All language subtitles for The Almighty Johnsons s02e10xxx.eng

As Odin has his Frigg,
Idun has her Bragi.

So if Helen meets Anders?

She will fall in love with Bragi,
like she has countless times over thousands of years.

The next girl I see, I'm gonna
make my cock her destiny.

Anders, are you in there?

Ty!

Hey, messing with the
cock of destiny, bro!

Gaia! Listen to me!

Before it's...

too late.

You tell me where she is right
now, or I will rip your...

We need to flee here now.
Before he wakes up!

You, giant; you, dwarf;
what's your business here?

What?

Well, if Gaia's not a giant,
then how can her dad be a giant?

Clearly, he's not her dad.

We were chosen.

And trained to hunt out the child.

She is Frigg.

Bring her to me, or your
friend, Zeb, he die.

Hi. I'm Odin. And you, Gaia,

are soon to become Frigg,

my truly beloved.

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I'm serious.

Yes. Yes, of course
you are. I'm a goddess!

Yes.

Do I get, like, wings?

No.

But wings would be really awesome.

That's the domain of fairies.

Ooh, I could be a fairy
goddess, flying over the city, spreading pixie dust.

OK, now you're getting
fairies and pixies mixed up.

Ooh, can I make rainbows?

Gaia, we're serious, here
you are about to become a goddess.

Yes. And you are a god!

Yes.

You don't look like a God.

Yet I am.

Maybe if you grew a beard,
you might look more like a god.

Now, see, you've got a beard and
you don't look like a god.

I'm a giant, not a God.

You don't look like
a giant, either.

Gaia, are you still stoned?

A little bit.

Excellent!

But it doesn't matter, because I'm
a goddess now and I can do whatever I want!

And right now I want to paddle
in the water! Whee! I'm a goddess!

Look at me! I can fly!

I don't think she's quite
got her head around this yet.

No, not entirely.

Whoo-hoo!

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Wait! We should approach cautiously.

Do what you want. I'm getting
out of these clothes.

OK, whoever did that
is paying for a new one.

That will be the giant who came here
to kill you. The one who has taken Zeb hostage.

Stop it.
Stop what?

Messing with my head.

I'm not messing with your head.

Yeah, you are.

OK, yeah, I am, but only because
what you need to know, it messes with your head.

Why would anyone want to kidnap Zeb?

Eggther will stop at nothing to get
to you. Those Terminator films loosely based on him.

Eggther? Is this this
made-up giant's name?

I really wouldn't give him a hard
time about his name... he's very sensitive

Oh, for Christ's sake! I am
not a goddess, you are not Odin,

and you are definitely not a giant,
because giants do not exist!

Uh, this is Derrick. Not a giant
just a very large man.

Do you have any idea what the
fucking traffic is like out on that motorway?

Yes, Derrick... I live here.

My lord Odin, I have come.

And he's Thor.

Why can I smell pie?

That'll be Bryn.

Giant!
No, no, no, no! No! No! No.

He is a sneaky tiny giant
who's come to kill you, my lord!

No, he's a good giant!

The only good giant's a dead giant!

War criminal!
Thor, listen to me! He is one of us!

He must come to no harm.
Do you understand?

But giants must die.

Not this one. He's a special giant.

Axl, can I speak to you?

Sure.
Alone.

Thor, no touching the giant.

OK?

Thor!

OK. This was funny at the beach;

Because you were stoned.
...not funny any more.

No, it's not.

Stop, because you're really
starting to freak me out.

I know, but you have to believe us.
Everything we're telling you is the truth. And we need to rescue Zeb.

There are no such
things as Norse gods!

Yes, there are.

In books, in stories,
not studying building in NZ.

This one is.

Is this some kind of plan to
get me to go back to Waiheke?

No! How could this possibly do that?

I don't know, but I wouldn't
put it past him.

Gaia, this is me you're
talking to... Axl.

I thought you were Odin!

Yeah, well, I'm that too, but
right now I'm Axl, standing here,

trying to explain how this explains
everything that's happened between us.

Remember when we got together
wasn't that magical? Didn't that feel right?

I dumped you and couldn't explain
why... it was because of a Frigg alarm.

But she turned out to be Hel, not
Frigg, and she married Ty, who is Hod, instead,

but that didn't end so well, so
we won't worry about that now.

The thing is, the thing is, I've
been looking for you everywhere,

and all this time you've
been here, and you are her.

Isn't that amazing?

I guess so.

Yeah.

But right now I just want to
get out of these wet clothes.

And then we'll rescue Zeb.

I'll wait outside.

Ta.

This is amazing, eh?

Sure is.

Thor! No!

A tap, just one little tap on his
forehead, just to let him know who's in charge.

Do it, slaughterer of innocents!

No! No! No-one is
slaughtering anyone!

Because if we're to rescue Zeb, we
need to work together, as a team.

What's a Zeb?

Call him a friend of Odin's.

Oh, you're that kind of Odin.

No.

Hey, do you know that chick?

Helen... her name is Helen.

Is she always that,
you know, forward?

I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm a
great believer in spontaneous sex,

but that was... that was surreal.

The first time I laid my eyes
on her, it was the strangest, most remarkable feeling, like.... like...

...like your soul
has been given wings?

Yeah, like my dick was trying
to drill out of my trousers and right into her.

I was ready to nail her right there
and then, if she wanted to or no.

But let me tell you, Ty, she wanted
it. Oh, Lord, she wanted it.

Hey.

So this Ellen chick, was
she like this with you?

Helen.

I bet she wasn't, cos you're
you and I'm me. And, I mean,

I bet you never left her barely
conscious with pleasure in the toilets.

OK, you've had your
fun; can we leave now?

Here we are, boys.

Oh. Sweet.

Hello, Ty.

Hey.

Long time, no see. Are you
keeping in, out of the dark?

Trying to.

I suppose an introduction
is called for.

I would consider us introduced.

Well, I don't normally
throw myself at strangers.

Pity. That's what I like about you.

I'm Helen.

Helen. I know. I'm Anders,
Ty's better-looking brother.

Your brother?

As in, he is also a...?

Yep.

Helen is as we are.

Half drunk?

A goddess, you mong.

No shit?

Idun.
Idun, the apple chick?

That's one way of putting it.

Huh. I'm Bragi. Weren't we, like,
married or something, in Asgard?

Ooh. In this world we've only
shagged once, so let's not get too far ahead of ourselves.

Idun, the apple chick.
How do you like them apples?

I mean, owning your
own club is fine,

as long as you're looking to party
all night, get laid, partake in illicit substances...

All admirable goals in life.

Inevitably, it all
went down the toilet.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Nah, it's fine. Sure,
I had a breakdown,

hooked up with the wrong guy,
did unspeakable things for money, but apart from that, it was fine.

And then, until today,
I ended up here.

Until today?

Yeah. I quit. Just before,
when I was getting these drinks.

Why?

You guys seemed like
much more fun than work.

Undoubtedly true.

So drink up, boys... this is my
severance package we're working our way through.

Yee-haa.

The question you ask
is a very complex one.

Is she Frigg... yes or no?
What is complex about that?

Simplicity can be
complexity in disguise.

Don't try and hide behind oracle
crap. Especially when you're not very good.

Pot, kettle... black.
Hey! Straying off topic!

I know she's becoming
a goddess. So which?

We think Frigg. Confirm or
deny. You promised you would.

And soon, soon you will find out.

Things are running their course.
It'd be unfair if you knew before the lady in question.

Do we look like we give
a shit about 'fair'?

No. No, you don't.

Incoming.

Hi. Can I have a word with you?

Is Axl with you?

In private?

Sure.

So confirmed.

She's not exactly a very
Norse Norse goddess is she?

Sorry about the welcoming committee.

I'm kinda getting used
to weird shit today.

Yeah, I bet.

I'm worried Axl and Bryn have gone
to Crazy Town and they're not coming back.

Because they keep saying
weird shit about Norse gods?

Seriously, I don't know where it's
all come from. And Axl, he really believes it.

Yeah.

That would be because...

it's true.

Look, right now you are probably
feeling like you're the last sane person on Earth, right?

And that is totally understandable.

The thing is, Gaia, a long time
ago, for reasons right or wrong,

the Norse gods made the
decision to walk the Earth.

Sometime later they made another
decision, to come to NZ, essentially to hide.

I won't go into the history,
but the important bit is

there is a long line of people
who have, at one time or another,

become the living, breathing
incarnation of one of those gods.

I'm one... I'm Ullr.

And... hard to believe,
I know, but... Axl is one too.

Odin.

Yeah.

And the signs are
the prophecies are

that you...

will join our ranks very soon.

Look, I'm probably not the
best person to explain this.

Come with me.

Ladies, um, Gaia here is having
a little trouble coming to grips with the change in her situation.

Gaia, meet Sjofn, Snotra and Fulla.

Yeah, all goddesses.

And when you say 'situation'?

The one where, yes, apparently,
Gaia is about to become Frigg.

Oh!

Whoa.

So maybe you could talk her through
what all this nonsense actually means.

We can do that.
Be gentle with her.

Always.

Are you going to
get me stoned again?

No. But we should go somewhere
quiet, where we can talk, away from these silly men.

I know we like rooting them,
but can we trust these goddesses?

What? Not everything is deducible.

Hrungnir was a hero, a good giant
who had his head knocked off with a grindstone at the hands of Thor.

His head... knocked right off!

Will you shut up?
They're only stories.

And what about Geirrod, eh? And his
beautiful daughters Gjalp and Greip? Murdered!

Their backs broken in
their own home by Thor!

Gjalp was trying to drown Thor in a
river of her piss and womanly blood. What was he meant to do?

Shut up! Both of you.

Gaia, this is no time to get all
chick about getting dressed we really need to move.

What have you done with her?

Me? I was out there with you
the whole time, you numbskull!

Don't call me a numbskull, you

Shut the fuck up!

Hello?

My instructions, were they
too complicated for you?

No.

Bring the girl, and one of those
roast chickens from the supermarket to a place

There's a problem. With the chicken.

Problem? What problem?

I'll call you when it's sorted. But
if you harm my mate, I will destroy you, OK?

I thought it was my job
to destroy the giant.

Why does anyone have
to destroy any giant?

Come on, come on, come
on, come on, come on.

I don't know... the how is up to you.
Just get him here. Hang on; I've got another call.

Hello?

Mike, Gaia's disappeared again.

No, she hasn't.

Well, that's easy for you to say,
cos you can, like, find anything.

She was here. At the bar.

What do you mean 'was'?

You need to get here now.
I'm on another call.

OK. You got that?
You and him... here.

That could be easier said than done.

I don't care. Make it so.

Hi. Uh, sorry to interrupt, but,
uh, I kinda need to talk to Anders.

Anders really
can't talk right now.

Right. OK. It's just that something
urgent has come up and we need to go.

It's OK... I'm real close.

Good. Good to know.

Just, he needs to know that it
turns out Gaia is going to be Frigg.

Bullshit.

Apparently.
Really?

All these people, they
have no idea we exist.

Isn't that cool?

If you say so.

Oh, it is. Accept it, Gaia.

Just let it wash over you.

Once someone sat down
and explained it to me,

the 10 years of my life where I had
no idea what was wrong with me made so much more sense.

The lesson here, Gaia, is...

you can't fight it, so...

embrace it.

So Fulla...

is my... handmaiden?

Yep.

Do I need a handmaiden?

I am your handmaiden
you don't get a choice.

Oh. And what do you do,

as my handmaiden?

Cleaning and shit.

Oh, Gaia. Are you OK?

Am I OK?

Good question.

I have just found out the world is
full of creatures that are only meant to exist in storybooks,

some of whom apparently
want to kill me;

my entire life has been a lie up
to this point; and my flatmate is in the hands of some psycho giant,

all because of me.

Yeah, I'm a bunch of fucking
fluffy ducks, actually!

But you're with us now.

We're goddesses, we're your kind,
and we will look after you, all the way.

You are kidding me, right?
Axl's drippy girlfriend is Frigg?

She's not exactly
a Valkyrie, is she?

It's not my fault she doesn't meet
your blonde-bombshell fantasies.

And then you let her go with them.

You mean her fellow goddesses.

They tried to kill Axl. Did your
dick erase that part of the story from your memory?

I trust Michele.

Then you are a soft fool.
We will never see Frigg again.

Or we could simply accept the
cosmos moves in the way it moves.

Oh, excuse me if I move to the bar,
before I spontaneously move my bowels.

Yeah, just help yourself.

I was going to.

I knew a previous you... we made
love at a Led Zeppelin concert.

I love Led Zeppelin.
There you go.

Hey. Anything you'd like to add?

I feel less than ideal.

Isn't the cosmos a weird
and wonderful place?

If you say so, Grandpa.

The forces that must have been
at work to bring Bragi and Idun together before your very eyes.

The weird thing is, by Anders'
standards, he's being nice to her.

I bet he is.

No, not just that. I mean,
he actually listens to her and asks her questions,

and for two seconds it
isn't him being an arsehole.

Well, she is his beloved.

You told me it would
end badly for her.

Oh, it will end badly for her.
It doesn't mean it has to start badly. You should talk to her.

About Anders?

No, about apples.

He's trying to kill us all!

He's just not used
to Auckland traffic.

This the place?

Yeah, it is.

It's not one of those
Auckland gay bars, is it?

I understood Thor likes to
dress in women's clothes.

Not this Thor.

Oh! Who's idea was bringing him in?

Top work, Grandpa.

Mike, uh, this is Thor. Thor, Ullr.

G'day.
G'day.

And that's Ty, who is Hod.

I'm sorry about that.

Tell me about it.

And you know Bragi, and I
have no idea who this is.

Hi. Idun. Goddess.

OK.

Beer.

Where is she?

She's with the goddesses.

Where?

I have no idea.

You let them take her away?!

Can I get an 'amen' to that?

She needed to be with her own kind.

Her kind who cannot be trusted!

They'll bring her back.

How do you know?

Don't we have more important
things to discuss?

Oh. OK. Yes. We definitely need to
talk about that. Um, I've managed to stall Eggther for a bit.

I doubt the chicken story's
gonna hold him for long.

Find giant, kill giant
what's there to talk about?

The fact he's holding my
friend hostage, for starters.

You mean 'mortal friend'.

Uh, as much as I hate
to say it, I'm with Thor.

Arse-licker.

You have to ask yourself, 'How
much of a friend is Zeb really?'

What's the alternative? Give him
Frigg? I think we all know that's not going to happen.

Fight him, kill him? Come on, we're
not the fighting, killing kind.

I am.

We send MC Hammer, and what happens
happens. Meanwhile we get on with our lives,

and if your friend Zeb turns into
a martyr along the way, so be it.

So Odin and Frigg get it on
and we get our proper powers,

then we can kick some serious giant
arse to revenge his scrawny arse. Sounds straightforward to me.

Sounds to me like the arrogant
god shit we were trying to stop.

Yeah. If you haven't got anything
useful to say, you can piss off back to whatever bar you crawled out of.

What was not useful about that? That
made perfect sense. Ty, did that not make perfect sense?

Sorry, I wasn't listening.
So defrost your ears.

OK. This is what we'll do. We're
going to meet the giant, talk to him and find out what he really wants.

He wants to kill she
who is meant to be Frigg.

And so did he, and instead he ended
up raising her. People can change. Even giant people, I bet.

Yeah, but what about the bit where
I bury my hammer in his eye socket?

There isn't one.

Oh, come on.
Too bad. It's what we're gonna do.

Make the call.

OK, fine, ignore me. Play
nice with the giants, Mike;

I mean, you already handed Frigg to
the enemy... top day's work! And, uh, hey,

good luck for your friend's scrawny
little neck when you turn up without the girl.

You can leave any
time you want, Anders.

Now is good for me. It's much more
hospitable at my office, I swear.

It was really nice to meet you all.
I wish there was something I could do.

Is there anything I can do?

After you've been drinking all day?

Well, to be fair, when I started
I didn't know any of this was gonna

Go.

Apples.

Apples.

How come you're not as
wide as you are tall?

My metabolism... it is very fast.

Have you sorted out the chicken?

The chicken is good to go.

About time.

I wanna speak to Zeb.
I need to know he's alive.

He wants to speak to you.

Hey.
Are you OK?

So it turns out
that Gaia is Frigg?

Yeah. Apparently.

It's like one of those movies where
it turns out he should have got with the nice chick, not the hot one.

Enough! Give me the telephone!

Are you happy now? You see
what I have to put up with?

Where do we meet?

I don't know. Where do
NZ gods normally meet?

In a forest, usually.

Yah. I can work with that.
What is the forest?

I don't know... they all look
the same to me. I'll text you the directions and when.

OK. And don't forget... come alone.

I thought you wanted him
to bring Gaia as well.

We need to, like, Google a map.

Hello?

Uh, when I said, uh, come alone,
I meant with the girl, obviously.

Obviously. And the chicken.

Yah. That too.

I think if it turns into
a battle of wits, we'll be OK.

It's Michele.
What do you want?

OK, Michele, I don't know where you
guys are, but you need to bring Gaia back here now.

Michele wouldn't really
do anything to her, right?

No.

I mean, when she put the arrow in
me... that's all in the past, right?

Sure.

Ah, see... you could
have answered your phone.

What's the matter, Mike
don't you trust me?

Are you OK now?

Not entirely.

What's going on with Zeb?

Uh, we're gonna go meet the giant.

When?
Kind of now-ish, really.

Then, let's do it.
Except you're not going.

But it's me he wants.

Exactly why you're
not going. I'm going.

Yeah, we'll go.

No, no, no, no,
you're not going either.

He'll expect me to be there.

And if he kills you, it has exactly
the same effect as if he kills Gaia, which is why you are not going.

I'll go.

Thor, we're trying diplomacy
it's more my game.

I can go pretending to be Gaia.

How?

By dressing as her
and wearing make-up.

Mm-hm. And then what?

Well, she could sleep with him.

OK. I am going alone.

End of story.

No, not end of story. This is all
because of me, and there's no way you leave me here. Zeb is my friend.

Yeah, and mine too. So I'm going
whether you like it or not.

Me too.

And where my daughter goes, I go.

But I'm not your daughter, am I?

In my heart, you are my daughter
and you will always be.

I vowed to protect you always, and
I will... even against my own kind.

Well, if the giant's going, I'm
going too. This could be some sort of a trap.

You just wanna kill Eggther.
No-one is killing anyone.

Because you say so?
No, because I say so.

Then it's just the
five of us... alone.

I am not going with him!

I have already given my lord Odin my
solemn oath that my hammer will not split thy skull, giant.

It's your fucking driving
I'm worried about.

What if I drive?

My truck? Fuck off. You may
be Odin, but there are limits.

Oh, for Christ's sake! You go with
Thor; me and you will go with Mike. Is that OK with everyone?

Stay safe honey, and headbutt
the giant in the nuts for me.

I'm sure he's not that tall.

But neither are you.

It's like the Wild West... the men
at the shoot-out, while the women and old folk look after the saloon.

What are we meant to
do while we're waiting?

There is a very large,
empty bed upstairs.

Yes!

You know, sometimes I loathe the
hyperactive sex drive of us gods.

Now Anders has hooked
himself a goddess, I hear.

I know. Isn't it exciting? Suddenly
there's goddesses popping up all over the show.

And Idun is important, right?

As Frigg is to Odin,
so she is to Bragi.

I meant generally.

The Constant Goddess... without her
or her apples, there would be no us.

She can't be that important.

Yes, she is. And she is way more
powerful than me or you. Way, way, way, way more powerful.

Tell me about Anders' stick.

The World Tree, some call it.

Ingrid, I don't care what it's
called... I want to know how Yggdrasil works.

Mm. Life flows through it. I can't
believe Anders just lopped a branch off it.

I didn't know it was real; I heard
it was a metaphor, like the apples.

Well, it is a real tree,
and we have a piece of it.

Anders has a piece of it.
For now. But it's useless to him.

Mm. Because he has no life in him.

Unfortunately, Anders
has plenty of life in him.

No! No life. No womb.

He cannot grow life, and so
life cannot grow through him.

You sound like Agnetha... she was
always asking me questions about the Tree.

I bet she was.

They're called 'indicators'
for a reason!

Indicating is a sign of weakness.

I thought we were dealing
with giants, not clowns.

Let's see who's got the power now.

Quite often, when there's important
god stuff to do, we end up in a forest. You'll get used to it.

I guess this is the place!

Yah, this is the place.

A chicken. As requested.

Put the chicken on the table.

Hey, Zeb. How's it going?

Still digesting the whole
Gaia/Frigg news. Hi, Gaia.

Hey, Zeb.

You can call me Freki from now
on. Even though the real Freki is apparently dead.

If you say so.

Have you finished?
Has everybody finished?

Finished. Chicken.

Chicken is for after;
now I want the girl.

I'm not a girl.

Girl, goddess, whatever.

No, we're not handing her over
to you. We're here for Zeb.

How about I start by ripping his
head off? You can have that part to start with.

Do that, and it'll be the
last thing you'll ever do.

Oh. Wow. What a surprise, you didn't
come alone! Gone over to the god side, have you?

This has nothing to do with gods.
I vowed to protect Gaia, and I will, even from my own kind.

Still makes you a traitor.

There are worse things to be.

There's more of us than
there are of you, so give it up.

How about instead, I kill him
and then I kill the rest of you?

How about you try it and find my
hammer sticking out of your forehead like it's a tusk?

Just let Zeb go, OK?

Why? So the butcher of Thrymheim
here can pound my bones to dust?

He's not gonna do that.
He will if he gets half a chance.

No.

Look, I'm kinda new to this...

god-giant stuff, and I don't
know anything about the past,

but apparently I'm quite important
to the future of gods and giants.

Otherwise you wouldn't keep
sending people to kill me, right?

Yah, to prevent the new Dark Age.

Which is what?

When gods are all-powerful and the
likes of him rule the earth, killing my people at will.

But he won't be running the world;
we will. And I don't know what we'll do if and when that happens,

but the one thing I know we won't be
doing is letting Thor, or any God,

run around killing giants
just because they feel like it.

Seriously? What type of
magical, fluffy bunny world,

where unicorns pee rainbows and
everything tastes of chocolate do you two live in?

You cannot change what we are.

Exactly. So let's just kill
this prick and get on with it.

Thor! No!

No! Don't!

Thor, don't!

Thor, let him alone!
I command you!

Axl, leave them.
Let them sort it out!

Daughter, no!

Shit.

Thor!

Fucking giants!

Thor, stop!

Die, giant!

In the name of Odin,
I command you to stop!

Leave him alone!

I am Odin, the all-father... obey me.

Obey me!

Yes, My Lord.

Eggther! Don't!

Don't do it, man.

It is what I was sent here to do.

But that isn't you
that's not who you are.

You're not a killer; you're just a
tall, scary guy who's got by on his reputation.

You don't go around killing girls.

I'm not a girl.
Work with me, Gaia.

Put the stick down, bro.

Here, take the chicken instead.

Rise above it, man.

Rise above.

OK, now I'm pretty sure
I've seen everything.

In your own way, Thor, you are a
fine servant, and I thank you for your effort today.

I can stay longer, my lord, in case
this is some kind of giant ruse.

No, no, no, we're good. And you've
probably got goats to farm.

Eaten all the goats.

You probably don't want to stay
in Auckland a moment longer, eh?

Thought I might check out
the Sky Tower, actually.

Good idea. You go do that.

Any time you need me, My Lord.

I will call... I promise.

I look forward to the
rekindling of our powers.

Don't we all!

One nutbar down, one to go.

Are we all good here?
Yah, we are good.

So you'll take our message
of peace back to your people?

You will hear the laughter all
the way from Jotunheimr to here.

And you... you know you
are forever banished, yah?

I figured as much.

And I know you gods... you think we
giants are thickos, but the reason I am here?

The reason we checked out Hlebard's
possum heart in the first place? Jormungand is stirring.

If you say so.

Facebook me when you get home.

I will. Goodbye, little buddy.

What?

Are you gonna tell
us how you did it?

Did what?

Saved my life, dick.

Oh, that. You've heard of Stockholm
syndrome, right, where hostages fall in love with their captors?

When I realised I was unlikely
to defeat Eggther in a physical contest,

I used reverse Stockholm syndrome.

That's right. My best friend is a
god, the most powerful god of them all... Odin.

You know, this burger's pretty good.

Thanks. I made it myself.

No, you didn't.

I really like what you're doing
there. It sends a strong, clear message.

No, I mean die die.

This is a very tiny car for a giant,

eh?

Yah. There was a mix-up with the
rental car company, at the airport.

I hate it when that happens.

When I said come alone,
I meant with the girl, obviously.

Obviously. And the chicken.

Yah. That too.

This so can't be easy for you,

having the expectations of all the
giants resting on your shoulders.

Yah. It is hard sometimes.

I'm sure it is.

I didn't even kill Freki.

We got drunk together and he slipped
over on the ice and hit his head.

But everybody thinks I did.

Because you're Eggther, the bad-ass
baddest giant of them all. Dude, you can so rise above that reputation.

I know you can.

I so had that situation
totally under control.

Sure you did.

You are my trusted Girl Friday,
Dawn. Without you, I would die.

Go thirsty, you mean.
Exactly. Off you go.

But the apples are what
make us gods gods, right?

That's what they tell me.

'They'? Who are 'they'?

The books that I've read about me.

Oh. So not actually a real 'they'.
No.

Ty, stop boring Helen.

I'm not bored... I love talking about
me. I am my own favourite subject.

Hey, hang on. I am not so sure
I like the sound of this.

You should be writing
a poem about me.

Uh, 'There was a young goddess
named Helen, whose tits were round like two melons '

Oh! I'm going to stop you there.

But how do the apples
keep gods being gods?

Apple martinis.

No.

I think the apples are
metaphorical apples.

Oh. Oh, yeah. I guess so.

'Whose buttocks were
firm like ripe apples.'

Really? Want a feel?

Mmm.

Are you sure?

Little firm buttocks.

Ta-da!

Yay, the heroes have
freed the hostage!

We were so worried about you.

We can tell!

Oh, forget about her
she's a total lush.

At least I didn't find her in
my bed, doing unspeakable things.

We apologised... get over it.

I take it you slew the dragon.

In a manner of speaking.

What an awesome god you are!

Are you OK?

Not entirely.

Come upstairs, I'll have a look.

Well, I don't know about you guys,
but I could do with a beer.

Hell yeah.
Allow me.

Take off your shirt.

Ouch.

Is that your opinion as a
medical professional, is it?

What are you doing?
Shh.

Normally I'd be right
into this, but right now

I don't want you getting distracted.

While what?

While I fix your back.

You're going to fix it, are you?

I am a medical professional.

What are you doing?
Shh.

Ooh, yeah. OK. I don't know
what you are doing, but

Shh.

Oh! OK.

I might head home.
Oh, I'll come with you.

No, you stay here.

See you.
Bye, love.

Are you OK?

What do you expect from me, Axl?

How do you mean?

What's expected of me, when
I miraculously become your beloved Frigg?

Oh, we don't usually talk about
that kinda stuff in public.

So when I finally turn 21, again,

are we meant to, like, immediately
get it on and spend the rest of our lives making god babies?

Is that how it works? Because if
it is, I'm not entirely thrilled by that idea.

Where, in there, do I get to choose
what I do and who I do it with? Or is it just you?

That's it... that's my lot. When
do I get to be the one to make that decision, Axl?

Sorry. I'm...

in a weird mood, and it's been a
weird day, and it couldn't possibly get any weirder.

Gaia!

Gaia!

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