All language subtitles for The Almighty Johnsons s03e06 And Then on to Norsewood.eng

I am in need of you.

I want all of this to be mine!

I'm running for mayor. You and
I can rule this city like gods.

- Dad's back in town.
- Our... dad.

You're kidding, right?

Johan's power is to pour
oil on troubled waters.

If I had your power I would
be living in a penthouse.

- Now, you answer my question.
- But I've got lots more,

like how could you abandon us?

Well, we need to make
time to answer them.

So, is this what Colin meant when he said
you were the most powerful goddess in town?

It won't do anything for
you. It's a chick thing.

- You're taking off, aren't you?
- Thought I might head down to Norsewood, actually.

- Fancy a road trip?
- Yeah. Let's do it.

(Phone ringing)

- Axl: Hi, Mike.
- (On phone) Hey!

Just checking in, bro.
Wondering how you're getting on.

Axl: Getting on just fine, yeah.

Cool, cool. Dad still with you?

Yes, Mike.

Is he coming back or not?

- Is that Zeb?
- Mike: Yeah.

>> When?! When are you coming back?

- Don't know.
- He doesn't know.

No, no, that's not okay. I
am the only one paying rent.

- Mike: Apparently you owe him money.
- And what else is new?

Oh, I could--
by all means.

Right, just so you know,

- I have precisely no flatmates.
- What about Amelia?

- She left, thanks to you.
- >> After I did what?

Turn my back on her so she
could literally stab it?

She explained that she forgot
she was holding the knife.

(Scoffs) Oh, Wow. That
sounds incredibly plausible.

The point is, either you come
back soon, or in lieu of rent,

I will sell your stuff on TradeMe.

Fine, do it. Good luck.

And then I will get some new
flatmates who actually give a shit!

Whatever, all good.

Truth is... (Yells) I
might not come back at all!

What? Hey, hey, hey!

Hey-- Hey, what do you
mean not come back at all?

Exactly what I said, Mike.

Just because you're hanging out
with the king of running away,

does not mean you have to turn into him.

- Yeah, I have to go now. -
Axl, we need to talk about--

I've got something way more
important to attend to than this crap.

Axl, wait!

What did he say?

Apparently he's got something
way more important to do.

(Splash)

(Whooping)

(Laughing)

Yeah, Johnsons!

That's how we roll!

(Whooping)

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(Thud)
(Sighs)

There you go, this should
cover it. But no more.

I'm already paying for
them because Axl's not here.

His selfishness, it's unbelievable.

Zeb, go. You got your money,
mate. Quit while you're ahead.

(Clacking)

- Zeb: What about Ingrid?
- What about her?

- She's in the house, not paying rent.
- Mike: So?

So... she's one of your kind.

- Kind?
- "Goddy" kind.

Zeb, you are not getting any more money.

No, no, it's not just
the money, it's her.

She's sending me... signals.

- Signals about what?
- About...

paying the rent in other ways...

if you know what I mean.

With you?

Well, you know, she gets a bit
friendly when she's had a few.

It would be like
sleeping with my mother.

Or someone's mother.

- She wants to turn me into a motherfucker.
- No!

Enough. Go. Be gone!

Just...

It's all Axl's fault.

(Laughter) Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no. Okay,
everyone say, "Hashtag YOLO."

(Laughter)
(Camera shutter clicking)

Thank you very much. Okay, so
the Wi-Fi password is 422214...

- Actually, you should all get my phone number. Yes?
- Anders?

Sorry, can I have a moment?

Certainly, my number 1
number 2. But not number 2--

This crop of interns you've
hired for the campaign...

Ah, yes, aren't they enthusiastic?

That would be one thing about them.
What else do they all have in common?

(Laughter)

They're all young?

- Yes. What else?
- Well, thankfully, because they're young,

they're willing to work for
life experience instead of money.

- They're all female, Anders.
- It's good to get more women involved in politics.

Do any of them actually
know anything about politics?

Do any of us actually know
anything about politics?

They're all models you hired
from modelling agencies.

Because models often have long periods
of time with nothing to do between jobs.

And they're easy on the eye.

This is more like it. This
feels like an actual campaign!

- Dawn has a problem.
- Well, that's not very good.

What is the problem, "Dawnie"?

Well...

none of these people actually have
any experience on a political campaign.

In fact, they appear to have been
hired on hotness rather than ability.

Hot women are capable too.

Anders.

(Quietly) Did you hire these
people according to attractiveness?

(Whispers) Nice.

(Clears throat) I'll take that as a yes.
And what would your hiring policy be, Dawnie?

- Well, I don't actually
hire-- - Yeah, if you did.

Well, people that live in the real
world would be good, for starters.

Anders.

Hire real people.

Excuse me. If I could have your attention, please.
Thank you all for your invaluable contribution,

but alas, a strategy rethink means
your input is no longer required.

Now, as unpaid volunteers, the
only redundancy package I can offer

is a spin around the harbour
on my very large yacht... (Shrieking)

with all the champagne you can drink!
Raise your hands if you find this acceptable!

- Woman: Yeah.
- Right. Well, we set sail forthwith.

Where do you think you're going?

On the boat.

No. You're not.

Wow. So much better than champagne
and a boatload of drunk models.

Tell me about Colin Gundersen.

. Is he for real?

He's as real as he appears.

Or is he a rich dick getting his
rocks off playing power games?

He wants to be mayor, and as for getting his rocks
off, I refer back to the boatload of drunk models...

while I'm he with you and this sandwich.

'Cause we should not take this job if he
isn't serious about running a proper campaign.

- Why is it so important to you?
- Dawn: Our reputation is at stake.

Our reputation, such as it is, is for helping
rich dicks do whatever the hell they want.

Why is Colin any different?

We could make this rich dick mayor.

Yeah, right. (Chuckles)

If you're not taking this campaign
seriously, why are we even doing it.

For money? Dawn, what's going on here?
Why are you being even weirder than normal?

Okay, don't mock me.

I would never do that.

I have always wanted
to get into politics.

(Chuckles)

I have watched every episode
of The West Wing at least twice,

and I want to be one of those people behind the
scenes, walking and talking, pulling the strings.

That is why I got into
PR with your company.

- Oh boy, you picked the wrong PR company.
- I know that now!

But this is our chance to
be political power brokers.

- Dawn, it's the Auckland mayoralty.
- But it's a start.

Promise me...

promise me it isn't a joke.

This... isn't a joke?

And promise me you won't
fuck it up by being you.

I will give it my best shot.

Thank you.

(Soft piano music)

- Did Joe say when he might be back?
- Mike: I... only spoke to Axl, not Joe.

Did he say when they might be back?

- Well, the timeframe for returning was loose.
- How loose?

Yeah, as loose as time will allow.

Ullr could find them.

Ullr doesn't want to.

You're so like my father at times.

- If you say so.
- When you get all dark and mysterious.

He was Ullr too.

Your predecessor, so I guess
that comes with the territory.

Michele never mentioned this.

I keep all references
to him vague around her.

She doesn't need to know her grandfather stuck
a shotgun in his mouth and blew his head off.

- I can see that.
- Don't go down that road, Mike.

- What road?
- The Odin road.

- Which is what?
- The road Ullr should not go down

(Door latching)

Are you still being all tragic
and Tennessee Williams on us?

Hello, darling. How was your day?

If you want him back, throw
a party. He'll have no choice.

I'm not in the party mood.

And your precious psyche needs
him to come back of his own accord,

which isn't going to
happen because he is gone.

He's having quality time with his son,

dealing with important issues as men.

(Upbeat pop music)

(Yelling)

Joe: That's my boy!

(Conversation din)

- That way, that way.
- No, it's that way.

(Engine revving)

(Whooping)

Oh, man. When the raft flipped
I totally thought we were dead.

Oh, it'll take more than an inflatable
raft and a few rocks to kill these gods.

You calmed the ever-living
shit out of those rapids!

(Sighing) So, where next?

Wherever you want.

We should probably think
about heading off soon, eh?

- To Norsewood?
- It's no hurry.

- Well, that was the plan.
- I thought the plan was freedom.

That too, but...

- going home too.
- We're heading in the right direction.

(Chuckles) Slowly.

There are things we
need to do on the way.

- Such as?
- Enjoy life.

(Chuckles)

Get to know each other.

So many things we've never
done together as father and son.

All those things Kiwi
kids do with their dads.

Kicking a ball around.

Or going fishing.

Fishing?

I'd love to go fishing with my dad...

(Whispers) go to the sea.

- We'd get some awesome fish.
- We would.

- Axl: Then we should go fishing.
- And learn what it means to be gods.

- Fishing?
- You wait.

- Fishing it is.
- Fishing.

Axl: And then on to Norsewood.

And then on to Norsewood.

(Glasses clink)
(Sighs)

(Heavy sigh)

I cannot take another day...

of my mother.

(Sighs)

We have to move out or
I am going to kill her.

The renos are going as fast as they can.

I'm not joking.

- Hire more people.
- I can't afford that.

Then when I slay her it'll
be on your conscience.

(Rustling)

Awesome.

(Light pop music)

(Whispering)

Anders...

this new direction you've taken.

Well, given the limited time I had, I decided
to hit the government job creation schemes.

I can't work with this lot.

I mean, look at this lot, they're ugly.

I'm joking, Dawn.

Do any of them have any
actual qualifications?

You wanted real people,
these are real people.

I wanted qualified people
to help me win, Anders!

(Clears throat)

No, get rid of this rabble. Dawn,

you're in charge of hiring from how on.

(Electronic effects)

Not a chance.

(Sawing)

(Clunk)

You are here to work, right? Or are you
hoping the bar will magically reopen?

You know building's not
really my thing, Michael.

- Do you want a hug?
- No, I do not want a hug.

'Cause you seem like you need a hug.

Or a doobie.

What I need is a truckload of money...

to pay more people, not my retarded
adolescent grandfather trying to get me stoned.

If there is one person in this town capable
of finding a truckload of money, it's you.

I'm living my life on my own terms,
doing things my own way, alright?

Oh, yeah? (Chuckles)
How's that working out for you?

You are Ullr.

Your skills are you
and you are your skills.

You deny them, you deny yourself.

And if it gets a
goddess off your back...

You think I haven't thought about it?

You think that every time someone comes at
me with their hand out that I'm not tempted?

Is this the bit where you bang on about how you
don't like the person you turn into when you game?

Yeah, there is that,

but mainly it takes up
too much time, Grandpa.

- It's indeed a conundrum.
- It sucks. I'll tell you that much.

You need a quicker way to win money.

The casino, yeah, where I'm blacklisted.

You could disguise yourself
as a little old Asian lady.

Surely there are other places in this town
where humans and money gather to take sport.

If only we had the god of the
hunt to track down those places.

Imagine how much easier
your life would be then.

(Whoosh)

(Grunting)
(Thwacking)

Is there a reason for this meeting other
than watching you take out your frustrations?

Because I have a business to run.

I am not... (Grunts)

- frustrated.
- Really?

Well, the violent way you're attacking
that bag would suggest otherwise.

I just think it's important for us
to spend time together, that's all.

Because of our cause?

That's the "stop the oppression
of the gods" cause, right?

The only oppressing my god does is when he
presses me against the mattress and I go,

"Oh, my God."

What, too much information?

When you're back to being
a handmaiden, Stacey,

maybe then you'll take
our cause more seriously.

(Chuckling)

- What?
- Well, it's a bit rich, isn't it?

You giving Fulla a hard time when it's a
well-known fact that Sjofn can't function

without some god or
another giving it to her.

(Stacey chuckles)

That is not true.

Oh, I think it is.

I can forge my own destiny,

thank you very much.

Right, sorry, I'm just the goddess
of wisdom. What would I know?

Well, if you're so damn wise, why don't you
figure out how to use Yggdrasil to our advantage?

Stacey: Oh, speaking of which,
Bebhan wants to talk to you.

- Ingrid: Who's Bebhan?
- The god hunter guy.

The one whose wife
exploded? You broke his arm?

- How do you know this?
- Well, he told me.

- You were talking to him?
- I was talking to him about business.

He's a printer and printers
always need couriers.

And I just happened to come
up in this conversation.

We were having lunch, he was
telling me about his family.

- (Whispers) He's got a bit of a crush on me.
- Excuse me, getting back to me.

(Chuckles) You kind of popped up.

How? He's meant to have
forgotten all about us.

Yeah, he has. You remember the
smartass comment that Anders made?

You guys keep worshipping
the J-man, okay?

Or Michele, who's like some
kind of vengeful god here.

She'd love a good worship.

Well, he remembers that, and he also
remembers that you healed his arm.

It would be so much easier
if you just met with him.

(Grunts)

(Gulls crying)

Alright, it's on.

We've got the sea,

we've got the god of the sea.

Yep, this'll do nicely.

Except for the tiny detail that
we don't have any fishing gear.

Oh, that's easily fixed.

Give me the keys.

I'll sort it out. You wait here.

Okay.

(Engine revving)

Can I be blunt?

Do you actually invite
women back to this flat?

Yeah, plenty. Why?

Well, I saw that you roger them.

Firing all those people en masse today,

- I didn't like it.
- Well, that's a shame.

Firing all those hot interns was
huge fun, and it went on all night.

Colin, the point is, I'm
worried about the campaign.

That is a worry, given we haven't
actually launched a campaign yet.

I'm serious here.

Are you sulking because I
fired you from hiring people?

You're shit at all that
organizational stuff, Anders.

- Your talents lie elsewhere.
- I just want to know that this isn't all an elaborate joke;

Loki's big "fuck you
all" to the mortal world.

Would it matter if it was?

- As long as you're getting paid.
- Yes. Yes, it would.

Which is the correct answer.

I'm deadly serious, Anders. I

will be the mayor.

Then start listening to me.

Well, I do listen to you, my friend, because you
have a vested financial interest in my success.

- Yeah, you're paying me.
- No, no, more than that.

You remember Agnetha's little nest egg?

Well, it's a fucking ginormous
nest egg, to be completely accurate.

The one you stole from us?

The one your brother invested
unwisely, which fell into my lap.

What about it?

How do you think I'm
funding the campaign?

(Clicks tongue)
(Sighs)

So, you see? This is as much
your campaign as it is mine.

Or you could just
give us the money back.

Or the better the campaign,

the more the money flows
from my pocket to your pocket.

This is seriously the
best scotch you've got?

(Trickling)

- There you go.
- Ta.

- So, it's all a go, then?
- It soon will be, yes.

- Is there something else?
- Just tread carefully around Colin Gundersen, okay?

- What do you mean?
- I mean,

he doesn't exactly inhabit
the same world you or I do.

You mean he's rich.

Hi. Oh, Ty. Oh, man, I would love to
make package jokes at your expense,

especially when you're dressed like that...
(Mimics purring)

But unfortunately Dawn and I have some work
to do, so off you go on your bike. Off you hop.

Okay, Dawn, so new plan of attack is, everything that
we can possibly charge to the Gundersen account, do it.

Phone, gas, this incredibly
expensive bottle of scotch.

Has Colin authorized this?

His exact words were,

"His money is our money..."

or something like that.
So, spend away, Dawn.

(Upbeat pop music)

(Creaking)

You still haven't explained
why I need to be on this hunt.

Just in case.

In case of what?

Michael, I deal with enough unknowns in my surfing life
and my oracle life without you adding a whole other life.

This is all your idea,
so stop your whining.

Just stand there, look big and tough.

- Mike: Don't say...
- ...man. I'm your bodyguard, aren't I?

I'm too old for this shit.

- Mike: Hey.
- Help you?

Yeah, by letting us in.

This is a private club, mate.

Sorry, I forgot to...
show you my membership fee.

(Quietly) Do you even know
what game it is they play?

Does it matter?

Oh, it's nice, isn't it?
Being out in the fresh air?

(Sniffs) Oh, here we go.

- You're real.
- Yes, I am.

I wondered if I had dreamed
you, if you were a vision.

Aw, he's quite old-fashioned.

Thank you for meeting me.

Look, don't do the kneeling,
eyes-averted thing. It's... that's creepy.

Tell me what you want.

I know the power of the lord
works through your hands.

I know you healed me.

I'm going to neither confirm nor
deny until you tell me what you want.

I want to ask of you to use
your gift to heal my sister.

She has rheumatoid arthritis.

She's only 26 and is already in
a wheelchair and so much pain.

Can't help, sorry.

Please, I'm begging you.

She's such a good person, it's
so unfair that she suffers.

I have money.

I am not a cheap sideshow freak.

I'm sorry. But I'm desperate.

Life sucks. Blame your god.

Look, she's having a bad
day. Just wait here. Michele.

You should really think about this.

I did. I thought about
hitting him and I didn't.

Have you ever wondered why Yggsadril gave
Sjofn the power to heal? 'Cause I have.

- Why, so I can heal some god-botherer's
sister? - Or maybe it's bigger than that.

Why did our godly powers
wane all those centuries ago?

Maybe it was because people
stopped believing in us.

Look at him, Michele,
he believes in you.

And if you cure his sister he will believe
in you with all his heart and so will she,

and that is how great
things would start.

Now, I might be wrong. I have
been known to be wrong in the past,

but maybe this is the
destiny that we seek.

A power that males do not have.

(Soft instrumental music)

(Sighs)

I will use my power

to heal your sister.

- Thank you.
- No to the kneeling.

- Sorry.
- Ingrid here will...

organize the time and place.

Thank you.

(Soft pop music)

Sorry it took so long,
but it's all sorted.

Just-- we got
to get a move on.

- To where?
- The boat. We sail in half an hour.

We sail?

Joe: Yeah.

Okay, I was thinking we were
going to go fishing off the wharf.

What?!

Nah, that's for babies. (Chuckles)

So, what, have you chartered
a boat or something?

Well, not exactly.

We're crewing on a Korean longliner.

- Sorry?
- Heading to the rough sea after Patagonian toothfish.

It took a lot of persuading, especially
with the language difficulties,

but you're going to start off in the
kitchen until you're ready to work on deck.

Boy, are you going to
hate the sight of kimchi.

- Who the fuck is Kimchi?
- No, not a who, a what.

A spicy fermented cabbage thing the Koreans
eat all the time. You'll get the hang of it.

So, how long are we meant
to be on this boat for?

Well, till it gets back to Old Sand.

- Old Sand.
- Its home port.

- In Korea.
- Yeah.

I wanted to go fishing with my dad, not

die in some rusting tub
off the coast of Patagonia!

We won't be going
anywhere near Patagonia.

- Which is a pity, really, because it's a truly...
- Not the point, Dad!

And you won't die. Not with me on board.

What is your problem here?

This is insane. That is my problem here.

Njord and Odin go to sea together.

That, Axl, is the start of the most
exciting adventure in your life.

We will own the waves!

We will live a life other
people can only dream of.

No. That's your dream, not mine.

But you don't have any dreams, Axl.

You told me yourself.

I want to go with my father to
see the place where I grew up.

An unremarkable piece of
dirt in the middle of nowhere.

And I want to understand
why he walked away from me.

And then...

then maybe I can understand
who the hell I am.

There is nothing there for you.

You will learn nothing.

I'm offering you the pathway to something
remarkable and you can't even see it?

(Sighs)

Are you sure you're actually Odin?

Have a nice little life, Axl.

Hey!

- Where's the car?
- I used it to bribe our way on board.

Good luck, son.

And that is that, eh?

It's a true pleasure, gentlemen.

(Clears throat) Mike, a word, please?

- In a minute, eh?
- No, now.

Excuse me.

- I know what you're going to say.
- You need to tone it down.

- It's cool, I can control it.
- You think-- you think you can.

(Cell phone rings)

With any luck, that is common sense
telling you to quit while you're ahead.

Axl.

I thought you should pass on to
Karen that Joe's not coming back.

Well, there's a surprise.

Just for the record, our
father is a total prick.

It's taken as read.

Just forget him. Get in
the car, get back here.

(Chuckles) Can't do that.

For starters, I don't
have the car anymore.

What's happened to my car?

- Um, okay, I'll come get you.
- Mike! What about my car?

No, I don't want help
from you or anyone.

This family can fuck right
off as far as I'm concerned.

- I'm pressing off.
- Axl...

To hell with the lot of you!

Idiot!

Shit!

We need to get out of here. To figure
out what to do about Axl and the car.

Mike, there will be other
card games. Just walk away.

Axl made it abundantly clear that
he needed some time on his own.

- So be it.
- No!

Sorry about that.

Where were we?

(Panting)

Dickhead!

Awesome day!

Do you require a lift?

Yeah, actually I do.

Climb in.

- Where are you headed?
- Where are you headed?

- Norsewood.
- Hop in.

- You're going to Norsewood?
- Yeah, I can get you there.

Cool!

Axl.

- Martin.
- Okay.

(Gulls cawing)

(Sighs)

You look tired.

Do I?
(Car engine starts)

You should get some sleep

while I drive.

You've a ways to go.

Okay, the campaign staff
search is moving forward.

In fact, tomorrow I should have a list of
prospective candidates for your approval.

Hire whoever you want, Dawn.

- I trust your judgment.
- Okay, great.

- Only the best, Dawn. To hell with the cost.
- That's the spirit, Anders.

Thank you, Colin.

You do know there's a
campaign spending gap, right?

- What?
- You can't just spend what you want.

Why not? It's my money.

- So to speak.
- That's no fun

It's there to stop rich people
buying their way into office.

Look, don't worry. If anyone asks any questions,
we'll just deny any knowledge of anything.

Okay, moving on, Dawn.

Anders, you were going to
talk about the campaign launch.

Yes, I was.

Short and sweet. Waterfront,
champagne, canap?s.

The usual rent-a-crowd of demi-celebrities mixed in
with the actual money people that we need to impress.

We'll get some ex-TV journo to
introduce Colin, Colin makes a speech.

Colin, make it brief 'cause it's
a well-known fact that Aucklanders,

you know, have short attention...

And we'll finish it off with a big sort

of kick-ass fireworks display.
It's simple, yet lavish,

and no one needs to know
how much it really cost.

Fine.

And will there be any actual policy
announcements at this campaign launch?

Policy we'll roll out as
the campaign commences.

The main policy statement
of the night will be...

vote for me because all the others
are small-town mushroom dicks.

(Laughs)

- Memorable.
- And true.

I get the feeling Dawn isn't entirely
approving of our campaign strategy, Anders.

Dawn disapproves of most
things. You get used to it.

Speak up, Dawn!

Tell me what you're thinking.

Well, I think

everything you're planning says, "I am a rich
wanker who doesn't give a shit about this city

and the only reason
I'm running for mayor

is so I can prove my dick
is bigger than yours."

Sorry.

And to make the mayoralty seem
less like a penis extension?

Okay, I would

start by saying,

we all share the city.

So, if we can make improvements...

visible,

practical changes that affect people's
day-to-day lives-- and that can be good,

simple things like installing
more public drinking fountains

so people won't be forced
to buy bottled water.

And bike racks

Yes, covered bike racks.
How useful would they be? And

more bike lanes so we don't
have as many accidents, and...

dog parks so dog owners have a place to go
without annoying the other park-goers

who just want to sit in
the sun and read a book...

Sorry, I am prattling on about
things that aren't important.

Quite the opposite.

- This is gold.
- Really?

You look after the small things,
the big things will follow, right?

Yes! Yes, I mean, I'm a voter
and it's my city too, right?

Yes, you are, Dawn.

Anders, new idea.

We launch the campaign at
Dawn's house this afternoon.

- My place is tiny.
- I bet it is!

Anders, round up the hacks,
invite them for tea and biscuits

and a campaign launch unlike
anything they have ever seen.

- But I didn't tidy up this morning.
- Perfect!

Makes it all the more real!

No. No, not going to happen.

- You can't touch this.
- Touch what?

This! I can't blame you for wanting it,

but I will not trade sex for rent.

(Coughs)

I don't know what sort of
woman that you think I am,

but you need to stop hallucinating.

- And you need to go now.
- Hey?

Go on, shoo!

- But this is my flat.
- Not for the next hour it isn't.

- But you don't even pay rent!
- Can you tell him that we need some privacy?

Go away before I castrate you.

Fine. But I still
want rent from someone.

You should prepare.

I have this, I'm prepared.

No, you can't let them see the stick. The
power comes from you, not a piece of wood.

Okay, I get that.

And ceremony and ritual are important for the
God-mortal relationship. That's how a religion works.

Okay, you should prepare.

And make a little bit of
an entrance when I call you.

(Knocking)

- Hello!
- Hi.

Oh, right, okay. I'm Ingrid.

- Kay.
- Kay.

Michele will be with you in a moment.
She just needs some time to prepare.

Don't worry, you're
literally in good hands now.

Oh, the donation you suggested.

Oh, thank you. Just to cover expenses. And
please don't mention this to the healer,

she likes to remain unencumbered
by such petty earthly things.

All right.

If you're ready.

Michele?

I have Kay here.

She seeks your healing hands.

Okay, let's get this over and done with.

Kay has been afflicted with
arthritis from a very early--

Yeah, I got it. Thanks, Ingrid.

Let's start with the worst.

Knees, elbows, wrists, hands.
It started in my teenage...

(Whooshing)

Dear sweet Jesus.

He has very little to do with it.

Okay, we're done.

- Is that it?
- Stand up and you tell me.

(Laughs) It doesn't hurt.

(Laughing)

- Thank you so much.
- Whoa. Whoa there, Jesus freaks.

You're welcome, but not that welcome.

The healer's not that big on hugging.

- You're a miracle worker.
- That's me.

Off you go.

Okay. Oh...

(Upbeat rock music)

Four jacks.

I am loving these clubs.

(Chuckles)

(Ominous instrumental music)

You wanna know, mate.
You're going to have to pay.

Yeah, wise choice.

(Taps)

Just so you know, guy
your mate just bluffed...

did eight years...

for stabbing a policeman in the eye.

- Come on, Mikkel. It's time for us to go.
- In a while.

We are cashing out now and leaving.

I said in a while.

(Smacks)

I said now! Sorry,
gents, but he's retarded.

Membership revoked, by the way.

You know, it would help if you didn't turn into
a complete wanker when you're in your Ullr zone.

We got out alive, didn't we?

Let's get a beer.

If this goes tits up
awful, it'll be your fault.

- Mine? Why?
- This is your idea.

No, it's not. It's Colin's idea.

Yeah, but you put the idea
in his head for him to have.

Wait, wait, wait. Is this
all the biscuits that we have?

At such short notice, yes.

Unless you pop up to the supermarket.

I might pop my head in the
oven if this goes as I suspect.

What's wrong with champagne and fireworks
and starlets falling out of their dresses?

(Knock at door)

Oh, get ready to pour the
tea, honey. We've got visitors.

Okay, so, is this the
solution to all your problems?

It might. But it sure
puts a dent in them.

So, now what? Good honest hard work

or you find another dodgy card game and
just about get killed ripping it off?

- It was your idea.
- Up to a point.

up to the point where
you turned into a wanker.

I think I can control it.

I saw no evidence of control today.

No, it's there. It's within my
grasp, I can feel it. It's like...

it's like a wave, Grandpa. I can
feel the energy underneath building

and the trick is to ride that energy and

then bail out before you hit the rocks.

How dare you use a
surfing metaphor on me.

And the moral qualms that you once had?

(Scoffs) I'm tired, man.

I am tired of every bugger
coming at me with their hand out.

Pay for this, build it faster,

clean up the last mess
that Axl just left behind.

So, screw it.

As long as no one gets hurt

and it makes my life easier...

That's just between you and me, okay?

(Conversation din)

More tea?

Gluten free? I have no idea. You're
a journalist, man. I don't know.

- You did text him my address, right?
- Yes, of course.

Well, where is he? I'm
running out of teabags.

There's a crowd, he'll be here.

Friends! Hello.

- Apologies for my lateness.
- As I was saying.

I hope you all enjoyed a
nice cup of tea and a biscuit.

(Chuckling)

Ladies and gentlemen,
may I introduce to you

Mr. Colin Gunderson.

A cup of tea and a biscuit.

It's not exactly champagne
and caviar, is it?

But then again, the people I
want to talk to you about today

are not champagne and caviar people.

They'd like to be. Of
course, wouldn't we all?

But that kind of lifestyle
is beyond their means

because they are the real people

of this hard-working, honest city.

People like Dawn,

our hostess.

Dawn works in an office.

She sits behind a desk.

She has a sandwich for lunch.

Not a three-course meal
at a fine restaurant.

She is the sort of person
that makes this city.

She believes in water fountains

and places where people can walk
their dogs and all those sort of things

that make a city where
real people can live,

living their real lives.

So, Dawn, and all those
thousands of other Dawns

is the reason why I'm
here today to announce

that I am to put forward my name,

Colin Gunderson,

to be mayor of this great city.

Cheers.

(Conversation din)
(Camera shutters click)

So, get your producer to give me a
call and we will set up an interview.

Woman: Great.

Hey, you don't have to clean up.

Nonsense. I invaded your home
for my own tawdry ambition.

It's the least I can do. And I do apologize
for dropping you in the spotlight like that.

No, I was flattered to be a part of it.

Well, I am very relieved to hear that.

Colin? And I do not say this
lightly, you are a fucking genius.

And you are exactly the kind of
suck-up I need on this campaign.

Thank you. I have many, many
interviews lined up for you.

Ooh. We'd better work some
policies out then, hadn't we?

You know what I feel like?

- More tea?
- Champagne.

- I don't have any of that, sorry.
- My God.

You're starting to sound like
the woman from my campaign.

Luckily, there's a supermarket
nearby, and if you go,

Anders and I will do the dishes.

Deal.

(Door closes)

- We're not actually doing the dishes, eh?
- Course we are.

I'm a man of my word.
I'll wash, you dry.

I want, Anders Johnson,

as my campaign posters,

portraits of people on walls all over
the city with the words, "My city"

underneath their portrait.

- "Vote Gunderson."
- No. My name should not appear on the poster.

- Well, how will people know how to vote for you?
- That's for you to work out.

Well, I had some graphics of people lined
up before you sprung the surprise launch.

Then tell them to do what I want,
since you're so keen to spend my money.

I like to think of it as our money.

And I want Dawn to be
foremost among the portraits.

- She may not go for that.
- Yeah, she will.

She's won over, like the rest will be.

She's our litmus test
into the chimp mind.

Are you having your way with her?

- Sorry?
- Can I be a little less subtle?

Are you banging her?

Uh... no, we work together.

- Don't shit in the company nest, eh?
- Yeah, something like that.

Excellent policy. Keep it up.

Ingrid: On the bench.

- Sorry?
- What you seek is on the bench.

That should cover my rent
for the foreseeable future.

Well, for about a week.

- You're kidding.
- You're not familiar with Auckland rents.

Well, bugger me sideways.

Well, don't you worry. There will
be plenty more where that came from.

That's generally how rents work.
Why are you in a wheelchair?

Oh, that is a top-level
secret, young Zeb.

But if you can sell it and
trade me, we'll go 50/50.

Deal.

- Hey.
- Hello.

How was your day?

Nothing special. You?

Nah. Same, same.

Although, Dawn of the Living Dead
here has been awaiting your return.

Any word yet?

Yeah, about that, um...

not the best of news I'm afraid.

- Hey, where are we?
- This is you, mate.

This isn't Norsewood.

You need to be here for now.

(Slam)

(Handle rattling)

(Car engine starts)

Thanks, mate.

(Door creaks)

(Door thuds)

(Conversation din)

Ass balls!

(Pouring)

Mis-pour. Free jug going.

Sure, okay.

- (Grunts) It's your lucky day.
- Not really, but it's fast improving.

(Smacks)

Nice.

See what happens when you make me angry?

Why would I ever want to make you
angry? You just gave me free beer.

So, what are you doing in my bar?

- This is your bar?
- No, but I like to think of it as mine.

Axl: I have no idea.

No one comes to Funamongamo
without a reason.

- Funamongamo?
- Yes. Got a problem with that?

Man: (Shouting) Bloody bastards! Two-faced
dick-tards, the bloody lot of you!

And you know it! Dick-tards!

Derek! I told you to go the hell home.

- Oh, no.
- My Lord. You've come!

You know this troublemaker?

- It's gone, my Lord.
- Lord?

- Taken from me.
- Whoa, okay, I have no idea what you're talking about,

- Uncle Derek.
- Mjolnir.

Hammer of the Gods.

It's fallen into the hand of bandits.

But now you are here.

Come to retrieve it.

We are saved!

shit.

(Retches)

(Thud)

(Thunderclap)

Perfect.

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