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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,033
Subscene @Ali_EmJay
2
00:00:01,418 --> 00:00:03,962
- My husband died for nothing,
3
00:00:03,962 --> 00:00:06,381
and I'm beginning to think
I didn't even know him.
4
00:00:06,381 --> 00:00:07,508
- What do you want
to build, Jules?
5
00:00:07,508 --> 00:00:08,509
Who do you want to be?
6
00:00:08,509 --> 00:00:10,093
- I can't wait
for you to screw up
7
00:00:10,093 --> 00:00:12,095
so you can call me.
8
00:00:12,095 --> 00:00:14,097
- Why does he have this?
- It was your dad's.
9
00:00:14,097 --> 00:00:16,183
- I don't believe exercise
can be fun.
10
00:00:16,183 --> 00:00:18,727
- Okay, in my dance class,
we pose through the pain.
11
00:00:18,727 --> 00:00:20,187
- [laughs]
12
00:00:20,187 --> 00:00:21,772
- I want to believe
this was an accident,
13
00:00:21,772 --> 00:00:23,941
but I just don't know.
14
00:00:23,941 --> 00:00:28,445
- I have spent four months
blaming the universe,
15
00:00:28,445 --> 00:00:33,784
and maybe the one I really
should be angry with is Matt.
16
00:00:33,784 --> 00:00:35,452
- I don't know
what you want me to say.
17
00:00:35,452 --> 00:00:37,162
- I want you to tell me
if you think he jumped.
18
00:00:37,162 --> 00:00:38,413
- Maybe!
19
00:00:40,332 --> 00:00:41,583
Maybe.
20
00:00:44,086 --> 00:00:47,089
[soft music]
21
00:00:47,089 --> 00:00:54,096
♪ ♪
22
00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:04,064
- How'd you get it again?
23
00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:06,066
- [groans]
24
00:01:09,778 --> 00:01:11,947
Special ops mission
in Paraguay.
25
00:01:11,947 --> 00:01:14,241
Top secret, I shouldn't even
be talking to you about it.
26
00:01:14,241 --> 00:01:18,537
- I thought it was a battle
with a velociraptor
27
00:01:18,537 --> 00:01:22,457
after your DeLorean broke down.
- Nope.
28
00:01:22,457 --> 00:01:24,626
- How'd you get it again?
29
00:01:24,626 --> 00:01:27,921
- We were dropping in
by parachute
30
00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:31,842
to maintain
the element of surprise.
31
00:01:31,842 --> 00:01:33,635
But unfortunately,
the only thing
32
00:01:33,635 --> 00:01:36,263
I caught by surprise
was a jaguar.
33
00:01:36,263 --> 00:01:40,559
- You ever gonna tell me
what really happened?
34
00:01:40,559 --> 00:01:44,354
- Just some stupid accident
from when I was a kid.
35
00:01:45,772 --> 00:01:48,859
- How'd you get it again?
36
00:01:48,859 --> 00:01:52,279
- [groans softly]
37
00:01:52,279 --> 00:01:55,908
- You know, you never really
talk about your childhood.
38
00:02:06,752 --> 00:02:08,754
[bottles rattling]
39
00:02:12,216 --> 00:02:15,302
[items clattering]
40
00:02:17,012 --> 00:02:20,432
[indistinct speech on TV]
41
00:02:20,432 --> 00:02:22,434
[chuckles]
42
00:02:28,357 --> 00:02:32,361
- Why are you awake?
- The tragedy of my life.
43
00:02:33,403 --> 00:02:34,905
- Same.
44
00:02:40,744 --> 00:02:43,163
Step Four.
45
00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:47,918
I'm supposed to make
a moral inventory,
46
00:02:47,918 --> 00:02:50,254
which is basically a catalog
47
00:02:50,254 --> 00:02:51,964
of all the not-good things
I've done.
48
00:02:51,964 --> 00:02:53,340
- Mm.
49
00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:57,886
- Every lie, every mistake,
every insecurity.
50
00:02:57,886 --> 00:03:01,056
And I'm supposed to be
rigorously honest
51
00:03:01,056 --> 00:03:04,560
so that I understand myself
52
00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:07,187
and the choices I've made.
53
00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:08,605
It's not fun.
54
00:03:08,605 --> 00:03:10,774
- No, that sounds
like literal hell.
55
00:03:10,774 --> 00:03:12,234
- It is,
56
00:03:12,234 --> 00:03:15,988
which is why I'm watching
"Real Housewives" instead.
57
00:03:15,988 --> 00:03:20,659
[indistinct speech on TV]
58
00:03:20,659 --> 00:03:22,452
- Is she throwing
a welcome-home party
59
00:03:22,452 --> 00:03:23,620
for her new boobs?
60
00:03:23,620 --> 00:03:25,664
- Yep, that's what
this show is.
61
00:03:25,664 --> 00:03:31,545
It's like, these housewives
pull these crazy stunts
62
00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:33,463
to distract themselves
from the fact
63
00:03:33,463 --> 00:03:36,675
that they're barely functioning
alcoholics.
64
00:03:36,675 --> 00:03:38,594
[both laugh]
65
00:03:38,594 --> 00:03:41,054
I really missed my calling.
- Mm-hmm.
66
00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:43,182
What would your tagline be?
67
00:03:43,182 --> 00:03:45,100
- I'm Jules.
68
00:03:45,100 --> 00:03:49,229
I may stab you in the front,
but I'll always have your back.
69
00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:50,898
- That's good.
70
00:03:50,898 --> 00:03:54,067
[both laugh]
71
00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:56,236
- Oh, what would mine be?
- [sighs]
72
00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:58,488
Oh.
73
00:03:58,488 --> 00:04:00,157
I'm Leigh.
74
00:04:00,157 --> 00:04:03,035
If you want my advice,
you won't have to ask.
75
00:04:03,035 --> 00:04:04,536
Exactly.
76
00:04:04,536 --> 00:04:06,330
[both laugh]
77
00:04:06,330 --> 00:04:08,373
- You're killing it.
78
00:04:08,373 --> 00:04:11,251
[both laugh]
79
00:04:15,172 --> 00:04:16,882
- So why are you really up?
80
00:04:19,968 --> 00:04:23,222
- I'm not sure if Matt's death
was an accident.
81
00:04:27,518 --> 00:04:30,521
[somber music]
82
00:04:30,521 --> 00:04:36,360
♪ ♪
83
00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:39,571
[indistinct chatter]
84
00:04:39,571 --> 00:04:42,032
- [sighs] Hey.
- Hey.
85
00:04:45,869 --> 00:04:47,788
I got this for you.
86
00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:50,332
It's my peace offering.
87
00:04:50,332 --> 00:04:53,460
It was really nice...
88
00:04:53,460 --> 00:04:55,546
of you to come to my birthday,
89
00:04:55,546 --> 00:04:57,965
and I shouldn't have
come at you like that.
90
00:04:57,965 --> 00:05:01,468
- Ooh, oh. Oh, I'm sorry.
Oh, my God.
91
00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:04,513
- Sorry, that's gluten-free.
It was all they had.
92
00:05:04,513 --> 00:05:06,515
- You suck at apologizing.
93
00:05:09,268 --> 00:05:14,606
- Can I ask you something
about Matt?
94
00:05:14,606 --> 00:05:16,275
- If it's the same question
you asked me
95
00:05:16,275 --> 00:05:17,609
at your birthday,
absolutely not.
96
00:05:17,609 --> 00:05:19,111
I'm not doing that ---- again.
- Yeah, no.
97
00:05:19,111 --> 00:05:21,363
No one wants to...
do that again.
98
00:05:21,363 --> 00:05:23,824
I just want to...
99
00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:25,742
know what he was like as a kid.
100
00:05:27,369 --> 00:05:28,537
- Why?
101
00:05:28,537 --> 00:05:30,330
- Because I met him
after college,
102
00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:32,291
and I know a lot
about the after,
103
00:05:32,291 --> 00:05:36,128
not much about the before
because he...
104
00:05:36,128 --> 00:05:38,255
never wanted to talk
about his childhood.
105
00:05:38,255 --> 00:05:39,965
- You know, people who want
to talk about their childhoods
106
00:05:39,965 --> 00:05:41,675
are weird, so...
107
00:05:41,675 --> 00:05:44,052
- I just want to know
things about him
108
00:05:44,052 --> 00:05:45,762
that I didn't get to know.
109
00:05:47,973 --> 00:05:52,394
Like, he had
this scar on his back,
110
00:05:52,394 --> 00:05:55,147
and he said he got it
when he was a kid,
111
00:05:55,147 --> 00:05:57,691
so I was wondering--
- What are you--
112
00:05:59,276 --> 00:06:00,652
What are you wondering?
113
00:06:02,738 --> 00:06:07,618
- Matt said that his depression
was biopsychosocial,
114
00:06:07,618 --> 00:06:10,662
psycho being his personality--
115
00:06:10,662 --> 00:06:14,082
- Maybe psycho is just
your personality, Leigh.
116
00:06:15,834 --> 00:06:18,462
- Psycho like psychology.
- Oh.
117
00:06:18,462 --> 00:06:20,839
- Bio like biology, and...
118
00:06:20,839 --> 00:06:23,884
the social
was how he was raised,
119
00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:26,011
so I'm just
trying to understand
120
00:06:26,011 --> 00:06:28,472
the family dynamic
so that I can--
121
00:06:28,472 --> 00:06:30,390
- What do you want me
to tell you?
122
00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:34,603
That my dad was too tired to go
to my third grade recital?
123
00:06:34,603 --> 00:06:36,939
Yeah, you got me.
124
00:06:36,939 --> 00:06:40,317
Our childhood was a nightmare.
125
00:06:40,317 --> 00:06:41,777
House on a cul-de-sac.
126
00:06:41,777 --> 00:06:43,403
Uh...
- Mm.
127
00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:46,782
- Parents been married
for 30 years.
128
00:06:46,782 --> 00:06:48,992
- Okay, whatever.
I'll just ask your mom.
129
00:06:48,992 --> 00:06:50,577
- Don't--don't ask my mom
about that.
130
00:06:50,577 --> 00:06:52,871
Don't ask her what
you asked me at the party.
131
00:06:52,871 --> 00:06:54,873
Actually,
don't ask her anything.
132
00:06:54,873 --> 00:06:56,834
Like, at all.
- She's still my mother-in-law.
133
00:06:56,834 --> 00:06:58,043
- Is she?
- Mm-hmm.
134
00:06:58,043 --> 00:06:59,169
- You're saying that
like you two
135
00:06:59,169 --> 00:07:00,921
have an actual relationship.
136
00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:03,882
You haven't even seen her
since the funeral.
137
00:07:03,882 --> 00:07:07,511
I don't know what's going on,
but...
138
00:07:07,511 --> 00:07:11,306
whatever meltdown
you're having this week,
139
00:07:11,306 --> 00:07:13,392
leave my mother out of it.
140
00:07:20,190 --> 00:07:21,817
- [sighs] Leigh.
141
00:07:21,817 --> 00:07:23,402
- Hey, Bobby.
142
00:07:23,402 --> 00:07:26,655
- Hi.
- Hi.
143
00:07:26,655 --> 00:07:28,282
- [chuckles]
144
00:07:28,282 --> 00:07:30,158
Come, come in.
145
00:07:32,202 --> 00:07:33,579
- Hey.
146
00:07:33,579 --> 00:07:35,998
- The cheesy mash
should be done in a minute.
147
00:07:35,998 --> 00:07:38,625
I made it
with instant potatoes.
148
00:07:38,625 --> 00:07:40,961
No lumps, just like
your father made it.
149
00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:42,337
- Mom, he made those, like,
one time.
150
00:07:42,337 --> 00:07:44,089
- Oh, your brother called.
He'll be a few minutes late.
151
00:07:44,089 --> 00:07:45,924
But we have the movie
in the player already
152
00:07:45,924 --> 00:07:47,926
for when he gets here.
- Mom, can we just start?
153
00:07:47,926 --> 00:07:49,803
I mean, he's seen it,
like, 5,000 times.
154
00:07:49,803 --> 00:07:51,054
He won't care.
155
00:07:51,054 --> 00:07:52,764
- I have to--
Be right back.
156
00:07:52,764 --> 00:07:55,642
- [sighs]
157
00:07:55,642 --> 00:07:58,353
- Hey.
158
00:07:58,353 --> 00:08:00,939
What's going on with you?
159
00:08:00,939 --> 00:08:04,151
She just wants
to celebrate your dad.
160
00:08:04,151 --> 00:08:06,403
- Yeah, and he's bringing
as much joy and happiness now
161
00:08:06,403 --> 00:08:08,363
as he did when he
was still alive.
162
00:08:10,365 --> 00:08:12,743
I hate this day.
163
00:08:12,743 --> 00:08:14,036
Don't want to have
an anniversary party
164
00:08:14,036 --> 00:08:15,037
for my dead dad.
165
00:08:15,037 --> 00:08:17,414
I just want to...
shove my feelings down
166
00:08:17,414 --> 00:08:19,458
and ignore them
like white people.
167
00:08:19,458 --> 00:08:22,544
- Oh, well, tell me more
about white people.
168
00:08:22,544 --> 00:08:23,962
- Mm-hmm.
169
00:08:23,962 --> 00:08:26,715
Uh, white people like spreading
smallpox through blankets
170
00:08:26,715 --> 00:08:28,342
and taking improv classes.
171
00:08:28,342 --> 00:08:30,594
- [laughs]
172
00:08:33,222 --> 00:08:36,934
I know that this
is hard for you.
173
00:08:36,934 --> 00:08:40,687
But I think
it means a lot to your mom.
174
00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:53,825
- Hey, Mom?
You need some help?
175
00:08:57,704 --> 00:08:59,289
- Just a minute ago.
176
00:08:59,289 --> 00:09:02,292
[chuckles] I know, right?
177
00:09:02,292 --> 00:09:05,754
Okay. Okay, sweetie.
See you then.
178
00:09:05,754 --> 00:09:08,590
So that was Danny.
He said he's gonna swing by.
179
00:09:08,590 --> 00:09:10,217
- Great.
180
00:09:10,217 --> 00:09:13,095
- So I have Earl Grey
181
00:09:13,095 --> 00:09:15,389
or mint tea
182
00:09:15,389 --> 00:09:16,849
or chamomile if you want.
183
00:09:16,849 --> 00:09:18,183
I can, uh...
184
00:09:18,183 --> 00:09:22,229
- Um, I--I'll just have
whatever you're having.
185
00:09:22,229 --> 00:09:24,022
- Okay.
186
00:09:32,197 --> 00:09:35,534
- I'm sorry
I didn't come sooner.
187
00:09:35,534 --> 00:09:38,787
- No, it's okay.
It's a long drive.
188
00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:43,375
So how are you?
- How are you?
189
00:09:45,419 --> 00:09:48,172
[both chuckle]
190
00:09:48,172 --> 00:09:51,049
I really am sorry.
I-I...
191
00:09:51,049 --> 00:09:53,719
could have at least called.
192
00:09:53,719 --> 00:09:56,930
- Leigh, it's--it's okay.
193
00:09:56,930 --> 00:09:58,974
This is hard.
194
00:09:58,974 --> 00:10:01,226
And just as long
as it doesn't take another
195
00:10:01,226 --> 00:10:03,145
four long months
for your next visit.
196
00:10:03,145 --> 00:10:06,815
- No, it won't.
I promise.
197
00:10:08,233 --> 00:10:10,861
It's really nice being here.
198
00:10:21,830 --> 00:10:23,999
[laughs]
199
00:10:23,999 --> 00:10:26,168
Do you have any more...
200
00:10:26,168 --> 00:10:28,086
pictures of Matt
when he was a kid?
201
00:10:28,086 --> 00:10:30,756
'Cause he never really
kept many at the apartment.
202
00:10:30,756 --> 00:10:32,424
- Oh, honey.
203
00:10:32,424 --> 00:10:33,759
How much time do you have?
204
00:10:33,759 --> 00:10:35,302
Come, come, come.
205
00:10:37,346 --> 00:10:40,349
[groovy music playing]
206
00:10:40,349 --> 00:10:44,102
♪ ♪
207
00:10:44,102 --> 00:10:45,812
- Hi.
208
00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:47,981
- Hi.
- Hey.
209
00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:50,108
- Oh, was it your jacket
that we found at the party?
210
00:10:50,108 --> 00:10:52,945
I can text Leigh and see
if she's still at the house.
211
00:10:52,945 --> 00:10:55,864
- What?
No, uh...
212
00:10:55,864 --> 00:10:59,326
I'm here for the dance party.
- Oh!
213
00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:01,495
Uh, awesome.
214
00:11:01,495 --> 00:11:04,373
Yeah, just go get a spot.
We're about to get started.
215
00:11:04,373 --> 00:11:05,999
- Okay.
216
00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:19,346
- [laughs]
217
00:11:23,976 --> 00:11:25,561
That's sweet.
218
00:11:29,898 --> 00:11:32,943
Oh, my God, Danny.
- [laughs]
219
00:11:32,943 --> 00:11:36,405
Just could never smile right.
- Yeah.
220
00:11:36,405 --> 00:11:38,115
- They all look like that
till he got to high school.
221
00:11:38,115 --> 00:11:39,116
- [laughs]
222
00:11:39,116 --> 00:11:41,785
- And by then, he was too cool
to smile at all.
223
00:11:41,785 --> 00:11:44,288
- Ah, that makes sense.
- [laughs]
224
00:11:45,831 --> 00:11:47,791
- Oh, there's Matt
in chess club.
225
00:11:47,791 --> 00:11:50,335
- Yeah, he loved to play.
226
00:11:50,335 --> 00:11:53,380
James started teaching him
around, like, five or six.
227
00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:55,924
Now, you'd think a kid that
little would be too squirrely.
228
00:11:55,924 --> 00:11:58,635
But not Matt.
Mm-mm.
229
00:11:58,635 --> 00:12:00,637
[chuckles]
230
00:12:00,637 --> 00:12:03,765
The two of them used to sit
at that chessboard for hours.
231
00:12:06,185 --> 00:12:09,062
With the town house,
I've been trying to downsize,
232
00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:12,608
and I thought
you might like to have it.
233
00:12:12,608 --> 00:12:14,902
- Mom, I barely have time
to grade papers,
234
00:12:14,902 --> 00:12:16,069
let alone play chess.
235
00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:17,446
You should give this to Danny.
236
00:12:17,446 --> 00:12:19,156
- Hell no.
You the chess champ.
237
00:12:19,156 --> 00:12:21,825
- "You are."
Danny, grammar, please.
238
00:12:21,825 --> 00:12:23,869
Look, Grandpa gave it to Daddy,
239
00:12:23,869 --> 00:12:25,412
and Daddy wanted
to give it to you
240
00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:27,206
so that someday,
you could play with your own
241
00:12:27,206 --> 00:12:29,041
son or daughter.
242
00:12:29,041 --> 00:12:31,168
- It's just gonna collect dust.
- Oh, that's okay.
243
00:12:31,168 --> 00:12:32,211
You'll have it
when you need it.
244
00:12:32,211 --> 00:12:33,962
- No, Mom.
We don't have the space.
245
00:12:33,962 --> 00:12:35,672
- I'm sure you can
find some space--
246
00:12:35,672 --> 00:12:37,591
- Mom, I don't want it.
247
00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:41,470
- Okay, you know what?
248
00:12:41,470 --> 00:12:43,722
I think, that, um,
everyone's tired.
249
00:12:43,722 --> 00:12:46,683
And it's just getting
a bit late, so...
250
00:12:46,683 --> 00:12:49,978
I think I'll just go get
some leftovers for everybody.
251
00:12:51,563 --> 00:12:54,566
[soft music]
252
00:12:54,566 --> 00:13:00,906
♪ ♪
253
00:13:00,906 --> 00:13:02,991
- Let's just take it.
254
00:13:02,991 --> 00:13:05,369
We can find a place for it.
255
00:13:05,369 --> 00:13:07,371
- I hate chess.
256
00:13:09,748 --> 00:13:13,252
- I'm sorry I never
got to meet James.
257
00:13:13,252 --> 00:13:16,713
- That man read everything
under the sun.
258
00:13:16,713 --> 00:13:19,049
You two could have
talked books for hours.
259
00:13:19,049 --> 00:13:21,009
- Yeah?
260
00:13:21,009 --> 00:13:23,095
- Yeah, you would have loved
each other.
261
00:13:23,095 --> 00:13:25,931
And he was easy on the eyes.
- Oh, yeah?
262
00:13:25,931 --> 00:13:28,141
- Where do you think Matt
got his good looks from?
263
00:13:29,685 --> 00:13:31,520
Let me show you.
264
00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:37,025
He was so busy
with all his...papers
265
00:13:37,025 --> 00:13:38,902
and conferences.
266
00:13:38,902 --> 00:13:41,113
Let me see.
267
00:13:41,113 --> 00:13:44,783
Yeah, he was such a...
good provider.
268
00:13:44,783 --> 00:13:47,369
Oh, there he is.
- Hmm.
269
00:13:47,369 --> 00:13:49,454
- Look at that fine man.
270
00:13:49,454 --> 00:13:51,582
- Yeah.
271
00:13:51,582 --> 00:13:54,293
- Mm.
272
00:13:54,293 --> 00:13:57,880
- Um, what happened to--
273
00:13:57,880 --> 00:14:01,049
to Matt's back?
274
00:14:01,049 --> 00:14:03,218
- What was that?
I-I...
275
00:14:03,218 --> 00:14:04,636
I think that Matt and Danny,
276
00:14:04,636 --> 00:14:07,139
they were just messing around,
I think.
277
00:14:07,139 --> 00:14:10,475
- Well, that's some serious
messing around.
278
00:14:11,768 --> 00:14:14,188
- There's my baby.
279
00:14:14,188 --> 00:14:17,232
Oh, I am so glad
you could swing by.
280
00:14:17,232 --> 00:14:19,234
[laughs] Mm.
281
00:14:19,234 --> 00:14:22,070
- I didn't know we were, uh,
having a, uh, family reunion.
282
00:14:22,070 --> 00:14:24,198
- Oh, so nice.
283
00:14:24,198 --> 00:14:26,617
And we were just talking
about your brother, right?
284
00:14:26,617 --> 00:14:28,535
Can I get you something?
285
00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:30,287
- Um, some water.
- Oh, of course.
286
00:14:30,287 --> 00:14:31,914
You want anything?
- No, I'm fine.
287
00:14:31,914 --> 00:14:32,956
Thank you.
- Okay.
288
00:14:34,625 --> 00:14:36,502
- I told you to leave my mom
out of this.
289
00:14:36,502 --> 00:14:39,129
- I can spend time with her.
She's my family too.
290
00:14:39,129 --> 00:14:41,340
- Are you serious
right now with this?
291
00:14:43,509 --> 00:14:44,718
- Here we go.
292
00:14:47,346 --> 00:14:49,056
[sighs] Good.
293
00:14:49,056 --> 00:14:50,057
- Thanks, Mom.
You good?
294
00:14:50,057 --> 00:14:51,808
- Oh, yeah, fine.
295
00:14:51,808 --> 00:14:53,352
My family's here.
296
00:14:53,352 --> 00:14:55,646
So let's sit.
Let's catch up.
297
00:14:55,646 --> 00:14:56,855
- Hmm! Mm-hmm.
298
00:15:01,777 --> 00:15:03,987
- And turn to the left.
299
00:15:03,987 --> 00:15:05,280
[upbeat music playing]
300
00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:08,867
Right, left.
301
00:15:08,867 --> 00:15:10,452
And eight counts of ponies.
302
00:15:10,452 --> 00:15:12,246
- ♪ Love me, love me ♪
303
00:15:12,246 --> 00:15:14,831
♪ Pretend that you love me ♪
304
00:15:14,831 --> 00:15:16,416
♪ Leave me, leave me ♪
305
00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:17,584
♪ Just say that ♪
306
00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:20,796
- Okay, uh, it's okay
if you're not perfect.
307
00:15:20,796 --> 00:15:22,548
It's okay if you mess up.
308
00:15:22,548 --> 00:15:24,883
You are not...
309
00:15:24,883 --> 00:15:26,635
your mistakes.
310
00:15:26,635 --> 00:15:29,388
- ♪ For you to love me,
love me ♪
311
00:15:29,388 --> 00:15:31,014
[music muffles]
312
00:15:31,014 --> 00:15:33,851
- [exhales deeply]
313
00:15:33,851 --> 00:15:35,352
- ♪ Say that you need me ♪
314
00:15:35,352 --> 00:15:37,813
- Uh, we're gonna go back
to the...
315
00:15:37,813 --> 00:15:39,147
- Ponies?
- Ponies, exactly.
316
00:15:39,147 --> 00:15:42,985
- ♪ Anything but you ♪
317
00:15:42,985 --> 00:15:45,112
♪ Anything but ♪
318
00:15:54,121 --> 00:15:55,831
- Hey.
319
00:15:57,583 --> 00:15:59,501
Are you okay?
320
00:16:00,961 --> 00:16:03,213
- Not really.
321
00:16:03,213 --> 00:16:06,091
- [sighs]
322
00:16:06,091 --> 00:16:08,427
Richard told me
about your recovery.
323
00:16:08,427 --> 00:16:10,804
I hope that's okay.
324
00:16:10,804 --> 00:16:14,725
- Richard is
my mom's ex-husband,
325
00:16:14,725 --> 00:16:18,979
my sister's dad,
and my nothing.
326
00:16:20,355 --> 00:16:22,232
- You--we don't know each other
very well,
327
00:16:22,232 --> 00:16:25,944
but what I know about you,
I really like.
328
00:16:25,944 --> 00:16:29,406
And every sober day
is a miracle.
329
00:16:31,450 --> 00:16:33,410
- Are you a friend of Bill's?
330
00:16:33,410 --> 00:16:34,620
- Friend-adjacent.
331
00:16:37,414 --> 00:16:42,252
- I, um, texted my sponsor,
but she can't talk until 5:00.
332
00:16:42,252 --> 00:16:44,379
- Well, let me
take you home, then.
333
00:16:48,634 --> 00:16:51,220
- I can't go home right now.
334
00:16:51,220 --> 00:16:52,471
- My home.
335
00:16:58,727 --> 00:17:01,021
- How old was he
when he made this?
336
00:17:01,021 --> 00:17:04,358
- Oh, 11, 12, I guess.
337
00:17:04,358 --> 00:17:06,401
He was always drawing.
338
00:17:06,401 --> 00:17:08,529
I had to bribe him
with Pentel brush pens
339
00:17:08,529 --> 00:17:10,322
to make him do his homework.
340
00:17:10,322 --> 00:17:11,865
[laughs]
341
00:17:11,865 --> 00:17:14,201
- It's good.
- Mm.
342
00:17:14,201 --> 00:17:15,911
- It's intense.
343
00:17:15,911 --> 00:17:17,329
- [chuckles]
344
00:17:17,329 --> 00:17:19,414
Well, that was Matt.
345
00:17:25,462 --> 00:17:28,423
- Was Matt ever depressed
as a kid?
346
00:17:28,423 --> 00:17:31,635
- Your generation is always
trying to put labels on things.
347
00:17:31,635 --> 00:17:34,721
Depression, ADHD,
gluten allergies.
348
00:17:34,721 --> 00:17:36,431
Nothing but excuses.
349
00:17:36,431 --> 00:17:38,809
- Yeah, I only ask because, um,
350
00:17:38,809 --> 00:17:42,229
you know Matt was on
antidepressants since college.
351
00:17:42,229 --> 00:17:43,313
- Leigh, you don't need
to bother
352
00:17:43,313 --> 00:17:44,940
my mother with that stuff.
353
00:17:44,940 --> 00:17:46,400
- I just want to know
what Matt was like
354
00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:48,652
before I knew him and--and...
355
00:17:48,652 --> 00:17:51,029
like, if something
happened to him
356
00:17:51,029 --> 00:17:53,824
when he was growing up that--
- What are you talking about?
357
00:17:55,701 --> 00:17:58,453
- Matt never talked
about his childhood
358
00:17:58,453 --> 00:18:01,373
or his dad or his scar.
359
00:18:01,373 --> 00:18:03,083
- That's what you've been
getting at this whole time?
360
00:18:03,083 --> 00:18:04,126
Are you kidding me?
361
00:18:04,126 --> 00:18:05,627
That's your--that's your
one explanation
362
00:18:05,627 --> 00:18:08,380
for why a black man has a scar
he never wants to talk about?
363
00:18:08,380 --> 00:18:10,382
You gonna ask me
if my dad was an addict too?
364
00:18:10,382 --> 00:18:11,800
- No, no, no, that's not--
365
00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:14,303
that is not
what I meant at all.
366
00:18:14,303 --> 00:18:16,305
I'm...
367
00:18:16,305 --> 00:18:18,640
No, I--
Oh, God.
368
00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:21,977
I am...just working
369
00:18:21,977 --> 00:18:24,479
with the information
that I have
370
00:18:24,479 --> 00:18:26,315
to try and understand,
371
00:18:26,315 --> 00:18:28,942
and--and if I'm wrong,
I apologize.
372
00:18:28,942 --> 00:18:30,194
- Yeah, well--well, you are.
373
00:18:30,194 --> 00:18:32,362
My husband was a--
a good father
374
00:18:32,362 --> 00:18:33,822
and never laid a hand
on my boys.
375
00:18:33,822 --> 00:18:35,574
And Matt's scar,
it was his fault.
376
00:18:35,574 --> 00:18:37,159
He was roughhousing
with--with Danny,
377
00:18:37,159 --> 00:18:38,368
and he hurt himself.
378
00:18:38,368 --> 00:18:40,162
- So--so why wouldn't he
just tell me that?
379
00:18:40,162 --> 00:18:41,747
- I-I guess because
he felt bad.
380
00:18:41,747 --> 00:18:43,874
We--we had to, uh, take him
to get stitches,
381
00:18:43,874 --> 00:18:46,168
and we had to leave, uh,
Danny's game.
382
00:18:46,168 --> 00:18:48,045
I think it was the Little
League playoffs or something.
383
00:18:48,045 --> 00:18:49,254
- It was tryouts.
384
00:18:49,254 --> 00:18:50,672
- Yeah, well,
something like that.
385
00:18:50,672 --> 00:18:52,758
I can never
get the details right.
386
00:18:52,758 --> 00:18:54,718
- It was tryouts,
and it wasn't Matt's fault.
387
00:18:54,718 --> 00:18:56,386
It was Dad's because
he wouldn't get out of bed.
388
00:18:56,386 --> 00:18:58,013
- Oh, Danny,
please don't be so dramatic.
389
00:18:58,013 --> 00:18:59,890
- We were late,
and I was gonna have to wait
390
00:18:59,890 --> 00:19:01,683
a whole nother year
if we didn't get there.
391
00:19:01,683 --> 00:19:03,936
Matt begged him, even tried
to drag him out of bed.
392
00:19:03,936 --> 00:19:05,854
Dad didn't move.
Matt got pissed,
393
00:19:05,854 --> 00:19:07,397
started whaling on him
until Dad pushed him
394
00:19:07,397 --> 00:19:09,191
into the closet door
and broke the mirror.
395
00:19:09,191 --> 00:19:10,192
- Your brother
never should have come
396
00:19:10,192 --> 00:19:11,235
at your father like that!
397
00:19:11,235 --> 00:19:13,111
- He never got out of bed!
He was always in bed.
398
00:19:13,111 --> 00:19:14,363
He would go to work,
399
00:19:14,363 --> 00:19:15,906
give everything
to a bunch of strangers,
400
00:19:15,906 --> 00:19:18,158
and there was never
anything left for us.
401
00:19:18,158 --> 00:19:19,451
- So you're saying that
your father was a bad parent
402
00:19:19,451 --> 00:19:20,869
because he went to work
every day?
403
00:19:20,869 --> 00:19:24,122
- No, I'm saying
that he was depressed!
404
00:19:24,122 --> 00:19:25,874
He was depressed,
and so was Matt.
405
00:19:25,874 --> 00:19:28,001
And maybe if you would have
just actually acknowledged
406
00:19:28,001 --> 00:19:30,587
and have dealt with that fact,
Matt might still be here!
407
00:19:32,881 --> 00:19:34,800
- That's what you think?
408
00:19:36,260 --> 00:19:37,261
Okay.
409
00:19:45,018 --> 00:19:47,229
- At least you got
your answers, right?
410
00:19:52,150 --> 00:19:57,322
- My mom was in and out
of AA my whole life.
411
00:19:59,116 --> 00:20:02,995
It just...never seemed
to stick for her.
412
00:20:05,163 --> 00:20:07,332
Al-Anon did for me.
413
00:20:09,293 --> 00:20:12,588
So I'm here to listen
if you want to talk.
414
00:20:15,382 --> 00:20:17,926
- [grunts]
415
00:20:17,926 --> 00:20:19,428
Yeah, thanks.
416
00:20:23,307 --> 00:20:25,726
[inhales deeply]
417
00:20:27,519 --> 00:20:30,063
The night before Matt died,
he called me.
418
00:20:31,607 --> 00:20:36,486
I was drunk and had driven
over tire spikes the wrong way,
419
00:20:36,486 --> 00:20:39,198
so Leigh was coming
to get me, and...
420
00:20:39,198 --> 00:20:41,700
I didn't want a lecture.
421
00:20:41,700 --> 00:20:43,619
So I didn't answer.
422
00:20:45,537 --> 00:20:48,498
What if he needed me?
423
00:20:48,498 --> 00:20:52,377
What if he
was calling because...
424
00:20:52,377 --> 00:20:55,756
I don't know, because he wanted
to tell me something?
425
00:20:55,756 --> 00:20:58,967
- Or maybe he was just calling
to give you a lecture.
426
00:20:58,967 --> 00:21:01,011
Or maybe he was calling
to let you know
427
00:21:01,011 --> 00:21:03,055
that Leigh was close by.
428
00:21:04,806 --> 00:21:07,643
- I still
should have picked up.
429
00:21:07,643 --> 00:21:12,314
I'm never getting
that chance back, and...
430
00:21:12,314 --> 00:21:17,402
this stupid inventory thing,
I mean, I--
431
00:21:17,402 --> 00:21:19,321
When I tell Leigh,
she's gonna freak out.
432
00:21:19,321 --> 00:21:22,699
- Why would you tell Leigh?
433
00:21:22,699 --> 00:21:24,618
Jules, I know you feel bad
about this,
434
00:21:24,618 --> 00:21:26,119
but you're gonna have
to feel bad
435
00:21:26,119 --> 00:21:28,288
without bringing her into it.
436
00:21:28,288 --> 00:21:30,832
She's got enough going on
without...
437
00:21:30,832 --> 00:21:32,793
having to make you feel better.
438
00:21:34,419 --> 00:21:38,382
Sometimes
the more generous act is...
439
00:21:38,382 --> 00:21:40,551
to just keep things
to yourself.
440
00:21:53,438 --> 00:21:54,857
- Hi.
- Come in.
441
00:22:03,323 --> 00:22:06,743
Do you really think...
that Matt--
442
00:22:06,743 --> 00:22:08,996
- No.
443
00:22:08,996 --> 00:22:11,498
No.
444
00:22:11,498 --> 00:22:13,250
And Danny doesn't
really think that.
445
00:22:13,250 --> 00:22:15,294
He was just lashing out.
446
00:22:17,838 --> 00:22:22,426
I just came because...
447
00:22:22,426 --> 00:22:24,928
I wanted to feel close to him.
448
00:22:29,641 --> 00:22:31,518
- You know why
I thought you came?
449
00:22:31,518 --> 00:22:33,270
- No.
450
00:22:33,270 --> 00:22:36,857
- Well, I haven't seen you
since...Matt died,
451
00:22:36,857 --> 00:22:40,068
and it's only
about four months ago,
452
00:22:40,068 --> 00:22:43,864
and--and...you wanted
to see his baby pictures,
453
00:22:43,864 --> 00:22:47,326
and I thought...
454
00:22:47,326 --> 00:22:50,245
I really thought you were gonna
tell me you were pregnant.
455
00:22:52,206 --> 00:22:54,082
- Oh.
456
00:22:54,082 --> 00:22:57,044
Uh, no, I'm...
457
00:22:57,044 --> 00:23:00,547
I'm not, sorry.
- I know.
458
00:23:02,799 --> 00:23:07,763
I just desperately wanted a--
a piece of him in this world.
459
00:23:07,763 --> 00:23:10,641
[somber music]
460
00:23:10,641 --> 00:23:13,268
When you have a child,
461
00:23:13,268 --> 00:23:15,979
you never think--
462
00:23:15,979 --> 00:23:18,065
you never think...
463
00:23:18,065 --> 00:23:20,067
[inhales sharply]
464
00:23:23,820 --> 00:23:27,115
I-I did the best I could.
465
00:23:27,115 --> 00:23:30,452
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
466
00:23:32,704 --> 00:23:36,291
- [sniffles]
467
00:23:36,291 --> 00:23:39,753
- Matt was my...
favorite person.
468
00:23:39,753 --> 00:23:42,339
- [chuckles]
469
00:23:42,339 --> 00:23:44,883
- You made him.
470
00:23:44,883 --> 00:23:47,010
You raised him.
471
00:23:49,596 --> 00:23:52,224
And he was amazing.
472
00:23:53,976 --> 00:23:55,727
- He was.
473
00:23:55,727 --> 00:23:58,856
- Yeah.
474
00:23:58,856 --> 00:24:04,236
♪ ♪
475
00:24:04,236 --> 00:24:07,030
Why didn't you just
take the whole set?
476
00:24:07,030 --> 00:24:08,407
- I just wanted the one piece.
477
00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:19,001
[knock at door]
478
00:24:25,174 --> 00:24:29,136
- Hi, I'm...
479
00:24:29,136 --> 00:24:31,388
I'm sorry.
480
00:24:31,388 --> 00:24:36,143
And I'm sorry that I have
to keep saying I'm sorry.
481
00:24:36,143 --> 00:24:37,603
- Don't be.
482
00:25:00,167 --> 00:25:02,586
- [inhales]
483
00:25:02,586 --> 00:25:05,672
I just wish that, um...
484
00:25:05,672 --> 00:25:08,967
that Matt...
485
00:25:08,967 --> 00:25:10,511
was comfortable
sharing with me,
486
00:25:10,511 --> 00:25:12,596
like, everything
that I heard today.
487
00:25:14,723 --> 00:25:18,685
- I mean, it's not--not like
he didn't trust you.
488
00:25:18,685 --> 00:25:23,565
That scar was...
489
00:25:23,565 --> 00:25:27,277
everything he hated
about our childhood.
490
00:25:27,277 --> 00:25:30,489
He didn't--he didn't
want to deal with it.
491
00:25:30,489 --> 00:25:32,824
- And I think I-I, um...
492
00:25:32,824 --> 00:25:34,117
I went to
your mom's house, like,
493
00:25:34,117 --> 00:25:36,370
looking for someone to blame,
because if it was her fault
494
00:25:36,370 --> 00:25:39,248
or your father's fault
or your whole family's fault,
495
00:25:39,248 --> 00:25:40,916
um, then it--
496
00:25:40,916 --> 00:25:45,337
then it didn't have to be
my fault that he was unhappy.
497
00:25:47,130 --> 00:25:49,883
- Wasn't your fault, Leigh.
498
00:25:49,883 --> 00:25:51,760
- I just really wanted
to make him happy,
499
00:25:51,760 --> 00:25:54,137
and I don't know if I did.
500
00:25:57,891 --> 00:26:01,103
- Come here.
Let me show you something.
501
00:26:01,103 --> 00:26:03,605
Can I show you something?
502
00:26:03,605 --> 00:26:04,857
[computer blipping]
503
00:26:04,857 --> 00:26:06,692
[video volume increases]
504
00:26:06,692 --> 00:26:08,110
[people cheering]
505
00:26:08,110 --> 00:26:13,031
Oh, my God!
Oh!
506
00:26:13,031 --> 00:26:14,992
[people clamoring]
507
00:26:14,992 --> 00:26:17,995
Oh, my God.
What are you doing?
508
00:26:17,995 --> 00:26:22,165
[people cheering]
- [laughs]
509
00:26:22,165 --> 00:26:26,420
- Oh, my God.
You are the worst.
510
00:26:26,420 --> 00:26:28,505
This is
the saddest ---- ever.
511
00:26:28,505 --> 00:26:30,299
The saddest ---- ever, look.
512
00:26:30,299 --> 00:26:32,718
Flip cup--come here, bro.
513
00:26:32,718 --> 00:26:36,221
Flip cup with orange soda,
listening to Jack Johnson.
514
00:26:36,221 --> 00:26:37,890
That's how you spent your
last night of freedom, bro.
515
00:26:37,890 --> 00:26:38,932
- Oh, yeah?
516
00:26:38,932 --> 00:26:40,726
- Remember that
20 years from now.
517
00:26:40,726 --> 00:26:42,561
20 years from now.
518
00:26:42,561 --> 00:26:44,229
You're sitting on the couch
watching this
519
00:26:44,229 --> 00:26:45,772
with your boring wife
and your light-ass kids.
520
00:26:45,772 --> 00:26:47,107
Look at her.
521
00:26:47,107 --> 00:26:48,317
[laughs]
522
00:26:48,317 --> 00:26:49,985
Ew, gross.
523
00:26:49,985 --> 00:26:52,821
Hey, man, it's not too late
to change your mind.
524
00:26:52,821 --> 00:26:54,823
You know it's not.
- Yeah, well, never.
525
00:26:54,823 --> 00:26:56,742
- What?
- Ah!
526
00:26:56,742 --> 00:27:00,370
[people cheering]
527
00:27:00,370 --> 00:27:02,915
[audio scrambles]
528
00:27:02,915 --> 00:27:05,918
[soft music]
529
00:27:05,918 --> 00:27:10,339
- You gonna tell me
that guy isn't happy?
530
00:27:10,339 --> 00:27:12,257
- Thank you.
531
00:27:12,257 --> 00:27:19,264
♪ ♪
532
00:27:22,017 --> 00:27:24,686
- I have some more of Matt
playing charades later.
533
00:27:24,686 --> 00:27:27,105
You want to watch it?
- Yeah, immediately.
534
00:27:27,105 --> 00:27:29,399
♪ ♪
535
00:27:29,399 --> 00:27:30,442
- [laughs]
536
00:27:30,442 --> 00:27:32,444
- Let's go, bring it home
for the home team.
537
00:27:32,444 --> 00:27:34,404
- No, this is impossible.
I won't--
538
00:27:34,404 --> 00:27:35,405
- No, no, no, no, no.
539
00:27:35,405 --> 00:27:36,573
If you pulled it,
you have to play.
540
00:27:36,573 --> 00:27:37,908
There's no passing.
- Yeah, I'm starting
541
00:27:37,908 --> 00:27:39,243
the timer right now.
- Here we go.
542
00:27:39,243 --> 00:27:40,661
- It's already started.
- Come on, man.
543
00:27:40,661 --> 00:27:42,538
- Come on, dude.
- Okay, um...
544
00:27:42,538 --> 00:27:43,956
- Let's get it. Let's get it.
This is game time.
545
00:27:43,956 --> 00:27:45,332
- Um...
546
00:27:45,332 --> 00:27:48,377
- Two, two words.
Two words, two words. Okay.
547
00:27:48,377 --> 00:27:50,629
- Four, four--
four words.
548
00:27:50,629 --> 00:27:54,299
Four syllables.
Ten seconds!
549
00:27:54,299 --> 00:27:56,468
- [laughs]
- Oh, man.
550
00:27:56,468 --> 00:27:59,471
♪ ♪
551
00:27:59,471 --> 00:28:02,474
[indistinct chatter]
552
00:28:02,474 --> 00:28:08,522
♪ ♪
553
00:28:08,522 --> 00:28:11,984
Oh, it's amazing.
- [laughs]
554
00:28:24,496 --> 00:28:26,915
I know I should pull it
together for my best friend,
555
00:28:26,915 --> 00:28:28,333
but if I stay,
I'm gonna lose it,
556
00:28:28,333 --> 00:28:30,252
and I don't want to make this
about me.
557
00:28:30,252 --> 00:28:32,212
- Oh, my God.
Leigh?
558
00:28:32,212 --> 00:28:33,213
Ginny Maxwell.
559
00:28:33,213 --> 00:28:34,590
I did the flowers
for your wedding.
560
00:28:34,590 --> 00:28:36,008
Is Matt here too?
561
00:28:36,008 --> 00:28:38,635
- This wedding is making me
feel really, really single.
562
00:28:38,635 --> 00:28:39,803
- Me too.
563
00:28:39,803 --> 00:28:42,806
When I was drinking, I had
no problem meeting people.
564
00:28:42,806 --> 00:28:45,100
- She's been sober
for almost five months.
565
00:28:45,100 --> 00:28:46,643
- Her compass is broken.
566
00:28:46,643 --> 00:28:48,604
She gets too close to people
too fast.
567
00:28:48,604 --> 00:28:51,190
- That dude is definitely
swiping right on you right now.
568
00:28:51,190 --> 00:28:54,067
- Um, I guess I should go see
if it's a match.
569
00:28:54,067 --> 00:28:55,527
Don't wait up.
39706
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