rapping] ♪ Eat a dick ♪
-[hip-hop music playing]
778
00:42:50,401 --> 00:42:51,986
♪ Eat a dick ♪
779
00:42:52,070 --> 00:42:54,197
♪ Eat a fucking dick, like this ♪
780
00:42:55,239 --> 00:42:56,991
♪ Put on your dick-eating gloves ♪
781
00:42:57,075 --> 00:42:59,077
♪ Get ready to gobble a dick up ♪
782
00:42:59,160 --> 00:43:00,870
♪ If you don't like this dick sitch ♪
783
00:43:00,953 --> 00:43:02,455
♪ Eat a dick, bitch ♪
784
00:43:02,538 --> 00:43:04,957
-[piano playing]
-[audience cheering and applauding]
785
00:43:13,257 --> 00:43:15,802
I think I made the right decision.
786
00:43:15,885 --> 00:43:17,470
[singing] ♪ Okay, you're angry ♪
787
00:43:18,679 --> 00:43:20,056
♪ I can see that ♪
788
00:43:20,139 --> 00:43:23,726
♪ But you don't need to make this harderThan it has to be ♪
789
00:43:23,810 --> 00:43:25,603
♪ I try to speak to you ♪
790
00:43:25,686 --> 00:43:26,771
♪ But you won't listen-- ♪
791
00:43:26,854 --> 00:43:27,939
[rapping] ♪ Eat a dick ♪
792
00:43:28,022 --> 00:43:29,357
[singing] ♪ Hold onPlease just let me-- ♪
793
00:43:29,440 --> 00:43:30,566
[rapping] ♪ Eat a dick ♪
794
00:43:30,650 --> 00:43:31,901
Oh, my God.
795
00:43:31,984 --> 00:43:33,694
[singing]
♪ Honestly, are you fucking five? ♪
796
00:43:33,778 --> 00:43:36,155
♪ I am trying to talk this out ♪
797
00:43:36,239 --> 00:43:39,534
♪ You refuse to even listen to me ♪
798
00:43:39,617 --> 00:43:42,078
[stutters] I'm saying
how I'm feeling, okay?
799
00:43:42,161 --> 00:43:46,082
And then you're saying...
"eat a dick" over and over again.
800
00:43:46,165 --> 00:43:47,750
Does that seem mature to you?
801
00:43:47,834 --> 00:43:50,753
[rapping] ♪ No, it doesn'tBut see, I think the issue is ♪
802
00:43:50,837 --> 00:43:52,088
♪ I've got my father's temper ♪
803
00:43:52,171 --> 00:43:53,965
♪ And I'm emotionally inarticulate ♪
804
00:43:54,048 --> 00:43:56,217
♪ So rather than being honestAnd vulnerable ♪
805
00:43:56,300 --> 00:43:58,636
♪ I did a quick switchBecause I'm hurting inside ♪
806
00:43:58,719 --> 00:44:00,972
♪ And I'm trying to hide itSo eat a dick, man ♪
807
00:44:01,055 --> 00:44:02,431
[sobbing]
808
00:44:09,730 --> 00:44:13,985
[voice breaking] I thought we had
a future together, you fucking whore.
809
00:44:14,068 --> 00:44:17,405
[singing] ♪ I didn't thinkYou'd cry for me ♪
810
00:44:18,322 --> 00:44:20,992
♪ I didn't think you cared ♪
811
00:44:21,075 --> 00:44:25,329
♪ I thought you wereLashing out in anger ♪
812
00:44:25,413 --> 00:44:29,709
♪ But now I see you're scared ♪
813
00:44:29,792 --> 00:44:31,127
♪ I'm scared, too ♪
814
00:44:31,210 --> 00:44:33,379
♪ Maybe we can work this out ♪
815
00:44:33,462 --> 00:44:34,714
♪ And not break up ♪
816
00:44:34,797 --> 00:44:35,923
[gasps] Really?
817
00:44:36,007 --> 00:44:38,384
[rapping] ♪ No, lick my clit ♪
818
00:44:38,467 --> 00:44:39,802
♪ Lick my motherfucking clit ♪
819
00:44:39,886 --> 00:44:41,554
♪ You think three lousy tears ♪
820
00:44:41,637 --> 00:44:43,014
♪ Offsets three years of shit? ♪
821
00:44:43,097 --> 00:44:44,932
♪ I deserve better than you ♪
822
00:44:45,016 --> 00:44:46,350
♪ Get me wetter, then screw ♪
823
00:44:46,434 --> 00:44:48,311
♪ Sorry you're not what I need, hun ♪
824
00:44:48,394 --> 00:44:49,896
♪ Lick this clit then leave, son ♪
825
00:44:49,979 --> 00:44:52,315
-[music stops]
-[audience cheering]
826
00:45:00,406 --> 00:45:03,576
Hey, if you guys are having a good time,
make some silence.
827
00:45:03,659 --> 00:45:05,119
-[silence]
-Cool.
828
00:45:05,202 --> 00:45:06,579
-[audience laughing]
-Uh...
829
00:45:07,622 --> 00:45:09,248
What's this show about?
830
00:45:12,335 --> 00:45:14,420
What am I talking about, you know?
831
00:45:15,630 --> 00:45:19,550
To... to summarize the show, though...
Me! Me! Me!
832
00:45:20,551 --> 00:45:22,178
But...
833
00:45:22,261 --> 00:45:24,931
if you take one thing away from my show...
834
00:45:25,014 --> 00:45:27,600
I hope it's a T-shirt.
We're selling them out there.
835
00:45:27,683 --> 00:45:31,228
This is all a front for the brand.
836
00:45:34,023 --> 00:45:36,734
But what is this show about?
What do you think, industrial piping?
837
00:45:36,817 --> 00:45:38,402
-[air hissing]
-Close.
838
00:45:38,486 --> 00:45:39,987
-[air hissing]
-Stay out of it.
839
00:45:40,071 --> 00:45:41,948
[audience laughing]
840
00:45:42,740 --> 00:45:43,991
It's about...
841
00:45:46,953 --> 00:45:47,954
Mute this.
842
00:45:55,044 --> 00:45:57,880
-But for real, what is it about?
-[audience laughing]
843
00:46:01,926 --> 00:46:03,094
It's about...
844
00:46:04,136 --> 00:46:05,763
performing...
845
00:46:05,846 --> 00:46:07,264
-I try to...
-[person whistling]
846
00:46:07,348 --> 00:46:08,766
...make my show about other things,
847
00:46:08,849 --> 00:46:11,102
but it always ends up
becoming about performing.
848
00:46:11,185 --> 00:46:14,855
I started performing very young,
as a teenager, you know, professionally.
849
00:46:14,939 --> 00:46:16,857
And as a comedian,
what you're supposed to do...
850
00:46:16,941 --> 00:46:18,776
You're supposed to talk
about what you know.
851
00:46:18,859 --> 00:46:20,778
And what I knew always was performing.
852
00:46:20,861 --> 00:46:25,157
So to talk about...
[chuckles] traffic or laundry
853
00:46:25,241 --> 00:46:26,742
felt incredibly disingenuous.
854
00:46:26,826 --> 00:46:32,039
But I worried that making a show
about performing would be too meta.
855
00:46:32,123 --> 00:46:34,375
It wouldn't be relatable to people
that aren't performers.
856
00:46:34,458 --> 00:46:37,962
But what I found is that
I don't think anyone isn't.
857
00:46:38,045 --> 00:46:40,506
Could we get the house lights up
for a second? And could you...
858
00:46:40,589 --> 00:46:42,967
Let the lights on stage...
Let the artifice fade away.
859
00:46:43,050 --> 00:46:46,012
-Now we're all the same.
-[scattered cheers]
860
00:46:46,095 --> 00:46:49,974
-I mean, you're all facing this way still.
-[audience laughs]
861
00:46:51,392 --> 00:46:54,353
You know, I look out at...
I look out at you and, um...
862
00:46:55,229 --> 00:46:56,313
It's a very diverse crowd.
863
00:46:56,397 --> 00:46:58,566
I mean, more European
than I would've hoped, but...
864
00:46:58,649 --> 00:47:00,401
we'll get there.
865
00:47:02,528 --> 00:47:03,904
If I look at the young people...
866
00:47:03,988 --> 00:47:06,949
You know, and I feel like...
I was born in 1990
867
00:47:07,033 --> 00:47:11,203
and I was sort of raised in America
when it was a cult of self-expression.
868
00:47:11,287 --> 00:47:13,789
And I was just taught,
you know, express myself
869
00:47:13,873 --> 00:47:17,168
and have things to say
and everyone will care about them.
870
00:47:17,251 --> 00:47:18,502
And I think everyone was taught that
871
00:47:18,586 --> 00:47:22,673
and most of us found out
no one gives a shit what we think.
872
00:47:22,757 --> 00:47:25,092
So we flock to performers
by the thousands
873
00:47:25,176 --> 00:47:27,303
'cause we're the few
that have found an audience.
874
00:47:27,386 --> 00:47:29,680
And then I'm supposed to get up here
and say, "Follow your dreams,"
875
00:47:29,764 --> 00:47:32,516
as if this is a meritocracy?
It is not, okay?
876
00:47:32,600 --> 00:47:36,020
I had a privileged life
and I got lucky and I'm unhappy.
877
00:47:36,103 --> 00:47:37,813
[audience laughing]
878
00:47:38,522 --> 00:47:41,233
They say it's... it's like
the me generation. It's not.
879
00:47:41,317 --> 00:47:42,318
It's not...
880
00:47:42,401 --> 00:47:45,279
[stammers] The arrogance is taught
or it was cultivated.
881
00:47:45,362 --> 00:47:48,783
It's... it's self-conscious.
That's what it is. It's the...
882
00:47:48,866 --> 00:47:51,702
It's conscious of self...
[stammers] Social media...
883
00:47:51,786 --> 00:47:56,040
it's just the market's answer
to a generation that demanded to perform.
884
00:47:56,123 --> 00:47:59,043
So the market said,
"Here, perform everything
885
00:47:59,126 --> 00:48:01,378
to each other all the time
for no reason."
886
00:48:01,462 --> 00:48:03,130
It's prison, it's horrific.
887
00:48:03,214 --> 00:48:06,008
It is performer and audience
melded together.
888
00:48:06,092 --> 00:48:08,886
What do we want more than to lie
in our bed at the end of the day
889
00:48:08,969 --> 00:48:11,722
and just watch our life
as a satisfied audience member?
890
00:48:11,806 --> 00:48:15,559
I know very little about anything,
but what I do know is that
891
00:48:15,643 --> 00:48:18,479
if you can live your life
without an audience...
892
00:48:21,649 --> 00:48:23,984
you should do it.
And now you're thinking...
893
00:48:24,068 --> 00:48:28,114
"How the fuck are you gonna dig the show
out of this weird hole?"
894
00:48:28,197 --> 00:48:30,241
Oh, you want me to be funny
and make a point?
895
00:48:30,324 --> 00:48:32,159
Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.
896
00:48:34,120 --> 00:48:37,373
-Batman. So... how do we do it?
-[audience laughing]
897
00:48:38,415 --> 00:48:40,334
[cheering]
898
00:48:50,302 --> 00:48:51,637
We do it like this.
899
00:48:53,347 --> 00:48:55,349
I went to Kanye West's recent tour,
the Yeezus Tour.
900
00:48:55,432 --> 00:48:57,726
It was a big, dramatic, theatrical show.
901
00:48:57,810 --> 00:48:59,854
He did something very strange
at the end of his show
902
00:48:59,937 --> 00:49:02,940
where he ranted...
for, like, 20 minutes.
903
00:49:03,023 --> 00:49:04,400
It was kind of a rant,
kind of a song.
904
00:49:04,483 --> 00:49:05,860
He had auto-tune on his voice
905
00:49:05,943 --> 00:49:07,736
and there was an instrumental
in the background...
906
00:49:07,820 --> 00:49:10,281
-[instrumental music playing]
-...like this instrumental.
907
00:49:12,116 --> 00:49:13,659
He talked about his problems...
908
00:49:14,702 --> 00:49:15,828
race...
909
00:49:16,996 --> 00:49:18,581
power.
910
00:49:18,664 --> 00:49:21,167
His $90 T-shirts
weren't selling very well.
911
00:49:21,250 --> 00:49:23,961
That was most of it.
And I watched this.
912
00:49:25,379 --> 00:49:27,006
I thought maybe I could do this.
913
00:49:27,923 --> 00:49:29,300
I'll be honest, my problems
914
00:49:29,383 --> 00:49:32,761
are not as high-stakes as Kanye's,
but I have problems.
915
00:49:33,804 --> 00:49:36,223
And maybe a crowd in New York
would be nice enough to indulge me.
916
00:49:36,307 --> 00:49:38,559
So as we get to the end
of a night of theater...
917
00:49:38,642 --> 00:49:40,853
and comedy
and sweaters coming on and off,
918
00:49:40,936 --> 00:49:42,688
I got one question for you...
919
00:49:46,567 --> 00:49:48,235
And that question is...
920
00:49:52,364 --> 00:49:57,703
[with auto-tune]
♪ Can I say my shit, New York? ♪
921
00:49:57,786 --> 00:50:00,748
♪ Can I say my shit? ♪
922
00:50:00,831 --> 00:50:03,667
♪ I got lots of shit to say ♪
923
00:50:03,751 --> 00:50:07,463
♪ I got lots of shit to say ♪
924
00:50:07,546 --> 00:50:10,758
[vocalizing]
925
00:50:10,841 --> 00:50:12,885
[audience cheering]
926
00:50:12,968 --> 00:50:17,014
♪ I can't fit my handInside a Pringle can ♪
927
00:50:17,097 --> 00:50:21,644
♪ I have a huge amount of troubleFitting my hand inside of a Pringle can ♪
928
00:50:21,727 --> 00:50:23,979
♪ I can get my handLike four inches into the can ♪
929
00:50:24,063 --> 00:50:26,732
♪ But then I have to tilt the canInto my mouth ♪
930
00:50:26,815 --> 00:50:30,819
♪ But by that point a bunch of crumbs haveAccumulated at the bottom of the can ♪
931
00:50:30,903 --> 00:50:34,073
♪ So they all goSpilling onto my face ♪
932
00:50:34,156 --> 00:50:36,325
♪ What I'm trying to sayIs the diameter of Pringle cans ♪
933
00:50:36,408 --> 00:50:38,619
♪ Is way too small ♪
934
00:50:39,536 --> 00:50:40,621
♪ I'll say it again ♪
935
00:50:40,704 --> 00:50:43,707
♪ The diameter of Pringle cansIs way too small ♪
936
00:50:43,791 --> 00:50:46,877
♪ Two radiuses of a Pringle canIs way too small ♪
937
00:50:46,961 --> 00:50:48,879
♪ If you feel mePut your hands up ♪
938
00:50:48,963 --> 00:50:50,005
♪ Come on ♪
939
00:50:50,089 --> 00:50:51,882
♪ If you feel mePut your hands up ♪
940
00:50:51,966 --> 00:50:53,008
[audience cheering]
941
00:50:53,092 --> 00:50:55,052
♪ Look at all these handsThat are way too big ♪
942
00:50:55,135 --> 00:50:57,388
♪ To fit inside a Pringle can ♪
943
00:50:57,471 --> 00:51:00,015
♪ Your hands are too bigTo fit inside of Pringle cans ♪
944
00:51:00,099 --> 00:51:03,602
♪ Your hands are too bigTo fit inside a Pringle can ♪
945
00:51:03,686 --> 00:51:05,187
♪ You think you can ♪
946
00:51:05,271 --> 00:51:07,356
♪ I know you can'tYou think you can ♪
947
00:51:07,439 --> 00:51:08,899
♪ Pringles, listen to the people ♪
948
00:51:08,983 --> 00:51:11,277
♪ I'm sure 90%Of the complaint letters you get ♪
949
00:51:11,360 --> 00:51:12,903
♪ Are about the width of your cans ♪
950
00:51:12,987 --> 00:51:14,822
Just... make 'em wider.
951
00:51:14,905 --> 00:51:16,699
[audience laughing]
952
00:51:16,782 --> 00:51:19,201
I've overdone the Pringles thing.
Sorry.
953
00:51:20,577 --> 00:51:22,538
♪ I wanna have a daughter ♪
954
00:51:23,455 --> 00:51:25,457
♪ Wanna have a daughter ♪
955
00:51:26,041 --> 00:51:28,002
♪ So I can finally haveSomeone around the house ♪
956
00:51:28,085 --> 00:51:29,920
♪ Who can fit their handsIn a Pringle can ♪
957
00:51:30,004 --> 00:51:32,047
♪ Yes, I'm stillOn the Pringle cans thing ♪
958
00:51:32,131 --> 00:51:35,718
Yeah.
I'll... I'll move on, all right?
959
00:51:36,969 --> 00:51:41,181
♪ But that is priority numero uno ♪
960
00:51:42,599 --> 00:51:43,934
♪ I don't go to the gym ♪
961
00:51:44,059 --> 00:51:46,645
♪ 'Cause I'm self-consciousAbout my body ♪
962
00:51:46,729 --> 00:51:47,980
[echoing] ♪ ...body... ♪
963
00:51:48,063 --> 00:51:50,024
♪ But I'm self-consciousAbout my body ♪
964
00:51:50,107 --> 00:51:51,650
♪ 'Cause I don't go to the gym ♪
965
00:51:51,734 --> 00:51:55,738
♪ Irony can be so painful ♪
966
00:51:55,821 --> 00:51:57,531
♪ That's a catch-22 ♪
967
00:51:57,614 --> 00:51:58,991
[vocalizing]
968
00:52:01,827 --> 00:52:04,496
♪ Let's do this ♪
969
00:52:04,580 --> 00:52:07,541
♪ I went to Chipotle ♪
970
00:52:07,624 --> 00:52:10,127
♪ Went to Chipotle ♪
971
00:52:11,253 --> 00:52:14,131
♪ Got myself a chicken burrito ♪
972
00:52:14,214 --> 00:52:15,507
-[trills]
-[audience laughs]
973
00:52:15,591 --> 00:52:18,427
♪ I went down the lineI got, like, all these ingredients ♪
974
00:52:18,510 --> 00:52:21,347
♪ And then at the end of the lineThe guy tried to wrap the burrito ♪
975
00:52:21,430 --> 00:52:23,640
♪ But half of the shitInside the burrito spilled out ♪
976
00:52:23,724 --> 00:52:24,975
♪ He still wrapped it ♪
977
00:52:25,059 --> 00:52:26,518
♪ I was, like"Dude, you should have warned me ♪
978
00:52:26,602 --> 00:52:27,603
♪ You're a burrito expert ♪
979
00:52:27,686 --> 00:52:29,521
♪ You should have told meHalfway through ♪
980
00:52:29,605 --> 00:52:32,858
♪ 'Hey, man, you might be reachingMaximum burrito capacity here' ♪
981
00:52:32,941 --> 00:52:35,027
♪ Do you think I want a messy burrito? ♪
982
00:52:35,110 --> 00:52:36,904
♪ No one wants a messy burrito" ♪
983
00:52:36,987 --> 00:52:39,656
♪ The whole appeal of a burritoIs that all of the ingredients ♪
984
00:52:39,740 --> 00:52:43,327
♪ Are containedWithin the confines of the tortilla ♪
985
00:52:43,410 --> 00:52:44,912
♪ I wouldn't have gotten half this shit ♪
986
00:52:44,995 --> 00:52:47,289
♪ If I knew it wasn't gonna fitIn the burrito, all right? Look... ♪
987
00:52:47,373 --> 00:52:50,209
♪ I wouldn't have got the lettuceIf I knew it wouldn't fit ♪
988
00:52:50,292 --> 00:52:53,003
♪ Wouldn't have got the cheeseIf I knew it wouldn't fit ♪
989
00:52:53,087 --> 00:52:55,714
♪ Wouldn't have got the peppersIf I knew they wouldn't fit ♪
990
00:52:55,798 --> 00:52:58,842
♪ I wouldn't have gotHalf of it ♪
991
00:52:58,926 --> 00:53:01,845
♪ Like, I'm okay with small mistakes ♪
992
00:53:01,929 --> 00:53:05,682
♪ If you got no more chickenI'll take pork ♪
993
00:53:05,766 --> 00:53:11,021
♪ But I'll blow my dadBefore I eat a burrito with a fork ♪
994
00:53:11,105 --> 00:53:13,732
♪ I wouldn't have got the lettuceIf I knew it wouldn't fit ♪
995
00:53:13,816 --> 00:53:16,485
♪ Wouldn't have got the cheeseIf I knew it wouldn't fit ♪
996
00:53:16,568 --> 00:53:19,196
♪ Wouldn't have got the peppersIf I knew they wouldn't fit ♪
997
00:53:19,279 --> 00:53:21,615
♪ Man, I wouldn't have gotHalf of it, like ♪
998
00:53:21,698 --> 00:53:24,451
♪ Half of it, likeHalf of it, like ♪
999
00:53:24,535 --> 00:53:26,453
♪ Half of it, likeHalf of it ♪
1000
00:53:26,537 --> 00:53:29,123
♪ Right now, I think it's time ♪
1001
00:53:29,206 --> 00:53:33,919
♪ I think it's timeThat we break it down ♪
1002
00:53:35,879 --> 00:53:38,674
[audience cheering and applauding]
1003
00:53:41,343 --> 00:53:42,928
[vocalizing]
1004
00:53:51,270 --> 00:53:53,814
-[babbles]
-[audience laughing]
1005
00:53:55,149 --> 00:53:56,316
♪ I can sit here and pretend ♪
1006
00:53:56,400 --> 00:53:59,862
♪ Like my biggest problemsAre Pringle cans ♪
1007
00:53:59,945 --> 00:54:00,946
[sighs]
1008
00:54:01,029 --> 00:54:02,906
♪ And burritos ♪
1009
00:54:02,990 --> 00:54:06,243
♪ The truth isMy biggest problem's you ♪
1010
00:54:06,326 --> 00:54:08,328
♪ I wanna please you ♪
1011
00:54:08,412 --> 00:54:10,372
♪ But I wanna stay true to myself ♪
1012
00:54:10,456 --> 00:54:13,041
♪ I wanna give you the night outThat you deserve ♪
1013
00:54:13,125 --> 00:54:14,585
♪ But I wanna sing what I think ♪
1014
00:54:14,668 --> 00:54:16,795
♪ And not careWhat you think about it ♪
1015
00:54:16,879 --> 00:54:19,798
♪ A part of me loves you ♪
1016
00:54:19,882 --> 00:54:22,468
♪ A part of me hates you ♪
1017
00:54:22,551 --> 00:54:25,262
♪ A part of me needs you ♪
1018
00:54:25,345 --> 00:54:27,890
♪ A part of me fears you ♪
1019
00:54:27,973 --> 00:54:31,435
♪ And I don't thinkThat I can handle this right now ♪
1020
00:54:31,518 --> 00:54:33,228
♪ Handle this right now ♪
1021
00:54:33,312 --> 00:54:38,901
♪ I don't thinkThat I can handle this right now ♪
1022
00:54:38,984 --> 00:54:41,778
♪ I don't thinkThat I can handle this right now ♪
1023
00:54:41,862 --> 00:54:44,198
♪ I don't thinkThat I can handle this right ♪
1024
00:54:44,281 --> 00:54:46,950
♪ I don't thinkThat I can handle this right ♪
1025
00:54:47,034 --> 00:54:49,536
♪ Look at themThey're just staring at me ♪
1026
00:54:49,620 --> 00:54:51,914
♪ Like, "Come and watchThe skinny kid ♪
1027
00:54:51,997 --> 00:54:56,418
♪ With a steadily decliningMental health" ♪
1028
00:54:56,502 --> 00:55:01,381
♪ And laugh as he attempts to give youWhat he cannot give himself ♪
1029
00:55:01,465 --> 00:55:03,675
♪ I don't thinkThat I can handle this right ♪
1030
00:55:03,759 --> 00:55:06,220
♪ I don't thinkThat I can handle this right ♪
1031
00:55:06,303 --> 00:55:08,722
♪ But they don't even knowThe half of this right ♪
1032
00:55:08,805 --> 00:55:11,141
♪ But they don't even knowThe half of it ♪
1033
00:55:11,225 --> 00:55:13,602
♪ But I know I'm not a doctor ♪
1034
00:55:13,685 --> 00:55:18,065
♪ I'm a pussyI put on a silly show ♪
1035
00:55:18,148 --> 00:55:20,609
♪ I should probably just shut up ♪
1036
00:55:20,692 --> 00:55:23,028
♪ And do my jobSo here I go ♪
1037
00:55:23,111 --> 00:55:26,031
♪ I wouldn't have got the lettuceIf I knew it wouldn't fit ♪
1038
00:55:26,114 --> 00:55:28,951
♪ Wouldn't have got the cheeseIf I knew it wouldn't fit ♪
1039
00:55:29,034 --> 00:55:31,703
♪ Wouldn't have got the peppersIf I knew they wouldn't fit ♪
1040
00:55:31,787 --> 00:55:33,872
♪ I wouldn't have got half ♪
1041
00:55:33,956 --> 00:55:35,999
♪ You can tell them anything ♪
1042
00:55:36,083 --> 00:55:40,337
♪ If you just make it funnyMake it rhyme ♪
1043
00:55:40,420 --> 00:55:42,631
♪ And if they still don't understand you ♪
1044
00:55:42,714 --> 00:55:45,467
♪ Then you'll run it one more time ♪
1045
00:55:45,551 --> 00:55:47,386
♪ I don't thinkThat I can handle this right ♪
1046
00:55:47,469 --> 00:55:48,720
♪ Oh! ♪
1047
00:55:48,804 --> 00:55:50,180
♪ Handle this right ♪
1048
00:55:50,264 --> 00:55:51,265
♪ Oh! ♪
1049
00:55:51,348 --> 00:55:53,141
♪ Handle this right ♪
1050
00:55:53,225 --> 00:55:56,770
♪ But you don't even knowThe half of this right now ♪
1051
00:55:56,853 --> 00:55:59,064
♪ Right now ♪
1052
00:55:59,147 --> 00:56:00,649
♪ Ha! ♪
1053
00:56:00,732 --> 00:56:02,693
♪ Now ♪
1054
00:56:02,776 --> 00:56:05,445
♪ Handle this rightHandle this right ♪
1055
00:56:05,529 --> 00:56:08,073
♪ Handle this right now ♪
1056
00:56:08,156 --> 00:56:10,951
Thank you. Good night.
I hope you're happy.
1057
00:56:11,034 --> 00:56:14,162
-[audience cheering and applauding]
-[microphone thuds]
1058
00:56:39,688 --> 00:56:40,981
[cheering stops]
1059
00:56:42,274 --> 00:56:43,734
Oh, good, it's just us.
1060
00:56:46,612 --> 00:56:48,447
[playing piano]
1061
00:57:02,878 --> 00:57:04,755
♪ Now the show is done ♪
1062
00:57:07,299 --> 00:57:11,678
♪ I hope that you had gut tremblingOr something resembling fun ♪
1063
00:57:11,762 --> 00:57:14,264
♪ And if you watch this thing alone ♪
1064
00:57:15,682 --> 00:57:16,808
♪ You probably didn't laugh ♪
1065
00:57:16,892 --> 00:57:19,728
♪ But maybe a few timesYou exhaled out of your nose ♪
1066
00:57:19,811 --> 00:57:21,355
[exhales]
1067
00:57:21,438 --> 00:57:23,774
♪ But if you hated it, that's fair ♪
1068
00:57:23,857 --> 00:57:25,609
♪ But either way ♪
1069
00:57:25,692 --> 00:57:29,738
♪ Could you find a little more timeFor a parting questionnaire? ♪
1070
00:57:30,656 --> 00:57:33,200
♪ On a scale from one to zero ♪
1071
00:57:33,283 --> 00:57:35,285
♪ Are you happy? ♪
1072
00:57:35,369 --> 00:57:37,204
♪ 'Cause you're on your own from here ♪
1073
00:57:37,287 --> 00:57:40,415
♪ So, are you happy? ♪
1074
00:57:40,499 --> 00:57:42,918
♪ I'm open to suggestions ♪
1075
00:57:43,001 --> 00:57:45,170
♪ Are you happy? ♪
1076
00:57:45,253 --> 00:57:49,257
♪ But what the fuck kind of question is"Am I happy?" ♪
1077
00:57:49,341 --> 00:57:53,178
♪ I really wanna try to get happyAnd I think that I could get it ♪
1078
00:57:53,261 --> 00:57:56,974
♪ If I didn't always panicEvery time I'm unhappy in life ♪
1079
00:57:57,057 --> 00:58:00,352
♪ I'm owed some lifeWhere I'm always, like, happy ♪
1080
00:58:00,435 --> 00:58:02,604
♪ Which is stupid 'causeI wouldn't even want it if I got it ♪
1081
00:58:02,688 --> 00:58:06,483
♪ Wait, oh, God, my dad was right ♪
1082
00:58:10,821 --> 00:58:13,198
♪ So if you knowOr ever knew how ♪
1083
00:58:13,281 --> 00:58:15,492
♪ To be happy ♪
1084
00:58:15,575 --> 00:58:18,036
♪ On a scale from one to two now ♪
1085
00:58:18,120 --> 00:58:20,372
♪ Are you happy? ♪
1086
00:58:20,455 --> 00:58:22,916
♪ You're everything you hated ♪
1087
00:58:23,000 --> 00:58:25,377
♪ Are you happy? ♪
1088
00:58:25,460 --> 00:58:27,796
♪ Hey, look, MaI made it ♪
1089
00:58:27,879 --> 00:58:30,549
♪ Are you happy? ♪
1090
00:58:53,113 --> 00:58:55,073
[instrumental music playing]
88684
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