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1
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I have good news for the
women of Los Angeles.
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Dr. Will Stokes...
3
00:00:06,210 --> 00:00:07,690
Back on the market.
4
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I thought I heard rain.
5
00:00:11,220 --> 00:00:14,489
But it must've been the
sound of panties dropping.
6
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It's been four months to the day
7
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since I signed my divorce papers,
8
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and I have decided
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to dive back in.
10
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- Awesome!
- Good for you. - Congratulations.
11
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I feel like I've aged
12
00:00:23,570 --> 00:00:24,639
in my oak barrel long enough.
13
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I think it's time to uncork
14
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this bottle of will.
15
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"Bottle of will." Uh-huh.
16
00:00:29,510 --> 00:00:32,740
When was the last time you
asked a woman out on a date?
17
00:00:32,750 --> 00:00:34,809
Uh, 1998.
18
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Okay, well, I don't foresee any problems.
19
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Actually, Kate, we were quite
the dating duo in college.
20
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They used to call us Pippen and Jordan.
21
00:00:43,060 --> 00:00:45,459
No, we were more like, uh, Kobe and Shaq.
22
00:00:45,460 --> 00:00:47,520
Yeah, okay, I get it. You
were two overgrown men
23
00:00:47,530 --> 00:00:49,590
who liked to play with your balls.
24
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Look, you're gonna need some help,
25
00:00:52,730 --> 00:00:54,099
so we'll go to a bar together.
26
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I'll help you talk to girls.
27
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I don't need your help.
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You do, and lucky for you,
29
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I've got some free time.
30
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I'm gonna make you my next project.
31
00:01:01,470 --> 00:01:03,370
Kate, I can meet women on my own.
32
00:01:03,380 --> 00:01:05,539
I'm a 35-year-old single doctor.
33
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I mean, women will-will come to me
34
00:01:06,710 --> 00:01:09,579
like moths to a... doctor.
35
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I think this ends with you crying
36
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in the shower while masturbating.
37
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Okay, pepperoni pizza for everyone.
38
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All right.
39
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Except for Jules and Lowell,
40
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who get meat-free, cheese-free,
41
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fun-free soy lover's pizza.
42
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Ah, thank you.
43
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Why don't you just eat the box?
44
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Well, I'm just gonna grab a drink.
45
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Let me smell your meat.
46
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Jules, please.
47
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My wife is sitting three feet away.
48
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That's me.
49
00:01:58,500 --> 00:02:00,499
Jules, why don't you just have a slice?
50
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Because Lowell and I are vegetarians.
51
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I just like the smell of meat.
52
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Oh, my God...
53
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You weren't a vegetarian
54
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before you met Lowell.
55
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You know, you always do this.
56
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Do what?
57
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Turn into your boyfriend.
58
00:02:12,180 --> 00:02:13,509
Oh, that is ridiculous.
59
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Name one time that I did that.
60
00:02:15,210 --> 00:02:18,650
Uh, when you dated that Canadian
and started saying "aboot."
61
00:02:19,750 --> 00:02:20,880
Or when you dated the British guy
62
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- and you started a soccer riot.
- Uh-huh.
63
00:02:23,920 --> 00:02:25,419
Or when you dated that
pothead and all you did
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was eat hot pockets and
not follow conversations.
65
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Okay, so-so I'm open
to learning new things.
66
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Lowell is turning me on
to a healthier lifestyle
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- and I like that.
- Babe, look,
68
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kombucha for two.
69
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What exactly is kombucha?
70
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Uh, it's just a tea made
with a symbiotic culture
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of bacteria and yeast that grows
a delicious drinkable fungus.
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Oh, my God, it started.
I can smell everything.
73
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That pizza smells gross.
74
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That diarrhea you're drinking smells gross.
75
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And, Bobby,
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you smell really, really gross.
77
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No, he doesn't.
78
00:03:03,260 --> 00:03:05,029
He smells like cinnamon.
79
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Oh, boy. It's back.
80
00:03:06,760 --> 00:03:07,760
What's back?
81
00:03:07,770 --> 00:03:09,229
The super smell phase.
82
00:03:09,230 --> 00:03:10,969
Her pregnancy hormones have kicked in.
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Now she can smell everything.
84
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Which one of you dudes
went to a strip club today?
85
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Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org
86
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I like looking at dongs.
87
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I see you're checking
out the uniekaas robusto.
88
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What?
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It's an aged goat cheese
with a nutty flavor.
90
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Pairs nicely with a pinot noir.
91
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Do you work here?
92
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No, I'm just a lover of cheese.
93
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And women.
94
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Can I start over?
95
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- Hi.
- Hi.
96
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Allow me to begin by
saying I'm a fellow shopper
97
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and a bit of a foodie.
98
00:04:01,220 --> 00:04:03,289
Might I recommend the chabichou?
99
00:04:03,290 --> 00:04:04,950
It's a creamy natural-rind cheese
100
00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:07,089
that pairs beautifully with a chenin blanc.
101
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Why are you telling me this?
102
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I'm a doctor.
103
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Why are you telling me this, doctor?
104
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Why is it so hard to meet people?
105
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Hi, I'm a wealthy doctor.
106
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Well, not-not wealthy.
107
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I mean, comfortable.
108
00:04:23,370 --> 00:04:26,170
Yeah. My wife left me so I'm-I'm
staying with some friends,
109
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which is really what I need right now.
110
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You know, I'm... I'm healing.
111
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Bottom line, I am
112
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looking to meet a nice
girl in the cheese section.
113
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Sometimes I talk too much when I'm nervous.
114
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Like now.
115
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And now.
116
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And just then.
117
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So I said to my assistant, if
you're gonna have a C-section,
118
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have it on the weekend,
you know what I mean?
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Thank you.
120
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You, uh... you want a bite?
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I won't tell anyone.
122
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I really shouldn't.
123
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- Maybe just a little one.
- Yeah.
124
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Just...
125
00:05:03,880 --> 00:05:05,150
Yeah.
126
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That is so freakin' good.
127
00:05:13,860 --> 00:05:15,119
Mm-hmm.
128
00:05:15,120 --> 00:05:17,860
- Well, you can have another bite if you w... oh.
- Mmm.
129
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I think that burger might be enjoying this
130
00:05:50,060 --> 00:05:51,530
as much as you are.
131
00:05:56,310 --> 00:05:59,050
Maybe more.
132
00:06:08,305 --> 00:06:10,534
Anybody want to order
food from Poquito Mas?
133
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Hey, uh, my restaurant's still open.
134
00:06:13,545 --> 00:06:16,644
Anybody want to order
food from Poquito Mas?
135
00:06:16,645 --> 00:06:19,144
I'm not hungry because
I ate a big giant salad.
136
00:06:19,145 --> 00:06:21,584
Sunflower seeds and garbanzo beans
137
00:06:21,585 --> 00:06:23,414
and super yummy alfalfa sprouts...
138
00:06:23,415 --> 00:06:26,154
You're overcorrecting. Shut it down.
139
00:06:26,155 --> 00:06:27,254
I'm good.
140
00:06:28,455 --> 00:06:30,324
So, uh, Kate,
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I was thinking maybe you and I could, uh,
142
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go to a bar this weekend.
143
00:06:33,695 --> 00:06:35,325
You know, just for fun.
144
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Hmm. Interesting.
145
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What?
146
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I thought Dr. Stokes had it covered.
147
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Thought he was gonna uncork himself
148
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all over the ladies of Los Angeles.
149
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That is all... in process.
150
00:06:49,515 --> 00:06:51,744
I just thought, in the meantime,
it would be fun to hang
151
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with one of my closest friends.
152
00:06:53,185 --> 00:06:55,145
And, yet, what I'm hearing is,
153
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"Please, please, please help me.
154
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I'm a loser."
155
00:06:59,085 --> 00:07:01,685
All right, look, maybe I could
use a wingman, all right?
156
00:07:01,695 --> 00:07:05,124
I mean, Red here used to be my
wingman but he's out of the game
157
00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:08,194
and even when he was in the
game, he didn't have much game.
158
00:07:08,195 --> 00:07:09,825
What are you talking about?
159
00:07:09,835 --> 00:07:12,295
I used to do my magic
tricks for chicks at bars.
160
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They loved it.
161
00:07:13,435 --> 00:07:14,664
What's that behind your ear?
162
00:07:14,665 --> 00:07:17,075
Oh, it's my phone number.
163
00:07:19,775 --> 00:07:20,974
Wow.
164
00:07:20,975 --> 00:07:23,144
And you're married.
165
00:07:23,145 --> 00:07:24,444
Okay, you know what?
166
00:07:24,445 --> 00:07:27,684
Congratulations... you're
officially my project.
167
00:07:27,685 --> 00:07:29,884
Never wear that shirt again.
168
00:07:29,885 --> 00:07:32,554
This shirt is very this season.
169
00:07:32,555 --> 00:07:35,485
You look like the end of
a roll of scotch tape.
170
00:07:38,825 --> 00:07:40,964
Okay, I smell bacon.
171
00:07:40,965 --> 00:07:42,625
And not just bacon
172
00:07:42,635 --> 00:07:44,634
but a bacon cheeseburger,
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possibly a double.
174
00:07:47,565 --> 00:07:49,204
Ugh! Which one of you
175
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had a big, gross bacon cheeseburger?
176
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Okay, one of you did.
177
00:07:59,145 --> 00:08:01,585
Oh, no. I was wrong.
178
00:08:03,855 --> 00:08:06,085
No burger here.
179
00:08:07,385 --> 00:08:10,224
It couldn't have been Jules.
Uh, she's a vegetarian.
180
00:08:10,225 --> 00:08:13,224
Right, Jules?
181
00:08:13,225 --> 00:08:14,624
Okay, it was me!
182
00:08:14,625 --> 00:08:16,225
I ate a burger.
183
00:08:16,235 --> 00:08:17,864
With bacon.
184
00:08:17,865 --> 00:08:19,665
And I loved it.
185
00:08:22,265 --> 00:08:25,474
All right, I don't want to make a scene...
186
00:08:25,475 --> 00:08:29,045
But my world has just been rocked.
187
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I am sorry.
188
00:08:32,215 --> 00:08:33,444
I love meat.
189
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I love it so freakin' hard.
190
00:08:37,155 --> 00:08:39,085
It's not that you ate the meat.
191
00:08:40,285 --> 00:08:42,054
It's that you lied.
192
00:08:42,055 --> 00:08:45,454
You're right. I'm really sorry.
193
00:08:45,455 --> 00:08:49,094
I receive that.
194
00:08:50,435 --> 00:08:52,364
Okay.
195
00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:54,604
From now on, let's just be
196
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completely honest with each other.
197
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Absolutely.
198
00:08:58,075 --> 00:08:59,335
Oh, it's our first fight.
199
00:08:59,345 --> 00:09:01,004
I know. It was touch and
go there for a while,
200
00:09:01,005 --> 00:09:03,945
but we made it through, baby.
201
00:09:05,875 --> 00:09:07,014
Bobby.
202
00:09:07,015 --> 00:09:10,414
- Bobby, come here.
- What's up?
203
00:09:10,415 --> 00:09:13,615
I have entered a new phase.
204
00:09:13,625 --> 00:09:14,654
What is it?
205
00:09:14,655 --> 00:09:16,785
The super horny...
206
00:09:16,795 --> 00:09:19,655
"I want you to do me right now" phase.
207
00:09:19,665 --> 00:09:21,664
That is new.
208
00:09:21,665 --> 00:09:22,994
I like it.
209
00:09:22,995 --> 00:09:25,264
So, get rid of everyone,
210
00:09:25,265 --> 00:09:27,234
meet me upstairs, I'll get started?
211
00:09:27,235 --> 00:09:28,804
Yeah, but how you gonna get started with...
212
00:09:28,805 --> 00:09:29,904
Oh...
213
00:09:29,905 --> 00:09:31,504
Yes.
214
00:09:31,505 --> 00:09:33,035
Okay.
215
00:09:33,045 --> 00:09:34,435
Everyone get the hell out.
216
00:09:34,445 --> 00:09:36,104
Now.
217
00:09:36,105 --> 00:09:37,617
Let's go.
218
00:09:42,347 --> 00:09:44,955
Okay, a woman decides if
she wants to sleep with you
219
00:09:45,155 --> 00:09:46,584
in the first five seconds.
220
00:09:46,585 --> 00:09:48,524
Whatever you say in that first
moment clinches the deal.
221
00:09:48,525 --> 00:09:50,185
I'll lead, you follow.
222
00:09:50,195 --> 00:09:51,654
See her?
223
00:09:51,655 --> 00:09:53,855
Catch her beer.
224
00:09:54,925 --> 00:09:56,424
Oh, my gosh.
225
00:09:56,425 --> 00:09:58,034
Thanks.
226
00:09:58,035 --> 00:09:59,085
Thank you.
227
00:09:59,095 --> 00:10:00,125
For what?
228
00:10:00,135 --> 00:10:03,365
For...
229
00:10:03,375 --> 00:10:06,805
Uh, being alone in a bar.
230
00:10:08,275 --> 00:10:10,745
Have you ever been
married? I've been married.
231
00:10:11,615 --> 00:10:14,435
Um, I'm gonna go find my friends.
232
00:10:14,445 --> 00:10:15,705
I thought you were alone.
233
00:10:15,715 --> 00:10:17,915
I am.
234
00:10:19,215 --> 00:10:23,485
Wow. That was like watching
a gazelle eat a lion.
235
00:10:23,495 --> 00:10:25,145
Don't blame me, okay? You freaked me out
236
00:10:25,155 --> 00:10:27,115
with the whole first five seconds thing.
237
00:10:27,125 --> 00:10:29,015
Okay, okay, I'll start the
conversation this time.
238
00:10:29,025 --> 00:10:30,925
Let's try again with fake boobs
239
00:10:30,935 --> 00:10:32,885
over here, okay? Hopefully,
240
00:10:32,895 --> 00:10:35,735
her low self-esteem
will cloud her judgment.
241
00:10:36,605 --> 00:10:38,295
Hey, love your shoes.
242
00:10:38,305 --> 00:10:39,525
Oh, thanks!
243
00:10:39,535 --> 00:10:40,895
This is my friend, Will.
244
00:10:40,905 --> 00:10:42,365
He's a doctor.
245
00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:44,165
Really? That's cool.
246
00:10:44,175 --> 00:10:46,045
It is cool.
247
00:10:47,175 --> 00:10:50,375
Uh, this one time in med school,
my, uh, my buddies and I...
248
00:10:50,385 --> 00:10:51,945
we took a liver from a cadaver,
249
00:10:51,955 --> 00:10:54,045
and we... and we threw it off the roof.
250
00:10:54,055 --> 00:10:55,375
It was...
251
00:10:55,385 --> 00:10:57,345
That's disgusting.
252
00:10:59,125 --> 00:11:01,215
How can I be so bad at this?
253
00:11:01,225 --> 00:11:03,255
Uh, well, you got married young,
254
00:11:03,265 --> 00:11:05,125
you never really dated as an adult,
255
00:11:05,135 --> 00:11:07,155
and I've seen your high school yearbook.
256
00:11:07,165 --> 00:11:09,355
Nobody was touching you then.
257
00:11:09,365 --> 00:11:11,195
Kate, I'm all up in my head!
258
00:11:11,205 --> 00:11:12,395
Okay, new strategy.
259
00:11:12,405 --> 00:11:14,265
You say as little as possible,
260
00:11:14,275 --> 00:11:15,365
I'll get you laid.
261
00:11:15,375 --> 00:11:17,235
I like it. That-that makes a lot of...
262
00:11:17,245 --> 00:11:19,205
Too much.
263
00:11:21,515 --> 00:11:24,545
Hi. I'm Kate.
264
00:11:24,555 --> 00:11:26,514
You're obviously the hottest girl in here,
265
00:11:26,515 --> 00:11:29,015
and my friend Will is
pretty much the cutest guy,
266
00:11:29,025 --> 00:11:30,724
so I figured I'd introduce you two.
267
00:11:30,725 --> 00:11:31,785
I'm Jess.
268
00:11:31,795 --> 00:11:33,995
Speak. Speak now.
269
00:11:34,795 --> 00:11:37,164
I am Will.
270
00:11:37,165 --> 00:11:39,264
I hail from...
271
00:11:39,265 --> 00:11:41,264
Three beers. Go.
272
00:11:42,665 --> 00:11:46,134
He's a man of few words,
but check out that ass.
273
00:11:46,135 --> 00:11:49,235
It's like those butt cheeks are
storing nuts for the winter.
274
00:11:51,245 --> 00:11:53,144
You didn't have to sell me on him.
275
00:11:53,145 --> 00:11:55,114
I knew in the first five seconds.
276
00:11:55,115 --> 00:11:56,344
I like you.
277
00:11:56,345 --> 00:11:57,745
You remind me of myself.
278
00:11:57,755 --> 00:11:59,784
Except you have those amazing eyes.
279
00:11:59,785 --> 00:12:02,085
You suddenly seem smarter to me.
280
00:12:03,625 --> 00:12:05,854
Okay, I'm going to go to the ladies room.
281
00:12:05,855 --> 00:12:07,824
Man... of... few... words.
282
00:12:07,825 --> 00:12:11,825
So...
283
00:12:11,835 --> 00:12:14,534
So...
284
00:12:14,535 --> 00:12:16,634
You're shy.
285
00:12:16,635 --> 00:12:19,704
Shy.
286
00:12:19,705 --> 00:12:21,374
That's sweet.
287
00:12:21,375 --> 00:12:23,975
And your friend's great,
stepping up for you like that.
288
00:12:24,845 --> 00:12:27,074
Friend.
289
00:12:27,075 --> 00:12:30,244
This might be the tequila talking,
290
00:12:30,245 --> 00:12:32,485
but should we just get out of here?
291
00:12:35,655 --> 00:12:37,954
Great. Get your friend.
292
00:12:37,955 --> 00:12:39,785
Uh... why?
293
00:12:39,795 --> 00:12:42,224
Because I'm into both of you.
294
00:12:42,225 --> 00:12:43,594
Pardon?
295
00:12:43,595 --> 00:12:46,064
I want to have sex with both of you.
296
00:12:48,865 --> 00:12:51,535
Yeah, I don't... I don't
think that's gonna...
297
00:12:56,345 --> 00:12:58,544
Okay, then, the three of us.
298
00:12:58,545 --> 00:13:00,375
Sounds good. Sounds like a plan.
299
00:13:10,488 --> 00:13:10,998
Hi.
300
00:13:11,008 --> 00:13:12,238
Whoa. Oh, my God.
301
00:13:12,248 --> 00:13:13,868
How did you strike out again?
302
00:13:13,878 --> 00:13:15,338
I set you up perfectly.
303
00:13:15,348 --> 00:13:17,738
What, do I need to take her
clothes off for you, too?
304
00:13:17,748 --> 00:13:20,448
Uh, I didn't strike out, actually.
305
00:13:20,458 --> 00:13:22,178
She wants me to go home with her.
306
00:13:22,188 --> 00:13:24,478
Oh, great. Good-bye. Uncork.
307
00:13:24,488 --> 00:13:26,318
Uh, uh, no, no, not...
308
00:13:26,328 --> 00:13:28,518
Not-not good-bye, uh, because...
309
00:13:28,528 --> 00:13:30,418
Because you drove me here.
310
00:13:30,428 --> 00:13:33,588
And we can't let Jess drive
because she's already had a few.
311
00:13:33,598 --> 00:13:36,728
And I'm pretty sure she
wants to have two more.
312
00:13:36,738 --> 00:13:39,158
Oh.
313
00:13:39,168 --> 00:13:41,698
Fine. I am such a good friend.
314
00:13:41,708 --> 00:13:43,538
It's like there's nothing I won't do.
315
00:13:46,348 --> 00:13:48,418
That's what I'm hoping.
316
00:13:56,058 --> 00:13:58,078
Oh, my God.
317
00:13:58,088 --> 00:13:59,988
That was amazing.
318
00:13:59,998 --> 00:14:02,518
I feel like I could sleep for 12 hours.
319
00:14:02,528 --> 00:14:04,288
What do you mean, go to sleep?
320
00:14:04,298 --> 00:14:06,258
I want to do it again.
321
00:14:06,268 --> 00:14:08,988
But didn't you just have a massive...?
322
00:14:08,998 --> 00:14:12,898
Yeah! Why would I want to stop?
323
00:14:12,908 --> 00:14:14,328
Well, honey, it's just,
324
00:14:14,338 --> 00:14:17,898
it's been a couple of nights of
this marathon sex, and I, uh...
325
00:14:17,908 --> 00:14:21,308
I need a breather.
326
00:14:21,318 --> 00:14:23,478
Or an ice pack.
327
00:14:24,518 --> 00:14:27,848
You'll stop when I tell you to stop.
328
00:14:32,558 --> 00:14:36,588
I know you're a man of few
words, but don't worry.
329
00:14:36,598 --> 00:14:39,928
Tonight, you won't be using
your mouth for talking.
330
00:14:40,898 --> 00:14:44,538
That makes me want to
raise my eyebrow like this.
331
00:14:45,868 --> 00:14:48,398
Thanks for letting me use your bathroom.
332
00:14:48,408 --> 00:14:49,768
Stay.
333
00:14:49,778 --> 00:14:51,768
What? Why?
334
00:14:55,118 --> 00:14:58,138
Look, the truth is, on my
own, I struck out non-stop.
335
00:14:58,148 --> 00:15:00,178
Okay, clearly, you're my good luck charm.
336
00:15:00,188 --> 00:15:01,448
My rabbit's foot.
337
00:15:01,458 --> 00:15:04,148
And I honestly think for this to happen,
338
00:15:04,158 --> 00:15:06,658
we're gonna have to rub
your fur a little bit.
339
00:15:08,198 --> 00:15:09,948
Please?
340
00:15:09,958 --> 00:15:13,118
Well, I don't like leaving
projects unfinished.
341
00:15:13,128 --> 00:15:14,988
Great! I'm gonna go get some wine.
342
00:15:14,998 --> 00:15:17,228
Hey.
343
00:15:17,238 --> 00:15:21,298
Hey. So, um, just so you
know, Will's a little nervous.
344
00:15:21,308 --> 00:15:22,828
So I hope you don't think it's too forward,
345
00:15:22,838 --> 00:15:24,438
but I think you should make the first move.
346
00:15:24,448 --> 00:15:25,898
My pleasure.
347
00:15:25,908 --> 00:15:28,148
Great. So, just make it happen...
348
00:15:35,618 --> 00:15:38,548
Be right back.
349
00:15:38,558 --> 00:15:40,018
We have a problem.
350
00:15:40,028 --> 00:15:41,818
Turns out, I am too good at this.
351
00:15:41,828 --> 00:15:43,988
She doesn't want you, she wants me!
352
00:15:43,998 --> 00:15:45,818
She just kissed me!
353
00:15:45,828 --> 00:15:48,158
Yeah, about that.
354
00:15:48,168 --> 00:15:50,388
Uh, she's looking for a two-fer.
355
00:15:50,398 --> 00:15:54,068
I don't...
356
00:15:54,078 --> 00:15:55,928
And you knew?! That's the whole reason
357
00:15:55,938 --> 00:15:58,068
you got me to come back here, isn't it?!
358
00:15:58,078 --> 00:16:00,738
Come on, Kate, I'm asking
you for one little favor.
359
00:16:00,748 --> 00:16:04,038
Remember the time I
drove you to the airport?
360
00:16:04,048 --> 00:16:07,108
How is this the same?
361
00:16:07,118 --> 00:16:09,148
It was rush hour.
362
00:16:10,988 --> 00:16:12,918
You can not seriously expect me to do this.
363
00:16:12,928 --> 00:16:15,318
I'm just asking you to play
along for a little bit.
364
00:16:15,328 --> 00:16:18,388
A little ear nibbling, a little
under-the-shirt, over-the-bra.
365
00:16:18,398 --> 00:16:20,198
PG-13.
366
00:16:21,328 --> 00:16:23,288
And then, you go to the
bathroom or whatever,
367
00:16:23,298 --> 00:16:25,698
and then, 20 minutes, I'm
done, dressed and ready to go.
368
00:16:25,708 --> 00:16:28,568
What a lucky girl.
369
00:16:28,578 --> 00:16:31,038
Forget it.
370
00:16:31,048 --> 00:16:33,578
I've only ever slept with Val!
371
00:16:34,778 --> 00:16:36,538
What?!
372
00:16:36,548 --> 00:16:40,608
I've only slept with one
person my entire life, okay?
373
00:16:40,618 --> 00:16:44,978
How is that even possible?
374
00:16:44,988 --> 00:16:46,918
We met when I was 19.
375
00:16:46,928 --> 00:16:49,818
Got engaged at 21, and got
divorced four months ago.
376
00:16:49,828 --> 00:16:52,718
Oh, my God, yes, this is
all starting to make sense.
377
00:16:52,728 --> 00:16:54,218
The-the lack of game,
378
00:16:54,228 --> 00:16:57,588
the pathetic blend of
awkwardness and urgency.
379
00:16:57,598 --> 00:17:00,208
You're an almost-virgin.
380
00:17:02,038 --> 00:17:04,098
I am.
381
00:17:04,108 --> 00:17:05,368
Okay, I am that.
382
00:17:05,378 --> 00:17:09,648
So, please, help little
Will make a second friend.
383
00:17:12,988 --> 00:17:15,708
Fine. I'll do it.
384
00:17:15,718 --> 00:17:17,448
- You will?!
- I can't believe
385
00:17:17,458 --> 00:17:18,718
I'm saying this, but yes.
386
00:17:18,728 --> 00:17:20,118
It's an important step for you.
387
00:17:20,128 --> 00:17:22,718
And, you know, it can't be
any worse than that time
388
00:17:22,728 --> 00:17:24,888
I accidentally had sex with my cousin.
389
00:17:24,898 --> 00:17:27,318
Awesome! That's the
attitude I'm looking for!
390
00:17:27,328 --> 00:17:29,088
But my clothes stay on.
391
00:17:29,098 --> 00:17:31,658
Also, I'm upstairs, you're downstairs,
392
00:17:31,668 --> 00:17:34,128
and never the twain shall meet.
393
00:17:34,138 --> 00:17:36,698
She's not gonna be focusing on you anyway.
394
00:17:36,708 --> 00:17:38,298
What? Why?
395
00:17:38,308 --> 00:17:39,438
'Cause, obviously,
396
00:17:39,448 --> 00:17:40,638
you're the appetizer, I'm the entree.
397
00:17:40,648 --> 00:17:42,838
Okay.
398
00:17:42,848 --> 00:17:44,838
The appetizer.
399
00:17:44,848 --> 00:17:47,178
Oh...
400
00:17:47,188 --> 00:17:50,548
Oh, my God,I'm having a real orgasm.
401
00:17:50,558 --> 00:17:53,148
Wow!
402
00:17:53,158 --> 00:17:55,588
Good night.
403
00:17:55,598 --> 00:17:58,058
You just faked an orgasm.
404
00:17:58,928 --> 00:18:00,958
What? Yeah.
405
00:18:00,968 --> 00:18:03,228
Those are the sounds of my passion.
406
00:18:03,238 --> 00:18:06,298
And I am hurt and offended
that you would mock them.
407
00:18:06,308 --> 00:18:08,058
I've been with you for ten years.
408
00:18:08,068 --> 00:18:09,998
I've never once heard you make that noise.
409
00:18:10,008 --> 00:18:12,338
What kind of a man fakes an orgasm?
410
00:18:12,348 --> 00:18:14,708
A man who's tired.
411
00:18:16,078 --> 00:18:18,248
Who's been wrung dry.
412
00:18:19,318 --> 00:18:21,438
I just can't do it anymore.
413
00:18:21,448 --> 00:18:23,878
Oh. It's okay, I get it.
414
00:18:23,888 --> 00:18:28,378
I'm not, you know, that
appealing in my current state.
415
00:18:28,388 --> 00:18:30,088
What are you talking about?
416
00:18:30,098 --> 00:18:32,418
I understand why you wouldn't
want to have sex with me.
417
00:18:32,428 --> 00:18:34,458
I'm like a big, giant pregnant woman.
418
00:18:34,468 --> 00:18:37,028
One of my boobs is bigger than your head.
419
00:18:37,038 --> 00:18:40,028
Honey, you are absolutely gorgeous.
420
00:18:40,038 --> 00:18:41,498
No, I'm not. I'm huge.
421
00:18:41,508 --> 00:18:44,408
I look like a sea lion with lipstick.
422
00:18:45,208 --> 00:18:48,338
Andi, every time you smile at me,
423
00:18:48,348 --> 00:18:51,438
I have to pinch myself that you chose me.
424
00:18:51,448 --> 00:18:54,338
- Really?
- Yes.
425
00:18:54,348 --> 00:18:57,378
I just can't have sex a
million times in three days.
426
00:18:57,388 --> 00:19:00,248
I literally have nothing left.
427
00:19:00,258 --> 00:19:04,328
I tried to cry in the middle,
and no tears came out.
428
00:19:06,228 --> 00:19:10,588
Do you want to maybe... I don't
know... cuddle or something?
429
00:19:10,598 --> 00:19:12,388
Nothing would make me happier.
430
00:19:12,398 --> 00:19:14,738
Okay.
431
00:19:22,178 --> 00:19:25,148
You know what? I'm gonna
go sit on the dryer.
432
00:19:30,758 --> 00:19:34,728
Excuse me.
433
00:19:35,488 --> 00:19:37,048
Can I ask you a question?
434
00:19:37,058 --> 00:19:40,688
Which one of us were you
attracted to initially?
435
00:19:40,698 --> 00:19:43,388
Like, if we were a meal,
436
00:19:43,398 --> 00:19:46,438
which one of us would you eat first?
437
00:19:47,308 --> 00:19:49,458
I don't know.
438
00:19:49,468 --> 00:19:53,338
There is something about the
sensual softness of a woman.
439
00:19:53,348 --> 00:19:55,338
Oh. Okay.
440
00:19:55,348 --> 00:19:57,648
Ha, ha.
441
00:20:00,918 --> 00:20:02,908
Excuse me? Excuse me?
442
00:20:02,918 --> 00:20:05,008
Yeah, uh, softness is-is one thing,
443
00:20:05,018 --> 00:20:06,718
but-but feel these abs, huh?
444
00:20:06,728 --> 00:20:09,048
How'd you like to crack open this six pack?
445
00:20:09,058 --> 00:20:11,518
I have great boobs.
446
00:20:11,528 --> 00:20:13,688
- I have an ass of steel.
- I'm bendy.
447
00:20:13,698 --> 00:20:15,358
I will do some seriously messed-up stuff.
448
00:20:15,368 --> 00:20:16,988
I have no self-respect.
449
00:20:16,998 --> 00:20:19,758
I have the penis. Touchdown!
450
00:20:19,768 --> 00:20:21,658
Wow.
451
00:20:21,668 --> 00:20:25,298
The sexual tension between
you guys is amazing.
452
00:20:25,308 --> 00:20:28,078
I'd really like to see you two kiss.
453
00:20:30,878 --> 00:20:32,918
- Yeah, we're out.
- That just ruined it.
454
00:20:38,578 --> 00:20:40,408
Okay.
455
00:20:40,418 --> 00:20:42,408
I've had 24 hours.
456
00:20:42,418 --> 00:20:44,978
I'm replenished, refreshed and ready to go.
457
00:20:44,988 --> 00:20:46,878
I don't think that's gonna happen.
458
00:20:46,888 --> 00:20:49,248
I've, uh... I've entered a new...
459
00:20:51,698 --> 00:20:53,848
phase.
460
00:20:53,858 --> 00:20:55,958
But the fact that you still want me...
461
00:20:55,968 --> 00:20:58,798
it makes me feel very good about myself.
462
00:21:00,498 --> 00:21:02,028
I love you.
463
00:21:02,038 --> 00:21:03,497
- I'm gonna fart.
- Okay.
464
00:21:14,428 --> 00:21:17,496
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