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1
00:00:00,989 --> 00:00:02,820
Good morning, Laverne.
2
00:00:02,851 --> 00:00:04,266
Howdy, doctor.
3
00:00:04,659 --> 00:00:06,559
Oh, well, you're in a good mood.
4
00:00:06,595 --> 00:00:08,895
Well, Nick's comin' back
day after tomorrow
5
00:00:08,930 --> 00:00:10,630
from his baseball tryout
in Japan,
6
00:00:10,665 --> 00:00:13,378
so I guess I am gettin'
a little frisky.
7
00:00:15,904 --> 00:00:18,605
I see. All right.
So how did it go over there?
8
00:00:18,640 --> 00:00:20,006
Well, let me put it this way.
9
00:00:20,041 --> 00:00:22,008
The team owner said,
if Nick went back home,
10
00:00:22,043 --> 00:00:25,212
the Japanese would consider
buyin' more of our cars.
11
00:00:26,915 --> 00:00:28,781
Aw, that's not...
That's too bad.
12
00:00:28,817 --> 00:00:31,751
It's really hard for a big
strappin' ball player like Nick
13
00:00:31,786 --> 00:00:33,720
to adjust from
the Miami mustangs
14
00:00:33,755 --> 00:00:35,786
to the Osaka hens.
15
00:00:36,958 --> 00:00:39,158
Why, is their game
all that different from ours?
16
00:00:39,194 --> 00:00:41,472
No, but their jockstraps are.
17
00:00:43,531 --> 00:00:45,498
Every time Nick takes
a good cut at the ball,
18
00:00:45,533 --> 00:00:47,564
his eyes bug way out.
19
00:00:48,837 --> 00:00:51,871
They've started callin' him
kabuto, which is a kind of frog
20
00:00:51,906 --> 00:00:54,271
that can spot a fly at 50 yards.
21
00:00:55,110 --> 00:00:56,876
Well, it not exactly
to say, hey, kid,
22
00:00:56,911 --> 00:00:59,345
but it's something.
Well, it hadn't been all bad.
23
00:00:59,381 --> 00:01:01,781
Two games ago, he hit the ball
clear out the park.
24
00:01:01,816 --> 00:01:04,017
- Oh, that's great!
- Yeah, unfortunately,
25
00:01:04,052 --> 00:01:05,351
it come down
and hit a zen priest
26
00:01:05,387 --> 00:01:07,892
right on the head
in the middle of his meditatin'.
27
00:01:09,491 --> 00:01:11,224
Now he just wanders
around his rock garden,
28
00:01:11,259 --> 00:01:14,540
saying, "if you build it,
he will come."
29
00:01:20,802 --> 00:01:24,537
Life goes on and so do we
30
00:01:24,572 --> 00:01:28,608
Just how we do it
is no mystery
31
00:01:28,643 --> 00:01:31,344
Sometimes the answer
can be hard to find
32
00:01:31,379 --> 00:01:32,645
Hard to find
33
00:01:32,681 --> 00:01:35,148
that's something
I will never be
34
00:01:35,183 --> 00:01:40,687
I'm always here
for anything you need
35
00:01:40,722 --> 00:01:44,157
Anything you need
36
00:01:44,192 --> 00:01:48,194
rain or shine
I'll be the one
37
00:01:48,229 --> 00:01:52,432
To share it all
as life goes on
38
00:01:52,467 --> 00:01:57,670
We share it all
as life goes on
39
00:02:14,441 --> 00:02:15,985
Carol, were you
in a sorority in college?
40
00:02:16,009 --> 00:02:17,108
I don't remember.
41
00:02:17,144 --> 00:02:19,477
Barbara, please give me
a little credit.
42
00:02:19,513 --> 00:02:22,013
Sororities are nothing
but a pathetic female imitation
43
00:02:22,049 --> 00:02:23,715
of a male-dominated
social system
44
00:02:23,750 --> 00:02:27,006
whose sole purpose is to
instill superficial values.
45
00:02:28,889 --> 00:02:30,403
Couldn't get in, huh?
46
00:02:33,512 --> 00:02:35,026
Well, I've got to
find out something
47
00:02:35,062 --> 00:02:36,228
about these dumb places.
48
00:02:36,263 --> 00:02:37,529
There's a computer hacker
49
00:02:37,564 --> 00:02:39,375
who's been breaking into
the city hall database,
50
00:02:39,399 --> 00:02:41,633
and we think she's in
one of the college sororities.
51
00:02:41,668 --> 00:02:44,336
Barbara,
some brilliant young woman
52
00:02:44,371 --> 00:02:46,204
is trying to deliver
a subtle message
53
00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:49,007
to corrupt politicians,
and you're going to stifle
54
00:02:49,042 --> 00:02:51,610
her bold,
clever means of expression?
55
00:02:51,645 --> 00:02:53,511
Carol, she's changed
"city of Miami"
56
00:02:53,547 --> 00:02:57,430
on all official documents
to buttburg, assachusetts.
57
00:02:59,820 --> 00:03:00,785
Come on, get in there.
58
00:03:00,821 --> 00:03:01,950
- Hi, daddy.
- Hi, baby.
59
00:03:01,989 --> 00:03:03,488
Oh, daddy,
when you were in college,
60
00:03:03,523 --> 00:03:04,990
did you know any sorority girls?
61
00:03:05,025 --> 00:03:07,225
Oh, sure.
Well, I was in a fraternity.
62
00:03:07,261 --> 00:03:08,627
- You were?
- Oh, yeah.
63
00:03:08,662 --> 00:03:12,430
Tri epsilon, the wild house
of haverhill college.
64
00:03:12,466 --> 00:03:14,499
Our father in his college days.
65
00:03:14,534 --> 00:03:16,835
I have to know
every precious detail,
66
00:03:16,870 --> 00:03:20,402
so I can commit them all
to my daddy album of memories.
67
00:03:24,344 --> 00:03:25,543
Ah, well, you know,
68
00:03:25,579 --> 00:03:28,346
we sure did do some
pretty crazy, wild stuff.
69
00:03:28,382 --> 00:03:29,614
Oh, come on, daddy, tell!
70
00:03:29,650 --> 00:03:31,349
I need it
for an undercover thing.
71
00:03:31,385 --> 00:03:32,495
All right, all right, all right.
72
00:03:32,519 --> 00:03:33,485
Let me see, let me see.
73
00:03:33,520 --> 00:03:34,697
Okay, well, there were these...
74
00:03:34,721 --> 00:03:37,097
Yeah, well, there's this...
75
00:03:39,159 --> 00:03:42,319
This one time,
it was during hell week,
76
00:03:42,562 --> 00:03:47,032
and good old sparky McAlister
somehow got ahold of a, uh...
77
00:03:51,338 --> 00:03:54,939
A woman's brassiere.
78
00:03:54,975 --> 00:03:55,997
Yeah?
79
00:03:56,825 --> 00:03:58,765
He cut holes
holes in the cups...
80
00:04:00,314 --> 00:04:02,135
Put it over his eyes...
81
00:04:03,483 --> 00:04:08,208
And ran around the frat house
yelling, "I have 36/36 vision!"
82
00:04:15,829 --> 00:04:17,082
And then what?
83
00:04:19,566 --> 00:04:20,815
No, that's it.
84
00:04:21,435 --> 00:04:23,001
Okay, I'm out of here.
85
00:04:32,590 --> 00:04:34,123
Laverne, what's going on?
86
00:04:34,158 --> 00:04:35,603
I'm learnin' Japanese.
87
00:04:41,666 --> 00:04:42,631
Oh, that's very,
that's very good.
88
00:04:42,667 --> 00:04:43,766
What does it mean?
89
00:04:43,801 --> 00:04:44,801
It means,
90
00:04:44,835 --> 00:04:46,113
"those are not
dolphins in my net.
91
00:04:46,137 --> 00:04:48,085
Those are very large tuna."
92
00:04:54,979 --> 00:04:56,378
Nick called last night.
93
00:04:56,414 --> 00:04:58,681
He earned a spot
on the roster of the hens.
94
00:04:58,716 --> 00:05:00,783
You're kidding! I thought
he didn't have a chance.
95
00:05:00,818 --> 00:05:02,384
Well, a spot opened up.
96
00:05:02,420 --> 00:05:05,254
Their third baseman just bought
the Seattle mariners.
97
00:05:07,058 --> 00:05:08,457
Nick's flyin' back tomorrow,
98
00:05:08,492 --> 00:05:10,826
says he needs to talk to me
about it all.
99
00:05:10,861 --> 00:05:11,827
Who would have ever thought,
100
00:05:11,862 --> 00:05:14,039
Laverne Todd, livin' in Japan.
101
00:05:15,047 --> 00:05:16,532
Wait a minute.
102
00:05:16,567 --> 00:05:18,500
You're planning on
moving to Japan.
103
00:05:18,536 --> 00:05:20,029
Doctor, you know how hard
it's gon' be
104
00:05:20,053 --> 00:05:21,358
for me to leave you,
105
00:05:21,389 --> 00:05:24,907
but I could never
live apart from my Nick.
106
00:05:24,942 --> 00:05:27,910
Oh, great. I just never
thought this would ever happen.
107
00:05:27,945 --> 00:05:30,446
I can't imagine
this place without you.
108
00:05:30,481 --> 00:05:32,715
Me neither, but the money
they're offerin' him
109
00:05:32,750 --> 00:05:34,350
will take care of
a whole bunch of stuff
110
00:05:34,385 --> 00:05:36,151
we've been wantin'
for a long time.
111
00:05:36,187 --> 00:05:39,488
We could buy a house,
maybe have a young'un or two.
112
00:05:39,523 --> 00:05:44,126
This is finally our chance to
truly live the American dream.
113
00:05:47,999 --> 00:05:51,367
As it happens,
in a suburb of Osaka.
114
00:05:55,740 --> 00:05:59,808
Hi, it's so good
to have you with us, Barbara.
115
00:05:59,844 --> 00:06:01,777
- Are you a freshman?
- Yes.
116
00:06:01,812 --> 00:06:05,224
Oh, have you spent
a lot of time in the sun?
117
00:06:07,952 --> 00:06:10,719
Well, I took a couple
years off before college.
118
00:06:10,755 --> 00:06:14,366
Oh, how really,
really interesting.
119
00:06:15,426 --> 00:06:18,605
Finger sandwich?
Oh, yeah, I'm starved.
120
00:06:25,102 --> 00:06:27,303
So what did you do
during your time off?
121
00:06:27,338 --> 00:06:29,905
Oh, I was... in the army.
122
00:06:29,940 --> 00:06:32,707
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
123
00:06:33,844 --> 00:06:35,577
How rough and tumble.
124
00:06:35,613 --> 00:06:38,714
So where are you from, Barbara?
125
00:06:38,749 --> 00:06:42,551
Well, I grew up here and...
126
00:06:42,586 --> 00:06:46,021
All:
sisters of zeta beta phi
127
00:06:46,057 --> 00:06:49,425
one day we'll marry surgeons
128
00:06:49,460 --> 00:06:52,461
But until the day
daddy gives us away
129
00:06:52,496 --> 00:06:56,019
We'll all remain
pure virgins
130
00:06:59,970 --> 00:07:02,404
That's our special
zb sisterhood song.
131
00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:04,907
If you come back to
tomorrow's formal rush party,
132
00:07:04,942 --> 00:07:08,377
you'll hear "second base is
far enough for me"
133
00:07:08,412 --> 00:07:09,912
sounds like a lot of fun.
134
00:07:09,947 --> 00:07:11,816
Hi, Barbara.
135
00:07:11,838 --> 00:07:13,204
I'm antoinette.
136
00:07:13,239 --> 00:07:15,106
So what kind of guys
do you like?
137
00:07:15,141 --> 00:07:17,675
Well, well, I always went
with the real dangerous ones,
138
00:07:17,710 --> 00:07:20,511
you know, the kind that lit
firecrackers in the toilet.
139
00:07:20,546 --> 00:07:23,080
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
140
00:07:23,116 --> 00:07:25,816
Hey, Barbara,
I just got a neat idea.
141
00:07:25,852 --> 00:07:28,789
Maybe you should rush
kappa beta instead.
142
00:07:28,832 --> 00:07:30,087
Why?
143
00:07:30,123 --> 00:07:32,223
I don't think
you're really our type.
144
00:07:32,258 --> 00:07:33,591
Well, that's fine.
145
00:07:33,626 --> 00:07:35,370
I mean, there's a lot of
other houses interested in me.
146
00:07:35,394 --> 00:07:37,553
Really, which ones?
147
00:07:37,997 --> 00:07:41,931
Well, for instance, delta Burke.
148
00:07:49,142 --> 00:07:50,825
Good morning, Laverne.
149
00:07:51,356 --> 00:07:52,710
Did Nick get in okay?
150
00:07:52,745 --> 00:07:53,878
Oh, just dandy.
151
00:07:53,913 --> 00:07:55,379
Marilyn jorgenson, room one.
152
00:07:55,414 --> 00:07:57,882
So what did he say?
When do you leave?
153
00:07:57,917 --> 00:07:59,183
Where are you gonna be living?
154
00:07:59,218 --> 00:08:00,918
Well, I'll be stayin'
on here in Miami,
155
00:08:00,953 --> 00:08:02,887
- while he's in Japan.
- Really?
156
00:08:02,922 --> 00:08:04,121
Yeah, it just works out
157
00:08:04,157 --> 00:08:06,223
a lot more conveniently
that way.
158
00:08:06,248 --> 00:08:08,240
- Oh, great. Well...
- Now if you'll excuse me,
159
00:08:08,261 --> 00:08:09,894
I have to catch
that coffee cart.
160
00:08:09,929 --> 00:08:13,181
Okay.
161
00:08:13,599 --> 00:08:15,083
Doctor Weston.
162
00:08:15,535 --> 00:08:16,500
Uh, I'm sorry.
163
00:08:16,536 --> 00:08:18,353
Mrs. Todd just stepped out.
164
00:08:18,504 --> 00:08:20,789
Sure, sure, sure,
hold on just a second.
165
00:08:21,474 --> 00:08:22,850
Go ahead.
166
00:08:23,509 --> 00:08:25,698
Lou Collier,
167
00:08:26,673 --> 00:08:29,007
Nick's attorney.
168
00:08:29,782 --> 00:08:31,114
About what?
169
00:08:34,020 --> 00:08:35,772
Divorce proceedings?
170
00:08:44,297 --> 00:08:46,330
I got you a blueberry muffin
for energy, doctor.
171
00:08:46,367 --> 00:08:47,828
You've got a full day ahead,
172
00:08:47,856 --> 00:08:49,858
so you better eat
this muffin and run.
173
00:08:51,479 --> 00:08:53,535
Laverne, is everything okay?
174
00:08:54,263 --> 00:08:55,562
Oh, yeah.
175
00:08:55,597 --> 00:08:57,308
Come on, that muffin
ain't a-gettin' any younger.
176
00:08:57,332 --> 00:08:58,535
Down the hatch.
177
00:08:59,868 --> 00:09:01,201
I, I, I, just took a message.
178
00:09:01,236 --> 00:09:03,759
I hate to pry, but uh...
179
00:09:04,452 --> 00:09:05,640
Are you okay?
180
00:09:05,674 --> 00:09:06,873
Just dandy.
181
00:09:06,909 --> 00:09:09,310
Eat the muffin. Eat the muffin.
182
00:09:12,714 --> 00:09:17,217
Laverne, the message
is about divorce proceedings.
183
00:09:17,252 --> 00:09:18,513
Oh.
184
00:09:21,390 --> 00:09:23,256
Could I speak to you
in exam room one?
185
00:09:23,292 --> 00:09:24,525
Mm-hmm.
186
00:09:30,499 --> 00:09:32,666
Doctor, please don't tell
anyone about this.
187
00:09:32,701 --> 00:09:34,000
What happened?
188
00:09:34,036 --> 00:09:35,947
You just have to promise
you won't tell anyone.
189
00:09:35,971 --> 00:09:37,598
Okay, dear, I promise.
190
00:09:37,638 --> 00:09:39,383
Then cross your heart,
squeeze your buns, and say,
191
00:09:39,407 --> 00:09:41,840
"hot potato, hot potato,
I ate me a skunk."
192
00:09:48,216 --> 00:09:51,951
Laverne, please,
you know you can trust me.
193
00:09:51,986 --> 00:09:55,301
Oh, all right,
since you already found out.
194
00:09:56,591 --> 00:09:58,657
Nick met another woman
in Japan and all.
195
00:09:58,693 --> 00:09:59,992
But the important thing is
196
00:10:00,027 --> 00:10:02,294
that nobody hears
about this divorce thing.
197
00:10:02,800 --> 00:10:05,064
This is awful, I'm so sorry.
198
00:10:05,099 --> 00:10:06,338
I know.
199
00:10:06,834 --> 00:10:08,634
The shame
is just about unbearable.
200
00:10:08,669 --> 00:10:11,309
This has never, ever happened
in my family before.
201
00:10:11,333 --> 00:10:13,016
We higby's marry for life.
202
00:10:13,174 --> 00:10:15,074
Laverne, this happens
to people all the time.
203
00:10:15,109 --> 00:10:16,093
Please, trust me.
204
00:10:16,110 --> 00:10:17,443
This is nothing
to be ashamed of.
205
00:10:17,478 --> 00:10:18,988
It is, back in hickory.
206
00:10:19,018 --> 00:10:21,096
Why, when Camilla belle
singleton's husband left her,
207
00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:24,370
she went out and give herself
one of them mohawk haircuts.
208
00:10:27,474 --> 00:10:28,637
Why?
209
00:10:28,672 --> 00:10:30,964
'Cause, when you see
an 80-year-old piano teacher
210
00:10:31,003 --> 00:10:32,917
with a mohawk,
the first thing you ask ain't,
211
00:10:32,971 --> 00:10:34,724
"how's Phil?"
212
00:10:41,572 --> 00:10:42,572
Okay, okay.
213
00:10:42,605 --> 00:10:44,235
I just want you to know
that I'm here for you
214
00:10:44,259 --> 00:10:46,194
if you want to talk
this through.
215
00:10:46,229 --> 00:10:48,429
What do you think we just did?
216
00:10:49,699 --> 00:10:51,652
Boy, in one ear
and out the other.
217
00:10:58,107 --> 00:11:00,374
Hey, Barb!
218
00:11:00,410 --> 00:11:03,077
What's the shindig,
and why wasn't I invited?
219
00:11:03,112 --> 00:11:04,478
I'm undercover.
220
00:11:04,514 --> 00:11:06,647
I'm going to a formal
rush party at zeta beta phi.
221
00:11:06,683 --> 00:11:09,150
In that dress?
222
00:11:09,185 --> 00:11:10,618
What's wrong with it?
223
00:11:10,653 --> 00:11:13,454
Well, if you were rushing
tri gams, or theta beta,
224
00:11:13,489 --> 00:11:15,623
okay, maybe,
but you're going to wear that
225
00:11:15,658 --> 00:11:17,859
to the Tiffany of sorority row?
226
00:11:17,894 --> 00:11:21,229
Why don't you just tell them
you were in the army?
227
00:11:24,683 --> 00:11:25,893
Charley,
why can't I do anything right
228
00:11:25,917 --> 00:11:27,642
with these stupid
sorority girls?
229
00:11:27,666 --> 00:11:29,635
I mean, I know they're
snobby and obnoxious,
230
00:11:29,671 --> 00:11:31,583
but still it's killing me
that I'm not being accepted.
231
00:11:31,607 --> 00:11:33,084
It's never happened
to me before.
232
00:11:33,108 --> 00:11:36,428
Well, the zb's
are touch 'debs' to crack.
233
00:11:37,145 --> 00:11:39,346
Charley, how do you know
so much about sororities?
234
00:11:39,381 --> 00:11:41,314
Are you kidding?
Formal organizations
235
00:11:41,350 --> 00:11:44,102
devoted to the social habits
of beautiful co-eds?
236
00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:48,003
I'm on the national boards
of a couple of them.
237
00:11:49,057 --> 00:11:51,358
Charley, do you think
you could give me some pointers
238
00:11:51,393 --> 00:11:53,059
and help me get in? I guess so.
239
00:11:53,095 --> 00:11:54,628
Let's see, uh,
lesson number one,
240
00:11:54,663 --> 00:11:56,196
posture and movement.
241
00:11:56,231 --> 00:11:58,198
Now, let's say I'm
one of the greeting sisters,
242
00:11:58,233 --> 00:12:00,139
and you come in.
243
00:12:00,805 --> 00:12:03,438
Hi, Barbara.
244
00:12:04,906 --> 00:12:07,156
I'm charlene.
Welcome to zeta beta phi.
245
00:12:07,195 --> 00:12:08,406
Thanks!
246
00:12:08,452 --> 00:12:11,011
Oh, Charley,
this is going to be great!
247
00:12:11,046 --> 00:12:12,974
Hello? Hi, sergeant.
248
00:12:14,016 --> 00:12:15,298
You're kidding.
249
00:12:15,595 --> 00:12:16,816
Oh, well, that's great.
250
00:12:16,852 --> 00:12:18,004
Thanks for calling.
251
00:12:19,154 --> 00:12:21,630
Oh, they caught the suspect
at a dorm on campus.
252
00:12:21,661 --> 00:12:23,709
Guess the sorority house
was a bad tip.
253
00:12:23,747 --> 00:12:26,026
Well, you won't
be needing me, then.
254
00:12:26,061 --> 00:12:27,727
- Guess not.
- Shame.
255
00:12:27,763 --> 00:12:31,685
For a brief moment there,
I thought I smelled zb.
256
00:12:32,200 --> 00:12:34,441
What a minute, Charley.
257
00:12:34,823 --> 00:12:36,623
I smell something, too!
258
00:12:36,658 --> 00:12:37,902
I want to get into zeta beta phi
259
00:12:37,926 --> 00:12:39,059
- more than anything!
- Why?
260
00:12:39,094 --> 00:12:40,293
I thought you hated them.
261
00:12:40,329 --> 00:12:41,806
I do, but that's why
I want to get in.
262
00:12:41,830 --> 00:12:43,274
Because once I do,
I'm going to tell them
263
00:12:43,298 --> 00:12:44,965
they're the biggest
snobs and hypocrites
264
00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:46,505
on the face of the earth!
265
00:12:47,101 --> 00:12:50,194
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
266
00:12:54,377 --> 00:12:56,983
So how 'bout what's goin' on
in Russia, huh?
267
00:12:57,022 --> 00:12:58,455
It's amazing, isn't it?
268
00:12:58,490 --> 00:12:59,834
I heard that
one of the baltic states
269
00:12:59,858 --> 00:13:02,057
may separate
from the commonwealth.
270
00:13:02,428 --> 00:13:03,743
Separate?
271
00:13:06,565 --> 00:13:09,332
Why did you choose that
particular word, Dr. green?
272
00:13:09,368 --> 00:13:11,802
I read it in the paper
this morning.
273
00:13:12,569 --> 00:13:13,924
Okay.
274
00:13:15,140 --> 00:13:16,690
I believe you.
275
00:13:17,342 --> 00:13:18,909
Oh, hi, ladies. May I join you?
276
00:13:18,944 --> 00:13:20,377
- Have a seat.
- Oh, hi, doctor.
277
00:13:20,412 --> 00:13:21,778
How are you doing?
278
00:13:21,814 --> 00:13:23,613
Hello, Audrey,
what's new with you?
279
00:13:23,649 --> 00:13:25,927
Not much has changed since
we talked an hour ago, Harry.
280
00:13:25,951 --> 00:13:27,440
- Wow!
- I see.
281
00:13:27,786 --> 00:13:29,182
You two spoke.
282
00:13:30,255 --> 00:13:33,073
And what might you
have discussed, doctor?
283
00:13:33,559 --> 00:13:34,858
I don't remember.
284
00:13:34,893 --> 00:13:36,793
Well, I was telling Harry
I bought a new car.
285
00:13:36,829 --> 00:13:38,139
- Oh, that's right.
- It's a Honda.
286
00:13:38,163 --> 00:13:39,529
I feel a little guilty, though.
287
00:13:39,565 --> 00:13:41,676
It seems the Japanese are
just taking over everything,
288
00:13:41,700 --> 00:13:43,110
doesn't it?
289
00:13:50,642 --> 00:13:52,234
I wouldn't know.
290
00:13:52,644 --> 00:13:55,112
Nick and I pay no attention
to world affairs.
291
00:13:55,147 --> 00:13:56,313
Did I say affairs?
292
00:13:56,348 --> 00:13:58,348
How the hell did that
pop out of my mouth?
293
00:14:00,147 --> 00:14:02,114
What I meant to say, of course,
was marital bliss,
294
00:14:02,149 --> 00:14:04,012
world marital bliss.
295
00:14:04,285 --> 00:14:06,151
Laverne, is everything okay?
296
00:14:06,187 --> 00:14:07,586
Just dandy.
297
00:14:07,621 --> 00:14:09,121
I mean, look here.
That says it all!
298
00:14:09,156 --> 00:14:11,114
That's pretty much
all she wrote!
299
00:14:12,326 --> 00:14:14,416
Hi, I'm happily married!
300
00:14:18,493 --> 00:14:20,032
Hello, I'm Barbara Weston.
301
00:14:20,067 --> 00:14:22,853
I'm so thrilled to be here.
302
00:14:23,804 --> 00:14:27,667
Barbara, you look great.
I love your dress.
303
00:14:27,874 --> 00:14:29,141
Finger sandwich?
304
00:14:29,176 --> 00:14:30,409
Oh, no, thank you.
305
00:14:30,444 --> 00:14:31,933
I don't eat.
306
00:14:32,646 --> 00:14:34,146
How wonderful.
307
00:14:34,181 --> 00:14:35,614
Yes, I'm sorry I'm late.
308
00:14:35,649 --> 00:14:37,649
I got held up
at the Dean's garden party.
309
00:14:37,685 --> 00:14:39,852
I went with the captain
of the squash team.
310
00:14:39,887 --> 00:14:43,069
Maybe you know him.
Andrew neiman-Marcus?
311
00:14:44,859 --> 00:14:47,593
Andrew neiman-Marcus?
As in the store?
312
00:14:47,628 --> 00:14:49,628
How do you think
I get such big discounts?
313
00:14:49,663 --> 00:14:51,730
Both: Ooh!
314
00:14:51,766 --> 00:14:53,432
Anyway, when I was leaving
315
00:14:53,467 --> 00:14:56,068
in my red Volkswagen
cabriolet convertible...
316
00:14:56,103 --> 00:14:57,803
Both: Ah!
317
00:14:57,838 --> 00:15:02,041
Some sigma lambda girls had
the gall to ask me for a lift,
318
00:15:02,076 --> 00:15:05,611
as if I would actually let
a sig lam in my car.
319
00:15:07,715 --> 00:15:10,749
Stop, you're too funny!
320
00:15:10,785 --> 00:15:13,309
Babs, there you are.
321
00:15:18,092 --> 00:15:20,459
Andrew neiman-Marcus,
what are you doing here?
322
00:15:20,494 --> 00:15:23,362
Darn it, babs,
I'm crazy in love with you.
323
00:15:24,331 --> 00:15:25,564
Just let me pin you,
324
00:15:25,599 --> 00:15:28,415
and you make me the happiest
fellow on campus.
325
00:15:29,637 --> 00:15:32,237
I can't, Andrew,
not after you barged in here
326
00:15:32,273 --> 00:15:35,108
and showed such disrespect
for the zeta betas.
327
00:15:35,709 --> 00:15:38,377
Ah, gee whiz. I'll leave, babs,
328
00:15:38,412 --> 00:15:40,779
but I'll never be able
to get over you,
329
00:15:40,815 --> 00:15:42,347
the perfect woman.
330
00:15:42,383 --> 00:15:44,896
Now, I'm the least happy fellow.
331
00:15:48,823 --> 00:15:51,590
Barbara, you mercilessly
destroyed that man.
332
00:15:51,625 --> 00:15:53,459
I'm so impressed.
333
00:15:53,494 --> 00:15:56,562
You know, Andrew looks a lot
like that weird guy
334
00:15:56,597 --> 00:15:58,230
on our board of directors.
335
00:15:58,265 --> 00:16:01,400
Yeah, well, I can't believe
he was so rude.
336
00:16:01,435 --> 00:16:03,302
I wouldn't blame you
if you blackballed me.
337
00:16:03,337 --> 00:16:06,371
Are you kidding?
Barbara, you're a shoo-in.
338
00:16:06,407 --> 00:16:09,274
You think so, huh?
Well, that's great,
339
00:16:09,310 --> 00:16:11,977
because I've been dying
to tell something to all of you.
340
00:16:12,012 --> 00:16:13,178
Oh, god.
341
00:16:13,214 --> 00:16:14,746
She's going to pledge
at another house.
342
00:16:14,782 --> 00:16:17,649
Barbara, you can't!
No, no, it's not that.
343
00:16:17,685 --> 00:16:20,352
How many sisters hope Barbara
chooses zeta beta phi tonight
344
00:16:20,387 --> 00:16:22,806
because she's
such a super person?
345
00:16:23,084 --> 00:16:24,857
- It's unanimous!
- Now, now, wait a minute.
346
00:16:24,892 --> 00:16:25,991
I'm very flattered.
347
00:16:26,026 --> 00:16:28,702
Every year, the president
of zeta beta phi
348
00:16:29,589 --> 00:16:32,464
gives one special pledge
a copy of miss manners
349
00:16:32,500 --> 00:16:34,783
with a white rose
pressed inside.
350
00:16:35,109 --> 00:16:38,713
Barbara, tonight
the zeta beta president...
351
00:16:40,211 --> 00:16:42,791
Gives the white rose
miss manners...
352
00:16:43,547 --> 00:16:44,972
To you.
353
00:16:45,646 --> 00:16:46,971
To me?
354
00:16:47,284 --> 00:16:49,011
I'm the special pledge?
355
00:16:49,042 --> 00:16:51,042
A thousand times, yes.
356
00:16:51,077 --> 00:16:54,612
Wow! But I do
have to say something.
357
00:16:54,648 --> 00:16:57,382
Barbara, you're just
the most wonderful person ever.
358
00:16:57,417 --> 00:16:59,042
Please be our zb sister.
359
00:16:59,073 --> 00:17:01,273
Look, I have to say that...
360
00:17:01,308 --> 00:17:02,872
I think you're all...
361
00:17:03,844 --> 00:17:05,564
Just super!
362
00:17:10,618 --> 00:17:12,184
Coming! I'll get it, Nick,
363
00:17:12,219 --> 00:17:14,598
seeing as you locked yourself
in the bathroom and all.
364
00:17:15,656 --> 00:17:17,256
Oh, hi, doctor.
365
00:17:17,291 --> 00:17:18,731
I didn't know it was you.
Come on in.
366
00:17:18,759 --> 00:17:20,225
Oh, I... thanks.
367
00:17:20,261 --> 00:17:24,640
Uh, Laverne, I think it's time
you and I had a little talk.
368
00:17:25,166 --> 00:17:27,812
How many talks do you need
to get over this?
369
00:17:29,076 --> 00:17:30,596
Look, I know
how you felt about Nick,
370
00:17:30,648 --> 00:17:32,006
and I just can't believe
371
00:17:32,040 --> 00:17:34,506
that the most painful thing
about the breakup
372
00:17:34,542 --> 00:17:36,086
is this embarrassment
and you're feeling.
373
00:17:36,110 --> 00:17:37,943
That just doesn't sound
right to me.
374
00:17:37,978 --> 00:17:39,056
Well, that's the way it is.
375
00:17:39,080 --> 00:17:40,546
You just can't understand,
376
00:17:40,581 --> 00:17:43,015
'cause you don't know the burn
of the shame, that's all.
377
00:17:43,050 --> 00:17:44,616
You know what I think, Laverne?
378
00:17:44,652 --> 00:17:46,985
I think you've got
all these feelings inside you
379
00:17:47,021 --> 00:17:48,553
that need to come out.
380
00:17:49,321 --> 00:17:50,923
Doctor, take a look around you.
381
00:17:51,258 --> 00:17:52,913
How does my house look?
382
00:17:54,261 --> 00:17:55,889
- Fine.
- No, not fine.
383
00:17:55,918 --> 00:17:57,051
It's perfect.
384
00:17:57,086 --> 00:18:00,406
Everything in place,
in order, like always.
385
00:18:00,601 --> 00:18:03,902
Same with my work and same, too,
with the inside of my head.
386
00:18:03,938 --> 00:18:06,305
Everything exactly where
it should be.
387
00:18:06,340 --> 00:18:07,473
Nothin' messy,
388
00:18:07,508 --> 00:18:09,475
pushin' to try to get out,
I assure you.
389
00:18:09,510 --> 00:18:11,456
Comin'!
390
00:18:13,814 --> 00:18:17,017
Doctor, thanks for comin' over
while Nick's in the hospital.
391
00:18:18,586 --> 00:18:21,220
Hi, my name is Jason,
and I'm selling subscriptions.
392
00:18:21,255 --> 00:18:23,388
If I sell just two more,
I win a trip to pirate world.
393
00:18:23,424 --> 00:18:25,724
That means fun for me,
ma'am, just plain fun.
394
00:18:25,759 --> 00:18:26,907
Ha, ha.
395
00:18:31,332 --> 00:18:34,210
Wait, he might think that
means I've got marital problems.
396
00:18:34,363 --> 00:18:36,542
Oh, hey, uh, just hang on.
397
00:18:36,558 --> 00:18:37,839
I'll get my wallet.
I'll be right back.
398
00:18:37,856 --> 00:18:39,006
All right.
399
00:18:40,065 --> 00:18:41,509
Laverne, I have an idea.
400
00:18:42,334 --> 00:18:44,100
I want you to tell
that young man
401
00:18:44,136 --> 00:18:45,916
that you're getting a divorce.
402
00:18:47,715 --> 00:18:50,552
Why on earth, would I
let him know my shame?
403
00:18:50,788 --> 00:18:52,289
Unless, of course,
you've already told him
404
00:18:52,310 --> 00:18:53,987
and a-coverin' for yourself.
405
00:18:55,006 --> 00:18:56,043
No, no, no.
406
00:18:56,075 --> 00:18:57,825
I just think telling someone,
even a stranger,
407
00:18:57,849 --> 00:19:00,069
will help get those
feelings out and maybe
408
00:19:00,369 --> 00:19:03,053
cause that dam
inside you to break.
409
00:19:03,088 --> 00:19:05,706
I'm tellin' you,
they ain't no damn dam.
410
00:19:06,324 --> 00:19:08,828
But if you insist,
I'll prove it to you, right now.
411
00:19:09,728 --> 00:19:11,428
Hey, you got patch and quilt?
412
00:19:11,463 --> 00:19:13,563
Uh, no, but if you like
patch and quilt,
413
00:19:13,598 --> 00:19:16,232
then I think you're going
to love modern bounty hunter.
414
00:19:16,268 --> 00:19:18,113
Well, I already get that.
415
00:19:19,871 --> 00:19:21,304
Here, I'll take this one.
416
00:19:21,339 --> 00:19:23,714
All right, thanks a lot.
Here's your receipt.
417
00:19:23,744 --> 00:19:24,829
- Yeah.
- All right, bye.
418
00:19:24,860 --> 00:19:26,299
Excuse me, son, just a minute.
419
00:19:26,331 --> 00:19:28,478
- Laverne.
- Wait a minute.
420
00:19:28,513 --> 00:19:29,579
There's, uh...
421
00:19:29,614 --> 00:19:31,414
There's uh, just one more thing.
422
00:19:31,450 --> 00:19:32,533
Yes?
423
00:19:34,345 --> 00:19:35,587
Well, it's like this.
424
00:19:35,623 --> 00:19:37,723
Uh, I'd like you to know
that, uh...
425
00:19:37,759 --> 00:19:39,941
you want playgirl, don't you?
426
00:19:40,728 --> 00:19:43,362
No! Look, it's like this.
427
00:19:43,398 --> 00:19:44,664
I'm gettin' divorced.
428
00:19:44,699 --> 00:19:46,165
- Really?
- Yeah.
429
00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:48,348
Then you definitely need
playgirl.
430
00:19:48,770 --> 00:19:49,820
Bye-bye.
431
00:19:51,020 --> 00:19:55,184
Did you see how he looked at me,
the scorn in his eyes?
432
00:19:55,942 --> 00:19:57,909
That's not true.
He couldn't have cared less.
433
00:19:57,944 --> 00:19:59,711
I can't believe
you didn't see it.
434
00:19:59,746 --> 00:20:01,190
I might as well have been
sellin' my virtue
435
00:20:01,214 --> 00:20:02,960
for shots of whiskey.
436
00:20:03,483 --> 00:20:05,161
Now, he's probably blabbin'
to all the neighbors.
437
00:20:05,185 --> 00:20:06,496
And by the way,
you might have noticed,
438
00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:08,704
they ain't no dam breakin' here.
439
00:20:09,623 --> 00:20:11,454
All right.
Okay, maybe I was wrong.
440
00:20:12,759 --> 00:20:15,894
Oh, so, now...
Left with egg on my face,
441
00:20:15,929 --> 00:20:18,530
and this subscription
I just bought
442
00:20:18,565 --> 00:20:20,607
to baseball card monthly.
443
00:20:22,702 --> 00:20:25,447
Nick has a bunch of
rookie cards from the '70s.
444
00:20:25,639 --> 00:20:28,114
He just loves lookin' up
how much they're worth.
445
00:20:28,408 --> 00:20:29,484
You should hear him braggin'
446
00:20:29,508 --> 00:20:31,425
about this Steve garvey
he's got.
447
00:20:31,845 --> 00:20:33,489
It's worth about a hundred.
448
00:20:35,182 --> 00:20:36,669
He gets real, he gets...
449
00:20:37,221 --> 00:20:39,291
Real excited about it, you know?
450
00:20:43,773 --> 00:20:45,089
I think you were wrong, doctor.
451
00:20:45,125 --> 00:20:46,741
These more like an avalanche.
452
00:20:47,494 --> 00:20:49,768
It's all right, Laverne.
453
00:20:50,762 --> 00:20:52,595
He was my whole life!
454
00:20:52,630 --> 00:20:55,569
I was like a moon,
just circlin' around him.
455
00:20:56,254 --> 00:20:58,534
It's gonna be okay, I promise.
456
00:20:58,570 --> 00:21:00,467
How could he?
457
00:21:01,545 --> 00:21:03,224
I mean, I loved him so much.
458
00:21:03,263 --> 00:21:05,261
There's a jar up on the shelf
in the kitchen,
459
00:21:05,285 --> 00:21:06,790
where every week,
I'd put a few dollars
460
00:21:06,814 --> 00:21:08,277
to save up
for his birthday present,
461
00:21:08,313 --> 00:21:10,629
and this year,
it was gonna be a power saw.
462
00:21:13,351 --> 00:21:15,362
Now, I can't do anything
without thinkin' about him,
463
00:21:15,386 --> 00:21:17,620
without thinkin' about
how much fun we had
464
00:21:17,655 --> 00:21:19,676
doing everything together.
465
00:21:20,792 --> 00:21:22,859
And now, what did I do?
466
00:21:22,894 --> 00:21:25,261
I must have made
some huge, horrible mistake
467
00:21:25,296 --> 00:21:27,797
to lose him, and I don't
even know what it was.
468
00:21:27,832 --> 00:21:30,351
Laverne, it's not your fault.
469
00:21:33,271 --> 00:21:35,641
We had all them dreams together.
470
00:21:36,374 --> 00:21:39,709
I used to close my eyes at night
and see all these little'uns,
471
00:21:39,744 --> 00:21:42,422
all with Nick's
big, crazy smile.
472
00:21:44,149 --> 00:21:47,467
And now I close my eyes,
and they're still there.
473
00:21:49,154 --> 00:21:50,925
Only I ain't their mama.
474
00:21:52,390 --> 00:21:54,271
Oh, my god, that hurts.
475
00:21:56,094 --> 00:21:58,694
I just never knew
anything could be this bad.
476
00:21:58,730 --> 00:22:02,467
Laverne, dear, I'm so sorry.
477
00:22:03,034 --> 00:22:06,135
I don't even know what to do
to try and make it better.
478
00:22:06,171 --> 00:22:07,606
Oh, dear.
479
00:22:08,473 --> 00:22:10,148
I think you just have.
480
00:22:13,912 --> 00:22:15,480
I'll tell you one thing.
481
00:22:16,214 --> 00:22:18,214
He ain't a-gettin'
that Steve garvey card.
482
00:22:18,249 --> 00:22:19,939
That baby's mine.
483
00:22:27,525 --> 00:22:30,587
All:
sisters of zeta beta phi
484
00:22:30,619 --> 00:22:34,254
one day we'll marry surgeons
485
00:22:34,290 --> 00:22:37,391
But until the day
daddy gives us away
486
00:22:37,426 --> 00:22:40,772
We'll all remain
pure virgins
487
00:22:41,197 --> 00:22:44,498
Sisters of zeta beta phi
488
00:22:44,533 --> 00:22:47,901
our privates
are not on display
489
00:22:53,909 --> 00:22:56,074
You'd think
they'd change the lyrics.
490
00:22:56,124 --> 00:23:00,674
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